†Proud Christian†
It's because it has the most action. The Shippy-ness is mostly in the next chapter. The one in a that's chapter called recovery, i thinkOriginally Posted by watericedragon
That...is a lot of gruesomeness, big sister. Blood, soft tissue,wounded, eep! I can't wait for the next one. Brightpaw, anyone?
Spoiler:- Credit:
Kolkolkolkolkol...
† Jesus loved us and he even died for our sake. Always remember that God loves you no matter who you are.†
Proud fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni and Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
Let us eat!
WOW! That was awesome! But I feel bad for Ash. His poor eye ;_ ;
I was surprised that neither Ash or Iris tried to save Cilan or even say "Oh No! Cilan is in danger!" But Ash did save Iris which was cute ^^
Oshawott x Emolga huh? I like Oshawott x Snivy better, but Oshawott x Emolga is a lot cuter too. Can't decide who to pair him with!
This chapter was pretty gruesome with all the blood and biting, but gruesomeness does take place when writing action scenes.
Sorry for misunderstanding you Ninja Bulbasaur ^^; Well, I'm guessing Iris will be helping Ash recover in the next chapter?
Amyways, great job with this chapter and can't wait for the next one
~Losing Grip~
Mwahaha, just wait until J appears again!
IKR?WOW! That was awesome! But I feel bad for Ash. His poor eye ;_ ;
I was surprised that neither Ash or Iris tried to save Cilan or even say "Oh No! Cilan is in danger!" But Ash did save Iris which was cute ^^
Oshawott x Emolga huh? I like Oshawott x Snivy better, but Oshawott x Emolga is a lot cuter too. Can't decide who to pair him with!
This chapter was pretty gruesome with all the blood and biting, but gruesomeness does take place when writing action scenes.
Sorry for misunderstanding you Ninja Bulbasaur ^^; Well, I'm guessing Iris will be helping Ash recover in the next chapter?
Amyways, great job with this chapter and can't wait for the next one
%^&^&%!! I"M SO STUPID
Oshawott and Snivy? Can't see them in a romantic relationship
Yes, and there's still more to come.
Gaspeth! How did you know? XDXDXD
Meh, the next chapter got deleted when I broke my flashdrive, sorry people, you'll have to wait a little longer. Plus I need more CilanxBurgundy moments! ARG!
Catcher of Ubers
This is looking really good. I haven't seen any big grammar or spelling mistakes the past couple chapters so that's a good sign. I like how you stay true to the anime in some ways but add your own touch to it in other ways. I like how the fight scenes are more realistic and definitely more gritty. I love it! As for the shippings, those are developing well, too. You have been doing very well. Keep it up!
New Chapter: Chapter 4- Unova
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Creature of Storms
Also check out my completed crossover of Pokemon and Pirates by clicking the title!
"Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
Ephesians 6:17
~Losing Grip~
Thank you so much for yor kind words! Don't worry about Burgundy, Cilan's girlfriend will come back eventually
Sorry guys, I got banned from the computer (thanks Mom) and I'm suffering from some writer's block. Hopefully I'll get the next chapter done REALLY soon!
EDIT: Rank up!!!!!!!
Last edited by Moonlight Amaryllis; 11th March 2012 at 3:16 AM.
†Proud Christian†
Nee she has unbanned! But she fast forwarded so she needs to fiil in the blank spot. Forever of the Stars iz a stalker O.o
I've read the parts of the other one. Iz pretty good! Shippy, too. She's going on her Kingdom Hearts DS game rite now. XionxRoxas is sooooooo kawaii! I hope Axel ain't dead... I'm be soooo irked if that were to happen! Um, AW POOP NO KITTY CAT HAPPY FACES! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEE! >
Spoiler:- Credit:
Kolkolkolkolkol...
† Jesus loved us and he even died for our sake. Always remember that God loves you no matter who you are.†
Proud fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni and Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
Ponies are here? :D
Hey, at least Ash's eye wasn't torn out completely unlike Brightheart/Lostface.
WHY U MAKE US WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER D: :'(
THE THIS CAT
THE IS CAT
THE HOW CAT
THE YOU CAT
THE KEEP CAT
THE A CAT
THE MOUSE-BRAIN CAT
THE BUSY CAT
THE FOR CAT
THE 30 CAT
THE SECONDS CAT
NOW READ WITHOUT THE WORD CAT AND THE.
Credit to PPL for the licky
Spoiler:- PASBL:
~Losing Grip~
Three things...
I did tear out his eye completely, but I really won't go into that now...Don't kill me...
Sorry about the delay in the chapter. It'll be done soon, really!
and...
Yay, a Pokemon and Warriors fan! Yay!
Nya~
Ponies are here? :D
OH MY GOSH ASH'S EYE *faints* :P
Yayz a Warriors fan! Join the Warriors Fanclub. It's right here on good ol' Serebii. And the General Shipping thread also.
THE THIS CAT
THE IS CAT
THE HOW CAT
THE YOU CAT
THE KEEP CAT
THE A CAT
THE MOUSE-BRAIN CAT
THE BUSY CAT
THE FOR CAT
THE 30 CAT
THE SECONDS CAT
NOW READ WITHOUT THE WORD CAT AND THE.
Spoiler:- PASBL:
~Losing Grip~
It was too tempting, sorry.
A fanclub?! Here?! May I have the link?
Peoples, if you have suggestions for the story, please share!
That is all... Nya~
Proud multishipper
Wah, the ending of this chapter is so...bloody. Even i can't write such a thing or even think about blood pouring out of ash's eye. ew.
Anyway your chapters are short, the detail needs work. I feel like the action scene could of used some emotions, like from Iris near the end where she is watching Ash on the floor, fighting for life. You could of wrote how she was feeling and maybe write about her fear of losing Ash. This could of been a more powerful chapter if you placed yourself as one of the characters and think what would you do or react it you were in their position. Eg.
Iris ran to Ash's side and held him close; as if he could hear the screams of her heart. She tried to hold her tears back. If she would only done something then he wouldn't of been in such a state. His blood began to make their way onto her top but she didn't care. What mattered was to save Ash. Like he had done for her.
Still a good dramatic-ish way to end a chapter. I wish i could get that Ash image out of my head. So cruel. T_T I'll be looking for the next chapter.
Last edited by midnightjewelz; 12th March 2012 at 6:02 AM.
Winner in the Shipping Oscars 2011 for Best Ferriswheel fic and best, prolific reviewer.
Current Fanfiction:The Unknown World (M) (Advance), Unique Reflection (Advance/Poke)
Normally known as Midnightmoon602 or Silvermoon602
Ponies are here? :D
Here you go Absol! http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...-Fanclub-gt-lt
Shipping thread is in alternative shipping. :3
THE THIS CAT
THE IS CAT
THE HOW CAT
THE YOU CAT
THE KEEP CAT
THE A CAT
THE MOUSE-BRAIN CAT
THE BUSY CAT
THE FOR CAT
THE 30 CAT
THE SECONDS CAT
NOW READ WITHOUT THE WORD CAT AND THE.
Spoiler:- PASBL:
~Losing Grip~
I like blood and gore in my stories, thank you very much. Also, the first and second chapters ended up being short simply because they were introductory chapters. Also, I prefer to keep the extra mushy stuff in my stories to a minimum, if any at all. All of this stuff you seal of happens in the next chapter which will hopefully be posted my Friday. If you suffer from my stories imagery, that makes it all the more fun for me...I'm joking, sorry if I scared you. I just write stories with violence in them. If you are the type who dislikes that sort of thing, then just skim over it and read the after effects. It works for me when I find lemonish fanfictions...What is wrong with people these days?!
Thanks for the link, StarMasterWarrior! I just posted on it!!!
If you have any ideas for chapters, don't be afraid to share!
Last edited by Moonlight Amaryllis; 10th October 2012 at 1:02 AM.
Ponies are here? :D
Why this be dead
Where is next chapter D:
THE THIS CAT
THE IS CAT
THE HOW CAT
THE YOU CAT
THE KEEP CAT
THE A CAT
THE MOUSE-BRAIN CAT
THE BUSY CAT
THE FOR CAT
THE 30 CAT
THE SECONDS CAT
NOW READ WITHOUT THE WORD CAT AND THE.
Spoiler:- PASBL:
Let us eat!
Agreed! Where's the next chapter?!
Ideas huh? How about maybe while Ash and company run away they come across another obstacle like they come across an old bridge. The bridge breaks and Ash falls, and Iris tries to reach for him but also falls. Now the gang is seperated. You can add negaishipping moments(Iris protecting and taking care of Ash) as well as adding to Cilan's story of the Shadow Triad and maybe some sommeliershipping hints. Just something I thought up. Hope it helped with giving you any ideas.
~Losing Grip~
First of all, CALM DOWN, the chapter is being written while I speak! Also, thanks for the ideas, watericedragon, but I'm really not to sure how to slip that in...maybe in the sequel? I love my sister sometimes she gave me a bunch of ideas so now its being done! Yessss....
Ja ne~
Last edited by Moonlight Amaryllis; 10th October 2012 at 1:03 AM.
†Proud Christian†
I've noticed your banner on your sig, midnightjewelz. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT VAGILIA OR IZ THAT JUST ME????
Spoiler:- Credit:
Kolkolkolkolkol...
† Jesus loved us and he even died for our sake. Always remember that God loves you no matter who you are.†
Proud fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni and Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
~Losing Grip~
I apoligize for the cheesiness of this whole thing. I wanted to finsih this chapter so I could move on. I'm pretty bad with recovery chapters...you should've read my first Ash and J story...super cheesy. And CafeMocha...accidently. Crud. Let's just get this over with already and no extreme flames please.
EDIT; This chapter has been edited due to crappy dream sequence. Feel free to leave a post review...
Chapter Six
Recovery
Life is bleeding on the ground
Our hero may die,
Or will he recover safe and sound?
Iris knelt down beside the unconscious Ash. Cilan stood beside her, and beside him, Pikachu, Axew, and Pansage. The others had been returned into their Poke-Balls for rest.
Iris felt a small cramping of despair inside her as she examined Ash’s injury. This is…pretty bad… she thought fearfully. The Mightyena’s teeth had done their job that was for sure. The fangs and sunk in a little above Ash’s eyebrow and had slashed crossways (our left, his right) downward, ripping at the soft tissue of his eye. The red flesh seemed to pulse in the dim light, and blood was trickling steadily onto the dry and sandy ground.
It would’ve remained dry if the clouds hadn’t chosen that moment to release their frosty precipitation.
The icy silver droplets seemed to be on fire as another lightning strike lit up the sky, a bright gash on the dark sky. The drops flashed brightly, before seemingly exploding on contact with the ground.
Iris and Cilan shivered as the chilly water showered over them. Pikachu tipped his large tail over himself, Axew and Pansage in a vain attempt to keep them all dry.
“We’d better find shelter, quick, before something else happens…” Cilan said rather anxiously, “We’re going to get soaked…”
~*~
Thank the gods there were so many caves.
Cilan and Iris had managed to bring Ash into one of the caves with them, Pikachu, Axew, and Pansage right behind them. All six were soaked already from the driving rain, so the cave, dark and shabby as it was, was a welcome relief.
Iris rested her had on Ash’s shoulder; worry clear on her face as she once again studied the wound. “It’s pretty bad…” she murmured. Pikachu’s ears drooped, “Pikapi…”
Cilan nodded, only to wince at the pain in his injured shoulder. Pansage looked worriedly at his Trainer. Iris eyed Cilan abrasion with uneasiness. “Cilan, are you okay?”
The young Gym Leader winced again as he nodded, “Y-yes…” he replied rather testily. Iris didn’t seem to notice, however, and promptly reprimanded him instead. “Cilan, you’re not okay. Let me see your shoulder.”
Knowing it was useless to argue, Cilan allowed Iris to peruse his shoulder. All three of the Pokémon in the cave did a face-palm. She withdrew a cloth from her bag and used it to drain the blood. Cilan flinched faintly.
Iris swallowed hard. She was thinking about Ash’s condition. Question battered her already tired mind, Why did J laugh when Ash’s eye was torn? Did she hate Ash when they knew each other? When did Ash know her? Why did Ash think she was dead? Who else knew Ash? Are they in danger too?
The last questions seemed to seed another question that irked her; Did Ash know any girls?
Iris growled under her breath. She wasn’t to sure why she was being so possessive. Ash was her friend, so why would she care if he knew other girls? But all the same…why was there a voice in her head that kept saying no to being “simply” a friend?
With Cilan’s shoulder patched up, the Dragon Trainer decided to share Cilan a little bit about what was on her mind. “Cilan…do you think Ash will—“ she cut herself off, afraid to go on, afraid if she said it, it would come true. Pikachu wilted at the thought. Axew patted the older Pokémon on the head to comfort him.
Cilan turned his gaze to the still Ash. He would’ve thought that the Kanto Trainer was dead if he didn’t see the faint rise and fall of his chest. He turned back to Iris. Her brown eyes were glittering with concern. To think…Iris seems to fight with him so much and yet…
“Ash will pull through. He has a powerful flavor and has a strong spirit,” Cilan assured Iris, “He won’t die.”
Pansage nodded confidently, “Pansage Pan Pan!”
This comforted Iris and soothed her anxiety to some extent. He’s tough…Iris thought rather hopefully, He’ll be okay…
But a different point surfaced in her mind. “Cilan, I’m pretty sure I can save him, but…” Iris swallowed before continuing, “I don’t think he’ll thank me.”
Everyone started at the remark. “W-why do you say that?” Cilan asked, rather confused. Why would Ash not appreciate something like that?
Axew turned his head to Iris, Ash, Cilan, and back again. The little Dragon-Type was getting more and more perplexed as the conversation continued. Pikachu and Pansage looked at each other and shrugged, just as baffled.
Iris turned back to Ash’s motionless figure, the cave’s shadows hiding her face from view. “I can try everything but it won’t get his eye back. That Mightyena ripped it out completely—he’ll never see with it again…”
Cilan gasped, “He’ll be half-blind?”
Pikachu’s ears went up in shock, “Pikapi Pikachu Pika?!”
Iris nodded, her signal almost hidden by the shadows. “Yeah…but!” she turned and faced Cilan, a new light of mingled determination and fear in her eyes; “He’ll survive this and will know he was supposed to!”
~*~
Even in Ash’s fevered dreams, Death was close by. Literally.
Truthfully, Ash wasn’t sure who he was running from. The threatening and gloomy figure behind him was certainly not human; no human could run so fast for so long.
Ash, on the other hand, was exhausted. Not to mention, he had no idea where he was, either. Several times, he tried to recall something, but his fear, fatigue, and pain mad the reminiscences blurred together, and exact recollections were near impossible to bring about.
The Kanto Trainer had been trying to clear his aching head—he appeared to had fallen head-over-heels to this murky region—and was suddenly startled by a chilling voice behind him, and when he whirled around, the young boy saw…that figure.
Ash gasped as a dark shadow pounced on him and pinned him to the dark and sandy ground, launching him out his thoughts. He struggled as the shadow attempted to constrict him, but he was losing energy rapidly. The shadow merely laughed at the Kanto Trainer’s resistance, “You can’t fight me! I am Death! Bow your head to me!”
Ash snarled at the remark “I will not bow!” he growled angrily, ears ringing with the words of both his captor and his own. He tried to fight back, but he was losing strength too quickly…he was fading fast. Death’s cackle rang in his ears, “It’s hopeless, you’ll never escape alive!”
The shadow cackled loudly, and there was a rush of pain in Ash’s chest, and he cried out. Death’s constriction tightened, and as the Kanto Trainer gasped, he called out mockingly, “Just give in, there is no hope for ye!”
It indeed seemed this way. Ash was running out of air and defiance. Was there truly no hope?
“He’ll survive this and know he was supposed to!”
The voice echoed over and over. Ash’s mind cleared. The smashed memories joined together, and all at once, everything began to make sense… The voice…belonged to—
Ash kicked out at Death, sending the laughing Death sprawling. He jumped to his feet and ran…and ran…
~*~
It felt like Ash had run for ages before he stopped. Darkness, choking and black, surrounded him at every side. A small question pinged in him—Am I alone?
Ash cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, “Is anyone else here? Hey!”
At his cry a small laugh could be heard, “There’s only yourself here,” and a figure stepped out of the darkness.
It took Ash’s breath away. The figure looked exactly like him, but his eyes were redder and catlike, and he was covered in blood and scars. A slim, black, and scarred tail trailed behind him and a pair of triangle black ears poked out of the top of his head. The Kanto Trainer gulped. “Who are you?”
“I am you.”
Ash blinked at the even reply. “How are you me?”
The cat-like Ash said nothing in reply, just smiled treacherously, and the young boy shuddered. Then Cat-Like spoke, “I am you because there are two consciousnesses inside you. I am the second one, the less seen one.”
“Second…consciousness?”
“Must you spit everything I say back at me?”
“…………”
Cat-Like twitched his tail, rather amused at the silence. “Why did you fight off Death?”
Ash cocked his head sideways at the question. “Why do you ask that? Do you think it would’ve been better if I died?”
“Yes.”
The Kanto Trainer jerked in surprise at the question, “W-why would it have been better?!” he demanded, “If I died, wouldn’t you die too?!”
Cat-Like grinned eerily, and he shuddered again. Cat-Like’s reddish eyes glittered with spite. “Why do you want to live? Are you even aware about what happened to you?!”
Ash shook his head slowly, “I don’t—“
Cat-Like’s hands suddenly morphed into black paws and he unsheathed his claws, slashing them across Ash’s view. The air around him shattered, the ground went from underneath him, and he was falling…falling…falling…
~*~
Ash twitched as he regained consciousness. The Kanto Trainer was aware of a dull throbbing in his left eye. Was that what awakened him?
Iris turned in Ash’s direction, a small smile on her face. “I think he’s waking up, guys!” she exclaimed, looking more at ease. Pikachu sighed in relief, “Pika!”
Ash opened his one eye rather blearily to see Iris’s smiling face. The left side felt petrified, yet he could still feel its pain. “I-Iris…? What happened?”
Iris set her hand on Ash’s shoulder to steady him as he sat up. He looked up and saw that Cilan was there, too. The Connoisseur smiled with relief.
Iris eyed Ash rather worriedly. “Ash, are you okay?” she asked rather nervously. The Dragon Trainer wasn’t sure if she should tell Ash about his disfigurement.
Ash nodded slowly, “Err, yeah I think so. Are you guys okay?”
Iris and Cilan nodded. Pikachu jumped onto Ash’s lap, overjoyed his Trainer was alive.
Ash smiled and stroked the little Electric Type’s head. Pikachu smiled and looked up at him, black eyes sparkling.
Axew let out a rather celebrative “Axew!” and Pansage let out a cheerful “Pan!” They were also relieved Ash was okay.
Ash felt a small twinge of uneasiness. His left eye was still blind and frozen…why was that? He conveyed his question to the others.
Iris and Cilan looked rather nervously at each other. Iris swallowed, Uh oh. I was afraid he’d ask that…
“Well…you see…” Iris began, struggling to find the right words, terrified she would say the wrong thing, “…when the Mightyena bit you, it…um…”
Ash felt agitation well up inside him. What is she so scared to say?
The answer came to him the moment Iris said it, “You lost an eye, Ash. You lost your eye to the Mightyena.”
The prickling agitation became icy fear, “Oh…” he murmured and clutched his left eye, or what was left of it, “Oh…Oh God…”
Ash felt his stomach churn, and he shut his single eye tightly. Iris gazed dejectedly at the Kanto Trainer, “Oh, Ash…”
~*~
J was soaring through the stormy clouds on Salamance. Ignoring the icy rain on her face, she closed her eyes, bringing back the memories…of the brat’s mutilation.
For some reason, it kept coming back to her. A rumble of thunder made Salamance quiver with fear, but J ignored it. Why was it repeating itself over and over in her head? Why did it bother her so?
J was a cruel woman, no doubt. She had personally killed, tortured, and maimed aplenty during her fraudulent career. She had only felt pride and satisfaction at her victories and at her prey’s pain.
But why was she feeling shame now?
Salamance could sense his Master’s uneasiness. It pleased him. Finally, she was actually realizing how evil she was? How cruel, how hated?
Maybe she’ll let me go…Salamance mused to himself. He shook the hopes away. She isn’t feeling guilty or anything. She will never let me go, or treat me as a partner. It’ll always be Master and Servant playing in this twisted play. And I’m Servant.
A flash of lightning lit up the dark sky, and also put out the light of remorse in the Huntress. Bah, who cares if he’s lived or died? Either way, I’ve avenged his meddling.
But for some reason, J had a sneaking suspicion that he would try to stop her again. She pushed that away as well. He’s probably too scared to even try to stop me. Be ready, Unova…the Huntress is has arrived and his back in action.
At this thought J promptly threw her head back and cackled, and even the loudest roar of thunder couldn’t drown out the horrible laughter.
Salamance let out a whimper which was left unheard. Oh no…oh no…oh no…, he grieved, and the same two words seemed to echo over and over in his ears, like a mythical chant, oh no…oh no…oh no…
~*~
AAH ONE SENTENCE PARAGRAPHS
Last edited by Moonlight Amaryllis; 8th September 2012 at 7:15 PM.
Let us eat!
Not a bad chapter at all! There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes in the begining though.
Is the cat-like Ash supposed to be the evil inside of Ash? Reading the description of Ash's eye bleeding made me think of a character in Naruto.
Iris getting a little jealous on the idea that Ash had other girl companions was a cute hint ^^ I wonder if one of them is going to appear in the story...
I thought that Iris would've hugged Ash when he woke up because she was so happy. That could've been another great moment.
I don't know what to say about Hunter J. She's just having internal conflicts with herself I guess.
Well another job well done Moonlight Absol
One question: Why wasn't pansage returned to his pokeball? Just wondering.
~Losing Grip~
Darn. I'll look over the chapter and edit.Not a bad chapter at all! There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes in the begining though.
Is the cat-like Ash supposed to be the evil inside of Ash? Reading the description of Ash's eye bleeding made me think of a character in Naruto.
Iris getting a little jealous on the idea that Ash had other girl companions was a cute hint ^^ I wonder if one of them is going to appear in the story...
I thought that Iris would've hugged Ash when he woke up because she was so happy. That could've been another great moment.
I don't know what to say about Hunter J. She's just having internal conflicts with herself I guess.
Well another job well done Moonlight Absol
One question: Why wasn't pansage returned to his pokeball? Just wondering.
Yes. Cat-Like will appear more frequently, especially when--mmph! Can't spoil! Which character in Naruto? I'd like to know.
I just thought I'd throw that part in for kicks and giggles...and Shippyness. Iris just seems capable of jealousy. Also, I believe their all still rather wet. I wouldn't hug a wet person. But then again, I don't really hug anyone in general, so...
J is weird and apparently bipolar in this story.
Thank you! The next chapter will come much sooner!
I decided to keep Pansage out. Pikachu is Ash's partner, Axew is Iris's. Pansage is Cilan's. He just doesn't get to stay out of his Poke-Ball enough. So I'm letting him stay out a lot here.
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