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Thread: Warriors' League (PG)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night

    Default Warriors' League (PG)

    Prologue - My Story

    Here I am, alone with my partner in the contestant’s lounge watching the events unfold on a television screen rather than in the stands with my teammates getting a firsthand taste of what’s to come. My partner was napping in the corner. I don’t blame him. We’ve played important games before, but even so this one felt infinitely more daunting than them. We both needed to get our minds off of it if we wanted even a slight chance of victory.

    Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Isaac. If you’re reading this, then chances are you don’t know me. However, here in the Viwa Region I’m somewhat of a celebrity. Like, a sports star, that kind of celebrity. Some regions like Unova are known for their movies, and Kanto still remains the top choice for beginning trainers. Sure, Viwa lacks the history of Kalos and the diverse landscapes of Hoenn or Sinnoh, but we’ve recently become a household name for one thing and one thing only:

    The Warriors’ League.

    Let me put it this way: we’re not mainstream. Yet. More like the equivalent of a cult classic movie or video game. Something that’s very popular among those who know about it. However, my teammates and I and all of our partners intend on changing that.

    And it all rides on this game.

    My story… Well, on paper it seems impressive, but honestly I’m just an average guy from a small town that a lot of stuff happened to. What kind of stuff? Maybe my story really is impressive… Shoot I’ve got time, why not?

    This is my story.


    I'm EpicNinjask123, also known elsewhere as ENinjask123. I'm no stranger to writing fanfiction, nor am I a stranger to Serebii, though it has been absolutely forever since I logged in... Or so it has felt like. I've written a few chapters of this story already, and I wanted to go ahead and post it, though that might be a death sentence for me since every single fanfiction I post never gets finished--pretty much all of them.

    This story is a pseudo-crossover between Pokemon and League of Legends, two of my absolute favorite games. I call it "pseudo" because I'm basically taking the setting of Pokemon and the mechanics of League, adding my own twists and characters, and making a story out of it. I can guarentee you that zero characters from either game exist in my story, but the Pokemon setting is there (though the Viwa Region is of my own design.)

    Lastly, enjoy! If you don't, please tell me where I can improve. I'm always looking to better myself, but all of my close friends just say it's good without offering any criticism whatsoever. Thanks for your time so far, and I hope you like the ride that is to come.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Chapter 1 - Eighteen

    First, how about a little explanation. Viwa lacks a traditional Pokemon League that most other regions offer. True, I did say we have the Warriors’ League, but they’re vastly different. When I say “traditional,” I really mean eight or more gyms, each with a leader, a master of a given type, all culminating with a final tournament where the winner is deemed “champion.”

    We’re not like that. For starters, people use six Pokemon in the league I just described. Essentially it is a six to one Pokemon to human ratio. Our League has a one to one ratio. Yes you heard correct: each person only has a single Pokemon we call our partner.

    Why? Besides making the Warriors’ League less complex than it needs to be, it harkens back to a recent law that was passed shortly before I was born that outlawed Pokeballs. It’s not that some people say they’re inhumane (although some argue that was in fact a factor) but rather that Viwa is mostly a landlocked desert. Very few species of Pokemon can survive here, thus meaning there are fewer Pokemon total. But we patented our own technology that was accepted for use almost anywhere.

    I am, of course, referring to the bonding bracelet. Essentially it uses the same technology that makes Pokeballs work, so that Pokemon will be affected by it, but instead of capturing them it allows us to communicate with them. Sort of. It’s not like someone can wear this bracelet and immediately start talking with a Pikachu. Rather, it feeds off of our emotions and channels it to Pokemon in such a way that they understand us.

    Don’t ask me how they work. That science is waaay beyond my comprehension.

    What I can tell you is that these things are pretty effective. I’ve been with my partner since my eighteenth birthday, which is pretty much when this story begins, but I still have a few more things to say before that. The only drawback to these bonding bracelets is that each one can only extend its effects to a single Pokemon, and because of the lack of experimentation each human can only utilize one bracelet.

    So that pretty much means every individual can only have a single partner. Really, it’s not that big of a deal, as it means they can spend more time building trust with their chosen partner. I’m still working on that, by the way.

    Now, the Warriors’ League, as I mentioned before, is far from a traditional Pokemon League, but what is it? Many would call it a sport, but we here in Viwa think it’s just a little more than everyone else gives it credit for. Still, they do have similarities.

    The Warriors’ League is played with two teams of five humans and their Pokemon partners. The humans stand in a glass box overlooking a large square arena as their partners maneuver it fighting each other. Each person can communicate with their partner through the bonding bracelet, which actually has enough range to extend across the arena diagonally. So this way, they can stay together even though they’re apart.

    But it’s not a death match. Sure, the Pokemon faint, but then they’re warped back to their base where they are healed up to fighting condition. The real point is to outmaneuver the opponent and infiltrate their base. Once one team recovers the flag, it’s game over. Sure, it is plenty more complicated, but I’ll elaborate in my story.

    Speaking of my story, I think it’s high time I started. Well, it all began on the second of this past June, my eighteenth birthday. My friends and I had all just graduated high school, of course, and while everyone else knew what they’d do now, I was actually pretty clueless. It was rather depressing, knowing that within a few months all your close pals would leave you for higher education.

    Well, that day started off rather ordinary, I suppose. Pancakes for breakfast and an hour of watching the pros in the Warriors’ League before having to help my parents out with their ranch.

    Oh right, I should probably mention my family owns a Miltank farm. It’s a smelly life, but one that I’m used to. My friends, however, a different story. This ranch is just about half a mile away from the main town of Stonesburg, named such for its proximity to the mountains (and their mines) just to the west. We’re located pretty much as far away from the desert as you can get in Viwa, so there are grass and trees aplenty, perfect for the ranch.

    Like I was saying, just because it was my eighteenth birthday did not mean I could get the day off. It was summer and I was expected to do my part. Well, my three younger siblings chipped in a bit more than usual, probably because of my birthday.

    So the real story begins with lunch. My best friend Danny drove by about noon in his slightly beat up 1994 convertible with Brandon and Michelle riding in the back seat. A few things to note, Brandon and Michelle are fraternal twins, and they bicker quite frequently, but they’re all-around great people, and we’re all close friends. Danny stepped out of the car and walked over to me, tossing me a towel that he keeps in his glove box.

    “You shouldn’t work this hard,” he said. “It’s your birthday, for crying out loud!”

    I wiped the sweat off my forehead. “Try telling that to my parents.”

    “Okay, sure,” Danny said. “I’ll try. Hey Mom! Dad!”

    My parents never did mind if anybody called them Mom and Dad. They just take it as a compliment. In fact, they’ve quite a reputation around Stonesburg for being extremely friendly towards all. Danny was probably just doing this, though, to push my buttons a little.

    “Hey, I’m gonna take Isaac into town for some lunch,” he told them. I couldn’t hear my parents’ exact response, but they smiled and waved at me. “Oh, and don’t make Isaac work this hard on his next birthday!” he called. Brandon and Michelle, who had been listening silently from the convertible, started laughing, and I felt just the slightest bit embarrassed. Oh well, as long as Danny was buying me lunch and my parents were okay with it, I suppose there’s no harm.

    So I climbed into the shotgun seat and buckled myself in. Danny followed suit. “Happy birthday,” he said.

    “Thanks,” I responded. “So, where are you taking us?”

    “Oh, right, did I forget to tell you? Shoot!” Danny flashed me a smile. He was faking on purpose. “Cindy’s dad is having a cookout for her graduation, and I convinced him to do it today in honor of your birthday.”

    “Cindy?” I exclaimed. Cindy was hands down the smartest, most hard-working, and arguably prettiest girl in our graduating class. “How did you…?”

    Brandon spoke up. “Dude, you know Cindy thinks you’re cute!”

    “But her dad…?” I replied.

    “Just relax,” Danny said. “I handled it just fine. Besides, it was always open to anyone. I just postponed the date a bit. Nothing special.” He paused. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

    “Oh, come on, Danny!” Michelle exclaimed, somewhat annoyed. “You’re not seriously doing this again!”

    “Oh yes I am,” he responded. They were referring, of course, to Danny’s habit of saying “Happy birthday” to his friends once for every year they’ve been alive on their birthday.

    “Well, could you at least say it many times all at once and get it over with?” Brandon asked.

    “Where’s the fun in that?”

    Honestly, I didn’t mind. In case you haven’t figured it out, Danny is a people person. He’s very sociable, and has enough natural charm to, well, postpone a cookout for his best friend. Everyone likes him… Or at the very least I’ve never seen a person not like Danny.

    I turned around to face Brandon and Michelle. “So did you know about this cookout?” I asked them.

    “Yup,” they both said simultaneously, one of the only habits they share that remind me they’re twins. Brandon is a jock. Michelle is a nerd. Brandon played tackle football and Michelle seldom came to watch, preferring instead to read books.

    I turned back around. “So what kind of food will they have?”

    “Burgers,” Brandon said.

    “Grilled chicken,” Michelle said.

    “Hot dogs,” Danny said.

    “Chili,” Brandon said again. “Pretty much everything.”

    “Cindy’s dad is going all out for her,” Danny said. “You do know she’s going really far away for college, right? Her dad wants to make her last few moments with her friends extra special. Plus he’s a pretty good cook. Happy birthday.”

    Brandon and Michelle groaned and I just smiled. “Ah, we’re here!” Danny said, pulling down a street with a lot of cars parked along the curb. Good thing she lives in the suburbs, I thought.

    So we walked into her spacious backyard, complete with many tables, some tents, a whole buffet line of food, and plenty of hungry people. The smell of grilled meat wafted through the air, and despite my large breakfast my belly started growling.

    “Well then,” I said. “I guess the only question I have left now is… Where do I begin?”

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005


    I only have a passing familiarity with League of Legends, but this looks like an interesting setup. We haven't seen any of the actual league-style battles, but they sound like they could be fun.

    I would much preferred seeing one to having how they worked described, though. This story starts with a bit of an infodump; to be honest, the prologue feels extraneous and more like a teaser than anything, and the beginning of the first chapter is all info that, while interesting enough, could easily be worked in when elements of the league actually come up, or simply be self-explanatory from how we see events play out. That would also free up more space to get things rolling in the first chapter; as it is, we kind of cut off right at the point where it looks like the story is about to actually swing into gear--we haven't even seen any pokemon yet! All in all, I think it would be more engaging to start the story off with the story (it's a bit telling when the phrase "So the real story begins with..." appears about a third of the way through your first chapter, after a prologue) and let the info about the Warriors' League come up as it becomes relevant to the narrative. As info-dumps go, this one is mercifully short and reasonably well-presented, but I think it could still go elsewhere and let you start the story off on a stronger footing.

    I think you're doing a great job with the narrative voice, though. You really capture a laid-back, casual tone in the way Isaac tells the story, and it comes across as someone genuinely reminiscing, probably speaking aloud to someone else as they tell their story. I think I'm going to enjoy reading things from his perspective.

    I'm a bit divided on how you introduced the characters outside of Isaac. On the one hand, you have lots of sentences like "...they bicker quite frequently, but they're all-around great people, and we're all close friends" and "In fact, they've quite a reputation around Stonesburg for being extremely friendly towards all." These are stating outright pieces of information that we'd hopefully pick up on just from watching how these characters behave in the text. On the other hand, these statements definitely add to the colloquial feel of the narration--people often sum things up like that when they're telling a story aloud, and if these are minor characters, we won't be spending much time with them anyway. (But if we won't be seeing much of them, why are we spending time with them in the opening?) So while I'd normally suggest you try to avoid those sorts of sentences, I think they work better than usual here. I think they point towards a general tendency of yours to be explain-y rather than letting facts come out through the interactions between the characters and their world, so you probably should try to be aware that you're using them a lot and make sure that they're working stylistically and not just a crutch because you're not used to implying that sort of information through other means.

    I wasn't paying too much attention to grammar or punctuation through this reading, but I did notice this:

    Here I am, alone with my partner in the contestant’s lounge watching the events unfold on a television screen rather than in the stands with my teammates getting a firsthand taste of what’s to come. My partner was napping in the corner. I don’t blame him. We’ve played important games before, but even so this one felt infinitely more daunting than them. We both needed to get our minds off of it if we wanted even a slight chance of victory.
    You can't seem to decide what tense you want to use here. "Here I am" is present, "My partner was napping" is past, and it goes back and forth sentence to sentence. Overall it looks like what you wanted for the prologue was present tense, so be sure you're consistent with it through that section. You have problems slipping into the present during the actual body of the story as well, for example, "Oh well, as long as Danny was buying me lunch and my parents were okay with it, I suppose there's no harm."

    All in all, I think the concepts you've presented in this chapter sound cool, and you're doing well in the prose department. It's hard to say much more than that, though, because almost nothing has happened. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes, though, and I hope you have better luck sticking with this story than you did with others in the past.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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