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    Default Hero's Bond [PG 13]

    Hello there! Shadow Lucario here with another fan fiction. If you've been here a while you may know me from my first work The Sinnoh Adventure. After working on it for a while I grew tired of it and decided to cancel it. I am probably most well known for my work Pokemon Academy: Dedication through Light and Darkness, a fic that I completed. I have attempted two fics since then and both have flopped. Now I am returning to my roots and starting a journey fic. I know that these are the most common and deemed the most unoriginal, but you can't judge a book by its cover, well in this case a fic by its genre. Enough blabbing! Here is the first chapter to Hero's Bond! Please review so that I can correct my mistakes and make the next chapter better. Now enjoy!

        Spoiler:- Character Biographies:


    Chapter list

    First Journey Arc
    Chapter 1: Distance 9 February 2012
    Chapter 2: Escort 27 February 2012
    Chapter 3: Drive 29 February 2012
    Chapter 4: Light 1 March 2012
    Chapter 5: Dark 3 March 2012
    Chapter 6: Clash 4 March 2012
    Chapter 7: Test 6 March 2012

    Team Lustrous Arc
    Chapter 8: Team Lustrous Revived 7 March 2012
    Chapter 9: Blinding Light 12 March 2012
    Chapter 10: Lost Luster 17 March 2012
    Chapter 11: Illuminated Glory 20 March 2012
    Chapter 12: Radiant Pride 22 March 2012
    Chapter 13: Fading Light 26 March 2012

    The Black Organization Arc
    Chapter 14: Encounter with the Darkness 30 March 2012
    Chapter 15: The Midnight Sun 4 April 2012
    Chapter 16: Nightfall Part 1 6 April 2012
    Chapter 17: Nightfall Part 2 2 May 2012

    Third Faction Arc
    Chapter 18: Burning Passion 7 July 2012
    Chapter 19: Broken 20 September 2012
    Chapter 20: Dedication through Light and Darkness 19 November 2012
    Chapter 21: The Nine 30 November 2012
    Chapter 22: City of Lights 19 December 2012
    Chapter 23: The Dark Day 7 January 2013
    Chapter 24: Parting the Clouds 7 March 2013

    Silver Conference Arc
    Chapter 25: Translucence 4 April 2013
    Chapter 26: Raging Storm 10 June 2013
    Chapter 27: Guiding Light 9 August 2013
    Chapter 28: Fist of Fury 21 August 2013
    Chapter 29: Legend 4 September 2013

    Restoration Arc
    Chapter 30: Return to Unity City 10 December 2013
    Chapter 31: The New Path 28 January 2014
    Chapter 32: In the Distance
    Chapter 33: Loss
    Chapter 34: A Blank Slate

    Hero’s Bond


    Chapter 1: Distance

    “What do you want to do? That’s what everyone asks me. Do you want to challenge the gyms or dazzle people in contests? Are you made to become a Ranger and protect Pokémon or are you meant to have a Pokémon at all?”

    “Sounds like your friends give you a hard time.”

    “I don’t see why I have to have everything figured out right now. I’m only fourteen years old!”

    “Well when I was a kid we had to make that decision by the time we were ten. Consider yourself lucky now that the laws have changed.”

    A young boy and his father had been conversing as they approached their small house in a quiet town located somewhere in the Johto region. The town didn’t have many residents so just about everyone knew everyone. A sign indicated that the town was named New Bark, the town where winds of a new beginning blow.

    “Burton tells me I should participate in contests like him. He even said that Marshall was going the same route,” the boy told his father.

    “Listen Jayden, no matter what you choose I’ll be proud of you.” The man placed his hand on Jayden’s head, ruffling his black hair. “When is your appointment with the Professor?”

    “It’s in half an hour. I’ve never been so nervous Dad! I have to tell the Professor what I’m going to choose right? I still don’t know!”

    The man now put his hands on the boy’s shoulders, kneeling so they were at eye level. “You’ll be fine. Just go with whatever your heart tells you.”

    Jayden bit his bottom lip, looking down at the ground. “What did you do Dad?”

    “I just traveled. Originally I thought I was going to be a contest master, but I failed miserably in my first contest. That’s when I decided I just wanted to travel and see as many Pokémon as I could. Now go. You don’t want to be late.”

    Jayden turned away from his father, letting out a sigh, fixing his red jacket and wiping dust off his black jeans. With a wave the boy began walking towards a large building. The building had a smoke stack on the roof, smoke emitting from it and rising in the midday sky. A few people greeted Jayden as he passed them. Once he reached the building he knocked on the large wooden door, a loud gulp coming from his throat as he swallowed. The door swung inwards to reveal a fairly young man with tousled sand colored hair.

    “Jayden,” the man exclaimed, pulling his lab coat back onto his shoulder. “You’re about ten minutes early. Seems like you and your friends have a lot in common.”

    Jayden looked at him confused, but when he walked into the lab he saw what he meant. In the next room were three people; two boys and a girl. The boys had been wearing similar clothing to Jayden, the colors being the only difference. The girl had sported a pink tank top and a white skirt.

    “Jayden you made it!” one of the boys shouted.

    “We’re all here early and we’re wearing the same style of clothing. We’ve been friends for way too long!” the other boy said with a grin.

    “Then it’s a good thing we won’t be getting the same Pokémon,” the girl said crossing her arms. “That would be too many similarities in one day.”

    “Speaking of Pokémon, come into the next room and make your pick,” the Professor said, pushing Jayden into the room where the other three were. “Now that we’re all here we can get you guys your first Pokémon ahead of schedule!”

    “Ladies first,” said the girl, stepping up to a table that had four orbs placed on it. The top half was red while the bottom half was white. A silver strip with a white button separated them at the middle. After carefully looking over the Poké Balls, the girl picked one up and held it in the air. “Totodile is mine!”

    “Come on Kaylie!” the boy in the green jacket groaned. “You know I was going to pick Totodile!”

    “Too bad Marshall; it’s mine.” The girl stuck her tongue out at him.

    “I guess I’ll choose next,” Jayden said, stepping up. Placing his hand over one of the balls, Jayden’s heart began to beat really fast. Oh crap! he thought. I forgot which Pokémon were being offered! Do I ask the Professor? No. That will make me look stupid. Damn! Guess I’ll have to choose randomly!

    Closing his eyes, Jayden moved his hand over the balls three times before throwing his hand on one. Another groan came from Marshall as Jayden picked the ball up. “Cyndaquil was my second choice!”

    “My turn,” shouted the boy in the blue jacket. He carefully looked at the two balls remaining before turning back to the Professor. “Could you tell me the last two Pokémon remaining? The only one I remembered was Cyndaquil and it was taken.”

    “In past years this lab had only offered three Pokémon,” the Professor explained. “Those three were Totodile, Cyndaquil, and Chikorita. Over time there had been more and more instances of four people becoming trainers instead of three. So to make sure that no one had to wait for their Pokémon the labs decided to offer four Pokémon as opposed to three.”

    “That was a nice history lesson, but that doesn’t answer my question,” the boy said, turning back to the Poké Balls.

    “Well, by process of elimination one of the Pokémon left has to be Chikorita,” the Professor told him with a chuckle. “The other tends to change and this year it is an Abra, a Psychic Pokémon known for its tendency to teleport away in battle.”

    “How did you catch it then?” Marshall asked.

    “This Abra is different from normal Abras. Instead of running away it attacked me,” said the Professor.

    “Then I’ll pick the aggressive Abra!” the boy said, swiping the ball and rubbing it against his face.

    “Thank you Burton!” Marshall said as he approached the table. “I wanted Chikorita just as much as Cyndaquil!”

    “Now that we have that settled it’s time I gave you the tools you need for your journey,” the Professor told them, leading them into the next room. Scrambling around the room searching through different drawers, he finally came back with four different small boxes. “In these boxes are five Poké Balls. You use these to catch different Pokémon. Also there are registration slips for either the Pokémon League, where you would collect all eight badges in the region, or the contest circuit where you would go to the many contest halls to try and collect five ribbons to enter the Grand Festival.”

    Each of the kids took a box, smiles on all their faces. “I can’t wait to get to training!” Burton exclaimed, placing all the Poké Balls in his jacket pocket.

    “You and me both,” Jayden said, placing them on his belt.

    “So then you’ve decided on what you want to do?” Marshall asked.

    Jayden chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “Of course; I’m going to-” Come on Jayden think! What is it that you want to do?! Maybe I should tell them one thing and decide later. “I’ll be in the contest circuit like you!”

    “Awesome!” Marshall and Burton cheered.

    “While you guys have fun with your little dancing and what not I’m going to be taking on the gyms and making my Pokémon the best battlers there are,” Kaylie told them, flipping her brown hair.

    “Just because we’re going to be Coordinators doesn’t mean we won’t be able to beat you!” Burton told her. “My Pokémon are going to be both strong and elegant!”

    “Now to do that you’ll have to start your journey first,” the Professor said with a chuckle.

    The kids all started to laugh as they headed towards the exit. Marshall turned around and shouted, “Thanks a ton Professor Michael!”

    “Please call me Professor Elm,” he shouted back. “I took my great grandfather’s name.”

    “I’m going to say goodbye to my folks,” Burton said, running off.

    “My grandma told me to stop by before I left,” said Kaylie, running off as well.

    “Are you going to say goodbye to your dad?” Marshall asked Jayden.

    “Yeah” he replied. “I’ll meet up with you sometime though.”

    Marshall nodded with a grin. With their goodbyes said, Jayden began to walk back towards his house, Poké Ball in hand. During the entire ten minute walk he had been staring at the ball, not even noticing when people would say hello. When he opened the door to his house streamers and a loud popping noise greeted him. His dad had been waiting by the door with the party popper. A woman behind him blew into a kazoo, playing a made up melody.

    “Dad, Aunt Kacie,” he said surprised.

    “Your aunt had come over from Cherrygrove to see you off,” his dad told him.

    “I couldn’t let my only nephew start his journey without seeing me first,” Kacie said, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

    “So what Pokémon did you get?” his father asked.

    “I ended up choosing Cyndaquil,” Jayden answered, holding up the Poké Ball.

    “Have you said hello to it yet?” Kacie asked.

    Jayden shook his head. “I’m going to wait until we’re on the road. I better leave now if I want to reach Cherrygrove by dark. Will you go with me Aunt Kacie?”

    “I’ll be staying here. Dan has offered to let me take the extra room. My old bones can only take so much walking in one day.”

    Dan pulled his son into an embrace, smiling at him.”Your mother would be proud of you.”

    Jayden’s eyes suddenly began to water. He turned, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. “I’ll see you later okay Dad?” Even though the tears had been wiped away the sadness was still present in his voice.

    “Sure thing son. Make me proud.”

    Once he left the house, he let a single tear slide down his face. After taking a deep breath, Jayden looked at the Poké Ball again, excitement returning. Looking down the street he saw the path that exited New Bark Town, a smile appearing on his face.

    “Let’s do this Cyndaquil,” he said to the ball before placing it on his belt and running towards the exit, towards the start of his journey.
    Last edited by Shadow Lucario; 29th January 2014 at 2:27 AM.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  2. #2
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    Looks good so far. Well written, little to no grammatical errors or anything like that. Plus Jayden chose Cyndaquil which is always a plus in my book. Over all I say well done. Keep it up!

    Made by Sworn Metalhead at Dćdric Design

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    Personally, I found it kind of unexciting. Kid doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, talks to local professor, sees friends, sets out on his own. This kind of thing has potential, and the first part is something a lot of people can relate to. I just didn't feel like you did anything with the formula to get me interested.

    Part of that, I think, lies with your main character. I honestly got very little feel for his personality in the first chapter, and consequently he felt really insubstantial and generic. He could easily be anyone - as I said, his sentiments echo a lot of people's, and that makes him relatable, which is good, but not a very substantial character as it stands. Even his reaction to the mention of his mother feels artificial and forced. That isn't what you want in a main character who is supposed to drive your story and keep readers engaged.

    My advice in that area would just be to hammer him out more as a character. What are his likes and dislikes? What kind of history does he have? How does he relate to people? How did living just with his dad affect him? You then have to let his personality, his interests, the way he thinks, the way he relates to people really permeate throughout the story so we get a clear idea of who Jayden is. That way, we can feel like we're watching a real character venture into the world and want to really watch him learn and grow and find his vocation.

    You can also show his emotions a lot more throughout the story. How does he feel about having said he’ll do contests? Is he content to have chosen Cyndaquil, nervous, shy to meet him, fearful he made a bad choice? Why is he putting off meeting Cyndaquil? Why would be insist on choosing a Pokemon second if he doesn’t know what he wants, anyway? What does he think about seeing his aunt? Does he want advice from his dad about what to do?

    Regarding description, I saw room for improvement.
    A young boy and his father had been conversing as they approached their small house in a quiet town located somewhere in the Johto region. The town didn’t have many residents so just about everyone knew everyone. A sign indicated that the town was named New Bark, the town where winds of a new beginning blow.
    This is your first chance to set the scene, and you don't really use it. This is a case of "show, don't tell." It doesn't mean much to a reader if you just tell them "they're in a quiet town in the Johto region" - you have to find ways to show this through description and action. You sort of do this with the sign - you don't tell us "this story is set in New Bark Town," but you show us by describing that sign. That's exactly on the road to what you need to do, except you can go a step further by being more specific about this sign since you've introduced it - is it hanging in midair, or is it on a billboard with blinding colours next to an advertisement for tooth paste? That alone would give us an idea of what this town is like.

    Anyhow, when you're stuck for ways to describe things, start with the weather. Find ways to engage all five senses - don't just describe what they see, but get into sounds, smells, even things they touch like a wooden fence or the sun or wind on their skin. Keep this in mind for the scene at the lab as well. Also, if everyone knows one another here, show Jayden and his father interacting with those people, or the way passers-by react when Jayden ignores them.

    You can also get more into what people look like. You mainly only describe clothing on everyone except Jayden, and even then we don’t get much. The main things you can focus on are body type (short, athletic, lithe, etc.) and faces, facial features, and expressions/emotions on those faces. Keep in mind that people are always showing emotion, and by seeing that we can also get a clear idea of their characters.


    Some weird inconsistencies I noticed included Jayden having his appointment in half an hour, and a few lines later it’s been twenty minutes and he’s ten minutes early. Also, why is it that people are becoming trainers in perfect groups of four? And if it’s four, why give out the awesome traditional three starters in a perfect type weakness and resistance triangle, then throw in one random Pokemon who isn’t from the region? In addition, it’s not bred or from the professor’s personal collection like the others, plus the only attack it knows is perfectly useless. The reason the traditional starters are always used is because they’re easy to train for newbies – trying to train an Abra as your starter would be like pulling hairs, and would likely make for a bad first training experience. Just some things to think about.


    Grammatically you were mostly fine, but you do have one recurring issue. Whenever a character is being addressed, you need to have a comma before the name (or after as the need may be). Examples: “Listen, Jayden” “What did you do, Dad” “Jayden, you made it” “Come on, Kaylie” and so on. You also need comma before or after words that are just kind of tacked on, like "then" in “How did you catch it, then.” Don’t forget that all dialogue ends with a punctuation mark, so for "“Yeah” he replied" you forgot a comma after the "Yeah." Otherwise this looks fine.


    This is only your first chapter, so this review isn't meant to spin you into a panic. I wanted to give you an idea of the issues I saw, and I tried to give some of the tools to improve your writing. You want to give a strong impression of your writing and the story in the first chapter, and keep improving as you go along. I hope this helped with that and that you can use some of what I said for your future writing.

    Since this is a trainer fic, you need to make it stand out and keep readers engaged. Your character and his dilemma could really be great for this if you do it right, and I'm sure you can with some polishing. Good luck. :>

    ~Psychic
    Last edited by Psychic; 28th February 2012 at 12:47 AM.

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    Many thanks for the review Psychic. It's been a while since I've written this type of fic so I'm still shaking the rust off. I didn't want to include too much in the first chapter. I'll fix up the mistakes for the next chapter.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Here is chapter 2 of Hero's Bond! Not much action in this chapter, but what can I say? Some will just be like that. Enjoy and as always read and review please. Starting a PM List so if you want on then let me know.

    Chapter 2: Escort

    “…and that’s when Marshall told me I had to know what I wanted to do. I shouldn’t have to know right?”

    A few hours after receiving his first Pokémon, Jayden decided to let Cyndaquil out and walk. He had been explaining that he had no idea if he wanted to compete in contests or try to become a Pokémon champion. Cyndaquil quietly listened, nodding at certain times.

    “So you’re a boy right?” Jayden asked, not sure of how to tell.

    Cyndaquil shook her head fiercely. On her back the four red spots that had been present lit up, a fire being produced. Scratching her long milky colored nose, Cyndaquil looked away.

    “I’m sorry,” Jayden apologized, rubbing the back of his head. “I should have been able to tell. The fur on your back is a much lighter blue than a male’s and the cream color of your underside is way prettier.”

    “Cynda!” Cyndaquil said, giving Jayden a smile.

    Just a few feet ahead of them a rustling was heard as the tall grass began to shake. Both Jayden and Cyndaquil stopped, not knowing what was making the noise. A loud shrilling noise filled the young trainer’s ears as a small, round bird flew out. It passed Jayden so fast he could only catch a glimpse of gold.

    “What the hell was that?!” Jayden shouted, turning on his heel.

    Turning around in the air was a creature that resembled an owl. Its wings couldn’t be any longer than a foot each. When the Pokémon was heading back towards the two, its big red eyes stared into Jayden’s green ones. Jayden jumped out of the way, barely dodging the bird.

    “That looks like a Hoothoot, but it’s not the same color,” observed Jayden. “Is something wrong with it? Get out of here you crazy looking Hoothoot! Leave me and Cyndaquil alone!”

    Picking up a rock, Jayden launched it at the Pokémon. The Hoothoot easily dodged the rock. Cyndaquil jumped into the air, tackling itself into Hoothoot. The owl fell to the ground, stunned. Quickly getting back into the air, Hoothoot flew off, a sad look on its face.

    “Good job Cyndaquil,” Jayden complemented his Pokémon, patting her on the head. “You won your first battle!”

    “Quil!” Cyndaquil cried with a smile.

    “We better get on to Cherrygrove soon. You earned yourself a treat.”

    Picking up Cyndaquil, Jayden continued on the path, lights and reflections from buildings showing themselves a few miles away. Before long Cyndaquil had fallen asleep, snuggling close to Jayden’s chest. Jayden smiled as he looked at his Pokémon.

    Now I must decide. Do I want to become a coordinator or a Pokémon League competitor? There must be some way to decide. A coin toss? No that’s too random.

    Cries from different Pokémon emitted from the bushes as he walked. The city lights became closer and Jayden’s heart beat accelerated. He would have to make his decision soon. A figure jumped out of the bushes to his left, causing him to jump. Jayden tightly squeezed Cyndaquil, but soon realized it was someone he knew.

    “Kaylie,” he gasped, catching his breath.

    “Oh Jayden it’s you,” Kaylie said in surprise. “How have the first few hours been for you?”

    “Not too bad. I learned my Cyndaquil is a girl and that she can battle. She beat up a Hoothoot that was weirdly colored.”

    “Was it gold by any chance?”

    “Yeah, why?”

    Kaylie slapped her hand on her face, chuckling a little bit. “That was a shiny Hoothoot. You don’t see Pokémon like that every day. Scientists say that one in a million Pokémon species is shiny. You just scared off the only shiny Hoothoot on this side of Johto.”

    Jayden’s jaw dropped. “Oh great!” he shouted. “I meet an extremely rare Pokémon and I make it run away!”

    “Heh, only you would manage something like that. Remember that time you had the one ticket that would win you backstage passes to the Jolteon’s concert, but you gave it away saying you would never win?”

    “Don’t remind me! That was a long time ago anyway!”

    Kaylie scratched the side of her face. “That was last week…”

    “What are you doing in the bushes anyway?” Jayden asked, trying to change the subject.

    “I’m looking for Pokémon. I’ve already caught one. I’m going to need a bunch of Pokémon if I want to be a good trainer. What about you?”

    He held up Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokémon rubbing her eyes. “It’s still just me and Cyndaquil.”

    “You’re going to want to catch some more Pokémon if you want to keep up,” Kaylie told him. “Even coordinators need lots of Pokémon.

    Jayden looked off to the side, his happy expression vanishing. “I’m not even sure if that’s what I want to do…”

    Kaylie gave him a sympathetic look, placing her hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay that you don’t know what you want to do. You don’t need to make up your mind now.”

    “My dad told me that my mom had traveled Johto competing in gyms trying to earn admission to the Silver Conference.”

    “How did she do?”

    “She only got two badges before she met my dad. They began dating and soon after she only wanted to be with him. She gave up training for him.” Jayden placed Cyndaquil on the ground, taking a seat by her, leaning against a tree. “My dad originally intended to become a coordinator but found that he liked traveling too much.”

    Kaylie leaned against a tree as well, crossing her arms. She looked up at the sky watching as the clouds slowly drifted across. Jayden rubbed Cyndaquil on the top of her head, smiling.

    “How about you travel with me to Violet City?” Kaylie suggested. “That’s where the first gym in the Silver Conference is. You can watch me battle and decide there.”

    “But I have to sign up in Cherrygrove City,” Jayden protested, “and Cherrygrove is about a week from Violet.”

    “Then just sign on for the Silver Conference anyway. I’m sure you’ll see it’s a bunch of fun.”

    With a look of hesitance, Jayden stood, nodding his head. He looked down at Cyndaquil and she just smiled at her trainer, nodding as well. “Cyndaquil likes the idea so I like it too.”

    “Great,” Kaylie exclaimed. “Now let’s get a move on for Cherrygrove so we can register!”

    Walking the rest of the way with Kaylie made Jayden feel slightly better even if he didn’t come to a full decision about his career yet. Most of the way Kaylie talked about her future plans of conquering eight gyms in Johto and then winning the Silver Conference. When Jayden brought up the possibility of her losing she scoffed saying that it wouldn’t happen. Cyndaquil trotted beside the two happily, grabbing flowers as they went. The new trainers stopped when they reached a sign, reading it quickly before continuing on.

    “Welcome to Cherrygrove City,” the sign said. “A city where you can smell small flowers and a sea breeze.”

    “We made it to Cherrygrove City,” Kaylie whispered. “This is the beginning of our journey. This is where we officially start. Are you ready to make a name for yourself?”

    “I-I guess so,” Jayden stammered.

    Grabbing him by the arm, Kaylie led Jayden into a fairly large building that was close to the city’s entrance. Its red ceiling had a large P on top. As soon as they passed the sliding glass doors the smell of clean tile filled the trainers’ noses. Pokémon cries filled the room coming from all kinds of Pokémon, some that Jayden had never seen. One area seemed to be designed for trainers to relax with their Pokémon and talk with others while the rest seemed to be an infirmary. Before Jayden could take in all the Pokémon he was pulled down the middle to a counter where a young lady with pink hair stood. Her outfit was that of a nurse’s.

    “Hello and welcome to the Cherrygrove Pokémon Center,” she greeted them. “I am this city’s Nurse Joy. How may I help you?”

    “We’d like to register for the Silver Conference,” Kaylie said before Jayden could utter a word.

    “Identification please,” the nurse said with a smile.

    “Uh, we don’t have any,” answered Jayden nervously.

    “Then you will need to fill out these forms.” From under the desk, Joy pulled out two clipboards, a few pages of paper on each, and a pen at the top.

    Both of the trainers took a clipboard and walked over to the trainer’s area, sitting on the nearest couch. Removing the pen, Jayden began to carefully answer all the questions that the paper had.

    “Height, about 5’ 10”. Weight, around 120 lbs,” Jayden whispered to himself. “Hometown and starter Pokémon. Preferred career choice.” When he got to this question he stopped. Looking down at Cyndaquil Jayden was met with yet another smile. After putting his pen down and picking it back up Jayden simply wrote Silver Conference and slammed the pen onto the clipboard.

    “Wonderful,” Joy said once they handed her the clipboards. “Now we just need to get pictures of you.”

    Stepping aside, Joy pulled out a camera, a wire attached to it. After typing a few things on the keyboard, Joy motioned for Kaylie to stand against the white wall opposite the trainer section. Kaylie smiled big, a bright flash emitting from the camera. After she darted behind Joy, Jayden walked to the wall, taking a deep breath in. Right before the picture was taken Cyndaquil ran over to her trainer and jumped on his shoulder. Jayden placed his hand on top of her head and gave a soft smile. To his surprise Joy had taken the picture.

    “Here you are,” said Joy, handing them their new identification cards while reaching behind the desk again. “And these are your badge cases. Once you have collected eight badges from the gyms of Johto you will be eligible to enter the Silver Conference. Good luck and we hope to see you again!”
    Last edited by Shadow Lucario; 27th February 2012 at 11:08 PM.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  6. #6
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    Once again, another good chapter! I liked the little moment where Jayden found out that Cyndaquil was a girl. Awkward. :/ I also feel his pain on the Shiny Hoothoot as I once had a similar experience with a Shiny Zigzagoon.

    Also, I noticed one little error, I think.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    “Wonderful,” Joy said once they handed her the clipboards. “Now we just need to wait pictures of you.”
    I'm guessing it was supposed be "Now we just need to get pictures of you."? It just looks kinda weird. Anyways, like I said, great job and keep it up!

    P.S. Add me to the PM list please.

    Made by Sworn Metalhead at Dćdric Design

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    Quote Originally Posted by Volcanic Typhlosion View Post
    Once again, another good chapter! I liked the little moment where Jayden found out that Cyndaquil was a girl. Awkward. :/ I also feel his pain on the Shiny Hoothoot as I once had a similar experience with a Shiny Zigzagoon.

    Also, I noticed one little error, I think.


    I'm guessing it was supposed be "Now we just need to get pictures of you."? It just looks kinda weird. Anyways, like I said, great job and keep it up!

    P.S. Add me to the PM list please.
    Thanks for the review! And for some reason I think I was going to type wait for the information to print. I'll fix that right now!
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  8. #8
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    Here is the third chapter of Hero's Bond. I got it done faster than I expected. There was one part of this chapter I hated writing and I know you guys will spot it right away! I mean you guys are smart right?....Probably shouldn't have said that! Enjoy!


    Chapter 3: Drive

    “So what is there to do in this place?”

    “Well there are restaurants and I’m sure there is someone who wants to battle.”

    After taking their leave from the Pokémon Center, Kaylie and Jayden began to walk around the city, looking for a good time. Even though it had been bigger than New Bark, there weren’t as many people out. Everyone they passed didn’t give them so much as a glance, instead focusing on when they can cross the street.

    “How about we have a battle?” Kaylie suggested. “I need to see how my new Pokémon is.”

    “But I just put Cyndaquil back into her Poké Ball,” replied Jayden. “She is probably really tired from walking around.”

    “I’m sure she will be fine! Let’s go find an open area.”

    Once again Kaylie had pulled Jayden away, leading him somewhere he didn’t want to go. Dashing through crowds of people, Kaylie stopped once they reached the beach. Waves lapped against the shore, the mist hitting them in the face. Jayden stood in awe, looking out at the ocean.

    “What a view…” he said barely above a whisper.

    “And this is why we travel,” said Kaylie, also admiring the view. “Now let’s battle!”

    Both of the trainers pulled out a Poké Ball, enlarging them to the size of tennis balls. Jayden threw his first, the ball spinning quickly as it soared through the air.

    “Cyndaquil, standby!” he shouted.

    When the ball cracked open, a white light shot out, hitting the ground. It slowly materialized into Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokémon igniting her back.

    “Ledyba, dance!” Kaylie yelled as she threw her ball.

    The same white light shot out from her Poké Ball, but hers formed a creature that resembled a very large ladybug. Its red back opened to reveal wings while its small antenna shook. As the Ledyba flew around it began to punch the air with its six arms, its eyes fixed on Cyndaquil.

    “I’ll start this battle off,” said Kaylie. “Ledyba, use Tackle!”

    The Bug type flew straight towards Cyndaquil, moving faster than the Fire type anticipated. Shocked, Cyndaquil attempted to jump out of the way, but was hit in the gut by Ledyba’s head. Cyndaquil rolled over in pain, clutching her gut.

    “Oh no,” Jayden gasped. “Cyndaquil counter with your own Tackle!”

    Cyndaquil jumped back to her feet, dashing towards Ledyba on all fours. Ledyba quickly flew out of the way when Cyndaquil jumped, a smirk on its face.

    “Show them Tackle again,” Kaylie commanded.

    Ledyba waited until Cyndaquil landed on the ground, flying straight at her again. When Cyndaquil turned Ledyba crashed into her knocking her over yet again.

    “You need to tell your Pokémon when to dodge too!” Kaylie shouted to Jayden.

    “Good idea. Cyndaquil dodge it!” Jayden shouted when he saw Ledyba closing in for another Tackle. Cyndaquil jumped over Ledyba, spinning as she descended. “Now hit it with Ember!”

    Cyndaquil opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Shocked, Cyndaquil shook it off and tackled Ledyba from behind instead.

    “Wait, why didn’t she use Ember?” Jayden wondered.

    “She probably doesn’t know it,” explained Kaylie. “You haven’t trained enough so that she would learn that move. Ledyba, recover and then use Comet Punch!”

    After regaining his composure, Ledyba flew towards Cyndaquil, appearing right in front of her before she could react. Using all six arms, Ledyba repeatedly punched Cyndaquil up and down. With the last punch, Cyndaquil was knocked into the air, hitting the ground with a soft thud.

    “Yes,” Kaylie exclaimed. “I win!”

    “Cyndaquil are you okay?” Jayden asked, running over to his partner. Cyndaquil sat up, a frown now on her face. “It’s okay Cyndaquil. We’ll get better with time. Then you’ll beat Ledyba and anyone else that dares to challenge us.”

    “Nice battle Jayden,” Kaylie said as both trainers recalled their Pokémon. “It looks like you’ll make two great partners.”

    “Your Ledyba was pretty strong. Even with a type advantage we still lost.”

    “You should really try to catch another Pokémon though. For you to compete in gym matches, you’ll need more than Cyndaquil. Besides, she can’t win every match by herself.”

    Jayden simply nodded, placing the ball back on his belt. “It’s getting late. We should find some place to sleep for the night.”

    Kaylie laughed, punching Jayden in the arm. “What are you talking about? It’s probably only about six.”

    “You can stay with me,” a shaky voice said from behind the two.

    Both of the teenagers quickly turned around to see an old man smiling. He had no hair on top of his head, but he had a long white beard. His arms were placed behind his back, the long sleeves of his robe covering his hands.

    “You’ll have to let me show you around Cherrygrove first,” he told them, his voice almost giving out. “You’re new trainers right? I can show you all you need to know.”

    “Uh that’s okay,” Kaylie said with a nervous chuckle, grabbing Jayden for the third time. “We’ll just stay at the Pokémon Center. Thanks though.”

    “People here sure are creepy,” Jayden whispered as he was dragged back to the Pokémon Center.

    When they came back through the sliding glass doors Nurse Joy welcomed them back. “How may I help you?”

    “We need a room for the night,” Kaylie said, slamming her hand on the counter.

    “Your room will be room 315,” Joy told them handing Kaylie a key card. “The elevator is to the left and down the hall past the infirmary. Enjoy your stay here at the Cherrygrove City Pokémon Center!”

    “I didn’t know you could stay at a Pokémon Center,” Jayden said as they headed to the elevator.

    “My grandma told me that we should stay at Pokémon Centers as opposed to hotels,” explained Kaylie. “It’s free for trainers to stay at Pokémon Centers and since we just started out we don’t have any money for a hotel. When we start to get into more battles and beat more people we’ll earn more money.”

    “So that means…”

    Kaylie snickered as she pushed the call button to the elevator. “You owe me some money buddy.”

    “Great. Not even a day into my journey and I’m in debt.” Jayden hung his head, sighing as they stepped on to the elevator.

    “Don’t worry about it. I won’t charge you too much!”

    The elevator made a loud DING! as they reached the designated floor. The section where Pokémon trainers stayed looked just as a hotel would. The hallways were about four feet in width and curved at the end. Kaylie looked at the first door and noted that the number was 301. Traveling down fourteen rooms, Kaylie placed the key card in a slot above the door handle, waiting for a beep to let them know the door was unlocked.

    “What a room,” Kaylie said in awe as they stepped in.

    The room was very spacious, with a sitting area a few feet in front of them. On their left had been a door that led to what they assumed was the bathroom. Behind the sitting room was a sleeping room, complete with a bunk bed and desk.

    “This is the nicest room I’ve ever stayed in,” Jayden said, throwing his bag on the couch, jumping into the arm chair next to it.

    “Since we’ve checked in we can go out and enjoy ourselves!” Kaylie suggested with a large smile on her face.

    “Sure,” Jayden agreed, “why not?”

    ----------------------------------------------------

    “Once the moon comes out it looks so much better!”

    “You’re right. The moonlight makes everything that much better.”

    Walking around Cherrygrove City at night had a different feeling than the day time. Many more people were out and fewer cars were on the road. Kaylie had changed into a black skirt with a dark blue blouse, but retained her white sneakers. Jayden replaced his red coat with a black one and his black shirt with a similar grey t-shirt. His black jeans stayed the same as did his sneakers.

    “Kaylie, you look great by the way,” Jayden said, slightly blushing. “I just thought I’d let you know.”

    Kaylie giggled as Jayden looked away, throwing his hands in his pockets. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about Jay. You look good too; very cute. Hey what’s going on over there?”

    Kaylie pointed to a crowd of people all surrounding something they couldn’t see. Music blasted from the area, making talking very difficult. Once they reached the crowd, they pushed through to get a better view. What had been the center of attention surprised Jayden. While it was a battle it wasn’t the type he was expecting; it had been a dance battle. A person would jump into the middle of the circle and show their moves then wait for someone to try and show them up.

    “How cool!” Kaylie said into Jayden’s ear. “We should join!”

    “But these people look really good!” Jayden replied. “And I can’t dance!”

    “You just need to move your feet!” Kaylie told him. “Besides it’s about having fun! Who cares if you don’t win?!”

    The guy that had been dancing for the last few minutes finished with a high jump, landing in the splits. The crowd went wild with applause and cheers. As the song changed Kaylie stepped out. Many people were surprised to see someone step out after the last guy. There were even a few wolf whistles. Once the song picked up Kaylie began to move her feet and hands at the same time, appearing as if she had danced in a few pop music videos. The crowd cheered as she continued, bending her knees and snapping her neck, her long blonde hair flipping through the air.

    I always knew she could dance, but who knew she was this good, Jayden thought. As he watched his friend dance his jaw dropped.

    Kaylie then moved to the crowd, bouncing in a way. Jayden thought she had finished, but to his terror she grabbed him and pulled him into the center. Kaylie continued dancing as Jayden looked around. Not wanting to seem like a square in front of at least thirty people Jayden began to improvise. His feet made sliding movements outwards while he bent his head from side to side. To his surprise the crowd began to cheer. With a smile Jayden did the only other dance move he knew. He flopped on the ground and began to make a wave motion with his body.

    “Look! He’s doing the Weedle!” someone shouted from the crowd.

    This time the crowd cheered even louder. Jayden jumped to his feet and continued to make things up as he went along with it. Kaylie bumped him with her elbow, flashing him a large smile as they continued dancing. The guy who had been dancing before them had jumped into the middle of the circle and began to dance with the two. Soon the entire crowd began to dance, the music increasing in volume. Jayden linked his hands with Kaylie’s and began to jump around with her, laughing the whole time.

    ----------------------------------------------------

    “That was the best night I’ve ever had.”

    “Same here; I’m glad you suggested going out.”

    A few hours after starting the dance party in the middle of the city, the crowd had dispersed, most people returning to their home or hotel. Kaylie and Jayden chose to sit on a bench not too far from where the original crowd was.

    “Hey yo,” a voice said, approaching them from the direction of the site of the dance party. It had been the guy that wowed the crowd and was the first follower in their dance movement. “I just wanted to let you both know that yo’ moves was ill. Even you little dude.”

    “Thanks man,” said Jayden, standing up to shake his hand.

    The guy was about a head taller than Jayden and maybe two years older. He had a black soul patch that appeared to be taken care of nicely. His black hair had been short, his bangs framing his face.

    “You were really good too,” Kaylie complimented him, standing up as well.

    “If you ever in Cherrygrove again and feel like bustin’ a move then hit me up ight?” he told them.

    “For sure,” Jayden said awkwardly, trying to imitate his speech pattern.

    “Anyway,” the guy said turning to Kaylie, “the name be Phil, but you can call me Lethal P.”

    “Well I’ll make it a priority to find you if I pass through,” Kaylie said with a smile. “Tonight was really fun.”

    With a wave, Phil, or Lethal P, made his way to the residential area, slightly dancing until he was out of their sight. The two friends simply chuckled and, with no words said, started towards the Pokémon Center.

    ----------------------------------------------------

    “So then what happened?”

    “I punched Marshall in his face and told him that I didn’t want to go with him. You thought he would have caught on when I told him I didn’t want to the first six times.”

    Once they had returned to the Pokémon Center, Kaylie and Jayden changed into their pajamas and had been sharing stories from their childhood. While they had been friends for a while they were never too close.

    “You know I thought you hated me,” Kaylie admitted. “It seemed like you always ignored me.”

    “Well to be honest I kinda did hate you,” Jayden said with a straight face.

    “…now this is awkward.”

    Jayden flopped onto the bottom bunk opposite Kaylie and held up an empty Poké Ball, holding it in the light. “This day seemed like it would never come. We’re real Pokémon trainers now. We aren’t pretending anymore.”

    Kaylie silently nodded, putting her head against the pillow and staring at the top bed. “I say tomorrow we head out for Violet City. When we get there we can take another step in our journey by beating the gym leader. Before that we have to get you another Pokémon. Think you can do it?”

    “Of course,” Jayden replied, setting the Poké Ball aside.

    “Good. Then we need to get some sleep so we can leave early.”

    “You’re right.” Jayden jumped off the bed and walked to the switch. He looked over at Kaylie and smiled. “Good night.”

    “Good night.”

    Jayden flipped the switch, the lights going out making the room completely dark, minus a small sliver of moonlight shining in from the window. Making his way back to the bed he stopped before sliding under the blankets. “You looked really good tonight and amazed me with your moves.”

    With that, Jayden quickly placed himself under the blankets looking away from Kaylie. The girl began to blush and turned the other way as well. Unbeknownst to her the boy a few feet away was blushing as well, a toothy grin on his face.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  9. #9
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    So, I've read all three chapters and I have to say, I'm enjoying it. I like that Jayden is unsure of what he wants to do with his future (I can easily relate), and am curious to see if he sticks to competing in the Silver Conference.

    The battle and dance scenes in Chapter three were great. I was easily able to picture them as I read along. Overall, really great work!

    Looking forward to the next chapter!

    P.S. if you have a PM list, sign me up!
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  10. #10
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    Once again, I really enjoyed this chapter, especially seeing Jayden and Kaylie's relationship develop a little.

    There was something that struck me as odd though. In the battle scene, it seemed like it was going into game logic a little bit, specifically with this quote:

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    “Wait, why didn’t she use Ember?” Jayden wondered.

    “She probably doesn’t know it,” explained Kaylie. “You haven’t trained enough so that she would learn that move."
    I don't know, it just seemed a little weirdly like the games "Levels = Learn new moves" thing, but that doesn't really matter.

    ~~Now for some things that I found funny/interesting~~

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    “You can stay with me,” a shaky voice said from behind the two.

    Both of the teenagers quickly turned around to see an old man smiling. He had no hair on top of his head, but he had a long white beard. His arms were placed behind his back, the long sleeves of his robe covering his hands.

    “You’ll have to let me show you around Cherrygrove first,” he told them, his voice almost giving out. “You’re new trainers right? I can show you all you need to know.”

    “Uh that’s okay,” Kaylie said with a nervous chuckle, grabbing Jayden for the third time. “We’ll just stay at the Pokémon Center. Thanks though.”

    “People here sure are creepy,” Jayden whispered as he was dragged back to the Pokémon Center.


    Sorry, I couldn't resist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    “Kaylie, you look great by the way,” Jayden said, slightly blushing. “I just thought I’d let you know.”

    Kaylie giggled as Jayden looked away, throwing his hands in his pockets. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about Jay. You look good too; very cute.
    D'AWWW. :3

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    Kaylie pointed to a crowd of people all surrounding something they couldn’t see. Music blasted from the area, making talking very difficult. Once they reached the crowd, they pushed through to get a better view. What had been the center of attention surprised Jayden. While it was a battle it wasn’t the type he was expecting; it had been a dance battle. A person would jump into the middle of the circle and show their moves then wait for someone to try and show them up.
    My thought: He is not about to do this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    Kaylie then moved to the crowd, bouncing in a way. Jayden thought she had finished, but to his terror she grabbed him and pulled him into the center. Kaylie continued dancing as Jayden looked around. Not wanting to seem like a square in front of at least thirty people Jayden began to improvise. His feet made sliding movements outwards while he bent his head from side to side. To his surprise the crowd began to cheer. With a smile Jayden did the only other dance move he knew. He flopped on the ground and began to make a wave motion with his body.

    “Look! He’s doing the Weedle!” someone shouted from the crowd.
    Oh my God, he is. But I laughed so hard at Jayden doing the worm. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    “If you ever in Cherrygrove again and feel like bustin’ a move then hit me up ight?” he told them.

    “For sure,” Jayden said awkwardly, trying to imitate his speech pattern.
    Now, that made me laugh. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    “You know I thought you hated me,” Kaylie admitted. “It seemed like you always ignored me.”

    “Well to be honest I kinda did hate you,” Jayden said with a straight face.

    “…now this is awkward.”

    Jayden flopped onto the bottom bunk opposite Kaylie and held up an empty Poké Ball, holding it in the light. “This day seemed like it would never come. We’re real Pokémon trainers now. We aren’t pretending anymore.”
    I don't know what it is about this part, but it seems weird to me. It's like they were on one subject one second and then just completely dropped it. Or maybe that was on purpose. :/ *shrug*

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario
    Jayden flipped the switch, the lights going out making the room completely dark, minus a small sliver of moonlight shining in from the window. Making his way back to the bed he stopped before sliding under the blankets. “You looked really good tonight and amazed me with your moves.”

    With that, Jayden quickly placed himself under the blankets looking away from Kaylie. The girl began to blush and turned the other way as well. Unbeknownst to her the boy a few feet away was blushing as well, a toothy grin on his face.
    D'AWWWWWW. :3 :3 :3

    God, when did I turn into such a girl?

    As always, keep up the good work!
    Last edited by Canto; 1st March 2012 at 7:07 PM.

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  11. #11
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    Hooray for half filler half plot chapters! Anyway, in this chapter I brought back a certain syndicate from my previous fan fiction. No background information is necessary to enjoy them. Here is chapter 4. Enjoy!

    Chapter 4: Light

    “No; you need to weaken it more!”

    “He’s already weak enough. He can’t battle anymore.”

    “Fine then! If it gets away then you know who to blame.”

    “Go Poké Ball!”

    A Poké Ball sailed through the air, hitting a worm like creature right below the giant needle on its head. The Pokémon soon changed from its yellow like color to red, being sucked into the ball. The ball clasped shut once all the energy had been sucked into it. Falling to the ground, the ball shook three times, a red light beeping in the middle. After three shakes the red light flashed once more before a loud PING! sounded.

    “Wow, you actually caught it.”

    Kaylie and Jayden had left Cherrygrove City once they awoke. While en route to Violet City they ran into a wild Pokémon named Weedle. Seeing this as a great opportunity to add another member to his team, Jayden quickly sent out Cyndaquil to battle it, leading to its eventual capture.

    “Now we’re tied in Pokémon,” Jayden said, winking at Kaylie, spinning the Poké Ball on his index finger.

    “We should get moving. Violet City is still a long way away and we need to cover a lot of ground if we want to get there soon.”

    Jayden recalled Cyndaquil, placing both Poké Balls on his belt. Kaylie looked up at the sky, taking note of the sun’s position. As they began to make their way down the path the young girl looked over at Jayden, returning her eyes to the ground in front of her quickly.

    “What is it?” he asked.

    “Nothing, nothing,” she said, avoiding looking at him.

    Jayden shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head. “So do you have any idea what kind of gym is in Violet City?”

    “It’s a Flying type gym. That means that we’ll be at a disadvantage with Bug type Pokémon. I’m sure we can find more Pokémon that are suited to battle Flying types on the way.”

    Jayden looked around, peering at the tall grass. “I’ve only seen Weedles, Caterpies, and Rattata around here. They’re all food for Flying types.”

    “Then we’ll have to try our best despite our disadvantage,” Kaylie said, a fierce determination present in her voice.

    “What’s going on over there?” Jayden wondered, pointing to two people standing a few feet from each other.

    “It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie observed. The two kids pulled out Poké Balls, enlarging them. “They are about to battle! Let’s go over and watch!”

    “Go Pidgey,” one of them, a girl, shouted as they threw their Poké Ball.

    The other one, a boy, threw his ball as well. “Show them your strength Poliwag!”

    From the girl’s Poké Ball came a bird Pokémon. Its feathers were two different colors; it was mostly brown while its throat and belly were a light cream color. The boy’s Pokémon was of a completely different shape. It resembled a blue tadpole. The long tail it possessed was mostly transparent and on its white belly was a large black swirl.

    “Poliwag, use Water Gun!” the boy shouted, starting the battle off.

    Once Kaylie and Jayden reached the battle, the blue Pokémon known as Poliwag shot a stream of water out of its small pink mouth. Pidgey flew higher into the air, easily dodging the water. Poliwag ran under Pidgey, firing another stream of water. Unable to dodge, Pidgey was hit, falling back towards the ground.

    “Recover Pidgey,” the girl yelled. “Then use Gust!”

    The Flying type began to flap its wings, slowing its descent to the ground. The bird then began to flap its wings at Poliwag, a small tornado surrounding it. The Water type was bounced around the inside of the tornado, small cries of pain emitting.

    “Now use Tackle!” the girl shouted.

    Pidgey flew straight at Poliwag, its beak connecting with Poliwag’s stomach. Pushing it out of the tornado, Pidgey knocked Poliwag to the ground, the latter not moving once he hit the earth.

    “Ah man!” the boy cried. “I lost again!”

    “That was a great battle,” Kaylie said. “Both Poliwag and Pidgey were great.”

    “Thanks,” the two said in unison.

    Now that they got a closer look at them Jayden noticed they looked nearly exactly alike. They even wore similar clothing. The colors were exactly the same, the only difference being the girl wore a brown skirt and the boy wore brown shorts.

    “I’ve been battling Stephanie in everything since we were little,” the boy said as he recalled Poliwag, placing his Poké Ball in his green jacket. “I just can’t seem to win.”

    “Are you two related?” Jayden asked, trying to make a joke.

    “…not funny dude,” Stephanie told him. “You wouldn’t believe how many times we get that.”

    “To answer your question we are related. We are Stephanie and Phil Thompson,” the boy introduced them.

    “Well I’m Kaylie Janson and this is Jayden Sector,” Kaylie told them. “We’re traveling trainers. We just started our journey the other day.”

    “Then I’m sure you trainers wouldn’t mind having a battle with us,” Phil said, tossing a Poké Ball in the air.

    “You idiot,” shouted Stephanie, hitting Phil in the back of the head. “Our Pokémon just got finished with a battle. They’re too tired. Isn’t that right Pidgey?”

    Pidgey flew over to his trainer, letting out a tired coo. Stephanie rubbed him on the head before recalling him. Stephanie motioned for Kaylie and Jayden to follow her and after a few minutes of walking saw that there was a small village.

    “This is our hometown,” Phil said, smiling as he looked out at all the buildings. “Welcome to East Village!”

    All of the buildings in the village appeared old. They were all made of wood instead of brick like most modern buildings. The air was much fresher than that of Cherrygrove and the people were friendlier. They looked at you during the day, giving a very casual greeting. The siblings took the trainers to the middle of the village to a small house which Kaylie assumed to be theirs.

    “Welcome to our humble home,” said Stephanie, opening the door.

    The inside was extremely clean. There hadn’t been a speck of dust anywhere. The floor shined enough to the point you could see your reflection in it. Phil pointed them to the left, ushering them into a very large room that had a giant machine placed in the middle. The machine looked like a tray with places to hold Poké Balls.

    “If your Pokémon need rest then place them on the machine,” Stephanie explained.

    Both Kaylie and Jayden pulled out their two Poké Balls, placing them on the machine. After Stephanie punched a few things in on a keyboard the machine began to whir. Two halves of a glass dome came out from under the tray, surrounding the Poké Balls. After a flash of blue light the machine dinged and the dome disappeared. The trainers retrieved their Poké Balls and gave their thanks.

    “We don’t want to burden you,” Kaylie said waving. “We’ll be on our way.”

    “If you’re ever in East Village again then stop by,” Phil told them.

    “Maybe we’ll meet when I start traveling,” Stephanie said hopefully.

    “That’s when we’ll have our battle,” said Jayden. “Until then, train hard.”

    Taking their leave of the Thompson’s, Kaylie suggested they stay in East Village for the day. As they began to walk around the small village they noticed there was no Pokémon Center. At a loss they had to ask one of the people on the street for directions.

    “There are no hotels in East Village,” an old man who had been sweeping his walkway told them with a chuckle.

    “Then is there a city between here and Violet City?” Kaylie asked.

    “This here is the only town you’ll run into between Cherrygrove and Violet City,” the old man replied, still chuckling. “I hope you two know how to pitch a tent.”

    With that the old man retreated back into his house. Jayden turned to Kaylie, a concerned look on his face. “So what do you want to do? We can go back to the Thompsons’. I’m sure they’d let us stay at their house for a night.”

    “No,” Kaylie said bluntly. “We’re going to have to camp out eventually. We might as well get used to it now.”

    “There’s one problem with that; I didn’t pack a tent before I left home.”

    Kaylie slapped her hand to her face. “So you left home without a tent, not knowing if you would have to camp out or not?”

    “I figured I would sleep under the stars if I needed to.”

    “Let’s just go.”

    ---------------------------------

    “Sir, are you sure about this? The world thinks you’re dead.”

    “It’s time we continued where we originally started. We’re going back to Johto and nothing will get in my way this time. That bastard Dimitrios…he will not beat me!”

    “But sir…”

    “If you defy me Doris I will kill you! I let you have control of this syndicate for long enough!”

    “Yes sir…”

    “Enough of this sir bullsh**! You will refer to me by my name. I am Aeolus and I will purify this world. I will be the light that purges any that are not worthy! Inform all the other agents. Team Lustrous has been awakened once more!”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  12. #12
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    Yayy, chapter 4 is here! Overall, this is a pretty solid chapter. I didn't spot any errors and the battle scene here was great. I'm interested in seeing what Team Lustrous has planned for the Johto region...
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  13. #13
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    Well, that took me longer than I epected, but as promised, here I am! This is CH5's review.
    as he hopped out of thebed, pulling Damien into an embrace. “Dimitrios is fine. What happened to me and where are we?”
    Or,

    as he hopped off the bed, pulling Damien into an embrace. “Dimitrios is fine. What happened to me and where are we?”
    ---
    “Weedle, use Poison Sting!”

    “Ledyba, stop that worm!”
    Should have comas after Weedle and Ledyba, as they are names beign addressed. Same goes for

    “Weedle, stop Ledyba with String Shot!” called Jayden.
    Both trainers recalled their Pokémon, shaking hands to show it was a good contest.
    Wonderful of you to include that.

    “I’m not too keen about going without sleep,” Jayden replied.
    Charlie Brown speaketh sense.

    “What’s so funny?” Jayden asked, his smile disappearing.

    “This is Dark Cave,” she explained. She pointed to her left, a large smile now on her face. “Violet City is that way! Looks like we’re walking through the night!”

    Jayden’s head hung in shame, the thought of going a full twenty-four hours without sleep already tiring him out. Pulling her friend, Kaylie happily led the way down the path towards Violet City.
    I suppose I should know this, but it came up and so I mention it. I actuially don't recall where Dark Cave is. That's the one that connects Violet and Blackthorn, right? Meaning it goes the wrong way is what Kaylie was getting at?

    Compared to Cherrygrove, Violet City was crowded; EXTREMELY crowded. It was impossible to go anywhere without bumping into someone. Jayden became overwhelmed, not sure of what to do. By instinct he grabbed Kaylie’s wrist and pulled her out of the crowd with him.
    Your story, your world, don't mind me, and I don't recall the anime presentation of Violet, but I belive the backstory calls for Vilet to be a much sleeoier and historic cit than that.

    All the streets wound around each other or ended up in a dead end
    Proper past tense of wind. Winded is what Jayden is after all that walking. :P

    “YES!” exclaimed Jayden, running over to the desk. “One room please. Let’s go.”
    This actually reads rather rudely. Who's he sayng "Let's go" to, Nurse Joy or Kaylie? If the former, that's a rather bossy thing to say to one who's supplying you room and board for nest to nothing. If the latter, I think he'd get slugged, on account it's Kaylie.

    “I feel that in the past week I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you.” Kaylie looked down, her hands shaking slightly. She clenched them in an attempt to make them stop. “I know that we didn’t really hang out much growing up, but I always had this strange feeling about you.”
    Ho boy. Here we go...

    Kaylie bit her lip, her trembling now traveling up her arms. “Even though I didn’t really know you it’s been there. Then that night in Cherrygrove made me realize it’s even more than I thought.” Kaylie looked up, staring straight into Jayden’s eyes. “I like you, a lot.”
    And for their next trick, Shadow Lucario will now jump the proverbial shark.

    (Is not fond of romances between two main characters, especially 14yr olds.)
    “I mean more than that, Silly.”
    For CH5, and I reaize you're past this point, but I'm still not getting a lot fo vibes from Jayden. He's certainly there, but he's not done aznything really establishing, or memorable. Although thr Dark Cave bit is funny once you figure out the punchline. Kaylie's kinda found her niche as the strong one, and I'm rather disspaointed as there's not a whole lot of emotion from the Pokemon, especially if this is a friendly competition between partner Pokemon.

    Black Org, meh. I could take them or leave them right now, but this is only their introduction chapter, there's still plenty of time for them to be introduced. I do liek Dimitrios though, since his concerns went immediately to his Lucario.

    And I miss Cyndiquil. I liked her. The little flower gathering went a long way.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  14. #14
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    Not as much plot as I wanted, but what can you do? Anyway, there is a return. I'll leave it at that. The progression of the story is panning out just as I had planned so expect a lot more plot to be hitting your faces soon! So far I'm seeing that more people like Kaylie as opposed to Jayden. He's trying his hardest D: Kaylie is extremely happy though Moving on, finally starting to get more into double digit chapters. Here is chapter 11. Enjoy!


    Chapter 11: Illuminated Glory

    Dark clouds covered the sky, its color turning grey. No rain fell from the clouds, but thunder sounded, lightning cracking in the distance. As he kneeled, Jayden began to pound the ground, tears streaming from his face. Tears began to form in Kaylie’s eyes as well, her hand instinctively touching her mouth. Hope looked away from her friend, trying to suppress her own tears.

    “Who would do this?” Jayden asked, barely above a whisper. “Who would kill all these innocent people?!”

    Jayden wiped his face with his sleeve as he stood. Still clutching the plush Cyndaquil, he placed it in his bag, walking off in a seemingly random direction. Kaylie attempted to follow, but Hope stopped her, shaking her head. As he walked through the city he saw blood splattered against the building, the splatters showing they had tried to run. Jayden’s hands balled into fists, tightening even more as he continued walking. A creaking sound came from nearby him. Looking up he saw that it was a sign for a family business. The sign had been broken at the bottom and barely hanging on to the building.

    Sitting at a nearby bench, Jayden hung his head, the thoughts of what had transpired swimming in his mind. He could imagine the screams and the terror on the face of the citizens. A warm liquid began to travel down his arm. Surprised, he noticed that he had been squeezing his fists so tight that his nails pierced his skin. Not even caring if he got blood on him, Jayden covered his face with his hands, tears still trickling down.

    “I need to go comfort him,” Kaylie told Hope, her voice wavering.

    “How are you going to comfort him when you need someone to comfort you?” The question took Kaylie by surprise as Hope pulled her in for a hug, tears streaming down her face. “It’s okay to cry. You are human after all.”

    Even though she tried her best to hold it in, Kaylie began to weep, holding onto Hope tightly. Walking back to the girls, Jayden looked up at the sky, a small raindrop hitting him on the forehead. Soon the rain came down in a drizzle. Kaylie took notice of him as the boy stared into the sky, as if searching for something. He looked over at the girls, a smirk on his face.

    “We have to keep moving. We won’t gain anything by wallowing in our sorrows.”

    Kaylie broke away from Hope, wiping her tears with a nod and smile. “You’re right.”

    “That’s my line. After all, my name is Hope.” With a sniffle, Hope wiped her tears away as well. “My brother wouldn’t want me to be sad.”

    “Then let’s move on to Azalea Town.”

    Passing through the ruined city, the group didn’t look back for fear of sorrow catching them again. They put the sadness behind them, using it to push them forward. The rain stopped not long after it began, the sun shining through the clouds.

    --------------------------------------------------------------

    “Man my feet are killing me!”

    “Keep complaining and it will take even longer to get there.”

    “But we’ve been walking for a day! We haven’t stopped once!”

    “Hope is right Jayden. If you keep complaining it will take more time to get there.”

    Still on the road to Azalea Town, Hope, Jayden, and Kaylie had been traveling down a straight path that didn’t turn off at any point. The only thing they could see ahead was more of the path. Unlike yesterday, there were no clouds in the sky and the puddles from the little rain had already evaporated. On their right had been a cliff, the top just out of sight.

    “We should reach Azalea in two more days,” Hope told Jayden. “You can hold on that long can’t you?”

    “Maybe,” he replied. “That is if my feet don’t give out.”

    “Always like you to complain Jayden!” a voice said from above.

    Looking up quickly, Jayden saw a glimpse of a blue jacket as a figure jumped down the cliff, sliding on the rocky surface. Rolling when they reached the ground, a familiar face met Jayden. It was Burton! Kaylie let out a squeal of happiness before jumping on him.

    “Burton!” Jayden spit out, surprised by the sudden appearance. “What are you doing here?”

    “My next contest is in Azalea,” he explained. “You’re going too right? I didn’t see you at the contest in East Village.”

    “Actually,” Jayden said embarrassed as he scratched his head. He had completely forgotten that he didn’t tell Burton he had decided to compete in the Silver Conference.

    “The Silver Conference,” Burton said, a little impressed after a brief explanation. “Too bad you didn’t choose to become a coordinator with me and Marshall. We both lost in that first contest, but it’s extremely fun!”

    “Where is Marshall anyway?” Kaylie asked.

    “Marshall split after the contest in East Village. He hasn’t dropped me a line since. Before he ran off he said he’d meet me in Azalea.”

    “Then let’s go,” said Jayden. “We’re on our way there to challenge the gym.”

    “Awesome! I’ll be able to see you battle and you can watch my contest!” Burton punched the air as he jumped, excited for his next challenge and watching his friends battle.

    “Uh hi,” Hope said a little awkward. “I’m Hope by the way and we should probably get a move on if you guys want to get there sooner than later.”

    Taking Hope’s advice, the group of now four began their trek towards Azalea Town. All the while Burton told them about the joys of being a coordinator. He didn’t spare any details as he told them about how in sync he was with his Pokémon. He had also explained that while Marshall passed the appeal round, he did not. Even in defeat Burton was extremely happy with his performance and guaranteed them he would win the Azalea contest.

    “There is one thing I want to warn you about though.” Burton’s tone suddenly became serious, his expression no longer goofy. “There are these people in black running around. They call themselves the Black Organization. I don’t know what they’re goals are, but I do know they are bad news.”

    “That’s not all you have to worry about,” Jayden told him, his tone and expression equally as serious. “A syndicate known as Team Lustrous has sprung up out of nowhere. They kidnapped Hope’s brother for some reason and they’re the reason my mother is dead…”

    Burton said nothing, only looking off in another direction. Silence reigned over them before Burton finally spoke up again. “Instead of focusing on these criminals how about we have a friendly battle? I need to show you my team anyway.”

    “I’m down!” Jayden exclaimed.

    “Guys we don’t have time to stop,” Hope told the boys.

    “Let them have their fun,” said Kaylie. “We’re not on a schedule anyway. Besides, I want to see just what training for a contest does to your Pokémon.”

    Jayden and Burton had created a good thirty foot gap between them in the middle of the road. They both wore smirks, Poké Balls in hand. Burton launched his, the ball cracking open after leaving his hand. The white light poured out, hitting the ground before taking the form of a Poliwag. Swinging her tail back and forth, Poliwag showed she was ready for battle.

    “Pidgey, standby for battle!” Jayden yelled as he threw his Poké Ball. Pidgey flew out of his ball and around Poliwag before returning to Jayden’s side.

    “Poliwag start with Bubblebeam!” Burton shouted.

    From her little pink mouth, a barrage of solid bubbles shot out. Having leverage, it was easy for Pidgey to dodge all the bubbles. Even though he dodged them all, the bubbles busted all around Pidgey, water hitting him in the eye from each side.

    “Pidgey, use Gust to blow that tadpole away!” ordered Jayden.

    Flapping his wings furiously, Pidgey created a large tornado. Burton chuckled as the tornado neared Poliwag. “Time for Water Gun.”

    Instead of bubbles, a stream of water shot from Poliwag’s mouth. The tornado’s momentum then pulled the water around it, turning it into a small typhoon. Jumping into the typhoon, Poliwag used the tornado to gain speed and jump above Pidgey.

    “Now Body Slam!” called Burton.

    When Poliwag was above Pidgey it was as if her weight doubled. She dropped like a rock, landing right on top of Pidgey, slamming him into the ground. Rolling back, Poliwag spun on one foot gracefully, jumping into the air when she saw Pidgey struggling to get up.

    “Show them Quick Attack,” said Jayden.

    Poliwag jumped into the air again and without even realizing he moved, was tackled by Pidgey. The water type fell over, surprised by the attack. Pidgey swung back around and tackled her again, knocking Poliwag back to the ground. Before she could get up again, Pidgey flapped his wings, creating another tornado, this one smaller in size, but faster. The tornado picked Poliwag up, the tadpole unable to do anything but be bounced back and forth between the walls of the tornado.

    “Now hit ‘em with Wing Attack!” shouted Jayden.

    Pidgey’s wings began to glow as he broke through the tornado, slamming his wing into Poliwag, Flying out, Poliwag hit the ground, rolling back a little, not moving. Burton recalled his Pokémon, knowing she couldn’t battle any longer.

    “Great job Pidgey,” Jayden complimented him as Pidgey landed on his shoulder. Pulling out his Poké Ball, Jayden recalled him, a smirk on his face.

    “That was a pretty sweet battle, but let’s see how you handle my starter,” Burton said, pulling out another Poké Ball. “Abra, strike!”

    From his Poké Ball came a bipedal, fox like Pokémon. It was gold in color save for the brown plates on its shoulders and a small area on its chest. Its eyes appeared to be closed. It held up one hand, pink energy emitting from its three fingers.

    “Then I guess I’ll have to use mine,” Jayden said with a chuckle. “Cyndaquil, standby for battle!”

    Cyndaquil emerged from her Poké Ball with the fire on her back blazing. When she landed, the fire type cautiously watched Abra, waiting for Jayden to give a command. Burton looked the field over, devising a strategy that would use his surroundings.

    “Abra, use Energy Ball!” he shouted.

    After a few seconds, Abra placed on hand over the other, a green ball forming. His hands shook as he tried to contain the energy into the small compact ball. Abra launched it, standing completely still.

    “Cyndaquil dodge it!” ordered Jayden.

    Cyndaquil jumped to the side, the ball whizzing right be her face. Burton chuckled a bit and with a snap of his fingers Abra had vanished. Shocked, both Jayden and Cyndaquil looked around them, trying to find the psychic type. Without a sound, Abra reappeared behind Cyndaquil, a green ball in his hand.

    “Watch out Cyndaquil!” Jayden yelled.

    Hearing her trainer, Cyndaquil turned around, but it was too late. Abra shot the ball at point blank range, hitting Cyndaquil in her side. Rolling backwards, Cyndaquil regained her balance.

    “Fire back with Ember!” Jayden shouted.

    Cyndaquil dashed towards Abra, a barrage of fireballs releasing from her mouth. Abra didn’t move a muscle, instead being hit by the fireballs. Falling backwards, Abra lay on the ground, not moving.

    “Is it over already?” Kaylie asked, surprised that Abra went down so easily.

    “I doubt it,” said Hope.

    Just as she said it, Abra began to levitate in the air, pushing himself back to his feet. Burton nodded his head, expecting this much from his Pokémon. “Show them your teleporting Shadow Ball.”

    Once again Abra began to gather energy between his hands, but this time it was purple and black as opposed to the green from before. When this ball was launched it zipped through the air faster than the other attack. Abra thrust out his hands towards the ball. As Cyndaquil was about to dodge, the ball of energy vanished. Cyndaquil rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. The ball appeared from behind her, hitting her in the back. The ball vanished again, reappearing from the side this time. This pattern repeated until Cyndaquil was hit from every direction. Panting, Cyndaquil fell to the ground, trying her best to get up.

    “Cyndaquil please get up,” Jayden plead. “You can do this. I know you can.”

    Cyndaquil shakily got back to her feet, staring Abra down. With a cry, her fire began to burn more brilliantly. Releasing another wave of fireballs, Cyndaquil dashed at Abra. The psychic type was hit, this time simply stumbling back. As she ran, Cyndaquil’s speed picked up. The fire type tackled Abra, hitting him in the gut with her head.

    “Go Cyndaquil,” Jayden shouted. “Hit him with Flame Wheel!”

    Chasing after Abra as he stumbled, Cyndaquil became engulfed in flames. This time when she tackled Abra, his mouth opened, saliva spilling out. Abra flew backwards, skidding across the ground a bit. When he finally stopped, he lay motionless. The flames disappeared from around Cyndaquil and she too fell to the ground, not a muscle moving.

    “I think it’s a double knockout,” Burton said, the two trainers recalling their Pokémon. “Now that was a fun battle!”

    “You got that right,” Jayden said with a smile. The boys met each other in the middle of the road and grasped each other’s hand.

    “I can’t wait to see how well you do in Azalea.” Placing his Poké Ball back into his pocket, he and Jayden walked back over to the girls, the girls patting them both on the back.

    “Well you won’t have anything to see if we never get there,” Hope told him. “Now let’s get moving!”
    Last edited by Shadow Lucario; 22nd March 2012 at 12:33 PM.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Not as much plot as I wanted, but what can you do? Anyway, there is a return. I'll leave it at that. The progression of the story is panning out just as I had planned so expect a lot more plot to be hitting your faces soon! So far I'm seeing that more people like Kaylie as opposed to Jayden. He's trying his hardest D: Kaylie is extremely happy though Moving on, finally starting to get more into double digit chapters. Here is chapter 11. Enjoy!


    Chapter 11: Illuminated Glory

    Dark clouds covered the sky, its color turning grey. No rain fell from the clouds, but thunder sounded, lightning cracking in the distance. As he kneeled, Jayden began to pound the ground, tears streaming from his face. Tears began to form in Kaylie’s eyes as well, her hand instinctively touching her mouth. Hope looked away from her friend, trying to suppress her own tears.

    “Who would do this?” Jayden asked, barely above a whisper. “Who would kill all these innocent people?!”

    Jayden wiped his face with his sleeve as he stood. Still clutching the plush Cyndaquil, he placed it in his bag, walking off in a seemingly random direction. Kaylie attempted to follow, but Hope placed stopped her, shaking her head. As he walked through the city he saw blood splattered against the building, the splatters showing they had tried to run. Jayden’s hands balled into fists, tightening even more as he continued walking. A creaking sound came from nearby him. Looking up he saw that it was a sign for a family business. The sign had been broken at the bottom and barely hanging on to the building.

    Sitting at a nearby bench, Jayden hung his head, the thoughts of what had transpired swimming in his mind. He could imagine the screams and the terror on the face of the citizens. A warm liquid began to travel down his arm. Surprised, he noticed that he had been squeezing his fists so tight that his nails pierced his skin. Not even caring if he got blood on him, Jayden covered his face with his hands, tears still trickling down.

    “I need to go comfort him,” Kaylie told Hope, her voice wavering.

    “How are you going to comfort him when you need someone to comfort you?” The question took Kaylie by surprise as Hope pulled her in for a hug, tears streaming down her face. “It’s okay to cry. You are human after all.”

    Even though she tried her best to hold it in, Kaylie began to weep, holding onto Hope tightly. Walking back to the girls, Jayden looked up at the sky, a small raindrop hitting him on the forehead. Soon the rain came down in a drizzle. Kaylie took notice of him as the boy stared into the sky, as if searching for something. He looked over at the girls, a smirk on his face.

    “We have to keep moving. We won’t gain anything by wallowing in our sorrows.”

    Kaylie broke away from Hope, wiping her tears with a nod and smile. “You’re right.”

    “That’s my line. After all, my name is Hope.” With a sniffle, Hope wiped her tears away as well. “My brother wouldn’t want me to be sad.”

    “Then let’s move on to Azalea Town.”

    Passing through the ruined city, the group didn’t look back for fear of sorrow catching them again. They put the sadness behind them, using it to push them forward. The rain stopped not long after it began, the sun shining through the clouds.
    This whole part is completly and utterly off. Three teenagers walk into a town full of death and all they do is cry a bit and move on! No way!

    First, Jayden sees a everything in the end of the last chapter and all he does is pick up a plush and scream. Not likely he should have ran to the person not the doll. Second, they just stand around and cry then leave! How doe someone even see that ever happening. You don't just cry in the middle of a town full of slaughtered people and then walk away! They are in a town someone has to have a pokegear or phone and if not that then what about the dead peoples potential pokemon. Where are they. I would find it odd if a whole town of people didn't have any pokemon what so ever. Third is their attitudes once they leave. How do you have main characters see such a disslturbing event and not change in the least. The don't seem the least bit worried, determined, saddened, vengeful, or angry at what happened to the people in that town. Foruth, they run into another trainer, who they don't tell about the incident, that jayden then has a casual battle with. All of this is just wrong I'm sorry if it seems like I am ripping your fan fic apart but thesse are huge holes.


    Also in the battle I think energy ball should have barely phased cyndaquil. I mean a un-stab grass move against a fire typ is not gonna do any real damage. Meaning cynda should have weathered the shadow balls better.
    FEAR THE WRATH OF THE MIGHTY WALREIN WHO IS MINE!



    Quote Originally Posted by a person View Post
    Again, N believed he would thrash your ass with his dragon, thus winning the ultimate duel of death and crap between truth and ideals. He had no idea that you would pull your own dragon out of the ass he expected to thrash.

  16. #16
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    And as the prophecys fortold, I have returned!

    Or sonething like that. Sorry I'm piecemealing through this story and not soing it in one post. But hey, every reply is a bump to youur story, whihc means more people see it and hopefully more people click on it, read, review, etc.

    CH 4 (review)

    they ran into a wild Pokémon named Weedle
    Deep breath, relax. This is fan fiction, be loose. "Wild Weedle" is fine. if the reader doesn't know that a Weedle is a Pokemon, you shouldn't need to tell him. Unless this is a Mystery Dungeon story, or he's got a little red and white sticker that says "Hello, my nsme is... Weedle", saying "Named Weedle" is just odd. For all we know, his name is Friedrich.

    A Poké Ball sailed through the air, hitting a worm like creature right below the giant needle on its head. The Pokémon soon changed from its yellow like color to red, being sucked into the ball. The ball clasped shut once all the energy had been sucked into it. Falling to the ground, the ball shook three times, a red light beeping in the middle. After three shakes the red light flashed once more before a loud PING! sounded.
    Forgoing a comment on your intro to this chapter and the disjointed timing, I'd like to encourage the use of pronouns in lieu of "The Ball this, the Ball that."

    “It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie observed. The two kids pulled out Poké Balls, enlarging them. “They are about to battle! Let’s go over and watch!”
    Keep natural speaking in mind. 95% of people will say "Looks like they're about to battle. They are! Let's go over and watch!". A large percentage of them will even omit the ""over and" for the simpler and quicker "Let's go watch!". You don't need the stage direction of "over there", it's implied by Kaylie's sudden encoragement, and you don't need to repeat what it is thay're about to do in the nxt sentence. It's not formal, but then this also isn't Jolly Ol' England.

    “Go Pidgey,” one of them, a girl, shouted as they threw their Poké Ball.
    Becaause you are specifically quoting the girl, even though they are both drawing their Pokeballs, the spotlight is on her, and therefor plurality should match her, not the group. Thus "shouted as she threw her Poke' Ball". And if you'd really prefer it the other way, then you'd still need an s on the end of Pokeball, as each trainer has one=2

    “It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie observed. The two kids pulled out Poké Balls, enlarging them. “They are about to battle! Let’s go over and watch!”
    This is probably me being anal, but to me, the girl has already drawn her Pokeball, so it seems off to be reading her drawing it again. If you combine those sentences, such as "“It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie had observed the two kids pulling out Poké Balls and enlarging them."

    That's not an ideal sentence structure either, but if it gets you thinking, then woo.

    Also, Kaylie has offically stolen the title to strognest human character. Jayden just feels like what people in the automotive industry refer to as "a speed bump".

    Also, there's no mention of Cyndaquil outside the battle. Makes me sad...

    Once Kaylie and Jayden reached the battle, the blue Pokémon known as Poliwag shot a stream of water out of its small pink mouth. Pidgey flew higher into the air, easily dodging the water. Poliwag ran under Pidgey, firing another stream of water. Unable to dodge, Pidgey was hit, falling back towards the ground.
    Check your word timing. "Once J&K reacehd the battle" implicates that Poliwag waited for them. It didn't, I'm reasonably sure. Something along the lines of "The little blue Pokemon known as Poliwag had shot a srtream of water out of its mouth by the time J&K had reached the battle." might better protray the chronology.

    The Flying type began to flap its wings, slowing its descent to the ground. The bird then began to flap its wings at Poliwag, a small tornado surrounding it. The Water type was bounced around the inside of the tornado, small cries of pain eminanting.
    The Flying type began to flap its wings, slowing its descent to the ground. The bird then began to flap its wings at Poliwag, a small tornado surrounding it.
    Sentences don't have to be so punctual. Let one sentence roll into the next. Here, it read like Pidgey started flapping to stop falling, then stopped flapping, then started flapping at the Poliwag again. "The Small flying type then changed the focus of it's flapping towards it's opponent" for example.

    “That was a great battle,” Kaylie said. “Both Poliwag and Pidgey were great.”

    “Thanks,” the two said in unison.
    This seems a cold introduction to me. Two strrangers show up out of nowhere and all the two battlers say is :thanks"

    “I’ve been battling Stephanie in everything since we were little,” the boy said as he recalled Poliwag, placing his Poké Ball in his green jacket. “I just can’t seem to win.”

    “Are you two related?” Jayden asked, trying to make a joke.

    “…not funny dude,” Stephanie told him. “You wouldn’t believe how many times we get that.”

    “To answer your question we are related. We are Stephanie and Phil Thompson,” the boy introduced them.
    Again, relax your speech. "To answer you're question" would usually be "Yes, actually." Also, you can do without the "We are", and possibly the "them" at the end, though that's more personal preference.

    “Sir, are you sure about this? The world thinks you’re dead.”

    “It’s time we continued where we originally started. We’re going back to Johto and nothing will get in my way this time. That bastard Dimitrios…he will not beat me!”

    “But sir…”

    “If you defy me Doris I will kill you! I let you have control of this syndicate for long enough!”

    “Yes sir…”

    “Enough of this sir bullsh**! You will refer to me by my name. I am A eolus and I will purify this world. I will be the light that purges any that are not worthy! Inform all the other agents. Team Lustrous has been awakened once more!”
    Wo-ho! That's a nice paradigm. Going from "Sweet, sorta loveable" Kaylie and her pet bump-on-a-log to multiple swears is a stark and intriguinging trick. (Please though, don;t do it every chapter...) I must admit that as a personal preference I'm not fond of heavy swaering in the stories (Yes, I know the rating is there, bear with me) but even still, while I understand very clearly that Aeolus is evil, using multiple cursery words like that is a bit of a cop-out way to do it. Let's see him kicking Lilipups or stealing candy from babies, maybe snatching the Oval Stones from Happiny or something. You know, rich, in depth show us the character instead of "Hi, my name is Aeolus. I'm an evil bastard."
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    Wo-ho! That's a nice paradigm. Going from "Sweet, sorta loveable" Kaylie and her pet bump-on-a-log to multiple swears is a stark and intriguinging trick. (Please though, don;t do it every chapter...) I must admit that as a personal preference I'm not fond of heavy swaering in the stories (Yes, I know the rating is there, bear with me) but even still, while I understand very clearly that Aeolus is evil, using multiple cursery words like that is a bit of a cop-out way to do it. Let's see him kicking Lilipups or stealing candy from babies, maybe snatching the Oval Stones from Happiny or something. You know, rich, in depth show us the character instead of "Hi, my name is Aeolus. I'm an evil bastard."
    Many, many thanks for the reviews and corrections. I'll work on everything for next chapter. As for Aeolus he doesn't possess a filter. He's not so much evil as he is...misguided, for lack of a better word. Chapter 9 should be out either tomorrow or later today. I'll see what I can do.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  18. #18
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    I'm going to do this chapter-by-chapter, although I know I have some catching up to do...so for today, Chapter One. I make comments as I go along, so sorry if I ask a question or make a comment that's answered later in the chapter or fic.

    Chapter One

    -Interesting question, "Were you meant to have Pokemon at all?" I like it.
    -Right off the bat, this reads as more of a script than a story. Maybe this is something you've already developed and learned, but always try to include description. It's a hard line to walk between PARAGRAPHS of thick, detailed, boring description and simply dialogue.
    -It's funny - in my fic's universe, the age has been moved to fourteen as well. What a coincidence. Great minds think alike
    -Interesting that they have to tell the Professor what journey they choose. Is this like, binding? Do they sign a contract in blood?
    “Too bad Marshall; it’s mine.” The girl stuck her tongue out at him.
    -Dunno why, but I like this action. It says a lot about the girl's personality in one sentence.
    -Why isn't the Battle Frontier or Pokeathlon route mentioned? Or Pokemon Musicals, for that matter.
    “Please call me Professor Elm,” he shouted back. “I took my great grandfather’s name.”
    -I find this confusing. Was there a line of Professors with the surname Michael? Or is Michael his first name?
    -I like the presence of his Aunt. It allows a break from the typical "Trainer-only-has-one-parent" route.
    -What happened to Jayden's friends? Are they all going alone?

    Well, this is a pretty standard set-up chapter. I'm curious where it'll go, as you seem to already have a plan set out. Just try to describe things more, that's all I can ask for right now. I'd love to know more about Jayden's physical appearance, as I have a pretty generic image in my head right now (unless that's an intentional gimmick you're using).

    I love the Johto region. I'm excited to see where Chapter two, etc. goes.
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

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  19. #19
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    Plot, plot, plot, plot, plot. Finally got it rollin'! Because of where they were in the region this chapter was kind of awkward to write. Nonetheless I still had fun with it. More new characters appear in this chapter. And I'm feeling like maybe some old ones might appear in the next one. Just who could it be? :O Well I'm not telling. Enjoy!


    Chapter 5: Dark

    “What’s his status?”

    “He’s in critical condition, but he’s recovering. He should gain consciousness in a few weeks.

    “No. He’ll wake up today. This is no ordinary person. This is Dimitrios.”

    On the opposite side of the region from Kaylie and Jayden was a large building. In the past it served as a hospital, but after the town it had been located in burned down it had been shut down and taken over by a syndicate, serving as their headquarters. The syndicate took advantage of all the medical tools and medicines.

    …Where…am I?...W-what happened to me?

    “Take it easy sir! You’re still hurt!”

    One the top floor, a large man lay in one of the beds, medical tape wrapped around his chest. The man sat up, clutching his head. His vision had not been clear and all he could make out of the man who had been talking was his messy brown hair and blue jacket.

    “Damien, is that you?” the man asked.

    “Yes sir,” he answered with a salute.

    “Damien, it’s me. You know you don’t have to do that.” The man chuckled as he hopped of the bed, pulling Damien into an embrace. “Dimitrios is fine. What happened to me and where are we?”

    “We’re in our headquarters just off the coast of the Johto region,” Damien explained. “And you were injured in the war with Team Lustrous. We all thought you were going to die so we brought you back here as soon as possible.”

    Damien helped his leader out of the room and into a chair outside. Taking a computer from a desk not too far away, Damien showed Dimitrios their list of agents including the ones that died in the war.

    “What happened to my Pokémon?” Dimitrios questioned, pushing the computer away. “Where is Lucario?”

    “We found him next to your unconscious body. He had been guarding you.”

    “And what of Aeolus?”

    “There was a trail of blood leading out the door,” Damien told him. “Team Lustrous got to him first.”

    Another man, presumably the doctor, quickly walked to Dimitrios’ side. “You don’t want to move around too much or the wounds will open up again.”

    Dimitrios looked from the man to Damien, confused. “Who is he?”

    “I’m Johnathan sir,” he introduced himself, sliding his hand across his white scrubs. “I’m one of the new agents.”

    “I hope you are ready for some action then Johnathan.” Dimitrios stood slowly, groaning as pain shot through his shoulders. “It’s time for Team Lustrous to know the Black Organization is back.”

    -----------------------------------------------------

    “Weedle use Poison Sting!”

    “Ledyba stop that worm!”

    Three days after leaving East Village, Kaylie and Jayden had decided to use their time wisely; training their bug Pokémon for the gym battle in Violet City.

    “Weedle stop Ledyba with String Shot!” called Jayden.

    Before Ledyba had a chance to get away, Weedle opened his tiny mouth slightly, a thin white string shooting out. Once the string hit Ledyba it stuck. Soon it began to compile, leaving Ledyba’s entire body covered, minus his head.

    “Now use Poison Sting!” Jayden followed up.

    Weedle lowered his head, the giant stinger on it pointed at Ledyba. The worm jumped at Ledyba, piercing the string and striking it in the side. Ledyba fell to the ground, not moving.

    “Man your Weedle is strong,” Kaylie said, picking Ledyba up. “You did well Ledyba. We’ll get them next time.”

    Both trainers recalled their Pokémon, shaking hands to show it was a good contest. Before breaking away, their eyes suddenly met. Not knowing what to do, Jayden froze up. He turned away quickly before Kaylie could see him blushing.

    “You gonna let go of my hand sometime soon?” asked Kaylie, giggling.

    “Huh? OH! Sorry!” Jayden quickly let go, his entire face turning red.

    “So I was thinking that we could walk all the way through the night,” Kaylie suggested. “That way we can cover more ground and get to Violet City even faster.”

    “I’m not too keen about going without sleep,” Jayden replied.

    “Then find a shortcut or we’ll be walking through the night.” Kaylie smiled as she said this, knowing there was no such shortcut.

    Running ahead, Jayden looked all over. Going up a small hill he scanned the landscape, looking to find some kind of secret way into the city. A large grin spread across his face as he looked back at Kaylie. All he did was point behind him. Once she got to where he was she saw a large cave about a mile away. Her jaw dropped, not believing what she was seeing.

    “That can’t be…” Kaylie started before running down the hill and towards the cave. Jayden followed right behind her, smiling all the way. Once they reached the entrance Kaylie began to chuckle as she read a sign next to the entrance.

    “What’s so funny?” Jayden asked, his smile disappearing.

    “This is Dark Cave,” she explained. She pointed to her left, a large smile now on her face. “Violet City is that way! Looks like we’re walking through the night!”

    Jayden’s head hung in shame, the thought of going a full twenty-four hours without sleep already tiring him out. Pulling her friend, Kaylie happily led the way down the path towards Violet City.

    -----------------------------------------------------

    “Jayden, do you see those lights?”

    “Huh? Lights?”

    “Yes! I think we made it!”

    “After four days of walking with only an hour of rest each day we better have made it…”

    On the horizon were the lights of Violet City, the place where their first gym battle would take place. Picking up the pace, Kaylie quickly began to walk towards the lights, Jayden stumbling behind her.

    “Welcome to Violet City,” Kaylie read off a sign as they entered a gate of sorts. “This is it Jayden. This is where we see if we were cut out for this.”

    “Yeah…” Jayden said, looking down at his feet.

    “Cheer up! You’ll be excellent! I know you will!”

    Compared to Cherrygrove, Violet City was crowded; EXTREMELY crowded. It was impossible to go anywhere without bumping into someone. Jayden became overwhelmed, not sure of what to do. By instinct he grabbed Kaylie’s wrist and pulled her out of the crowd with him.

    “What was that about?” Kaylie asked.

    “I don’t do well in crowds,” Jayden admitted. “Let’s hurry and find the Pokémon Center. It’s nearly midnight and I’m exhausted.”

    Not only was Violet more crowded than Cherrygrove, but it was three times as confusing. All the streets winded around each other or ended up in a dead end. After wandering for twenty minutes, Jayden dropped to the ground, sitting on the sidewalk. Kaylie smiled at him and pointed behind him. Turning around he saw that they were in front of the large Pokémon Center, this one even bigger than the one in Cherrygrove. Proceeding through the sliding glass doors a familiar feeling swept over Jayden; it looked identical to the one in Cherrygrove.

    “Welcome to the Violet City Pokémon Center,” Nurse Joy welcomed them, a smile on her face. “I am Nurse Joy. Are you two checking in for the night?”

    “YES!” exclaimed Jayden, running over to the desk. “One room please. Let’s go.”

    With the key in hand, Jayden ran down the hallway and repeatedly pressed the call button to the elevator. Once it came, he hopped on, holding the door open for Kaylie. The girl laughed, taking her time walking to the elevator. After checking the key, Jayden pressed the number five.

    “Where did all this energy come from?” Kaylie asked, trying to talk over the Pokémon theme muzak playing in the elevator. “I thought you were tired.”

    “I am tired. I’m just excited that I can finally rest. I’d rather burn out the rest of my energy to get there than using all of it and still not getting there.”

    The usual ding indicated their floor. Jayden checked the key again and began to thank Arceus once he saw that the room was 501. This room was the same as the one in Cherrygrove, but reversed. Without so much as a second look at anything else, Jayden went straight to the bed, throwing his bag on the top one and sprawling out on the bottom.

    “You know what we should do?” Kaylie asked aloud as she entered the room.

    “No,” was Jayden’s only response.

    Kaylie giggled, sitting on the opposite bed. “I was going to say talk.”

    “That doesn’t involve much physical activity. Okay then. Talk.”

    “I feel that in the past week I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you.” Kaylie looked down, her hands shaking slightly. She clenched them in an attempt to make them stop. “I know that we didn’t really hang out much growing up, but I always had this strange feeling about you.”

    Jayden looked at her confused. “What do you mean strange?”

    Kaylie bit her lip, her trembling now traveling up her arms. “Even though I didn’t really know you it’s been there. Then that night in Cherrygrove made me realize it’s even more than I thought.” Kaylie looked up, staring straight into Jayden’s eyes. “I like you, a lot.”

    What? thought Jayden. She likes me? Oh, she must mean as a friend!

    “That’s it?” asked Jayden surprised. “Well I like you a lot too! You’re a great friend.”

    “I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  20. #20
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    Another great chapter! There were no mistakes that I spotted. Interested in where the story will go from here.

    “I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”
    This particular scene was really well done. Keep up the good work!
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  21. #21
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    Once again, another great chapter! I'm really interested to see what these "Team Lustrous" and "The Black Organization" are. Should be interesting.

    --------------------------------------

    WARNING: POTENTIAL FREAK-OUT AHEAD.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    “That doesn’t involve much physical activity. Okay then. Talk.”

    “I feel that in the past week I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you.” Kaylie looked down, her hands shaking slightly. She clenched them in an attempt to make them stop. “I know that we didn’t really hang out much growing up, but I always had this strange feeling about you.”

    Jayden looked at her confused. “What do you mean strange?”

    Kaylie bit her lip, her trembling now traveling up her arms. “Even though I didn’t really know you it’s been there. Then that night in Cherrygrove made me realize it’s even more than I thought.” Kaylie looked up, staring straight into Jayden’s eyes. “I like you, a lot.”

    What? thought Jayden. She likes me? Oh, she must mean as a friend!

    “That’s it?” asked Jayden surprised. “Well I like you a lot too! You’re a great friend.”

    “I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”
    *makes various groaning sounds to keep from exploding*

    WHAT KIND OF A FREAKING-- OK, sorry.

    ... *makes slightly quieter explosion-prohibiting noises*

    WHAT KIND OF A FREAKING RETARD IS HE?!

    In all seriousness, I found that moment really sweet, but it kills me when guys are too oblivious to realize when a girl likes them. I don't know why, but it does.

    --------------------------------------

    As always, keep it up!

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  22. #22
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    Gah! No plot anymore! I tried to squeeze in the old character, but I couldn't find a spot for them. Oh well! I guess we'll have to see how things turn out next time. Anyway, the shippers have gotten to me! Help!

    EDIT: I've been thinking of doing character biographies that I would steadily update over the course of the fan fiction. Let me know what you think about that. Then when I introduce more characters I can hold a poll.

    Chapter 6: Clash

    “We’re not ready yet. There is so much training that we have to do. Not only that, but we have two Pokémon. What are we going to do if it’s a three on three match?”

    “Calm down. That’s why we’re training now.”

    It had been a day since Kaylie and Jayden arrived in Violet City. Deciding they weren’t ready, Kaylie suggested that they do some more training before trying to challenge the gym. The two picked a small spot just outside of Violet, waiting to find wild Pokémon. From a bush jumped a Pidgey, eyeing Jayden carefully. Jayden pulled a Poké Ball from his belt. Launching the ball, it cracked open, releasing Cyndaquil.

    “Start with a Tackle,” Jayden ordered.

    The Fire type dashed at Pidgey, but before she could reach him the bird began to flap his wings furiously, sand and dust picking up. Cyndaquil stopped, unable to see past the dust cloud. Pidgey flew from the center of the cloud, hitting Cyndaquil in her side. The Fire Mouse began to slide, stopping herself before she tilted onto her back.

    “Try an Ember,” Jayden called.

    The fire on Cyndaquil’s back ignited as she ran towards Pidgey. Jumping into the air, Cyndaquil released a barrage of fireballs from her mouth. The Flying type tried to fly to the side, but was too slow. The fireballs connected with his wing. Pidgey fell to the ground, sliding a few feet backwards.

    “Now go into Tackle!” shouted Jayden.

    Not missing a beat, Cyndaquil began to charge Pidgey as she landed. When Pidgey got to his feet his gut was met with Cyndaquil’s head, all her weight behind the tackle. Pidgey was pushed even farther back, barely moving once he stopped. Without thinking, Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball. He launched it at Pidgey with all his might. The Poké Ball hit Pidgey, turning him into red energy. Once he was sucked into the ball, it hit the ground before shaking three times and emitting the usual ding, signaling the capture.

    “Good job with your capture,” Kaylie complimented, clapping as she approached him. “Now it’s my turn to find something.”

    “Good luck,” Jayden said, Cyndaquil jumping on his shoulder.

    Kaylie stood, looking all around her, eyeing the rustling bushes carefully as she clutched a Poké Ball tightly. Cries could be heard, but none of the Pokémon came out. After five minutes Kaylie took a step back, about to give up. Just as she turned, a figure jumped from the trees, landing a few feet from Kaylie. Turning her head she saw that this Pokémon was a purple color, its face, stomach and feet being beige. It swung its long tail, slamming the hand on the end on the ground.

    “It seems like this Aipom is challenging me,” Kaylie said with a smirk. “Your mistake will lead to your capture! Totodile, dance!”

    Kaylie released the Poké Ball she was clutching, a blue Pokémon emerging from it. This Pokémon seemed to resemble a crocodile. On its chest was a yellow V that extended to both of its arms. It swung its tail as well, showing the red spines that went all the way up its back.

    “Hit him with Water Gun,” Kaylie commanded.

    Totodile opened his large mouth, shooting out a stream of water. The Aipom easily dodge the attack, using his tail to push himself into the air and over it. Landing gracefully, Aipom swung his tail, the hand on the end making a fist. Ducking fast, Totodile barely dodged it.

    “Scratch now!” yelled Kaylie.

    Totodile jumped forward, scratching Aipom across the chest. Without flinching or even moving, Aipom brought his tail down on top of Totodile, slamming him into the ground. Not missing a beat, Aipom jumped above Totodile, his tail glowing.

    “Totodile, use Water Gun quickly!” cried Kaylie.

    Just before he was crushed again, Totodile sprayed Aipom with another stream of water. The pressure pushed Aipom back into the air. The small monkey hit the ground with a THUD!

    “Now bite onto his tail!” Kaylie ordered.

    Totodile ran over to the downed Aipom, grabbing onto his tail with his mouth. Aipom let out a short scream. Kaylie motioned towards the ground with her thumb. After swinging the monkey around a few times, Totodile brought him down, slamming him into the ground. Kaylie pulled out a Poké Ball and launched it. The Poké Ball connected and shook the normal three times. DING! Aipom had been caught.

    “Yes!” Kaylie cheered. “That’s three Pokémon for me as well!”

    “Since we’ve worked out two of our three, how about we train our Bug types together?” Jayden suggested. “If we’re to have any chance against a gym leader then we’ll have to train all of our Pokémon.”

    -----------------------------------------------

    “We need to go out tonight.”

    “Why do you say that?”

    “It’s the last night before our gym battle. We should have some fun while we can. Last time we went out we had a blast.”

    The sun had fallen beneath the mountains, the moon now out in its full glory. The two young trainers set out on a moonlit Violet City. At night all the crowds had vanished making walking around the city peaceful. Jayden couldn’t believe how much different the city looked without all the people. Not only that, but how pretty all the lights seemed. Different shops had different colored signs while all the street lights had an orange color to them.

    “Do you know why the lights are orange?” Jayden asked Kaylie, attempting to break the silence naturally.

    “No, but I’m guessing you do,” she replied giggling.

    “It’s becau-” Before Jayden could finish Kaylie had wrapped his arm around her, her head leaning on his chest. Instantly he began to blush, not sure of what to do.

    “Continue,” she said smiling at him.

    “I-it’s because they have s-sodium in t-them,” he stammered, looking away. “Oh look a park. We should go and sit.”

    Walking down the sidewalk, the two entered an empty park, a large fountain in the middle of a few benches. The fountain was of a large fish spewing water from its mouth. Jayden led Kaylie to a bench, but Kaylie pulled Jayden to the grass on the opposite side of the fountain. Kaylie sat, patting the ground next to her, telling Jayden to sit next to her. Hesitating a bit, Jayden sat, not looking at Kaylie.

    “Can I ask you something?” Kaylie asked.

    “Sure,” Jayden replied, still not looking at her.

    “What’s it like to have parents?”

    The question startled Jayden. He looked at Kaylie and the look in her eyes told him that this question was genuine. He had almost forgotten she lived with her grandma, never knowing what her parents were like.

    “Well you see you always feel like they’re on your case about silly things,” Jayden started. “But then you realize they only want what’s best for you. You realize that you love them no matter what happens because they gave up everything for you.” Jayden lay back in the grass, his hands behind his head. “Then you want to please them, show them that you’re good enough for them. You don’t want to let them down.”

    Kaylie placed her head on Jayden’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “So then it’s like how growing up with my grandma was.”

    “That’s what I learned from growing up with my dad. I never knew my mom.” Jayden looked up at the stars, trying to find something in them. He didn’t know what, but he looked intently at them.

    “I know how that feels,” Kaylie said, snuggling closer to Jayden, shivering a bit. “You feel empty on the inside like something is missing. You want to fill that void so badly that you’ll do anything.”

    A shocked expression took over Jayden’s face. It was as if she had been reading his mind. She looked up at him with a smile, a tear forming in her eye. Quickly, Jayden wiped it away, placing his hand on her cheek. For some reason he felt that only she understood him and in that moment a feeling exploded inside of him that he never knew was there. Looking into her eyes he could tell that she was experiencing something similar.

    “Kaylie…that other night when you told me you liked me…Did you mean?”

    “Yes…I don’t know where it came from, but…”

    Before she could speak another word Jayden pressed his lips against hers. When their lips touched all of Jayden’s worries vanished. All the doubts he had about a career were gone. A light feeling in his stomach became so great he thought he would float away. Jayden could feel that he was extremely red, but he didn’t care. Once they broke apart Kaylie had been blushing just as much as he was. Jayden chuckled, stroking her cheek softly.

    “Well I like you too,” he admitted.

    Kaylie smiled, burying her face into his chest, trying to hide her face from him. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer. Placing her hand on his chest, another tear slid down her cheek, but not from sadness. This tear fell because the boy she admired from afar for so long fell for her. She was finally happy.
    Last edited by Shadow Lucario; 4th March 2012 at 2:26 PM.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  23. #23
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    Pretty great chapter! It's good to see some relationship development in place of plot progression. Despite that, I'm looking forward to see where the story progresses in the next chapter (hopefully!).

    Character biographies are a great idea. Polls are an even greater idea!

    Keep up the good work!
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    With this chapter the First Journey Arc is over! For a last chapter I say it is pretty good. A little plot develops as well as a shocking revelation. It is considerably longer than any other chapter, but not too long. After this we will head into the Team Lustrous Arc, a part of the story that will include A LOT of character development. I should have character bios up later today. Enjoy!


    Chapter 7: Test

    “Are you ready for this?”

    “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

    “Then let’s rock this.”

    The day had come for Kaylie and Jayden to challenge the Violet City gym. The two trainers stood outside of the building, admiring its height. Outside the door atop two pillars were matching bird Pokémon, the words Violet City Gym etched on the pillars. Taking one look at each other, the two passed through the door. On the inside it appeared like a waiting room at the doctor’s office, a man sitting behind a desk at the far wall.

    “Welcome to the Violet City gym,” he greeted them. “Are you both here to challenge the gym?”

    “Yes we are,” Kaylie answered for them.

    “One of you will need to wait here while the other battles Falkner,” the man told them.

    “I’ll wait here,” said Jayden, taking a seat in one of the many chairs. “It is ladies first.”

    Kaylie nodded at Jayden, smiling. The man showed her to an elevator on the left side of the desk. Both of them stepped on, the number above the doors rising. Once it said battlefield it stopped. Jayden grabbed one of his Poké Balls, turning it over in his hand. With a sigh he gripped it tightly, looking down at the tile floor.

    “It’s just a battle,” Jayden told himself, “nothing more and nothing less; just a battle.”

    He looked down at his hand and noticed it was slightly shaking. Putting the Poké Ball back on his belt he grabbed his hand, making it stop. Taking in a deep breath, he decided it best to try and decide what his strategy would be.

    “I don’t even know what type of Pokémon this gym uses,” Jayden realized.

    He looked around the room, hoping to find some kind of hint. Standing up, he walked over to the desk, looking over a stack of magazines. On the front was a man of about twenty. His blue hair was medium in length, a fringe covering the right side of his face. The cover read, “Falkner, Violet’s elegant gym leader, shows off Flying type Pokémon!”

    Flying types huh? Jayden thought, his face scrunching. Weedle won’t be of much help. Looks like I’ll have to use Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

    Picking up one of the magazines, Jayden sat back down and began to look through it. Most of the articles had been about Falkner and his Pokémon. On the back there was an ad for a body spray called Sky. In the ad was Falkner, his hair flipping behind him.

    “Shows what the people of this city are interested in,” Jayden mumbled, putting the magazine in a chair next to him.

    Suddenly, the sound of elevator doors sliding open was heard. Quickly looking up, Jayden saw Kaylie run out of the elevator and straight towards him. Jayden braced himself, ready for her to jump on him, but she stopped abruptly, standing right in front of him. A big smile had been placed on her face.

    “Look, look!” She held out her badge case, flipping it open. The badge in the first spot resembled a feather. The light shined off of it, creating a small glare. Closing the case quickly, Kaylie began to make giggly noises as she bounced up and down. “Now it’s your turn to get one!”

    With a nod, Jayden stood. He walked over to the elevator, seeing the same man from behind the desk. Jayden stepped in, careful to avoid the man. The man pushed a button and the doors closed. Jayden’s heart began to race as the elevator began to ascend. After what seemed like an eternity the elevator reached the second floor.

    “So…” Jayden started, rubbing the back of his head. “Have a wife, kids?”

    “Yeah,” the man answered, “two kids.”

    “Good, good.” The boy looked around the elevator, whistling so he could break the silence.

    “Is this your first gym battle?” the man asked, coming off just as awkward as Jayden.

    “The first of many.”

    Finally, the elevator reached the battlefield, screeching as it stopped. When the doors opened Jayden quickly exited. The battlefield resembled an arena, spectator seating all around the field. The field was a large rectangle with a Poké Ball etched in the middle.

    “Welcome second challenger,” a voice said from across the field.

    On the other side of the room the man that Jayden saw in the magazine stood, waiting. It was Falkner. He had a Poké Ball in one hand and a smirk on his face. He wore a blue kimono, his blue over shirt matching.

    “I am Falkner, the Violet City Gym Leader,” Falkner introduced himself.

    “I’m Jayden,” Jayden replied with a bow.

    “James here will act as our referee.” Falkner pointed at the man that had accompanied Jayden on the elevator. James walked to the side of the field, picking up a red and green flag. “Now step into the trainer box so we can begin.”

    Jayden walked to a smaller rectangle within the larger one. Once he stepped in it and looked across the field a feeling hit him, one he had never experienced before. The shaking had returned to his hand, but this time he couldn’t stop it. Jayden knew what the feeling was after a moment’s thought; it was the excitement that one could only feel before a battle.

    “This will be a three on three match,” James announced.

    Jayden’s heart sank, the excitement vanishing almost instantly. He only had three Pokémon in his possession meaning he would have to use Weedle. This is bad, he thought. I just have to hope that I can take out all three of his Pokémon with Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

    “Only the challenger may substitute Pokémon,” James continued. “Once all three of one person’s Pokémon are unable to continue the battle is over. Now start!”

    “Hoothoot, go!” Falkner shouted, throwing his Poké Ball.

    “Pidgey, standby!” yelled Jayden, following suit.

    Both of the bird Pokémon emerged from their Poké Balls flying at each other. They quickly passed each other and looped around, returning to their respective trainers.

    “A Flying type,” said Falkner. “That’s what I like to see. Maybe the next generation isn’t so mindless after all. Hoothoot use Tackle!”

    “Pidgey you use Tackle as well!” countered Jayden.

    Once again the bird Pokémon flew straight at each other. They crashed into each other, both stopping in the middle of the air. They each tried to push the other off, but they were equal in terms of physical strength. They broke apart, flying back again.

    “Pidgey try a Gust,” commanded Jayden.

    Pidgey began to flap his wings furiously, a small tornado appearing. The tornado began to make its way towards Hoothoot, but Falkner and his Pokémon scoffed.

    “Use the tornado’s momentum and go into a Tackle,” the gym leader ordered.

    The small owl flew at the tornado, flying around it. Without flapping his wings, Hoothoot used the force of the tornado to gain speed. Launching himself off the tornado, Hoothoot hit Pidgey in the abdomen with his beak, pushing Pidgey to the ground.

    “Pidgey no!” cried Jayden. “Come back with a Quick Attack!”

    Pushing himself back up, Pidgey flew back into the air. Dashing at Hoothoot, white streaks came off of Pidgey’s body. Before Hoothoot could counter he was hit, falling to the ground like Pidgey had.

    “Get up and use Confusion!” Falkner shouted, grinding his teeth.

    Hoothoot’s red eyes began to glow a bright blue. A light shot out of them, hitting Pidgey in the wing. Jayden gasped and, not realizing what he was doing, pulled out his Poké Ball, recalling Pidgey. He pulled out another Poké Ball, a smile on his face.

    “Cyndaquil standby!” he shouted, throwing the ball. Cyndaquil emerged, igniting her fire before she hit the ground. Hoothoot began to breathe heavily, wasted from the previous attack. “Hit him with Ember!”

    Cyndaquil dashed towards Hoothoot, releasing a barrage of fireballs. Hoothoot attempted to dodge, but failed to move in time. All of the fireballs collided with his body, knocking Hoothoot out of the air. The Flying type hit the ground, unable to move.

    “Hoothoot is unable to battle,” James called from the sideline, holding up the green flag and pointing it in Jayden’s direction. “Cyndaquil is the winner!”

    “Not bad Jayden,” Falkner complimented him as he recalled Hoothoot. “You and that girl have similar battle styles; using one Pokémon to tire out mine and then substituting. Well round two starts now. Pidgey go!”

    From out of Falkner’s Poké Ball came a Pidgey, virtually identical to Jayden’s. His Pidgey let out a loud screech, eyeing Cyndaquil. The bird Pokémon began to flap its wings furiously, sand and dust kicking up.

    “This is just like when I captured Pidgey,” Jayden noted, shielding his eyes.

    Just as his Pidgey did, Falkner’s Pidgey used the dust as cover and flew in towards Cyndaquil. Knowing his next move, Cyndaquil side stepped the bird, sliding out of the dust cloud. Pidgey performed a loop, chasing Cyndaquil.

    “Pidgey go for a Quick Attack,” Falkner called.

    Pidgey dove down towards Cyndaquil, picking up speed. Cyndaquil released a small barrage of fireballs, hitting Pidgey in the face. The Tiny Bird Pokémon fell back, surprised by the attack. He shook off the damage and tried again. When Cyndaquil released the fireballs again, Pidgey disappeared, hitting Cyndaquil from the side.

    “That’s the way!” cheered Falkner.

    “Cyndaquil use Smokescreen!” shouted Jayden.

    Cyndaquil opened her mouth wide as Pidgey came in for another attack. From her mouth came a large black cloud, obscuring the view of the field. Pidgey stopped, unable to see anything.

    “Now wait and go for a Tackle,” Jayden instructed.

    “Pidgey clear that smoke away!” yelled Falkner.

    The Flying type began to flap his wings even harder than before. Once the smoke vanished, Pidgey looked around the field, but couldn’t spot the Fire type. From beneath Pidgey, Cyndaquil jumped, colliding with Pidgey from below. The surprise attack pushed Pidgey to the ground.

    “Ember now!” ordered Jayden.

    Just as she had to Hoothoot, Cyndaquil dashed toward Pidgey, her fire blazing brilliantly. Pidgey attempted to fly into the air before Cyndaquil could reach him, but Cyndaquil jumped on top of Pidgey, pinning his wings to the ground. With nowhere to run, Pidgey was hit with many fireballs at point blank range. James raised the green flag again, pointing it in Jayden’s direction.

    “Pidgey is unable to battle. Cyndaquil wins!” he declared.

    “Yes!” Jayden cheered silently. “He only has one more Pokémon. I won’t even need to use Weedle.”

    “Great job on taking out Pidgey and Hoothoot,” Falkner complimented him again, recalling the former, “but this is where I take you down. Your friend didn’t get to face this Pokémon because it was being healed.”

    “What?” Jayden gasped. A bead of sweat trickled down his temple, breaking off and hitting the ground. “What is it?”

    “Pidgeotto, let’s show him!” Falkner cried.

    What came from this Poké Ball was larger than any other bird Jayden had seen. This bird had a large red head-crest that came down to the middle of its back. Its tail feathers were red and yellow while the rest was the same color as Pidgey; a cream color.

    “What…is…that?” Jayden stood still, staring at Pidgeotto in awe.

    “Pidgeotto use Wing Attack!” shouted Falkner.

    Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow as it flew towards Cyndaquil. Not only was Pidgeotto much bigger than Pidgey, but it was much faster. Before Cyndaquil could think about dodging she was hit. Cyndaquil rolled backwards, shocked by Pidgeotto’s speed.

    “What in the?!” Jayden was shocked too, not sure of what just happened. “Cyndaquil try an Ember.”

    Cyndaquil released a barrage of fireballs, but only one managed to connect, Pidgeotto easily dodging the rest. Suddenly, a flame appeared around Pidgeotto, the bird letting out a sharp cry.

    “What happened?!” Jayden asked.

    “That Ember attack burned Pidgeotto,” Falkner explained. “We’ll have to end this fast then. Pidgeotto, use another Wing Attack!”

    Once again Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow and again Cyndaquil was hit. Enduring the hit, Cyndaquil growled at the bird, her fire burning even brighter than before. Before Pidgeotto could come around for another attack, the flames appeared. Pidgeotto landed, breathing heavily.

    “Oh no!” Falkner cried. “Pidgeotto use Gust!”

    The Flying type flapped her wings furiously, rising into the air once more. Just like when Pidgey had used the attack, a tornado appeared, but this one was much larger.

    “Why is everything about Pidgeotto bigger than Pidgey?!” Jayden asked, bewildered.

    The tornado sucked Cyndaquil up, spitting her out like she was nothing. Cyndaquil hit the ground hard, not moving. James held up the red flag this time, pointing at Falkner.

    “Cyndaquil is unable to battle!” he shouted. “The winner is Pidgeotto!”

    “Maybe we can outrun her,” Jayden said to himself, recalling Cyndaquil and pulling out another Poké Ball. “That way the burn will make her weak enough for a one attack kill! Pidgey, standby!”

    Pidgey shot out of the ball, flying around the field, Pidgeotto took off after him, letting out another sharp cry. Pidgey turned his head, an irritated expression on his face as he looked at his evolved form.

    “Pidgeotto, don’t let him get away,” Falkner called.

    “Pidgey you have to outrun her,” Jayden told his Pokémon. “Use every ounce of speed you have!”

    Hearing his trainer’s words, Pidgey took off, cutting in towards the middle of the field. Pidgeotto followed, gaining on the smaller bird. Pidgey dove quickly to which the Bird Pokémon followed. Pulling up quickly, Pidgey soared just above the ground.

    “Now go in for the finish!” ordered Falkner.

    Pidgeotto quickly gained on Pidgey, now flying right beside him. She threw her beak at the Tiny Bird, but Pidgey rolled in the air, dodging the attack. Pidgeotto’s beak hit the ground, not even fazing the Pokémon.

    “Hit him with Quick Attack!” Falkner shouted.

    Once again Pidgeotto appeared right by Pidgey, this time tackling him. Pidgey fell out of the air, skidding once he hit the ground. Not moving, Jayden knew it was over. He quietly recalled Pidgey as he heard James announce the winner. Looking at his last Poké Ball, Jayden clenched his teeth, angry at himself for letting this happen. He solemnly held his Poké Ball up, ready to throw it when the flames appeared around Pidgeotto. The bird was breathing even heavier than before. Unable to maintain flight, Pidgeotto landed, about to fall over.

    “Weedle, standby for battle!” Jayden roared, launching his Poké Ball.

    Weedle appeared on the battlefield, an intense look on his face. Even though he was facing one of his predators no ounce of fear had been shown in Weedle’s eyes. Falkner began to laugh once he saw Weedle.

    “I knew you two were alike,” he said. “She tried to use a Bug type Pokémon first, but the type advantage guaranteed my victory, just like it will here.”

    “I don’t think so,” Jayden said with a smirk.

    “Then I’ll show you. Pidgeotto use Wing Attack!”

    As Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow, she started to run towards Weedle, unable to fly. Jayden chuckled, ready to counterattack.

    “Weedle use String Shot!” he commanded.

    From his tiny mouth came a thin white string. The string began to wrap itself around Pidgeotto, binding her wings. Shocked, Pidgeotto came to a stop, trying to break free from the string.

    “What the hell?!” Falkner cursed.

    “Go for a Poison Sting!” Jayden shouted.

    Weedle jumped at Pidgeotto, piercing the string with his stinger, hitting Pidgeotto in the side. The Bird Pokémon stumbled back. The flames appeared again, this time making Pidgeotto fall to the ground.

    “Another one! Finish this Weedle!” Jayden yelled, punching the air.

    Weedle jumped again, piercing Pidgeotto on the other side. Pidgeotto let out one last screech before not being able to move. James held up the green flag and began to speak, but Jayden’s joy drowned him out. He ran over to Weedle and picked him up, swinging him around in the air.

    “You were awesome Weedle!” Jayden complimented his Pokémon. Weedle smiled, rubbing against his trainer’s head.

    “You did a great job Jayden,” Falkner said, walking up to him. In his hand he held the same badge that Kaylie had shown him earlier. “You deserve this Zephyr Badge. Congratulations on making your first step towards the Silver Conference!”

    Taking the badge, Jayden took one look at it before holding it in front of Weedle. “I have this badge because you, Cyndaquil, and Pidgey are amazing Pokémon. I couldn’t have done this with any other Pokémon. Thank you Weedle.”

    Weedle began to bounce up and down before he suddenly started to glow. The light was blinding, but for some reason Jayden was mesmerized. Weedle began to change shape, morphing into a cocoon like creature. When the light disappeared, in his arms was a large yellow cocoon. Jayden looked into his eyes and could feel the same smile as before. His Weedle evolved into a Kakuna.

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    “We should celebrate!”

    “I want to heal my Pokémon first. Then we can celebrate.”

    “So, are the gyms for you?”

    “I felt this unexplainable rush when I was battling Falkner. It was amazing. As I called the commands it felt natural, like I was meant to do this.”

    “I think we just found your career.”

    After leaving the Violet City gym, Kaylie and Jayden headed back to the Pokémon Center. Deciding to leave their Pokémon with Nurse Joy for healing, the two trainers exited the Center.

    “Where should we celebrate?” Kaylie wondered, looking around.

    “How about a meal on me?” Jayden suggested.

    “That sounds great! I hear from the locals that Miltank’s Café is the best spot in the city!”

    “Where is it?”

    Kaylie looked around the street again, trying to figure out where she was exactly. “It should be just behind that building!” She pointed across the street to a large office building, an alleyway making a path between it and a smaller building next to it. The two crossed the street, looking both ways for cars, and ran through the alleyway, giggling the whole time.

    “I can’t believe that we have our first badge,” Kaylie said, still giggling a little bit.

    “It does seem kind of surreal huh?” Jayden chuckled, holding open the door to the café once they reached it.

    Inside it appeared like your usual café; tables all around, some lounge chairs, and a large counter that you could sit at. Behind the counter was something that you wouldn’t usually see at a café. Instead of normal human workers there stood three large cow like Pokémon. A woman in a maid’s outfit stood at the middle of the counter, taking the orders and yelling them back at the Pokémon. Many people sat at the tables, conversing about many different things.

    “Wow. This café is run by Miltank,” Jayden observed. “Who would have thought the name would be so significant to the establishment?”

    “Hey there,” the bar maid called out to Jayden and Kaylie. “What can I get ya?”

    “I’ll have the Moo-Moo Milk Butter Pancakes with a glass of Moo-Moo Milk,” Kaylie said as they reached the counter.

    “Too many moos,” Jayden said to Kaylie. “The Miltank might think you’re talking to them.”

    “And what can I get ya Mr. Jokes?” the bar maid asked Jayden.

    “I’ll just take the pancakes with a glass of milk,” he replied, sitting at the counter.

    “What would you like?” the bar maid asked again, her country accent thicker than before.

    “You heard me,” Jayden said, a little frustrated. “Pancakes and milk.”

    “She’s waiting for you to say the Moo-Moos,” a woman said standing behind Jayden. “Hey there Bianca.”

    “Two orders of Moo-Moo Butter Milk pancakes and two glasses of Moo-Moo milk,” the bar maid known as Bianca told the Miltank. As two of them began to prepare the food the other brought out two glasses filled with milk. “How’s it goin’ Hope? You doin’ well I reckon?”

    “Still just traveling,” Hope answered.

    “Um, are we in the way of your conversation?” asked Kaylie, nervously chuckling. “We can take a table.”

    “No,” answered Hope. “I’ll just sit up here next to you girly.”

    Kaylie chuckled again, a little less nervousness in the laugh. She just sat twiddling her thumbs, her eyes on the counter. Jayden tapped his fingers against the milk glass as he held it, listening to the girls talk.

    “How goes your mission?” Bianca asked, “Find out anything else?”

    “I found out quite a lot,” Hope said, lowering her voice. “I know where Team Lustrous is hiding and who their leader is. It’s a woman by the name of Lillian Sector.”

    Once he heard the name, Jayden’s eyes widened, his grip on the glass tightening. Soon the glass cracked from the pressure, milk spilling on the counter. Without thinking he grabbed Hope by the collar. “Where is it?! Tell me now!”

    “Whoa, whoa,” Hope said in shock. “What’s it to you?”

    “That woman, Lillian Sector, is my mother!”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
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    Its alright. I do not like the way the relationship developed. it seemed a bit rushed and immature. I know theya are only 14 but unless you plan on breaking them up in this fic then it seems like and unrealistic start to a long term thing.

    The battle was okay. I dont get why hoo- hoot is flying when its never been shown to be able to fly before. Another thing is you have pidgey being hit from below and then being forced to the ground. I just don't pictre flying pokemon being manipulated by hits in that fashion.

    I will say though that the whole evil mom thing is intresting.
    FEAR THE WRATH OF THE MIGHTY WALREIN WHO IS MINE!



    Quote Originally Posted by a person View Post
    Again, N believed he would thrash your ass with his dragon, thus winning the ultimate duel of death and crap between truth and ideals. He had no idea that you would pull your own dragon out of the ass he expected to thrash.

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