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Thread: Hero's Bond [PG 13]

  1. #51
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    Alrgith, here I go. Last push.

    CH6
    HOLY HECK WHO'S THIS? Where'd this Jayden character come from? [sarcasm]

    “Good job with your capture,” Kaylie complimented, clapping as she approached him. “Now it’s my turn to find something.”

    “Good luck,” Jayden said, Cyndaquil jumping on his shoulder.
    I have to be honest, the Aipom appearing so closely to the Pidgey seems to be a bit too quick for me. More time, another short paragraph of "Let's meet Pidgey" or something to break it up. Right now, both captures are well written, but it feels a lot like "Oh crap Jayden's got three Pokemon, I have to catch Kaylie up."

    “We need to go out tonight.”

    “Why do you say that?”

    “It’s the last night before our gym battle. We should have some fun while we can. Last time we went out we had a blast.”
    Need a hint as to who's saying what. One ghint would be fine, a single "Jayden asked" would suffice, as it proves that Kaylie started and Jaden's responding.

    “No, but I’m guessing you do,” she replied giggling.

    “It’s becau-” Before Jayden could finish Kaylie had wrapped his arm around her, her head leaning on his chest. Instantly he began to blush, not sure of what to do.

    “Continue,” she said smiling at him.

    “I-it’s because they have s-sodium in t-them,” he stammered, looking away. “Oh look a park. We should go and sit.”
    Wierd. And not a Jayden wierd, it's just weird. Like a "This conversation is brought to you by the Sodium Light company of Johto!" plug of some kind. If tyhis is trying to build Jayden up as a know ir all, ir's not working, and doesn't fit my perception of the character. There are much more natural ways to break an awkward silence. "Lovely weather we're having" or "So, read anything good lately" being the cliche ones.

    “Can I ask you something?” Kaylie asked.

    “Sure,” Jayden replied, still not looking at her.

    “What’s it like to have parents?”
    I've been called on this in my fics, so I could be wrong, but I'd suggest getting rid of the Kaylie asked. It's repetitive, you have "Can i ask you something" not twelve words away. Also, with as short as the conversation is, and with Jayden replied on the next line, it's not a problem to figure out it's Kaylie talking, she's the only other human being in the story.

    “What’s it like to have parents?”
    THAT's not out of left-field...

    “Well, I like you too,” he admitted.
    Comma after Well, and possibly a little more feeling into it, maybe some sheepish hesitation or something.

    Kaylie smiled, burying her face into his chest, trying to hide her face from him
    word repetition again. Pronouns are our friends here.

    Much better though, best chapter so far.

    ---
    With this chapter the First Journey Arc is over! For a last chapter I say it is pretty good. A little plot develops as well as a shocking revelation. It is considerably longer than any other chapter, but not too long. After this we will head into the Team Lustrous Arc, a part of the story that will include A LOT of character development. I should have character bios up later today. Enjoy!
    Whoah, whoah. Hold up a minute. Nothing's ending here. This isn't an "arc, this is, at best, a "season", but just because you're introducing a somewhat new side, this one doesn't necessarily end. There's been no climax to it, no falling action, we barely met Jayden before the "last chapter", we're still under the same heading here. Now, when and or if they reach the Silver Conference, THEN you can call it a new arc, weven something like the Whirl Islands can be called a Side arc, but this is not an ending of an arc. [/pet-peeve rant]

    ---
    CH7

    Flying types huh? Jayden thought, his face scrunching. Weedle won’t be of much help. Looks like I’ll have to use Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

    Picking up one of the magazines, Jayden sat back down and began to look through it. Most of the articles had been about Falkner and his Pokémon. On the back there was an ad for a body spray called Sky. In the ad was Falkner, his hair flipping behind him.
    Flaw in most journey battles. Weedle is of no use, so I'll use the starter Pokemon I've used exactly twice now, and the Pidghey I caught YESTERDAY and have absolutely no aquaintence or battle dynamic with... This can't go as well as it should.

    “Yeah,” the man answered, “two kids.”

    “Good, good.” The boy looked around the elevator, whistling so he could break the silence.

    “Is this your first gym battle?” the man asked, coming off just as awkward as Jayden.
    Yay for well written awkward silences!

    Gym battle: Well versed. Could use a little general improvement here and there in charactering the Pokemon, but it's a good match. For example though: Soem cockiness out of Pidgeotto would be nice, and Weedle ought o be either extrmeely scared or fakind confidence, or something, and probably respondiing to Pidgeotto like he would in the wild. Tieing them up is probably close to right for that though, but regardless, based on how the soty handles Weedle, we've seen little training out of him, other than Ledyba, and little work with the gym types.

    One point of retcon though, didn't Kaylie tell him back in Cherrygrove that Falkner was into the flyers? Didn't HE say that Ledyba and WEeedle wouldn't be much help there, and someone said "all I see are Rattata, Caterpie, and Weedle, all food for flying types. So seeing Jayden go up to the counter to find out what Pokemon they used was a bit like you forgot a part you already told us. Far as introucing Falknerr that way, Jayden can still go up and study the picture as a nervous habit.

    “That woman, Lillian Sector, is my mother!”
    Sign of a good writer, you drop clues to parts of the story in previous chapters and then make them matter. Good for you. Maybe a little longer wait for some of them though than the next chapter, I like having strange seemingly pointless tangents in my hand, and then finding out what the author plans to do with them.


    CH8
    Last edited by Glover; 26th March 2012 at 6:09 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  2. #52
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    The final chapter of the Team Lustrous arc is here. I hope you enjoyed them while they were visiting. They'll be back later. I didn't get to introduce as many officers as I wanted to, but I'll fix that later. Now poll time! Jayden, Hope, Kaylie, Alexander; who's the best? Still working on some biographies. Expect a large amount soon. I know I've been promising for a while, but I will get them to you guys. Here is the final chapter of the Team Lustrous Arc. Enjoy!


    Chapter 13: Fading Light


    “Jayden, you can’t do this! Stop!”

    “I’ve made up my mind. There’s no stopping me. This is something I need to do.”

    “Would you please think about this? I’m sorry that my brother hurt you. Let’s just move on!”

    Pushing past Kaylie, Jayden began his walk towards the town where he presumed Team Lustrous was stationed at. His eyebrows arched, Jayden had an intense look in his eyes. He clutched Cyndaquil’s Poké Ball in his hand, his entire arm shaking. Running in front of him, Kaylie put her hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes.

    “Please,” she pleaded, “can we just move on and forget this?”

    Jayden pushed her aside, avoiding her gaze. “I can’t let them wrong us again. They killed my mother, kidnapped Hope’s brother and now they’re trying to take you away. I won’t let them get away with this.”

    “Someone else say something to him!” Kaylie cried.

    “Jayden wait,” said Hope.

    He turned his head, not stopping as she ordered. “I told you there’s nothing-”

    “I’m going with you.” Standing up, Hope walked over to Jayden, giving him a nod. She understood how he felt and shared similar feelings. “I wouldn’t dare try to stop you. My brother could be there. I’m not going to let him slip out of my grasp this time.”

    Jayden simply nodded back. He gave Burton a nod which Burton returned. Tears began to stream down Kaylie’s face. She turned away from Jayden, her hand covering her mouth. The two began to walk before Kaylie turned back, wiping her face.

    “You two better come back!” she yelled.

    Jayden just held up his hand, not returning a vocal response. The entire way to the city wall was in silence, both trainers focused on what lie ahead. Placing Cyndaquil’s Poké Ball back onto his belt, Jayden cracked his knuckles. A bright light shined a few hundred feet in front of them, coming from a helicopter above. Signaling for her to follow, Jayden ran to the wall, sticking to it, with Hope close behind. The light traveled away before disappearing. After looking both ways, they began to walk along the wall, careful to avoid any lights from the helicopters.

    “Do you see that opening?” Jayden asked Hope, his voice barely above a whisper. She responded with a simple nod. “We should go in from there. That way no one will see us.”

    The opening Jayden had been a hole that extended from the ground about three feet up. It was barely wider than Jayden’s waist, making for the perfect fit. Slipping through, Jayden pulled Hope through, looking around him and seeing no one.

    “Just as I thought,” Jayden said with a smirk. Just as he was about to take a step a bolt of lightning struck the ground near him. He could feel the heat come off it, his body freezing the moment it hit.

    “Don’t move,” a voice said from the wall. Looking up he could see a figure in the Team Lustrous uniform, but instead of the usual robe it consisted of a blouse like top and skirt. Two pigtails came off the side of the figure’s head, the blonde color shining in the moonlight. The figure jumped from the wall, landing not too far from the two trainers.

    “Who are you?” Jayden asked, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead.

    “Captain Liz is in your presence!” the girl known as Liz said. “You show some respect!”

    “You’re a captain of Team Lustrous?” asked Hope. “But you’re a little girl.”

    “Not everyone can be a prodigy like me.” Liz smirked. A small creature appeared next to her, its yellow coat bright even in the dark. It possessed a tail that was shaped like a lightning bolt, a spot of brown on it. Perking its ears up, the Pokémon looked at Jayden and Hope with disinterest. “Pikachu, I think we need to teach them a lesson. What do you say? How about one more battle?”

    Jayden gritted his teeth, slightly backing up as Pikachu approached them. Trying to think of a way out, Jayden touched one of his Poké Balls. Hope stood still; sweat slowly exiting the pores on her temple. Pikachu sighed as he crossed his arms.

    “Please tell me you have a Pokémon other than Noctowl,” Jayden whispered to Hope.

    “He’s all I got,” she replied, starting to back up as well.

    Jayden quickly grabbed a Poké Ball from his belt, tossing it into the air. “Looks like we have no choice then!”

    Pidgey emerged from the Poké Ball with his usual loop around his opponent. Looking down he saw the Electric Mouse Pokémon and let out a scoff. The bird swooped down low, flying right by Pikachu. The mouse didn’t appear fazed, the same bored expression on his face.

    “A flying type is a bad matchup against an electric type,” the captain said, wagging her finger. “You should know better than that.”

    “My Pidgey can handle it,” Jayden told her, confidence ringing in his voice. “Go, Gust attack!”

    Pidgey lowered himself to Pikachu’s eye level, flying straight at him. Pikachu still did not move, his arms folded and no fear in his eye. Just before colliding, Pidgey stopped, flapping his wings furiously. Pikachu was trapped within Pidgey’s tornado, walls of wind surrounding him. Once the tornado appeared, the emotionless demeanor of Pikachu disappeared. His arms unfolded, his eyes started to water. Pikachu was scared.

    “Pikachu, no!” cried Liz.

    “Uh, is Pikachu scared of Pidgey?” Jayden wondered, looking slightly confused. “Knock him against the wall!”

    With another flap of his wings, Pidgey blew Pikachu into the tornado. Bouncing around the inside, Pikachu let out small screams of pain and terror. Pidgey landed, his wings spread, ready for another attack. Once the tornado vanished, Pikachu hit the ground with a hard thud. Shaking off the dizziness he got from the tornado throwing him around, Pikachu stood, stumbling a bit.

    “Hit him with Sand Attack!” Jayden called.

    Pidgey flapped his wings again, ascending slightly. The dust below him kicked up, a bit of sand hitting Pikachu in the eyes. The electric type tried to rub it out of his eyes, but the more he rubbed the more it became agitated. With his wings glow, Pidgey swooped in, whacking Pikachu in the face. The mouse fell to the ground, the sand still in his eyes.

    “Wait, are you seriously a captain?” Hope asked.

    “Um, y-yes!” Liz stammered.

    Coming around again, Pidgey knocked Pikachu back to the ground soon after he stood. Jayden recalled Pidgey, putting his Poké Ball away. “There’s no way you’re part of Team Lustrous. They’re way stronger than this.”

    “I am too in Team Lustrous! I’m wearing the uniform right?” Liz recalled Pikachu, sticking her tongue out at Jayden. “I’m just not taking you seriously. You’re lucky I decided to take it easy on you!”

    Hope walked over to the girl, noting that she was nearly a head taller. Liz cowered, slightly backing up. “You’re not a captain are you?”

    Balling her hands, Liz let out a sigh. Tears began forming in her eyes. “No. I’m just looking for a person in Team Lustrous that I must get revenge on!”

    “Sounds like we have the same intentions,” Jayden said. “We’re looking for someone as well. Actually two people.”

    “Now who would that be?”

    The voice sent chills up Jayden’s spine as it came from behind the group. Before even turning he knew who it was. Not too far from away stood Alexander and ten grunts. The commander had a sly smile on his face, his arms folded. All the grunts held a Poké Ball in their hands, some smiling and others stone faced.

    “Well you just saved me the trouble of looking for you,” said Jayden. As he touched one of his Poké Balls, the grunts prepared to throw theirs. Alexander held out his arm, halting his men and women.

    “You grunts are too weak. I’ll handle these intruders. Tyranitar, ready for a midnight snack?”

    “Cyndaquil, standby for battle!”

    Both Pokémon emerged, staring each other down. Cyndaquil crouched low, slightly growling at the large beast. Tyranitar looked down at Cyndaquil, his eyes piercing the fire type’s soul. The other members of Team Lustrous grunted, disappointed that they didn’t get to battle.

    “Jayden, are you insane?!” Hope asked bewildered. “Cyndaquil doesn’t stand a chance against Tyranitar!”

    “I won’t lose to him.” Jayden didn’t avert his gaze from Alexander as he spoke. “I’m going to stop him here and then we’re going to get your brother.”

    Hope pulled out her own Poké Ball, sending in Noctowl. The owl flew around Tyranitar, keeping a close eye on him. “I’m not going to back out again. This time we’ll battle together.”

    Alexander laughed hysterically, pointing at the two Pokémon that opposed him. “You’re going to try and battle me with those two? Tyranitar let’s end this quickly.”

    “Cyndaquil use Ember!” Jayden ordered.

    “Noctowl use Air Slash!” shouted Hope.

    Both Pokémon circled Tyranitar, going in opposite directions. Cyndaquil jumped at Tyranitar’s side, releasing the small fireballs while Noctowl flew slightly above him, flapping his wings. Small gusts of wind hit Tyranitar in the side of his head, making the rock type slightly tilt it. The fireballs hit him in the stomach, scorching his “armor”. He simply scratched the burn spot, implying he hardly felt it.

    “Let’s end Cyndaquil first,” said Alexander. “Tyranitar, use Earthquake.”

    “Noctowl, get Cyndaquil on your back!” Hope yelled.

    Swooping in for her, Noctowl flew above the ground, Cyndaquil jumping onto his back. Tyranitar slammed his foot into the ground milliseconds after. A shockwave was sent through, cracking it in spots. Jayden felt a sharp pain in his knees and fell to the ground. The only person left standing was Alexander, a wicked smile on his face.

    “Now Stone Edge!” he shouted.

    Several stones appeared in a ring around Tyranitar. Much like in his battle against Noctowl, Tyranitar launched them into the air at the flying type. Diving down, the owl managed to dodge a few. Saving one, Tyranitar shot it out. Cyndaquil grabbed onto Noctowl’s feathers, yanking to her right. Noctowl did a barrel roll, the stone barely grazing his wing. Once they were upright again, they charged. Cyndaquil unleashed more fireballs, hitting Tyranitar in the face this time.

    “Your weak fire attacks won’t do anything to my Tyranitar!” Alexander shouted, laughing maniacally.

    “There has to be a weak spot somewhere,” Jayden said, sweat covering his face.

    “What about those small black spots?” Hope asked, pointing out the small black triangles on Tyranitar’s legs and near his neck.

    “It’s worth a shot. Cyndaquil, shoot an Ember at the black triangles!”

    Noctowl ascended, giving Cyndaquil proper leverage. Releasing the fireballs again, Cyndaquil jumped over Tyranitar, landing back on Noctowl on the other side. The fireballs hit barely off the triangles, missing by no more than a few inches. Flying back around, Cyndaquil fired again. Tyranitar held up his arm, blocking the embers with his forearm. With a big yawn, the rock type scratched his arm, waiting for Alexander to give him another command.

    “Are you getting bored Tyranitar?” Alexander asked. Tyranitar let out a low roar to which Alexander nodded. “We’ll play a little more than finish them.”

    “Go on Cyndaquil, jump and use Flame Wheel!” Jayden ordered.

    Noctowl flew around Tyranitar, barely above his back. Cyndaquil jumped at him, flames engulfing his body. Alexander shook his head, smiling and chuckling. Just before the attack could hit, Tyranitar grabbed Cyndaquil out the air, not even looking at her. The flames instantly vanished in his grip. Cyndaquil struggled, but she couldn’t get loose.

    “Cyndaquil, no!” cried Jayden.

    “Noctowl get in there and release Cyndaquil!” Hope called.

    Noctowl flew down to help his friend, but Tyranitar was prepared for this. His free claw began to glow. Before Noctowl could reach Cyndaquil, Tyranitar slashed him, sending Noctowl to the ground. Jayden pulled out his Poké Ball and tried to recall Cyndaquil, but the red beam couldn’t reach her.

    “Now use Shadow Claw!” Alexander shouted.

    A purple energy surrounded Tyranitar’s free claw. He began to swipe at Cyndaquil when he suddenly stopped. Tyranitar’s face was surprised, his grip around Cyndaquil loosening. He dropped the fire type, slightly stumbling backwards. Just in front of the rock type was a black and blue figure. It had large black ears and a blue tail that curved. It resembled a jackal with two large spikes on the back of its forepaws.

    “Nice job Lucario,” said a voice from behind Jayden. Turning slightly he saw a man in a black cloak. Standing behind him was a group of nearly thirty, all of them garbed in black attire. The man had a large smile on his face.

    “WHAT?!” shouted Alexander as Tyranitar fell. “It-it’s-it’s…It’s you!”

    “I don’t usually go by you,” the man said, stepping in front of Jayden. “I usually go by Dimitrios; Leader of the Black Organization!”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  3. #53
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    Jayden simply nodded back. He gave Burton a nod which Burton returned.
    Felt like there was one too many 'nods'. Two right there, and one in the previous paragraph. Might try using a different word in place of one of them. Instead of 'He gave Burton a nod which Burton returned.', you might say 'He inclined his head in Burton's direction, who returned it just as quickly'...Obviously not a mistake. Just something I tripped over when I was reading.

    With his wings glow, Pidgey swooped
    May sound better as 'aglow'

    All the grunts held a Poké Ball in their hands, some smiling and others stone faced.
    You might think about rewriting the bolded portion. It sounded kinda awkward as I was reading

    Small gusts of wind hit Tyranitar in the side of his head, making the rock type slightly tilt it.
    I don't think that the 'it' at the end of the sentence is something that you need. With it there, the sentence doesn't really make sense.

    I usually go by Dimitrios; Leader of the Black Organization!”
    Hmmm. Lucario too huh? I'm excited


    One thing that irked me slightly was how fast Jayden and Hope went from leaving the group to track down Alexander, to spotted, to battling him. It just seemed rushed, like you were just eager to get to the main battle scene without describing things as you went. The pacing was off, just happened a bit too fast. Don't be afraid to slow things down to describe individual emotions, surrounding's, scenery, etc. It paints a nice picture and makes for an enjoyable read when you do so.

    “Jayden, are you insane?!” Hope asked bewildered.
    I really liked that Hope said that. It's not uncommon for a situation like Cyndaquil taking on Tyranitar to happen in the anime, but I really feel like it would be in an actual situation. Calling into light that the situation is hopeless and in no way winnable is really realistic. Especially since Hope knows exactly how long Jayden and Alexander have both been training Pokemon. Besides the obvious power and evolution differences, the sheer level of experience Alexander must have to get his Tyranitar to that point should show Jayden that it's beyond irresponsible to challenge him. I know he was mad, and out for vengeance, but it seems like he has a bit of a deathwish. I liked how casually bored you made Tyranitar, it made for a really good read. I've also always been a fan of main characters losing fights. Nice touch on that

    All in all, I liked the chapter. Not a surprise though. I've read every chapter you've posted and I can easily connect with the characters now, which is good. Just be aware of pacing and scale. Make sure to also take the time to describe things as neatly and evenly as possible. You're doing very well, keep it up!

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  4. #54
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    Yay! The black organisation! I cant wait for chap14!
    I have:
    Platinum
    Heartgold
    White
    Black
    Rumble Blast
    White 2

    I used to liek mudkipz, then I took an arrow in the knee. However the arrow turned out to be a seaking. It yelled "F*** yeah" so I screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!". The seaking's face became that of a troll while mine became forever alone. The situation was super effective.

  5. #55
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    Finally the start of the Black Organization Arc. I know 3D has been waiting for this. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Expect a lot more Black Organization later on in the arc. Another return this chapter. I expect this one to surprise most. With that here is Encounter with the Darkness. Enjoy!

    Chapter 14: Encounter with the Darkness

    “Dimitrios…Curse you!”

    “You won’t get away this time, Alexander. Surrender now!”

    Jayden watched in awe as the man in black shouted to Alexander. His Lucario easily took down Alexander’s Tyranitar. Dimitrios began to walk towards Alexander, the latter recalling his Pokémon. The Team Lustrous commander chuckled, backing away slightly.

    “Trying to cause a commotion are we now, Dimitrios?” The voice was smooth and subtle, coming from behind the Lustrous grunts. Aeolus stood in the middle of his grunts, his long hair flowing in the wind.

    “That seems to be all we can do when we meet up old friend,” Dimitrios said with a smirk. “Now it’s time for you to give up your plans.”

    “On the contrary,” replied Aeolus, stepping in front of Alexander. “I think it’s time that I kicked them into full gear.”

    Pulling a Poké Ball out of his robes, Aeolus held it above his head. Dimitrios pulled his own out, recalling his Lucario. The two men stood, staring in each other’s eyes. Neither made a move nor a sound. Aeolus slowly lowered his Poké Ball before signaling his team to move out. Alexander gave Dimitrios one last glare before following the rest of Team Lustrous, disappearing on the other side of the wall.

    “Are you three okay?” Dimitrios asked, turning to the three children.

    “Yeah we’re fine,” Jayden said, picking up Cyndaquil. She looked up at him, a smile on her face.

    “Who are you?” asked Hope as she moved closer to Jayden, Noctowl landing on her shoulder. “You beat that Tyranitar like it was nothing.”

    “My name is Dimitrios,” he introduced himself. “I am the leader of The Black Organization.”

    Jayden flinched when he heard The Black Organization. Jumping back, he pulled Hope with him, creating a distance between them.

    “What do you want?” Jayden asked cautiously, remembering that Burton told him they were bad news.

    “You have no need to worry about us,” Dimitrios told him with a laugh. “Unlike Aeolus, our goals don’t involve innocent people. Until you get involved with us, we won’t bother you.”

    Jayden gritted his teeth, holding Cyndaquil close. Dimitrios turned and made motions with his hands at the rest of his syndicate. With just a nod, the men and women of The Black Organization disappeared into the shadows.

    “There’s one thing you should know kids,” said Dimitrios as he began to walk away. “You can either ascend to the light and become blinded or you can fall into darkness and lose your way. You will have to make your choice sooner or later because Johto can’t make it on her own.”

    Stepping into the shadows, Dimitrios disappeared as well. Jayden fell to his knees, putting Cyndaquil on the ground. His body shook with fear, his mind racing. Cyndaquil stood in front of her trainer, placing her tiny hand on his shoulder.

    “We’ll need to become stronger,” he said. “Next time we can’t lose, not to either of them.”

    -------------------------------------

    “Ascend to the light or fall to darkness?”

    “That’s what he said.”

    “What do we do?”

    “There’s only one thing we can do; keep training and make sure that if we run into them again we won’t lose.”

    Back at the fire, Kaylie and Burton had been sitting and conversing. When Hope and Jayden returned they explained what had happened behind the town’s walls. Kaylie had been happy they came back okay while Burton tried to figure out the meaning behind what Dimitrios had said. Deciding it was best they stay on that route for another night, the group drifted off to sleep, one by one.

    The sun slowly began to raise, rays shining in the trainers eyes. The first to wake was Kaylie. Jumping up she looked around, rubbing her eyes. Chirping from the Pidgey was the only sound around, the birds flying overhead. Kaylie stood, looking out into the blue sky, not a cloud in sight. Walking off towards the town, she looked up at the sky, a slight pink tint to it. The wind blew over her, her hair floating in it. A black smoke came from a few smokestacks atop the buildings in the town. Without stopping, Kaylie walked past the walls, finding herself in the middle of the settlement. There was no one outside around her; no Pokémon and no people.

    “I thought you’d be here.”

    The voice made Kaylie jump. She looked around, but couldn’t see anyone. Shaking her head, she decided it was her imagination playing tricks on her. A pressure was placed on her shoulder. It felt as if someone had gripped her shoulder. Turning once again, Kaylie saw nothing.

    “What’s going on with me,” Kaylie whispered, falling to her knees.

    “You’re conflicted.”

    The voice came from in front of her this time. Appearing before her was a woman of about twenty-five. She had long flowing blonde hair, wearing a red bow to hold her bangs back. The white dress she wore was extremely elegant, as if she was attending a formal event. Her face looked just like Kaylie’s. She had the same eyes, nose, everything.

    “Who…who are you?” Kaylie asked in awe.

    “Why I’m your mother,” the woman said with a smile.

    Inside Kaylie’s heart, a warm feeling began to intensify. Without even questioning it, Kaylie knew the woman was her mother. A feeling told her so. She wanted to reach out and touch her. She wanted to fall into her arms and have the woman tell her everything would be okay. Sadness and uncertainty rooted her to her spot on the ground.

    “What do you mean I’m conflicted?” Kaylie asked, now standing.

    “You feel loyalty to two different people,” the woman explained. “You feel loyal to your brother because, well, he’s your brother. He’s the closest family you have. Then your friends seem like your family and you feel a sense of loyalty to them and don’t want them to get hurt.”

    “Then what do I do?” the girl asked desperately. “How can I choose between them? Alexander has been there for me all the time growing up…but Jay…Jayden…”

    Her mother chuckled, placing her hand on Kaylie’s shoulder again as her daughter began to cry, tears falling to the ground. “You’ll figure it out dear. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. And I know your friends will be there for you.”

    “How can you be so sure? I don’t know if they’ll treat me the same knowing that my brother has given me a decision like this.”

    “Something tells me that you’re wrong there dear.”

    The woman pointed behind Kaylie to which she turned. At the wall of the city were Jayden, Hope, Cyndaquil, and Totodile. Totodile looked as if he was fighting back the urge to cry. Looking back at the woman, the last thing Kaylie saw was her smile before she vanished into the wind. Before she could ready herself, her Pokémon ran up to her, tears pouring out of his eyes. The water type tackled her to the ground, rubbing against her closely.

    “We got worried about you,” Jayden said with Cyndaquil on his shoulder, holding her backpack above her. “I figured you would come here.”

    “I guess next time it’s me who gets to run off alone,” Hope said with a chuckle.

    Kaylie wiped the tears from her face, standing with Totodile in her arms. “Thanks guys. I just needed to find some answers. Where’s Burton?”

    “He said he was going to check out the Ruins of Alp near Violet,” Jayden explained. “Since the contest here was cancelled he figured that he had enough time to do some exploring.”

    “Speaking of which, what are you two going to do about your gym battle?” Hope asked. “This is where your next challenge was and no one’s here.”

    “I don’t care,” said Kaylie with a smile. “Just as long as we can keep going.”

    “Alright then!” Jayden exclaimed, punching the air. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it! Now let’s get moving on to the next town!”

    -------------------------------------

    “Three days since we’ve seen a town; three days since we’ve seen any other person besides us; three days since we-”

    “I’m really starting to think you can only complain Jay.”

    Three days after leaving the empty Azalea Town the group of three trainers found themselves lost in a forest. The trees were extremely tall, the tops not able to be seen. The sounds of fluttering wings and pincers clamping was all around them. They undoubtedly came from the many bug type Pokémon that inhabited the forest. Sunlight barely cracked through the forest roof, offering minimal light.

    “Hope, do you have any idea of where you’re going?” Jayden asked.

    Looking around, Hope bit her lip. “Of course I do,” she lied. “We just need to keep heading in this direction.”

    “We’ve been heading in this direction for the past four hours,” said Kaylie. “I think I’ve seen that same Weedle three times now.”

    Shaking her head, Hope continued to lead the way, heading in the same direction she insisted was right. A few hundred feet ahead, light poured into the forest from a large opening. With a smile, Hope pointed towards it. Kaylie and Jayden shrugged, still following her. Once they reached the light, Hope put her hand through it, a warm feeling flowing through her. Completely stepping through it, she emerged out to a clearing. A stream traveled through the middle, connecting to a large lake. The trees were much smaller, being only about thirteen feet tall. Kaylie and Jayden stepped through, their mouths slightly agape.

    “We’re not out, but this place is pretty cool,” commented Jayden.

    “I told you I knew where I was going,” Hope told them with a smirk.

    A sudden movement on the other side of the clearing drew their attention, all three of them drawing a Poké Ball. Staying completely still, the trainers watched the spot where the movement came from, ready to toss their Poké Balls if they needed to. What emerged shocked Kaylie and Jayden, their hands falling back to their sides. It was a boy of about their age with short brown hair. He was clad in all black, the signature attire of The Black Organization. The boy stepped forward, a smile on his face.

    “Marshall,” whispered Jayden.

    “Kaylie, Jayden,” he called. “It’s been quite a while.”

    “Marshall,” Kaylie asked, “why are you with the enemy?”
    Last edited by Shadow Lucario; 2nd April 2012 at 10:02 AM.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Alexander gave on Dimitrios one last glare before following
    Gave on? I think that would be better if 'on' was removed.

    Stepping into the shadows, Dimitrios disappeared as well, his entire presence vanishing.
    That really didn't sound quite right to me. Obviously his presence vanished if he disappeared. I just didn't think 'presence vanishing' was necessary

    A sudden movement on the other side of the clearing drew their attention, all three of them drawing a Poké Ball.
    I liked that. Comparing the Pokeballs to a gun was a nice touch. If that's what you were doing, lol.

    Marshall being affiliated with the black organization was unexpected, and was an addition I liked. Though I thought how Kaylie phrased that last question was somewhat awkward. Not only that, but I felt like the chapter ended somewhat oddly. Like it was ended before it should have been. I liked it quite a deal, just felt like it was over much sooner than it should have.

    Besides the portions I mentioned, I enoyed the chapter. I like that the black organization was introduced and am excited to see what their plans are and what exactly they are all about. For some reason, I find myself liking Kaylie more and more. I'm not exactly sure why, but every chapter, I hope for more development from her. I'm drawn to her take on things and her thoughts. I'm pretty sure her mother was an apparition of some kind, but I'm not entirely convinced; nice touch.

    Good job on the chapter, and make sure you let me know when the next one is up!

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


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    Appearing before her was a woman of about twenty-five
    From a simple look, I feel like this is just a bit too specific. I know, I know, how could that be a problem? Specificity is great, but this just seemed...off to me.

    Perhaps saying, "Appearing before her was a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties..." would have been better? I dunno, you're the writer, so it's obviously your call.

    Other than some mistakes that Sidewinder already brought to attention, there wasn't much wrong with this chapter. It was a great read and I look forward to the next chapter, as always! Keep up the good work.

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    Oooooo, the enemy. I still like the black organization! Good chap!
    I have:
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    I used to liek mudkipz, then I took an arrow in the knee. However the arrow turned out to be a seaking. It yelled "F*** yeah" so I screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!". The seaking's face became that of a troll while mine became forever alone. The situation was super effective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    No it doesn't seem like that at all. Just stating what you think. I don't know if you remember, but Burton knows them and has known them for quite a while, well minus Hope. The reason they don't tell him is they want to put it behind them and focus more on their journey and since they have no idea who is responsible (yet) they can't have any feelings of vengeance. I should have handled that situation better. I'll work on that next time I have a similar event. I'm from Arizona too. What are you doing up at this time? :P
    me getting caught up and speed reading. I have to agree with VT, the Unity City(?) bi there was a bit of a hit-and-run scene with no onsequences. It doesn't have to be vengence, pure anger and fear can be quite an achor on one's psyche, and Hope's already vulnerable seeing her brother. Say all she wants about feeling better, opne does not recover from having someone slip through your fingers like that. Take it from someone who's seen death, who's been in similar shoes to jayden's (well, cancer, not a world-dominating crime syndicate) there's no emotional off switch. It's got to drag out longer than that, some kind of funk or false fronting, or something.
    Not too far from the hand was a plush Cyndaquil. Jayden lost feeling in his legs, dropping to his knees. Grabbing onto the plush he did the only thing he could do.

    “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
    What the? Why is Jayden grabbing random people's stuffed animals? That makes no sense at all. And personal preference, but I feel that the quotation there failed to capture the emotion there that Jayden was due. More fond of the "He screamed" cliffhangers myself, but that's me.

    The two boys dropped their bags, nearly falling to the ground. Kaylie laughed as she sat her bag down, taking a seat next to Jayden. Slightly red she looked over at him, snapping her gaze back ahead of her once she saw that he noticed her eyes. Shrugging it off Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball, tossing it in the air. Cyndaquil emerged with a flip, looking around her when she landed.

    “We’re not in a battle Cyndaquil,” Jayden told her, chuckling a little bit.

    The small fire type blushed as she snuggled under her trainer’s arm, trying to hide her embarrassment. Kaylie looked over again, this time maintaining her gaze when Jayden’s eyes met hers. Burton noticed his friends locking eyes and stood quickly, brushing his pants off.
    yay for Cyndaquil!

    You know, this everyone's related thing seems a little chinsy. Maybe not, but I'm waiting for Burton to be a cousin...

    We’ll play a little more then finish them.”
    “I don’t usually go by you,” the man said, stepping in front of Jayden. “I usually go by Dimitrios; Leader of the Black Organization!”
    /rimshot

    “We’ve been heading in this direction for the past four hours,” said Kaylie. “I think I’ve seen that same Weedle three times now.”
    Coming from Kaylie, that's funny. Usually though, going in the same direction is a good sign. it's going in circles that's the real problem.

    “Marshall,” whispered Jayden.

    “Kaylie, Jayden,” he called. “It’s been quite a while.”

    “Marshall,” Kaylie said, “why are you with the enemy?”
    Intriguing confrontation. However, it shoudl read Kaylie asked, since it's a part fo a question.

    That should get me caught up to the next chapter. Can't wait to review it.

    Jayden's come a long way from the start. You've done a great job wit Cyndy, let's see fi we can't get something out of the other Pokemon, shall we? Hope's a mediocre character. Made a strong intro, but her post Sam feelings are shaky at times. She'll get there though.

    The Burton battle held nothing really great, the banter was good but it felt like an "Oh, I need to show off some Pokemon" scene. Also, while a Tyranitar weathering a Cyndaquil is highly realistic, it felt repetitive after a while. Let's see someone get in a lucky shot sometime, maybe some pepper spray that makes it cry or something.

    Lastly, your comment about not havign Pokegears sits funny with me. On the one hand, you have Burton commenting about Marshall dropping him a line, he'd need a phone to do that. On the other, game-liek or not, let's face it. Everyone in this day and age has a cellular device, and we aren;t going out in the world for years on end in soul-searching missions. And your story is hardly anything like the games, having a Pokegear will not change that. Something to keep in mind.

    PS, Light or Dark huh? In that case, I choose Team Kyruem. Hooray for man-eating monsters!
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    me getting caught up and speed reading. I have to agree with VT, the Unity City(?) bi there was a bit of a hit-and-run scene with no onsequences. It doesn't have to be vengence, pure anger and fear can be quite an achor on one's psyche, and Hope's already vulnerable seeing her brother. Say all she wants about feeling better, opne does not recover from having someone slip through your fingers like that. Take it from someone who's seen death, who's been in similar shoes to jayden's (well, cancer, not a world-dominating crime syndicate) there's no emotional off switch. It's got to drag out longer than that, some kind of funk or false fronting, or something.
    I know that feel bro. I've known death for too long and it's still plaguing my life. I reacted just as Jayden did and recovered just as fast.

    What the? Why is Jayden grabbing random people's stuffed animals? That makes no sense at all. And personal preference, but I feel that the quotation there failed to capture the emotion there that Jayden was due. More fond of the "He screamed" cliffhangers myself, but that's me.
    Hey hey! Stuffed Cyndaquil, please. Anyway, in most movies I've seen when something like that is found the character can't help but pick it up. I think it helps them connect with the child that originally had possession of it. Besides, that thing isn't done quite yet.

    yay for Cyndaquil!
    I know who your favorite character is. :P

    You know, this everyone's related thing seems a little chinsy. Maybe not, but I'm waiting for Burton to be a cousin...
    Sorry to let you down, but Burton is just a friend. The only people that are related are Alexander and Kaylie, then Sam and Hope. Aside from that there are no siblings....yet.


    /rimshot
    Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!

    Coming from Kaylie, that's funny. Usually though, going in the same direction is a good sign. it's going in circles that's the real problem.
    Ah crap. I meant circles and it came out wrong. Oh well.

    Intriguing confrontation. However, it shoudl read Kaylie asked, since it's a part fo a question.
    Fixed.

    That should get me caught up to the next chapter. Can't wait to review it.
    Added to the VM list.

    Jayden's come a long way from the start. You've done a great job wit Cyndy, let's see fi we can't get something out of the other Pokemon, shall we? Hope's a mediocre character. Made a strong intro, but her post Sam feelings are shaky at times. She'll get there though.
    Hope is a weird character. I wanted to make her much older than Kaylie and Jayden, but she turned out around the same age. I want to develop her because she's actually one of my favorites, but every time she ends up as a plot device. That's why I gave her some spotlight in Fading Light. I'll begin to develop her soon; don't worry.

    The Burton battle held nothing really great, the banter was good but it felt like an "Oh, I need to show off some Pokemon" scene.
    It served to show just how deadly a coordinator's Pokemon can be i.e Abra. That and we've never seen Burton's team so I decided to give Jayden's Pokemon some training while showing Burton's Pokemon.

    Also, while a Tyranitar weathering a Cyndaquil is highly realistic, it felt repetitive after a while. Let's see someone get in a lucky shot sometime, maybe some pepper spray that makes it cry or something.
    What I tried to do with this was show that the difference in both experience and skill is very vast between Jayden and Alexander. While I don't have exact ages on some characters, Alexander is at least four years older than Kaylie and Jayden. I can't go into too much detail about him because....well you'll see!

    Lastly, your comment about not havign Pokegears sits funny with me. On the one hand, you have Burton commenting about Marshall dropping him a line, he'd need a phone to do that. On the other, game-liek or not, let's face it. Everyone in this day and age has a cellular device, and we aren;t going out in the world for years on end in soul-searching missions. And your story is hardly anything like the games, having a Pokegear will not change that. Something to keep in mind.
    I check on the Burton and Marshall thing and he said that Marshall hasn't dropped him a line. I don't know if people use that specifically for phones, but I use it for any type of communication whether it be a message, letter, phone call, or even having someone tell me something. The reason they don't have Pokegears is I don't really see who they would call besides their guardians and they can do that at a Pokemon Center. I'll look into communication devices though.

    PS, Light or Dark huh? In that case, I choose Team Kyruem. Hooray for man-eating monsters!
    Too bad he's not a choice! Make your decision! >

    Many thanks for the reviews people. I'll be working really hard on the next chapter so it's in top form. Also I have a few projects that I plan on doing so keep your eyes out for that. I forgot to mention that I added Alexander's and Burton's biographies to the first post so don't forget to check those out. It sheds a little light on Alexander and when I say a little I mean a little. Chapter 15 should be up Monday or Tuesday.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    This is quite possibly the best fanfic I've read so far! Keep up the good work!
    [IMG]http://i39.*******.com/nlr2pt.png[/IMG]
    May the flame burn forever
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    [IMG]http://oi42.*******.com/25ytxjt.jpg[/IMG]

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    Quote Originally Posted by charizard88 View Post
    This is quite possibly the best fanfic I've read so far! Keep up the good work!
    Many thanks. I'll add you to the VM list. Next chapter WILL be released today. Had many things going on yesterday.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Plot heavy chapter, but that's expected of this arc. I was planning on releasing this two days ago, but it wasn't quite finished. Return, new characters, and a history visited is what this chapter comprises of. It was a fun chapter to write. One of my favorites. I hope it's one of yours too. Now enjoy!

    Chapter 15: The Midnight Sun

    “Marshall, why are you with the enemy?”

    “The Black Organization has plans for Johto; plans that will change everything for the better. They’re not your enemy.”

    Balling his hand into a fist, Jayden shook in anger, watching as his friend approached them. From behind Marshall came three more people, all wearing similar uniforms. Marshall held out his hand, motioning for them to walk to him.

    “You guys should join us,” he said. “We started this journey together so why not see it through to the end together?”

    “Because we started this journey to find ourselves!” yelled Jayden. “We didn’t become Pokémon trainers to help some criminal syndicate accomplish their goals!”

    Lowering his hand, Marshall looked over to Kaylie. “What do you think Kaylie?”

    “Marshall…” whispered Kaylie, her hand covering her mouth. “I-I can’t. This isn’t right…”

    “Then I’ll have to take care of you here and now.”

    From his belt, Marshall pulled a Poké Ball. Kaylie gasped while Jayden and Hope pulled Poké Balls out as well. Hope and Jayden launched theirs, Noctowl and Pidgey emerging side by side. The two flying types flew near their trainers, waiting for Marshall to call out his Pokémon.

    “Bayleef, front and center!” Marshall shouted.

    From his Poké Ball came a creature that resembled a dinosaur. It was a shade of yellow, a dark green leaf atop its head. Around its neck were what appeared to be leaves as well, forming a ring. Stomping on the ground as it emerged, the Pokémon reared its head back and let out a cry.

    “Your Chikorita evolved?!” Jayden asked startled.

    “This is the type of power the Black Organization can offer you. Bayleef, hit them with Razor Leaf!”

    Pidgey and Noctowl flew around Bayleef, attempting to get out of his range. Even with them on either side, Bayleef had a confident smile on his face. Swinging the leaf on his head around, razor sharp leaves shot out, hitting both Noctowl and Pidgey. The birds were taken aback, but didn’t sustain much damage.

    “Pidgey, show him Wing Attack!” Jayden shouted.

    “Noctowl, you use Air Slash right after the Pidgey’s attack!” Hope ordered.

    Pidgey dove close to the ground, flying just barely above it. His wings began to glow as he neared Bayleef. The grass type was ready for Pidgey’s attack, jumping over the bird.

    “Now Noctowl!” Hope yelled. “Air Slash before Bayleef can land!”

    Noctowl flapped his wings vigorously, the wind slicing at Bayleef. Despite dodging Pidgey, Bayleef could not avoid Noctowl’s attack. The wind hit Bayleef all over, small cries of pain emitting from him. Two vines shot out of his neck, grabbing onto Noctowl, constricting his wings.

    “Slam him into Pidgey!” called Marshall.

    Pidgey began his way back towards Bayleef, trying to help his friend. Just before he could reach them, Bayleef launched Noctowl at him. The two flying types collided, slamming against a tree. Noctowl flew up as soon as they hit the tree, but Pidgey slid to the ground, breathing heavily.

    “Pidgey!” Jayden called. He pulled out a Poké Ball, but Pidgey stood, shaking his head. Jayden slowly lowered the Poké Ball, knowing that Pidgey didn’t want to give up. “Alright then, use Gust!”

    Shaking the pain off, Pidgey returned to the air, flapping his wings as hard as he could. The tornado he produced made its way towards Bayleef, bits and pieces of the ground being torn up.

    “Out of the way, Bayleef,” Marshall said, the same confidence coming from him that came from Bayleef.

    Another vine shot out from his neck. Grabbing onto a tree, Bayleef pulled himself to the opposite side of the tornado. Using the momentum, the grass type swung around the tree, hitting Pidgey in the back. Flipping forward, Pidgey turned to face Bayleef, unleashing a ball of wind from his wings. The ball of wind suddenly became surrounded in a blue aura. Letting go of the tree, Bayleef ran back to Marshall as he landed. The ball crashed through the trees, cracking them as it went.

    “That would have been bad,” said Marshall, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow.

    “Noctowl, Hypnosis!” commanded Hope.

    Noctowl’s eyes began to glow blue as he flew towards Bayleef. In a split second he appeared in front of Bayleef, the latter shocked by his speed. The grass type stared deep into Noctowl’s eyes before nodding off to sleep.

    “Go Pidgey,” called Jayden, “use Aerial Ace!”

    Flying high into the sky, Pidgey crossed the crack in the forest ceiling. Just as he passed it, he began to glow for a split second. When he came back down, he had become bigger. Atop his head was a pink plumage. Black markings now surrounded his eyes. Pidgey had evolved into Pidgeotto! With speed comparable to Noctowl, Pidgeotto slammed into Bayleef, knocking him back into a tree. No longer asleep, Bayleef lay against the tree, not moving. Marshall quickly recalled him, a scowl on his face.

    “I see you’ve become quite the trainer,” he commented. “You can become even stronger than this. Join us.”

    “I don’t want anything to do with your criminal activity,” Jayden told him, Pidgeotto landing on his shoulder. “I told you I wouldn’t join you and that’s my final answer.”

    “You’ll regret not joining us Jayden. I’ll make sure of that.” With those words, Marshall and the rest of the Black Organization disappeared back into the trees.

    “So who exactly was that?” Hope asked as she recalled Noctowl.

    “He used to be a friend,” Jayden replied. “Now he’s an enemy.”

    -----------------------------------------

    “They wouldn’t join us Dimitrios. They seemed definite in their answer. I lost on purpose like you said, but I don’t see what that accomplished.”

    “Listen Marshall; they want to interfere in our plans. Since you lost that gives them the feeling of being stronger. When we meet again and crush them, their spirits will be broken and we will be there to pick them up as the newest members of the Black Organization. Now get your Pokémon checked and healed.”

    Outside Azalea Town, Dimitrios looked over the small town, sitting on a hill that overlooked it. Marshall took a seat next to him after handing his Poké Ball to another member. The two looked on as people slowly returned to the town. Each day, more people learned that Team Lustrous had left, leaving the town without as much as a sound.

    “We can’t let Team Lustrous succeed in their plans,” Dimitrios said. “We must stop them at all costs.”

    “And what are their plans?” Marshall asked.

    “They want to wipe anyone who doesn’t follow them off the face of the planet.” Dimitrios’ hands balled into fists, his hands shaking slightly.

    “What?! Why would they want to do that?”

    “Decades ago before there were a Black Organization or Team Lustrous, Aeolus and I had been Pokémon trainers. On our journey we came across many different tablets and such that told of a human, chosen by the light to begin the world anew. The tablet said those that follow the light would be spared and those who did not would be purged, forced into everlasting chaos.”

    “He’s trying…to end the world…”

    Dimitrios stood, looking down at the small group of townspeople that returned. “That’s where our plans fit in. Unbeknownst to Aeolus I had found another tablet that spoke of the darkness that the light would create. I am that darkness, the shadow of his light, and I must stop him so that we can cover the world in shadows! Eliminate all light so that we will be in control! Peace will be upon us yet!”

    -----------------------------------------

    “Aipom, use Fury Swipes!”

    “Dodge, Cyndaquil!”

    Deep in the Ilex Forest, Kaylie decided to get in some last minute training before they reached Goldenrod City. She chose to use Aipom, a Pokémon she hasn’t used since Violet City. Despite not being used in a long time, Aipom was in top form, giving Cyndaquil a run for her money.

    “Now use Flame Wheel,” ordered Jayden.

    Cyndaquil dashed towards Aipom, flames surrounding her. The monkey, using the environment to his advantage, jumped into the trees, swinging around to Cyndaquil’s back.

    “Now use Swift!” Kaylie called.

    Several stars shot out of Aipom’s tail as he swung it. They came in at Cyndaquil from all directions. Unable to dodge, Cyndaquil put her hands over her head, the stars hitting her from every side.

    “Counter with Ember!”

    Running at Aipom, Cyndaquil jumped over him, releasing a barrage of fireballs. The embers hit Aipom in the chest, knocking him back. The normal type fell, unable to battle.

    “Great job Cyndaquil!” Jayden praised her.

    Cyndaquil smiled running back to her trainer. Kaylie recalled Aipom, telling him what a great job he did.

    “Cyndaquil is getting pretty strong,” said Hope. “She’ll be excellent in your next gym battle.”

    “Speaking of, what type of gym is in Goldenrod?” Kaylie asked.

    “Beats me,” Jayden said, recalling Cyndaquil.

    “We’ll just have to find out. Let’s get movin!”

    Continuing down the winding path in the dark forest, the three trainers looked around them, unfamiliar noises coming from the bushes. Light poured in from an opening not too far from where they were. Along with light, all kinds of voices came in.

    “Think that might be the exit?” asked Jayden.

    A car horn answered his question. Taking off, the group ran towards the exit. As they emerged onto asphalt, a figure stepped in front of them. Not able to stop their momentum, the three crashed into the figure, only them falling down.

    “Oh man! We’re so sorry!” Hope said, rubbing her head as they stood.

    The person they had run into looked to be about their age. He had long red hair that came down to his shoulders. The look in his green eyes appeared cold, but the look on his face was soft.

    “It’s fine,” he told them. “I see you just came from Ilex Forest. You were probably just happy to see the exit. My name is Lorin by the way.”

    The group introduced themselves to Lorin, each shaking his hand. Kaylie for some reason couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. Looking over him, she saw that he liked to match, his black boots matching the black coat and pants he wore. His jacket was outlined in red, matching the color of his hair.

    “So what brings you to Goldenrod City Lorin?” Hope asked.

    Looking around him, Lorin stepped closer before answering. His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke. “The Black Organization.”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  14. #64
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    Well,

    I can see you are improving with your grammar and spelling. My eyes were trained pretty hard and I couldn't find much, keep that up, it adds alot to the story when you dont have to stop and go over passages that are full of mistakes. So good work on that. My only real complaint was the length of the chapter. It kinda felt like it was over before it began. I've noticed that with a few of your chapters. This one did have plot in it, and the battle with Bayleef was nice, but I felt like It was over too quickly. When I come to the end of your chapters, I almost always find myself wanting more, and I felt like this chapter would have been somewhat better if it had been longer. Don't be afraid to write long chapters when it calls for it. I'm always excited to see a chapter that takes me a while to get through. Lorin is a surprising addition and I'm curious to see what's going to come from him.

    Pretty good chapter once again, and thanks for VM'ing me that it was up. I look forward to the next chapter, and more from the Black Organization.

    Keep up the good work!

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


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    Thanks for vming me too. I would join the black organization if they layed all their plans out for me to see. If I agreed then id join them. Good new chap!
    I have:
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    Rumble Blast
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    I used to liek mudkipz, then I took an arrow in the knee. However the arrow turned out to be a seaking. It yelled "F*** yeah" so I screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!". The seaking's face became that of a troll while mine became forever alone. The situation was super effective.

  16. #66
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    Second to last chapter of this arc. I would kick up the rating of this chapter to PG-15. Why? You'll see. :P More questions are raised in this chapter but no answers. I'll get on those later. I liked writing this chapter. I thought it was fun to play around with. I hope you like it as well. It's longer than all the others. Now enjoy!

    Chapter 16: Nightfall Part 1

    “I see; your sister was taken by the Black Organization and you’re trying to get her back.”

    “We have a similar situation with a different syndicate. I’m sure you’ll be able to get her back.”

    Walking from Ilex Forest onto Goldenrod City, the three trainers bumped into Lorin, a young boy who seeks to release his sister from the Black Organization’s grip.

    The sun was beaming down on them from the middle of the sky. Clouds had been absent, the blue backdrop seeming to go on forever. A slight wind blew over them, some leaves picking up.

    “What is that?” Kaylie asked, pointing to a large building not too far ahead of them.

    The building appeared broken, dust covering even the outside. One of the two pillars that stood outside the front door was on its side. Most of the blue paint had been chipped away, the wood showing that the building stood there for quite some time. As they walked up to it, they could feel a cold feeling emitting from the house.

    “This house is huge,” Hope commented. “It’s the biggest one I’ve seen.”

    Just then, a sharp scream was heard coming from the house. Without saying anything, Lorin dashed in, the door squeaking as it was thrown open. With a nod, Jayden followed him. Kaylie sighed, her and Hope running in soon after.

    The inside was very narrow, a staircase to the right. Running up the stairs, Jayden landed on a large second floor. There was very little light, all the windows being blocked by curtains or wood panels. He took in a breath, but soon found himself coughing, dust invading his lungs. There was a patting on his back and when he turned he saw Kaylie, smiling at him.

    “Are you okay?” she asked.

    “Yeah,” Jayden replied with a slight cough. “Where did Hope go?”

    “She’s checking out the downstairs. We ran into Lorin and he said he heard shuffling somewhere in the house.”

    “Then that means we have to check out up here. Stay close to me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

    Grabbing her by the wrist, Jayden led Kaylie across the floor, coming to a door. Pushing it open, they came to another large room. This one appeared to be a second sitting room. Dusty couches and recliners were here and there. A portrait hung to their right, a large man in the picture. He seemed very familiar to Jayden, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. He knew he saw that skeletal structure before, came across that same beard somewhere else. Another door lay on the opposite side of the room, barely hanging on by the hinges. The darkness made it impossible to guess what had been in there.

    “I’m going to go see what’s in that next room,” Jayden told Kaylie. “You stay right here.”

    Responding with a nod, Kaylie held her breath as Jayden crossed the room slowly. When he came to the door he peered in, still not able to see anything.

    “I can’t see anything,” he said. “It’s too dar-”

    Just as he spoke something shot out of the room. Ducking his head, Jayden barely dodged whatever had rocketed right by him. Another cold feeling passed over him, shivers shooting up his spine. He motioned for Kaylie to get down, the girl hitting the floor instantly. Looking up, he saw a ball of purple mist hanging in the middle of the room. Inside the mist he saw a small sphere. When the mist turned he was met with a pair of sad eyes.

    “Is that a Gastly?” Jayden questioned.

    The sphere opened its mouth when it heard the word Gastly, revealing two large fangs. It flew over to where Jayden was, appearing before him in a split second. Smiling at him, Gastly motioned for a table next to one of the couches. Walking over to it, Jayden saw that a Poké Ball lay on it, a piece of paper next to it. Picking up the paper, he wiped the dust off of it, trying to make out the fancy cursive writing.

    “What is it Jay?” Kaylie asked, peering over at him.

    “It’s a Poké Ball and some kind of note. This Gastly wanted to show me the Poké Ball for some reason.”

    Dear son, inside this Poké Ball is a Pokémon that I wanted to give you,” the note read. “I know you’ve wanted to start your journey and with this Gastly you’ll be able to do just that. I must take my leave for now, but do not fret. I will return. Take care of your sister Daniel. I will be back soon. I will write you a letter every day when I get to Kanto. They will rue the day they made Jayden Sector join the fight! Sincerely, Dad.”

    As he read the last few sentences, Jayden’s mouth dropped. His hands started to shake slightly. The letter he was holding was for his dad. The Gastly that floated by him was supposed to be his dad’s. Several thoughts shot through his head, all of them confusing the boy.

    “What is it?” asked Kaylie, standing up.

    “My dad used to live here,” he whispered. “This note is from my grandpa and this Gastly is my dad’s.”

    “That’s insane.” Kaylie walked over to him, looking over the note herself.

    Gastly smiled at Jayden again, letting out a sharp scream. “That’s the scream we heard. So it was you all along, Gastly?”

    Gastly nodded, his entire body moving. Picking up the Poké Ball, Jayden clutched it tightly, blowing the dust off. Gastly hit the Poké Ball, the sphere opening and pulling the ghost type into it.

    “What are you going to do with it?” Kaylie asked.

    “I’m going to have to return it to my dad. When we get to Goldenrod I’ll call him and transfer it over. Besides, I’ve got a few questions for him. Let’s get back to the other two.”

    “Hold on.” Kaylie grabbed Jayden’s arm, pulling him towards the door that was barely hanging on. “Let’s explore a little longer.”

    Placing the Poké Ball on his belt, Jayden followed Kaylie into the next room. The darkness encompassed them, their eyes slowly adjusting. This new room appeared to just connect the previous one to another, being very small. Turning to their left, Kaylie pushed open another door. Small amounts of light filtered in through a door on the opposite side of the room as well as a window, wooden panels blocking most of it.

    “This looks like a bedroom,” Jayden observed, noticing the bed and desk. Looking around, he saw posters of a man in a cape, his red hair defying gravity. Next to him was a large orange dragon, tiny wings on its back. “At least whoever lived in this room had good taste in trainers.”

    Jayden walked over to the bed, seeing that it was dust free. Kaylie walked to the other side of the room, closing the door, the little light in the room disappearing. Jayden turned quickly, feeling Kaylie’s presence right by him.

    “What are yo-”

    Before he could finish, Kaylie placed her lips on his, pulling him close to her. Shocked, Jayden couldn’t do anything, but act on instinct. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly. When they broke apart, all they could do was look at each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Kaylie placed her hand onto Jayden’s chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. The two teens fell onto the bed, Kaylie lying on top of Jayden. As they kissed again, the small amount of light that remained in the room vanished. Jayden knew what was going to happen, but for some reason he couldn’t fight it. He just couldn’t say no.

    -------------------------------------

    “…then Team Lustrous kidnapped my brother and I’ve been searching for him ever since. We came close to getting him back, but that damn Alexander stopped me!”

    “I understand that it’s tough to lose someone you love, especially to those scumbags.”

    “Sometimes it’s just too hard. I put up a good act in front of Kaylie and Jayden, but when I’m alone I can’t help but cry.”

    Hope and Lorin had been walking around the first floor, slowly getting to know each other. They came to large room that appeared to be the sitting room. A large couch lay against the back wall, a large window behind that. The window was boarded up, no light coming in from the outside. A scuffle sounded from the other side, a girl falling through a door. She hit the floor hard, her brown hair covering her face.

    “Marina!” Lorin called, starting to run over to her.

    Before he could reach her, a man stepped out of the next room, standing over her. Lorin stopped in his tracks, looking up at the man with a snarl. The man picked up the girl known as Marina with ease, throwing her over his shoulder.

    “You let her go now!” Lorin shouted.

    The man looked down at Lorin, his dark brown eyes looking straight through him. Lorin drew a Poké Ball from his belt, showing no fear. Without a word, the man drew a Poké Ball as well, tossing it into the air.

    “I’d suggest you get out of here before my Nidorino has to make you,” the man said, his voice booming.

    “We’ll see about that,” Lorin spat back, tossing his Poké Ball into the air.

    From the man’s Poké Ball came a fairly large pink creature. A large horn protruded from its head. Spikes ran down its back, stopping at the middle. It flapped its large ears before stomping the ground. From Lorin’s Poké Ball came a bipedal reptile Pokémon. The room lit up due to the flame on its tail. Its scales were a dark red, save for its tan underbelly. Much like Nidorino, it had a horn, but it protruded from the back of its head as opposed to the front. Swinging its sharp claws, it looked prepared to battle.

    “Charmeleon, use Ember!” shouted Lorin.

    Jumping to the side, Charmeleon opened his mouth to release a barrage of small fireballs. Compared to Cyndaquil’s, they were much larger and brighter. The embers hit Nidorino in the side of the face, the poison type flinching.

    “Now follow up with Metal Claw!” Lorin continued.

    Charmeleon dashed at Nidorino, his claws beginning to glow. Nidorino jumped back, his horn starting to glow as well. The two glowing body parts collided, a loud clang sounding from it. Flipping backwards, Charmeleon smirked at Nidorino, which he returned.

    “Show them Double Kick,” the man ordered.

    Charmeleon watched as his opponent ran around him, jumping into the air. The fire type jumped back, spewing flames onto the tile floor. When Nidorino landed, he jumped back into the air, his feet burning from the fire. Landing on his side, Nidorino pushed himself back up.

    “Hit Double Kick now!” the man yelled.

    Reluctantly, Nidorino charged Charmeleon once more. Lorin took notice of the Pokémon’s hesitance, coming up with a plan.

    “Charmeleon, stop Nidorino in his tracks!”

    The fire type grabbed hold of Nidorino’s horn, sliding back a little before coming to a complete stop. Mustering all the strength he could, Charmeleon swung Nidorino over his head, slamming him into the floor. The tile cracked, small shards shooting everywhere.

    “Now go get Marina!” Lorin yelled.

    Charmeleon dashed at the man, running in a zig zag fashion. When the Pokémon got near him, the man threw a kick. Easily dodging it, Charmeleon slashed at the man’s arm holding Marina. The man let go of the girl, dropping her to the floor. The fire type picked the girl up, retreating back to his trainer.

    “Damn you…” the man cursed, recalling his Nidorino, holding his now bleeding arm. “You ruined the plans of the Black Organization! Someday you’ll get yours!”

    The man ran into the next room, exiting the house. Lorin kneeled down next to his sister. Marina wrapped her arms around him, her entire body shaking. Lorin held her close, stroking her hair.

    “It’s okay sis. You’re safe.” Lorin chuckled, smiling at Charmeleon. “Charmeleon is the one who saved you.”

    Turning to Charmeleon, the girl embraced him as well. The Pokémon nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. Hope looked over them, a smile on her face as well. A single tear trickled down her cheek, breaking off and hitting the floor.

    “Marina, I need you to go straight home,” Lorin told her, grabbing her shoulder. “Mom and Dad will be happy to see you. I need to help out my friend Hope here. I may not be home for a while. Take my Azumaril for protection.”

    Marina nodded as her brother handed her a Poké Ball. The girl ran out of the house, not looking back. Recalling Charmeleon, Lorin noticed the tear on Hope’s face, wiping it away.

    “Why didn’t she say anything? Wasn’t she happy to see you?” Hope asked, another tear streaming down her face.

    “She’s been mute ever since she saw our grandmother die,” Lorin explained wiping the second tear away as well. “The trauma she must have felt…”

    “I’m sorry. Why didn’t you go with her? She can’t possibly control a Pokémon without telling it what moves to use.”

    “Well for starters, there are many more ways to issue a command besides with your voice. And second, I need to help you find your brother and most importantly bring him back. I know how you feel all too well and I want to help ease that pain.”

    Without thinking, Hope wrapped her arms around Lorin, a big smile on her face.

    -------------------------------------

    Outside the house, the group of now four stared at the house. After a quick explanation of who had lived there and the battle that had transpired, the trainers decided it was best to leave and continue onwards to Goldenrod.

    “I’m glad you’ll be joining us, Lorin,” said Jayden. “I needed another guy around here. Too much estrogen for my tastes.”

    “And what is that supposed to mean?” Hope and Kaylie asked in unison.

    “I know what he means,” Lorin said with a chuckle.

    Slapping them on the backs of their head, Lorin and Jayden smiled at each other, Kaylie and Hope letting out frustrated sighs. Not too far away lay a large city. There were many tall skyscrapers, the sun shining off the windows. The city seemed to stretch on forever with buildings as far as the eye could see.

    “That’s Goldenrod?” Hope asked, her jaw dropping.

    “It’s huge!” exclaimed Jayden.

    “Yeah it’s pretty impressive,” said Lorin.

    Kaylie was the only one to not comment on the city’s size. Instead she looked off to her side, an eerie feeling creeping over her. As the sun began to lower, the feeling began to take over her body, not knowing what it could have been. By the time they reached the city, the moon had replaced the sun. Even though it had been night time, the streets of Goldenrod were still packed. The neon signs had come on, music blasted from all different directions, and many people yelled at you to come and buy something you knew you didn’t need.

    Heading straight to the Pokémon Center, Jayden beelined right to the phones, picking up the receiver and pushing a bunch of number right by the screen. A picture of Jayden’s dad popped up as the phone began to ring.

    “♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫” the phone blared. “♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫”

    “Arceus, that’s so annoying!” said Kaylie.

    The line dropped while the screen read, “Not available.” Hanging the phone up, Jayden turned to the clock above Nurse Joy’s desk. “That’s odd. My dad should be home right now. I’ll try again later.”

    “In the meantime, let’s check in and go out!” Kaylie suggested.

    “It’s what she always says,” Jayden whispered to Lorin.

    “Fine by me,” Hope said.

    Walking over to the desk, the four trainers checked into a room, the Nurse Joy handing them four keys. As they ran to the elevator, a man dressed in a black cloak walked in, watching them, his red eyes trained on Kaylie.

    “Excuse me, are you a trainer?” Nurse Joy asked the man cautiously.

    The man looked at her and she instantly cowered in fear. The small amount of trainers in the center watched as he walked towards the elevator, a Poké Ball in his hand.

    “Kaylie Janson, sister of Alexander Janson.” The man’s voice was rough, sounding as if he was a smoker. “I’ve finally found you.”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  17. #67
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    Oooooo shes in trouble.... ummmmm that was an awkward chapter.....
    I have:
    Platinum
    Heartgold
    White
    Black
    Rumble Blast
    White 2

    I used to liek mudkipz, then I took an arrow in the knee. However the arrow turned out to be a seaking. It yelled "F*** yeah" so I screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!". The seaking's face became that of a troll while mine became forever alone. The situation was super effective.

  18. #68
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    Great chapter, I like the cliffhanger. Looking forward to Chapter 17!
    3DS Friend Code: 0731 4975 2390 | Name: Josh

    Friend Safari: Fairy


  19. #69
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    They will rue the day they made Jayden Sector join the fight! Sincerely, Dad.”
    They will rue the day?

    “♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫” the phone blared. “♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫”
    I thought the music notes were a nice touch at first, but as I read on, they kept making me break off an go back to them, distracting from them as I was reading. I mean, it didn't ruin the passage or anything, but it distracted me a bit.

    Other than that, I thought you did a good job. Like I said with the last chapter, your grammar and spelling are improving a great deal...That's something to be proud of, as it shows you're listening to advice that's being given to you. Gastly was a nice touch, along with Jayden stumbling into his fate in order to meet it. Nice work.

    One part that was pretty funny to me, was when Jayden and Kaylie were upstairs getting busy, Hope and Lorin were downstairs fighting for his sisters life. It cracked me up a bit, especially since I'm sure the question of where the both of them were at will probably eventually come up. Nice touch. All in all, it was nicely done, and I'm eager to see where this is going. Cliff hanger at the end definately piqued my want of the next chapter. Keep it up!

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  20. #70
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    A while back, and I coui;dn't find it now, but you made a comment about "Help! The shippers have gotten to me! Must.. Resist..." in one of your chapter prefaces.

    Jayden walked over to the bed, seeing that it was dust free. Kaylie walked to the other side of the room, closing the door, the little light in the room disappearing. Jayden turned quickly, feeling Kaylie’s presence right by him.

    “What are yo-”

    Before he could finish, Kaylie placed her lips on his, pulling him close to her. Shocked, Jayden couldn’t do anything, but act on instinct. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly. When they broke apart, all they could do was look at each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Kaylie placed her hand onto Jayden’s chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. The two teens fell onto the bed, Kaylie lying on top of Jayden. As they kissed again, the small amount of light that remained in the room vanished. Jayden knew what was going to happen, but for some reason he couldn’t fight it. He just couldn’t say no.
    Yeah... Hardcore Fail...

    I have more about that scene, but let's take it from the top, shall we?

    The inside was very narrow, a staircase to the right. Running up the stairs, Jayden landed on a large second floor. There was very little light, all the windows being blocked by curtains or wood panels. He took in a breath, but soon found himself coughing; dust invading his lungs.
    Take care of your sister, Daniel. I will be back soon. I will write you a letter every day when I get to Kanto. They will rue the day they made Jayden Sector join the fight! Sincerely, Dad.”
    This makes for aslightly confusing predicament. Is our Jayden named for his grandfather then? It's a nice bit of foreshadowing, nonetheless, but it wants to eirher read as an old note (I suspect how you want it), or as one that Gramps wrote because he found out his Grandson was getting tied up and he's gone to Kanto for who knows why to strike back.

    The Bedroom scene...
    Really, why? This feels radically out of place. Warm, romantic moments can occur in proper mood lighting, or after traumatic and highly pressured scenes that remind people of the mortality of life. This... this is neither. This is "Oh look! A bed! Let's screw in it!" Rather a bit forward for Kaylie, and quite abrupt. No Pokemon using Sweet Kiss, not Cupid's arrow, it's a bedroom. Maybe some dramatic tension is needed in the section ahead of this one, something to set Kaylie off besides inconvienent teenage hormones. Realistic though it may be (I'm keeping myself from those situations, so I wouldn't know) in a storytelling format, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

    Are you now as disturbed by this review as I am?


    “…then Team Lustrous kidnapped my brother and I’ve been searching for him ever since. We came close to getting him back, but that damn Alexander stopped me!”
    I don't think we're going to like when he finds out who Kaylie is...

    “I understand that. It’s tough to lose someone you love, especially to those scumbags.”
    Technically, this is an okay sentence, but its an awkward read. The first partis Hope sypathizing more specifically than hte second part.

    A scuffle sounded from the other side, a girl falling through a door. She hit the floor hard, her brown hair covering her face.

    “Marina!” Lorin called, starting to run over to her.
    Awkward tense change there.

    Swinging its sharp claws, it looked prepared to battle.
    Also technically correct, but "prepared" feels a lot more like a verb here, when it's supposed to be a synonym for words liek "ready"

    Charmeleon watched as his opponent ran around him, jumping into the air. The fire type jumped back, spewing flames onto the tile floor. When Nidorino landed, he jumped back into the air, his feet burning from the fire. Landing on his side, Nidorino pushed himself back up.
    Yay for envirnment!

    The fire type grabbed hold of Nidorino’s horn, sliding back a little before coming to a complete stop. Mustering all the strength he could, Charmeleon swung Nidorino over his head, slamming him into the floor. The tile cracked, small shards shooting everywhere.
    What, no Poison Point?

    “Marina, I need you to go straight home,” Lorin told her, grabbing her shoulder. “Mom and Dad will be happy to see you. I need to help out my friend Hope here. I may not be home for a while. Take my Azumaril for protection.”

    Marina nodded as her brother handed her a Poké Ball. The girl ran out of the house, not looking back. Recalling Charmeleon, Lorin noticed the tear on Hope’s face, wiping it away.
    Something feels slightly off to me here, as well. Lorin's spends all this time looking for Marina, finds her, and then in six sentences she's turned out into the world with a water rabbit. I know we have enough people in the main cast, but it undoes all of Lorin's "Find my sister" biography to do it this way. he found her, big whoop, now he's arm candy for Ho-

    Did I say that out loud?

    Outside the house, the group of now four stared at the house.
    House repetition

    Nothing in the spelling department though really, you're doing very well in that department. As to this, take what you agree with, leave the rest. My apologies on the tardiness.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  21. #71
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    It is with a heavy heart that I must put this fan fiction on hiatus. Recently my computer has gone kaput and there is no way of revivng it. I must now get a completely new laptop and until then I cannot write. Luckily I hadn't started the next chapter and I was only three pages into my next project that ties in with this fan fiction. I hope to have a new computer by the end of this month. Until then I will try to use my grandmother's computer so that you guys aren't without your favorite Cyndaquil and trainer. Until next time.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  22. #72
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    That's too bad... Hope you like your new laptop!
    I have:
    Platinum
    Heartgold
    White
    Black
    Rumble Blast
    White 2

    I used to liek mudkipz, then I took an arrow in the knee. However the arrow turned out to be a seaking. It yelled "F*** yeah" so I screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!". The seaking's face became that of a troll while mine became forever alone. The situation was super effective.

  23. #73
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    I've decided to take to pen and paper so that I can keep this story rolling. Chapter 17 is about 50% complete so once that is up the updates will hopefully be just as fast as they were when I started this thing. I'll have to go to my grandmother's and hope she'll let me use her computer of course. Good thing my job doesn't involve a computer. I'd like to have chapter 17 up before the end of the week. Until next time.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  24. #74
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    Finally! Perhaps the longest wait for a chapter yet! The final chapter of the Black Organization arc is finished and ready for your viewing pleasure. In this chapter we see something we haven't seen in a while involving a certain character. I'm happy to see this arc wrapped up so nicely. It will make the plot easier to flow in the next arc. Now enjoy!

    Chapter 17: Nightfall Part 2

    “Let’s hurry this up.”

    “Do they always take this long?”

    “You can’t rush perfection!”

    In their room at the Pokémon Center, Lorin and Jayden stood outside in the hallway while Kaylie and Hope got dressed. Instead of taking half an hour, Jayden and Lorin quickly changed into black button down shirts, keeping their jeans on. Finally exiting the room, Hope was wearing a white dress, sparkles all over it while Kaylie had chosen a blue dress, both very form fitting. Jayden and Lorin looked away, slightly blushing.

    “What do you think boys?” Kaylie asked.

    “Uh, you look, um,” stammered Jayden.

    “I-I uh think what he’s, um, trying to say,” Lorin stuttered.

    “We look good,” Hope finished.

    Leading the boys, Hope and Kaylie started towards the elevator. Lorin and Jayden followed, still looking around the hallway. A loud ding was heard, signaling the elevator reaching the floor. The group stood outside the doors as they slowly slid open. A large man dressed in black stepped out, staring down on them.

    “Kaylie Janson,” the man said, his voice rough and raspy, “sister of Alexander Janson. I believe it’s time for my revenge…”

    “Do you know this guy Kaylie?” Jayden asked, a chill running up his spine as he looked at the man.

    “I’ve never seen him in my life,” Kaylie said, shocked.

    The man pulled a Poké Ball from his belt, enlarging it. Once he launched it, the four trainers jumped back. From the white light came a large bear. It towered over all the trainers, its head nearly hitting the ceiling. A large tan circle was on the middle of its stomach, matching the color of its muzzle. Letting out a roar, the Pokémon shook the entire room, the four kids nearly falling to the ground.

    “We need to get out of here!” shouted Jayden as he reached for a Poké Ball. “I’ll try and hold him off!”

    “Show them Hyper Beam,” said the man.

    With another roar, the bear began to charge a large yellow and orange sphere in his mouth. As the energy slowly began to gather, Jayden pulled a Poké Ball from his belt. The energy fired from the Pokémon’s mouth towards the trainers, hitting the wall and floor behind them. The wooden floor began to crack under the pressure of the combined weight of the trainers. Soon it gave way, dumping them into the street outside the Pokémon Center. All four hit the ground with a hard thud, rolling on their sides.

    “Is everyone okay?” Jayden asked, groaning as he clutched his ribs.

    “I’m fine,” Hope replied, shakily standing. “If I knew we would be attacked I would have worn something more suitable.”

    “Same here,” groaned Kaylie, sitting up with her hand clasped to her head.

    “The only thing hurt is my dignity,” Lorin told him, standing as well and wiping dirt off his pants.

    From the opening in the Center, the man jumped, landing a few feet away from the trainers, his Pokémon doing the same. “Kaylie…you will pay for what your brother did…Ursaring, fire another Hyper Beam.”

    Just as he had done before, Ursaring began to charge orange and yellow energy in his mouth. Anticipating it, the four trainers jumped to different sides when the attack was fired. The beam completely destroyed the ground, the concrete shattering under the pressure. All the Goldenrod citizens began to panic, running all over the place or into buildings to hide. Lorin quickly drew a Poké Ball and tossed it, releasing Charmeleon.

    “Hit Ursaring with Flamethrower!” Lorin shouted.

    A stream of flames shot from Charmeleon’s mouth, engulfing the bear. The normal type screamed in pain as the fire surrounded his body. With a loud roar the flames vanished; little scorch marks present in Ursaring’s fur.

    “Get rid of Charmeleon with Slash,” the man commanded.

    With a quick swipe of Ursaring’s claws, Charmeleon was knocked aside, crashing into a building. With the panicked cries of the people, it was hard to hear Charmeleon’s heavy breathing. Recalling his Pokémon, Lorin glared at the man.

    “We need to get out of here,” Jayden told them. “We won’t stand much of a chance against this man.”

    “You’re right,” Hope agreed. “We need to think of a plan.”

    As they turned to run, five men all dressed in black appeared behind them, blocking their path. Arrogant smiles had been placed on all their faces. The man that had attacked them began to laugh, taking a step towards them.

    “Don’t think that you can run,” he said. “I’m going to get my revenge right here.”

    “Why me?” Kaylie asked, tears filling her eyes. “If you have problems with my brother take it up with him!”

    “You don’t seem to understand little girl,” the man said, balling his hands into fists. “What your brother did to me is unforgivable! He led a Team Lustrous unit into my hometown and killed my little brother!”

    “Alexander wouldn’t do something like that!” Kaylie cried, trying to defend her brother.

    “Now I’m going to do the same to him and kill his only younger sibling! Ursaring, Hyper Beam!”

    This time Ursaring fired the beam straight at Kaylie. For some reason she was rooted to the ground, unable to move. Seconds before the beam destroyed her, Kaylie felt a pressure ram into her, taking her to the ground. The devastating attack hit a building in the distance, more screams filling the air. Finally coming back to her senses, Kaylie looked up and saw Jayden lying next to her, blood covering his arm.

    “Damn beam caught my arm,” he muttered, sweat dripping down his forehead.

    “Noctowl, use Air Slash!” Hope shouted.

    “Hope…why is she fighting? She doesn’t need to fight for me!” Kaylie cried.

    “Yes we do,” Jayden said as he stood. “You’re our friend and we’ll protect you. Lorin, stay with Kaylie. I need to back Hope up.”

    With a nod, Lorin ran over to Kaylie, kneeling by her side. Pushing through the pain, Jayden drew a Poké Ball, launching it towards the battlefield. Kakuna emerged from his Poké Ball with the same look on his face.

    “Tie up Ursaring with String Shot!” Jayden called.

    Ursaring began to charge Noctowl, his claws glowing. Before he could slash at the bird, a white string shot out from Kakuna’s tiny mouth, wrapping itself around Ursaring’s arms. After a few seconds, his arms were bound together.

    “Hit him with Take Down!” commanded Hope.

    Diving down towards Ursaring, Noctowl crashed into the bear with all his might. The tackle caused Ursaring to stumble backwards, slightly growling.

    “Get that string off you Ursaring!” the man shouted.

    With a quick pull and loud roar, Ursaring ripped the string off his arms. Another quick swipe hit Noctowl, knocking him into the ground. Noctowl rolled a bit before trying to stand. Ursaring’s foot stopped him from getting up as the bear stomped on him.

    “Kakuna, hit him with Poison Sting!” Jayden yelled.

    Small purple barbs emitted from Kakuna’s mouth, hitting Ursaring in the arm. Without moving, Ursaring fired a beam of energy in Kakuna’s direction. On instinct, Kakuna’s body shined before appearing glossy. The force from the beam pushed Kakuna back.

    “Cyndaquil, standby!” Jayden shouted as he threw another Poké Ball, recalling Kakuna.

    Cyndaquil appeared with an angry look on her face. Squawks could be heard from Noctowl as Ursaring put more and more weight on him. Cyndaquil charged towards the bear, releasing a barrage of fireballs. The fireballs hit Ursaring in the back, shocking him enough to push him forward. Following up, Cyndaquil tackled him in the gut, pushing him back more. Ursaring rubbed his stomach before snarling at the little fire type.

    “The police are on their way!” Hope yelled to Jayden, sirens approaching them. “If we can hold on until they get here then they’ll finish up with him.”

    Off in the distance, a squad car rocketed towards them. People began to cheer as the car passed them. With a scoff, the man pointed to the squad car. Ursaring fired an orange beam at it. Before the cop had a chance to stop, the beam hit the car. Jayden watched in horror as the car exploded, smoke and flames filling the sky. Scowling at the man, Jayden gritted his teeth.

    “Cyndaquil, use Flame Wheel!” he yelled.

    Charging Ursaring, Cyndaquil became engulfed in flames before tackling him. Grabbing hold, Ursaring tossed Cyndaquil into the sky, preparing another beam. Blindsiding him, Noctowl tackled Ursaring from the side, causing the beam to fire into a building.

    “Use another Flame Wheel!” called Jayden.

    As she began to fall back towards the ground, flames appeared around Cyndaquil’s body. Preoccupied with Noctowl, Ursaring didn’t notice the fire type until it was too late. Cyndaquil crashed into Ursaring, causing him to fall to one knee. All three Pokémon were breathing heavily, not one making a move.

    “Slash them both, Ursaring!” the man yelled.

    With a deep breath, Ursaring pushed himself forward. Both Cyndaquil and Noctowl were hit, the latter falling to the ground while the former slid back a few feet. A red beam hit Noctowl as Hope recalled him. Ursaring fell to one knee again once he stopped, his breath even heavier.

    “Get up Ursaring!” shouted the man.

    Ursaring smirked, knowing that he couldn’t get up. He stared Jayden in the eye, waiting for him to call his last attack.

    “Cyndaquil, finish him with Flamethrower!” Jayden yelled.

    Cyndaquil took a deep breath in, releasing a large stream of flames. The flames hit Ursaring in the chest, pushing him back to his trainer. Not moving, the smirk stayed on Ursaring’s face. The man recalled his Pokémon with a scowl on his face.

    “Don’t think I’m done yet!” he shouted, pulling out another Poké Ball. A small stone hit the Poké Ball, knocking it out of his hands.

    “Yes you are,” a voice said from behind him.

    The man turned and behind him stood Alexander, his Tyranitar right next to him. Jumping back, the man quickly picked up his Poké Ball, all of his men drawing Poké Balls as well. Alexander began to chuckle to which Tyranitar sighed.

    “If you and your men so much as get ready to throw those Poké Balls, it will be the last thing you do.” A flare in Alexander’s eyes told them he was serious.

    “Why you…” the man said through gritted teeth. “Fall back men!”

    “I don’t think so,” another voice said, this time from behind the Black Organization grunts. The voice belonged to a woman who appeared to be in her twenties. She wore a white button up shirt that had red stripes on the sleeves. Reaching into the pocket of her blue shorts, she pulled out a Poké Ball, tossing it in the air. “You Team Lustrous and Black Organization scum won’t get away that easily!”

    “Whitney…” said Alexander. “Don’t you remember me? I challenged your gym years ago.”

    “Regardless of my relation to you I will make sure that you are put in prison for your involvement of the attack on Goldenrod today.”

    “That’s where you’re wrong gym leader. I did not partake in this attack. Now that the situation is in your capable hands, I’ll be taking my leave.”

    Whitney stepped towards Alexander, but before she could do anything Tyranitar threw a ball of black energy at the ground. A dust cloud covered the group, blocking their vision. Using the cloud as cover as well, the Black Organization members darted out of the city, vanishing from sight. Once the dust settled, the five people left looked around them, shocked at the sudden disappearance of the men.

    “Damn!” cursed Whitney. “I rush back from Ecruteak on an emergency call and I don’t even get one arrest! Not only that, but the city council is going to be on my ass about the damages!”

    “It could have been worse,” said Kaylie standing up. “If it wasn’t for Hope and Jayden they would have destroyed the entire city just to find us.”

    “Then rewards are in order! That was Stavros, a captain in the Black Organization. Now who are Hope and Jayden?”

    Stepping forward, Jayden and Hope looked at each other, both of them shrugging. Cyndaquil jumped onto her trainer’s shoulder, rubbing her head against his as if to say good job. Whitney reached into her back pocket, pulling out two badges that resembled simple gold diamonds. Both trainers took them, holding them up, the moonlight reflecting off them.

    “You just…carry these with you?” Jayden asked.

    “…Don’t question it,” Whitney replied. “With that you are one step closer to competing in the Silver Conference!”

    “One more thing,” started Kaylie. “I was wondering if I could challenge your gym tomorrow. I, too, am shooting for the Silver Conference.”

    “After an event like that you’re only thinking about challenging my gym?”

    “You get used to it,” Hope said simply.

    “Alright then,” Whitney said as she turned. “I expect to see you bright and early tomorrow. I’m warning you now; I’m good!”

    As the gym leader took her leave, Kaylie pulled out one of her Poké Balls and turned to Jayden. With a smile he instantly knew what was going through her head. Without a word, the two took off towards Route 34.

    “Where are you guys going?” Hope asked, yelling.

    “Time for some training!” Jayden yelled back. “Special training that is!”

    “I’ve made some interesting friends,” Lorin said with a chuckle. “This journey just got more interesting.”

    ---------------------------------

    “This battle will be two on two with the challenger being the only one who can substitute. The battle is over when both Pokémon on one side are unable to battle. Let the match begin!”

    “Clefairy, go!”

    “Aipom, dance!”

    Just as she said she would, Kaylie showed up at the Goldenrod Gym the next morning, ready to battle. Hope, Jayden, and Lorin sat in the stands, waiting to see their friend prove herself in battle. The battlefield looked much like the one in the Violet Gym. From Kaylie’s Poké Ball emerged her Aipom, swinging his tail with the hand balled into a fist. On Whitney’s side appeared a pink cubby creature. A large smile had been plastered on its face as it held up its stubby arms.

    “Aipom, use Swift!” Kaylie started.

    Jumping into the air, Aipom swung his tail, multiple stars shooting out. Clefairy didn’t make an attempt to dodge, instead taking the attack head on. Even after the damage was done, Clefairy had a smile on her face, no visible damage seen.

    “You should know that a normal attack won’t do too much against a normal Pokémon,” lectured Whitney. “Clefairy show them Metronome!”

    Waving her hands back and forth, Clefairy began a rhythmic chant as the tips of her fingers began to glow. Aipom cautiously backed up, waiting for the attack to be unleashed. With one final wave, a bolt of lightning shot out from Clefairy’s hands. Shocked by the speed of it, Aipom failed to dodge, getting hit all over.

    “Aipom, try a Brick Break attack!” cried Kaylie.

    Pushing himself up, Aipom shook off the damage. Charging his opponent, the hand on Aipom’s tail began to glow. With a quick swing, Clefairy was hit in the stomach. The force from the hit pushed Clefairy back towards Whitney, both of them shocked at the power. Clefairy stood, her entire body shaking. The smile she once wore was replaced with a look of anger.

    “Respond with a DoubleSlap!” countered Whitney.

    Clefairy dashed to Aipom, her hand raised. Once she swung, Aipom ducked, the Fairy Pokemon caught off guard. Swinging his tail under her feet, Aipom knocked Clefairy to the ground.

    “Now Brick Break!” shouted Kaylie.

    Bringing his tail around, Aipom slammed it into Clefairy once more, the latter no longer moving. The referee held up a green flag, declaring Aipom as the victor. Recalling her Clefairy, Whitney began to laugh, a smirk on her face.

    “Great job on beating Clefairy, but this is where I win,” she said, confidence ringing in her voice. “Miltank, let’s rock!”

    Whitney’s next Pokémon was more than double the size of Clefairy. Bigger than any Miltank she ever saw, Kaylie swallowed the fear and commanded her Aipom to use another Brick Break. Not trying to dodge, Miltank let the attack hit, laughing when the tail collided with her abdomen. The cow grabbed onto Aipom’s tail and slammed him into the ground.

    “Now use Rollout!” ordered Whitney.

    Before Aipom had a chance to get up, Miltank curled herself into a ball, rolling right over him. Turning around when she reached the opposite side of the battlefield, Miltank ran over him again and again. Aipom stood, swaying back and forth before falling to the ground.

    “Aipom is unable to battle!” the referee declared. “Miltank is the winner!”

    “Aipom you were awesome,” Kaylie said as she recalled him. “Now it’s all up to you. Please let our training show here! It’s time to dance! Ledian!”

    Bursting from the Poké Ball emerged a large ladybug. It resembled Ledyba, the only differences being a slimmer body and large blue eyes. Flying around, Ledian punched the air, ready to fight.

    “Is that Ledian…” Hope started.

    “That’s right,” Jayden answered before she could ask. “That is the Ledyba that she caught on the first day of our journey. It evolved yesterday when we were training.”

    “So that’s why she wanted to wait a day,” observed Lorin. “She wanted to evolve her Pokémon!”

    “Start with Mach Punch!” ordered Kaylie.

    Flying towards Miltank, Ledian appeared next to her in the blink of an eye. Throwing a punch, Ledian followed with a second right after. Taking the hits, Miltank slightly stumbled backwards. A smile spread across her face.

    “Miltank, Body Slam!” Whitney called.

    To everyone’s surprise, Miltank jumped into the air, above Ledian. Pushing the shock aside, Ledian darted back towards Kaylie. Miltank hit the ground with such force that the floor began to crack. Zipping back to her opponent, Ledian threw a few more punches, all of them connecting. Before she could fly away, Miltank grabbed onto Ledian, slamming her into the ground.

    “It’s going to be a repeat of what happened to Aipom!” Lorin shouted.

    “Not on my watch!” yelled Kaylie.

    “Rollout time Miltank!” Whitney ordered.

    “Ledian, use Reflect!” Kaylie countered.

    Just before Miltank could run over Ledian, a barrier appeared over her, stopping Miltank in her tracks. After a few seconds the barrier began to crack, unable to hold back Miltank’s weight.

    “Fly away Ledian!” commanded Kaylie.

    Ledian took to the air as the barrier shattered, Miltank rolling to the opposite end. Both Pokémon were breathing heavily. They smiled at each other, knowing that the battle would be coming to an end soon. Ledian dived down towards Miltank while Miltank began to charge towards Ledian. They both threw a punch, their fists colliding. Using her extra hands, Ledian punched Miltank in the face, knocking her back. The cow responded with a heavy punch that pushed Ledian to the ground.

    “Finish this with Rollout!” Whitney called, a confident smirk on her face.

    Rolling towards Ledian, Miltank let out a loud moo, also confident that it had won this battle. Trying to think of a counterattack, Kaylie shouted the first thing that came to her mind.

    “Use Silver Wind with all you’ve got!”

    Flapping her wings as hard as she could, silver crescents shot out of her wings. When the attack hit Miltank, the cow began to slow down. Soon, Miltank was continuously hit by the crescents, unable to do anything. Stopping right before Ledian, Miltank fell to her side, not moving a muscle.

    “Miltank is unable to battle!” the referee shouted. “Ledian is the winner! That means that Kaylie is the victor of this match!”

    With a shocked look on her face, Whitney recalled Miltank, her entire body shaking. Falling to her knees she looked down at the Poké Ball in her hands. Tears slowly began to form in her eyes as she stood.

    “No, I said I would get over this,” she said to herself, wiping her face. Now with a smile, she pulled out another badge from her pocket, walking over to Kaylie. “You deserve this Plain Badge! Congratulations!”

    Taking the badge in hand, Kaylie couldn’t help but smile. She had earned her second Johto badge and was that much closer to realizing her dream.

    “Great job Kaylie!” Jayden yelled from the stands. “You were awesome!”

    Slightly blushing, she recalled Ledian. Whitney patted her on the back, bending down to her level. “You’ll be wanting to head to Ecruteak after this. It’s the closest city with a gym. But of course you can’t leave before the Goldenrod festival! I hear that many people fall in love when they go to the festival so it won’t be all bad.”

    With a wink, Whitney turned and retreated farther into the gym. As Kaylie walked to the stands what Whitney had said about the festival stuck in her head. Looking over at Jayden, she couldn’t help but smile.

    Fall in love huh?
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  25. #75
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    Feb 2012
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    Nicely done.

    I knew as they were getting dressed up that the night would end sourly for them. BTW, I really salute your dedication to keeping this going even though you're without a laptop. Hah, black organization got smoked. Alexander made another appearence with his Tyranitar, which was unexpected. That was something I forgot to mention to you before. Make sure you're putting real limitations on some of the Pokemon in your story. I know its really easy to give them too much power, which begs the question as to why they would listen to a trainer at all. I feel like Alexander's Tyranitar really toes that line. An old injury, mental inadequecy, fumbling with attacks, etc, are all things you can do to make a point to somewhat 'humanize' the Pokemon. Its hard to connect with something that has all the givings of being completely invulnerable. Make sense?

    My favorite part of this chapter has to be the Gym Battle ith Whitney. It was decently described, and the length was perfect. As soon as it started, I found myself hoping you would include Milktank, which has always been one of my favorite Pokemon. Ledian is as well, and I think you played on his power and capability very well. Nice job too displaying a quick flash of anger/disappointment from Whitney instead of the usual 'GREAT JOB' that Gym Leaders usually give to trainers that beat them. Keep up the good work!

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


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