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  1. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Pittsburgh, PA


    Chapter 3!

    And when we pass through the forest, I guess I’d like to say good-bye to some people, if possible…
    Would a Sentret refer to other Sentret as "people"?

    This was his excuse every day from then on. We slept in the same area every night, and we stood at a distance from the fence every day to watch the pokémon. Sai tried to walk right up to the fence and climb over a few times, but I had to yell at him to not do that, since the fence was there to keep others out for a reason. He also tried to sit right by a part of the fence to look inside the backyard through the rails, which also seemed odd, so I kept telling him to stop looking creepy and to get away from the fence entirely.
    I like this in that it makes me feel like Sai is a robot or was raised in a lab or something like that. Senori is actually having to explain basic functions of polite society to him. What IS going on with this kid?

    Their innocence and lack of awareness at least let me know that at least someone in the clan didn’t know what I had done.
    Probably don't need "at least" in there twice.

    I wonder why the invader pokemon didn't attack/eat Senori after it had lured him away all that time ago. I can't imagine it left him alive just to screw with him, so why, after it had taken him so far that his cries would not have alerted the clan, did it not just eat him? Besides, you know, leaving us with a tragic, complicated character for your story. I get the sense from this bit that Senori actually IS strong...was the predator afraid to take it on one-on-one?

    “Yeah… We train, battle, and get badges. That’s what I was told to do, so that’s what we’re going to do,” Sai said, smiling again.
    Okay, and now he seems happy to be doing this for the first time. I'm having a really hard time reading this guy. And his personality has done, well not a 180. Let's call it a 120. He seems to enjoy the idea of being a trainer now; he let Senori go off without any problem; he wasn't angry at all this section that I could notice. So I'm all over the map on what this kid's deal is. Is he a robot? I'm really going with robot here.
    Last edited by Sid87; 23rd April 2012 at 8:30 PM.
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