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Thread: Survival Project (PG-13)

  1. #51
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    Just so you know, Atis has stayed my favorite character through this chapter. Kuiora water gunning him in the face almost switched it to her, but at the very end, I decided to stay with Atis. You really have done a good job creating a character that's relateable. When he thinks about Earl, I go back with him, when he struggles with what he wants, I get anxious as well. Atis is actually pretty loveable, and I kinda want to give him a hug, but I know that would make him feel uncomfortable and he'd jump to the other side of the room and try to blend into the wall like a Kecleon.

    Sai declared, grinning ecstatically.
    Okay, who is this person? Lol, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sai grin at all, much less ecstatically.

    “Oh. I guess they’re too good and cozy for everyone to have,” Sai said, though his voice was still upbeat, as Senori would have put it.
    That sentence really stuck out to me for some reason. It made me think of Sai as being almost childish. I really don’t remember exactly how old you said he was, (if you did at all). It makes me think there actually is something somewhat playfully ignorant about him. Not in a bad way at all, but compared to his earlier behavior, it makes me like his a bit more.

    “Nope. I was hungry… and he’s the trainer, not me.”
    I really loved Kuiora’s lack of concern or caring there. Just concerned about eating, awesome. It shows how young she is, and obviously where her mind is focused. She was groomed to be a starter, and it shows because despite them not being together for very long, it seems like she’s completely okay with their status together. Senori and Atis have some reservations still, but Kuiora seems like she’s settled in awesomely, just like I imagined she would/should. Also, the small rivalry with Atis, like a child who wants to impress their older brother by any means necessary is really well done. I hope to see more of it. Hope that makes sense, haha

    “I, uh, these houses… They aren’t yours. You can’t just go in them,” I mumbled.
    I love how you show Atis’s personality through his speech there. Unsure of himself even though he knows exactly what he’s talking about. And also how he’s taking great care in explaining different things to Sai. I mean, Atis knows that he’s different, but sometimes he talks to him like Sai is going to go thermonuclear at any moment

    He was feeling more, connecting more—at the expense of his dignity, no doubt, but he nonetheless seemed to be making an attempt at being… human.
    I liked that, very well written. I frequently get jealous of your writing, FYI, and it’s moments like that, that really show how talented you are. It’s so simple, and obvious, and really rings true to what’s happening in this part.

    “Just remember which house I live in, okay? They all look the same.”
    Are you referencing the games by that?

    They were always easy to point out because of their blue roofs and a sign that blatantly said what the building was used for
    Right there too.

    He simply threw them on the ground and kept on looking.
    Really good job showing how backwards and socially clueless Sai is. I mean, if Atis knows to put them back, that really tells me that Sai is not even close to where I’m thinking he is in terms of mental acuity. But he's obviously not dumb because of the genius ways he makes some of his decisions. Argh!

    *Has Nuzleaf use bullet seed on Sai*

    “Vermilion City. And sure I did,” he said finally, “but it was different.”
    Okay, so he’s from Vermillion, and in the past he had food brought to him. And along with the seemingly endless amount of money and lack of social skills, is he perhaps a spoiled rich youngster who’s never had any life experience that would translate into being a trainer? Hence, the name ‘Survival Project’?

    “I got you guys your own rooms for a reason—”

    —he moved the lamp on the table from one side to another—

    “—so get out—”

    —and it apparently wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t perfect, so he tried again—

    “—go to your own room—”

    —but it was no good, so he ripped the cord out of the wall—

    “—just get out!”

    —because it’s always the little things that get to us.
    That was somewhat confusing to me. I know how you planned it. Speaking, action, speaking, action. But for some reason, the dashes on either side of the actions read weird to me. I kept losing my place. I don’t really have anything to suggest about it, but I wanted to point it out.

    “Oh. Well, you didn’t miss too much. Some poison pokémon threatened to kill me after I tried to pick it up and talk to it. Senori had to try to talk some sense into it or something. I don’t remember much else…”
    Um, what? That was surprising. I’m afraid I wasn’t really following though. It just popped out suddenly and I was slightly confused lol. So was Sai making that up? Or did that really happen?

    All in all, another good chapter. I really enjoyed, like everything you write, haha. You expanded a lot more on Sai, which is something I’m really grateful for. I used to dislike him to be honest, but you’re really starting to turn that around. Great job!

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  2. #52
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    I did this slowly after you wrote it, in a Pages document, so I might correct errors that have already been corrected. Sorry!
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    Yes, I lost track of the days in order to use time to the best of my ability, rather than to just watch my life pass by slowly, yet in the blink of an eye.
    What? The flow feels awkward on this part, and it doesn't make much sense.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    Though curiosity was present, tiredness was overpowering, and the night soon ended. Kuiora and Senori slept together on the bottom bunk since they were closer friends, while I took the top so that no one could see me. Sai didn’t sleep at all—he just kept pacing, back and forth, back and forth, mumbling incomprehensibly. I thought I could feel him watching me, but I was too exhausted to care. Anxiety had a limit when you were constantly exposed to the idea of being crushed by a bunch of rocks, I supposed…
    Man, Sai is so wierdly insensitive to Senori being almost killed... What the heck? I wonder why he behaves this way... Maybe he thinks it will toughen Senori up? Well, it will probably be revealed later.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    “Oh. I guess they’re too good and cozy for everyone to have,” Sai said, though his voice was still upbeat, as Senori would have put it.
    Whoever said Sai was once a pokemon, I now agree with them.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    “He ran around everywhere, trying to talk to everyone, and he wasn’t angry over nothing.
    Double negative. Fix the nothing into anything, I think if you change wasn’t into was it won’t come out in the way that you mean.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    No one was particular close with anyone, though they sure tried to be.
    Grammar mistake. “paticular” needs to be paticularly.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    When he went to open my door, though, I stopped him and asked f I could talk to him for a minute.
    You forgot the “i” in “if”.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    “And what do you know?” he snapped, turning sharply to look at me. His eyes were still glazed over, I noticed. It was hard not to notice. I stumbled backward a bit despite myself, as if he had physically hit me.

    “Being happy is a g-good thing, Sai… Y-You seemed happy here, you know? Talking to everyone and everything,” I said. I didn’t believe my own words. “M-Maybe we could stay here for a while. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but it could be longer than a few days…”

    He simply kept walking around, slower this time, still cleaning things, still attempting to fix things that weren’t broken in the first place. I just stared and wondered if I had said too much and stayed too long.
    Little bit of a mood swing? Ugh, I want to know why Sai is different so much
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    Eventually, he mumbled, “Get out.”
    Woah, hes mad.
    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    “Oh. Well, you didn’t miss too much. Some poison pokémon threatened to kill me after I tried to pick it up and talk to it. Senori had to try to talk some sense into it or something. I don’t remember much else…”
    Hm, I wonder if the next chapter will be in view of this pokemon, and is entered into the team?
    Interesting read. Sai is just so stinking strange...
    Last edited by Jazz14456_Plebeian; 7th May 2012 at 1:37 PM.

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  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Just so you know, Atis has stayed my favorite character through this chapter. Kuiora water gunning him in the face almost switched it to her, but at the very end, I decided to stay with Atis. You really have done a good job creating a character that's relateable. When he thinks about Earl, I go back with him, when he struggles with what he wants, I get anxious as well. Atis is actually pretty loveable, and I kinda want to give him a hug, but I know that would make him feel uncomfortable and he'd jump to the other side of the room and try to blend into the wall like a Kecleon.
    Hahaha, well, I'm glad someone likes Atis. I'm glad you're able to relate with him in the way I write him. And LOL yes, I don't think he'd like hugs much, but it's the thought that counts?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    That sentence really stuck out to me for some reason. It made me think of Sai as being almost childish. I really don’t remember exactly how old you said he was, (if you did at all). It makes me think there actually is something somewhat playfully ignorant about him. Not in a bad way at all, but compared to his earlier behavior, it makes me like his a bit more.
    I'm under the impression that he's 16 or 17, though I'm not really sure myself. (Weird, I know.) Indeed, when he gets "happier" his ignorance seems more childish.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I really loved Kuiora’s lack of concern or caring there. Just concerned about eating, awesome. It shows how young she is, and obviously where her mind is focused. She was groomed to be a starter, and it shows because despite them not being together for very long, it seems like she’s completely okay with their status together. Senori and Atis have some reservations still, but Kuiora seems like she’s settled in awesomely, just like I imagined she would/should. Also, the small rivalry with Atis, like a child who wants to impress their older brother by any means necessary is really well done. I hope to see more of it. Hope that makes sense, haha
    Makes sense completely. I'm glad you see that she's settled in and that she's going to try to be "rivals" with Atis--exactly what I was going for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I love how you show Atis’s personality through his speech there. Unsure of himself even though he knows exactly what he’s talking about. And also how he’s taking great care in explaining different things to Sai. I mean, Atis knows that he’s different, but sometimes he talks to him like Sai is going to go thermonuclear at any moment
    LOL, Atis's reluctance is very founded, Sai DOES go thermonuclear at any moment!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I liked that, very well written. I frequently get jealous of your writing, FYI, and it’s moments like that, that really show how talented you are. It’s so simple, and obvious, and really rings true to what’s happening in this part.
    Haha, aww, well thank you. Funny how that works, since I get jealous at how well you can write third person.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Are you referencing the games by that?
    Indeed, I follow the game canon. I'll look up things about the anime/manga for expanded personalities of gym leaders and things, but that's about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    *Has Nuzleaf use bullet seed on Sai*
    LOL, he frustrates me too, don't worry!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Okay, so he’s from Vermillion, and in the past he had food brought to him. And along with the seemingly endless amount of money and lack of social skills, is he perhaps a spoiled rich youngster who’s never had any life experience that would translate into being a trainer? Hence, the name ‘Survival Project’?
    That's an interesting assumption. Won't say if it's right or wrong, just that the title is indeed important and relevant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    That was somewhat confusing to me. I know how you planned it. Speaking, action, speaking, action. But for some reason, the dashes on either side of the actions read weird to me. I kept losing my place. I don’t really have anything to suggest about it, but I wanted to point it out.
    Never thought that the dashes could be distracting, but perhaps it would have worked better if I did Sai yelling first and then the narration parts, just in short, choppy sentences?

    Um, what? That was surprising. I’m afraid I wasn’t really following though. It just popped out suddenly and I was slightly confused lol. So was Sai making that up? Or did that really happen?
    It was meant to show that Sai really did have another crazy day (it was real), though maybe I went overboard, rofl.

    Thanks for reading/reviewing as always~

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz14456 View Post
    What? The flow feels awkward on this part, and it doesn't make much sense.
    Hmmm, I'll try to work with it and change it. Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz14456 View Post
    Man, Sai is so wierdly insensitive to Senori being almost killed... What the heck? I wonder why he behaves this way... Maybe he thinks it will toughen Senori up? Well, it will probably be revealed later.
    Indeed, it will be revealed later.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz14456 View Post
    Whoever said Sai was once a pokemon, I now agree with them.
    That was Dragonfree, I believe. I don't know if she still thinks Sai was a pokemon (or if she's reading at all), but it's an interesting assumption nonetheless.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz14456 View Post
    Double negative. Fix the nothing into anything, I think if you change wasn’t into was it won’t come out in the way that you mean.
    Will fix this (and other mistakes you pointed out) after I post this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz14456 View Post
    Little bit of a mood swing? Ugh, I want to know why Sai is different [BOLD]so much [/BOLD]
    Good! *cackles evilly*

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz14456 View Post
    Interesting read. Sai is just so stinking strange...
    Indeed he is. I like strange characters.

    Thanks for reading/reviewing!

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  4. #54
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    I'm under the impression that he's 16 or 17, though I'm not really sure myself. (Weird, I know.)
    I don't think it's weird at all. Sometimes my characters have to tell ME things about themselves before I can think them up. They evolve, they grow, and if that's what you meant I completely understand

    Haha, aww, well thank you. Funny how that works, since I get jealous at how well you can write third person.
    Thanks to you as well

    It was meant to show that Sai really did have another crazy day (it was real), though maybe I went overboard, rofl.
    Oh not at all. It certainly seems plausible, especially since it happened to Sai. For one second though, I was like O_O

    Never thought that the dashes could be distracting, but perhaps it would have worked better if I did Sai yelling first and then the narration parts, just in short, choppy sentences?
    You mean like this:



    “I got you guys your own rooms for a reason...”

    He moved the lamp on the table from one side to another.

    “So get out.”

    And it apparently wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t perfect, so he tried again.

    “Go to your own room.”

    But it was no good, so he ripped the cord out of the wall.

    “Just get out!”

    Because it’s always the little things that get to us.

    He finally stopped screaming and fumbling with the lamp.

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I don't think it's weird at all. Sometimes my characters have to tell ME things about themselves before I can think them up. They evolve, they grow, and if that's what you meant I completely understand
    Yeah, that's what I meant, haha. Somehow I would think it'd make me sound crazy (though maybe that would only appear crazy to non-writers).

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    You mean like this:

    “I got you guys your own rooms for a reason...”

    He moved the lamp on the table from one side to another.

    “So get out.”

    And it apparently wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t perfect, so he tried again.

    “Go to your own room.”

    But it was no good, so he ripped the cord out of the wall.

    “Just get out!”

    Because it’s always the little things that get to us.

    He finally stopped screaming and fumbling with the lamp.
    Yes, something like that. Not sure if that works better than the dashes.

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  6. #56
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    Yes, something like that. Not sure if that works better than the dashes.
    Looking at it now, I'm kind of split on it. Perhaps you're original version does work out better, I'm not sure. Regardless, it was a great scene

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  7. #57
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    He nodded again, went up to the nurse, and tugged at the bottom of her white skirt. She had been talking to another trainer, but immediately took notice of Senori and smiled, asking if the poor pokémon was lost.
    THIS. is ADORABLE. I want a Sentret so much now from just these lines. I can picture this happening in my head.

    I stumbled backward, falling and landed on my back.
    Stupid complaint time! And I don't know why this struck me so, but...shouldn't a Hitmontop--of ALL pokemon--be a little more nimble and less easy to knock over? They spend half their lives flipping over and spinning around on their heads.

    “I, uh, these houses… They aren’t yours. You can’t just go in them,” I mumbled. His eyes widened in response.

    “Why not? Senori always says things like that.”

    “They’re private. You have to ask to go in,” I said, a bit more confidently this time.

    “Oh. I guess they’re too good and cozy for everyone to have,” Sai said, though his voice was still upbeat, as Senori would have put it.
    Nice little comment on the silly little RPG trope there. Nobody ever thinks anything of just barging into other peoples' houses. Nice touch taking that on.

    hey offered, however, to give away their phone numbers, just in case he ever wanted to talk or if he needed something. When he explained he didn’t have a phone, he was advised to get one, and to hand out his number whenever he was given the chance. It was extremely helpful among trainers, apparently, to have some kind of back-up help if necessary.
    Ha! Taking on ALL the tropes!

    He had people who lived with him. Who? Just people. You know. No, I don’t know. Had he always been around pokémon? Maybe. He didn’t like to remember. …I hope you don’t mind my pokémon looking around. They’re curious. And they’re wearing shirts.
    LOL.

    Okay, I'm still not particularly enamored of Atis. He's just not a strong character, in my mind. But I'm sure he'll get there. More Senori and Kuiora until then.

    “I’m going to become stronger than you someday, you know.”
    Like that. I love her little random blurts.
    Last edited by Sid87; 26th April 2012 at 5:32 PM.


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  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Looking at it now, I'm kind of split on it. Perhaps you're original version does work out better, I'm not sure. Regardless, it was a great scene
    Hmm. Only other idea I have is to use parenthesis on the narration parts instead of dashes, seems less distracting. Not even sure if that’s grammatically correct. Oh well, I’ll keep it in mind for future chapters and for when I go back to re-write things, thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    THIS. is ADORABLE. I want a Sentret so much now from just these lines. I can picture this happening in my head.
    Sentrets are pretty much the most adorable things ever~

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Stupid complaint time! And I don't know why this struck me so, but...shouldn't a Hitmontop--of ALL pokemon--be a little more nimble and less easy to knock over? They spend half their lives flipping over and spinning around on their heads.
    I imagine falling backward would be a little more difficult to avoid, no? I’m sure they flip forwards to start spinning. Either way, I see what you’re saying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    LOL.
    I’m glad someone got a laugh out of this chapter, LOL. I particularly liked writing that part, found it amusing for whatever reason.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Okay, I'm still not particularly enamored of Atis. He's just not a strong character, in my mind. But I'm sure he'll get there. More Senori and Kuiora until then.
    Indeed, I hope you’ll like the next 3-4 chapters more since there won’t be much Atis, and there’ll be a new character… lol. Impossible to please everyone with all characters, I suppose.

    And with that, you’re all caught up now. Thanks for your comments and for reading, I really appreciate it! Did you wanted to be added to the PM list or anything?

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  9. #59
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    Yes, absolutely. I figured it was obvious.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Yes, absolutely. I figured it was obvious.
    Lol, I like to be sure. Added!

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  11. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post

    SURVIVAL PROJECT

    chapter 6 ; [ATIS]
    escalate

    *

    I lost track of days not long after I left Violet City with Sai.

    Saying good-bye to Earl had been an easier feat than I had expected—he was happy for me, and seemed all too eager to give me away to a boy who was leaving his school much earlier than the rest of his students. That was his personality, I knew. He was caring and trusting and he always had everyone’s best intentions in mind. I wondered if he would miss me or if he really didn’t want to let me go, but I tried not to dwell on it. I wouldn’t have been able to stand knowing that he would be thinking of me in such a negative way whenever he encountered something that reminded him of me.
    Hmm. I'm trying to remember, did Sai actually get permission to take Atis or did Sai steal him?

    Even if he hadn’t wanted me to leave, I would have done so anyway. Leaving meant a better chance of finding joy. And although Sai was rather odd, it was this lack of normalcy that attracted me to him. Maybe, just maybe, I could change him. I could deter him from pokémon training. I could be… something. The path to Azalea Town made me think of this even more, especially when the sentret—or Senori, as I eventually learned—almost got hurt, but was saved by another trainer. Possible danger and discouragement from others could be ideas used against him during my efforts. The situation even made me second guess my decision, though I was prone to such swaying.

    Yes, I lost track of days so that I could focus on using my time wisely rather than watching it simply pass by.
    I have to say, this part is by itself already a big development of Atis's character. You're using words very efficiently, and really reinforcing what we know about Atis already.

    Still, Sai made it difficult to lose track of time. It took a little over three weeks to get out the cave, he said. During those last few days, I was forced to keep up with him because he was walking so fast. If I tried to get lost in my thoughts and ignore the rest of the world like I usually did, I fell behind and panicked. So I tried to keep myself focused. I could hear him mumbling numbers over and over as he swiftly made his way through the rest of the cave while simply assuming that we were close behind. Time seemed important to this boy all of a sudden. Before, he was content to come to the school day after day, and he allowed me an entire week to prepare for my departure. Now, he seemed obsessed with numbers and speed, as if his life depended on it. Kuiora seemed to notice, but didn’t care much—she only tried to get his attention by beating the occasional wild pokémon that dared to fight. And Senori often looked at him with concern, but was too paralyzed to say anything.
    "It took a little over three weeks to get out of the cave." Besides that, another good paragraph.

    When we got to Azalea Town, his suddenly obsessive self scattered and escalated to a pace that no one else could keep up with.
    Uh oh. Something big is about to go down, isn't it?

    The first night was normal enough. He wanted to sleep in the pokémon center, as expected. No trainer could resist the luxury of pokémon centers, though he didn’t try to hide the glares he gave the nurses who looked at us. Despite his unnecessary anger, they gave us a room with two beds and other standard human things. I watched from the doorway as Sai paced around the room anxiously, and as Kuiora and Senori stared at objects that perhaps only I had seen before—lamps, carpet, indoor plants. They treaded lightly and refused to touch anything, as if it all was sacred and fragile. At one point, a worker from the center knocked on our door and offered us some pokémon food, which they also took as if they were being presented with the greatest gift in the world.

    Though curiosity was present, tiredness was overpowering, and the night soon ended. Kuiora and Senori slept together on the bottom bunk since they were closer friends, while I took the top so that no one could see me. Sai didn’t sleep at all—he just kept pacing, back and forth, back and forth, mumbling incomprehensibly. I thought I could feel him watching me, but I was too exhausted to care. Anxiety had a limit when you were constantly exposed to the idea of being crushed by a bunch of rocks, I supposed…
    I'm beginning to wonder about him again. This isn't normal.

    “I like his style today,” Kuiora said, not bothering to let the boy get to her. She bounced off of the bed and headed for the door herself, smiling. “I’m going to get some food.”
    Who is the "his" referring to?

    Senori soon followed her, though he didn’t say anything. I just stood in place for a few moments, wondering whether or not to go with them. Staying and enjoying the peace and quiet was an option, but I knew that if I really wanted to start getting involved with Sai’s life before he decided his fate on his own, I couldn’t just hide forever. I made my way out of the room, finding small amounts of comfort in the soft floor below me.

    I followed Senori around the corner, noting how quiet it still was. Everyone else still must have been sleeping. The center surely couldn’t have just been empty—there had been too many trainers around when we arrived last night. It was impossible for me not to notice. While I was wondering why the place was so quiet, I didn’t notice that Senori had stopped moving, and I accidentally bumped into him.

    “I-I’m sorry,” I said, looking down to the floor bashfully and running my foot along the carpet, seeking more comfort.

    “It’s fine. I’m not sure where Sai went,” Senori said simply.
    I don't think this can possibly have a good ending.

    When we got there, however, Sai was gone. Kuiora was obliviously eating nearly everything in sight, especially the berries. She didn’t see us come in, and we had to ask her quite a few times where Sai was before she acknowledged us.

    “He came in here and then left this place. Didn’t even eat,” she explained in between bites of food.

    “You didn’t follow him to see where he was going?” Senori asked, tilting his head to the side.

    “Nope. I was hungry… and he’s the trainer, not me.”
    Now I'm beginning to feel Kuiora's personality. You're doing very well at that.

    The sky was half bright, half dark when I walked out of the pokémon center. The city itself was half bright, half dark, as the forest towered over the part of the city that we hadn’t come in through. There were some hints of light on the other side where we arrived, and I looked at those areas first, noting how the pavement was uncomfortable beneath my feet. I was used to darkness—I craved it, even—but I couldn’t help hopefully looking toward the lighter side of things. With so little people out this early in the morning and with the illuminated part of the city demanding my attention, finding Sai was an easy task, though deciding whether or not to chase after him was another story.
    I personally would not use "half bright, half dark" twice in such rapid succession. It's a little bit repetitive.

    I had to decide whether or not to chase him because I saw him entering a random house.

    It occurred to me that I had no idea where my trainer lived. Wherever it was, it couldn’t have been in Azalea Town… right? Why sleep in the pokémon center, then? He wasn’t the kind that seemed to like much interaction, however. I understood this, but I also understood that there were more efficient ways of going about avoiding those you lived with…

    I decided to chase after him. I ran through the small town, trying to focus on the house so that I wouldn’t arrive there only to forget which one he had entered. They all looked the same, just as all trainers were the same. When I got to the house, the door was still propped open, so I reluctantly stepped inside. My heart was beginning to race, and I tried to calm myself down with the idea that this was no different than entering the school. Everyone was allowed there, even if it belonged to Earl. I could only hope that the owner here was as nice as he was.
    I really like the touch of noting that Atis has to remember which house Sai entered. It just seems like something a Pokemon would have to do compared to a human.

    My heart stopped when Sai tried to walk out just as soon as I entered, and ended up colliding with me unexpectedly. I stumbled backward, falling and landed on my back. I stayed on the ground, making no attempt to stand back up. Surely, things could have been worse, but the idea of being caught unwanted in someone else’s home was enough to send me panicking. And hadn’t I left the other pokémon to avoid this kind of reaction? I couldn’t win.

    “Atis!” Sai said excitedly. He reached down and lifted me to put me back on my feet. I looked up at him and there was something odd about his eyes. I knew they were a dark blue, but now they seemed… glazed over. Deadened and desperate, somehow, though his demeanor said otherwise.
    This really, really does not sound like a good thing...

    “Um, hi,” I started lamely. I couldn’t stop looking at his eyes.

    “I’m sorry I skipped breakfast, Atis,” he said quickly. “I wanted to go out and, you know, um, meet people. The door here was unlocked, but I went in the first room and no one was there. And the place was so big and cozy, you know, I couldn’t take it, I’m not used to it, but I’m going to try again, okay?”
    This isn't Sai. Something happened.

    “Uh…” He was speaking too fast for me to fully understand. Something about seeing people and not being used to it. I simply nodded—words were useless here.

    “Okay, let’s go find the next house then,” Sai said, holding on to my arm and pulling me to the next house over. Why did these things have to almost be right next to each other? I didn’t have much time to process what was going on, but I immediately made a whining noise when Sai went to try opening that door, too.

    “What’s wrong, Atis?” Sai asked, though he still went to turn the knob. It was locked.

    “I, uh, these houses… They aren’t yours. You can’t just go in them,” I mumbled. His eyes widened in response.

    “Why not? Senori always says things like that.”

    “They’re private. You have to ask to go in,” I said, a bit more confidently this time.

    “Oh. I guess they’re too good and cozy for everyone to have,” Sai said, though his voice was still upbeat, as Senori would have put it.
    I'm beginning to wonder if my theory was right. He really seems completely unfamiliar with such simple concepts.

    “Uh, right…”

    “Okay, then! Well, we now have a goal for today.”

    “We do?”

    “Yep. We’re going to get invited to everyone’s houses. We’ll get to everyone in town,” Sai declared, grinning ecstatically.
    This... isn't going to go well.

    “Oh…?” I started, but Sai had already started wandering off to find the few people who were already wandering about. I made my way over to him as fast as I could, but I was a bit late. He was talking to a girl who didn’t look quite as confused as I was, but pretty close. Her hands grabbed on to the straps of the bag that rested at her side, and her lips were parted slightly, as if she were going to speak, but was unsure of what to say. There was more sunlight now that dawn had passed—was Sai looking for brightness, too? I couldn’t tell what he wanted. I felt more and more disconnected with this boy with every passing minute, but it seemed to be the opposite for him. He was feeling more, connecting more—at the expense of his dignity, no doubt, but he nonetheless seemed to be making an attempt at being… human.

    “So, yeah…” I heard Sai say. “I’d really, really like to come by and see everything and, uh, talk.”

    “Um...” the girl said, looking around nervously. And then she spotted me. I was standing behind Sai’s legs, trying to stay hidden yet present so that I could stop him should he do anything too stupid. “Are you a trainer?”

    “Yes,” Sai said proudly. “This is Atis, my hitmontop. He’s a little shy, but that’s okay.”

    “My brother’s a trainer, too,” she said proudly, thankfully ignoring me from then on. “He just got back to town after getting his first pokémon. He says being around non-trainers is already a bit weird, so maybe he’d like you to come over.”
    Wow, I'm surprised that this actually worked.

    “That’d be nice. Let’s go, then,” Sai said, taking a step toward her.

    “Oh, it’s a bit early right now... Why don’t you come back later? For dinner or something,” the girl said. “Just remember which house I live in, okay? They all look the same.”
    Inviting Sai over for dinner... I don't like where this could be going...

    Sai’s face fell a little, but he didn’t lose his spirit. He said good-bye to her and told me he was going to go find someone who would talk to him now, and he was off again. What luck he had, after all, getting one step closer to reaching his goal not even five minutes into his adventure! And what terrible encouragement, I thought bitterly.

    The next few people he talked to, though, were trainers who didn’t live in Azalea Town. They offered, however, to give away their phone numbers, just in case he ever wanted to talk or if he needed something. When he explained he didn’t have a phone, he was advised to get one, and to hand out his number whenever he was given the chance. It was extremely helpful among trainers, apparently, to have some kind of back-up help if necessary. I wondered where they had learned that. While I didn’t approve of the training thing, I did approve of the tactic…
    Is this meant to lampshade the Pokegear and phone number trading? I had to smile a little at it because of that.

    And while I was lost in my thoughts, Sai had left again. He was off to the pokémart.

    At least I knew where the pokémart was. They were always easy to point out because of their blue roofs and a sign that blatantly said what the building was used for. I went inside and spotted Sai talking to the sales clerk, presumably asking for a phone.

    We were there for quite a few hours, which was the longest amount of time I had seen Sai sit still for thus far, if you didn’t count the adventure in the cave. There was just so much to choose from, Sai pointed out. Some phones had special features. All of them came in different shapes and sizes, too!

    After a while, I no longer bothered to stick around and listen to his ramblings. Following him around everywhere had already been tiring. Instead, I wandered around, seeing what other things that humans were allowed to buy. I ended up in the clothes section, since it was the only part of the store that didn’t scream out to trainers. Yes, people needed clothes for everyday use—and who made these clothes, anyway? Were there really enough people in the world to make enough clothes for everyone, when most people insisted on raising useless pokémon like me? The clothes aisle really wasn’t cutting it, either.
    Nice expansion on the stock and purpose of a Pokemart.

    Luckily, or unluckily, Sai eventually ran over to me and presented three phones that he had just bought. They all had the same essential feature that he was looking for, though if I remembered right, some of them had games available, along with maps and information about pokémon.

    “Don’t you only need… one?” was all I could ask.
    I am really beginning to wonder about why he has so much money so easily available to him.

    “Anyway, uh, we’re going to be leaving again soon… for dinner,” I said after a few moments of silence.

    “Dinner?”

    “Yep. Apparently, Sai now thinks that the town and everyone in it is his friend.”

    Senori’s face brightened. “That’s a good thing! Maybe he won’t be angry anymore.”
    I don't know. Something about this gives me a really bad feeling.

    Until it was time to go to dinner, Sai spent the rest of the time running around the lobby of the pokémon center, talking to everyone and showing off his partly dressed pokémon. Whenever he simply introduced me as his strong hitmontop, I closed my eyes and felt myself redden from embarrassment. There were so many pokémon around—none of which were evolved—and I knew they were all looking at me. All the new pokémon at the school had done the same. Some of the girls thought it was cute, but most people were trainers and were in a hurry to get going in order to get a head start in the forest before dark. They ignored him or brushed him off, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
    I can feel Atis's embarrassment here. It's palpable.

    I was able to get a better look at her when we found her since it was daytime. Blonde hair, big dark eyes, a narrow face with soft skin and a small mouth. She looked an awful lot like the guy who had saved Senori in the cave, and I hoped my assumptions weren’t correct. Since I had to memorize faces at the pokémon school and there had been quite a few siblings there over the years, I didn’t think I was wrong. I knew, at least, that he wouldn’t be here tonight, but still…
    Oh no. Here we go.

    I started paying attention to the situation at hand when she solemnly announced that Sai had been an hour late and had already missed dinner. And she didn’t have any pokémon food, though her brother should have been out shopping for some at that very moment. That only heightened my suspicions, but I didn’t have time to think about it as Sai pushed past her and walked into the house anyway. She looked shocked, but didn’t question him or make any attempt to get rid of him.

    Us three pokémon stared at one another, wondering if we should follow. Kuiora decided to take the lead and went in as well—he was our trainer, after all, and we couldn’t get in trouble for being loyal, now could we? I was about to point out my observations about the girl, but decided against it.
    I really have to say, I love how you're illustrating the differences in their personalities. Kuiora is acting nicely as a catalyst for that.

    “I don’t mean to be rude… but do you have your own place? Where are you from?”

    Sai stopped. He didn’t blink, didn’t move. For a moment, he was passive once again. “Vermilion City. And sure I did,” he said finally, “but it was different.”
        Spoiler:- Sai:


    “Oh? How so? I don’t know much about the Kanto region,” she explained. She sat down at the table and motioned for Sai to join her, but he didn’t. I wondered if he missed the gesture entirely or was too fascinated by the table to the point where he was afraid of breaking it.

    “I’ve never been in a kitchen. People brought food to me,” he said, smiling again.

    “Not much of a cook, huh?” she said, smiling back. I noted that she didn’t take Sai so seriously, though I believed actions spoke much louder than words.

    “Yeah… I mean, I had walls. And, uh, a bed…”
        Spoiler:- Sai:


    I tuned them out until Sai said it was time to go. I was thinking that, in a sense, this was like being with Earl in Violet City. Conversations were vague and inconclusive. No one was particularly close with anyone, though they sure tried to be. The main difference was that Earl was never so excited to be in such a place, while Sai was ecstatic.

    I thought that maybe something good could come from this hectic day. Sai seemed happiest in a comforting place like this. He sure was happier than any other time I’d seen him so far, anyway. Maybe he could stay in Azalea Town. He didn’t have to travel or train; he could make new goals. Yes, this morning he had had a rather odd… goal. But it had nothing to do with pokémon, and I could work with that. He didn’t even complete his goal, either, but I could work with that, too. I wasn’t accustomed to being a battling pokémon, and neither was Senori. Kuiora may have been another story, but she was young; she could adapt without problem. We could stay, and Sai could become something that wasn’t a trainer, something that wouldn’t make him miserable.
    If only Sai's life could be that simple...

    When Sai said it was time to go, the girl ushered us out the door. I was hardly paying attention to anything being said anymore, but I did hear him address her as Sasha. I mentally said good-bye to her, and hoped that we wouldn’t be getting any trouble over visiting if her brother really was the boy who didn’t like Sai.

    I also noted that she didn’t invite us to stay for the night. Wasn’t that a normal thing to offer your guests? It was probably for the best if my assumptions about her knowing the hero from the cave. I wasn’t human, so I couldn’t tell the depth of her wariness toward Sai. I just knew that I probably felt more human than he did that day, and that needed to change.
    That last line strikes me as something worth noting, I think.

    “Yep,” he replied. I had been hoping for a different answer, but okay. I could deal with that.

    “Well, I thought that we could… Well, you seemed happier in Azalea Town today.” I stepped a little further inside the room as I noticed that I was still by the doorway. I had to appear friendly, not scared.

    “I guess… Visiting the girl was fun, but she also pointed out my enthusiasm,” Sai said, bending down to take off his shoes. Halfway through untying them, he stood up.

    “That’s a bad thing?” I asked, watching him. He started rearranging things in the room—he opened the windows, put the plants in different corners, ruffled and then fixed the bed sheets. It took a long time for him to answer.

    “Most of the time...” he finally said, slowly. Once again, he seemed passive, and I wasn’t sure why.

    “I think it’s a good thing,” I pointed out, trying to cheer him up.

    But it backfired.

    “And what do you know?” he snapped, turning sharply to look at me. His eyes were still glazed over, I noticed. It was hard not to notice. I stumbled backward a bit despite myself, as if he had physically hit me.

    “Being happy is a g-good thing, Sai… Y-You seemed happy here, you know? Talking to everyone and everything,” I said. I didn’t believe my own words. “M-Maybe we could stay here for a while. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but it could be longer than a few days…”

    He simply kept walking around, slower this time, still cleaning things, still attempting to fix things that weren’t broken in the first place. I just stared and wondered if I had said too much and stayed too long.

    Eventually, he mumbled, “Get out.”

    “Huh?” I wanted to make sure I had heard him right. If I couldn’t succeed now, who knew when I’d try again…?

    “I told you to get out,” Sai said, louder and more stern this time. He made his way over the table in the corner of the room.

    “I got you guys your own rooms for a reason—”

    —he moved the lamp on the table from one side to another—

    “—so get out—”

    —and it apparently wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t perfect, so he tried again—

    “—go to your own room—”

    —but it was no good, so he ripped the cord out of the wall—

    “—just get out!”

    —because it’s always the little things that get to us.

    He finally stopped screaming and fumbling with the lamp.

    Instead, he growled and threw the lamp at me.
    Yeah, here it goes. I knew he wasn't going to last like that. Something is very, very wrong with him, especially with the hyper-elevation of his mood earlier in the day.

    Kuiora, however, was another story. Her door opened and she looked at me with a mixture of annoyance and confusion. She had taken the time to drag a chair to the door so that she could open the door. Now, she was looking down at me.
    Another neat bit of characterization for Kuiora, her craftiness and ingenuity.

    “He’s just angry. We shouldn’t, uh, interfere…” I said before she could question anything, noting the obvious hypocrisy in my words.

    “I thought you two were fighting,” she pointed out.

    “We kind of were…” I said sheepishly.

    “Physical fighting? Pokémon battle fighting?”

    “Well, no, but—”

    “I’m going to become stronger than you someday, you know.”

    “Eh?” I asked. Just what I needed—more cryptic answers… I half-heartedly listened as I checked over the rest of my body to make sure I wasn’t hurt.

    “Yeah. You got to fight the first gym battle all by yourself and you apparently got some attention tonight. But I’m going to get stronger than you. It’ll be a competition of sorts,” she said.

    Well, I wasn’t hurt physically, but mentally… “I-I don’t want competition—” I started, but she cut me off with a water gun to the face. I didn’t finish my sentence, and was now spitting water out of my mouth instead of words. It was an accurate comparison, but annoying nonetheless.

    “You can’t expect to be the strongest and not have competition!” Kuiora cried.

    At least it wasn’t a lamp, I thought bitterly. At least I wasn’t hearing screaming or crashing anymore. But now I was wet and cold and utterly defeated. I was done.

    “I don’t need this…” I said. I stood up, coughed up the last of the water that had been shot into my mouth, and I finally let myself into my own room. “I’m going to bed. You can have him.”

    “Wait—”

    I shut the door.

    I heard nothing else for the rest of the night.
    The level of development you're giving to the Pokemon is excellent. I'm really loving how each one has their own distinct, developed personality with strengths and flaws that contribute to their respective views of situations.

    “Could I stay in your room tonight?” he asked quickly. Well, he sure didn’t waste any time getting to the point, but it wasn’t at all what I was expecting. And what was I expecting, anyway? An apology? …A hug? It wasn’t likely.

    “Um…” was all I could say. He looked tired, but apparently, he was still moving quickly, thinking quickly.

    “Look, I’m sorry that happened. I-I mean… That’s not right. You have to understand. I get these moods sometimes. Everything speeds up for me, I think so much, and I want to do a million things at once and I want to talk to a million people so I forget things, things don’t get done, and there’s never enough time in the world though it goes by so slowly, and yeah, I seem happy, this is the first time I’ve ever been able to do things I wanted when like this, and it was fun but it turned wrong, I can always turn angry so fast and… and… I’m not usually violent, but that was a touchy subject. I don’t know… Being happy is depressing for me, it’s stressful, everything’s too fast. I can’t think straight right now. I can’t… Do you understand what I’m saying?”
    I just got struck like a freight train by a crushing idea that I can guess exactly what his origin actually is if my original guess was wrong. It just hit me.

    “Oh. Well, you didn’t miss too much. Some poison pokémon threatened to kill me after I tried to pick it up and talk to it. Senori had to try to talk some sense into it or something. I don’t remember much else…”

    “Sounds like it was another interesting day,” I noted. Somehow, I was still surprised.

    But he wasn’t. He just said, “Something like that,” and then we were quiet.
    And that can't be a good sign either.

    All in all, this chapter was very challenging emotionally. You were right that reading it gets a reader emotionally tied to Sai, and that rollercoaster effect you described was in full effect. I really do believe that I can accurately guess what's going on with Sai now. The biggest part I want to comment on is the development of the Pokemon - this chapter was the one where they really began to stand out completely as separate entities, and it worked superbly.

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  12. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Hmm. I'm trying to remember, did Sai actually get permission to take Atis or did Sai steal him?
    A bit of both, I guess. Sai used Atis in the gym battle when he didn't have direct permission to do so. To actually leave Violet City entirely, however, Atis said good-bye and got permission from Earl.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I have to say, this part is by itself already a big development of Atis's character. You're using words very efficiently, and really reinforcing what we know about Atis already.
    Atis tends to take one step forward, three steps back. Or whatever saying that is. So yeah, seems like a huge development, but I think by the end it didn't go over very well.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    "It took a little over three weeks to get out of the cave." Besides that, another good paragraph.
    Not sure what's wrong with that part... lol. Don't see grammar issues... Does it just not fit in context?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I'm beginning to wonder about him again. This isn't normal.
    No, no it's not. lol

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Who is the "his" referring to?
    "His" is referring to Sai. I'll go back and make that more clear.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I personally would not use "half bright, half dark" twice in such rapid succession. It's a little bit repetitive.
    I see what you mean. I'll go back and fix it, thanks for pointing it out~

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    This isn't Sai. Something happened.
    Oh, it's Sai. haha. But something did happen, yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Wow, I'm surprised that this actually worked.
    Can't have Sai get only bad luck, you know? Also, I would think this would be a rather common things for homeowners to deal with in towns, since trainers are passing by all the time. :O

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Is this meant to lampshade the Pokegear and phone number trading? I had to smile a little at it because of that.
    Yes, yes it is. I always thought it was ridiculous to hand out your number to everyone possible only for nothing to come of it, but it really fits here.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I really have to say, I love how you're illustrating the differences in their personalities. Kuiora is acting nicely as a catalyst for that.
    Thanks, I'm glad you think so.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    If only Sai's life could be that simple...
    He'd surely appreciate it if it were so simple. haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    That last line strikes me as something worth noting, I think.
    It is indeed important, so I'm glad you realized that.~

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I just got struck like a freight train by a crushing idea that I can guess exactly what his origin actually is if my original guess was wrong. It just hit me.
    I'd be interested to hear any and all of your theories, haha. The other ones you mentioned in your post were nice to see.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    All in all, this chapter was very challenging emotionally. You were right that reading it gets a reader emotionally tied to Sai, and that rollercoaster effect you described was in full effect. I really do believe that I can accurately guess what's going on with Sai now. The biggest part I want to comment on is the development of the Pokemon - this chapter was the one where they really began to stand out completely as separate entities, and it worked superbly.
    Thanks, I'm glad you found it emotionally challenging. That was how it was supposed to be. And thanks about the character development--since we're out of the way with introduction-only chapters, I only hope to keep expanding on them from here.

    Thanks for commenting/reviewing~! I appreciate it.

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  13. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
    Not sure what's wrong with that part... lol. Don't see grammar issues... Does it just not fit in context?
    You said "get out the cave," forgetting the "of."

    I'd be interested to hear any and all of your theories, haha. The other ones you mentioned in your post were nice to see.
        Spoiler:- Sai:

    (Banner by Matori)
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  14. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    You said "get out the cave," forgetting the "of."
    Oh. *dumb* I was reading your corrected version so I got confused. Will fix it, thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
        Spoiler:- Sai:
    You are surprisingly the first person to suggest this. I like it.

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  15. #65
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    SURVIVAL PROJECT

    chapter 7 ; [SENORI]
    oracle

    *

    Like everyone else, I wondered what was wrong with Sai. I asked myself that question all the time, but nothing good came of it. He was my clan now, and I had to figure him out. I tried, yet something else crazy always happened the moment I thought I had him figured out.

    Why did he buy three phones? Didn’t matter—now he was walking into random peoples’ houses. Why did he suddenly want to be everyone’s friend? Well, then he was causing a ruckus in the pokémon center, I had to focus on that. …Why was I wearing this shirt? That stayed constant, at least, but it got me nowhere.

    All I knew was that he was rubbing off on me now that we had been traveling together for a while. It was just like being in my clan again, except it felt like only the two of us, since the boy was overbearing and consuming, unlike Atis and Kuiora. When someone in the clan was upset, so was I, and I tried to fix it. When danger came about, I could have left, but I felt their fear and diminished it as best as I could. Now, when Sai got angry, so did I. He was feeling frantic… and so was I. But I didn’t know what to do with this anger or sudden energy, because I couldn’t trace it back to any source. There was nothing.

    So I went through the motions. Fate would decide for me. I didn’t try to stop the fight between Sai and that boy who had saved me. I stayed with Kuiora while Atis spent the day with his new trainer. I had been hoping that Atis, who had had so much more experience with humans, could do a better job at figuring him out.

    But the day after, Atis didn’t show up at all. Had he given up already? I simply watched Sai get into more trouble. I was frozen, seeing how the anger and energy had no particular outlet. Everything was random… and potentially destructive. How could I get rid of it? I feared that I couldn’t.

    And the day after that, Atis came to my door, calling my name to try to get my attention. The sound was so quiet and hesitant that I thought I was imagining things—but he tried again soon enough, more urgent this time. I wobbled over to the door, tired from thinking too much though I had just slept. I put my ears to the door and asked what he wanted.

    “Sai is gone! I mean, well, yeah, he’s gone…” Atis started. “I, uh, went to his room… and he wouldn’t answer the door or anything… He’s gone.”

    “Are you sure he’s not just sleeping?” I said, rolling my eyes. I wasn’t concerned for Sai at all, but rather upset that he was still pulling stunts like this.

    “No… Well, yeah. Just trust me!” he said.

    “I think we should just go to his room and see,” I said, sighing. Atis was being difficult, and I didn’t know why.

    “That’s, um, wasting time. He’s not there. Sai… never sleeps,” he said, his voice becoming louder the more he spoke.

    That made sense, though. At first, Sai seemed to sleep just fine, but then he started sleeping less and less.

    “Okay… Do you know where he’d be?” I said, finally giving in.

    “No. I was hoping you could sniff him out or something, since you’re not eating breakfast this time…”

    Atis was just as lost as I was when it came to figuring out Sai, apparently. And he was asking me to help him find the boy again, just like he had asked when Sai supposedly ran off to breakfast. How could we be playing this game of follow the leader when I no longer felt like someone that others could look up to?

    “Fine. I can do that,” I said. I didn’t sound confident, but it was a step in the right direction. “Can you, uh, open my door for me? I’m not as tall as you.”

    A few moments later, Atis opened the door and looked at me oddly. “It was… unlocked… all night.”

    “I don’t know how to use a key, as Sai called it,” I said a bit too quickly. I walked out the door, pushing past him. This was about our trainer, not me, after all.

    “You know someone could have walked in here and hurt you or something?” Atis said, closing the door, but not bothering to lock it, either.

    “Oh well,” I said instantly, and changed the subject. “Should we get Kuiora?”

    *

    Sai smelled like metal. The smell of dirt had clung to him a bit over the past few weeks, but it wasn’t powerful enough for me to focus on. It was both a good and a bad thing. It was a bad thing because it was a terrible smell and not at all like I was used to. It was, however, easy to find him.

    It was early in the morning, though there were a few people out and about. They stared at us, probably wondering if we belonged to a trainer or not. If they asked, how would I answer? I wasn’t entirely sure. I didn’t think about it since Atis kept asking me how long it would take to find him even though little time had passed, and Kuiora kept telling him to be quiet.

    I tracked the boy to the edge of the city before they started getting out of hand. After following the unmistakable metallic smell (and after wondering how I had missed his smell when he first attacked me), I realized that we would be following him down into some kind of cave, but it wasn’t the one we traveled through to get here. I made my way to the stairs and peered into the darkness. It was inviting, but I couldn’t stand staring at it for very long.

    “I guess we’re going into another cave…” I said, taking a few steps back. I could only hope that this one wasn’t as dangerous as the other. “Maybe you two should stay here. I’ll get him real quick and bring him out.”

    “You obviously need us,” Kuiora said. “Who’s going to fight the wild pokémon for you?”

    “It doesn’t matter,” I stated, but I didn’t say why. If I was being honest, it would be better this time, since no one would be able to save me. Or maybe my newfound energy would provide me with enough power to win. “If it’s dangerous like the other cave, then you should stay.”

    “That gives us more incentive to go in!” Kuiora said, making her way to the stairs as well.

    Atis chimed in before I could speak. “Maybe Kuiora’s right… She should go with you.”

    “And why shouldn’t you?” I snapped.

    “W-Well,” Atis stammered, “I do have the most experience out of all of us…”

    Kuiora turned around and stomped her feet. “So? I already told you that I’m going to be stronger than you. Didn’t you hear me?”

    “I’m sure he heard you,” I cut in. “Look—”

    “Professor Elm told me stories about this kind of thing. Someone always tries to be the hero and that someone gets hurt,” Kuiora said. Despite the morbid topic, she was smiling, and she was looking at Atis, not me. “I’m not going to try to be the hero. I really am going to be the hero, and to do that, I have to get stronger.”

    “Those are just stories, Kuiora…” Atis said, rubbing the back of his head and refusing to look at her.

    “He tells them like they’re stories, but they’re real. If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll tell them to you someday,” she said.

    “You guys can follow, then. But don’t complain if you get hurt or something,” I cut in, turning my attention to the cave. I knew I could possibly regret it later, but I was too angry to care at the moment. I had the energy to stop their fight, but it was negative energy, and I was going to take it out on Sai, just like he was taking it all out on us.

    *

    The cave (or as Atis later corrected, the well) wasn’t even that big, nor was it dangerous. It was filled with clean ponds and the stone walls didn’t look like they’d collapse on us at any moment. The wild pokémon were friendly, saying that the residents from Azalea Town came there all the time to get water and to make deals with the fellow slowpoke that lived deeper into the place. I had to keep Kuiora from attacking them, and Atis seemed beyond relieved. We all had come in prepared to prove ourselves and to fight if needed, but there was no reason to fight. Would this cause our tension to grow?

    If I had allowed the argument to escalate outside any further, it may have grown, for we found Sai at the fourth or fifth pond we came across. He was on his knees, crouched over the pond and reaching into it, seemingly searching for something frantically. Nearby was a large mound of pokéballs… all of which I knew were his, considering he had bought so many not too long ago.

    “I guess he really did need that many pokéballs. I bet he caught a lot of water pokémon,” I said, turning to Kuiora.

    “I guess so…” Kuiora said, staring at them with some discontent. “Water pokémon are obviously the best, but…”

    “Anyway,” I said, focusing on Sai now. Admittedly, I was afraid to approach him. I couldn’t help him, so why bother? But I had to eventually, I knew… so I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He snapped his head toward me immediately, surprised.

    “Senori!” he said. He almost sounded out of breath. Just what had he be doing down here? He stood up quickly, wiping off the dirt from his clothes. Whatever he was doing, he had been doing it for a while now. “Kuiora and Atis. What are you guys doing here?”

    “Atis said you weren’t in your room this morning… We were worried,” I said, the last three words sticking in my throat.

    “Oh,” Sai said simply. Then he smiled and picked me up, both of his hands soaking my fur. I tried to get out of his grasp since I was annoyed, but he wasn’t hearing any of it. He brought me over to the mound of pokéballs and extended his arms forward, making sure I saw them. “I’ve been fighting magikarp all night. I caught each one in a pokéball!”

    “Oh…?” I said, still trying to get free. We certainly didn’t need more teammates at this point, but I didn’t dare point it out.

    “We have… a lot of new teammates?” Kuiora said, her hands limping at her side. I guessed that she hadn’t been wanting more potential competition.

    “No, I won’t use them. They aren’t fit to be on this team!” Sai said confidently. He finally put me down, and I shook my body to rid myself of the water. “I didn’t really, uh, think about it. I just wanted to do something and this was what I ended up doing.”

    “We could, you know, release them…” Atis chimed in, picking up a couple pokéballs hesitantly. He didn’t seem to want new teammates, either.

    “We could just bring them with us and use them as food when we need to. We’ll never run out of food at this rate!” Sai said.

    I stared at him, dumbfounded. My instincts told me that it was a good idea. Having food handy was always vital. But these pokémon were probably expecting to be released at any moment to meet their new, friendly trainer and teammates. They were probably expecting to battle and journey with us… not get eaten.

    “Sai, that’s not fair. You can catch pokémon to eat anywhere,” I said, glaring at the boy.

    “Well, I’m not releasing them. I worked for them,” Sai said, but he wasn’t angry. He was smiling.

    It wasn’t fair. I was only angry because he had been angry, and now he was smiling? I couldn’t keep up. This boy was exhausting.

    “We’ll find something to do with them, something you’ll be happy with,” I said, trying to word myself carefully. Perhaps fate had a plan for all these poor magikarp, and in that case it wasn’t my place to intervene. But I knew Sai was meant for me, otherwise he wouldn’t have shown up when he did or forced me to come along as my punishment.

    “Sounds good to me.”

    We were all quiet for a moment. Kuiora was still staring at Sai, confused and frozen. Atis was looking at the pokéballs like he wanted to be in one at the bottom of the pile.

    I finally spoke up. “Now what are you going to do?”

    “I don’t know,” Sai said. “Could go shopping again, could go deeper into the well and stay there for a while…”

    Neither of those sounded like good options. I wasn’t a human but I knew that money was important. Staying in this well would drive Kuiora crazy, which would, in turn, drive the rest of us crazy. We were all feeling tension that needed to go away, but that was the easier task. Sai needed stability. I had to keep him on track, somehow, both physically and mentally… for everyone’s sake, not just his.

    “Why don’t we go battle the gym leader?” I suggested. It was the only feasible option that I could think of. The idea of a journey and gathering gym badges was the only thing that had kept Sai sane so far, after all.

    Sai opened his mouth like he was about to speak, and then he appeared lost in thought. Eventually, he agreed that it was the best idea, and that he was sorry that he hadn’t gotten around to it earlier. Yes, he had gotten off track, and time was running out now. At least he knew it.

    “Okay, let’s get out of here. Senori’s right. Gym battle,” Sai said, starting to gather all of the pokéballs that he had spent so much time trying to fill.

    We all left the well, trying to carry as many pokéballs as possible. None of us planned on returning, and we ended up leaving a few magikarp behind, but I couldn’t bring myself to worry about them. They were not meant to be with us, and that was for the best.

    *

    “Someday, we’ll actually make an appointment for these gym battles,” Sai declared on the way to the gym. He must have been somewhat aware of the gym this entire time, because he actually knew where it was, and led us there without problems.

    “Why do you need an appointment?” I asked. I would make an attempt to remember this for the future. The more information I could get that would help me keep Sai stable, the better.

    “Because Falkner was mad last when I came in after he already had so many challengers.”

    “I see,” I said, staying close behind him. He was walking quickly, almost running, and I was glad to be burning off some energy. Atis was much further behind, and when I looked at him, he was frowning and looked like he wanted to say something, but never did. Perhaps he was afraid to be used in another gym battle. Kuiora, by contrast, was making an effort to keep up with Sai, also frowning whenever she started tripping over her own feet since she was trying to move so fast.

    Azalea Town’s gym, unlike the last one, was completely filled. Trees everywhere, small ponds and bugs everywhere, the quiet sound of nature. I wondered if it was a building at all. In fact, I felt like I was home, and it brought about an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I considered tugging on Sai’s pants and asking him if maybe we could come back later, but I decided against it. What was the point of prolonging the inevitable? I stayed behind my trainer, though I let Kuiora take my place in front.

    “I just keep learning more and more about buildings, don’t I? This one’s interesting,” Sai muttered, moving forward through the gym, faster and more confidently than when he had traveled through the other forest—my forest. This wasn’t a forest… but I could see that Sai was learning and becoming accustomed to more and more things. It made me less angry, and I figured that I could deal with being in this kind of setting once more for him.

    “Gym leader!” Kuiora suddenly cried, breaking my train of thought and the quietness that was previously present. I wondered how it felt for her to be in a forest-like place though she grew up in a town. The gym didn’t look that big from the outside, but to her, it must have seemed large enough to warrant such a loud cry. It only went to show just how vast nature could seem—it was endless and it was everywhere. It was beautiful. Yes, I could stand being here.

    I didn’t even change my opinion when Sai found the gym leader and sent me out to battle. Before, I would have protested against battling here due to being so angry and being reminded of home. But I could at least try here. This forest’s clan leader—a young boy who wore a sort of green ranger outfit—also made the place appealing. My clan was facing off against his, and who would win? I wanted to win.

    “Why does Senori get to battle?” Kuiora said, jumping up and down and looking frantically at Sai.

    “Does it matter?” Sai asked, peering down curiously.

    “Yes! I’ve been training for this!”

    “He hasn’t seen you train,” I pointed out. “I was with you the entire time and even I didn’t see you train.”

    “You were in a pokéball!”

    “My point still stands. No one’s seen you do much,” I said, smirking, and I turned toward my opponent. We were in a clearing, which so far was the only part of the gym that wasn’t crowded and full of trees. This area must have been set aside for pokémon battling, with the rest of the place being a home to these clan members. I was going to face one of them. There was a small green bug that was about half my size. Its red antennae were twitching randomly, and I wondered what it was thinking about me. The clan leader was smirking for some reason. Were they communicating somehow? It took a special bond to be able to communicate with silence… a bond that Sai and I didn’t have.

    “You can battle if Senori gets knocked out,” Sai said after a few moments. “So, uh, we can get started, right? I want to get this over with and go get the next badge.”

    “Yes,” the clan leader said, his voice eager and rather high in pitch. “The challenger is allowed to attack first.”

    “I remember now!” Sai said. “Well, Senori, start out with a… tackle, right?”

    So he had remembered some things from when we were fighting wild pokémon, too. Saying a single word instead of giving a full description of the attack surely helped things. I crouched down on all fours and then sprang forward, focusing on the power of the attack rather than the speed, since I didn’t think the little bug was moving anywhere.

    Apparently, the clan leader knew this, too. “Caterpie, tackle it back!” he cried.

    But I had had much more time to prepare myself and I was already close to it when the attack was called. We collided, and the little bug was sent flying back toward his clan leader’s feet. I had fallen forward, and struggled a bit to keep my balance. My head stung a little, but otherwise I was fine. The caterpie’s tackle was only successful in making me cautious about attacking it, knowing that I would get hurt as well. The little bug was still suffering the most, and it tried to keep himself upright.

    “All right!” Sai cheered. “Now, uh, tail whip!”

    I vaguely wondered how Sai could have remained so quiet during Atis’s battle at the last gym, when now he was anxious to call out attacks and cheer for our victory. Still, his excitement was contagious, and I was even more determined to win.

    I got down on all fours once more and sprang forward, looking straight into the caterpie’s large black eyes. He wouldn’t look at me, because it knew that it was done. My tail alone was bigger than the caterpie itself, and it was, in my opinion, the strongest part of my body. How could a clan leader have sent out such a defenseless member out to fight? But I couldn’t worry about that. I didn’t bother with the fact that it was still trying to stay upright, and when I was close enough to it, I swung my body around and slammed my tail into its side. I landed on my feet and was able to watch long enough to see the little bug slam into a nearby tree with a wail.

    “You’re doing good, Senori! One more tackle and it’s done for!”

    I looked at the clan leader, who was still smirking for whatever reason, which worried me. But I had to listen to Sai, and I did just that. For what I thought would be the last time, I pounced at the caterpie’s defenseless body once more.

    “Caterpie, use string shot,” I heard the clan leader say calmly.

    Since there were plenty of caterpie back at my forest, I knew what the attack could do. I knew that it would be very, very problematic and dangerous if I let it succeed. But I was already going too fast to stop myself, and when my body slammed into the caterpie’s once more, it used the last of its energy to shoot its attack. Out of its mouth came a long, sticky, white string that easily wrapped around my body since I was so close by. I wouldn’t have been so worried if the string also didn’t restrict the movement of my tail. I tried to break free by putting as much pressure on the string with my body (specifically my tail) as possible, but that only helped me make the string tighten with each passing moment. And when I tried to walk away, I simply fell, since my tail was my main source of balance.

    My tail was restricted, and therefore so was the rest of me.

    I turned to the caterpie and scowled only to see it close its eyes and give no response. It reminded me that there was still another pokémon left to fight, and I thought that maybe Kuiora would get to fight after all.

    “Caterpie, return. You finally got some experience and that was great,” the clan leader said, preparing a pokéball. My enemy was enveloped by a red light and was gone. I wasn’t sure who had won, and my confidence wavered. I stood in place, and just waited as the boy took out another pokéball and sent out his next pokémon.

    I was expecting another tiny little bug. What I got was a big bug with long, sharp scythes. And a menacing look that sure put Sai’s angry face to shame. It was at least three times my size, and I was used to fighting enemies that were short and tiny. I was tied up and hardly able to move, too—even better.

    The green creature let out a noise that resembled something like a battle cry. I might have whimpered.

    “Senori, you can still use tackle, right?” Sai cried frantically. He knew how awful the situation was as well. That was a good sign, though I didn’t think he knew what to do about it.

    “Yes,” I said as loud as I could. I could still tackle, yes, but I couldn’t run. I’d get close to the enemy and be stuck there. And I couldn’t prepare myself as well when my body was restricted by the sticky string. Could Sai understand that? I just knew that if he called the command, I would listen if that was what he thought was best.

    “Scyther, use quick attack!” the clan leader ordered.

    The scyther didn’t hesitate in its pursuit. The wings on its back fluttered wildly and soon it was in the air, heading my way. I could see it smirking, and though I knew that I had little hope, I tried to move out of the way. I was about to trip over my own feet when the creature’s head slammed into my belly, and I was sent flying into the same tree that the caterpie had hit. I scowled, making an attempt to not make any painful noises that would prove to the scyther that it was going to win.

    “Even if I lose,” I started, then took a moment to catch my breath, “another clan member of mine will take over.”

    “What are you talking about?” the scyther asked, its smirk disappearing only for a moment. “No matter. I’ll end you.”

    “You do that,” I said, making an honest effort to smile.

    “I will. I’m just waiting for the command,” it replied, turning its head to motion the boy to speak.

    “Fury cutter,” the boy said confidently.

    The scyther nodded and turned to me once more. He wasn’t moving as fast this time; he was probably trying to make this as miserable for me as possible. I had to admit that this was a rather admirable clan member that the boy had here. He looked strong, and he could probably ward off any potential predators by simply standing around. I closed my eyes and braced myself, knowing this would probably hurt. Those scythes seemed too sharp to only cause some mere scratches, and I knew it. I told myself it wouldn’t be so bad—it was my punishment for not being a strong enough clan leader, anyway.

    I heard the scyther’s wings fluttering again. Over and over. It became louder with every passing moment, and I knew bracing myself was worthless since I would knw when the attack was coming now. A light breeze brushed against my cheek before I felt intense pain, before I felt some of my skin being dug in to. I screamed and screamed again when the other side of my body experienced the same blow.

    And then it was over. The scyther hadn’t cut into me as much or as deep as he could have, but the pain lingered. I winced. Something warm was dripping down my sides, now—probably blood, since it couldn’t be tears. I wouldn’t dare cry. My theory was confirmed when I opened my eyes and saw blood dripping from the creature’s scythes through teary eyes, staining the forest floor. I feared for Kuiora—she would be next, and would possibly go through the same pain. And she was so young, too…

    “Let the little thing stand up,” the clan leader said suddenly.

    My eyes snapped open fully, looking around frantically for what could possibly be a trick. But the scyther was simply waiting in front of me, and the clan leader was standing on his side of the arena, his arms crossed. I also noticed that the scyther had cut the sticky string that was restricting my body. I was free.

    “You heard him. Stand up,” the scyther said, its smirk gone and its scythes at his side. He showed no sign of wanting to defend itself. It was obvious that the scyther didn’t have to defend itself, but I could do anything I wanted to right now.

    “Why should I? You said you’d end me, or something along those lines,” I said in between breaths.

    “Stand up. I’ll let you get on free hit on me. You can do whatever you want… and then you’re done.”

    So the scyther had cut the string on purpose. But if I was being honest, I didn’t want to move. My sides hurt and I didn’t want to see just how much blood would be shaming me, taunting me. But this… There was still a chance to win? I could somehow, possibly, maybe gather enough energy and concentrate on one attack. I was free from the string now, so that made things a lot easier. But I hadn’t hurt the scyther at all, so the chances of me winning was really low. Still, it was a chance. Wasn’t I trying to force myself to take chances lately?

    But I wouldn’t even get the chance. Sai intervened before I could even begin trying to get on my feet. He charged into the battle arena, frowning and clenching his fists. He picked me up, and I winced again as he wasn’t trying to be careful about it.

    “You know that walking onto the arena and interrupting the battle disqualifies you, right?” the clan leader asked. I couldn’t see his face, but he sounded confused and somewhat disappointed.

    “No, I didn’t know,” Sai said. “But I don’t care. I don’t want to fight you if you’re going to go easy on me and treat my pokémon like they’re jokes.”

    I flailed in his arms, ignoring the pain. I had suggested to come here, and we both knew that time was running out… I felt like so much had to be done in so little time, and I didn’t know why. But if it matters to Sai, it mattered to me.

    “Sai, it’s fine,” I said. “You can still use Kuiora, and—”

    “No, it’s not fine!” he cried, cutting me off abruptly. “Bugsy here used a weak pokémon on purpose. Now he’s obviously using a strong pokémon, but won’t use its strength because he feels sorry for you.”

    Now I could hear the clan leader—Bugsy—was walking onto the arena, saying, “I didn’t do that to go easy on you.”

    “Why did you do it then?” Sai said, holding me tighter, which only caused me more pain. I didn’t say anything else.

    “Most trainers think that only strong pokémon are good for battling. But not’s not true,” Bugsy said, shaking his head. “Even weak pokémon are useful, and even strong pokémon have a chance of losing.”

    “I don’t see why this matters. I came here for a gym badge.”

    “Gym battles aren’t just about winning and losing! I wanted to teach you, a new trainer, about this as early in your journey as possible. It’ll be important—”

    “Stop,” Sai said, taking a few steps back. “I’m really tired of people telling me what’s right and what’s wrong. Part of the reason I agreed to go on this journey was so that I could figure it out myself.”

    “I understand… but we learn from others, you know.”

    “That should be a choice. You shouldn’t be forcing it on me in the gym battle that I have to go through to complete my journey.”

    “You’re right, I can’t influence your decision completely. But I did it so you could at least think about it,” Bugsy said, digging into his pocket. “I admire you, however, for standing up for yourself and your pokémon.”

    “I don’t want your badge, so you better not be getting one out of your pocket,” Sai said defensively. He started to turn and go to where Kuiora and Atis were standing. They looked at each other and shrugged. Kuiora must have been happy since this would mean she could get a second chance, but I didn’t know about Atis. He was probably fine with whatever happened.

    “I would give it to you if you would take it,” I heard Bugsy say, but his voice was becoming more and more distant.

    “I don’t want it...” Sai muttered.

    “Sai! This means we’ll be coming back soon, right?” Kuiora said, jumping up and down again. “Real soon, right? Because we’re running out of time and whatever.”

    “This certainly wastes more time. We’ll just have to make sure I don’t stay in a town this long anymore, okay? If that’s even possible…” Then he looked down at me, and I winced again. Looking at the scyther’s eyes was terrible, but Sai’s eyes were still just as scary. “I’m sorry you had to fight and get hurt for nothing, Senori. Bugsy wasn’t trying at all and it was unfair.”

    “It’s okay,” I said weakly, though I didn’t really think it was okay. I hadn’t seen it at the time, but the clan leader really wasn’t trying. A real clan leader should be putting his own pokémon above everyone else, no matter what. He shouldn’t have been worrying about us. And the fact that I had fallen into that trap made me feel like a terrible leader myself, all over again. I was angry and frozen—again.

    I didn’t say anything more. He took us to the pokémon center. We were right back where we started, I thought. It was a fresh start, kind of.

    The nurses took me to the back room and removed the rest of the sticky string. They stopped the bleeding and patched me up as well. I was hardly paying attention as they tried to say reassuring things and treat me like a baby. I just thought about how could I help Sai now? He was unpredictable, and his varying moods kept me from thinking straight. He couldn’t think straight, either, which didn’t help. If I hadn’t become angry and frozen, I would have told him to march right back in that gym and just use Kuiora for the rest of the battle. He could demand a fair battle if he wanted, but he couldn’t leave. But I had let him leave, and who knows what we would be doing next?

    I wondered if I could try to become immune to Sai’s emotions. I would always put him above myself, sure. I just couldn’t get angry when he was angry, or excited when he was. His emotions couldn’t effect me or cloud my judgment, no matter what.

    It would be difficult, I knew. But I could at least try.

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  16. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post

    SURVIVAL PROJECT

    chapter 7 ; [SENORI]
    oracle

    *

    Like everyone else, I wondered what was wrong with Sai. I asked myself that question all the time, but nothing good came of it. He was my clan now, and I had to figure him out. I tried, yet something else crazy always happened the moment I thought I had him figured out.
    Noting that Sai's party is Senori's new clan is a clever, effective way of showing how his life's changed.

    Why did he buy three phones? Didn’t matter—now he was walking into random peoples’ houses. Why did he suddenly want to be everyone’s friend? Well, then he was causing a ruckus in the pokémon center, I had to focus on that. …Why was I wearing this shirt? That stayed constant, at least, but it got me nowhere.

    All I knew was that he was rubbing off on me now that we had been traveling together for a while. It was just like being in my clan again, except it felt like only the two of us, since the boy was overbearing and consuming, unlike Atis and Kuiora. When someone in the clan was upset, so was I, and I tried to fix it. When danger came about, I could have left, but I felt their fear and diminished it as best as I could. Now, when Sai got angry, so did I. He was feeling frantic… and so was I. But I didn’t know what to do with this anger or sudden energy, because I couldn’t trace it back to any source. There was nothing.
    All of this is very effective too. Senori has definitely developed over time, and this is a good description of it.

    So I went through the motions. Fate would decide for me. I didn’t try to stop the fight between Sai and that boy who had saved me. I stayed with Kuiora while Atis spent the day with his new trainer. I had been hoping that Atis, who had had so much more experience with humans, could do a better job at figuring him out.

    But the day after, Atis didn’t show up at all. Had he given up already? I simply watched Sai get into more trouble. I was frozen, seeing how the anger and energy had no particular outlet. Everything was random… and potentially destructive. How could I get rid of it? I feared that I couldn’t.
    Oh wow, this was unexpected. Given all the bad stuff that's happened, now I'm left to wonder what happened this time.

    And the day after that, Atis came to my door, calling my name to try to get my attention. The sound was so quiet and hesitant that I thought I was imagining things—but he tried again soon enough, more urgent this time. I wobbled over to the door, tired from thinking too much though I had just slept. I put my ears to the door and asked what he wanted.

    “Sai is gone! I mean, well, yeah, he’s gone…” Atis started. “I, uh, went to his room… and he wouldn’t answer the door or anything… He’s gone.”
    Okay, yeah, something happened again. It can't be good either, if Sai just up and left and left his Pokemon behind too. Hopefully he didn't abandon them.

    “Are you sure he’s not just sleeping?” I said, rolling my eyes. I wasn’t concerned for Sai at all, but rather upset that he was still pulling stunts like this.

    “No… Well, yeah. Just trust me!” he said.

    “I think we should just go to his room and see,” I said, sighing. Atis was being difficult, and I didn’t know why.

    “That’s, um, wasting time. He’s not there. Sai… never sleeps,” he said, his voice becoming louder the more he spoke.

    That made sense, though. At first, Sai seemed to sleep just fine, but then he started sleeping less and less.
    I wonder if this is a hint at something, because it kind of reads like one. It certainly is not normal, and it might drift toward one of my theories about him.

    Atis was just as lost as I was when it came to figuring out Sai, apparently. And he was asking me to help him find the boy again, just like he had asked when Sai supposedly ran off to breakfast. How could we be playing this game of follow the leader when I no longer felt like someone that others could look up to?
    This part was very powerful. It hit me as a strong indicator of where Senori's character has gone since the story began.

    Sai smelled like metal. The smell of dirt had clung to him a bit over the past few weeks, but it wasn’t powerful enough for me to focus on. It was both a good and a bad thing. It was a bad thing because it was a terrible smell and not at all like I was used to. It was, however, easy to find him.
    Metal or dirt? I don't think they can really be called the same thing.

    It was early in the morning, though there were a few people out and about. They stared at us, probably wondering if we belonged to a trainer or not. If they asked, how would I answer? I wasn’t entirely sure. I didn’t think about it since Atis kept asking me how long it would take to find him even though little time had passed, and Kuiora kept telling him to be quiet.

    I tracked the boy to the edge of the city before they started getting out of hand. After following the unmistakable metallic smell (and after wondering how I had missed his smell when he first attacked me), I realized that we would be following him down into some kind of cave, but it wasn’t the one we traveled through to get here. I made my way to the stairs and peered into the darkness. It was inviting, but I couldn’t stand staring at it for very long.

    “I guess we’re going into another cave…” I said, taking a few steps back. I could only hope that this one wasn’t as dangerous as the other. “Maybe you two should stay here. I’ll get him real quick and bring him out.”
    Another cave? I wonder which one this is. The note about stairs implies it's the Slowpoke Well.

    “You obviously need us,” Kuiora said. “Who’s going to fight the wild pokémon for you?”

    “It doesn’t matter,” I stated, but I didn’t say why. If I was being honest, it would be better this time, since no one would be able to save me. Or maybe my newfound energy would provide me with enough power to win. “If it’s dangerous like the other cave, then you should stay.”

    “That gives us more incentive to go in!” Kuiora said, making her way to the stairs as well.

    Atis chimed in before I could speak. “Maybe Kuiora’s right… She should go with you.”

    “And why shouldn’t you?” I snapped.

    “W-Well,” Atis stammered, “I do have the most experience out of all of us…”

    Kuiora turned around and stomped her feet. “So? I already told you that I’m going to be stronger than you. Didn’t you hear me?”

    “I’m sure he heard you,” I cut in. “Look—”
    Really loving the interactions between these three. This is definitely one of the strongest points of the story so far - the characters have clear, well-defined personalities and distinguish themselves well while interacting with each other.

    “Professor Elm told me stories about this kind of thing. Someone always tries to be the hero and that someone gets hurt,” Kuiora said. Despite the morbid topic, she was smiling, and she was looking at Atis, not me. “I’m not going to try to be the hero. I really am going to be the hero, and to do that, I have to get stronger.”

    “Those are just stories, Kuiora…” Atis said, rubbing the back of his head and refusing to look at her.

    “He tells them like they’re stories, but they’re real. If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll tell them to you someday,” she said.

    “You guys can follow, then. But don’t complain if you get hurt or something,” I cut in, turning my attention to the cave. I knew I could possibly regret it later, but I was too angry to care at the moment. I had the energy to stop their fight, but it was negative energy, and I was going to take it out on Sai, just like he was taking it all out on us.
    You know, I can't blame him. I'm really seeing the level of stress Senori is feeling right now.

    The cave (or as Atis later corrected, the well) wasn’t even that big, nor was it dangerous. It was filled with clean ponds and the stone walls didn’t look like they’d collapse on us at any moment. The wild pokémon were friendly, saying that the residents from Azalea Town came there all the time to get water and to make deals with the fellow slowpoke that lived deeper into the place. I had to keep Kuiora from attacking them, and Atis seemed beyond relieved. We all had come in prepared to prove ourselves and to fight if needed, but there was no reason to fight. Would this cause our tension to grow?
    So it was the Slowpoke Well.

    If I had allowed the argument to escalate outside any further, it may have grown, for we found Sai at the fourth or fifth pond we came across. He was on his knees, crouched over the pond and reaching into it, seemingly searching for something frantically. Nearby was a large mound of pokéballs… all of which I knew were his, considering he had bought so many not too long ago.

    “I guess he really did need that many pokéballs. I bet he caught a lot of water pokémon,” I said, turning to Kuiora.

    “I guess so…” Kuiora said, staring at them with some discontent. “Water pokémon are obviously the best, but…”
    I get the feeling these Pokemon aren't going to be with Sai for very long. It would be too many new personalities to deal with.

    “Oh,” Sai said simply. Then he smiled and picked me up, both of his hands soaking my fur. I tried to get out of his grasp since I was annoyed, but he wasn’t hearing any of it. He brought me over to the mound of pokéballs and extended his arms forward, making sure I saw them. “I’ve been fighting magikarp all night. I caught each one in a pokéball!”
    Magikarp. Oh, great, those are gonna be really useful. Though, if he keeps one and it evolves...

    “Oh…?” I said, still trying to get free. We certainly didn’t need more teammates at this point, but I didn’t dare point it out.

    “We have… a lot of new teammates?” Kuiora said, her hands limping at her side. I guessed that she hadn’t been wanting more potential competition.

    “No, I won’t use them. They aren’t fit to be on this team!” Sai said confidently. He finally put me down, and I shook my body to rid myself of the water. “I didn’t really, uh, think about it. I just wanted to do something and this was what I ended up doing.”
    Nevermind.

    What exactly is going on, with him, I wonder? He's certainly acting far too erratically compared to the typical trainer.

    “We could, you know, release them…” Atis chimed in, picking up a couple pokéballs hesitantly. He didn’t seem to want new teammates, either.

    “We could just bring them with us and use them as food when we need to. We’ll never run out of food at this rate!” Sai said.

    I stared at him, dumbfounded. My instincts told me that it was a good idea. Having food handy was always vital. But these pokémon were probably expecting to be released at any moment to meet their new, friendly trainer and teammates. They were probably expecting to battle and journey with us… not get eaten.
    I'm not surprised that Sai would suggest this, but as we all know, Magikarp don't make good food.

    “Sai, that’s not fair. You can catch pokémon to eat anywhere,” I said, glaring at the boy.

    “Well, I’m not releasing them. I worked for them,” Sai said, but he wasn’t angry. He was smiling.

    It wasn’t fair. I was only angry because he had been angry, and now he was smiling? I couldn’t keep up. This boy was exhausting.
    Boy, that's sure an understatement, Senori.

    “We’ll find something to do with them, something you’ll be happy with,” I said, trying to word myself carefully. Perhaps fate had a plan for all these poor magikarp, and in that case it wasn’t my place to intervene. But I knew Sai was meant for me, otherwise he wouldn’t have shown up when he did or forced me to come along as my punishment.
    Do I see some possessiveness coming out of Senori? Interesting...

    “Sounds good to me.”

    We were all quiet for a moment. Kuiora was still staring at Sai, confused and frozen. Atis was looking at the pokéballs like he wanted to be in one at the bottom of the pile.

    I finally spoke up. “Now what are you going to do?”

    “I don’t know,” Sai said. “Could go shopping again, could go deeper into the well and stay there for a while…”
    He hasn't gotten the badge from Bugsy yet, right?

    Neither of those sounded like good options. I wasn’t a human but I knew that money was important. Staying in this well would drive Kuiora crazy, which would, in turn, drive the rest of us crazy. We were all feeling tension that needed to go away, but that was the easier task. Sai needed stability. I had to keep him on track, somehow, both physically and mentally… for everyone’s sake, not just his.

    “Why don’t we go battle the gym leader?” I suggested. It was the only feasible option that I could think of. The idea of a journey and gathering gym badges was the only thing that had kept Sai sane so far, after all.

    Sai opened his mouth like he was about to speak, and then he appeared lost in thought. Eventually, he agreed that it was the best idea, and that he was sorry that he hadn’t gotten around to it earlier. Yes, he had gotten off track, and time was running out now. At least he knew it.
    Well, there we go. This ought to be interesting.

    “Okay, let’s get out of here. Senori’s right. Gym battle,” Sai said, starting to gather all of the pokéballs that he had spent so much time trying to fill.

    We all left the well, trying to carry as many pokéballs as possible. None of us planned on returning, and we ended up leaving a few magikarp behind, but I couldn’t bring myself to worry about them. They were not meant to be with us, and that was for the best.
    That strikes me as needlessly cruel, leaving them in the balls but not releasing them.

    “Someday, we’ll actually make an appointment for these gym battles,” Sai declared on the way to the gym. He must have been somewhat aware of the gym this entire time, because he actually knew where it was, and led us there without problems.

    “Why do you need an appointment?” I asked. I would make an attempt to remember this for the future. The more information I could get that would help me keep Sai stable, the better.

    “Because Falkner was mad last when I came in after he already had so many challengers.”
    One would hope that he would have already made the appointment, but at this point, it's pretty clear that organization is not Sai's style.

    Azalea Town’s gym, unlike the last one, was completely filled. Trees everywhere, small ponds and bugs everywhere, the quiet sound of nature. I wondered if it was a building at all. In fact, I felt like I was home, and it brought about an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I considered tugging on Sai’s pants and asking him if maybe we could come back later, but I decided against it. What was the point of prolonging the inevitable? I stayed behind my trainer, though I let Kuiora take my place in front.

    “I just keep learning more and more about buildings, don’t I? This one’s interesting,” Sai muttered, moving forward through the gym, faster and more confidently than when he had traveled through the other forest—my forest. This wasn’t a forest… but I could see that Sai was learning and becoming accustomed to more and more things. It made me less angry, and I figured that I could deal with being in this kind of setting once more for him.
    I like that you used the very distinct theme of Azalea Gym instead of using a generic building. It adds a nice little bit of charm to the visuals.

    “Gym leader!” Kuiora suddenly cried, breaking my train of thought and the quietness that was previously present. I wondered how it felt for her to be in a forest-like place though she grew up in a town. The gym didn’t look that big from the outside, but to her, it must have seemed large enough to warrant such a loud cry. It only went to show just how vast nature could seem—it was endless and it was everywhere. It was beautiful. Yes, I could stand being here.

    I didn’t even change my opinion when Sai found the gym leader and sent me out to battle. Before, I would have protested against battling here due to being so angry and being reminded of home. But I could at least try here. This forest’s clan leader—a young boy who wore a sort of green ranger outfit—also made the place appealing. My clan was facing off against his, and who would win? I wanted to win.
    This is all happening rather quickly, but that can be overlooked because of how the story is being presented in point-of-view chunks. Surely, if and when we see these events from Kuiora or Atis's perspective, we'll get more details filled in.

    “Why does Senori get to battle?” Kuiora said, jumping up and down and looking frantically at Sai.

    “Does it matter?” Sai asked, peering down curiously.

    “Yes! I’ve been training for this!”

    “He hasn’t seen you train,” I pointed out. “I was with you the entire time and even I didn’t see you train.”

    “You were in a pokéball!”
    Oh boy, dissension in the ranks. Who knows where this will go, but it could be quite fascinating to see. I wonder if it will affect their battles.

    “My point still stands. No one’s seen you do much,” I said, smirking, and I turned toward my opponent. We were in a clearing, which so far was the only part of the gym that wasn’t crowded and full of trees. This area must have been set aside for pokémon battling, with the rest of the place being a home to these clan members. I was going to face one of them. There was a small green bug that was about half my size. Its red antennae were twitching randomly, and I wondered what it was thinking about me. The clan leader was smirking for some reason. Were they communicating somehow? It took a special bond to be able to communicate with silence… a bond that Sai and I didn’t have.

    “You can battle if Senori gets knocked out,” Sai said after a few moments. “So, uh, we can get started, right? I want to get this over with and go get the next badge.”

    “Yes,” the clan leader said, his voice eager and rather high in pitch. “The challenger is allowed to attack first.”

    “I remember now!” Sai said. “Well, Senori, start out with a… tackle, right?”

    So he had remembered some things from when we were fighting wild pokémon, too. Saying a single word instead of giving a full description of the attack surely helped things. I crouched down on all fours and then sprang forward, focusing on the power of the attack rather than the speed, since I didn’t think the little bug was moving anywhere.

    Apparently, the clan leader knew this, too. “Caterpie, tackle it back!” he cried.

    But I had had much more time to prepare myself and I was already close to it when the attack was called. We collided, and the little bug was sent flying back toward his clan leader’s feet. I had fallen forward, and struggled a bit to keep my balance. My head stung a little, but otherwise I was fine. The caterpie’s tackle was only successful in making me cautious about attacking it, knowing that I would get hurt as well. The little bug was still suffering the most, and it tried to keep himself upright.
    This actually looks like it's going to be a pretty interesting battle, even between two relatively low-level Pokemon.

    “All right!” Sai cheered. “Now, uh, tail whip!”

    I vaguely wondered how Sai could have remained so quiet during Atis’s battle at the last gym, when now he was anxious to call out attacks and cheer for our victory. Still, his excitement was contagious, and I was even more determined to win.

    I got down on all fours once more and sprang forward, looking straight into the caterpie’s large black eyes. He wouldn’t look at me, because it knew that it was done. My tail alone was bigger than the caterpie itself, and it was, in my opinion, the strongest part of my body. How could a clan leader have sent out such a defenseless member out to fight? But I couldn’t worry about that. I didn’t bother with the fact that it was still trying to stay upright, and when I was close enough to it, I swung my body around and slammed my tail into its side. I landed on my feet and was able to watch long enough to see the little bug slam into a nearby tree with a wail.

    “You’re doing good, Senori! One more tackle and it’s done for!”

    I looked at the clan leader, who was still smirking for whatever reason, which worried me. But I had to listen to Sai, and I did just that. For what I thought would be the last time, I pounced at the caterpie’s defenseless body once more.

    “Caterpie, use string shot,” I heard the clan leader say calmly.

    Since there were plenty of caterpie back at my forest, I knew what the attack could do. I knew that it would be very, very problematic and dangerous if I let it succeed. But I was already going too fast to stop myself, and when my body slammed into the caterpie’s once more, it used the last of its energy to shoot its attack. Out of its mouth came a long, sticky, white string that easily wrapped around my body since I was so close by. I wouldn’t have been so worried if the string also didn’t restrict the movement of my tail. I tried to break free by putting as much pressure on the string with my body (specifically my tail) as possible, but that only helped me make the string tighten with each passing moment. And when I tried to walk away, I simply fell, since my tail was my main source of balance.

    My tail was restricted, and therefore so was the rest of me.
    Well, this turn of events just made things a lot more challenging. Even with Caterpie out, there are still more Pokemon for them to deal with, which means Kuiora may very well be getting her chance. I can't see Senori getting out of this and winning the badge alone.

    “Even if I lose,” I started, then took a moment to catch my breath, “another clan member of mine will take over.”

    “What are you talking about?” the scyther asked, its smirk disappearing only for a moment. “No matter. I’ll end you.”

    “You do that,” I said, making an honest effort to smile.

    “I will. I’m just waiting for the command,” it replied, turning its head to motion the boy to speak.
    That actually put a chill down my spine. This Scyther is pretty menacing.

    “Fury cutter,” the boy said confidently.

    The scyther nodded and turned to me once more. He wasn’t moving as fast this time; he was probably trying to make this as miserable for me as possible. I had to admit that this was a rather admirable clan member that the boy had here. He looked strong, and he could probably ward off any potential predators by simply standing around. I closed my eyes and braced myself, knowing this would probably hurt. Those scythes seemed too sharp to only cause some mere scratches, and I knew it. I told myself it wouldn’t be so bad—it was my punishment for not being a strong enough clan leader, anyway.
    Wow, I just realized how much this must flash Senori back to his old clan back home and his failure to protect them. That's actually pretty brilliant.

    I heard the scyther’s wings fluttering again. Over and over. It became louder with every passing moment, and I knew bracing myself was worthless since I would knw when the attack was coming now. A light breeze brushed against my cheek before I felt intense pain, before I felt some of my skin being dug in to. I screamed and screamed again when the other side of my body experienced the same blow.

    And then it was over. The scyther hadn’t cut into me as much or as deep as he could have, but the pain lingered. I winced. Something warm was dripping down my sides, now—probably blood, since it couldn’t be tears. I wouldn’t dare cry. My theory was confirmed when I opened my eyes and saw blood dripping from the creature’s scythes through teary eyes, staining the forest floor. I feared for Kuiora—she would be next, and would possibly go through the same pain. And she was so young, too…
    I get the feeling Sai is about to be swept by Scyther. Hard.

    “Let the little thing stand up,” the clan leader said suddenly.

    My eyes snapped open fully, looking around frantically for what could possibly be a trick. But the scyther was simply waiting in front of me, and the clan leader was standing on his side of the arena, his arms crossed. I also noticed that the scyther had cut the sticky string that was restricting my body. I was free.

    “You heard him. Stand up,” the scyther said, its smirk gone and its scythes at his side. He showed no sign of wanting to defend itself. It was obvious that the scyther didn’t have to defend itself, but I could do anything I wanted to right now.

    “Why should I? You said you’d end me, or something along those lines,” I said in between breaths.

    “Stand up. I’ll let you get on free hit on me. You can do whatever you want… and then you’re done.”
    It's certainly different to see Bugsy's Pokemon (and Bugsy himself, to a degree) being so condescending.

    So the scyther had cut the string on purpose. But if I was being honest, I didn’t want to move. My sides hurt and I didn’t want to see just how much blood would be shaming me, taunting me. But this… There was still a chance to win? I could somehow, possibly, maybe gather enough energy and concentrate on one attack. I was free from the string now, so that made things a lot easier. But I hadn’t hurt the scyther at all, so the chances of me winning was really low. Still, it was a chance. Wasn’t I trying to force myself to take chances lately?

    But I wouldn’t even get the chance. Sai intervened before I could even begin trying to get on my feet. He charged into the battle arena, frowning and clenching his fists. He picked me up, and I winced again as he wasn’t trying to be careful about it.

    “You know that walking onto the arena and interrupting the battle disqualifies you, right?” the clan leader asked. I couldn’t see his face, but he sounded confused and somewhat disappointed.

    “No, I didn’t know,” Sai said. “But I don’t care. I don’t want to fight you if you’re going to go easy on me and treat my pokémon like they’re jokes.”
    And now Sai surprises me again! I didn't think he'd have such a sense of honor, not out of any kind of malice but simply because he's so naive about a lot of things. This time I had to cheer for him.

    I flailed in his arms, ignoring the pain. I had suggested to come here, and we both knew that time was running out… I felt like so much had to be done in so little time, and I didn’t know why. But if it matters to Sai, it mattered to me.

    “Sai, it’s fine,” I said. “You can still use Kuiora, and—”

    “No, it’s not fine!” he cried, cutting me off abruptly. “Bugsy here used a weak pokémon on purpose. Now he’s obviously using a strong pokémon, but won’t use its strength because he feels sorry for you.”

    Now I could hear the clan leader—Bugsy—was walking onto the arena, saying, “I didn’t do that to go easy on you.”

    “Why did you do it then?” Sai said, holding me tighter, which only caused me more pain. I didn’t say anything else.

    “Most trainers think that only strong pokémon are good for battling. But not’s not true,” Bugsy said, shaking his head. “Even weak pokémon are useful, and even strong pokémon have a chance of losing.”

    “I don’t see why this matters. I came here for a gym badge.”

    “Gym battles aren’t just about winning and losing! I wanted to teach you, a new trainer, about this as early in your journey as possible. It’ll be important—”

    “Stop,” Sai said, taking a few steps back. “I’m really tired of people telling me what’s right and what’s wrong. Part of the reason I agreed to go on this journey was so that I could figure it out myself.”
    "Agreed to go on this journey?"

    I think we just got another hint regarding Sai's origin.

    “I understand… but we learn from others, you know.”

    “That should be a choice. You shouldn’t be forcing it on me in the gym battle that I have to go through to complete my journey.”

    “You’re right, I can’t influence your decision completely. But I did it so you could at least think about it,” Bugsy said, digging into his pocket. “I admire you, however, for standing up for yourself and your pokémon.”

    “I don’t want your badge, so you better not be getting one out of your pocket,” Sai said defensively. He started to turn and go to where Kuiora and Atis were standing. They looked at each other and shrugged. Kuiora must have been happy since this would mean she could get a second chance, but I didn’t know about Atis. He was probably fine with whatever happened.

    “I would give it to you if you would take it,” I heard Bugsy say, but his voice was becoming more and more distant.

    “I don’t want it...” Sai muttered.
    Nice lampshading of Ash's pity badges from Kanto. This is how it should be done anyway.

    “Sai! This means we’ll be coming back soon, right?” Kuiora said, jumping up and down again. “Real soon, right? Because we’re running out of time and whatever.”

    “This certainly wastes more time. We’ll just have to make sure I don’t stay in a town this long anymore, okay? If that’s even possible…” Then he looked down at me, and I winced again. Looking at the scyther’s eyes was terrible, but Sai’s eyes were still just as scary. “I’m sorry you had to fight and get hurt for nothing, Senori. Bugsy wasn’t trying at all and it was unfair.”

    “It’s okay,” I said weakly, though I didn’t really think it was okay. I hadn’t seen it at the time, but the clan leader really wasn’t trying. A real clan leader should be putting his own pokémon above everyone else, no matter what. He shouldn’t have been worrying about us. And the fact that I had fallen into that trap made me feel like a terrible leader myself, all over again. I was angry and frozen—again.

    I didn’t say anything more. He took us to the pokémon center. We were right back where we started, I thought. It was a fresh start, kind of.

    The nurses took me to the back room and removed the rest of the sticky string. They stopped the bleeding and patched me up as well. I was hardly paying attention as they tried to say reassuring things and treat me like a baby. I just thought about how could I help Sai now? He was unpredictable, and his varying moods kept me from thinking straight. He couldn’t think straight, either, which didn’t help. If I hadn’t become angry and frozen, I would have told him to march right back in that gym and just use Kuiora for the rest of the battle. He could demand a fair battle if he wanted, but he couldn’t leave. But I had let him leave, and who knows what we would be doing next?

    I wondered if I could try to become immune to Sai’s emotions. I would always put him above myself, sure. I just couldn’t get angry when he was angry, or excited when he was. His emotions couldn’t effect me or cloud my judgment, no matter what.

    It would be difficult, I knew. But I could at least try.
    Senori's development really is taking a dark turn. This coupled with Sai's continued erratic emotions and the dysfunctional dynamics between the team members is turning this into quite the emotional story.

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  17. #67
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    He was my clan now, and I had to figure him out.
    I liked that portion quite a bit. Shows how Senori is starting to resign himself to Sai. He’s my clan now, wow. It’s almost like an honorific of some type. That phrase really stuck out for me in a good way.

    “Can you, uh, open my door for me? I’m not as tall as you.”
    That was funny, and somewhat sad. I like how you called Senori’s height into play here. It’s realistic, and made me think more about the limitations about Sai’s other Pokemon as well. This may sound weird, but when he said that, it struck me as sad, I felt bad for him that he couldn’t reach the knob. Awesome job.

    I made my way to the stairs and peered into the darkness.
    I think you’re referring to Slowpoke Well, but I’m not sure. One thing that kinda irked me was that the group got from the Pokemon Center to the cave almost instantly. No description of the walk, what the weather was like, people milling about, other pokemon walking by, etc. I’ve never written in first person but I can tell it’s a lot harder to describe stuff than it is in third. Your portrayal of Sai’s smell on the way was nice, so good in fact that I now feel like I have a penny shoved up my nose, but I found myself wondering about Azalea as they set out to find Sai. I don’t really have a suggestion to fix this or anything, it was just something that stuck out to me.

    Kuiora turned around and stomped her feet. “So? I already told you that I’m going to be stronger than you. Didn’t you hear me?”
    Hah! I liked that. Goes back to show how determined Kuiora is, and also how arrogant she is starting to sound. At least to me she is lol

    I guess so…” Kuiora said, staring at them with some discontent. “Water pokémon are obviously the best, but…”
    I lol’d at that too. Wow, Kuiora is funny, and starting to sound kinda stuck-up to me. Interesting combo there. She’s so honest with her beliefs that I want to root for her, but at the same time sounds kinda snobby and I want to roll my eyes. Nice job!

    But I knew Sai was meant for me, otherwise he wouldn’t have shown up when he did or forced me to come along as my punishment.
    There it is. I loved that. No wonder Senori is trying his best to deal with Sai, it’s his atonement for what happened with his clan. I feel like I realized this before, and I’m sorry I’m mentioning it right now if its already been said in previous chapters lol. I swear, the best quality you have going for you is your talent with characters. I just want to yank Senori out of the story and talk to him. Awesome job, and yes I’ve switched back to Senori as my favorite haha

    I wasn’t a human but I knew that money was important.
    How does he know that? Did he spend much time with humans before he met Sai? Senori has been with Sai since the start of the story, and has seen how flippant he is with money, and obviously Senori is a smart cookie to realize that money is important, but I keep wondering how he made that correlation. I’m not surprised he did at all, but I’m not sure how he did. Sorry if that sounds odd lol

    Azalea Town’s gym, unlike the last one, was completely filled. Trees everywhere, small ponds and bugs everywhere, the quiet sound of nature. I wondered if it was a building at all. In fact, I felt like I was home, and it brought about an unsettling feeling in my stomach
    See that right there is an awesome job at describing the setting (though I felt like using 'everywhere' twice that close together was odd). Those little things paint a great picture and really allow me to get more into what’s happening.

    Sai was learning and becoming accustomed to more and more things.
    Hmm...Interesting. * Jots down another theory*

    “My point still stands. No one’s seen you do much,” I said, smirking, and I turned toward my opponent.
    I liked that little exchange. I could imagine Senori’s smile as he put Kuiora in place. Nice!

    I swung my body around and slammed my tail into its side.
    When I heard Sai yell out that command, I wondered how you were going to portray a defense lowering move. I honestly thought you were going to have Senori swing his tail in a hypnotic fashion, easing the Caterpie into calming down, allowing Senori to get in a surprise attack. Nice job at expanding on a common move. A ‘tail whip’ sounds exactly how you described it, and it never made sense to me why Sentret in the games never have attacking moves that deal with their tails, as its always the first thing I look at when I see a picture of them.

    My tail was restricted, and therefore so was the rest of me.
    Good job showing a real weakness of the Sentret specie

    “I will. I’m just waiting for the command,” it replied, turning its head to motion the boy to speak.
    I really liked the dialogue between Senori and the Scyther, it really got me pumped. The only thing I didn’t like was how totally obedient the Scyther was. I like how he listens to his trainer, but that portion I quoted just read really weird to me. For some reason it made me think that the Scyther wouldn’t dodge a fireball that was coming towards it unless Bugsy told it too. I’m sure that’s not the case, but that’s what it made me think for a second. Oh and btw, I think it’s funny that I started reading this today and its taking place at the Azalea Gym at the same time that you have the Bugsy userbar atm from your post count haha

    Part of the reason I agreed to go on this journey was so that I could figure it out myself.”
    Ah. Now Sai is starting to stand out to me more. He agreed. Which means that he may have had a choice. Sai seemed almost forced in the beginning of the story, like he was being told what to do step by step. This however makes me think that he is making his own choices. At the same time, I still feel like he's being directed from afar. Odd...I like it.

    I just couldn’t get angry when he was angry, or excited when he was. His emotions couldn’t effect me or cloud my judgment, no matter what.
    I liked that portion alot as well. Senori will become Sai if he tries to much to make Sai's emotions his own. Even he leans on his emotions too much, he's going to make mistakes, and bad decisions. I'm glad he realized that. I hope that's what you were trying to say, becuase that's what I got from it lol

    Anyway, great chapter once again. I look forward to the next one

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  18. #68
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    You spelled knew knw at one point, it was towards the end when sentret was fighting scyther. Good job on the gym chapter though


    ^You ever have that moment you realize you forgot to give credit? Sorry Irra!!^

  19. #69
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    Sai smelled like metal.
    Now you KNOW what this makes me think.

    -other notes from the first section: I like that Senori, for possibly his own sanity's sake, is falling back into a clan mentality. It makes a lot of sense given his whole life has been devotion to his clan, even when they no longer wanted him. Very good consistent characterization there. I'm still not enamored of Atis; perhaps I never will be. But I also don't think he's written to be liked. So whiny.

    “You obviously need us,” Kuiora said. “Who’s going to fight the wild pokémon for you?”

    “It doesn’t matter,” I stated, but I didn’t say why. If I was being honest, it would be better this time, since no one would be able to save me. Or maybe my newfound energy would provide me with enough power to win. “If it’s dangerous like the other cave, then you should stay.”

    “That gives us more incentive to go in!” Kuiora said, making her way to the stairs as well.

    Atis chimed in before I could speak. “Maybe Kuiora’s right… She should go with you.”

    “And why shouldn’t you?” I snapped.

    “W-Well,” Atis stammered, “I do have the most experience out of all of us…”

    Kuiora turned around and stomped her feet. “So? I already told you that I’m going to be stronger than you. Didn’t you hear me?”

    “I’m sure he heard you,” I cut in. “Look—”

    “Professor Elm told me stories about this kind of thing. Someone always tries to be the hero and that someone gets hurt,” Kuiora said. Despite the morbid topic, she was smiling, and she was looking at Atis, not me. “I’m not going to try to be the hero. I really am going to be the hero, and to do that, I have to get stronger.”

    “Those are just stories, Kuiora…” Atis said, rubbing the back of his head and refusing to look at her.

    “He tells them like they’re stories, but they’re real. If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll tell them to you someday,” she said.
    See? Come on. How isn't she everyone's favorite? She's got to be the most fun to write, am I right? If she's the one who ends up dying, I might hate you forever, by the way. Don't Joss Whedon me.

    Sai, that’s not fair. You can catch pokémon to eat anywhere,” I said, glaring at the boy.
    I've always wondered about the pokemon-as-food concept, at LEAST as far as humans go (because granted, in-game Pokedex entries show they do eat each other). Aren't pokemon some kind of energy-based lifeform? That's how they get caught and exist in pokeballs. I always wondered whether they could actually be consumed by human beings. It never made a TON of sense to me, but I'm not the one who creates this stuff.

    -I'm curious as to why Senori refers to Bugsy as a clan leader and also himself:

    I told myself it wouldn’t be so bad—it was my punishment for not being a strong enough clan leader, anyway
    “Let the little thing stand up,” the clan leader said suddenly
    Why doesn't Senori see Sai as his clan leader?

    -I liked the battle. It was nice to see Bugsy working harder at imparting life lessons than at battling. Perhaps he'd be happier working at Atis' old school. You described the utter hopelessness of Senori very well here in its battle with Scyther. I knew Senori really had no chance at all. Also, I'm curious as to what "deals" are being struck with the slowpokes in the well. Will we be getting an answer to that, or is it a reference I've missed?


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  20. #70
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    Okayyy, time to reply to various reviews. I should never let them pile up again.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I wonder if this is a hint at something, because it kind of reads like one. It certainly is not normal, and it might drift toward one of my theories about him.
    It is a hint indeed. I don’t think many people would consider sleep as anything to particularly look into so I’m glad you caught it.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Metal or dirt? I don't think they can really be called the same thing.
    Not really sure what points at metal and dirt being the same thing. Senori’s saying that Sai smells partly like the forest and partly like metal, though the metal smell is more overwhelming and very distinct.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Another cave? I wonder which one this is. The note about stairs implies it's the Slowpoke Well.
    Indeed, I figured not even Senori would quite know what a well was.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I get the feeling these Pokemon aren't going to be with Sai for very long. It would be too many new personalities to deal with.
    Haha, yeah, wayyy too crazy for me. The rest of Sai’s pokémon will come in shortly since I don’t want to wait to get too far into the fic to introduce them, and all these Magikarp… no thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Do I see some possessiveness coming out of Senori? Interesting...
    Hmm, I wasn’t trying to convey possessiveness, but more of “trying to give encouragement yet planning to just go with the flow and intervene when I can.”

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    That strikes me as needlessly cruel, leaving them in the balls but not releasing them.
    I know. But it doesn’t seem like something Sai would think of, and it’s not really the pokemons’ place to decide.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    This is all happening rather quickly, but that can be overlooked because of how the story is being presented in point-of-view chunks. Surely, if and when we see these events from Kuiora or Atis's perspective, we'll get more details filled in.
    Lol, I seem to have a bad habit of doing this… I just didn’t find it necessary to add the part where Sai confronts the gym leader, though I guess it does give a rushed pace feeling. I’ll remember that for future reference, thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Oh boy, dissension in the ranks. Who knows where this will go, but it could be quite fascinating to see. I wonder if it will affect their battles.
    I’m sure Kuiora’s not too happy about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Wow, I just realized how much this must flash Senori back to his old clan back home and his failure to protect them. That's actually pretty brilliant.
    I’d like to take credit for that brilliance though I didn’t really realize it myself until I started writing the chapter.LOL… Things just like to fall into place.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    It's certainly different to see Bugsy's Pokemon (and Bugsy himself, to a degree) being so condescending.
    Gym leaders don’t seem to have much personality (even in manga sometimes), so I’m never really sure how to portray them.

    Thanks for commenting/reviewing!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    That was funny, and somewhat sad. I like how you called Senori’s height into play here. It’s realistic, and made me think more about the limitations about Sai’s other Pokemon as well. This may sound weird, but when he said that, it struck me as sad, I felt bad for him that he couldn’t reach the knob. Awesome job.
    Seems small, doesn’t it? But it’s important, haha. Having Senori not even be able to do the smallest of things contributes an awful lot to his character.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I think you’re referring to Slowpoke Well, but I’m not sure. One thing that kinda irked me was that the group got from the Pokemon Center to the cave almost instantly. No description of the walk, what the weather was like, people milling about, other pokemon walking by, etc. I’ve never written in first person but I can tell it’s a lot harder to describe stuff than it is in third. Your portrayal of Sai’s smell on the way was nice, so good in fact that I now feel like I have a penny shoved up my nose, but I found myself wondering about Azalea as they set out to find Sai. I don’t really have a suggestion to fix this or anything, it was just something that stuck out to me.
    It is Slowpoke Well. I didn’t think even Senori would know what a well is since I don’t imagine there are many near his home.

    And I see what you mean. Description is my weakest point in writing (not only in execution but also deciding where it’s needed), in my opinion, so I’ll try to work on it more.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I lol’d at that too. Wow, Kuiora is funny, and starting to sound kinda stuck-up to me. Interesting combo there. She’s so honest with her beliefs that I want to root for her, but at the same time sounds kinda snobby and I want to roll my eyes. Nice job!
    Hahaha, well I’m glad you like her. In real life I wouldn’t really want to associate with someone like her, but somehow she’s ending up as everyone’s favorite. Funny how those things work sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    There it is. I loved that. No wonder Senori is trying his best to deal with Sai, it’s his atonement for what happened with his clan. I feel like I realized this before, and I’m sorry I’m mentioning it right now if its already been said in previous chapters lol. I swear, the best quality you have going for you is your talent with characters. I just want to yank Senori out of the story and talk to him. Awesome job, and yes I’ve switched back to Senori as my favorite haha
    Haha, it was hinted at in the first chapter, but the resolution has grown stronger now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    How does he know that? Did he spend much time with humans before he met Sai? Senori has been with Sai since the start of the story, and has seen how flippant he is with money, and obviously Senori is a smart cookie to realize that money is important, but I keep wondering how he made that correlation. I’m not surprised he did at all, but I’m not sure how he did. Sorry if that sounds odd lol
    I still imagine that Senori knows an awful lot due to the noobie trainers that pass by his forest, but I guess I never really make that clear, do I? It might be a good idea to write a scene that has Senori interacting with humans in the future to clarify this more clearly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    When I heard Sai yell out that command, I wondered how you were going to portray a defense lowering move. I honestly thought you were going to have Senori swing his tail in a hypnotic fashion, easing the Caterpie into calming down, allowing Senori to get in a surprise attack. Nice job at expanding on a common move. A ‘tail whip’ sounds exactly how you described it, and it never made sense to me why Sentret in the games never have attacking moves that deal with their tails, as its always the first thing I look at when I see a picture of them.
    YES. THIS. Tail whip as a defense lowering move? Never made sense to me. I might try to incorporate it sometime for a sense of creativity but… Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense, especially when the tail seems to be the strongest/most important part of a sentret. And stuff. Yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I really liked the dialogue between Senori and the Scyther, it really got me pumped. The only thing I didn’t like was how totally obedient the Scyther was. I like how he listens to his trainer, but that portion I quoted just read really weird to me. For some reason it made me think that the Scyther wouldn’t dodge a fireball that was coming towards it unless Bugsy told it too. I’m sure that’s not the case, but that’s what it made me think for a second. Oh and btw, I think it’s funny that I started reading this today and its taking place at the Azalea Gym at the same time that you have the Bugsy userbar atm from your post count haha
    As a gym leader, I would think Bugsy has a lot of control over his pokémon. I don’t know. Being menacing and loyal seems like an odd mix, so I can see where you’re coming from. Not really sure how to fix it, though.

    And LOL! I noticed that userbar too. I was like man, I’m going to be just like Sai now! Then I realized that’s probably not the best thing to be excited about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I liked that portion alot as well. Senori will become Sai if he tries to much to make Sai's emotions his own. Even he leans on his emotions too much, he's going to make mistakes, and bad decisions. I'm glad he realized that. I hope that's what you were trying to say, becuase that's what I got from it lol
    Indeed, he would become Sai (and again that’s probably not the best thing haha). That’s what I was trying to say, so *thumbs up* Thanks for commenting/reading!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonicwari View Post
    You spelled knew knw at one point, it was towards the end when sentret was fighting scyther. Good job on the gym chapter though
    Oh dear. I’ll go back and fix it, thanks for pointing it out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    -other notes from the first section: I like that Senori, for possibly his own sanity's sake, is falling back into a clan mentality. It makes a lot of sense given his whole life has been devotion to his clan, even when they no longer wanted him. Very good consistent characterization there. I'm still not enamored of Atis; perhaps I never will be. But I also don't think he's written to be liked. So whiny.
    It’s actually Kuiora who really isn’t supposed to be likeable, but everyone loves her anyway. Atis is supposed to evoke more empathy and stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    See? Come on. How isn't she everyone's favorite? She's got to be the most fun to write, am I right? If she's the one who ends up dying, I might hate you forever, by the way. Don't Joss Whedon me.
    Hahaha. She actually is pretty fun to write. She just randomly pops in out of nowhere… all the time. And I’d feel pretty bad killing Kuiora since she’s just a baby, not gonna lie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    -I'm curious as to why Senori refers to Bugsy as a clan leader and also himself:

    Why doesn't Senori see Sai as his clan leader?
    Senori considers himself the leader since that’s what he wanted to be for his last clan. And Sai just doesn’t seem competent enough for it.

    Bugsy would be a “clan leader” since he owns the gym and everything in it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    -I liked the battle. It was nice to see Bugsy working harder at imparting life lessons than at battling. Perhaps he'd be happier working at Atis' old school. You described the utter hopelessness of Senori very well here in its battle with Scyther. I knew Senori really had no chance at all. Also, I'm curious as to what "deals" are being struck with the slowpokes in the well. Will we be getting an answer to that, or is it a reference I've missed?
    I’m glad you liked it and got what I was trying to convey.

    There won’t be an answer to the Slowpoke thing, I just assumed that the people in Azalea weren’t cruel and just taking Slowpoke tails to sell/eat like Team Rocket did. I assume they give something to them as compensation. (Shelter? Peace in the well itself? Who knows.)

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  21. #71
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    Chapter 1 Review

    This was a interesting and nice introduction chapter for the characters. The Sentret, Senori is certainly interesting. I really like his character, he's cute and fun and an interesting character that's been forced into doing something he obviously doesn't want to. You really get the feeling he cares for his clan and really wants to be liked and cared for by his family. It's really endearing, and it makes his character so warm and caring. I felt really bad for him, and you've made me really care about him.

    Right now, I'm interested in Sai. But, dislike him as well. What an ***, attacking Senori like that. Forcing him to be his Pokemon, and the whole six sided dice thing was interesting, as well as his temper and personality. I don't think he's that intelligent or smart, given his behavior so far. But, he certainly is enigmatic. I really look forward to what you have planned for these two as characters, Sai is just so brutal. Sai did make me immediately think of N, due to the whole cold demeanor, attitude, and understanding Pokemon thing.

    Your description is just fantastic, you really get a feel for Senori's world around him, so to speak, you understand his circumstances and how he lives in the forest. The interactions between Senori and Sai were very interesting, Senori does know the basics of the Pokemon Trainer world, just so interesting. Characterization spot on, the pacing was just intriguing, and it's a fantastic intro chapter for the story. Looking forward to Chapter 2 and reviewing it.

    I wish I could have made this review longer, but their isn't much more to discuss ^^;;

    Chapter 2 Review

    The Totodile, whom is named, "Kuiora" is a really interesting character and second Pokemon for Sai. I like how he's curious about doing things like going into the unknown and how he sees the legendary Pokemon as "God". It's really cute how he trains hard and only wants a great trainer and believes in divine punishment for any bad things just like a Christian person does. He just had so many cute and endearing scenes, I mean like the training scene, his scenes with Elm, the goodbye, wanting to be some trainer's "first", wanting to see the world, learning to be obedient and strong. I just really like him and thank you for introducing such a relatable character.

    I liked Sai's six-sided dice making a reappearance, I like it and I'm still curious about why Sai is so enigmatic as well as the dice, add Kuiora to the list as well as his belief in the legendary Pokemon and his goal as a Pokemon. I didn't dislike Sai as much as I did before, so he was better this chapter. I still question why Prof. Elm went through with what he did, especially when this kid just shows up on his doorsteps, surely trainers have appointments for these types of things? I just think it was a really strange judgment call on his part, but he is a very timid professor so I guess it's more okay.

    Interactions between Elm and Totodile, Totodile and Sentret, and Totodile and the other Pokemon were really nice as well as Totodile's internal interactions. The characterization and spot on and you really seem like you're going somewhere with this story and know what you're doing with the characters, I look forward to seeing what you have planned out for the next chapters. I really like your writing style and the grammar errors were minor and minimal so I don't mind, keep up the good work. Again, I wish I could have made this review a tad bit longer. It was a great intro chapter for a new character. I really don't have anything bad to say at all yet.

    Chapter 3 Review

    Nice chapter. So Kuiora is a girl? ^^;; My bad I thought she was a boy up until now, she's a had a pretty male specific personality imo. I really like her a lot to and how she is just as naive as Sai is. I like how Senori feels he needs to protect Sai and Kuiora, it's really endearing. He feels bad for Ari and blames himself for all, he ended up being one of the main factors in the mass murder and ambushing of his clan of Sentret that he loved. He was only trying to help and protect that wild Pokemon, he had no clue it would turn on him. I also like to think to an extent that Ari does care about Senori despite his harsh words and that was his silent way of being nice.

    Sai being on a badge quest is interesting, I can't wait to see how he battle and interacts with the Gym Leaders as well as deals with losses and wins. At this point I think of Senori as being the stronger of the two between Kuiora and him, Sucker Punch is a really cool move so I hope it's used in the future, since Senori did attempt it before almost. I can't wait to see how Sai trains and how Kuiora will further develop and learn as a Pokemon, since she does want to meet legendary Pokemon and become obedient and strong.

    Cherrygrove City was skipped? That's a bit of a surprise, I guess it makes sense you wouldn't want to cover it since not much would go on in Cherrygrove with no badges there, but I think it could have been a chance to show off more, but you know better then I do, so don't sweat it. I thought the backstory on Senori was really interesting, I wonder what Pokemon he described specifically? The morbid scenes with the deaths of his clan members and the children as well as Ari's wife were pretty brutal. I wonder if Senori will indeed encounter said attacker again. I'm glad he's putting such priority in his new companions.
    Last edited by Doryuzu; 13th May 2012 at 3:02 AM.

  22. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by gotpika View Post
    Your description is just fantastic, you really get a feel for Senori's world around him, so to speak, you understand his circumstances and how he lives in the forest. The interactions between Senori and Sai were very interesting, Senori does know the basics of the Pokemon Trainer world, just so interesting. Characterization spot on, the pacing was just intriguing, and it's a fantastic intro chapter for the story. Looking forward to Chapter 2 and reviewing it.
    I'm glad you liked the characters and the description, especially since I think description is my weak point. I'm also glad you think of Senori as "fun" though I've been told he seems mostly whiny when he's supposed to be a mixture of both. And I'll be interested to see how/if your opinion of Sai changes over time (if you continue to read the fic, anyway).

    Quote Originally Posted by gotpika View Post
    I liked Sai's six-sided dice making a reappearance, I like it and I'm still curious about why Sai is so enigmatic as well as the dice, add Kuiora to the list as well as his belief in the legendary Pokemon and his goal as a Pokemon. I didn't dislike Sai as much as I did before, so he was better this chapter. I still question why Prof. Elm went through with what he did, especially when this kid just shows up on his doorsteps, surely trainers have appointments for these types of things? I just think it was a really strange judgment call on his part, but he is a very timid professor so I guess it's more okay.
    I guess I can see how appointments would be ideal. I don't know, the place seems more about the research than giving pokemon away, so taking the time to make appointments probably isn't their top priority. Hope that makes sense. Also, Elm did give in to Sai partly because he's timid, and partly because he knew how badly Kuiora wanted to leave. He didn't really know when this chance would arrive for her again, so yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by gotpika View Post
    Nice chapter. So Kuiora is a girl? ^^;; My bad I thought she was a boy up until now, she's a had a pretty male specific personality imo. I really like her a lot to and how she is just as naive as Sai is.
    Indeed, Kuiora is a girl. Many people have had genders confused, don't worry about it. I just feel like the only way to distinguish gender would inevitably make me fall into stereotypical male and female behavior... which is not really what I want. Glad you like her either way, she seems to be everyone's favorite.

    Quote Originally Posted by gotpika View Post
    I also like to think to an extent that Ari does care about Senori despite his harsh words and that was his silent way of being nice.
    Interesting thought about Ari. I was hoping to bring Senori's clan back in at some point so we'll see how that goes. (Sounds silly, but I never really know how characters are until I actually start writing them.)

    Quote Originally Posted by gotpika View Post
    Cherrygrove City was skipped? That's a bit of a surprise, I guess it makes sense you wouldn't want to cover it since not much would go on in Cherrygrove with no badges there, but I think it could have been a chance to show off more, but you know better then I do, so don't sweat it. I thought the backstory on Senori was really interesting, I wonder what Pokemon he described specifically? The morbid scenes with the deaths of his clan members and the children as well as Ari's wife were pretty brutal. I wonder if Senori will indeed encounter said attacker again. I'm glad he's putting such priority in his new companions.
    Skipping Cherrygrove was meant to show how much of a hurry Sai's really in. I plan to go back there sometime as well, though we'll see how that goes.

    Also, the pokemon that Senori described was sneasel.

    Thanks very much for reading/reviewing! I especially liked reading your comments about the characters and their actions/personalities, it felt like I was reading my character notes, so... lol. Shows how much you really understand them. Thanks again!

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


  23. #73
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    564

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876
    As a gym leader, I would think Bugsy has a lot of control over his pokémon. I don’t know. Being menacing and loyal seems like an odd mix, so I can see where you’re coming from. Not really sure how to fix it, though.
    Now that I think about it, you're right as well. I suppose that I was looking at it from an ordianary trainer's perspective, and not a Gym Leader's. Those people are put into their position of power because they earned it, and only hold that status because of their skill. So it does make some sense for Scyther to be so completely loyal. At the same time though, anticipation and self-preservation kicks in at odd moments, especially when its a situation that you can see coming towards you. Either way, you did a good job

    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876
    And LOL! I noticed that userbar too. I was like man, I’m going to be just like Sai now! Then I realized that’s probably not the best thing to be excited about.
    Lol exactly. I can't really see you attacking Pokemon, staring people down, walking into random people's houses, etc, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by diamondpearl876
    I still imagine that Senori knows an awful lot due to the noobie trainers that pass by his forest, but I guess I never really make that clear, do I? It might be a good idea to write a scene that has Senori interacting with humans in the future to clarify this more clearly.
    I feel like it would help clarify her knowledge, but at the same time, Senori is so intelligent that it's not even something that strikes me as really odd. I get what you're saying, and I'm sure I'll like it if you decide to add something like that in the future

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  24. #74
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hogwarts, naturally.
    Posts
    973

    Default

    So I always hate coming to the party late, because playing catch-up is hard for me. Once I'm at your more recent work I'll actually parse the text and give real nitpick feedback. But I'll tell you what I like so far!

    Beginning with a quote. What I love about that is it immediately hooks me. I haven't read a word of the story and already I'm given a way in, a lens to read it with.

    Writing from Sentret's perspective. You give him real, intelligent responses to everything and I love it. It adds a cruelty to Sai's attack that wouldn't have been communicated as effectively from third person or Sai's POV.

    Sai. How mysterious can a boy be? I'm fascinated by the 'they' he continuously refers to. The lack of understanding the 'rules of Pokemon'. No nonsense and it's awesome.

    The die. There are up to six dots, what a great parallel.

    This is absolutely enthralling. I'm hooked and will be back for more ASAP.
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  25. #75
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    680

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bulba the Great! View Post
    So I always hate coming to the party late, because playing catch-up is hard for me. Once I'm at your more recent work I'll actually parse the text and give real nitpick feedback. But I'll tell you what I like so far!

    Beginning with a quote. What I love about that is it immediately hooks me. I haven't read a word of the story and already I'm given a way in, a lens to read it with.

    Writing from Sentret's perspective. You give him real, intelligent responses to everything and I love it. It adds a cruelty to Sai's attack that wouldn't have been communicated as effectively from third person or Sai's POV.

    Sai. How mysterious can a boy be? I'm fascinated by the 'they' he continuously refers to. The lack of understanding the 'rules of Pokemon'. No nonsense and it's awesome.

    The die. There are up to six dots, what a great parallel.

    This is absolutely enthralling. I'm hooked and will be back for more ASAP.
    Indeed. Sorry, the fic was only 2-3 chapters long when I first tried the review exchange with you. ;_;

    Either way, glad you like it so far. I'm also glad you liked the quote at the beginning, I think you're the first person to point it out so far. It certainly is relevant and is one of my favorite poems besides.

    Thanks for commenting, hope you'll continue to read.

    | survival project |
    | this trainer is different. everyone knows it, but no one can explain it. |
    | complete |


    | flying in the dark |
    | he's hiding something. she just doesn't know it. |
    | on hiatus|


    | love and other nightmares |
    | limited time, limited abilities. kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving. |
    | chapter 1 released |


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