Just so you know, Atis has stayed my favorite character through this chapter. Kuiora water gunning him in the face almost switched it to her, but at the very end, I decided to stay with Atis. You really have done a good job creating a character that's relateable. When he thinks about Earl, I go back with him, when he struggles with what he wants, I get anxious as well. Atis is actually pretty loveable, and I kinda want to give him a hug, but I know that would make him feel uncomfortable and he'd jump to the other side of the room and try to blend into the wall like a Kecleon.
Okay, who is this person? Lol, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sai grin at all, much less ecstatically.Sai declared, grinning ecstatically.
That sentence really stuck out to me for some reason. It made me think of Sai as being almost childish. I really don’t remember exactly how old you said he was, (if you did at all). It makes me think there actually is something somewhat playfully ignorant about him. Not in a bad way at all, but compared to his earlier behavior, it makes me like his a bit more.“Oh. I guess they’re too good and cozy for everyone to have,” Sai said, though his voice was still upbeat, as Senori would have put it.
I really loved Kuiora’s lack of concern or caring there. Just concerned about eating, awesome. It shows how young she is, and obviously where her mind is focused. She was groomed to be a starter, and it shows because despite them not being together for very long, it seems like she’s completely okay with their status together. Senori and Atis have some reservations still, but Kuiora seems like she’s settled in awesomely, just like I imagined she would/should. Also, the small rivalry with Atis, like a child who wants to impress their older brother by any means necessary is really well done. I hope to see more of it. Hope that makes sense, haha“Nope. I was hungry… and he’s the trainer, not me.”
I love how you show Atis’s personality through his speech there. Unsure of himself even though he knows exactly what he’s talking about. And also how he’s taking great care in explaining different things to Sai. I mean, Atis knows that he’s different, but sometimes he talks to him like Sai is going to go thermonuclear at any moment“I, uh, these houses… They aren’t yours. You can’t just go in them,” I mumbled.
I liked that, very well written. I frequently get jealous of your writing, FYI, and it’s moments like that, that really show how talented you are. It’s so simple, and obvious, and really rings true to what’s happening in this part.He was feeling more, connecting more—at the expense of his dignity, no doubt, but he nonetheless seemed to be making an attempt at being… human.
Are you referencing the games by that?“Just remember which house I live in, okay? They all look the same.”
Right there too.They were always easy to point out because of their blue roofs and a sign that blatantly said what the building was used for
Really good job showing how backwards and socially clueless Sai is. I mean, if Atis knows to put them back, that really tells me that Sai is not even close to where I’m thinking he is in terms of mental acuity. But he's obviously not dumb because of the genius ways he makes some of his decisions. Argh!He simply threw them on the ground and kept on looking.
*Has Nuzleaf use bullet seed on Sai*
Okay, so he’s from Vermillion, and in the past he had food brought to him. And along with the seemingly endless amount of money and lack of social skills, is he perhaps a spoiled rich youngster who’s never had any life experience that would translate into being a trainer? Hence, the name ‘Survival Project’?“Vermilion City. And sure I did,” he said finally, “but it was different.”
That was somewhat confusing to me. I know how you planned it. Speaking, action, speaking, action. But for some reason, the dashes on either side of the actions read weird to me. I kept losing my place. I don’t really have anything to suggest about it, but I wanted to point it out.“I got you guys your own rooms for a reason—”
—he moved the lamp on the table from one side to another—
“—so get out—”
—and it apparently wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t perfect, so he tried again—
“—go to your own room—”
—but it was no good, so he ripped the cord out of the wall—
“—just get out!”
—because it’s always the little things that get to us.
Um, what? That was surprising. I’m afraid I wasn’t really following though. It just popped out suddenly and I was slightly confused lol. So was Sai making that up? Or did that really happen?“Oh. Well, you didn’t miss too much. Some poison pokémon threatened to kill me after I tried to pick it up and talk to it. Senori had to try to talk some sense into it or something. I don’t remember much else…”
All in all, another good chapter. I really enjoyed, like everything you write, haha. You expanded a lot more on Sai, which is something I’m really grateful for. I used to dislike him to be honest, but you’re really starting to turn that around. Great job!