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Thread: Ash's New Goal (Advanceshipping)

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    Default Ash's New Goal (Advanceshipping)

    Ash's New Goal (AdvanceShipping)

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    Azurelight

    Hi everyone, this is my first shipping fanfic that is based solely on Advanceshipping, but then again it has shippings between the pokemon, like WeatherBalletShipping. HyperNyaaShipping, whatever-the-one-between-Sceptile-and-Blaziken-isShipping and it is also highly focused on the journey. I hope you all enjoy it! This has an OC/In-Game sort of character, that hasn't shown up in the anime. Rated PG.

    Ages
    Ash- 16
    May- 15
    Hilbert/Josh- 17
    Cilan- 20
    Max- 14
    Dawn- 14

    After Ash finally won a league in Unova, he travelled around each region again. He won all the leagues he participated in, and now he has been given the challenge to find and defeat each Elite Four member of each region, and then challenge their champion. His new rival, Max, is racing him for this goal. Though much younger than Ash, he is not to be underestimated. Ash has asked two of his previous travelling companions, Hilbert and May, to travel with him again, and Max became good friends with Cilan upon meeting him, and is travelling with him and one of his friends from when he first travelled Hoenn, Dawn. We join Ash on his first day of his new adventure.

    "Hey, Pikachu, you ready for a new adventure?" Ash asked his old buddy.
    "Pika Pi! (Of course, Ash!)" Pikachu said.
    "Great! Let's go down and say bye to Mum and hi to May, then we'll meet Josh at Viridian."
    The electric mouse jumped onto his trainer's shoulder, and Ash ran downstairs to say bye to his mother.
    "Ash, look after yourself on this journey. I know you've been on lots of other journeys, but be careful, dear." his mother told him fondly.
    "I know. Anyway, I've got my friends. Seeya, mum!" he hugged his mum, then left the house.
    "I said I'd meet May at the entrance to Route 1, she should be here soon enough." Ash said to Pikachu.
    "Pikachu. Pikachu, pi, pi, pi? (I know. Can I play with Zoe, please, please, please?)" Pikachu asked.
    "Sure. Come on out Zoe!" Ash said, opening a pokeball. A small, black and blue fox came out in a shower of sparkles. The shiny Zorua opened its eyes.
    "It's good to be back out in the sunshine!" Zoe said happily, telepathically speaking with Ash and Pikachu.
    "Pika pi? (Wanna play for a bit?)" Pikachu asked Zoe.
    "Sure, why not?"
    Ash chuckled to himself as he watched the Pokemon play. He looked down the street, but there was still no-one there. He dialled a number into his X-Transceiver and waited for May to pick up.
    "Hey Ash. Sorry I'm running late, the ferry encountered some migrating Wailord. I'm almost there now." May said, her face popping up on the screen.
    "It's okay, shall I meet you at the docks?" Ash asked.
    "Alright then, see you there!"
    "Bye!" Ash said, as May cut off at the other end. He had a warm feeling inside that he would be seeing May again, but he didn't know why.
    "Hey guys, come on! We're meeting May at the harbour instead!"
    "Chu. (Alright.)"
    "Race you down to the harbour?" Zoe asked.
    "Pika! (Sure!)"
    The two Pokemon raced ahead, leaving Ash behind.
    "Hey wait for mee!" the teenager said, running after his Pokemon.

    --------

    "I'm going to go and see Ash again, guys! We're going on a brand new adventure with him and his Pokemon!" May said to the Pokemon she had brought with her. Skitty, Glaceon, and Blaziken cheered, looking forward to seeing Ash's Pokemon again. Munchlax was eating a cake.
    "Munchlax! Where did you get that cake?" May said. Munchlax finished it off.
    "Muunchlax. Munch munch... (I was huungry. It was just left out in the cafe...)" it replied.
    May sweat-dropped. "You need to stop stealing food. C'mon guys, let's go." she returned her Pokemon, except for Glaceon, who walked next to May.
    "Oh, do you want to see Pikachu? I should have known." May said to her pokemon, as they walked out of the cabin she'd been staying in. The ferry was just docking, and she looked around the harbour, hoping Ash would be here to greet her off the ship. She saw his jet black hair first, bobbing along in the crowd. Pikachu and Zoe were on his shoulder, Zoe occasionally looking different. She transformed into Pikachu, and span the real one around with her. May walked down the gangplank, a smile on her face.
    "Hey Ash," she said, greeting her best friend. "How're you doing?"
    "Hi May. I'm fine thanks. And you?" the boy said turning and grinning.
    "Great! How are you two, Pikachu and Zoe?"
    "Pika Pi! Chu Pika! Pikachu, Pi. (I'm great, thanks! Good to see you! Translate, please, Zoe.)"
    "Pikachu says he great and it's good to see you. I'm fine, too!" Zoe said.
    "Hey, we- what's that?" Ash started. He had been cut off by his ringing X-Transceiver. "Oh, it's Josh. Hi Josh!"
    Josh's face came up on screen.
    "Hi Ash, I've got some good news. You and Mai-"
    "It's May." the girl butted in, annoyed.
    "Sorry. You and May should get over to Viridian quickly, because Lorelei is staying here for today and tomorrow!"
    "Aargh! Only a day! We're on our way! Seeya Josh!"
    "Wait, before you go, May might be interested in a contest that'll be happening. Lorelei is going to be on the judging panel, and the contest is tomorrow."
    "Sure, that sounds cool," Ash said, agitated. "We should go now Josh."
    "Alright then, see you."
    The X-Transceiver cut off, and May looked excited at the fact there would be a contest.
    "So, that was Josh? I thought you said he was called Hilbert." May said.
    "He is, but he absolutely hates that name. So me and Iris and Cilan called him by his middle name." Ash replied. "Come on, let's go."
    While this exchange was going on, Glaceon greeted Pikachu.
    "Glace! Eon! (Pikachu! Good to see you!)"
    "Pika pikachu! (You too Glaceon!)"
    The pokemon nuzzled their foreheads together in greeting.
    "Who is this, Pikachu?" Zoe asked.
    "Pi, Pikachu, Pika pi. (This is Glaceon, one of my best friends. I travelled with her in Hoenn.)"
    "Okay. Nice to meet you, Glaceon. I'm Zoe, one of Ash's pokemon."
    "Glaceon? Glace, glaceon. (How come you can talk? Anyway, it's nice to meet you too.)
    "This is just telepathy. I hear Espeons can do it too, so I could have shown you how if you'd evolved into Espeon."
    "Glaceon Glaceon, Glaceon. (I contemplated evolving into Espeon, but when the oppurtunity to evolve into a Glaceon came, I took it.)"
    "Pika Pikachu. (Good to see you're becoming friends!)" Pikachu said.
    "Hey guys, come on! Lorelei is in Viridian, we don't have much time! Let's go!" Ash said to the pokemon. "Zoe, return!"
    "See you later," Zoe said, as she let the red beam envelope her.
    "Pikachu, come on buddy." Ash said, holding his arm out for the electric mouse.
    "Pika, chu! (Coming, Ash!)"
    "Glaceon, do you want to go back in your Pokeball?" May asked her pokemon. The ice fox shook her head, signalling she wanted to walk with Pikachu.
    "Well, we can't wait much longer, let's go! We have to get to Viridian!"
    The two teenagers rushed through Pallet, dusk beginning to fall. Their silhouettes were easily visible on their way to Viridian City ~

    That was the first chapter, hope you enjoyed it! I'll try and get something shippy going on in the next chapter, but I can't say for sure.
    Last edited by Pokemonpal7; 7th May 2012 at 9:28 AM.
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  2. #2
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    Ash's New Goal

    It's probably a bad thing that:
    a) I haven't posted for ages.
    b) No-one has any comments.
    *sigh* Oh well, maybe I'll get some critique this time. Also, I want to know if you think I jumped into the stuff below too early. Well, what's done is done.

    "Morning May. We need to get into Viridian quickly now, your contest is going to be taking competitors. I know how much contests mean to you." Ash said, as the girl walked out of her tent.
    If only you knew how much more you meant to me... she thought.
    "Okay then, lets get packed up." May replied.
    "Nah, we can leave them here. Gallade, come on out!" Ash said. "Can you tidy up our stuff, and teleport back to us in Viridian?"
    "Yes, master." (A/N I assume Gallade has telepathy, right?) Gallade said.
    "Gallade, I told you not to call me that! You're my friend, not my servant!" Ash said heatedly.
    "Wow, Ash, how long have you had Gallade?" May said, watching as the pokemon began to telekinetically tidy up.
    "I caught him as a Ralts when I did my solo run through Hoenn again. He's been a useful addition to my team, and an amazing fighter. He usually practices his sword handling skills with Sceptile. Anyway, we should get going to Viridian now."
    The black-haired boy started walking back to the road, but May grabbed his arm. She gathered up her courage to say this...
    "What's up May? Why are you holding my arm?" Ash asked.
    "It's just... Before we start travelling with someone else again... I want to tell you something." the brunette replied.
    Ash turned, puzzled. "Okay, what?"
    "I like you Ash. I like you a lot."
    "Well, duh, we're friends, right?" Ash said, being his usually dense self. And yet... he figured he might know what she was talking about. The warm feeling he had felt in his stomach he'd felt yesterday hadn't been the curry his mum had made for tea, and know he knew why it was so familiar. He loved her!
    "No, Ash. I don't mean it... Like this!" The girl pulled Ash closer to her and kissed him. Ash's eyes opened in shock and he gasped slightly. May pulled away. "I- I love you! You taught me how to be a trainer! You helped me get through the bad times in my career as a co-ordinator, and you were always there for me. My respect for you only grew when you saved me and Manaphy and Pikachu in the Temple of the Sea..." May said. She had let go of Ash's arm now, and the trainer looked shocked. May tried to look him in the eye, but she dropped her gaze to the floor. The boy was speechless, and he knew words wouldn't be able to describe how he felt.
    Pikachu and Glaceon were gazing at the trainers, while Gallade continued to pack away. Pikachu looked as gobsmacked as its trainer, while Glaceon sat there, smiling.
    "Glaceon. (I was hoping this would happen.)" she murmured.
    "Pi? Chu? (Huh? Why?)" the mouse replied.
    "Glaceon Glace. Eon. (Because she always goes on about him. Simple.)"
    "Pi... (Girls...)" Pikachu said to himself, sweatdropping.
    "May... Wow. For all words could say, I couldn't describe the feelings I'm getting right now. You know, I think I love you too." Ash said, (unusually) thoughtfully. "In fact..."
    The boy smiled warmly, and pulled May close, similar as she had done to him, and kissed her passionately. May kissed back, enjoying this moment of pure bliss. They broke apart, and looked deep into each other's eyes.
    "May. I love you."
    "Oh, Ash. I love you too."

    Nah, I made Ash too sensitive at the end. Too not-dense. I may re-write this chapter, but for know, I expect mixed reviews.
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  3. #3
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    Hey there! I just read the story, and it was cute I liked it, but I do have some advice to lend if that's okay! I like the sweetness of the story, it makes it nice to read, but I do believe that you should make the chapters longer because it adds depth and interest in your writing. Try describing and detailing the characters and the setting more, that may help too, although I'm one to talk because I do it a little too much in a my writing. Another thing is, is chapter two the last chapter? Because they're already admitted their love for one another and I kind of thought that was quick, but it's not bad In order to get more people to read this, again, try more description and add some more elements of a plot because I couldn't exactly find one, which is key for a story. It just seemed that they liked each other and they then admitted it in the end, so try adding more elements to the story; Also, if this were a PG-13 rating, I didn't exactly see much mature content, meaning swearing or mid-sensual content so maybe you should give it a new rating unless you plan to write more! But in all, it is your story, and you choose how you wish to develop and progress with it. Overall, decent job, but again, try and describe the situation more and make the plot more apparent. I hope this helps!!
    "Boy oh boy...the price of freedom is steep." - Zack Fair
    Proud Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and Pokemon fan! Advanceshipping FTW
    Current Fic: The Pokemon Ranch
    Crappy Banner Art By Me

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurelight View Post
    Hey there! I just read the story, and it was cute I liked it, but I do have some advice to lend if that's okay! I like the sweetness of the story, it makes it nice to read, but I do believe that you should make the chapters longer because it adds depth and interest in your writing. Try describing and detailing the characters and the setting more, that may help too, although I'm one to talk because I do it a little too much in a my writing. Another thing is, is chapter two the last chapter? Because they're already admitted their love for one another and I kind of thought that was quick, but it's not bad In order to get more people to read this, again, try more description and add some more elements of a plot because I couldn't exactly find one, which is key for a story. It just seemed that they liked each other and they then admitted it in the end, so try adding more elements to the story; Also, if this were a PG-13 rating, I didn't exactly see much mature content, meaning swearing or mid-sensual content so maybe you should give it a new rating unless you plan to write more! But in all, it is your story, and you choose how you wish to develop and progress with it. Overall, decent job, but again, try and describe the situation more and make the plot more apparent. I hope this helps!!
    Thanks for the feedback! I'll answer most of the questions.
    A) I too think I went through this a little quickly. The idea is that they go on the above mentioned journey as bf/gf, so this is DEFINITELY not the last chapter. They haven't even met the first E4 member!
    B) Yes, I agree that possibly the chapters were a bit too short. The next one will be much longer, I promise. There will be two big things going on in the next two chapters.
    C) The age-rating is yet to come.
    D) I thought the plot was pretty clear, but if the readers are finding it hidden, then maybe I should emphasise it more.
    Thanks for the feedback, again!
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  5. #5
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    Hi again! Thanks for answering my questions, sorry if I seemed a bit naggish! I think that the fact that this isn't the last chapter really highlighted the plot for me again! It's just that since you ended it with them admitting their love, I guess I misunderstood it, it's completely fine though because I think it's only me that does that, so change things at your own will, not anybody else's! But thanks again for addressing this and keep writing, that's the best way for everybody to improve!! Also, may I be on the PM List? I would like to see how this goes, I like it so far
    "Boy oh boy...the price of freedom is steep." - Zack Fair
    Proud Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and Pokemon fan! Advanceshipping FTW
    Current Fic: The Pokemon Ranch
    Crappy Banner Art By Me

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