Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Overthrown

[Knightfall]

Hello, I’m a relatively new face in the fan fiction world, and this is my first attempt at a story.
I’ve been working on it for a while now, and there will be many rookie mistakes on my part, but those can and will be ironed out as I get more practice.

Rated PG-13 for violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing concerning Pokemon, or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon.
That honor resides with Nintendo and others.

I do however own this story, the plotline and the characters in it. Characters and other things from this story are not to be used anywhere without my expressed permission.
Thanks for reading all that.

I would appreciate reviews, constructive criticism, and advice to improve the quality of this fic.

Let’s get started.

Chapter list:
    Spoiler:- Chapter list:

Show Spoiler

 
Chapter 0.5: System Failure: Re-Initialization
Chapter One: In Which The Story Begins
Chapter Two: A Slight Discrepancy
Chapter Three: Calibration
Chapter Four: Injustice
Chapter Five Interference
Chapter Six: Severence
Chapter Seven: Interlude
Chapter Eight: Extradition
Chapter Nine: Perspective
Chapter Ten: Memory
Chapter Eleven: Intercession
Chapter Twelve: Ethics
Chapter Thirteen: Inerception
 

PM List:
    Spoiler:- PM List:

Show Spoiler

 
Azurus
Pokenutter
Brutaka
Muchmula
Saphirapwns
Jireh the provider
Rangernumber-X
JFought
Agent Tectonic
Sid87
Sidewinder
Meeker
SilentMemento
ChaosCaptain
Kukansis
Wyrm
Kutie Pie
Deadly-Braviary

 

Now, without further delay I present to you
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Overthrown


Author's Note: [Very Important!]

As of this date [6/17/13], the former prologue is no longer canon with the rest of the story. I have done an extensive rewrite of it, but, due to character limits, I cannot fit it into this post.

This link will take you to it. [Warning to all: The new prologue does reach the PG-13 boundary of this story for some parts]

This retro-continuity is now valid.

Knightfall signing off...

[Bobmeister24]

This is AMAZING! The way you introduced a situation with people first instead of Pokemon was a brilliant idea. Remember to check your spelling, but well done to the start of what I hope to be an amazing fanfic!

[pokenutter]

Well, this is one start to a fanfic I won't forget anytime soon.

Let me start off by saying that this is a very visual story- you do not skimp on description. I could clearly visualize the lab in my head, something I don't often do, even with published work. Every action, every character, every location I could see in my head.

Second, you do manage to make Henry and Doug captivating, even though they may or may not appear again in future chapters. You managed to tell a lot about them within a single chapter. I'm hoping the main character will be similar in depth.

I must admit, though, I'm not too sure what they were attempting. I had initially assumed it was teleportation, ut at the end, it seemed like interdimensional transport. Am I remotely close with either theory?

Overall, I'm blown away. I can't wait for the next chapter. If this is what six drafts can produce, maybe I ought to start doing multiple drafts for MD Journal. After I finish, anyway.

(Oh, and I kind of read the computer's lines in GLaDOS's voice. Is that what you were going for?)

[Knightfall]

Well, this is one start to a fanfic I won't forget anytime soon.

Let me start off by saying that this is a very visual story- you do not skimp on description. I could clearly visualize the lab in my head, something I don't often do, even with published work. Every action, every character, every location I could see in my head.

Second, you do manage to make Henry and Doug captivating, even though they may or may not appear again in future chapters. You managed to tell a lot about them within a single chapter. I'm hoping the main character will be similar in depth.

I must admit, though, I'm not too sure what they were attempting. I had initially assumed it was teleportation, ut at the end, it seemed like interdimensional transport. Am I remotely close with either theory?

Overall, I'm blown away. I can't wait for the next chapter. If this is what six drafts can produce, maybe I ought to start doing multiple drafts for MD Journal. After I finish, anyway.

(Oh, and I kind of read the computer's lines in GLaDOS's voice. Is that what you were going for?)

Thank you both for your reviews!

@pokenutter. Thanks, now you see why this took so long to finish. I needed everything to be a certain way for the rest of the fic to work.
And about your theory, spot on. It was kind of a mixture of both of the two. That's all I can say about it at the moment. More info on that will be revealed later on.
Also, I tried my best on Doug and Henry's characters, but I can't say whether we'll be seeing them again. Maybe. Maybe not.
And the computer's voice? So close.
I was actually going for the Announcer's voice in Portal 2. Good guess though.



And Bobmeister24. Thank you as well. Spelling errors? Could you tell me where? I thought I got all of them except the ones in the computers glitching voice. Please show me where, I want all the kinks in this to be ironed out.



Thanks for the great reviews.
I'll update when chapter one is finished.
Knightfall signing off...

[PhantomDragon]

Hey, this is a really good fic! I agree with pokenutter, you're really good at the description. Even though it's the first chapter, with all the description a reader can instantly get drawn in without being swamped. Really looking forward to more chapters!

RANK UP! YAY!

[Knightfall]

Thanks, PhantomDragon. I appreciate the positive review.
And congrats on the rank up.

Knightfall signing off...

[Bobmeister24]

OK Knightfall, here are some of the mistakes which I have found and corrected:

“How are you going to make this different than all the others?

The observation windows were flooded with an overwhelming amount of the bright light, everything was painted as blinding stark white.

As if the building had heard their plea to escape, all movement stopped.

I added this one as the word "heard" wasn't in the text, so it didn't make sense.

The concrete hallway which the hatch exited out to was in ruins.

Bad grammar.

The metal pipes that lined the interior of the passage had ruptured in the destruction and now were busy emptying their contents onto the crumbling floor.

The dim overhead floodlights were nearly blocked off completely by the smoke and dust clouding the air.

As you can see, it was just a few small minor details which I picked out. Keep checking yourself in case I've missed any other kinks out. Hope that helped!

[Knightfall]

Thanks, Bobmeister24. I think I got all of them.
"Where" and "were" I know the difference between the two, but I still get mixed up every now and then.

Thank you for pointing them out.

Knightfall signing off...

[ESPNfanatic35]

I gotta say that this is pretty darn impressive, especially considering this is your first fic. I like the description a lot and the way you present the characters and settings was very good. You also did a nice job with the computer language. The explosion scene was done very well as I could really feel the suspense before and after it happened.

If there's any critique I have, it's that sections that could be paragraphs are separated into individual sentences. Here's an example:

Then a roar louder then anything either of the men had ever heard quickly drowned out the sounds of falling building foundations.


The observation windows were flooded with an overwhelming amount of the bright light, everything was painted as blinding stark white.


The glass in the windows blew apart, unable to take the energy pulses. Shimmering shards of window rained down from above.


The resulting explosion threatened to shake the room to pieces, but-miraculously- it stayed intact, for the moment.


Doug shakily climbed to his feet, Henry right behind him. The floor was no longer stable; total collapse was nearing.


The younger scientist slowly peered over the shattered window into the ruined room below. The metal portal was an inferno, flames belched from the interior of the metal device. Electricity sparked from the burnt monitors and melted wires.

Doug coughed from the smoke and fumes rising from the burning room below, the smell of burning flooded the upper chamber, filling his lungs with the stinging substances.


Doug squinted at the center of the furnace, where the table and the boy once existed.
His eyes widened in horror as he saw one half of the twisted remains of the metal table embedded in the concrete wall, and the other half nowhere to be found. The several computer monitors that decorated the room where either smashed and on fire, or no where to be found at all.

It seems like this could all be combined into one paragraph. Other than that, I don't have any critiques. Well done and keep it up!

[Knightfall]

Thank you, I need all the feedback I can get. Hmmm, never occured to me about the paragraphs, I guess now that I look at it, some of those sections would indeed look better as paragraphs.
Some of them, though I tried to do for emphasis. So yeah I'll fix those right away.

For everyone else, Chapter One is almost completed, should be posted here soon if I'm not delayed.

Knightfall signing off...

[Knightfall]

Chapter One: In Which the Story Begins
~~~~~~~
“In the aftermath of the heinous actions against us, it has become clear that the Republic is not our ally. I pray that we -as a company- can unite and remove these tyrants that wish to destroy everything Rogue Industries has strived to do for science, for mankind, and for our Sealed world. We will do what is necessary to survive, no matter the cost. That is all.” Memo from Rogue Industries CEO Matthew Radic concerning the sabotage and destruction of the Mainland Research and Testing Facility.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

The bright glare of the sun shone over the golden field making the tall stalks of grain to shimmer in the light.
It also shone directly into the stirring eyes of the collapsed form on the ground.

The irritating light caused his eyes to finally flicker to life and then he let out a strained groan.
As his eyes slowly opened he instantly wished he hadn’t; his head was spinning like a raging tornado.

Sounds mixed together in a distorted jumble, everything was out of sorts.
The smell of damp earth and dry wheat eventually registered in his head that he was outside somewhere.

Despite the throbbing pain in his head the overall pain in his body had lessened enough for him to attempt sitting up.
He willed his arms to push into the dirt in order to elevate himself somewhat.
It was then that he noticed that something was wrong. Very wrong.

He couldn’t pinpoint it exactly-his eyes where still blurry from adjusting to the sun’s glare, but his entire body felt …weird. There was no other word for it.

He finally pushed himself into a sitting position, his eyes had almost recovered to the point of sight.

He sat there eagerly waiting as his blurry white vision slowly began to colorize and take shape.
He lowered his gaze to what he thought to be his right arm.
Even with his distorted vision he knew that his arm was not supposed to be colored red.
His left arm wasn’t supposed to be either for that matter.

In alarm, he suddenly shot up, trying not to lose balance on his two wobbly legs.

He needed a mirror, a puddle, anything reflective would do really.
He scanned the surrounding area quickly, noting that he seemed to be in some sort clearing in a field.

Then he saw it: a glass pane that was attached to a thin metal frame.
He drew a blank about what it was supposed to be, or why it was dumped in the middle a field in the first place.

He carefully approached it, his legs starting to respond to his commands to move forward.

As he got closer he saw that the cracked glass surface was actually a screen of some sort.
A screen that displayed in flashing white letters:

[36453] R.I. D.T.D. Test: Successful/yrl352524773] Error
System Offline: Shutting Down.

The box suddenly emitted a loud spark and the words fizzled into a blank black screen.
Stepping closer to the smoking device he realized that the glass of the screen was reflective.
He moved so that he could see what exactly happened to him.

What he saw gave him no answers; only many, many more questions.
The very first of these questions being: why is there a red lizard standing where I’m supposed to be?

Instead of the lean, brown haired, human reflection which he was rather accustomed to seeing now stood a three foot tall crimson lizard.

“What?” That was all he could to say out of shock.
This … this can’t be real, He thought, this is just a dream or nightmare. A nightmare that was becoming more and more cruelly realistic by the second.

He raised his right arm, the creature in the glass mirrored it.
He did the same with his other arm and both of his legs. Same results, every time.

He bent in closer to see the lizard’s face, two sharp blue eyes and a small horn like thing on the back of its head greeted him. All of it was covered in the same crimson scales as before.

He backed up, dreading to look down out of fear of what he would see that might make this nightmare even worse.
When he worked up enough courage to look, he had to resist the urge to scream.

His arms were covered in tiny crimson scales in place of skin.
His hands had transformed completely- in place of fingers, three sharp, white claws.
His legs had shrunk immensely, ending in a pair stumpy, reptilian feet topped with more white claws.

He twisted himself to see his back in the glass.
He had half expected his back to be covered in the same crimson scales as nearly everywhere else had been, but he wasn’t expecting a tail topped with a live flame.

A live flame? He started to panic. “I’m on fire!”

He let out a startled yell as he immediately grabbed the appendage and then stomped on it as hard as he could to put it out.

It took only a fraction of a second for the pain to nearly push him into unconsciousness again.
His agonized screams echoed throughout the deserted field for miles.

He fell to his knees, the still flaming tail slipping out from beneath his feet as he tried to hold back tears.

“What did I do to deserve this?” He hoarsely whispered, mostly to himself.

As soon as the debilitating reaction from his new tail-he shuddered at the fact that it was now “his”-- he held one hand…um…claw to his head.

“What happened to me?” He asked the empty air around him.

He strained to remember anything that might help him, but came up painfully short.

He started pacing. “Let’s see, what do I remember? That’s a good place to start.”

His mind felt like a hurricane had hit it, he couldn’t even tell if the fragmented memories he had were real or an illusion fabricated from whatever trauma had happened a few hours before.

Yes, his mind was able to recover some information, but the scraps of memories grew increasingly useless.
Even as his mind was fully able to recall the entire metabolic processes of a eukaryotic cell, the most basic information about himself was nowhere to be found.

In short he had nothing. Nothing useful that is.

He kept pacing, careful not to step on his tail again. He tried again to jumpstart his cognitive abilities.
“Basics first, what is my name?”

He couldn’t think of it. Refusing to let such a simple memory elude him, he concentrated harder.

“My name is…” He willed the dark mental fog which had settled on his memories to surrender this one fact.

Finally, as if feeling pity for the teen, the memory surfaced.

“My name is … Leo,” he sighed in relief. He now had something to work with.

“Leo,” he said again, the name- along with everything else- was foreign to him, but it seemed right. It fit nicely.

Tapping his clawed foot on the ground he recited all the facts he had at the moment.

“My name is Leo, I have no memories of my past life, and I am a human.”
He stopped as he saw his new reflection in the glass screen again, “or at least I think I used to be.”
Leo grumbled, he was almost certain he was human, but he couldn’t exactly trust his mind at the moment either.

He shook his head, he had never let anything get him down; or at least he didn’t think he did.
Either way, he had to find a way out of this mess and to do that, he reasoned, he had to find a way out of this field and to some sort of civilization.

As if sensing his sudden resolve, his stomach growled loudly. Leo suddenly became aware that he must not have eaten in recent memory.

His stomach growled once more, telling its owner to find something to eat.
He scanned the ground around the strange glass screen in search of anything else helpful before he left. That was when he saw the key.

He plucked the artifact off of the ground, dusting away some of the dirt that had accumulated on the surface.

It was, in short, beautiful. A small light blue crystal key with two downward facing prongs and a circular back end with a small opening.
A thin golden thread wound its way through the hole before rejoining with itself.
Intricate engraved lines decorated the item in such a way that it almost seemed like it was not made by any tools at all.

Leo was fascinated with the relic, he couldn’t recall that he had ever seen it before as a human, but he decided to take it with him.
Slipping the golden string around his neck, he nodded at his reflection once before setting off with the sun to his back, in hopes of finding food and, preferably, civilization.

He didn’t go far before he discovered that the dirt path he took turned into a trail in the forest of wheat stalks.
His shortened legs forced him to move twice as much to cover the same distance as he did as a human, it also tired him out considerably faster.

He wasn’t one-hundred percent sure, but he didn’t think anyone- even whatever he now was- should attempt to travel after suffering a major head injury.
He tried to remember the various symptoms of concussion and heat stroke, but the fog wouldn’t let any of those precious details go.

Normally when one finds themselves in a strange place, in a strange body, hungry, lost, and with no idea of how they got to be that way, they do one of two things.

One: they panic. This is most likely the worst out of all the things one could do in this situation.
It has the slim possibility of attracting some random passerby who is willing to help, but, realistically more of a possibility of hailing down an unsavory character, or other rejects of society who are considerably less helpful.

Two: they remain calm and simply wait until help arrives, using the time to reflect on why they are in this situation in the first place, and perhaps come up with a few clues.

Leo had no intention of doing any of the two at the moment; he had bigger things to worry about.
He resolved that he’d go down a rarely used third path: those who simply deal with it later.

He was careful to keep his flaming tail a good distance away from the stalks, the last thing he needed was to accidently start a brush fire.

The paths lead him down several random turns and forced him to backtrack when each trail suddenly ended.
His fears of igniting an inferno kept him from pushing through the sea of wheat in hopes of finding another route.
His hunger kept him going even when he felt like his legs would collapse from exhaustion. He continued to look for anything else that would signal the existence of sentient life, but more and more it seemed that he was truly alone in this field.

Nothing moved aside from the gently swaying plants, even the position of the sun and clouds hadn’t changed since he started out hours ago.
No birds chirped, no insects buzzed ... this lush field was utterly abandoned.

He stopped getting his hopes up when he occasionally stumbled across a small clearing; there was usually nothing on the ground-with the exception of odd circular rocks and sticks- and the clearing always branched off into even more similar paths.

He once tried to find his way back to the clearing where he first woke up, but it was forever lost amid the endless golden labyrinth.
His hopes of finding any exit at all shrunk, but not to the point of straying from the path.

He stopped several times just to rest, never going to sleep, though.
He was exhausted, but he still didn’t know who or what was out there with him, so sleep was not an option.

He had a procedure he started following: find an open clearing, look for food, find a comfortable patch of dirt and rest, start walking again, repeat.

He would have attributed the longevity of the hike due to his going in circles, but he never found anything familiar to tell him that he was, so he stuck with the explanation that this field was just unnaturally massive.

His fifth second wind was just about used up when he saw it. In one of his occasional peaks through the wall of plants that bordered the path, he glimpsed another clearing on the opposite side.
This was not what made it so different from the seven others he had seen before, on the ground of this clearing, half hidden by the stalks was a glistening red apple.

To any other person they would have disregarded it as just a possibly rotten fruit, but to Leo, it was more precious than any element listed on the Periodic Table.

His stomach that had given up growling a few hours ago suddenly voiced its opinion once more.
His fears of accidentally starting a fire with his flaming tail were shoved to the back of his mind, the promise of food overriding his instincts to stay on the path.

He smacked his lips and lunged through the seemingly thin wall of wheat.

Instead of feeling the dry stalks brush up against his scaly skin, he felt what compared to a brick wall.
He slowly slid to the ground where he laid in a daze for a few moments, or at least what he thought was a few moments, the still sky had screwed up any sense of time in this place.

Those were plants aren't they, plants aren’t supposed to be hard, he thought as he dizzily looked at the golden barrier.
It could have been the concussion talking, but he thought he heard the wall taunting him, its voice thin and raspy like a wintery wind.

He staggered to his feet,
“Challenge accepted…” he dizzily muttered as he ran full speed into the wheat once more.

This time he actually felt the stalks scratch at his skin before crashing into the barrier and falling to the ground.
His vision was focusing in and out like a zooming camera. He shook his head clear again.
He knew he didn’t have much time before his waning stamina gave out and his body forced him to rest whether he liked it or not.

He peeked through the spaces in the stalks to see if the apple was still there, it was.
He sighed in relief as he girded himself for another run at the partition that separated him from his meal.

Three failed attempts later, he finally accepted the fact that he was in no state to keep doing this.
He simply walked up to the wall, gave a weak laugh, balled up his fist, and punched the wheat as hard as he could.

He expected a punch like that to at the very least break his wrist, but instead- much to his surprise- it sank deep into the dry golden weeds, almost to his elbow.
He grinned, suppressing his feelings of utter confusion and rage at the change of events, and plunged his other fist into the barrier. It too sank into the plant stalks.

He tried to push outwards with his claws to make a path, and it worked slightly.
The stalks stuck to each other like magnets, and he knew he was going to need a lot more force to make the plants move enough so he could get through.

He pushed forward with his feet so that the rest of his body inched into the wall. Once completely inside- a tiring effort on Leo’s part- the stalks started to push against him, trying to shove him back out to the path.

“No, I am not going back! I will get through this field, or die trying!” he proclaimed to the field as the small negative part of his mind told him that the later was most likely to happen.
The field apparently accepted his challenge.

He felt like there was a super magnet pulling him back towards the path; each step he took made the pull on his body even stronger.
He slowly clawed his way through the reeds, glad that his new appendages were being useful, even his tail wasn’t starting any fires despite the fact that it was brushing up against the dry plants constantly.

The laws of physics didn’t seem to apply here, Leo deduced, there had been more than enough examples today to prove that.

Leo could feel the strength draining from his arms and legs with every step forward.
It was agonizing, he could see the other clearing just a few feet away, but he knew he was still miles from getting through.
At least the red fruit was still there.

That fact alone kept him going; he knew he was past the point of turning back. The field continued its pull with a similar renewed resolve.
The strange force that ruled this place had no intentions of letting him break the rules and get away with it.

It was when he finally made it half way through the cursed barrier everything changed. It was as if a shudder rippled across the field and the fierce pull suddenly reversed itself.

Instead of trying to pull him back to the path, the odd force was now trying to push him towards the clearing with all the might it had exerted seconds ago.

The following result might have been funny to a passerby, but it was an even worse turn of events for Leo.
He found himself being abruptly pushed towards the clearing with a sickening speed.

The next few seconds were a fast golden blur as he lost his footing and was literally hurled from the barrier.
He shot past the last brittle stalks separating him from the clearing like a bullet.

The next thing he knew he was laying sprawled on his stomach out in the middle of the dirt, the apple remained were it was just out of his reach.
He lifted his head slightly to glimpse the stalks of wheat closing back in on each other, erasing the little path his endeavor had created.

He was on the verge of collapse, everything felt either numb or close to it. He gazed longingly at the fruit only a few feet away.
He feebly dug his claws into the dirt and tried to drag himself forward slightly.

At this rate, he thought, I won’t reach it before I pass out. He suddenly pushed the negative thoughts away.
No, I’ll rest after I get it. He motivated himself, as he strained to move.

His body was begging him to stop and rest, but he knew that he couldn’t pause.
He didn’t know how much longer that apple would stay put, or when he would find another in this forsaken place.

The fruit was finally in his claw when his body shut went numb. Aside from his eyes he couldn’t move.
After a few mentally exhausting minutes spent trying to break free of his self induced paralysis, he finally contemplated stopping for a while.

Suddenly, his frozen stare detected two figures walk in from another path. Their appearances made him question how badly his mind was damaged.

The first one looked like a dog, a blue and black furred dog that could walk on its hind legs. If that was strange, he found the second being even stranger.
It was a yellow furred fox with a spiky white collar of sorts. Even in his limited memories of his past life, he was absolutely certain that he had never seen such creatures.

He couldn’t shout, he couldn’t wave, or do anything to attract their attention, or to run away if it was necessary.
He was stuck.
He only hoped that they would notice him sooner or later. But now it didn’t matter, his vision was fading from color to a blurry grey to black.

It may have been simply a delusion of his strained mind, but he swore that before he passed out that he had heard the strangely colored animals talking with actual voices.
Yep, must be the concussion, he thought to himself before his mind shut down completely from exhaustion as the darkness swallowed him for the second time.

The sky was painted in the colors of sunset, with night fast approaching.

~~~~~~~~~

He lifted his head slowly off the ground.
Smoke filled the dark air, pouring from the shattered building behind him.

Flaming debris rained down from the night sky above in slow motion, if he hadn’t been thoroughly bruised and battered by the blast he would been almost happy to watch as the fiery wreckage pelted the broken landscape like falling stars.

He tilted his head to the left to see another person unconscious on the cracked asphalt, they both probably had a few broken ribs among other injuries, but that was a small price to pay for not being completely incinerated.

His thoughts drifted to Leo, the boy they had defied every odd and procedure to save. Where was he now? Was he even alive? The brief experiment results only told so much about the subject.

The small dark voice in his mind kept telling him that he had failed, that he had exiled Leo against his will. Trapping in him possibly forever in a world he couldn’t possibly know. These doubts ate at him until his thoughts reminded him of the cruel reality they currently lived- if it could be called that- in.

The doubts disappeared, the malicious thoughts calmed.

In the middle of the aftermath of what would be known as the largest declaration of war in Realm history, Doug smiled to himself.

No, Leo hadn’t been exiled.
He escaped.

~~~~~~~~~~
End Chapter: One
~~~~~~~~~~
A.N:

For those of you reading, I thank you again.

I had a good time writing this chapter, writing the behavioral patterns of a typical insane mystery dungeon is very fun to do.

I always found it weird that it was basically impossible to go through a wall of trees or grass in a mystery dungeon, so I decided to show exactly how much effort it is to cross.

I tried to make Leo’s response to his situation a rational one: don’t panic, and stay calm.
He noticed he had an even bigger problem on his hands other being in a new body: potentially starving in a strange place.
That’s why I thought his “Survive first, panic later” response was reasonable.

For those of you who wanted to know the fate of our two favorite scientists, I thought some closure was necessary, and I really liked his final thought at the end. Seems fitting, from a certain point of view that is.

Thank you for reading, reviews and responses are always appreciated.

Chapter Two will be arriving soon.

‘Til the next chapter,

Knightfall signing off…

[pokenutter]

Alright, Chapter 1! Forst off, I'd like to congratulate you once again on a very visual story. The opening featuring Leo adjusting to his surroundings and new body worked really well.

I think Leo must be something of a Determinator, if he's willing to push his way through a reverse-black hole of a wheat field. I must also say, I like that the Mystery Dungeon you chose to begin the story with was outdoors. I think it contrasts his isolation up better than a cave would- he's completely alone, but you wouldn't get that impression based on the setting.

In addition, nice bit of closure with Doug at the end.

Over all, a solid chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one!

[Knightfall]

Alright, Chapter 1! Forst off, I'd like to congratulate you once again on a very visual story. The opening featuring Leo adjusting to his surroundings and new body worked really well.

Thanks, I tried hard to make his first day's struggle in the Pokeworld miserable, for his own good of course.

I think Leo must be something of a Determinator, if he's willing to push his way through a reverse-black hole of a wheat field. I must also say, I like that the Mystery Dungeon you chose to begin the story with was outdoors. I think it contrasts his isolation up better than a cave would- he's completely alone, but you wouldn't get that impression based on the setting.

That was one of the points I wanted to get across: that he has no allies in this strange world. And that mystery dungeon is sorta strange as well.

In addition, nice bit of closure with Doug at the end.

Over all, a solid chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one!

I knew I couldn't just leave his story hanging like that. I liked writting him and Henry so I felt they deserved an ending.

Thank you again, I'm glad that this chapter went over well.

And to all other readers: don't be afraid to leave a review, or even a post saying "this is great!" or something like that.

Chapter 2 is being written as I post this.

Knightfall signing off...

[Azurus]

Well well well.... Really great story, love the description and the atmosphere of it.

Now is he a charmeleon? You said he had a horn coming out the back of his head, and if so...NIIICE touch, not being a first evolution would be awesome.

Also I have to thank you for your reccommendatons on good fanfics, haven't let me down yet.


About spelling mistakes.... you have quite a few but if you read it out loud you should find them, I'd quote them but I'm using a 3ds and it would be a lot of work to do so. However they aren't so bad they detract from the story so don't worry about it too much.


Only bad thing is that I'm impatient and can't wait for more. Keep up the awesome work.

[Knightfall]

Thank you for posting!

As for your questions. Yes, he is a Charmeleon. I tried to make this fic differ from alot of the others.

I'm currently on vacation so I can't edit at the moment, but thank you again for posting.

Knightfall signing off...

Edit: And you're welcome for the fan fic list. Glad it helped

[Wyrm]

Hey, Knightfall! This looks like a decent story you have here.

First off, the issues. The main problem is that it seems you have your commas and semicolons mixed up. It's a real hard thing for me to explain, though. Are you using a word processor? Usually they catch these things. Analyzing your sentences closely, knowing what components go where, and knowing what a sentence should look like will help you as well.

A very minor thing is also indicating a character's direct thoughts with italics. I don't believe it's a required thing, but could make reading a tad bit easier.

One small error in the paragraphing: when Leo shouted about how he was either going to make it through the field or die trying, you put the "he said" one line below the dialogue, also making the "he" capitalized.

Those are the only negative aspects, which should be easily fixed. Now for the perks.

Your style of paragraphing is not only different, but thinking outside of the box. This almost looks like an epic poem such as Beowulf. You go into great detail, all the while keeping everything in short slices that are aesthetically pleasing. Because of this fascinating style, many parts in this which would normally be considered mistakes are rendered null and void. I tip my hat to you on this.

Another unique aspect is beginning this with not only a human world, but an escape from a world at war through an elaborate test featuring a somewhat sarcastic computer. Quite an intriguing way to begin this adventure.

By the way, I love how Leo is going to get himself in trouble with the various Mystery Dungeons. As if attempting to go through the reverse black hole wasn't enough, wait until he comes across an enemy... *snickers*

Before he blacked out, were those two Pokémon he saw the hero and partner in PMD2?

Overall, I believe this is the beginning of something excellent. I look forward to future chapters full of Leo and his special Leo-ness.

[Knightfall]

First off, the issues. The main problem is that it seems you have your commas and semicolons mixed up.

All right, I'll try and watch more closely for those errors.
I use Microsoft Word 2003, it usually catches the basic mistakes, but I guess its not perfect. Like I said, I'll look through the chapters more closely from now on.

A very minor thing is also indicating a character's direct thoughts with italics. I don't believe it's a required thing, but could make reading a tad bit easier.

I knew that there was something I should have done, I'll edit that as soon as I'm done here. Thanks.

One small error in the paragraphing: when Leo shouted about how he was either going to make it through the field or die trying, you put the "he said" one line below the dialogue, also making the "he" capitalized.

Got it. Will be fixed as soon as I'm done.

Those are the only negative aspects, which should be easily fixed. Now for the perks.

My favorite part of a review.

Your style of paragraphing is not only different, but thinking outside of the box. This almost looks like an epic poem such as Beowulf. You go into great detail, all the while keeping everything in short slices that are aesthetically pleasing. Because of this fascinating style, many parts in this which would normally be considered mistakes are rendered null and void. I tip my hat to you on this.

Why thank you. I tried my best to make it seem unique from all the other Mystery Dungeon fics out there. It seemed necessary to do so.

Another unique aspect is beginning this with not only a human world, but an escape from a world at war through an elaborate test featuring a somewhat sarcastic computer. Quite an intriguing way to begin this adventure.

Thank you again, you wouldn't believe how long it took to work out how I would do the Prolouge. Those events will eventually play a major part in the story, so don't forget about them quite yet.

    Spoiler:- Spoiler:

Show Spoiler

 
And the world Leo escaped from isn't much better off than the world he's in now. Just a heads up.
 

By the way, I love how Leo is going to get himself in trouble with the various Mystery Dungeons. As if attempting to go through the reverse black hole wasn't enough, wait until he comes across an enemy... *snickers*

Oh, I have some very interesting ideas for when it comes to that. Let's just say he was a lot to find out before he can successfully survive in this world.

Before he blacked out, were those two Pokémon he saw the hero and partner in PMD2?

No they aren't. They are my own characters, but the two Pokemon in question might make an apperence later on. Just an apperence though.

Overall, I believe this is the beginning of something excellent. I look forward to future chapters full of Leo and his special Leo-ness.

Thank you. Future chapters will be posted as soon as I can plan, write, and give them a complete editing to avoid errors. Which means hopefully one or two every month, give or take.

Thank you Wrym, I need more reviews like these. And now to do some editing.

Edit: Mistakes have been, for the most part, corrected. Again, thank you Wrym for pointing them out.

Knightfall signing off...

[Bobmeister24]

A great job as always! Interesting how you briefly moved back in the end to Doug. I'm guessing that Leo is a Charmeleon? Anyways, a brilliant chapter. Can't wait for No. 2!

[Knightfall]

Thank you! I always like positive responces from the audience.
To answer your question, yes he is a Charmeleon.
It's a different choice for a main character, but I think it will work.

As for Doug, I couldn't leave his story unfinished, in all my rewrites of the Prologue, he grew into one of my favorite characters.
I felt that everyone needed to know that he's still alive.

Anyways, as for Chapter Two, it's coming along nicely. It's not quite done yet, and there is still the editing process, but it should be up fairly soon. Maybe next week if I'm lucky. (The current chapter progress is in my sig)

Thank you again,

Knightfall signing off...

[Rotomknight]

This is great.
If there is a pm list please add me to it.
I like leo. But I want to know moree about the human world. What the heck is goin on.
Who were those guys.
END REVIEW

[Knightfall]

@Rotomknight Thank you for posting, always nice to know that more people are reading my humble work. As for your questions about the human world, they will be answered eventually. But not quite yet. I am debating a PM list, but in the mean time, you can subscribe to the thread. Works just as well as a PM.
As for my fic, I’m afraid that Chapter Two isn’t quite done yet, I’m sorry. I truly am.
Knightfall signing off….































Just kidding! I’m not that cruel as to make you all wait even longer for the chapter. I now present Chapter Two of PMD: Overthrown!


Chapter Two: A Slight Discrepancy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“…For their greed, they were stripped of their wealth.
For their misuse of knowledge, they were sentenced to live lives of ignorance.
For their most heinous of crimes they committed under the light of the sun, they were condemned to a world of darkness.
Never to see the true light of the sun again.
For the war they fought, for the blood they shed, for the lives they destroyed, for the land they soiled, for the balance they usurped, for the peace they shattered, for the world they tore apart, they were banished.
Banished by the gods from this world, forever imprisoned behind a Seal created by the gods.
Exiled, for eternity.”
Excerpt from the manuscript, Legend of the Great War.
Courtesy the Trinity Isle Research and Archives facility. (T.I.R.A)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leo had realized that this was a playback of his forgotten life, a dream of sorts; mostly because he never remembered waking up from when he passed out.
A flash-back; somehow dredged up from the bottomless abyss that held his past life.

He stood-- well, it was more like observing from above, like a phantom. He watched from a short distance as a group of figures ran down a narrow metal catwalk inside some sort of darkened concrete building.
He could see himself, as a human. He couldn't remember his face, but he knew it was him. The other adults were unrecognizable though.

He was running-- clarification-- his human self was running. From what his other self was running from, he’s not entirely sure.

He heard the sounds of their shoes click on the metal catwalk as his human self followed the adult figures in front of him. Leo saw that his human self wanted to catch his breath, but he knew he couldn't; he has to keep up with the others.

As to reaffirm his other self’s unknown reason for not stopping, Leo heard an explosion. The blast was muffled by the concrete walls of this building, but it didn’t stop the acrid smell of smoke and burning furniture from reaching Leo’s phantom nose.

His human self ran even faster, propelled by fear.
Suddenly one of the figures in the front of the group opened a metal door, light poured in from the outside. Leo felt himself blink as the bright light made the dark hallway visible.

From his outsider viewpoint Leo was amazed at what some of the figures looked like.
A couple of the adults, comprised of both men and women were dressed in formal black business suits that where soaked in sweat and had more wrinkles and tears than a tailor could ever hope to fix.
Aside from these “official” people, the few others were clothed in some sort of strange armor and helmets. Each of these armored people was gripping some sort of black handheld machine, their faces set with an unreadable look that betrayed no emotions or fear.

He looked at his human self with an air of detachment; he couldn’t believe that he originally was one of them; it seemed so sort of unreal.
His human self also looked at of place with the adults; wearing only a simple T-shirt and jeans.

As if opening the door triggered some sort of signal the men in the armor sprung into action. Clutching the black devices with both hands they rushed out of the door, followed quickly by his dream self and the others.
Leo couldn’t move as his other self ran out into the bright light of whatever was outside.

Suddenly there was a sharp cracking of thunder, lots of it, coming from directly outside the open door in short rapid bursts. He heard yelling, the roar of the thunder blasts grew louder and more rapid.
Than everything was enveloped in the bright light; the light had all but blinded him, but his hearing remained intact.

He doubled over as the sounds amplified themselves louder; he covered his ears with his claws in a vain attempt to block out the ear shattering noise.
Just as he thought his head was going to burst from the noise, he awoke with a start.

Gasping for air, he looked around at the room he was in. He was laying on a pitiful excuse for a bed-a small circle of damp straw- in the middle of a stone walled chamber. There was only a single heavy wooden door and it didn’t have a handle. The only source of light aside from his torch of a tail was a small glowing crystal fixture on the ceiling.

Leo’s pulse quickened, where am I?
He quickly got to his feet, and than almost instantly was broadsided with a dizzy spell. His body stumbled and he found himself holding onto the cool stone wall for support.


The gnawing pain of hunger he felt from before had decided to rear its ugly head once more.
His stomach decided it was the right time to remind him of its existence and the fact that it hadn’t been filled in recent memory.
He was about to slide down the wall to the floor in defeat when his eyes caught a flash of metal.

He slowly turned his head to face the source of the glint as not to provoke another dizzy spell. It was a small metal plate; however it wasn’t this that had Leo’s attention.
It was the two small red apples that rested on the platter.

He willed the little energy his body had left into the form of a clumsy dive. The rough slide across the stone floor didn’t seem to hurt as much thanks to his new scaly skin.

His sharp teeth made short work the soft apple flesh; he tore through both of the fruits with lightning speed. He tried to savor the juicy flavor. As he finished the fruit, he attempted to jog his memory as to when he had last enjoyed them.
He couldn’t, and he again cursed his amnesia.

Licking his lips, Leo finally felt almost happy, despite his shortfall recollecting his memory. He tossed the two apple cores back onto the plate.
He wasn’t completely full, he was still in some sort of prison, and he was suddenly feeling very drowsy.
His breathing slowed, his eye lids suddenly became heavy, and soon he found himself laying on a slightly damp pile of straw on the floor.

Why am I sleepy? I just woke up, didn’t I? Leo tried to reason, but his mind also was getting sluggish, I should be trying to find- he let loose an involuntary yawn-a way out...of…here….

And with that last thought, he drifted off to a sleep. Thankfully this time there were no dreams he was forced to watch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leo woke to the screeching of the door to his cell opening.
As he groggily sat up, two things happened at once.

The first being that what looked like two metal spheres with magnets attached to their sides floated into the room.
The second being that the metal sphere things talked.

“BZZZT! Looks like he’s awake. Finally. BZZZT!”

Leo could only stare as one of the spheres zoomed close to his face. This caused Leo to franticly claw his way backwards, only to have a wall crash into the back of his head.

Leo winched in pain and tenderly rubbed the back of his scalp- still noting the fact that he now had a horn.
However this made the two magnetic abominations burst into fits of what Leo could only assume was laughter. All he could hear was the sound of harsh static and metallic screeches coming from the two guards.

Wanting to preserve some of his dignity, Leo quickly got to his feet and angrily swiped his claw at one of the spheres. He was rewarded with a hit, even if it only made the sphere bob slightly in the air.

That said sphere returned the favor with a small burst of electricity from his magnet appendages aimed at Leo.
The voltage wasn’t enough to permanently harm him; the Magnemite wasn’t stupid and he needed this job.

Leo felt like his body was on fire, yet he stood up and faced the twin guards with a look of pure repressed anger.

“BZZZT! Don’t look at us like that! BZZZT!” the first sphere shouted, his higher tones sounding like an out of tune microphone.

“BZZZT! Yeah, you kind of deserved it for making us work overtime. If it wasn’t for you, we’d probably be back at the Hub recharging by now. BZZZT!” the second sphere continued the first’s rant.

Leo didn’t respond, he only focused more of his anger into his glare, maybe if I concentrate hard enough they’ll both explode. Who knows what I can do in this body?

They didn’t explode, much to his dismay. They did however shackle both of his wrists together with some sort of magnet chain, and tried to lead him out of the room to somewhere else in the underground building.

The word “tried” meaning they attempted to walk him out of his cell, but after being thrown in prison, drugged, bruised, laughed at, and shocked, Leo wasn’t in the mood for compliance.

“ZT! Stop resisting! Our chief wants to talk with you. ZZT!” one of the guards groaned.

Leo simply dragged his feet on the packed dirt floor, a procedure which worked well now that he had claws. Not impressed with his little show of defiance, the guards continued prodding him with small electric zaps while muttering about his species stubbornness.

At last they had arrived at their destination, a small room cut from the stone. Inside as only a wooden table and a small chair made of the same substance.

The guards entered with Leo and instructed him to sit down. He carefully made sure his tail wasn’t in the way before completing the action while the guards waited.

A short time later another creature much like the guards floated through the doorway.
It was a much bigger identical form of the guards and had an air of authority as it started talking to the guards.
The guards reported on the recent events to the, what Leo would assume was their chief officer.
They were being very secretive about it, talking in hushed tones; it wasn’t like Leo could glean any information from their conversation even if he wanted to. They were talking in a series of beeps and tones, a language that most sentient beings not acquainted with radio signals wouldn’t understand.

As soon as they were finished giving their version of the report, the officer turned to look at Leo.
Leo gave a weak wave to the one eyed creature, careful to let him see the small blackened areas on his scales from when they had zapped him.

The ovular magnetic creature suddenly shouted at the guards in a language that sounded like the unholy combination of metallic screeches, high pitched static, Morse code, and other unpleasant mechanical noises that threatened to make Leo’s ears bleed.

This sudden outburst made the both of the guards zoom out of the room in sheer terror. The larger creature than aimed one of his magnet hands at the metal door and pulled it shut with a magnetic pulse.

While Leo stared in mixed awe of the creature, it floated over to the opposite side of the table and started to talk.

“Let me be the first to apologize for their behavior, I had absolutely no idea of their actions. BZZZT! They were acting completely out of the orders I gave them. BZZZT! I specifically told them to escort you to this chamber, and not to damage you in the process!” He buzzed angrily as his apology came to an end.

“It’s alright; I’ll be fine in no time.” Leo responded with forced cheerfulness, but he couldn’t hide his look of utter confusion and hatred of the guards from the creature.

“Ah. You’re wondering why you’re here, aren’t you? BZZZT!” he asked knowingly, as Leo nodded, affirming his answer.

“You were brought here two days ago suffering from severe malnutrition and sleep deprivation as a side affect of your time in Tranquility Fields. That’s why we had to coat your meal with sleep seed extract, by the way. BZZT!”

Wait, two days? How long was I out? Where exactly was I? Surprisingly, the only part of what he said that made any sense to Leo was why he was drugged.

“BZZZZT! I know you’re wondering why you’re here, being interrogated by me to be more specific, aren’t you? BZZZT!” Leo had no idea that the officer was able to read minds. He gave him a silent look that said, “No, I want to know why the sky is blue”.

Apparently not seeing Leo’s glare, the officer continued,
“BZZZT! I haven’t seen you around here before so I’ll introduce myself. My name is Auxiliary Gear Magnezone; you may call me Officer Gear; I’m in charge of Loyalty Square’s prison. BZZZT! I’ve been in charge of this prison for te-”

“Why am I in prison in the first place?” Leo suddenly interrupted; irritated with the lack of real answers and abuse he was receiving in this place.

The creature, Officer Gear, was silent for a moment; the only sound in the chamber came from the faint sounds of the surface world above and the quiet whirring noise that accompanied the Magnezone’s constantly turning magnets.

“BZT! You want to know why you are here? You are here because the rescue team that found you passed out in front of the Fields was required to bring you here by law. BzzzzT! No one is allowed near the Fields without permission. No one. You’re guilty of trespassing. BzZt! That’s why you’re here! Don’t act like you don’t know; everyone without a death wish knows to stay away from the Fields! bZZttT!” Gear shouted, the mechanism that controlled his voice failing to remove the static tones in his speech.

Leo wasn’t expecting that, he’d been through a lot the past couple days, but he wasn’t expecting to be yelled at; much less charged with a crime.

He stood up, nearly knocking the chair over in the process. He leaned over the table and got close to Gear’s single red eye.

“Listen, I woke up in the middle of that field with no idea of who I was, or how I got there, much less that I was committing a crime. I was concerned with finding a way out of that place, and eventually I did. I don’t really care for your rules about trespassing. I just want to leave, now.” he said the last word with such iciness it surprised him.
It wasn’t the only thing to surprise him; Leo swore he saw actual steam exiting his nostrils as he ended his rant

It felt good to let that built up rage out, he hadn’t had much of a chance to let it out earlier. He knew that he’d have to face some sort of punishment for talking back to the officer, but it felt great to finally get it off his chest and stand up for himself.

After what seemed an eternity, or maybe it was just a couple of seconds, Gear spoke.

“BZZZT! You got guts, Charmeleon, and a temper to match. Tell you what, you deserve to know what’s going on, and I’ll tell you. BZZZT! As long as you tell me what I need to know, alright? Seem fair? ZT!”

Leo wasn’t to keen to take his offer, but took a mental note on what exactly he had turned into, a Charmeleon is it? Strange name for whatever I am .
He slowly nodded, hoping that he could answer the officer’s questions. Otherwise, he could be here for a while.

“ZZZT! Good. Now, you claim you have no idea who you are or how you got inside the dungeon known as Tranquility Fields. Could you please explain what happened? BZT!”

Leo shifted in the chair, “I don’t know exactly what happened myself, I’m not sure how I could possibly explain it to you. I have no ide-” Leo began to say, before Gear interrupted.

“ZZT! Just tell me to the best of your ability, alright? ZT!” Gear told Leo, getting slightly irritated with him.

So began Leo’s most uncomfortable experience in this new world yet.
He went over every detail in his escapade from when he first woke up to when he last blacked out, even including his loss of memory and how he escaped through the barrier leaving nothing out of the narrative.
Except for his memories of being a human that is; he decided it was best to leave that little detail out of his story until he knew a lot more about what was going on.

When he finally finished his tale, Gear said nothing for a few minutes; his mind processing and going over every aspect of what was just told to him.

“BZZZT! You’ve got to be the strangest Pokemon I’ve ever had to interrogate, and I’ve run this prison for ten years. You’ve just made my job slightly easier, if anything. They’ll never believe this down at the Federation. BZZZT!” Gear laughed loudly.

Not knowing what Gear meant by the comment, Leo decided to speak.

“Remember your part of the deal; now please tell me what I want to know. Officer.” he asked, quickly adding the last word to the end.

Gear glared at him, his single red eye glowing with slight irritation. At long last he said, “So I did. And now I know why what you want to ask, and the answer, simply, is the Fields are dangerous.”

Not stopping even for Leo’s confusion, he continued,
“The dungeon you came out of is off limits to everyone. BZZZT!
Even after the Restoration of Time, the dungeon never recovered from the effects of the Crisis. It turned into a black hole of sorts, anyone who went in was never heard from again. ZzzT!”
Gear stopped his explanation suddenly, and grew quiet for a moment. To Leo it was if he was reminded of those he had known who didn’t return from those fields.
He also gave a thought to the terms Gear had mentioned, Federation? Crisis? Restoration of Time? Obviously they are important, but I have no idea what they are. He made a quick note to eventually find out what these events were.

Gear’s words also brought up an eerie thought; back in the Fields, what if I couldn’t break through the barrier?
Leo shuddered at the grim possibilities of what might have happened.

As Leo was processing his own thoughts, Gear found his voice again.

“The Federation called off the rescue efforts and erased Tranquility Fields from its maps. They gave us orders to guard the entrances and to punish those who got too close. That’s why you’re here, because technically you crossed the boundary, and the law states you must face the consequences.”

Leo tensed, he wasn’t sure what made up the punishment in this world, but he didn’t want to find out anytime soon.

“Fortunately for you, the odd circumstances of your escape will be enough to simply write this off as an unusual incident. Mostly because- to the extent of your knowledge- you never went into the Fields, you only came out of them. BZZZT!” Gear explained, much to Leo’s relief.

His claws slowly released from the wooden seat of the chair, as he processed the officer’s about-face in punishing him.
I’m getting out of this place, finally, out…

The Magnezone continued speaking,
“Sorry about imprisoning you and all that.
But procedure must be followed; otherwise there’d be no order, so to ensure order we had to at least question you on your little “adventure’ in Tranquility Fields. BZZZT!
Please understand why we had to do what we did.” and with that statement Gear used a radio tone to signal one of the Magnemite guards to enter the room.

The guard was not one of the guards from earlier, much to Leo’s satisfaction. If he ever got his hands on either one of them again, they would be the ones on the ground in pain, not him.

Returning to this guard, he was carrying a metal crate with his twin magnets. He gently set the crate down on the wooden interrogation table and with Gear’s nod of dismissal; he floated out of the room.

Gear hovered slightly higher off the ground and reached inside the crate. He pulled out a folded wad of paper pinched in his magnet-like appendage.
He placed the folded paper on the table and gave it a push.

It slid across the rough wooden surface, stopping right in front of Leo.

Leo carefully unfolded it, and laid the flattened document on the table. It had no words or letters at all, only some sort of code printed on the entirety of it; various couplings of dots and dashes made up the print on the paper.
Either way, Leo had no way of reading it, much less any idea of language what it was.

Fortunately, Gear chose at that time to provide an answer.
“BZZZT! That is your ticket out of this place, please don’t lose it.”

Leo stared up at the oversized floating magnet with a look of suspicion. He didn’t believe that he’d be given permission to leave this easily.

Gear couldn’t read minds, but he could read Leo’s look of disbelief as clearly as a book.

“You can leave, if that is what your question is. We no further need for your presence here; you have been cleared of the charges against you. ZTT!” he explained as he motioned toward the door of the chamber, opening it with a magnetic pulse.

“So were do I go now?” Leo asked uncertainly, he didn’t want to get lost in this maze of a prison by accident.

Gear pondered his question over for a moment.
How hard can it be to tell me the way out your own prison? Leo thought as Gear’s lack of answering stretched on.

When Gear finally spoke up, Leo was about to fall asleep, his head pressed against the table.

“BZZZT! Well, I’m not sure exactly what you should do next. Until you recover from your amnesia, you can’t exactly go off on your own, can you? BZZZT! I guess I can talk to the Guild and see if you can stay there for a few days…” he trailed off suddenly; an idea just hit him.

Leo sighed and put his head down again, this wasn’t what he meant by his question, he just wanted directions out of here, but he took mental notes of the places he mentioned.

It was only a few seconds this time before Gear started speaking again,

“BZZZT! In fact, I might not need to trouble the Guild with you after all. Please wait a moment.”
As he finished Gear suddenly emitted a series of beeps and tones. Almost instantly another guard zoomed through the open door and into the room. He hovered over to Gear and handed him a blank piece of paper.

Gear silently dismissed the guard and laid the paper on the table in front of him. Without warning his right magnet started spinning, generating sparks of electricity as it spun faster.

Than Gear aimed the electricity, in a single, thin beam of energy, at the paper and quickly moved the beam across the paper much like a pen or pencil.
Leo vainly tried to associate a face or a name with these items from his past, but as said, it was a vain attempt, his amnesia was still too powerful.

Pens and pencils. Just another useless shred of memory. He sighed inwardly as he gave up trying to remember.
Leo decided to pay attention to Gear and his activity once more.
He watched in curiosity as Gear finished his work; burning the last few lines into the paper. Gear than stopped the energy beam and picked up the smoking paper. From what Leo could see, an entire letter had been composed from the burnt lines in the paper.

Gear than used his magnets to gently fold the paper into a simple square, he than slid it across the table like the release paper before.

“Just give those to the guard at the front sentry post on the surface floor, alright? BZZZT! That should take care of your problems, for now at least.” Gear said as Leo placed both folded papers in his claw, and stood up.

Leo was about to walk out of the room into the hallway Gear suddenly shouted for his attention.
He turned back around to face the officer, what now? He thought as Gear reached inside the metal crate again.

“Figured you didn’t want to leave this behind” he said as he pulled out a familiar small crystal key on a golden string, “It seems pretty valuable.”

Any thoughts of irritation for Gear vanished as Leo meekly made his way over to the floating Pokemon. Gear gently turned over the artifact to Leo, who than slowly slid the golden thread over his neck.

He sighed as relief flooded him, if he had lost it he didn’t know what he would do. It was the last thing he had of his past life; he needed to keep it safe.

“Thank you, sir.” Leo whispered, still in shock of the officer’s kindness in returning the key.
Something told Leo that Gear could have fetched a good deal of money if he were to have kept and sold it someplace.

“BZZZT! You’re welcome, Charmeleon. Unfortunately not all of us in this business share my principles when it comes to matters like these.” Gear told a still stunned Leo cheerfully.

“It’s Leo,” Leo quietly told Gear.

“Ahh, Leo is it? Alright, well good to know your name in case we ever meet again. BZZZT!” Gear said as he floated past Leo and into the hallway.

“Just go along the other path, and you’ll eventually reach the surface. Remember to give those papers to the guard, or else.” Gear called from down the hallway, and than he was gone. Off to deal with other matters deeper inside the prison.

Leo snapped out of the semi-stupor he was in and walked out of the chamber. He made sure that he went along the hallway opposite from where he had last seen Gear.

The hallway smelt strongly of wet hay and damp earth, something that, as a creature with a live fire burning on his tail, he didn’t find too comfortable.
His clawed feet made a slight clicking noise when they touched the stone floor, as he quickly walked through the winding hallways, always heading upwards.
He was careful not to accidently turn down one of the many side hallways that lead back down into the unpleasantness of the prison.
After he walked for about five minutes he noticed the walls of the hallway change from stone to packed dirt, and the dim light slowly get brighter.

Soon he reached a three-way intersection, two of the paths lead elsewhere in the prison, while the third path he had all ready traveled. In wall in front of him was a pair of rectangular metal doors which lead to the lobby and outside.
Normally this wouldn’t have been so much of a problem if they had some type of knob, but they didn’t. The doors where completely smooth and appeared impossible to open.

Leo tried knocking loudly on the smooth metal, but no one seemed on the other side to answer him, or maybe they were just ignoring him.
Not about to give into defeat to a seemingly impassible barrier, he employed the same tactic that he successfully used in an earlier battle against a certain wall of wheat.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He awoke shortly afterwards to the sounds of static buzzing, and looked above him to see a Magnemite above him. He winced as he slowly got to his feet, he felt sore all over, and had a splitting head ache.
He made a painful mental note never to tackle a solid metal anything, especially at a full sprint.

The guard apparently didn’t want to get involved in Leo’s dilemma and simply used his magnetic pull to easily open the door.
Shielding his adjusting eyes from the light from beyond the door, he thanked the Magnemite who nodded in reply and flew off elsewhere in the prison.

Leo cautiously walked through the doorway into the lobby; the term lobby could only be applied if taken very loosely. The room was much brighter than the rest of the prison, considering that it had a few windows covered in sticks in the clay walls.
Other than the brightness there was little to it, there was only a small wooden booth with a Magnemite that floated behind it located by the open entrance way, and many wooden bulletin boards were mounted on the walls, each covered in posters that showed a colorful drawing of a certain Pokemon.

Leo now noticed why the guard hadn’t heard his knocking on the door earlier; he was busy talking with two creatures on the other side of his booth.
It took Leo a few seconds, but he realized that he recognized the two creatures. They were the blue and black dog and yellow and white fox from outside the Field.

No, he didn’t have the time to deal with them; his full focus was on the opening in the wall that led out of this place. He couldn’t risk his freedom with talking to the guard, for all he knew they would charge him with another crime.
He’d have to be quiet, and slowly sneak around the two Pokemon while the guard was distracted.

He flattened himself against the wall, and slowly began edging himself along it. It was incredibly slow going, but he was making progress, slowly but surely.
About halfway to the opening, Leo took a tentative glance at the guard.

The Magnemite was still conversing with the dog and fox Pokemon.
Good, he’s still talking with them, Leo thought as he continued to slide his way across the wall.
He was almost to the opening, he could turn the corner and be outside, that’s how close he was to freedom, but the booth was directly beside his target destination. He couldn’t go past without getting spotted unless he was extremely lucky.

Seeing no other alternative Leo grabbed his key and took a deep breath.
He ran directly behind the two Pokemon and into the opening as quick as his reptilian feet would allow.
He was almost in the clear, he couldn’t believe his apparent luck that the guard didn’t see him; he applauded himself for finally turning his streak of bad luck around.
It is at these times reality reminds us, often painfully, that some people or Pokemon aren’t made to succeed at certain things, like escaping unnoticed from a prison for instance.

Leo was halfway down the stone steps of the prison when suddenly he felt something metallic wrap painfully tight around both his ankles.
Leo soon found this pain was rather insignificant when compared with the pain of losing his balance and falling down half a flight of stone steps, face first.

He laid there for a moment, in quiet agony at the bottom of the steps, his entire body fighting to assess and mend the many bruises he had sustained in his misadventure.

Unfortunately for him, his rest was interrupted by the familiar whirring sound of a Magnemite. He could have sworn that it hid an almost inaudible laugh under its buzzing, as it attached one of its magnets to the metal cords around his ankles.

Leo soon found out that the only thing more painful than falling down half a flight of stone steps, was being quickly dragged up an entire flight of stone steps after doing the former.
With each step Leo was dragged up, he had to hold back an even greater amount of tears. At the top step, Leo uttered a small whimper. The guard didn’t even look at his captive as he continued to drag him back inside the prison foyer.
Leo watched the feet of the two creatures quickly shuffle out of the way, as he was dragged into the middle of the room, both his body and pride greatly bruised.

Once at the guard’s destination, the Magnemite shot a magnetic pulse at the tight metal cords that secured his feet. They instantly loosened and unwound, freeing his now slightly numb feet.
The guard quickly took the cord and stashed it behind his desk again. He than returned to the hurt Charmeleon and told Leo to stand, while the other two Pokemon silently stood and watched.

Leo painfully complied as the upset guard muttered words that Leo was sure were unfit for regular conversation.
As soon as he was finally standing, the guard started to spin both of its magnets, generating many sparks as he aimed the magnets squarely at Leo’s torso. Leo braced for the inevitable pain, his eyes squeezed tight, and his body as tense at he could make it without feeling pain.

After a few seconds he dared to open his eyes. The guard was no longer charging for a stunning shot, but instead looking at the crumpled papers clenched tightly in the claws on his right hand.
He had forgotten about them, they had been in his hand the entire time.
Silently swearing to himself, he cursed the fact that he had forgotten about the release papers that he was given and his own stupidity. He could have just handed over the paper and have been on his way, but no. Of course that didn’t happen.

The guard apparently saw what Leo was thinking and snatched the papers from his claw, and quickly scanned them both.
He took the first of the papers with the strange code on it and put it in the booth, and than gave the second paper to the blue and black dog.

The dog Pokemon slowly accepted the paper, not knowing what could possibly be on it.
He lowered the paper slightly so that his fox partner could get a good look at it as well.

While they read the content of the paper, Leo and the guard simply had engaged in a silent staring contest. The guard wishing he could zap Leo upside the head for his stupidity, and Leo busy closing one eye and imaging he was squishing the guard’s metal ball body between his claws.

As soon as the blue and black dog Pokemon was finished reading the letter he simply crumbled it into a ball and returned it to the guard, who zapped it into ash with his magnets.

“BZZZT! Well, than. Now you both know what’s going on, I’m most regrettably required by royal law and Gear’s mandatory “moral obligations” to ask if you have any questions or concerns about your new “addition” to your team. ZTTT!”
The guard sighed, apathetically addressing the other two Pokemon. Wait, new addition?

It was the dog who answered the guard, “Is this legal? Can Officer Gear do this? He never asked us, or told us anything!” he yelled at the guard.

The guard angrily zoomed over to the dog, “Listen, Riolu, and listen well; I don’t care. I honestly don’t. ZZT! Now, shut up. ZT! In fact Gear can do this. Royal decree number five-hundred and seven, section two, sub-section three. ZZT!”

The Riolu crossed his arms, “But it isn’t fair! We didn’t ask for a new teammate when we rescued him, why can’t he just go to the Guild or something?”

The guard rounded on him, “BZZZT! Do I need to repeat the decree to you? In the case of a national emergency, and this is one, the Chief Officer has the authority to assign rescue and exploration teams temporary members as to not burden the Guild’s functions during said national emergency. What part of that isn’t clear? BZZZT! Now leave! I don’t want to have to charge you with resisting an officer’s order. Go! ZT!”

The Riolu wasn’t done arguing yet, and was about to talk when the Jolteon stopped him.

“Just stop, Jay. We can’t do anything about it now, and arguing won’t help. Let’s just go.” She told the upset Riolu, apparently named Jay.
He reluctantly complied and muttered something about the guard under his breath.

The guard looked pleased for once, “BZZZT! Thank you, Jolteon! At least someone here has proved that they can listen to reason, unlike some others. BZT!” he said, directing his last enunciated word at both Leo and Jay.

Leo silently observed as the three Pokemon argued over his fate, a conversation not comfortable to listen to in the slightest.

Jay and the Jolteon both turned to exit the prison, the guard quickly told Leo to follow them.

“BZT! You’re with them now. Have fun with your new teammates! BZZT!” The guard laughed, a horrid static buzzing sound, and shoved Leo out of the lobby, onto the top steps where he left him.
Confused with the events that made up the past few minutes, Leo continued down the steps, thankfully without tripping.

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, taking in his surroundings. He saw the other stone and clay buildings of the town, as well as a multitude of creatures simply milling about, going on with their daily lives.

Leo twisted around in a circle, taking in the wonderful strangeness of it all, the colorful buildings, as the equally colorful creatures that walked, crawled, floated, and flew around him. Many of them were totally unlike any animal he had ever seen before; wow.

Before he was done marveling the scenery, Jay and the Jolteon found him.

“Well, I guess I’m with you guys for now. Right?” Leo said uncomfortably, as tried to get on their good side. He didn’t want to be hated by them, just because Gear took matters into his own hands.

“Yeah, you’re with us, Charmeleon. Just stay with us.” Jay told him as he and the Jolteon started to make their way down the dirt street.

“It’s Leo. My name’s Leo.” Leo called to them as he followed the two.

As they moved past the various shops and buildings of the square, Leo tried to contain his curiosity as he took in the colorful wares of the vendors.

He saw berries and fruits of nearly every shape and size, from a small red one the size of a marble, to apples about the size of one of the Magnemite guards.
Along with the many fruits, he saw various metal goods, bags of small red colored seeds, and blue glass orbs stocked on the shelves and counters of the shops.

As he was looking, he realized that Jay and the Jolteon were both far ahead of him.
Leo ran forward to catch up with the Jolteon. Since she seemed the nicer of the two, Leo started to chat with her.

“Hey, it’s been a pretty hectic day so far, hasn’t it?” Leo asked, trying to make small talk with her. He sighed inwardly since at least he didn’t ask her about the weather.

“Yeah, it’s been pretty confusing so far. We really weren’t expecting Officer Gear to assign you to our team like that.” she said, as they turned off of the main street and onto a smaller dirt path.

“So that’s why he’s in such a bad mood, because of me?” Leo asked, jerking a claw toward Jay, who was walking a few strides ahead of them, and didn’t notice their conversation.

“I don’t think it’s you personally, he just doesn’t like it when he doesn’t get a warning of some sort when Gear or someone pulls these sorts of things. Like I said earlier, Gear never told us anything, except to be at the station this morning.” she explained, but Leo still had unanswered questions.

“So what’s your name? I got Jay’s, but not yours.” Leo inquired, wanting as much information as he could get.

The Jolteon looked somewhat surprised at this, “My name’s Kelly, and yours is Leo, right?”

“That’s right.”

“So what’s your story? I know you must have something to tell, since most Pokemon don’t just burst out of a dungeon wall, and then pass out. And now with your episode at the prison entrance, I really want to hear it.” Kelly asked Leo after a minute or so of relative quiet.

Leo had been somewhat expecting her question, the fact that they might to hear his story. It was a reasonable request, after all he was getting to stay with them, even if it was forcibly ordered, it was still the least he could do.

He glanced down at the key, which hung limply around his neck, his only link to whatever happened before he woke up in the middle of the Fields.
All of the things that had happened to him, from waking up until now, they were all so strange and new to him. He had all ready told Gear his slightly altered story, and now he was going to get the chance to tell it again.

He looked over to Kelly, “It’s a long, complicated story.” he said with a small chuckle, after all when he looked back on it, it was a little funny at times.

“Well, you’ll get the chance to tell us once we get to our base. And than afterwards, you’ll get the grand tour of the place. Sound good?” Kelly explained as Leo noticed that they weren’t in the town anymore.
They were on the edge of a small wooded valley, and the sun was starting to set.
The scent of the woods and the fact that wasn’t in the prison anymore calmed him.
It perhaps the calmest Leo had felt yet in this place, and to him passing out and being drugged to sleep didn’t count as being calm.

“Yeah, that sounds good” he said as they continued down the path, leaving Leo to his thoughts.

This is going to be interesting. He thought as he made a note to find out exactly what a “rescue team” was, and what was going to happen to him tomorrow.

They were questions Leo could only hope would be answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author’s Notes:
I’m really sorry about this chapter’s delay, and the joke I pulled in the beginning. Just my little tribute to the now completed Adventure of Adventureness series by Missingno.Master.
As for the cause of the delay, life and school decided to broadside me with a lot of things all at one time, but I’ve dealt with them, and now am back to writing.
Chapter Three might also be slightly delayed, as finals are coming up next month and early June, but I will make a serious effort to finish it before the exams hit.

As for this chapter, it was slightly more difficult to write for me, adding to the delay. I wanted Leo to meet and join his team differently than the normal “partner asks main character to join his team” scenario.
So after a bit of brainstorming I came up with the idea that the Fields are very dangerous and that led to the idea of a prison, Gear, and some very irritated Magnemite guards. It also gave me the opportunity to add to Leo’s character and insert some humor into the chapter.
I felt that it was different enough, but that’s just my opinion. Please tell me yours. I’d like to hear your comments/opinions on the story so far.

So, as usual, please feel free to comment, critique, and correct my work.
Again, please point out all the mistakes in my chapters, don’t worry, I can take it.
I apologize again for the lengthy wait, and I will try my best to ensure that it never happens again.

Also, got a new banner for the fic. I think it looks pretty good...

Knightfall signing off…

[Wyrm]

Good to see that you've been able to plow through school work. Now, let's see here...

Hm. It seems you're still having comma perils. Sadly, I don't believe I have enough time to point them out. But I have found a way (thank you language arts class) to clearly point out how the issue works.

While somewhat relevant, you can combine two separate thoughts incorrectly by what's called a comma splice. There have been numerous instances where you've placed a comma when there should've been a semicolon to separate the two alike thoughts. This can be fixed by either inserting the semicolons accordingly, adding a coordinating conjunction (such as "and") after the comma in certain places, or putting in a period and converting the second part into a separate sentence. When editing, use logic to determine what works where. Hopefully this helps.

Also, around the time the Magnemite in the lobby was talking to Kelly about somebody finally listening to reason, you messed up the italics tag in "can".

Otherwise, you're doing pretty good.

There's a nice blend of plot-ish-ness and "Oh no you didn't sister" comedy in this chapter. It makes for a good story while things are still developing.

I liked the unlikely method of recruitment featured here. Poor Jay. He doesn't seem to be in the mood for members out of the blue. However, stories are just cruel like that. HEE HEE

*inner shipper squeaks* Is it just me, or is there a hint of...ahem, potential between Leo and Kelly? *winks halfway* I don't know, but something just clicked with their interactions.

I just noticed something about Leo's situation the prison. It's actually similar to what I have planned in a future story. Thankfully, I think there's enough of a difference between the two to keep everybody friendly. Whew. :P

Keep up the good work, fellow author. *salutes*

[Knightfall]

Reply time once again!

Good to see that you've been able to plow through school work.

School work, the ever present bane of my writing. Mostly projects and finals, though.

While somewhat relevant, you can combine two separate thoughts incorrectly by what's called a comma splice. There have been numerous instances where you've placed a comma when there should've been a semicolon to separate the two alike thoughts. This can be fixed by either inserting the semicolons accordingly, adding a coordinating conjunction (such as "and") after the comma in certain places, or putting in a period and converting the second part into a separate sentence. When editing, use logic to determine what works where. Hopefully this helps.

Hmm, I'll fix those as quickly as I can. I wrote the majority of this chapter in a fit of much needed inspiration in the course of a few hours, so I guess I over looked the correct semicolon usage. Whoops.
Thanks for the advice.

Also, around the time the Magnemite in the lobby was talking to Kelly about somebody finally listening to reason, you messed up the italics tag in "can".

Fixed, man those things are annoying.

Otherwise, you're doing pretty good.

There's a nice blend of plot-ish-ness and "Oh no you didn't sister" comedy in this chapter. It makes for a good story while things are still developing.

Thank you, I was a little worried on how the overall chapter would appeal to readers. Looks like I did all right.

I liked the unlikely method of recruitment featured here. Poor Jay. He doesn't seem to be in the mood for members out of the blue. However, stories are just cruel like that. HEE HEE

Unlikely, unusual, different, same thing, they're all what I was aiming for.

And yes, as the author of this story I possess the authorly authority to make life difficult for all my characters.

*inner shipper squeaks* Is it just me, or is there a hint of...ahem, potential between Leo and Kelly? *winks halfway* I don't know, but something just clicked with their interactions.

I'm not sure if I'll do anything with them at the moment. Maybe once my writing skills improve enough and the story progresses a bit....maybe.

I just noticed something about Leo's situation the prison. It's actually similar to what I have planned in a future story. Thankfully, I think there's enough of a difference between the two to keep everybody friendly. Whew. :P

Great minds think alike I guess. That's kind of strange really...maybe I am one of the guys from Inception.

Keep up the good work, fellow author. *salutes*

*Returns salute* Thank you.

Knightfall signing off...

[PhantomDragon]

His human self also looked at of place

Should be out.

Leo had no idea that the officer was able to read minds. He gave him a silent look that said, “No, I want to know why the sky is blue”.

Sarcasm, yay!

And huzzah, you defeated the evil schoolwork! I liked the porttrayal of the Magnemite and Officer Gear and how you distinguished all the Magnemite, as the flatness of their characters was something that narked me in Explorers of Sky. The plot moved on nicely as well, but not too fast. And this "national emergency" malarky is interesting, as everyone seemed to be fairly calm when they where walking through the town...This chapter was worth the wait, imo, and good luck with your finals and stuff!

[Knightfall]

Should be out.

Thanks for pointing that out, will fix. EDIT: Fixed

And huzzah, you defeated the evil schoolwork! I liked the porttrayal of the Magnemite and Officer Gear and how you distinguished all the Magnemite, as the flatness of their characters was something that narked me in Explorers of Sky. The plot moved on nicely as well, but not too fast. And this "national emergency" malarky is interesting, as everyone seemed to be fairly calm when they where walking through the town...This chapter was worth the wait, imo, and good luck with your finals and stuff!

Yeah, I always thought some of the characters in Sky weren't fleshed out enough, and so that brought forth some very mean Magnemites. \
I'm so glad you noticed the "national emergency" part. More on that will be revealed as the story progresses I promise, including why eveyone was so calm.

Thanks for posting,

Knightfall signing off...