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Thread: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Overthrown

  1. #176
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    The metal blades began the* rotate.
    *Should be "to".

    ...the beams to reflect and off eachother...

    Doesn't sound right, not so much a spelling error as word placement and omission. Should read as:

    ...the beams to reflect off of eachother...
    regardless, you'll want to look at that line again.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.
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  2. #177
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Forty-eight hours had not yet passed since Gear’s disposal, and Richelieu had already laid the foundation for a totalitarian state in which he was the dictator. This is only the beginning if the plans I saw on his desk were true, the deputy thought inwardly.
    It's hard to think OUTWARDLY. So I might erase inwardly at the end.

    Hovering across the open area of the market square, Axis and his squad turned down the right hand road off into the major residential district.
    Minor, but it might sound better with "right hand road AND off into the major..."

    Axis couldn’t help but think of the possible reasoning behind Richelieu’s plans. Control was the obvious answer, but he knew something else was lurking behind that. Some unseen motive that was almost certainly detrimental to the majority of the populace of the town. Shaking away the thoughts, he refocused himself on the task at hand. His orders from the Skarmory had been little more than to patrol the streets.
    I feel like this Axis stuff is thrown in because I am demanded it!

    Arianna Glameow: 17 years of age. Citizen since birth. Record: none, Axis determined, his brain ninety-nine percent sure of positive identification.
    I am torn as to whether I think "database" might be better than "brain" there. Brain, to me, is too awkward sounding, and "database" might be an improvement since it further exemplifies the cold, mechanical nature of Magnemite.

    Her sharp, blue eyes darted from side to side looking for any possible escape route, but finding none that looked promising.
    Another [seemingly] unintentional narration shift here. Suddenly I am in Arianna's POV as she looks for a clearing.

    What he saw caused his cores to short-circuit. Arianna’s grey fur was now peppered with small circular bald spots, each one angry red and sizzling slightly. Tears leaked from her eyes as she bit her lip in an effort to not show weakness to the guards by crying.
    The bit there with the "cores" and short-circuiting? That's what I meant earlier with "brain". It smashes together Axis' inhuman body with his burgeoning, human morality and feelings. It gives him a sense of breaking out of his molding and becoming his own man.

    Leo never felt so free, so exhilaratingly alive, and so curious as he ran through the concrete corridor. The flatlights plastered on the ceiling and walls giving the hallway a clinical feel to it as it lit the area with a stark, white light.
    The "and so curious" bit draws the eye and reads differently from the rest of the line. I might consider setting that off with dashes (DASHES!)

    Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Immediately cancelling his forward momentum, he slowed to a stop; his well-worn shoes to skidding across the gritty stone floor to stop at a glass window embedded in the wall.
    I think that "to" is misplaced.

    It only remained for a split second, but a single image was burned into his thoughts forever. A shimmering veil of sky dotted with pure white clouds. In the middle of it, a vast glowing orb, far brighter than anything Leo had ever seen before. Leo shielded his eyes from the intense brightness of the celestial oddity.
    The "celestial oddity" bit is a little too "pretty narration" for me. I would just say "oddity" or "image" or "light". Something simplistic that doesn't detract from the previous description of what he saw.

    “--data is unretrievable! We can’t!”
    You'd think a scientist would know that the data is IRretrievable.

    Leo wanted to see more, he had to.
    Dash or semi-colon; not comma.


    -All right, my wife wants attention, so I'll be back for the rest of this (don't you love how I perpetually fail to review a chapter in one sitting?)

    EDIT: I'm back

    Kelly would never forgive them. She didn’t care what they said in their letters to her; dried ink failed to compare to actually hearing their apologies in real life. They had abandoned her. Left her completely alone. All to pursue a political faction that meant more to them than she did.
    Woo! More subplot characterization!

    She placed her paw on Kelly’s shoulder, causing her to wince slightly.
    There's a little pronoun confusion here. I KNOW you mean Kelly winced, but there's a part of me that thinks you MIGHT mean the mom...

    ”You said you hated us! You wanted us gone! You turned on us, your parents! the voice, now an unholy amalgamation of both her mother and her father screeched at Kelly as her grip began to fail her.
    Should be a comma after "father".

    The chasm of her nightmare, fed up with waiting, roared with another tremor that shook the entire void. Dust and mist clouded Kelly’s vision, making her eyes sting and throat burn as she had no choice to breath the dirtied air in. Her arms were burning with fatigue as she tried to resist the abyss’s attempts to swallow her whole.
    Nice paragraph. Very fraught with anxiety and tension.

    The bottomless chasm roared again, demanding her immediate surrender. Despite the pain and exhaustion, she refused to give into the void’s desires. She never submitted before, and she wouldn’t now. Nothing would make her, not the void, not the quake, nothing.

    ”You are not our daughter. Not anymore. Get out,” the voice coldly ordered. The mist seemed to channel its tone as its icy embrace wrapped around the Jolteon. Kelly shivered as the chill pressed from all sides. Her claws slipped a few precious inches closer to the edge, making a shrill screech along the floor. The broken stone slicing into the pads of her paws, making small smears of blood appear along the rock.

    ”Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! the invisible voice screamed. That was the final straw for Kelly. Her bloodied claws reached the edge of the cliff with nowhere else to go besides down. She pulled her head up one last time before her grip failed, her tears staining the yellow fur on her face.

    “I’m sorry,” she whispered weakly before her claws broke through the thin layer of rock. The abyss screeched in triumph and hungrily opened its maw wide to receive her.
    Actually, this whole bit was nicely done. There were some parts where I thought the narration was getting a touch too tried again, but overall, it was a very tense, powerful segment. The rather quick turn Kelly made from hating her parents to being broken by their disapproval was very excellent character building and shows just how thin a veil her wall of anger is. And the personification of the nightmare and the darkness was excellent, as well.

    “Felix,” the Riolu huffed, glaring at the guard. The Pokemon cracked a shrewd smile, showing off his sharp teeth at the same time. He moved his head to look down on Jay, the ruby red gem embedded on his forehead glinted in the fading sunlight.
    Oh, Felix the Cat. Aren't you a little young for that? I'M a little young for that!

    Jay only saw red, slightly different shades of red, and more red.
    I'm not enamored of this. It seems close to working, but just doesn't quite get there for me.

    Without warning, the Seviper brought the tip of the blade to Jay’s left arm and dug it into the flesh.
    But...they did warn him. They just told Seviper to poison him. So I would think he did have warning, he was just incapable of resisting.

    “Noah, my orders said to patrol the camp and alert me if there were trespassers, not attack and knock out the first civilians you saw!” Torrent exclaimed, his impressive jaw feet from the Dewott’s face. Noah slowly took his black paw and wiped several small droplets of Torrent’s saliva off his face before answering.
    LOL...when I first read this, I was trying to figure out what IMPRESSIVE JAW FEET were. JAW FEET! That sounds really scary; bite the ground while you run! JAW FEET. (you might want to throw a "just" or "mere" in between those words. Or don't! Maybe he has JAW FEET! And that IS impressive)

    “I very much like to meet those rocks, sir. Perhaps they can teach me a lesson in humility, sir,” Noah responded in as serious of a tone Leo thought impossible to reach. Torrent stood and stared at the Dewott for a moment, not knowing what exactly to make of the statement.
    "I very much *WOULD* like to meet..."

    “I … uh... you see, we … umm...” Jay squirmed in his seat. To Leo, it looked as if his mind failed to think of the right words. Torrent gave up on the team leader, leaving him to quietly sit on the wooden chair. He shifted his glare to Kelly.
    Jay's stammering here reads a bit too comically for me. There is room for comic relief in this scene, but I don't get a proper sense of it here. It just kind of weird and out-of-place. Might be preferable to say "Jay squirmed in his seat and stammered a non-response".

    Torrent refused to beat around the bush. “So, he was finally taken down, huh? Who did it? Because I’ll rip them apart once I find them. Icarus, tell me everything you know this instant,”
    This, mostly the phrasing of "beat around the bush" reads without the emotion I'd think Torrent might be feeling given that Gear was an ally and, maybe, friend of his.

    “And that’s your tour. Welcome to Camp New Rain! You’ll quickly learn why most fugitive Pokemon would rather go to jail then here,” he said with a grin, even as the team’s spirits fell yet again.
    "go to jail *THAN* here..."


    -Lots of confusing stuff going on at the end there, as we're back to the bickering voices I had forgotten about and then some unseen people talking about an arbiter. Sometimes I think you leave too a bit too much unseen to the reader. It's mystery, yes, but it's hard to keep all the stuff that I can't quite "see" straight in my head.

    The dreams were interesting, obviously especially Leo's since it deals back with his human self in the human world. What was happening in that situation, I wonder?

    Kelly's backstory seems more engaging than Jay's. Not a knock on Jay or you or anything; it just seems at first blush like a vanilla "You killed my father, prepare to die" revenge motive. Kelly's is more nuanced and tells me more about her emotional depth and her own personal deception. I am very eager to get resolution to her subplot.
    Last edited by Sid87; 6th January 2013 at 12:57 AM.


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  3. #178
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    I am back.
    Knightfall, this is completely amazing. Your description, which fell in the beginning, is uppity now. The plot progresses and kickbut ninja Dewott enters. Tell me, will there be comic relief Pokemon like the Chowderheads? They were awesome and you could make the new ones brothers. Terrifying!

    Grav
    Formerly Grav.
    Quite inactive, but still available. If you have a fanfic that no one wants to review, PM/VM me and I'll give you a hand.

  4. #179
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    Thanks for reviewing. And now, my replies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    It's hard to think OUTWARDLY. So I might erase inwardly at the end.
    Hmm, I never thought about that before. Fixed.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Minor, but it might sound better with "right hand road AND off into the major..."
    I've never been one to doubt your advice. Fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I feel like this Axis stuff is thrown in because I am demanded it!
    Well, I do listen to my readers. And you expressed how having him would be good for the story, so yes, because of you, have planned out a bit of plot for Axis. He owes you one. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I am torn as to whether I think "database" might be better than "brain" there. Brain, to me, is too awkward sounding, and "database" might be an improvement since it further exemplifies the cold, mechanical nature of Magnemite.
    You provide an excellent point. I didn't think of it like that. Edited.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Another [seemingly] unintentional narration shift here. Suddenly I am in Arianna's POV as she looks for a clearing.
    Oi, fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    The bit there with the "cores" and short-circuiting? That's what I meant earlier with "brain". It smashes together Axis' inhuman body with his burgeoning, human morality and feelings. It gives him a sense of breaking out of his molding and becoming his own man.
    I see what you mean, and it does add to his character. And, also, "human" morality? "Man"? There are no humans here. Not anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    The "and so curious" bit draws the eye and reads differently from the rest of the line. I might consider setting that off with dashes (DASHES!)
    Never occurred to me. And I fixed it, yes, with dashes. My problems with dashes are in the past now, my friend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I think that "to" is misplaced.
    Indeed it was. Fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    The "celestial oddity" bit is a little too "pretty narration" for me. I would just say "oddity" or "image" or "light". Something simplistic that doesn't detract from the previous description of what he saw.
    Again, I see your point now. Fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    You'd think a scientist would know that the data is IRretrievable.
    Dang, I thought I fixed that earlier.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Woo! More subplot characterization!
    Indeed. Kelly needed more of the "twisted limelight".

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    There's a little pronoun confusion here. I KNOW you mean Kelly winced, but there's a part of me that thinks you MIGHT mean the mom...
    I meant Kelly. Fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Nice paragraph. Very fraught with anxiety and tension.

    Actually, this whole bit was nicely done. There were some parts where I thought the narration was getting a touch too tried again, but overall, it was a very tense, powerful segment. The rather quick turn Kelly made from hating her parents to being broken by their disapproval was very excellent character building and shows just how thin a veil her wall of anger is. And the personification of the nightmare and the darkness was excellent, as well.
    I realized how you liked when I personified the trees in the last chapter, so I made a note to do it again. I'm glad you liked it, because it was partly for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Oh, Felix the Cat. Aren't you a little young for that? I'M a little young for that!
    You know? I didn't realize the reference at first, but then I saw the connection and I left it in there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I'm not enamored of this. It seems close to working, but just doesn't quite get there for me.
    Any suggestions on how it could work better?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    But...they did warn him. They just told Seviper to poison him. So I would think he did have warning, he was just incapable of resisting.
    Fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    LOL...when I first read this, I was trying to figure out what IMPRESSIVE JAW FEET were. JAW FEET! That sounds really scary; bite the ground while you run! JAW FEET. (you might want to throw a "just" or "mere" in between those words. Or don't! Maybe he has JAW FEET! And that IS impressive)
    I hate it when you find these things. XD Fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Jay's stammering here reads a bit too comically for me. There is room for comic relief in this scene, but I don't get a proper sense of it here. It just kind of weird and out-of-place. Might be preferable to say "Jay squirmed in his seat and stammered a non-response".
    Hmm, true. Edited.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    This, mostly the phrasing of "beat around the bush" reads without the emotion I'd think Torrent might be feeling given that Gear was an ally and, maybe, friend of his.
    Yeah, I see that this isn't the best wording to use. Fixed. And they were friends in the past.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    -Lots of confusing stuff going on at the end there, as we're back to the bickering voices I had forgotten about and then some unseen people talking about an arbiter. Sometimes I think you leave too a bit too much unseen to the reader. It's mystery, yes, but it's hard to keep all the stuff that I can't quite "see" straight in my head.
    Well, I'm trying to tone it down and start to find things out, but it's a slow process. I have to pace it properly, so we'll have to live with the unseen voices and such for a little while yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    The dreams were interesting, obviously especially Leo's since it deals back with his human self in the human world. What was happening in that situation, I wonder?
    Glad you liked them, I tried to make them (especially Kelly's) seem like a drug trip, in a way since they were knocked out by Sleep Seeds.
    What Leo was seeing will be explained... eventually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Kelly's backstory seems more engaging than Jay's. Not a knock on Jay or you or anything; it just seems at first blush like a vanilla "You killed my father, prepare to die" revenge motive. Kelly's is more nuanced and tells me more about her emotional depth and her own personal deception. I am very eager to get resolution to her subplot.
    That was exactly what I was going for. Jay's past wasn't the primary point I was trying to establish in those scenes. I tried to make Kelly's dream stand out the most, so readers would remember her story, which worked.
    Kelly's problems will be seeing a bit more significance in the coming chapters, and I believe her subplot is concluded the soonest.

    Thank you for your review, if it weren't for you and everyone else who reads and reviews this, I'm not sure where I'd be right now.

    Oh, hello Grav. Nice to see you again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grav View Post
    I am back.
    Knightfall, this is completely amazing. Your description, which fell in the beginning, is uppity now. The plot progresses and kickbut ninja Dewott enters. Tell me, will there be comic relief Pokemon like the Chowderheads? They were awesome and you could make the new ones brothers. Terrifying!
    Why thank you, I have tried my best to improve with every chapter. I'm glad you like Noah, and while he seems like comic relief, he does play a serious role in this story. Glad to see you back.

    The next chapter, we get to see more of everyone's favorite emotionally troubled Lucario.

    Knightfall signing off...
    Last edited by Knightfall; 6th January 2013 at 3:15 AM.

  5. #180
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    Chapter Eleven: Intercession


    "As the violence spread, the villages and settlements scattered along the Borderlands were the first to fall to the Colonists' rage. The backwater towns of Treasure Town, Coldledge Village, Fern City, and Pokemon Square were among the final refuges to be overwhelmed. Survivors claim that the invaders targeted local leaders and significant individuals first before moving onto shops and guilds. Local law enforcement and guilds attempted to halt the invasion, but they only succeeded in slowing them down....

    Segment of report as seen in the Silver City newspaper, The Silver Trumpet.




    A bipedal Pokemon walked slowly through the grimy stone streets of Silver City, his large brown robe obscuring most of his features. His hidden face grimaced as he stepped in a pile of rotting substance that at one time might have been apples. Swiftly sidestepping another puddle of sludge directly beyond the previous decaying fruit, the Pokemon nearly tripped over a pile of purple ooze.

    “Watch it! Don’t ya go stepping in my food!” the pile of purple goo said, splattering filth from his body all over the figure’s robe as the Muk rose up from the surface of the roadway.

    The figure shouted an impressive string of expletives and rushed away from the mass of sentient ooze, leaving the Muk to his meal of week old fruit. Rounding a corner and stopping in front of a shop that seemed to be barely held upright by an amalgamation of decaying wood and metal wire, the figure leaned against the wall in an attempt to regain his composure. Yet another foul odor seemed to waft from the shop’s cracked, smoke-stained windows, causing the robed Pokemon’s sensitive canine nose to crinkle in disgust. Making sure the Muk hadn’t tagged along, the figure finally seemed to calm down.

    Shaking his head in an effort to ignore the smells and other unpleasantries, the figure pressed forward into the crowds of Pokemon, each struggling to survive on the underbelly of the glorified capital. The figure carefully looked around through the sea of less-than-savory, unwashed peasants, trying not to call attention to itself in an effort to get its bearings. It observed the many torn down propaganda posters supporting the war effort lying in the gutters along the street and the colorful footprint rune graffiti scrawled on every available inch of wall along the alley. Sections of the city’s resident newspaper were rapidly becoming its own level of pavement over the cobblestone as they were carelessly discarded.

    The figure pressed the thoughts into the deepest recess of his mind and left them there; it had come all the way down here for a purpose. The Pokemon weaved its way through the mob of citizens as it eyed its destination. Despite being roughly shoved by several of the inhabitants of these slums, the figure clutched its robe even tighter as it pushed aside an Octillery screaming about how the “demon on the throne” would trigger Judgment Day on them all. The crazed citizen waved its many tentacles around, erratically grasping at the edges of the figure’s robe in a futile attempt to stop the hooded Pokemon’s progress.

    After fording one more alleyway of odorous individuals selling wares that broke several royal laws simply by existing, the figure, somehow avoiding being sick from the indescribable artifacts on display, looked at the front of the small wooden building. Its single circular window above the double doors was still intact but seemed too covered in dirt and soot to be of any practical use.

    The figure extended a paw towards the door as if to open it, but stopped as soon as it reached the rough wooden surface. Foreboding thoughts raced through the Pokemon’s head as he tried to muster the courage to enter the building. Eventually, he shook his head and took a deep, calming breath and slowly pushed one of the ancient wooden doors open. The smell of faintly burning incense mixed with dust rushed through the open space, causing the disguised figure to cough as the particles raced for freedom outside the building. The Pokemon quickly walked inside and closed the doors.

    The interior of the building almost looked as if it was in another dimension and the simple wooden door was the portal. Neat rows of carved benches were arranged in a semicircle around a raised stage against the opposite wall. Delicate paintings and portraits of relics and ancient clashes between the three Dragons hung on the wood paneled walls at precise, ordered distances apart from each other.

    Incense was burning a small tray that hung low from the ceiling over the stage; its pungent aroma hung lazily in the air. That was not what captured his attention though. In front of the incense tray stood a large, floating, metallic bell. Its bluish coloring barely visible from the distance and the low amount of lighting the Luminous Orb shards embedded in the ceiling provided. Without turning around, the Pokemon spoke, his voice the deep ringing of a large bell.

    “It has been a long time since you have been here, has it not?” The cloaked figure slowly approached the Bronzong, walking in an aisle between the pews to the raised area in the front. Within a few strides, the figure was standing directly behind the psychic type. Raising a paw to its head, the figure drew back the hood of its robe, exposing its identity.

    “It has, Father. I’m-- I’m so sorry,” Nickolas said, hanging his head. The Bronzong spun in place to face the Lucario monarch, his bright red eyes glowing with surprise.

    “By Dialga’s roar, Nickolas. I cannot believe it! I thought I sensed incorrectly, but it is you!” he exclaimed joyously as he wrapped his flexible metal arms around the robed king. Nickolas failed to return the embrace and this was noticed by the Bronzong. The Pokemon coughed nervously and let go.

    “Eh-hem, yes, anyways. Nickolas, what brings you back to my humble temple? I feared that you had grown forever deaf to Dialga’s beckoning ever since … Alexandria...” the priest stopped, noticing the Lucario wincing at the mention of his lost queen.

    “My son, I know you. You are stronger than what you have shown recently. You must rise above the tribulations that have troubled you,” he said, trying to comfort the monarch.

    “Father Ruak, I-I’m not sure how I can do this. Everything … has fallen apart. Everything...” Nickolas whispered, his pride not making admitting defeat an easy task. Ruak let out a short, incredulous, rumble from within his hollow body.

    “Well, first off, cast off that filthy robe! There is no need for you to hide your face here! Here you are, a king, slithering around like a common field snake! How can you hope to rise if you embrace the floor?” Ruak shouted, its body emitting a deep ringing sound as he used his arms to rip the garment off Nickolas and immediately tear it into shreds.

    Using his psychic abilities to dump the remnants of the cloak into a nearby fireplace, the Bronzong faced the king once more. Nickolas continued to look down, but even in this state of sadness he retained some of his dignity. The thin band of gold that circled his head below his pointed ears and the black sash embroidered with a silver tidal wave that wrapped around his middle hailed him as a monarch instead of some commoner.

    “Now, my son, tell me. Why are you here?”

    “I … I’ve ... I feel so lost now, Father. Everything has been lost to me. First, the Falling Star and the disasters that hit the Kingdom, then, Ale--” Nickolas stammered, his voice breaking off at his wife’s name. Ruak placed his arm on the king’s shoulder.

    “Go on, say it. It is alright, son.”

    “Then, Alexandria’s … m-murder. S-she was only trying to help. T-they, they didn’t care! They murdered her! They killed her, Father! They killed her!” Nickolas screamed, balling his paws into fists and slamming one down on the wooden altar, said fist glowing with a mystic power. There was the muffled cracking of dried tree flesh and Nickolas slowly lifted his shaking paw from the newly created crater in the otherwise smooth surface. The Lucario took several calming breaths before realizing the damage he had involuntarily caused.

    “F-father Ruak. I--” Nickolas began as he formed some type of apology. The priest hushed him with a wave of his arm.

    “Do not worry, I can cover that up. Now, then, my son. Tell me, what else is troubling you?”

    “It’s not like you haven’t heard. Just stick your head outside and you’ll have heard everything. The Colonies, the war, money running out; everything is falling down...”

    The Bronzong suddenly floated up so that his red eyes were directly staring into the Lucario’s. “No, son. I want to hear from you. What is troubling you? Not the Kingdom. Once you conquer your own demons, then you can expel the demons that dwell in others,” Ruak demanded, forcing the king’s head to look him in the eye with a psychonic field. Unable to look away, Nickolas struggled to piece together the words.

    “My family is gone, Father. They’re gone. From life and from me. Father, I-I just don’t know what to do now.” Nickolas sat down on the steps leading up to the altar, allowing the Bronzong to float next to him.

    “Listen to me, Nickolas. I know it is hard for you, but you must think about your larger family. Every citizen under your rule are your sons and daughters. You must care for them as such. Do not selfishly lose your focus on two Pokemon that Dialga has chosen to reside with him in the Hidden Land.”

    “F-father, I--”

    “No. No more excuses. Nickolas, the strength of Dialga will carry you through this, but only if you call upon Him. Let go of the past and let Him handle the future.”

    “Father?” the Lucario asked as the Bronzong suddenly turned away and floated to the double doors of the church. As he opened a door to leave, he turned back to the distraught king.

    “I can not help you if you refuse to let go of the past. I will leave you to your thoughts now. Be it far from me to divine the future, but remember this, Nickolas: you must delegate, or else you will abdicate.” With the last word, Ruak exited the temple and closed the door behind him.

    Nickolas was left alone, and for the first time in his life, he felt truly abandoned. Looking up at the small silver statue of the Time Dragon on the left corner of the altar, Nickolas felt its ruby eyes peer inside of him as if searching his soul for every sin he’d ever committed.

    Turning himself around on the steps, Nickolas got on his knees and bowed forward, pressing his nose to the floor. It was an alien position for him, as he was accustomed to being the one on the receiving end of such actions. Taking a deep breath, the Lucario attempted to push every thought out of his head regarding his family. His wife, his father, his son, all forced from his head as he did something he hadn’t done in decade: he prayed.

    In an instant, his mind cleared. He knew no more of the woes of his family. He could not remember his wife’s name, or even if he had a son at all. Nickolas’s memories were purged for every shred of recognition of his loved ones until nothing remained, and he was perfectly fine with it.



    Camp New Rain: Evening



    “Is that all you’ve got?” Noah shouted as he deftly jumped to the side to avoid the nearly invisible punch Jay threw at him. Noah immediately swung to the side, letting the Riolu stumble for a few steps before kicking out Jay’s legs from beneath him. Leo winched as he saw his team leader fall face first into the loosely-packed sand of the sparring pit.

    Why Noah insisted on facing every one of them in a match was beyond the Charmeleon, but the Dewott was adamant about “initiating” them into the camp. Maybe this is why no one has stayed here, Leo wondered as the sounds of Jay heaving up a mouthful of sand reached his ears.

    “You done coughing your lungs up, yet?” the Dewott exclaimed excitedly as he jumped around the fallen Riolu, ready in case of the slim possibility of another round.

    “I--I give.” Jay said bitterly between coughs. Leo wasn’t surprised in the slightest; Noah had outmaneuvered Jay at every twist and turn. The blue otter seemed to have dodging punches and kicks down to a twisted science that he enjoyed a little too much; the grin on his face only reinforced that belief.

    As soon as Noah heard Jay’s surrender, he immediately relaxed his battle stance. Slapping his shell to his side as if it was a holster, he offered the Riolu a paw. His pride greatly bruised, Jay simply gave up any remnant of his dignity and accepted Noah’s assistance. Once Jay was on his feet again, Noah patted the Riolu on the back, and motioned for him to the sidelines of the mock arena.

    Leo watched attentively as Jay went and sat down against a wooden crate that made up the boundary of the sparring field. Noah went to one of the crates beside Jay and cautiously pried open the lid. After making sure no one that reported to Torrent was watching, he reached his paw inside, and after a minute of searching, he pulled out something that resembled an elongated, blue raisin. He then handed the dried fruit to Jay.

    The Riolu seemed to examine the food item for a minute, sniffing it inquisitively before deeming it safe enough to eat. He slipped the berry into his mouth and began munching on it. His body seemed to relax as the berry’s juices worked on repairing the bruises he sustained during the faux-battle.

    “Alright, so who’s next?” Noah asked, darting from Jay’s side to uncomfortably between him and Kelly, hooking his arms around her neck and over Leo’s shoulders. Kelly slipped out from Noah’s arm and backed up a few paces, leaving Leo solely to the Dewott.

    “Good on you, mate. Let’s get started!” Noah said as he suddenly pushed Leo headlong into the arena. Looking about the relatively small plot of sand, there wasn’t much too it now that he was in the center of it looking out. Other than the partial ring of crates that also served as seating, there were no boundaries at all to keep awry moves from soaring over and detonating somewhere within the encampment. Noah brought him back to the present as he began to lay down the “rules” he had explained to Jay earlier.

    “Alright, first, no use of items. Second, no cheating. Third, no hitting while the opponent is down.” Noah continued, rambling onwards through several more rules Leo wasn’t paying attention to. His thoughts were scrambling and trying to piece together what little knowledge of attacks he had and, more importantly, how to activate them.

    “...and finally, these rules are what you’d call ‘guidelines’. Begin!” Noah yelled as he sprinted forward toward the unsuspecting Leo. The Charmeleon barely caught a glimpse of the blue otter before Noah tackled him to the ground, sand spraying into the air and suffocating his tail flame.

    Leo’s eyes widened as his tail cried out for oxygen and in pain. He tried to dislodge the Dewott from on top of him, but Noah kept him pinned down effectively, restraining Leo’s arms and upper body. His tail, he felt, had begun to smolder, the flames reduced to an ember as the merciless grains of sand smothered them. Leo could hear its muffled screams as it writhed in airless agony.

    Leo’s vision rapidly approached pitch black, Noah’s grinning face in the center of his sight becoming the only thing he saw. His tail flame would have none of this. If it couldn’t burn outside, it decided to move its base of operations inside. Leo felt the vaguely familiar heat building up in his chest and felt the strength return to his limbs, even if only temporarily. He looked the Dewott directly in his black eyes and let the beginnings of a smile form on the edges of snout.

    Letting the adrenaline fueled strength take action, Leo kicked up his stumpy legs, pulled them under Noah’s body, and forced every ounce of strength into propelling his legs into the Dewott’s stomach. The otter involuntarily released his grip on Leo and sailed a several feet backwards.

    It was now Noah’s turn to wheeze as he quickly crawled backwards on the ground. Jumping up off the sand, Leo felt a wave of dizziness overtake him as he swung his tail around so he could see it. The sight was a strange one. Without a fire, all he could see were several hundred glowing pores clustered near the tip.

    The pores suddenly seemed to register the presence of oxygen, and swiftly burst back into existence. Their sudden resurgence thankfully not burning Leo’s claw and bringing him a sense of relief to know it was still functional. Looking back at Noah, he saw that he had just begun to rise from the sand. He still clutched his midsection as he let out a pained laugh.

    “Nice one, Leo. I’m glad you’re not the pushover you were last time!” he taunted as he straightened up to his full height. Pulling his twin scallops off his sides, he cautiously circled around the arena, Leo mimicking his movements. The Pokemon and the former human exchanged murderous glances at each other, sharp blue staring down deep black.

    Leo ended the stalemate. Surprising even himself at his own boldness, he leaped forward, his claws at the ready. Noah seemed to expect this as he sidestepped the Charmeleon at the very last moment.

    Leo wasn’t about to pull the same mistake his team leader did. Remembering what he had observed in the previous battle, Leo immediately twisted his body around, and kicked his right leg forward. His foot caught the Dewott’s leg just before it swept his own legs out from beneath him, the sudden halt of forward momentum rattling Noah and stabilizing Leo’s balance.

    That seemed to shatter Noah’s confidence, if only for an instant. Not sure as to what to do, Leo simply shoved his opponent away from him as he tried to buy himself some time to figure out his attacks. The almost mystical power that had aided his claws during the encounter with Nexus failed to show itself during this hour of need.

    Silently willing his claws to do anything, Leo began to panic as Noah came closer, his shells both glowing with the strange energy he lacked. Backing up until he felt the rough texture of a crate blocking his egress, Leo gulped as Noah closed the distance between them.

    Leo tried to focus the energy into his claws, but his mind wouldn’t cooperate. He knew there was only one way out of this mess that didn’t involve receiving a painful blast of water all over him. It was a long-shot, and had only worked for him once, but he knew he had to try it. Leo took a deep breath, trying to coax the heat within his chest to expand and rise once again.

    He couldn’t breathe any deeper, his lungs were beginning to burn, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the fire or lack of air. Rearing his head back, Leo shut his eyes and tried to force his attack to form.

    Noah darted towards him, his paws glowing with a soft pale light. Small droplets of water molecules appeared out of thin air and congregated into a sphere between the Water type’s forearms. Leo knew it was now or never: either his attack was going to pay off, or it wasn’t. The Charmeleon let loose his breath as the Dewott wound his right arm back and threw the energy-infused ball of water.

    Tiny embers scorched his throat as he belched forth a small volley of fireballs. As soon as they left his mouth, the pinpricks of fire adsorbed oxygen as they flared and grew to the size of Oran Berries. The spheres of burning air collided with the spheres of water. The entire arena was instantly blinded as explosions of steam sent shockwaves through the air, knocking both combatants to the sand.

    Clouds of gaseous water washed over Leo, causing an involuntary shiver to run down his spine as the vapor struck against his tail. He dug his claws into the soft sand until he felt the surface of compacted soil to push off on. Leaping to his feet, he twisted around in every direction. The steam had expanded and engulfed the small arena entirely.

    He was blind. The white and grey coloration of the mist prevented all vestiges of vision to lose meaning. Leo reached around and grabbed his tail, holding it in front of his as to wave away some of the clouded curtain of white mist with its heat. In hindsight, he would figure this probably wasn’t the smartest idea when facing a Water type.

    Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure dart through the steam behind him. He instantly turned around and was met by a rough tackle from the Dewott. The remaining air in his lungs was forced out in a puff of black smoke as Noah forced him to the sand once more.

    Leo barred his teeth and let out a low growl that surprised even himself. He jerked his arm out of Noah’s grasp and mimicked the action on the Dewott, gripping his blue-skinned arm tightly under his claws. Noah’s smirk vanished like rain clouds over a desert as Leo shoved upwards and managed to flip the Dewott, reversing their roles.

    Leo let his instincts run his actions since they seemed to know what they were doing. He reared back his arm and brought down his elbow on Noah’s stomach. The instincts controlling his mind gave a small grunt of satisfaction as a muffled crack emitted from his struggling opponent’s ribcage.

    Tears began to form in the corners of Noah’s eyes. Leo relished every moment of the Dewott’s pain as he tried to tighten his hold on his opponent. Noah managed to squeeze his arm out from Leo’s claw for an instant. In that split second, he delivered a swift punch to the patch of scale-covered skin underneath his left eye. The attack was more than enough to shake the primal instincts’ control over Leo’s head.

    His claws slackened as Noah saw his opportunity to fight back. Leo wasn’t sure how the Dewott got his foot free, but he certainly felt it smash into his torso. Noah crawled to freedom as Leo tried to regain the sensation of breathing. Despite being minorly injured, Noah sure wasn’t acting anything like it. The Dewott leaped into the air and landed directly on Leo’s back.

    Before his mind could relay the signal to act, Noah had pulled one of his razor shells off his side and held it against Leo’s neck. Small droplets of something wet that Leo figured to be blood began to appear as Noah pressed the sharpened blade harder into the Charmeleon’s skin.

    “Give up. Now.” he hissed, fatigue making his voice waver with every syllable. Leo thought for a fraction of a second to get himself out of this before those errant thoughts were quickly stamped out by a slight jab from the Dewott. In the middle of the steam ridden arena, Leo lowered his claws and got to his knees, Noah’s blade pressed to his neck the entire time.

    “There. I win. Now, was that so hard?” he coughed as he pulled the blade away and offered Leo a paw up.



    Within the chambers containing the chronicles lost memories, long forgotten times, and deeds history had the audacity to censor from record, a certain ghost wandered amongst the volumes. The Pokemon muttered seemingly nonsensical strings of phrases and words together in an eerie chant of unknown language, occasionally switching his speech into the dull, modern way of vocalizing.

    Small motes of dust filled the stagnant air as they gently floated to the cracked stone tiles below; their particles stuck together and spun in the air as the troubled specter paced in midair. The chamber was his own private retreat, known exclusively to himself as a result of no small amount of curiosity-fueled exploration of the inhabited halls above. The origin of the ancient archive was unknown to even him, though he had heard rumors of The Creator itself installing a similar depository of wisdom somewhere within the world.

    “It doesn’t make sense. Nothing is adding up. It’s as if I am missing a variable in my equation … Something I am blind to...” the Pokemon pondered, comfortable that no one who could harm his plans was in attendance. The compact library was securely sealed from all directions, and he had added a few precautionary protections of his own design to set his paranoia to rest.

    His purple form floated over a bookshelf built of smooth, pitch-black obsidian; the archaic structure laid cracked upon the marble floor. Amongst the shattered obsidian shards were dozens of handsomely-bound books, their pages --stained light brown with the passage of eons-- lying open illustrating a Buizel’s memory of its first dive into a crystal clear pond. Another’s faded ink showcased an unfortunate Lapras calf’s last memory as it was caught in the malevolent undertow in the icy waters of the Snowbound Ocean. The violet ghost passed over the novels, flipping several of the pages in his haste as he worriedly paced over them.

    “Or... perhaps there is a variable that does not need to be ... Possibly. I require further proof before I can ascertain the truth ... Look at me. Heh!” the creature let out a forced laugh as to amuse the single-celled organisms residing in the chamber.

    “Here I am, the iudex, the judge, being overruled by the simple restrictions of a moral code that is not even my own! Did they complain when I was forced to … observe several candidates in my search to find the one least likely to annihilate all sentient life on the planet? Not when possibility of extinction hung within the balance,” the Mismagius ranted on to the microorganisms, who remained blissfully oblivious to his presence.

    He hovered over a chronicle that was stuck on the topmost shelf of the ornate chamber. Willing it out of its age-old position, the book flipped pages in midair as the Mismagius glanced over every second of a Wurmple’s life until it was viciously ripped apart by the beak of a hungry Swellow on its second day out from its egg.

    “He turned a blind eye when the fate of the world rested on my actions. Allowed me unlimited use of power. I have rewritten history more times than the sun has risen on this speck of life-encrusted rock in this void of space. I saved this world, I restored the Tower, I alone quelled the Years of Rage, I repaired the balance. Now, he does this to me?” He dropped the meaningless volume of memories to the ground of the archive.

    “I have worked for millennia ensuring the world remains. Does he not see? How couldn’t he? It goes against all logic. Why he restricts me is beyond my own fathomless reasoning. He did not limit me when the entirety of their civilization was … redacted from this world to ensure the survival of all Pokemon. So, why now, when so much more assuredly hangs in the balance?” The germs refused to offer up a viable answer. The Mismagius scanned the spines of the remaining books on the shelf, studying each one closely.

    “Reft, Grev, Yveren, Akra, Lessly, your memories are all entombed here within these pages. While deathly mundane, the stories are inspiring. Rather paradoxical. You all may have helped me find the missing variable. So ordinary, so obvious, it is odd how I failed to see this earlier.” He brushed past the novels, forcing several hundred year’s worth of dust into the air and float down to the floor. He looked down at the invisible germs once more, staring with contempt for his primal brethren who were blessed with functioning organelles.

    Suddenly a muffled scream penetrated the stale air of the library, forcing a rain of dust to fall from the ceiling and shelves.

    “Hmm... Well, this is unusual. I must investigate this further.”



    “I thought I said: no more questions. Get out or I will have your worthless carcasses swinging from the city gate by sundown.” the irritated Scyther said coolly, casually running his right scythe along his polished carapace. The crowd of inquiring Pokemon sent from the capital’s newspaper saw the council leader’s weapons at the ready and immediately sprinted from the premises of the mansion in fear for their lives.

    Darney sighed in content as the ornate gate that provided entry to his home clanged shut as the last overly curious journalist fled his less than humane interpretation of freedom of the press. After making sure that he was finally free from the bother of the lower class, the Scyther eased the mahogany doors shut with the flat edge of his blade.

    The interior of his apartment near the center of Silver was as lavishly decorated as the depleted Treasury would allow. The handsomely carved paneled walls lined every inch of space, covering the drab stone underneath it. Moreover, in front of the walls were either ornate marble statuettes or furniture imported from the craft shops of the Ember Archipelago.

    He stepped into the soft carpet that hugged the entirety of the floor, careful not to track any of the filth from outside onto it. A quick glance around the center living room primarily told him that nothing was amiss, but something made him do a double-take. The small, rounded, transparent crystal embedded into a small carved wooden pillar was not glowing the soft hue of blue it usually was, but rather an urgent shade of orange.

    Casually walking up to the gem, he tapped it with his blade. Immediately, a glowing orange sphere rose up from the smoothed crystal and slammed the chancellor in his face. Darney didn’t flinch at the sudden display of power from the gem as the blinding light subsided.

    “Darney.” a deep, tired voice resounded in the Scyther’s ears. Darney tensed, his face struggling to contain a grimace at the sound of the voice.

    “Master...I-I..” Darney struggled to speak. His throat snatched his words away from his mouth, leaving it only empty air.

    “You have not acted. Why haven’t you acted?” the voice inquired, an unheard anger slithered its way in between the words and into the Scyther’s heart. Taking a deep breath to chase the unsettling feelings away, Darney gathered what he hoped were the right words to appease his superior.

    “S-sir. In all due respect, I have acted. Just, I’m not done yet. These things take time to plan and put into motion. If it’s any consolation, I just put in the final pieces in place. All I must do is gain their trust and we can begin,” the Scyther said smoothly as the orange glow about his head rippled in displeasure. Darney gulped in fear as he heard his master’s rage-filled breathing through the psychic connection across the wide gulf of distance separating the two individuals.

    “I give you certain parameters that had to be met. You’ve proved yourself resourceful and competent in all your other doings, so I fully expect that you’ll find a way to ensure things keep moving on schedule. I cannot keep time at bay for much longer. Now go.” the voice within the sphere said, the chilling undertone clearly told Darney that their conversation was finished. The sphere then dissipated, leaving nothing behind but a somewhat distraught Scyther who now had a great many more things to accomplish in a greatly shortened time span.

    “As you wish, sir.”



    “Okay. We should--should being a relative term-- be safe--safe also being a relative term-- for the current time. I strongly advise that you sleep for at least five and one-third hours in order to restore your strength and mental functionality.” the wire heart said after performing a quick scan of the small maintenance room. Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be near them, but their situation was far from normal.

    ”Heh, don’t kid yourself. Any vestige of this so-called ‘mental functionality’ was left behind with my reputation and my badge ...” the lost wanderer sighed as he gripped a leather pouch of water and took a deep swig, ”Though you do have a point, I do need sleep. Where would I be without you?”

    “Dead.” The wanderer let out a small chuckle, a rare occurrence in this labyrinth.

    “Besides the obvious, is what I meant.” he said as he opened a small sealed ceramic jar of slightly stale beans. His mouth watered for the small morsel they’d manage to pilfer from the massive subterranean greenhouses on the levels above. The beans might have been old, but he knew his body would be able to extract some sort of nutritional value from them.

    “I was just being realistic. I suggest you consume your food items fifty-percent faster. The sentinels are still on patrol, though they are not within range of us yet.”

    The larger Pokemon leaned against the uncut stone wall in exhaustion while shoving a mouthful of beans into his mouth. His prediction was correct, they were very nearly expired, but it was better than going yet another day without a meal. The beans felt like rubber as he chewed them, trying to detect any smidgen of the flavor they once possessed. He watched as his companion turned exactly one-hundred and seventy-nine degrees every eleven seconds as he scanned the surrounding hallways.

    “Ahh, there you are.”

    The relaxing Pokemon shot up, swallowing his mouthful of legumes with a painful gulp. He swiftly glanced down the two adjoining hallways that lead out of the room. Nervous sweat broke out on his brow. He had heard it. The soft voice. They were coming. She had found them.

    He jolted into action, haphazardly stuffing his meager meal into his worn satchel. Snatching his few possessions off the floor, he swung the bag’s strap over his shoulder. His companion had no time to react before he scooped him up in his arms and sprinted out of the room as fast as he could.

    “What are you doing? What is it?” the wire heart shouted as he squirmed in his grip. The wanderer didn’t slow, instead he continued to run. His panicked gaze shooting down darkened paths and alleys that lead deeper into the maze. Yet even over the shouts of his conscious, his ragged breathing, and the rhythmic clicking of his feet on the stone, he heard them. The sentinels.

    ”The horrid tones compose a ghastly melody of betrayed hopes and shed tears, as their ominous orchestra breathes fitfully the music fueled by fear,” he whispered to himself as he clutched his friend tighter. His mind had put a cruel twist on a poem he had read on the topside in his long forgotten youth, the words becoming somehow relevant to his situation.

    “Stop! There’s nothing chasing us! Put me down and stop!” his friend ordered, wriggling even harder in his arms.

    “You don’t understand. I heard her ... “ he said, his voice barely audible. He stole a quick glance behind. The hallway was deserted, but he knew better than to trust his sight. He looked back down the path ahead of him. If his vague knowledge of this path was correct and not another painful trick of his brain, then he knew he’d be faced with an obstacle soon enough.

    “What are you doing? The path! It’s broken! You’ll kill us both!” The wanderer shook his head in sharp disagreement.

    “No! We can’t go back! They’ll find us for sure!” he yelled as his eyes saw it. Ahead in the pitch-black hallway, a darker shade of shadows lurked, indicating that the rock had fallen.

    “For the last time: there is no one after us! You’re having an episode again! Ian, stop now, before it’s too late! Ian, are you listening?” the wired heart’s words fell on deaf ears as the Pokemon who carried him continued to run without hesitation towards death.

    He’s wrong this time. He has to be wrong. I can make it. I can make it. I will make it! I have to, his thoughts calmly reassured him, even while his partner screamed for him to halt. He had to trust his mind, just this once he knew it wasn’t lying. Just have to time this right.

    “You really are crazy then …” No, I’m right this time. I heard her. She’s found us.

    He didn’t slow. He gathered his strength and tensed himself. He felt the floor vanish from underneath his stride as he leaped into the empty void. His partner screams echoed throughout the hall as they both sailed through the dark air.

    The void was not as it seemed. Cruel, unforgiving deception lay just below the invisible surface. When the truth falls from its lofty perch, it must meet the deception that waits below. Deception, the very thought of the word sent doubts spiraling into his heart.

    The stone of the broken passage greeted them as a normal stone should greet any falling piece of organic matter: with a hard landing. The wanderer felt piercing fire shoot up his right leg as he collapsed to the floor. A clatter on the path ahead told him that his friend had made the landing as well.

    “You idiot. Now look what you’ve done! Your leg!” the smaller Pokemon screeched. Shaking itself off, it floated to the injured Pokemon and scanned his leg, seeing what possible treatment options were available with their limited resources. According to the scan results, the fracture was worse than he initially thought, but it didn’t break the skin, so setting it would be slightly easier.

    “N-no. I did it for a reason. I know what I’m doing. I had to leave that place at any costs. She--” the Pokemon grasped his leg with his claws as his friend examined them, the pain forcing him to shut his mouth to muffle his screams. Gritting his teeth, he dug his claws into the stone floor as his companion pressed down hard on the abnormal bump on his limb.

    It felt like his teeth would shatter from the amount of pressure he put on them as the lump of raised skin sunk lower at an agonizingly slow pace. Tears welled up in his eyes as his body spasmed involuntarily in pain. After what seemed like an eternity, the malformed bump finally fell into place with a swift snapping noise from the bone.

    “We need a splint to keep it in place, though we don’t have the materials with us at the moment. Once we get back to the storage room back there--” the smaller Pokemon observed as he was suddenly interrupted.

    “No! We can’t go back there! She found us!” The smaller Pokemon huffed, the emotion program within him uploading critical amounts of generated anger into his mind.

    “Ian, do you not recall that you are constantly hallucinating visions and sounds alike? It’s complete--”

    “Employee number: Two. Eight. Six, you have been acknowledged. Your recent actions were observed to fall under non-standard mal-compliance ordinances. Assume the surrender position. Lie on your stomach with your arms by your side and please wait for the escort units to retrieve you for interrogation.” The voice, as emotionless and cold as frozen steel, reverberated throughout the abandoned hallways as well as within the two Pokemon on the floor.

    “Over my dead body.” he growled. He clutching at his injured leg and set his teeth as he quickly rose to his feet, the pain shooting fiery rods into his nerves. He awkwardly shuffled along the wall, gingerly lifted the leather strap of his satchel over his neck, and hefted his friend up from the ground.

    “Your leg! Ian, how do you expect to run--” Without warning, the darkened walls lit up. Blue energy coursing through the wires of transparent crystal embedded within the stone. His eyes temporarily blinded by the flash of light, Ian limped toward the vague darkened outline of yet another hallway.

    Inches from relative safety in the dark passage, a stone slab slammed down from above, conjured from elsewhere in the labyrinth and placed there by the psychic energy. Ian crashed into the blockade, promptly throwing him backwards. Ian hit the wall with a sickening thud and slid to the ground as he felt the bone inside in his leg shift again with a muffled crack as it pierced the surface of his skin. He didn’t dare look at his leg; he had already felt the warm liquid well up from the wound and flow across his leg.

    “H-how bad?” he asked over the groans of grating stone and metal as the hallway sealed itself in forced lockdown. His friend failed to give a response, instead staring unblinking at the now-rising slab of rock. Above the thunderous screeches that moved the wall, Ian could clearly hear the unmistakable, unceasing beeping of the sentinels. From his position slumped against the wall, he could see the bright blue glow of their eyes as the slab between them separated.

    “Vertex … how many?” Ian whispered, his voice cracking from the strain he’d placed on it a few moments ago. His companion swiveled one-hundred and eighty degrees, quickly performing a rudimentary scan.

    “Nothing we haven’t evaded before. Even with your new … hindrance, we can still get through them.” Ian watched in pain as Vertex spun his two oval-shaped legs, charging electricity with every complete revolution. Energy cracked around his smooth body as he focused the power into his beak. Vertex took aim, measuring the exact trajectory he would need to destroy his immediate enemies. He just needed a little more time to charge and he would be ready to do his worst.

    As if his thoughts screamed to the fates that their luck was still working, the slow-moving segment of wall suddenly swung upwards, breaking through the centuries’ worth of dirt and resistance. Vertex backed up in shock as sentinels swarmed into the sealed off hallway. His charge was still a few seconds away from complete, and a premature firing would most likely corrupt his operating system, essentially freezing his mind forever within the last few seconds of life.

    The sentinels swiftly surrounded both him and Ian, as the two suspects in question looked desperately for an escape route. The Pokemon were barely aware, all relying on the orders of their superior to function. Something-- most likely his fear processor-- made Vertex shiver deep inside, thinking that he used to be one of them not that long ago. Regardless of sentience or not, they were all closing in on them and had orders to arrest them both.

    One of the sentinels started glowing as it turned its triangular legs around in circles against its polyhedral body. Electricity joyously leaped between the sentinels, ecstatic to finally be free of their hosts’ compact bodies. In its moment of immense elation, the energy failed to notice that it was being forced onto the blocky, triangular beaks of the drone guards.

    Milliseconds before the drones received the signal to unleash their offensive maneuver, a flash of dull green flew past Vertex’s head from behind him. The strange orb spiraled in the air as it flew towards the advancing line of sentinels. Its spherical shape impacted on a guard and deflected upwards towards the ceiling. It detonated and the room exploded.

    Vertex tried to stabilize himself as the hallway shook, rocks cascaded down from the ceiling in a horrifying chorus as they slammed onto the floor below. Stones the size of the fabled jewels of Waterfall Cave rained down around Vertex, smashing more than one unsuspecting guard unit with an explosion of binary code.

    Microscopic stone fragments blew through the small passageway like a storm as the cries of the Porygon echoed through the dust-choked air. Vertex slowly turned his body around, scanning the aftermath of the blast with every observation he made. His scanners easily detected his friend’s outline pressed against the wall, even through the layer of powderized boulder. Ian was chuckling softly as he lifted his new grey-colored face, some dust sliding off in clumps.

    “Well … that was fun, wasn’t it? Heh...” Ian said as he slumped against the wall once again as fatigue overtook him. His tired frame let loose a ragged sigh as tried put on a happy facade.

    “You should not have done that. Yes, you saved my life, but in your condition … it could kill you.” Vertex said as he hovered over to his downed friend. Ian gave a weak laugh as he pressed his claws against his wounded leg, eliciting a renewed flow of crimson blood from the opening around the shattered bone.

    “Well, if I hadn’t used my Energy Ball, then it wouldn't have mattered. They would have captured us and I would have died of light deprivation. In speaking of that, let’s get out of here. I just have to do something first,” Ian said as he suddenly grabbed the small protrusion of bone, barred his teeth, and forced it downwards back into his body. Blood mixed with the grime coating Ian’s skin as Vertex let out a trill of alarm. The crimson liquid poured from the wound as blood vessels and capillaries were shattered by the uncommon bone movement.

    Ian’s claws released their grip on his leg as his body contorted in spasms of agony and he started screaming at the top of his lungs. Vertex tried to ease his suffering, but lacking usable digits on his limbs, he was resorted to only one option. Using some of the energy that hadn’t already dissipated from his charged up attack, he closed his eyes, and administered a small shock to his friend’s body. He told himself that it was for his friend’s benefit, but the thought continually lost ground in the battle. The electricity stunned the spasming muscles in their throws. Ian’s body froze and suddenly fell limp as a rag doll.

    Vertex slowly opened his eyes, afraid of what he would see. His processor nearly shorted out as he took in the horrifying sight in front of him. His friend’s body was covered in grey dust and smeared with dried, clotted blood on every inch of skin below his neck. The spore cap that fused into his head was bent in the back and nearly wilting from dehydration. His entire body seemed to have faded as the months without direct sunlight took its toll on his appearance, health, and mind.

    As long as he had known the Breloom, Vertex has remained by his side even throughout the breakdowns. His condition continually grew worse as the breakdowns came more frequently. The photosynthetic cells in his skin gradually died off more and more until the vibrant shades of green and red pigment faded away until only a fraction of it remained.

    Vertex sighed as he used his beak to nudge open the fallen satchel and carefully took out a dirtied piece of cloth that might at one time have been a scarf. Balancing the cloth on his stubby appendages, he thanked his creators that his body was coded to be flexible. He slowly looped the scarf around the wound, stemming the blood flow slightly.

    “I-Ic--” Ian stuttered, excess saliva gargling his words.

    “Shut up! You can’t exert any more energy, or else.... Just be quiet, Ian!” Vertex snapped as he used his beak and oval-shaped wings to clumsily tie the knot of the makeshift bandage.

    “N-n-no. I-Ic—Ice! Regice!” That was the last thing Vertex heard before a low rumbling filled the room and the temperature dropped down to zero. A monumental golem floated into the room from the hallway. Its smooth, clear, faceted surface showed the pitiful reflections of the two smaller Pokemon.

    “TARGETS FOUND: ROGUE EMPLOYEE NUMBER 286 AND TRAITOR UNIT 343. THANK YOU FOR ASSUMING THE SURRENDER POSITION.”



    Continued on Next Post
    Last edited by Knightfall; 23rd July 2013 at 8:23 AM.

  6. #181
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    Camp New Rain: Dusk

    Night had nearly secured its place in the sky after overthrowing the sun’s régime. The waning moon-- no more than a crescent-- floated like a yellow gem in the orange and black skies over the military encampment. Luminous Orbs on tall wooden poles were set up by duo of a Machoke and Rhydon around the camp, casting their mystical blue light down on the denizens of the land below.

    Leo watched it in a tranquil trance as its golden face highlighted the shadows produced by the setting sun. His red, stumpy legs swung from the wooden bench he sat on as he watched Noah talk his way to the front of the meal line for the fourth time tonight as he got them their food.

    Noah was an oddity. From what Leo could see, the Dewott could shift from being an easy-going, sarcastic slacker, to an enthusiastic, serious fighting partner in a matter of seconds. Leo would have almost thought it impossible for someone to change so rapidly, but he still recalled the memories of what the Mismagius had done. The impossible never really was.

    He thought back over the last hour as he waited with Jay and Kelly for Noah. After the skilled Dewott had bested the two males of the team, he quickly ate an Oran raisin, and challenged Kelly to a duel. Leo felt a small smile creep up the sides of his mouth. Kelly had Noah paralyzed on the ground within ten seconds of the start of the match. The loss broke him for a few moments; he couldn’t talk or move, but that might have been the paralysis.

    What was that old phrase? Twice the pride, double the fall? Leo shrugged, whatever it was, it fit the situation perfectly. He also remembered how Kelly didn’t seem too excited with her win over Noah. He made it a note to ask her about it if he got the chance. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he failed to notice the group of Pokemon approaching them.

    “I don’t believe it. Could it be? The legendary saviors of Spore Meadows?” asked a familiar voice, dripping with sarcasm.

    Leo twisted around in his seat to see who the newcomers were, even the fatigued Jay and sullen Kelly turned around in their seats. A large green reptile walked up to them, flanked by a white-furred beast with a crescent blade sticking out of its head and a dusted-green dragon.

    “Blade? Elliot? Sonic? Is that you?” Leo asked, thankful that his memory had dredged up those names from the black abyss of his mind. The Grovyle smiled and clapped a claw down on the Charmeleon’s shoulder.

    “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I honestly didn’t expect to see you lot here of all places. How’d you get here?” he asked as he and his teammates took a seat on the opposite side of the wooden table. At that moment, however, Noah came back balancing four wooden bowls in his arms, his stride wobbling as he tried to keep them from spilling all over the ground.

    “Can I get some help here?” Noah asked as one bowl slipped out of his hands. He quickly bent down and caught it before it hit the ground and spilled. The Flygon quickly flew over to the struggling Dewott and relieved him of two of the wooden bowls.

    Once he reached the table, he quickly slid a bowl down to Kelly as Sonic passed his two to Leo and Jay. The bowl wobbled on its bottom rim as it settled in front of Leo. Its amorphous contents sloshed around with each movement of its container.

    Leo stared at the almost sickly green fluid in front of him. Leaning in close to it, he could swear that it hissed at him. His stomach tied itself in a knot at the thought of eating the revolting meal. What is this? he thought as he poked a claw at the substance, eliciting another angry gurgle from the goop.

    “Noah?” he questioned. Noah took the bowl down from his mouth, and finished swallowing the last of the green mass of “food”. The Dewott turned to face him.

    “What exactly is this stuff?” he inquired as he saw Blade down his own bowl of the substance, same with the Absol. Sonic seemed just as curious as he was concerning the substance. He, Kelly, and Jay also awaited the Dewott’s response.

    “Yeah, I know it looks nasty –that’s just how Ramses, our Yamask cook, makes it—but I tell you it’s really good. Ramses says it’s a old recipe from his homeland. It’s basically a whole bunch of Lum, Pecha, Oran, and Cheri berries mashed up and boiled together. I’m not sure why it’s green like this, but it tastes amazing,” Noah elaborated while pointing at their uneaten bowls, “Go on, try it!”

    Leo looked around. Neither Kelly, Jay, nor Sonic were making any moves toward their bowls. He sighed, he knew it would come down to this. He took a deep breath as he clasped the bowl with both sets of claws. He still wasn’t sure of what deities ruled this world, but he silently prayed to each and every one of them that he didn’t regret this later.

    Under the watchful eyes of his teammates, Leo lifted the bowl to his mouth. He could hear the vibrant green goo taunt him, as if it said “eat me, I dare you.” Shaking his head, he gulped as he tipped the bowl’s contents into his mouth.

    His pupils became like dinner plates. Instead of the revolting sludge he expected, waves of wonderful flavor dive-bombed each individual taste bud. Flashes of spicy Cheri, sweet Pecha, and something cool he suspected to be Lum took their turn in playing their symphony of taste on his tongue.

    Before he knew it, he had gulped down the last of the meal. He slammed the bowl on the table and took a deep, satisfied breath. His teammates shrugged as they tentatively raised their bowls and ate. Sonic had already finished his meal ration with a loud belch. Leo watched as Jay and Kelly’s faces as they experienced the same blast of flavor as he did.

    “You weren’t kidding, Noah. That tasted amazing!” Jay exclaimed. Leo silently agreed while wishing that his bowl would magically refill, but to no avail. Noah laughed and collected everyone’s bowls and went off to the larger tent that housed Ramses’ cooking operation.

    “Can we get back to my question, please? What are you guys doing here?” Blade inquired once again, leaning across the table towards them. Leo looked at the three Pokemon. Elliot’s white figure sat still to the right of his leader, his stoic gaze seemed to pierce into Leo’s heart. The Flygon seemed just the opposite. His red eyes carefully darted about, seeming to take in every detail of his surroundings. If Leo didn’t know any better, he would have said Sonic looked just as lost as he felt.

    Shrugging his shoulders, Jay began to tell of their odyssey from the two nights previous. Blade and company listened attentively as they heard about Gear’s murder and Richelieu’s takeover. How the Magnemite had forced them away from their base, how Icarus had found them, and how Noah had ambushed them in the field.

    Elliot asked questions in an attempt to clear up the muddied details of that night, but no one, it seemed, knew enough to answer them confidently. The Absol huffed in contempt as he muttered something to Blade. The Grovyle quickly shot a glace over to Leo before returning to Elliot. Blade nodded and said something to the Absol that made him quickly get up and leave the table. When asked about what the exchange was about, Blade mearly laughed.

    “Elliot had asked if it was more than a coincidence that in the days after we left town Gear turns up dead. I told him it was suspicious and to go ask General Torrent about it. That’s all, nothing to worry about,” he had said when he recounted the conversation to them minutes later.

    After that, the teams parted ways, each going to their own tents as the nightly curfew was fast approaching. The group walked along the pathways between the stacks of crates and tents, passing Pokemon along the way. Icarus bid them goodnight as he flew overhead on his way to his shift as camp sentry. A small blue and white squirrel energetically asked Noah who his new “friends” were before zipping off on all fours past them, not even giving Noah a chance to respond.

    Despite the encounters, they arrived at Noah’s tent shortly before the Orbs were shut off for the night. The interior of the tent was just as Leo expected it to look, though he had to admit that it was more spacious on the inside then the exterior had lead him to believe. Four small hammocks were set up side by side, three of them barring evidence of their recent construction and placement. A small Luminous Orb sliver hung from a string from the ceiling of the tent. Noah tapped it lightly with his paw and instantly the entire room was flooded with a bright blue glow that slowly dimmed down to a soft radiance.

    After all four Pokemon had finished rubbing the spots out of their eyes, they each climbed into one of the hanging beds. Leo was comforted when he found that it felt just like the ones they had abruptly left back at their base. Kelly gingerly placed her forepaws into the hammock and tried to hold it steady as she jumped into it. Her bed swung wildly like an enraged Tauros as it threatened to dump Kelly back onto the ground. Wobbling on her four legs, she was slowly able to balance the hanging cot and ease herself into a comfortable sitting position.
    “So tell me,” Noah began as he leaned forward on his hammock, “what’s your guys’ story? I’m not talking about how you got here. What did you all do before things went wrong?”

    Jay shot a quick look towards Leo and Kelly as he tried to find some approval to tell the Dewott their story. The Jolteon nodded as Leo simply shrugged his shoulders. Jay took this as a go-ahead signal and started to talk.

    “Well, it all began when I first arrived at Loyalty Square....”




    It had been a few hours since Jay’s retelling of their adventures to that point. Leo was zonked out on his hammock; Jay’s story, combined with the fatigue from his battle with Noah earlier left him completely exhausted. The Riolu had went into excruciating detail with the menial chores he and Kelly did in the short weeks before they took the job to patrol around the Field. It was a dull prattle on the small-paying jobs they did each day: cleaning windows in the cafe, finding an Oran Berry that fell down a well, repainting the wall of the guild after anti-Kingdom graffiti had been painted on it. These jobs made both Noah and Leo’s eyes droop just at their descriptions.

    Leo wasn’t sure if Noah stayed awake to hear Jay’s explanation on how they found Leo and how everything snowballed from there, but he wasn’t too concerned. He said a small prayer for one night of uninterrupted, dreamless sleep, but he had little hope that it would be answered.

    After what seemed like an eternity, Leo opened his eyes. He stood in a massive stone amphitheater. The long-abandoned spectator seats still seemed to echo the roars of the crowd as the frozen wind swung its biting sword over the structure. Leo’s tail wavered in the wind as chills ran down his body.

    He gazed around the stage he was upon, much like the seats, the stone was cracked and worn from centuries of use. Looking up at the sky, it took the Charmeleon a moment for him to realize that there was no sky. The void where the sky was supposed to be was an open abyss, black as night and, like space, void of stars to decorate this tapestry.

    Leo shook his head, he couldn’t afford to be distracted by the scenery. This was just another test; he was sure of it. That damned Mismagius was watching him from somewhere in the shadows of the ruins, waiting to see what he would do next. He clutched his claws into a fist. He was tired of being a lab rat to this mad scientist. Despite the all-too-vivid memories of the unnatural powers he’d seen the ghost use on him, he allowed his rage to gain control.

    “Where are you? Tell me! I know you’re here! There’s no use hiding, you cowardly excuse of a Pokemon!” he screamed as the amphitheater resounded a haunting echo of his words, as if passively mocking him in his fruitless endeavor. The wind suddenly howled in response, swinging its sword directly into the Charmeleon, knocking him off his feet and forcing him to tumble backwards several feet on the stage. The wind swirled its misty cloak around in triumph, the folds of the garment forming a small sphere in the air above the stage.

    From within the ball of wispy clouds, two all-too-familiar golden eyes flashed once before the sphere dissipated, leaving the floating figure of the bane of Leo’s entire existence. Looking up at the Pokemon from the ground, he showed his fangs and produced a growl from deep within his throat.

    “Now, now, that’s no way to treat a guest, is it? You are being a horrible host, you know. It was most rude of you to call me all the way out here only to make these primal noises at me,” he said with a smirk as he hovered far above the Charmeleon. Despite the distance between them, he could hear his foe with complete clarity. Leo narrowed his eyes; he didn’t believe it for a moment. The Mismagius noticed this almost instantly.

    “Do not give me that look. I did not do this to you. I am remaining true to my word as long as you hold up your end of the bargain. Your mind did this to you. Why? I do not know. Your mind is perhaps finally … what is the common expression? ‘Losing it’, I believe,” the ghost reasoned, simply shrugging his shoulders. Leo slowly got up from the ground, convinced that the sadistic Pokemon wouldn’t murder him just yet.

    “You’re telling me that you’re only here because I asked where you were? You expect me to believe you?” Leo asked, crossing his arms in disbelief.

    “I expect that you will do as I say. But, yes, you must believe that this is your own doing and not my own creation. There is no test at the moment. Not for you... Now, if that’s all, I really must be going...” He didn’t know what compelled his mouth to say it, nor would he ever fully understand it, but it happened regardless. He knew it was now or never.

    “Wait!” Leo shouted, holding out a claw towards the Mismagius. The fiend turned back towards him.

    “Yes? What is it you want, mortal? It is expedient that I return to my dealings immediately.”

    “Why are you doing this to me?” Leo asked. He watched as the Mismagius slowly drifted lower to the ground until he was only an arm’s length away from the Charmeleon. Leo could almost reach out and touch his thin purple frame, but, seeing how he liked use of his hand, he refrained from doing so.

    “Oh, Leo, those facts are strictly confidential. I wish I could tell you, as it would make my job infinitely easier, but alas, I cannot. Any other questions? You might as well ask since I’m already here.”

    “Who are you?” he inquired as he watched the creature’s eyes flash with amusement.

    “Hmm, a good inquiry. Only one other of my projects has ever asked he that before. I am the watcher and the interceder. I work for those who can afford my services, since so-called ‘divine intervention’ is now forbidden. My name has been lost to the centuries, and I see no reason to bring it up now,” the Mismagius answered, staring Leo straight in his eyes. He gulped slightly, and the other Pokemon smirked as he saw the involuntary show of fear.

    “W-what role do I play in all this?” Leo asked as the Mismagius began to slowly fade from view. “Please, tell me!” he was begging on his knees now, the stone digging painfully into his scales. He didn’t care, he wanted an answer. He needed it.

    “There is a remarkable work of literary prose from a civilization long, long ago in another time: ‘Theirs not to make reply. Theirs not to reason why. Theirs but to do and die...’ And so it shall be for you, Leo. I really must be going, so wake up, Leo. Wake up and leave me alone.”



    With those final words, the void exploded in a flash of blinding white light that engulfed all. Leo’s eyes were forced open as his vision was met with the dull green cloth that made up the tent ceiling. Spots danced in his vision as his mind tried to process whatever the Mismagius had told him. I’m not crazy, I can’t be.

    After staring at the ceiling and apparently unable to coax sleep to return to him, he leaned forward in his hammock, and pulled his tail up from over the side. Using it once again as a torch, he saw that it was shortly before dawn outside due to the pale grey light that shone through the tent flaps.

    Looking around, he also saw that even though Jay and Noah were still sleeping soundly-- the Riolu snoring slightly as he slept sprawled across his hammock-- Kelly’s hammock was seemingly empty. He let out a quick yawn as his body finally began to function normally once more. He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes with the smooth sides of his claws as he rolled off the hammock. He remembered too late that the bed was a few feet in the air, and his front greeted the ground with a thud.

    Only slightly dazed by the incident, Leo laboriously used his arms to push himself up off the ground. Once he got his legs under him once again, he listened for any signs that Jay or Noah had stirred from their sleep. The Riolu continued to snore softly as he curled into a circle in the center of his hanging bed. Leo turned to his left and observed any change in Noah. The Dewott seemed unaffected by Jay’s nocturnal noise and continued to sleep.

    Slowly walking on the tips of his feet, he made his way across the small tent and ducked under the flaps; he held his tail once again to light his way and to keep the flame from brushing up against the flammable cloth. He emerged in one of the narrow rows between their tent and several dozen others. He was so close to the other tents that, as he walked through the narrow “alleyway” he could hear various forms of snoring. Do they all know that they snore? He wondered as another thought came to him, Do I snore? Is that why Kelly woke up?

    He pondered it as he tried to keep his tail from being the cause of a camp-wide inferno. He had never put much thought into it, there was always something else demanding the attention of his mind. He never had any time to observe his new body for any quirks or interesting details after his initial inspection back in the Fields. That day felt so long ago to Leo, yet he knew that it had barely been a week since that fateful and immensely confusing day.

    Absorbed in his thoughts, Leo vaguely noticed that he was passing the center courtyard of the camp and one of the poles with an activated Luminous Orb propped on top of it. Leo looked around; the entire camp was bathed in a dull grey light once more, but this time, the light was growing brighter, little by little aided by the rising sun on the eastern side of the camp.

    He continued to walk past the center yard and into a maze of more tents and wooden crates piled high upon each other to look like temples to heathen gods. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he simply let his feet move forward toward the sun that was almost ready to poke its golden head above the far off horizon.

    Just as he reached the wall of tall grass that marked the camp’s border, he saw her. Kelly sat on her haunches on a small embankment of dirt that rose slightly above the grass; the small wooden platform built on top of it apparently marked it as an unoccupied lookout post. Leo carefully walked up the mound, trying not to make noise even as his claws sent dirt clods rolling down in a miniature avalanche. Once he finally made it to the top, he went forward and suddenly sat down next to her on the edge of the platform. Kelly must have been wrapped up in her thoughts as she nearly jumped a foot in the air when Leo plopped down beside her.

    “Wha-? Leo? What are you doing up?” she said in a hoarse whisper as she kept herself from raising her voice in surprise. Leo didn’t answer her immediately, instead he let his vision take in the view of the first dim rays of the sun starting to shine out of the darkness of the night.
    Leo shrugged his shoulders, he didn’t know what to say to her. Oh, the demon that haunts my very thoughts decided to visit me again tonight. Business as usual. You?

    “I had a bad dream. How about you?” he said with a sigh. Well, it’s not a complete lie. That dream was horrible. That thought was the catalyst for what became a chain reaction of thoughts, I’ve been lying this whole time. Kelly shifted her front paws in discomfort, as if she was unsure of what to say.

    “I had a bad dream too … it was of my parents... “ she admitted softly seemingly worried someone else would eavesdrop on their conversation. Leo was surprised, in the short time he had known her, he hadn’t even come close to hearing anything concerning his teammates’ past lives.

    “What happened? I’ve had my share of nightmares, so I can try to relate,” Leo said, trying to be as sincere as he could be. He was genuinely intrigued, this was a chance he wasn’t going to miss out on. She seemed to grimace slightly at his question, but she took a deep breath.

    “I--I don’t know if you would understand,” she faced away from him, “it’s something that honestly scared me, Leo.” He placed a claw on her shoulder in an effort to provide some sort of comfort.

    “It was just a nightmare, Kelly. I’m sure that--” he began as she quickly cut him off.

    “No, you don’t understand. It scared me, Leo. I don’t get scared. I’m always the calm and collected one, but back there … I couldn’t do anything,” Kelly confessed, her voice wavering on the verge of tears. Leo had no idea how to react to this; he didn’t recall his past self being an expert on this in any means.

    “Well, I can say that I’ve had nightmares like that. It feels as if your entire being is not yours to control. Like someone or something is using you,” Leo said as he tried to relate with his teammate. The Jolteon faced him once more, tears running down the sides of her face.

    “You don’t know what it’s like to have your parents tell you you’re worthless! Having them scream that they wish they’d never had you in the first place! To hear them laugh when you’re in pain! You don’t know, Leo!” she screamed as she suddenly bent her head down and let out a hard sob. Her entire body seemed to shake as she tried to breathe, but she wasn’t able to get enough to calm herself down. Leo looked around, panicking. He hadn’t meant to make her start sobbing, all he wanted was some way to make her feel better. Now, yet again, he had somehow made things worse. He searched his mind for something to do or say, but he didn’t know. He couldn’t remember.

    “Hey …” he said, putting his claw on her back, “at least you have parents to have nightmares about.” That got her attention. Though her face was still a small river of tears, she looked up at him. Leo wasn’t an expert on reading facial expressions of Pokemon, but he had a feeling she wanted him to continue.

    “I don’t even remember my parents. They could be alive or dead, and I would never know. In fact, they could be searching for me right now, or they could be celebrating that I’m gone. I don’t remember, Kelly. I can’t remember,” Leo said, emotion beginning to spill forth from his mind’s floodgates. The Jolteon stood stock-still, her expression showed that in the last few days, she had forgotten that he had amnesia.

    “Leo. I … I... “she tried to say, unable to find the right words as Leo continued.

    “I just want to be able to see them again, Kelly, even if it’s just a memory. But I can’t. I couldn’t possibly know what it’s like to have gone through what you did, but I can try.”

    “Leo, I’m so sorry...” she said with a sniffle as she regained her composure, “You’re right, I’m acting like this all over a stupid nightmare. It’s selfish of me, especially considering what we’ve been through,” she conceded. She took a few deep breaths as they both watched the sun’s rays suddenly shoot through their prison of night and shine over the dew-covered field.

    “Hey, Leo. I just had an idea,” Kelly told the Charmeleon seated next to her. Leo gave her a quizzical look, unsure of what she could mean by this. “I’ve heard of some Charizard clans in the northern mountains of the Borderlands. I’m sure your parents are searching for you as we speak. So, if we find a way to see if any of them filed a report for a missing Charmeleon, we could have a lead to your past!” She exclaimed, the cheerful personality Leo had known her to have finally returning.

    While he was glad she felt better, he still didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t have the faintest idea of what these “Charizard” Pokemon even looked like, and he knew for certain that none of them were related to him in any way, shape, or form.

    “Of course we’d have to wait until our current situation improves, but I promise you that I’ll do everything I can to help you, Leo. You’ve been a great friend.” Leo felt like his vocal cords had frozen over; he couldn’t piece together the words he wanted to say. His thoughts screamed at him, She’s offering to help you! She just told you one of her secrets! How is she going to help you if she doesn’t even know what you are? Sometimes he wished he could tell his mind to shut up. Though it brought up a good point, he still hadn’t told them anything about that aspect of his past.

    “Kelly?” Leo inquired tentatively. It got her attention once more, her dark eyes staring at him.

    “Yes? What is it, Leo?” This is it! Tell her now! He hesitated, trying to figure out what was the best way to say it.

    “Kelly … I found something out about me. About my past...” he paused for a second. She seemed completely attentive, but he thought he heard a noise from elsewhere in the camp. He dismissed it. “Kelly … As unbelievable as it sounds …I am--” he stopped. He knew he heard it this time. The sound of a set of heavy footsteps. He swiftly turned around to face the intruder to their conversation.

    “What do you think you’re doing?” he said as he finished twisting his body around. What he saw made the crimson drain from his scales. He expected it to be Jay, Noah, Blade, or maybe even Elliot, but not the massive, blue-scaled, reptile commander that he had a healthy fear of. Torrent didn’t seem angry, or even upset, but he gave the two smaller Pokemon a stern look nonetheless.

    “T-Torrent, sir!” they both yelped as they shot to their feet.

    “Well, this was not the way I expected to start off my morning. Tell me, were you two watching the sunrise as well?” the general asked as he strode between them to the center of the platform.
    Perplexed at why the Feraligatr apparently brushed off his rude comment, Leo simply shrugged his shoulders and decided to answer.

    “Yes, sir, we were. As well as discussing our thoughts,” Leo told the general, who nodded in reply.

    “Good, good. I’m glad you both share my appreciation of this phenomenon of nature. I used to take it for granted, but after spending a week underground in a bandit’s cave you tend to find even the everyday occurrences a miracle. There was once a Grovyle I met a couple of years ago who told me that the sunrise was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen...” he recounted to them, seeming to grow silent as the upper edge of the sun broke free of the horizon’s shackles. Torrent shook his head as he found his thoughts again.

    “Sorry about that. I went off on a tangent there. What I’ve been meaning to say was that I’m glad you two newcomers are up, because now you’ll see just how we get things started in the morning. Quark, get over here!” Torrent called as a bright flash of white light went off behind the general. A brown and gold-colored figure appeared floating slightly above the dirt slope. As soon as he got a glimpse of the Pokemon in the light, Leo’s eyes were immediately drawn to the creature’s large head and mustache.

    “You called, general?” the strange Pokemon said, brandishing two silver spoons. Torrent nodded, affirming his order.

    “Yes, I did. You two, this is Quark the Alakazam. He’s the best healer I’ve ever met, and I’ll be cursed by Kyogre if I ever find a better one. If there’s anything wrong with you, he’s the one to see,” Torrent explained as the Alakazam bowed in mid-air.

    “Thank you for your comments, sir. Now, what shall it be today, sir? A shrieking Braviary’s cry as usual, or something different?” Quark asked as Torrent thought for a moment.

    “How about Groudon’s roar? That one always gets the best results.” Quark acknowledged this and closed his eyes as purple waves of energy appeared around his set of utensils. Seeing Leo and Kelly’s confused looks, Torrent went on.

    “In addition to being the healer, Quark is also very experienced in the art of psychic amplification in dreams. Meaning that in a few seconds...” Just as he said that, a great series of thuds, curses, and screams were heard from the opposite edge of the camp. Leo could see droves of Pokemon exiting their tents en masse. He was almost appalled and yet fascinated at how Quark woke up the camp. If he can affect dreams like that, then maybe he could figure out what’s going on in my dreams... Leo wondered as he watched the crowd of Pokemon walk, fly, and teleport their way to the mess tent to get their morning meal.

    “Thank you, Quark. Go get the obstacle course ready,” Torrent ordered as the Alakazam nodded and instantly vanished in another flash of light. Alone once more, Torrent looked down at Leo and Kelly.

    “Now, you two. Several crates of supplies came in during the night. They are at the north entrance of the camp. Move them to the storage area here,” he said, pointing out the places he spoke of.

    “Sir?” Kelly asked. She wasn’t able to say more as the Feraligatr immediately cut her off.

    “No one talks to me like that and goes unpunished! Now hop to it, you two, else breakfast will be long gone by the time you get done!” he yelled. Cursing his past choice of words, Leo and Kelly sprinted down the embankment. Half way down the short hill, he tripped on thin air, and once again acquainted his face with the gravel.

    Leo knew the stinging in his face wouldn’t go away just as he knew Torrent would never let him live what he just witnessed down. Regardless of what the general now thought of him, he accepted Kelly’s paw, and hoisted himself up.

    “You’re part of the king’s army now. If you want to stay here, then you better start pulling your weight!” Torrent yelled from the platform above them. Leo groaned, he knew this was going to rank among the worst days of his life.



    End Chapter Eleven



    Author’s Notes: Well, here’s my second chapter of the new year. I’m fairly happy at how I’ve been able to keep a decent update pace thus far, hopefully it’ll continue.

    Now, the chapter itself. Well … it wasn’t too exciting for me to write either. I knew I was going to need this chapter to be more on the side of character development than plot in order to set up for future events. In fact, this entire arc will be focusing more on character development than action for the most part, I’m sorry to say. But, I promise that once I’m done with this arc, things will pick up rapidly from there.

    Anyways, this is a special chapter as it’s probably going to be the last one before the one year anniversary of posting this story on Serebii. It’s been a long, yet extremely rewarding year. Once again, I’d like to thank everyone who helped mentor me while I was starting this story and everyone who continues to support me with reviews and advice. And, most importantly I’d like to thank you all, my readers, for sticking with this story. Thank you.

    Until the next one,

    Knightfall signing off...
    Last edited by Knightfall; 23rd July 2013 at 8:19 AM.

  7. #182
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    Feb 2013
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    I've been reading this fanfic since it launched I've loved it from the start.

    What I like most about it though, is that it's gripping without even considering the cliffhangers.

    Each time you read a chapter, your mind is filled with questions, "why is team salient being targeted?","what links the pokemon tortured by Mismagius?","WHATS GONNA HAPPEN AFTER THIS CHAPTER?". And these questions bring you back every time, and you often leave with more questions than answers.
    I haven't read many PMD Fics but it seems weird to give pokemon human names. You don't have to change any names though

  8. #183
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    Sep 2011
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    Why hello, T-Bolt. You have no idea how much your comment means to me.

    I try my best to create an air of mystery that surrounds the characters, the plot, and even the world they live in. The cliffhangers are just the icing on the cake, as it were.

    Yep, questions, questions, and more questions. I do try to leave clues that point towards the answers, but most of these questions will be answered in due time. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading this and I hope to continue to make even better chapters.

    Well, to be honest, it just seemed natural. I mean, Pokemon have developed a civilization in this world. I understand that some of the names do seem ... human, that's just a personal preference.

    Thank you for your comment.

    Knightfall signing off...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    “Listen to me, Nickolas. I know it is hard for you, but you must think about your larger family. Every citizen under your rule are your sons and daughters. You must care for them as such. Do not selfishly lose your focus on two Pokemon that Dialga has chosen to reside with him in the Hidden Land.”
    Ooh, another look into PokeReligion. I must say, though I've never envisioned the Hidden Land as a sort of "Heaven" (since we've all been there and back [And there wasn't much special there]), it makes perfect sense for everyone else to think of it that way! Especially since no one could ever find it, as it's hidden between the gaps between two seconds of time.

    In an instant, his mind cleared. He knew no more of the woes of his family. He could not remember his wife’s name, or even if he had a son at all. Nickolas’s memories were purged for every shred of recognition of his loved ones until nothing remained, and he was perfectly fine with it.
    So Dialga mind-wiped him? Interesting.
    It works, I guess.

    Willing it out of its age-old position, the book flipped pages in midair as the Mismagius glanced over every second of a Wurmple’s life until it was viciously ripped apart by the beak of a hungry Swellow on its second day out from its egg.
    Aw, that still makes me sad

    Yet even over the shouts of his conscious, his ragged breathing, and the rhythmic clicking of his feet on the stone, he heard them. The sentinals.
    sentinels

    Nervous sweat broke out on his brow. He [/i]had[/i] heard it. The soft voice.
    Woops, broken code.

    “N-n-no. I-Ic—Ice! Regice!” That was the last thing Vertex heard before a low rumbling filled the room and the temperature dropped down to zero. A monumental golem floated into the room from the hallway. Its smooth, clear, faceted surface showed the pitiful reflections of the two smaller Pokemon.

    “TARGETS FOUND: ROGUE EMPLOYEE NUMBER 286 AND TRAITOR UNIT 343. THANK YOU FOR ASSUMING THE SURRENDER POSITION.”
    Legendaries being as rare as they are in this story (this is, what, the first one?) seeing this guy here...Well...they're out of luck, lol.

    A small blue and white squirrel energetically asked Noah whom his new “friends” were before zipping off on all fours past them, not even giving Noah a chance to respond.
    My life is complete.

    “Well, I can say that I’ve had nightmares like that. It feels as if your entire being is not yours to control. Like someone or something is using you,”[/i] Leo said as he tried to relate with his teammate.
    Woops, more broken code.

    There was once a Grovyle I met a couple of years ago who told me that the sunrise was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen...” he recounted to them, seeming to grow silent as the upper edge of the sun broke free of the horizon’s shackles.
    Have we all met this Grovyle as well? Heheheheh...

    And wow, a whole year of writing...That's impressive. I have until about June for my one-year anniversary.

    Though, in response to T-Bolt, my single question while reading this story is usually "Ooh, who's Mismagius gonna drive insane this time?"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    Ooh, another look into PokeReligion. I must say, though I've never envisioned the Hidden Land as a sort of "Heaven" (since we've all been there and back [And there wasn't much special there]), it makes perfect sense for everyone else to think of it that way! Especially since no one could ever find it, as it's hidden between the gaps between two seconds of time.
    I always loved this area of Pokemon. There's so little established, so I can pretty much run wild with my imagination. As for the Hidden Land, it was a last minute addition. It is perfect, as it's Dialga's realm, no normal Pokemon have been there, and it's impossible to get to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    So Dialga mind-wiped him? Interesting.
    It works, I guess.
    Something like that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    Aw, that still makes me sad
    It was supposed to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    sentinels

    Woops, broken code.

    Woops, more broken code.
    All fixed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    Legendaries being as rare as they are in this story (this is, what, the first one?) seeing this guy here...Well...they're out of luck, lol.
    Yep, this is the first appearance. And yes, they are out of luck.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    My life is complete.
    Heh, the favor you did for me back in TTL is now repaid. XD Glad you liked it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    Have we all met this Grovyle as well? Heheheheh...
    He is the very same Grovyle. Torrent met him shortly before the thefts started.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brutaka View Post
    And wow, a whole year of writing...That's impressive. I have until about June for my one-year anniversary.

    Though, in response to T-Bolt, my single question while reading this story is usually "Ooh, who's Mismagius gonna drive insane this time?"
    Yep, it's been fun, and completely rewarding. I can't believe it's been that long already.

    And for this chapter, no one, actually. It's surprising, isn't it?

    Knightfall signing off...

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    Well, it's nice to know that Leo can still try to sympathize even after all that mental anguish.

    Also, nice touch on having a way to wake up the camp, I imagine a gong or an alarm would alert undesirables to their presence, but a psychic sound is great to avoid that.

    Looking forward to another chapter though I'm disappointed that I haven't made it to much of any of our sessions.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.
    -Azurus

  12. #187
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    Thanks for responding, man.

    Well, Leo hasn't been completely desensitized yet. I mean, this are the closest beings he can call friends, so he would naturally try to help them out. My Mismagius is keeping good on his promise. He hasn't interfered much with Leo, so we'll see a slightly different side to everyone this entire arc.

    Pretty cool, huh? I came up with that idea after playing some Explorers of Sky and wondering how the wake-up might be different. It works well for what they are.

    We'll find the time, eventually. We'll get your own story up and running shortly, I promise.

    Thanks for your review, you're timely as ever.

    Knightfall signing off...

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    POOF! I'm back! To start
    “Well, this was not the way I expected to start off my morning. Tell me, were you two watching the sunrise as well?” the general asked as he strode between them to the center of the platform.
    (Insert Space)
    Perplexed at why the Feraligatr apparently bruhed off his rude comment, Leo simply shrugged his shoulders and decided to answer.
    Don't know about you, but putting a space there seems right.

    As for the chapter itself, Leo was SO close! I cannot wait until Kelly and Jay find out about Leo once being human. I am skeptical about them joining the military. I'm just hoping we get to a plot twist really though, and I don't usually see plot twists in military camps.

    Keep up the good work!
    Three most annoying things:

    1. Metal Mario
    2. Arrogance
    3. Writer's Block

  14. #189
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    Nice to see you back, man.

    Hmm, I don't know. It is correct as is, but I'll see.

    Ah, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes, their reaction is going to be interesting once they find out.
    Well, then I'm going to prove your wrong, because there will be some.

    Will do, thanks again for the post.

    Knightfall signing off...

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    Man, this is probably my favorite fic on here. And it's the first one I read. Bonus!

    Anyway, not a bad job. Most of it was practically talking, which is one of the things I'm starting to find tedious to write. But I feel that you did a good job with the talk sequence between Kelly and Leo. I look forward to more of them.

    And no matter what anyone says, Noah continues to remind me of my character, Bunyip. It's like you made a less volatile Pokemon version of him, which is kind of creepy!

    Still, the description is great, like always.

    I look forward to more of this sadistic endeavor.
    Nothing interesting here. Carry on.
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    Long chapter. Personally, I'm interested in seeing how Ian's and Vertex's story ties in with big picture. P.S. Anyone else catch the irony in a Porygon-2 named Vertex?

    Turning himself around on the steps, Nickolas got on his knees and bowed forward, pressing his nose to the floor. It was an alien position for him, as he was accustomed to being the one on the receiving end of such actions. Taking a deep breath, the Lucario attempted to push every thought out of his head regarding his family. His wife, his father, his son, all forced from his head as he did something he hadn’t done in decade: he prayed.
    Finally, turf I'm comfortable on. I really liked the set up to this, it reads so right.

    In an instant, his mind cleared. He knew no more of the woes of his family. He could not remember his wife’s name, or even if he had a son at all. Nickolas’s memories were purged for every shred of recognition of his loved ones until nothing remained, and he was perfectly fine with it.
    In any other work, I would suspect this was a metaphor. Only in Overthrown am I willing to take it seriously.

    The blue otter seemed to have dodging punches and kicks down to a twisted science that he enjoyed a little too much; the grin on his face only reinforced that belief.
    A new color to the story. I like him so far. The fight scene between him and Leo was creative, as well.

    I wonder how long his sanity will last, if he still has it.

    “Nice one, Leo. I’m glad you’re not the pushover you were last night time!” he taunted as he straightened up to his full height.
    One extra word in there, I believe.

    He said a small prayer for one night of uninterrupted, dreamless sleep, but he had little hope that it would be answered.
    Ah, the prayer everyone has said once in their life.
    I have officially claimed Castform, The Master of all Weather!


    Monorpale is my favorite Gen 6 Pokemon so far. If you have a problem with it, you can talk to the tassel hand.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sound View Post
    P.S. Anyone else catch the irony in a Porygon-2 named Vertex?
    No, but youre right!
    Vertex=Angle
    Porygon 2 doesn't have any angles...
    ~Author's Profile ||~|| <Fly High Graphics> ~
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  18. #193
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    Reply time!

    Quote Originally Posted by Meeker View Post
    Man, this is probably my favorite fic on here. And it's the first one I read. Bonus!
    Thanks man. I really appreciate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Meeker View Post
    Anyway, not a bad job. Most of it was practically talking, which is one of the things I'm starting to find tedious to write. But I feel that you did a good job with the talk sequence between Kelly and Leo. I look forward to more of them.
    I tried my hardest to tone down the talking in this chapter, but I felt that the dialogue was needed since Ian and Vertex's parts were kept vague.
    And yes, them. More of them will come.

    Quote Originally Posted by Meeker View Post
    And no matter what anyone says, Noah continues to remind me of my character, Bunyip. It's like you made a less volatile Pokemon version of him, which is kind of creepy!

    Still, the description is great, like always.

    I look forward to more of this sadistic endeavor.
    I don't doubt you there, my friend (even though Noah was created first. XD).
    Thank you, my friend. And I hope to continue to exceed expectations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sound View Post
    Long chapter. Personally, I'm interested in seeing how Ian's and Vertex's story ties in with big picture. P.S. Anyone else catch the irony in a Porygon-2 named Vertex?
    My longest, in fact. 33 pages in Word. Sid87 hates me for it now. XD Anyways, I personally love those characters as well. More of their story will be revealed in the next chapter, but how they are involved won't be until later.
    And yes, I was hoping someone caught that. Geometry taught me one useful thing and that was what a vertex was. I loved the name and it worked perfectly for the character.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sound View Post
    Finally, turf I'm comfortable on. I really liked the set up to this, it reads so right.
    Thanks, I enjoyed writing this part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sound View Post
    In any other work, I would suspect this was a metaphor. Only in Overthrown am I willing to take it seriously.
    Yep, Overthrown is filled with all sorts of this stuff.

    [QUOTE=Sound;15715133]
    A new color to the story. I like him so far. The fight scene between him and Leo was creative, as well.

    I wonder how long his sanity will last, if he still has it.[quote]

    I've been trying my best to make Noah come off as a main character. The fight scene was really fun to write as it allowed me to explore some of Noah's complicated nature.

    Hehe, you'll see. Noah is ... odd. Even in terms of this story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sound View Post
    One extra word in there, I believe.
    Dang, I'll fix that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sound View Post
    Ah, the prayer everyone has said once in their life.
    And one that Leo will say every night before he closes his eyes. XD

    Knightfall signing off...

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    I don't doubt you there, my friend (even though Noah was created first. XD).
    Even though I had the idea for my character before I even knew about Noah! XD
    Plus, Bunyip was released before Noah, if I'm not mistaken.
    Nothing interesting here. Carry on.
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    I just realised that i hadn't read the large part of the chapter on page 9

        Spoiler:- Thoughts on chapter eleven-:


    Just a guess. And i know this is late, but could you add me to the PM list?

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    Quote Originally Posted by T-Bolt View Post
        Spoiler:- Thoughts on chapter eleven-:


    Just a guess. And i know this is late, but could you add me to the PM list?

    Well, as for your theory. It's pretty interesting. And you're the only one so far to even have a theory. I'll say this: you're in the ball-park. Somewhat. Dialga is perfectly sane. That's all I'll give you.

    And sure, I'll add you right away. Thanks for posting.

    Knightfall signing off...

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    “TARGETS FOUND: ROGUE EMPLOYEE NUMBER 286 AND TRAITOR UNIT 343. THANK YOU FOR ASSUMING THE SURRENDER POSITION.”
    Uhh? Is this a PMD with the modern humanity weapons and culture? and your latest design banner screams math! MATH! And do you know what is my response to math and the Porygon2 with Breloom on it? Insanity!

    A conversation from Madworld Wii! Please watch a playthrough of it. It is a nice inspiration to find ideas for your story. Plus, it's as deep as your story.

    Kris Kreeley: For the last F*CKING time, NOBODY SAID THERE'D BE MATH!! he speaks outrageously
    Howard "buckshock" Holmes: "I blame my schools!" sings with a sly.

    Letting the adrenaline fueled strength take action, Leo kicked up his stumpy legs, pulled them under Noah’s body, and forced every ounce of strength into propelling his legs into the Dewott’s stomach. The otter involuntarily released his grip on Leo and sailed a several feet backwards.
    Now THAT IS MARTIAL ARTS. Dewott is quite a Jerkass. Poor Riolu (what's his name again?) Just hang on? This is the chapter where the Dewott (i say it as Dee-wuht. The one with schwa.) came out?

    Now comes the Bronzong. i find it hard to magine Bronzong as Lucario's ... dad? Bronzong barely has any traita that makes it a living thing. Its too figured like a bell, an inanimate object. Same for magnezone.

    But I can say this. Your story's current point highly Resembles Madworld Wii and Anarchy Reigns in story and overworld terms.

    I haven't been reading quite a while and lose track since I'm working on my novel while dealing with the college life. But as always, I need to read the full version of this after I graduated
    Final Chapter: 38: Mountain's Edge(Click the Banner above)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jireh the provider View Post
    Uhh? Is this a PMD with the modern humanity weapons and culture? and your latest design banner screams math! MATH! And do you know what is my response to math and the Porygon2 with Breloom on it? Insanity!
    Well, no. It does have some science and tech that are somewhat advanced for a Pokemon-only world, but nowhere near human capabilities.

    Quote Originally Posted by jireh the provider View Post
    Now THAT IS MARTIAL ARTS. Dewott is quite a Jerkass. Poor Riolu (what's his name again?) Just hang on? This is the chapter where the Dewott (i say it as Dee-wuht. The one with schwa.) came out?
    Heh, thanks. I liked writing that scene. And yeah, he can be at times. The Riolu's name is Jay. And ummm, Noah the Dewott has been present for two chapters now.

    Quote Originally Posted by jireh the provider View Post
    Now comes the Bronzong. i find it hard to magine Bronzong as Lucario's ... dad? Bronzong barely has any traita that makes it a living thing. Its too figured like a bell, an inanimate object. Same for magnezone.
    You're taking it too literally. Nickolas (the Lucario) is referring to Ruak (the Bronzong) as father in a religious sense. Like a priest in a church today.

    Quote Originally Posted by jireh the provider View Post
    I haven't been reading quite a while and lose track since I'm working on my novel while dealing with the college life. But as always, I need to read the full version of this after I graduated
    Well, I'm glad you took the time to read my story and post, and good luck with your story.

    Knightfall signing off...

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    I'm here!

    front of the meal line for the fourth time tonight as he got them their food.
    Hah, what a glutton

    Leo watched it in a tranquil trance as its golden face highlighted the shadows produced by the setting sun. His red, stumpy legs swung from the wooden bench he sat on as he watched Noah talk his way to the front of the meal line for the fourth time tonight as he got them their food.
    You only said the word 'watched' once in each sentence, but I do feel like you could exchange one of them for a different, yet similar word, like gazed. It read a little odd to me, but maybe I'm just being difficult lol

    “Blade? Elliot? Sonic? Is that you?” Leo asked
    Damn, nicely done Leo, I even forgot their names lol. That's a funny bit you probably inadvertently put in there as well. Going from Blade, to Elliot, to Sonic. Two crazy names versus one who would fit an accountant

    Flashes of spicy Cheri, sweet Pecha, and something cool he suspected to be Lum
    If I'm remembering correctly, that's the same descriptions those berries have in the game. Good attention to detail sir

    and said something to the Absol that made him quickly get up and leave the table.
    I'd love to see how the quadrupedal Absol got up and left from the table lol

    After all four Pokemon had finished rubbing the spots out of their eyes, they each climbed into one of the hanging beds. Leo was comforted when he saw that it felt just like the ones they had abruptly left back at their base. Kelly gingerly placed her forepaws into the hammock and tried to hold it steady as she jumped into it. Her bed swung wildly like an enraged Tauros as it threatened to dump Kelly back onto the ground. Wobbling on her four legs, she was slowly able to balance the hanging cot and ease herself into a comfortable sitting position.
    “So tell me,” Noah began as he leaned forward on his hammock, “what’s your guys’ story? I’m not talking about how you got here. What did you all do before things went wrong?”
    Formatting issue there

    “Yes? What is it you want, mortal? It is expedient that I return to my dealings immediately.”
    Even when something small like that is said, Mismagius terrifies me

    He pondered it as he tried to keep his tail from being the cause of a camp-wide inferno.
    Lol I was hoping you'd bring that up. That was my first thought

    “I had a bad dream. How about you?” he said with a sigh. Well, it’s not a complete lie. That dream was horrible. That thought was the catalyst for what became a chain reaction of thoughts, I’ve been lying this whole time. Kelly shifted her front paws in discomfort, as if she was unsure of what to say.
    Man, I really loved the addition of the dialogue and the inner thoughts right after one another. Not only does it give readers an insight into Leo's mind as its working, but more so than that, it makes a startlingly fun parallel to read and try to go along with. Damn good on that man

    even come close to hearing anything concerning his teammates’ past lives.
    Misplaced apostrophe there

    On the whole, I really enjoyed the chapter. Sorry I didn't comment on more, but nothing really stuck out that I didn't comment on, with the exception of Kelly's reveal to Leo about her parents. That was really painful and well done. You balanced her emotions and tone perfectly, so be proud of that. Torrent was a surprise guest at the end, and one that I was really happy to see. He fit the role of the seasoned veteran really well, and I hope to see more of him in the future. Sorry that my meager review took a week longer than promised, but as always, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I'm eager for the next installment

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


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    Hey man, nice to see you drop by!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Hah, what a glutton
    Well, I meant for it to come out that he had got food for Leo, Jay, Kelly, and himself, and had skipped to the front of the line multiple times to do so.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post

    You only said the word 'watched' once in each sentence, but I do feel like you could exchange one of them for a different, yet similar word, like gazed. It read a little odd to me, but maybe I'm just being difficult lol
    I'll see about fixing that. Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Damn, nicely done Leo, I even forgot their names lol. That's a funny bit you probably inadvertently put in there as well. Going from Blade, to Elliot, to Sonic. Two crazy names versus one who would fit an accountant
    I figured most people would have forgotten by now. But, I didn't intend for them to be funny like that, but it is. Thanks for pointing that out. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    If I'm remembering correctly, that's the same descriptions those berries have in the game. Good attention to detail sir
    They are indeed. I try to remain constant to the game on occasion.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I'd love to see how the quadrupedal Absol got up and left from the table lol
    Well, he was sitting like a normal dog would on one of the log stumps. That's how I pictured it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Formatting issue there
    I haven't the time to fix it now, but I will as soon as possible. Thanks, man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Even when something small like that is said, Mismagius terrifies me
    And that means he's doing his job right.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Lol I was hoping you'd bring that up. That was my first thought
    I'm always going back to his tail, because let's face it, he's going to let it slip one day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    Man, I really loved the addition of the dialogue and the inner thoughts right after one another. Not only does it give readers an insight into Leo's mind as its working, but more so than that, it makes a startlingly fun parallel to read and try to go along with. Damn good on that man
    Why thanks, it took me a little bit to figure out how to portray this scene until I came up with this way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    On the whole, I really enjoyed the chapter. Sorry I didn't comment on more, but nothing really stuck out that I didn't comment on, with the exception of Kelly's reveal to Leo about her parents. That was really painful and well done. You balanced her emotions and tone perfectly, so be proud of that. Torrent was a surprise guest at the end, and one that I was really happy to see. He fit the role of the seasoned veteran really well, and I hope to see more of him in the future. Sorry that my meager review took a week longer than promised, but as always, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I'm eager for the next installment

    Thanks, I'm happy you enjoyed it. And thank you, I loved that scene myself. It was the one I put the most effort into.
    Torrent had to ruin the moment. XD Anyways, you'll see more of him in the future, I promise.

    Don't worry about it, I'm just glad you responded. And thanks again.

    Knightfall signing off...

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