I’m very tired as I do this at the moment, and I gotta say, the sudden action woke me up already. Cool way to get back into the action that was present before Ethan’s chapter, especially now that there’s an interesting comparison (before, they were fighting enemies, and now, they’re fighting each other).Dorian rolled to his right as Nuzleaf launched another bullet seed at him.
I think you meant “sparring”.The two had been sparing for the better part of an hour, both being pushed to the edge of their physical limits as they struggled to best one another.
“Golduck”After Shelton was made aware of Goluck’s condition, she hovered outside the operating room like a Pidgey, refusing Dorian’s repeated attempts to get her to rest.
Should be “hands”. I could see what you were trying to do there by trying to show possession, but in this case, you’re just showing pluralization—his two hands are grasping hers.Dorian had drifted off himself shortly thereafter; his hand’s grasping Shelton’s tenderly.
I’d also put a comma instead of a semi-colon. From what I’ve learned, the sentence before and after the semi-colon should be able to be a standalone sentence. But the sentence after the semi-colon here can’t be by itself and still make sense.
D’awwwww, have I ever mentioned how much I love the pokémon Nuzleaf? This is an adorable image. I’m going to go be a typical squeeing fangirl now.Nuzleaf climbed onto her lap and looked up at her with his wide eyes, cupping her face softly in his hands as he looked at her. She smiled down at him, touched by the Pokemon’s gesture of affection. Reaching down, she scratched a spot at the small of Nuzleaf’s back, dragging her sharp nails across his wooden body. The sound the nails made as they moved always gave her goose bumps, but Nuzleaf loved it and immediately hugged her close, burying his face in her hair.
“had been exposed to.”The once bright sapphire duck’s feathers were now a muted shade of blue, signaling the stress that it had exposed to.
Anyway, I agree with Glover when he says that this was a nice conclusion to the Graveler incident. The part I liked the most was going back and forth between Shelton’s grieving over Golduck and the spar between Dorian and Nuzleaf. To me, it was as if the Graveler fight was still happening, in a sense. The fighting spirit and suspense was still entirely present, and you portrayed the idea that all of them were still fighting (both literally and figuratively) to live and/or move on with their lives even though there was no real danger present anymore. It makes me reflect on the idea that everyone is always fighting every moment of every day, pretty much. I hope that makes sense. It’s not something I can easily put into words, but it was a good feeling nonetheless.
Also, I thought that Dorian and Shelton were a couple? Am I wrong? Shelton kissing the technician on the cheek and mentioning falling in love with him seemed odd to me for this reason, and also because she was just unbelievably angry and bitter moments before she did such a thing. I guess it’s understandable that her emotions would be going crazy at the moment, and it was cute nonetheless, but still, it left me wondering about Dorian.
Overall, the chapter felt complete and full of emotions, just as the conclusion of such a horrific event should feel. The only thing I might have added was Shelton reflecting on Golduck’s possible feelings of losing his psychic power. Does he value it? Does Shelton think it won’t effect him? I mention this because Golduck’s personality wasn’t revealed enough for us readers to know yet (though I may have just forgotten, in which case, feel free to ignore me), but I expect that you’ll be showing the aftereffects soon enough, and you’ll have us as readers wishing we had known him more before the incident as well (which isn’t a bad thing—I would find that kind of interesting, actually).
Keep up the good work~