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Thread: I Think I Love Him. A MegaMan EXE Stream Story. (M/M) PG-13

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    Charlotte, North Carolina.
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    6

    Default I Think I Love Him. A MegaMan EXE Stream Story. (M/M) PG-13

    This is my first M/M MegaMan EXE story that I'm hoping will turn into a One-Shot and nothing more or it might just have some chapters. Enjoy if any of you are not fans of Yaoi then kindly leave thank you

    Summary: During a late night in Sharo, Laika goes to visit Iriya to talk to him about a very important topic that is about a certain Black and White haired sapphire blue eyed Vice President whom he can't get his mind off of. In the sub-plot, Iriya also has a secret that he wishes to keep private as well.

    M/M (Laika x Enzan), Implied (Iriya x Laika).

    I Think I Love Him.
    Chapter 1.

    Fandom: MegaMan EXE Stream.
    Genre: Drabble, Yaoi, Implied Romance.
    Rating: PG-13.
    Characters: Laika, Iriya, Enzan (Mentioned) Searchman.EXE (Mentioned) Netto (Mentioned).
    Setting: Sharo, Iriya's Apartment.

    Dark Crystal blue eyes stared up intensely into the pitch black night sky as he mentally counted the many diamond sized stars that twinkled brightly along with the full moon that cascaded its rich, bold, white Rays down on his grey hair. The many snowflakes fluttered around due to the slight cold winds that picked up quite a bit as he shivered somewhat deciding that it would be better enough to go inside; after all, he had done enough thinking for one night anyway.

    Inside however, was a different story to say so the least. It had held in a warm atmosphere that was soothing and calm to both the body and the soul as he made his way towards the fireplace where the sound of crackling wood, and seeing the bright mixture of the Orange, red, and yellow flames were inviting. He soon began to rub his large hands gently breathing out a sigh of relief as he got up to straighten himself while hearing an air bubble crack in his lower back area to go into the kitchenette to whip up a cup of green tea.

    Once the loud whistle of the black kettle was heard signaling that the water had now came to a boil ready to be poured, he soon gripped its handle slowly lifting it up while in his right hand, held a little silver spoon delicantly mixing the contents all together as thoughts suddenly came into his mind making him stop for a moment to rub his temples; images revealing a certain aquamarine haired male smiling, eating salads, and writing in his journal came to light flooding within him like a fast forwarded slideshow; he gripped the edge of the granite counter rubbing his temple quite vigorously than before as he clenched his teeth trying so hard to erase those unnecessary pictures that had somehow and/or someway enlightened him where he couldn't help but to slowly smile still trying to get rid of that God forsaken headache that had managed to show up without a warning. Calmly taking the China teacup, he made his way back into his living room area to sit down on the elegant green chair taking petite sips of his hot beverage.
    ♠ ♠ ♠
    Well, here you all go my very first MegaMan fic ever. This is my first time doing one of Iriya, Laika's friend from the anime; so, if I mess up on his personality, let me know and I'll try to fix it but enjoy the first chapter. Next one will have Laika so get ready goodnight! And of course, sorry about the crummy title but I couldn't think of anything else -_-'

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    From the land down under...
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    Default

    I'm afraid that chapters need to be at least two pages long in Word (roughly 1,000 words) as per the fan fiction rules we have to encourage higher standards. In Arial size 12 however it doesn't even come out to a full page. Hence I'll have to close; feel free to re-post when you have an extended version. (Prologues are the exception to the rule, but this isn't labelled as such). Consider also the content itself - in this chapter, the character looks at the sky, walks inside, makes himself tea, he recalls a memory, and then drinks the tea, which isn't particularly eventful.

    On that note, is this story to be primarily a shipping fic, or is it not the main focus? If the former, try reposting in the Shipping Fics section we have (note the rules of that section beforehand though! For instance, they only require one page minimum for chapters).

    I'll also suggest going easier on the description and shortening your sentences. For instance:
    Dark Crystal blue eyes stared up intensely into the pitch black night sky as he mentally counted the many diamond sized stars that twinkled brightly along with the full moon that cascaded its rich, bold, white Rays down on his grey hair.
    It's a bit over the top for my tastes, with the 'dark crystal blue' eyes, the 'rich, bold white rays', and so forth - this level of description seems to be constant throughout but you're using it for things that don't quite seem significant (such as the moonlight). This might be better served in say the memory he had, which seems to be a more important and interesting part of the story.

    (BTW, avoid capitalising words suck as crystal and rays, as they are not proper nouns).
    Once the loud whistle of the black kettle was heard signaling that the water had now came to a boil ready to be poured, he soon gripped its handle slowly lifting it up while in his right hand, held a little silver spoon delicantly mixing the contents all together as thoughts suddenly came into his mind making him stop for a moment to rub his temples; images revealing a certain aquamarine haired male smiling, eating salads, and writing in his journal came to light flooding within him like a fast forwarded slideshow; he gripped the edge of the granite counter rubbing his temple quite vigorously than before as he clenched his teeth trying so hard to erase those unnecessary pictures that had somehow and/or someway enlightened him where he couldn't help but to slowly smile still trying to get rid of that God forsaken headache that had managed to show up without a warning.
    I quote this meanwhile because it's written as one sentence, which is too long. It wrecks with the pace of the story and drags it out, where shorter sentences would imo serve you better.

    I hope that's of some help to you. Rules are rules, but again, feel free to re-post once you have a fuller version of the chapter.

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