These chapters were really good and quite unexpected too!
I really like this story and can't want for the next chapters!
These chapters were really good and quite unexpected too!
I really like this story and can't want for the next chapters!
Really liked that chapter. There were some brilliant ideas and unexpected plot twists that I didn't see coming.
Hopefully, I'll do a more in-depth review at some point- probably tomorrow.
Thanks for all the reviews guys. I think I'll use this post to make some announcements regarding Carry On, Blissey.
- I've made edits to the latest chapter and fixed some of the mistakes on Holiday Child. I was meant to say at the beginning that the nursing home was not so far from the train station.
- The first draft of the new chapter is done. Bonus cookie for Katiekitten for agreeing to betaread it.
- Giovanni's Persian won the poll I made last week so the upcoming chapter will feature Giovanni's Persian.
- Red's Pikachu and Butch's Shuckle will probably make an appearance in some of the later chapters.
Here's my review for chapter 1: I hope you also join the review game:
-Opening : One thing I can admit was that for the first time in my reading habits, I kind of started to like doctoral stories. Seems I like the first basic intro you gave: alcohol topics (never give grass types alcohol). Glad I did not.
-Ending : It seems you just placed the right thoughts about today's generation. Just what Matron Blissey said about our human generation is true that our human generation are afraid of rising up to the challenges and learning from mistakes.
-Dialogue : You know to make it simple yet complex in a way as well. Something that fits not just for quick readers but also for avid readers.
-Scene : You know what, perhaps, your story can be a stepping stone for me to appreciate doctoral stories. You know, the likes of Grey's Anatomy comes to mind, maybe I'll enjoy it too.
Thanks to Katiekitten for betareading the new chapter for me.
Nurse Joy's SecretNurse Joy claimed to have found the story about my trip amusing. She said it would have been wise to spend some time with my daughter. She kept the staff room out of bounds, so Spiritomb's family and his trainer could have this family talk that I suggested. I was hoping I'd be on duty, but Nurse Joy insisted that I joined in. Listening to Spiritomb's family affairs didn't seem right to be. Nurse Joy was vacant as if she was invisible and we both looked out of place.
Little-Wit cried next to her father. She remembered the bag floating games with Minerva when they were young. But on that occasion, Little-Wit got hit by Minerva's hypnosis, so when she was slipped into the bag, she had no idea what was going on. When someone questioned her about it, Minerva told everyone that Little-Wit was sick so she was taking her to bed. She just managed to escape everyone when she was near the edge.
Spiritomb forced himself to smile. He told Little-Wit that everything was going to be fine and that he wouldn't let anyone harm her again. But it all seemed a little fake. He looked as if he wanted to cry.
He tried to act as if he wasn't surprised about the child. He sounded as if he was expecting it to be his and tried to tell us that Minerva had a disgusting sense of humour. Although judging by what happened last night, Minerva wasn't laughing. He must have been horrified too, but couldn't bring himself to inflict pain against his own children.
He knew he was losing touch with reality, but he wanted to keep strong for his children.
Looking back, I think I could have handled things much better than I did. I couldn't stop thinking about my daughter, but I could have at least been a lot more compassionate. We all agreed to call my daughter Lavender after the town she was born in. Lavender was adorable. I really had to get back to work, but I couldn't help but stare at Lavender's chirpy face.
“You could always release Minerva,” Nurse Joy suggested to Agatha. “The stress from working at the home and her personal life is obviously getting to her.”
“It sounds tempting,” Agatha bitterly admitted. “I don't want to let her go. Minerva needs help. I must have made some mistakes somewhere along the line.”
“If you release her now we can give her the help,” Nurse Joy persisted. “Once we feel she's in a good state of mind, we can take her to the GTS. She'll be in a loving home in no time.”
Before Agatha got a chance to speak, I said, “Have a think about it.” It was rude of me, but I don't think Agatha should just release Minerva on the spot and then regret it later. I've met many trainers who released pokémon regret it. Releasing Minerva would not only effect you, but it will also effect all your pokémon who've befriended her over the years.”
“Matron,” Nurse Joy said. “I was wondering if could I have a word with you in the office?”
“Sure,” I said. “What's it about? Can't it be discussed here?”
“It's not related to this meeting,” Nurse Joy replied. She seemed defeated. “It's confidential.” She stood up and looked at Agatha. “I'm sorry for leaving early, but if it's something urgent. Give us a call if you need our assistance.”
Nurse Joy and I left Agatha with the shaken family and retreated down to the office. The desk was actually tidy. The computer wasn't decorated with paper notes on the wool and all of the cabinets were protected with key-locks. I was left amazed. I had never seen Nurse Joy's office so tidy unless there was an inspection. The hospital wasn't due for another inspection until October, but I think these people will come in whenever it suits them.
“You must have been working hard while I was away.”
Nurse Joy chuckled. “Well it's not been the same without you and Spiritomb, but we managed.”
“So you brought me here to show you what you've been up to while I was away?”
“Not quite.” Nurse Joy frowned and sat down on her desk. “I've been hiding something for a long time. You're the only one here who I can tell.”
“A secret?” I was expecting this was going to be a murder confession or maybe it's something petty as an affair in her personal life. After Minerva's attempt of trying to kill her sister, I felt as if I lost some of my faith in society. Speaking of which, I've never heard Nurse Joy mention her personal life that much. She always became reserved whenever someone asked her. I guess I'll finally get to know.
“It's important you don't let anyone from higher management know about this,” Nurse Joy whispered. I gulped, then nodded. I just knew that this was going to be no laughing matter, whatever it was Nurse Joy wanted to say.
“I know that you used to work for Team Rocket, so I hope this doesn’t come as too much of a shock.”
I blinked, Did I hear that right? Human resources assured me that no one would know that I worked in one of Team Rocket's clinics. “How did you know?”
“I've known you since you were a chansey.”
“But I was a Blissey when I joined the hospital.” I raised my eyebrow and found myself in a state of confusion. I had a feeling I knew where this was going, but I still found it weird.
“Matron,” Nurse Joy hissed. “It's me... Domino.” The Nurse Joy removed her hat. Her pink wig attached fell off in the process to reveal locks of curly blond hair. I was nearly there. When she mentioned my past so bluntly like that, I had a feeling that Nurse Joy must have worked for Team Rocket at some point. I always thought that this Nurse Joy reminded me of someone, but I never thought that she could have been Domino.
She was my original trainer's best friend until Smogon University. The pair of them broke contact with each other, but while I was working in Kanto, Domino was one of my regular patients. She started off as one of their grunts and eventually went up to becoming an elite officer.
“So why are you telling me this now?” I asked. Domino could have told me this a long time ago, but I guess she wasn't sure when the right moment would be.
“Because the boss is here,” Domino responded. “He knows we're both here.”
“You still work for him?” I asked. Even though Red defeated Team Rocket, they still hadn't completely finished. Even when Giovanni disappeared, the executives had worked together to bring him back. Of course some of the old workers for Team Rocket went on to join other teams like Galactic, Magma, Aqua and Plasma, but none of them ever had as much of a strong following than Team Rocket.
“I've always worked for Team Rocket,” Domino confessed. “I love what they do. I know we haven't got as much members as we used to, but we're slowly getting the numbers back. Matron, I'm earning tons of money. Working in the hospital has given me a stable wage, but the money I get from Team Rocket... now that's just an epic bonus.”
“You've not given any of our staff any Action Replay pills have you?” I sighed, lowered my head and frowned. Humans and their money...
“Of course I haven't,” Domino replied. She laughed as she clapped her hands. “That would have blown my cover completely.”
“So how did you get this job as a Nurse Joy?” I asked. “You would have needed a lot of qualifications for your role.”
“I forged them,” Domino replied in the most blunt and careless voice. She spoke of it as if it was no big deal. She no longer sounded like a Nurse Joy any more.
“You could have been arrested by now,” I gasped. “If anybody finds out about this, it could ruin the reputation of our hospital.”
“You won't have to worry about a thing.” Domino grabbed onto my arms and tried to reassure me with a hug. She snatched her wig and hat from the table and slumped it on her head. I carefully pinned her hair under the wig so it kept Domino's identity concealed. “Matron, how would you feel about me being your trainer?”
“I don't think it will be necessary,” I admitted. We see each other nearly everyday and she's pretty much my manager.
“It would be great,” Domino claimed. “I'll get a top up on my income and Lavender will have a very happy life.”
“If I'm going to have someone be my trainer, then I want them to love me. Not just use me for their own desires.”
“You'll still get to work in the hospital, just things will be a little more easier.”
You know that somebody is a bad liar when they tell you working at a hospital will be easy. If things were so easy, then it wouldn't be so rewarding.
“Have a think about it,” Domino requested. “I want you to go to room 8. Giovanni and Persian are expecting you. Oh and take this first aid kit with you.” Domino gave me a green box with a white cross on it. I opened up the kit to check if there wasn't any illegal drugs in there. I felt that I couldn't trust Domino right now.
“So...” I tried to pick up the conversation. “What happened to the gardevoir?”
“The one that was a prostitute.”
“She went on a life support machine, but it wasn't enough.”
“Poor thing,” I said.
“Horrible way to die,” Domino muttered. “I'm a member of Team Rocket and I wouldn't dare touch a pokémon in a sexual way like that.”
“You lot look like saints next to poképhiles.”
“What do you mean 'you lot'? You never got sacked or resigned from Team Rocket, so you're technically still one of us. You're one of the best pokémon we ever had.” Even though Domino was trying to be nice to me, I was still personally offended that she would say something like that. It was as if she was trying to say that I was one of the best criminals around. “There were many times we should have listened to you,” Domino pointed out. “Like the time when all of Mew's children died before they were even born. Only two of Mew's children survived.”
“We can't tell Giovanni about Swiss,” I snapped. “Mew and Swiss are in danger. They need to be transported to another hospital at once.”
“I don't think Giovanni will have much interest in Mew and Swiss right now...”
“Domino... Giovanni loves collecting rare hybrid pokémon. Mew and Swiss are just the kind of creatures he loves.”
“Matron, Persian is sick. Seriously, he needs that medication now!”
“What's wrong with him?”
“Some weird dude with green hair and a cap brought Persian into the hospital,” Domino explained. “He said he stole it because he thought it was what was best for Persian. Apparently it's the holy Arceus' will. The guy disappeared. On the healing machine, Giovanni's trainer details popped up on the screen... the most important thing is now that Persian gets better and that he's back with Giovanni. So you better be quick.”
Domino made it look as if it was a life or death situation. Persian was Giovanni's cherished pet. He would have sent someone else on his behalf if it was any of the pokémon he used for battling. If Persian really is in a critical condition, then she's at risk of losing the respect of her Team Rocket peers. Many of Team Rocket worshipped Giovanni like a god.
I found it ironic that Giovanni's Persian was in room 8. Team Rocket's original hideout was in the eighth Kanto gym in Viridian City.
Then I thought about Minerva and Lavender. Right now, Minerva would be much better off with Agatha. I'm beginning to suspect that Domino was involved with Lavender's birth too. A pokémon wouldn't have been able to have performed an artificial insemination by herself. A nursing home wouldn't store fertility drugs. Someone must have trained her to specifically perform artificial inseminations. I think that there's a great chance that person could be Domino. I forgot to ask Domino about it, but why was she so eager for Minerva to go to the GTS? Either she's trying to hand Minerva to Giovanni, or she's trying to keep things as quiet. Either way, I can't think about it now: Giovanni and Persian were expecting me.
When I marched into room 8 with the first aid kid, the first thing I saw was Persian hustling around the bed. His tail was trapped in a ball of wool and his nose was buried in a pillow. He appeared to be blushing. From the distance it didn't sound like anything serious, but I had to check him out.
Just as Domino said, Giovanni was there, with a bottle of brandy. Alcohol of any kind was not the be consumed anywhere in the hospital, let alone near a patient. Giovanni thought that he was immune to the rules; well not when I'm in charge.
Giovanni was the last person I wanted to talk to, but since he's Persian's trainer, I've got no choice in the matter.
“You do know that alcohol is banned from the premises?” I asked Giovanni.
“Oh, I'm sorry,” Giovanni said. He ignored me and drank it anyway. “You're here to cure Persian, am I right?” I nodded and marched closer to Persian. Persian didn't speak, but he purred and licked my arm. “He's just had some catnip so he's in a playful mood.”
“Nothing illegal in the catnip I hope.”
I opened up the first aid kit again and found a screen at the bottom of the box. It was a slim screen that would scan for any drug caused illnesses. It's been proven to be accurate in most cases. The medical term for the screen was Hozucheck. It was named after the man who invented it in Pokécommunity College. The Hozucheck scans the body and can be used to detect the Hacked Syndrome very quickly. The GTS uses the machines as well as the hospitals. After scanning, the screen will change colour.
It was the colour red we had to look out for. One red dot means that Persian has the Hacked Syndrome and would need to be operated on before he develops bad eggs. Amber meant inconclusive, which means we would need to examine him further whilst green means clean.
I hoped that Persian would be green, but I doubted it. The Hozucheck was plugged in, and I was ready to scan Persian.
“I'll need you to say still for a moment,” I asked Persian. He smiled and closed his eyes.
I walked up and down with the Hozucheck and hovered it over Persian so it could scan all of his body. Within a minute, the Hozucheck pinged, which meant it was ready to reveal it's analysis. I pressed the enter button and the screen was completely green.
“You look happy,” Giovanni commented. “Does that mean Persian will be safe?”
“The Hozucheck screen is 100% green,” I announced. I couldn't believe this myself. I was expecting it to be a mixture of all sorts of colours including red. “This means that we can rule out the Hacked Syndrome.” I've never seen the Hozucheck so green in my life. It's a sign that the pokémon is living a healthy and active lifestyle free from illegal substances. Giovanni must have looked after Persian well.
“So my Persian is very healthy,” Giovanni presumed with pride. “The bellossom nurse said that everything was fine other than his fever.”
“I'm going to check his temperature again,” I told Giovanni as I got the thermometer out. I stroked Persian's head until he woke up. He enjoyed the fussing. “Okay Persian, I need you to put this in your mouth. I'm going to check your temperature.”
The glass tube fitted into his mouth perfectly, but he frowned. I don't think he liked the sharp coldness on his tongue. He sneezed not so long after I removed the thermometer. I'd say his temperature was around 34.9 Celsius, which was roughly the equivalent to 103 Fahrenheit.
“Persian's just above the average temperature,” I told Giovanni. “I think he'll be better soon. The fever might have been caused by trauma or an infection. The medication I'm about to give him should fight any infection left.” I cleaned the thermometer and then handed Persian two brightly coloured pills. The yellow one was paracetamol whilst the green one was a full restore in a pill form.
Persian licked the pills from off my hand, and then walked over to the silver bowl near Giovanni's foot. He gulped what was left in the bowl, then Persian looked at me with big eyes.
“Was that nice Persian?” I asked. Persian purred and nodded at the same time. I took Persian's bowl and filled it up. Persian crawled over to Giovanni and lifted his head ready to be stroked.
“They can knock us down as many times as they want,” Giovanni said out of the blue. “But you know more than anybody here that Team Rocket will always bounce back.”
“And what if I were to ring the police and tell them where you are?”
Giovanni chuckled as he finished his drink. “The Data Protection Act says that you must preserve confidentiality. You wouldn't go and do a thing like that, now, would you Matron?”
Maybe I could and maybe I couldn't.
If I reported Giovanni to the police, it meant that I would break my work contract. Domino would lose her job. Justice would be served, but that wouldn't take the paranoia away. On the other hand, if I let Giovanni stay, I'd put everyone in danger whilst they carry on with their day-to-day lives. On the plus side, though I'd be keeping to the work's contract and Domino would still have a job.
The hospital's reputation was at stake, but both choices sound as equally as bad as each other.
I don't know what to say
It was a great chapter and it's getting more exiting
I can't beleive Matron worked for Team Rocket though!
Everything is so unexpected, it's really great!
Wow, this is a unexpected turn in the story, I dknt know what will happen next, it has the right amount of suspense and I cant stop thinking about it
I wasnt sure what to think of the many events that happened in such a short time within the story, its a bit like a roller coaster ride.
good luck with the next chapters ^_^
The Rocket Turn was really unexpected. It was really sudden and gave a sudden turn to the plot. What happened to the swellow Mr Fierce when Blissey was on the trip?
Anyways, I like how you ended the last part. It adds even more suspense and makes me really want to read the next chapter. The part about Nurse Joy is a Rocket undercover was another surprise as well. I really want to see how Blissey can carry on her life, what will happen next etc...
Great job author! (Add me to the PM List please )
Credits to Brutaka for siggy
It was another long day at work. The hospital seemed to be a lot colder than usual. I'm not sure if it was just me, but my hands were freezing in the morning. The first thing I noticed when I entered the staff room was Domino's face overloaded with make-up. Nurse Joys are permitted to wear makeup, but they look so much better without hideous blue eye-shadow and scarlet lips.
After discovering the truth about Domino, I could no longer call her Nurse Joy. She's a member of Team Rocket in disguise. She found it much easier to keep everything to herself, she said it was simpler that way. I'm still not sure if I could trust her enough to be my trainer. I've spent many years without a trainer, and I'm confident enough to spend a few more without a trainer.
As soon as my shift started, I left the staff room and made my way through the corridor that lead to the A&E ward. It was time for me to make my rounds. Checking each ward to see if the patients were happy. I personally find the rounds a little bit boring. I don't like going into the human wards either: they're full of drunk people.
Just as I was about to enter the A&E ward, Domino approached me. "I want you to help me out with this patient."
"Okay, what's the problem?"
"Shuckle's trainer works for Team Rocket," Domino told me. She faintly smiled then turned to face her watch. "I must ask you not to be judgmental."
I found it strange that it was coming from the most judgmental woman I had ever met. I already knew that I shouldn't hold any judgement against patients and visitors. It doesn't matter if they were a murderer or a teacher. Patients were patients and we had to treat them. Does she remember what we treated Giovanni's Persian yesterday?
"So what's ?"
"Shuckle has been shot in the shell."
"Take me to him." It could have been serious. Shuckles, like any pure rock pokémon they have great defences, but their health points. If the shell has permanent damage then Shuckle should no longer be allowed to battle. I need to have a look at him.
"I think he might need an operation," Domino told me while she lead me to Shuckle's room. "The healing machine keeps saying he's got the hacked syndrome. I checked the hozuchecker and it was all green."
"Did he have any signs and symptoms that might have triggered a misdiagnosis?" I asked. When a shuckle has the hacked syndrome, we'd be looking for signs such as a soft shells and wonky legs. "Can he walk? Is his shell soft? Does it feel gooey when you touch it?"
"He seemed to be just like any other shuckle apart from the fact that there's a crack in his shell."
"So he can walk fine and his shell is still hard?"
Domino faintly nodded. That wasn't particularly helpful, but she's not a real nurse so it's understandable. When I entered the room I instantly recognized him as a member of team rocket. He wasn't even wearing their uniform. He was wearing some lose jeans and a white buttoned up shirt. "Good morning," I said to him. "Are you Shuckle's trainer?"
"That's me," the man replied. How could I forget that husky voice and short temper. He always snapped at other people because they kept on getting his name wrong. Maybe there's something iffy about the trainer's information. I know many patients have been misdiagnosed with the hacked syndrome because the trainer ID is invalid, blacklisted or inconsistent with the data chipped in a pokémon.
"Can I have a look at your trainer card?" I asked.
"Sure," the man said. He pulled a reluctant grin on his face as he dug into his pocket. "I know for a fact that my shuckle is healthy."
"Thank you," I responded as soon as he gave me his card. From a quick glance there didn't seem to be anything wrong with the trainer card, apart from the name. I know when the machine scans swear words from the microchip that it can cause the healing machine to mess up. I returned the back to him. "There appears to be a problem with your trainer card Sir, " I told the man.
The man chuckled. "There is a typo on the trainer card, the I is meant to be a U."
"When pokémon are taken to the healing machine they also scan their microchips," I explained to Butch.
"Shuckle's never been chipped!" Butch roared.
"Nothing to worry about," Domino told him. "Uhm... carry on, Matron."
"When pokémon are caught, the ball gives them an automatic chip. With those microchips we can view most of the pokémon's data. With these chips, trainers can see the pokémon's gender, nature, stats, ability and health."
"Amazing what technology can do huh?" Butch said. "I didn't know half this stuff." He chuckled and patted Shuckle on the head. "I think you're going to be just fine."
"Okay Butch. Which region did you come from?"
"After your Shuckle's healed, I suggest that you need to go back to Kanto and issue a new trainer card. And I do apologize for any distress caused from my colleague's misdiagnosis."
"What about Shuckle?"
"There were no signs of hemorrhages and any subsequent injury has been cured in the machine. We will have to operate on him to remove the bullet. It's a very safe operation, but we will have to remove part of the shell. But we cannot do this without your written permission. Joy will pass you a consent forum and once it's been signed, we'll book him to theatre for three o'clock."
Butch frowned. "How long will it take for Shuckle to recover?"
"If the operation is successful then it will take between five weeks."
"And if it's not?
"It depends of what your idea of successful operation is," Domino interrupted.
"I mean what if he doesn't make it?
"Operations like this has an outstanding survival rate," I assured Butch. "Rock types can quickly recover from these sorts of operations. Now Mr..."
"THE NAME IS BUTCH! IT CLEARLY SAYS IT ON THE TRAINER CARD!"
"I'll go get a consent form." Domino tip-toed out of the room. Shuckle looked just as confused as me.
After a brief moment of silence Butch asked me, "So what you saying?"
"I was saying that the operation would be beneficial to prevent the risk of infection. And after the operation I would say that Shuckle should refrain from competitive activity such as contests and battles until he gets the all clear."
"It's for your own good Shuckle," Butch said as he saw his pokémon sulk. "I don't like it either."
"Well have a little chat with Shuckle and Joy will be with you shortly," I said. Shuckle and Butch waited for Domino and the consent form as I left the room to continue my rounds.
A Sad Eevee
The next patient I had to deal with was a distraught eevee named Everest. His trainer had left the hospital to pick up an egg from a day care centre. The trainer didn't say which one, but I'm guessing it's in Solaceon Town. That's the nearest one to Hearthome City. Hopefully she'll be back soon. Whilst Everest was healed of the physical cuts from the machine, Domino decided that Everest needed to stay for 24 hours. I think it was a good idea, Everest's trainer seemed to be one of those trainers who throw themselves into a battle as soon as their team is healed.
Everest mentioned before that he would have regular aches in the head and stomach that would stop him from resting. His trainer said that he was very overprotective and often get mood-swings. She also mentioned something about diarrhoea and fear that he would be released back into the wild.
Some patients tell me all sorts of things that happen while their trainer is away, whilst others remain quiet. A pokémon has no reason to lie, so I assume they're always telling the truth. Everest was one of the quiet ones, crawling into his bed to cry his eyes out.
I took one corner of the quilt and flipped it over. Everest began to run under the pillow. I looked at him under the pillow. I couldn't see his face because he was trying to wipe his tears with his tail.
"What's wrong Everest?" I asked.
"Why does everybody want me to change?" Everest sobbed. "They say I won't ever be able to impress Dahlia if I don't evolve."
Everest sounded so sweet and well spoken. I know how he feels, many eevees are stuck on what they want to evolve into, and there are some occasions where trainers evolved their eevee into something they didn't want to evolve into and that can cause some serious friction between that pokémon and the trainer. One mayor in Kanto was dismissed for abandoning a bulbasaur for not evolving.
"She was my childhood sweetheart when she was a skitty. When she evolved into a delcatty, Ruth took her to a day care centre for breeding. Dahlia's got lots of children now."
"Is Ruth your trainer?"
Everest nodded. "Dahlia is very strong and I'm very weak. Ruth tried to train me, but I wasn't good enough. I kept on fainting all the time. Ruth's left me now hasn't she?"
"Ruth said she was collecting an egg," I said. "She should be back shortly." I personally had no idea when Ruth would be back, but I had to try and give Everest some positive things. He started to remove his tail away from his eyes and stopped crying.
"I think Dahlia is happy with those partners..."
I just wanted to hug Everest so hard. The media is terrible at promoting favouritism and violence. I remember when I was working in Kanto there was lots of advertisements for Action Replay pills and even articles on how to make your own drugs. I swear the media drives people to illness sometimes.
Pokémon need rest after a battle. They need time to recover and some people go to pokémon centres to make it quick and easy. But that healing machine can only heal physical pain. It won't do a thing to depression or any other emotional trauma.
"When was the last time you've seen Dahlia then?"
"Not since she went to the centre," Everest replied. "I think that was about a month ago." A lady walked into the room. If was Everest's trainer, Ruth. She came back with a delcatty and a lot of eggs in her hand. Everest's eyes lit up as soon as he saw the delcatty. As the delcatty jumped on the bed, Everest hopped over to hug her. "DAHLIA!"
"So how has Everest gotten on?" Ruth asked.
"I am diagnosing him with PTSD," I told Ruth. "He has the common symptoms."
Ruth was gob-smacked. She almost dropped her eggs as her legs collided on the floor. "PTSD?"
"Post-traumatic Stress Disorder," I explained.
"So what will happen?" Ruth asked.
"We'll need to monitor Everest quite closely. We'll need to get rid of anything that might provoke Everest's trauma. We may have to prescribe antidepressants."
"This sounds serious," Ruth admitted. "So did you find out what kind of thing provoked it's trauma?"
"I've had a chat to Everest," I replied. "It seems Everest dose not enjoy battles very much. It might have made him reminded him of something devastating from the past. It also seems that seeing it's evolved forms causes Everest to go into a depression."
"Oh no," Ruth said. She slapped herself on the cheek. "I've been pressuring him to evolve into an espeon. I've always wanted one... Oh Everest I'm so sorry, I didn't know I was giving you pain."
Everest wasn't paying attention. He and Dahlia snuggled on top of the bed. The two of them were communicating well with each other. Ruth didn't understand what Everest and Dahlia were saying, but I could. She asked for my translations and when she found out what they where saying, she didn't feel so guilty.
"I don't want to evolve," Everest whispered into Dahlia's ear.
"Well I love you just the way you are," Dahlia responded as she licked Everest's ear.
I left the room with a smile on my face. I felt good about myself. I managed to make my patient happy.
Hey there! I'm here from the review game. I've read from "A Drunk Chikorita" to "Intensive Operation" so I'll give you my commentary based on that chunk of chapters.
First off, let me say that I really like this idea. Taking a medical drama approach to Pokemon seems like it could lead to all kinds of interesting stories and great ways to expand upon the universe. ...Kinda makes me feel like there should be a police procedural equivalent fic... something like "Book 'Em, Growlithe!" :P
A Drunk Chikorita
I feel like you need a comma after “trainers,” but my main problem is that this sentence feels like it’s making reference to the sentence before it… but it’s the first sentence. It’s the “those lucky trainers” bit that does it. It makes me feel like more naturally the first sentence would talk about lucky Pokemon trainers and then the second sentence refers to them. I see how it works as a turn of phrase (i.e. “one of the lucky ones”) but it did throw me off a bit at first. It might be more clear if it was reworded. But maybe I’m just nitpicking.If you are one of those lucky trainers we can heal your whole team free of charge under a minute.
This feels inconsistently phrased. Like it either should be:Examining the patient's condition, diagnose them, then refer them to the specialist they need.
Examining the patient’s condition, diagnosing them, then referring them to the specialist they need.
I examine the patient’s condition, diagnose them, then refer them to the specialist they need.
While we’re on the subject of this sentence, you’re using the plural “them” with the singular “patient.” I know this is a gender-neutral thingy that tends to happen in conversation (I do it too), but to be grammatically correct, you either have to pick a singular pronoun (him or her) or reword the sentence to make “patient” plural.
I like that the hospital is set up so its medical staff isn’t just the Chansey line, but I kinda wish we’d seen this in practice first instead of just having Blissey exposit to us about it. It seems like an easy enough thing to build a scenario around—maybe Blissey talks with someone who’s surprised by the variety of Pokemon helping out and she can then say why she likes it; maybe she talks with a Chansey who isn’t too fond of her turf being invaded by Pokemon outside her line; maybe she just nods to a non-Chansey line coworker and thinks about how much nicer things are now that there are different faces and different skills in her workplace. Giving it a real scene would make the concept less abstract and more engaging. You get into this later, but that just makes this bit setting up the concept more irrelevant, because we see it in practice later on (where Blissey could've made the same kind of internal comments about it that she does here).
I like this line quite a bit.They make me want to double slap their trainers where the sun don't shine.
The medical bits here are really good—what with grass types suffering from alcohol poisoning and certain medications not being appropriate for younger Pokemon. Nice world building.
This sentence feels like it’s missing bits… either a “What I’m concern about is that this pokemon is a victim of abuse” or “I’m concerned about the fact that this pokemon is a victim of abuse” sound smoother to me. Either that or just remove the "about" actually."I am concerned about that this pokémon is a victim of abuse."
Should be “trainer’s.”I will also request the medical history of the trainers other pokémon.
Ideally, your characters should probably not be directly informing the audience of their attributes. Saying it outright like that feels a little too obvious to me and, aside from that, I should be seeing Blissey’s passion for her job and frustration through her actions and behaviors—not through her telling me about these traits. It’s like how you wouldn’t have a character go around saying “I’m a nice person.” That doesn’t connect. I have to see the actual evidence of their niceness.I'm quite passionate about my job, but it can lead me to being easily frustrated by humans.
Hmm. I don’t really feel like this chapter reaches a satisfactory conclusion on the subject of the Chikorita. The Autism thing really gets abruptly cut off before it really gets anywhere. Added to that, the Autism thing feels really divergent to me in the first place because, and I think Blissey’s arguing this in some ways, it’s really not an excuse for the alcohol thing. It feels like we really need to know how the trainer got the alcohol and how exactly they were tricked for the poisoning scenario to make sense. My sympathies are with the poisoned baby Chikorita… and then suddenly that’s left hanging as it turns into a conversation about the trainer’s condition. I’m not saying that can’t be part of the conversation, but it doesn’t feel like we follow up on 1. The real reason the trainer gave her Chikorita alcohol and 2. What are the consequences for this action?
I say consequences because I find it very surprising that this extensively set-up world doesn’t have some kind of mandated reporter system set up for issues like abuse/neglect. I’d think if Nurse Joy found out a trainer was giving her Pokemon alcohol and then just let it go without doing anything about it that she could lose her job.
I don’t know. I’m probably not being super clear, but I just feel like you were doing a really good job building up my sympathy for the baby Chikorita, but that ultimately doesn’t get closure. At the end of the chapter there’s just this sense of unease that it might happen again instead of the righteous indignation against Nurse Joy’s discrimination that the text seems to expect me to have. Maybe this gets revisited later, though.
Mr. Fierce, The Broken Swellow
Both “recently” and “just” get pretty much the same concept across. I’d delete one of them because it sounds a bit repetitive.She had recently just joined the hospital.
Again, I’d rather see her beauty and intelligence in action within the scene then just be told flat out that she’s pretty and smart.She was a gardevoir, they were quite pretty pokemon, but also intelligent.
Correction: “It's not that he's an unpleasant pokémon to work with because sometimes what he says is rich in knowledge, but whenever I see him he will talk about how long the patient has left.”It's not that he's an unpleasant pokémon to work with because sometimes what he says is rich in knowledge, but whenever I see him. He will talk about how long the patient has left.
I’m glad to see a reference to the Chikorita from the first chapter.
It’s not at all new to hear commentary in fanfiction about ten being too young to go on a Pokemon journey, but this fic does it one better: it’s the Pokemon themselves that are talking about it. Imagining them dealing with members of their own kind being taken care of by unfit kids really brings it home much more than just hearing humans talk about it amongst themselves.
Eh? Is she kind? I mean... I guess in the sense that she let the trainer get off without consequences (though being cruel would probably have been more helpful to both Pokemon and trainer) but in chapter one Blissey seemed pretty pissed off about Joy’s comments, saying that she had an unpleasant side and an implied hatred toward people with disabilities. It seems weird after that to hear Blissey calling her kind.They remind me of Nurse Joy in some ways. Kind, but sometimes too kind.
I feel like some of this is going over my head. I get that a lot of these conditions are related to real world ways of playing the games buuuuut... I'm woefully ignorant about most of this stuff. So I can't really comment on how it's being applied here ^^; Sorry!
The chapters have been short in general, but this one feels especially short—just a quick scene basically. I don’t mind short chapters as long as they accomplish enough to justify their existence, but to me, it feels like this continuing plotline would fare a lot better if these bits were combined into a whole chapter. As it is, separating them makes the pace feel a bit choppy to me.
Typo. Bag should be bad.The last bag egg began to shake violently.
Possibly “that” instead of “at?”"She's very angry at we had to put her sleep because she was attacking staff."
I think perhaps Blissey's character and most importantly the way her tone comes off ends up being both a strength and a weakness. She has this great, tough, world-weary attitude that contrasts beautifully with the happy, peppy attitude you'd expect from a Blissey. What better guide through the world of Pokemon medicine than someone who's seen it all?
On the other hand, you're dealing with some very scary medical situations here--and while Blissey's toughness through them is admirable, it also feels like that attitude crowds out some of the emotional impact of the horrors being described. It might be corny, but I feel like teaming her up with a trainee who can be more emotionally affected by what he or she is seeing would get at some of this problem.
You've got great world-building here, and it's obvious that you've given a lot of thought into applying real-world medicine in the Pokemon universe. That said, there is a tendency to exposit that information instead of delivering it in scene where it can have the greatest effect. Blissey's inner monologue is great, but it feels like this story is more reliant on that then it is on the action and dialogue in its scenes.
I also feel like there could be more detail and development in these scenes. I'm not a big description-lady, to be honest. My philosophy is "less is more." But I see places in this where the scenes could probably benefit from having some more description to make them feel embodied and real, particularly in the place of Blissey summarizing events.
All in all, though, I think this fic has a great concept and has built a great world in which a lot of exploring can be done. It's definitely got a sense of style to it too. I don't watch many medical dramas, so weirdly enough what I'm connecting it to is a kind of detective noir. That's not exactly it, I know, but the sense that we're being led through a dangerous, chaotic and confusing world by a tough, competant and experienced character kinda gives me that vibe.
Welp, hope I said something useful here. My apologies if I made a mistake or if I talked about something you addressed in later chapters. Good luck as you continue writing this!
Here for the review game! I've already read all your chapters, but the second is my favorite so I hope you don't mind me reviewing it
This is an example where a comma would come into play to achieve the same result and it would read much better. See:I greeted a swellow with two broken wings. His feet had been bitten off.
I greeted a swellow with two broken wings, whose feet had also been bitten off.
Nice reference there hahaMr. Fierce were students at Smogon University.
I actually lol'd at that. Nicely done"No they're not!" Mr Fierce barked. He pecked Gardevoir on the arm and crowed. "I had them all the time in Fuchsia City. They made me better in no time."
Okay, one thing real quick. I literally have no idea what where everyone is at right now. Obviously they're in a hospital, but I don't know whether it's day or night, what color the room is, if it has windows, if there's any sort of medical sterile smell in the air, etc. Then come the Pokemon and the human trainer. Almost everyone who reads your story is going to know what a Swellow and a Gardevoir look like, but when you just mention how pretty the Gardevoir is without actually describing what makes her pretty, it doesn't really do much for the reader. But with this chapter what I'm really looking for is Swellow. If his wings are broken and feet bitten off, that's an awesome opportunity to drop so hardcore graphic description, which would work incredibly well with the hospital setting you have going on here.
You probably know this, but description adds so much more to a story than being able to visualize the surroundings. If you can see the characters as how you're meaning for us to see them, it helps us connect and care about them. This hospital setting is terrific for that because people already go into this with sympathy for the characters and their grievous injuries, that if you describe how they look and their injuries a bit more, you'll be doing great. you dig?
You could accomplish getting the same point across by dropping one or two of the quoted traits. After reading the third one I kinda stumbled a bit and lost track of what you were saying.e better trainers when using illegal drugs to make their pokemon look cooler, smarter, tougher, better or stronger
You could calm down on such short sentences and take more advantage of commas and semi colons in the quoted portion above. Short sentences do have their place in a story, but right here it really doesn't work for me when I read a sentence then stop, read a sentence than stop, and so on.I detest action replay with a passion. I have worked in Kanto clinics before and only one has ever prescribed Action Replay Pills. But that one clinic was an underground clinic funded by the black market. When the boss of the company that owned the clinic was famously defeated by one of the Indigo Plateau champions, the clinic shut down.
All in all, this was my favorite chapter of your's. Like I said above, I've been silently reading your fic for awhile, and it was actually pass time that I stopped by lol. You have a good start here and a really unique and solid idea for a story. If you beef up a bit more on description you'll be on a good path.
Hope I helped!
An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
(Chapter 21 added 05-02-2013)
-Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-
Skiyomi - Thank you. That actually sounds like a good idea for that fic with a Growlithe.
Sidewinder - Thanks for your review on chapter two. Looks like most of my readers love Mr. Fierce.
I think I can do some work on the previous chapters. Since I haven't really started the new chapter yet. Although I know what it's going to be about.
Spoiler:- New chapter will be about:
The only thing Spiritomb said to me this morning was that Alder had only a few hours to live. Everybody knew Alder as one of the old champions of Unova. Spiritomb went on about it as if it was a playground attraction. Of course it would have made much more sense if Alder was in a hospital in Unova, since that was where it was from, but Unova was suffering with an epidemic of MRSA. So to protect Alder from getting the disease he was moved to this hospital.
But I don't think that the epidemic was the only reason he was transferred here. This time last month, Alder was in a nursing home that was closed down. Marshall told me that he was appalled by the dark lighting and high level of abuse. None of the care assistants were properly trained and poison types were in the kitchen and also doing personal care. Poison-types should not be doing any kind of personal care because that would make the patients much more contaminated.
We've had poison-types work in the hospital, but they could not do personal care, nor where they allowed to deal with food. If a patient was a poison-type, only senior nurses and steel-type staff should be allowed near them. It sounds harsh, but it's a scientific fact that poison types are most likely to spread infection faster than any other type.
I could only look at Alder and see that he has been abused. Not from the bruises on his arm, but from the way his bones were sticking out. His frail and skinny frame took me back to when I once watched an interview with him last year. I can remember his big fiery hair and big muscles made him look young for his age. Only neglect could have made him lose a dramatic amount of weight. His mouth couldn't even move properly as it was not used to food. Monica, a bellossom nurse fed him, taking a long two hours for Alder to finish his bowl, and it must have been heartbreaking for him. It must have been the only good meal he's had since being admitted to the home.
Judging from what I observed, it looked as if Alder knew his time to go was on its way. In the staff room the chanseys told Domino and myself that Alder had been kissing a picture of his late volcarona and croaked, "It won't be long until we meet again." Those words must have left a burning mark in their heads. They're so used to people begging to save patients' lives, by the time it's time for a patient to die they feel as if they've failed a task.
Old age can be a lonely era for humans because they lose so much and realize how much they had in their youth. I remember the last time I saw Alder in person was when he was carrying his baby grandson in his arms. He looked so happy back then, just as he tried to be on that plain white bed. I was left with alone with Alder. I was told by Domino to keep a close eye on him, and I found myself in the rare position of having nothing much to do. I swayed my eyes against the blue walls and how the white bed and ginger hair made a striking contrast.
Alder raised his eyebrow and his arm slipped out of the bed. "Matron..." I stepped closer and reached my arm out. He wrapped my arm around his index finger. With his shrinking eyes he told me that he didn't have very long to live. He didn't have a worried look on his face at all. "Do you think my grandson will be coming?"
"I'm sure he is on his way," I assured him.
"I've forgotten his name," Alder croaked. "If only I could see him just for a moment, then his name will come to me." Benga was spitting image of his grandfather in his youth. Just as I was about to speak, Alder gently poked me. "Don't tell me his name," Alder requested. "I can't even remember the names of my family either. Maybe they will come to me too."
Alder's forgetfulness and declines in health were solid signs of the Alzheimer disease. I felt that I had the evidence to diagnose him with that kind of dementia. Why didn't the poor man get the support he needed. I really believed that if he hadn't had gone through such horrific abuse that he could have still had a chance of surviving a little longer. I wanted to say that I could cure him, but there was no current cure for dementia.
It wasn't long until Benga finally arrived to the hospital. He looked bewildered and his eyes were wet. The poor child, Alder wouldn't want him to become a burden. As soon as he entered the room, his legs froze. He wept and shook his shoulders.
"How is he?" Benga asked.
"He is dying," I confirmed. "We are trying to make the final hours of his life as comfortable as we can."
Benga was silent and scurried to Alder's lap. He held onto Alder's hand and their eyes never left each other. Benga's mouth trembled as if he was trying to find the words to speak but they were stuck in his throat.
"Benga..." Alder croaked.
"Yes," Benga cried.
"Of course," Alder muttered. "That is your name. I remember now."
Alder closed his eyes for the very last time. I looked up at the watch and said, "Time of death 19:48."
Benga's upper body jumped on the bed as he held onto his grandfather's shoulder. I hopped over to Benga and rubbed his back. He buried himself on Alder's chest and wailed without letting go of his grandfather. It was the end of Alder's suffering, but the beginning of Benga's grief.
Last edited by ChloboShoka; 16th November 2012 at 7:05 PM.
This is one of the sad chapters. I like how you setup the background so fast and how you managed to make the atmosphere so sad and all. Your portrayal of how he is going to meet his Volcarona makes the situation almost realistic. I especially love your ending, "end of Alder's suffering, but the beginning of Benga's grief". This chapter actually describes the sadness of losing a close family, relative or friends.
Another great chapter, as always
Credits to Brutaka for siggy