Again, sorry for the delay. But this is the final block review, so now I can focus on one chapter at a time!
Originally Posted by Sid87This is an interesting way to start a chapter, as a guy who enjoys history (whether real or fiction) I like this. Three hundred years ago is a long time, though I’m certain that their technology is further advanced then ours by a long shot.Originally Posted by Sid87
Wow, I just loved this. On a deeper scale it shows how humanity can take anything, even nature, and use it to gain an advantage over others. On a much shallower scale, it has a Charizard Air Force. So much bad-assery.Originally Posted by Sid87
Pfft, the Combine conquered the entire planet in seven hours. You can do better Kanto.Originally Posted by Sid87
Sorry, I couldn’t resist making a HL2 reference.
A huge info dumping paragraph sort of, but I enjoyed it. It provided a great insight into the structure of the world in your story, and why it is that way.Originally Posted by Sid87
And, thank God they didn’t use nuclear or biochemical weapons (if they even had them) in the war. That’d make everyone’s lives much more difficult in the present.
Mr. Alonzo isn’t acting how an antagonist would normally be acting. Especially considering they cost him and his company huge amounts of money in damages.Originally Posted by Sid87
Maybe he’s good at hiding his true motives like any politician or person in power does.
As someone who has experienced that sensation, that’s a pretty good description of it.Originally Posted by Sid87
He’s not a normal antagonist, I think I’ve said that before. No small talk, no angry monologue, he just get’s straight to the point. I like that.Originally Posted by Sid87
He’s being nice to them? He freely admits his plans to the very people who stalled them? What sort of trickery are you playing at Mr. Alonzo?Originally Posted by Sid87
His reasoning is sound, actually. Is it poaching? Is it truly acceptable? Is Pokemon Training basically hunting? Is Mr. Alonzo truly a villain?Originally Posted by Sid87
Oh no. I’ve scene this exact scenario many times, I’ve even considered using it in my own story. Using the Legendaries to solve humanity’s problems, stopping disasters, twisting around the very fabric of time to erase our mistakes, it will only lead to the destruction of the world.Originally Posted by Sid87
When you mess with the time stream entire futures collapse, pasts are corrupted beyond repair, and the present is plunged into unending darkness. Mr. Alonzo, you think the Legendaries will solve our problems? You are wrong.
For once, I agree with Barry one hundred percent.Originally Posted by Sid87
Once again, absolutely correct. Humanity cannot be trusted with power, we only corrupt it.Originally Posted by Sid87
“See? This is why we can’t have nice things!”
Besides the plot altering statement by Mr. Alonzo, “Verbal” is misspelled. You have two “L”s in the word.Originally Posted by Sid87
Anyways, wow, this might be the one that effects the plot the most. Sam’s trust is Barry and the Professor is going to be pushed to the extremes, if not broken completely.
Mr. Alonzo seems to have good intentions, but as we all know, they pave the road to hell.
Originally Posted by Sid87Pretty awesome way to show Sam’s disbelief in what Mr. Alonzo just said, but the bolded part needs to be fixed. The “Or” between “Words” and “Thoughts” doesn’t need to be there.Originally Posted by Sid87
It makes sense, actually. That Team Galactic could be classified as a church of some sort. Cyrus had a doctrine that claimed that he could reshape this imperfect world, and people believed him.Originally Posted by Sid87
A perfect summarization of the angered and confused thoughts Sam is having.Originally Posted by Sid87
Whoh, Sam is starting to scare me a little. Though his anger is (mostly) just, his rage is quickly getting the best of him.Originally Posted by Sid87
Again, powerful speech. That’s one of the reasons I love this story.Originally Posted by Sid87
Mr. Alonzo, ever the peacekeeper. I think this is exactly what he wanted to happen.Originally Posted by Sid87
Now Sam can never trust the Professor, or Barry again.
And the sarcasm is back. The humor in this story is in the most unexpected of places, I love it.Originally Posted by Sid87
While it isn’t an entirely unexpected turn of events, it’s still kind of shocking to hear Sam siding with Alonzo mere minutes after he was convinced he was a villain.Originally Posted by Sid87
And so, Professor Rowen becomes target one on Sam’s hit list. A great chapter, and a really great battle. It might have been that Barry wasn’t trying to win against Sam, but I found Sam’s victory kind of … I don’t know … empty.Originally Posted by Sid87
Originally Posted by Sid87I love Tommy, I really hope he recovers so we can hear more of his dialogue. It’s one of the reasons why I like reading the flashback portions of the chapters. And Sam, you should probably get a Burn Heal. I’m sure you can guess the reason why.Originally Posted by Sid87
I’m certain my mom and my teachers all feel the same way.Originally Posted by Sid87
Ah, the lovely side effects of public transportation. You’re not the only author I’ve seen criticize Sinnoh’s Department of Transportation. However, this story portrays it in a better light and not openly cursing its existence.Originally Posted by Sid87
Yes, Sam. Attacking the elderly is not right. And I know you’ve already been briefed on this, but Snowpoint has no “e” at the end.Originally Posted by Sid87
Sam’s dialogue seems a little disjointed here, but I’m sure that’s on purpose.Originally Posted by Sid87
Hmm, I’ve never seen Cyrus portrayed in this manner. As a religious fanatic, but, again, it makes sense.Originally Posted by Sid87
Wow, now Barry’s eagerness to stop the construction crew and Alonzo’s plans makes a lot more sense. And something tells me that we haven’t heard the last from our friend Cyrus.Originally Posted by Sid87
This scene is just so picturesque, I can clearly see it unfolding as Sam accuses the Professor and him lashing back. Awesome work.Originally Posted by Sid87
Wow, it’s not often that both of the conflicting sides in a story have equally compelling reasons why they are right, or rather, why the other side is wrong. Rowen is reiterating what I said about Mr. Alonzo earlier.Originally Posted by Sid87
Wow, this chapter was filled with drama. Sam and Rowen’s debate about the ethics of using the legends, I loved it.Originally Posted by Sid87
Damn, this review is just devolving into me complimenting on things I liked about it (though I’m sure you don’t mind). There’s not even any errors to point out anymore….
Originally Posted by Sid87I am very fortunate to have only gone through the experience with being endlessly transferred a few times, but I understand Sam’s frustration completely.Originally Posted by Sid87
You have no idea how hard I laughed at this.Originally Posted by Sid87
I think the bolded word is supposed to be “for”, not “from”.Originally Posted by Sid87
I assume this is supposed to be the part in the story where the hero betrays the “good” side for the “bad”, but I’m not sure which side is which. Or if there is a clear cut “good and bad”.Originally Posted by Sid87
That’s a pretty detailed memory Sam has, considering he only ever saw those pictures twice.Originally Posted by Sid87
It’s not a good idea to bash the ideals of the man who’s going to be backing your expedition, Sam.Originally Posted by Sid87
Not too much happening in this chapter really, but still a great chapter. I’m still a little uncertain of Mr. Alonzo’s true intentions, but I’m sure we’ll see them unfold in the coming chapters.
I wonder if we’ll see anymore of Barry? I’m sure we will, but there’s always the chance.
Originally Posted by Sid87Wow, I never figured we’d see Sideburns again. Maybe I should used your idea and try to reuse my minor characters. Originally Posted by Sid87
It’s interesting to see what you do with the racial tensions between the hemispheres. I’ve never seen racism used in any story in as great of an issue as it is here. Another quirk that differentiates this from all the other journey/adventure fics.Originally Posted by Sid87
Again with the things that makes this unique, cell phone rates between regions. I mean, I have never seen another story even mention that.Originally Posted by Sid87
More broken Kantoen, yay.Originally Posted by Sid87
It wouldn’t be the first time someone threatened to blow up Celestic Town.Originally Posted by Sid87
Wonderful image in that last sentence. Which makes me wonder, what kind of horror movies has Sam been watching?Originally Posted by Sid87
You have the word “the” repeated twice.Originally Posted by Sid87
Technically, I guess Sam wasn’t lying, but not that it matters.Originally Posted by Sid87
I’ve never seen Cynthia’s grandmother as a professor, but it really makes sense.Originally Posted by Sid87
Another thing about this story that I love, everything makes sense sooner or later.
Keep dreaming, Sam.Originally Posted by Sid87
Though I’m sure that your choice of using her would perplex them for a minute, therefore, still stalling them.Originally Posted by Sid87
I didn’t realize what Pokemon this was until after you said what it was, though the “cracked rock” should have been a massive red flag for me.Originally Posted by Sid87
Ghost Pokemon, nasty bunch they are. Poor Chispa, though Sam’s choice in using her seems a little … stupid in my opinion.Originally Posted by Sid87
Huh, it never occurred to me that you could do that since Spirtomb is tied to that Keystone. Interesting little piece of info.Originally Posted by Sid87
Sometimes, I forget at how competent a battler Sam really is. Using Sleep Powder like that, it was a stroke of genius.Originally Posted by Sid87
I was bracing myself for a quick, brutal end to this battle, but it seems it never happens.Originally Posted by Sid87
You know Carlos, him and dynamite, you can’t keep the two away from each other.Originally Posted by Sid87
And I can clearly see Sam trying to explain to Cynthia and Professor Carolina that he didn’t mean to blow up their town’s ruins.
Wow, this is it. The part of the story we’ve all been waiting for. The Lake Trio finally show themselves.Originally Posted by Sid87
Ohboyohboyohboy! This is it!Originally Posted by Sid87
And that cracking sound was my heart. It just burst from a mixture of excitement, sadness, and more excitement. Sadness that Sam has just lost the only hope he has of restoring his brother, and excitement that this is only half of the story and that there’s still another half to go.Originally Posted by Sid87
A wonderful group of chapters, the best I’ve reviewed so far. I tried to find as many errors as I could, but there were only two or three that I was able to find.
This marks the end of my reviewing of multiple chapters, so now I can focus solely on individual chapters. Because, let’s face it, I haven’t put the most dedication into each and every chapter’s review, so now, we won’t have that problem.
I’ll reiterate what I’ve said countless times before, this is an amazing fanfic. Your skills as an author and an overall original idea are what really make this story. I’m going to be putting this into my signature shortly. I can’t wait to review the next chapter.
Oh, and I hope you find another job soon. In this economy you need all the luck you can get. So, good luck.
And awesome banner, I like it.
So, until the next one,
Knightfall signing off …