When I feel like sounding more pretentious than usual, I add a lot of odd things to my speech like "I am certain" and the like. So maybe I went a little overboard adding those to Alonzo's character.Having “I am certain” and “I’m sure” in the same sentence feels a little repetitive to me. But the weasely quasi-threatening politeness comes off quite well all the same.
Actually, I think you've expanded on the metaphor very nicely with the evaporation theory given how "long" vast empires have tended to last. I dunno, though...I remember having a really hard time coming up with an analogy here that wasn't too commonplace ("wildfire", etc). I suddenly had an image of a tipped glass of water and the water spreading across a surface and it seemed like a good visual, in my head, of an empire spreading forth.Hmm. It’s not exactly “the sun never sets on the British empire.” I don’t know, the comparison seems oddly commonplace to me, considering we’re talking about matters of war and conquering. Plus spilled water tends to evaporate. I think there are better comparisons you could’ve used here.
I don't disagree, but it seems like the de facto problem resolution in the pokemon universe is battling, so I feel like they need to happen every now and again (and I'm trying to get better at writing them). I tried to keep everything very rooted in Sam and Barry's thoughts and emotions, though, so I hope it wasn't too bad.Awww… I was enjoying the human drama of Sam being so focused on his goal that he’s lashing out at Barry even though Barry seems to be in the right here—and the idea of Sam possibly siding with Alonzo even though his motives are questionable and he’s been setting off my smarm alarm pretty much from the moment he opened his mouth. …I was enjoying that very human drama so much that I’m a little bummed we’re launching into a Pokemon battle. Oh well, can’t be helped. Probably just me anyway.
Do you know many people who have had some form of tragedy in their lives? I tend to find that they always say "I had to grow up fast". Which is true in the sense that they had to accept bad things before most others do, but it also usually stunts their development in several areas. Sam has had so much of his life based around Tommy, he hasn't formed very many successful bonds that aren't sibling-oriented. He has a hard time relating to women on more than a superficial level because they aren't like Tommy.This, Sam’s failed relationship with Allison, and Sam’s reaction to the possibility of Tommy getting a girlfriend… there’s a common thread of immaturity on Sam’s part when it comes to this subject. Not sure what it means at this point—whether it’s a character trait or a running theme that’s leading to something…
I'm always glad to have your well-formed thoughts, so I look forward to your next comments as always! Thanks!Sam’s trying to resurrect a loved one… by putting a man he does not trust and does not necessarily know what he will do on the trail of Rowan’s loved ones. Hmmm…
Good use of the Pokemon battle in this one. It’s a great set-up for Alonzo’s line. Sam can be as happy as he wants with his posturing, ultimately, it seems to me, he’s not really in control of this situation.
Well, that’s about it for me tonight. I’m liking what I see here. The pace is really clipping along, which made for an easy and fun read. The drama’s really heating up too which is making things more and more interesting. Great work!
Thanks! And I will try.Anyway, a good chapter. The description was nice, and I enjoyed the little interactions between Sam’s team and Barry’s team. My favorite part was probably the heart to heart chat between Barry and Sam. It was nice to see Barry actually taking something seriously for once, and it shows just how much he cares about Sam. To see that the two of them are trusting each other and being with each other despite the hardships they’ve been through is also heartwarming. Keep it up.