So, after taking a forced vacation, I now present...
Chapter 15: Chapter 1
Don't forget I'm still open for requests for bonus chapters
“That’s enough of the Flamethrower, shiny Charizard with perfect IVs that I got in three Soft Resets only,” called a masculine voice from somewhere behind Zub as the flames died down.
“Soft reset?” asked Death.
“Your simple, NPC-centric minds could never understand well enough. But think of it like Braid.”
“Whoa,” gasped Death. “How do you do it?!”
“Left trigger, Right Trigger, Start and Select.”
Death leaned towards Ran. “What is he talking about?”
Ran shook his head. “I think he’s insane.”
“Gary Stu!” cried Mary Sue triumphantly, running up and hugging the newcomer. “I missed winning without you!”
He winked and affectionately rubbed the top of her head. “What’s with these losers and the dinosaur?” Gary Stu asked.
“The losers are losing and the dinosaur is mine. Her name is Georgia-“
“Gordon!” yelled Ran.
“Whatever. Anyway, this is so FUN! You should try it!”
Gary Stu nodded. Good thing my Shiny Charizard has max IVs and maximum friendship. “Use Return on that small charred boy!” Charizard nodded and returned to the Pokéball.
“Charizard, darling, I believe he meant the attack.”
With another red flash, Charizard reappeared, black scales looking lovely with the reflection of a city burning reflecting on them. Summoning a storm of fiery hearts, he forced them down upon Zub, who lay motionless.
Death came to him.
“We already did that pun before,” he recalled.
“Losers!” yelled Gary Stu, who was now riding Groudon with Mary Stu. “Now, I need a weapon of mass destruction too…” he muttered. Another Master Ball appeared in his hands as the earth rumbled. Out of the sky rocketed a large… I’m sorry, that doesn’t do it justice. It seemed to be far larger than even Groudon, being almost twice that. Keep in mind that Groudon is about the size of a skyscraper. And then this thing…. this thing was enormous. ‘Massive’ doesn’t even do it justice and dvhld; cvfm;sdncsknfjc;nbmmmmmmmmm
I’m sorry. Rick here. The Author just exploded with incomprehension. Let’s put it this way; say you had a refrigerator. One that was large enough to hold all those limes, and a few thousand watermelon, and several thousand pounds of bacon. Then you’d have the rough estimate of the creature’s head.
It had an odd posture too; like a chicken. I’m sorry, bad Rick. I’m so not used to this and… it’s just this large chicken-dragon thing that’s just enormous. Okay, this is overwhelming. I’m going back to cutting off all the leaves of all the trees and rearranging them into a more appealing shape like the Author told me to.
Kyurem; the AHHH GIANT ICE DRAGON THING IT WILL FREEZE YOU Pokémon
It likes to destroy things. It likes to ruin people’s lives. It does nothing but this. You want proof? Here, we have Mary, a five year old from Undella, who had an encounter with the beast three years ago.
“AH was walkin’ down da beach, an’ den dis.... dis DRAGHUN comes outta nowhere an’ swoops down like FSHOOOOOOOM an’ he popped mah floatee. ”
As you can see, this thing is terrible. Never go near it, finished the Pokédex built into Ran.
“I’d say we’re screwed,” said Death.
A lob of flesh landed near Death, with only a nose, whiskers, legs, and a sinlge hair being its only features. Two small black eyes blinked up at him.
“ZooM?” it asked. Death walked slowly toward it, taking in its every feature.
He then punted it.
“We don’t need any more characters, jerk!” he yelled, angrily shaking his fist.
“So, about the giant dragon that is about to obliterate the city? Also, Gordon?” nudged Ran.
“”I thought the plan was to lose and die,” said Death. “Let’s ask Zub.”
The two ran over and discovered that their friend was unconscious.
“What now?” asked Ran worriedly.
Death never got to respond, as the two were struck in awe as what appeared to be a large black shadow moved through the air and fused with the chicken-dragon to form…jgnkdfjlvnjkbh
Hi. Rick’s back.
They made an even larger, bipedal dragon.
The dragon was two vividly different colours. On one half, he was black and sort of melted into the original form’s shell. The other side seemed more akin to the original, just more vicious and less chicken-like.
Also, it was far larger, if that’s possible.
Roughly the size of one-eighth the island of Mossdeep, whifch, mind you, has grown much larger of the years and especially now, it was a sight to behold.
And by behold, I mean piss-your-pants-and-run. I would have thought that’d be obvious, but no matter.
By this point, I, Rick, am now scared. I shall continue whipping the dead horse out back as the author instructed me.
“This is my flower to pluck vigorously and then light aflame!” cried out an unfortunately familiar voice as an unfortunately familiar groove kicked in.
“And who might you be, loser, and how dare you challenge my Kyurem?!” demanded Gary Stu. The newcomer paused.
“The world is ours to devour, like a small shred of grass of the universe! AND WE ARE THE RABBIT!” yelled another, different voice that was regrettable remarkable.
“Oh no,” moaned Death. “If we had to get a plot device, why was it them?!”
Miror B. walked over and stared at him sadly. “This makes me sad,” he mock-whimpered, slapping Ran in Death’s place.
“Ow, whimpered Ran, staring at the corpse Miror B. created.
“Where’s the party?!” yelled Eff Ecks, flying in a small hovercraft that was designed to look like a clown. It seemed suspiciously familiar. “Or is this just all of it? You know, giant Pokémon? Been there, done that!” he taunted.
“He’s right, you know,” pointed out The Author, who came onto the scene.
“Fine! I’ll…. I’ll become the author!” Gary Stu screamed in protest, afraid of being shown up.
“Yawn… done that,” said Miror B. stiffly.
“I’ll… uh… THROW THE PROTAGANIST IN A PICKLE!”
“Done that,” sniffed Death.
“Oh, fine,” moaned Gary Stu in defeat. “Mary Sue, got any ideas?”
“I can’t think of any, being what is best described as a one-time minor antagonist,” she said sadly.
“Great idea!” said Gary Stu. “Why should we be secondary?! We’re cool! People like us!”
“What are you saying?” gasped Mary Sue.
“Yes… enlighten us. You’re not sticking with the script,” said the author.
“Kyurem, eat him.”
The colossal dragon nodded hungrily and swept down, scooping the author into his jaws in the process, and swallowed him whole before the author was given a chance to react.
Then, Kyurem shifted to the size and form of what could easily be mistaken as a human. He glared at Gary Stu in protest, who promptly ignored him.
“Why SHOULD we be subjected to secondary status?” he demanded. “We deserve better!”
“That’s desperate lunacy,” pointed out Ran.
“We could fix the fic, Mary Sue… you and I. N more communism, no more stupidity, no more foreboding golden Magikarp who alludes to future, unforeseen events…”
“Gary Stu, you’re scaring me!” she said, breathless at the sight of his power hungry eyes.
“No matter. I can replace you.”
“What?!” she protested, but it was useless. He had ignored her.
Then everything was gone.
There was nothing.
Gary Stu: The Adventure of a Proper Fanfiction
a fanfic by Black Kyurem
Gary Stu sat up and rubbed his head. Looking down, his former fancy clothes were replaced with what could be described accurately as clothes commoners would wear. He jumped up suddenly and gaped in horror.
He killed his beautiful clothes.
Well, to be perfectly fair, it had started innocently enough. That hardly justifies murdering viciously, though however unintentionally, a great wardrobe. Oh, and he was standing on a dead body, one that had been a jerkwad enough to soil his new jeans.
No matter what way he looked at it, Gary Stu realized his clothes were pretty much screwed. Oh well. Sacrifices had to be made.
“You there, Gary Stu!” called out an old man, walking towards him angrily. “You just come flyin’ on your dang-spangly flyin’ thing, an’ den you crash into our HERO?! You’re in some deep flirtatious carrots now, young man!”
“Who are you,” Gary Stu asked. “And why are you here?”
Of the assembled crowd, not everyone was this mad. Of those that were, however, were veritably going to kill him.
And still he glared at each one. “What’s with all these old guys who probably have cooties and why are they near me?!” he shouted.
As a young child, Gary Stu… was, well, a Gary Stu. That’s pretty much it.
He was a very angry fellow at that moment. Everyone could tell and no one cared, of course.
“Dem flyin’ spheres gonna come kill us now!” roared the first old man.
“We must punish him!” roared the elderly, sifting into deep thought. “It needs to be something realistically… translucent!” he said.
“No!” someone called randomly.
“Flyin’ fishticks!” cried out the elder in response, waving it off.
“Oo!” yelled someone in the back/. “Let’s throw him out on an adventure!”
“No,” responded Gary Stu.
“YESH,” said the elder. He then picked up Gary Stu, who had to admire his apparent remarkable strength despite age, and threw him over the wall, when the gate slammed shut.
“This sucks,” he pouted, sitting in a pile of ash. “Kyu- I mean, AUUUTHOOOOR! Help me!”
He heard a series of low growls and affectionate snarls. Having not the foggiest of what this could mean, he decided to venture forth.
“Hey,” protested a voice. “I was told you’d fall in a hole so I could mess with you.”
Gary Stu looked up and smiled. “Dear lad, there is no-“ suddenly a hole spawned, of which he fell through. “I hate you,” he snarled.
“Get in line,” said the cloaked figure as it laid back on a pile of nearby corpses.
“Who are you, anyway?”
“Me? I’m…” suddenly the figure’s personality, accent, and charm all died off. “Undesignated NPC #1138.”
“Get me out of this pit,” commanded Gary Stu.
“I was commanded not to, central protagonist”
“The New Author has instructed me to keep you in that pit.”
“Where the hell am I?!” yelled Ran, sitting up suddenly. He realized a large crowd of beachwear-clad tourists had clustered around him.
“You’re at the checkpoint-island resort of Magna Excipe,” said one of the locals with a heavy accent. “You’re about a hundred paces away from Hotel Excipe.”
Ran straightened up. “Resort you say? I could get used to this.”
Zub sat up as well, and came to his surprise that he was not a resort, nor the central protagonist any longer. Looking around, he came to discover he was actually in a shoddy motel room. He also realized now that he was a tertiary character, he’d probably get evn less screentime, and
Miror B. woke up surrounded by six vividly-dressed men, each sporting a different colour motif.
“Are you the Power Rangers?” he asked, still groggy.
“No way!” shouted the red ranger.
“We are, the magnificent-“ shouted the blue ranger.
“-Terrific!-“ added the green ranger.
“-Magnificent-“ threw in the purple ranger.
“-Eye-stabbingly gorgeous!” shouted the purple ranger.
“-Cool-“ nodded the Yellow Ranger.
“HEXAGON BROTHERS!” they all yelled together.
“Hexagon Brothers, count off! State your name, number and title to Master B.!
I’m Resix, number one, Capitol Red!”
“I’m Blusix, number two, Violent Blue!”
“Browsix, number four, Sticky Brown!”
“Purpsix at your service, number six, Feminine Purple!”
“Greesix here, number ten, Leafy Green!”
“Yellow Ranger, pleased to make your acquaintance. Number eleven, New Guy.”
“Wait!” shouted Resix. “Thirteen?! Men (and woman), I believe there are spies among us!”
“Egads!” yelled Greesix. “They must be… one us thirteen!”
“We’ll fuse, and then they’ll show up. Rainbow formation, everyone!” shouted out Blusix.
Together, the six jumped at each other at the same time and fused into one, much taller, man.
“Rainbow Six, reporting for duty!” he yelled with a deep voice.
“Are we going to get sued for this?” asked Miror B., shaking his head.
Meanwhile, Eff Ecks landed in a small ditch in a landfill near Albuquerque.
“Oh, hey 4th wall. You seem… smashed.”
The 4th wall cried softly on his shoulder.
“It’s okay, I’ll still love you,” he said, patting its back.
~~~~END OF GARY STU: THE ADVENTURES OF A PROPER FANFISCTION: ~~~