[PG-13] Zub: The Adventure of Stuff

[Zibdas]

Cue duck sound, like "wah wah waaaaaaah."

I did not know that ducks made that sound. I'll have to go back to Kindergarten. :'c

YES YES YES YES YES

That Ran line was hilarious. And am I the only one who cares about Ran's wellbeing?!

Apparently. Given how often he dies and then regenerates, I doubt it's much of a priority.

Yay for exploding narrators!

What else are they good for? Narrating you say? Well, apparently not!

I fell out of my chair while reading this. Luckily, my injuries were minor.

I will send carnations to the hospital.

NOOO WHY MUST TEH CLEARLY SUPERIOR MAGIC BOUNCER AND GENERALLY AWESOMAZING BIRD WITH WEIRD EYES BELONG TO A BAD GUY

On the bright side, the villains are mostly bad at being bad, so there's still hope yet.

Poison Sting, Nidoking!
Flash Cannon, Bastiodon!
Bullet Seed, Cheru- *shot*

gun srsly stop
Gun: T-T

Thank you for making my day 78.2826381083% better.

It was my pleasure.

http://www.google.ca/imgres?num=10&h...:25,s:29,i:244

Teehee.

No. No he doesn't.

Zub, good news! You don't need a reason!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are awesome. And I have a question, where did Rath come from? I can't remember. (Oh, and that's a thing to elaborate in a chapter, if you haven't already done so.)

I'll see what I can do.

Checked at random and found the update. So yay!

Did your PM not go through? :T

Sounds like so much fun.

'Tis my favorite holiday.

That was great, man. Though I swear there was a previous chapter that had a narrator narrating (wasn't Death), though.

Maybe Eff Ecks? I'm not sure. There isn't a formal one and most of the time the Author just wings it, often giving pretty poor descriptions.

The moment I read "pickaxes", I immediately thought back to the mine scene in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs...

Hi ho?

XD Fun with acronyms.

Poor grammar justifies nothing, but acronyms ARE LAW

Xatu's translation: "Things are coming" repeated.

*gonna be the only one who knows that reference and is ashamed*

There, there. *pats your back*

Then once they learn to fly a rocket at the cost of many innocent lives, they'll make a manual on how to pilot the rocket for future aspiring pilots, and safety classes will be created.

And thus, a new life has been created at the expense of many others.

I'm curious. Please, go on, Dogars.

Galidor: NO NO NO NO NO NO
GALIDOR GET OUT OF MY POST TOO

Hehehehe.

TGRI? Is that you?

I can't answer this question without the New Hoenn Suspicious Liquid Defibrillators finding out, so...

I keep getting "Happy Leif Ericson Day" and "Happy Winds Day" in my head. Is that normal?

Depends. Is your blood made out of gasoline?
If yes) Go see a doctor. It is likely you are a car.
If no) Yes, it is normal.

*hugs your legs* LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE--I LOVE THAT MOVIE!--LOVELOVELOVELOVE

If you'll notice, I also referenced it with Galidor.

I thought the redneck way was duct tape. It fixes everything.

If it works and is modern, it ain't redneck.

Refer back to the brofist picture.

*refers back*

Great callback there (b' ')b.

Deathachu isn't dead yet.. yet.

Rath is literate o_o? Did not see that coming.

Only with his reading glasses. Without them, he's a mindless destructive force.

So... guess this counts as Achievements in Ignorance. Nice.

Hurra!

Great job this time around. Keep it up, the giggles are always welcome.

It was my pleasure.

If you recall the previous chapter, Zub captured a Lotad, who he traded to Miror. B. for Wombo.

Yup, an-

EDIT: Yes, I got the 100th post!

NOOOOOOOOOO
THE WHOLE REASON I HELD OFF RESPONDING TO YOU PEOPLE WAS SO I COULD GET IT
I THOUGHT THE REPLIES WAS LIST OF POSTS
NOOOOOOOOOO
You win this round *squinty face*

[Kutie Pie]

Did your PM not go through? :T

No, it went through. I just checked randomly offline.

'Tis my favorite holiday.

Once it goes national, it'll be everyone's favorite holiday.

Maybe Eff Ecks? I'm not sure. There isn't a formal one and most of the time the Author just wings it, often giving pretty poor descriptions.

Possible. Though is Eff Ecks ever narrates, it'd be full of sound effects.

Hi ho?

Heigh-ho, it's home from work we go!

Poor grammar justifies nothing, but acronyms ARE LAW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6cyDsuNx_U

(Had to do it.)

There, there. *pats your back*

*sadness* I like the Electrode flash trilogy...

And thus, a new life has been created at the expense of many others.

It's the circle of life.

Galidor: NO NO NO NO NO NO
GALIDOR GET OUT OF MY POST TOO

He has the right to because there's no fourth wall. *looks over shoulder nervously*

I can't answer this question without the New Hoenn Suspicious Liquid Defibrillators finding out, so...

No matter. I'll continue to believe in it.

Depends. Is your blood made out of gasoline?
If yes) Go see a doctor. It is likely you are a car.
If no) Yes, it is normal.

XD

If you'll notice, I also referenced it with Galidor.

But as there is no fourth wall, I temporarily replaced him with Kronk for that very moment. So... I hardly noticed.

If it works and is modern, it ain't redneck.

Not until a redneck gets to it. It'll still be modern, but it won't work without duct tape.

Deathachu isn't dead yet.. yet.

O_O Did you just give away a spoiler?

Only with his reading glasses. Without them, he's a mindless destructive force.

Kinda like how a Machoke needs the belt? Or how Clark needs his glasses to not be Superman?

NOOOOOOOOOO
THE WHOLE REASON I HELD OFF RESPONDING TO YOU PEOPLE WAS SO I COULD GET IT
I THOUGHT THE REPLIES WAS LIST OF POSTS
NOOOOOOOOOO
You win this round *squinty face*

Zibdas... you ARE the 100th post! Though it's actually the 100th reply... it still counts.

(Yes, I made a Maury Show reference.)

[Skiyomi]

And here I am, from the review game! Here are my thoughts on Chapters 0, 2, and 3:

Overall, I'm really impressed with your writing style throughout most of this. It has a unique oddness about it that really works for you. Plus it's always a good time poking fun at video game tropes.

I think you have a really great opening here. If fact, of the three chapters I've read, the Prologue is definitely my favorite. The vagueness of the opening, the way we're just thrown into the action, and the matter-of-factness of the narrator make the intro both interesting and very funny.

“You just decide to go flying out of lump knows where, and you decide to lumpin’ crash into our lumpin’ hero?!” cried out his father in anger beyond that of which even a Voltorb could perform when it finds out its spouse has been cheating on it for a Magnemite and left the casserole in the oven for too long while doing so.

You have a lot of jokes like this, and I do see what you're doing with them. Long list jokes and overextended metaphors are a "thing" in humor, I know, but honestly I think you're much funnier when you're being concise and punchy. There are a lot of these long-style jokes in this piece and, at least to me, they often come across as overdone to the point that they lose some of their comedy. I think part of this is just that the sentences get a little unweildy and the fact that they don't always flow forces the reader to read them multiple times, which leeches away the comedy. The other part, I think, comes from the fact that they feel like they're trying very hard to be random. I think your more "effortless" sounding jokes come off better--and you do have a lot of great jokes in this. A great deal of this reminds me of Lemony Snicket's writing style in its casual, elevated and mild-manneredly weird way, and that's a huge compliment.

A few died of heart attacks, or so he though.

Should be thought.

I like the poking at the video game trope of the mute protagonist. Nice work.

Trebucjet

...? Trebuchet?

or whatever he;s called

he’s

Zub looked around him in the pit he was stranded on, Death rather literally looming over him.

Unless he’s stranded on top of the pit, I’d say “in” would be the better word here than “on.” But then again, I’m not sure where you’re from and prepositions don’t always match up from place to place, even in English.

It had been many years since he was last out, being banned from them after accidentally stopping the mafia, defeating a king turtle by jumping everywhere, found the sword of evil’s bane and killed a pig-man thing, blew up his village unintentionally, and destroyed the ultimate evil.

This sentence seems rather inconsistent to me. I think it would make more grammatical sense either as:

A:

It had been many years since he was last out after he was banned from them after he accidentally stopped the mafia, defeated a king turtle by jumping everywhere, found the sword of evil’s bane and killed a pig-man thing, blew up his village unintentionally, and destroyed the ultimate evil.

Or B:

It had been many years since he was last out, being banned from them after accidentally stopping the mafia, defeating a king turtle by jumping everywhere, finding the sword of evil’s bane and killing a pig-man thing, blowing up his village unintentionally, and destroying the ultimate evil.

“Hey hey hey whoa whoa,” said Death sadly. You can’t! I’m your buddy! …I would clasp your shoulder and gesture off into the distance, but if I touch you, you quite literally die.”

Missing a quotation mark here.

Glad you included a Pokemon battle at the end of chapter 2. This was starting to feel like it didn’t even need to be a Pokemon fic. Also mugging! Glorious, league-sanctioned mugging!

“Sheesh,” complained Death. “If the special effects guy doesn’t cut it out on these little Pokémon, we’re not going to have any money left for my ice cream social with the folks over in the Shipping communities! They’re so crazy!”

Omigawd! I was so looking forward to that ice cream social too! Also, we’re eccentric, not crazy.

“Ran Cossack, commi-IEEE!”he shouted, tripping suddenly and dying.

You’re missing a space there.

I've pointed out a few grammar/spelling/punctuation errors here. They seem more like revision problems for the most part than anything. I mentioned the preposition thing before and I'm still not sure about it. Some of your prepositions seem off to me, but might be the standard where you're from.

For your characters... well, the disembodied narrator actually seems like the best character of all to me. You really have a strong voice as a writer, and that comes through brilliantly. The other characters seem a little scant so far, but I'm okay with that for Zub. It's so clear that he's a game protagonists that his mute, relative simpleness works in his favor. I like some of Death's lines, but I don't feel like I get at this point who he is or why he's hanging around Zub (maybe this is some sort of "Death was his constant companion" kind of thing? I don't know, maybe I missed it.) Didn't get much out of Ran, to be honest, but he was just introduced in the last chapter I read.

The thing that most makes me want to read more: Your humor. The dry, pithy bits are awesome, as are the parts that make fun of video game tropes.

The thing that most makes me not want to read more: I don't have a great sense of the arc of this thing right now. I think part of that's intentional, what with the vagueness of "Them" and all, but at this point I don't feel completely confident as to whether or not there's going to be a legitimate overarching plot to this thing, or if it's mostly going to be running around making random jokes with the journey as a simple framework for their shenanigans. The latter honestly would not interest me as much as the former would, even though your comedy is a lot of fun. Then again, at chapter 3, there's still plenty of time for the plot to take a more definite shape in the future.

All in all, an interesting read with a lot of laughs. I think some of the jokes could stand be refined, but you've got that sardonic voice down pat and there are some real gems in here. I may be back. *is easily sidetracked and apologizes for it*

[Zibdas]

No, it went through. I just checked randomly offline.

PSYCHIC PERSON

Once it goes national, it'll be everyone's favorite holiday.

Assuming they live THROUGH ALL THE AWESOME

Possible. Though is Eff Ecks ever narrates, it'd be full of sound effects.

Ran would put a stop to it right quick.

Heigh-ho, it's home from work we go!

Work? I have to work now? NOOOOOOO-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6cyDsuNx_U

(Had to do it.)

Can't say I blame ya.

It's the circle of life.

I always thought life was more of a rhombus shape.

He has the right to because there's no fourth wall. *looks over shoulder nervously*

No worries! I'll beat them back with this oar!

No matter. I'll continue to believe in it.

CUZ I BELIEEEEVE WE CAAAAAN

But as there is no fourth wall, I temporarily replaced him with Kronk for that very moment. So... I hardly noticed.

That would explain a bit.

Not until a redneck gets to it. It'll still be modern, but it won't work without duct tape.

I'll have to beat back the rednecks with this other oar then!

O_O Did you just give away a spoiler?

No, ahaha. I'm just messin' with you.

Kinda like how a Machoke needs the belt? Or how Clark needs his glasses to not be Superman?

That to a T.

Zibdas... you ARE the 100th post! Though it's actually the 100th reply... it still counts.

(Yes, I made a Maury Show reference.)

Someday I'll understand all the references you make... someday.

All in all, an interesting read with a lot of laughs. I think some of the jokes could stand be refined, but you've got that sardonic voice down pat and there are some real gems in here. I may be back. *is easily sidetracked and apologizes for it*

I, for once, don't really have much to comment on towards your review, but the grammatical help is greatly appreciated. I can assure you that the plot is slightly more defined as it progresses and I would like to think I give the characters more personality. And I forget most of the time that these are Pokémon fics, which is why battles are more uncommon for me, but especcially in the later chapters (starting around Chapter...

[Zibdas]

I apologize for the relative shortness of today's, but I could not find a way to extend it without it seeming runon

Chapter 23: Suckish Sucks

Zub pulled himself out of the water and flopped, chest up, onto the dock and panted heavily, trying to regain, air oxygen, and life.

Zub walked over to Zub with a puzzled look on his face.

Then the wet Zub gave the dry Zub a nice, big hug… and plunged into the ocean.

“…should we go after them?” Galidor asked after a few minutes.

“Nah,” said Death. “There’s a good chance he’ll be okay. Probably.”

Ran shrugged. “He’s made it through worse. Let’s look for POGEYMANZ while we wait.”

Galidor shrugged and went along with the idea.

Ashleigh made a strained face. “You can’t just leave like that…” she grumbled.

Corn turned to her and beamed. “Ma’am, which way to get out of here?”

Ashleigh shrugged. “Do you want the booby-trapped way or the non-booby trapped way?”

“Non-booby trapped way please.”

“Take a left as soon as you get into the walls of the wasteland,” she sighed reluctantly.

Corn merrily trotted in and took a left. Screams could be heard shortly after.

“Or maybe it was that way…” Ashleigh wondered, making an absent gesture in the entirely opposite direction.

“Thanks,” groaned Corn as he made his way in the other direction, his accompaniment cautiously following from a relatively safe distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr. Zubious and Zub grappled beneath the churning waters of the secret dock.

“Tantum, assist me!” called out the now-bubbly voice of the doctor, who was stuffing golden coins in his mouth which somehow allowed him to breathe. “Evolve into Vaporeon!”

A small, adorable brown fox Pokémon emerged from a Pokéball, only to evolve immediately upon release. “Vapor!” it shouted and straightened itself enough so that the doctor could clamber onto its back.

“Prepare to lose, Zub!” growled Dr. Zubious as his Vaporeon launched a Dive attack at him. The sailing Bubble Jet Pokémon shot towards Zub like a torpedo.

Panicking, Zub threw out the first Pokéball he could find, unleashing Wombo the Wailmer. Wombo giggled and capped as Vaporeon sailed into him, reverberated off and was sent flying out of the water and into the air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran glared at the Golett. “It’s blue,” he said dejectedly.

Death smiled and shrugged. “Then I’ll catch it.”

Ran’s face declined. “No! There’s got to be a way around it…”

Death’s face was visibly smug. “Sorry, little buddy, but-“ he was interrupted as a man and a Vaporeon crashed into a large canister, releasing a large quantity of red spray onto Golett.

“Get…. Golt!” exclaimed Golett… as she noticed a Dustox flutter past before spontaneously combusting.

“It’s a bit… oblivious, wouldn’t you say?” asked Death.

“I don’t care, it’s red!” skittered Ran gleefully before glaring at the noise he apparently made.

“Tantum, devolve into Eevee then go into Espeon mode. We can kill these guys with fun,” whispered Dr. Zubious. He turned to the nothing. “Stop narrating what is supposed to be a secret!” he demanded.

“Make me!” cried the disembodied narrator.

“Did you hear something?” asked Ran. Death shrugged and poked him for good measure.

“Psychic, Tantum,” whispered the doctor.

“Pokéball, go!” cried out Ran, throwing a Premier Ball he had obtained FREE ABSOLUTELY FREEE WITH THE PURCHASE OF TEN POKéBALLS OR MORE AT YOUR LOCAL POKéMART ABSOLUTELY FREEE

THIS WAS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY DEVON

“That was weird,” commented Ran as the Premier Ball snapped shut.

“Sorry guys, we’re making budget cuts,” sighed the author as he climbed out of some nearby toxic waste. “It’s expensive.”

“Is that sanitary, sitting in that goo?” wondered Corn.

“It’s expensive to run a fic?” asked Death skeptically. The Author ignored these questions.

“We’re going to have to make some changes. First of all; all action will now be done by unpaid stunt doubles.”

“Which are…?” asked Ran anxiously.

“Machiavelli an’ his clones!” declared the Author.

“Who now?” frowned Galidor.

“Just watch,” smiled the author, pointing to a movie screen that had appeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran, Death, Galidor and Corn hopped into the monster truck. All of their details were greatly exaggerated; each had blossoming muscles, vivid facial expressions, and extremely highly detailed eyes.

“Hurry up, they are gaining on us!” Galidor called from the trunk to Ran, who was driving in a decidedly Japanese accent.

“I am accelerating!” cried out Ran, slamming his foot down on the pedal.

“Espeon!” cried out a pink, two-tailed kitsune with a ruby encrusted between its eyes as it leaped out from behind a wall of smashed auto parts and used its Psychic abilities to fling shrapnel at the quartet.

“Cossacka!” Death yelled. “Speed up, and I will charge up my abilities!” yelled Galidor.

The monster truck took on a purge of speed and sped onwards.

“Charging!” roared Galidor in power.

“This fic is so stupid,” muttered Corn offhandedly.

Espeon, upon noticing that her shrapnel were doing no harm, she focused and made her tail blow with a brilliant, metallic hue.

“Now would be a great time to activate,” Corn growled to Galidor, who was happy to oblige.

“Powering up to SUPER SHAMAN!” he yelled as he rose up in a brilliant sphere of golden light.

“Where’d his shirt go?” Corn asked in bewilderment as the light faded away, revealing Galidor’s very pulled up pants and his abnormally buff biceps. Espeon’s Iron Tail made contact but bounced off with a dull paonk.

Ran twitched at the helm of the car.

“SUPER SHAMAN LASER!” cried out Galidor as the light returned, though it was now heavily focused towards the front. Espeon barely had time to throw up a feeble Light Screen before the light concentrated so heavily it shot a powerful blast at Espeon, knocking it out.

The monster truck exploded.

Fin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But that was all CGI!” protested Ran.

“My pants are not that pulled up!” yelled Galidor.

“We’re in a fic?” Corn asked. “What’s a fic?”

“Yes,” the Author affirmed. “We’re now also switching to randomly generated… everything, for better effects.”

“That’s not how it works!” yelled Ran.

“Is it like a type of fish?” wondered Corn.

“Even humour!”

“Humour?” asked Death skeptically.

“Yes. Why did the Torchic cross the road?”

“Why?” asked Ran.

CALCULATING… ANSWER: A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF ZE SEA

A laugh track was cued.

“Our laugh track and automated answering systems are French?” asked the Author. “Well, that’s new.”

“What’s a French? And what’s a fic? My head is so confused…” moaned Corn, rubbing his temples.

“If I wasn’t wearing this costume I’d kill you,” commented Death.

“Welcome to the world of the future!” grinned the Author. “Good job, Machiavelli.”

A goldfish in a small glass bowl nearby did absolutely nothing to acknowledge his acknowledgement.

“That’s my fish,” sighed the Author, wiping a tear from his eyes before disappearing.

“I think it’s time I, too, caught a new Pokémon!” cried out Death as they began searching for more Pokémon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub pulled himself onto the dock, gasping for air. His instincts told him he had to destroy this faculty. First, he needed a way to transport himself with ease.

He threw a Pokéball and immediately Tango understood what he wanted.

‘Motorized Pogo Stick form activating, sir,” he hummed. He stretched his two arms out to the either side and positioned his body so he was looking down. His face slid down and elongated down a pole trailed by his nose, until he resembled a rather strange pogo stick.

“Transition complete” Tango hummed. “Go on, get on.”

Zub shrugged and clambered onto his Pokémon. Getting into the swing of things, he began bouncing around merrily. His next step; to further destroy this place. It was already in ruins from not only its age and discrepancy, but Rick’s bomb run helped no further. He had to figure out how to shut of the Drone production lines….

As he leaped over the tall walls separating the main area from the dock, a drone few past him, did a double take, and grew arms. The taloned limbs of machinery attempted to do either what seemed to be moving to drill his eyes out or to do the classic “Got your nose!” gambit.

Eventually growing tired of the situation, the drone gave up and released a large, bladed mole Pokémon.

“[i]Excadrill, the Large Bladed Mole Pokémon,[i]” confirmed Tango helpfully. “Excadrill uses its claws to viciously dig holes. No one knows why it digs so many holes or why it does so with such passion, but it is a frightening sight.”

Right on cue, the Excadrill bent over and began digging with an enormous fervor. The drone starting buzzing and humming angrily, but as it was not set to Attack or Protect mode, the Excadrill had no intention of obeying.

Suddenly, two more drones heard all the racket and flew over. Immediately they spotted Zub, who had by now dismounted his pogo stick. One immediately released a purple Rattata and the other a large, blue toad Pokémon with a flower sprouting from its back.

“Rattata and Venusaur,” sung Tango. “Rattata are known for their purple hue and are known to taste amazing when flambéed over a low fire for a half hour. Venusaur are typically lazy, but when the time calls, they still do not fight. Rather, they abandon their homes and play poker and drink until late at night.”

Zub shrugged and sent Derpy Moos forward while Tango returned itself to its battling state. Zub gave a series of short hand gestures and both knew what to do immediately. Tango flew over to the duo of vicious Pokémon, where it assaulted Venusaur with a series of rapid, vicious punches making up Bullet Punch.

Derpy Moos curled up into a ball, where a steady crust formed over her, making her indistinguishable from any boulder. She then proceeded to ram into Rattata with a sharp “Moo!” Rattata took considerable damage and was flung into a wall, but still somehow managed to feebly stand up.

The first security drone whirred for a moment in thought, and Rattata glared at Derpy, who suddenly seemed to have the same amount of hit points as Rattata.

“Look out Zub, it’s a FEAR Rattata!” warned Tango without missing a beat. Zub nodded and told Derpy to unleash a Quick Attack, knocking out Rattata instantly.

Zub nodded to Tango, who finished his assault with a final Meteor Mash before knocking out Venusaur. Both of the controlling drones exploded immediately and the third one fled on sight.

“How random,” noted Tango as the he transformed back into a pogo stick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s this one called?” Death asked as he peered at a barking, striped wolf or something.

“Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon,” clarified Ran’s Pokédex data banks.

“Wait, TinyRaccoon?” asked Death in surprise. “No spaces?”

“None,” shrugged Ran.

“Lame,” sighed Death as he punted the Zigzagoon.

“I found one!” called out Galidor. Everyone went to see what it was.
“I know that one,” noted Ran. “It’s Jynx.”

“It’s an abomination,” corrected Death.

“Jynx,” Jynx countered icily.

A laugh track was cued for that terrible, terrible pun.

The Jynx rushed forward and smacked Death’s chest. Being a Pikachu, instead of being killed, she was involuntarily sucked in.

“Oh no,” he groaned in despair. “Seriously?!”

“Seriously,” affirmed Ran. “My Pokédex confirms it’s yours now.”

“Guess that means we’ll look for a Pokémon for me then!” grinned Corn as he merrily skipped away.

“I’ll nickname you Suckish,” Death muttered angrily to where his stomach should be. “Because you suck.”

[Z-nogyroP]

“Pokéball, go!” cried out Ran, throwing a Premier Ball he had obtained FREE ABSOLUTELY FREEE WITH THE PURCHASE OF TEN POKéBALLS OR MORE AT YOUR LOCAL POKéMART ABSOLUTELY FREEE

THIS WAS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY DEVON

This was the kilometrestone of the whole chapter.

“We’re in a fic?” Corn asked. “What’s a fic?”

If they told you, they'd have to kill you.

“Yes. Why did the Torchic cross the road?”

To get away from the bagpipe recital!

“Excadrill, the Large Bladed Mole Pokémon,” confirmed Tango helpfully.

Heeeeey, I thought it was the Subterrene Pokemon!

“Rattata and Venusaur,” sung Tango. “Rattata are known for their purple hue and are known to taste amazing when flambéed over a low fire for a half hour. Venusaur are typically lazy, but when the time calls, they still do not fight. Rather, they abandon their homes and play poker and drink until late at night.”

I'd eat a Rattata. Oh no. Bumper sticker vision coming on! HEEEEELP-Lower the rodent population. Eat a Rattata. NOOOOO

“Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon,” clarified Ran’s Pokédex data banks.

“Wait, TinyRaccoon?” asked Death in surprise. “No spaces?”

I've always wondered about that.

“I’ll nickname you Suckish,” Death muttered angrily to where his stomach should be. “Because you suck.”

My new Jynx nickname.

I suppose it was a bit shorter, but somehow, the shorter it is, the better.

[GalladeofSpades]

Reviewing Twenty-Two, since I didn't review it earlier due to travelling issues. I'll head on to Twenty-Three later. *procrastination powers, ACTIVATE!!!*

Chapter 22: Happy Explosion Day

And now for some history:

Explosion day was created in 1979, when Geoffrey Explosius Jr the Third accidentally blew up the village bell. The man was ent to jail with the death sentence. While he was in jail, he blew up a wall and saved a kitten, that blew up. Seeing that his little explosion might make other prisoners of the death sentence escape, he decided to blow'em all up, making the village save a fortune in killing people.

On Explosion Day, people blow up everything they see, with whatever they got, being protected from the law. That means you can blow up your neighbour with some illegal dynamite, receiving a handwave in response. Families have the tradition of stuffing explosive turkeys down chimneys, making them blow up.

TL;DR: Explosion Day is fun.

“So then I realized the old bald guy had actually bitten me and I was all, ‘EW guy get off of me!’ and he turned out to be a radioactive Gary Oak so I got Gary Oak powers, and then-“

OAKWOMEN. SHE CAN SMELL YOU. EVEN IF YOU ARE IN THE FUTURE. SMELL YA LATER HAS NEVER BEEN SO LITERAL.

Straightening her dress one final time, the woman smiled again and spoke. “I’m the illustrious reporter Gabby… uh… something. Today, we have received numerous reports of ‘flying balls’. We are not sure what this means, but given the universe live in, it’s probably something, or nothing at all.

I had to stop for a moment after I read flying balls. xD

“We are also informed that a ninja, a muscular baby thing, a Willy Wonka impersonator, the Grim Reaper, a mute lunatic, and Ran have been seen gathering on a cliff southeast of Lilycove. We’re pretty sure anyone who could dream up these characters together are insane.”

Eh, a world without insanity is boring.

“Okay, who narrated that?!” shouted the Author, freezing time for a moment. “I demand to see the narrator!”

Rick lightly and politely tapped on the author’s shoulder. “Uh, sir, we don’t have one.”

Wait, if they don't have a narrator... Where is all the narrating coming from?

The Author crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, spawning a mustache to twirl while he thought. “Rick! Hire for us a narrator!”

Suddenly Rick disappeared and reappeared shortly after, though this time accompanied by a British guy.

“Hello, I’m the narrator,” said the narrator.

“Yeah, I think we got that,” said the Author.

It’s fun to narrate.

“I know, right?” asked the narrator to the narration he was narrating excitedly.

Oh, yes, indeed.

“This is the most fun I’ve had since that angel destroyed my moon prison,” the narrator laughed.

I remember that. Ahahaha.

“Dude, you can’t talk to the narration,” said the Author. “We’re firing you.”

“Noooooooo!” screamed the narrator as he exploded.

Happy Explosion Day.

Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and Eff Ecks, finished hitting the rocket with pickaxes. “There,” said Eff Ecks, clapping his hands together. “Now that were done-“

Eh, who cares. *sees what 's happening in Lilycove with a remote.

Matrin grinned wickedly at the swarm of spheres flying overhead, all headed toward Lilycove… and beyond. All around him, Pokémon began appearing from them, ready to move on.

“Do we win yet?” he asked to Bel, who shrugged. As villains, winning wasn’t something anybody got used to easily.

“This isn’t good…” Death trailed off, watching as they were surrounded by ever increasing amounts of Their infantry. “What do we do?”

“Lose?” suggested Ran, preparing his chestplate in case he needed to send out Ranshao.

“That’s a bad idea,” Death said as he attempted to position his skull in a sour face. Tearing open a hole in his cloak, he unleashed Gemini once more as the cloak resealed itself.

Yes, I'd hate to see this story end like this.

Bel laughed evilly and then turned to address the swarm of oncoming Pokémon that were prepared to demolish our… heroes, for lack of a better term. “You! keep going towards the Industrial Wasteland! We wish to demolish these children ourselves!”

A commanding-class drone gave a short buzz that sounded like an affirmation, then turned to the others, who flew away with their Pokémon.

Bel slipped away a katana. “Prepare to meet your... what did It call it?” she stood there, furrowing her brow, racking her brain. “Dormant Opocolyptic Overseen eMancipation, I think.”

“You spelled ‘apocalyptic’ wrong,” noted Matrin.

Bel is the nightmare of a Grammar Nazi.

“It was for the sake of the acronym!” yelled Bel, slugging Matrin in the stomach.

“Worth it,” he groaned in agony.

Ashleigh grinned at the sight of them. “Hey, are you two… you know, uh…”

“NO!” roared Bel defensively, quickly drawing both katana.

“…gonna finish our enemies?” Ashleigh finished with a smirk as Bel’s attention was averted back to her opponents.

Ooh, good one. *sees that MatrinxBel shippers are winning the Ship-to-Ship Combat*

Drawing an Ultra Ball, she once more glared at Rath and Ashleigh. “Don’t you two need to oversee the Wasteland and Lilycove or something?”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ashleigh muttered, making a face. “My Regice and his Regirock will be itching to destroy. Come on, Rath,” she sighed, clambering onto his back as she spoke. Suddenly, a large bird Pokémon hopped out of her back pocket in a flash of… green.

“Oh, Xatu,” she grinned. “Keep an eye on them while we’re here, okay?” Seeing Xatu’s nod, she and Rath ran off.

I always liked Xatu, if only for it's originality.

“Well, let’s finish this,” grunted Bel. “Go, Gallade!”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

“Ranshao, use a Dual Chop and chop through those defenses!” Ran called, as Gemini leapt forward to use Shadow Claw. Thick, vine-y tendrils grew out of Gallade’s wristblades, which it then used to slice at Gemini, preventing it from attacking. As Ranshao prepared to chop the preoccupied Gallade, Glaceon shot out a thick wall of concrete, impeding its path.

... That's an original way of thinking how Leaf Blade looks.

Suddenly Xatu’s eyes shot open and it began freaking out.

“Xa xa xaaaaatuuuuu!” it screamed, which made all people and Pokémon stare at it.

“Xa xa xa, tut u tu!” it screamed, flapping its wings wildly before running away.

“That was certainly something,” remarked Matrin. “It’s not like a rocket or anything is going to fall on us, right? And then explode? Ahahaha.”

A rocket fell on them.

Oh, and it exploded.

Ya gotta love Matrin.

As the AFRO Leaguers jumped off their rocket, they began pulling Zub, Death, Miror B., and Ran out of the ground and straightening them out. “Note to self,” noted Eff Ecks. “Learn to fly the rocket before piloting it.”

The group began running towards Lilycove.

LE GASP THE AFRO LEAGUERS ARE HELPING THE HEROES.

“This is worse than the time you at all those Fauxmatoes,” giggled Dogars.

“Fauxmatoes?” asked Corn.

“Don’t ask,” Galidor grumbled.

“No, seriously, what are Fauxmatoes?”

Galidor chose to ignore the question. “So, what now? Wait for Zub?”

Dogars giggled. So, N, there were these tomatoes, and then-“

“I said shut up!” roared Galidor.

DO NOT SHUT UP DOGGARS WHAT DID HE DO WITH THE FAUXMATOES.

“How did we get to Lilycove so fast?” asked Death in bewilderment.

“Shhh,” shushed Gary Stu. “Anyway, by the looks of things, Lilycove is under major attack. The AFRO League can handle that. I’m guessing that they’re attacking here, to gain control of the Industrial Wasteland just a walk west from here. You can’t miss it.”

“Is that a challenge?” grinned Death.

... Technically, yes. It's a horrible one, but it still is.

Miror B. shrugged and pointed off in the distance. Off where supposedly a prestigious Safari Zone was once located now stood what seemed to be a towering fortress of junk. Livid green liquid could be seen from even here, spouting from several unusual sources.

What the heck happened to the Safari Zone?

Death closed his eye…. sockets…. somehow and shook his head, arms folding. “I don’t believe it, and therefore, you owe me thirty bucks.”

“We never agreed to that,” pointed out Eff Ecks.

“Dag nabbit,” Death grunted, snapping his fingers in frustration.

Is it even possible to snap your fingers when they are pretty much bones?

Because, you know, explosions are kewlz.

As said by Geoffrey Explosius Jr the Third, "EXPLUDING THINGZ IZ FUUUUN!!"

Ran seemed to have an epiphany in answer to this. “Would you like a large or a small crater?”

“What?”

“Would you like a laaarge,” Ran stopped to spread his arms far apart, “or a small crater?” he held two fingers apart, though barely.

“I’ll go large,” said Death thoughtfully.

Ran nodded and his left arm transformed into a large, grey cannon. Grabbing Death’s arm, or lack thereof, as well as Zub’s, he pointed the cannon at the ground. “COSSACK BLASTER!” Ran yelled, launching a pellet comparable to the sun, which exploded.

As the trio skyrocketed towards the Wasteland, even the Author had to admit this was an extremely contrived plot progression ticket.

After a short flying sequence, they arrived in a courtyard-like area of the Wasteland and their jaws gaped.

Hory shiz.

Some kind of vile green liquid oozed from many different cracks in the junk walls or floors, creating more of a archipelago of wayward junk to stand on within a myriad of deadly gunk than a normal courtyard. However, that wasn’t all that was so surprising;

It seemed to have been converted to be some sort of factory made specifically for creating spheres.

Specifically, spheres that no one liked.

... i did not c wat u did thar.

Affirmative, clicked a mechanical, yet somehow cold voice.
AHAHAAHAHAHAH

It’s Regice, by the way. Now the pun will make more sense.

Don't Explain the joke.

“Seriously, when are we going to meet them?” growled Galidor, who was impatient at having to wait and stop Corn from learning that one story.

“Is it safe to assume we won’t meet them after all?” asked Dogars, still enjoying his master’s loathing.

They looked around. They had snuck into the highest point of the Industrial Park, the lookout tower, and knew Zub would be here. Eventually.

Then the wall beneath them exploded.

“Happy Explosion Day,” Rick Shaw grinned, tipping his fedora.

You too, Rick. *about to blow the fedora up, but stops*

Wait. Don't you mean the floor beneath them? I'm pretty sure they weren't standing on a wall.

Galidor collided with a lever as a result of the catastrophic explosion that rocked the entire building. The floor opened up and swallowed him down, where he ended up in the same room as Zub and co, which overlooked a lake that was blocked from access to the ocean by a large dam. They all seemed to be in a dungeon.

“Huh,” he noted. “What are the odds of that trapdoor leading me here?”

In this Universe? 100 to 100.

Death palmed his face. “Explosion Day was today?! I completely forgot!”

HOW COULD YOU DEATH I EVEN BOUGHT DYNAMITE FOR YOU- *stabbed*

“How do we get out of here?” moaned Ran. “I’m hungry.”

“We could try the redneck way,” Rick shrugged.

“How do we do that?” Corn asked.

A horse appeared, and Rick got on it. The horse then somehow leaped out of the ruined tower.

“I don’t know about you,” Rick grinned. “But I have a hundred Electrode and I want to make stuff explode. And since this is Their factory, it works. See ya!”

... What.

Galidor watched him go. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he muttered quietly.

“What is it?” asked Ran.

“I FLIPPIN’ HATE YOUR GUTS!” ROARED Galidor as he punched Zub painfully square in the jaw.

“Can’t we settle this peacefully?” moaned Ran.

“Define…. ‘Peacefull,’” Galidor said calmly.

“The act of brutally destroying everyone for desperate need of your crisps?” Dogars suggested.

“PETA?” asked Corn.

“No!” cried out Ran in desperation. “It’s the exact opposite of those… especially PETA,” he added with a disapproving glance in Corn’s direction. “Who are you, anyway? Zub has shown me pictures to get acquainted with Galidor and the flying wheezeball, but you’re new.”

Agreed. PETA is the root of all evil.

“I’m Corn,” Corn redundantly said. “Oh, and my name is Corn, too.”

“Well, I’ll cream you!” yelled Death.

“We’ve already made that pun,” frowned Corn.

“Dag nabbit,” cursed Death.

“Can we just kill them yet?” the exasperated Galidor called.

“No,” called Ran back.

“And you’re one to order me around, because…?”

“Because if I die I instantly regenerate.”

“Handy.”

“Very.”

It'll be a wonderful failure if you try to kill Ran, though.

Zub randomly sent out Wombo the Wailmer. Why? HE’S ZUB HE AIN’T NEED NO REASON

Suddenly everyone felt very space conscious, having to press against the walls. This was due to Wombo’s large size, even in comparison to other Wailmer.

It'll get worse when wombo becomes a Wailord.

“I really need more Pokémon,” grumbled Death. “Poor Gemini is really quite pooped.”

“Same with Ranshao,” Ran frowned.

“I guess I could rely on more than Dogars, since I left my others back home…” Galidor mused.

Corn shrugged. “An alternative to Zoroark would be nice.”

“So it’s settled!” Ran declared suddenly. “We don’t kill each other until we all have new Pokémon. Deal?”

Oh yeah, only Zub has 3.

“Fine by me,” Galidor reluctantly sighed.

“Or…” Death grinned evilly. “I could be someone’s Pokémon.”

“How would that be accomplished by someone of your stature?” asked Dogars.

Suddenly, Death’s Pikachu costume appeared in his arms. He quickly put it on, grinning in the process. “Pika,” he said simply.

Galidor, also smiling though for a completely different reason, reached towards Death’s suit’s zipper, gave it a sharp turn, and snapped it off in one move.

“I’m going to kill you,” growled Death, attempting to slap Gaidor. Once he did, however, he realized the suit’s furry padding impeded his death curse.

DEATHACHU, I MISSED U.

And, correct me if I'm wrong, I thought that his curse worked even if he was in his Pika costume?

“So,” Ran started, ignoring Galidor and Death’s scuffle. “How shall we progress out of this tower?”

Zub happily clambered onto Wombo and gestured for the others to get on as well. Wombo giggled and put up a little struggle as though he were being tickled, but overall seemed okay with it.

Zub grinned stupidly. Wombo grinned stupidly. Ran looked around as the tower began flooding with water.

“So… you’re trying to drown us?” asked Galidor. “Not the most effective route for saving us.”

Death grinned. “Hey, on the bright side, you all could join me!” he grinned. “We’ll be the... the Ray-Team! ‘Cuz I’ll give us all laser super powers upon dying!”

“I want the explodey vision!” called out Galidor.

Dogars sniffed. “I have dibs on Tea-and-Biscuit Ray.”

Ran smiled. “I want Communism Beams!”

I want the meat vision.

Zub sighed and pointed down. Everyone realized they weren’t rowning, but rather, Wailmer had floated on the increasing water, bring them almost as high as the wall itself. They could easily climb out onto the dock below.

“I was so looking forward to dying… kinda,” sighed Galidor.

Death made a rude gesture. “You could if I weren’t wearing this ridiculous costume.”

They looked around where they landed. It was on a bluff, far above the secluded section of ocean. There was a rickety, well-worn staircase leading down to an old dock. The air around it was inexplicably stormy.

“Now what?” asked Death. “What do we do now?”

Down below them, they heard a metal clatter, and part of the rock’s surface slid open, to which two individuals walked out and onto the dock.

“So then I told Justy, ‘No, I’m not going there in this dress! It’s mint green for a reason!’ and he was soooo sweet, he just accepted it, and-“ Rath interrupted Ashleigh’s rant by politely taping on her shoulder (almost sending her through the dock in the process) and pointed towards the top of the hillside.

Second Best Moment.

“Ohmaigwash, it’s… those guys again!” she exclaimed in genuine surprise. She leaned over to Rath. “I’m serious; what were their names again?”

Rath shrugged. “RUB, DERTH AND… COMMUNISM,” he guessed.

“Close!” called down Death. “But still no cigar!”

Rath sat down and took out a pair of reading glasses and a pamphlet. “Each year, approximately 419,000 people die in this country from causes related to smoking cigarettes, cigars or pipes, or using smokeless or “spit” tobacco. In fact, more people die each year from tobacco-related causes than from alcohol and other drug use, murders, suicides, drownings, car crashes, fires and AIDS combined. Even nonsmokers are at risk, as constant exposure to secondhand smoke accounts for more than 50,000 deaths each year and-“ he read before he was interrupted by Ashleigh.

“That’s nice,” she cut in. “But we really need to destroy these guys. Rath, you and your Regirock, destroy!”

Rath nodded in confirmation. “SMASH DEATHACHU’S PUNY FACE!” he bellowed primitively, and haphazardly threw a Pokéball in the opposite direction before beginning to chase Death.

LET ME BORROW RATH. PLEASE. Also, best moment.

Ashleigh shrugged and took charge of his Regirock. “Go, Lopunny! Regirock, use Stone Edge! Lopunny, Strength, now!”

A large, feminine-looking rabbit Pokémon appeared in a ray of red light, gave a wink to Zub, and launched itself at them. Meanwhile, the rock golem Regirock had smashed its own hand and was now firing the shards and rubble at our heroes like it was using a machine gun.

Zub recovered over his initial panic over the assault of rabbit punches and golem hand pieces and sent out Wombo. He gave a short indication with his hands, which the Wailmer understood immediately as it threw itself at Lopunny, absorbing most of its attacks and still hurting it quite bountifully.

“That was Wailmer’s Heavy Slam,” gaped Ran. “Looks like it worked, too!”

Yes, because a fat whale slamming it's body at full force into a frail rabbit would definetley not work.

“No!” screamed Ashleigh, realizing the tides were quickly turning. “Regirock, use Hammer Arm on that abominable fox! Lopunny, ThunderPunch, now! Murder that beach ball!”

Wow. It actually DOES look like a beachoball, now that I notice it.

After checking to see how well Regirock had done, Ashleigh moved to see how Lopunny was doing until she realized that the Pokémon was treating a severely burned arm.

U sissy.
and since I don't really have much to say about the next few paragraphs, other than I can picture the battle clearly, lemme skip a bit.

Zub took hold of Ran’s arm and pointed upward. Seeing what it was immediately, the two forced everyone down onto the docks. Although at first questioning the command, the rest soon hurried onto the wooden platforms. Doing a headcount, Ran realized everyone but one was present.

“Hey guys, what’s wrong?” Galidor asked from the cliffside, which then exploded with the force of twenty max-leveled, overpowered, highly volatile Electrode. Rick followed soon after from a parachute, expertly landing on the docks.

“Happy Explosion Day, Gorgeous,” he smiled with a tip of his hat to Ashleigh.

“You just blew up… our friend? no… that guy!” protested Ran.

STOP CREATING SHIP-TO-SHIP COMBATS, DAMMIT. YOU CREATED A RICKXASHLEIGH VS RATHXASHLEIGH VS DEATHXASHLEIGH ONE NOW.

and Galidor is the Zoideberg.

“It’s okay, I’m okay!” shouted Galidor from the now utterly ruined bluff.

“How are you alive?!” asked Ran, incredulous. Galidor grinned.

“I have one of those instant teleport things like you,” he said.

Dogars floated over to him. “Actually, uh, no you don’t.”

Galidor frowned. “Really? That information would have been nice to know beforehand.”

Ignorance saves lives.

As the eight accumulated persons continued as such in banter, a hand reached out of the churning water and grabbed hold of the dock.

HORROR MOVIE THINGY.

Anyway, great chapter as always, will review 23 later.

[Zibdas]

Chapter 24: Aristotle’s Demeanor

“Well, this sucks,” muttered Dr. Zubious to Tantem. “Tantem, return.”

He looked around. His genetically modified destroyer of doom was not working for once… he’d have to fix that later.

But right now those insolent brats were doing nothing to help him.

He held a Pokéball aloft and studied it.

“Go, Regigas!” he yelled as a white golem with yellow armour and ancient moss growing on it materialized. “Destroy them,” he commanded to it.

“Carry me,” the Regigigas moaned.

“Stop being so lazy,” scowled the doctor.

“I’ll get there when I feel like it!” the Pokémon yelled defiantly as it began to begrudgingly drag itself over to where the heroes were standing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub bounced on his transformed robot motorized pogo stick happily, looking for the wasteland’s control system. Why?

So he could blow it up.

He sang a little song as he bounced. It went to the tune of “Jingle Chingling”.

It went as follows;

“… … …
… … …
… … … …
… … … … … … … …”

And so on, as Zub is mute.

Eventually, he made his way to a large inconspicuous building with a poster in the front. It read

WARNING
THERE IS NOTHING BEHIND THE POSTER
THE BUILDING IS A PURSE
AND ALL THAT IS BEHIND POSTER
IS A FERALIGATR PIT

Zub recognized the trick from when he stopped the Mafia. There was a lever behind the poster, he knew. He jumped through the poster to reach the lever…

…and promptly fell in a Feraligatr pit. “Why do they even have this? In a purse, no less,” grumbled Tango as they entered into a room marked “Control Room” in the pit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regigas lazily swung a fist. “En garde,” it drawled.

“This is it!” snapped Dr. Zubious. “Why won’t any of my Pokémon just kill you heroes already?!”

Death turned around in surprise. “You were trying to kill us?”

“Maybe you’re failing because you spend too much time dancing?” asked Regigigas with a laugh.

“Wait, what?” asked Ran.

Regigigas turned to him. “Yup. He wanted his official title to be DDR. Zubious.”

“Shut up!” cried out the doctor in protest.

“OH MAI ARCEUS YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE!” Regigas cried.

“Fine. You’re not seeing that by on Friday the,” Dr. Zubious glared, turning his back.

Regigas turned around with a huff, visibly tearing up.

“So… do we win?” asked Galidor with a smile. “If not, I have the perfect weapon!”

“Me?” Dogars asked in surprise.

“No!” laughed Galidor, smacking Dogars away like a dodgeball, its purple figure bouncing away. “I meant my new Venipede, Vidi Vici!”

Death raised an eyebrow… skull area… thing. “Is that a reference to what I think it is?”

Ran burst into tears.

“Poor guy,” Corn sighed.

“No matter!” exclaimed Dr. Zubious. “I still have my secret weapon! Caffeininator, go!” He pulled out a large Medigun, and primed it at Regigigas.

“No… no no no no NOOOOOOOOOOO” Regigas creamed as the pulses emitted by the Medigun struck her. After a moment, it ended, and she collapsed.

Her head perked up.

“Co…. co…” she mumbled.

“What’s that?” Ran asked.

She got to her knees and began shaking. “COFFEEE!” she screamed maniacally, breaking through her robotic monotone.

“Ooo, this’ll be fun,” Dr. Zubious decided as he clapped his hands together. “Like that time I disguised myself as a Rent-a-Clown, infiltrated that kid’s birthday party, popped his balloons, ate his cake, and then made off with all the doorknobs in his house!”

“Coffee!” screamed Regigigas.

“Wait!” screamed Corn in protest, halting both attackers. “We needed money, so I hooked us up with a sponsor that’s due to air any minute now!”

The Author came in. “You got us money?” he asked perkily.

“Yup,” grinned Corn, handing the Author a large wad of cash. “Their ratings were huge, and they wanted to expand their broadcast.”

“Well, I just hope it’s not-“

Confessions of a Gym Leader
With our host, all the way from Sinnoh, Kinsey!!

“Hello folks, and welcome back to Confessions of a Gym Leader, where we interview various gym leaders from all around the world! First off, we have Skyla, from… who cares! And here she is!” Kinsey smiled warmly in a fake, plastic manner.

A woman with long, auburn hair stepped onto the stage and bowed, revealing her rather tight pilot’s uniform. She sat in the plush recliner provided for her.

“Hello Skyla!” Kinsey said, shaking the woman’s hand. “How nice it is to see you today! What is your problem?” Kinsey asked, never once stopping smiling.

Skyla gulped. “Well, the doctors said I have a fixation with watching trainers be hurled into walls…” she mumbled.

Kinsey made a ssch, ssch, noise while shaking her head (much to Ran’s chagrin), never once ceasing to smile. “And what makes him say that?” she finally asked.

Skyla smiled guiltily. “The cannons and fans in my gym are aimed just so that the trainers would collide into walls. It makes me laugh. Like this, watch,” she stood up and inhaled sharply. Her eyes glowed red as she threw her arms into the air. “MWAHAHAHAHA!” she laughed, lightning flashing.

“My, my,” noted Kinsey, never losing a beat. “That is quite the problem. Anyway, before we continue, let’s meet our next gym leaders! Leaders, come on up and say your problem!”

A tall, attractive-looking male with spiky brown hair and a leather jacket walked onto the scene. “Hi, my name is Blue and people always get my name wrong with some horrid rubbish a new trainer thrust onto me,” he shrugged before sitting down on a recliner.

A tall, gruff-looking man wearing lederhosen, sporting a wicked beard walked in. “Hello. My name is Drayden, and I think my beard is trying to take over my mind and the world.”

“Don’t listen to him!” his beard hissed.

The fouth and final person walked onstage. “I’m Whitney!” she smiled. “My Psychiatrist sent me here after making too many terainers cry WITH THE UNHOLY POWER OF MY DEVESTATING MILTANK MOOHAHAHAHA! Oh, and thanks for having me here.”

“Excellent to see you all!” Kinsey grinned. “First question; how many fanfiction can you name?”

“The Journey of Journeyness!” called Blue.

“The Jirachi Battalion,” noted Drayden.

“Wendistop,” added Skyla.

“Operation COG,” said Whitney.

“Very good,” nodded Kinsey. “That is the first step to accepting.”

“Accepting what?” asked Blue.

“YOUR DEMISE,” hissed Drayden’s beard, tentacles whipping the air.

“Shut up, beard!” Drayden cried in angst.

“My cow will crush you all!” Whitney proclaimed.

“I swear to Arceus if I don’t smash you all into walls…” Skyla growled.

“I’ll rummage through your dead meat-parcels and consume your bones, feasting on their delighted marrow!” cackled Drayden’s beard.

“Beard!” Drayden whined in desperation.

“♫♪Sooooooaring through the skiiiiiiies, smashing into waaaaaals♫♪” sang Skyla.

“What’s up, Che-“ began Whitney.

“That’s not my name!” screamed Blue.

“SHUT UP!” yelled Kinsey, finally breaking her smile. “You’re all INSANE! I can’t handle you all! Just shut up, go home, and leap off a bridge or something!”

“Unova has a lot of bridges,” noted Skyla.

“Malfunction detected.” screamed a robotic voice as Kinsey spontaneously combusted. “Malfunction ceased.”

And thus Ends Confessions of a Gym Leader. We will probably never air again after this, being the third time this has happened.

“Coffee!” screamed Regigigas, twitching nervously.

Galidor smoothed his hair. “Vidi Vici, Venoshock!”

“Veni!” Venipede growled as it glowed with purple intensity, which was then fired at Regigas.

Regigigas stumbled for a moment, then ran around in circles screaming.

“You take care of that, Regigigas!” yelled Dr. Zubious. “I’ll be… uh… elsewhere!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deploying Surprise Defense in 10…

The monotonous timer had gone off. Zub was smashing buttons with Tango’s pogo stick form.

It wasn’t working as well as he had hoped.

9…

As the time rushed past his ears, he beat all the cntrols harder, damaging them far beyond repair.

8…

That didn’t work either. Time for a new plan.

7…

“Go fish,” sighed Tango as he tossed down a playing card. This wasn’t working wither.

6…

Tango was using Psychic to smash Zub into various pieces of electronic equipment to no avail.

5…

“And then Justy whispered…” Ashleigh stopped as she noticed the two people in the room. “Hey, you two!”

4…

“Do you suppose you could help us turn off the surprise?” Tango asked.

3…

“Sure, if we had controls to turn them off,” said Ashleigh as she rolled her eyes.

“KILL THEM?” asked Rath.

2….

“No! We need to leave before the surprise is deployed!” Ashleigh yelled, but it was too late.

Deploying surprise.

Several thousand pounds of yogurt was dropped on all present in the Control Room.

“NOOOOOOO!” screamed Ashleigh. “It’s so low in fat!”

“MY WEEKNEH!” roared Rath as he thrashed about before disappearing in the tsunami of low-fat creamy treat.

Zub sat there and blinked as his face was covered in the yogurt.

“This is just like that horror film we watched last night.”sighed Tango.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death pushed Regigigas over. “This may not kill it but it’s down at last!” he panted.

Then Dr. Zubious came back, this time wearing a mask. “Wow, look at this neat mask!” he exclaimed. “Anyway, where were we-“

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” Corn calmly screamed.

Ran turned around. “What is i- AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” he placidly shrieked.

Death yawned.

“What’s wrong?” Galidor asked.

Ran and Corn whimpered and pointed at the doctor’s mask.

“That’s terrible!”

“I have to hide before he eats me!” Corn said.

“What?” Dr. Zubious asked in confusion.

The watchtower behind them exploded.

Nearby, several platforms above the goo exploded. The goo exploded too, but it doesn’t have feelings, so we won’t worry about that.

The tower, on the other hand, was mentally screaming, “WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIIIIIS.”

Beneath the now-holes, yogurt began oozing out and mixing into the goo with a hiss. Zub’s head poked out of the torrent momentarily before being sucked back in.

“Zub’s in there!” yelled Death. Everyone could see him struggling to surface.

“I’ll get him!” called Galidor, diving straight into the yogurt-goo mix.

“Way to be sanitary, Master!” called out Dogars, who had not moved since his master had kicked him into the corner of the platform they were standing on.

“Always a pleasure,” replied Galidor before plunging deeper into the mess.

The group waited several minutes before Galidor and Zub both surfaced and began making their way to the platform.

Rath also appeared, and seemed to be preparing to drag them both under. However, he was stopped by Ashleigh.

“Ghetsis, destroy!” she panted before clambering onto Rath’s back for safety.

“Ghetsis?” Corn asked. “Who’s that?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I meant….” she cleared her throat before spitting out a hairball. “Rath, you should do this.”

“SCHNITZEL DESTOY DEM!” Rath roared.

“Schnitzel?” Galidor asked. H turned around in a circle. “Say, where’s Schnitzel been? He hasn’t been interacting with us at all these last few chapters.”

“I’m right here.”

“Who said that?” Corn asked, looking around.

The goo encompassing the courtyard exploded as a giant, mutated figure exploded from it. “Right here,” it snarled before batting at the platform they were standing on. As soon as his giant hand made contact with the platform, it was sent careening into a wall, taking its occupants with it.

“Ow,” Death said, rubbing his head. Luckily they had managed to land on another platform instead of in the goo.

“Father!” protested Corn.

“You don’t have to die,” cooed Schnitzel. “You could join me.”

“And live my life as a yogurt mutant? NO thanks,” said Corn.

“THEN DIE!” roared Schnitzel as he body slammed the platform they were on.

“We need to leave sir,” said Tango as soon as they all resurfaced. “The entire compound is flooding with yogurt.”

“Escape you won’t!” snarled Schnitzel as he smashed a hand into the vile mix of yogurt and ooze, creating a tsunami that went both ways.

Once everyone was recovered, they began brainstorming.

“Pole vaulting!” suggested Death.

“Communism!” suggested Ran.

“Tunneling!” suggested Corn.

“Escaping on the risen yogurt!” suggested Corn.

“YOU MUST DIE!” decided Schnitzel, swinging another fist. “JOIN ME, <corn>, AND I’LL MAKE YOUR FACE THE GREATEST IN KORODAI!”

“OH no,” gasped Death.

“This is bad,” agreed Ran.

“Why? I’d rather like being the greatest face in… Korodai.”

“It’s not that,” gasped Ran. “It’s far worse! He’s got… THE CD-IRUS!”

“What?” asked Galidor.

“That goo must have infected him with CD-i,” said Death.

“Butt hose games were terrible!” Corn yelled.

“SQUADALA!” agreed Schnitzel.

“It can only get worse,” said Death grimly. “But on the bright side, he’ll die.”

“How is that the bright side?!” exclaimed Corn.

“He started PETA.”

“Good point.

“TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER!” yelled Schnitzel as he attempted to eat the heroes.

Zub sipped some lemonade, still thinking.

“This is horrid!” exclaimed Corn.

“I WONDER WHAT’S FOR DINNER?” wondered Schnitzel as he continued to attempt to eat the group.

Zub finally seemed to come up with an idea.

He grabbed Ran’s shoulders and made some gestures.

Ran nodded.

“What was he saying?” Death whispered to Ran.

“I have no idea!” Ran said honestly. Zub frowned.

AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT EXPLODEY

KAPSHROOOOOM
SHAMPOW
KABLIDDLYBABABBLEBOOM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub, Ran, Death, Galidor, and Corn all woke up on a beach and rubbed their heads.

“I feel like I should be mad at Eff Ecks for something,” moaned Ran.

“I just realized something,” frowned Galidor.

Death pulled his head out of the sand. :What is it?”

“We all have a new Pokémon, right?”

“Riiight….” confirmed the group, unsure of where this could be going.

Galidor walked over to Zub and punched his stupid face. “That’s for a week ago, bub!”

“Has it really been a week already?” wondered Ran.

“Yup,” confirmed Death. “And we’ve been wearing the same outfits the whole time….”

“Time for a wardrobe change,” said Corn. Everyone stared at him. “What? What is this, a video game or something?! This is real life!”

“When will he learn?” Ran wondered.
“It’s best not to let him know,” sighed Death.

[Rotomknight]

I loved the iCarly reference.
*SPOiLER ALERT*
shampow
End alert.
I want corn to learn.

[GalladeofSpades]

Zub pulled himself out of the water and flopped, chest up, onto the dock and panted heavily, trying to regain, air oxygen, and life.

Zub walked over to Zub with a puzzled look on his face.

Then the wet Zub gave the dry Zub a nice, big hug… and plunged into the ocean.

You're fueling the fangirls. The irrational yaoi ones.

Ashleigh made a strained face. “You can’t just leave like that…” she grumbled.

Corn turned to her and beamed. “Ma’am, which way to get out of here?”

Ashleigh shrugged. “Do you want the booby-trapped way or the non-booby trapped way?”

“Non-booby trapped way please.”

“Take a left as soon as you get into the walls of the wasteland,” she sighed reluctantly.

Corn merrily trotted in and took a left. Screams could be heard shortly after.

“Or maybe it was that way…” Ashleigh wondered, making an absent gesture in the entirely opposite direction.

“Thanks,” groaned Corn as he made his way in the other direction, his accompaniment cautiously following from a relatively safe distance.

Ran glared at the Golett. “It’s blue,” he said dejectedly.

Death smiled and shrugged. “Then I’ll catch it.”

Ran’s face declined. “No! There’s got to be a way around it…”

Death’s face was visibly smug. “Sorry, little buddy, but-“ he was interrupted as a man and a Vaporeon crashed into a large canister, releasing a large quantity of red spray onto Golett.

“Get…. Golt!” exclaimed Golett… as she noticed a Dustox flutter past before spontaneously combusting.

*slowly claps* Aren't Golett's genderless?

“It’s a bit… oblivious, wouldn’t you say?” asked Death.

“I don’t care, it’s red!” skittered Ran gleefully before glaring at the noise he apparently made.

“Tantum, devolve into Eevee then go into Espeon mode. We can kill these guys with fun,” whispered Dr. Zubious. He turned to the nothing. “Stop narrating what is supposed to be a secret!” he demanded.

Zubious is a cheating bastard!

“Pokéball, go!” cried out Ran, throwing a Premier Ball he had obtained FREE ABSOLUTELY FREEE WITH THE PURCHASE OF TEN POKéBALLS OR MORE AT YOUR LOCAL POKéMART ABSOLUTELY FREEE

THIS WAS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY DEVON

Devon co-owns the world with Silph.

Ran, Death, Galidor and Corn hopped into the monster truck. All of their details were greatly exaggerated; each had blossoming muscles, vivid facial expressions, and extremely highly detailed eyes.

“Hurry up, they are gaining on us!” Galidor called from the trunk to Ran, who was driving in a decidedly Japanese accent.

“I am accelerating!” cried out Ran, slamming his foot down on the pedal.

“Espeon!” cried out a pink, two-tailed kitsune with a ruby encrusted between its eyes as it leaped out from behind a wall of smashed auto parts and used its Psychic abilities to fling shrapnel at the quartet.

“Cossacka!” Death yelled. “Speed up, and I will charge up my abilities!” yelled Galidor.

The monster truck took on a purge of speed and sped onwards.

“Charging!” roared Galidor in power.

“This fic is so stupid,” muttered Corn offhandedly.

Espeon, upon noticing that her shrapnel were doing no harm, she focused and made her tail blow with a brilliant, metallic hue.

“Now would be a great time to activate,” Corn growled to Galidor, who was happy to oblige.

“Powering up to SUPER SHAMAN!” he yelled as he rose up in a brilliant sphere of golden light.

“Where’d his shirt go?” Corn asked in bewilderment as the light faded away, revealing Galidor’s very pulled up pants and his abnormally buff biceps. Espeon’s Iron Tail made contact but bounced off with a dull paonk.

Ran twitched at the helm of the car.

“SUPER SHAMAN LASER!” cried out Galidor as the light returned, though it was now heavily focused towards the front. Espeon barely had time to throw up a feeble Light Screen before the light concentrated so heavily it shot a powerful blast at Espeon, knocking it out.

The monster truck exploded.

Fin.

Crap.

“Even humour!”

“Humour?” asked Death skeptically.

“Yes. Why did the Torchic cross the road?”

“Why?” asked Ran.

CALCULATING… ANSWER: A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF ZE SEA

A laugh track was cued.

“Our laugh track and automated answering systems are French?” asked the Author. “Well, that’s new.”

Honhonhonhon~! <--- laughing like a french person. <----- doing it horribly wrong

“What’s a French? And what’s a fic? My head is so confused…” moaned Corn, rubbing his temples.

“If I wasn’t wearing this costume I’d kill you,” commented Death.

“Welcome to the world of the future!” grinned the Author. “Good job, Machiavelli.”

A goldfish in a small glass bowl nearby did absolutely nothing to acknowledge his acknowledgement.

“That’s my fish,” sighed the Author, wiping a tear from his eyes before disappearing.

Pffft. xD

Zub pulled himself onto the dock, gasping for air. His instincts told him he had to destroy this faculty. First, he needed a way to transport himself with ease.

He threw a Pokéball and immediately Tango understood what he wanted.

‘Motorized Pogo Stick form activating, sir,” he hummed. He stretched his two arms out to the either side and positioned his body so he was looking down. His face slid down and elongated down a pole trailed by his nose, until he resembled a rather strange pogo stick.

“Transition complete” Tango hummed. “Go on, get on.”

transformers, YEAAAAAAAAAAAA *stabbed*

Zub shrugged and clambered onto his Pokémon. Getting into the swing of things, he began bouncing around merrily. His next step; to further destroy this place. It was already in ruins from not only its age and discrepancy, but Rick’s bomb run helped no further. He had to figure out how to shut of the Drone production lines….

As he leaped over the tall walls separating the main area from the dock, a drone few past him, did a double take, and grew arms. The taloned limbs of machinery attempted to do either what seemed to be moving to drill his eyes out or to do the classic “Got your nose!” gambit.

Eventually growing tired of the situation, the drone gave up and released a large, bladed mole Pokémon.

“[i]Excadrill, the Large Bladed Mole Pokémon,[i]” confirmed Tango helpfully. “Excadrill uses its claws to viciously dig holes. No one knows why it digs so many holes or why it does so with such passion, but it is a frightening sight.”

Right on cue, the Excadrill bent over and began digging with an enormous fervor. The drone starting buzzing and humming angrily, but as it was not set to Attack or Protect mode, the Excadrill had no intention of obeying.

Suddenly, two more drones heard all the racket and flew over. Immediately they spotted Zub, who had by now dismounted his pogo stick. One immediately released a purple Rattata and the other a large, blue toad Pokémon with a flower sprouting from its back.

“Rattata and Venusaur,” sung Tango. “Rattata are known for their purple hue and are known to taste amazing when flambéed over a low fire for a half hour. Venusaur are typically lazy, but when the time calls, they still do not fight. Rather, they abandon their homes and play poker and drink until late at night.”

Zub shrugged and sent Derpy Moos forward while Tango returned itself to its battling state. Zub gave a series of short hand gestures and both knew what to do immediately. Tango flew over to the duo of vicious Pokémon, where it assaulted Venusaur with a series of rapid, vicious punches making up Bullet Punch.

Derpy Moos curled up into a ball, where a steady crust formed over her, making her indistinguishable from any boulder. She then proceeded to ram into Rattata with a sharp “Moo!” Rattata took considerable damage and was flung into a wall, but still somehow managed to feebly stand up.

The first security drone whirred for a moment in thought, and Rattata glared at Derpy, who suddenly seemed to have the same amount of hit points as Rattata.

“Look out Zub, it’s a FEAR Rattata!” warned Tango without missing a beat. Zub nodded and told Derpy to unleash a Quick Attack, knocking out Rattata instantly.

Zub nodded to Tango, who finished his assault with a final Meteor Mash before knocking out Venusaur. Both of the controlling drones exploded immediately and the third one fled on sight.

“How random,” noted Tango as the he transformed back into a pogo stick.

I must commend you for writing this very serious setting. Lilycove sounds apocalyptic, plus, aside the pokédex entries, the entire battle scene left me without giggles.

“What’s this one called?” Death asked as he peered at a barking, striped wolf or something.

“Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon,” clarified Ran’s Pokédex data banks.

“Wait, TinyRaccoon?” asked Death in surprise. “No spaces?”

“None,” shrugged Ran.

“Lame,” sighed Death as he punted the Zigzagoon.

“I found one!” called out Galidor. Everyone went to see what it was.
“I know that one,” noted Ran. “It’s Jynx.”

“It’s an abomination,” corrected Death.

“Jynx,” Jynx countered icily.

A laugh track was cued for that terrible, terrible pun.

Honhonhon~!

The Jynx rushed forward and smacked Death’s chest. Being a Pikachu, instead of being killed, she was involuntarily sucked in.

“Oh no,” he groaned in despair. “Seriously?!”

“Seriously,” affirmed Ran. “My Pokédex confirms it’s yours now.”

“Guess that means we’ll look for a Pokémon for me then!” grinned Corn as he merrily skipped away.

“I’ll nickname you Suckish,” Death muttered angrily to where his stomach should be. “Because you suck.”

Liez. Jynx be awesome.

“Well, this sucks,” muttered Dr. Zubious to Tantem. “Tantem, return.”

He looked around. His genetically modified destroyer of doom was not working for once… he’d have to fix that later.

But right now those insolent brats were doing nothing to help him.

He held a Pokéball aloft and studied it.

“Go, Regigas!” he yelled as a white golem with yellow armour and ancient moss growing on it materialized. “Destroy them,” he commanded to it.

“Carry me,” the Regigigas moaned.

“Stop being so lazy,” scowled the doctor.

... That's an interesting way of how Slow Start works.

Zub bounced on his transformed robot motorized pogo stick happily, looking for the wasteland’s control system. Why?

So he could blow it up.

He sang a little song as he bounced. It went to the tune of “Jingle Chingling”.

It went as follows;

“… … …
… … …
… … … …
… … … … … … … …”

And so on, as Zub is mute.

He still sings better than Bieber.

Eventually, he made his way to a large inconspicuous building with a poster in the front. It read

WARNING
THERE IS NOTHING BEHIND THE POSTER
THE BUILDING IS A PURSE
AND ALL THAT IS BEHIND POSTER
IS A FERALIGATR PIT

Zub recognized the trick from when he stopped the Mafia. There was a lever behind the poster, he knew. He jumped through the poster to reach the lever…

…and promptly fell in a Feraligatr pit. “Why do they even have this? In a purse, no less,” grumbled Tango as they entered into a room marked “Control Room” in the pit.

*slowly claps. again.*

Regigas lazily swung a fist. “En garde,” it drawled.

“This is it!” snapped Dr. Zubious. “Why won’t any of my Pokémon just kill you heroes already?!”

Death turned around in surprise. “You were trying to kill us?”

“Maybe you’re failing because you spend too much time dancing?” asked Regigigas with a laugh.

“Wait, what?” asked Ran.

Regigigas turned to him. “Yup. He wanted his official title to be DDR. Zubious.”

“Shut up!” cried out the doctor in protest.

“OH MAI ARCEUS YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE!” Regigas cried.

“Fine. You’re not seeing that by on Friday the,” Dr. Zubious glared, turning his back.

Regigas turned around with a huff, visibly tearing up.

“So… do we win?” asked Galidor with a smile. “If not, I have the perfect weapon!”

I'm... not sure what just happened here.

“No!” laughed Galidor, smacking Dogars away like a dodgeball, its purple figure bouncing away. “I meant my new Venipede, Vidi Vici!”

Death raised an eyebrow… skull area… thing. “Is that a reference to what I think it is?”

Ran burst into tears.

“Poor guy,” Corn sighed.

Is it a good thing I don't get the reference?

“No matter!” exclaimed Dr. Zubious. “I still have my secret weapon! Caffeininator, go!” He pulled out a large Medigun, and primed it at Regigigas.

“No… no no no no NOOOOOOOOOOO” Regigas creamed as the pulses emitted by the Medigun struck her. After a moment, it ended, and she collapsed.

Her head perked up.

“Co…. co…” she mumbled.

“What’s that?” Ran asked.

She got to her knees and began shaking. “COFFEEE!” she screamed maniacally, breaking through her robotic monotone.

REGIGIGAS ON CAFFEINE. YOU SHALL NEVER SURVIVE.

“Ooo, this’ll be fun,” Dr. Zubious decided as he clapped his hands together. “Like that time I disguised myself as a Rent-a-Clown, infiltrated that kid’s birthday party, popped his balloons, ate his cake, and then made off with all the doorknobs in his house!”

This is a reference, I'm sure of it. I just can't remember where it's from.

“Wait!” screamed Corn in protest, halting both attackers. “We needed money, so I hooked us up with a sponsor that’s due to air any minute now!”

The Author came in. “You got us money?” he asked perkily.

“Yup,” grinned Corn, handing the Author a large wad of cash. “Their ratings were huge, and they wanted to expand their broadcast.”

“Well, I just hope it’s not-“

Confessions of a Gym Leader
With our host, all the way from Sinnoh, Kinsey!!

IT'S OPRAH.

“Hello folks, and welcome back to Confessions of a Gym Leader, where we interview various gym leaders from all around the world! First off, we have Skyla, from… who cares! And here she is!” Kinsey smiled warmly in a fake, plastic manner.

A woman with long, auburn hair stepped onto the stage and bowed, revealing her rather tight pilot’s uniform. She sat in the plush recliner provided for her.

“Hello Skyla!” Kinsey said, shaking the woman’s hand. “How nice it is to see you today! What is your problem?” Kinsey asked, never once stopping smiling.

Skyla gulped. “Well, the doctors said I have a fixation with watching trainers be hurled into walls…” she mumbled.

Kinsey made a ssch, ssch, noise while shaking her head (much to Ran’s chagrin), never once ceasing to smile. “And what makes him say that?” she finally asked.

Skyla smiled guiltily. “The cannons and fans in my gym are aimed just so that the trainers would collide into walls. It makes me laugh. Like this, watch,” she stood up and inhaled sharply. Her eyes glowed red as she threw her arms into the air. “MWAHAHAHAHA!” she laughed, lightning flashing.

“My, my,” noted Kinsey, never losing a beat. “That is quite the problem. Anyway, before we continue, let’s meet our next gym leaders! Leaders, come on up and say your problem!”

A tall, attractive-looking male with spiky brown hair and a leather jacket walked onto the scene. “Hi, my name is Blue and people always get my name wrong with some horrid rubbish a new trainer thrust onto me,” he shrugged before sitting down on a recliner.

A tall, gruff-looking man wearing lederhosen, sporting a wicked beard walked in. “Hello. My name is Drayden, and I think my beard is trying to take over my mind and the world.”

“Don’t listen to him!” his beard hissed.

The fouth and final person walked onstage. “I’m Whitney!” she smiled. “My Psychiatrist sent me here after making too many terainers cry WITH THE UNHOLY POWER OF MY DEVESTATING MILTANK MOOHAHAHAHA! Oh, and thanks for having me here.”

“Excellent to see you all!” Kinsey grinned. “First question; how many fanfiction can you name?”

“The Journey of Journeyness!” called Blue.

“The Jirachi Battalion,” noted Drayden.

“Wendistop,” added Skyla.

“Operation COG,” said Whitney.

“Very good,” nodded Kinsey. “That is the first step to accepting.”

“Accepting what?” asked Blue.

“YOUR DEMISE,” hissed Drayden’s beard, tentacles whipping the air.

“Shut up, beard!” Drayden cried in angst.

“My cow will crush you all!” Whitney proclaimed.

“I swear to Arceus if I don’t smash you all into walls…” Skyla growled.

“I’ll rummage through your dead meat-parcels and consume your bones, feasting on their delighted marrow!” cackled Drayden’s beard.

“Beard!” Drayden whined in desperation.

“♫♪Sooooooaring through the skiiiiiiies, smashing into waaaaaals♫♪” sang Skyla.

“What’s up, Che-“ began Whitney.

“That’s not my name!” screamed Blue.

“SHUT UP!” yelled Kinsey, finally breaking her smile. “You’re all INSANE! I can’t handle you all! Just shut up, go home, and leap off a bridge or something!”

“Unova has a lot of bridges,” noted Skyla.

“Malfunction detected.” screamed a robotic voice as Kinsey spontaneously combusted. “Malfunction ceased.”

And thus Ends Confessions of a Gym Leader. We will probably never air again after this, being the third time this has happened.

Again, this sounds like something I'd put on That Show.

Deploying Surprise Defense in 10…

The monotonous timer had gone off. Zub was smashing buttons with Tango’s pogo stick form.

It wasn’t working as well as he had hoped.

9…

As the time rushed past his ears, he beat all the cntrols harder, damaging them far beyond repair.

8…

That didn’t work either. Time for a new plan.

7…

“Go fish,” sighed Tango as he tossed down a playing card. This wasn’t working wither.

6…

Tango was using Psychic to smash Zub into various pieces of electronic equipment to no avail.

5…

“And then Justy whispered…” Ashleigh stopped as she noticed the two people in the room. “Hey, you two!”

4…

“Do you suppose you could help us turn off the surprise?” Tango asked.

3…

“Sure, if we had controls to turn them off,” said Ashleigh as she rolled her eyes.

“KILL THEM?” asked Rath.

2….

“No! We need to leave before the surprise is deployed!” Ashleigh yelled, but it was too late.

Deploying surprise.

Several thousand pounds of yogurt was dropped on all present in the Control Room.

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting that. Was expecting something like confetti, but not yogurt.

“NOOOOOOO!” screamed Ashleigh. “It’s so low in fat!”

“MY WEEKNEH!” roared Rath as he thrashed about before disappearing in the tsunami of low-fat creamy treat.

Zub sat there and blinked as his face was covered in the yogurt.

“This is just like that horror film we watched last night.”sighed Tango.

What did Rath say?

Death pushed Regigigas over. “This may not kill it but it’s down at last!” he panted.

Then Dr. Zubious came back, this time wearing a mask. “Wow, look at this neat mask!” he exclaimed. “Anyway, where were we-“

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” Corn calmly screamed.

Ran turned around. “What is i- AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” he placidly shrieked.

Death yawned.

“What’s wrong?” Galidor asked.

Ran and Corn whimpered and pointed at the doctor’s mask.

“That’s terrible!”

“I have to hide before he eats me!” Corn said.

“What?” Dr. Zubious asked in confusion.

The watchtower behind them exploded.

Nearby, several platforms above the goo exploded. The goo exploded too, but it doesn’t have feelings, so we won’t worry about that.

The tower, on the other hand, was mentally screaming, “WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIIIIIS.”

You shall be missed, Tower.

“Ghetsis, destroy!” she panted before clambering onto Rath’s back for safety.

“Ghetsis?” Corn asked. “Who’s that?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I meant….” she cleared her throat before spitting out a hairball. “Rath, you should do this.”

“SCHNITZEL DESTOY DEM!” Rath roared.

“Schnitzel?” Galidor asked. H turned around in a circle. “Say, where’s Schnitzel been? He hasn’t been interacting with us at all these last few chapters.”

“I’m right here.”

I was wondering where he was.

“Who said that?” Corn asked, looking around.

The goo encompassing the courtyard exploded as a giant, mutated figure exploded from it. “Right here,” it snarled before batting at the platform they were standing on. As soon as his giant hand made contact with the platform, it was sent careening into a wall, taking its occupants with it.

Final Boss: Ghestis- I mean Schnitzel- I mean Goo monster.

“Ow,” Death said, rubbing his head. Luckily they had managed to land on another platform instead of in the goo.

“Father!” protested Corn.

“You don’t have to die,” cooed Schnitzel. “You could join me.”

“And live my life as a yogurt mutant? NO thanks,” said Corn.

“THEN DIE!” roared Schnitzel as he body slammed the platform they were on.

“We need to leave sir,” said Tango as soon as they all resurfaced. “The entire compound is flooding with yogurt.”

“Escape you won’t!” snarled Schnitzel as he smashed a hand into the vile mix of yogurt and ooze, creating a tsunami that went both ways.

Is that even possible?

Once everyone was recovered, they began brainstorming.

“Pole vaulting!” suggested Death.

“Communism!” suggested Ran.

“Tunneling!” suggested Corn.

“Escaping on the risen yogurt!” suggested Corn.

FIRE THE GUNS TEXAS STYLE!... No? Fine.

“YOU MUST DIE!” decided Schnitzel, swinging another fist. “JOIN ME, <corn>, AND I’LL MAKE YOUR FACE THE GREATEST IN KORODAI!”

“OH no,” gasped Death.

“This is bad,” agreed Ran.

“Why? I’d rather like being the greatest face in… Korodai.”

“It’s not that,” gasped Ran. “It’s far worse! He’s got… THE CD-IRUS!”

“What?” asked Galidor.

“That goo must have infected him with CD-i,” said Death.

“Butt hose games were terrible!” Corn yelled.

“SQUADALA!” agreed Schnitzel.

“It can only get worse,” said Death grimly. “But on the bright side, he’ll die.”

“How is that the bright side?!” exclaimed Corn.

“He started PETA.”

“Good point.

YAY MORE PETA BASHING

“TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER!” yelled Schnitzel as he attempted to eat the heroes.

Zub sipped some lemonade, still thinking.

“This is horrid!” exclaimed Corn.

“I WONDER WHAT’S FOR DINNER?” wondered Schnitzel as he continued to attempt to eat the group.

If you managed to eat them, Raw Heroes.

Zub finally seemed to come up with an idea.

He grabbed Ran’s shoulders and made some gestures.

Ran nodded.

“What was he saying?” Death whispered to Ran.

“I have no idea!” Ran said honestly. Zub frowned.

AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT EXPLODEY

KAPSHROOOOOM
SHAMPOW
KABLIDDLYBABABBLEBOOM

*pressed a button* Oops.

Death pulled his head out of the sand. :What is it?”

Needs quotation mark before the 'what'.

“We all have a new Pokémon, right?”

“Riiight….” confirmed the group, unsure of where this could be going.

Galidor walked over to Zub and punched his stupid face. “That’s for a week ago, bub!”

“Has it really been a week already?” wondered Ran.

“Yup,” confirmed Death. “And we’ve been wearing the same outfits the whole time….”

“Time for a wardrobe change,” said Corn. Everyone stared at him. “What? What is this, a video game or something?! This is real life!”

“When will he learn?” Ran wondered.
“It’s best not to let him know,” sighed Death.

... Dang, Galidor has issues.

Suuuuuuuure, Corn..... It's real life...

Great chapters as always.

[Z-nogyroP]

Aaaaand, I can't respond, because you blew up my mind with the awesomeness.

KABOOM
EXPLODIEDODIE
BOOMSHAKALAKA

Well, keep up the good work, I guess. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, so see ya later, I guess.

[Zibdas]

I loved the iCarly reference.
*SPOiLER ALERT*
shampow
End alert.
I want corn to learn.

I knew that sound effect was too good to be original. Also, Corn will never learn. HE IS MY IGNORANT MONKEY

You're fueling the fangirls. The irrational yaoi ones.

Those are the only fans I wouldn't mind Gun shooting.
Gun: How do I shot gun
YOU'RE DEAD TO ME

*slowly claps* Aren't Golett's genderless?

Ah.... *thinks of reasonable excuse for ignorance* This Golett, Kalinka, is so ignorant and blissful she didn't know that.

Zubious is a cheating bastard!

"What did you expect?"
GET OUT OF HERE

Devon co-owns the world with Silph.

A beautiful world.

Honhonhonhon~! <--- laughing like a french person. <----- doing it horribly wrong

Could be worse?

Pffft. xD

I waited for you to all forget, then I pounced!C Rawr!

transformers, YEAAAAAAAAAAAA *stabbed*

Kniiiiife, not you too! >:u

I must commend you for writing this very serious setting. Lilycove sounds apocalyptic, plus, aside the pokédex entries, the entire battle scene left me without giggles.

Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but thanks.

Liez. Jynx be awesome.

*cough*

... That's an interesting way of how Slow Start works.

Turns Regigigas into a defiant, lazy teenage girl? How else would it work?

He still sings better than Bieber.

That's a given.

*slowly claps. again.*

sloooow mooooooo

I'm... not sure what just happened here.

Neither am I.

Is it a good thing I don't get the reference?

Nothing wrong either way; it's from a great game with one impossibly hard level.

REGIGIGAS ON CAFFEINE. YOU SHALL NEVER SURVIVE.

I tremble to think what coke or something would do...

This is a reference, I'm sure of it. I just can't remember where it's from.

Not that I'm aware, though the doorknob bit did come from a friend of mine.

IT'S OPRAH.

POKéPRAH

Again, this sounds like something I'd put on That Show.

I'll take that as a compliment, so... thanks! Always wanted to write a talk show, and I'll probably write more in the future.

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting that. Was expecting something like confetti, but not yogurt.

Confetti is not low in fat. That could be problematic for anyone who wants to eat anything that is dropped on their face.

What did Rath say?

Weakness. It's one of his very few weaknesses; low-fat yogurt dwindles away his strength.

You shall be missed, Tower.

*salute*

I was wondering where he was.

“Who said that?” Corn asked, looking around.

That was intentional. Also, GO AWAY CORN

Final Boss: Ghestis- I mean Schnitzel- I mean Goo monster.

Is that even possible?

What?

FIRE THE GUNS TEXAS STYLE!... No? Fine.

There is no Texas in Pogeyland

YAY MORE PETA BASHING

With a mallet!

If you managed to eat them, Raw Heroes.

So unsanitary.

*pressed a button* Oops.

No one can blame you.

Needs quotation mark before the 'what'.

Thanks.

... Dang, Galidor has issues.

Suuuuuuuure, Corn..... It's real life...

Great chapters as always.

To be fair, Zub did kill him.

Aaaaand, I can't respond, because you blew up my mind with the awesomeness.

KABOOM
EXPLODIEDODIE
BOOMSHAKALAKA

Well, keep up the good work, I guess. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, so see ya later, I guess.

Some is better than none~

[Zibdas]

Chapter 25: Something Else
“What dooooo?” groaned Gary Stu, bored.

“We could listen around,” mused Miror B. “And look for ways to commit evil!”

The group admitted there was no better plan so they followed along.

Somewhere an explosion rocked the ground.

“From the sounds of it, a Cossack Blaster,” said Eff Ecks. “They must have made it to that… place.”

“Say, why did we help them again?” asked Mary Sue, who was promptly ignored.

“Shhh,” prompted Miror B. “I hear something.”

The four leaned over.

Down on the base of the cliff they were standing on, they heard two voices.

“So the new drones will arrive soon, if Ashleigh doesn’t screw up,” Matrin said pleasantly. Bel grinned beside him.

Suddenly a phone rang.

Matrin lifted up his hat, revealing his strawberry-blonde, pulled back hair once more as he sheepishly smiled. “One moment,” he said apologetically, as h4e pulled a banana out of his hat. “Yello,” he said, answering the phone while peeling the banana somewhat.

A voice recognizable to no one but Mary Sue, Matrin, and Bel came off the other line. “Cut the chatter, Matrin,” it snapped.

Matrin rolled his eyes and pulled a Pidove out of his hat in frustration. “What do you need, doctor?”

“There are reports from the television set that a woman named Gabby has been infected with Gary Oak powers.”

“Your point being?” Matrin sighed as he twirled a cane, unintentionally obliterating all Pikachu in an alternate dimension.

“I need you to assassinate her and recover her powers. It could be a useful asset to us.”

Matrin gave a reluctant nod. “We’ll be right on it.”

“Did you hear that?” Miror B. giddily whispered to the other AFROs. “We need to stop them! New Hoenn is our turf to destroy!”

Mary Sue looked around. “I thought he was dead,” she whispered hoarsely.

No one heard her. Obviously.

Eff Ecks smashed a fist into his palm. “I’ve got the boombox,” he grinned, reaching into Miror B.’s afro.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe he would give us work on our day off,” scowled Matrin. Bel slugged him in the gut.

“At least we’ll get to destroy stuff this time,” she shrugged.

Suddenly music began blaring as the valley they were walking down began to be filled with smoke.

“You dare trespass our turf?!” boomed a disembodied voice.

“Oh, cool,” grinned Matrin. “I bet this is like West Side Story. Turf wars, fighting, happy! The mafia!” he practically sung.

“Prepare to be disintegrated!” a new voice chanted in tune with the music.

“Oh, joy,” grumbled Bel, drawing out both katana.

“Prepare to meat…” commanded a notably more feminine voice.

“There’s a typo,” Matrin noted. The Author is so lazy he’d rather write this sentence explaining how lazy he is than to fix it, though.

“TEAM AFRO!” bellowed another voice.

Bel blinked. Matrin thrinked.

Miror B. burst out of a trapdoor in the ground.

“How did we not notice that trap door in the middle of the path?” Matrin whispered t6o Bel.

Miror B. ceased his actionate pose and starting rubbing his afro. “Am I…. uh…. was I interrupting something between you two? If so, I’ll just leave now, because if I ever saw her again and we were inter-“

Bel smacked Matrin with the blunt of her sword. “What are you talking about?!”

Miror B. shrugged. “A boy… a girl… alone…” he trailed off serendipitously.

“What is wrong with you?!” Bel demanded as her magician friend struggled to scrape himself off the pathway.

Miror B. whistled, tapping his toe to the music. “Nothing to hide if it’s not hidden.”

Bel’s face turned an enraged shade of plum as she rushed towards him, abandoning thought for once. Right as she got close, she lashed out with her blades, though Miror B. was able to jump out of the way.

Mostly.

A single, crimson, curly hair released itself from Miror B.’s afro, swaying gently in the light breeze until it hit the ground.

Miror B. stared at it.

“Oh no,” gasped the collective gasp of the other AFROs.

“Ha! You cannot stand to the might of my katana!” Bel laughed. Matrin had disappeared.

“Yo, evil lady!” Gary Stu called to her. Run!”

“Why would I, the grea-“ she began before Miror B.’s head shot up and stared her right in the eye. Even with his sunglasses she could feel his gaze drilling into her.

The boom box broke.

“You….” Miror B. began. Bel noticed that his zesty disco, studded suit was now a dangerous hue of royal purple. Wasn’t it yellow before?

“Me?” she stammered. His sunglasses morphed into a wrathful, glaring position.

“Yes,” confirmed Miror B., who was straightening out.

“Run!” Eff Ecks practically screamed, attempting to urge Bel onwards.

“It’s Miror Boogie Fervor forme!” cried out Gary Stu.

“Suddenly Miror Boogie Fervor grew to several times its original size as its afro inflated to several times the size of his body.

“Prepare to meet your demise at the hands of disco…. a DISCO DEMISE!” Miror B. roared, Afro taking full control over his body.

“Dag nabbit,” whimpered Bel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ty looked at Gabby. “Please stop sniffing me,” he moaned as she went up and down his arm with her nose.

Gabby looked up and scoffed. “Well, I better bolt before I catch loser-it is” she taunted before fleeing.

“Wait, Gabby!” Ty protested as she ran off.

“Go, Arcanine!” she laughed, tying a rope into its mouth. She strapped on some roller blades and grabbed the other end of the rope. “Let’s roll!” she yelled as the Arcanine took off, ruining the hallway of Hoenn TV.

Mary Sue and Gary Stu suddenly appeared

“Stop, Gabby!” Mary Sue called. “We’re hetre to protect you!”

“I’m not convinced,” said Gabby, waving them off. “Maybe you should let your stomach do the talking!”

“That… doesn’t make sense,” squinted Gary Stu.

“Smell ya later!” Gabby yelled as she took off once more, the AFRO duo giving pursuit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“38 seconds so far!” Eff Ecks called to Bel, who was frantically weaving through Miror Boogie Fervor’s legs in an attempt not to die.

“Longer than I survived in the Super Gravitron,” she grunted, rolling in between a particularly tight space. “Time for my secret weapon!” she cried out. “Even with Matrin gone to assassinate, I’ll win!”

“How do you figure?” Eff Ecks asked in blatant curiosity, tilting his head.

“My secret weapon,” came the response as she grinned. She dug through a satchel and withdrew a Master Ball. “Go, Waluigi!’

“Waa,” pronounced a tall, lanky purple plumber. (as in, his clothes were purple, not he –the Author)

“Waluigi, destroy!” Bel declared victoriously as she made her escape./

“Waa!” yelled Waluigi as he threw himself at Miror Boogie Fervor. Eff Ecks made a last-minute decision to pursue Bel.

“You won’t catch me,” she taunted as she ran, holding both katana and her arms out behind her, leaping expertly around the canyon like a ninja.

“If I had my Typewriter than I could make some annoying sound effects,” he swore.

“Typewriter, you say?” Bel asked in mild interest, slowing down her pace. “Tell me more.”

“I’m not sure that would be appropriate, seeing as how-“ he stopped as a katana landed right in front of him, just barely missing his flesh. He changed his mind.

“Each author has a Typewriter that enables them to well… type out their designated duty.”

“Is that it?”

“Pretty much.”

Bel rubbed her palms together. “Excellent. I’m going to require one, however.”

“No need,” Eff Ecks said, giving a rather charming smile to emblazon his point.

“How do you figure?”

“I was only a distraction,” Eff Ecks shrugged. “Lady, meet the wonderful Glitter!”

Nothing happened.

Bel glanced around. “Is that it?”

Then they heard screaming as Glitter jumped over a cliff wall, firing from a rather large crossbow at Bel’s position.

“Aiiiieeeeee!” she shrieked as she approached rapidly, firing all the while. Bel had to leap around non-stop to evade the onslaught.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where’d she run off to now?” scowled Gary Stu as they surveyed the damage.

“I’m going to have to ask you guys to leave,” said Matrin, approaching from behind.

“Or what?!” demanded Mary Sue strangely defiant despite her powers still missing.

Matrin turned to her and smoothed back his longish hair. “Or I’m going to have to call up Jack Black, and he’ll look for octagons,” he said suggestively.

Mary Sue slapped him across the face while Gary Stu advanced menacingly. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he growled.

“Exactly as it does,” said Matrin smoothly, shuffling a pack of cards idly. Randomly, he stuck his hand out to the side.

He raised an eyebrow and gave a two-fingered salute as an Arcanine came running by, right into Matrin’s hand where he was able to hitch a ride.

“Smell ya later!” he taunted as Arcanine took off.

“Dag nabbit,” swore Gary Stu. “Where are all the workers in the station though? Surely they could help us…”

A producer past them. “Meh….” he drawled, spiffy suit almost sparkly clean. “We launched a brick into space, so everyone’s all concerned about that.”

Eff Ecks ran up. “Where are they?” he asked, panting.

“They smelt us later,” sniveled Mary Sue.

“They went that way,” said Gary Stu, pointing off in a corner.

Eff Ecks pulled a small yellow star with eyes out of his coat. “Yu know, some day, we’re going to stop relying on things we didn’t create to do stuff,” he sighed as he ate it. His body began glowing purple and his eyes shne a malicious yellow.

“A Starman? Really?” the Author asked Rick.

“Some day, we’ll stop relying on things like these,” Rick sighed dreamily.

“I AM BULLETPROOOOOOF!” roared Eff Ecks as he headed after Matrin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bel ran as fast as she could through the Lilycovian outskirts, aiming t catch up to and assist Matrin, when she bumped into a woman dressed in long, maroon robes.

“I know you!” she yelled. “You’re Amisa Anima!”

The woman named Amisa Anima paused. “Do I know you?” she asked with a blank look.

“I’m your successor,” Bel said proudly.

“They finally found someone else to hunt after the lost Houndoom?” Amisa asked dreamily.

“Don’t be stupid,” scowled Bel. “I work for It since you quite after Eff Ecks abandoned our cause.”

Amisa forced her eyes into focus without much success “Our cause, of what? Destruction?”

Bel shrugged. “I mostly do it because it’s fun.”

Amisa stared intently into her eyes. After a long pause, she finally quietly murmured, “This is why I quit working for It. I fund something that could benefit everyone.”

“Don’t tell me you joined those hipster cultists….!” Bel gasped. Amisa merely shrugged and skipped away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We have you now!” Eff Ecks laughed as he approached Matrin, doo-dee-ee-dee-dooing all the while.

“Smell ya… now!” yelled Gabby as she leapt ff of her Arcanine.

…and onto Eff Ecks’ face.

“Argh get her off!” yelled Eff Ecks as she attempted to peel her off.

“Lavender… orange… fruitcake!” Gabby declared triumphantly as Eff Ecks collided into a wall, slumping into unconsciousness.

Now’s my chance!” yelled Matrin, who made a mad dash for Gabby, drawing out his violin bow once more. Gabby, somehow detecting this, leapt out f the way.

“A true Oak,” whistled Mary Sue. “Always one step ahead.”

“Come with us, Gabby!” called Gary Stu. “We’ll protect you!”

“I would never g anywhere with you losers,” scoffed Gabby.

“It’ll bring you even farther ahead of Ash,” Mary Sue suggested.

“We’ll bring your cheerleading squad,” offered Gary Stu.

“Ugh, fine. I’m in,” submitted Gabby as she took off with the two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is nice,” said Miror B., who had calmed down substantially as he sipped his tea.

“Waa,” Waluigi agreed as he lit an ant on fire via magnifying glass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bearded mentor walked up to the group randomly.

“It’s dangerous to go alo-“ he began before looking around. “Where’s the mute guy?”

Elsewhere, Galidor was sitting on Zub’s chest, repeatedly punching Zub’s face.

“No matter,” waved the old guy. “I’m Mentor Matatatatamatatmamata.”

Death paused a beat. “You’re a mentor…”

“Yes,” confirmed Mentor.

“…And your name is Mentor?”

“What else would it be?” Mentor mused. “I’m exactly what it says on the tin.”

“You could have, you know, a real name…” Death trailed off.

Mentor ceased there. “They are preparing a big assault!”

“But we just destroyed their factory…” mumbled Ran.

“That was a diversion to keep you away while they prepared their secret weapon and made extra drones.”

“What are they planning?” asked Death.

“I don’t know, but they made a large war machine.”

“Then we’ll need transportation. We’ll mount a huge assault,” grinned Ran.

“We’ll need weapons! You can do anything with weapons!” exclaimed Death, grin broadening every second.

“So we’ll need an assault ship with lots of weapons…. know any?” Ran asked Mentor.

“Hey guys? Did you forget about me?” asked Corn. Everyone ignored him.

“Now that I think about it…” Death started slowly. “Whatever happened to the Miror Battleship?”

Ran shrugged. “It crashed near Ever Grande City, why woul- ooohhhh.” Realization crept onto Ran’s face like a spider would were he asleep, since spiders are naturally attracted to Ran.

“And I bet we could use Eff Ecks’ blimp for more fun,” said Death, who was swarming in possibility. “Maybe we should split up temporarily. I’ll get weapons, Ran gets the Battleship, and Zub does….” he glanced behind him to see Zub getting pummeled. “He’ll be Zub,” Death finished.

“What time do they unleash the war machine?” asked Ran. “And where?”

“The Titanic Tower, just south of here,” said the Mentor. “And they launch in three days.”

“Titanic Tower? That’s a bit… uncreative,” noted Death.

“This just seems like an easy way for the Author to progress the plot with no hassle,” scowled Ran. “At least we get to break stuff this time.”

[Rotomknight]

This is good as always.
However you need to make this a little moreflent.
It's hard to read with the abrupt changes.

[Zibdas]

ACT II

Sorry about the lack of chapters, it’s just that the absence of comments last chapter was…. discouraging
Chapter 26: Musicular Assault

“Okay,” said Death, drawing out a map of Lilycove. “I’ll get…. weapons…” he spoke the last word as though he were in ecstasy. “And maybe have some fun along the way. Right now we’re outside of Lilycove Arcade, and there’s a surprisingly large number of weapon shops in Lilycove….” Death scratched his head.

“I’ll go do…. something,” muttered Ran.

“What’s up?” asked Death.

“Nothing,” sighed Ran as he was punted to death.

“Alright, so, Zub, you do…. something,” shrugged Death. Let’s move!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub stared at the ground, both ‘friends’ gone separate ways. They had left their Pokéballs with him just in case, and he was surrounded by Pokémon of varying origin, having let them all out.

He casually wandered into the arcade and looked around, the Pokémon following his gaze.

Personal Space Invaders. Nah.

Super Niccolo Sisters. Definitely not.

Then his gaze wandered overt to a skill crane and everyone flocked over to it.

There were all kinds of amazing plushies in there. But the one that caught everyone’s attention was beautiful.

And it talked.

“I pity the foo!” the Mr. T. doll said.

Everyone felt in love immediately.

“Z drogi również mario trzech był najlepszy Mario!” exclaimed Gemini as she shoved people out of the way to get to the claw machine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two men stood staring at… something.

That something was of a complete and utter distinct lack of nothing, and altogether was a very thing like…. thing. The thinginess of this particular thing was overwhelming and the two stared at it.

“Uh… why are we staring at that thing?”

The other man looked at the first man quizzically. “I’m supposed to know?” he asked quizzically.

The first man folded his arms, wrinkling his tasteful black suit. “What is the Author’s fixation with suits?” he spat.

The second man looked down and noticed he was wearing a ball gown. “This makes me feel pretty,” he swooned.

The first guy slapped the second one. “Shut up! We’re supposed to be… undetected!”

The ceiling exploded.

The Author fell through th
e gaping hole, wrinkling ever-so-slightly his purple and dark blue suit.

“Who are you people?!” he demanded. “We aren’t scheduled to have any more characters until… I was at least trying to go one chapter without any new ones….”

The first man straightened his tie nervously. “We’re not… uh… who you think you are… not… because we’re not you…”

The second man smiled eagerly. “We’re…. street performers!”

The Author raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Prove it. Dance for me, monkeys! DANCE!”

The first man donned a square yellow mask with buck teeth. “I’m Sponge….Steve Rectangletrousers,” he said, maintaining the mask’s position in front of his face.

The second man jumped onto a table. “Call me… Psionics!” he shouted as a third eye appeared on his forehead.

SpongeSteve turned to face Psionics. “What now…?” he asked.

“Destroy the world!” hissed the mask.

“That’s a bit harsh,” pointed out Psionics. “I know! I’ll make popcorn… with my mind!”

He stared down at a bag of kernels lying on the ground.

The Author didn’t buy a thing. “Seriously, who are you blokes?”

The first man straightened up and threw away his mask. “You don’t recognize us?” he grinned an evil, slanted, crazed smile.

“Not at all,” affirmed the Author casually.

“I’m Rectangle East. Ring a bell?” growled the man. His partner continued to glare at the popcorn.

“Noooooope,” said the Author.

“I’m the narrator?” said Rectangle, raising an eyebrow.

“We don’t have a narrator,” sighed the Author.

“I was the one you tried to kill,” Rectangle reminded him. The Author nodded. “And this is Germaine. Germaine, say hello.”

“Hello,” said Germaine, who was apparently a girl all along. Oops.

“So why are you back on my fic?” demanded the Author. “There’s a reason why I tried to kill you!”

“Yes, there is,” smiled Rectangle. “But we’ve come to repossess your fic!”

“Impossible!”

Germaine smiled. “We heard you were having…. issues, so we boughted it!”

The Author’s jaw dropped. “You… bought my fic?!”

“It’s not like you could afford it,” countered Rectangle, waving his hand in glee.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” said the Author as Ran stared at him.

Ran smacked him. “Get a hold of yourself, Cappie!”

“We’re doomed,” the Author groaned in response.

Ran slapped him again. “We’ll find a way out in the name of Mother Russia!”

“But I’m not Russian,” the Author scowled.

“Racist Capitalistic monster?! What is wrong with you?!” Ran gasped. “Anyway, we’ll broaden the audience of the fic and have some kind of fundraiser!”

“How will we broaden?”

“We can… we can get a reward!”

The Author raised an eyebrow happily. “For what?” he smiled.

“What about Best Plot?”

“We have a plot?”

“Best graphics?”

“We’re based off of letters.”

“Best heroism?”

“Sounds like a drug.”

“Best…. suckiness?”

“Yes, we could for that! Though it’s not flattering… wait, what were the things we said before that?” the Author asked, getting onto something.

“Heroism and drugs. Two very good things. What about robots or samurai?”

“Both!,” grinned the Author.

“So… we’ll need a villain and drugs, and maybe samurai robots,” noted Ran. “Neither of which we have.”

“Oh, we do…. we do,” the Author smiled maliciously. “We’ll show those two blockheads what we’re made of!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death walked down the third street dedicated to stores selling weapons and noticed that it was the third street dedicated to stores selling weapons, which was odd considering how normal cities barely had a single street dedicated to stores selling weapons, much less three streets dedicated to selling weapons.

“Excise me,” Death asked the first man he happened across. “Why are there at least three streets dedicated to stores selling weapons here?”

“I have a better question than answering why there are so many streets dedicated to stores selling weapons. Why are you wearing a Pikachu suit?”

Death sifted the weapons he was carrying from one ‘shoulder’ to the other.

“I am a hero and all and I save the world and stuff and this is what happened.”

“Saved the world?” the man spat. “Psh. I can top that.”

“Prove it,” Death challenged.

The man took out a jar of pickles and twisted the cap off. “See this open jar of pickles?”

“Yeah.”

“I opened it.”

“So?”

“With my bear hands. No help,” the man grinned a toothy smile as Detah applauded, impressed.

Death stopped applauding and looked around. “Detah he asked?”

“What?”

“Nothing,” replied Death rather quickly. “So… I understand why you don’t care, but what about everyone else?”

“Why should they care?”

“Well, what else are they supposed to do?” Death scowled.

“Stand in one spot, occasionally move a block or two, and repeat the same thing over and over again. I mean, seriously, what else?” the man asked quizzically.

“Everything?”

The man laughed heartily for a while before resuming his serious exposition. “Are you high?”

Death shrugged. “Maaaaybe,” he said.

There was a sudden flash of black.

“How inappropriate!” exclaimed the man, dignified.

It happened again, though this time Death could see the source. A slender black snake was flying through the sky.

That could mean one of two things. Either the tiki gods had won, or there was finally going to be some action.

Death ingested the weapons into his void body and took off after it until he reached the City Square, where Zub and Ran just so happened to be standing in through sheer coincidence.

“What a coincidence it is that you two would just so happen to be standing here!” Death exclaimed.

“My, it is such a coincidence that us two would just so happen to be standing here!” Ran confirmed.

Miror B. danced merrily atop his Rayquaza as his theme blared from deep within his afro. “Helooooo~ooo Lilycove!” he jubilantly shouted. His Rayquaza adjusted so everyone could see the five Ludicolo behind Miror B., who gestured at them. “Meet my Ludicolo! Chimi, Chonga, Maca, Rena, and Bert!”

The crowd that had gathered. whistled and roared with applause and appreciation. Some began dancing. Miror B. and his troop of Ldicolo hopped off of the Rayquaza and continued dancing.

“Raymond, go destroy something,” Miror B. said, waving his hand. Raymond the Rayquaza immediately took off.

The Author came out of nowhere. “Good, we have a villain. We can probably add two more….”

Ran turned on him. “This is your fault?!”

“Of course.”

“It’s better than unleashing Them on us again, I guess….” Death muttered.

“Them? Them who?” the Author asked, obviously confused.

Everyone stared at him.

The Authoe blinked. “….what?”

“Nevermind,” snapped Ran as he attempted to shoo the Author away.

The Author shrugged and smiled. “Anyway, I need to borrow Zub for a bit,” he said airily as he picked up Zub and took off before anyone could protest, though no one would as they were all soon distracted.

An aged, balded man was shoving his way to the front of the crowd, angrily yelling something that was absorbed by the crowd and lost to the ears of only those near him.

He finally reached the front of the crowd, causing the dancing and jubilee to die down. “I, the self-proclaimed governor of Lilycove, the great Gatsby Snattle, hereby demand that you shut down this initiative…. Afro Boy!”

Miror B. stared at him through his festive, bejeweled sunglasses. “You look familiar,” he noted mid-dance after a long silence.

Snattle struck his trademark pose, allowing his majestic cape to flow in the distance, his trimmed blue hair holding steady. “I, Gatsby Snattle, recognize you as the fop of Orre!”

“’Fop’?” Ran whispered to Death, who shrugged.

Once again…. she? He? It? Snattle stepped forward, this time more menacing. “Preparer to be undancified, Afroctavio!” he yelled, preparing a Pokéball.

“Now, Eff Ecks!” Miror B. called as Eff Ecks appeared inside the crows, rushing towards Snattle. Taking a dramatic leap into the air, he came down just behind Snattle, thrusting a large, flamboyant afro wig onto his head on the process.

“Success!” Eff Ecks declared, giving a thumbs up as Snattle screamed in agony.

Struggling up, Snattle regained his breath before walking behind Miror B. and his Ludicolo and began to dance along.

“It’s some kind of dance-wig!” gasped Ran in horror to Detah.

Death squinted. “There it is again!”

Ran ignored him. “People! That’s some seriously wacked out stuff! Run!”

One denizen of Lilycove scratched his goatee. “I dunno…. I rather like dancing.”

A woman paused her screaming and began thinking. “That’s a good point. I like afros,” she said as a Ludicolo jumped up and planted one on her.

The more Death, Ran, and Detah looked around, the more people being assimilated into the dance troop they saw.

“there it is again! Detah is here! I know it!” exclaimed Death as he began frantically searching around. Detah began whistling and strutted away.

“The text is giving me clues!” Death announced. “I have you now, Detah!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“East, I demand that you give me my fic back!” the Author demanded in a demanding tone indicating he was giving a demanding demandment that demanded demands.

Rectangle smoothed out his suit. “I’m sorry, but your fic is wrong. You said there would be drugs, villains, and robots. I see none.”

The Author shrugged. “The robots just arrived, Miror B. is a villain, and I couldn’t put in drugs without the soccer moms killing me.”

“Excellent point, even if you suck,” Rectangle noted.

“That was uncalled for,” pouted the Author.

“Just like you writing this fic,” sneered Rectangle in response.

“Oo, BURN!” exclaimed Germaine.

“I see you’re still upset over when I exploded you,” noted the Author.

“Very,” affirmed Rectangle.

“Look, can’t we just settle this like gents? Or else…”

Rectangle began laughing. “Or else what?”

A large robot crashed through the ceiling of the nowhere they were all in. It was very clearly designed to be modeled after a samurai, something it pulled off very well. Its muscular, robot exterior clanked and whirred as it hefted its sword and slashed at the two fic owners.

“I think the samurai robots came in,” noted the Author.

“No Shinx, Sherlock!” yelled Rectangle as he narrowly rolled to the right to avoid the incoming attack. “What was your first clue?”

“Probably the giant samurai mech that crashed through the ceiling, I’d assume,” said Germaine.

“Mech?” Rectangle raised an eyebrow. “As in, not self-piloted?”

Zub popped out of a hatch on the top of the mech’s large helmet and waved, took another sip of lemonade, and smiled before disappearing back into the machine.

“Yay Zub! I might have to try not to kill you sometime!” the Author cheered.

Zub nodded appreciatively from the confines of the mechanical monstrosity before swinging his sword once again.

“Ha, is that really all you have?” mocked the foolish Rectangle. A cannon appeared on the shoulder of the samurai robot. The wick at the end automatically lit itself as it fired a barrage of cannonballs at Germaine and Rectangle.

“This is totally cheating,” growled Rectangle before a cannonball hit him in the face, sending him flying backwards into a wall of nothing.

“How does that even make sense?” Germaine asked, scratching her chin.

“I don’t know,” replied the Author, just as confused. “You own the fic, not me.”

Instantly Rectangle stood up. “You’re right!”

“I am? That’s a first.”

“Extremely a first,” Germaine agreed. agreed, before turning to Rectangle. “I’ll be right back, mmkay? I need to make some of my famous haggis.” She merrily skipped away as everyone realized they needed to act fast before they all died.

“Wait, I can save us! I own the fic!” Rectangle proclaimed as a typewriter appeared in front of him.

“Don’t do it, East!” the Author cried out before everything turned into a flash of white.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dance! Dance! REVOLUTION!” Miror B. declared. Everything was a wreck.

Raymond the Rayquaza flew around, Hyper Beaming or simply crashing through any tall building. Chimi, Changa, Maca, Rena, and Bert the Ludicolo, as well as Eff Ecks, were all slipping afros onto people, forming a literal dance revolution.

Death decided to take charge upon the absence of Zub. “Ran, you go find our ship and load it with weapons! I know how to stop Miror B.!”

Ran shrugged and took off.

Death took out a bone-shaped cell phone and began dialing a number. “Hello? Why, yes he is here. And we need you to make chaos.”

Suddenly a man in a sequin-studded business suit fell out of the sky. Red scarf and white helmet coupled with a thick visor obscured his face. “Helooooo Miror B.!”

Miror B. turned to him. “Do I know you?” he asked.

Mirakle B. was taken aback. “I beg your oh-so groovy pardon! I am the illustrious dancicidal maniac, Mirakle B.!”

Miror B. scratched his afro, thinking. “Rings a bell,” he said lamely.

Mirakle B. ran forward, prepared to punch Miror B. right in the afro.

[Zibdas]

this is just a short chapter but ive had writer's block due to discouragement but here you go
Chapter 27: The Reveal


“I’d like some of that fancy tuna,” grinned Death to the nonchalant cashier, who apparently couldn’t care less that a skull in a Pikachu costume was ordering fancy tuna, of all things.

“Why? Too bad you can’t stomach it, you know?” prodded Ran.

“That will be sixteen Pokémonies,” drawled the cashier as he handed Death a small basket of fancy tuna.

“So expensive…” Ran moaned.

“Shut up,” scowled Death. “It’s fancy. Tuna!”

“Aren’t we supposed to be stopping Miror B. anyway, let alone Mirakle B.?”

“I doubt they’ll be a problem,” offered death.

“They both intend to turn the world into a giant afro and all its inhabitants into dance-obsessed, afro-wearing minions.”

“Touché. And besides, I’ve decided it shall be our day off.” Detah paid the cashier and walked off, devouring the fancy tuna.

“Our day off…. from saving Mother Russia?” Ran asked in disbelief, pausing as people began staring at him. “And…. some other places too, of course.”

Death laughed and threw his hands up into the air. “I know a guy who can let us have some major fun! He’s known in his home dimension as…. Party Voodoo or something….”

“Sounds dangerous,” Ran remarked.

“Not to us,” Death grinned as he slipped on a pair of sunglasses and lipped into his trademark Hawaiian shirt over his costume. “What is a Hawaiian anyway?”

“Sounds delicious, whatever it is,” Ran said.

“Reminds me of pineapple.”

“What is a pineapple?”

“Think… the look of Ludicolo with the taste of…”

“An apple and a tree?”

“Not even close.”

Elsewhere, Miror B. and Mirakle B. were arguing. “Where did those little idiots go?! We should kill them before we kill each other!” Mirakle B. barked.

“Hey, they’re talking about me!”

“We better not let those little idiots get in our way this time,” Miror B. mewed slickly, slicking his afro with a wetted hand.

“Oooh, those little idiots will get in their plans all right!” Ran barked, coursing with energy.

“All right, game plan,” Death announced. “We’re going to go up there, to the main courtyard, and they’re probably going to kill us because-“

“BECAUSE I’M A POTATO,” said a potato.

“Yes,” said Death, pointing at the potato. “Because… he? She? BECAUSE YOU, MY STARCHY FRIEND, ARE A POTATO!”

“Potato!” cried out the potato as the crowd cheered.

“Why are the crowd cheering,” Ran said.

“Because we are going to die what is undoubtedly a horrific and painful death!”

“But I can regenerate and you can’t die.”

“IS THAT A CHALLENGE?!” the potato demanded.

“IS THAT A TALKING STARCH?!” Ran counter demanded.

“YES, I DO BELIEVE SO, MADAM,” the potato counter-counter demanded as a top hat appeared at one of its end and a pencil moustache and monocle appeared on one of its sides.

“WROND CHOICE,” Ran counter-counter-counter demanded.

“WHY ARE WE COUNTER DEMANDING?!” the potato counter-counter-counter-counter demanded.

“You started it!” Ran counter-counter-counter-counter-counter demanded, even though his statement lacked countering in any form.

Miror B. crashed into the pavement. “Dare it! Dare iiiit! Shoot for da stars!” he whooped.

“Why are you whooping?” Death asked.

“Because,” Miror B. adjusted his sunglasses. “You are going to die!”

Death grinned. “What makes you say that?”

Mirakle B. appeared in a flying afro large enough to comfortably seat four. Upon further inspection it seemed to be metal. “We are going to make you explode if you move forward at all! And since you hate that, we also positioned our switch to end the shenanigans in front of you!”

“If we’re going to explode,” Death paused to put on a pair of sunglasses. “Let’s explode with some dignity.”

The two marched on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what now?” the Author said infectively as he glanced around at the people attempting to avoid being killed by a large robotic samurai robot.

“You don’t have to be redundant about it,” scowled Rectangle.

“Ain’t no way none ah y’all ain’t gonna not do nothin’ ‘bout no one, no how! None ah y’all ain’t gonna get no brains sucked out if none ah y’all ain’t got none to not show!” she yelled grumpily.

“That’s scary,” the Author whispered to Rectangle.

“What, her voice?”

“No, all the contradicting double negatives.” The Author shuddered in fear. “What is she talking about, anyway?”

Then a golden Magikarp appeared. “Hello, you two. I see you brought guests.”

“Howdeedo, Mr. Bossman,” Germaine nodded, with Rectangle giving a subtle wave.

“Fishlips!” the Author exclaimed happily. “These two work for you?”

“Uh…. yes? Yes,” it affirmed, finally recognizing the Author.

“Are you evil or something? Cuz these guys are jerks.”

The Golden Magikarp turned on the Author. “And what makes you say that, naïve little lamb?”

The Author leaned in close to the Magikarp’s face. “Wha… Wh-Who are you, really?!”

“Oo! Is this the part where you two kiss and the shippers go nuts?” Germaine swooned.

“It’s not that kind of fanfic,” he growled.

The Magikarp expertly flopped back in the air. “Damn straight,” he said. “Anyway, you don’t recognize me, Monsieur?”

The Author scratched his head. “No… not really, but you kinda remind me of…. Fishlips?!”

“I now go by It these days.”

“By what?”

“By It.”

“I don’t follow,” the Author said stupidly.

“Do you recall the evil syndicate called Them?” It impatiently growled.

“Not really, no.”

It felt its patience declining, anger seeding to take its place. “They’re the main antagonists!”

The Author scratched his head. “Are they? I kinda stopped following along after Miror B. broke in.”

“You are an IDIOT!”

The Author laughed. “Funny, because that’s what my mother said to me too…”

Rectangle stood there, somber, watching the events unfold. Zub sipped some lemonade and resumed watching Oprah.

“I think today should be your demise,” It spat.

“What could you possibly gain from my death? the Author asked, smirking. “I don’t doubt that I’ll be back next chapter anyway.”

“I only need that long,” It cackled. “First, I wish to destroy New Hoenn. That is well on its way, and should be done in three days. After that, I shall unleash my horde of brainwashed Pokémon onto the entire metafictional universe! Nothing anyone could write will ever be safe!”

“Wow,” the Author marveled. “And to think that I thought we would never have a villain with a developed plan.”

“That’s a good point. Everyone else’s were lackluster at best,” Rectangle recalled. The Author snarled at him.

“You weren’t even introduced until a few chapters ago!”

“PREPARE FOR MY ULTIMATE WEAPON…. PART ONE!” It yelled as it flew into the air.

“Fishlips, no!” screamed the Author. “This is such a random turn of events, I rather liked idly chatting!”

“TOTAL TASTE ANNIHILATION!” It yelled in a big flash of multicoloured Armageddon.

“Nooooo- at,” the Author screamed before stopping in confusion..

“Mr. Bossman, what is that?” asked Rectangle, peering at It, who was now holding a small tray.

“This, my friend, is called a cheesecake,” It glowered back.

“Gee, Bossman, that doesn’t seem too productive,” Germaine noted.

“But it is ever so delicious and ridiculously low in carbohydrates!” It cackled.

“For a golden fish, you’re awfully well-knowledged in the art of maintaining health,” noted Rectangle.

“Just because I’m a fish does not mean I always was,” It sighed.

“Oo, backstory time!” gasped Germaine excitedly.

It shyly smiled his blubbery, fish lips. “Well, if I must… wait, where did that buffoon and his monkey go?!”

The Author and the other guy were not there.

[Zibdas]

Chapter 28: More Bad News
More shortness for you guys.



The Author sat up slowly. The explosion that had occurred upon It and the twins’ departure was disastrous.

“I don’t even remember an explosion and it was disastrous,” he remarked in awe.

Zub got off the ceiling, where he had been duct taped into place with bubble gum. He fell over upon hitting the floor. The expression on his face asked all the questions he needed to ask but couldn’t.

“He let me stay if I give him a cheesecake launcher,” the Author grinned.

This probably will never come up again, you should probably forget it, just like you did the first three seasons of Glee.

“Well, I’m back, but they’re still narrating,” the Author said glumly. “Anyway, you can’t do… whatever it was you wanted to do before… anyway, you can’t do it alone!”

For an omnipresent Author he sure is unaware. That hypocrite.

“It’s not hypocrisy if I’m unpaid! I think that’s how business ethics work anyway….” The Author stopped and scratched his chin. “This is going absolutely nowhere. My point is, you can’t go alone, so I found you accompaniment!”

A girl with lusciously kept blonde hair and a slightly darker, almost mocha, skin tone appeared from within a blast of light. She was wearing a long, flowing white dress and matching shoes.

“I’m Mongol… I think? It starts with An-, I think…. Anyway, my name is Lavie, and my clan is hugely popular in France!” she winked, introducing herself.

“And heeeeere’s…” the Author trailed off as a generic-looking guy in some generic-looking clothes for a karate guy appeared generically in a generic flash of generic-brand light.

“I AM NOB!” Nob yelled.

“Yes…. yes you are,” the Author chuckled nonchalantly as he diappeared.

“You’re probably going to die,” Lavie shrugged.

“Yes sir!” Nob saluted.

“Good, now… wait, yes sir what?”

“ALL OF THE ABOVE!”

“This won’t end well,” Lavie groaned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“HEY LOOK!” NOB YELLED IN FEROCIOUSLY CAPITALIZED LETTERS. “A GENERIC GOON OF A GENERIC VILLAIN OR ANOTHER!”

The goon turned sharply, revealing his black trench coat that oddly lacked sleeves. He sported fingerless black gloves and toeless socks. “I take offense to this!” he yelled whilst indignantly removing his beret.

“Why are you wearing toeless socks?” Lavie asked.

“Because they’re dorky, and I am of the Dorkness Highess Corporation!” the goon yelled.

Nob ran over and beat the snot out of him.

In response to Zub’s curious look, Lavie smiled slyly and shrugged. “His grandmother’s maiden name was Tölész Zokk.”

Zub shrugged.

“Worst Labor Day ever!” the grunt groaned as he rolled in pain.

Another Grunt came. “Wow, this chapter is progressing unfortunately quickly,” noted Lavie, who casually threw a Pokéball.

“Diglett, Scratch attack on the generic nameless goon!” sheyelled.

“Scratch? With what?” sneered the goon.

A low rumbling was heard as the earth shook, throwing everyone off balance.

Somewhere, a cup filled with water shook, scaring some parkgoers.

“What the-“ began the guard before he was engulfed.

In love.

I am kidding, sadly. Two large jaws burst forth from the ground on either side of him, revealing horribly kept gums securing teeth that could easily pass for primitive broadswords any day.

The possessor of the mouth seemed to be a large serpentine abomination, with horribly frightening scales kept in the most grimy way possible. A pair of dull, gray eyes that had clearly been used only rarely slowly opened on either side of its head and growled.

On top of its head lay what we know as Diglett, who was clearly just a decoy, pitifully miniscule in comparison to the monster before them.

“Diglett, for the last time, I said Scratch, not KILL DEATH BLOOD DESTROY!” groaned Lavie.

A rather non-gruntish figure appeared. “I am not gruntish, and I will make you fall! I shall be your demise

“Larry? Weren’t you in an earlier chapter?” Lavie asked.

“I’m so glad someone remembers me!” Larry cried. “But alas, that was merely a guise! My name is actually the despicable Levil Leviathan Larry Lobringdian Lobstarr!”

“That must be painful to put on wedding invitations,” Lavie noticed.

“Can I punch him yet?” grunted Nob.

“No you cannot,” Larry smugly said. “If you do, I shall increase punchjing tax tenfold!”

Nob gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

“Try me,” Larry snarled.

“I thought you were a good guy though?” Lavie asked.

“I was never. That was a ruse. Plus, I wish to have a showdown with the Author!” he roared.

“What if we tell you a joke so funny you die?”

“Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. So, a Cucumber is making cookies for Santa, when a bank robber, a norseman, and an IRS agent barge in, and-“ began Nob before he was cut off.

“No! There is nothing you can do to make me stop doing it! I will duel the Author, and I will kill him! You know why?! Because I was written into this stupid fic! I was going to be in CaH: The Series, but nooooo, they needed me here! This is one of the most terrible fics that I’ve ever had the sheer mispleasure to lay my eyes on! Do you realize that?!

“Nothing gets done around here, you’re all idiots, nobody does anything, and it’s taking way too long for anything to happen! But now! Now I shall kick the Author’s as-… rasta cap, and there is nothing you can do!” Larry laughed evilly.

Lavie attempted to hide a yawn to no avail. “Are you done yet?” When Larry grumpily nodded, she nudged Zub and Nob awake.

“Whatever!” he scowled, stalking off. “You’ll see me later!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lavie, Nob, and Zub walked down a nondescript dirt path that was wholly devoid of any deviation that could possibly set it aprt from any other. Lavie looked troubled.

“This is bad,” she muttered. “The Author is really stupid, and he’s not even the Author any more, so Larry is probably going to kill him….”

Zub and Nob stopped and stared at her.

“Yes, that would be bad,” she scowled, answering their unasked question. “It is trying to ban punching and lemonade!”

Zub and Nob simultaneously gasped.

“Exactly, I’m glad you understand how dire the situation is.”

[Zibdas]

Chapter 29: The Author's Descent

Hello. It is I, the Author.

Yes, me. Even though I am no long authoring, I am still addressed by my title. Mostly because I could never tell anyone my real name. It would be just like the high school Christmas party all over again.

And then I would have to kill you for knowing my name. And then it would be like the New Year Party.

And then I’d have your blood all over my shoes. I just got these yesterday.

Ignore those last two paragraphs, any or all who are associated with the police department.

Ah yes, while rambling I remembered why I came here. It is to explain why Zub has had such a large absence as of late, in a metauniversal point of view.

Zub and I have had an argument.

Now you may be thinking, “But Author, that’s awfully one sided!” or “But Author, he’s golly-gee-awful quiet!” or even “AUTHOR I HATE YOUR GUTS” but those are all perfectly acceptable questions.

Now, while it may seem as though Zub cannot talk, that is true. I often just stare at him and pretend to know what he would say. Our arguments are very thorough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Remove the pillow tag!” announced Larry.

“But isn’t that illegal?” Lavie asked. Nob ignored her and ran forward, ripping it off.

Suddenly the room was filled with police. Zub ducked for cover behind an explosive sofa.

“If only the readers knew what happened, then this would make more sense and seem more evil!” Larry whined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our arguments go something like this;

“Author, I demand more pay raise!”

“Zub, how high are you right now? Get off the ceiling!” I would demand, to which he would respond,

“No officer, it’s ‘Hi, how are you?’”

“What do you call one of Santa’s helpers with a low perspective on themselves?”

“Someone with low elf esteem?”

“… confound it!”

And why watermelons are round. Except in Japan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Weedle, use Bite!” Larry commanded as his Weedle lunged forward.

“Does it even have a mouth?” Lavie asked.

To answer her question, Weedle paused midair, looked at her, and smiled. What she assumed to be a nose was apparently a large, gaping mouth.

“Oh my lump what the hell is that thing?!” Lavie asked as she jumped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They say a bungalow can hold two hundred pounds, but clearly that is a lie!

“Witchcraft!” declared Rectangle.

“It was an imposter!” the Author protested. Germaine came by wearing an astonishing wig and holding a gavel.

“This is insane, even by our standards,” the Author moaned.

Let’s take a step backwards and go somewhere else, shall we?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It sat in Its luxurious leather chair as It dramatically stared out into the window of the top of Its tower.

“Once I’m ruler,” he decided. “I’m changing my name so It doesn’t have to be a sentence so much.”

His three Commanders walked up behind him, Rath in tow. “You wanted to see us?” Bel asked innocently.

The golden fish flopped so violently he managed to turn the swivel chair away from the window and facing the spacious, if empty, oval office. “Yes. Unfortunately, due to recent… circumstances, we are going to havbe to move plans far ahead of schedule.”

“How far?” Ashleigh asked. Matrin sat, twirling a deck of cards.

“We’re pushing the Invasion to the day after tomorrow.”

“You’re kidding!”

“I am not,” It confirmed. “And you all are going to have to help with the advanced preparation.”

“Preparation?” Bel asked doubtfully. It stared at her hard.

“But of course. Matrin, you will need to disguise yourself and find out about Zub and crew. Help them. Bel, you mount an assault on them with the broken drones.”

“The broken ones, sir?”

“Yes. We know that they will counter everything we throw at them. This is just our way of having fun with it.”

“I see you’ve done some reading on the genre, sire.”

He flopped uselessly for no apparent reason. “Yes,” he confirmed to no one at all. After a long period of awkward and wholly unremarkable silence, It spoke up once more. “Well, go on then.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the Author’s mansion, the Author had a lot on his plate.

“How am I supposed to finish all this turkey?!” he cried uot as his plate continually filled itself with auspicious turkey slices.

“How did we even get here?” asked Lavie nonchalantly.

“I don’t know,” the Author shrugged. “There’s a possibility I might be going mad.”

“Well, you’re not chasing any Chesterfields yet…”

“Yet,” the Author pointed out.

“That’s true,” Lavie admitted as she played with an action figure depicting [NAME AND AGE CENSORED] of the infamous fanfiction [NAME AND DATE CENSORED] of [NAME AND URL CENSORED] fame.

“That was dumb,” Nob grunted as he ate living gingerbread.

The action figures came alive, enraged at the lack of advertising. One got out a shotgun. “FOR [NAME AND NAME CENSORED], DINGOES!”

“Now remember kids, don’t play with action figures! EXCEPT FOR THE BRAND NEW ZUB: THE ADVENTURES OF STUFF ACTION FIGURES!”

“Uh, Cap’n?” Lavie asked. “We don’t have action figures. Plus, someone has tried that gambit before.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn’t going well,” Ran said in between sips of coconut juice.

“Sure isn’t,” Death shrugged as he creepily watched women play beach volleyball. “But I told you we could get a day off.”

“You’re a jerkhole.”

“One who has an all paid expense paid trip to Explosion Island.”

“…Less of a jerkhole. Let’s roll.”

[Zibdas]

Chapter 30: Looming Near

Tonight’s edition of Zub: The Adventures of Stuff has such an unprecedented horror, it can only be described with one adjective.

Unprecedented.

Also horrific.

For this edition covers something so dark, were it not already rated PG-13, it would be rated PG-13, presuming it wasn’t a higher rating before.

This topic is a dark one, one that few manage to cover before going mad and writing about it again.

Death.

... The topic, not the character.

A character so beloved, everyone who has encountered him throughout the series will weep with tonight’s special chapter, will face death.

Yes, once again, we have a special chapter commemorating another 10 chapters completed.

Brace thineself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is that thing?!” exclaimed Verve, a main character since chapter 2, in case you forgot.

“That’s the button that gives someone in the world an afro,” Death sighed patiently, twirling the scorched fragments of the Hawaiian t-shirt covering his dark robes with one finger.

Verve repeatedly pressed it intensely, causing unfavorable events to occur throughout the world.

Through the windshield of the massive Miror Battleship, Death saw Ran, who was now smothered in afros, fall off the roof and tumble into the abyss.

“When will you learn not to press that button?” Death sighed, a hint of impatience creeping into his voice.

Verve had somehow gotten himself bound in flypaper attached to the ceiling. “I found out what the sticky stuff does!” he beamed joyfully a moment prior to it the ceiling crumbling and the entire solution, ceiling and body included, landed on him in a grueling position.

Death had to wonder why he of all people was stuck watching the kid. Sure, his powers were gone upon the new management, but does that make him useless? Heavens no. He is a vital character and without him nothing would have been possible. Zub would never feel the insides of a pickle. Ran would never find out that Death’s tastes in clothing is tacky. Suckish would have never found out that no one likes Jynx.

>full disclosure; Death did NOT force me to write that, or blackmail, or any other illegal activities. Seriously. So serious. So um, don’t come save me! Thanks!<

Death stood up and gripped the newcomer by the shoulders. “Listen to me. Are you listening?” he rasped, watching Verve’s eyes follow a miniscule Butterfree flutter free behind Death.

“Yes!” Verve jubilantly exclaimed, before donning an expression of confusion. “I mean. No. Maybe? False. What was the question again?”

Death shook his head slowly and reaffirmed his group. “Listen to me now, Verve, you idiot.”

“We’re all idiots here! We. We. We are…. friends! It had ten seasons. Ran for ten years. Man, do I miss it-“

“Do me a favor?”

Verve beamed in giddy delight. “Yeees?” he asked, just beckoning to be punched.

Death answered that call with his robed fist.

He missed.

“Look, it’s a penny!” Verve squealed in absolute delight as he examined it on the otherwise pristine floor of the expansive cockpit. “Aww, what a shame. It’s George Washing Machine-forme Rotom side up, so it’s unlucky.”

Death sighed and turned towards the red side of the room. To go along with the theme of the entire vehicle of destruction, the room was divided evenly and painted according to whichever half the side was closest to; one was a blazing red, the other a holy white. Searching through a crimson barrel, Death found what he wanted and smiled at Verve once more.

“Hey, Verve, would you mind standing that ladder onto the wall over there, and standing on it?”

Verve frowned. “It’s a stepladder,” he mumbled as he obeyed. Death applied the duct tape generously, coating him to the side of the chamber that would be unmatchable.

“Happy!” he exclaimed in triumph.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub watched Ran tumble off the top of the vessel for the umpteenth time.

Having fully recovered his team and safely restored the Miror Battleship, Zub thought he was fully ready for everything.

BUT LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT HE IS A HUGE IDIOT. And so is everyone else. Full disclosure; I might be a tad bit biased.

Of course, my comment may be a bit accurate, given what fic you are reading, but that’s fine by me.

Then he saw the first sphere.

He thought it as cute; a small sphere with an indented middle, a small rotor propped onto a protruding stick being its only locomotion of flight.

Zub was tempted to laugh. This he could take. This was normal in the eyes of the days he had spent fighting the absurd.

Then it lurched, and Zub’s stomach followed suit. A legion soon came into view, all behaving correspondingly erratic.

Growling slightly, he made a motion and Ran caught what he was pointing at.

“Kalinka!” he shouted, happy to finally give his little rock monster a comeback fight.

Before even the first of the swarm of Them could ignite Their own Pokémon, one veered far off course and hurtled alarmingly fast into the side of the battleship, leaving a sizable dent in the armour of titanium.

“We’re screwed!” Ran cried out, lusting with homicidal joy. “Kalinka, use… ah, I don’t know, Fly!” The red Golett gave a sharp salute before leaping into the air, folding its limbs into its body, and chirping. A large engine slid out of its back as she took off. Ran triumphantly clapped his hands together, a metallic sound that caused all the drones to erratically fly around.

“The metallic sound of me clapping my hands together has caused all the drones to erratically fly around!” Ran reiterated to Zub in a over redundant fashion. Zub had taken the opportunity of momentary distraction to release Tango, who stretched its arms in a metallic fashion and wearily blinked its hazy red eyes.

“Master, it feel like it’s been three months since I’ve last seen combat,” Tango yawned drearily as it lazily punched a drone square in the face, shattering it to pieces. “Man, do I miss hitting stuff.”

“I know how you feel!” Ran smiled as Kalinka took down another small platoon of drones. “Quick refresher course; we secured the Miror Battleship, we’re going to launch a full assault on Its hideout, but It shot out these… elite? drones at us.” Ran paused and gestured at the small square of flattened metal atop the pinnacle of the ship. “Try to keep them distanced; if They release Their Pokémon, we might have a bad time.”

Tango nodded a solemn agreement and used its Psychic prowess to hurl several more of the spheres into the water. “I forgot how much I honestly ejoy this.”

“Surely this won’t come up later as you turn to absolute bloodlust, while also declaring machines’ superiority and attempt to kill us all?”

“…Not gonna happen.

“Dang.”

Tango let out a low whirring sound from the inside of his body that was vaguely similar to a laugh. “You want me to crush you like a bug?”

“Well, actually, I’m not a-“ Ran was interrupted by a Venusaur before he could finish the thought. “We failed to keep them at bay,” he noticed with a shrug. “Ranshao, assist me!”

“Maaaar,” Ranshao said as it exhaled a large wad of smoke. Noticing Venusaur, it casually blew a small infernal solar flare at it, leaving it merely knocked out.

“It amuses me how they can never be killed, just knocked out.” noted the metallic blue Pokémon as it joined the newly released Wombo the overexcited Wailmer. in a combo attack on a Octillery.

“I can’t help but notice Wombo is even more hyperactive than usual as of late,” Ran said casually as he ordered his Pokémon into an assault on a Magneton.

“Oh, I got bored while we were gone. So, every day, I steadily fed him more and more Jelly Babies.*”

Ran glanced over at ombo, who despite staying still, was reverberating uncontrollably. “Is he… okay?”

Tango held the Exploud he had been assaulting in mid-air with a Psychic attack, allowing a look of worry to cross over his limited facial options. “I do ever so hope so. He’s quite fun at parties.”

Ranshao drop-kicked the Probopass he had been wrestling and gave a cheerful “Moo!” in agreement.

Suddenly several drones grew afros and spazzed out dangerously before exploding. After a short pause, all of the drones received the same treatment.

“Well, that was convenient.” Ran noticed after a lengthy pause. He then continued to put away his Pokémon.

“I’m not complaining,” shrugged Tango before being recalled into his Pokéball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Verve, stop.”

Verve paused a moment and frowned. He then stuck his finger into Death’s eye socket again, giggling “Boop!” as he progressed.

Death grabbed him by the shoulders once more and flipped the boy over his robed shoulders, spilling his sandy blonde hair into his face. Groaning cheerily, Verve managed to stand back up and brush the dust off his t-shirt and matching shorts. He pointed a shaking finger wearily in Death’s direction.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” he screamed amidst tears.

“Wanna bet?”

“YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” he roared as tears poured down his face in a cascade, rushing out of the room.

Death stared. Had he really caused the kid so much pain? Sure, he was a nuisance, and hopelessly useless, consumed too much spaces, and he kept eating all the crackers… but he wasn’t so bad in the end. Death was really starting to like him. After picking him up while making a pitstop for fuel, he truly felt like they made a bond together. Now he felt so bad, if there was he was a Greek god, he’d be Jerkules.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” inquired a small voice from the ceiling, before it fell onto Death.

“Gah! Verve? What the-? How the-?” Death sputtered heroically, crushed beneath Verve’s impact. The swivel chair he had been previously stationed in was now little more than a pile of timber.

Instead of giving an answer, Verve ran to the other side of the room and pressed more buttons randomly.

“I give up, young weasel boy,” Death gorlwed. Picking up the boy by the scruff of his neck, he toted him into the elevator and descended five floors into the conference chamber.

“What an odd blue pulsating wall,” Verve noticed as he was forced into a chair.

Death shrugged. “It’s odd, but nothing to scoff at. Now, stay here.”

As Death stalked off back to the elevator, he was soon replaced by a new figure.

An impossibly tall, thin man strutted into the room. He was wearing what was clearly a blast from the past, a freshly ironed gold suit entirely coated with nothing but glittering sequins. To rectify a previous statement, ‘strutting’ in was merely an understatement. The timing of the swaying of his hips, his blazing smile, hot pink shades, and the way he moonwalked in…

He was doing nothing short of dancing in.

Or, at any rate, he was, until his afro became impeding and knocked him sideways as he attempted to enter the doorway, which was several feet too short to house the spool of hair.

“Remind me later, Effie, old pal, when I resume control of this vessel, I need to make taller doorways.”

An equally tall man wearing a blue labcoat with silver shades masking his face walked in after the first man, ite hair blazing behind him. “Yes, Dance King.”

The Dance King paused mid-dance and tapped a tentative finger to his chin. “Huh. Dance King. I like it, it’s ever-so funky fresh and fills my disco vibes with the Tabasco sauce of fiesta. Kick in the music!”

Funky fresh music began blaring as two more people, a man and a woman, clearly twins, danced in after the original two incomers.

“And look, a small child!” swooned the Dance King, noticing Verve. “This could be like that one movie… Yes! I shall kidnap this fresh mind of funky innocence and taint it with my musical bliss to become my Disco Prince!”

“I’ll pass,” Verve squeaked, in both awe and raw fear of the man’s large afro.

The Dance King frowned and took a step back. His small posse, who had began dancing to the music on the other side of the room, stopped in awe.

“How wholesomely un-fresh. Not cool, little dude,” he said. “Eff Ecks, remove him from the disco scene!”

Verve tilted his head to one side. “The what now?”

Eff Ecks sighed. Clearly he had been asked to do this a lot recently. “O Lord of Funk, he is most likely with Zub’s crew. To remove him might hurt our chances of winninb back the Miror Battleship.”

The “Lord of Funk” did a backflip and began twirling around on his afro, humming his own theme, seemingly oblivious of the elongated hexagonal table that he threatened to crash into. ”Hm, yes. I suppose so. Child of Salsa, call your friends! We want to… talk!”

Right on cue, Death burst into the room, followed by Zub and Ran shortly thereafter. “Miror B.!” he exclaimed dramatically.

Miror B. stopped spinning and picked himself off the floor leisurely. “I see you’ve heard of me. Are you part of my fanclub?”

“No, so shut u-“

Miror B. wagged a disapproving finger, making a tsk, tsk, tsk noise with hjis tongue. “How funkily disappointing! Join today and you can receive a 10% off bonus for all purchases through the club’s merchandise until next Tuesday!”

Ran made to eagerly snatch up the brochure Miror B. offered up before being cut off by Death. “What are you doing here?” he asked, killing Ran several times in the process.

The King of Dance looked like he was sincerely hurt. “Wittle ole me?” he asked innocently. “Why, I was here only to bargain!”

“Bargain?”

Making a wide gesture to the vehicle around him, Miror B. leaned forward and smiled. “But of course. You allow me and my… er…” he paused and looked at the people accompanying him. “My ‘colleagues’ to fashion the bottommost floor into our own dance fiesta of freshness, we’ll assist you in taking down those horribly distasteful flying machines.” He paused to look at Zub, Ran, and Verve. “I mean oh-no offense, but you look like you could use some help.”

Death sighed and swallowed his pride. “I suppose so.”

Miror B. did an all-out grin and clapped his hands together merrily. “Oh, and before I forget,” he said as he strutted back out. “Someone in the hangar wishes to see you. Shall I send her up?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Lavie?” Death asked as he eyes (quite curiously, I must add) the white robed figure of what he considered sheer beauty before him. “Why have I not met you before? You seem pivotal.”

She scowled in response. “You would have, had you not been vacationing all this time.”

“Oh,” Death said weakly, slinking back further in his chair. Lavie turned her gaze away from him.

“So, Zub, any good news?”

Zub shrugged, Ran picking up for him. “We found this boy Verve begging for adventure and got this Miror Battleship. So far, to face off against Them we have you, me, Zub, Death, and the AFRO… Am I missing anyone?”

“None that I know of,” Lavie said, as though she were keeping something back.

“Nob?” squeaked Death smally from under the table. He began to become self-conscious and noticed to his dismay that he was still wearing the Pikachu costume.

Immediately, a manly voice filled the room. “Lavie?!” exclaimed Nob in happiness as he burst into the conference chamber.

“And I brought reinforcements,” Lavie grinned as she spread her arms broadly. Her heavenly white cloak billowed as she did so, catching Death’s attention, which he discreetly attempted to mask.

Ran perked up at the idea. “Reinforcements? Who could you have-“

“Everyone!” exclaimed Lavie as she cut off Ran rudely. “I brought everyone I could find. Filled quite a good amount of space in your ship, too.”

“I’m heeeeeere~” yelled a voice only Zub recognized, a voice that echoed mellifluously throughout the battleship as it rang through the hallway.

His face filled with dread.

Debbie burst into the conference chamber, twirling his strawberry-blonde hair and gleaming at everyone.

“How ever[/i] did you find us?[/i]” translated Tango for Zub.

“Tracking device,” he shrugged.

“You’re pretty smart for a blonde girl,” Ran said. “What was it, something so discreet it could escape our vision for who knows how long?”

“I sent my pretty Wailord here for spy duty~!” she beamed, gesturing at the pulsating wall, which right on cue, slipped off to reveal itself to have been a Wailord attached to the ordinarily red wall all along.

“Clap clap clap,” said everyone congregated simultaneously, all reveling at his intelligence. Zub scowled and stalked off.

Debbie sighed and watched him go. “What’s with him?” he asked.

Ran turned and saw him slam the door behind him, a feat that was quite impressive considering he was using a revolving door. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s jealous.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in Debbie’s Memory~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi Zub!” Debbie said jubilantly to Zub, who just waved and continued playing with his Magnemite.

Debbie frowned. “Are you going to talk to me?” he asked mournfully.

Zub’s mother stepped out of his house. “Zub, are you talking to that sweet girl again? You lucky Psyduck!” she exclaimed before going inside.

Zub looked like there was some part in that sentence he wanted to protest.

Debbie tilted his head at Zub. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

Zub stared at her and drew a little ♂ in the sandbox he and Magnemite were playing in, then gestured furiously between Debbie and the strange symbol.

“I don’t understand,” Debbie said simply, before Zub stormed off, exasperated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Debbie shrugged. “It must be something to do with Mars. Or iron, I guess.”

“He’s an odd case, that one,” Ran agreed. Death mumbled something from under the table.

Zub, meanwhile, was randomly wandering through the labyrinth of corridors that composed the Miror Battleship.

Realizing he was dreadfully hungry, he made his way to the dining hall, when he noticed an entire task force of police sitting around a table, inhaling donuts and coffee. “See? Look! We’re useful for once!” yelled the chief upon noticing Zub.

Being unable to protest, Zub continued on to the next room marked occupied, being the rec room and indoor field. This ship was clearly far more massive than previously imagined. Here was a larger cluster of people, many of which he did not recognize.

“Hello!” smiled an enigmatic young, sharply-dressed man who approached Zub. “I’m Zelo, pronounced Zeh-lo.”

Zub smiled back and tentatively shook the outstretched hand.

Zelo looked solemnly out the window at a passing cloud. “This ship is magnificent, almost as magnificent as Pokémon.” He looked back at Zub, tilted his head and smiled more warmly. “I’m sure we’ll meet again,” he grinned before excusing himself.

Along the way, Zub met with many of his other support, of which were doing a variety of things in the massive chamber. There was a seemingly charming old lady who was smashing slabs of concrete with her glare alone, a generic Black Belt training his Rattata, a guru of mystical prowess, a wholly remarkable bowl of petunias, and many others that would consume too much space trying to list them all adequately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It failed, m’lord,” Bel said as she entered through the large oaken double doors and into the long dark chamber.

“How could this be?” asked It.

“They all grew afros and exploded, m’lord.”

Of all the answers he foresaw, It never thought of this one. “What?” It asked, slightly taken aback.

“They blew up after growing afros. I do not know the specifcs.”

It flopped around mildly to swivel Its chair towards facing the closed window, where It shut Its eyes. “And Matrin’s mission?”

“He has boarded their vessel and has their protection, m’lord.”

“Excellent!” It cackled. “At least part of the plan is succeeding. We will overcome these setbacks. Prepare to execute Operative 67.”

“M’lord?!” exclaimed Bel. “So soon?”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” It shrugged. “And this is that time.”

And then, by a wholly unrelated chain of events, Ran dropped dead, but promptly got back again “Weird,” he said.




*Note: Zub: The Adventures of Stuff is not affiliated at all with Jelly Babies and does not condone the consumption of any infants in real life, regardless of their chemical makeup.

[Zibdas]

Chapter 31: The Invasion
Finale Part I

Love.

Love is an abstract concept; we cannot verify its existence, nor can we deny its reality.

It is for this reason that love is horrifying.

Many are afraid to love; will they be rejected? Will they die alone, with only 72 cats to keep them company? Will they never meet The One?

They will be rejected. They will die alone with 72 cats, of which only one is The One.

This is why love is such a strange concept to many a carbon-based lifeform. Wee cannot measure it, yet are sure of its existence. We cannot show it truly, yet we know we feel it. How does this work?

Nobody knows.

This chapter is focused on said abstract concept to such a minimal degree that one could say this introduction is a waste of time and is only designed to make the entire chapter seem longer. To those who say this, we say; “Stop spoiling our secrets.”

Regardless, this chapter mentions love on at least three and a half occasions. [full disclosure; we are not sure where the other half went.] Thus, this episode in the… for back of a better word, interesting fanfiction, can function as either a Halloween or a Valentine’s Special. This is up to the reader’s discretion. Or they might not discreet whatsoever, in which case we are forced to ask if you have your receipt to do said action.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello Lavie,” said Death, somewhat embarrassed at having a greeting as the opening and thus the introductory impression of the chapter’s fleshy meatness.

“Hi, Death,” she sighed as she sifted through papers in her work. “You can come in, you know. I’ve just been sorting through these papers sent to me, asking for reviews. I rather like this one, it’s called-“

“We can’t mention a Fanfic’s title in our own original work without getting sued, as I’m sure you’ll recall the time we didn’t…”

“I was only introduced to the main story a few chapters ago.” She paused for a moment. “Does this have no 4th wall? I mean, I’m used to the occasional reference, but….”

“Oh, that,” noted Death nonchalantly. “Well, we had to kill it at one point. It was kinda fun, though, if I’m being honest.” He awkwardly shuffled into the smallish room.

Lavie removed her reading glasses and stared at Death, brushing her blonde hair out of her face as she did so. “Is that even possible? It’s never been attempted, and that just makes no sense!”

“We attempted it, we did it, and I think everyone regrets it.”

“Everybody,” affirmed Lavie as she returned to her work. “So, did you need something, or did you just drop by to say hello?”

Death stopped, realizing he never came up with an excuse to talk to Lavie. “I, err… just wanted to ask….” He knew he could never ask hat he really wanted to, so his brain furiously searched for an alternative. “DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS?!”

“Goodness, no. But if this fic is anything to go by, he’s quite the trainer.”

“You avoided my question.”

“I answered it outright,” Lavie said simply, flipping a page.

“Um… what would you do if you could choose any job?” Death stuttered stupidly.

Lavie tapped a pen to her chin and thought for a moment. “A walrus,” she answered simply. “Que diriez-vous?”

“I’ve always wanted to be Santa Claus, admittedly,” Death said as casually as he could. Out of the corner of his eye socket, he noticed Lavie was trying to refrain from smiling. “You think it’s funny.”

Lavie caught herself. “I assuredly do not. I just think it’s neat that you have such…. ah, unique aspirations.”

Death stared at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

To save Lavie from having to contemplate a answer that hurts no one, Verve ran into the office at that moment. “Hello, Lavie!” he grinned as she waved. “Anyway, Death, we’re under attack, so I thought you might want to try something!” he beamed pleasantly.

“Under attack?! By who?!” Death demanded.

“By whom,” Lavie helpfully corrected.

“Everything!” Verve grinned. “Everything is attacking us with the express intent of horribly disfiguring our body with pain and grim death!” he sang out jubilantly.

“You seem excited,” noted Death. “I’ll pretend I never saw that. Lavie, can you go wake the others? I’ll go check out what’s wrong.”

“Aye aye,” Lavie said before bolting out the door and down the corridor.

Lavie burst into Zub’s chambers to find that the room was auspiciously empty. There was a bed in the middle of the far side of the room, and a few generic furniture pieces lying around, but no indication Zub had slept in here. Glancing at a conveniently placed clock, she found that it was morning, and thus could conclude that it didn’t make sense that he had not slept.

Somehwere in the room, something gave off a sound of ripping.

Glancing to the ceiling overhead, she saw Zub duct-taped to the ceiling far above her, his sticky holds slowly weakening.

Lavie barely managed to leap to her left as his body finally ripped free, crashing to the floor with such force he broke through it to the floor below, which was, by another series of meaninglessly convenient coincidences, was Ran’s chamber. Weakly, Zub gave her a thumbs up, indicating he was alive to some extent.

“Hello!” Lavie called down pleasantly. “There’s a good chance we will all die horribly soon!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death exploded into the control room/cockpit. Literally. As he neared the doors, the ship rocked from an attack of such ferocity it flung him into the room.

“Ow,” he sent absently as he scraped himself off the floor and met with the team of operating that were, well, operating the vessel.

“What’s attacking us?!” he demanded calmly with rage.

“Drones,” grinned one whose facial expression betrayed hints of insanity. “Loads and loads of drones.”

“Fun,” said Death. “Do we not have cannons?”

“Offline,” replied another operator grimly. “And we will be unable to activate it until they cease fire long enough for us to charge it up.”

Death nodded in a silence. “I have no choice but to use the secret weapon.”

“Secret weapon?”

“But of course, I installed it myself. Remember when Snattle made a brief appearance?”

“Yes,” said Ran, who ran in with Zub and Lavie.

“Turns out there’s a hole in the continuity that allows him to be replicated to a maximum of an infinite number of times,” grinned Death. “So deploy the Snattle Launcher!”

The operators all pressed a button simultaneously. On the exterior of the massive ship, the very pinnacle slid open as a large cannon silently rose out of the now-exposed hull. It was very elaborate; wires and pipes ran all over it, giving it the appearance of deadly, despite the fact that most of it was simply for aesthetics.

“Fire when ready!” Death yelled as Verve unsteadily climbed atop his shoulders.

The massive cannon positioned itself to where the barrel was aimed directly at a largish cluster of Them.

As all the pipes hissed, tubes glowed with semitransparent, Technicolor energy. After a brief pause, a figure was launched out of the barrel and the cannon reset itself, ready to fire another.

As Snattle shot through the air, Morph Suit clinging firmly to his body, his cape was thrown off and his hair whipped around wildly. His glasses shot off, revealing some very odd eyes. “I EILL BE GOVERNOR OF ORRE!” he declared prominently. “MY AMBITION DECLARES IT AS A STATEMENT OF PRETENTIOUS FACT!”

He collided with Them, and exploded, leaving nothing but ashes, scrap metal, and a wild cape.

“Fire again!” exclaimed Death, delighted.

“We might live! We might live!” chanted Verve, Lavie, and Ran as they danced around in circles.

“Sir, there’s a problem!” reported one of the operators. “Apparently a small pod has decked on the starboard valve, and has boarded the ship!”

Death glanced at his comerades as they came to a silent agreement. The fice raced out of the chamber and headed toward the elevator shaft.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, Rath, here we are, the last defense between the headquarters and Zub.” Rath smiled like he wanted desperately to smash somebody’s skeletal structure. “Justy would be so proud of us right now.”

Ashleigh was silent apart from the previous statement as she rode her chair atop Rath’s shoulders through the long hallway. She was told to meet up with Matrin [she had no idea how she would find him], escape [she had no idea how to do this], then destroy the battleship [this too she hadn’t the foggiest idea on how to do].

Foolproof plan.

Then she heard voices and indicated for Rath to duck behind a pile of Trubbish.

“I see you brought a lady friend,” Death noted teasingly to Ran, who had brought along Minka, who was definitely a preexisting character, along with the group.

Ran shrugged and blushed. “We’re engaged!” he exclaimed suddenly.

“That was sudden,” Death said in reference to how sudden the sudden proclamation was.

“Very sudden,” Lavie agreed.

“Did ‘sudden’ suddenly stop sounding like a real word to anyone else just now?” Verve asked.

Zub walked along in silence, being unable to talk and all. He noticed something behind a pile of Trubbish, but figured it as nothing.

“There’s no one here,” Death said.

“Aww, look. Everyone has a love interest now! How cute!” swooned Ashleigh as she stepped out from behind the Trubbish, with Rath following suit. She glanced over at Zub. “Oh, except Zub. But that, I suppose, is because no one likes you.” She made a broad gesture. “No one likes any of you guys either, but you make some really cute couples!” she offered helpfully.

“That did nothing to help my low self esteem,” Minka sighed.

Ran patted her. “There, there, my sweet Russain android. Maybe we should slow down,” he said, realized there was a pun there, and fell over laughing, and promptly died.

“We’re not a couple!” Lavie said defensively.

Ashleigh shrugged. “You two look like a couple.”

“And you look like a-“ Death growled before being cut off by Lavie, who yelled “Language!”

“And you two act like a couple,” Ashleigh continued.

“And you act like a-“ began Lavie, before she was cut off by Death.

Ashleigh smiled at this. “You two are so cute together!”

“Death rubbed the back of his neck and blushed, something very difficult for a skull. “I guess I wouldn’t mind being a couple….”

Lavie stared at him.

Sheepishly he shrugged. “What? For all you know, we could belong together like jelly, and…. more jelly!”

This time everyone stared at him.

“I’m allergic to peanuts,” he said shamefully.

“RAUAURGH RAWOOORGA WOO!” Rath grunted.

Ashleigh frowned. “Rath is right. We have to pummel you all now.”

Rath raised his fists and let out an unholy snarl as he charged at the group. Verve ducked between his legs and ran to Ashleigh.

“Hello, Ashleigh,” he said as he began playing a violin. “How’ve you been holding up?”

“Matrin?” she asked.

Verve absently pulled a top hat out of nowhere and put it on over his curly blonde hair. Before him, Death punched straight through a wall as he attempted to smash our heroes.

“The one and theoretically only,” he grinned.

“Wanna do a magic trick and spice things up for us?” Ashleigh asked, broadly grinning.

Matrin took off his hat, shook it so that a few hundred Lopunny poured out, then put it on again. “My pleasure.”

Suddenly all the combatants disappeared. A Regirock, Togekiss, Jynx, and Miltank had all been summoned out to engage in the fighting as well, though they too disappeared inexplicably.

“Where’d they go?” Ashleigh asked.

“They’re still there,” shrugged Matrin as he reached a crescendo on his violin. “I just made them invisible.”

“INFIDEL! REVEAL YOURSELF!” roared a bodiless voice as a massive dent appeared unfortunately close to Ashleigh.

“Can they not see each other?” she asked worriedly.

“No, Regirock’s just stupid,” sighed Matrin.

“This is the cheapest fight scene, ever,” sighed Ashleigh.

“Rath! Try to think!” exclaimed the voice of Death. “Use reason! Be free!”

“PHREH?!” he asked.

“Free!” Ran said. “Normally, I’d be against it, but in this case, think about it! Why do you do what you do?”

“AUDUNO” Rath shouted as a very audible crunch was heard.

“Think! Try to use imagination!” urged Death.

Rath could be heard stopping in his tracks. “UHM…. EURGH…” he muttered before he crashed into a wall, leaving a sizable dent in it.

“AAAAAURGH!” he screamed. Suddenly his footsteps were filled with much more force and frenzy.

“Oh no, he’s angry again! We’re back where we started!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s much worse now!”

Upon closer inspection, Ran saw that Death was indeed correct. “I see that you are indeed correct,” he said. “My bad.”

“I feel like such a Ford,” scowled Death. The ‘scowled’ bit is just a guess; honestly, I’ve not the faintest idea about what he presently looks like.

“Ashleigh, I have a question,” squeaked Minka from somewhere within the fray. “Why do you guys do what you do?”

Ashleigh stopped and considered. “Well, Rath just likes smashing things. I’m here for the decent hours and good pay, I think Bel just does it because it’s fun, and Matrin…. why do you do this, Matrin?”

“It gives me hats on TF2 in exchange for my service,” Matrin shrugged.

“He gives you hats on TF2 for your service?” asked Ashleigh in disbelief.

“Wait, where did Matrin come from?” asked Death.

“How’s the battle going?” asked Ashleigh. “I’ll be honest; I’ve no idea.”

Little did Ashleigh know, a panel in the ceiling over her head slid open.

“Well, let’s just put it this way; if we were all potatoes, we would all be very damaged potatoes, with the exception of Minka.”

“I do so ever like literary devices,” said Matrin nonchalantly.

“This is so un-fabulous! I command that you dance!”

Ashleigh leaned up against a nearby wall. “Did you say something, Matrin?”

“That would be my funky-fresh words!” proclaimed Miror B. as he slipped out of the ceiling and onto Ashleigh’s shoulders, forcing her to give him a Grumpiggyback ride.

“Get off me, you freak!” she screech as she blindly stumbled into walls, his hands obscuring her vision.

“Dance for me, Charlie!” Miror B. cackled.

Finally, Matrin’s spell wore off, and everyone remained in full sight once more. Derpy Moos, battered and beaten, lied dazed in a corner, softly humming ‘The Imperial March’. Lavie’s Togekiss was attacking the Regirock as Suckish was taking it head on against Rath.

“Suckish, you might not suck that much a little bit maybe after all,” said Death approvingly. Suckish turned at him and blew a kiss.

Lavie frowned. “Does Suckish do that to everything?”

A chef ran down the corridor to supply food and supplies. Suckish curiously checked out a large slab of steak with a passion burning in her eyes.

“Suckish, stop flirting with the meat,” Death growled.

The Jynx pulled itself away from the meat glumly and tackled Rath once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nob patrolled up and down his office. “If we’re going to smash all their faces in with only a maximum of four hammers, we’ll definitely need some string, several dozen llamas, and a lot of paddles. But the paddles aren’t for us.”

Debbie stared at him. “What else would the paddles be used for? ….Oh.” suddenly his look if curiosity dissolved into a look of mild interest and also disturbance.

“And from there, we crush them good and even!” Nob declared.

Debbie adjusted his blouse. “Do you have a role model~”

Nob smiled. “Sun Tzu. My mentor told me he invented fighting, and beat up lots of animals.”

Debbie smiled. “Mighty impressive, for someone so dead~

Nob shrugged as an operator burst in. “More intruders that need to be taken care of!” he panted, having apparently run all the way to his destination.

“CAN WE KILL THEM?!” asked Nob excitedly.

The operator nodded. “They’re a trio of new characters. What has eben out of work for seven years, and the other two are… interesting.”

“Interesting~?” winked Debbie.

“Go see for yourself.”

TIME PASSES
AND WE DO NOT HAVE THE FUNDS TO PROPERLY EXPRESS IT
SO ALL YOU HAVE IS THIS LOUSY NOTE
-Germaine and Rectangle

Debbie and Nob marched through a listless solid metal corridor, humming the spectacular Zub: The Adventures of Stuff theme song.

“Gee, I sure do wish we had a theme song so that we would be humming an actual tune instead of a low resonance of impeding terror~” commented Debbie offhandedly.

Nob greed, clearly not understanding what Debbie just said. He continued the resonance.

Suddenly, a large green man appeared before them, wearing nothing but a cape and a regal kilt. His green complexion appeared almost scaly in a fearsome fashion, but not overbearingly so. His pale yellow eyes were full of distate and anger, his red pupils completing the look. He also had a large serpentine tail in the place of legs, but that’s not that important.

But worst of all, he had a hideous combover.

“I am Quozmir, the Fanfician god of…. OVERUSED PUNCTUATION!!!!” bellowed his rasping voice.

“Don’t I know you?” Nob asked hesitantly.

“No,” replied Quozmir rather quickly.

“I do! I remember you from my childhood! You were in that one show, [CONTENT REMOVED; LEGAL INFORMATION CONTAINED]!”

Quozmir sheepishly rubbed his neck. “I was…. what’s the term?”

“Ingested?” offered Nob.

“Drunk~?” added Debbie.

“Yes! I was DRUNK!” Quozmir declared, before realizing what he said. “No, wait…”

“Laid off?” Nob tried.

“Ah, yes! I was laid off! One of these days, I really will have to get a dictionary….” he mumbled.

“Can I call you Herbert?” Nob asked, interrupting the god’s train of thoughts.

“No.”

“Whatever you say…. Herbert.”

“I said NO!” Herbert exclaimed, nostrils mysteriously flaming. “And don’t you start on me, narrator!”

The narrator takes this opportunity to wonder what Herbert could possibly do!!!!!!

The narrator then takes this moment to see what he has done!!!!

“TAKE THAT!!!!” Herbert announced in a decretory fashion.

“Anyway, I’ll need to stall you before my reinforcements arrive… You’re quite troublesome.” intoned Herbert.

“We are NOT!” protested Nob.

“Go, the infamous Hypocrisy Hippowdon!” cried Herbert as he threw a Pokémon. A large yellow flesh monster appeared, with bits of grey armour covering it. Its hazy red eyes seemed to glare at everything as sand poured out its back.

“Prepositions are not something to end sentences with,” he snarled at Debbie ferociously.

“Aurgh~! This is HORRIBLE~!” he exclaimed.

They Hypocrisy Hippowdon turned to Nob.

“I respect your opinion, but your opinion is unrespectable.”

Nob clutched his face in his hands. “THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!” he roared.

The Hypocrisy Hippowdon got an evil grin and turned to Herbert. “You are such a hypocrite,” it said smoothly.

“You monster!” Herbert screamed as he swayed on his table, which was now trembling.

“Hypocrite,” the Hypocritical Hippowdon glowered.

“I know! I’ll use an idea totally not taken from my nemsis!” Herbert decided. Ingeniously, Herbert fashioned a high pressure water cannon using nothing but duct tape, an Emolga, and a high pressure water cannon. Securing the Emolga into place atop the water cannon via duct tape, Herbert took aim and fired water rat the Hippowdon, reducing it to little more than sand.

“We make a great team,” he sighed contentedly. “Well, I bet you’re all wondering why I did that.”

“Yes, we are,” Nob agreed as he began recovering from the onslaught.

“Good to know,” Herbert nodded.

“I hope you realize we can no longer trust you~” Debbie cried out happily.

“Did the narration say ‘happily’? What could make you say that happily?!” demanded Herbert.

“We will have to confine you,” Debbie gtrinned maliciously as he threw a Pok 33ball at Herbert, imprisoning him instantly.

“That seemed easy,” Nob shrugged.

“Apparently, the next invaders we need to take care of are criminals. How exciting~” Debbie said with mild amusement as he took out a sheet of paper with a list of offenses on it.

A man and a woman slowly stalked down a neighboring hallway toward them with an air of regality.

“I’m Debbie, and this is No~” Debbie began before getting cut off by Nob.

“Noah,” Nob said hurriedly. To Debbie, he harshly whispered, “This isn’t some stupid video game! Don’t just be throwing my name around like that!”

Debbie shot back a simple, “No, it’s not a stupid video game, it’s a stupid fanfiction~!” before returning to their guests. “And who might you be~?”

“I am Baron von Majestic!” exclaimed the woman in her regal robes. “Vice Commander of your demise!”

“And I’m Marco!” her husband waved merrily.

Baron von Majestic shook her head. “My husband is an idiot. He’s a liar. His real name is Baron von Awesome Death Bringer of Lack of Adequate Descriptions Describing His Deathliness de Smith. Or just Baron von Awesome for short.”

Baron von Awesome blushed. “You give me too much credit,” he said modestly.”

“Either way, your list of criminal offenses are astounding, sir,” said Debby as he donned a pair of reading glasses to further investigate the list. “Manslaughter, severe bombing of multiple cities, countless massacres, hijacking airplanes, terrorism, and an extremely poor taste in music.”

“I told you that would be our downfall one day,” Baron von Majestic glowered. “I mean, country[/]?! Really now!”

“It was a good idea back in the eighteenth century. Remember that Lincoln fellow? He didn’t believe us, said he was too busy inventing some ridiculous invention called ‘stairs’. We showed him!”

“Stairs became a vital instrument to society throughout the years~” Debbie said. “Your music taste is horrible and has no excuse though, so we’ll have to annihilate you~!”

“Seems harsh,” noted Baron von Awesome.

“Very,” agreed his wife.

“Extremely~!” agreed Debbie. “But still, it’s a necessity~!”

“Except, there’s one small thing.” Baron von Majestic grinned. “You can’t kill us, missy!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the ship, Lavie, Zub, Ran, Minka, Death, Lavie, and Zub were still fighting Matrin, Ashleigh, and Rath. Matrin had unleashed his ultimate weapon; the Growlithe of Many Distractions.

“That Growlithe is so…. Growlithe shaped, it’s uncanny!” gaped Ran.

“Wouldn’t that just make it a Growlithe-shaped Growlithe?” mused Death. “Which is then just a Growlithe, no?”

Lavie scowled. “You guys are both idiots. The Growlithe is clearly Arcanine shaped.”

Ran shook his head in wonder. “Nature is amazing.”

“Should we be focused on something now?” Death asked as he admired the adorability of the Growlithe that was now scratching itself.

“I don’t know; should we?” asked Lavie.

“You’re all idiots!” exclaimed a voice as a Gallade swooped in and defeated the Growlithe with a single swipe. Its bladed hands reached behind it to pull on a zipper, revealing it was, in fact, Bel herself. She then shot out a Pokéball containing Gallade, making one wonder what the thought process behind her entrance was in the first place.

“Why hasn’t he let go?!” demanded Ashleiogh as she desperately attempted to wrench Miror B. off her face. Eff Ecks had also leapt onto Matrin’s head, but somehow the magician seemed not to notice, idly shuffling cards in his hands.

“Hey Bel,” he said in an easygoing voice. “What brings you here?”

Bel stared him down. “Just the simple fact that you should have destroyed this place and escaped by now!”

“Technical difficulties,” Matrin said simply, gesturing bleakly to the man covering his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’ve been cursed,” admitted Baron von Majestic. “In exchange for a handsome sum of money and immortality, whenever we are lit on fire someone in the world writes a horrible country-hip-hop-folk song about our accolades.”

Debbie’s mouth flew open! “That’s horrible~!” she sympathized.

Baron von Awesome walked over and patted him lightly. “It is indeed, little lady.”

Nob sighed. “So, are you going to intrude or what?”

The Barons simultaneously waved the question aside. “We already did!” Baron von Majestic smiled. “So with that, I bid you, adieu!”

The two walked off and jumped into the airlock.

“That’s a tad disappointing,” noted Debbie sadly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“A little shabbier than I recall. A lot more fires, and a hella lotta holes,” noted a voice in calm as it slowly boarded the central hatch.

“If I recall, this is the result of your plan[/i].”

“Well, Mewtwo, there’s a good reason fpr that, and that is-“

“Shut up with your idiocy, doctor. I am here to find Mew, and to find Mew only.”

Dr. Zubious stared hard. “No one else is this rude on this fic,” he grumbled dejectedly as he led Mewtwo on board.

“[i]No one else is a giant muscular purple cat. Also everyone else on this fic is an idiot.”

“Moot point,” ceded the doctor. “But I have a PhD!”

“In stupidity, no doubt.”

Dr. Zubious frowned at him. “That was supposed to be revealed later.”

“I’m sure,” Mewtwo said in a voice that revealed he was not at all.

“Just do your job,” scowled Dr. Zubious. “And you get Mew back.[i]”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pretend it’s a taco,” Death said irritably.

“For the last time, no!” exclaimed Lavie. “Just open the hatch so we can all go back to bed!”

Death tried the doorknob, an unusual site amongst hatches. “It’s locked,” he said resolutely. “How do you open locked doors?”

“With a key?” asked Lavie.

“A what now?” asked Ran and Death simultaneously. Zub and Minka also expressed similar confusion.

Lavie tried her key. “It won’t work,” she noted. “Just keep calm, and breathe steadily, don’t hyperventilate…”

“Breathe?” asked Minka, Ran, and Death. Zub stared at her in perplexion.

“I thought they were joking when the job application said you guys were all idiots!” she said in exasperation.

An operator ran into the airlock. “Altitude is dropping critically! We’re crash-landing into that hill on the island below!”

“Hill?” asked Death.

“Island?” inquired Ran.

“Below?” wondered Minka. “Gravity is so silly here!”

“We’re going to die!” Ran exclaimed. “Well, I will come back, and Death and Lavie are immortal, and Minka is made out of titanium, so I guess it’s just Zub that will die, but still….”

This is because the universe hates Zub.

The ship crashed as it blew into flaming debris.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey guys, guess what? BADABOOM!” exclaimed the author as the ship suddenly was extinguished and landed normally.

“How the-?!” demanded all present.

“I used my authorly powers, duh,” said the Author.

“They were taken away, weren’t they?!” demanded Death.

“Naw. I just forgot about them.”

Ran’s eye twitched. “So all this time, you could have done a snap of your fingers and saved us, while we’ve been risking everything for you?!”

“Yup, pretty much. You guys are idiots. You’re lucky I’m doing this for community service, or else no one would take you in.”

Death sniffled. “That stung.”

“You’re doing this for community service?” she asked imploringly.

“Tell you about it later,” he promised, then pointed to the bleak and ashen landscape around them. The island had clearly seen heavy war, and probably once harboured a great city, judging by the ruinous shapes surrounding them. Far from them, a very large wooden bridge connected the island to a much smaller one. Atop the other island was a massive grey tower that loomed beyond the sky.

“Welcome to Isla de Fallecimiento, home to the mysterious Titanic Tower, Their headquarters.” the Author said solemnly.











“I’m still mad about that whole forgotten powers thing,” Death said crossly, completely ruining the cliffhanger’s desired mood.