I posted this on fanfiction a while back, but I thought I would post it here as well because nobody gives good constructive criticism on Fanfiction. -.-
All five chapters have already been written, so I probably won't apply your suggestions in this fic, but I'll definitely take in into consideration on future projects.
Rated TEEN for Harley being weird in many ways.
Chapter 1: Ash's Arrival
"May, darling, we should head back."
"Why? The ferry will be here any minute..."
"You said that an hour ago."
"So? What's the big deal?"
"I'm tired of waiting here!"
"Quit being such a sissy, Harley."
"Listen, darling, you know I'm just as anxious to see Ash as you are, but this is unnecessary..."
"Well you're more than welcome to leave."
Drew let out a long groan. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and glared at the two arguing coordinators.
"Would you two shut up?" He asked, "I'm trying to take a nap here..."
Drew was sitting on the ground, leaning against a pole, trying to sleep. May huffed and put her hands on her hips, "The world doesn't revolve around you, Drew," She said.
Drew sighed, "Is it too much to ask for a little peace?"
Harley lifted up his index finger and said "I think it would b-"
"Shut up, Harley, no one wants your opinion!" May interrupted.
Harley turned his back to May, "Well excuse me, Your Rudeness!" he said, "What's up what the temper, you have no reason to be angry."
May's jaw went slack and her eyes went wide. "You mooned me during my contest yesterday! I have every right to be mad!"
Harley poked May, "Now, now, It'll do you no good dwelling on the past," He said, trying to sound wise.
Drew let out a frustrated sigh; there was no way he was going to rest with these two together. May had woken up at five in the morning to see ferry Ash was on arrive, which was supposed to dock at six. During the process, she woke a reluctant Drew up to accompany her. Harley, like the stalker he is, followed them. And so there they all were, patently awaiting Ash's arrival at the Olivine City pier.
The ferry must have been running late because it was nine in the morning and it had yet to arrive.
"Drew! Tell Harley he's wrong!"
Drew shook his head and snapped back to his senses. May was red faced and pointed an angry finger at Harley. "You're being retarded Harley," Drew said. It was what he always said when he wasn't paying attention to their arguments, which was almost always.
"See!" May demanded.
"I don't see how that proves anything," Harley huffed. "I mean, who cares about Drew's opinion?"
"I do!" May said, "Well, only if he's agreeing with me..." she added. Her face suddenly brightened, "We'll ask Ash when he gets here!" she said giddily.
"If the stupid ferry ever gets here," Drew grumbled under his breath.
"Now that's not fair!" Harley said, stomping his foot, "We all know he'll take your side by default! Isn't that right, Drew?"
"Mhmm..." Drew grunted, not even looking up at Harley.
"See? What did I tell you?" Harley asked.
"I don't see how that proves anything," May said, doing her best to mimic Harley's voice. "I mean, who cares about Drew's opinion?"
"Oh you think you're so funny!" Harley huffed.
Drew suddenly sat up straight and pointed towards the forest, "Holy Miltank! Is what a Gengar?" He exclaimed.
"What? Where? I call it! It's mine!" Harley said, he grabbed a Pokéball and dashed into the forest, disappearing behind the trees.
"Oh, what a relief," May said, falling to her knees. "Thanks, Drew," she said appreciatively.
"No prob," Drew replied, not even opening his eyes.
May looked out towards the ocean and sighed. "I wonder what's taking Ash so long..." she began, "I hope he's okay..."
May began to panic, "What if the ferry was attack by a group of Sharpedos?" She began, "Or maybe a group it angry Wingull destroyed it, or-"
"- Or it was carried away by a bunch of Butterfrees!" Drew exclaimed.
May huffed, "This isn't funny, Drew! I'm worried!"
"Take a chill pill, May. I'm sure he's fine," Drew assured her, but May didn't seem convinced.
"Oooh..." May groaned, not taking her eyes off the ocean.
Drew almost began wishing Harley would come back and take May's mind off worrying about Ash.
"The Gengar must be a real trickster; I didn't see him at all."
Speak of the devil...
"Harley, May's worried about Ash," Drew explained, "Tell her he's fine."
Harley smirked and put his hands on his hips. "I'm sure you're boyfriend will be just find, darling!" Harley exclaimed. Drew sighed, why did he ever ask Harley to do anything?
"Oh zip it, Harley," May growled, "We're just friends and you know it!"
"That's not what you diary says!"
"You read my diary?"
"No, but I'm sure it's all about Ash!"
"It is not!"
Drew sighed and shook his head. "Here we go again..."
Morning turned to noon, noon turned to afternoon, and afternoon turned to evening. The sun was beginning to set, and reflected brightly on the ocean. Drew had gotten sore while leaning against the pole, so he simply laid on the ground.
Harley and May bickered on and off throughout the day, just like they did all the time. Drew had grown accustom to it, and learned to block it out.
"Remind me to travel by myself again next season," Drew told Roserade, who had joined him lying on the pier.
"Rose," Roserade replied.
Drew turned to the ocean. "Dang it Ash, you better get here soon," he grumbled.
Drew noticed May sitting at the edge of the docks, legs dangling over the water. She was watching the horizon constantly. Sighing, Drew got up from his spot on the pier and plopped himself down next to May on the dock.
"I'm so worried Drew..." May said, looking at her clenched fists. "Why hasn't he come yet?"
Drew sighed and looked out at the ocean. "I don't know..." was all he could say. He glanced at May and noticed her blink away a few tears.
"W-what if he's-"
"Don't think like that, May," Drew interrupted her, "That'll only make things worse."
May nodded and wiped her eyes. She took a deep breath and sniffed, trying to take her mind off her "what if" situation.
Drew mind was reeling through ways to distract May for a while, when the perfect idea came to him. "Let's play a prank on Harley."
"Whoa! Would you look at that!" May exclaimed, pointing out towards the ocean to nothing in particular.
"Look at what?" Harley asked, scanning the ocean.
"Whoa! No way!" Drew exclaimed.
"What? I don't see anything!" Harley complained.
"Here, look!" Drew said, running behind Harley and pushing him forwards towards the dock. "You just gotta get closer..."
"I still don't see anything, what are you guys - WAAHH!" Harley exclaimed. Drew and May shoved him over the edge, but kept a hold of him jacket. Harley's feet were still on the pier, but if not for May and Drew hanging onto him, he would fall.
"What's the big idea? Don't get me wet! I can't swim!" Harley said quickly, trying to save himself.
"Take back all the things you said about me!" May said as she clung onto Harley.
"And beg for mercy!" Drew said with a smirk.
"Okay! Okay! I take it back! And please don't drop me! Please I beg you!" Harley began, "Now please pull me- hey, is that the ferry?"
"Ha, you can't fool us-" May began as she looked up towards the horizon, her eyes widened and her jaw went slack, "-like... That..." she finished slowly.
Looking closely at the horizon, May saw the ferry. "Oh my Arcues! It is the ferry!" She exclaimed, she let go of Harley and began to joyfully jump up and down.
"May, May, May, May..." Drew said, he tried to support Harley, but the man was simply too heavy to pull up by himself. Not wanting to fall into the water himself, Drew let go of Harley.
"AAAHHHHH!"Harley screamed as he splashed into the ocean. Hearing Harley's scream, May peered over the dock and watched the wet man swim towards the ladder.
"I'm going to get you two for that!" Harley exclaimed.
May watched Harley swim towards the ladder. "Didn't you say you couldn't swim?" she asked.
"Don't be stupid, darling, of course I can swim," Harley said as he climbed up the ladder.
"Oh good," Drew said, "I'll remember that next time we dangle you over the ocean."
The ferry eventually approached the pier. May waved her hand excitedly as Drew simply stood there. On the ferry, Ash was excitedly waving to them.
"Hey guys!" Ash called towards them.
"Pika pika!" Pikachu chimed in.
The ferry docked and everyone got off, Ash approached the three coordinators with a bright smile on his face. "Ash!" May exclaimed, she ran towards Ash. She ran up to him and shoved him, surprising Drew and Harley.
"You have a lot of nerve!" She exclaimed.
"W-what are you talking about, May?" Ash asked, planting his feet on the ground in case she decided to push him again.
"You and the stupid ferry got here 12 hours late!" May exclaimed angrily. "I was so worried..." May said, reaching over and hugging him, "I thought something might have happened to you."
"She wouldn't worry about me like that," Harley grumbled, grumpily folding his arms across his chest.
"She wouldn't wait for you at the pier for 12 hours," Drew replied, approaching Ash and May.
"So, what took you so long?" May asked.
Ash sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Team Rocket... Again..."
"Oooh," May said, seeming to understand, but not letting go of him.
Drew noticed the slightest tint of red on May cheeks as she squeezed Ash tightly before finally letting go. "Promise me you'll never do that again," May demanded.
"But May," Ash began, "The problem was out of my control, Team Rocket had-"
"Just promise me, Ash," May interrupted, looking at him with pleading eyes. "I was so worried..."
"O-okay, May, I promise," Ash said.
May's face brightened and a huge smile appeared on her face. "Okay, great!" She said cheerfully.
Drew watched the two friends interact before him, observing their actions. Uh hu... He thought.
"How you doing, Ashy!" Harley said, putting on his best cheerful act. He grabbed Ash's head with his left arm and gave him a noogie.
Ash managed to twist his head and maneuver himself out of Harley's grip. "I see you haven't changed much, Harley," Ash said as he brushed off his hat.
"Oh! And would you look at this little toochie-woochie-kins!" Harley exclaimed, kneeling down by Pikachu and pinching his cheek.
"PikaCHUUUU!" Pikachu exclaimed, releasing a power electric attack, and shocking Harley.
"Ugh... Yowchies..." Harley groaned and fell over. May and Ash let a laugh as they watched the purple haired coordinator crumble to the ground.
Drew flicked his hair from his face, "Well, it was fun sitting at the dock and listen to you and Harley bicker all day, May, but I think I'll be heading back to the Pokémon Center."
"You have no room to talk!" Harley complained, "You dropped me into the ocean!"
Drew flicked his hair and smiled. "Yeah, I did," Drew admitted, "That was funny." With that, he began to walk away.
"Drew, wait!" May called out, "Aren't you going to join us for supper?"
Drew halted, gazing at the ground for a moment. "Where are you eating?" he asked.
"I could really go for some Italian food," Harley said.
"Nobody cares, Harley," May said, "Where would you like to go, Ash?"
Ash pointed to himself, as if confirming that she was actually talking to him. "Uh... Um... I'm Uh..." he said, "Why do I have to decide?"
May sighed, rolling her eyes and scratching the back of her head. "Because you're the guest, you make all the decisions..."
Ash looked from May, to Pikachu, to Drew, to Harley, and back to May. "How about hamburgers?" he asked.
"But I wanted- YOOWCH!" Harley began to complain, but was cut short when May stomped on his foot.
"Sure, I could go for hamburgers," Drew said as Harley grabbed his sore foot and hopped on one leg.
"Okay then! Let's go!" May said, with that, she grabbed Ash by the arm and dragged him down the road. Drew smiled as he saw the poor trainer almost trip over his own feet as the coordinator pulled him.
"Suck it up," Drew said as he walked by Harley, who was still hopping on one foot. "She's what? 80 pounds? It couldn't have hurt that badly."
"Easy for you to say!" Harley shot back, hopping after Drew.
Drew sighed and looked back at Harley. "I don't get it, if you dislike May, why do you follow her around so much?" Drew asked, "You could make all our lives much more pleasant and stay away."
Harley huffed and put his hands on his hips, still hopping on one foot. "I don't appreciate that comment," he snarled, "But if you really must know, it's all part of my plan."
Drew did his best to hold back a snicker, since when did Harley actually think? "Oh? And how does this plan go?" Drew asked.
"Well," Harley began, "Step one is to follow May around and annoy and enrage her as much as possible, until she gets to the point of either throwing herself off a cliff or leaving Johto region!"
Drew furrowed his brow and scratched his head, "Aaaand what's step two?" he asked.
Harley shrugged, "I don't know, I guess my entire plan is step one."
Drew sighed. "Okay then, don't you think making her throw herself off a cliff is a bit drastic?"
Harley pointed a finger high into the sky. "One has to think big!" He exclaimed, "And what bigger way to think than watching May th-"
"Okay," Drew interrupted, "This conversation is officially over."
"So Ash," Harley began, "Did you hear about how May made a fool of herself?"
May huffed and pointed an accusing finger at Harley. "How many times do I have to tell you?" May asked, "You made a fool of yourself!"
"Yes, honey, but it was you I was mooning," Harley pointed.
"Do we have to discuss this now? I trying to eat!" Drew interjected.
Ash nodded with agreement, "Yeah, I'm going to side with Drew," Ash said.
"He started it!" May said angrily, glaring at Harley.
Harley put on an innocent face and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what you're talking about, honey, I was simply starting a conversation."
May's face turned beet red with anger. "Starting a conversation… my eyeballs!" She exclaimed, slamming her fork into the table.
Ash laid a hand on the enraged girl's shoulder. "Calm down, May," he said, "Don't let him get to you, I mean, after all, this is Harley you're talking to."
Harley huffed, "I'm sitting right here Mr. Pokémon Master... Not!"
May stood up from the table and leaned over it, glaring Harley in the eyes menacingly. "You take that back, Harley!" She demanded, "Ash is an amazing trainer and you know it!"
"That's easy for you to say," Harley said calmly, "He's not my boyfriend."
Oh boy, Drew thought sinking into his chair. He glanced at Ash and noticed he was doing the same.
May on the other hand look like she was about ready to strangle Harley. "For the last time..." she said in an eerie voice, "He... Is not... My boyfriend..."
At this point it seemed as if everyone in the restaurant but Harley was afraid of the young coordinator. "Does she become like this often?" Ash asked Drew.
"Only when Harley crosses the line," Drew explained.
Ash tilted his head, "How often does that happen?" he asked.
Drew shrugged, "Once every few hours."
"Excuse me, ma'am," the manager of the restaurant walked up to the table, "I'd hate to do this, but if you don't calm down, we're going to have to ask you to leave..."
May blushed in embarrassment at her misbehavior and sat down. The manager seemed satisfied. "I'm sorry guys," May said as Ash, Drew, and Pikachu sat back up in normal positions. "I don't know what came over me..."
Harley bashfully waved his hand. "Oh, honey, it's no big deal," He said, "You were just being your typical self."
May's face darkened all over again. "That's it!" She exclaimed. With a mighty jump, she leapt over the table and tackled Harley to the ground.
"So Dawn's been improving with her contest skills since you last saw her," Ash said. The four where walking down the road towards the Pokémon Center. Drew and Ash had been careful to make sure they both walked between May and Harley.
"Oh, that's great!" May said enthusiastically.
Drew tilted his head and looked at Ash. "Dawn?" he asked, "Was she the girl who won the Wallace Cup?"
Ash smiled and nodded. "Yeah," he said, "Want to see a picture?" He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Drew, who took it.
The picture had Ash, Pikachu, and Brock, and the familiar blue headed girl. Unlike on television, she wore much more casual clothes. Hm, she's pretty, Drew thought, admiring the picture.
"Oh! I remember her!" Harley said, grabbing the picture from Drew. "She's the girl who had virtually no experience but still beat May!"
May sighed and looked in the direction opposite of Harley. Ash smiled sadly and patted her back. "Don't feel bad, May," Ash said, "Dawn had learned a lot from previous losses."
Harley chuckled, "The face May made when she lost was priceless," Harley said, "That poor girl must have felt so ashamed."
May couldn't seem to take anymore of Harley's comments and dashed ahead.
"May! Wait!" Ash shouted as he broke unto a run, chasing after her.
Drew shot a glare at Harley, "That was going way too far," Drew growled.
Harley shrugged, "A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do," he said.
"That is... If you're a guy..." Drew grumbled under his breath.
"What was that?" Harley asked.
Drew waved his hand about, "Oh, nothing," he said.
Ash ran across an open, grassy field under the night sky, looking back and forth for May. "Pika pika," Pikachu said.
Ash sighed and came to a stop, looking about. "Do you see her?" Ash asked, Pikachu pointed towards a boulder, where Ash could see May sitting against, almost concealed completely by the darkness.
Ash took a deep breath and began to approach May. "Mind if I sit down?" he asked.
Seeming to only notice him once he spoke, May jumped slightly before looking up at him. The moon reflected on her wet, teary eyes. She attempted to blink away the tears and nodded her head, giving Ash permission to sit down with her.
Pikachu hopped off of Ash's shoulder as Ash sat down and leaned against the rock. He then made himself comfortable in Ash's lap.
Ash looked around, trying to think of the proper thing to say. "So... Harley's a retard..." was all he could say.
May sniffed nodded with agreement, wiping her eyes, her lips barely curled into a weak smirk. "Yeah, he's such a jerk..." May said, "I don't get why he's being to mean to me. It makes me want to leave Johto and go somewhere else."
May brought up her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on her knees.
"Well," Ash began, "Harley is just being Harley..."
"Pikachu..." Pikachu agreed.
May sighed and looked up at the moon, "But he's never been this cruel..." she said, "Did you know he mooned me during a contest?"
Ash's eyes widened, "Wow," he said, shaking his head.
"I know right?" May asked, shivering at the thought of it. "It's an image that will never leave my mind," she said.
Ash shivered at the thought as well. "That's really creepy," he said, seeming to want to change the subject.
"What away to start off your first day back in Johto, eh?" May said.
Ash laughed, "Meh, I've had worse, I lost Pikachu on my first day in Sinnoh," he told her.
"Plus the day when you came to Hoenn was pretty bad," May added.
Ash looked down at Pikachu before looking up at the stars. "Yeah, that definitely started rough..." he said.
Off in the distance, two figures stood watching Ash and May talk. "I wonder what they're talking about," Harley said, putting his hands on his hips.
Drew simply watched them with a smile. "I don't know, probably about you," he said.
Harley laughed, "Hah, you're probably right; I'm always the talk of the town."
Drew shook his head and rolled his eyes, turning around and walking away. "You're such a retard," Drew told Harley.
"I'm a retard?" Harley asked, "Look who's talking bush brain!"
Drew flicked his green hair. "Oh, so you can tell whether or not people are retards because of their hair color?" he asked.
"It's unnatural," Harley explained.
Drew just shook his head, "You want to see something truly unnatural? Go look in a mirror," Drew said.
Harley tilted his head. "But what would I see in a mir- HEY!"
Drew smirked and flicked his green hair out of his face, "Such a retard..."
Harley and Drew where sitting in the Pokémon Center lobby when Ash, May, and Pikachu came inside.
"Feeling better, May?" Drew asked. May smiled and nodded, without a word, she walked up to Harley and stuck her hand out for a handshake.
Harley looked at the hand, "A handshake?" he asked, standing up, "I don't know what it's for but o- OWCH!"
May lifted her hand in the air and gave Harley a hard slap across the face. "That's for earlier!" She told Harley coldly. He simply groaned and rubbed his cheek.
"Do it again, I wasn't watching," Drew said with a smirk. May smiled and lifted her hand again, but Harley grunted and backed away, sitting back down.
Deciding not to give Harley another slap, May brought her hand down and backed up, standing next to Ash.
"Oh, I should get a room for the night," Ash said, beginning to walk towards the main desk.
May grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. "Why? We can just stay in the same room like we did in Hoenn and Kanto. My room has two bunk beds."
Ash's face brightened, "Sound good, Pikachu?" he asked, turning to the electric type on his shoulder.
"Pika pika!" Pikachu squealed.
"Alright then," Ash said, "Sounds good to me too."
Drew tilted his head as he watched Ash and May. He, May, Harley never shared rooms, most likely because of Harley, but none the less, Drew found it interesting.
They're really close, Drew thought, I wonder...
Tell me if I missed a breaker somewhere, I just copy/pasted this from fanfiction, so I don't know if I missed anything (And unfortunately, I don't keep any of my word documents)
Yep, so I posted this here because is seems like the community here is better at giving constructive criticism, everyone on fanfiction tends to be either positive or extremely negative. So perhaps some pointers?