Hey, there. Let's get to work on this!
So, Colress's motives regarding the strength of Pokemon are the same in-game with a bit of a twist it seems.“Is this it?” he excitedly exclaimed. “Could this be… the key to the ultimate DNA? The one that will make the truth about Pokémon strength reveal itself?”
Using Pokerus no less, it's an interesting take on things and explains more so why he pursues the latent strength of Pokemon and makes it less vague.“I see you like this,” Finansielle coolly observed. “This is the incomplete DNA structure for a new strain of Pokérus our scientists are working on. We have a large part of it finished, but we just can’t get the last part right, and as a result, we can’t get it to function.”
I like the concern Jessie and James show for Meowth, I also like the set-up for the enviable.
“Team Rocket has a lot of priorities,” the doctor offered as a feeble reply, though once he saw the death glares Jessie and James were shooting him, he hurried to correct himself by saying, “but one of those certainly is getting Meowth back, no doubt. What we want to find is something that can counteract the effect the Meteonite had on Meowth. Computer, is there anything of the sort in there? Anything that can counteract the Meteonite’s effect?”
Nice Easter Egg for anime fans.“I just happen to have some Chargestones left over in storage from the mission in Unova. I can quickly construct a weapon that will get both Meowth and that Meteonite piece back.”Nekou's nature never ceasing to be somewhat disturbing in scenes like these.....
Turning his head to the right, he jumped when he discovered Nekou lying on the bed next to him, close enough that he could see her fairly clearly without his glasses. She seemed to have no concern about doing this, instead treating it as perfectly normal as she ran her fingers over his face.
Any sort of symbolism behind using the L Unown?The Unown slowed their movements somewhat, as if considering what Meowth had said to them. After chattering amongst themselves for some time, they all turned to the Polaris team at once, and an Unown shaped like the letter ‘L’ floated down.
Almost forgot Meowth was brainwashed and being used as a puppet.Having become convinced by Meowth’s explanation of Polaris’s motives, the Unown withdrew and faded away. The brainwashed cat Pokémon then returned to the ones controlling him.
I'm loving Avril and Olivia's rivalry so far, speaking of which is Renzo a rival as well? I like to think of him as an unofficial antagonist-type rival.“So you decided to show up,” Avril taunted Olivia once the two groups came together. “Are you ready to see what a real challenge is like?”
Ineffectively brushing aside his blue bangs from his face, Falkner sighed and answered, “Don’t think I didn’t notice them. I inherited this Gym from my father, but… as the Gym Leader, I am responsible for listening to the opinions of the people of my city. Polaris’s stunt yesterday made me begin thinking, and I decided I have to train to get stronger. That’s so I can be a better role model for the young people such as those in your sister’s class,” Falkner turned his head, “Matt Chiaki. Amanda’s become a good friend of mine since she came here to teach.”Your characterization of Falkner is something new to me, I see your expanded more on his past with his father and gave him a more authoritative, justice-like role in the sense he wants to come off as mature enough to influence people better.“I am going to temporarily resign my post as Gym Leader and go on a journey to train, much as my father did before me.”
That certainly added a sense of urgency and end-all be-all to the battle.“Now, now, there’s no need for you two to get so worked up,” Falkner said with a smile. “I’m not going to leave until I’ve battled both of you, so you each get one shot at beating me. So which of you will be going first?”
Oh, Avril. She makes a nice rival, I wonder if her and Olivia will develop into frenemies. Speaking of which she has a Deino and Servine iirc. The Deino in-particular comes off as really extravagant a Pokemon to have, I wonder how she would find one in Johto of all places. Also if she picked Servine and Olivia got Oshawott, I wonder if the Tepig will go anywhere or just be left at that.“Actually, let her go first,” she dismissively said, referring to Olivia. “I’ll watch how you battle her and then I’ll know all of your secrets.”
Characterization and humanizing for Giovanni in the sense we get more depth and insight on his personal thoughts and he actually cares for Viridian a lot.While he did not dislike big cities, Giovanni found himself bothered by what Viridian had become. Even in his status as the head of Team Rocket, his hometown and the surrounding areas retained a soft spot in his heart, so Gabriella’s eager efforts to transform the city were something he could not abide, even if she meant well.
Foreshadowing, I had a feeling you would use one of the most largest, active cities in Johto.“I see,” Giovanni answered. “So Goldenrod City is one of their major targets.”
I was actually planning to use this explanation in my fic. at some point, I really like it because it naturally makes sense that Gym Leaders aren't using their most strongest since gyms are meant to test the challenger. Not flatten them like pancakes.Holding the lapel of his sky-blue vest, Falkner addressed Olivia, “Young lady, confirm for me how many Badges and Pokémon you’ve brought here today.”
“I don’t have any Badges yet, but I do have four Pokémon,” she replied.
“I see. Because of League rules, which do not allow me to use more than three Pokémon against a trainer with no Badges, this will be a three-on-three Single Battle. I will not be permitted to switch out, and the winner will be the one who defeats their opponent’s final Pokémon. Are those rules acceptable to you?”
Nothing wrong, I just like the description of "shaking wreck" implemented here.He was reduced to a shaking wreck, trembling all over
So, Bunny doesn't have a naive, idealistic state-of-mind when it comes to things like this. That's good to know since I felt like Bunny might come off as a bit of a stereotype at some points but I'm liking the characterization of her so far in the story and her overall intelligence and maturity.“Lillipup is totally overmatched…” Bunny observed, her face completely blank in terms of expression. “Was Olivia not ready for this?”
The imagery is exciting yet nerve-wracking in scenes like this. I particular, once again, like the innovative battling.With Lillipup still hanging on to her wing, Taillow launched herself into the sky. The additional weight presented by her Normal-type passenger did not affect her flight in any way. Reaching a point high into the rafters of the Gym, near the ceiling, Taillow lashed around and rocketed downward in a straight line. She turned only once she had nearly reached the floor, just to slam Lillipup into the floor without crashing herself.
Taillow got knocked unconscious easily, no surprise there when I I did the first read through.Though she attempted to sidestep Taillow’s dive, Minccino still got grazed by it. While visibly hurt – some of her fur had been sheared off by Taillow’s beak – she held firm and somersaulted forward, catching Taillow with her tail and smashing Falkner’s Pokémon across the floor. Before Taillow could recover, Minccino ran forward and used her tail to deliver a second blow, this one tossing Taillow out of the battlefield and into a nearby pillar, where she slunk to the ground in defeat.
“Taillow is unable to battle! The winner of this round is Olivia’s Minccino!”
Nekou's caring nature and supportive fashion shines through, one of the things I like about her a lot.“And you were worried,” Nekou scoffed at Matt. “She’s doing just fine for herself.”
I was thinking the same thing, I like tell tale signs but not over-the-top little references to Olivia's other goal.Minccino turned to the use of her tail once more, this time coating it in water and swinging it through the field of bubbles, creating numerous small, flashy bursts.
“That looked like a Contest move,” Monroe said quietly.
“That’s because it is one,” Nekou answered. “Simple but effective.”
More creative battling situations are used, I really feel like I'm watching(Did I write watching? I meant reading) a battle straight outta the anime. It was quite engrossing.Much to the surprise of both Olivia and Minccino, however, Mantyke kept flying forward until she reached one of the openings jutting partially into the battlefield, at which point she dove underneath the wooden floor.
Subtle development for the rivalry, Avril seems to be recognizing Olivia's strength and potential as a rival.“She’s only one away now…” Avril quietly observed, her eyes widening. “I don’t believe it. She might actually win…”
Might be me being nitpicking, personality moment for Pokemon like that are nice. It makes them feel more like Pokemon and soul-less battling machines without hearts, it's only natural they display traits like defiance in battle when driven into a corner or in a pitch.Olivia could tell, though, that Minccino’s energy was failing; bringing down both Taillow and Mantyke had taken its toll on the Normal-type Pokémon, but despite being noticeably short on breath, she stared back at Pidgeotto’s attempt at intimidation with defiance in her eyes.
Olivia certainly did charge in recklessly.....Inspired by what she saw in her Pokémon, Olivia approached her opponents in the same fashion. “Don’t ever give in!” she ordered. “Tail Slap!”
No surprise that Minccino was beaten easily.“Minccino is unable to battle! The winner of this round is Falkner’s Pidgeotto!”
This is what I mean by personality, it's nice to see characterization like that even for Pokemon.Unlike Minccino, he shrank back in fear from Pidgeotto.
Especially when you consider he only seems to know Water Gun and Tackle iirc and with no scalchop.....Avril scoffed when she noticed Oshawott’s shell still hadn’t grown back. “There’s no way she’s winning this now. That thing doesn’t stand a chance.”
Rivalry moment is entertaining.“Oshawott, don’t get intimidated now! We’ve got to win that Badge for my dad and show Avril a thing or two!”
Oshawott must have an extremely slow reaction time to not have shot Water Gun, I was half-expecting Water Gun to be used only to be blasted away by Gust.By flapping her wings rapidly, Pidgeotto created a vicious wave of wind that washed over Oshawott, slashing him all over. He cringed under the harsh assault, attempting to shield his head with his stubby arms while the feelings of fear started to return.
So, Olivia lost, somewhat surprised given I figured she had things all figured out and had some training prior.“Oshawott is unable to battle!” the referee called while the Water-type Pokémon lay completely still on the wooden floor. “The winner of the round is Pidgeotto. All of the challenger’s Pokémon have fainted, so the winner is the Gym Leader, Falkner!”
So, Olivia hides her emotions, eh?Olivia was smiling.
“But really, it’s not a big deal!” she continued, her voice cheery but shaking. “I’ll just go to another Gym and get a Badge there. Thanks for battling with me.”
That was a very, very amusing moment.“Isn’t it kind of hard to show things to a guy who’s not around anymore?” Avril blurted out.
“Oh, **** no…” Nekou thought as her blood and that of everyone around her ran cold.
Avril's bluntness coupled with the natural sense of meanness she conveys in simple sentences like theses once again makes her an ideal frenemy rival.Completely unaware of what she was actually doing and the circumstances around it, Avril kept going, saying, “I’m tempted to ask you the same thing. Showing Badges to a dead guy? If I’m going to consider you my rival, you can’t be crazy.”
And we end on a cliffhanger with a big bombshell being dropped. My reaction to this? Basically it's "finally."“Avril’s telling you the truth.”
For real though, this was an entertaining chapter. It felt short in-comparison to your other chapters, though I don't have a problem with shortness or lengthiness. As long as the content is entertaining to read I don't mind in the slightest. The battle between Falkner and Olivia was entertaining, I wasn't expecting anything as extravagant as the battle between Matt and Dahlia given it's just a low-level Gym Battle but it was entertaining and had some interesting stakes. When it came to Falkner, as a gym leader, I noticed your expansion with his father and how he talks more about Flying-types and doesn't really do it in similar vain to the games where his main aim is bird and bird Pokemon. Mantyke and Taillow were interesting choices, what inspired that? I was expecting to see Natu and Hoothoot over those two given they're more native to Johto and I figured Johto Pokemon would be used more so for these gyms, nothing wrong with it though. The unpredictability and variety is the spice of many points in a story, even minuscule aspects like Pokemon choices, without that a story can be bland. Lillipup and Minccino did well for themselves but I did not expect Oshawott to completely flop like that, I figured he'd get in at least one decently effective hit in. He seems to be rather lukewarm when it comes to battling still though, I thought Olivia would be a bit smarter with how she utilized her Pokemon. Like using Oshawott for a more weaker opponent and saving Minccino for last. Yeah, I wonder how this battle will impact Olivia's view of Oshawott, she didn't seem too angry or emotional at him over his failure. The battle was completely realistic as well, Minccino has been with Olivia vastly longer than the other two so it made sense. I already said this once but the versatility when it came to the tactic you used made the battle more interesting than it would have been if it consisted of simple direct attacking the whole time.
The sucker punch at the end with Olivia finding out her father is indeed dead was interesting. I'm interested in what turmoil this will cause between her and Matt or, better yet, if she ever finds out the others knew Rich was dead. How will this change things? How will she react to being lied to for so long and Matt himself has guilt issues already. Speaking of which, I wonder if the delivery of Avril's lines in a somewhat mean fashion could cause Olivia to be angry at her for it in a way? Matt might have just kept the secret to himself the whole time since Olivia technically hadn't earned her first badge yet and that was Nekou's promise, to tell her when she earned her first badge. Even then there's not telling. Avril makes for a nice rival, she reminds me of Georgia as does her and Olivia's rivalry + interactions remind me of Georgia and Iris's. If Avril earns the first badge Olivia couldn't I could see this adding more fuel to the animosity between them and Avril's air of arrogance. She only had two Pokemon, one of which has a disadvantage to Flying, so I'm curious how the outcome of her battle will be. Not that I expect to see the battle, more-so get a mention of the outcome and final match-up. Though I could easily see Avril losing as well. With Falkner leaving that means Olivia will have to get another badge somewhere else, perhaps from a Kanto Gym Leader, like Jasmine, or she comes across Falkner during her travels? Also her first Contest is surely in the wake as well iirc, will her performance be impacted on the large bombshell dropped on her. So many question to answer, fun chapter. Didn't come across any awkward wording or grammar issues, you're probably one of the best in that regard I know. I give this chapter, even though I've never used a rating system before, eh.....7.2/10.
Also wasn't too heavily invested in the TR and Polaris scenes, they were enigmatic and all. I just couldn't get too deep a feel for the ones outside the Colress one and the one in which Jessie and James show some endearing concern for Meowth.