Operation GEAR: The Angel of Reckoning (R)

[Matori]

This is a fantastic second chapter. I really enjoy how you spent a lot of time describing settings. You're excellent at writing vivid scenes and setting moods and the ability to set up a well-described scene was one of my favorite parts of this chapter.

Zager's Galvantula is completely adorable. I want my own little floor sweeping Galvantula that runs around eating my donut crumbs. Ariana was also awesome and I love the adorable personality you gave her. I lost it at the scene of her eating donuts with the booze. She just can't find any ****s to give, can she?

TR back to their Johto/Kanto selves was awesome and made me smile a lot. I think you got their personalities perfect, especially the way they talk. Nice to see Pierce around being his manly self too.

You did really well with the interactions of all the Rockets, and getting their personalities right is really important.

Olivia was adorable in this chapter, even as bratty as she was. I still liked seeing her try and do her best to make her dad happy. It was tragic but heartwarming.

Nekou is the best role model, ever. I think she'll get along really well with Olivia. :3



The battle scenes were written out really well and I enjoyed how fast paced they were. They were enjoyable and kept me guessing what would happen next.



Renzo is a huge douchebag, by the way. You do a really job writing him to be someone you always cheer against.

The Helix scenes were really mysterious and make me wonder what's coming next. You set up the upcoming mysteries in this chapter really well.


Keep up the fantastic work!

[Morpher01]

You know, I was in a bit of a rut in regards to writing chapters for Proving Grounds, but somehow, reading this chapter got me inspired to write more. So, thanks!

Now, before all else...

“I have to pick one of these two?” Olivia complained, shutting her eyes in exasperation. “Please tell me this is a cruel joke…”

“Olivia, don’t complain.” Matt reached into his closed longcoat, a mostly blue article enhanced with silver lining around its edges and a yellow feather pattern on each lapel. He withdrew a rectangular smartphone and touched its screen several times, opening an application titled ‘Pokédex 3D.’ “Tepig is a Fire-type Pokémon, while Oshawott is a Water-type Pokémon. Both of them have quite a bit of potential.”

“But I wanted Totodile! I didn’t come all the way out here just to settle for something I don’t want!”

...wow. Olivia is such a bratty little wannabe-princess sometimes. Just imagine what would happen if she tried to pull that attitude with someone like Skull...oh, Arceus, there would be violence...

Anyway, on to business.

This is looking pretty interesting. Due to the length of this chapter, I'm not going to go blow-by-blow. I do, however, want to highlight some key points:

--I can guess the identities of about 2 or 3 Sacred Helix members, based solely on their masks. I originally thought that Project J was a reference to our favorite Pokemon Hunter, but now I'm not so positive...

--Renzo's going to be an interesting rival. Have to wonder what Olivia's reaction will be once she learns just what Renzo's truth is...

--Why exactly did Juniper only have two starters with her? And why leave out Snivy?

--I have to admit, I'm a little...iffy...about having the TR trio do their "secret agent thing" from Best Wishes. You might be able to make it more interesting, though, as well as having actual relevance to the plot.

--I can already tell that this fic could be extremely looonnngg. I you're going to work in all of the Battle Frontier and Gyms for Matt and Olivia, respectively, plus all of the plotting from TR and Polaris...we could be in for a long ride.

This was quite an interesting chapter. Wonder what our heroes will find in Cherrygrove City, and how Olivia will perform in her first real Gym battle? Should be interesting to see. Can't wait to find out!

[The Great Butler]

Ah, it's nice to see a version of Zager who, unlike the one in Best Wishes, is ten times more interesting. Gabriel Zager? I like the name. Additionally, I can pretty much the symbolic behind your title.

Azrael = Angel of Death

I can already see he/she or IT will play a very important role in this whole story. Very interesting so far.

Definitely correct. Azrael is (of course) extremely important. It's a "she," but that's the only clue you're going to get for now.

I'm glad you find Zager interesting in this version. Personally, he's probably one of my favorite characters in the BW series, but the fact that I've managed to expand him into a character that even someone who doesn't care for his canon version likes tells me that I've done something right. I think you'll be pleased going forward, then, because he's got a lot to do with some very important things.

So, Zekrom/Reshiram and Kyurem will play a role as well.

Quite important ones. That tale was there for a reason.

I gotta be honest, a lot of stuff seems to be going on so I really wouldn't blame anyone being taken aback by this number of information - it takes a while to absorb the whole thing. Not that it isn't intriguing, because it is, very much actually.

I definitely understand. It's my hope that chapters going forward should become more streamlined as we progress - new elements will continue being introduced, but the chapters should reach a nice balance where not too much is given in each one. It was tough in these early chapters because world establishment had to be done.

Hilbert? Hilda? N? Or is he referring to the dragons?

Of the three angels, one of them is a lot easier to guess than the others, and you guessed it. That person will also be the first one to become apparent.

Oh, so they want Dialga and Palkia as well? Or simply the power behind these artifacts?

The power, in this case.

Even more legendary Pokémon? :O

In this case, Tornadus, Thundurus and Landorus were mentioned offhandedly here as an Easter egg that will be revisited later in the story.

Yay, Jessie, James and Meowth - done right I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for them! ^^

Oh, and Pierce, haha, almost forgot him.

I'm hoping to bring them to a place not unlike where they were in the Kanto arc - amusing and charming, but still competent criminals. Look at what we saw in things like Pokemon Emergency! and the St. Anne arc. That's roughly the kind of target I want to shoot for.

I have some interesting things up my sleeve for Pierce, too, so I'm hoping that I can perhaps make him a fuller character like I did for Zager.

I rather like this description of New Bark Town.

Thanks for paying attention to the descriptions; that's pretty important to do, since the settings have evolved into a more futuristic version.

New Bark Town was a place I could see becoming a vacation destination of minor note, hence why small-end hotels and tourist attractions developed there.

Another subplot, wow! xD

This one's a bit more secondary, I think could be said. It's not itself a central plotline (at least, not in the way I've pictured it right now) but it enhances the development of some other plots and characters.

Also, so many angelic references. Gabriel, Azrael, Angel Corp. :P

And you're a savvy one for picking up on it. Yes, the references are meaningful.

Ah, I can already imagine all the fics with their central plot revolving around Fennel and Juniper, in their college days, experimenting. :P

Well, we might actually see a glimpse back into those days with a few more familiar faces, if my plan works...

Eh, shouldn't it be the other way around? Johto has many Pokémon including Kanto ones. If anything, it is Unova that needs to bring over some of the old Pokémon.

I can see your point, although, granted that this was planned before Black and White 2 were revealed, Unova now has the most diverse selection of Pokemon in its regional dex, with 300 (152, Victini-Kyurem, from the original Unova Dex, plus 148 foreign). I guess I lucked into it, if anything.

I will never understand why trainers, who already have a Pokémon, are allowed to get a starter Pokémon as well. It kinda beats the whole idea of 'starter' Pokémon. It also does injustice to kids without any Pokémon at all.

Actually, that's a very savvy observation - it's something that's going to be addressed, albeit not directly, a couple of chapters from now. Just let me say that there's more to it than simply the idea of a "first Pokemon."

Haha, nice little Easter egg!

I had to. It was just too easy.

I'm getting strange vibes from this Oshawott, anime vibes. :P

The difference is, this one is a bit less cowardly and is a lot more eager to please.

Oh aren't you a little princess? -.-

Yes, yes she is. XD;

You have some good description going on here. ^^

Thanks!

Ah, it's that little Joltik! Good to know he has a Pokémon, it's a nice expansion on canon!

Did you really think he wouldn't have it anymore? XD

I figured that an electrical spider was perfectly suited for him. The other options were Klink and Golett, but I decided that Joltik/Galvantula was best suited to him.

I really like the way you portrayed Ariana.

I know, right? She struck me as the type who would act very casually but still be good at her job.

Ah, it's them!


She seems really carefree, haha, I can only imagine that our Rocket trio will immediately dig in.


I was right! It's great to see competent Rockets with some personality!

Exactly what I was going for on all counts. Good to see it worked.

Ah, sweet memories of something we may not ever see get aired. :/

Again, exactly why I used it. I wanted to add a nod in to those episodes to show that they weren't totally forgotten.

Bad Meowth! -.-

In all honesty, I couldn't reconcile the motto with them doing competent things, so when I put together this little exchange Meowth was the only one who I could fit into that line while still giving him something to say.

Hehehe, this is what I like.

Hopefully we should be seeing more of that in addition to them doing stuff. I certainly will try to. ^^

I love how you've used the Meteonite in your story again. Though I guess it only makes sense since the events from BW anime are canon. I wonder if you'll ever make a reference to Ash, Iris or Cilan. ^^

A couple of things here:

1) Since Best Wishes! and Best Wishes! Season 2 haven't ended yet, I'm probably going to have to cherrypick things to consider canon. If the Team Rocket VS. Team Plasma episodes do eventually air, or something gets revealed that throws a wrench into my plans (Pierce being killed off in the skipped episodes, for example) I'll have to begin going AU a bit more heavily.

2) Meteonite is extremely important to this entire story, not only one arc - hence why there's an entire meteor made of it being talked about instead of just pieces. That meteor's going to be important again.

3) I might make passing reference to them, but none of the three are really going to have important roles in any of this.

That's kinda sad, she really must be stupid and naive to believe that. I mean, isn't she a teenager?

Well, to put it bluntly, Olivia is kind of... not well. She was spoiled by Rich, yeah, but she really loved him a lot. She didn't actually witness his death, and when he was taking care of her, Matt sheltered her from everything. It's not that she's stupid, but she is naive and even unstable to some degree.

No offense, but I find it hard to believe that so many things happened to them, haha. But this was some nice info dump regarding the aforementioned prequels.

Compared to all the things that have happened to Ash, a couple of encounters is nothing, I think XD;

So ungrateful. :/

I don't think she actually means to be. She had such an idea of what was going to go on that it completely threw her when it got disrupted.

Ah, another Easter egg, hehe. ^^

Yep, although I lucked into this one too - I was only thinking of Cheren because his name has been in the news due to BW2.

Is she ever going to shut up about Totodile? -.-

You're not going to hear about it as much going forward, and it'll disappear entirely soon enough.

You could have easily separated this in two or three paragraphs, I mean, it just hurts my eyes seeing this immense wall of text.

Again, I see your point, but I didn't want to separate it based on it being a single thought.

Bratty, snotty and annoying?

I hope there's some character development awaiting her.

Yes, there is. Plenty of it.

This just reminded of a typical Team Rocket scene in Best Wishes. xD

Well, I think that's only because they're still setting up. Once things get going, they should be a bit more amusing.

Yet again, nice expansion on the canon. I like it!

Again, thanks!

And who is he now? xD

Trouble. XD;

Well, these battle scene were quite good. You could have used some more descriptions but overall, they were pretty decently portrayed battles.

It was a little challenging because it was a low-level battle. Like, think about when you play the games, and you have the first battle with the rival right after getting starters. It's always an exchange of low-level moves like Tackle and Pound only broken up by an odd status move like Tail Whip or Growl.

tl;dr as things progress, the battles will get better. I can tell you now that the Battle Arcade will show you that.

Same here, Nekou, same here. xD

As it should be. XD

And, I'm even more confused.

But don't let it bother you, I'm sure that all will be explained eventually. Let's see now. We have Sacred Helix - they are the first bad guys. And then we have Team Rocket who is ... working with Polaris - the other bad guys? Please tell me I got that right.

At first I questioned why you might think that Team Rocket was working with Polaris, but then I realized that it was Archer's appearance that probably did it.

The Sacred Helix is the ruling council of Polaris. There just hasn't been any need for lesser members (aside from the scientists) to appear yet. Team Rocket is fighting Polaris, at least in no small part because they are connected to Team Plasma. Dr. Zager was a former member of Polaris that left and joined Team Rocket because he realized what they were doing. Archer, meanwhile, went to Polaris in circumstances I'll try to work in an explanation for as soon as I can because I now realize he was presented in a confusing manner.

This will all be elaborated on, so don't worry about trying to figure out the entire thing perfectly right now.

So, is Ariana working undercover or something?

Ariana's still doing her typical Rocket Executive duties. The only change with her is that she's officially become the highest-ranked Executive with Archer gone.

Yep, I'm confused.

But hey, your writing is good enough and you have set up many interesting questions and mysteries which I'm looking forward to getting solved. I can only hope that some of the future chapters will shed more light on the whole mystery because, right now, I'm kinda taken aback by this whole mystery. ^^;

Then, if that's the case, maybe being confused right now is a good thing?

Setting up mysteries and questions really was precisely what I was aiming to do. Polaris especially is something that is meant to be murky, but don't worry, everything will be made clear in time.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it all!

This is a fantastic second chapter. I really enjoy how you spent a lot of time describing settings. You're excellent at writing vivid scenes and setting moods and the ability to set up a well-described scene was one of my favorite parts of this chapter.

Good to hear. Description's been a weak point of mine in the past, so hearing that I'm getting better is great.

Zager's Galvantula is completely adorable. I want my own little floor sweeping Galvantula that runs around eating my donut crumbs. Ariana was also awesome and I love the adorable personality you gave her. I lost it at the scene of her eating donuts with the booze. She just can't find any ****s to give, can she?

Galvantula is oddly cute for a gigantic electrical spider, and it sounded fun to give a grumpy old man like Zager a hyperactive, puppy-eyed Galvantula as a pet.

And no, Ariana can't find any ****s to give. Let Zager do all the work while she just lounges around and talks, that's how she does it.

TR back to their Johto/Kanto selves was awesome and made me smile a lot. I think you got their personalities perfect, especially the way they talk. Nice to see Pierce around being his manly self too.

You did really well with the interactions of all the Rockets, and getting their personalities right is really important.

I wouldn't say they're entirely back to their Kanto/Johto selves. They still are going to be competent and use machines like in BW, but just with a bit more humor. Like I said earlier, I'm aiming for a hybrid of their personalities.

Pierce was fun to write, because it's easy to see him as a rigid stickler for formality. Of course, there's more to it - but isn't there always?

Olivia was adorable in this chapter, even as bratty as she was. I still liked seeing her try and do her best to make her dad happy. It was tragic but heartwarming.

Nekou is the best role model, ever. I think she'll get along really well with Olivia. :3

That's really how she was intended. Maybe you understand her better since you've been reading for longer, but I do think that even newer readers will come to understand her better soon enough.

And you think Nekolu will get along with her? Boy is that an understatement! XD;

Renzo is a huge douchebag, by the way. You do a really job writing him to be someone you always cheer against.

That's interesting, because as time passes, I think some readers might come to feel some sympathy for him. He's not as two-dimensional as he might seem at first glance.

Keep up the fantastic work!

Thanks!

You know, I was in a bit of a rut in regards to writing chapters for Proving Grounds, but somehow, reading this chapter got me inspired to write more. So, thanks!

You're welcome! ^^

Now, before all else...



...wow. Olivia is such a bratty little wannabe-princess sometimes. Just imagine what would happen if she tried to pull that attitude with someone like Skull...oh, Arceus, there would be violence...

Skull VS. Olivia VS. Nekou. Buckle up.

But yeah, bratty little wannabe princess. There you go.

--I can guess the identities of about 2 or 3 Sacred Helix members, based solely on their masks. I originally thought that Project J was a reference to our favorite Pokemon Hunter, but now I'm not so positive...

Gee, I wonder which ones they are.

And no, it has nothing to do with J. It's worse.

--I can guess the identities of about 2 or 3 Sacred Helix members, based solely on their masks. I originally thought that Project J was a reference to our favorite Pokemon Hunter, but now I'm not so positive...

It won't be pretty.

--I have to admit, I'm a little...iffy...about having the TR trio do their "secret agent thing" from Best Wishes. You might be able to make it more interesting, though, as well as having actual relevance to the plot.

I hope that I'll be able to make them a little more interesting. They will be more directly involved in what's going on, at least partially because their actions will bring them into direct conflict with Polaris pretty fast, and I'll also try to have them be a little more amusing so they're fun to read.

I think the other Rockets will do a great help in contributing, too, both role-and-personality-wise.

--I can already tell that this fic could be extremely looonnngg. I you're going to work in all of the Battle Frontier and Gyms for Matt and Olivia, respectively, plus all of the plotting from TR and Polaris...we could be in for a long ride.

Yeah, I'll make no pretense of this. This story is going to be long. I think it'll be worth it though.

This was quite an interesting chapter. Wonder what our heroes will find in Cherrygrove City, and how Olivia will perform in her first real Gym battle? Should be interesting to see. Can't wait to find out!

Those are some very good questions that you should be asking. Trust me, are they ever...

Thanks for reading!

Anyway, to everyone, the next chapter should be a little shorter. It will cover Olivia trying to catch a Pokemon, the first appearance of a recurring wild Pokemon, and the debut of a major character on Route 29.

[Bay]

Over the first part, I actually have a couple criticisms. Olivia's whining over not getting her starter of choice is a bit uneasy to me. I guess it's because I would expect ten year old Olivia to act like that and since she's around in her teens (I think? If I’m mistaken, sorry x_x ) that scene makes her very childish. This is probably your intention, but that part still makes me shake my head at her.

Another thing is the repetition of Matt's uneasiness when Rich is mentioned. I know you did this for those readers that haven't read the last two fics, but the emotional impact of that reference is losing its spark. Then again, I read the other two fics, hence me getting tired of it. :x

Yay for Zager, Ariana, and Team Rocket! Aw Jessie and James wanting to say their motto onced more, lol.

Don’t know why, but I thought it’s kind of cute that Juniper is interested in Matt and the group’s adventures. I too would wish Olivia would be more enthusiastic over Oshawott (agree with Bunny that he’s a cutie <3 ).

Olivia’s battle I like quite a bit. Nice to see that she won. Also glad she’s getting along with Oshawott a little more (she will learn to love the Oshawott sound enough though, SOON ENOUGH *coughs* ).

The last part with the Sarced Helix is interesting but on the vague side, which is fine since I know you’re keeping that group mysterious for a bit. Wish I have more to say but can’t think anything more to add, so I’ll sit back for now LOL.

Overall I enjoyed reading this chapter very much! I’m wondering how you’ll pull through Olivia and Matt's battle the gyms/frontiers journey along with the Sacred Helix among other things, but I’ll see what you come up with first

[The Great Butler]

Over the first part, I actually have a couple criticisms. Olivia's whining over not getting her starter of choice is a bit uneasy to me. I guess it's because I would expect ten year old Olivia to act like that and since she's around in her teens (I think? If I’m mistaken, sorry x_x ) that scene makes her very childish. This is probably your intention, but that part still makes me shake my head at her.

A necessary evil, I'd say. She has to start at a very low point.

Another thing is the repetition of Matt's uneasiness when Rich is mentioned. I know you did this for those readers that haven't read the last two fics, but the emotional impact of that reference is losing its spark. Then again, I read the other two fics, hence me getting tired of it. :x

Point taken, I'll do something to tone it down.

Yay for Zager, Ariana, and Team Rocket! Aw Jessie and James wanting to say their motto onced more, lol.

Glad you like them ^^

Don’t know why, but I thought it’s kind of cute that Juniper is interested in Matt and the group’s adventures. I too would wish Olivia would be more enthusiastic over Oshawott (agree with Bunny that he’s a cutie <3 ).

Juniper is interested at least in part because she heard about their encounter with Victini, who she is interested in as a Pokemon connected to Unova.

Olivia’s battle I like quite a bit. Nice to see that she won. Also glad she’s getting along with Oshawott a little more (she will learn to love the Oshawott sound enough though, SOON ENOUGH *coughs* ).

Glad you liked it, and yeah, she will, trust me. XD

The last part with the Sarced Helix is interesting but on the vague side, which is fine since I know you’re keeping that group mysterious for a bit. Wish I have more to say but can’t think anything more to add, so I’ll sit back for now LOL.

It's okay that you don't have much to say right now about them. You will in the future. XD;

Overall I enjoyed reading this chapter very much! I’m wondering how you’ll pull through Olivia and Matt's battle the gyms/frontiers journey along with the Sacred Helix among other things, but I’ll see what you come up with first

Thanks for the kind review! I'll certainly do my best, and I hope I'll be able to make you even more entertained by future chapters.

[SilentMemento]

I probably should've done this review a long time ago, but I hope that this will suffice:

Seriously, Olivia? Could she possibly be any less mature? Wait, never mind, she probably could, which is pretty scary to think about. The way she's treating Oshawott leads me to believe that future neglect is more of a "when" than an "if". Sooner or later, Oshawott is going to realize that Olivia isn't the same way with him as she is with Roselia and Minccino. When that happens, it's going to create a huge amount of resentment and/or guilt on Oshawott's part - both of which could badly stunt his emotional growth. If the three adults have any sense whatsoever, they should put their foot down right now before it has a chance to get to that point.

Look at Ash's Charizard when it evolved. Then think of the worst-case scenario of an emotionally-underdeveloped Dewott/Samurott in their midst. You'll understand my concerns.

Doughnuts and whiskey?! Ariana is awesome. Enough said. And thank fate that the trio stopped using that awful motto. You'd think that it would've gotten stale after all the episodes they used it in...

Renzo...I see that he's just as batshit insane and obsessed as ever. The guy really does have problems (if one could dismiss whatever raging insanity he has as merely a problem). Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if he turned to stalking them because of his fixating behavior, but it also wouldn't surprise me if he knew more details than he should about Rich's death.

It worries me what his motives are, but what he might do after he completes his goal worries me even more. Renzo does not seem like the type to move on. It's a scary thought, but I think that even if he does manage to reveal whatever he thinks is the truth about Rich, he'll still stalk and harass his family and friends, not to gloat about his victory, but because he simply doesn't know how to do anything else.

The first thing I noticed about the Sacred Helix was that Archer had joined them. One of two options popped into my head: either he's upset at Giovanni for taking back control or he's there to spy on the Sacred Helix for TR. Either way, I love how you portrayed him: calm and completely in control of his surroundings. He's probably the only character I truly like out of that entire group. Still, I thought that Archer had blue hair...

Geminus is a very interesting name to take. In Ancient Greek history, Geminus was one of the forefathers of mathematics and astronomy. Not many people would've thought of him before such names like Plato or Aristotle. I'm impressed.

As for this story's Geminus...I have all sorts of theories about him, but if any of them are close to being right...well, he could very well be the most powerful person in that room. And now I'm hearing legends being referred to as "angels".

Now I don't just hate Polaris beyond all reason. I'm also extremely frightened about what they might be capable of if they had one of those legends in their grasp... Fate, just imagine a terrorist cult going for total control of a whole group of monsters that are on a god-like level. They're already more scary than any villain I've seen in your fics - which I had thought impossible. Major, major kudos to you for establishing that in the second chapter of your story.

Overall, I don't think you could've played it out better than you did. Even Olivia's brattiness looked like it had a place in the chapter. This was excellently done. I'm excited to see what the next chapter will hold, whenever it comes out.

Sincerely,

Mem.

[The Great Butler]

Seriously, Olivia? Could she possibly be any less mature? Wait, never mind, she probably could, which is pretty scary to think about. The way she's treating Oshawott leads me to believe that future neglect is more of a "when" than an "if". Sooner or later, Oshawott is going to realize that Olivia isn't the same way with him as she is with Roselia and Minccino. When that happens, it's going to create a huge amount of resentment and/or guilt on Oshawott's part - both of which could badly stunt his emotional growth. If the three adults have any sense whatsoever, they should put their foot down right now before it has a chance to get to that point.

Look at Ash's Charizard when it evolved. Then think of the worst-case scenario of an emotionally-underdeveloped Dewott/Samurott in their midst. You'll understand my concerns.

Well, I'm certainly seeing the track you're on, but that's not the way I'm going to go, really. I'm reluctant to say more for fear of spoilers.

Doughnuts and whiskey?! Ariana is awesome. Enough said. And thank fate that the trio stopped using that awful motto. You'd think that it would've gotten stale after all the episodes they used it in...

Yeah, Ariana is awesome, isn't she? All the Executives have their own crazy personalities, but Ariana's the fun-loving one. Especially when she doesn't have to do anything because she can force Zager to do it instead.

And yeah, the motto was just something I felt had to go. I couldn't do it, having them actually doing things while still reciting it.

Renzo...I see that he's just as batshit insane and obsessed as ever. The guy really does have problems (if one could dismiss whatever raging insanity he has as merely a problem). Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if he turned to stalking them because of his fixating behavior, but it also wouldn't surprise me if he knew more details than he should about Rich's death.

You're on the right track, insofar as how much he knows.

And stalking them? Maybe a little later, but for now he's got something to do.

It worries me what his motives are, but what he might do after he completes his goal worries me even more. Renzo does not seem like the type to move on. It's a scary thought, but I think that even if he does manage to reveal whatever he thinks is the truth about Rich, he'll still stalk and harass his family and friends, not to gloat about his victory, but because he simply doesn't know how to do anything else.

That's actually a really astute observation. I think you're going to be surprised, though, because believe it or not, there is more to him than this. I think as a bigger picture comes into focus, you'll suddenly understand him.

The first thing I noticed about the Sacred Helix was that Archer had joined them. One of two options popped into my head: either he's upset at Giovanni for taking back control or he's there to spy on the Sacred Helix for TR. Either way, I love how you portrayed him: calm and completely in control of his surroundings. He's probably the only character I truly like out of that entire group. Still, I thought that Archer had blue hair...

It's the first option.

Him being in control also reflects his position, I think. He's sitting in for the entire cult's leader, so naturally he has to be control.

And his hair looked gray to me, but whatever, it still worked.

Geminus is a very interesting name to take. In Ancient Greek history, Geminus was one of the forefathers of mathematics and astronomy. Not many people would've thought of him before such names like Plato or Aristotle. I'm impressed.

That's actually not what my motivation for choosing his name was, but it still fits him very well.

You might be onto a track worth thinking about, though.

As for this story's Geminus...I have all sorts of theories about him, but if any of them are close to being right...well, he could very well be the most powerful person in that room.

I think having a suit that can generate bolts of electricity from its hands is what makes him the most powerful person in the room. XD;

But yeah, he's not someone you want to meet in a dark alley. Boy, are you ever going to find that out.

And now I'm hearing legends being referred to as "angels".

Now I don't just hate Polaris beyond all reason. I'm also extremely frightened about what they might be capable of if they had one of those legends in their grasp... Fate, just imagine a terrorist cult going for total control of a whole group of monsters that are on a god-like level. They're already more scary than any villain I've seen in your fics - which I had thought impossible. Major, major kudos to you for establishing that in the second chapter of your story.

Clarification: while Polaris wants Legendaries, and lots of them, them and the Angels are two separate things. The Angels aren't Pokemon.

Thanks, though. I suppose that maybe the mystery surrounding them is helping to produce the sense of menace right now? I mean, they're clearly doing some kind of shady genetic experimentation, have plans that are on a huge scale with the capability of actually carrying them out, and even look threatening - and yet, you don't even really know what they're doing or going to do just yet! Let me assure you, you're going to end up thinking it wasn't so bad at this point when you actually know things about them.

Overall, I don't think you could've played it out better than you did. Even Olivia's brattiness looked like it had a place in the chapter. This was excellently done. I'm excited to see what the next chapter will hold, whenever it comes out.

Thanks! It really means a lot.

I don't think the next chapter is going to be as big as this one in terms of events; it's mostly to bring us from New Bark Town to Cherrygrove City. Though, on the other hand, some stuff of importance will happen, so I suppose it's still going to be good.

I'll try to do my best on getting it out as soon as I can.

[SoulMuse]

( I would like to not that I have not read either of the other stories relating to this, so some of my comments might be due to lack of knowledge that could be gained from those stories)

Hmm…..Since I did go ahead and read both chapters, I think I will go ahead and cover them as one entity.

As someone who has not read anything that precludes this story, the very first thing that comes to mind is the amount of information that these first two chapters throw at you. The story opens in a mysterious laboratory, in which as child is being born. We are introduced to the first character, one Gabriel Zager, who appears to be in charge of whatever is happening. However, before we find out to much about Zager, a new person barges in, spouting about how they should never have played God.

That certainly gets my attention, and makes me wonder just what exactly these people are doing. I can figure it has something to do with the baby, which provides a good way to keep readers hooked onto your story.

This Scene raps up by introducing a new character, someone named Father, who mentions Polaris, whatever that is, and the Azrael Project, which obviously has something to do with whatever was begin done in the lab.

This opening is great, providing just enough detail to keep your readers interested without making any plot detail obvious.

--------------

The next scene throws quite a bit right into the readers face. First off, the focus of the opening scene, Dr. Zager has mysteriously vanished, fourteen years after the events of the opening, which provides a sort of ominous overtone to this experiment, a fact further backed up by the comments about other members of the team vanishing, or quitting.

This time, the team, whose leader is called insane by his underlings, appears to be communicating with something, indicated to be a brain synapse, referred to as Project J, which they are revealed to be trying to restore to life. The mysterious Father is mentioned again, along with Polaris.

As a reader, this is about when I started to have trouble keeping up with the information thrown around. Within this short little scene, the reader is told that Azrael, whatever that was, failed, Dr. Zager, who appeared to be important, has vanished, a person who is simply addressed as Father seems to be running the show, until this Sacred Helix is mentioned. A lot of things to try and keep track of.

------------

This time, the scene break introduces a new cast of characters, firstly a pair named Anthea and Concordia, who remark about the day of reckoning, which sounds like some kind of Apocalypse. Next, is a man who you go to great detail to provide a description of, but his name doesn’t come for a while. However, we do learn that this man, and everyone else in the room, is part of the Sacred Helix, but no more details about them is forthcoming, leaving the reader with more questions that answers.

I will agree with Avenger Angel that your depiction of Ghetsis’s character is excellent; I can literally imagine him saying things like that.

The cast of characters is then expanded to include Jeunes, the insane leader of Project J, Finansielle who we know nothing about, besides a brief mention in the previous scene, a man in a seat numbered two wearing a Darkrai mask. But after a few line of dialogue, that do little but show a small bit of a power hierarchy, the scene cuts off.

As a reader, I am now left with more questions than answers. The cast of characters is fairly large by this point, especially for the amount of text used to introduce them, but which ones are actually important? Right now, I feel like I have to remember every single character you present, along with details about the Sacred Helix, Project J and Azrael, which are obviously important.

------------

The new scene begins with some italic print talking about a Meteor of some sort, but then, instead of elaborating, moves on to the Pewter City Museum. Quickly file away the detail about the Meteor, that obviously is important, and then move on with the story.

Once again, I find myself with questions galore, but answers do not seem forth coming. A thief is stealing the Adamant and Lustrous Orbs, so Dialga and Palkia will no doubt have some part in the story. This thief appears to be able to wield lightning, but I do not see any explanation of this unique phenomenon. You then make a passing reference to the Kami Trio, and some island or another. The thief approaches a locked capsule which they claim contains Zoroark.

At this point, my only thought is: Slow down, and fill in a few blanks please. Zoroark is not a legendary Pokémon, so more than one should logically exist, but from the thief’s remark, I gather that only one Zoroark exists and it is in the capsule. Also, with the mention of the Kami Trio, and an island, that just adds more things for the reader to remember, and more questions.

----------

Yet again a new scene. By this point, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little apprehensive about what other information that can be thrown my way. I have to say my fears are somewhat justified.

With this scene Team Rocket makes an appearance, with Jessie, James, and Mewoth, along with a mysterious fellow who goes by the name of Pierce. After a short conversation, Pierce snaps his fingers and blows up the building that the Rocket Trio had been living in, and tells them that Code Black Seven has been activated, whatever that is.

I would like to take a second to point out that I don’t really feel like Jessie/James/Mewoth’s reactions to having their home blown up are completely realistic. If someone just blows up your house, by snapping his fingers no less, I really doubt that a person is just going to accept the excuse that their Boss has issued some order. That whole sequence feels rushed, and prefabricated to me.

----------

The last sequence of the chapter brings to the forefront a host of new characters. Before this scene, we had the following as characters I felt like I needed to remember (i.e. characters that I feel are either vital to the plot, or can be called main characters).

Dr. Zager
Azrael
‘Father’
Ghetsis,
Jeunes
Finansielle
The man in the Darkrai mask
Anthea
Concordia
The Thief
Apparently Zoroark
Jessie
James
Mewoth
Pierce
Project J

Sixteen characters that can be considered highly important or plot relevant, and all of them in one chapter. This seems rather rushed, introducing that many characters in such a short time, and it makes it rather hard to keep track of what is happening.

-----------

The final scene is real dozy. We start off with three new characters, named Olivia, who is described as a young girl, who apparently is looking for her father, is apprenticed to some dude named Matt, and also will be getting her starter Pokémon. Next we have Bunny and Nekou, who seem to dislike this Matt character.

Then come a news report about a serial killer, called the Kiss of Death killer, Okay, so we now have potentially important serial killer, and four new characters, but not too many questions yet. However, it is worth noting that Olivia’s age is hard to work out.

Then we have this Matt fellow, who the others seem to think is a total douche. Whoever he is, we find out several new characters from him, namely, Rich, Anabel, Eleanor, and Agenta, who he swears to bring to justice. This entire sequence with Matt seems rather flat to me, and lacking in emotion. You mention he is sorrowful, but what kind of sorrow, and why?

The next part of this scene reveals some missing links surrounding Olivia, namely the fact that her father is dead, but she doesn’t know that because Matt doesn’t want to tell her. Olivia seems determined to find her father, apparently feeling abandoned or something like that.

The chapter raps up on a strange note, introducing professor Juniper.
-----

First chapter: Your first chapter was well written, but the constant jumps made it hard for me to follow, and determine which characters I actually need to remember a lot of detail about and who I can sort of gloss over. A lot of information is thrown at the reader very quickly, making it hard to process.

Some of the scenes, the one with Team Rocket, and the Sacred Helix one, seemed somewhat forced, or choppy, but overall, each little segment was fairly interesting.

--------

Second Chapter:

This chapter adds a rather quick twist to things, with Professor Elm missing, and no one knowing his where abouts. The bit about the group being Heroes of WhiteGold city was confusing, but you explained that rather nicely, without boring the reader to death later on.

Being uncertain of Olivia’s age, I find it hard to decide how to judge her reactions to the events, but considering she seems to be at least ten, but younger than fifteen, I would think she is being a little bit immature.

------------

Now Dr. Zager makes his reappearance. This scene is nice, since it provides some answers to questions raised in chapter one, but still holds the readers attention. Polaris is explained further, and Team Rocket is shown to be in opposition to them. That certainly makes things interesting.

Jessie, James, and Mewoth again feel a bit like cardboard cut outs in this chapter. That might just be me, but they feel as though they were sort of shoved into the story, and don’t really belong here.

--------

The next section reveals that Olivia’s goal is to become famous so her father will come back and love her again. She feels that he left because she didn’t’ live up to his expectations. This provides her excellent motivation to get better, and fleshes out her character some more, so kudos on that.

I am not really sure what to think of Matt. The other three treat him like dirt, but so far, he doesn’t appear to deserve that treatment.

The explanation of the Whitegold City events is well done, providing all the right information without being boring.

Once again, Olivia appears to simply be acting childish and petulant in relation to choosing a starter Pokémon. Compared to the maturity that she has supposedly shown, it seems very out of place.

Nothing really to say about the Team Rocket scene in the middle here, so I will keep going with Olivia and Co.

I am not sure what to make of the douche bag who you introduced by having him battle Olivia. I am guessing that he has a serious reason to hate Olivia’s father, otherwise he wouldn’t go so far, without knowing more I can’t really comment. I would guess however that he is associated with Polaris.

--------

This story seems to have a lot of potential, however I found it hard to really just sit back and enjoy because I was constantly having to either remember who characters are, pick out plot details, or trying to remember everything that is thrown at the reader. The second chapter did a better job of not overwhelming me with information and I was able to sit back and enjoy it a lot more.

Most of the interactions between the characters are well done, except for the Team Rocket bits. My only serious quibble with them is I don’t’ really see any grounds in Matt’s personality for the girls to treat him like garbage.

The Sacred Helix is quite interesting, and I get the feeling with start the ball rolling for real on your plot. The only thing the reader really knows about what is coming is that Polaris is planning something big, but nothing beyond that, so you have to come back to find out more, nicely done.

Overall, this story has a lot of potential, and I look forward to seeing how everything develops.

[The Great Butler]

( I would like to not that I have not read either of the other stories relating to this, so some of my comments might be due to lack of knowledge that could be gained from those stories)

I think you've got a pretty good grasp of things, actually. So, thumbs up already!

Hmm…..Since I did go ahead and read both chapters, I think I will go ahead and cover them as one entity.

Very good, that's what I was hoping for.

As someone who has not read anything that precludes this story, the very first thing that comes to mind is the amount of information that these first two chapters throw at you.

I apologize for that. In hindsight, I see very clearly that I presented far too much upfront, so I can definitely understand your feelings here. That said, however, I think that things should become more streamlined starting with the next chapter.[/quote]

The story opens in a mysterious laboratory, in which as child is being born. We are introduced to the first character, one Gabriel Zager, who appears to be in charge of whatever is happening. However, before we find out to much about Zager, a new person barges in, spouting about how they should never have played God.

That certainly gets my attention, and makes me wonder just what exactly these people are doing. I can figure it has something to do with the baby, which provides a good way to keep readers hooked onto your story.

Good thinking so far. You're definitely on target.

I will get around to Zager's backstory eventually. It just didn't have any purpose being placed here.

This Scene raps up by introducing a new character, someone named Father, who mentions Polaris, whatever that is, and the Azrael Project, which obviously has something to do with whatever was begin done in the lab.

This opening is great, providing just enough detail to keep your readers interested without making any plot detail obvious.

I'd say you got exactly what I wanted to convey in the first scene, so thank you.

The next scene throws quite a bit right into the readers face.

Again, sorry about that. ^^; I'll definitely work on not doing that as much.

First off, the focus of the opening scene, Dr. Zager has mysteriously vanished, fourteen years after the events of the opening, which provides a sort of ominous overtone to this experiment, a fact further backed up by the comments about other members of the team vanishing, or quitting.

This time, the team, whose leader is called insane by his underlings, appears to be communicating with something, indicated to be a brain synapse, referred to as Project J, which they are revealed to be trying to restore to life. The mysterious Father is mentioned again, along with Polaris.

As a reader, this is about when I started to have trouble keeping up with the information thrown around. Within this short little scene, the reader is told that Azrael, whatever that was, failed, Dr. Zager, who appeared to be important, has vanished, a person who is simply addressed as Father seems to be running the show, until this Sacred Helix is mentioned. A lot of things to try and keep track of.

Hmmm... looking back over it, I can definitely see exactly where I presented too much information. Your summing it up for me really did help.

This time, the scene break introduces a new cast of characters, firstly a pair named Anthea and Concordia, who remark about the day of reckoning, which sounds like some kind of Apocalypse. Next, is a man who you go to great detail to provide a description of, but his name doesn’t come for a while. However, we do learn that this man, and everyone else in the room, is part of the Sacred Helix, but no more details about them is forthcoming, leaving the reader with more questions that answers.

That was actually my intention. I definitely respect it if you don't care for the whole "left with more questions than answers" thing right now, but that's the tone I wanted to set.

I will agree with Avenger Angel that your depiction of Ghetsis’s character is excellent; I can literally imagine him saying things like that.

Thank you!

I think this is a good time to mention that I went back and edited Ghetsis's appearance to reflect his new design from Black & White 2.

The cast of characters is then expanded to include Jeunes, the insane leader of Project J, Finansielle who we know nothing about, besides a brief mention in the previous scene, a man in a seat numbered two wearing a Darkrai mask. But after a few line of dialogue, that do little but show a small bit of a power hierarchy, the scene cuts off.

As a reader, I am now left with more questions than answers. The cast of characters is fairly large by this point, especially for the amount of text used to introduce them, but which ones are actually important? Right now, I feel like I have to remember every single character you present, along with details about the Sacred Helix, Project J and Azrael, which are obviously important.

Well, my intention was to present information that will be important later now, then streamline the chapters into focusing on the relevant parts bit-by-bit. Based on feedback and my own hindsight, I can now see where that wasn't the best idea. That problem should be vastly scaled back going forward from here.

The new scene begins with some italic print talking about a Meteor of some sort, but then, instead of elaborating, moves on to the Pewter City Museum. Quickly file away the detail about the Meteor, that obviously is important, and then move on with the story.

Right, actually. Just something to file away for a little later that will be very relevant soon. In fact, it's relevant immediately enough that mentioning it here fits, I think.

Once again, I find myself with questions galore, but answers do not seem forth coming. A thief is stealing the Adamant and Lustrous Orbs, so Dialga and Palkia will no doubt have some part in the story. This thief appears to be able to wield lightning, but I do not see any explanation of this unique phenomenon. You then make a passing reference to the Kami Trio, and some island or another. The thief approaches a locked capsule which they claim contains Zoroark.

I think I did mention at some point that he was wearing a suit that could generate his lightning bolts? If I didn't mention that, I made a mistake.

At this point, my only thought is: Slow down, and fill in a few blanks please. Zoroark is not a legendary Pokémon, so more than one should logically exist, but from the thief’s remark, I gather that only one Zoroark exists and it is in the capsule. Also, with the mention of the Kami Trio, and an island, that just adds more things for the reader to remember, and more questions.

----------

Yet again a new scene. By this point, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little apprehensive about what other information that can be thrown my way. I have to say my fears are somewhat justified.

On Zoroark: This is a case of me getting broadsided by canon. I had a significant part of the rough storyline planned out before Zoroark was revealed to not be a Legendary Pokemon or one-of-a-kind. Because of that, I couldn't easily change it when that information became known. In order to work around it, this particular Zoroark is a unique and important one.

I think I know what happened that caused me to put so much into these two chapters. I think I just got too caught up in all the ideas I had and in my haste to get them all out, I put far too much out at once.

With this scene Team Rocket makes an appearance, with Jessie, James, and Mewoth, along with a mysterious fellow who goes by the name of Pierce. After a short conversation, Pierce snaps his fingers and blows up the building that the Rocket Trio had been living in, and tells them that Code Black Seven has been activated, whatever that is.

I would like to take a second to point out that I don’t really feel like Jessie/James/Mewoth’s reactions to having their home blown up are completely realistic. If someone just blows up your house, by snapping his fingers no less, I really doubt that a person is just going to accept the excuse that their Boss has issued some order. That whole sequence feels rushed, and prefabricated to me.

I realized that you may not be aware of some of the changes the most recent series of the anime has brought on, so allow me to bring you up to date on them: Jessie, James and Meowth got a promotion and had their characters changed to make them more like serious secret agent-types. At first they worked directly under Giovanni but right now they work for Dr. Zager (that's where he came from) doing jobs to please Giovanni. For that reason, I feel like Jessie, James and Meowth have become characters who would understand drastic actions if Giovanni ordered them to take place; also, the implication in the scene's context was that they recognized the mission that was activated as something extremely serious, and understood the situation based on that.

Pierce is an anime-original character who was another operative assisting Jessie, James, Meowth and Dr. Zager during the first 24 episodes of Best Wishes!. He hasn't appeared since the infamous skipped episodes in March of 2011 and his current status is unknown.

The final scene is real dozy. We start off with three new characters, named Olivia, who is described as a young girl, who apparently is looking for her father, is apprenticed to some dude named Matt, and also will be getting her starter Pokémon. Next we have Bunny and Nekou, who seem to dislike this Matt character.

I think I might have failed to communicate their group dynamics as I wished to. Bunny and Nekou don't actually dislike him - Nekou is just a sarcastic, blunt person, while Bunny is a sort of "tough love" type who doesn't hesitate to put her foot down when she feels she needs to.

Then we have this Matt fellow, who the others seem to think is a total douche. Whoever he is, we find out several new characters from him, namely, Rich, Anabel, Eleanor, and Agenta, who he swears to bring to justice. This entire sequence with Matt seems rather flat to me, and lacking in emotion. You mention he is sorrowful, but what kind of sorrow, and why?

Actually, he's not going to bring them to justice, he's going to get justice for them. I agree that the scene isn't what it could be, though, in hindsight.

The next part of this scene reveals some missing links surrounding Olivia, namely the fact that her father is dead, but she doesn’t know that because Matt doesn’t want to tell her. Olivia seems determined to find her father, apparently feeling abandoned or something like that.

First chapter: Your first chapter was well written, but the constant jumps made it hard for me to follow, and determine which characters I actually need to remember a lot of detail about and who I can sort of gloss over. A lot of information is thrown at the reader very quickly, making it hard to process.

Some of the scenes, the one with Team Rocket, and the Sacred Helix one, seemed somewhat forced, or choppy, but overall, each little segment was fairly interesting.

I agree with many of your thoughts, and I'll do my best to remedy them moving forward. Thank you for your kind words, as well.

Moving on...

Being uncertain of Olivia’s age, I find it hard to decide how to judge her reactions to the events, but considering she seems to be at least ten, but younger than fifteen, I would think she is being a little bit immature.

She's fourteen, so your estimate is right on the money. And she absolutely is immature. That was entirely what I wanted to establish, because now I can focus on her developing and growing out of it.

Now Dr. Zager makes his reappearance. This scene is nice, since it provides some answers to questions raised in chapter one, but still holds the readers attention. Polaris is explained further, and Team Rocket is shown to be in opposition to them. That certainly makes things interesting.

Thank you.

Jessie, James, and Mewoth again feel a bit like cardboard cut outs in this chapter. That might just be me, but they feel as though they were sort of shoved into the story, and don’t really belong here.

I'm still feeling out how to best write them, so any input I can get is definitely appreciated. Thanks again.

The next section reveals that Olivia’s goal is to become famous so her father will come back and love her again. She feels that he left because she didn’t’ live up to his expectations. This provides her excellent motivation to get better, and fleshes out her character some more, so kudos on that.

That was something that was really important to me to establish. I wanted the goals being pursued by the protagonists to differ from the typical "catch 'em all and be the best" thing, so I created things like this to show that not everybody wants to succeed in the Pokemon world without a deeper goal assigned to it.

I am not really sure what to think of Matt. The other three treat him like dirt, but so far, he doesn’t appear to deserve that treatment.

Again, I think a little further explanation might be necessary on my part. None of them really "dislike" him per se.

Olivia's just a bratty teenage girl, so on the surface her acting out is just what you'd expect of someone her age. It's then exaggerated by the issues she has that have been highlighted already.

Bunny is an old friend of Matt's, which is something I probably should have established a little more clearly. She doesn't like to see him being as hard on himself as he has been, so she's tough on him to try and snap him out of it. That's actually a pretty good approximation of her in general - she's the proverbial "straightman" in this group. Where the others have their own exaggerated quirks, Bunny is more "normal" and serious.

Nekou is... a complicated case. She's loud, rude and profane, but she really does mean well. There's going to be a scene in the next chapter to elaborate on her some more.

The explanation of the Whitegold City events is well done, providing all the right information without being boring.

That was tough to write well. Good to know I pulled it off.

Once again, Olivia appears to simply be acting childish and petulant in relation to choosing a starter Pokémon. Compared to the maturity that she has supposedly shown, it seems very out of place.

That dissonance is something I think works, actually. She's capable of maturity but then acts like this; that allows her to develop past her issues and grow up over the course of the story.

Of course, that's just my opinion, so take it as you will.

I am not sure what to make of the douche bag who you introduced by having him battle Olivia. I am guessing that he has a serious reason to hate Olivia’s father, otherwise he wouldn’t go so far, without knowing more I can’t really comment. I would guess however that he is associated with Polaris.

I don't want to say too much about him yet, but yes, he has a very legitimate problem with Olivia's father that drives him.

This story seems to have a lot of potential, however I found it hard to really just sit back and enjoy because I was constantly having to either remember who characters are, pick out plot details, or trying to remember everything that is thrown at the reader. The second chapter did a better job of not overwhelming me with information and I was able to sit back and enjoy it a lot more.

Then in that case, I think the third chapter will be even better.

Most of the interactions between the characters are well done, except for the Team Rocket bits. My only serious quibble with them is I don’t’ really see any grounds in Matt’s personality for the girls to treat him like garbage.

I'll take what you've said under my hat, but I do think that it is at least in part due to a failure of communication on my part that Matt appears to be getting treated seriously poorly. Like I mentioned earlier, though, there will be a scene expanding on his relationship to Nekou in the next chapter, and I'll try to make the meaning of their interactions all more clear.

The Sacred Helix is quite interesting, and I get the feeling with start the ball rolling for real on your plot. The only thing the reader really knows about what is coming is that Polaris is planning something big, but nothing beyond that, so you have to come back to find out more, nicely done.

As intended.

Overall, this story has a lot of potential, and I look forward to seeing how everything develops.

Thank you very much! I appreciate you taking the time to write this very generous review, and I hope you'll stick around to see more.

A note: I'm going to try to have the next chapter up by next weekend. That's my target timeframe for it.

[Scaldaver]

One word: Wow.

From the get go you threw us into a fully-active, dynamic world, quickly filling us in with our character's past adventures to give us some background. The thief at the beginning fascinates me - but I must ask: what of the Griseos Orb? Never mind, it will probably be answered soon.

I'm not one for commenting every two seconds, so I'll go on what I noticed the most:

The secret organisation (Helix) seems interesting, although their objectives are a mystery. I'm confused as to why the organisation has 10 chromosomes and makes such a big deal of it - after all, humans have 46. I suppose, though, it'd be fairly boring to have them all cast a vote and for you to name them all. Anyway, I can't wait to see this mysterious organisation develop.

I very nearly pointed out you spelt 'Meteorite' incorrectly, until I backtracked and saw an explanation.

I think this may be a bit over-the-top-dramatic, but I suppose if this is meant to be a movie then maybe, yes it seems good.

“Nekou, shut up,” Matt sighed, readjusting his hat; the yellow feather tucked into it trembled slightly as he did so. “To make the very long story very short, she wasn’t who she said she was and we split on very bad terms. Anyway, Enigma Shadow was trying to take over the world with Pokémon whose hearts were sealed, rendering them soulless battling machines. Olivia’s parents were leading the charge to stop Enigma Shadow from realizing their plans using these Shadow Pokémon. Eventually, the person that was manipulating the organization, a woman named Judy, managed to call forth Arceus. She lost control of it, though, and in the confusion Rich saved us all before disappearing.

But yes, I was there the last time any of us saw Rich. I think he knew something was going to happen, though, because he left instructions for me to take Olivia under my wing, which is what I’ve been doing for the past five years.”

May I say, the second paragraph should shart with speech marks to show it is a continuation of speech. That's all the mistakes I found, really.

I can't get over how different our writing styles are - you do so much perfect description and I do so little. I guess it must be fairly boring for you to read my work, eh?

Anyway, put me on the PM list if possible, and tell me what you think of my proposal I will PM you.

Keep up the good work!

[The Great Butler]

One word: Wow.

From the get go you threw us into a fully-active, dynamic world, quickly filling us in with our character's past adventures to give us some background. The thief at the beginning fascinates me - but I must ask: what of the Griseos Orb? Never mind, it will probably be answered soon.

The Griseous Orb really isn't relevant right now, but yeah, it will be brought up soon enough. Its situation was different than the other two Orbs.

The secret organisation (Helix) seems interesting, although their objectives are a mystery. I'm confused as to why the organisation has 10 chromosomes and makes such a big deal of it - after all, humans have 46. I suppose, though, it'd be fairly boring to have them all cast a vote and for you to name them all. Anyway, I can't wait to see this mysterious organisation develop.

Ten is certainly a much more manageable number than forty-six XD; Really, though, the council members are named Chromosomes simply because I needed a name that fit into the theme of DNA.

I very nearly pointed out you spelt 'Meteorite' incorrectly, until I backtracked and saw an explanation.

It's something primarily people familiar with the anime series would understand, but to sum it up, "Meteonite" is the name of the element comprising the meteorite, and it is used to refer to the meteorite itself mainly to distinguish it from an ordinary one.

I think this may be a bit over-the-top-dramatic, but I suppose if this is meant to be a movie then maybe, yes it seems good.

What are you referring to with this part, exactly? I can't quite tell.

May I say, the second paragraph should shart with speech marks to show it is a continuation of speech. That's all the mistakes I found, really.

I did that deliberately. I am of the opinion that using new quotation marks indicates a new person is speaking, so when I break paragraphs up but the same person is speaking, I don't re-establish the quotation marks.

I can't get over how different our writing styles are - you do so much perfect description and I do so little. I guess it must be fairly boring for you to read my work, eh?

Aw, you shouldn't sell yourself short. My description really isn't all that great, and yours isn't bad either. Your story is far from boring, too. The only real difference is that we have different but equally valid styles.

Anyway, put me on the PM list if possible, and tell me what you think of my proposal I will PM you.

Keep up the good work!

See my reply.

Thank you!

To everyone: I'm sorry I'm behind schedule. I want to have the next chapter up as soon as possible, hopefully within this week.

[The Great Butler]

Hopefully, this chapter will be a bit more streamlined and easy to digest. There’s not as much going on in this one, so let’s see how it goes.

-:-

CHAPTER 3: Opening Moves on Fate’s Board

-:-

The dark clouds that covered the sky over Route 29 into Cherrygrove City and New Bark Town cast ominous shadows over the cliff-laden road, and rumbles of thunder could be heard approaching.

Beneath the cover provided by the thick trees just off the main path, Jessie, James, Meowth and Pierce were meeting to finalize their plans. James was holding in his hands a rectangular black tablet computer with ten buttons, a plus-shaped control pad and two thumb pads surrounding its screen; on its back and just below the bottom-left corner of its screen was the stylized script ‘R’ logo of Team Rocket. Meanwhile, in Jessie’s hand was a heavy briefcase.

“As you were made aware of,” Pierce instructed, “the energy signature associated with Meteonite was detected just south of our current position. Your mission is to find the source of that signal and recover the Meteonite piece. At that point, contact me for extraction.”

“So we’re doing all the work and you’re just going to sit around and wait to get us out,” Jessie complained, sighing. “Good to know.”

“You might think you need me, but the boss thinks otherwise. Besides, I have my own job to do.”

“What? Where would you be going?” Meowth wondered.

“There have been reports of unusual activity in Cherrygrove City that I’ve been ordered to investigate, so if there are no further questions about your mission, I will be going.”

Pierce turned sharply, causing the tails of his trench coat to flap up behind him. As he walked off, fallen twigs and leaves cracked beneath his heavy boots.

“Jessie, I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” James whimpered. “We’re not cut out for this. Team Aqua, Team Magma, Team Galactic, Hunter J… Polaris is bigger and stronger than they all were.”

“Oh, be quiet!” his hot-tempered female companion snapped back. “The boss wouldn’t have selected us for this mission if he didn’t trust us to get it done.”

“And in addition, the good old fluffy-headed doctor said we were picked because we did a good job taking out those liberation knight guys in Unova. That means we’ve got some skills, you two, even if we don’t know them all yet! Now…” Snatching the computer out of James’s hands, Meowth touched the screen with his paw. “We have to find out where that chunk of space rock is.”

After displaying the stylized script ‘R’ logo, the screen displayed a menu of several options. Meowth touched one of them, activating a radar system with the map of Route 29 loaded into it. As the system scanned the route, it returned a faint signal coming from very near the entrance of Cherrygrove City.

“There we go, it looks like it’s in the west of Route 29,” James observed. “Let’s get moving.”

-:-

The humble yet busy streets of New Bark Town gradually disappeared behind Matt, Olivia, Nekou and Bunny as they headed west into Route 29, giving way to a curving, cliff-laden road framed by long blades of fragrant grass. Off in the distance on all sides, tall trees provided boundary lines appropriate to the concept of a road through the woods.

“I’m not liking the looks of this weather,” Matt said, his eyes locked on the rumbling sky overhead. “Do you guys think we should have stayed in New Bark Town until this storm passes? Sure looks like one’s coming.”

“What’s the matter, afraid of a little thunder?” Nekou was so preoccupied with taking another bite off the croissant in her hand that she didn’t notice Matt shrink back slightly from her remark. “There’s nothing for us to be afraid of if there’s a storm. That’s why we were given trees.”

“Olivia, don’t you think we should try to get some training in?” suggested Bunny. “Violet City will come up faster than you expect. I think it would be a good idea to start getting Minccino, Roselia and Oshawott up to speed now.”

Olivia was walking slightly ahead of the others, but she stopped and turned after listening to Bunny’s proposal. “That sounds pretty good, actually. Can one of you help me out?”

“You two stand aside,” Nekou bossed Matt and Bunny, stepping past them with her mobile arm out. “I’ll be glad to help you train, Olivia. I’ve got just the Pokémon you need to see right now. Zorua, prepare yourself!”

Having reached into her blouse and produced a Poké Ball, Nekou opened it to free her Zorua. The black-and-red fox Pokémon shook herself off after entering the fresh air, then looked up at Olivia and barked.

“You’re going to use Zorua?” Bunny questioned.

“Yeah, so? She’s ready for something resembling a real battle, and besides, getting her some training too means this is a win-win for both me and Olivia.” Facing forward again, Nekou said to Olivia, “Use Oshawott. He’s the one who needs the training, if he’s to catch up to Minccino and Roselia.”

“Do I have to?” Olivia sighed. “Fine, I guess we’ll see how it goes. Oshawott, let’s play!”

Almost immediately upon materializing, Oshawott proudly held up his shell, only flinching slightly when he realized that Zorua was staring at him. He realized that this would be his first chance to prove himself to his trainer, so he intended to make the best of it.

“Okay, Olivia, we can’t even have a practice battle if you don’t know what moves Oshawott has. I think the Pokédex should be able to tell you about that.”

“Really?” Fumbling out her Pokédex, Olivia activated it and scanned Oshawott.

“Oshawott, the sea otter Pokémon. Type is Water. It fights using the scalchop on its stomach. In response to an attack, it retaliates immediately by slashing. The scalchop on its stomach is made from the same element as claws. It detaches the scalchop for use as a blade.”

“Wait, that’s not what I wanted…” Visibly flustered, Olivia clicked through several more screens until she finally arrived at what she wanted. “So Oshawott’s beginning moves are Water Gun and Tackle. Okay…”

“You’ll do fine, Olivia, just don’t lose your nerve!” Matt called out from the sidelines, where he was standing alongside Bunny and watching the training.

“Don’t break my concentration!” both Olivia and Nekou snapped at exactly the same time, prompting all four to laugh.

“Now, Olivia, I’ll let you attack first,” Nekou instructed. “Just try to get Oshawott to land a hit first.”

“ Okay then… Oshawott, use Water Gun on Zorua!”

“Zorua, get ready! Brace yourself!”

After taking a deep breath, Oshawott expelled a steady stream of water from his mouth. Zorua made no significant effort to evade the wave, instead choosing to simply plant her feet firmly into the ground.

The attack’s impact range was split between Zorua’s legs and the ground, and the force from below her feet threw Zorua into the air.

Nekou was ready with an improvised tactic, though. “It’s fine, Zorua. Go for Dig!”

Shaking off the small amount of injury she’d received – which amounted to little more than being shaken up at most – Zorua barked and flipped over in the air, drilling downward until she disappeared beneath the ground.

“Now, Olivia, don’t panic just yet,” Nekou gently advised, noting that both her opponent and the girl’s Oshawott seemed surprised by Zorua’s move. “I know you’re good at straight, all-out attacking, but from watching you beat that caped guy before, I know you can be pretty analytic too. Just try to calm down and assess the situation. What would be a good way to get me now?”

Olivia stared at the space between herself and Nekou and squinted in an attempt to increase her focus. She took stock of what was present – she was there herself, and directly opposite her was Nekou. Between the two of them stood Oshawott, waiting for a direction on what to do, and a hole where Zorua had punctured the earth to get underground. These factors were the tools she had to work with, Olivia realized.

Herself, Nekou, Oshawott, the hole leading to Zorua’s tunnel; Olivia ran through all of the available factors again in her mind, and something suddenly hit her. “Oshawott, fire Water Gun into the hole!”

Seeing Oshawott excitedly jumping toward Zorua’s burrow on Olivia’s command made Nekou smile. It meant that the lesson she was trying to teach the younger girl was getting through, a meaning that wasn’t lost on Matt and Bunny, who were both enthralled themselves.

With the force of Oshawott’s Water Gun pushing her, Zorua burst up out of the ground. She was just a little too far away from Oshawott to attack him directly, so Nekou was forced to come up with an alternate tactic.

“Zorua, use Snarl!”

“Zorooooo!” Zorua cried, her shrill voice causing Oshawott to hold his ears and shudder in pain. He felt his muscles weakening as well, a side effect of the attack Zorua was leveling against him.

Understanding that she couldn’t let this go on, Olivia raised her hand and called out, “Stop Zorua using Tackle, Oshawott!”

“Show Oshawott your Foul Play!”

Oshawott and Zorua ran at each other, both beginning to become tired from their exchanging blows. Zorua was glowing with a black light, so when the two Pokémon collided with each other, a shower of luminescent black sparks showered out. A few seconds later, Oshawott and Zorua were pushed apart by their own strength.

“That’s enough,” Nekou declared, seeing the two Pokémon breathing heavily. “We don’t want to overextend our Pokémon, otherwise we’ll do more harm than good.”

“How was I?” Olivia asked, somewhat demandingly. “Did I do well?”

“I’d say you did,” complimented her training partner. “You more than satisfied my expectations. Of course, a lot of credit has to go to Oshawott too.”

“I guess. I can’t say he did badly…”

“Oshawott…” uttered the Water-type Pokémon, relieved that Olivia was pleased with his performance even somewhat.

“That was some good work, Olivia,” Matt complimented as he and Bunny made their way over to the others.

“I think you’re already starting to bond with Oshawott, you know,” Bunny added, smiling. “Maybe you two really were made for each other.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea!” fumed Olivia, her face turning red. Matt couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath, but she failed to notice his subtle action and quickly calmed down. “So, now what?”

“Let’s keep going,” he proposed. “Maybe we can get right to Cherrygrove City, before a storm blows in if we’re lucky.”

Nekou, Olivia and Bunny all nodded in agreement with Matt’s suggestion, so with Oshawott and Zorua walking alongside them, they resumed their westward trek down the cliff-laden road.

Little did they realize they were being watched. At least a dozen pairs of yellow eyes glistened in the darkness within the foliage just off the main road, carefully observing the movements of the new invaders in their territory. Behind them, a single pair of larger, triangular white eyes watched as well.

-:-

Jessie, James and Meowth had moved south, just as Pierce had directed them, and now had a makeshift encampment set up in the woods just off of Route 29.

While Jessie was busy spying on the small house they could see from their hideout, James was using his black tablet computer to survey data being collected from both Jessie’s high-tech binoculars and the satellite dish held by her Wobbuffet. Meowth, meanwhile, had headphones specially designed for his head by Dr. Zager on.

“There’s no mistaking it, the Meteonite shard is inside that house,” observed James as he used his finger to slide through the data on his screen. “It’s where the readings are strongest.”

“What else is there to do, then?” Jessie asked rhetorically. “Break in, collect the rock, get out of there, and profit when the boss rewards us!”

“That’s right!” both James and Meowth exclaimed.

Wobbuffet shared their enthusiasm, but he cried out his name far too loudly, prompting Jessie to abruptly shush him. The quartet then turned back to the house, and Meowth’s expression darkened slightly.

“We gotta watch out for that old man who’s living there, though,” the cat Pokémon explained. “He looks like he’s got a lot of treasure on him, but that Pokémon with him ain’t something we want to cross. He might come back at any time.”

“Let’s just hold back for now,” Jessie suggested. “An opening might appear so we can swoop in and grab it.”

-:-

“So what do we do now?” Olivia wondered, directing her complaints at anyone who would listen. “Surely traveling is more exciting than this.”

“Well, Olivia, most trainers who start out tend to try catching a Pokémon right away,” Matt explained, before gently and carefully adding, “but you’ve got three already. I don’t think it’s a great idea to get more before you can at least get used to Oshawott.”

“Aw, seriously? I could find one I want to capture at any time, you know!”

Amused by Olivia’s reckless enthusiasm, Nekou smiled, a soft laugh escaping her lips. When Matt saw her expression, he instinctively prepared himself for her to provoke Olivia further, in turn leading to an even bigger disagreement. He was accordingly surprised, then, when that was not what Nekou did.

“You know, Olivia, for once he has a point,” she advised. “You have plenty of time before your first Gym battle, so there’s no need to rush to catch more Pokémon.”

“Oh, fine,” Olivia responded, pouting.

Nekou’s relatively cheery mood abruptly disappeared, giving her three companions pause. She stopped speaking and began wearily looking around, sniffing at the air while doing so.

“Nekou, what’s wrong?” Matt asked.

“Something’s not right, I can sense it,” she replied, continuing to crinkle her nose in an attempt to identify the scent. “We’re being watched.”

In a single sudden, incredibly fast motion, Nekou pulled a switchblade from the inside of her blouse with her right hand; she used it to cut the sling restraining her left arm, leaving it to fall away as her arm was freed.

Dumbfounded by what she was seeing, especially when Nekou moved her left arm freely without pain, Bunny stammered, “You were still injured just yesterday! How are you moving like that already?!”

“How I’m moving is not important right now. Get ready,” Nekou warned, brandishing her switchblade in a battle-ready stance. As if a switch had been thrown, Nekou’s personality was now completely serious. “Something’s watching us…”

Almost on cue, a nearby bush started rustling, causing Matt, Olivia and Bunny to jump nervously. Nekou, meanwhile, simply tensed up in preparation for combat, expecting a threat to come jumping out of the brush at any moment. Her instincts weren’t without merit, either, as mere seconds later something did indeed emerge.

However, what appeared was not the fearsome monster they were expecting; in fact, it was vastly different. The small, tan-bodied canine Pokémon looked up at them with wide eyes, twitching the large ears that rose up from behind the shock of light-colored fur covering his face.

“That Pokémon is adorable!” Olivia exclaimed excitedly, clasping her hands together and speaking loudly.

“It’s Lillipup, a Pokémon from Unova,” Nekou informed the others. “Olivia, you should scan it.”

On Nekou’s encouragement, Olivia took out her Pokédex and scanned Lillipup as he stared apprehensively at them.

“Lillipup, the puppy Pokémon. Type is Normal. It is a brave Pokémon, but it also has the intelligence to judge an enemy’s strength and avoid battles.”

“I don’t want to underestimate it, but…” Bunny shifted uncomfortably before finishing, “…this was what we were supposed to be afraid of?”

Lillipup barked weakly and began slowly moving toward the group, making his injured right hind leg become apparent.

“It’s hurt!” Matt exclaimed, putting words to what all of them were feeling. While he was the one to verbalize their thoughts, though, it was Olivia putting those emotions to action, rushing over to the injured Pokémon.

“It’s okay, Lillipup, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” As she tried to speak soothingly to Lillipup, Olivia could feel a light coating of blood stuck onto the blue fur on his back. “I think something might have attacked it,” she nervously said to her friends, looking for guidance on what to do.

She would not receive it, as Nekou suddenly snapped her head back up toward the underbrush and called out, “Zorua, use Incinerate now!”

Having remained next to her trainer the entire time, Zorua was in perfect position to release a thin jet of fire aimed at the as-yet-unknown threat, hitting it with enough force to cause a small explosion.

“Pawnia!” a high-pitched voice shrilled upon impact.

From the cloud of smoke a Pokémon fell. She had a humanoid body colored primarily red and gray, with two hooks protruding from her torso. Her arms each ended in a sharp knife blade, and another blade stuck out from her helmet between her two yellow eyes.

The blast generated by the collision of Zorua’s Incinerate and the Pokémon was so close to Olivia that she was knocked over by its force. Screaming, she picked up the injured Lillipup in her arms and fled behind Nekou and Matt.

“What’s that thing?!” she screeched in fear.

Before anyone could answer, a second Pokémon identical to the first jumped from a nearby tree and attempted to cut Nekou with his knife arms, but she dispelled the assault by swinging her switchblade to knock him away. She then identified him by speaking the Pokémon’s name while Olivia fumbled for her Pokédex.

“Pawniard. Another Unova Pokémon…”

“Pawniard, the Sharp Blade Pokémon. Type is Dark/Steel. Even if it gets injured, it doesn’t care. It attacks its prey in a group, using the blades all over its body.”

“A group?!” Olivia nervously breathed. “Does that mean there are even more of them?”

She received an answer to her question almost immediately. Repeating their species name like a chant, more Pawniard emerged from the bushes until their ranks numbered a total of twelve. They were then joined by a thirteenth Pokémon, one that resembled a taller, more mature Pawniard whose body had grown to have sharp blades for ankles and feet, arms with retractable blades in them, and a golden axe blade bisecting her head from between her white, triangular eyes.

“Shit, a Bisharp!” Nekou spat, her worst fears realized.

As it had never left her hands, Olivia was able to quickly scan the Bisharp with her Pokédex.

“Bisharp, the Sword Blade Pokémon. Type is Dark/Steel. Evolved form of Pawniard. A scary Pokémon that will take the injured, immobile prey that battled a group of Pawniard and portion it out.”

“I don’t like that thing,” Olivia whimpered while shivering nervously.

“You’re not wrong to feel that way,” Nekou said to support the younger girl. “I’ve seen what these Pokémon can do. Marie, prepare yourself for battle! Join Zorua!”

“Balin, come out! I need your help!”

Marie jumped down from Nekou’s back to stand alongside Zorua, and joining the two of them was Bunny’s Ninetales, Balin, who appeared in a flash of light from his Poké Ball. Almost immediately upon materializing, he growled at the pack of Pawniard and their Bisharp leader, correctly picking up on the threat they posed.

The Bisharp cried out, thrusting her right arm forward. Accordingly following her orders, three Pawniard lunged forward at Bunny, Olivia and Nekou, all baring the knives on their arms.

“Zorua, get out of the way so Marie can use Low Sweep!”

“Balin, Flame Burst now!”

Nekou’s Zorua barely managed to get out of the way of two of the charging Pawniard before they could cut her, opening up space for Marie to come in and trip one by undercutting his legs. The second Pawniard, however, reached Nekou, forcing her to parry its blow with her switchblade and send him barreling off several feet away.

Finally, Balin suffered a small gash on his cheek when the Pawniard that attacked him slipped through, but he managed to strike back swiftly by spitting out an explosive fireball.

Just as the third Pawniard was driven back, a rumble of thunder passed through Route 29 and a light but steady rain began to fall.

“Sharrr!!” the Bisharp roared in anger, refusing to let her prey defeat her. Responding to her rage, seven more of the Pawniard lined up in preparation to attack Bunny, Nekou and Olivia, while the final two teamed up with their leader and set their sights on Matt.

“Zorua, Marie, get ready!” Nekou shouted, feeling her muscles tensing as the situation spun out of control.

Matt couldn’t focus on the attack that commenced against his companions, however, as the Bisharp rushed him as well. He hastily raised up his arms to protect himself, resulting in a loud crashing sound when Bisharp’s steel blades hit the metal of his prosthetic limbs. While the Dark-and-Steel-type Pokémon stepped back, puzzled that her attack failed to significantly injure him, Matt tried to fight back by grabbing her arms and shoving her away.

However, her two bodyguards were more than ready to take up the slack. One of her two Pawniard crossed his arms and charged up purple light to create a Psycho Cut, while the other used his own power to pull up a cluster of small rocks. They both used their attacks together, hitting the ground right in front of Matt; this resulted in him stumbling backward and falling down.

Hastily, he took a Poké Ball from his bag. This Poké Ball was a special type – it was colored in varying shades of blue in a wave pattern. Matt threw this Dive Ball with a flick of his wrist and called out to the Pokémon inside.

“Patrick, make your mark!”

A tall, bulky toad Pokémon materialized from Matt’s Dive Ball. His blue body had a number of black-and-cream-colored bumps on it, matching the colors adorning his front.

Flexing his body, which in turn caused the bumps to vibrate slightly, he gurgled, “Seismitoad…”

“I know this is sudden for your first battle with me, Patrick, but I need your help! Use Scald!”

Patrick moved his lazy red eyes to the two Pawniard and the Bisharp, and after glaring at them for a short while, he spit a stream of boiling water at them. Moving to protect their mistress, the two Pawniard attempted to deflect the Scald with cutting moves, but failed and were thrown back. One of them – the one who had used Psycho Cut – collided with one of the hooks protruding from Bisharp’s torso, visibly cutting his helmet.

Enraged even further by her minions’ failure, Bisharp snarled viciously and discharged a stream of electricity from the axe blade in her head; this Thunder Wave failed, however, when Patrick stood in the way to block it from hitting Matt, as his part-Ground type nullified electricity. She then aligned her arms and formed a vortex of dark energy between her claws, loosing a Dark Pulse that managed to hurt Patrick enough to force him to close his eyes and groan.

“Don’t take that!” Matt shouted while stumbling back to his feet. “Go for a knockout! Drain Punch!”

Patrick clenched the three fingers on his right hand to form a fist, which then took on a shining, crackling glow. He threw his hulking body in Bisharp’s direction, intending to hit her with a punch that would surely knock her out instantly, however, the struggle would not be resolved that easily. Shaking off their own injuries, the two Pawniard once again leapt to their leader’s defense, attempting to hold Patrick back with resistance formed from their respective Psycho Cut and Metal Claw.

Their attempt failed to stop Patrick’s Drain Punch, but they did succeed in redirecting it away from Bisharp by taking the hit themselves. Frames of light in the same greenish color as the glow of Drain Punch broke away from the two Pawniard and were absorbed by the Seismitoad, restoring some of his health.

From the frustration steadily building inside of him, Matt was forced to grit his teeth. The two Pawniard were most likely down for good, but they had successfully guarded Bisharp for as long as possible, and without taking her down, the other seven Pawniard would be nearly impossible to easily dispel.

“Oh no!” he suddenly thought, the realization that he’d forgotten completely about Olivia, Nekou and Bunny and their own fight crashing violently into his mind.

He turned in just enough time to see one of the seven Pawniard leap past Olivia’s Oshawott’s Water Gun and slash her on the cheek, while another one was knocked to the ground by Nekou’s Zorua’s Incinerate. The swarm of Pokémon had broken through the initial line of defense presented by Matt’s allies, and now were splitting them up with their relentless attacking.

With the shivering, injured Lillipup still in her arms, Olivia attempted to flee in Matt’s direction. Tears were running down her face, which was contorted into a look of nightmarish torment.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen… make it stop…” she was mumbling hysterically to herself. “Make it stop, make it stop!!”

Right after she passed by Matt, however, Olivia’s luck ran out. Bisharp – who had renewed her hand-to-hand struggle with Patrick – spotted the girl trying to escape. She first pushed her opponent away by striking him harshly with her hand – an Assurance attack that was made more potent by their previous combat – then directed a Thunder Wave in Olivia’s direction.

The electric pulse fired from Bisharp’s helmet did not hit Olivia, but it came close enough to her feet that it made her trip and fall. She rolled over and hastily stood back up, clutching Lillipup all the while, only to find herself being menacingly approached by Bisharp and the remaining Pawniard.

Olivia slowly backed up, while the others decided to do what they could to protect her.

“Patrick, attack the Pawniard with Scald!”

“Marie, herd them together using Low Sweep, then Zorua, you **** them up with Incinerate!”

“Balin, once they’re all together, take all those Pawniard out with Flame Burst!”

Marie was the first to act, swiftly running in a circle around the cluster of seven Pawniard to hit them in their legs, thus pushing them closer together. Once they were collected, Patrick washed a blast of hot water over them, which Oshawott complimented by using his Water Gun again. This was closely followed by Zorua exhaling a small stream of flames, and finally Balin choking up a huge fireball that exploded on impact, consuming all the Pawniard and leaving them to faint.

“Well, we got the foot soldiers,” Bunny said in relief. “Now for the commander.”

Either ignorant of or completely uncaring about the defeat of her followers, Bisharp was still slowly approaching Olivia, who had backed herself onto one of the taller cliffs on Route 29. With rain, tears and blood dripping down her face, she took a slow, deep breath, her head trembling and moving backward bit by bit, causing her to stare down her nose at Bisharp.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, you monster?!” she screamed, all her pent-up fear and frustration coming up at once.

Bisharp paused her advance and slowly raised her right arm. The iron blades protruding from that arm lengthened, then took on a bright metallic sheen as light from the air nearby flowed into it.

“Stop it!” Quickly recognizing that his plea was useless and that Bisharp would not cease preparing her Metal Claw, Matt turned to Patrick and ordered, “Take Bisharp out with Drain Punch before this gets worse!”

The lumbering toad pulled himself back up onto his feet, then pulled back his first and moved in toward his foe.

What happened next, however, caught everyone – Matt’s group, Bisharp and Patrick – unprepared.

With the power for her Metal Claw fully charged, Bisharp lifted her arm even higher and took one last step toward Olivia. Accordingly, Olivia stepped slightly backward to try and stay away from the terrifying Pokémon – and as soon as she did, her foot came down on a spot halfway over the rain-soaked cliff. Her footing vanished almost instantly, leaving her to helplessly struggle to hold herself up using only her legs as she teetered on the land’s edge.

For Matt, time seemed to slow to a halt. Patrick’s Drain Punch was no longer going to make any difference; whether or not Bisharp was knocked out almost did not matter. He started to rush to Olivia with his arm outstretched, and behind him, Nekou and Bunny also were moving forward in a panic, but it was all for naught. After what seemed like an endless ordeal that in actuality was less than thirty seconds, Olivia’s balance completely gave way and she slipped over the cliff, screaming at the top of her lungs as she disappeared from sight.

Matt, Nekou and Bunny all froze. For the latter, her thoughts were primarily on Olivia’s safety. Bunny had faith that Olivia would come out of this incident relatively fine; it was obvious that things were bad, but she hoped that it wouldn’t come out as a full-fledged disaster.

Nekou handled it significantly more poorly. Even though she had only known Olivia for a little over a week, Nekou was already developing both sisterly and maternal instincts toward the girl, and an aggressive creature causing Olivia direct harm deeply violated those bonds. She flew into a screaming rage, viciously rushing Bisharp with her switchblade; however, she was unable to inflict much damage due to Bisharp fighting back.

“You ****er!” she cursed the Dark-and-Steel-type Pokémon during her assault. “You’re ****ing answering to me for hurting her!”

Matt’s paralysis was entirely mental, caused by the deluge of crushing thoughts that hit him instantaneously upon Olivia falling.

“You failure!” the one even slightly clear voice screamed at him through the chaos in his head. “All you had to do was protect her and make her dream come true, and you couldn’t even manage that! Now you let another one die!!”

Extending his arms straight out in front of him, Matt finally broke his silence by snarling, “Destroy Bisharp with Drain Punch NOW!!” As he issued this order, Matt’s hands were trembling as if slowly gripping something until he spread his arms at the end of the sentence.

Bisharp barely had time to turn herself around before she realized Patrick was already within very close range. Now the tables were turned, and she was the one backing up.

Being caught off-guard by Patrick’s movements was what did in Bisharp in the end. With nowhere to escape to, she received a devastating blow right to her torso, delivered with such force that she was thrown off the cliff and far into the distance, disappearing into the thick trees beyond the well-traversed road. Sensing their leader’s distress, the horde of Pawniard immediately jumped up from their own injuries and pursued her, vanishing from sight as well.

Matt couldn’t care less about the wild Pokémon. Stumbling past Nekou, who was breathing deeply as a result of directly fighting Bisharp, he threw himself onto the ground and looked over the cliff.

Nothing beyond a canopy of trees was visible below.

“Olivia!” he screamed downward, the color running from his face as his heartbeat became shallow. “OLIVIA!!”

“If she’s hurt down there, she’s not going to be able to answer you,” Nekou flatly stated.

“Then if she can’t call up to me to let me know she’s okay…” Though Nekou and Bunny could not see his face as he rose back up to his full height and therefore could not see the empty look in his uncovered eye, they could tell by his body language that he was about to call for something irrational. “…I’ll go down there myself!”

The instant Matt made to jump over the cliff, however, a powerful grip on his right shoulder stopped him. He gasped, having not expected such an abrupt interruption, then turned around to see Nekou casting an icy pout in his direction.

“Don’t be an idiot,” she said, pulling her arm back. “Even with your body, if you jump over that cliff and hit branches on your way down, you’ll only end up hurting yourself. The road crosses that area further down, so we should follow it.”

“If that fall would bang me up, though, think of what it would do to Olivia!”

Matt shifted his panicked glare to Bunny, making her shift uncomfortably. She thought that both he and Nekou had made good points, but her own thoughts guided her in the direction of caution, so she answered the silent question by saying, “Take the road, but let’s hurry.”

Without another word, Matt pulled the brim of his hat down slightly to cover his eyes and started walking in the direction of the cleared path again. Patrick and Oshawott followed him, while Balin, Zorua and Marie all stayed with Bunny and Nekou, who walked with each other.

“Do you really think this is the best course of action, though?” Bunny questioned, a feeling of nervousness overtaking her.

“Yeah, I do. Olivia’s tough. A little fall might rough her up a bit, but she will get back up and move forward. I know she can do it.”

-:-

Unfortunately, Nekou was only half right.

At the bottom of the cliff, below the cover of the trees that had obscured Matt’s view from above, Olivia lay on the ground, broken in more ways than one. Lillipup, who had suffered no further injuries thanks to her intervention, worriedly sniffed at her face, but she was so detached from reality that she didn’t even notice.

“This is all you can do,” a voice in her head told her. “Do you still wonder why he abandoned you?”

“No, I understand now…” she answered, barely aware of the fact she was speaking to a disembodied voice in her head. “Day one and look at me already…”

In the fall, the curls of hair she had on the sides of her head had come undone, leaving it to drape down to her back at its full length as it draped her prone body. Olivia shuddered as she hopelessly tried to move, but with her left leg snapped completely around at an unnatural angle, there was no way she could possibly walk. A slow but steady stream of blood was trickling out of her broken leg, mixing with the rain flowing across the rocks.

Water was streaming down her face now, but she continued to not be bothered by it. “Dad,” she whispered as her vision began to become clouded, “I messed up. Don’t be mad at me…”

A slight, accepting smile appeared on Olivia’s face just as she closed her eyes and blacked out.

Mere seconds later, the sound of footsteps indicated the presence of someone else in the area. A golden-bodied, reptilian Pokémon with blade-like tusks protruding from her mouth stomped into the vicinity, followed by her trainer, an elderly man wearing round spectacles and a heavy brown coat.

The man did not notice Olivia lying unconscious on the ground at first, but when his Pokémon alerted him to her, he walked over on his cane and leaned down to examine her. Recognizing her injures, he motioned to his Pokémon to help carry her somewhere.

-:-

It took Matt, Nekou and Bunny well over an hour to work their way down the road to the area where Olivia had fallen. Part of it was due to the fact that the path actually looped back a significant distance to circumvent the cliff, but the weather had worsened significantly as well. By the time they finally reached the area at the bottom of the cliff, the rain had forced Bunny to recall Balin, while Zorua and Marie each rode on one of Nekou’s shoulders. Matt, meanwhile, had sent out a Pokémon whose light, child-like body was contained within a simple form of green jelly that granted her arms and ears. She was floating above her trainer and his allies, using her Magic Guard ability to shield them from the rain.

“Reuniclus, do you see Olivia anywhere?” When the Pokémon responded by shaking her head, Matt cupped his hands around his mouth and called out into the distance, “Olivia, where are you? I know you’re okay! You have to be!”

“Osha!” Oshawott cried, mimicking Matt’s actions as he walked along.

“This should be about where she fell,” Nekou pondered, “so where is she?”

“I can’t imagine that she simply got up and walked off,” added Bunny, “not after a fall like that.”

After that, the conversation between the three died out, and they went back to calling out in differing directions in the hope that Olivia would hear them while they walked. All they managed to garner for their efforts was an assortment of Pokémon, though, things like Pidgey, Sentret, Rattata and even the odd Shinx and Exeggcute. It seemed like most of the Pokémon the group passed were in hiding, likely from the Pawniard gang.

None of the three were aware of how much time had passed or how far they had walked. They simply were so focused on finding Olivia that they didn’t care to notice. They were beginning to become fearful of what might have happened to her when Bunny spotted something.

“Matt, Nekou, look over there!”

Following the direction in which Bunny was pointing, Matt and Nekou could see a house a short distance down the road.

“The lights are on, so someone must be home,” Nekou mumbled sarcastically. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah,” Matt answered, “whoever’s in there might have seen Olivia. Let’s hurry! Reuniclus, return!”

With a quick movement, Matt pointed a Poké Ball up at Reuniclus, drawing her back inside using the sphere’s red laser. As soon as she disappeared, the rain was able to pour down on the group unchecked, so they ran for the house as fast as they could.

As soon as they were at the house, they went up to the front door and Matt rang the doorbell. There was a certain amount of disconnect in the design of the dwelling; for example, while the door was simply a plain, heavy piece of wood, the doorbell’s button was surrounded by an intricately-shaped, gold-plated frame. Another example was reflected in the windows, which had twisted, empty iron flower rows hanging off of actual windows that were quite modern and stately.

“I’m coming, just hold your horses there for a minute!” a voice shouted from behind the door. A shuffling sound could be heard, followed by some kind of banging on the door as whoever was there tried to unlock it.

Once the door finally opened, the occupant of the house came into view. It was the same elderly gentleman who had picked up Olivia earlier, though he had dispensed with his heavy brown coat. He had a very plain appearance, being simply dressed in a sky-blue dress shirt and black trousers; his main distinguishing characteristics were his glasses, his thick white beard that filled out his otherwise thin face, and his double helix-printed necktie.

“More guests?” he sighed. “What a bother, having one unexpected visitor is enough for a single night. What can I help you with?”

“We’re looking for a girl, sir,” Matt replied with a hint of desperation. “She got lost on Route 29 earlier and we haven’t been able to track her down.”

“Oh, do you mean Olivia? I picked her up after I found her. She’s right inside.”

“That’s such a relief… okay, you guys, come o…”

[The Great Butler]

“Holy ****!” Matt’s sentence got cut off when Nekou, having suddenly realized something, shoved him out of the way to face the old man directly. “I know who you are! I can’t believe I get to meet you!”

“Who is he, then?” Matt growled, picking himself off the wet ground and squeezing the water out of his hat.

“He does look kind of familiar…” Bunny commented.

“Why, this is only the most famous scientist in the ****ing history of science itself!” Nekou excitedly explained. “Meet Doctor Dante Fantomos, the man whose work made modern science itself possible!”

“Wait, you’re Dante Fantomos?” Matt recognized the name once he heard it, and could only stare with wide eyes at Dante once he realized what it meant. “I didn’t even know you were still alive!”

“I’m flattered to have fooled you, then,” Dante remarked, playing off Matt’s accidentally insensitive comment with a bit of sarcasm. “Come in out of the rain. I’ll prepare some tea.”

Stepping away from the door, Dante ushered his guests inside. After peering outside and looking around in suspicion, he then closed it.

Back in the bushes, Jessie, James and Meowth all shared a sigh of relief that they hadn’t been caught. Wobbuffet, meanwhile, simply stood still and stared ahead while holding onto the satellite. All four of them were hiding under a tarp they had put up from their supplies to shield themselves from the rain.

“That was too close. I don’t want to fight that old man.”

“You’re telling me, Jessie,” an overly dramatic James complained. “What do we do now?”

“I’m gonna call Pierce,” Meowth announced, taking the R-Pad computer into his paws again. “We ain’t getting that rock from him if we just go for it.”

-:-

After ushering his guests into the foyer of his house so they could dry off, Dante guided them through a corridor toward his study.

Matt took a moment to think about just how strange a day it had been as he walked behind Dante but in front of Nekou, Bunny and the Pokémon. Everything had started with Professor Elm’s disappearance and the meeting with Professor Juniper, then they had run into Renzo and heard his ranting. After that, they moved into Route 29, were attacked by a group of bloodthirsty wild Pokémon, and finally were separated from Olivia. Yet, he still couldn’t believe that he was now about to sit down for tea with one of the most important scientists in history, a man who he had long believed to have died years earlier.

“Olivia!” Dante called out as he reached the doorway of the study. “I’ve got someone here to see you!”

The study was a large room, dimly lit using candles and a fireplace. A border of brown wood reached three feet up the walls, and where it cut off, cream-colored wallpaper patterned with curved white lines picked up. Four dark bookcases towered from floor to ceiling against the wall opposite the fireplace, and as the four stepped into the room, their feet pushed down into the plush, pale yellow carpet.

A long coffee table sat in the middle of the room, surrounded by three red couches. Olivia was sitting on the one facing the fireplace, reading a book with a dejected expression of boredom. Lillipup, his leg and body bandaged, sat next to her.

“Olivia!” Matt exclaimed, both pleased and horrified at what he saw. Olivia, changed into hospital scrubs, had her left leg propped up on the couch in a thick cast. He felt at once both happy that she was alive and guilty for letting her get injured.

“You’re lucky I found her out there, Matt Chiaki,” Dante said. He started walking to a tea cabinet in the corner of the room, his cane leaving small circles in the carpet with each step. “She might have bled out and died or developed an infection.”

“I owe you some thanks, then, Dr. Fantomos… wait, how do you know my name?”

Reaching the tea cabinet, Dante simply laughed and waved his hand at Matt. “In due time, my friend. Please, make yourselves at home. Everything will become clear.”

“How are you doing, Olivia?” Nekou sincerely asked the girl, flopping down on the couch next to her. Zorua and Marie popped out from beneath Nekou’s hair to see Olivia, and Oshawott jumped up onto his trainer’s lap as well, attempting to soothe her.

“Hey, you guys, Zorua, Marie... and Oshawott too…” Olivia’s voice was the voice of a broken human being. Her thoughts were haunting her – if this was how her first day as an official trainer would be, Olivia was unsure if she could face the future and whatever challenges lie ahead. It just all felt like far too much.

“Olivia, please...” In an attempt to further prove her sincerity, Bunny put her hand on Olivia’s shoulder. “Don’t give up yet. Things will only get better from here. This was just an accident.”

“If you say so…” Olivia sniffed.

Perhaps unconsciously, Matt was detaching himself from the others, instead opting to examine the pair of framed pictures adorning the mantle of Dante’s fireplace. The photograph on the left was a black-and-white image of a much younger Dante; he had no cane then, his hair was jet-black and slicked back, and his beard was significantly thinner and neater. At the time of the picture he was wearing a white lab coat and extremely thick glasses.

“Aye, pretty impressive, eh?” the elderly doctor said over his shoulder while preparing the tea. “That one you’re looking at now, that was the photo of me that ran in all the papers back when I first published my documentation of the structure of DNA, fifty-five years ago. One of the proudest moments of my life, I say.”

“I sure can understand that. Six years ago, I had the opportunity to finish the life work of my grandfather, the great archeologist Sutter Chiaki, by finding the lost Golden City of La Ciudad Dorada. I lost a lot pursuing that goal, but in the end, finding it made me feel good because it validated what my grandfather stood for.”

Once he finished speaking, Matt shifted his gaze to the second photo, the one on the right. It was monochrome like the first and appeared to be from around the same time period, but Dante was not alone in it. Alongside him was a woman who had her hair done up in a beehive style, and between them, a young girl with long black hair and a summer dress sat on a chair.

Matt was intrigued by the picture, and rubbed his chin while looking closely at it for a moment before turning around. “Dr. Fantomos, forgive me if I shouldn’t ask this, but what’s the other picture of?”

Dante, who by this time was just putting the completed tea serving on the table before Olivia, Nekou and Bunny, could only sigh. He sat down on the couch at the head of the table, picked up one of the teacups, and said, “That… that is the other proudest moment of my life thus far. In that photograph with me are my late wife, Clara, and our daughter, Amina.”

“Where does Amina live now?” inquired Bunny, who had actually begun getting drawn into the conversation herself.

“My heart,” Dante sadly replied. “Amina died of an illness when she was just fourteen years of age, despite my best efforts to cure her.”

Immediately realizing that he’d made Dante go down the path that led to talking about this, Matt gasped and said, “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t you worry about it. I’ve taken steps to make sure her memory is preserved.” Indeed, by the way Dante was speaking, Matt could tell he was not terribly disturbed by discussing these things. “Now, Matt, why don’t you join us for some tea? Olivia was telling me earlier about some of the rare Pokémon you have seen, such as Heatran and Dialga.”

“Well, I can tell you about Heatran, anyway,” Matt spiritlessly spoke while putting himself down on the seat facing Dante’s. “I don’t remember much about meeting Dialga.”

Dante’s eyes widened when he heard Matt’s claim, which was something he couldn’t understand. “How do you not remember an occasion as momentous as meeting Dialga?”

“I’ll get to that. First, let me tell you about Heatran. She was at the center of what happened in La Ciudad Dorada. The count of the kingdom was planning to seize control by killing his parents and sister and earning the right to the throne by making the people feel gratitude toward him, so he obtained a Magma Stone somewhere and used it to force Heatran to create a drought. He then contacted me and my so-called ex-girlfriend Cassy to go there and complete my grandfather’s work to save the city. We fell for his trap... well, at least I did, because Cassy was actually in on it. We found the lost Golden City, but the count appeared and set Heatran on us while he took control of the Golden City’s power. Thankfully, though, we managed to defeat Heatran and I captured her, and she went a long way to finally stopping him. I still have her with me today, and she is one of my most trusted Pokémon. On the other hand, though, that was also when Eleanor died…”

“Eleanor?” Dante questioned, blinking from behind his glasses.

Matt sighed. Unlike Dante and the story of Clara and Amina, he didn’t feel so comfortable with recounting the fate of Eleanor. Against his better judgment, however, he closed his visible eye and told the story.

“Eleanor Laplace was a young woman I met in La Ciudad Dorada after being invited there by the villainous Count Fernando the Eighth. She was only on a vacation… so she was entirely innocent and never should have gotten caught up in what happened there. Needless to say, she ended up working with me, and during the final battle against Fernando she perished for my own cowardice.” Opening his eye, Matt glared at Dante, who had a rather dramatic backdrop for himself with the rain battering the window behind his chair. “Sure, we found the Golden City. But I was never the same person after I left La Ciudad Dorada. That was where my life started to change.”

Just talking about La Ciudad Dorada and the death of Eleanor Laplace brought memories flooding back to Matt. He could still see everything as if it had just happened, including Eleanor getting ahead of him while trying to encourage him to be more positive. Horribly, she walked into a palace tower that collapsed seconds later, right before Matt’s eyes. He watched her last moments and sudden end, an image that was ingrained in his consciousness along with the knowledge that her last thoughts were mainly centered on trying to help him.

This time, it was Dante’s turn to sigh. “You may be unable to accept this, but I can truly sympathize with the feeling of losing someone and feeling like you did nothing to help. I already told you about Amina’s terminal illness and my failure to find a cure and save her, but Clara died as the result of religious extremists deciding they didn’t like the idea of what my discovery could mean and bombing our home. They didn’t like the idea of the building blocks of life being known to the minds of mankind.”

Nekou, Bunny and Olivia had been drinking their tea and listening to the conversation as it went back and forth between Matt and Dante. All three were engrossed by it, even Nekou, who otherwise would have been talking about how much she was enjoying the tea Dante had prepared. Bunny, on the other hand, decided to say something.

“Is that why you’ve kept out of the public eye for so long? And if it is, why resurface now?”

“To your first question, yes. I decided to dedicate myself to studying everything I could and perfecting my theories on DNA. Unfortunately, my work attracted a bit of an odd crowd… is it true that, from what I understand, you had a run-in with a cult called Polaris in Whitegold City?”

“How do you…” The realization hit Nekou relatively fast, interrupting her original sentence. “Oh, that’s right, it was on the news. You and the rest of the world got to see me kick their asses.”

“Polaris is no laughing matter,” Dante warned. “They were attracted to me because of the potential applications of my work. I didn’t see eye-to-eye with them, though. They believe that DNA is the key to unlocking something profound in our world, and they’re really serious about that, so I would strongly advise you to not get involved with them.”

“You know,” Matt groaned, “I’ve seen so much ****ed up **** in my life already that they sound tame by comparison. I have no reason to concern myself with the dealings of a cult like that. All I’m after is the truth behind the fates of Eleanor and others.”

“I see. Well, let me answer your second question, Bunny… actually, wait, I’ll show you what I’ve been working on in a moment. I forgot to find out about what happened with you and Dialga, Matt.”

“I told you, I don’t remember much.” Punctuating his response with another sigh, Matt continued, “I don’t remember much because, from what others have reminded me, I used to have a split personality contained within me.”

Olivia was the only one of Matt’s audience that did not react in surprise to this news. Nekou, Bunny and Dante all gasped and looked at him in varying degrees of shock, but none of them spoke, allowing Matt to go on.

“People who knew what happened when my other personality appeared told me that his name was Janus, and he was violent, cruel and consumed by unchecked ambition. He was born of my attempts to rid myself of the pain caused by my sister and I being abused by our parents, and would appear in moments with enough stress to trigger it. The reason why I am telling you this is because for the majority of the time I was around Dialga, Janus was in control.”

“He kidnapped me from my mom and dad and took me aboard Team Galactic’s UFO,” Olivia added. “My dad beat him, but he accidentally spilled this nasty red stuff on me.”

“Once I snapped back into reality, I volunteered to stay behind on the exploding aircraft so Rich and Olivia could escape with my sister. That is why I have this body now.” To show what he meant, Matt rolled up his sleeves, then removed his light-blue silk gloves, revealing that his hands were visibly made of metal. He then made a blade emerge from his right wrist, proving that the rest of both arms was also artificial. “That’s not all. My left leg is cybernetic too, and I have some internalized modifications so my body doesn’t rip itself apart. All of this was made necessary by being trapped in the exploding UFO. During the extensive procedures I had to undergo, by my own request I had Janus removed from my subconscious. That’s why I don’t remember Dialga much – a lot of memories of things that happened while he was in control have disappeared for me.”

“I’d like to take you apart,” Nekou wryly commented at the exact moment Matt finished speaking. “Your insides sound fascinating.”

The mood in the room immediately changed – Dante visibly had to lower his head and fight off a chuckle, while Olivia fell back against Bunny’s shoulder in a laughing fit. Bunny herself, meanwhile, put her hand against her face.

Matt could only stare at Nekou in complete exasperation as she stared back with a troublesome smirk on her face. “I was trying to tell Dr. Fantomos a story, you know. Did you have to do that?”

“I was bored,” Nekou immediately snarked back without skipping a beat. “And if my brain was bored, his surely was too.”

“Now, now, I got the gist of it, don’t worry.” Rising slowly from his seat, Dante looked down at Bunny and Olivia. At his full height he actually was rather tall, so they had to look up at him. “Allow me to show you what I’ve been working on now.”

While his guests watched, Dante made his way to the other side of the room, where he picked up a cube-shaped case. He then carefully brought it back and set it on the table before opening it, revealing a small piece of rock covered in burn marks. Matt, Bunny and Nekou all looked at it with great curiosity.

“This is a fragment that fell from one of the meteors ahead of Persephone-2213 as it approaches Earth,” Dante explained. “It is made of what is called Meteonite, a recently-discovered element that still has much mystery surrounding it.”

“Meteonite,” Nekou repeated, lowering her eyelids until her eyes were half-closed and staring coldly at the rock.

“Yes. I was asked by the Angel Corporation to study this Meteonite and try to determine some of its properties, because we have reason to believe that its resonance has some kind of effect on Pokémon. Olivia told me about the pack of wild Pawniard and the Bisharp that attacked you earlier today, and I think that my research on the Meteonite may have triggered their violent rampage, so please accept my apology for that.”

“I’m not concerned about that anymore besides how it affects Olivia,” Matt responded. He then turned his view halfway toward the girl. “Olivia, how are you doing? You’re still looking forward to your first badge, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to go to bed.”

Matt, Nekou and Bunny were all confused by Olivia’s demand, and looked at her before turning to Dante. Understanding their unspoken question, he said, “I already told Olivia that once her friends caught up to her, you could all stay here for the night. My home is your home, as they say. The spare rooms are just upstairs.”

“Come on, Olivia, I’ll go with you.”

Olivia nodded her acquiescence to Bunny’s idea, so the older of the two young women rose to her feet and scooped up her younger friend in her arms. Once Dante pointed in the direction of the staircase, they left the room with Oshawott and Lillipup following them.

“So…” As he spoke, Dante closed the case containing the Meteonite. “Matt, you are someone who is seeking truth, is that correct?”

“Right. What I’m after is the truth behind the deaths of Eleanor and a couple of other people that didn’t have to die. Everything has a deeper truth behind it, and I will discover it. For that reason, I’m looking for the Legendary Pokémon Reshiram, whose flames are said to burn to reveal the truth.”

“I see. As men of science, that pursuit of the truth makes us similar.”

“Don’t forget me, I’m a woman of science,” Nekou piped up, before slyly adding, “Just because my science is a lot madder doesn’t disqualify me.”

Dante chuckled, but did not speak again until he laid out a large map of the Johto Region on the table before Matt and Nekou. “If you’re pursuing the truth of Reshiram, you will be looking for a lost item known as the Light Stone. They say that the Light Stone only appears before an individual who has put in overwhelming effort into finding the truth, so you should go through the longest path through Johto.”

Putting his finger on the map at Cherrygrove City, right next to their current location, Dante traced the trail up north, slightly west, and south around a loop. He then elaborated, “Go from Cherrygrove City north to Violet City. From there, move into the loop that will take you south to Union Cave and Azalea Town, then north through Goldenrod City and eventually back to Violet City.”

“Thanks, I guess, Dr. Fantomos.”

Dante repaid Matt’s gratitude with a dark expression. “Let me warn you of one thing, though, Matt Chiaki. As men of science we both pursue truth, but what you must recognize is that truth is a beast that cannot be tamed. If you decide to pursue it, you must be fully prepared to find that the truth is far more terrible than you ever thought it could be.”

Nekou did not have much of a visible reaction to Dante’s warning, but Matt noticeably shrunk back and tensed up. He didn’t need any reminders of how difficult or risky his goal was, and even though Dante meant well, the comments he’d made only served to unnerve Matt even further.

-:-

Jessie, James and Meowth had quite a bit of space in their makeshift camp underneath the heavy tarp that shielded them from the rain. In fact, there was enough space for James and Meowth to prepare a pot of beef stew on a small hotplate while Jessie spoke to Pierce using the R-Pad.

“What are you saying, exactly?” Pierce could be heard questioning from wherever he was. “You can’t get the Meteonite?”

“Pierce, it’s currently in the possession of an old man who is keeping Matt Chiaki’s little group at his home tonight,” Jessie explained. “He’s also got this powerful-looking Haxorus that we can’t possibly defeat. Attacking him now would be foolish.”

“Hmm... I agree. Listen, continue to monitor the situation for now. I have some business to finish
wrapping up here in Cherrygrove City. Over and out.”

With Pierce gone, Jessie turned back to her teammates just in time for them to finish their cooking.

“Dinner’s done!” James exclaimed, taking three spoons from their supplies and passing them out.

“Let’s dig in!” Meowth added. “Before a big mission, a big meal does the trick!”

-:-

Much later that night, Matt was alone in the room he’d borrowed from Dante, sitting on the bed and reading by lamp light while wearing his light sleeping clothes. The novel in his hands was clearly aged, with some of its pages gnarled and yellowing at the edges. His silver flask, meanwhile, rested on the night table next to him, periodically being picked up to provide refreshment.

The pouring rain and occasional thunder put Matt on edge enough, so when his door creaked open, he jumped in a fit of nerves. However, he realized it was nothing to worry about when a slightly drunk Nekou stumbled in. She was quite a sight, wearing a faded yellow tank top that was one size too small for her and short shorts.

“What are you doing in here? Is that always how you dress at night?” Dropping that line of questioning when he saw the bottle in her hand, Matt instead asked, “You’re drinking at this time of night?”

“Shut up,” she countered, her voice slightly slurred. “The only thing on all twelve numbers of a clock is time to drink. I can’t sleep.”

“What I don’t get is, I’ve seen you put away a dozen cans of beer without effort, but you haven’t even finished one bottle tonight and you’re clearly wasted. What is that?”

“It’s not stuff I usually drink. I borrowed some vodka from the old man.”

“You stole Dr. Fantomos’s vodka, didn’t you.”

“I stole Dr. Fantomos’s vodka, yeah,” Nekou confessed, although she didn’t seem all that remorseful about it. “What are you doing up this late?”

“I’ve got a good mind to ask you the same thing, why you’re up so late getting drunk.”

“Have as much a mind as you want, but just don’t say it, because it’s wrong to ask a lady why she drinks.” Stepping closer to the bed, Nekou leaned over and scrunched up her face as she stared at the book Matt was reading. She could make out the drawing on the book’s cover, which depicted an old man in sailor garb standing in a small boat and brandishing a harpoon directed at a giant, white Wailord. “Interesting choice of a bedtime story. I hadn’t thought of you as the type.”

“Consider what it’s about, though. A man obsessed with getting vengeance against something that wronged him, requiring him to pursue a great white beast… especially since I learned about Reshiram’s existence, I feel like I can identify with that. Of course, that’s just the most superficial layer, but still.”

As she listened to Matt’s almost indifferent explanation of his interest in the book, Nekou’s inebriated cheer vanished and was replaced with a cold disgust that grew with each word he spoke. Once he was done, she immediately responded, “You’re looking at that story completely wrong if it’s the captain who you identify with. I thought you were going to say that you identified with Ishmael, who quite frankly suits you more, but the captain? Did you even read to the end? I don’t care if this is a spoiler to you or not, but the captain’s obsession with his revenge gets all but one person on his ship killed! If you see yourself in him, what does that say about how you see us?”

“Well, obviously I don’t want you or the others to die,” Matt was now speaking in an empty, almost haunting voice, “but quite honestly, it would not bother me at all to fall in such a way for myself. Captain Ahab dies having successfully speared the whale that antagonized him for so long, and even if he did not kill the creature, he succeeded in accomplishing as much as he was capable of. I have two simple goals – I want to see Olivia up on her feet with a shot in the world, and I want to know the truth behind who provoked the events of the past six years. Once I accomplish those things, I simply have no concern for what awaits me next.”

There was a beat of silence, but suddenly, Nekou delivered a backhanded slap across Matt’s face, tears of anger welling up in her eyes. He just looked blankly at her and held his face as his book fell onto the bed.

“Do you even care about how your attitude could affect others? You say you want Olivia up on her feet, but how do you think it would make her feel to lose someone else she cares about and relies upon? How do you think Bunny would take losing someone she clearly considers a friend? And me… I have no home to go back to. If you go away, I don’t know what would happen to me.”

“I don’t know if you can possibly understand all the things I’ve seen. Nobody deserves to have a harsh life like mine. I just feel tired… you can only rely on yourself for so long.”

“You don’t know the half of what I’ve seen, but anyway, nobody ever said that you had to rely only on yourself.” Nekou suddenly climbed onto the bed and crawled on all fours toward Matt, sticking her face just inches away from his. He did not react at all. “Listen. I became your bodyguard, right? You know that you can rely on me when you need it.”

“Thanks, I guess… I don’t really know what I’m going to do right now.”

-:-

The next morning, Matt, Bunny and Olivia gathered together with Dante in the foyer of his house. Dante, once again having donned his brown coat, had the case with the Meteonite shard sitting next to him.

“You lot are heading to Cherrygrove City, correct?” he asked.

“Right. The Battle Arcade is there,” Matt explained, “and that is where I am going to begin my search for the truth.”

“Please allow me to accompany you for a time, then,” requested the doctor. “I need to deliver the Meteonite to an acquaintance of mine, the scientist who’s called Mr. Pokémon, who lives on Route 30.”

“Feel free to come along with us, Dr. Fantomos,” Bunny agreed, making sure to glance to Matt and Olivia for confirmation first.

“Where’s Nekou? We can’t leave without her.”

There was truth to what Olivia said – Nekou was nowhere to be seen. Matt coughed, then said, “She must have gotten so drunk last night she passed out. Let me go get her.”

Matt turned away from the others and headed back up the staircase, then quickly walked toward the one spare room that still had its door pitched slightly open. When he entered, he found Nekou out cold, sprawled across her bed with the vodka bottle lying empty on the floor and a trail of drool dripping from her mouth, which was contorted into an expression of bizarre pleasure.

“Hey, wake up.” When he got no response, Matt repeated himself but spoke a little louder; however, this failed too. He started to reach down to shake her, but he then spotted her earbud-style headphones in her ears and the cord to her music player. “Figures,” he mumbled to himself, realizing she couldn’t hear him. Instead of shaking her, he decided to simply remove the headphones from her ears.

That was where he went totally wrong, for as soon as he lifted one of the earbuds out, the music started blasting through the whole house.

“It’s a cruel, cruel summer, leaving me here on my own… It’s a cruel, cruel summer, now you’re gone…”

“What the **** are you doing…?” Drowsily smacking her hand against her side, Nekou finally found the music player and shut it off.

“Waking you up, obviously. You were sleeping with it that loud?”

“None of your business.”

“Well, go get dressed. We’re going to Cherrygrove City and Dr. Fantomos is coming with us.”






END of CHAPTER 3

[Matori]

Chapter three! I've been waiting for this chapter and you didn't disappoint at all with it. First thing- I'm really enjoying watching Olivia grow and learn on her journey. In three chapters you've managed to accomplish that very well, and I don't think many writers can pull off developing characters that much in three chapters, even as long as yours are.

That's why Olivia's attack by the the Bisharp and her army and her accident at the end of the battle absolutely shocked me- because poor Olivia had no idea what she was in for going on this journey. She expected an easy time of it but found herself in mortal danger instead. It's great you're reflecting just how dangerous the Pokemon world really is and how brutal and terrifying some of the Pokemon are.

The moments when she was reflecting upon how disappointed her dad would be were also an excellent psychological study, as was Matt's reaction to the incident. I appreciate your ability to create psychologically complex characters and show them struggling with their life issues. It's part of what makes them feel truly alive.

The Bisharp battle itself was extremely exciting. It honestly took me by surprise when I reached it and it was easily one of the most tense and action-packed battles I've seen, partly because it's so out of the ordinary. You don't normally see trainers forced to battle not for training or to win a battle, but for their very life, and I will never see the Bisharp line the same way again. Poor Lillipup, he didn't do anything wrong.

Nekou was awesome this chapter and I adore how you're developing her. I had to laugh when she got caught with the bottle of vodka and happily admitted to stealing Dante's booze- flawless and perfect-, the way she has no concept of social graces, knows, and has zero ****s to give, and her general attitude towards life in general. She's a little **** and she loves every minute of it. The looks at her serious side were touching and the complexity you give her is fantastic. It's good to see Matt with someone like her to have his back. She's also the best sis Olivia could ever have.

Also, the discussion about Moby-Dick was very thoughtful and that story is an amazing metaphor for Matt's life. Nekou dropping all those truthbombs on him was a very strong thing for her to do, and why I love her. She's not afraid to tell people to check their **** and get back on a good path. It might seem *****y but if she does that stuff you know she's looking out for you.

Matt's backstory with Janus is also chilling and I really feel for him and how part of his memory is now gone. He's gone through a lot of pain, and I feel bad for him.

Bunny also is developing into an interesting character and it's nice to have a straight woman role to offset how dysfunctional a group Matt, Olivia, and Nekou are. She really seems knowledgeable and I think you're doing her justice.

Dante- what's gonna go down with him? I can tell he's going to be an interesting figure in this story since he's such a mysterious doctor and apparently quite renowned. Waiting to see where you're going to take him because it's going to be an interesting ride, I bet. You made him seem somewhat warm and eccentric but I can't help but wonder if that's not all there is to him.

Dante repaid Matt’s gratitude with a dark expression. “Let me warn you of one thing, though, Matt Chiaki. As men of science we both pursue truth, but what you must recognize is that truth is a beast that cannot be tamed. If you decide to pursue it, you must be fully prepared to find that the truth is far more terrible than you ever thought it could be.”

This gave me chills. It's very true, and I think it shows your skill for character development through dialogue.

The Team Rocket scenes were done beautifully in this chapter. You really do a better job of getting the Trio's personalities perfect than even a longtime TR writer like myself could, and I'm impressed.

“Let’s dig in!” Meowth added. “Before a big mission, a big meal does the trick!”

This made me smile, as well as James doing the cooking.


Keep up the awesome work. I look forward to what's coming in Chapter 4.

[SilentMemento]

Incoming review. Impact in three, two, one:

Hmm...I'd say that you captured the personalities of the trio almost perfectly. I still wonder why Meteonite is so important, but that's probably because I've rarely watched the anime.

I immediately noticed that Matt looked more than a little nervous about the storm and the thunder in particular. Potential phobia?

Olivia's proving to be a very smart trainer, and that's going to help her out in the long run; she won't be able to win with brute strength forever. For a girl as young as she is, she's already shown me that she's inherited the skills of both her father and mother.

Oh, hell. A Bisharp...with twelve Pawniard. Those are not things that I would want to mess with; I'm of the opinion that Bisharp can't be tamed by most trainers. Quite frankly, I'm shocked that the Lillipup is even alive. It also seems suspicious for a couple of reasons:

For one thing, why didn't the Bisharp and her pack finish off the Lillipup? Even one of the Pawniard would have made short work of an injured Lillipup, so I'm thinking that they held back and used it as bait for Matt's group. It still doesn't make much sense, though; why attack the larger, more powerful group of trainers when they could've killed the Lillipup (or any wild Pokemon in the area, for that matter) with ridiculous ease? Packs of predators don't work in that fashion; they specifically target the weak while avoiding the strong, and since the Bisharp went directly for Olivia, it shows that the pack mentality is there. And how in the hell did the Bisharp know Thunder Wave when it can only be learned via TM?

That brings one logical conclusion to my mind: these were not wild Pokemon that targeted Matt's group. Someone ordered them to attack, most likely a member of Polaris.

It's a good thing that the man and his Haxorus got to Olivia in time, but that scene showed me something else. As much as Olivia hates her father for supposedly leaving her, she still wants to make him proud by becoming a better trainer than he was. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child's shoulders. I feel a bit sorry for her.

    Spoiler:- Wild theory and speculation:

Show Spoiler

 
Okay, Dante knows Matt's name? There could be an innocent connection, but that little tidbit makes me suspicious. That - along with the fact that he has a powerful Unova Pokemon, his backstory behind his research, the carefully-placed words about "taking steps to make sure her memory is preserved", the research on the Meteonite that he admits might have driven the Bisharp and Pawniard into a rampage, and the fact that knows a lot more about Polaris than he should screams, "Future plot twist!" And it's definitely not the kind of future plot twist that gives me a good feeling...of course, I could be horribly wrong on this theory, so...
 

Matt's backstory is rather interesting, and it's a good way to get people involved in this story when they may not know much about your other series (like myself).

Otherwise, there really isn't much to note. This was a fine chapter, and I'm truly excited to see what you have in store for your readers.

Sincerely,

Mem.

[Bay]

All they managed to garner for their efforts was an assortment of Pokémon, though, things like Pidgey, Sentret, Rattata and even the odd Shinx and Exeggcute.

Hm, calling Pokemon “things” sounds very awkward to me. Perhaps “creatures” or just get rid of “thing” all together will sound better.

Another thing is I probably miss something and could be totally wrong, but the part with Nekou able to move her injured arm makes me think

    Spoiler:- spoilers I guess:

Show Spoiler

 
perhaps she has healing powers, which makes me think Sayaka from Madoka, haha. Either way, something tells me that little incident is important and will be brought back.
 

Anyways, I like this chapter very much. Yay for more Team Rocket being featured. Looking forward to how you’ll develop them more. Thoughts over Olivia’s battle with Nekou is pretty much the same as Silent Memento, so I won’t add anything else to that, LOL.

Dang over the gang having to deal with Pawniard and the Bisharp leader, but glad Olivia is okay. Feel sorry for her having doubts about her journey and feeling pressured trying to be as good as her father, but I'm sure she'll be motivated to journey and battle again soon.

I enjoyed the group talking with Dr. Fantomos, especially the mention of seeking truth. Man, I remember Janus quite well and like Dawn I too feel bad for one part of Matt's memory being gone. The references to Moby Dick is great too, and I agree Ishmael fits him more (though it’s been so long since I read some of the novel, LOL). Shall be interesting how Dr. Fantomos will fit in the group, if only temporarily.

A couple other mentions. So far in this story I think you're doing Bunny just fine. Would be totally her to ask Dr. Fantomos about why he's hiding himself from the public. Hopefully he'll answer Bunny's second question soon (or did I miss that?). Also, LOL over Nekou stealing vodka. Nice.

So yeah, nothing else much to say but looking forward to the next chapter!

[The Great Butler]

Chapter three! I've been waiting for this chapter and you didn't disappoint at all with it. First thing- I'm really enjoying watching Olivia grow and learn on her journey. In three chapters you've managed to accomplish that very well, and I don't think many writers can pull off developing characters that much in three chapters, even as long as yours are.

I want to agree; I would like to believe I showed her going through quite an array of things in rapid succession and depicted her well as she went through them.

That's why Olivia's attack by the the Bisharp and her army and her accident at the end of the battle absolutely shocked me- because poor Olivia had no idea what she was in for going on this journey. She expected an easy time of it but found herself in mortal danger instead. It's great you're reflecting just how dangerous the Pokemon world really is and how brutal and terrifying some of the Pokemon are.

That's exactly what I wanted to show - this world isn't as pretty as it seems. Stay tuned for that theme, it'll be back.

The moments when she was reflecting upon how disappointed her dad would be were also an excellent psychological study, as was Matt's reaction to the incident. I appreciate your ability to create psychologically complex characters and show them struggling with their life issues. It's part of what makes them feel truly alive.

Thank you! I certainly tried my best to pull this off.

The Bisharp battle itself was extremely exciting. It honestly took me by surprise when I reached it and it was easily one of the most tense and action-packed battles I've seen, partly because it's so out of the ordinary. You don't normally see trainers forced to battle not for training or to win a battle, but for their very life, and I will never see the Bisharp line the same way again. Poor Lillipup, he didn't do anything wrong.

If I got you to think differently of a Pokemon or line of Pokemon, then I really don't think I could ask for anything more.

Nekou was awesome this chapter and I adore how you're developing her. I had to laugh when she got caught with the bottle of vodka and happily admitted to stealing Dante's booze- flawless and perfect-, the way she has no concept of social graces, knows, and has zero ****s to give, and her general attitude towards life in general. She's a little **** and she loves every minute of it. The looks at her serious side were touching and the complexity you give her is fantastic. It's good to see Matt with someone like her to have his back. She's also the best sis Olivia could ever have.

I think you've got her down quite perfectly, actually.

I want to use Nekou to kind of deconstruct the typical Pokemon protagonist character, who is always unflinchingly polite, generous and eager to take on challenges. Nekou, on the other hand, is rude, profane and follows no rules but her own, yet she also does have her side that cares about others. I think you'll like her going forward, because she actually is quite complex.

Also, the discussion about Moby-Dick was very thoughtful and that story is an amazing metaphor for Matt's life. Nekou dropping all those truthbombs on him was a very strong thing for her to do, and why I love her. She's not afraid to tell people to check their **** and get back on a good path. It might seem *****y but if she does that stuff you know she's looking out for you.

Ah, I was worried that that scene might come off as pretentious, but I really thought I could get a good, intelligent scene out of using the book as a vehicle to explore and contrast Matt's actual character, the way he views himself, and the way Nekou views him.

And yes, that is Nekou in a nutshell.

Matt's backstory with Janus is also chilling and I really feel for him and how part of his memory is now gone. He's gone through a lot of pain, and I feel bad for him.

But are they all memories he actually wants to still have?

Bunny also is developing into an interesting character and it's nice to have a straight woman role to offset how dysfunctional a group Matt, Olivia, and Nekou are. She really seems knowledgeable and I think you're doing her justice.

Dante- what's gonna go down with him? I can tell he's going to be an interesting figure in this story since he's such a mysterious doctor and apparently quite renowned. Waiting to see where you're going to take him because it's going to be an interesting ride, I bet. You made him seem somewhat warm and eccentric but I can't help but wonder if that's not all there is to him.

I know some had criticized Bunny's lack of much of a significant role in some of my previous stories featuring her, so I've been making a conscious effort to develop her further. I rather like the group mechanic that's developing between the four of them.

This gave me chills. It's very true, and I think it shows your skill for character development through dialogue.

Those are very important words you should definitely remember.

The Team Rocket scenes were done beautifully in this chapter. You really do a better job of getting the Trio's personalities perfect than even a longtime TR writer like myself could, and I'm impressed.

This made me smile, as well as James doing the cooking.

I really am feeling more comfortable with writing them the more I do with them. I've figured out that the key to writing them the way they should be done is to give them somewhat silly personalities, but not have the situations they get into be as absurd as the situations got in the anime.

Keep up the awesome work. I look forward to what's coming in Chapter 4.

Thank you. I think you will enjoy what's in store.

Incoming review. Impact in three, two, one:

Hmm...I'd say that you captured the personalities of the trio almost perfectly. I still wonder why Meteonite is so important, but that's probably because I've rarely watched the anime.

We were never actually told much about it in canon. All that was said was that it was an energy source, it was shown to be able to give off massive energy blasts, and it was implied to have some kind of effect on Pokemon around it. I'm working with that but largely giving it my own spin.

I immediately noticed that Matt looked more than a little nervous about the storm and the thunder in particular. Potential phobia?

Good eye, that's correct.

Olivia's proving to be a very smart trainer, and that's going to help her out in the long run; she won't be able to win with brute strength forever. For a girl as young as she is, she's already shown me that she's inherited the skills of both her father and mother.

That's what I was hoping to show - she's got a lot of problems (as we saw regarding the starter debacle and her overall brattiness) but when she calms down and actually focuses, she's actually fairly capable. Of course, we'll have to wait until Violet City's Gym to really see how that stacks up.

Oh, hell. A Bisharp...with twelve Pawniard. Those are not things that I would want to mess with; I'm of the opinion that Bisharp can't be tamed by most trainers. Quite frankly, I'm shocked that the Lillipup is even alive. It also seems suspicious for a couple of reasons:

For one thing, why didn't the Bisharp and her pack finish off the Lillipup? Even one of the Pawniard would have made short work of an injured Lillipup, so I'm thinking that they held back and used it as bait for Matt's group. It still doesn't make much sense, though; why attack the larger, more powerful group of trainers when they could've killed the Lillipup (or any wild Pokemon in the area, for that matter) with ridiculous ease? Packs of predators don't work in that fashion; they specifically target the weak while avoiding the strong, and since the Bisharp went directly for Olivia, it shows that the pack mentality is there. And how in the hell did the Bisharp know Thunder Wave when it can only be learned via TM?

That brings one logical conclusion to my mind: these were not wild Pokemon that targeted Matt's group. Someone ordered them to attack, most likely a member of Polaris.

You could interpret the scene in one of a number of ways. The concept that the pack used the Lillipup for bait is one potential way to look at it. Another possibility, I'd say, is that they were attacking the Lillipup off-screen and Olivia and the others just happened to stumble into it. I'll leave the real answer up to each reader to decide, because one, it's not really all that terribly important (they were wild, not Polaris-sent) and two, I don't even really know what the 'true' answer is myself. XD; Another thing to keep in mind, though, is that as was mentioned later, the pack was rampaging abnormally due to Dante messing with the Meteonite shard in the area. More of this will be explained soon.

Bisharp and the Pawniard had the moves they did because otherwise, they'd all have the same moves. I did this for two reasons: to diversify the moves used so the scene itself would be more interesting, and to distinguish each of the pack from the others through their used moves.

It's a good thing that the man and his Haxorus got to Olivia in time, but that scene showed me something else. As much as Olivia hates her father for supposedly leaving her, she still wants to make him proud by becoming a better trainer than he was. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child's shoulders. I feel a bit sorry for her.

A very astute assessment. Olivia very much has complicated feelings regarding her father, who she simultaneously idolizes and despises. In terms of the pressure on her, some of it is coming from society identifying her as Rich and Anabel's daughter, but some of it is also her own harsh judgment upon herself and her situation.

    Spoiler:- Wild theory and speculation:

Show Spoiler

 
Okay, Dante knows Matt's name? There could be an innocent connection, but that little tidbit makes me suspicious. That - along with the fact that he has a powerful Unova Pokemon, his backstory behind his research, the carefully-placed words about "taking steps to make sure her memory is preserved", the research on the Meteonite that he admits might have driven the Bisharp and Pawniard into a rampage, and the fact that knows a lot more about Polaris than he should screams, "Future plot twist!" And it's definitely not the kind of future plot twist that gives me a good feeling...of course, I could be horribly wrong on this theory, so...
 

Oh, I'm not saying anything right now. When it comes to him, just pay attention to what he says and does. What fun would it be if I tell you everything now, after all?

Matt's backstory is rather interesting, and it's a good way to get people involved in this story when they may not know much about your other series (like myself).

Good, it served its purpose then. Thankfully, this should be the last infodumping conversation between characters for at least a few chapters, and probably the biggest one for a very long while.

Otherwise, there really isn't much to note. This was a fine chapter, and I'm truly excited to see what you have in store for your readers.

Thank you!

Hm, calling Pokemon “things” sounds very awkward to me. Perhaps “creatures” or just get rid of “thing” all together will sound better.

Hmm, that makes sense. Good advice, thank you.

Another thing is I probably miss something and could be totally wrong, but the part with Nekou able to move her injured arm makes me think

    Spoiler:- spoilers I guess:

Show Spoiler

 
perhaps she has healing powers, which makes me think Sayaka from Madoka, haha. Either way, something tells me that little incident is important and will be brought back.
 

At least one of the statements in this quote is exactly correct.

Anyways, I like this chapter very much. Yay for more Team Rocket being featured. Looking forward to how you’ll develop them more. Thoughts over Olivia’s battle with Nekou is pretty much the same as Silent Memento, so I won’t add anything else to that, LOL.

Jessie, James and Meowth are going to take a little bit of a backseat next chapter. Instead, it will be Pierce who gets to play an on-screen role.

Dang over the gang having to deal with Pawniard and the Bisharp leader, but glad Olivia is okay. Feel sorry for her having doubts about her journey and feeling pressured trying to be as good as her father, but I'm sure she'll be motivated to journey and battle again soon.

Accordingly, she won't need to be under too much pressure for a couple of chapters, because some focus on Matt's goal is next.

I enjoyed the group talking with Dr. Fantomos, especially the mention of seeking truth. Man, I remember Janus quite well and like Dawn I too feel bad for one part of Matt's memory being gone. The references to Moby Dick is great too, and I agree Ishmael fits him more (though it’s been so long since I read some of the novel, LOL). Shall be interesting how Dr. Fantomos will fit in the group, if only temporarily.

I'm glad you enjoyed all of that. I worked very hard on it.

A couple other mentions. So far in this story I think you're doing Bunny just fine. Would be totally her to ask Dr. Fantomos about why he's hiding himself from the public. Hopefully he'll answer Bunny's second question soon (or did I miss that?). Also, LOL over Nekou stealing vodka. Nice.

I'm glad you like how I'm writing Bunny now, too. He did answer her question, albeit indirectly: he's making a comeback because the Angel Corporation has hired him to study the Meteonite. Again, the Meteonite and some of what Dante's studying will be revealed in a few chapters from now.

Get used to Nekou, because she's here to stay. XD

So yeah, nothing else much to say but looking forward to the next chapter!

Thank you! I hope you won't be disappointed!

[Morpher01]

And now it is time for review.

So which one is the recurring wild Pokemon: Bisharp (and/or cronies) or Lillipup? I'm guessing Lillipup, considering that it's both in Olivia's care and has an injured leg (although Olivia does already have Minccino on her team...eh, that's more my opinion, though).

Speaking of Bisharp, I initially agreed with SilentMemento on the topic of why she and her Pawniard crones were there. And then I read this:

I'll leave the real answer up to each reader to decide, because one, it's not really all that terribly important (they were wild, not Polaris-sent) and two, I don't even really know what the 'true' answer is myself. XD

Ah, the sound of a theory being shot right out of the water. Gotta love it.

Olivia's battle with Nekou's Zorua was pretty well-done. Olivia may be somewhat of a brat, but she's definitely no slouch where battling is concerned. I would say more, but pretty much everything has been covered by everyone else. XD

Also, some quotations:

“Patrick, make your mark!”

A tall, bulky toad Pokémon materialized from Matt’s Dive Ball. His blue body had a number of black-and-cream-colored bumps on it, matching the colors adorning his front.

Flexing his body, which in turn caused the bumps to vibrate slightly, he gurgled, “Seismitoad…”

Ah, here's an old friend from Victory Star of Fate. I'm assuming Patrick's nickname and species are a reference of some kind?

Patrick moved his lazy red eyes to the two Pawniard and the Bisharp, and after glaring at them for a short while, he spit a stream of boiling water at them. Moving to protect their mistress, the two Pawniard attempted to deflect the Scald with cutting moves, but failed and were thrown back. One of them – the one who had used Psycho Cut – collided with one of the hooks protruding from Bisharp’s torso, visibly cutting his helmet.

There has to be a reason that a specific Pawniard was mentioned getting an identifying mark in that sort of manner. Our recurring wild Pokemon, perhaps?

With the shivering, injured Lillipup still in her arms, Olivia attempted to flee in Matt’s direction. Tears were running down her face, which was contorted into a look of nightmarish torment.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen… make it stop…” she was mumbling hysterically to herself. “Make it stop, make it stop!!”

You know, after reading this (along with the whole Bisharp attack scene), I realized how exceedingly lucky Derak has been in Proving Grounds. I'm going to need to fix that at some point...

“Aye, pretty impressive, eh?” the elderly doctor said over his shoulder while preparing the tea. “That one you’re looking at now, that was the photo of me that ran in all the papers back when I first published my documentation of the structure of DNA, fifty-five years ago. One of the proudest moments of my life, I say.”

The moment he said "DNA", I suspected some kind of connection to Polaris. It didn't quite turn out to be what I thought it would, but the story is just beginning...

“I’d like to take you apart,” Nekou wryly commented at the exact moment Matt finished speaking. “Your insides sound fascinating.”

And we can only wonder just how Nekou means that...which is one of the things that makes her so fun. XD

There was truth to what Olivia said – Nekou was nowhere to be seen. Matt coughed, then said, “She must have gotten so drunk last night she passed out. Let me go get her.”

Matt turned away from the others and headed back up the staircase, then quickly walked toward the one spare room that still had its door pitched slightly open. When he entered, he found Nekou out cold, sprawled across her bed with the vodka bottle lying empty on the floor and a trail of drool dripping from her mouth, which was contorted into an expression of bizarre pleasure.

“Hey, wake up.” When he got no response, Matt repeated himself but spoke a little louder; however, this failed too. He started to reach down to shake her, but he then spotted her earbud-style headphones in her ears and the cord to her music player. “Figures,” he mumbled to himself, realizing she couldn’t hear him. Instead of shaking her, he decided to simply remove the headphones from her ears.

That was where he went totally wrong, for as soon as he lifted one of the earbuds out, the music started blasting through the whole house.

“It’s a cruel, cruel summer, leaving me here on my own… It’s a cruel, cruel summer, now you’re gone…”

And that would be another one of said amusing Nekou qualities. XD

So, Matt's heading for the Battle Arcade next chapter, is he? Wonder what Dahlia has in store for him, and just what TR's next move will be. Can't wait to find out!

[The Great Butler]

And now it is time for review.

So which one is the recurring wild Pokemon: Bisharp (and/or cronies) or Lillipup? I'm guessing Lillipup, considering that it's both in Olivia's care and has an injured leg (although Olivia does already have Minccino on her team...eh, that's more my opinion, though).

The correct answer is     Spoiler:- The recurring Pokemon:

Show Spoiler

 
Both, actually, in a way. I probably should have more explicitly showed that Lillipup ended up being the Pokemon Olivia wanted to catch.
 

Speaking of Bisharp, I initially agreed with SilentMemento on the topic of why she and her Pawniard crones were there. And then I read this:



Ah, the sound of a theory being shot right out of the water. Gotta love it.

I know, right? Get used to hearing that sound.

Olivia's battle with Nekou's Zorua was pretty well-done. Olivia may be somewhat of a brat, but she's definitely no slouch where battling is concerned. I would say more, but pretty much everything has been covered by everyone else. XD

I was actually very pleased with how it turned out for simply a training battle.

Also, some quotations:



Ah, here's an old friend from Victory Star of Fate. I'm assuming Patrick's nickname and species are a reference of some kind?

Well, there's the obvious idea you'd get from a Water-type named Patrick, which actually works as well. What was in my mind when I named him, though, was the fact that I thought Seismitoad looks somewhat similar to the infamous image of Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho which serves as the base for the "Doubles Guy" meme.

There has to be a reason that a specific Pawniard was mentioned getting an identifying mark in that sort of manner. Our recurring wild Pokemon, perhaps?

Oh, there sure is a reason, that's for certain.

You know, after reading this (along with the whole Bisharp attack scene), I realized how exceedingly lucky Derak has been in Proving Grounds. I'm going to need to fix that at some point...

Hey, as long as Derak doesn't blame me for whatever you do to him, it's all good. XD;

The moment he said "DNA", I suspected some kind of connection to Polaris. It didn't quite turn out to be what I thought it would, but the story is just beginning...

Yeah, I would imagine that some pretty startling theories entered your head almost immediately before he explained further, right?

Speculate away. This will be one story where it's warranted.

And we can only wonder just how Nekou means that...which is one of the things that makes her so fun. XD

In ways you may not even want to imagine. /runs

I love her for the exact same reason you do. This chapter, I think, really captures her character so extremely well.

And that would be another one of said amusing Nekou qualities. XD

Which? Her quality tastes in music or the fact that it helps her sleep to blast 80s girl rock straight into her ears?

So, Matt's heading for the Battle Arcade next chapter, is he? Wonder what Dahlia has in store for him, and just what TR's next move will be. Can't wait to find out!

There will be ... quite a few surprises in Cherrygrove City, let's say that much. The chapters are Part 1 and Part 2 for a reason, also.

[The Great Butler]

Apologies, but I ran into some problems writing the next chapter that have caused it to be delayed for this long. It has become longer than I thought it would be, but rest assured, I've almost got it done. I'm in the last stretch of it now.