Operation GEAR: The Angel of Reckoning (R)

[Doryuzu]

Hey, there. Let's get to work on this!

“Is this it?” he excitedly exclaimed. “Could this be… the key to the ultimate DNA? The one that will make the truth about Pokémon strength reveal itself?”

So, Colress's motives regarding the strength of Pokemon are the same in-game with a bit of a twist it seems.

“I see you like this,” Finansielle coolly observed. “This is the incomplete DNA structure for a new strain of Pokérus our scientists are working on. We have a large part of it finished, but we just can’t get the last part right, and as a result, we can’t get it to function.”

Using Pokerus no less, it's an interesting take on things and explains more so why he pursues the latent strength of Pokemon and makes it less vague.

“Team Rocket has a lot of priorities,” the doctor offered as a feeble reply, though once he saw the death glares Jessie and James were shooting him, he hurried to correct himself by saying, “but one of those certainly is getting Meowth back, no doubt. What we want to find is something that can counteract the effect the Meteonite had on Meowth. Computer, is there anything of the sort in there? Anything that can counteract the Meteonite’s effect?”

I like the concern Jessie and James show for Meowth, I also like the set-up for the enviable.

“I just happen to have some Chargestones left over in storage from the mission in Unova. I can quickly construct a weapon that will get both Meowth and that Meteonite piece back.”

Nice Easter Egg for anime fans.

Turning his head to the right, he jumped when he discovered Nekou lying on the bed next to him, close enough that he could see her fairly clearly without his glasses. She seemed to have no concern about doing this, instead treating it as perfectly normal as she ran her fingers over his face.

Nekou's nature never ceasing to be somewhat disturbing in scenes like these.....

The Unown slowed their movements somewhat, as if considering what Meowth had said to them. After chattering amongst themselves for some time, they all turned to the Polaris team at once, and an Unown shaped like the letter ‘L’ floated down.

Any sort of symbolism behind using the L Unown?

Having become convinced by Meowth’s explanation of Polaris’s motives, the Unown withdrew and faded away. The brainwashed cat Pokémon then returned to the ones controlling him.

Almost forgot Meowth was brainwashed and being used as a puppet.

“So you decided to show up,” Avril taunted Olivia once the two groups came together. “Are you ready to see what a real challenge is like?”

I'm loving Avril and Olivia's rivalry so far, speaking of which is Renzo a rival as well? I like to think of him as an unofficial antagonist-type rival.

Ineffectively brushing aside his blue bangs from his face, Falkner sighed and answered, “Don’t think I didn’t notice them. I inherited this Gym from my father, but… as the Gym Leader, I am responsible for listening to the opinions of the people of my city. Polaris’s stunt yesterday made me begin thinking, and I decided I have to train to get stronger. That’s so I can be a better role model for the young people such as those in your sister’s class,” Falkner turned his head, “Matt Chiaki. Amanda’s become a good friend of mine since she came here to teach.”

“I am going to temporarily resign my post as Gym Leader and go on a journey to train, much as my father did before me.”

Your characterization of Falkner is something new to me, I see your expanded more on his past with his father and gave him a more authoritative, justice-like role in the sense he wants to come off as mature enough to influence people better.

“Now, now, there’s no need for you two to get so worked up,” Falkner said with a smile. “I’m not going to leave until I’ve battled both of you, so you each get one shot at beating me. So which of you will be going first?”

That certainly added a sense of urgency and end-all be-all to the battle.

“Actually, let her go first,” she dismissively said, referring to Olivia. “I’ll watch how you battle her and then I’ll know all of your secrets.”

Oh, Avril. She makes a nice rival, I wonder if her and Olivia will develop into frenemies. Speaking of which she has a Deino and Servine iirc. The Deino in-particular comes off as really extravagant a Pokemon to have, I wonder how she would find one in Johto of all places. Also if she picked Servine and Olivia got Oshawott, I wonder if the Tepig will go anywhere or just be left at that.

While he did not dislike big cities, Giovanni found himself bothered by what Viridian had become. Even in his status as the head of Team Rocket, his hometown and the surrounding areas retained a soft spot in his heart, so Gabriella’s eager efforts to transform the city were something he could not abide, even if she meant well.

Characterization and humanizing for Giovanni in the sense we get more depth and insight on his personal thoughts and he actually cares for Viridian a lot.

“I see,” Giovanni answered. “So Goldenrod City is one of their major targets.”

Foreshadowing, I had a feeling you would use one of the most largest, active cities in Johto.

Holding the lapel of his sky-blue vest, Falkner addressed Olivia, “Young lady, confirm for me how many Badges and Pokémon you’ve brought here today.”

“I don’t have any Badges yet, but I do have four Pokémon,” she replied.

“I see. Because of League rules, which do not allow me to use more than three Pokémon against a trainer with no Badges, this will be a three-on-three Single Battle. I will not be permitted to switch out, and the winner will be the one who defeats their opponent’s final Pokémon. Are those rules acceptable to you?”

I was actually planning to use this explanation in my fic. at some point, I really like it because it naturally makes sense that Gym Leaders aren't using their most strongest since gyms are meant to test the challenger. Not flatten them like pancakes.

He was reduced to a shaking wreck, trembling all over

Nothing wrong, I just like the description of "shaking wreck" implemented here.

“Lillipup is totally overmatched…” Bunny observed, her face completely blank in terms of expression. “Was Olivia not ready for this?”

So, Bunny doesn't have a naive, idealistic state-of-mind when it comes to things like this. That's good to know since I felt like Bunny might come off as a bit of a stereotype at some points but I'm liking the characterization of her so far in the story and her overall intelligence and maturity.

With Lillipup still hanging on to her wing, Taillow launched herself into the sky. The additional weight presented by her Normal-type passenger did not affect her flight in any way. Reaching a point high into the rafters of the Gym, near the ceiling, Taillow lashed around and rocketed downward in a straight line. She turned only once she had nearly reached the floor, just to slam Lillipup into the floor without crashing herself.

The imagery is exciting yet nerve-wracking in scenes like this. I particular, once again, like the innovative battling.

Though she attempted to sidestep Taillow’s dive, Minccino still got grazed by it. While visibly hurt – some of her fur had been sheared off by Taillow’s beak – she held firm and somersaulted forward, catching Taillow with her tail and smashing Falkner’s Pokémon across the floor. Before Taillow could recover, Minccino ran forward and used her tail to deliver a second blow, this one tossing Taillow out of the battlefield and into a nearby pillar, where she slunk to the ground in defeat.

“Taillow is unable to battle! The winner of this round is Olivia’s Minccino!”

Taillow got knocked unconscious easily, no surprise there when I I did the first read through.

“And you were worried,” Nekou scoffed at Matt. “She’s doing just fine for herself.”

Nekou's caring nature and supportive fashion shines through, one of the things I like about her a lot.

Minccino turned to the use of her tail once more, this time coating it in water and swinging it through the field of bubbles, creating numerous small, flashy bursts.

“That looked like a Contest move,” Monroe said quietly.

“That’s because it is one,” Nekou answered. “Simple but effective.”

I was thinking the same thing, I like tell tale signs but not over-the-top little references to Olivia's other goal.

Much to the surprise of both Olivia and Minccino, however, Mantyke kept flying forward until she reached one of the openings jutting partially into the battlefield, at which point she dove underneath the wooden floor.

More creative battling situations are used, I really feel like I'm watching(Did I write watching? I meant reading) a battle straight outta the anime. It was quite engrossing.

“She’s only one away now…” Avril quietly observed, her eyes widening. “I don’t believe it. She might actually win…”

Subtle development for the rivalry, Avril seems to be recognizing Olivia's strength and potential as a rival.

Olivia could tell, though, that Minccino’s energy was failing; bringing down both Taillow and Mantyke had taken its toll on the Normal-type Pokémon, but despite being noticeably short on breath, she stared back at Pidgeotto’s attempt at intimidation with defiance in her eyes.

Might be me being nitpicking, personality moment for Pokemon like that are nice. It makes them feel more like Pokemon and soul-less battling machines without hearts, it's only natural they display traits like defiance in battle when driven into a corner or in a pitch.

Inspired by what she saw in her Pokémon, Olivia approached her opponents in the same fashion. “Don’t ever give in!” she ordered. “Tail Slap!”

Olivia certainly did charge in recklessly.....

“Minccino is unable to battle! The winner of this round is Falkner’s Pidgeotto!”

No surprise that Minccino was beaten easily.

Unlike Minccino, he shrank back in fear from Pidgeotto.

This is what I mean by personality, it's nice to see characterization like that even for Pokemon.

Avril scoffed when she noticed Oshawott’s shell still hadn’t grown back. “There’s no way she’s winning this now. That thing doesn’t stand a chance.”

Especially when you consider he only seems to know Water Gun and Tackle iirc and with no scalchop.....

“Oshawott, don’t get intimidated now! We’ve got to win that Badge for my dad and show Avril a thing or two!”

Rivalry moment is entertaining.

By flapping her wings rapidly, Pidgeotto created a vicious wave of wind that washed over Oshawott, slashing him all over. He cringed under the harsh assault, attempting to shield his head with his stubby arms while the feelings of fear started to return.

Oshawott must have an extremely slow reaction time to not have shot Water Gun, I was half-expecting Water Gun to be used only to be blasted away by Gust.

“Oshawott is unable to battle!” the referee called while the Water-type Pokémon lay completely still on the wooden floor. “The winner of the round is Pidgeotto. All of the challenger’s Pokémon have fainted, so the winner is the Gym Leader, Falkner!”

So, Olivia lost, somewhat surprised given I figured she had things all figured out and had some training prior.

Olivia was smiling.

“But really, it’s not a big deal!” she continued, her voice cheery but shaking. “I’ll just go to another Gym and get a Badge there. Thanks for battling with me.”

So, Olivia hides her emotions, eh?

“Isn’t it kind of hard to show things to a guy who’s not around anymore?” Avril blurted out.

“Oh, **** no…” Nekou thought as her blood and that of everyone around her ran cold.

That was a very, very amusing moment.

Completely unaware of what she was actually doing and the circumstances around it, Avril kept going, saying, “I’m tempted to ask you the same thing. Showing Badges to a dead guy? If I’m going to consider you my rival, you can’t be crazy.”

Avril's bluntness coupled with the natural sense of meanness she conveys in simple sentences like theses once again makes her an ideal frenemy rival.

“Avril’s telling you the truth.”

And we end on a cliffhanger with a big bombshell being dropped. My reaction to this? Basically it's "finally."



For real though, this was an entertaining chapter. It felt short in-comparison to your other chapters, though I don't have a problem with shortness or lengthiness. As long as the content is entertaining to read I don't mind in the slightest. The battle between Falkner and Olivia was entertaining, I wasn't expecting anything as extravagant as the battle between Matt and Dahlia given it's just a low-level Gym Battle but it was entertaining and had some interesting stakes. When it came to Falkner, as a gym leader, I noticed your expansion with his father and how he talks more about Flying-types and doesn't really do it in similar vain to the games where his main aim is bird and bird Pokemon. Mantyke and Taillow were interesting choices, what inspired that? I was expecting to see Natu and Hoothoot over those two given they're more native to Johto and I figured Johto Pokemon would be used more so for these gyms, nothing wrong with it though. The unpredictability and variety is the spice of many points in a story, even minuscule aspects like Pokemon choices, without that a story can be bland. Lillipup and Minccino did well for themselves but I did not expect Oshawott to completely flop like that, I figured he'd get in at least one decently effective hit in. He seems to be rather lukewarm when it comes to battling still though, I thought Olivia would be a bit smarter with how she utilized her Pokemon. Like using Oshawott for a more weaker opponent and saving Minccino for last. Yeah, I wonder how this battle will impact Olivia's view of Oshawott, she didn't seem too angry or emotional at him over his failure. The battle was completely realistic as well, Minccino has been with Olivia vastly longer than the other two so it made sense. I already said this once but the versatility when it came to the tactic you used made the battle more interesting than it would have been if it consisted of simple direct attacking the whole time.

The sucker punch at the end with Olivia finding out her father is indeed dead was interesting. I'm interested in what turmoil this will cause between her and Matt or, better yet, if she ever finds out the others knew Rich was dead. How will this change things? How will she react to being lied to for so long and Matt himself has guilt issues already. Speaking of which, I wonder if the delivery of Avril's lines in a somewhat mean fashion could cause Olivia to be angry at her for it in a way? Matt might have just kept the secret to himself the whole time since Olivia technically hadn't earned her first badge yet and that was Nekou's promise, to tell her when she earned her first badge. Even then there's not telling. Avril makes for a nice rival, she reminds me of Georgia as does her and Olivia's rivalry + interactions remind me of Georgia and Iris's. If Avril earns the first badge Olivia couldn't I could see this adding more fuel to the animosity between them and Avril's air of arrogance. She only had two Pokemon, one of which has a disadvantage to Flying, so I'm curious how the outcome of her battle will be. Not that I expect to see the battle, more-so get a mention of the outcome and final match-up. Though I could easily see Avril losing as well. With Falkner leaving that means Olivia will have to get another badge somewhere else, perhaps from a Kanto Gym Leader, like Jasmine, or she comes across Falkner during her travels? Also her first Contest is surely in the wake as well iirc, will her performance be impacted on the large bombshell dropped on her. So many question to answer, fun chapter. Didn't come across any awkward wording or grammar issues, you're probably one of the best in that regard I know. I give this chapter, even though I've never used a rating system before, eh.....7.2/10.

Also wasn't too heavily invested in the TR and Polaris scenes, they were enigmatic and all. I just couldn't get too deep a feel for the ones outside the Colress one and the one in which Jessie and James show some endearing concern for Meowth.

[Matori]

With their feet loudly banging against the hallway’s metal floor, Finansielle and Colress trekked deep into the Adenosine Base. She led him well into the tower at the center of the complex, and eventually they arrived at their destination, a cavernous laboratory as dark as the hallways outside.

As they entered, Finansielle walked over to a vault in the wall and swiftly entered a passcode on the keypad next to it. A gust of cold air drifted out of it as it slowly opened.

“Put the DNA Splicers in this freezer,” she instructed. “They’ll be safely preserved until we need them.”

“Yes, my lady.” In accordance with Finansielle’s direction, Colress placed his briefcase on the nearby desk and opened it. He took great care, deftly grasping each of the fluid-filled cylinders containing a DNA Splicer with his gloved hands as he moved them into the freezer.

Once the DNA Splicers were safely stored away, Finansielle sealed up the cold vault again, then slowly walked to a wide bank of computers sitting in the middle of the lab. “Have a look at this, Dr. Antimony,” she said, typing with one hand.

Nice use of imagery in this open. I really love how atmospheric everything is and it's a great hook to draw the readers in.

“Is this it?” he excitedly exclaimed. “Could this be… the key to the ultimate DNA? The one that will make the truth about Pokémon strength reveal itself?”

“I see you like this,” Finansielle coolly observed. “This is the incomplete DNA structure for a new strain of Pokérus our scientists are working on. We have a large part of it finished, but we just can’t get the last part right, and as a result, we can’t get it to function.”

Wonder how Finansielle could tell. *runs*

“We’re looking for something that’ll get us Meowth back,” James coldly interrupted before Zager could answer. “That is what you’re going to say, right?”

“Team Rocket has a lot of priorities,” the doctor offered as a feeble reply, though once he saw the death glares Jessie and James were shooting him, he hurried to correct himself by saying, “but one of those certainly is getting Meowth back, no doubt. What we want to find is something that can counteract the effect the Meteonite had on Meowth. Computer, is there anything of the sort in there? Anything that can counteract the Meteonite’s effect?”

This scene made me laugh. Poor Zager, he's their supervisor but he doesn't know what to do faced down with two angry field agents wanting their friend back. James' line was perfectly in character for him too, I could see him saying it in his voice.

“Now that is most excellent!”

Good touch with the frequent use of "excellent".

Matt yawned and slowly roused from his slumber. After everything that had happened the previous day, a good night’s sleep was very refreshing to him.

Barely awake, he reached toward the table to his left, trying to collect his glasses so he could use the mask attached to them to replace his eyepatch. He got a sudden chill and froze up, though, when he felt like someone was watching him.

“Look at me.”

Turning his head to the right, he jumped when he discovered Nekou lying on the bed next to him, close enough that he could see her fairly clearly without his glasses. She seemed to have no concern about doing this, instead treating it as perfectly normal as she ran her fingers over his face.

“W-what are you doing?!” Matt choked, utterly terrified at this bizarre situation.

Ignoring his question, Nekou said to him, “Remember what you promised me? You’re going to tell Olivia about what happened to Rich after she wins her Badge today.”

“I-I remember,” he nervously confirmed. “Now can you get out of my face?”

“Just make sure you keep your promise,” she insisted, moving to within an inch of his face instead of moving away. “That would make me happy. And trust me, you want me happy.”

I'd hate to think what would happen to Matt if Nekou wasn't happy. This seriously made me lol hard.

“Were you two doing things together?”

Olivia’s question, as sweetly and innocently as she’d asked it, made Matt freeze. Between Nekou’s ribbing, the fact that he was still hurriedly adjusting his rumpled coat and shirt, and the sight that both he and Nekou had come out of the room at the same time, he realized exactly what the implications suggested.

“No! Nothing of the sort!” The exaggerated way Matt’s face contorted during his denial made both Olivia and Nekou break down laughing, and Bunny even chuckled a bit.

“Relax, we’re just teasing you.”

I lol'd hard at this. Amazing.

“You know the stories they tell about this place, right?” Séduire mused. “They say that sometimes the Unown get angry and take people visiting the Ruins away. Some of them wake up in random places in the Tohjo Continent. They never find others.”

“I think you might be starting to crack from observing RChannel,” responded Mercury. “Isn’t that just an urban legend?”

Seduire is an /x/-phile?

“Now!”

“What was that?” Séduire looked around, unnerved by the fleeting, high-pitched voice she heard ring in her ears.

“What are you talking about?”

“Uno!”

“Mercury, tell me you heard that!” The second hint of the mysterious voice left Séduire shaking.

“I heard it this time,” Mercury responded, raising her hand in a prompt to her men to stop walking. “See anything?”

“There!” Séduire exclaimed, pointing forward into the murky depths of the corridor.

I don't know why, but this made me giggle.

The Unown talk in this scene was oddly adorable, by the way.

Matt briefly grimaced when he considered how early Olivia and Nekou were getting started for the day, but he quickly realized that they were actually right in the situation. Shaking his head, he took a bite of his bagel, which had an egg and a slice of cheese on it.

Matt has excellent bagel taste.

Yes, sister,” Helena added after a short pause while Monroe signed the conversation to her. “You should aim to strengthen yourself to honor your peers, not to shame them. If rivals cannot be friends with each other at the end of the day, what is the point of it all? That’s what I think.”

I like Helena's thinking.

“Watching them makes me feel old,” Matt mused to Nekou and Bunny as they approached the Gym’s entrance. “They’ve got everything in front of them still… I wish I had that chance when I was their age.”

Intrigued by what that comment could mean, Nekou wanted to ask Matt about it, but as they had already entered the Gym by then, she didn’t get the chance.

Poor Matt.

“Let us through to see Falkner!” demanded Avril, showing far more directness in her attitude than Olivia did. “Or, just let me through. I don’t care about her.”

“Aw, what’s the matter?” Olivia teased. “Don’t want me to see you lose?”

“If anyone’s losing, it’s you! You could learn something from watching me!”

More adorableness. I love those two bickering.

“It makes me happy to know that she’s reaching out and connecting with others in such a way,” Matt admitted, casting a glance downward at the floor. “She’s grown up from the days when I had to shelter her from everything.” Looking back to Falkner, he then asked, “What do you mean about getting stronger, though? What will you do?”

Matt confirmed for best brother.

“Me!” both Olivia and Avril blurted out at the same time.

Awww.

“Actually, let her go first,” she dismissively said, referring to Olivia. “I’ll watch how you battle her and then I’ll know all of your secrets.”

“Gee, aren’t you generous?” Olivia remarked, shrugging her shoulders.

“Avril, thank you for resolving that yourself,” sighed Dominic.

I laughed at Dominic's reaction.

Giovanni was sitting in his chair in his office, scratching Persian’s head and observing the urban wasteland Viridian City had become through the grand bay window. As a native of the area and a longtime resident, he no longer recognized the once-verdant city. Viridian’s urbanization, much like that of Cherrygrove City in Johto, had come on after an increase in public demand for goods and services related to Pokémon training and battling following the announcement of the Frontier Society. The Angel Corporation, headquartered not far from Giovanni’s residence, had responded to this need by funding the development of resources related to these necessities, in turn leading to the overdevelopment of many areas as they transformed into hubs of industry.

While he did not dislike big cities, Giovanni found himself bothered by what Viridian had become. Even in his status as the head of Team Rocket, his hometown and the surrounding areas retained a soft spot in his heart, so Gabriella’s eager efforts to transform the city were something he could not abide, even if she meant well.

Introspective Giovanni is a thing needed so badly in more fanfics. Thanks for putting that in there, it's my favorite way to see him written, and seeing him wistful for his hometown and how it'd changed over the years was bittersweetly heartwarming.

He felt his anger starting to rise due to his thoughts on the matter, and he subconsciously began squeezing the whiskey glass in his hand. Just before he could repeat his bad habit of smashing them, though, he was interrupted by the sound of his office door creaking open.

Nice shoutout there.

Persian meowed, and Giovanni turned his chair around, discovering Stacia walking slowly toward his desk.

"Treats?"

“Mister Giovanni, sir…” Upon reaching Giovanni’s desk, Stacia nervously handed him the black file emblazoned with the Team Rocket logo she had been holding in her arms. He opened the folder immediately to apprise its contents, and Stacia continued speaking. “This is intelligence we received from our undercover operative who has infiltrated Polaris.”

“I see,” Giovanni answered. “So Goldenrod City is one of their major targets.”

“Yes, it would appear so. I can draft potential responses.”

“Do that immediately. I want to have courses of action on my desk in under twenty-four hours.”

“Yes, sir.” Stacia bowed, then turned around and went to leave.

Perfectly written exchange between the two of them.

“I see. Because of League rules, which do not allow me to use more than three Pokémon against a trainer with no Badges, this will be a three-on-three Single Battle. I will not be permitted to switch out, and the winner will be the one who defeats their opponent’s final Pokémon. Are those rules acceptable to you?”

I really love how you covered the issue of trainers who start in different towns. It's one that doesn't come up frequently and this seems to be a solution that makes sense.

The gym battle between Olivia and Falkner was really dramatic, to say the least. The descriptions of her Pokemon were suitably cute- which made it all the more horrifying to see them taken down- and I loved her spirit throughout the whole thing. I also really love how descriptive the moves were, especially some of the harder-to-describe ones, and I really didn't see Mantyke coming. I didn't see Olivia's loss coming, either, and there's one more thing I didn't expect, something that completely blindsided me:

“Thanks. Like I said, we’ll just look for another Gym and I’ll get the Badge from there instead. I mean, if I’m going to show my dad that I can get eight Badges, does it really matter which eight they are?”

Oh, Olivia, no...

“Isn’t it kind of hard to show things to a guy who’s not around anymore?” Avril blurted out.

Oh God Avril why did you even go there?

“Oh, **** no…” Nekou thought as her blood and that of everyone around her ran cold.

Same.

Completely unaware of what she was actually doing and the circumstances around it, Avril kept going, saying, “I’m tempted to ask you the same thing. Showing Badges to a dead guy? If I’m going to consider you my rival, you can’t be crazy.”

D:

“What are you talking about, ‘dead guy?’” Olivia laughed openly at Avril. “My dad just walked out on us, but I’m going to get him to come back.” Turning, she asked, “Right, Matt?”

Oh, Olivia...

Silence. Matt was shaking, and the words were lost in his throat. Only one thought ran through his mind – “Why did she have to find out like this…”

Poor Matt...

The dead silence between Matt and all the others besides Avril gave Olivia a strange chill.

“…Avril’s lying, right?” Her voice was becoming influenced by the fear, and it was shaking.

Still more silence.

And then. Matt answered.

“Avril’s telling you the truth.”

D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

Apologies for the smileys, I rarely use them in my reviews (or anything serious) but I had no better way to articulate in text the feelings I felt when the chapter cut off here. My heart sank and I was yelling at the screen.

You also earned yourself a Most Heartbreaking Scene nomination for the 2013 Fic Awards, I can tell you that, because I don't think anyone will ever top what I read in those final paragraphs.

Overall, excellent chapter, and your cliffhanger was nothing short of devastating. Fantastic work. I can't imagine what the next chapter's going to be like after this ending but I can tell you plan on taking us on quite the emotional roller coaster.

[Morpher01]

Okay, I'm sorry it took so long, but now I finally have a chance to review.

This is...a surprisingly short chapter, at least when compared to most of your others. Still, plenty of good stuff within, so let's take a look.

And right off the bat we have more COLRESS!!! I have to say, he's surprisingly lovable in the opening scene, given how childishly excited he is about his research. XD Speaking of which...

“Is this it?” he excitedly exclaimed. “Could this be… the key to the ultimate DNA? The one that will make the truth about Pokémon strength reveal itself?”

“I see you like this,” Finansielle coolly observed. “This is the incomplete DNA structure for a new strain of Pokérus our scientists are working on. We have a large part of it finished, but we just can’t get the last part right, and as a result, we can’t get it to function.”

“And you want me to fill in those gaps?”

“Exactly. You’ll find all the relevant data on the project in the computer’s databank, so please read it before getting started. I am giving you this facility and its staff and resources to have at your full disposal.”

“You will not be disappointed, Lady Finansielle,” Colress promised with a grand bow. “I can have the work of completing this virus’s genetic sequence in no time.”

Really great idea giving the Pokerus development to Colress, given how what it did in the games (boosting EV gain and thus making a Pokemon stronger) fits in with his motif PERFECTLY. I do have to wonder what Polaris' new strain will be capable of, however. I would guess Pokemon control, but that would be too easy, so I'll just wait and see what we get.

Moving on, TR is planning their counterattack. Zager being threatened by Jessie and James is definitely a sign that things are getting serious. Although, why Giovanni wants Stacia (who, if I remember correctly, is his secretary) to draft up several response plans is a bit confusing to me. Wouldn't that be a bit above her pay grade, or am I just underestimating her?

Back with the main group...

“Look at me.”

Turning his head to the right, he jumped when he discovered Nekou lying on the bed next to him, close enough that he could see her fairly clearly without his glasses. She seemed to have no concern about doing this, instead treating it as perfectly normal as she ran her fingers over his face.

“W-what are you doing?!” Matt choked, utterly terrified at this bizarre situation.

Ignoring his question, Nekou said to him, “Remember what you promised me? You’re going to tell Olivia about what happened to Rich after she wins her Badge today.”

“I-I remember,” he nervously confirmed. “Now can you get out of my face?”

“Just make sure you keep your promise,” she insisted, moving to within an inch of his face instead of moving away. “That would make me happy. And trust me, you want me happy.”

Nekou in bed with Matt...oh dear. XD Her threat is also quite amusing.

“You’re late,” Bunny said while running a hand through her hair. “What were you doing?”

“Yeah, Matt, why don’t you tell her what we were doing?” Nekou’s teasing came with half-closed eyes and a catlike grin.

“Were you two doing things together?”

Olivia’s question, as sweetly and innocently as she’d asked it, made Matt freeze. Between Nekou’s ribbing, the fact that he was still hurriedly adjusting his rumpled coat and shirt, and the sight that both he and Nekou had come out of the room at the same time, he realized exactly what the implications suggested.

“No! Nothing of the sort!” The exaggerated way Matt’s face contorted during his denial made both Olivia and Nekou break down laughing, and Bunny even chuckled a bit.

“Relax, we’re just teasing you.”

Somehow, Nekou saying this didn’t make Matt feel any better at all. He simply sighed and shrugged.

Oh, boy. Matt just can't catch a break today. XD

Although, next scene...Polaris getting the Meteonite from the ruins is going to be bad news. Their use of Meowth is a bit chilling, and makes me wonder how the TRio is going to get him back. Hopefully Zager's device works (although it's more likely to be a partial victory, if any at all...)

Next it's time for the actual Gym battle. Olivia and Avri's squabbling is showing wonderfully how childish they both really are. The battle itself was pretty good, and I do have a couple of quotes I really wanted to pull out:

Meanwhile, none of the others took notice, but Avril was staring intently at the battle and mumbling to herself.

“She took out one. Okay, that’s no big deal. I can still handle this.”

Okay, this is excellent development for Avril. Showing that she isn't arrogant and overconfident 100% of the time demonstrates that she is still human, despite her boasts.

Despite having stubby arms and legs, Minccino was able to spring up at Mantyke as the latter floated in midair. Before Mantyke could respond, Minccino whipped the Water-and-Flying-type four times with her tail. The potential of a fifth strike was blocked by Mantyke finally rousing to action, washing Minccino away with a stream of bubbles.

I know you're using game physics, but...how exactly does a Mantyke float in the air?

I was actually surprised that Olivia lost the battle, and it makes me interested to see where she'll get her 8th badge from. And now for me to comment on the part that everyone's talking about:

“What are you talking about, ‘dead guy?’” Olivia laughed openly at Avril. “My dad just walked out on us, but I’m going to get him to come back.” Turning, she asked, “Right, Matt?”

Silence. Matt was shaking, and the words were lost in his throat. Only one thought ran through his mind – “Why did she have to find out like this…”

The dead silence between Matt and all the others besides Avril gave Olivia a strange chill.

“…Avril’s lying, right?” Her voice was becoming influenced by the fear, and it was shaking.

Still more silence.

And then. Matt answered.

“Avril’s telling you the truth.”

Aaaaaand the cat's out of the bag. I smell a significant bit of development coming soon for Olivia, and it's going to be interesting to see how she copes.

Overall, this is great chapter. Not particularly long, but it more than delivers with decent content and a massive revelation at the end. Can't wait to see how this turns out!

[The Great Butler]

The first two scenes looks like both sides wasted no time getting whatever projects they’re doing. I laughed a little when Zager had to correct himself after noticing James and Jessie glaring at him.

Well, we can always work in some little bits of humor here and there, right? I think it's always a relief to have.

Nice brief appearance of the Unown there. The urban legend mentioned is one reason why you don’t want to mess with them, heh.

But maybe it's not an urban legend?

Minor, but I think you’re missing “Avril” between “sister” and “raised”.

Looks like you're right there.

Another minor nitpick, but I don’t think you can sigh while speaking. You can have Dominic sigh after speaking, so something like “Dominic said and sighed” or “sighed Dominic after saying that” works in my opinion.

The way I'm using it, it's meant to imply both an exasperated tone of voice and the sigh coming after the main line of speech. I do see your point, though; maybe that isn't the best word to use when it comes to getting a clear meaning.

Bunny cheering for Olivia is very cute. :3

Yes, yes it is. ^^

This sentence is a bit awkward in the beginning. First off, you have “enough” twice, so I think “Conveniently enough” isn’t needed. Second, I think you need “to” after “happened” to make the sentence flow better. So She happened to sink down enough to allow…” would make more sense in my opinion.

Again, you're right. Not going to argue here, I make mistakes when it comes to wording. I just have to try to learn from them.

I enjoyed reading the battle a lot and I admit to being slightly surprised Falkner using a Mantyke.

I wanted to mix up Falkner's selection of Pokemon a bit, so I dipped into some less prominent Flying-types to pick some out.

I felt bad Olivia lost, but glad she was thinking positive.

This was in response to a very good piece of advice I received a long time ago. As I heard back then, I was making the rare losses my characters suffered huge, dramatic affairs simply because they lost. I realized that was a very good point, hence why Olivia at least outwardly tried to brush it off.

As for Avril revealing Rich’s death, I’ll be honest and say finally the truth is revealed. Even though the way Avril said it is harsh, I was left wondering how long Matt and the others will keep that secret from her. I have an idea how Olivia’s reaction will be next chapter, but I’m still interested how all of this will play out (and still looking forward to the next chapter just so you know!).

I think a lot of people are with you on all of those counts.

Edit: Forgot to mention Giovanni's scene with his thoughts on Viridian City is a very nice moment of him there as the others had mentioned after I posted this review, haha.

That scene wasn't in the plan for the chapter originally. I'm glad I added it.

Lmao, this scene was both creepy and amusing. Way to go, Nekou.

I think that more than anything else so far, that scene sums up her personality perfectly.

Wouldn’t use “quietly” and “quiet” so close to each other.

Good point.

Wouldn’t expect anything less from a gym leader. Nice explanation and demonstration of strategy here.

I imagine that Falkner would be a Gym Leader who would often educate his challengers on strategy, given his (often held) position as the first Gym Leader and the Gym Leader of a city with a school in it.

I know you were trying to go for confusion on Olivia’s part, but with the way Avril’s dialogue is worded, it just make it sounds like Olivia’s dad really could have just walked out on them, and not died. Hope that makes sense.

I see how you could take that meaning from it, but Olivia believes that that actually is the case plus he'll come back as soon as she accomplishes her goals. Avril directly questioned that part of it - the possibility of his coming back - and that's why Olivia reacted to it the way she did.

Overall, a good chapter. There’s still a lot of mystery going on, and the biggest one of all is Olivia’s reaction to her father’s death. I feel terrible for her, but I’m eager to see what her reaction is and I want to see what her demeanor will be like after this.

I hope what comes next will be pleasing to you.

Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Hey, there. Let's get to work on this!

I hope you won't mind me combining/skipping over some of your points to make sure the post fits. ^^; I'll do my best to get as much as I can.

So, Colress's motives regarding the strength of Pokemon are the same in-game with a bit of a twist it seems.

Using Pokerus no less, it's an interesting take on things and explains more so why he pursues the latent strength of Pokemon and makes it less vague.

Right. I figured out pretty quickly that if anyone ever gave an official explanation of Pokerus in the games, it would likely be Colress. Pokerus connects perfectly to his research so expanding it into this point was easy.

I like the concern Jessie and James show for Meowth, I also like the set-up for the enviable.

Nice Easter Egg for anime fans.

That team spirit is a cornerstone of what kind of characters they are, I think. I found it to be incredibly important to get that aspect across.

The Chargestones are an especially nice Easter Egg in my opinion because not only are they referenced, they actually have a purpose for the story. You essentially get two nods to anime fans for the price of one.

Nekou's nature never ceasing to be somewhat disturbing in scenes like these.....

I'd have it no other way. She's unpredictable, let's say.

Any sort of symbolism behind using the L Unown?

Nothing just beyond the ease of describing its shape.

Almost forgot Meowth was brainwashed and being used as a puppet.

Good thing I brought it up again then. I didn't want to let those topics fade to the background.

I'm loving Avril and Olivia's rivalry so far, speaking of which is Renzo a rival as well? I like to think of him as an unofficial antagonist-type rival.

Glad you remembered him. He is a full-fledged rival just like Avril is, he just hasn't had the sort of intense, direct interaction with Olivia yet like Avril has.

Your characterization of Falkner is something new to me, I see your expanded more on his past with his father and gave him a more authoritative, justice-like role in the sense he wants to come off as mature enough to influence people better.

Expanding on my earlier point, I wanted to really play up a mentor-type role for him based on his image and position. He also has an unfortunately small amount of development in just about every canon, which leaves his potentially interesting backstory with his father and Violet Gym's past unexplored. That's something I wanted to try to get at at least in a small amount.

That certainly added a sense of urgency and end-all be-all to the battle.

Do you think it actually worked? I was a little worried that I might not have set it up enough and as a result it might come off as a bit of an asspull plot device to prevent her from simply fighting Falkner again.

Oh, Avril. She makes a nice rival, I wonder if her and Olivia will develop into frenemies. Speaking of which she has a Deino and Servine iirc. The Deino in-particular comes off as really extravagant a Pokemon to have, I wonder how she would find one in Johto of all places. Also if she picked Servine and Olivia got Oshawott, I wonder if the Tepig will go anywhere or just be left at that.

That would be a fair assessment to make of where I want to take Olivia and Avril's relationship, yes.

Regarding Deino, I'm not sure if I mentioned it already but she's from Viridian City and caught it in Mt. Moon. Come to think of it, maybe I should consider creating some kind of list of where the migrated populations of Unova Pokemon took hold as a reference.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with Tepig yet, quite honestly. I have an idea or two for things I could do with it, but I don't know what I'll go with yet.

Characterization and humanizing for Giovanni in the sense we get more depth and insight on his personal thoughts and he actually cares for Viridian a lot.

That's an angle of him I really strongly wanted to explore. He's a villain, yeah, but I think he's a more complex character than just that. You could interpret it one of several ways - is he just looking out for furthering his own interests even now, or does he genuinely have a softer side?

I personally think it's a bit of both, but you can draw whatever conclusion you'd like for yourself.

Foreshadowing, I had a feeling you would use one of the most largest, active cities in Johto.

Oh, of course. I've got a great plan in mind for what will take place there, plus I've got some surprises up my sleeve as well. I think you'll enjoy it.

I was actually planning to use this explanation in my fic. at some point, I really like it because it naturally makes sense that Gym Leaders aren't using their most strongest since gyms are meant to test the challenger. Not flatten them like pancakes.

It's actually practically canon now, thanks to Cheren in B2W2 expressing frustration at having to get used to using weaker Pokemon due to his position as the new first Gym Leader. All I did was go in and add a bit of detail to the mechanics of it; ie the number and strength of the Gym Leader's Pokemon changing based on how many Badges the challenger has. This enables the concept of any trainer beginning from any town and collecting Badges in any order - which also opens up another question you could draw from the games ("Does everyone start in the same place and get the Badges in the same order?") for me to mess around with.

Nothing wrong, I just like the description of "shaking wreck" implemented here.

Thank you.

So, Bunny doesn't have a naive, idealistic state-of-mind when it comes to things like this. That's good to know since I felt like Bunny might come off as a bit of a stereotype at some points but I'm liking the characterization of her so far in the story and her overall intelligence and maturity.

This is something I regret - I didn't put as much planning into Bunny's character as I should have before I got started. That said, I feel like I'm settling into something quite nicely with her. She's quite straightforward, but more in a matter-of-fact way and not in the intensely over-the-top way Nekou is. And, like always, she's the 'sane' one of the four.

The imagery is exciting yet nerve-wracking in scenes like this. I particular, once again, like the innovative battling.

It took quite a bit of effort to make a lower-level battle such as this interesting, so I'm very pleased you like it. It tells me my work paid off.

Nekou's caring nature and supportive fashion shines through, one of the things I like about her a lot.

That's one of the reasons I enjoy writing her so much. You had her acting completely strangely before in this very chapter, but when it's necessary she's serious and looks out for people who are important to her. Those contradictions really give her another dimension to her character, I think.

More creative battling situations are used, I really feel like I'm watching(Did I write watching? I meant reading) a battle straight outta the anime. It was quite engrossing.

Thank you! That's what I was aiming for, so I'm very, very glad to hear it worked.

Subtle development for the rivalry, Avril seems to be recognizing Olivia's strength and potential as a rival.

Correct. This was my way of bringing Avril some more development as was requested in the previous chapter's reviews. She's putting on a tough facade to Olivia's face, but right now, it's all about analyzing what she's up against so she can learn how to better it.

Might be me being nitpicking, personality moment for Pokemon like that are nice. It makes them feel more like Pokemon and soul-less battling machines without hearts, it's only natural they display traits like defiance in battle when driven into a corner or in a pitch.

I had a similar concern about the depiction of Pokemon, actually, so I introduced scenes such as this one specifically to address that. I feel I could be doing more, but this is a start for now.

Especially when you consider he only seems to know Water Gun and Tackle iirc and with no scalchop.....

Yeah, I think Avril only said what everyone was thinking at that point.

Oshawott must have an extremely slow reaction time to not have shot Water Gun, I was half-expecting Water Gun to be used only to be blasted away by Gust.

I very nearly did that, too. Honestly, I just felt the battle was running out of steam and I didn't want to drag it on, plus I figured Oshawott's nerves were really rattled by then.

So, Olivia lost, somewhat surprised given I figured she had things all figured out and had some training prior.

I'm glad as far as you being surprised, but I did have a purpose - my reason for thinking to have her lose in the first place was to turn away from the expected outcome after she was so confident about it. She was so convinced she would win that on some level she got herself in over her head.

So, Olivia hides her emotions, eh?

She's not just the cheery, outgoing girl she seemed like, let's put it that way.

That was a very, very amusing moment.

It was just so perfect for the context that I had to do it.

Avril's bluntness coupled with the natural sense of meanness she conveys in simple sentences like theses once again makes her an ideal frenemy rival.

It's a very practical thing for her. She means exactly what she says - she still sees herself as better than Olivia, but even then she wants Olivia to get stronger, because (in her reasoning) she can then use Olivia's strength to train herself.

What makes this a bit unusual for her, though, was that she actually wasn't trying to pull an underhanded trick by revealing the truth to Olivia. This time, she genuinely didn't know what she was doing, because she didn't actually know Olivia was ignorant of Rich's death.

And we end on a cliffhanger with a big bombshell being dropped. My reaction to this? Basically it's "finally."

Yeah, it's a game changer.

Let me go through the paragraph at the end of your review and pick out specific things I want to reply to.

When it came to Falkner, as a gym leader, I noticed your expansion with his father and how he talks more about Flying-types and doesn't really do it in similar vain to the games where his main aim is bird and bird Pokemon. Mantyke and Taillow were interesting choices, what inspired that? I was expecting to see Natu and Hoothoot over those two given they're more native to Johto and I figured Johto Pokemon would be used more so for these gyms, nothing wrong with it though.

Well, I figured his talking about bird Pokemon basically meant the same thing as Flying-types. He has Aerodactyl and Crobat in the Pokemon World Tournament in B2W2, and if you count Stadium 2, he has Charizard and Gligar, so I figured I had some freedom in choosing amongst the type itself.

Keep in mind that Johto and Kanto now have Pokemon from all five existing main regions now. That said, I chose those for some diversity and surprise in what he used; also, Mantyke came to mind because it's the baby form of a Johto Pokemon.

For curiosity's sake, the team I planned for him in full was the five regional birds (Pidgeotto, Hoothoot, Taillow, Starly, Pidove) plus a wildcard, Mantyke.

The sucker punch at the end with Olivia finding out her father is indeed dead was interesting. I'm interested in what turmoil this will cause between her and Matt or, better yet, if she ever finds out the others knew Rich was dead. How will this change things? How will she react to being lied to for so long and Matt himself has guilt issues already.

I'll just say that this will be one of the many things the next chapter will tackle. There isn't going to be a really intense focus on a single event like there was in this chapter, but it'll be in there.

Speaking of which, I wonder if the delivery of Avril's lines in a somewhat mean fashion could cause Olivia to be angry at her for it in a way?

That could be something curious to explore.

Avril makes for a nice rival, she reminds me of Georgia as does her and Olivia's rivalry + interactions remind me of Georgia and Iris's. If Avril earns the first badge Olivia couldn't I could see this adding more fuel to the animosity between them and Avril's air of arrogance.

That's good, I like how you're seeing it. I've got plans for Avril and their rivalry, too.

Didn't come across any awkward wording or grammar issues, you're probably one of the best in that regard I know

Thanks, that's really something. I'm honored. I actually smiled here when I read this.

Also wasn't too heavily invested in the TR and Polaris scenes, they were enigmatic and all. I just couldn't get too deep a feel for the ones outside the Colress one and the one in which Jessie and James show some endearing concern for Meowth.

That's okay, the scenes you didn't get into were mainly establishing/setup scenes for bigger events to come later. All you need to do is just be aware of the facts of what happened in those scenes.

Thank you very much for the very detailed and extensive review! It was very, very good and I'm happy you saw fit to give me it.

Nice use of imagery in this open. I really love how atmospheric everything is and it's a great hook to draw the readers in.

Thank you. I agree that a strong opening scene is important to get the reader interested right away.

Wonder how Finansielle could tell. *runs*

I think I wonder myself. The anime making him as ridiculously over-the-top as he is really helped here.

This scene made me laugh. Poor Zager, he's their supervisor but he doesn't know what to do faced down with two angry field agents wanting their friend back. James' line was perfectly in character for him too, I could see him saying it in his voice.

I really thought that scene captured all three of them pretty well, to be honest.

I'd hate to think what would happen to Matt if Nekou wasn't happy. This seriously made me lol hard.

That's something you'll probably find out soon enough.

Seduire is an /x/-phile?

...I could see that. I really could see that.

I like Helena's thinking.

Not only is it good thinking, it might be more meaningful than you think...

More adorableness. I love those two bickering.

You'll definitely be getting more of that.

Matt confirmed for best brother.

He tries. It's not easy, but he tries.

Introspective Giovanni is a thing needed so badly in more fanfics. Thanks for putting that in there, it's my favorite way to see him written, and seeing him wistful for his hometown and how it'd changed over the years was bittersweetly heartwarming.

As I mentioned earlier, you could speculate on several motives for why he feels that way. But yes, I have to agree that a portrayal of him where he isn't just an all-out villain is very enjoyable to see. I like that approach to him myself.

"Treats?"

Yeah, that is most likely what was going through Persian's head at that point.

Perfectly written exchange between the two of them.

Thank you. I'm very confident in my grasp of the dynamic between them.

I really love how you covered the issue of trainers who start in different towns. It's one that doesn't come up frequently and this seems to be a solution that makes sense.

That's something I'm shooting for - to look at issues such as this and build upon the questions they raise.

Oh God Avril why did you even go there?

Like I've said, she didn't even know that what she was doing was actually wrong, because she thought Olivia knew already. As far as she knew, she was just being a ***** to Olivia, which was uncalled for in and of itself but isn't quite as bad as what ended up happening.

Apologies for the smileys, I rarely use them in my reviews (or anything serious) but I had no better way to articulate in text the feelings I felt when the chapter cut off here. My heart sank and I was yelling at the screen.

You also earned yourself a Most Heartbreaking Scene nomination for the 2013 Fic Awards, I can tell you that, because I don't think anyone will ever top what I read in those final paragraphs.

Overall, excellent chapter, and your cliffhanger was nothing short of devastating. Fantastic work. I can't imagine what the next chapter's going to be like after this ending but I can tell you plan on taking us on quite the emotional roller coaster.

Aw, thanks for being so kind, not just in your comments but for actually getting that much into the story.

And you're right, you're in for an emotional roller coaster. I'd say that's correct...

And right off the bat we have more COLRESS!!! I have to say, he's surprisingly lovable in the opening scene, given how childishly excited he is about his research. XD Speaking of which...

Really great idea giving the Pokerus development to Colress, given how what it did in the games (boosting EV gain and thus making a Pokemon stronger) fits in with his motif PERFECTLY. I do have to wonder what Polaris' new strain will be capable of, however. I would guess Pokemon control, but that would be too easy, so I'll just wait and see what we get.

I'm glad you like how I'm using him so far; giving him the Pokerus indeed felt like a natural decision. You're a bit off on where they're going with it, but I don't think I need to tell you precisely where it's going right now. It should become clear soon enough.

Moving on, TR is planning their counterattack. Zager being threatened by Jessie and James is definitely a sign that things are getting serious. Although, why Giovanni wants Stacia (who, if I remember correctly, is his secretary) to draft up several response plans is a bit confusing to me. Wouldn't that be a bit above her pay grade, or am I just underestimating her?

She's not just a secretary, she's a second-in-command of sorts too. I suppose it's debatable if she filled that role in her canon appearances, but here - where Team Rocket isn't the vast empire it once was anymore - it's necessary for remaining members who are qualified to take up what work they can.

Nekou in bed with Matt...oh dear. XD Her threat is also quite amusing.

Oh, boy. Matt just can't catch a break today. XD

This is nothing compared to what's about to happen, both humorously and seriously.

Although, next scene...Polaris getting the Meteonite from the ruins is going to be bad news. Their use of Meowth is a bit chilling, and makes me wonder how the TRio is going to get him back. Hopefully Zager's device works (although it's more likely to be a partial victory, if any at all...)

Let me just say that there's going to be quite a confrontation when this finally reaches its climax.

Okay, this is excellent development for Avril. Showing that she isn't arrogant and overconfident 100% of the time demonstrates that she is still human, despite her boasts.

This is the side of herself that she doesn't show others, which is why it took a chapter for her full personality to really be seen. She's overconfident, but not in the way that she thinks she's entitled to all kinds of success. She knows she has to work for it and she's calculating about getting there.

I know you're using game physics, but...how exactly does a Mantyke float in the air?

The anime has pretty much disregarded the old convention about Water-types/water-dwelling Pokemon needing to be swimming at all times, except for blatantly fish-like Pokemon. Marlon's Mantine both swam and flew freely in the air, Elesa's Tynamo flew around, and both Trip and Jessie's Frillish as well as all Jellicent seen in the anime have been capable of floating in the air. So to answer your question, it's just one of those things that happens in this world that obviously couldn't happen in real life but doesn't have any real deep explanation to it.

I was actually surprised that Olivia lost the battle, and it makes me interested to see where she'll get her 8th badge from. And now for me to comment on the part that everyone's talking about:

Regarding Olivia's Badge, there's going to be a hint soon about where it'll come from. Not a blatant one, but if you look out for it, it'll be there.

Aaaaaand the cat's out of the bag. I smell a significant bit of development coming soon for Olivia, and it's going to be interesting to see how she copes.

Overall, this is great chapter. Not particularly long, but it more than delivers with decent content and a massive revelation at the end. Can't wait to see how this turns out!

Yes, it ought to be interesting. I have ideas in mind, I just hope they work out.

Thanks for the great review!

[The Great Butler]

    Spoiler:- Chapter 9 teaser:

Show Spoiler

 
"Disconnection"

Summary: In the aftermath of the events in and around Violet City, Olivia struggles to come to terms with the collapse of her world, Polaris takes another step toward the Meteonite and Team Rocket prepares to embark on a dangerous, high-stakes mission. Meanwhile, the Tenganists get ready to confront Polaris on their own and a member of Matt's group leaves to pursue their own goal.

Character List*:
*Presence on this list does not necessarily mean screen presence

-Matt Chiaki
-Nekou Langley
-Olivia Mistbloom
-Bunny Spruce
-Dr. Dante Fantomos
-Jessie
-James
-Ariana
-Dr. Zager
-Giovanni
-Stacia
-Mercury
-Séduire
-Renzo
-The Prophet
-Tenganist people
-Mercury's followers
-Route 32 trainers
-Rich Mistbloom
-Anabel Mistbloom

 

    Spoiler:- Teaser for new arc:

Show Spoiler

 

With the revelation of her father's true fate, the world Olivia built up around herself is now broken. But among the ruins of her world, something new begins...

The next Gym Leaders bring her slowly forward...

[Bugsy issues a command to his Scyther, who attacks Olivia's Oshawott.

While standing behind her Miltank, Whitney shrugs and smiles sarcastically.

What appears to be a painting of Morty hangs in one of the rooms of his haunted house Gym, but suddenly the face moves as Olivia walks past it.]

...but the increasing chaos brought on by Polaris presents a growing threat not only to Olivia's challenges, but the stability of the entire country as well.

[Deep in Union Cave, an angry Onix strikes Nekou with its tail, thrashing her into a wall.

Looker and Silver are with Matt, Nekou and Olivia as they face the Pawniard army in Ilex Forest. Séduire sits in a nearby tree, watching the conflict.

In front of a tall, glass-covered building in Goldenrod City topped by satellite dishes, Zinzolin rallies a large crowd.]

Matt's quest for the truth continues, too, taking him through three more Frontier Brains.

[Thorton reads data on his palm computer, then enters a command into the main computer of the Battle Factory.

Dressed in a maid uniform, Lyra complains to someone on the other end of a phone call.

Kate peers over her sunglasses at the crowd in the Battle Hall, then turns to face her challenger and throws a Poké Ball.]

Allies and enemies old and new appear.

[In Azalea Town's Pokémon Center, Looker and Silver discuss something with the group while seated at a table.

At his rally in Goldenrod City, Zinzolin gets into a confrontation with Nikolai as the crowd looks on.]

The struggle with the country's future climaxes as the Chromosomes of Polaris make their respective moves, first in Goldenrod City...

[Enraged, Jeunes throws open his cape with a sharp motion, producing a bright flash of light. Getriebe is standing behind him as a shape takes form inside the light.]

...but then, Ecruteak City's society is brought to its knees by Polaris's intention to perform a miracle.

[Ghetsis speaks to a large crowd in Ecruteak City in person, putting great force into his speech.]

The groups chosen by fate assemble and face off...

[Wind blows Ghetsis's cape as he issues an order to his Bisharp, which engages his opponent's Marowak in an exchange of blows.

Nekou fights the Shadow Triad with her knife on the roof of a tall tower, all four carefully balancing near the edge of the building.

Proton, Petrel and Ariana face off against Zinzolin and Archer outside of a temple.]

At the end of this battle, the Tohjo Continent will not be the same. There is no turning back.

[Pierce screams out to Giovanni inside the tower.

Somewhere far from Goldenrod City, the tracks of the Magnet Train explode, causing a train on one of the lines to derail and crash.

Jeunes and Getriebe are in a narrow, dimly-lit room, looking over a set of computer controls.

Praeses, Ghetsis, Séduire, Mercury, Athleta, Jeunes, Getriebe and Geminus look on at something in the Sacred Helix meeting chamber. Finansielle, meanwhile, seems as if she expected it.

At the top of the tower, which is open to the sky, Ghetsis stands at an altar, a yellow glow filling his covered eye. The Shadow Triad look on as a beam shoots out of the altar into the cloudy sky, creating a rainbow-colored portal.]

The Tohjo Continent's very way of life is about to be put on trial. Nothing will be the same again.
 

[The Great Butler]

Well, I guess there’s not much more to say, besides that this chapter will be much shorter than the previous ones. Let the ride begin.

-:-

CHAPTER 9: Disconnection

-:-

Eight years ago, Olivia’s world was a very different place. There were no expectations to live up to, no disappointments to face, and no villains of any kind to disrupt her peace.

What there was was the simple life of a child not yet tainted by the darker aspects of the outside world. There was her father, Rich, and her mother, Anabel – the two who made her existence everything a young girl could have wanted.

It was her father especially who spoiled her. He could almost never say no to her, often resulting in the more serious aspects of raising her getting left to Anabel. Material goods weren’t the only thing Rich spoiled Olivia with, though; without fail, he always supported her and always did what he could to help her in anything she wanted to do.

Those idyllic days would not last.

~:~

Night brought the drawing-down of much of the activity in Violet City’s Pokémon Center. Besides the nurse, who was working behind the front desk, the lobby was empty save for Matt, who was sitting at and staring into a table in miserable silence.

The air was deadly still, at least until Bunny emerged from the hallway to the lodging area and approached the table.

“Hey,” she said, sitting down opposite him.

“How’s she doing…?” Matt mumbled into the table, not even bothering to turn his eyes to Bunny.

In response, Bunny sighed and closed her eyes. “Nekou’s in there talking to her, but the kinds of things she’s saying… I don’t think I want to repeat them.”

“About me and how I let her down?”

“You, me, Nekou, Avril, Rich himself… I would never judge her capable of such anger just by looking at her.”

“It’s not just anger,” Matt corrected her, still not moving his dispirited gaze from the table. “It’s sadness, too. The kind of soul-crushing sadness that leads you to uncontrollable anger because you have nothing else left to resort to. I know it firsthand… I fear for what she’s going to be like tomorrow once the initial shock wears off.”

“I’ve never seen you get as angry as she is right now…”

“Before we ever met, when I was younger… the feeling of sheer hopelessness that drives you to carry your crippled, blinded sister into a blizzard, all but dooming you both to die in it, that’s how it feels. And then when you get saved and you think you have a way out, a way to save her, only to find out that you’re being used to carry out research into some really bad things… that’s how it really feels. I know what’s going on in that room because I’ve been there.”

Bunny found herself at a loss for words, owing mainly to her exhausted state of mind. Between Olivia’s breakdown and the inability to help on the parts of both herself and Matt, she couldn’t deal with it.

Luckily for her, and perhaps for Matt as well, the situation was abruptly interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Well, well, you two… so our paths cross again this soon?”

Bunny turned, and Matt finally lifted his head in response to what he heard. Dante was there, having approached the table.

“Oh, Doctor Fan…”

Though his smile faded only slightly, Dante didn’t wait for Bunny to finish before speaking himself. “Was just traveling through Violet on my way to my next destination and decided to stop in. Where are the other two who were with you?”

“In our room here,” Matt replied, his voice still not reaching much further than a mumble. “Olivia’s not doing so well.”

“Is that so? She’s sick?”

“Not in the sense you’d think. She lost her match with the Gym Leader, and then some girl who took a dislike to her accidentally revealed what really happened to her father. And as you can guess, she isn’t taking it very well. Nekou’s in there trying to calm her down, but…”

“Say no more.” His lighthearted demeanor gone, Dante turned half away from Matt and Bunny and stared toward the windows with a bitter look in his eyes. “When Amina died, I felt the same way. It takes time for someone who’s lost their only guiding star to find another one. I just hope for all of your sakes that it takes less time for her than it’s taken me.” Swiveling back to face Matt and Bunny again, he suddenly adopted an upbeat persona again. “Now about why I’m here. While I was staying at Mr. Pokémon’s home, I read some magazines he had and I came across something rather curious. One scientific publication, while discussing the migration of Pokémon from Unova to this country, theorized that some Pokémon believed to be native to Unova might also have been here before. I’m on my way to the Ruins of Alph to investigate one of the theories, and since we’re all here in one place, I would like to ask – Bunny, would you be interested in joining me on this research?”

It took a moment for what Dante had said to fully reach Bunny because of his rapid flow of thoughts, but when it did, she jumped slightly. “That’s rather surprising. Why me and not Matt?”

“I think he has more urgent matters to attend to than helping an old man walk around some ruins, especially after what you just told me. And don’t sell yourself short. I’d say you’ve got a great skill set. So what do you say?”

“I don’t know. Aren’t the Ruins of Alph closed because of that meteor strike?”

“Ah, but I’ve obtained special permission from the preservation bureau to go there. It’s really only closed off to the tourists and everyday trainers. Right now the bureau just wants to keep track of who goes in and out. Matters of organization, really.”

“Well, if you say so, it ought to be interesting. Matt, do you think Olivia would be okay with me going away for a while?”

“I hope so,” he blandly answered. “To be brutally honest, after how you couldn’t get through to her before, I doubt that’s going to change overnight. If you ask me, there’s nothing you could do to help her right now anyway.”

“Do you really think so? I don’t want her to feel like someone else is abandoning her.”

“She needs help from a source that isn’t me or someone she associates with me. That’s what I think…”

-:-

The next morning, Matt, Olivia, Nekou, Bunny and Dante converged at Violet City’s southwestern exit, a stone path flanked on both sides by boxed lanterns.

“Well, this is where we part,” Dante announced as they arrived at the fork splitting the Ruins of Alph off from Route 32. “You keep up looking for Reshiram, Matt. I think it’s very important you find what you’re looking for.”

“Thanks, I guess. Good to know I have some more support for this.”

Leaning down onto his knee while still supporting himself on his cane, Dante moved to eye level with Olivia and smiled at the sullen, silent young woman. “And you. Don’t let your loss break your spirit and stop you from moving forward. Fight back against that despair, Olivia. Don’t get consumed by it.”

Olivia’s only response was to move her eyes away.

“I know we’ll be working together again before either of us knows it,” Bunny said while Dante stood back up, “but I can’t help but feel like I should still wish you guys luck out there. A lot can happen in a short time.”

Briefly glancing over to Olivia, Bunny pondered saying something to encourage her, but decided against it due to Olivia’s reaction to Dante. Instead, she simply extended a hand to Matt, which he shook after only a short hesitation.

“Thanks, Bunny. You be careful in there.”

“See you soon, everybody!”

Most of the enthusiasm as the two groups split off came from Bunny; she was the only one even bothering to wave goodbye. Matt and Olivia just turned away and walked off down Route 32, leaving Nekou to follow.

-:-

Jessie, James, Ariana and Dr. Zager all stared up at the screen in the scientist’s lab, their mouths open in looks of varying degrees of surprise.

“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

Up on the monitor, Stacia looked back at them from Giovanni’s darkened office. She nodded in response to Ariana’s stunned inquiry, the glow from her own screen reflecting in her glasses.

“That is the plan Mr. Giovanni has selected, yes,” the Team Rocket boss’s secretary confirmed.

“Operation Atlas...” Zager repeated out loud. “…the mission to take on the weight of keeping this world the way it is… I must say, Stacia, even I never expected Giovanni to call for this.”

“Hello, we’re still in the dark here!” Jessie interjected.

“You can’t just expect us to know what’s going on,” added James. “Bring us up to speed, why don’t you?”

“Operation Atlas is a top-secret plan the higher-ups in Team Rocket began drawing up after what happened in Unova,” Ariana explained. “This is pretty much the worst case scenario.”

“We’re on war footing now,” Zager continued. “The purpose of this plan was to formulate a defense should Polaris appear in our homeland. Basically, exactly what is happening right now. Even if it’s for the sake of Team Rocket, we must defend this world from what Polaris is planning to do.”

“So what do we have to do, exactly?”

“Jessie, you and James will accompany Executive Ariana and return to Kanto,” Stacia answered. “Here, you will pick up Mr. Giovanni and together, all of you will meet with Pierce outside of Goldenrod City. That is where Polaris is planning to make a major move.”

“We can do tha…” Halfway through his sentence, James caught on to what Stacia had said, and his voice escalated wildly. “The boss is coming to the front lines himself?!”

“I told you, we’re at war now. This isn’t the first time Giovanni’s come out to participate in a mission himself, if you remember.”

“I wonder if we’d still be in this position now if we’d gotten that Meteonite back then…” mused Jessie. “Will we still be able to get Meowth back?”

“All equipment necessary for your mission will be supplied by Dr. Zager before you leave for Kanto, so that does not change.” Behind the glow of her glasses, Stacia narrowed her eyes. “Mr. Giovanni expects you here as soon as possible. I would strongly advise that you do not disappoint him. Farewell.”

Stacia left an atmosphere of tightened nerves in her wake once she disappeared from the screen. An uncomfortable silence hung over the lab for what all four assembled would agree was far too long before James finally broke it.

“I guess I’ll be the one to ask, then. What about the International Police and their files on us? As soon as the boss breaks his house arrest, they’ll crack down and take us all out.”

“Don’t you worry your little blue head about that,” Ariana asserted. “When Operation Atlas was initially crafted, one thing we made sure to do was plan a provision for just a case like this. We’ve got someone in place to deal with that, and let me assure you, by the time we get to Viridian, there won’t be any traces left to prove what happened. The ability to rewrite history is great, isn’t it? Too bad we can only use it once, or it’ll be figured out…”

“Are you finished?” Zager said with a sigh. “You three, start loading the equipment into the car. I’ll go over the map system and make sure your charts of the underground tunnels are up to date.”

-:-

After ending the video conference with Zager’s lab, Stacia left Giovanni’s office and slipped into the adjoining wardrobe room, where Giovanni was pulling on a black trench coat in front of a mirror.

“I’ve… given them the mission,” she said to him, “just as you directed.”

“Very good,” Giovanni replied, though he did not turn to her. “It is of utmost importance that every one of them understands the stakes here.”

“Mr. Giovanni, sir… please forgive my insubordination, but I must ask. Are these measures truly necessary? They’re very dangerous… something could happen to you and then I…”

“It is what must be done.” While adjusting his tie in the mirror, Giovanni continued on, explaining, “If we do not stand in Polaris’s way, who will? Team Rocket may not be what it once was, but we still have more resources available than anyone still able to resist their influence. The International Police will not be an obstacle, that virus Rosalie headed the development of will see to that. It will be between us and Polaris, with no interference – and if we lose, the result will be the same as if we did nothing. There is nothing to be lost by trying.”

“But without you, I’m… Team Rocket is helpless!”

“Team Rocket survived being led by that woman, so it can survive anything.” Having finished dressing, Giovanni turned to Stacia and set one of his hands on her shoulder, making her jump. “Remember, there is nothing that is impossible for Team Rocket. Keep that in mind while you’re in charge here.”

With that, Giovanni stepped past Stacia and out of the small room. A small tear formed at the corner of her eye, but she quickly composed herself, pushed her glasses up on her face and followed him.

-:-

Sometime later that afternoon, the group had attracted the attention of a young girl dressed in a gray scout uniform. As a trainer herself, she had quickly challenged Olivia to a battle, which ended up seeing Olivia’s Minccino fighting against her female Nidoran. With Matt staying inside the HR-E – which was acting as their mobile campsite for the trip down Route 32 – only Nekou was out watching the battle, dividing her attention between that and working on her laptop.

“Nidoran, Poison Sting!” the scout girl called to her Pokémon.

The Poison-type Pokémon launched a wave of glowing purple thorns from her small body, but despite the hazard they presented, Olivia barely reacted.

Simply staring straight ahead with a blank look in her eyes, she stiffly ordered, “Swift.”

Nidoran’s Poison Sting was no match for Minccino’s counterattack; every needle was swatted away by one of Minccino’s stars. With the match at a stalemate, the girl changed tactics.

“Double Kick!” she announced, switching to a direct attack.

“Tail Slap.”

Compared to the older, well-cared-for and better trained Minccino, the Nidoran had little chance. Her movements were fairly inept, owing to the fact that she was a relatively new Pokémon for her trainer. She kicked with her hind legs but Minccino easily evaded the attack, then countered by lashing the Poison-type with her tail repeatedly.

Meanwhile, Nekou was busily typing on her laptop. Taking care to not make any mistakes in what she was doing, she said quietly to herself, “There we go. With HR-E boosting the signal, I can reach the satellite no problem, then work from there.” She then looked up and took note of the battle, paying particular attention to Olivia’s completely stoic expression, which dismayed her. “I wish I could do something…”

-:-

Deep in the Ruins of Alph, Mercury and Séduire pressed on, leading their team ever closer to the Meteonite. They’d subsisted on what supplies they had, but dividing basic hiking provisions of simple food and water between six humans and one Pokémon left all of them a little less than satisfied.

“What’s the latest reading?” Mercury shouted to her aide with the scanning equipment.

“Continue following this path,” he replied. “We are not far…”

Before long, the hallway opened into a cavernous corridor where the sound of running water could be heard. The path continued straight on, but pushed even further underground.

“We’re almost there!” exclaimed the henchman with the scanner. “It’s right ahead of us!”

Just as the team stepped into the expanse, however, an Unown in the shape of the letter ‘Y’ materialized, startling Séduire and two of Mercury’s followers.

“What’re you doing, jumping out at us like that?!” the girl yelled at the small, strange creature.

“Hold on a minute,” Meowth drowned, before stopping to listen to the Unown’s cries. “It’s sayin’ that there’s someone upstairs that isn’t supposed to be in here.”

“What?” Though she had been uninterested in the Unown at first, this turn got Mercury’s attention. “Meowth, tell it to get rid of them!”

-:-

Sunlight still shined through the doorway into the ruins’ entry hall, casting a glow on Dante and Bunny while they surveyed the walls.

“Here, I’ve found something!” Bunny called out.

Dante crossed the chamber as quickly as he could, then asked, “What? What is it?”

“Have a look.”

Using a small brush, Bunny carefully moved away the dust and dirt collected on the wall. A small part of an image was already visible, and as Bunny cleared away the years of grime obscuring it, an etching of an insect Pokémon with six wings came into view.

“Volcarona!” Dante gasped in excitement. “I knew it!”

“Volcarona?”

“Keep cleaning the wall and see if there’s more.”

Dante’s encouragement proved to be useful, as within minutes Bunny had cleared enough of the etching to reveal more images – namely, those of an exploding mountain, several people and Pokémon, and the Ruins of Alph themselves. Bunny could only stare at the wall and try to understand what she was seeing.

“Volcarona… here?” she whispered.

“These etchings confirm what I discovered,” Dante explained. “Volcarona is a rare Pokémon that was considered a sun deity by ancient people. It seems that a long time ago, a volcano erupted in Johto, and the ancient Tenganists fled to their temple – in other words, this place – for safety. Afterward, the sun didn’t shine because of the ash in the atmosphere... so Volcarona replaced the sun’s light with its own.”

“But if Volcarona has been here all along, wouldn’t that mean Pokémon native to Unova have been in this country even before the migration project?”

“That it would. I want to find Volcarona in these ruins to see if this theory is actually true.”

While Dante and Bunny pondered their next move, the ‘Y’ Unown suddenly appeared, along with an ‘X’ Unown and a ‘G’ Unown. All three growled angrily at the pair they perceived as invaders.

“Oh, what a bother,” Dante said with a sigh. “We’re not interested in having a fight with you.”

The Unown paid him no mind, and attacked by issuing forth a flurry of energy spheres, with each Unown’s set taking on its own color. These three Hidden Powers fell short of their targets, striking the ground around Dante and Bunny’s feet.

“They’re not listening… Bunny, I’m afraid we’re going to have to fight them.”

Mirroring Dante’s action, Bunny started to reach for one of her Poké Balls, though something she noticed in the eyes of the Unown unnerved her. “Is something wrong with them?” she questioned. “Their eyes are so empty…”

Dante could not even get a single syllable of a response out before roughly a dozen more Unown warped into the room. They immediately synchronized with the others, resulting in the whole horde’s power increasing substantially. The chamber filled with the Hidden Power energy each Unown called forth and rained down on the pair of humans.

Thrown in opposite directions by the countless explosions, Dante and Bunny were forced onto and fell through individual trapdoors leading to two different places.

-:-

The next day brought events very similar to those of the previous one. Olivia had once again gotten into a battle with a young camper, and once again, Nekou was the only one watching the battle, even if she was still working on her computer.

This time, the battle was between Olivia’s Lillipup and the boy’s Seedot. Both were about equal in spirit, and traded blows in a spirited rally. The Seedot had one disadvantage, though – her tactics, which mainly comprised of Bullet Seed punctuated by the occasional Quick Attack, failed to present much physical threat to Lillipup. As a result, Olivia’s Pokémon never became frightened, allowing him to wear out and ultimately defeat his opponent.

“Oh man, I can’t believe I lost!” the boy shouted to the open sky after recalling his fainted Seedot. “I really thought I’d beat you!”

Olivia, meanwhile, recalled Lillipup and stiffly walked up to the boy, all while remaining silent. She stared at him with an icy look, then pushed her open hand toward him.

“Geez, you can’t cut me some slack? The trainers out here are getting more and more selfish with money lately!”

The camper thrust a small handful of bills into Olivia’s hand, then turned sharply and stormed off.

He didn’t notice Olivia mouth “thank you” after him.

-:-

Meanwhile, quite a distance away on the craggy hills of Route 45, Renzo staggered out of the shadowy interior of Dark Cave.

“F-finally made it…” he said to himself. Being lost inside Dark Cave for several days had taken its toll on him, and the cold weather on Route 45 didn’t help. Pulling up his scarf to cover even more of his face than usual, he looked around in all directions, seeking the path forward to Blackthorn City.

What he found crushed his confidence, however. The rugged landscape spread before his eyes offered no apparent way to advance north. Insurmountable cliffs, thick patches of tree cover and other obstacles created a treacherous, impossible-to-navigate route.

Shivering under his poncho, which afforded him surprisingly little protection from the cold, Renzo staggered over to a nearby rock and sat down against it. The great difficulty of going north as he’d desired took away all his energy.

“If this is where it ends,” he uttered, looking out over the vast route, “I’ll be along to give you your comeuppance sooner than I thought I’d be.” Peering down into his poncho, he addressed the spheres containing his Drowzee, Gurdurr and Cottonee, saying, “Sorry I couldn’t live up to what you three deserved… I did my best for all of you.”

Feeling extremely weak, Renzo leaned back against the rock and shut his eyes; before long, he was out cold.

No more than a few minutes later, however, multiple sets of footsteps came down the trail near Dark Cave’s entrance.

“Come on, it’s just ahead,” a man’s voice shouted. “I swear I heard someone walking around.”

The Tenganist prophet emerged from the corner near the cave, accompanied by two of her followers, one male and one female. They had three Pokémon with them; a pair of Donphan and a Stantler.

“There, I see him,” announced the cloaked prophet. “Check and see if he’s alive.”

Heeding their leader’s words, the man and woman ran to Renzo’s side and attempted to help him up.

“Unresponsive,” the woman called back to her leader, “but he’s still breathing. He’s alive.”

Gesturing to the Pokémon to move forth, the prophet declared, “We will bring him back to the base and heal him.”

“Are you sure, my lady?” the man questioned. “Would that not be a risk?”

“We cannot simply leave this young man here to die. If we did, we would be no better than Polaris… or that man Ghetsis… so, we must act. It is through acts of mercy to the innocent that we apologize for what we must do.”

The prophet’s explanation sufficiently convinced her followers of her decision’s merits, so they lifted Renzo’s unconscious body onto their shoulders and moved him onto the backs of their two Donphan.

-:-

A vast, orange sky barely fouled by clouds spread out over Route 32 the next evening. Olivia sat alone on one of the hills that dotted the landscape near the route’s southern end, taking the sight in while locked in silent contemplation.

Her reverie was only broken when Nekou walked up and sat down alongside her.

“Hey, kid, how’re you doing?” she asked, offering Olivia one of the chocolate sticks she was eating, which the girl accepted. “You know, Roselia was great today against that fisherman’s Poliwag.”

“Thanks…” Olivia mumbled, “…but I just… I just don’t get it.”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Nekou was surprisingly sincere in her offer. “I’m a shoulder you can cry on.”

“I just… don’t know what to feel. I’ve been battling these last few days because I wanted to find a reason for it… but I can’t… without my dad… I don’t understand it at all.”

“You know, I don’t believe he’s completely gone, you know? I believe there are places people go when they die. He may have made mistakes, but I’m sure he was a good man. He’s probably watching you right now.”

“Do… you really think so?” Olivia’s breathing was labored under the stress of the emotions she was suppressing, so she spoke very slowly.

“Yeah, I do. If I might offer you some advice, though, you have to live for yourself. Find your own reasons for continuing on the path you’ve chosen. You want to keep being a trainer, right?”

“I guess…”

“Then find what makes you want to follow that path. You don’t have to follow anyone’s rules but your own, so live for your own reasons. That was something Maman taught me a long time ago, and my life has been so much better since then.” Looking out over the landscape, Nekou continued, “There’s only one way to get by in this world, and that’s by not letting others shackle you.”

“But I don’t… my dad isn’t coming back, so I can’t fight to get him to come back…”

“Just find something else you really want to fight for while not forgetting him. We’re all here to support you, so you’re not alone.”

“You mean you’re here to support me…” This remark was tinged with bitterness, and Olivia turned her head away from Nekou.

“You know, Olivia… it might not always seem like it, but Matt does care about you. He really does try to take care of you.”

“What makes you say that? He lied to me all this time about where my dad was and now he’s been hiding instead of facing what he did!”

“And I’m sure he feels horrible about that. But there is no doubt in my mind that he only sheltered you as he did because he believed it to be right. He only hasn’t been around the last couple of days because he doesn’t want to harm you further by making mistakes right now.”

“How can I trust him again, though?”

“You don’t have to. Not until he earns that trust again. But for now, I’m here for you.”

“…am I a bad person for all those things I said back in Violet City? I am, aren’t I?”

“You made a mistake, it’s not a big deal. I say, so what if you don’t have a perfect image? Perfect people, the ones who make no mistakes, have no flaws and have the world cater to them, those people are ****. This is an ugly world, so it needs ugly people like you and me to protect it. Do you understand?”

“I… I think…” Suddenly, Olivia began tearing up. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Olivia and Nekou moved closer together so Olivia could rest her head on Nekou’s shoulder. Nekou then took out her music player, gave Olivia one of the headphones, and they started eating the chocolate sticks and listening to music together.





END of CHAPTER 9

[Doryuzu]

Well, I guess there’s not much more to say, besides that this chapter will be much shorter than the previous ones.

Indeed, this chapter was very short.

Eight years ago, Olivia’s world was a very different place. There were no expectations to live up to, no disappointments to face, and no villains of any kind to disrupt her peace.

What there was was the simple life of a child not yet tainted by the darker aspects of the outside world. There was her father, Rich, and her mother, Anabel – the two who made her existence everything a young girl could have wanted.

It was her father especially who spoiled her. He could almost never say no to her, often resulting in the more serious aspects of raising her getting left to Anabel. Material goods weren’t the only thing Rich spoiled Olivia with, though; without fail, he always supported her and always did what he could to help her in anything she wanted to do.

Those idyllic days would not last.

I like the enigmatic opening you present.

In response, Bunny sighed and closed her eyes. “Nekou’s in there talking to her, but the kinds of things she’s saying… I don’t think I want to repeat them.”

Nekou and Olivia's bond is still pretty cute to me, makes sense given she's and Olivia seem kinda similar.

“Before we ever met, when I was younger… the feeling of sheer hopelessness that drives you to carry your crippled, blinded sister into a blizzard, all but dooming you both to die in it, that’s how it feels. And then when you get saved and you think you have a way out, a way to save her, only to find out that you’re being used to carry out research into some really bad things… that’s how it really feels. I know what’s going on in that room because I’ve been there.”

The backstory on Matt is a nice touch.

Bunny turned, and Matt finally lifted his head in response to what he heard. Dante was there, having approached the table.

“Oh, Doctor Fan…”

Though his smile faded only slightly, Dante didn’t wait for Bunny to finish before speaking himself. “Was just traveling through Violet on my way to my next destination and decided to stop in. Where are the other two who were with you?”

Didn't expect to see Dante again in this situation.

“Say no more.” His lighthearted demeanor gone, Dante turned half away from Matt and Bunny and stared toward the windows with a bitter look in his eyes. “When Amina died, I felt the same way. It takes time for someone who’s lost their only guiding star to find another one. I just hope for all of your sakes that it takes less time for her than it’s taken me.” Swiveling back to face Matt and Bunny again, he suddenly adopted an upbeat persona again. “Now about why I’m here. While I was staying at Mr. Pokémon’s home, I read some magazines he had and I came across something rather curious. One scientific publication, while discussing the migration of Pokémon from Unova to this country, theorized that some Pokémon believed to be native to Unova might also have been here before. I’m on my way to the Ruins of Alph to investigate one of the theories, and since we’re all here in one place, I would like to ask – Bunny, would you be interested in joining me on this research?”

That was a throw around right there. Bunny leaving the gang to help Dante with his exploration? That's interesting, to say the least.....

“Well, if you say so, it ought to be interesting. Matt, do you think Olivia would be okay with me going away for a while?”

“I hope so,” he blandly answered. “To be brutally honest, after how you couldn’t get through to her before, I doubt that’s going to change overnight. If you ask me, there’s nothing you could do to help her right now anyway.”

“Do you really think so? I don’t want her to feel like someone else is abandoning her.”

I actually had the same thoughts as Bunny on the matter, wouldn't Olivia need as many people as possible in a situation like that? Close one's like Bunny and Nekou since she's still very sore at Matt?

Leaning down onto his knee while still supporting himself on his cane, Dante moved to eye level with Olivia and smiled at the sullen, silent young woman. “And you. Don’t let your loss break your spirit and stop you from moving forward. Fight back against that despair, Olivia. Don’t get consumed by it.”

Olivia’s only response was to move her eyes away.

Olivia stoic behavior, I can't help but think this is meant to be somehow reminisce of her "growing-up" as a person in a way. Knowing that life isn't easy and things aren't gonna be a sugar-coated path for her in the long run. She's had hardships and been in intense situations before but still it shows a bit more in her character in the way she's upset now. Compared to the time she broke her bone where she was more moody so to speak.

“Operation Atlas...” Zager repeated out loud. “…the mission to take on the weight of keeping this world the way it is… I must say, Stacia, even I never expected Giovanni to call for this.”

New operation I see, a continued fight against Polaris and Team Rocket.

“I told you, we’re at war now. This isn’t the first time Giovanni’s come out to participate in a mission himself, if you remember.”

Another subtle Easter Egg.

“Team Rocket survived being led by that woman, so it can survive anything.” Having finished dressing, Giovanni turned to Stacia and set one of his hands on her shoulder, making her jump. “Remember, there is nothing that is impossible for Team Rocket. Keep that in mind while you’re in charge here.”

By woman, I'm assuming he's talking about Madame Boss, perhaps?

With that, Giovanni stepped past Stacia and out of the small room. A small tear formed at the corner of her eye, but she quickly composed herself, pushed her glasses up on her face and followed him.

I like how you add more dimensions to even characters like Stacia, she's a bit villain-ish as well as the whole Rocket organization, but she's still a person at the end of the day. There's more sides to her, she has weaknesses. She truly does care for Giovanni.

Nekou was out watching the battle, dividing her attention between that and working on her laptop.

I figured Nekou would be 100% watching, what with Olivia being in a fragile state of mind right now and only having one person she trusts completely with her .

Compared to the older, well-cared-for and better trained Minccino, the Nidoran had little chance. Her movements were fairly inept, owing to the fact that she was a relatively new Pokémon for her trainer. She kicked with her hind legs but Minccino easily evaded the attack, then countered by lashing the Poison-type with her tail repeatedly.

No surprise Olivia won TBH, Minccino does have a fair amount of experience.

“Volcarona… here?” she whispered.

“These etchings confirm what I discovered,” Dante explained. “Volcarona is a rare Pokémon that was considered a sun deity by ancient people. It seems that a long time ago, a volcano erupted in Johto, and the ancient Tenganists fled to their temple – in other words, this place – for safety. Afterward, the sun didn’t shine because of the ash in the atmosphere... so Volcarona replaced the sun’s light with its own.”

“But if Volcarona has been here all along, wouldn’t that mean Pokémon native to Unova have been in this country even before the migration project?”

More expansion on the mass Unova Pokemon migration, that's good to see.

“That it would. I want to find Volcarona in these ruins to see if this theory is actually true.”

Possible capture?

Thrown in opposite directions by the countless explosions, Dante and Bunny were forced onto and fell through individual trapdoors leading to two different places.

I'm genuinely interested in where they're gonna end up.

Olivia, meanwhile, recalled Lillipup and stiffly walked up to the boy, all while remaining silent. She stared at him with an icy look, then pushed her open hand toward him.

“Geez, you can’t cut me some slack? The trainers out here are getting more and more selfish with money lately!”

The camper thrust a small handful of bills into Olivia’s hand, then turned sharply and stormed off.

This scene gave me Sayaka Miki vibes for some reason.

“We cannot simply leave this young man here to die. If we did, we would be no better than Polaris… or that man Ghetsis… so, we must act. It is through acts of mercy to the innocent that we apologize for what we must do.”

The prophet’s explanation sufficiently convinced her followers of her decision’s merits, so they lifted Renzo’s unconscious body onto their shoulders and moved him onto the backs of their two Donphan.

We get an appearance from Renzo as well, it feels like the scene jumps are pieces of a puzzle that are slowly being put in place.

“There’s only one way to get by in this world, and that’s by not letting others shackle you.”

“But I don’t… my dad isn’t coming back, so I can’t fight to get him to come back…”

“Just find something else you really want to fight for while not forgetting him. We’re all here to support you, so you’re not alone.”

Nekou and Olivia interactions are just such a treat imo, the two just work well together and mesh quite well.

“You made a mistake, it’s not a big deal. I say, so what if you don’t have a perfect image? Perfect people, the ones who make no mistakes, have no flaws and have the world cater to them, those people are ****. This is an ugly world, so it needs ugly people like you and me to protect it. Do you understand?”

Very powerful line and very strong way to end an "aftermath" chapter. I really mean it, I really liked that line.


Anyway, this was mostly a set-up/impact chapter. We saw the after-effects of Rich's revelation as well as set-up for the future. I'll start off by saying the events that all are surely gonna intertwine together is gonna be quite the show. The three factions - Polaris, Team Rocket, and Tenganist - are all being set-up for something unavoidable and massive. Olivia's world crumbled down and we see her sadness, but from the debris of her world falling down I feel like she'll grow and be rebuilt a bit more as a stronger and more mature human being. That's the thing about feeling low, you can only go up when you're at your worst. Nekou is playing a role in that development, which is nice since, she is easily becoming my favorite character of the story personality wise. She's strong, confident, competent, and knows what's she talking about and supporting.

I also like your handling of Olivia's training, training is tedious and can be a chore to sit through at times. I'm glad you just give us the sharp details of the battle at its climax and the ending and we don't spend immense amounts of time on battles with random trainers. Nothing wrong with training battles at times, it's just commendable you don't waste all your time on them. The chapter also felt like a "breather" after the action last chapter, it gives the readers some time to get everything in place and really absorb it all. Renzo's role in this chapter was strange, I wonder what and how he'll be involved in the Tenganist situation. Going back to the Olivia situation, Nekou telling her to find a second wind to continue on in her journey just makes me wonder if Olivia will figure that out. I somehow feel this second wind will come after she's achieved her first badge or around that time, whether it be before that or after. Not to mention Matt is her legal guardian, he'll have to earn that trust back.

Bunny leaving for a while was unexpected too, I'm wondering how long she'll be gone and how the group will continue to operate without her.

An enjoyable chapter overall, I couldn't comment on much and do my usual nitpicking because it wasn't that long. Still it was a nice breather and set-up for the inevitable.

[Bay]

Shorter chapter than your usual ones but I don’t mind as there were still a few interesting stuff going on.

Ah, so I’m right that Bunny will be leaving for a while. I too wonder how the group will operate with her (temporary?) absence. Like the scene with her and Dante discovering the etchings of Volcarona. The both of them separated doesn’t sound good, hopefully they’ll get out of their situation soon.

Like Doryuzu, the Team Rocket scenes are good and I’m very interested in Operation Atlas. Knowing you, things are going to get serious ah yup.

“You know, Olivia… it might not always seem like it, but Matt does care about you. He really does try to take care of you.”

“What makes you say that? He lied to me all this time about where my dad was and now he’s been hiding instead of facing what he did!”

“And I’m sure he feels horrible about that. But there is no doubt in my mind that he only sheltered you as he did because he believed it to be right. He only hasn’t been around the last couple of days because he doesn’t want to harm you further by making mistakes right now.”

“How can I trust him again, though?”

“You don’t have to. Not until he earns that trust again. But for now, I’m here for you.”

“…am I a bad person for all those things I said back in Violet City? I am, aren’t I?”

I feel this particular part you could add some description of Olivia’s emotions, mention facial expressions and actions (like hands clenching). Otherwise the last scene of them is bittersweet and glad Olivia shook off being stoic slightly.

Overall a good chapter to settle some things down after the big reveal from last chapter. Looking forward to more!

[Matori]

Short but excellent!

Eight years ago, Olivia’s world was a very different place. There were no expectations to live up to, no disappointments to face, and no villains of any kind to disrupt her peace.

What there was was the simple life of a child not yet tainted by the darker aspects of the outside world. There was her father, Rich, and her mother, Anabel – the two who made her existence everything a young girl could have wanted.

It was her father especially who spoiled her. He could almost never say no to her, often resulting in the more serious aspects of raising her getting left to Anabel. Material goods weren’t the only thing Rich spoiled Olivia with, though; without fail, he always supported her and always did what he could to help her in anything she wanted to do.

Those idyllic days would not last.

This is a really powerful intro passage and shows just how horribly messed up by the last chapter's reveal Olivia is. It also shows how Rich's sheltering, however well-intentioned, had horrible consequences- ones he probably never honestly thought would be an issue.

“It’s not just anger,” Matt corrected her, still not moving his dispirited gaze from the table. “It’s sadness, too. The kind of soul-crushing sadness that leads you to uncontrollable anger because you have nothing else left to resort to. I know it firsthand… I fear for what she’s going to be like tomorrow once the initial shock wears off.”

boy do I know that feel. Poor Matt. I felt like this scene really showed just how horrible he feels about letting Olivia down like he did.

“Say no more.” His lighthearted demeanor gone, Dante turned half away from Matt and Bunny and stared toward the windows with a bitter look in his eyes. “When Amina died, I felt the same way. It takes time for someone who’s lost their only guiding star to find another one. I just hope for all of your sakes that it takes less time for her than it’s taken me.” Swiveling back to face Matt and Bunny again, he suddenly adopted an upbeat persona again. “Now about why I’m here. While I was staying at Mr. Pokémon’s home, I read some magazines he had and I came across something rather curious. One scientific publication, while discussing the migration of Pokémon from Unova to this country, theorized that some Pokémon believed to be native to Unova might also have been here before. I’m on my way to the Ruins of Alph to investigate one of the theories, and since we’re all here in one place, I would like to ask – Bunny, would you be interested in joining me on this research?”

Dante's respect for Bunny is a detail I really like because it shows he's found respect for Matt's friends and I think that drives home the point of just how much respect he has for Matt as well. I also like how Matt seems to understand Olivia needs her privacy and space at the moment and gives that reason for being okay with Bunny leaving the group for a while.

“And you. Don’t let your loss break your spirit and stop you from moving forward. Fight back against that despair, Olivia. Don’t get consumed by it.”

Powerful words, really.

Up on the monitor, Stacia looked back at them from Giovanni’s darkened office. She nodded in response to Ariana’s stunned inquiry, the glow from her own screen reflecting in her glasses.

Very very cool description there.

“Hello, we’re still in the dark here!” Jessie interjected.

“You can’t just expect us to know what’s going on,” added James. “Bring us up to speed, why don’t you?”

I can see them reacting like this perfectly. It's very in character for them.

“I told you, we’re at war now. This isn’t the first time Giovanni’s come out to participate in a mission himself, if you remember.”

Good reminder for those not familiar with the anime.

“All equipment necessary for your mission will be supplied by Dr. Zager before you leave for Kanto, so that does not change.” Behind the glow of her glasses, Stacia narrowed her eyes. “Mr. Giovanni expects you here as soon as possible. I would strongly advise that you do not disappoint him. Farewell.”

You don't want to know what happens if you disappoint him...

“Don’t you worry your little blue head about that,” Ariana asserted. “When Operation Atlas was initially crafted, one thing we made sure to do was plan a provision for just a case like this. We’ve got someone in place to deal with that, and let me assure you, by the time we get to Viridian, there won’t be any traces left to prove what happened. The ability to rewrite history is great, isn’t it? Too bad we can only use it once, or it’ll be figured out…”

“Are you finished?” Zager said with a sigh. “You three, start loading the equipment into the car. I’ll go over the map system and make sure your charts of the underground tunnels are up to date

I love the banter between Ariana and Zager. It's cute.

After ending the video conference with Zager’s lab, Stacia left Giovanni’s office and slipped into the adjoining wardrobe room, where Giovanni was pulling on a black trench coat in front of a mirror.

“I’ve… given them the mission,” she said to him, “just as you directed.”

“Very good,” Giovanni replied, though he did not turn to her. “It is of utmost importance that every one of them understands the stakes here.”

“Mr. Giovanni, sir… please forgive my insubordination, but I must ask. Are these measures truly necessary? They’re very dangerous… something could happen to you and then I…”

“It is what must be done.” While adjusting his tie in the mirror, Giovanni continued on, explaining, “If we do not stand in Polaris’s way, who will? Team Rocket may not be what it once was, but we still have more resources available than anyone still able to resist their influence. The International Police will not be an obstacle, that virus Rosalie headed the development of will see to that. It will be between us and Polaris, with no interference – and if we lose, the result will be the same as if we did nothing. There is nothing to be lost by trying.”

“But without you, I’m… Team Rocket is helpless!”

“Team Rocket survived being led by that woman, so it can survive anything.” Having finished dressing, Giovanni turned to Stacia and set one of his hands on her shoulder, making her jump. “Remember, there is nothing that is impossible for Team Rocket. Keep that in mind while you’re in charge here.”

With that, Giovanni stepped past Stacia and out of the small room. A small tear formed at the corner of her eye, but she quickly composed herself, pushed her glasses up on her face and followed him.

I really love this scene for a lot of reasons. It shows a little more of Gio and Stacia's professional relationship, and also that there's more to the two of them than it would seem at first glance. This kind of character depth is amazing.

Sometime later that afternoon, the group had attracted the attention of a young girl dressed in a gray scout uniform. As a trainer herself, she had quickly challenged Olivia to a battle, which ended up seeing Olivia’s Minccino fighting against her female Nidoran. With Matt staying inside the HR-E – which was acting as their mobile campsite for the trip down Route 32 – only Nekou was out watching the battle, dividing her attention between that and working on her laptop.

“Nidoran, Poison Sting!” the scout girl called to her Pokémon.

The Poison-type Pokémon launched a wave of glowing purple thorns from her small body, but despite the hazard they presented, Olivia barely reacted.

Simply staring straight ahead with a blank look in her eyes, she stiffly ordered, “Swift.”

Nidoran’s Poison Sting was no match for Minccino’s counterattack; every needle was swatted away by one of Minccino’s stars. With the match at a stalemate, the girl changed tactics.

“Double Kick!” she announced, switching to a direct attack.

“Tail Slap.”

Compared to the older, well-cared-for and better trained Minccino, the Nidoran had little chance. Her movements were fairly inept, owing to the fact that she was a relatively new Pokémon for her trainer. She kicked with her hind legs but Minccino easily evaded the attack, then countered by lashing the Poison-type with her tail repeatedly.

Meanwhile, Nekou was busily typing on her laptop. Taking care to not make any mistakes in what she was doing, she said quietly to herself, “There we go. With HR-E boosting the signal, I can reach the satellite no problem, then work from there.” She then looked up and took note of the battle, paying particular attention to Olivia’s completely stoic expression, which dismayed her. “I wish I could do something…”

I think the fact that Olivia is still able to do things like battle, but silently and emotionlessly, is more tragic than her being unable to function altogether. I'm happy this hasn't affected her skills as a trainer, but at the same time I got the definite impression she's just going through the motions of living at this point.

Deep in the Ruins of Alph, Mercury and Séduire pressed on, leading their team ever closer to the Meteonite. They’d subsisted on what supplies they had, but dividing basic hiking provisions of simple food and water between six humans and one Pokémon left all of them a little less than satisfied.

Knowing Meowth and his status as a cat I have to wonder how much of that food he consumed. At least they're feeding him.

Just as the team stepped into the expanse, however, an Unown in the shape of the letter ‘Y’ materialized, startling Séduire and two of Mercury’s followers.

How is something so adorable so terrifying?

While Dante and Bunny pondered their next move, the ‘Y’ Unown suddenly appeared, along with an ‘X’ Unown and a ‘G’ Unown. All three growled angrily at the pair they perceived as invaders.

“Oh, what a bother,” Dante said with a sigh. “We’re not interested in having a fight with you.”

The Unown paid him no mind, and attacked by issuing forth a flurry of energy spheres, with each Unown’s set taking on its own color. These three Hidden Powers fell short of their targets, striking the ground around Dante and Bunny’s feet.

“They’re not listening… Bunny, I’m afraid we’re going to have to fight them.”

Mirroring Dante’s action, Bunny started to reach for one of her Poké Balls, though something she noticed in the eyes of the Unown unnerved her. “Is something wrong with them?” she questioned. “Their eyes are so empty…”

Dante could not even get a single syllable of a response out before roughly a dozen more Unown warped into the room. They immediately synchronized with the others, resulting in the whole horde’s power increasing substantially. The chamber filled with the Hidden Power energy each Unown called forth and rained down on the pair of humans.

Thrown in opposite directions by the countless explosions, Dante and Bunny were forced onto and fell through individual trapdoors leading to two different places.

I guess the Unown listened to Meowth, then.

Olivia, meanwhile, recalled Lillipup and stiffly walked up to the boy, all while remaining silent. She stared at him with an icy look, then pushed her open hand toward him.

“Geez, you can’t cut me some slack? The trainers out here are getting more and more selfish with money lately!”

The camper thrust a small handful of bills into Olivia’s hand, then turned sharply and stormed off.

He didn’t notice Olivia mouth “thank you” after him.

It was a relief for me to read this and see Olivia is still in there somewhere.

“If this is where it ends,” he uttered, looking out over the vast route, “I’ll be along to give you your comeuppance sooner than I thought I’d be.” Peering down into his poncho, he addressed the spheres containing his Drowzee, Gurdurr and Cottonee, saying, “Sorry I couldn’t live up to what you three deserved… I did my best for all of you.”

Despite his earlier behavior, this actually made me feel sorry for Renzo. Although he really should have gone into that cave better prepared.

“We cannot simply leave this young man here to die. If we did, we would be no better than Polaris… or that man Ghetsis… so, we must act. It is through acts of mercy to the innocent that we apologize for what we must do.”

Interesting bit of background on the Tenganists there.

A vast, orange sky barely fouled by clouds spread out over Route 32 the next evening. Olivia sat alone on one of the hills that dotted the landscape near the route’s southern end, taking the sight in while locked in silent contemplation.

Her reverie was only broken when Nekou walked up and sat down alongside her.

“Hey, kid, how’re you doing?” she asked, offering Olivia one of the chocolate sticks she was eating, which the girl accepted. “You know, Roselia was great today against that fisherman’s Poliwag.”

“Thanks…” Olivia mumbled, “…but I just… I just don’t get it.”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Nekou was surprisingly sincere in her offer. “I’m a shoulder you can cry on.”

“I just… don’t know what to feel. I’ve been battling these last few days because I wanted to find a reason for it… but I can’t… without my dad… I don’t understand it at all.”

“You know, I don’t believe he’s completely gone, you know? I believe there are places people go when they die. He may have made mistakes, but I’m sure he was a good man. He’s probably watching you right now.”

“Do… you really think so?” Olivia’s breathing was labored under the stress of the emotions she was suppressing, so she spoke very slowly.

“Yeah, I do. If I might offer you some advice, though, you have to live for yourself. Find your own reasons for continuing on the path you’ve chosen. You want to keep being a trainer, right?”

“I guess…”

“Then find what makes you want to follow that path. You don’t have to follow anyone’s rules but your own, so live for your own reasons. That was something Maman taught me a long time ago, and my life has been so much better since then.” Looking out over the landscape, Nekou continued, “There’s only one way to get by in this world, and that’s by not letting others shackle you.”

“But I don’t… my dad isn’t coming back, so I can’t fight to get him to come back…”

“Just find something else you really want to fight for while not forgetting him. We’re all here to support you, so you’re not alone.”

“You mean you’re here to support me…” This remark was tinged with bitterness, and Olivia turned her head away from Nekou.

“You know, Olivia… it might not always seem like it, but Matt does care about you. He really does try to take care of you.”

“What makes you say that? He lied to me all this time about where my dad was and now he’s been hiding instead of facing what he did!”

“And I’m sure he feels horrible about that. But there is no doubt in my mind that he only sheltered you as he did because he believed it to be right. He only hasn’t been around the last couple of days because he doesn’t want to harm you further by making mistakes right now.”

“How can I trust him again, though?”

“You don’t have to. Not until he earns that trust again. But for now, I’m here for you.”

“…am I a bad person for all those things I said back in Violet City? I am, aren’t I?”

“You made a mistake, it’s not a big deal. I say, so what if you don’t have a perfect image? Perfect people, the ones who make no mistakes, have no flaws and have the world cater to them, those people are ****. This is an ugly world, so it needs ugly people like you and me to protect it. Do you understand?”

“I… I think…” Suddenly, Olivia began tearing up. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Olivia and Nekou moved closer together so Olivia could rest her head on Nekou’s shoulder. Nekou then took out her music player, gave Olivia one of the headphones, and they started eating the chocolate sticks and listening to music together.

I loved this scene. It's great to see Nekou being a sister to Olivia and being understanding. And I think Nekou telling Olivia she wasn't bad for saying those things in Violet City, and that it was okay for Matt to have to regain her trust, was very important, because it's so rare to see girls being told it's okay to be angry or distrusting of people. Nekou is AWESOME for telling Olivia the things she did, and it makes her that much more amazing as a character.


Great work on this chapter as always!

[diamondpearl876]

“Before we ever met, when I was younger… the feeling of sheer hopelessness that drives you to carry your crippled, blinded sister into a blizzard, all but dooming you both to die in it, that’s how it feels. And then when you get saved and you think you have a way out, a way to save her, only to find out that you’re being used to carry out research into some really bad things… that’s how it really feels. I know what’s going on in that room because I’ve been there.”

Eh, I know you were trying to be impactful here, but the dialogue sounded unnatural here. It sounds more like narration than dialogue.

One scientific publication, while discussing the migration of Pokémon from Unova to this country, theorized that some Pokémon believed to be native to Unova might also have been here before. I’m on my way to the Ruins of Alph to investigate one of the theories, and since we’re all here in one place, I would like to ask – Bunny, would you be interested in joining me on this research?”

I’m guessing Unown? Either way I like how you explore this theme with pokémon from different regions showing up everywhere.

“Team Rocket survived being led by that woman, so it can survive anything.” Having finished dressing, Giovanni turned to Stacia and set one of his hands on her shoulder, making her jump. “Remember, there is nothing that is impossible for Team Rocket. Keep that in mind while you’re in charge here.”

For once I get the sense that Team Rocket is actually the good team here. I don’t know if that’s what you’re going for, but I like the tone I got in this scene.

Indeed, this was a short chapter. My favorite part was probably Olivia’s reaction. Her solemn attitude while fighting battles was portrayed perfectly, and the conversation with Nekou that followed about wanting to battle for her dad was heartbreaking. Her also asking Nekou not to leave was heartbreaking. I only hope that Matt will face up to her soon, because she needs it.

[The Great Butler]

I like the enigmatic opening you present.

More of a little bit of backstory to lend weight to what happened at the end of the preceding chapter, really.

Nekou and Olivia's bond is still pretty cute to me, makes sense given she's and Olivia seem kinda similar.

That's pretty fair to say. There are some definite similarities.

The backstory on Matt is a nice touch.

The backstory actually wasn't something in my original outline for the chapter, in fact. It just happened naturally as I was writing the dialogue in that part.

Didn't expect to see Dante again in this situation.

That was a throw around right there. Bunny leaving the gang to help Dante with his exploration? That's interesting, to say the least.....

This one was something I've wanted for some time now. I want this story to feel like it has a bigger scope by having more than one active, ongoing plot at once at times, and despite this one being somewhat short, I think it worked out. I also think it was good to get Bunny out and doing things besides tagging along, even if for a short time.

I actually had the same thoughts as Bunny on the matter, wouldn't Olivia need as many people as possible in a situation like that? Close one's like Bunny and Nekou since she's still very sore at Matt?

The reasoning is that Bunny was introduced to Olivia as being Matt's friend prior to their (Olivia and Bunny) meeting, while none of them knew Nekou before they all met her. Right at this point, Olivia won't respond to people she ties to Matt.

Olivia stoic behavior, I can't help but think this is meant to be somehow reminisce of her "growing-up" as a person in a way. Knowing that life isn't easy and things aren't gonna be a sugar-coated path for her in the long run. She's had hardships and been in intense situations before but still it shows a bit more in her character in the way she's upset now. Compared to the time she broke her bone where she was more moody so to speak.

Oh, she's moody here, she's just doing it differently. I suppose "stoic" is one word you could use, but she's not doing it out of any sort of maturity or anything - she's doing it here because right now, she's completely numb and not feeling anything.

New operation I see, a continued fight against Polaris and Team Rocket.

Another subtle Easter Egg.

It's actually two Easter Eggs if you think about it; it's referring to not only Operation Tempest but the operation from the skipped episodes (which may have been named "Project Den.")

There's a lot more to this than simply two organizations facing off; it's something you'll find out more about in time.

By woman, I'm assuming he's talking about Madame Boss, perhaps?

Yes, that's exactly right! I was a bit unsure on how to portray Giovanni's thoughts about her because I haven't heard the CD drama in which she appears, plus I've read some conflicting information on the subject, so I decided to simply contrast their personalities and build on how their relationship is commonly seen.

I like how you add more dimensions to even characters like Stacia, she's a bit villain-ish as well as the whole Rocket organization, but she's still a person at the end of the day. There's more sides to her, she has weaknesses. She truly does care for Giovanni.

Yes, that's something I definitely try to do with characters like her. "Still a person at the end of the day" is a great way to put it, and that's something I'm trying to do as often as possible.

There are more sides to quite a few characters.

I figured Nekou would be 100% watching, what with Olivia being in a fragile state of mind right now and only having one person she trusts completely with her .

Perhaps "dividing her attention" was bit of a poor word choice; what she was doing on her laptop wasn't really taking up much of her attention. For her, it was something fairly simple.

More expansion on the mass Unova Pokemon migration, that's good to see.

I'm still deliberating on more ways to elaborate on it, but this was one of my earliest plans.

Possible capture?

Possible.

I'm genuinely interested in where they're gonna end up.

At least one of them is going for a trip, that's for sure.

This scene gave me Sayaka Miki vibes for some reason.

...you know, I hadn't thought of that before, but now that you put the image in my head I'm seeing that scene from when she was on the train and dear God it all works too well.

We get an appearance from Renzo as well, it feels like the scene jumps are pieces of a puzzle that are slowly being put in place.

Yes, that's a good way to put it. There are some big plot chapters coming up in the near future that could be considered the puzzle these pieces are going towards.

Nekou and Olivia interactions are just such a treat imo, the two just work well together and mesh quite well.

I think I have just as much fun writing their scenes as you and the others have reading them. I mean, both of them have a good number of layers so their personalities interacting creates something interesting, I think.

Very powerful line and very strong way to end an "aftermath" chapter. I really mean it, I really liked that line.

Thank you. That line's a favorite of mine as well; I feel like it really captures both Nekou's worldview and her opening herself up to Olivia in order to give her help.

Anyway, this was mostly a set-up/impact chapter. We saw the after-effects of Rich's revelation as well as set-up for the future. I'll start off by saying the events that all are surely gonna intertwine together is gonna be quite the show. The three factions - Polaris, Team Rocket, and Tenganist - are all being set-up for something unavoidable and massive.

You don't know how right you are. There's something coming, and it's going to be big.

Olivia's world crumbled down and we see her sadness, but from the debris of her world falling down I feel like she'll grow and be rebuilt a bit more as a stronger and more mature human being. That's the thing about feeling low, you can only go up when you're at your worst. Nekou is playing a role in that development, which is nice since, she is easily becoming my favorite character of the story personality wise. She's strong, confident, competent, and knows what's she talking about and supporting.

That's an interesting way of looking at it, and I think that view works. Olivia's definitely in the course of hitting rock bottom, and some of the ideas I've got in mind for where she'll go from there are things I think you'll like.

I also like your handling of Olivia's training, training is tedious and can be a chore to sit through at times. I'm glad you just give us the sharp details of the battle at its climax and the ending and we don't spend immense amounts of time on battles with random trainers. Nothing wrong with training battles at times, it's just commendable you don't waste all your time on them.

I'm definitely glad this worked out as I hoped. After some of the earlier chapters got bogged down in full-length battles, that was something I wanted to avoid for a character-driven chapter such as this.

It's something you're going to see done more as the plot begins to shift gears. This is the stretch of chapters where things are going to begin changing.

The chapter also felt like a "breather" after the action last chapter, it gives the readers some time to get everything in place and really absorb it all.

Right. It's not time for a lot of intense action all at once just yet.

Renzo's role in this chapter was strange, I wonder what and how he'll be involved in the Tenganist situation.

Their two paths are mostly just going to be tangentially related for now; the next chapter ought to make that picture a little clearer.

Going back to the Olivia situation, Nekou telling her to find a second wind to continue on in her journey just makes me wonder if Olivia will figure that out. I somehow feel this second wind will come after she's achieved her first badge or around that time, whether it be before that or after. Not to mention Matt is her legal guardian, he'll have to earn that trust back.

I won't let on too much, but Olivia finding something meaningful enough to motivate her won't be resolved quite that easily. You'll see.

An enjoyable chapter overall, I couldn't comment on much and do my usual nitpicking because it wasn't that long. Still it was a nice breather and set-up for the inevitable.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.

Shorter chapter than your usual ones but I don’t mind as there were still a few interesting stuff going on.

Right here I should probably mention that the next chapter ought to be fairly short as well, at least according to how my notes lay out.

Ah, so I’m right that Bunny will be leaving for a while. I too wonder how the group will operate with her (temporary?) absence. Like the scene with her and Dante discovering the etchings of Volcarona. The both of them separated doesn’t sound good, hopefully they’ll get out of their situation soon.

Yes, Bunny's absence will be temporary.

I'm glad you liked that part; it came out with a much faster pace than I thought it would have and I became a little worried that it wasn't actually going to work.

Their situation... well, that'll be interesting.

Like Doryuzu, the Team Rocket scenes are good and I’m very interested in Operation Atlas. Knowing you, things are going to get serious ah yup.

Oh, you know me all too well.

I feel this particular part you could add some description of Olivia’s emotions, mention facial expressions and actions (like hands clenching). Otherwise the last scene of them is bittersweet and glad Olivia shook off being stoic slightly.

I considered that but I ultimately decided against it. Previously, it had been pointed out that I was force-feeding readers the thoughts of the characters by describing their emotions in overly detailed ways. With this scene, I decided to challenge each reader to imagine for themselves exactly how Olivia was feeling. If I spelled it out explicitly, I don't think you would connect with her as much, and my goal for this scene was to get the reader to really have to see things from Olivia's point of view.

Overall a good chapter to settle some things down after the big reveal from last chapter. Looking forward to more!

Thank you. I think you'll enjoy what's coming.

Short but excellent!

Thank you.

This is a really powerful intro passage and shows just how horribly messed up by the last chapter's reveal Olivia is. It also shows how Rich's sheltering, however well-intentioned, had horrible consequences- ones he probably never honestly thought would be an issue.

The idea that Rich made some very big mistakes under the belief that they were the right things to do is going to come up again; it's something I've wanted to explore with him.

boy do I know that feel. Poor Matt. I felt like this scene really showed just how horrible he feels about letting Olivia down like he did.

If you think about it, he made exactly the same mistake Rich did by sheltering her so drastically. The difference though is that Matt did it because of his deference to Rich's wishes and his own inability to make hard decisions, not to mention that he truly did intend to follow Nekou's suggestion and tell her the truth. He was just too slow.

Dante's respect for Bunny is a detail I really like because it shows he's found respect for Matt's friends and I think that drives home the point of just how much respect he has for Matt as well. I also like how Matt seems to understand Olivia needs her privacy and space at the moment and gives that reason for being okay with Bunny leaving the group for a while.

I think Dante might see himself in Matt to some degree. If you compare what you know about the two of them, it does make a certain amount of sense.

Powerful words, really.

That's something else he'd know about. He was speaking from experience.

Very very cool description there.

I'm finding that the Team Rocket scenes often seem to come out as some of the most atmospheric. Would you agree?

I can see them reacting like this perfectly. It's very in character for them.

You don't know how much of a relief that is to hear after all that's been going on with their characters recently in the anime, seriously.

Good reminder for those not familiar with the anime.

I literally just realized something else - while it was intended to refer to the Meteonite mission and Operation Tempest, it also could be alluding to Mewtwo Returns.

You don't want to know what happens if you disappoint him...

Giovanni probably wouldn't deal out the punishment himself, he'd probably leave Stacia to do it. And that's likely to be the worst thing they could be left to face.

I love the banter between Ariana and Zager. It's cute.

It's partially due to how different the two of them are. They're kind of like Nekou and Matt in that one is fairly lighthearted and casual about themselves, while the other is serious and represses a number of his other emotions.

I really love this scene for a lot of reasons. It shows a little more of Gio and Stacia's professional relationship, and also that there's more to the two of them than it would seem at first glance. This kind of character depth is amazing.

Thank you for the compliment, first of all. I really feel honored to have gotten it.

I think the best way to sum up what happened in that scene is to say that both Giovanni and Stacia have two sides to their relationship with each other: professional and personal.

I think the fact that Olivia is still able to do things like battle, but silently and emotionlessly, is more tragic than her being unable to function altogether. I'm happy this hasn't affected her skills as a trainer, but at the same time I got the definite impression she's just going through the motions of living at this point.

That's a correct impression, and I agree with your logic. I really wanted to show an image of her that was stripped of much of her humanity, having become an arguably better trainer but only because of how battling is the only thing sustaining her.

Knowing Meowth and his status as a cat I have to wonder how much of that food he consumed. At least they're feeding him.

Probably just however much they gave him, giving his current state.

Also, they might be antagonists, but they're at the very least pragmatic and could even be considered good-hearted in a sense. Whether they cared for him genuinely or because they still needed his abilities, they still did it.

How is something so adorable so terrifying?

Perhaps because it was unexpected.

I guess the Unown listened to Meowth, then.

Yes, they did.

It was a relief for me to read this and see Olivia is still in there somewhere.

Building off of what Doryuzu said, let me just remind you that Sayaka was still inside of Oktavia...

Despite his earlier behavior, this actually made me feel sorry for Renzo. Although he really should have gone into that cave better prepared.

Renzo is a bit more complex than just a plain antagonistic rival. I think you'll like where his story goes.

In the games, Dark Cave contains a completely disjointed distribution of Pokemon level-wise depending on which section of the cave you enter. Because of that I think it is reasonable to see it as a very dangerous hike he took on, since he had to cover all the areas of the cave.

Interesting bit of background on the Tenganists there.

That's just the beginning when it comes to them.

I loved this scene. It's great to see Nekou being a sister to Olivia and being understanding. And I think Nekou telling Olivia she wasn't bad for saying those things in Violet City, and that it was okay for Matt to have to regain her trust, was very important, because it's so rare to see girls being told it's okay to be angry or distrusting of people. Nekou is AWESOME for telling Olivia the things she did, and it makes her that much more amazing as a character.

I knew this scene would be well-liked. I had it in my head for so long before I finally got to write it and I fell in love with it myself.

Nekou really empathizes with Olivia. It's another facet of her outlandish personality, really - Nekou doesn't want to see Olivia constrain herself by expectations placed upon her by others, because she knows that's only going to make it hurt more. The point of the 'ugly world needs ugly people' comment is that Nekou recognizes how ugly people can be - but she doesn't see it as something wrong. Instead, she sees it as something to be embraced, meaning she's telling Olivia that it's perfectly fine for her to be angry and distrusting if that's what makes her feel better in the end.

I'm not trying to blow my own horn, but I really do love this scene myself.

Great work on this chapter as always!

Thanks, and thank you for the fine review!

Eh, I know you were trying to be impactful here, but the dialogue sounded unnatural here. It sounds more like narration than dialogue.

I can see why you'd say that. That was meant to be him starting to run his mouth and getting overly dramatic again, but I can see where it didn't come out quite as smoothly as I'd hoped.

I’m guessing Unown? Either way I like how you explore this theme with pokémon from different regions showing up everywhere.

Volcarona, though the idea of the origin of the Unown gives me some ideas I might want to explore.

I guess the way I came up with this scenario was really simple, though. I'm going off of what HGSS initially presented us game-wise, which had Pokemon from all four generations to that point present in Kanto and Johto in some way. I knew Unova Pokemon would need an explanation for their presence, however.

For once I get the sense that Team Rocket is actually the good team here. I don’t know if that’s what you’re going for, but I like the tone I got in this scene.

Sort of. Their motives aren't entirely altruistic, but it could be argued that what the ends justify the means.

That's a theme I want to explore more as the story progresses. From the viewpoints of the various factions driving the plot, do their goals justify what they do to pursue them? There's a lot of gray areas in terms of morality here, and few major players are either entirely good or entirely evil. Things on this note are going to get more complex going forward.

Indeed, this was a short chapter. My favorite part was probably Olivia’s reaction. Her solemn attitude while fighting battles was portrayed perfectly, and the conversation with Nekou that followed about wanting to battle for her dad was heartbreaking. Her also asking Nekou not to leave was heartbreaking. I only hope that Matt will face up to her soon, because she needs it.

He'll certainly try. Whether it works or not is an entirely other matter.

Thank you for your review, and I'm happy you liked it!

I have the teaser for the next chapter ready but I need to put it in another post. I'm not sure if it'll fit here, not to mention that it'll get lost.

[The Great Butler]

    Spoiler:- Chapter 10 teaser:

Show Spoiler

 
"The Beasts Within"

Summary: Polaris's quest for the large Meteonite hidden beneath the Ruins of Alph reaches a major turning point, setting in motion the beginning of their bigger plans. The strange events triggered by their discovery affect Matt, Nekou and Olivia's trip through Union Cave, placing them in danger.

Character List*:
*Presence on this list does not necessarily mean screen presence

-Matt Chiaki
-Nekou Langley
-Olivia Mistbloom
-Bunny Spruce
-Dr. Dante Fantomos
-Nando
-Looker
-Dr. Zager
-Pierce
-Finansielle
-Mercury
-Séduire
-Mercury's followers
-Finansielle's aide
-Renzo
-The Prophet
-Tenganist people
-Saeko Oryo

 

[An Enemy Spy]

HAPTER 9: Disconnection

-:-

Eight years ago, Olivia’s world was a very different place. There were no expectations to live up to, no disappointments to face, and no villains of any kind to disrupt her peace.

What there was was the simple life of a child not yet tainted by the darker aspects of the outside world. There was her father, Rich, and her mother, Anabel – the two who made her existence everything a young girl could have wanted.

It was her father especially who spoiled her. He could almost never say no to her, often resulting in the more serious aspects of raising her getting left to Anabel. Material goods weren’t the only thing Rich spoiled Olivia with, though; without fail, he always supported her and always did what he could to help her in anything she wanted to do.

Those idyllic days would not last.

I love this opening. It hits all the right points we need to know about Olivia and what is to come, while not being dragged out.

Night brought the drawing-down of much of the activity in Violet City’s Pokémon Center. Besides the nurse, who was working behind the front desk, the lobby was empty save for Matt, who was sitting at and staring into a table in miserable silence.

The air was deadly still, at least until Bunny emerged from the hallway to the lodging area and approached the table.

“Hey,” she said, sitting down opposite him.

“How’s she doing…?” Matt mumbled into the table, not even bothering to turn his eyes to Bunny.

In response, Bunny sighed and closed her eyes. “Nekou’s in there talking to her, but the kinds of things she’s saying… I don’t think I want to repeat them.”

“About me and how I let her down?”

“You, me, Nekou, Avril, Rich himself… I would never judge her capable of such anger just by looking at her.”

“It’s not just anger,” Matt corrected her, still not moving his dispirited gaze from the table. “It’s sadness, too. The kind of soul-crushing sadness that leads you to uncontrollable anger because you have nothing else left to resort to. I know it firsthand… I fear for what she’s going to be like tomorrow once the initial shock wears off.”

“I’ve never seen you get as angry as she is right now…”

“Before we ever met, when I was younger… the feeling of sheer hopelessness that drives you to carry your crippled, blinded sister into a blizzard, all but dooming you both to die in it, that’s how it feels. And then when you get saved and you think you have a way out, a way to save her, only to find out that you’re being used to carry out research into some really bad things… that’s how it really feels. I know what’s going on in that room because I’ve been there.”

Bunny found herself at a loss for words, owing mainly to her exhausted state of mind. Between Olivia’s breakdown and the inability to help on the parts of both herself and Matt, she couldn’t deal with it.

I like this dialogue too. I read the TV Tropes page on thisw story, and it says that this is part of a massive trilogy which itself is a sequel to another work, so I'm guessing there's a lot of backstory here.



Sometime later that afternoon, the group had attracted the attention of a young girl dressed in a gray scout uniform. As a trainer herself, she had quickly challenged Olivia to a battle, which ended up seeing Olivia’s Minccino fighting against her female Nidoran. With Matt staying inside the HR-E – which was acting as their mobile campsite for the trip down Route 32 – only Nekou was out watching the battle, dividing her attention between that and working on her laptop.

“Nidoran, Poison Sting!” the scout girl called to her Pokémon.

The Poison-type Pokémon launched a wave of glowing purple thorns from her small body, but despite the hazard they presented, Olivia barely reacted.

Simply staring straight ahead with a blank look in her eyes, she stiffly ordered, “Swift.”

Nidoran’s Poison Sting was no match for Minccino’s counterattack; every needle was swatted away by one of Minccino’s stars. With the match at a stalemate, the girl changed tactics.

“Double Kick!” she announced, switching to a direct attack.

“Tail Slap.”

Here's where we get to a part I dislike. I have never liked battled where the trainers just call out attacks. That wqorks in the games because they have to simplify the combat to make it more playable, but in a narrative you have so much more to work with. Try to make battles more interesting. Have the trainers try out more advanced tactics. In my story, there's a character who has worked out stretegies with his pokemon beforehand, and simply says "strategy number two" or the like depending on the situation. The pokemon already knows what to do.




The Unown paid him no mind, and attacked by issuing forth a flurry of energy spheres, with each Unown’s set taking on its own color. These three Hidden Powers fell short of their targets, striking the ground around Dante and Bunny’s feet.

“They’re not listening… Bunny, I’m afraid we’re going to have to fight them.”

I don't think this scene has very much suspense to it. Everything is explained so matter of factly that I can't work up any excitement.

Mirroring Dante’s action, Bunny started to reach for one of her Poké Balls, though something she noticed in the eyes of the Unown unnerved her. “Is something wrong with them?” she questioned. “Their eyes are so empty…”

Dante could not even get a single syllable of a response out before roughly a dozen more Unown warped into the room. They immediately synchronized with the others, resulting in the whole horde’s power increasing substantially. The chamber filled with the Hidden Power energy each Unown called forth and rained down on the pair of humans.

Thrown in opposite directions by the countless explosions, Dante and Bunny were forced onto and fell through individual trapdoors leading to two different places.

DUN DUN DUUUUN!!!


Meanwhile, quite a distance away on the craggy hills of Route 45, Renzo staggered out of the shadowy interior of Dark Cave.

“F-finally made it…” he said to himself. Being lost inside Dark Cave for several days had taken its toll on him, and the cold weather on Route 45 didn’t help. Pulling up his scarf to cover even more of his face than usual, he looked around in all directions, seeking the path forward to Blackthorn City.

What he found crushed his confidence, however. The rugged landscape spread before his eyes offered no apparent way to advance north. Insurmountable cliffs, thick patches of tree cover and other obstacles created a treacherous, impossible-to-navigate route.

Shivering under his poncho, which afforded him surprisingly little protection from the cold, Renzo staggered over to a nearby rock and sat down against it. The great difficulty of going north as he’d desired took away all his energy.

“If this is where it ends,” he uttered, looking out over the vast route, “I’ll be along to give you your comeuppance sooner than I thought I’d be.” Peering down into his poncho, he addressed the spheres containing his Drowzee, Gurdurr and Cottonee, saying, “Sorry I couldn’t live up to what you three deserved… I did my best for all of you.”

Feeling extremely weak, Renzo leaned back against the rock and shut his eyes; before long, he was out cold.

No more than a few minutes later, however, multiple sets of footsteps came down the trail near Dark Cave’s entrance.

“Come on, it’s just ahead,” a man’s voice shouted. “I swear I heard someone walking around.”

The Tenganist prophet emerged from the corner near the cave, accompanied by two of her followers, one male and one female. They had three Pokémon with them; a pair of Donphan and a Stantler.

“There, I see him,” announced the cloaked prophet. “Check and see if he’s alive.”

Heeding their leader’s words, the man and woman ran to Renzo’s side and attempted to help him up.

“Unresponsive,” the woman called back to her leader, “but he’s still breathing. He’s alive.”

Gesturing to the Pokémon to move forth, the prophet declared, “We will bring him back to the base and heal him.”

“Are you sure, my lady?” the man questioned. “Would that not be a risk?”

“We cannot simply leave this young man here to die. If we did, we would be no better than Polaris… or that man Ghetsis… so, we must act. It is through acts of mercy to the innocent that we apologize for what we must do.”

The prophet’s explanation sufficiently convinced her followers of her decision’s merits, so they lifted Renzo’s unconscious body onto their shoulders and moved him onto the backs of their two Donphan.

This is a gtood scene. I think it would better with more narration. It basically boils down to 'it was cold, he was tired and he layed down and was going to freeze to death. You could have made the situation seem far more dire. Describe the bitter, biting cold, show the hopelessness as he knows he isn't going to make it, that he's failed in whatever his quest was, and that he's dragged his pokemon to their deaths along with him.


A vast, orange sky barely fouled by clouds spread out over Route 32 the next evening. Olivia sat alone on one of the hills that dotted the landscape near the route’s southern end, taking the sight in while locked in silent contemplation.

I always like sky descriptions that start with the word vast.

Her reverie was only broken when Nekou walked up and sat down alongside her.

“Hey, kid, how’re you doing?” she asked, offering Olivia one of the chocolate sticks she was eating, which the girl accepted. “You know, Roselia was great today against that fisherman’s Poliwag.”

“Thanks…” Olivia mumbled, “…but I just… I just don’t get it.”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Nekou was surprisingly sincere in her offer. “I’m a shoulder you can cry on.”

“I just… don’t know what to feel. I’ve been battling these last few days because I wanted to find a reason for it… but I can’t… without my dad… I don’t understand it at all.”

“You know, I don’t believe he’s completely gone, you know? I believe there are places people go when they die. He may have made mistakes, but I’m sure he was a good man. He’s probably watching you right now.”

“Do… you really think so?” Olivia’s breathing was labored under the stress of the emotions she was suppressing, so she spoke very slowly.

“Yeah, I do. If I might offer you some advice, though, you have to live for yourself. Find your own reasons for continuing on the path you’ve chosen. You want to keep being a trainer, right?”

“I guess…”

“Then find what makes you want to follow that path. You don’t have to follow anyone’s rules but your own, so live for your own reasons. That was something Maman taught me a long time ago, and my life has been so much better since then.” Looking out over the landscape, Nekou continued, “There’s only one way to get by in this world, and that’s by not letting others shackle you.”

“But I don’t… my dad isn’t coming back, so I can’t fight to get him to come back…”

“Just find something else you really want to fight for while not forgetting him. We’re all here to support you, so you’re not alone.”

“You mean you’re here to support me…” This remark was tinged with bitterness, and Olivia turned her head away from Nekou.

“You know, Olivia… it might not always seem like it, but Matt does care about you. He really does try to take care of you.”

“What makes you say that? He lied to me all this time about where my dad was and now he’s been hiding instead of facing what he did!”

“And I’m sure he feels horrible about that. But there is no doubt in my mind that he only sheltered you as he did because he believed it to be right. He only hasn’t been around the last couple of days because he doesn’t want to harm you further by making mistakes right now.”

“How can I trust him again, though?”

“You don’t have to. Not until he earns that trust again. But for now, I’m here for you.”

“…am I a bad person for all those things I said back in Violet City? I am, aren’t I?”

“You made a mistake, it’s not a big deal. I say, so what if you don’t have a perfect image? Perfect people, the ones who make no mistakes, have no flaws and have the world cater to them, those people are ****. This is an ugly world, so it needs ugly people like you and me to protect it. Do you understand?”

“I… I think…” Suddenly, Olivia began tearing up. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Olivia and Nekou moved closer together so Olivia could rest her head on Nekou’s shoulder. Nekou then took out her music player, gave Olivia one of the headphones, and they started eating the chocolate sticks and listening to music together.

Excellent characterization. I love it.