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Thread: The First Quest

  1. #1
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    Default The First Quest

    A story based off the original games, probably a story that's been told many times. Anyways... here we go!

    The story will have some swearing, but nothing to serious, if words like damn and hell are considered cuss in here, then the story is PG13


    Chapter One: The Jack Awakens
    Hello and welcome to a strange world, a world inhabited by strange yet wondrous creatures! This is the world of Pokemon. In this great world humans and Pokemon leave at peace, however there are many Pokemon that are hostile until caught and trained, many Pokemon are too rare to be seen with trainers and some are just too strong for any trainer to hold them. Whether you're a boy or a girl it doesn't matter, Pokemon Trainers will often bond and travel together or become rivals and battle every now and then. In every region there is a certain person who studies Pokemon and tries to learn much about them. Samuel T. Oak is one of these professors and possibly the most famous for inventing the "Pokedex", an intelligent machine that gives trainers information on Pokemon. Pokemon Trainers, as their name implies, train Pokemon, whether it's to battle, enter contest, or even do the Pokeathlon, you'll find trainers everywhere, they all have different titles they go by depending on their appearance and Pokemon. Youngsters use Pokemon that are caught in the first few regions, while Lass use Pokemon that they find cute, Cueballs use poison type Pokemon or intimidating Pokemon and Hikers use Rock type or Fighting type Pokemon. Enough of this, there are 3 young children who are all the age to become trainers. Jack is a 12 year old boy who lives with his mother after his father died in the Pokemon war. Professor Oak's grandson, John, and Jack have been rivals since they were babies. John is 12 years old as well, however older than Jake. Then there's Jane, she's only 11 but still at the age of a trainer, Professor Oak has called all 3 to go to his lab so he can give them all their first Pokemon, who will they get? What will they see? Find out on Pokemon: The First Quest!




    The outside is dark and the time is night, our story begins in a quiet town where the air is fresh and the times are calm, very few houses are in this area of the Kanto Region, this is Pallet Town, where our legends are born. The story begins in a two story house with a window on the second floor that shows the front of the house, people can see out, but none can see in. In the first floor you can see two shadows talking, the only sight is a small light of a candle.

    "So you want me to give him a pokemon?" a voice of an older man spoke in the dark

    "Of course! Jack hasn't been the same since his father passed away... he needs to get out and see the world like you did when you were younger!" A young woman in her thirties replied to the old man

    "Well Mrs. Red, I didn't expect to hear this request from you, I honestly thought you wanted your child to be cooped up forever... that Jack..."

    "Of course I want him to explore the world Samuel, the only one who can help him is you Professor Oak!"

    Mrs. Red, the mother of Jack, and Samuel T. Oak are having a conversation about the problems that have risen involving Jack's health. Jack is a 12 year old boy, he was born in Febuary 27, 1996, his father fought bravely in the Pokemon War with his powerful Pokemon, sadly he did not make it back alive. Since then Jack became a very serious and quiet boy, this is the story of how Jack becomes Pokemon trainer and chases his father's dream of becoming the very best.

    "Well then, tell the boy to come by my lab tomorrow, I'll give him something great! I can promise you that" Professor Oak replied as he stood up from the table and walked outside in the night sky. Professor Oak took a cigar out of his lab coat and put it in his mouth, then he took out a lighter and lighted his cigar. He looked up in the sky as the fumes from his mouth and nose float gently in the sky up to a window in front of the house that he just exited. Inside this window sleeps a boy who doesn't know it yet, but he is about to take an unexpected turn in his life.

    The next morning a loud yet kind voice was heard across the house that the Red Family lived in. The voice was quiet and soft in the ears of the sleeping hero known as Jack Red, the son of Daniel and Deliah Red.

    "JACK, IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP THIS INSTANT, I WILL GO UP THERE WITH THE BELT!" After that loud yell Jack immediately falls off his bed and gets up quickly. He runs down the stairs and sees him mother with some brand new spanking clothes and a bag. Red looks at her with his normal serious look and his half closed eyes and stared at his mom for a long time. The scene quickly changes to him with his brand new clothes with a look of disapproval on him as he looks at them, his mom throws him his bag without a single word and takes out his father's old hat which was red with a white large shape on the front, somewhere in the corner of the white shape what appears to be a black circle with a leaf in it.

    "Today is a big day, Professor Oak wanted to see you and I already know what he's going to ask! I think he might also have a gift for you" She said in a motherly loving and kind warm voice as she put on the cap on his head.

    "Today is the day you become a pokemon trainer Jack! Just like your father, don't you think that would be great?!" She gave him a small grin as he looked away with a sad face, she looked down and sighed

    "Jack, you can't be sad about Daniel forever ya know, he's gone and we both know this, that nuke took him out, there were absolutely no survivors in that explosion..." She looks down and then looks at Jack again.

    "I understand your pain, we all feel it, trust me... I can't sleep at night sometimes thinking about him." As she speaks Jack looks at her and smiles, then he hugs her closely and warmly, he proceeds to grab his bag and look back at his mom

    "I'll make you proud ma, I'm going to become the champion of the Kanto region, then of the whole world!" He yelled that loudly as he ran outside of his house.



    Jack ran so far from his house in such a hurry that he stepped on the tall grass, because of this a strange creature jump out and attacked Jack, it leaped high in the sky and then it tackled Jack down knocking him back a little. A purple creature with a swirly tail, this was a Rattata and it was the first pokemon that Jack had seen in over 6 years. Rattata attacked once more with another powerful tackle but was quickly stopped by the power of a Nidorino. The Nidorino roared loudly in front of Jack and it tackled the Rattata with a powerful horn attack knocking the Rattata out, the Rattata then quickly woke up and fled at a very high speed. Nidorina was returned to his pokeball, when Jack looked back he saw Professor Oak with his old smile and a large book in his hand
    "Hello Jack, you should be more careful don't you think?"



    A few minutes later Oak and Jack arrive in Oak's lab with a familiar face glaring at Jack, it seems that this young boy was waiting for Oak.

    "I'm fed up with waiting Gramps! What the hell took you so long?" This guy was really impatient, he is Johnny Bluem like Jack is 12 years old. He is much more confident and talkative, a little too much of both actually. Both of his parents are still alive but they are never around which angers John and makes him very hateful towards others. John wishes to become stronger in everyway and be better than Jack will ever be.

    "John? Oh yes! I did tell you to come did I not? Just wait a bit, you'll get your own in a minute" Said Oak as he grinned and then he looked at Jack and pointed on his desk.

    "Those orbs are known as Pokeballs, they are containers that keep Pokemon inside, I have 3 of these Pokemon, they are actually quite rare in the whole world, I am offering one of the three to become your partners! Now tell me Jack, which one will you choose" As Oak spoke, Jack got closer to the pokeballs, he took a good look at the pokeballs and took a look at Oak, then he finally decided and picked up the pokeball in the middle.

    "Ah, do you want Charmander? You must train him with patience!" Jack looked at Oak and nodded with a serious look on his face, then John walked right next to him and grabbed the pokeball right next to it

    "Sweet, then I'll grab this one! It's probably stronger anyways!" John looked at Jack and smirked with a confident look in his face

    "Alright then Jack, time to battle, there's no way out of this one, are you ready?!" John throws his pokeball and a small blue turtle with a large brown shell and a snail like tail appears out of the pokeball, this was Squirtle. Jack simply spins his cap around and throws his pokeball, a lizard on two feet come out with fire on the tip of his tail, this was Charmander.

    "Oh for Pete's sake! So pushy as always. Jack, I'm sure you've never had a battle before, but you know a good amount from all that your mother has told you, why don't you try commanding Charmander to use either Scratch or Growl?" Jack was looking at Oak as he explained, then he focused his attention at John and Squirtle, John told Squirtle to tackle Charmander but Charmander avoided it with ease.

    "Quickly Growl!" Jack yelled at Charmander when Charmander let out a loud growl, when Squirtle attacked him the attack felt weaker. Charmander then followed up with a commanded Scratch and after a long battle, Charmander managed to defeat Squirtle.

    "Unbelievable! I picked the wrong pokemon?!" While John was throwing a fit over his fainted Squirtle, Jack and Charmander looked at each other's eyes and bonded, Jack put his pokeball away and Charmander jumped on his back with a smile on his face. John then gets on Jack's face and tells him that he'll be back

    "Listen here punk, I'll battle with my pokemon and get them stronger, I'll become the champion of the Kanto Region, then the whole world! Good luck trying to stop me!"

    "Now right before you go, you should take these" Oak hands them some strange devices known as the Pokedex
    "The Pokedex has information on all of the Pokemon in the world, however the problem is they don't have it all, to know about a Pokemon you must first capture it! It even tells you the type of the pokemon you have yet to catch and moves of your own pokemon, it's a very useful device for any trainer on the road who has just started their journey."
    Professor Oak takes out a cigar and lights it up, he then inhales and exhales a puff of smoke.

    "I used to have a dream to travel the world and learn more about pokemon all over the world, that dream is no longer with me, I am just too old for it, but this is where you two come in! Fill the pokedex up completely, become Pokemon Masters! With your new partners I'm sure you will do it!" John smirks and points at himself with his thumb

    "You can count on me Gramps!" he then looks at Jack with a slick look in his face

    "You might as well give up Jack, I'll get everywhere in lightning speed, I'll borrow a map from my sister and I'll be sure to tell her to not give you anything! HAHAHA" John walked away laughing with so much confidence.

    "Well then chap, shall we get this show on the road?" A voice was heard from Jack's back

    "Seems like Charmander is eager to go!" Jack turns around to Oak and looks at him with a straight face

    "Did you just tell me to get this show on the road?" Oak looks kind of confused and just shakes his head

    "That was me old chap, your Charmander" Jack picks up Charmander and looks at him in the eye, Charmander waves him and says hello

    "W-W-WHAT?! YOU CAN TALK?!" Jack yelled this loudly in a voice that could be heard through all of the Pallet Town. Jack was now ready to begin his journey, with what seems to be a talking Charmander and a jerk of a rival, Jack now begins his journey to become the world's greatest Pokemon Trainer, how will he fare? What will he find out in his journey? Stay tuned to Pokemon: The First Quest! To find out!


        Spoiler:- Trainer Logs:
    Last edited by LeetohYawshee; 26th May 2012 at 8:40 PM.
    True Brothers have patience for each other, they will fight alongside each other without any problems and will stick with each other through thick and tough. That's exactly why Sawk and Throh are bros, because they know what it means to fight alongside each other.

  2. #2
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    First off, your formatting is very hard to read. I suggest using more paragraphs; the first chunk could be broken down into three or four easier-to-read paragraphs alone. Also, character dialogue all being italicized would quickly get annoying.

    I find your narrative very sudden and jarring. You did well showing the conversation between Mrs. Red and Professor Oak, but then you started telling the reader everything instead of showing. Later on, you showed the beginning of the battle with slightly clunky commanding and then skipped out showing the rest. I would think it would be better to show all of it or none of it, in that case. Ignoring that, though, an active narrative like this isn't something I see very often. Take that as you will, but I find it interesting.

    The original games had some plot holes which were reasonable, thinking about the restrictions on the system. I don't think it's effective to follow the same outline in a story, because there isn't reason for a lot of things to happen. I see no reason why, say, Oak is giving extremely rare Pokemon to twelve-year old kids, instead of catching them a wild Rattata and sending them off or something.

    A talking Charmander could go well, but I suggest caution in wearing out the idea. A stronger hook could help you out, here, but if it works then that's that.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by IJuggler View Post
    First off, your formatting is very hard to read. I suggest using more paragraphs; the first chunk could be broken down into three or four easier-to-read paragraphs alone. Also, character dialogue all being italicized would quickly get annoying.

    I find your narrative very sudden and jarring. You did well showing the conversation between Mrs. Red and Professor Oak, but then you started telling the reader everything instead of showing. Later on, you showed the beginning of the battle with slightly clunky commanding and then skipped out showing the rest. I would think it would be better to show all of it or none of it, in that case. Ignoring that, though, an active narrative like this isn't something I see very often. Take that as you will, but I find it interesting.

    The original games had some plot holes which were reasonable, thinking about the restrictions on the system. I don't think it's effective to follow the same outline in a story, because there isn't reason for a lot of things to happen. I see no reason why, say, Oak is giving extremely rare Pokemon to twelve-year old kids, instead of catching them a wild Rattata and sending them off or something.

    A talking Charmander could go well, but I suggest caution in wearing out the idea. A stronger hook could help you out, here, but if it works then that's that.
    Thank you so much for telling me where my flaws are, I'll be sure to try to fix it all in the best of my abilities.

    Can you explain what you mean in what I bolded in the quote.
    True Brothers have patience for each other, they will fight alongside each other without any problems and will stick with each other through thick and tough. That's exactly why Sawk and Throh are bros, because they know what it means to fight alongside each other.

  4. #4
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    Well, what I meant was that in the original Red and Green, nobody could question the fact that the Pokemon professor was giving away extremely rare pokemon for nothing, or later on, that things like Snorlax and HMs could block the player's path. We just let these things go, because the gameboy's hardware limits were too much to present a massive story with branching options everywhere.

    It applies to your story because you're writing it based off of those, and while I acknowledge there has to be a degree of following them, I'd rather see some good planning and writing to explain away problems like "I can't not go on the S.S. Anne".

    I'm happy people still write about the first generation, and I hope your story is going well.

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