That Show With The Hippie and The Jerkwad Dragons (PG-14, just in case)

[GalladeofSpades]

Hey everyone, GalladeofSpades here, posting my very first fanfiction on this site. I hope you like it. However, a few notes before I start this.

1. Slight Dawn bashing this episode, although it's brief.
2. Script isn't against the rules people. Besides, you try writing a talk show in post. It's not that easy.
3. If necessary, correct me on any grammar problems you might encounter.

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That Show with the Hippie and the Jerkwad Dragons

Episode 1: Pilot

*scene takes place in the Hall of Origin. Numerous shards of glass are suspended in mid air. Tall, golden pillars shine brilliantly throughout this corridor of the holy ones*

Arceus: All right everyone, I’m visiting my alternate universe self with Palkia. Please try not to destroy the Hall of Origin. AGAIN.

Every single other Legendary: Yes Arceus.

Arceus: *sighes* I have told you all time and time again, I prefer to be called Mother.

Mew: *raises paw*

Arceus: Yes Mew?

Mew: But Arceus… You’re genderless-

Arceus: *snaps* QUIET DAMNIT. I’M A FEMALE AND THAT’S THAT.

All other Legendaries: Yes Mother…

Arceus: Good. Now no funny business. *leaves through a pink portal Palkia created*

Palkia: *mouths “Good Luck” and leaves*

*portal closes*

Mesprit: ASSEMBLE THE STUDIO!!!

*Chaos. Kyurem and Giratina bring in several cameras, while Articuno and Moltres bring in two sofas: one black, one white. A larger gray sofa is carried by Darkrai and Mewtwo. Deoxys and Cresselia make four brick walls rise, their interior looking like they have a full view of some kind of city at night. Mew brings in a swarm of Kricketot and Kricketune. Meloetta stands in front of said swarm, ready to conduct. Groudon brings in an audience*

Mesprit: BRING IN THE HOSTS!

Azelf: *in a british accent* Mesprit, we can hear you.

Mesprit: *mocks Azelf’s accent* Oh, do shut up.

*In come the two Dragons of Truth and Ideals. Reshiram sports a single daisy in her (er…it’s) white mane, looking extremely worried. Zekrom, on the other hand, looks completely fine and even bored.*

Reshiram: I don’t think this is going to end well…

Zekrom: Oh god, will you give it a break? That Jurassic Horse will find out nothing! NOTHING! Get it through your thick, hippie skull!

Reshiram: *glares* I’m not talking about that. *sits in the white sofa, while Zekrom sits in the black one* I’m talking about having every single Legendary broadcasted dimension wide. You know, for every single legendary nutcase to see?

Kyurem: Um… what does this button do? *press the button that starts the broadcast*

BROADCAST START

Zekrom: Relax woman. We’re in the hidden Hall of Origin, home to every friggin’ Legendary in the UNIVERSE. Heck, the only way to get in here is to go to Solaceon Ruins and find the Unown Epitaph, which opens the portal to our little realm. Besides, Arceus launched that rumor that it was the Azure Flute that let them into the Hall of Origin. You have nothing to worry about!

Reshiram: Ugh, you sound like Dawn from the Animé world. ‘No need to worry no need to worry’... Somebody shut her up.

Zekrom: Yeah. I know she’s a total… *notices a red blinking light on all the cameras* What’s the blinking light for?

Azelf: *trembling* It… means we’re live…

*cue shocked look on every Legendary face*

Zekrom: … FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF*************-

Reshiram: *Fusion Flare’s Zekrom, knocking him out* Hello every dimension in the Universe! I’m Reshiram, the graceful Dragon of Truth-

Zekrom: *mumbles* Hippie…

Reshiram: *keeps smiling and kicks Zekrom in the face* - and this… lovely persona is Zekrom, the ruthless Dragon of Ideals, or as most people call him, Jerkwad.

Zekrom: *completely unconscious*

Genesect: *operating a camera, so he’s behind it* *annoyed* WAKE UP ALREADY! *about to fire an Ice Type Techno Blast*

Kyurem: *about to turn the (miniscule) camera when he (… let’s assume it’s a he) trips on a cord* Whoops. *ends up in front of Genesect*

*Genesect fires and it hits Kyurem*

Kyurem: O_O * turns to Genesect and roars threateningly*

Reshiram: ISSUE THE SIGN!

*All cameras now have a little sign saying ‘Kyurem is trying to eat Genesect again. Please stand by and use this opportunity to go pee.’ in front of the lens. The sign even comes with Victini doing his (THIS JOKE IS GETTING OLDER THAN ARCEUS) peace sign.*

Reshiram: *voice* Cool it, Kyurem!

*Numerous crashes are heard, along with a few static-like girly screams, presumably from Genesect. In fact, if you listen closely, it sounds like a massacre is happening on the other side of the lens. Numerous shards of ice falling can also be heard.*

Reshiram: *voice* All right, we’re good!

*The sign abandons the front of the camera, revealing quite the interesting scene. Genesect is in a corner of the room rocking himself (It’s a him, trust me). Kyurem on the other hand, appears to be chewing a squeaky chew toy peacefully. Zekrom is holding a bag of frozen peas to his (again, definitely a he) head, groaning*

Reshiram: We’re so sorry for the inconvenience, but hey, we’re back to our show! The… What’s the name of this show again?

Meloetta: That Show with the Hippie and the Jerkwad Dragons. *receives looks* Kyurem named it.

Reshiram: … ANYWAY…

Zekrom: We had a great show for you tonight, but Palkia forgot to bring in the guests.

Reshiram: Say what now?

Zekrom: What now?

Reshiram: *facepalms* Great, what do we do now?

Meloetta: You could always give them a visual tour of the studio.

Zekrom: Perfect. Let’s start with Reshiram’s hippie head. Note the pale hippie complexion full of hippieness. The blue eyes that glare at your every movement.

Reshiram: Let’s move on to my body. There are my lustrous white wings, and there’s the white claw that’s going to stab your eye out if you DON’T SHUT UP.

Zekrom: Fine. Ruin my fun. Let’s all take the BORING tour.

Reshiram: It’s best that you start the tour, before I show every dimension universe wide what songs you listen on your iPod.

Zekrom: O_O LET US COMMENCE. *grabs one of the cameras and faces it to the cameramen* These are our cameramen… I mean women… Whatever gender they are!

*the camera showcases the five camera things. Kyurem is still chewing on his chew toy, Genesect is STILL rocking himself in the corner, Deoxys is fixing one of the cameras and Mesprit is messing with Azelf. *

Zekrom: You might be wondering how these cameras are able to capture our entire bodies, even though we’re massive. For the sole purpose of not making your mind explode from thinking to hard, let’s just say a wizard did it.

Deoxys: THEY DON’T EXIST.

Zekrom: *rolls eyes and faces the camera towards Meloetta and her improvised orchestra* Here we have Meloetta and the “Kricket Ensemble”. They shall be the ones to add music to our shows.

Meloetta: Maybe you should get the camera away from me. I think going to go diva.

Zekrom: *turning away the camera* What do you-

Meloetta: *grabs camera* LISTEN UP B****, this is MY f***ing camera, meaning it’s only supposed to show my lovely face. NOW GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I GRAB YOU BY THE TAIL, F*** YOU, MAKE YOU HAVE MY BABIES AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR- *knocked out by a frying pan wielded by Genesect*

Genesect: I thought she’d never shut up.

Zekrom: *twitching violently*

Reshiram: Anyway… Here we have something that should allow you to call in and ask our future guests questions. *showcases a can with a string attached*

Mesprit: … What in the name of Sloppy McCoy is THAT?

Azelf: Sloppy McCoy?

Reshiram: What? It was for economical purposes!

Genesect: Actually, if I recall correctly, you said it was for “SAVING THE ENVIROMENT FROM THE MAN”. You then proceeded to burn National Park. You know, the one where we were collecting old cans for recycling into these things?

Reshiram: When did you become so sarcastically wise?

Genesect: When you loaded the Douse Drive into my system.

Azelf: By the way, how did the humans not notice us legendaries picking up trash in broad daylight?

*everyone looks at Kyurem*

Kyurem: *still chewing the chew toy* *accidentally freezes it* … *eats it*

Reshiram: I suddenly hope that tiny little detail was just pure luck.

*everyone gets the shivers*

Reshiram: Anyway, during the show, random portals will appear in your houses. The portals will contain cans attached to strings, all of which directly connected to the studio. Just pick them up and ask away!

Zekrom: *still twitching*

Reshiram: *rolls eyes and slaps Zekrom* Snap out of it you big baby.

Zekrom: *snaps out of it* Ugh… I never thought I’d tell you this, but thank you.

Artificial Crowd: Aw…

Reshiram: Ah yes, the Artificial Crowd. It’s for sound effects like clapping and such. Zekrom, be a dear and show them the Crowd.

Zekrom: Just because I thanked you doesn’t mean I’m your slave.

Reshiram: You’re right, it doesn’t. It actually means you’re my b****. NOW WORK YOU IDIOTIC DRAGON.

Zekrom: *gulps* Yes ma’am. *grabs a camera and showcases the artificial crowd*

*The Artificial Crowd is consisted of simple, stick figure robots, all of them with bloody red eyes. They’re all quite similar, although there’s one with a machete, one with a laptop and one with a sign saying “WE WILL RULE THE WORLD AND MAKE YOU OUR SLAVES”*

Zekrom: They’re adorable.

*the can starts shaking*

Reshiram: *picks up the can* Hello?

???: Reshiram?

Reshiram: O_O ARCEUS?!

Arceus: There is no need to yell. Anyway, I’m coming home right now.

Reshiram: But I thought you were only coming back tomorrow!

Arceus: I was but… Well, let’s just say we had a little fight and that we might be facing an inter-dimensional war soon. Anyway, I’ll be there in five minutes. *crash is heard through the can* … Make that ten. *hangs up*

Reshiram: DISSASSEMBLE THE STUDIO! THE LLAMA GOD IS COMING!

Mesprit: But we need a musical performance!

*everyone looks at Meloetta*

Meloetta: *regained her senses a while ago* *sighs* Fine. *gets on the musical stage*

*Opera music fills the studio. However, it sounds slightly like…*

Meloetta: *in opera voice*
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream...
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream…

*Every single Legendary jaw drops*

Zekrom: You’re kidding.

Meloetta: Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream...
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life. Is. BUT. A. DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

*end song*

Zekrom: And that’s the end of our show! Send any fan mail to our postal address which will appear on screen now.

*cameras now have the postal address of the Hall of Origin in front of their lenses*

Reshiram: WHO CARES! DISSASSEMBLE THIS F***ING STUDIO BEFORE THE CRAZY HAG ARRIVES!

Zekrom: But you’re already here.

Reshiram: *plays Zekrom’s iPod*

iPod: *plays* It’s raining men…
Hallelujah
It’s raining men..
Amen.

*roars of laughter throughout the Hall*

*pink portal opens*

*Hall goes silent*

Mesprit:END THE BROADCAST! DESTROY THE STUDIO!

BROADCAST END

*More chaos. Cresselia and Darkrai get rid of every single sofa, while Meloetta gets rid of the Kricket Ensemble. Mewtwo and Deoxys take down the walls. Kyurem gobbles up every single camera while Groudon gets rid of the Artificial Crowd.*

Arceus: *steps through the portal* … I have a feeling that you’re up to something… *gets closer to Azelf* Is there something you want to tell me... Azelf?

Azelf: O_O *panics* ME AND MESPRIT ARE ENGAGED!

Mesprit: What.

Arceus: I’ll admit, I didn’t expect that one.

Zekrom: Does that mean your buying this?

Arceus: What did you say?

Zekrom: I said are you going to arrange the wedding date?

Arceus: Of course! I’ll arrange the chapel and the honeymoon. *leaves*

Mesprit: *eye twitches*

Reshiram: Huh… This might actually get interesting.

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And there we have it. Please Read and Review! *bows*

[3D992]

Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck.... that was pretty funny. Keep it up.

[SneaselFTW]

That was awesome. Epic fic. I literally couldn't stop laughing! Also, I couldn't find any grammar mistakes.

Overall, a good fic. Definitely Recommended

[Gothitelle K]

for the review game: I couldn't really tell what was going on or imagine anything going on in this story. It could only see the Pokemon conversing with each other and that's it. All dialouge, which is one thing I dislike about most script fics. Also when writing a script fic there needs to me more information in between other than "everyone looks a Kuryem" (spell?).

Though you did say this was a talk show so I guess it could get away with it. As for the story itself, some parts were pretty funny, especially when Zekrom's ipod was playing raining men (cool song btw) or when Moeletta was singing row tow your boat. but this here had to be the most awesome part:

Meloetta: *grabs camera* LISTEN UP B****, this is MY f***ing camera, meaning it’s only supposed to show my lovely face. NOW GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I GRAB YOU BY THE TAIL, F*** YOU, MAKE YOU HAVE MY BABIES AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR- *knocked out by a frying pan wielded by Genesect*

now she's mad lol

The characters did have depth to them, which I liked. Obviously Arceus wants to be known to be the mother of all legendaries and Moeletta is pretty much all about herself, which these characters are pretty much funny. The world needs more cocky people.

[GalladeofSpades]

*pops in thread* I finally got off my lazy bum found some time to reply to the reviewers.

@3D992 and legolover8: Thanks for reviewing guys! I hope you keep on reading future episodes. ^^

@Gothitelle K: After reading your review, I re-read the first eppy. I kinda see your point, and I'm REALLY sorry for that, but when I was writing this, I clearly imagined what was happened. Though that probably doesn't apply to this, since I'm the writer and all. I'll try to improve this, since just because it's a Talk Show doesn't mean I can get away with sloppy work.

THANK GOD. I was actually worried about the comedy, since I suck at it in real life, really. That moment with Meloetta was one of my favorite parts to write, but my actual favorite had to be Genesect's explanation of Reshiram's recycling can campaign. I can't look at the sentence 'SAVING THE ENVIROMENT FROM THE MAN' without giggling. xD;

About the characters, I'm glad you liked the depth. Just because they're legendaries, doesn't mean they don't have quirks. I also just LOVE to point out the genderless status of legendaries (if the genderless jokes weren't enough proof), which was why I included the Arceus Mother bit.

Anyway, thanks for the review! *bows*

@Those who view yet do not comment: I am SO glad that you're actually reading this! Believe me I am. I'd honestly be devastated if this only had three views from three reviewers, so you pretty much made my day. Once again, thanks!

For those anxious for episode 2, it's being written at the moment. If you have any ideas for future episodes, please send a PM. Or VM. Or anything else really. Just don't give one here.

[GalladeofSpades]

And Episode Two is HERE! A few minor notes:

1. Yaoi SHALL BE MENTIONED. Also, a few Pedo jokes.
2. Correct me on any grammar error you may encounter.

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Episode 2: Suprise!

*scene takes place in the Hall of Origin. However, the hall is decorated with frilly pink banners with ‘OMG THE UNLOVEABLE PINK EMOTION STEALER IS ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED TO THE BRIT’ written on them over and over again. Pink balloons that suspiciously spell ‘DO YOU THINK THEY‘LL HAVE BABIES’ are spread throughout the Holy Dimension. All of them are tied to the painted baby blue pillars that suspiciously spell ‘I HAV UR DOLLZ. BRING MONEH. OR ELSE.’*

Arceus: *walking throughout the hall* - and I want a banana cream pie with cake frosting on it. AND A PONY. FROM THE MY LITTLE PONY DIMENSION. LIKE RAINBOW DASH.

Registeel: *writing everything on a notepad while walking alongside Arceus* Boop Boop Boop?

*Arceus stops walking and faces Registeel*

Arceus: … Why did I create you and your brethren again? And why can you only say Boop?

Registeel: *rolls … it’s seven eyes* BoopBoopBoopBoopBoopBoop.

Arceus: … You realize that I do not understand a single word you are saying.

Registeel: *sighes robotically* *writes in the notepad* *shows it to Arceus*

Arceus: *reads* ‘You were high on lemonade and decided that every legendary that had the word ‘Regi’ in it would only speak Le Boop. Plus, you wanted to create a new legendary named Regipoo.’ *stops reading* I did no such thing!

Registeel: *shoots Arceus a look*

Arceus: Okay, maybe I did, but still!

Registeel: *sighes*

*Arceus glances at the magical diamond watch Dialga gave…her for her birthday*

Arceus: Oh dear, I am going to be late. PALKIA!!! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU PSYCHOTIC SPACE DRAGON?!

*a pink portal appears in front of Arceus*

Palkia: *steps through the portal* You seem to confuse me with that counterpart of mine. You know, the crazy time dragon?

Arceus: You think I do not know that? You know how Dialga is, insult her and you’ll be sent to the 1970’s.

*both legendaries shudder*

Arceus: Anyway, I need you to send me to a dimension.

Palkia: Which one?

Arceus: Fall-Mart, the inter-dimensional store. We are getting Mesprit her Wedding Veil!!!

Mesprit: *pops up* WHAT?!

Arceus: We are also going to a bachelorette party, so she can say good-bye to her single life. Did you know they have one of those bars at Fall-Mart?

Palkia: I do now, although I didn’t want to. *conjures a portal to Fall-Mart*

Arceus: *holds Mesprit in place with godly powers your mind cannot comprehend* I will be back in… about an hour or so. DON’T DESTROY ANYTHING. *whistles* Come on girls, we’re going shopping and watching rears dance tonight!

*rampage of (genderless) female legendaries, such as Latias (wait, that one actually HAS a gender!), Celebi (and we go back to the genderless ones), Jirachi, Shaymin, Cresselia(oh look another real female), Articuno, Moltres, Suicune, Virizion, Uxie (wait, I thought Uxie’s couldn’t see?) and a screaming Mesprit being dragged forcefully by the godly power I am not allowed to speak of*

Rampaging Legendaries: *run to the portal, SCREECHING*

*Mesprit hangs on to a pillar, while trying to not be dragged*

Mesprit: HELP ME YOU IDIOTS- ah screw it, just have good show…

Arceus: *overheard somehow* Show? WHAT SHOW?

Mesprit: O_O LOOK ARCEUS FALL-MART’S HAVING A SALE ON SHOES!

Arceus: TO ISLE NINE.

*portal closes*

*Studio set up routine. Groudon brings in a black sofa and a white sofa, while Giratina and Kyurem bring in cameras. Mew brings in the Kricket Ensemble, with Meloetta ready to conduct. The grey sofa is brought in by Mewtwo and Darkrai, while Latios struggles to bring the Artificial Crowd in. Dialga and Palkia bring up the walls.*

*Reshiram and Zekrom walk in. This time, Reshiram sports a rose in her mane*

Reshiram: Oh God, I’m so jealous. They all get to go to Fall-Mart, the BEST STORE THERE IS, and I have to stay and co-host a show… with you.

Zekrom: Am I that horrible?

Reshiram: Do you want me to lie?

Zekrom: No.

Reshiram: You’re an idiotic jerk who doesn’t even care that the world is dying.

Zekrom: Hippie.

Reshiram: *glares* Say that one more time and I’ll tell Arceus you’re the one who decapitated all of her MLP dolls.

Zekrom: *gulps* Fine…

*Pink portal appears over the grey sofa*

Reshiram: *sits in the white sofa, while Zekrom sits in the black one* Ready Palks?

Palkia: Ready! I’ll drop them in once you announce the guests.

Zekrom: Ok- wait, you’re going to DROP them? WHAT IF THEY DON’T LAND ON THE COUCH?

Reshiram: Oh God, Zekrom has a point. THE APOCALYPSE MUST BE COMING.

Deoxys: *annoyed* What’s the hold up?

Reshiram: *to Deoxys* We’ll start in a minute! *to Palkia* What if they don’t land on the couch? They’ll get hurt!

Zekrom: Who cares about that! THINK OF THE BLOOD WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP BEFORE ARCEUS GETS HOME! THINK OF THE RATINGS!

Reshiram: You’re a heartless jerk, you know that?

Palkia: I promise they won’t fall on the floor. If they do fall on the floor, I’m letting Zekrom have my space powers.

Reshiram: *sigh* Fine… wait, WHAT. DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE A DEATH WISH?

Deoxys: In three! Two! One! *starts broadcast*

BROADCAST START

Kricket Ensemble: *starts playing*

Loud Male Voice From The Beyond: IIIIIIIIIIIIT’S THAT TIME FOLKS! THAT’S RIGHT FOLKS IT’S TIME FOR THAT SHOW WITH THE HIPPIE AND THE JERKWAD DRAGONS!

Articial Crowd: *applause noise*

Reshiram: Welcome to the Second Episode of That Show With The Hippie And The Jerkwad Dragons! We’re your hosts, the magnificent dragon of Truth, Reshiram! … and the B****** Dragon Zekrom.

Zekrom: Hey!

Reshiram: Who plays with little Barbie Dolls when he’s alone in his room.

Zekrom: HEY!

Reshiram: He also thinks Ken is a, and I quote, ‘Sexay Thang’.

Zekrom: AW COME ON!

*Artificial Crowd starts laughing*

Reshiram: Anyway, in the last episode, we gave you our Postal Address so that you could send in letters. Let’s show some to the Multiverse! Meloetta, show them the Letter Bins. … Mel? *looks at Meloetta across the studio*

Meloetta: *getting her… nails done*

Reshiram: MEL!

Meloetta: *sighes, stops doing her nails and faces Reshiram* I’m sorry, I’m not here, so please leave a message at the beep. BEEP. *goes back to doing her nails*

Reshiram: … *gets up from the sofa and gets closer to Meloetta* Mel… If you don’t show our viewers the Letter Bins THIS INSTANT, I’m telling everyone you’re real age.

Meloetta: *whips her head* You wouldn’t.

Reshiram: *yells* MELOETTA IS ACTUALLY-

Meloetta: DON’T. YOU. DARE. FINISH. THAT. SENTENCE.

Reshiram: Then chop chop! Get to showing the Letter Bins! *walks- I mean floats- I mean OH WHO CARES she just went back to her seat*

Meloetta: *starts grumbling something that thankfully cannot be heard and brings in some kind of white dumpster with ‘Good Letter Bin’ written on it in blue letters. Then, she leaves again to fetch another dumpster, this one being black with ‘Bad Letter Bin’ in red letters on it.*

Reshiram: So, let’s start with the good letters!

Zekrom: You’re just hoping that we have a lot of good letters, so that viewers can forget about the bad ones.

Reshiram: Oh shut up. HEATRAN KNOCK DOWN THAT TRASH BIN!

*Heatran appears out of nowhere and knocks the dumpster down. The Good Letter Bin opens it’s lid to reveal… a single letter*

Reshiram: … That’s it? A SINGLE GOOD LETTER?

Zekrom: *resisting urge to laugh* Wh… What are you waiting for? Read it!

Reshiram: *eyes Zekrom suspiscously* Okay… *goes over to the letter* *opens it and reads it*

“Dear Reshiram,

You are the bomb. We want to invite you into our society. Please consider it.

Yours truly,-"

Reshiram: THE INTER-DIMENSIONAL HIPPIE FEDERATION?! *glares at Zekrom, who is literally rolling around the floor laughing his rear off* This is your doing isn’t it?

Zekrom: *suddenly gains a straight face* You’re actually doubting it? *restarts laughing*

Reshiram: *sighes* Let’s just get on with the Bad Letters. HEATRAN!

*Heatran knocks down the Bad Letter Bin, revealing a flood of letters*

Reshiram: OH YOU ARE F****** KIDDING ME! *glares at Zekrom, who looks like he needs medical support from so much laughing* *notices there’s a package* Huh? *picks up and opens package, revealing a severed Zekrom plushie head* O_O WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!

Zekrom: *actually stops laughing* *trembling, he picks up the plushie head* *reads a note attached to it*

“Mess with our gal again, and this is what’s going to happen to you.

Signed-"

Zekrom: The Inter-Dimensional Hippie Federation? WAIT THEY ACTUALLY EXIST?!

Reshiram: *reading a few of the letters* Looks like it. Oh look! They sent the menu of the restaurant they’re having their next meeting! I wonder what Ideal Dragon Casserole tastes like… Or Zekrom Flambé…

Zekrom: Wait these letters are ALL from the Hippie Club?

Reshiram: No, there’s also one from a crazed Dawn fanboy who’s out to murder us. This reminds me. *looks straight into the camera* Viewers at home, please refrain from coming to the Hall of Origin. Yes, now everyone knows how to get here, but to avoid our secret show being found out, please. Don’t come here. Seriously, Kyurem WILL get fatter if you know what I mean. *grabs camera and showcases Kyurem chewing on a brick*

Zekrom: Well, without further ado, let’s welcome our guests! They’re amazing, they’re awesome, they’re successful! They’re… *signals to Palkia to drop in the guests*

Palkia: *concentrates and brings in the guests*

*Four people, two males and two females, come out of the portal and fall on the sofa. The first female was red headed, having a hair antennae sticking right-side up. It reached the shy of her shoulders. Her red eyes were wide open, examining the studio. She was also dressed in some kind of space convention outfit.
The second female had her purple hair in some kind of fish fin get-up. Her face had a LOT of make up on it, especially around her lips and purple eyes. Like the first female, she was clad in some kind of space convention outfit.
The first male had devil horn-shaped blue hair, complete with a pair of squinted blue eyes that gave off a cold and creepy vibe. Again, he was clad in some kind of space outfit.
Finally, the second male, who judging by his wrinkles was the oldest, had wild light blue hair. Every single one of his hairs was pointing upwards. His eyes had a striking resemblance to the first male’s, being equal in color and almost equal in shape. His outfit, however, unlike the others, was ripped and torn in a majority of places, revealing a very muscled chest*

Zekrom: Team Galactic? THEY’RE THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I JUST SAID!

*Tension is felt in the air. All of the present Sinnoh Legendaries that were involved in Team Galactic’s plan are now glaring at them, while the red head, blue head and purple head get next to the old guy in fear. The old guy, however, simply stares at one of the walls*

Azelf: *with a dangerous British tone* Palkia… why are the High Ups in Team Galactic here?... *glares at the blue-head*

Palkia: *breaks gaze * They were probably experimenting with the dimensions, when I called our REAL guests. Somehow, the fabric of space got mixed up. I can fix it, but it will take some time. We’re pretty much stuck with them as guests.

Reshiram: *sighes* Just… go fix the fabric of space. I don’t want my flowers to be growing in volcanoes. They’ll get burnt!

Zekrom: If you don’t burn them first that is.

*Palkia leaves through a portal*

Reshiram: Back to our show, here we have our guests! Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and Cyrus!

Zekrom: How are you all?

Mars: I’ve been dragged against my will to talk show hosted by legendaries while trying to save my leader from an alternate dimension. What do YOU think?

Jupiter: *Texan accent* Ah’m fine! Better than a Pachirisu on Pecha Berry Isle!

Saturn: I’m good. Could be better though.

Cyrus: *melancholically* Oh how society has fallen. Cursed with shows like these, which reveal all secrets of the human mind and life. Privacy is not respected. However, without this, we can not grow, leading to an immensely boring life, which is why we feel fine. Fun is good for all, and we should embrace it.

Zekrom: *to Mars* Translation?

Mars: He’s fine.

Reshiram: Ok… Let’s start with this question. What are your hobbies?

Saturn: I have no hobbies.

Mars: Then what were the whips and chains in your basement for?

Saturn: *panics* FOR NOTHING!

Mars: Riiiight… Well, I for one enjoy drawing. I have an entire gallery of drawings to boot.

Jupiter: Girl, ah just LOVE archery! The speed of them arrows… The concentration needed… Makes me feel like a Cacnea in a desert!

Cyrus: Hobbies… *scoffs* Simply a clever diversion to clear your mind of thoughts. Why have them waste your time, when you could invest in your work and future? Though I suppose that-

Reshiram: I ASKED FOR HOBBIES, NOT AN ESSAY!

Cyrus: *growls* Plotting to take over the world and reshape it can be considered a hobby by some.

Reshiram: Thank you. Zekrom?

Zekrom: I’m interested about Saturn’s hobbies. Want to explain, Saturn? *grins*

Saturn: I… I don’t know what you’re talking about! *glances around the room*

Azelf: *come out from behind the camera* BULL****! HE’S A P- *interrupted by Saturn, who clamps his hand on Azelf’s mouth*

Saturn: -Pilgrim! Yeah, a Pilgrim! That’s what I am! Hahaha…ha… *starts to feel the effects of touching Azelf*

Reshiram: *alarmed* MEDIC!

*Manaphy comes in, sprinkling magical water over Saturn, nullifying the effects of Azelf’s deadly body*

Reshiram: *sighes in relief* Thank you Manaphy. *Manaphy leaves* Now where were we? Ah yes, next question.

Zekrom: But Saturn still hasn’t answered-

Reshiram: NEXT. QUESTION. If the whole being evil thing doesn’t work out for you, what will you do then? ^-^

Mars: I might turn my hobby into a real job. I could send my work to a museum for an exhibit!

Jupiter: Pumpkin’, the only things you ever draw are little girls who are crying over their lost mother. In fact, one of those poor little girls suspiciously looks like you!

Mars: *about to bawl* S-so? You’re not suggesting that, because my mother left me in the streets at a young age, I’m drawing to express my pain and getting them in a museum will allow me to show my pain to the world are you? Be-because that’s totally not it.

Jupiter: … I only stated something, dear. Anyway, even if I happen to leave Galactic, I’ll start mah own evil team. Shrieks of terror and evil make me look younger and more beautiful than a newborn Buneary!

Zekrom: ENOUGH WITH THE STEREOTYPES ALREADY.

Saturn: Hm. If I ever left Team Galactic, I’d definitely start a Day-Care. For children, mind you, not for Pokémon.

Azelf: O_O CRAP.

Cyrus: Quitting something is-

Reshiram: GET TO THE POINT PLEASE.

Cyrus: Fine. If I DO end up stopping being evil, I’ll start spending time with Saturn, my son.

*Artificial Crowd does an epically well done LE GASP. Meloetta, who hadn’t been paying attention, gapes. Even KYUREM stops whatever he was doing to look at Cyrus and Saturn. Yes, the news was that powerful.*

Saturn: What’s with all the looks? I thought you already knew.

Reshiram: WE KNEW NO SUCH THING!

*can shakes*

Reshiram: *picks up* Hello?

Looker: Ah, miss Reshiram? This is Looker. I’d like to ask you a favour.

Reshiram: Ask away!

Looker: Is it possible you could keep Commander Saturn there a bit longer? A search is undergoing at his house. We suspect he’s keeping multiple children locked in the basement. He might be a-

Reshiram: Spare me the details, please. But we’ll keep him here. There might be a small problem though.

Looker: Which is?

Reshiram: This is a speaker can. He heard everything.

Looker: WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME THIS EARLIER?!

Reshiram: Oh don’t get your panties in a knot, he can’t leave. Not until Palkia fixes the fabric of space, he can’t.

Looker: Hm. Is that why my front yard is underwater? Very well then. Keep him there. And just so you know, my panties AREN’T in a knot. *hangs up*

Reshiram: *sets down the can* I REALLY don’t want to know.

Saturn: *completely pale* W-why must life be so cruel…

*Cyrus opens his mouth*

Reshiram: Don’t. Even. DARE.

*Cyrus shuts his mouth*

Zekrom: This has actually gotten interesting. I wonder how the Yaoi fangirls will react.

Cyrus: Honestly, they’ve gotten on my nerves very much. I do not enjoy seeing me and my son in… uncomfortable experiences.

Reshiram: That reminds me of a question. Is there anyone from your family you like the most?

Mars: *falls onto the floor, bawling* I WANT MY MOMMY!!!

Jupiter: *slowly gets off the sofa and pats Mars gently on the head* There, there Sugar Plum… I think I like my Aunt Jessica the most. She shares my interest in evil.

Saturn: My mother-

Mars: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Saturn: -was probably my biggest inspiration. She made me who I am today.

Zekrom: She wasn’t a very good mother-

Mars: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Zekrom: -if she made you a P-

Saturn: -ilgrim! Pilgrim!

Cyrus: *raises a brow* Yes… anyway, family is a- *receives glare from Reshiram* All right, I’ll cut to the chase. I love my son.

*Artificial Crowd does an Aw sound*

Reshiram: … Hey, where’s Charon?

Jupiter: Mental facility. He started talking to TVs in jail, so he got transferred to a looney bin. What a nut! *laughs*

Zekrom: *sarcastic* Yes, because there is no such thing as a Pokémon who can take over electrical appliances for fun!

Reshiram: Shut it Zekrom. Or do I have to remind you that you made Arceus demote him to normal Pokémon?

Zekrom: Fine…

Reshiram: Good. *can shakes* *picks up the can* Hello?

Yaoi Fangirl: OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE CYRUS AND SATURN ARE RELATED!

Reshiram: … Is this Shauntal?

Shauntal: I HATE CHU, YOU MADE MY YAOI STORIES USELESS!

Reshiram: … And you’re blaming this on me because?...

Saturn: Never mind that! Does that mean you’ll stop shipping us?!

Shauntal: HELL NO. YAOI INCEST FUR DA WINZ! I’M HEADING OVER THERE THIS INSTANT! *hangs up*

Reshiram: *feels can shake again* IF THIS IS SHAUNTAL, STOP CALLING!

Cynthia: Um…No, this is Cynthia.

Reshiram: Oh. Talk away then!

Cynthia: *yells like a fangirl* CYRUS OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU, YOU SEXY THING TAKE OFF YOUR CL-

Reshiram: *hangs up* Let’s just cut to the final question. What do you want in the future? In other words, what would you wish for?

Mars: *bawls even louder, if possible* I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reshiram: Besides that.

Mars: *manages to reduce her bawling* U-um… I-I’ve always w-wa-wanted to t-travel to Orre… It was where my… my… *restarts bawling* MOMMY WAS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRN!! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Jupiter: Oh, ah’d just LOVE a house in the suburbs. That way ah’d be able to cause a li’l terror in the neighbourhood.

Saturn: I’d honestly like to have many children running around my house, playing. They’ll just look so cute!

Zekrom: I’d fear for those children, really.

Reshiram: Quiet, Zekrom. Cyrus?

Cyrus: Leaving the Distortion World would make me very happy.

Zekrom: *gasps* Cyrus actually didn’t start some philosophic theory about wishing?!

Cyrus: Well, if you insist-

Reshiram: NO. WE DON’T. SHUT UP. PLEASE. THANK YOU.

*door appears out of nowhere. A knock is heard*

Zekrom: Did you order pizza? *sees that Reshiram shakes her head, opens the door*

*chaos erupts as a rabid mod of Yaoi/Cyrus fangirls (which include Shauntal and Cynthia) rampages throughout the studio. The Yaoi fangirls start trying to put Cyrus and Saturn in awkward positions, while the Cyrus fangirls desperately try to take off Cyrus’ clothes. ALL OF THEM. Cynthia especially. Multiple missile bazookas are pointed towards Mars and Jupiter, all fans claiming that they’re both a bunch of hogging ditches. Actually, ditches might not have been the exact word. Shrieks of terror can be heard from the Kricket Ensemble and the Artificial Crowd*

Zekrom: *ducks as he dodges a flying grey sofa* Should we sick Kyurem on them?

Reshiram: *narrowly dodges a missile* Already did it.

*Mass rampage by Kyurem starts. However, Kyurem and the fangirl legion seem to be evenly matched*

Azelf: Horrifying things, aren’t they?

All Pokémon present except Azelf and Kyurem: Agreed.

*suddenly, the entire fangirl legion, along with the guests, simply vanishes, showing what a mess the studio has become. The walls have multiple parts missing, the cameras have cracks in their lenses, the Artificial Crowd is broken, and it appears that some of the Ensemble players are missing, though it’s doubtful that it was because of the fangirls. The sofas are ripped and torn to pieces*

Palkia: *walks in* Okay, I’ve fixed the- WOAH. *takes in all the damage provoked by the fangirl legion* What… happened?

*all legendaries present look at each other*

Present Legendaries except Palkia: Fangirls.

*everyone shudders*

Zekrom: *to a broken camera that, somehow, is still broadcasting* That was our show! Send some letters to our postal address and stay tuned for next episode! Bye!

BROADCAST END

*After the studio clean-up routine, a white portal appears, a drunken Arceus coming out of it. She’s followed all the other legendaries that went with her*

Arceus: I LIKE… the SUGAR bears… And, and THE PIZZA… GOD SAVE THEM FRom the queen! *slumps onto the floor*

Mesprit: *whispers into Arceus’… ear?* Mesprit isn’t getting married to Azelf, Mesprit isn’t getting married to Azelf…

Arceus: *in her sleep* Mesprit isn’t getting married to Azelf…

Mesprit: *grins, satisfied* That should get that horrid idea of me getting married to Azelf out of her head.

Azelf: *groans* Thank the HEAVENS!

Zekrom: Hm. And here I was hoping for attending to my first wedding.

Reshiram: But haven’t we already gone to that crazy witch’s wedding?

Zekrom: Yeah, but I couldn’t stay concentrated. I was too busy blogging about your hippieness and how it annoys me.

Reshiram: …

---

*panting* THIRTEEN. PAGES. YOU BETTER APPRECIATE THIS. *shot*
Please read and review! Also, *prepares le flame shield against le Yaoi Fangirls*

[Rotomknight]

This is great.
Make a pm list and add me.
More please.
They need to find a way to stop raiders of the lost fangirlz.
I like your representation of kyurem.
Rabid dog demon! ATTACK!!!!!!!11!!!!!!

[Fire Aruseus]

This is so funny keep it up! I love how the pokemon all have random and fun personalities, and in this last chapter i love how you gave team galactic personalities (something the game makers forgot) The only mistake i saw was that you said Cresselia was genderless, if you want to be really technical a Cresselia is always a female.

[SneaselFTW]

Again, nice work. Didn't spot any mistakes, but that's not my thing. I was literally LOL at the start with the wedding preparations. Also, I loved the Galactic personalities. They made me see the High Ups of TG in a whole new way.

[Skiyomi]

*salutes* reporting for duty from the review game. I'm not used to reviewing script fics, but I did used to write a mess of original comedy ones with my sister, so I suppose I'm not totally useless when it comes to reviewing this type of thing. Here's the review of chapter one:

First off, I really like your title. It's quirky and fun and deserves points if only for having the word "jerkwad" in it.

I'm glad you have made a concerted effort to set the scene to some degree even though this is a script fic and description is likely to be minimal. That description, however cursory, is important for giving the reader context and atmosphere. A confused reader is less likely to find things funny, so I'm glad you see the importance of that. I would, however, were I you, favor using real script conventions instead of internet chat-style scripting. It's the kind of thing that's more streamlined and professional looking and allows for more description of the action and setting. I can't push too hard on that though because those script style stories that I wrote way back when were indeed, chat-style fics like this one. I still think you'd be better of with real scripting conventions, though. If I could have it to do all over again I know that's what I'd do.

I've got to be honest, I found a lot of the jokes used here on the not-so-fresh side. Now, old jokes or joke stylings can be excused in bits and pieces. By itself, I'd totally overlook the emphatic "AGAIN" or the thoughtless button-pushing or the unknowing running off of mouths on live TV or the disturbed one rocking in the corner or any of the other ones but... when they're all together they sort of pile up. It's hard with comedy because we're all so influenced by the things we watch, but I don't feel like your unique voice shines through here and I would've liked to see that.

Reshiram: Ugh, you sound like Dawn from the Animé world. ‘No need to worry no need to worry’ somebody shut her up.

The second sentence should be split into two.

Zekrom: Yeah I know she’s a total…

Not just here, but in general this script could use a sprinkling of commas in a lot of places. In this case, after the “Yeah.” A period after the “I know” and a new sentence start with “she’s” would be a good idea too.

*sarcasm* lovely *end sarcasm*

I know we’re in script-land, so throwing out some subtlety is just a fact of life, but I think you could’ve indicated this sarcasm with italics instead of using the action tags. Seems to me that it would flow better and be less on the nose that way.

WAKE UP ALREADY!!!

And again, I know we’re in comedy land, but I have to say that the pros frown on multiple exclamation points. I gotta admit, I break this rule every so often myself—particularly if I’m having a character write something out (maximum of two though). And hey, it’s your choice if you want to use them. But they have a tendency of conveying immaturity to a reader.

I liked the sign joke. Sure, it’s the kind of joke that’s been done before, but its specificity really wins the day. Clearly, this is a frequent problem for them. Though I’m not really a fan of the “THIS JOKE IS GETTING OLDER THAN ARCEUS” line because hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t really give you a free pass on using old jokes.

Reshiram: *voice* Cool it Kyurem!

Another incident where we need a comma: “Cool it, Kyurem!” This problem crops up quite a bit, so it would be a good thing to watch for in revision.

The playing with the genders of these genderless legendaries is fun, but it’s something I could see getting overdone. Though I suppose once you establish everyone’s gender that joke will be over and done with and it won’t need to crop up again.

I get that the legendaries hosting a talk show is a fun, farcical kind of idea. But... why exactly are they doing it in the first place? Maybe your planning on getting to this later, but I don't really like explanations like "Because it's funny." They should have motivations for what they're doing. You can draw a lot of humor out of the situation if you give it some context instead of just having it be free-floating.

Zekrom: What now.

Should be a question mark.

Zekrom: Perfect. Let’s start with Reshiram’s hippie head. Note the pale hippie complexion full of hippieness. The blue eyes that glare at your every movement.

I’m not adverse to repeating word jokes—I’ve used them myself. But I kinda feel like there was more you could’ve done with this. Certainly paleness is not the prime reason to mock hippies—there ought to be much more material to work with than that. You go a little further on that eventually, but it’s still pretty surfacey. In fact, the personalities you ascribe to these legendaries is pretty stereotypical in general from what I can see. There's a comedy element to it because people wouldn't necessarily expect legendaries to have this kind of attitude, but drawing on stereotypes in one of the reasons you can get stuck in old jokes (the saving the environment from "THE MAN" one, for example). Complex and new characters would create more complex and new jokes than stereotypical ones.

Zekrom: You might be wondering how these cameras are able to capture our entire body

You used “our” so body needs to be plural too.

I sense a robot uprising in the works from the artificial crowd.

Well, I've obviously come to the end of this chapter with rather mixed feelings. I think you have a lot of potential to work with this setting, but I don't think it's being fully utilized. I think the reliance on emphasis for humor (caps lock and exclamation marks) and stock characters is sapping a lot of your creativity away. Though, in your defense, it's very probable that I'm not the target audience for this story at all.

I hope nothing in this review offends or upsets you, because I do honestly see that you have a lot of energy and creativity at your disposal. It just doesn't feel like it's being actualized for me yet. Obviously you have readers that are enjoying your jokes more than I do, though, and so much of this is simply a matter of personal preference.

I hope I've somehow said something helpful in all of this and I wish you luck as you continue to write.

[GalladeofSpades]

I really need to start replying to my reviewers. -.-;

@RotomKnight: Thank you, I'm glad you like it. ^^ I am considering it, but I seem to fail to see the point of a PM list. If you check the Fanfiction forum every so often, you'll realize that people update their stories and read them anyway. But, as I said, I'm thinking about it.

@Fire Aruseus: O_O FORGIVE ME CRESSY. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. Honestly, they never gave much of a personality to the Commanders, so I thought I'd give them one. Also, I think I turned Jupiter into Sandy Cheeks. O.O

@legolover8: Thanks. I thought I might've overdone it with the wedding jokes, but I see you proved me wrong.

@Skiyomi: All typos you pointed out will now be fixed. Also, let me reply to some of your concerns:

I would, however, were I you, favor using real script conventions instead of internet chat-style scripting. It's the kind of thing that's more streamlined and professional looking and allows for more description of the action and setting. I can't push too hard on that though because those script style stories that I wrote way back when were indeed, chat-style fics like this one. I still think you'd be better of with real scripting conventions, though. If I could have it to do all over again I know that's what I'd do.

Um... Could you give an example? Because I've always written my scripts this way. Mainly because I find it easier to work with.

I've got to be honest, I found a lot of the jokes used here on the not-so-fresh side. Now, old jokes or joke stylings can be excused in bits and pieces. By itself, I'd totally overlook the emphatic "AGAIN" or the thoughtless button-pushing or the unknowing running off of mouths on live TV or the disturbed one rocking in the corner or any of the other ones but... when they're all together they sort of pile up. It's hard with comedy because we're all so influenced by the things we watch, but I don't feel like your unique voice shines through here and I would've liked to see that.

That might be because I get most of my inspiration from old shows, like 'The Nanny' and 'Bewitched'. I honestly find them amusing, better than a lot of shows nowadays. I honestly found classics to never get old, but I guess I was wrong.

I liked the sign joke. Sure, it’s the kind of joke that’s been done before, but its specificity really wins the day. Clearly, this is a frequent problem for them. Though I’m not really a fan of the “THIS JOKE IS GETTING OLDER THAN ARCEUS” line because hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t really give you a free pass on using old jokes.

O_O It doesn't? Oh crud. Better stop doing that then.

The playing with the genders of these genderless legendaries is fun, but it’s something I could see getting overdone. Though I suppose once you establish everyone’s gender that joke will be over and done with and it won’t need to crop up again.

I honestly got tired of the gender jokes myself, so I stopped writing them. I'll just consider them whatever gender I consider them without a gender joke.

I get that the legendaries hosting a talk show is a fun, farcical kind of idea. But... why exactly are they doing it in the first place? Maybe your planning on getting to this later, but I don't really like explanations like "Because it's funny." They should have motivations for what they're doing. You can draw a lot of humor out of the situation if you give it some context instead of just having it be free-floating.

I'll be honest: I was actually hoping for someone to assume that "Arceus said they couldn't do it, so they're doing it" was happening here. I think I might've insinuated that in the beggining of the first eppie, but, again, I was wrong. ^^ I actually wasn't planning on doing that, but hey, who knows?

I’m not adverse to repeating word jokes—I’ve used them myself. But I kinda feel like there was more you could’ve done with this. Certainly paleness is not the prime reason to mock hippies—there ought to be much more material to work with than that. You go a little further on that eventually, but it’s still pretty surfacey. In fact, the personalities you ascribe to these legendaries is pretty stereotypical in general from what I can see. There's a comedy element to it because people wouldn't necessarily expect legendaries to have this kind of attitude, but drawing on stereotypes in one of the reasons you can get stuck in old jokes (the saving the environment from "THE MAN" one, for example). Complex and new characters would create more complex and new jokes than stereotypical ones.

I was actually planning on expanding this joke in Episode 3. I would've done more this episode, but I saw it getting a bit too long, and I started worrying about people not reading it, so I didn't.

About the stereotypes, I'll admit, I do use them. However, I usually grab an aspect of that stereotype and modify it a bit. For example: "Hot blooded hero that will save anyone, risking his own life" Stereotype. Let's modify it a bit. Sure he helps everyone, but he might have ulterior motives to do it. I'm not sure this was a clear example about how I work, but it'll do.

The reason why I do this is because I SUCK at comedy. Seriously. I can only make horrible jokes, so I stick to the stereotypical ones. Sure it's bad, but it's better then writing a non-funny comedy.

I sense a robot uprising in the works from the artificial crowd.

I have much in store for them. MUCH.

Well, I've obviously come to the end of this chapter with rather mixed feelings. I think you have a lot of potential to work with this setting, but I don't think it's being fully utilized. I think the reliance on emphasis for humor (caps lock and exclamation marks) and stock characters is sapping a lot of your creativity away. Though, in your defense, it's very probable that I'm not the target audience for this story at all.

I hope nothing in this review offends or upsets you, because I do honestly see that you have a lot of energy and creativity at your disposal. It just doesn't feel like it's being actualized for me yet. Obviously you have readers that are enjoying your jokes more than I do, though, and so much of this is simply a matter of personal preference.

OMG I HATE CHU IMNEVR RITING AGEIN IMCOMMITING SUICI- *shot shot shot*

Actually, I never had a target audience to begin with. So it really IS a matter of preference.

Thank you for your review. I hope you may come back and read and review the Second Episode. ^^

@Those who view yet do not comment: Again, thank you for reading this.

Episode three is underway everyone, so stay tight!

[Gothitelle K]

Liked episdode two: especially the first chunk of the chapter where Arceus mentions ponies from another demension. Also the part about fall-mart? lol

And it's not even trying too hard which is what I liked.