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Thread: Glass Of Sorrow (Advanceshipping PG One Shot)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Default Glass Of Sorrow (Advanceshipping PG One Shot)

    The story takes place after the events in my story, Sleeping Ash.
    Glass Of Sorrow

    "Happy birthday May," Ash said with a tired smile on his face. He dropped his head to the floor as he murmured, "Sorry I didn't get you anything..."

    "You don't have to get me anything," May admitted. "You're enough."

    Since he was reported missing my Cilan and Iris, everything had led to a one way ticket to a mad man situation. May's pulse shot up as she struggled to fight the tears away. She hinged her body against the glass, but not even for a second did she blink. Her wet eyes were fixed on Ash. Her journey to Unova had taken many turns for the worse, but non so greater than watching someone so dear to her be confided in a prison.

    No words could coat the rotting prison walls in candy. No words of love could brighten the atmosphere of the grey room. The guard in his uniform was like a statue. Ash and May flattened their palms out on the glass. May secretly wished she could fall into the glass and hug him. But it couldn't happen at that moment. They would have to wait until the next day, which would be the day he would stand before a court.

    The jury would decide if Ash was guilty or not guilty of murder. A jury that knew nothing but what the court had shown them. Ash was innocent. May knew it. Everyone around her knew it; including the victims. At the end of the day it was the jury that had the final decision. May hoped it would be the last time he would never face court again.

    He was possessed by a spirit named Dahlia Hawthorne, who controlled him to seek revenge on his father, Phoenix Wright. A cursed gem had been planted in Ash's bag on his eleventh birthday. A couple of years down the line, Dahlia's soul was revitalized. She wreaked havoc in Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and Unova with a creature she called Tortress: a hybrid between Venomoth and Butterfree. Direct skin contact from Tortress would kill, but indirect contact would promise a long sleep.

    Dahlia had already been sent to death once: the court couldn't punish her again.

    When May first heard about Ash's disappearance, she left Drew and Harley in Unova. After a dream she had, she became convinced that Ash was in Mt. Silver. Drew and Harley were reluctant to let May travel on her own again. All of Tortress' victims had owned a pokemon from the eevee family. May knew that Drew and Harley were only looking out for her. She had a glaceon in her party, so she could have easily been the next victim.

    With the help of Ash's pikachu, Meloetta, Blaziken and Beautifly, May managed to defeat Dahlia and Tortress. Ash fell into a coma too, trying to save Pikachu from being killed. He would be Tortress and Dahlia's last victim. As far as May knew, Ash had never owned an eevee. It was something that went against him in court.

    Ash and Phoenix had known each other for months, but Delia still wasn't convinced that Phoenix could be a father figure to him. The union of father and son had a bittersweet twist since Ash was arrested. Ash's mother, Delia refused to forgive Phoenix for what he had said to her in the past. She was close friends with Professor Oak, the most respected man in the country. Professor Oak loathed Phoenix with a passion. He hated him even more after Phoenix exposed his godson as a psychotic murderer. Professor Oak believed Phoenix drove his godson, Kristoph into madness.

    Phoenix was absent though-out the whole trial. He had sent his adoptive daughter, Trucy and her half-brother, Apollo in his place. He refused to defend his son in court, but Apollo swiftly took the case. Trucy had given Apollo nothing but exquisite praise for bravely defending Ash in court. Apollo had convinced Ash and May to tell the court what they knew about Phoenix, Dahlia and Iris. The entire court had agreed that Ash had been possessed by Dahlia's spirit, but the prosecution, argued that the crimes were committed in Ash's body, thus Ash must accept the punishment.

    Jessie and James' autopsy report confirmed a bullet buried in the back of their heads. Ash and May knew nothing about these bullets. It wasn't Tortress' touch that killed them it was someone with a gun. The prosecution tried to close the case by saying that Ash had a gun, but Apollo quickly objected and confirmed that there was no evidence to suggest Ash would walk around with a gun.

    Ash with a gun sounded ridiculous. May couldn't picture Ash running around regions with a gun in his bag. He wouldn't have the heart to even touch a gun, let alone pull a trigger. However, she did imagine Ash as her hero: the one she can aspire to be like.

    "I'm sorry for causing you trouble," Ash said. A clear trail of tears stained his face. "I know you didn't want this. Especially after all the effort you made to save me."

    "We will save you!" May roared. "I'm not letting you be found guilty for something you didn't do."

    "What if I did do it?" Ash asked. He slammed his fists against the glass barrier. May gasped at the morbid tone of Ash's voice. "I don't remember anything about the attacks. You know how Dahlia took complete control of me. There were times I used I wake up with scratches all over me. I only thought something weird was going on when I woke up in Celadon City. I knew I should have listened to Pikachu..."

    May witnessed Ash bury his head in hands, although May had every reason to believe in Ash.

    The next day in court, Ash was acquitted. Everyone gave a sigh of relief. Ash and May left the court, but Phoenix was nowhere to be found, although as far as the pair of them was concerned; he was the prime suspect in their eyes. The pair of them didn't say much since the results at court. It wasn't like winning a contest or a battle. Although it was a victory, there was a bitter thorn in the victory caused by Phoenix.

    "I thought my dad and I were doing so well," Ash said. "Why didn't he come to the trial?"

    May really wanted to smile. Her prayers for Ash's freedom had been heard, but Ash had been slashed by a lightning of sadness. His sorrow was contagious and quickly swallowed May. She wasn't going to have him ruin his life. She wanted to make him happy. May grabbed onto Ash's waist and pulled him into a tight hug. She buried her head in his chest as she bravely whispered, "don't worry about him... you will always have me."

    Sometimes one hug can mean more than a thousand kisses.

    A Splash In Germany

    My book Drinking Poetry is availible on Amazon and Lulu

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    On a Mars bar. :)


    I really enjoyed it! It's a shame I haven't read the preceding 'fic, but I'll see if I have time for it at some point~! x3

    A few typos...

    Since he was reported missing by Cilan and Iris, everything had led to a one way ticket to a mad man situation
    May hoped it would be the last time he would never face court again.
    Bit of a double negative here - obscures your meaning. Either change the 'never' into 'ever' so you're saying she hopes this is the last time he would ever face the court, the last time he'd be called there, rather than the last time he would never face it - aka hopes that he will always face it.

    "What if I did do it?" Ash asked. He slammed his fists against the glass barrier. May gasped at the morbid tone of Ash's voice. "I don't remember anything about the attacks. You know how Dahlia took complete control of me. There were times I used I wake up with scratches all over me. I only thought something weird was going on when I woke up in Celadon City. I knew I should have listened to Pikachu..."
    I liked the bit previously, with the description of the tears on the cheeks - I just felt that it could've been expanded into this bit a little? This bit and the ending scene where Ash and May are reunited both felt like they could use some padding out, some further exploring to fully contextualise May's thoughts and emotions. At each point, May wouldn't have just been blocking out the surrounding details - her visual, audial and even sensational landscapes would've been supplementing her experience, further honing her emotions and thoughts and changing them - it's part of being human, responding not only to the direct stimuli of events and things being said, but being receptive to the very world around us and the details that surround the direct events. The emotive response we as a race often seem to have in response to sunrises and sunsets is a key, if cliched example. In this scene, it emerges in how Ash's state - beyond the fact that he is crying - would impact May's response to him. She would also naturally focus upon it - drink it the sight of him and examine how healthy he looks, his emotional state, the state of his clothing - particularly as she hasn't seen him in a while and has been worrying about him. Her focus would naturally be on him, and as we are seeing the story from her POV, a further emersion into how she sees the world beyond her thoughts on it and the conversations she has within it would assist the characterisation and the emotional depth of the story.

    In the above quote, for instance, instead of the possible atmospheric/setting detail advised above, more character detail would work delightfully - ash is obviously very emotional, as seen in his thumping of the glass - that emotion would emerge, as well, in other physical details, such as a tremble in his hands, the casting down of his eyes - so much emotion can be implied through subtle details such as that, and that is the sort of thing May is likely to pick up on and respond too. It changes her responses, too - for if this aggression was accompanied by a sardonic anger, a mocking, aggressive self-pity, she would respond to it very differently then if it was a depressed, weak, despairing aggression... Do you understand? Slipping in these little human reactions, filling out scenario detail as the character is likely to focus on - all of these elements immerse the reader a little bit more into the story, and makes its tragedy taste that little bit more bittersweet. :3 I just hope I've explained it properly...!

    Generally, however - I do like your writing style, although I think it suited 'Carry on Blissey' a lil' better. I guess with a human focus you need to just explore the details a little bit more? But very enjoyable. :3
    Last edited by katiekitten; 11th June 2012 at 3:40 PM.

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