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Thread: The Beta House

  1. #1
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    Default The Beta House

    ~*THE BETA HOUSE*~
    Another version!


    This is the new version of the Beta House thread!

    Previous!
    Previous previous! (By purple_drake)

    Going off the old thread's introduction - for anyone new to the thread, the Beta House is a mentoring system for writers, new and advanced, who need help developing or fine-tuning their fics. So if you need help with something big like developing an idea, or just something small like making sure your grammar’s all ironed out, there are people here who would (we would hope! :P) be able to help you.

    If you were on the lists in the previous thread (as a mentor or mentoree) then say so or reapply and you will be readded. But for now we're starting fresh save for the last couple of requests in the old thread.

    If you have any questions, suggestions, updates or insults, feel free to PM me or one of the fanfiction moderators.


    Rules
    Shamelessly similar to the old thread's!


    General:

    Naturally, all rules in the Author's cafe apply here. That said, there’s one big one that deserves re-mentioning:
    1. No spam or off-topic posts are allowed. There are only four reasons why people should be posting in this thread:
      —to apply as a mentor
      —to apply as a mentoree
      —in the case of mentors, to inform me of their status
      —to make a statement or ask a question relating to the thread (the latter of which does not include ‘when do I get a mentor?’ ‘why hasn’t someone picked me yet?’ and any other variation on the same theme). Anything else will be considered spam.
    2. All contact between mentors and mentorees should be through PM and/or email, NOT in the thread. This includes mentorees asking for someone to be their mentor and vice versa.
    3. BOTH mentor and mentoree MUST have agreed to the mentorship before the mentor posts acceptance.
    4. Samples should have a minimum length of four decent-sized paragraphs.


    Mentorees:
    1. Note that the Beta House is NOT the equivalent of spellcheck or grammarcheck. Look over your stuff as best you can before handing it over to your mentor - apply a spell or grammar check by either your word processor (whether that is Word, OpenOffice or so forth) or an online one, and give it a proofread as well. Your story WILL be denied by myself or a fanfiction mod if there is no clear effort shown in your work that you have applied some basic effort to cleaning up and editing/proofreading your story.
    2. Don’t apply unless you’re serious about the story. By ‘serious’ I mean you’ve thought about it, you know where it’s going and/or know you’re going to stick with it.
    3. Please post a sample when possible, even if it’s not a pokémon fic, and if your story exists already on the internet, by all means link to it. An excerpt of the fic you want betaed would be ideal, but if not, a sample of your development would still be useful.
    4. You may PM a mentor about accepting you, but be aware that they have the right to choose mentorees at their own discretion, so please respect their decision.
    5. Given the long list we have atm, one request for a mentor each mentoree only for the time being.
    6. This thread is about guidance, so if you disagree with your mentor you can bring it up with them. Just be polite about it; remember, they are just trying to help you.
    7. Be patient. They’re taking the time to help, so don’t pester them about when they’ll be done with your chapter. That said, if it’s been two weeks or something and you haven’t heard a word, then feel free to give them a poke.
    8. Mentors have the right to drop a story after two warnings to their mentorees if these rules aren’t respected.



    Mentors/Proofreaders:

    First and foremost, do note that you will be 'checked out' before being accepted or denied to be a mentor here. Not just anyone can become a mentor. That said, if you’re applying just because you happen to have time or people have said you’re good at a particular part of writing, you might want to rethink. Willingness only goes so far; experience will go much further. Rules for the mentors and proofreaders are the same, with the exception of Rule 4.
    1. Please, don’t agree to beta a story if you know you won’t have time, motivation, or just don’t want to. It’s a waste of time for everyone involved, which can be better spent elsewhere.
    2. I know life can be busy, but if it’s been a few days, you’ve got a chapter lined up, and you haven’t had a chance to look at it yet or know you won’t get a chance for another couple of days, warn your mentoree it might take a while. If you’re going away or you’re losing your Internet access, then let them know. Your return courtesy for them not bugging the heck out of you.
    3. The default number of mentorees you guys can have at three, but if you wish to take on more or less at a time, by all means include that in your application and it'll be included.
    4. You CAN apply to be a mentoree as well.
    5. On the flipside of the rule for mentorees, yes, you are helping them, but they came to you for it. So be nice, especially if they disagree with you about something and you want to argue the point.
    6. Mentorees have the right to request a new mentor if the one they have doesn’t respect these rules. If the infraction is severe enough and is brought to my attention, you could be taken off the list. So don’t do it, guys.

    Penalties

    You can also be put on probation and removed from the list if someone (such as a reader of their mentoree’s fic) brings it to my attention that they aren’t betaing to standard. If you don’t have time to do it, then warn your mentoree you’re going on hiatus; don’t rush through the beta for the sake of getting it out.

    Applications
    How i get on list???


    Mentorees:
    Story title:
    Fandom (preferably pokémon):
    Plot summary:
    Genre:
    Rating:
    Mentor needed:
    Prior writing experience:
    Preferred mentor (optional):
    Writing sample (optional, but expected):
    Other (optional):

    IMPORTANT NOTE: Under the 'mentor needed' section, people have been saying what areas they're weak in, in terms of writing. The only thing you need to say to answer this section is 'comprehensive mentor' or 'character mentor' or whatever kind of mentor you want; the list of ways in which you need help isn't needed to be mentioned there - you can say that in the Other section.

    Mentors:
    Category (two maximum unless comprehensive):
    Genre specialty (if any):
    Method of contact:
    Proofreader (yes/no):

    Furthermore, link to at least two samples of your writing, specific to whichever category you’re applying for. It doesn’t have to be on this forum; just wherever it’s accessible.

    Additionally, link to a few samples of reviews or beta readings you have made if you have any. Again, it does not have to come from this forum.

    An explanation of certain parts of the application form:

    Genre specialty is, well, kind of self-explanatory. If you specialise in certain fics, such as journeyfics, pokémorph fics, even romance or adventure fics, you can note it on your application and it will be included beside your name on the list. If you want to mentor in that particular genre (that is, help with the refinement of a genre-specific storyline), then there is a new category for genre-specific mentors.
    Method of contact is also self-explanatory. Specify if you want to be contacted through email or PM, and if the former, please leave an email address (which will be placed next to your name on the list, so if you don’t want it public, you might want to hold off until you know who you’re mentoring).
    Aproofreader is similar to a mentor, but is tailored towards more experienced writers who need a second opinion, as opposed to less experienced writers who need a teacher. Anyone who is a mentor can offer additional services as a proofreader, although comprehensive mentors will be automatically placed on the proofreader list unless otherwise stated by the mentor in question.


    The List
    Are YOU on it? It's really cool!





    Mentors:

    One active thus far.


    Comprehensive Mentors:
    [Mentors who are pretty good at all aspects of fiction. Best for very new writers or anyone in need of general help.]

    katiekitten - PM, or live journal. Also a Character and Language Mentor.
    Genre specialty - Tragedy

    Character Mentors:
    [Mentors skilled in character portrayal and development.]

    katiekitten - PM, or live journal. Also a Comprehensive and Language Mentor.
    Genre specialty - Tragedy

    Plot Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with the development of plot twists, the story climax, and other problems with the storyline.]

    Bay - PMs or VMs, can also do email on request. Also a Fluency Mentor.
    Genre - My strengths are mystery and suspense, but I'm willing to look through anything.


    Language Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with the fine-tuning of language, including things such as description and dialogue.]

    katiekitten - PM, or live journal. Also a Character and Comprehensive Mentor.
    Genre specialty - Tragedy


    Fluency Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with chapter length, pacing, scene breaks, and so on.]


    Bay - PMs or VMs, can also do email on request. Also a Fluency Mentor.
    Genre - My strengths are mystery and suspense, but I'm willing to look through anything.


    Genre-specific Mentors:
    [Mentors who offer help with a specific genre, such as journey fics or romance fics.]



    Grammar Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with ironing out those pesky grammatical errors.]



    Proofreaders:
    Proofreaders are exactly what they sound like: they proofread a work just before it gets published. Unlike mentors, they're not here specifically for the purpose of teaching; they're here for the more experienced writers as a second set of eyes and to offer a second opinion. A proofreader will usually aim to give a general overview of a work, although they may focus on aspects the author particularly wants an opinion on or which they specialise in.


    In Search of Assistance:
    Click the links for the full info on their story and so forth!


    Zoruagible
    "Kyurem's wrath"
    Action/Adventure/Comedy
    PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of a Comprehensive/Plot mentor

    matt0044
    "Pokemon: The Black & White Adventure and the sequel 02"
    Adventure, comedy, friendship, drama and more
    G
    Pokemon

    C.Goly
    "Carry On, Blissey"
    Pokémon POV/Drama
    PG-13
    Pokemon
    No preference for type of mentor

    Brutaka
    "Through the Thunder and the Lightning"
    Adventure/Fantasy/some romance, but very light, War
    G (maybe higher later)
    Pokemon
    No preference for type of mentor

    DeadlyBraviary∞
    "Pokemon: Moltera"

    Adventure and Drama
    PG-13
    Pokemon
    Description/Character/Proofreader

    LadyLady
    "Jays Journey Through The Henzo Region"

    Adventure
    PG
    Pokemon
    'Description, Developing characters and especially grammar and spelling. Someone to honestly tell me if it's any good really.'

    Gamzee Makara
    "PMD: Knights of the Crown"

    Medieval Sword-and-Sorcery comedy, with a small amount of Romance
    PG-13
    Pokemon
    'Character and/or Style Mentor'


    Cheers to Breezy, purple_drake and Draco Malfoy for their input!
    Last edited by bobandbill; 12th June 2014 at 4:27 AM.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  2. #2
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    Story title: Pokemon: The Black & White Adventure and the sequel 02.

    Fandom: Pokemon. What else?

    Plot summary: This fic is my adaptation of the games, Pokemon Black, Pokemon White, Pokemon Black 2 and Pokemon White 2 obviously. The storyline for the first series basically follows Hilda, a 14 year old Pokemon Trainer, journeying Unova to enter the League, complete the Pokedex and stop Team Plasma

    The second series (02) follows 16 year old Bunny (my nickname for the BW2 protagonist but her actual game name will be used as her birth name) and her boyfriend (the BW2 rival) journeying Unova and encountering the revived Team Plasma.

    If you have any doubts of this, I guarantee that the actual stories will NOT be carbon copies of the games' storylines and characters. It may be a Trainer Fic but I intend for it to stick out in a good way. Though the majority of their elements will be used, I intend to expand on them and put a twist on certain things.

    Genre: Adventure, comedy, friendship, drama and more. I want to explore the aspects of life be they good or bad.

    Rating: G (particularly young adultish with a mix of cute and heartwarming moments, sad and tearful moment, funny moments, down to Earth moments and tense and strategic action-y moments.)

    Mentor needed: For a Beta Reader, I need someone who's a very frequent regular here with plenty of time to kill when discussing and brainstorming with me via PMs. If you're busy with personal issues at a particular moment, I'll understand and wait for your return if it's very important. You should be willing and interested to work with me and help me with my characters, stories and ideas. Maybe even make your suggestions. Of course, they must be a fan of Generation V and Unova with enough knowledge on it but you probably knew that.

    They also must be flexible with dark, light and thrillingly epic tones since my Trainer fic isn't mature in the sense of nudity, sex and extreme violence or light in the sense of the Pokemon Anime but on the level of epicness like Pokemon Special or Digimon more or less. It's pretty young adultish like Harry Potter or Molly Moon and I plan to give it a sense of an novelized action cartoon with a storyline and standalone stories for the characters as well as elements so all readers of any age can have fun. The characters are written to be gray where they're not perfect in the sense that they makes mistakes like any person would. It's less cliched and shabby than you'd believe but I'll let you be the judge.

    My Beta also needs to be quick to point out any potential mistakes in storytelling and keeping characters consistent. And they like an idea or dislike an idea, they must explain why they thinks so. That's pretty much it.

    Prior writing experience: I'd... rather not talk about them. Too embarrassing.

    Preferred mentor (optional): My Beta needs to be imaginative for this and not take things too seriously all the time. A fun and understanding person. I also have Aspergers Syndrome so if I say something I shouldn't have by accident, please address it kindly so I may apologize.

    So, any volunteers? If I should elaborate on anything, let me know.

    You got that right! The Legend of Korra is returning on October 3rd! Mark your calendars!

  3. #3
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    Mentoree

    Story title: Carry On, Blissey
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: Blissey's a matron in the Pokémon Centre of Hearthome City's General Hospital
    Genre: Pokémon POV/Drama
    Rating: PG-13
    Mentor needed: I need a mentor because I don't really have a good eye when it comes to proof reading. I hope to be able to take the criticism on board, learn the experience and use it to improve my overall writing.
    Prior writing experience: I've taken writing as a serious hobby since I was around nine years old. I've written a variety of original stories, fan fiction, poetry, lyrics and reviews. I've also had some poems and short stories published too.
    Preferred mentor: No real preference.
    Writing sample: Here's a scene from Carry On, Blissey
    I turned to Spiritomb and told him, "follow me to the nurse's station."

    Spiritomb remained silent to my surprise. He was intelligent, but sometimes outspoken. I wondered if it had anything to do with his intolerance towards rock type pokémon? I hope not.

    "What on earth on what outburst for?" I snapped. "Those pokémon lost their trainer from a car crash."

    "It's the truth."

    "What's the truth?" Sometimes I just don't understand Spiritomb. He was a great doctor, but some of his actions made no sense. "They're grieving... and you telling a visitor that it's his own fault isn't going to make it any better. Remember our job is to make pokémon feel better."

    "What I did was equivalent to the times where you accused Crasher Wake of being abusive when I treating his pokémon.”

    “That was a long time ago,” I responded in defence.

    “No it wasn't,” Spiritomb laughed. “It was only yesterday. But Crasher Wake's discharged himself again. Anyway what did you bring me here for?”

    Oh my goodness. He can't remember what just happened, but he can remember what happened years ago. Either Spiritomb was teasing me, or he's developing serious signs of dementia.

    “Spiritomb lately you've been different,” I told him.

    Spiritomb laughed. “What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with me?”

    “You did accuse a tryanitar of killing their trainer,” I reminded him.

    “All rock pokémon are scum,” Spritomb growled.

    I'm trying to see all of this happening in Spiritomb's eyes, but all I can see is distortions of time.
    Other: Hope we get along.
    Last edited by ChloboShoka; 9th June 2012 at 9:56 PM.


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  4. #4
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    Both added to the list.

    What I suppose is really being looked for now are mentors! =p

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  5. #5
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    Mmm, will be free from exams on the 21st and looking for a part time distraction, so might as well sign up for this again. :3 It's been a while...!

    Mentors:

    Category: Comprehensive, Character, Language.
    Genre specialty: Tragedy (I suppose. xD)
    Method of contact: PM, or live journal.
    Proofreader: Yep. x3

    A little bit about how I work: I'm all about constructive critique. x3 You will get the good points and the bad. <3

    Examples of reviews:

    I don't have any truly comprehensive reviews up here (haven't done one of those in a while) but the reviews below are still relevant. :3

    One - Two

    My writing:

    Nothing particularly recent, unless you include the tidbits thrown into the 'Write a Scene' thread. :3

    One - Two

    Status and Slots

    Only taking on two maximum this time. x3

    - Open -

    1. C.Gholy
    2. -
    Last edited by katiekitten; 5th August 2012 at 6:51 PM.


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  6. #6
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    Accepted for all three categories, katiekitten!

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

    The BBS Forums! Join in!
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    Tied to this Pokemon Magazine! Looking for contributors - check it out!
    Why should you? Well, Wynaut?
    Current article: The Coffee Guy's Rants: Remakes! He doesn't like them.
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  7. #7
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    Well, it was suggested to me that I get a beta reader. My own readers are able to catch some, but there was just oodles of errors that they didn't catch that one of the experienced reviews did. So maybe I can get one now, if this place actually still works :/

    Story title: Through the Thunder and the Lightning
    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon(Pokemon Mystery Dungeon)
    Plot summary: A deity attempts take care of his problems before they are indeed a problem, but the target teenage boy is instead saved by another power and transformed into a Pokemon. Shortly after waking up as a Pachirisu, he meets a shiny Emolga named April, who he promptly falls in love with. they decide to form a Salvaging Team while at the same time looking for a reason for Shane's, the teenage boy, transformation. Soon they realize that the entire nation is at war with each other as General Z attempts to defeat and over run General R. And all along the way he has to grapple with his feelings for April. Though he has no memories, he knows deep down that a human liking a Pokemon is completely wrong. Even still, pushing the thoughts away from his mind is getting tougher and tougher...
    Genre: Adventure/Fantasy/some romance, but very light/and of course, War
    Rating: G(but I might have to bump that up a smudge for the last two chapters if all goes as planned)
    Mentor needed: Comprehensive would be the best bet.
    Prior writing experience: None, to be honest, but I get high marks on my English assignments and I used to Role Play a bit over on Smogon. I also entered a One-Shot into a contest and the guy who distributes them to the judges anonymously commented that my short story was great, if not the best, he received. Im still waiting on the judges answer though. The One-Shot itself will be posted once the judging is over, regardless of whether I win or not.
    Preferred mentor (optional): Any, I'm not too picky.
    Writing sample (optional, but expected): Here's the Link to the Fan Fic in question, its already got 8 chapters. They get better as they go along, so Chapter 8 is the most recent sample of my skills.
    Other (optional): Nothing really, I just figured I'd get one to look through and catch all the stuff I miss. Writer's Bias keeps me from catching everything so I need a separate pair of eyes.
    ~Author's Profile ||~|| <Fly High Graphics> ~
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    Added to the list, Brutaka.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  9. #9
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    Story title: Pokemon: Moltera
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: The adventures of Arron Bradshaw, in my original region: Moltera.
    Genre: Adventure and Drama
    Rating: PG-13
    Mentor needed: Someone who can help me with description and character development AND proofread for errors.
    Prior writing experience: Quite a bit ... check out my profile.
    Preferred mentor: Anybody who can help me!
    Writing sample


    plot, bounty hunters, crazed tax collectors
    a journeyfic by the most improved writer of 2012, second place
    what more could you want?


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  10. #10
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    Added to the list.

    That said there's not much point with this if there's no more mentors, and there's only two on the list. Don't be shy, other writers!

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

    The BBS Forums! Join in!
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  11. #11
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    I kind of have a question: can we apply as a mentor AND a mentoree?

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    Story title: Jays Journey Through The Henzo Region

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): obviously Pokemon

    Plot summary: Jays just started his journey through the Henzo region on a mission to collect the Henzo gym badges and participate in the upcoming league. However mysterious forces seem to be finding their way onto Jays path.

    Genre: Adventure

    Rating: PG

    Mentor needed: Description, Developing characters and especially grammar and spelling. Someone to honestly tell me if it's any good really.

    Prior writing experience: none of this kind.

    Preferred mentor (optional): anyone who's willing to help

    Writing sample (optional, but expected):

        Spoiler:- SAMPLE:
    For everyone who likes stories you can read my first ever fan-fic here!


    ]

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades View Post
    I kind of have a question: can we apply as a mentor AND a mentoree?
    Yep:
    Quote Originally Posted by Mentor guidelines
    4.You CAN apply to be a mentoree as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLady View Post
    Story title: Jays Journey Through The Henzo Region

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): obviously Pokemon

    Plot summary: Jays just started his journey through the Henzo region on a mission to collect the Henzo gym badges and participate in the upcoming league. However mysterious forces seem to be finding their way onto Jays path.

    Genre: Adventure

    Rating: PG

    Mentor needed: Description, Developing characters and especially grammar and spelling. Someone to honestly tell me if it's any good really.

    Prior writing experience: none of this kind.

    Preferred mentor (optional): anyone who's willing to help

    Writing sample (optional, but expected):
    Added.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

    The BBS Forums! Join in!
    Gain achievements for activity on forums & the games!

    Tied to this Pokemon Magazine! Looking for contributors - check it out!
    Why should you? Well, Wynaut?
    Current article: The Coffee Guy's Rants: Remakes! He doesn't like them.
    Avatar by minty-fivestar on DA, with edited background/cropping. Fic banner by cieux.

  14. #14
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    Mentoree:
    Story title: Total Pokémon Drama: The Island
    Fandom: Crossover between the Total Drama Series and Pokémon
    Plot summary: Twenty-Two trainers have been selected to send one of their prized Pokémon to Challenge, Island, where they will fight for the grand prize of 1,000,000,000 poké, plus a vacation in Undella Town, all expenses paid. Watch as friendships are born, alliances are torn and hormone filled Pokémon hook up like crazy in the bathroom, all on your monitor! Hosted by the lovely legendaries, Jirachi and Deoxys.
    Genre: Comedy, Drama, maybe a hint of romance.
    Rating: PG-14 (I think...)
    Mentor needed: I need both a Character and a Fluency mentor, however, just the former is fine.
    Prior writing experience: I have written many things before, I just really never got around to posting them.
    Writing sample (optional, but expected):     Spoiler:- Sample:

    Other: I really need help on characters because I often fear they get OOC. On Fluency, pacing is a nightmare for me. I appreciate the help.

    Mentor:

    Category: Plot and Language mentor
    Genre specialty (if any): Mystery(especially Murder Mystery), Horror, Comedy
    Method of contact: PM
    Proofreader (yes/no): Yes.

    The first is That Show, my first ever fanfic published here and the second one is Distorted, which a simple horror fic... By my standards, at least.

    Reviews: Scroll down to see them.

  15. #15
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    NOTE: The series has been going for about two years, but I've recently started trying to put out a higher-quality fic. I do not want the previous chapters to be critiqued, but I would prefer that the mentor have read them, thus making it less confusing for them.

    Story title: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Journal

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokémon (Specifically, Mystery Dungeon)

    Plot summary: Heath wakes up as a Totodile, with no memory of his previous life. He is given a place to live by Kim, a Charmander. While Heath looks into the strange visions he has of an event that occurred long ago at a place called Temporal Tower, a threat rises in the form of the sun appearing to go out.

    Genre: Adventure

    Rating: High G-Low PG

    Mentor needed: CHaracter and Fluency

    Prior writing experience: I've written various fanfics for almost five years, ost of which can be found on my deviantART. MD Journal is the one I've been the most serious about, though, and it currently has 16 chapters to its name.

    Writing sample (optional, but expected):

        Spoiler:- Excerpt from Chapter 17:

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
    http://askredemption.tumblr.com/
    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  16. #16
    Join Date
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    Story title: [Unknown as of now due to the fact as i'm aweful at naming my stories]
    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon
    Plot summary: Two teenagers and one's little sister have lived in a sheltered city there whole life, everyone in the city believes the world of pokemon is happy and carefree, and willingly send their children out to become "Pokemon Masters". Upon leaving the city, they find an utterly different world, one harsh and cruel. With the occasional help from an old family friend and a met woman-of-ill-repute, an odd pair of twin Ninetails, and opposed by a currently unnamed group, they start off in an attempt to defeat the gym leaders and face the Elite 4 & Champion, but they soon learn surviving is harder than expected. (I'm sorry if it sounds like it's full of cheese >>>.<<<)
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Suspense/Tragedy
    Rating: R (rating just for safety, i will use gory scenes and some swearing)
    Mentor needed: Plot mentors
    Prior writing experience: written several unpublished short stories
    Preferred mentor (optional): none
    Writing sample (optional, but expected):     Spoiler:- Sorry if it's Bad >.<:

    Other (optional): I'm in need of help with a beginning, besides grammar, it's my largest roadblock in writing. If I can find a way to launch my story strongly, I can keep the ball rolling.


  17. #17
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    Apr 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by matt0044 View Post
    My old Beta Reader had to drop me since our time tables aren't able to match. I need a new one who can suit my needs to work on my fanfic. Here's what I'm working on and what I expect a Beta Reader to help me with:

    Pokemon: The Black & White Adventures is my adaptation of the games, Pokemon Black, Pokemon White, Pokemon Black 2 and Pokemon White 2 obviously. The storyline for the first series basically follows Hilda, a 14 year old Pokemon Trainer, journeying Unova to enter the League, complete the Pokedex and stop Team Plasma with the mysterious young man named N.

    If you have any doubts of this, I guarantee that the actual stories will NOT be carbon copies of the games' storylines and characters. In fact, I hope my Beta Reader will help me on that. I need someone who's a very frequent regular here with plenty of time to kill when discussing and brainstorming with me via PMs. If you're busy with personal issues at a particular moment, I'll understand and wait for your return if it's very important. You should be willing and interested to work with me and help me with my characters, stories and ideas. Maybe even make your suggestions. Of course, they must be a fan of Generation V and Unova with enough knowledge on it but you probably knew that.

    They also must be flexible with dark, light and thrillingly epic tones as well as many different types of stories (action, adventure, mystery, Sci-Fi, etc) since my Trainer fic isn't mature in the sense of nudity, sex and extreme violence or light in the sense of the Pokemon Anime but on the level of epicness like Pokemon Special or Digimon more or less. And I don't just limit it to just those kinds of stories. It's pretty young adultish like Harry Potter or Molly Moon and I plan to give it a sense of an action cartoon with a storyline and standalone stories for the characters as well as elements so older readers can have fun. The characters are written to be gray (hence, the title's meaning) where they're not perfect in the sense that they makes mistakes like any person would. It's less cliched and shabby than you'd believe but I'll let you be the judge.

    And example would be the Knights of Team Plasma act like they're the good guys and believe that they are so they aren't like evil mooks from Team Plasma or chaotically evil like the bad guys from Power Rangers. They believe they're like a band of rebels or a resistance trying to set the world the way it should (or rather the way they believe in). This is keeping up with the theme for characterizations: Black, White and Gray.

    Anyways, my Beta needs to be imaginative for this and not take things too seriously. A fun and understanding person who doesn't treat this as an obligation. I also have Aspergers Syndrome so if I say something I shouldn't have by accident, please address this so I may apologize. I live in New Rochelle, New York so if you're able to be online when I am too, that'd be great.

    So, any volunteers?
    Sorry to bump this but I still need a Beta and I'm desperate as hell. Here's an outline of Chapter 1 if anybody's interested.

        Spoiler:


    If this got your attention, then PM me if your interested.
    Last edited by matt0044; 31st March 2013 at 7:21 PM.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    NC
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    Story title:PMD:Knights of the Crown

    Fandom (preferably pokémon):Pokémon

    Plot summary:In a medieval-style world of Pokémon, a lone goth girl is reincarnated into the form of a Hawlucha via a shiny hole between dimensions, and, due to the ancient prophecies surrounding Pokémon claiming to be humans(A drunken old Azumarill's ramblings after using Future Sight), is put to work as a squire to Sir Gallade the Chivalrous, Condescending and Thoroughly Sexist, by Queen Blissey XIII, mistress of the Egg Sword(a giant egg shell)...but in the shadows, an unknown enemy plots to seize both the crown and Hawlucha's heart, body, soul and cloaca, due to her materializing with a mysterious gilded sword inscribed with the symbol of Arceus...or just a giant painted metal novelty spork with an old-fashioned egg timer painted on it...

    Genre:Medieval Sword-and-Sorcery comedy, with a small amount of Romance

    Rating:PG-13 for mild swearing, violence, and suggestive themes

    Mentor needed:Character and/or Style Mentor

    Prior writing experience:None in this Genre

    Writing sample (optional, but expected):

    A hole in the fabric of time and space opens on the shores of Angel Wharf, NC.

    A lone teen, driven by curiosity and a thirst for apple juice, enters.

    What follows will question all of her preconceptions of reality...and berry preferences.

    Other (optional):i will post alonger writing example if needed...also, can't wait to get started!
    MUCHA HAWLUCHA, YEAH!

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    The Deep (Fried) South
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    5,162

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    Story Title: Pokemon Generations [Working Title]

    Fandom: Pokemon

    Genre: Action/Adventure; Romance

    Rating: PG

    Mentor Needed: To be honest, I'm not really looking for a mentor as much as someone to workshop my fic, give me both positive and negative constructive criticism. There are a couple of areas where I think I could improve... but I don't want to say what they are because I don't want to influence opinion. Anyway, I'll take as much feedback as I can get. I don't expect this to be a major commitment for anyone who accepts; just a quick read/pre-review.

    Prior Writing Experience: Two and a half shipping fics, one abandoned OC fic, a one-shot, obsessive journaling, and an English/Creative Writing major.

    Plot Summary: When Satsumi's dad goes missing on a trip to investigate an ancient temple ruin, she decides to do everything she can to find him. She knows it won't be easy. Sickly for most of her childhood, Satsumi grew up sheltered and isolated, and even though her health has improved, she's still a timid, awkward girl prone to worry. Dealing with her new friends is almost as much of a challenge as dealing with her new enemy. But most troubling of all is the strange mystery which threatens to pull her under. What happened in that ruined temple so long ago? What does it have to do with her dad's disappearance? And what it Satsumi's connection to it? She'll soon find out, whether she wants to or not.

    Writing Sample: Um... this is a lot of text, but I don't think I can give a good sense of the story without posting the entire prologue, so...

    Prologue
    Twelfth Birthday
    I knew something was wrong when he didn’t come home for my birthday. My mom said it was nothing: “Maybe he just forgot what day it is; you know how absent-minded your dad can be”– but I could tell she was only trying to make me feel better. She pretended that everything was fine, that there was nothing wrong with sitting at a table for two at my favorite restaurant, or with putting a third of my cake back in the fridge, or with actually being able to hear the funny parts of my favorite movie because no one was laughing too loud. Did she think I didn’t notice that her smile was too wide, her voice was too high-pitched and bubbly, or that she kept turning her face away so I wouldn’t see her worried expression? I kept glancing at her while we watched the movie– no, not watched– my mom’s eyes were glued to the TV screen, but she was staring straight through it.


    But I pretended, too. My mom was trying so hard to make me happy, and I didn’t want to make her worry about me. So I told her that she was right, maybe something came up; maybe he got so busy he lost track of time. I could almost believe it myself– he really was absent-minded, just like my mom said. He’d forgotten her birthday a few years before; boy, she’d really let him have it for that.


    It wasn’t the first time he’d been away from home, either– a three time Pokemon League Champion, he travels a lot, giving speeches and exhibitions.


    But this time wasn’t like the others. It started when Professor Ookido came to our house one day about a week ago. There was nothing unusual about that; he lives nearby, and he and my dad have been friends since they were kids. But this time, it seemed like something was bothering him. His smile was too thin. When I answered the door, he mussed my hair and said “Hey, Short Stuff,” like always, but he didn’t stop to talk to me, just asked where my dad was. I led him into the kitchen, where my dad was crouched down putting down food bowls Pikachu and his other Pokemon. He looked up, stood, and said hi to Professor Ookido when we entered. Then he told me to go upstairs and clean my room. He didn’t answer when I said that my room was already clean, just frowned, crossed his arms, and looked me straight in the eye. I knew what he was trying to tell me-- cleaning my room was just an excuse; really, he just wanted me to leave so I wouldn't hear their conversation. I was really curious, but I wasn’t going to argue. So I left.


    That night at dinner, my dad told my mom and me that he had to leave on business for a few days. When my mom asked what kind of business, he shrugged and said “Some archeologists just finished digging up some ruins over in the Nirakar Region. Shigeru wants me to go check it out.”
    “Ruins?” my mom said, pausing with her fork halfway to her mouth.
    “Yeah, out in the desert, some temple in some mythological city or something.” My dad shrugged. “I don’t know much about it, but Shigeru seemed excited.”
    “Then why can’t he go?”
    My dad looked at me with raised eyebrows, and I turned my face toward my plate, embarrassed by my outburst.
    “Shigeru has too much to do at the lab,” said my dad, “he has to get the starters ready for this year’s new trainers.”
    “Oh. Right.”


    That made sense– it was almost time for new trainers to start their Pokemon journeys. But that didn’t make me feel any better. I rolled a pea around on my plate with my fork so I wouldn’t have to look at my dad.
    “Don’t worry, Satsumi,” he said with a smile in his voice. “I’ll be home in plenty of time for your birthday. Have I ever broken my promise?”


    I shook my head, feeling a little bad for doubting my dad. I’m really proud of him, and I’ve gotten kind of used to him being gone sometimes; these days, I don’t even cry when he leaves. But I still miss him when he’s away, and he knows it. That’s why he promised me he’d always be home for my birthday no matter what. My dad’s always told me that the day I was born was the most important day of his life, even more important than the day he set out on his Pokemon journey, or the day he first won the title of Pokemon League Champion.


    That’s why I knew, deep down, that he couldn’t have forgotten. Even if he got held up this time, he would’ve at least called. My mom kept her phone near her all day, kept checking it. The light came back to her eyes every time it rang, then disappeared again as soon as she looked at the caller ID. I hope I hid my disappointment from her better than she hid hers from me.


    It was getting late when she looked at the clock, sighed, and headed upstairs. She came back down a minute later carrying something small in one hand. My mom sat down next to me on the sofa and handed me a box a little bigger than my open hands, wrapped in blue paper and
    pink ribbons.
    “Happy birthday, Satsumi,” she said. “This is from both me and your dad. I was hoping he could be on the phone when you opened it, but... I guess he’ll just have to miss out, huh?”

    I nodded and smiled back at her as best I could.
    “Go ahead, open it!” she said.
    I tried to show enthusiasm as I tore into the paper, but a chill ran through me when I saw what the present was. My stunned reflection stared back at me from the blank screen of a new model Pokedex, visible through the cellophane window of the box.
    “Mom... wow... this is...”
    “You like it?” She said with a laugh in her voice. “Your dad and I picked it out weeks ago; we think you’re finally ready to begin your Pokemon journey.”
    “R-really?”
    My mom nodded.
    “You’ve been a lot healthier these past couple of years; I almost can’t remember the last time you got sick. And your doctor says it’s ok now.” She paused, then added “Actually, you probably could’ve gone last year, but we wanted to wait and make sure.”

    Why did I feel so anxious? I’d been waiting for this day since I was a little kid. My parents told me countless stories about their adventures while I was growing up– about how they met all of their Pokemon (and each other), about all the places they travelled to, all the gym matches and tournaments they battled in, about all their encounters with the “evil” Team Rocket.” I’d make them repeat my favorite ones over and over (especially the one about how my dad won his first Pokemon League), and dream about having my own adventures. What kind of Pokemon would I train? What region would I journey through? What kind of people would I meet? I spent hours imagining it all and couldn’t wait to leave home.

    But my dreams got put on hold. I was born two and a half months too early, and was sickly for most of my childhood. Fevers, ear infections, and (worst of all), respitory infections– it seemed like there was always something wrong with me. My parents and I hoped I’d be better by the time I turned ten, the age when most kids start their journeys. And I was; at least, I wasn’t sick as often, and when I was, it wasn’t as serious. But my doctor said I still wasn’t healthy enough to travel on my own. My tenth birthday was miserable, and not just because I had a fever. All the other kids my age got to start their journeys; I loved Pokemon just as much as they did, but just because I got sick sometimes... it wasn’t fair! Nothing my parents did to cheer me up worked. They told me, maybe I’d be well enough next year; “No, I won’t,” I sobbed, “I’ll always be sick, and I’ll never get to be a Pokemon trainer!” I said it because I was frustrated and upset, but really, I hoped my parents were right. When they weren’t, I started to give up. It seemed like I was just doomed, Pokemon-wise. But now that my chance had finally come...
    “It’s ok if you don’t want to leave just yet,” my mom said.

    I looked at her and shook my head, scolding myself for letting her see me worry.
    “It’s not that, this is really great; thank you so much! I was just surprised, is all.”
    She smiled warmly at me and tucked my hair behind my ear.
    “Ok. But you don’t have to rush things, you know; take as long as you need to feel ready. One more year won’t–”
    “Mo-om, I’m fine!!” I said, pretending to be annoyed.
    She laughed and said “Ok, ok! But I wanted to tell you that, anyway. Especially since...”

    That’s what was bothering me: I was worried about my dad; I couldn’t leave home without knowing he was safe.
    “It’ll be ok, Mom,” I said, trying to sound casual, “Dad’ll definitely be home before then.”
    My mom put her smile back on and said “I’m sure you’re right.” We both tried to believe that I was.
    ----
    My mom had contacted the authorities in nearby Eternia City the day after my birthday, but they couldn’t find my dad. The police started an investigation, interviewed my mom, Professor Ookido, talked to people in the area where he’d disappeared. He’d been seen there, at least. The archeologists at the site said that he’d been there a week ago, wanting to explore the ruins. They hadn’t allowed him in, and he’d gone back to his hotel in the city after a short argument. All his stuff was still there. But my dad had just disappeared. No one had seen him after that night; they had no idea where he’d gone. The police wanted to investigate the ruins, see if he’d been there, but first they needed a permit; it would take days for them to get one.


    With every day that passed, I lost a little more hope. Every night, I cried alone in my bed, trying not to imagine what had happened to my dad. What if he was sick somewhere? What if he’d been kidnapped? That didn’t seem likely, not when he had Pikachu and his other Pokemon. But they’d disappeared with him. I wished Pikachu were sleeping curled up next to me, the way he always did when I was sick or sad. I hugged my Clefairy doll tight instead, but it wasn’t the same. I wanted to crawl in bed with my mom like I used to whenever I had a nightmare, but I couldn’t let her know that I could hear her crying. I’d never felt so alone in my life.


    Waiting to hear something about my dad was driving me crazy. The day for new trainers to leave on their Pokemon journeys was getting closer and closer, but I couldn’t leave without him there, could I? Everything was so wrong, it wasn’t the right time. But that was an excuse; I was really just afraid. After all, what could I do against something that even my dad couldn’t handle? But sitting around waiting for the phone to ring wasn’t helping anything, and I knew deep down that I should be doing everything I could to find him. My dad’d always been there when I needed him. Like the time when I was little and I got really, really sick, the sickest I’ve ever been. He was away at an important tournament. But when I woke up in the hospital, he was right there holding my hand, looking down at me and stroking my hair. My dad would do anything for me. And now that it was my turn to help him, I couldn’t let him down. So I decided– I’d leave on my Pokemon journey, and I’d find my dad, no matter what.
    Last edited by Hakajin; 13th June 2014 at 9:03 PM.
    These are my fanfics. Read them. Or not, whatever.
    Pokemon Generations: Satsumi's Journey (Chapter 1 Now Up!)
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    This is my Tumblr. Read it if you are so inclined.
    The Philosophy of Shipping (shipdr.tumblr.com)

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shurtugal View Post
    [Also I don't really like the idea of the OP. No need to "add" me or anything--I just want this to get active again. I like leaving things vague since I want to meet someone who is just willing to read things, and I'm that way too. I don't care what the prompt is I'm willing to read and review anything so like I'll probably check the OP and see if any of them are still active enough to want my assistance but like please don't delete my post I don't have anything specific I want beta'd, or anything I want to post in public, anyway.]
    Er, I'd hate to say this, but these kinds of things don't work this way. Please use the form. It's there for a reason.

    Namely, all of those fields not only help us sort you into specific categories based on your strengths (so that people looking for betas can ask the best people for the job to help them, rather than try their luck and end up going through a less-than-stellar experience), but it also informs people looking for betas about how you work in general. Leaving things vague doesn't help you meet people. It just kinda tells people that you're inaccessible. We have no idea what your strengths as a beta are (which could, again, help us to avoid a less-than-okay experience), what the best methods to contact you are (Just PM?), or even what genres you're most comfortable with. (Not everyone's okay with reading romance, for example, and betaing an action/adventure requires a slightly different skillset from a mystery.) Yes, you say you have a link in your sig, but sigs change all the time. That link could disappear later on down the line, but who knows if you'll update this post to provide actual samples, you know? It's your chance to advertise, and telling people to go to a certain link because you want to be vague doesn't exactly send a good message while leaving out the details that they'd need in order to decide whether or not you'd be a good choice for a beta.

    That and the OP of a thread like this is usually a mini rules list. (That goes for all threads with detailed OPs with forms and rules, incidentally. Yes, it might seem anal, but some threads have systems to how they work.) You still have to follow them, just as you would the rules of the forum. If you want to start your own thread for betaing that adheres to what you think is necessary for this kind of thing, please feel free to PM a mod with your concept. Otherwise, please read the OP and repost.

    Also (and I hope I'm not too late in editing this in), you might not be all that clear on what this thread is for. Which is okay! But to give you an idea, it's not really a place where you connect with people right on the thread. It's a place where you list your info for people to look you up in the future. In other words, on the beta's end of things, it's a directory, not a "please send me things" request line. On the writer's side of things, sure, yeah, it's for getting help ASAP, but you do need to have a specific project in order to get on the list. Otherwise, it seems rather silly to request services for work that you may or may not do, you know? It's like asking a painter to come paint a house that may or may not ever exist, at the risk of abusing my dreaded similes.

    Hope that makes sense! b)'')b
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 27th August 2014 at 1:40 AM.

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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  21. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Sorry Valentine. I'll be deleting the other post after this one is up.

    Story title: How do I answer this? I have multiple stories in my head that I'm working on in rough drafts that I'm not sure I'll actually publish up on Serebii or FFNet, but I mean I have a few. I don't need betas for things I've already posted, right? So I'm assuming I can't use those, but I will use it for a "sample" so people have an idea of my style?

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon

    Plot summary: Depends on story. Most are Dark and Edgy themes.

    Genre: Action / Adventure / Suspense / Adventure / Tragedy / Drama / Romance

    Rating: T. In my opinion, anything without anything explicit like sex is rated T. If Digital Skitty's Pedestal is rated T, it's safe to say that all of my stuff with be that, too.

    Mentor needed: I don't want a mentor? I want someone I can beta for and with? Like a symbiosis friendship, almost, except we don't rely on each other, but gain mutual benefits from the relationship. I mean Betas are one thing Mentors are another: shouldn't mentoring have its own thread?

    Prior writing experience: Several short stories (that aren't published, but people on Scribophile tell me I should go for it) and numerous of fanfictions. I critique a lot to, and since you have to write those up and analyze writing, I count those, and I especially do a lot of it in class (I have had all AP english classes in school, and am now in AP Literature in my final year of High Shcool).

    Writing sample (optional, but expected):     Spoiler:- Sample from The Bonds Within. Note: I'm allowing the cursing to be censored here, but on the story's page and on fanficiton, it is not done so.:
    Last edited by Shurtugal; 29th August 2014 at 10:12 PM.
    The Bonds Within
    [Summary: I have a confession to make: I hate my trainer.[One Shot]]


    [Summary: You can only put off the inevitable for so long. Ash found out the hard way. [One Shot]]

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