This is an odd one. (Yeah, I question myself sometimes.) This came to being during a talk with a friend of mine on Skype ages ago. I wanted my mind off something, so I asked for fuzzy things. Within minutes, it grew to this, but unfortunately I lost most of what I wanted over the months due to going back-and-forth between stories.
Though to be fair, I didn't really know what I wanted throughout it. I also had to decide which would make more sense: Mew drunk or sugar-high. So I went with the most logical conclusion and just ran with it. I don't think it's the best, though, but it's something.
So yeah, hope you enjoy! Take it how you will.
Rated: PG-13 for alcoholic and sexual references
Why must everything be so damn heavy?
Mew stared blearily at her load, trying to put together why she had berries in a basket. Worse, why was she even outside? The sun was too hot and bright out for her preferences, just thinking about it made her stomach churn. And every time her insides gurgled, she would waver in place and her vision got slightly foggy.
I should have declined the... girls' day out... should we even consider ourselves girls? We're no virgins... Anyway, why today of all days? Gah, what did I eat? What'd she call them...?
She looked at her load again, then groaned and leaned up against a tree trunk to drop it. “Screw it,” she mumbled, rubbing at her eyes. “I'll come for it later...” A bleak thought popped into her head, making her hesitate. “Wait, if I leave it here... some jerk'll come by and eat it all. Not on my watch...”
Shifting her glare about her surroundings, she carefully picked it back up, clutched it tightly to her chest, and slowly went on her way. Her house wasn't too far from where she was, she'd be able to make it in time before she could melt. (She shuddered at the image of the pink blob that she would become in a few minutes' time.) She sniffed once, and her nose wrinkled. “I need a bath... again. I think that's me.”
Then it was like a lightbulb turned on in her head. She thought of the man at home, waiting to spend quality time with his beloved. Didn't he say he had plans? What kind of plans, she wasn't exactly sure about, but she wanted to add her own ideas to the mix. Both would do what they wanted to do, and if her suspicions were correct, both ends would meet and it'd be what they both were aiming for—gee, she liked that word, “both”—and they would be two happy campers—ha, campers—in bed, warm and snuggly. She liked being snuggly. It helped if her fur got a little ruffled up in the meantime. Didn't he once mention she looked cute all fluffed up?
Mew rubbed her paws together (then flinched at how the handle made her palms raw), feeling her heart flare up in excitement. Tonight was going to be fun.
But first, she needed to ditch the basket. She'd worry about the berries later, they weren't important. Besides, she had that feeling she was allergic to them, they left her head buzzing after a few bites... swallows... drinks...?
They were bite-sized and tasted like cherries. She may have had a branch or two.
Mewtwo huffed as he skimmed through the various articles of the monthly magazine, pinching his brows as he squinted down at the print. “Do they have to make everything so damn small?”
He would have bothered with the paper earlier that morning, but he had gotten caught up in Mew's hustling over putting together a few fresh dishes before dawn for the picnic she and some friends decided to have. When she left, he went back to bed, grumbling to himself about how his neighbors could take care of themselves when it came to midnight emergencies. If he could call “my mate kicked me out for some reason, I need a place to stay for the night” an emergency. Mewtwo didn't stay awake the whole night, though he was kept up for a “chat” until he finally knocked him out and left him in the front room. When they woke up, the door was ajar and he was gone, supposedly back at home sober with a lesson learned—as far as he knew.
They need a better hobby besides having sex every night. He rolled his eyes, wondering if he would be called a hypocrite for the thought. Then again, he and Mew made it a common occurrence at least once a week. And they do other productive activities together unlike a certain childless pair with too much time on their hands.
Returning to the present, he sneered at the boisterous headline of two well-known married (or so they said) humans having revealed they had secret affairs for over a decade. “Are humans really this fickle? They cannot stick with one mate, they have to have a polygamous amount to be satisfied? They are not the common creature—bah, why do I bother?” he scoffed, flicking the paper away from him. He ballasted himself on an arm, scowling at a dark corner of the kitchen. “God, I need a new hobby.”
A hobby that does not involve pathetically stealing information under a human's nose, anyway.
There was the sudden noise of the front door smacking the wall and a string of incomprehensible exclamations, causing his heart to pound wildly as he spun around in his seat. After what sounded like something heavy was dropped onto the floor, it slowed to muttering as his mate rounded the corner, clutching her head. A smile and chuckle came to his lips. “Oh, hello, dear. You surprised me there. I did not expect you for another couple of hours.” I have not even begun fixing up the house, either, he cursed himself for his distractions.
Mew lolled her neck around to pass him a dull look, almost like she wasn't recognizing him. Then there was a spark in her now half-lidded eyes as a brow tantalizingly rose, a corner of her lip curling to a smirk. She seductively swung her hips about moving to lean against the entrance, caressing a hand down along her thigh. Her tail snaked to the front to where the tip gestured for him to come forward.
He tilted his head at her with a small frown, disregarding the pose as he focused on how red her face looked. “Are you alright? You look a little ill.”
She let out a choked chortle. “Ne'er been better.”
Mewtwo blinked. “Honey, your speech sounds a little slurred.”
“Tha's 'cause you take my breath away.” Her crooked smile got bigger. “That, and uh... I got hot.” A bubbly giggle escaped from her throat as she drew near to him, still swaying her hips.
He couldn't help laughing as well when he took her into his arms. “I see. Well, if you help me with dinner, we can be done an hour or two earlier so we can have time to ourselves.”
She grasped his face. “Dinner can wait, let's do it now.”
Their lips met before he could say another word. The kiss was hard like she was insistent he should get the taste all at once. Without hesitance, he braced her neck for a deep exploration, bringing a pleased moan from her throat. He soon broke away, licking his bottom lip. “Do I detect a hint of cherry?” he purred.
“I don't hint at nothin',” she murmured, crawling on top for another round.
Though he didn't immediately question this sudden approach, Mewtwo clawed at the table he was finding himself leaning over, groaning at the strain on the back of his neck. “Mew, I need some elbow room,” he grunted out, trying to gently pry her off.
She straddled his chest without answering and pressed herself further into him. However, she pulled back to rub at her lips, scowling at how they were sticky. The clone took advantage to roll her off so he could leap for the safety of the front room. “Mew, honey, let us talk this through,” he hurriedly started making talk, carefully backing away. “I enjoy our time together, and you are a beautiful lover, but you just got home. Why not rest for a little bit first?”
Mew turned around to approach him, an aura of annoyance about her. “Why not jus' get it out of the way? I can rest later.”
Mewtwo almost stumbled over his feet. “We always take it in a slow manner. Let the romance climb to the top before we get intimate.”
“Mates jump at the opportunity when it comes to them,” she continued to make her argument, however minute it was. “Besides, I wanna do somethin' different today.”
He clasped his hands with a nervous smile. “Good, good, that is a start.” With a slight shudder, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he asked, “What do you have in mind tonight? An idea for a date, perhaps?”
“Gettin' down-right dirty.”
Mewtwo was sure his face petrified into that of being weirded out. “...but that is not how we do it.”
“It is now.”
He was cornered before he knew it. His mind told him to make a break for it outside, that she would calm down within a few hours. If she was still persistent, he would calmly convince her to have a small dinner, and then use the remaining time of night for their own entertainment—it was what he wanted in the first place anyway. But as he stared wide-eyed at her, he paid more attention to her advances. Well, while it was a little too late to see the seductive movements, even though they were still there, she was gradually getting desperate and angry. A normal female would threaten a sexless night and toss the male outside if he didn't make it romantic enough. Mew was that normal female to a degree on occasion, though she usually didn't mind a lot. Right now, she was the exact opposite. Kicked outside or not, she was horny, she would get it some way or another.
Wait a moment...
“Mew, are you drunk?”
“Am not,” she snorted, an eye twitching. “I don' drink.”
Mewtwo scanned her over. “Well, you are having a difficulty staying afloat. And your speech is rather out-of-character for you.”
“'S how I norm'lly speak.” She stifled a hiccup and shook her head. “Sorry 'bout that.”
He found himself relaxing with a sigh. So much for tonight. “Let me take you to bed,” he quietly offered.
She scowled and crossed her arms. “Only if you stay an' do the horizontal mambo.”
He did a double-take. “I do not know where you learned that from, but that is a no, not in the condition you are in.”
“I am not contagious, hon, I'm in perfect order, jus' the way you like it.”
With a roll of the eyes, he reached out for her. “This is ridiculous—”
“Oh ye-a-a-ah, I remember what I cornered you for. I wanted to do a little somethin' with you.” Mew gave a toothy smirk when he paused. “I have plans, too.”
Mewtwo shuddered at the stare, but decided to play along. “Well, lay it on me.”
The grin widened. “I was gonna let you do your thin', but you do not seem to want to do your part. So we're gonna go ahead and skip to what I wanna do.” From thin air, she produced two items to occupy each hand. The one on her right caught his attention first, and at first he was confused. He wasn't sure why there was a scrubber until he looked over to find a fresh bar of soap.
Somehow, as his hands dropped, he sensed impending doom. “What are you going to do with those objects, dear?” he asked, starting to regret his question.
She leaned in so her face took up his vision. “I'm gonna make you so clean, I'd have to dirty you up to make you clean again.”
It didn't make a lick of sense for the first moment. He thought on it, and his face transfigured to that of realization, and then of horror. All of a sudden, he didn't trust her with them. Biting his tongue to keep from blurting out something he would regret, he pushed her away and ran out the open door fast as he could without looking back, barely avoiding a basket sitting in the middle of the room. He didn't have the slightest inkling why he chose to run outside, though he figured he could gather up his friends someplace else and wait it out (at the expense of being poked fun of, but he'll live). If not, then he would be willing to go alone for the night, as long as Mew didn't find him.
“Mewtwo! You get back here and love me!” he heard her shout just when he thought he was over the hill.
Oh, wait, he just sprinted into the woods. Not the fastest route, but it would be easy to lose her. Though he wondered why it hurt to run—and he stumbled upon realizing he could have flown or teleported.
“Wait a moment, why am I running from Mew?” he scoffed, hurriedly crouching behind a bush. “So she wants a bath, no harm in it... right?” He thought back to her words, and his face fell. “Unless they were for... other purposes?”
“If ya like, we can experiment,” he heard a seductive hiss in his ear.
With a surprised yell, Mewtwo shoved Mew back, and jumped to his feet to fly off. He barely got through the treetops before she caught up to him, pouncing on his back with the items still in hand. “Mew, have you thought this through?!” he anxiously inquired, barely noticing his voice was starting to crack from the shock.
“Naw, I'm just feelin' sporadic today!” She let out the creepiest cackle he had ever heard as she wrapped her arms around his neck to keep from falling off.
He lost concentration at the scrubber being shoved into his face, forcing him to make a landing. Once he touched ground, he reached behind to grab her by the scruff of the neck. He missed on the first swipe, giving her the needed time to chomp on his wrist. Mewtwo hissed and yanked it back for a look, which was the distraction Mew was looking for. Swerving before his face, she shoved him, conjuring a basin of water directly beneath him to land in.
The shock of the water temperature made him flail about in his confusion, only for him to be suctioned into place. He stared up in horror at his mate levitating before him, soap and scrubber in hand. The lighting from behind her head couldn't have been more fitting with her crazy wide-eyed stare, and a toothy grin splitting across her face. He imagined her voice dripping with venom when she slowly spoke in triumph. “Let us make you more presentable, shall we?”
“Mew, think about what you are doing,” he tried to plea his case, not trusting her with the cleaning appliances.
“I know damn well what I'm doin',” she spat, irises flashing. “I've done more cleanin' than you ever have, darling.”
“That is not what I meant.” Mewtwo attempted to lift himself up from his uncomfortable position until she straddled before his knee. He could swear the soap glinted darkly at him.
Mew glanced down at the water with a raised brow. “Oh. You stuck, dear? Need some more room, I suppose?”
Without waiting for an answer, the basin expanded to give Mewtwo more freedom, though less water for Mew to work with. He moved to exit the bath when she shot him a warning leer. “Don' even think about it,” she snarled.
He passed off his shivering as the result of exposure to cold water. “Would you believe me if I said I... err... prefer this to be inside the vicinity of our home?”
“There's not a soul around us, you're fine. What, don' want folks seein' you takin' a bath with me?” She clenched the items tightly as her face darkened. “Am I not good enough?”
“No-no-no, you are perfect the way you are!” The clone gave an assuring grin, but still shrank back at the sight.
Ears flattening against her skull, she got up from her seat and darted behind him. Mewtwo glanced back only to be shoved forward in half. She dunked her full hands into the water, ruffled the soap into the brush's bristles, and then scrubbed his back with the force of sandpaper. Gripping at the wooden edges, he grounded his teeth together to prevent any cries of discomfort from escaping. Doing so, he imagined, would only make things worse. It didn't help he kept seeing images of himself walking around with a raw, red back for a week, a testament of surviving being nearly skinned by his own mate.
While the harshness of the cleansing didn't let up, he could feel Mew's aura start to calm down, though not by much. Occasionally, he heard muffled hiccups from her, and some indecipherable grumblings, but for the most part she was silent. Mewtwo would look around out of fear of being caught, and to see if there was anything nearby he could use to get him out of it. He trembled at the sudden waterfall pouring down his spine and the gurgled sounds of a bucket filling up.
Without a courtesy warning, Mew moved for his head, having abandoned the brush for now in place of her own hands. He squirmed under her touch, mentally praying the soap wouldn't get into his eyes. He even held back a retort that he could wash himself, knowing she would get rougher with him.
“Hold still!” she barked, shaking him around a little. “You're only makin' this more difficult!”
Mewtwo couldn't help feeling insulted, his weak spot allowing for a single thought to verbalize. “I am not a child, Mew, I can take care of myself.”
She dumped a bucketful of water on top of him, spreading the suds into his eyes. He hurriedly splashed water into them until accidentally spraying himself with more irritating soap. “You know, I just wanna have quality time!” she shrilly scolded him, digging her claws into him as she scrubbed. “Is there suddenly a law that states I cannot give my hubby a bath?!”
“There should be if you are under the influence!” he couldn't help shouting back. His muscles tensed as he held himself back from fighting back.
Her tail slapped him on the cheek. “Don' mouth off to me! Want me to wash it out, too?!”
“In all honesty, honey, I believe it is you who needs to wash yours out.”
“You know what, I'm sick of your attitude!” Growling in frustration, she pushed him out of the basin with enough strength to make him roll a few feet. “You filthy animal!” she huffed, sticking up her nose and turning her back on him. She lowered herself into the bath to wash herself off.
Mewtwo stood up, covered in soapy water and dirt. He glared daggers at his counterpart and contemplated on going home, but his temper got the best of him. Storming on over, he snatched the brush from her paws, ignored her protest, held her in place where she sat, and furiously scrubbed between her ears.
“Mewtwo, you're hurtin' me!” she squealed, thrashing about to get him off. “Le'ggo of me!”
With one hand, he rapidly without a pause soaked her down from the bucket thrice before moving on to her back. A primeval yell ripping its way out of her throat, Mew spun around, snatched him by the arms, and found the strength to pull him in. She barely acknowledged the water getting filthy, but got some satisfaction in it. “Serves you right, jackass!” Swiping back her brush, she used it to smack him upside the head.
Biting back an insult, he pounced to wrestle it back, then suddenly moved to the other end when the basin tipped, spilling out some of the water. He watched Mew pick herself up, eyes rolling. She hiccuped and clutched her stomach, falling on her haunches with a moan. “Oh, God, what a headache,” she murmured.
Cautiously, Mewtwo reached out to feel her forehead, though she smacked him away. “Well then, are you satisfied?” he asked smugly, folding his arms. “I was hoping this would sober you up.”
“For the last time, I'm not drunk!” She shook water from her ears. “And look what you did! You ruined the bath!”
“You pushed me out.”
“Had you cooperated, you wouldn' have been!” She stuck out her tongue, crossing her arms tightly. “And if you had let me clean you prop'ly, we could've had fun!”
“Depends on your current definition of 'fun'.”
“Askin' for a fight?”
“No. I am taking you home for rest.” Mewtwo tucked her under his arm, flinching when she started to kick and throw punches, and stepped out.
“Get your grabby hands off me!” she screamed. “You can't treat me like this!”
He ignored her to focus on teleporting them back to the house. Though the moment he did and the forest scenery blurred into the walls of their home, he wish he hadn't when he saw the color on Mew's face pale. He quickly laid her down and hurried into the kitchen to grab a random bowl. Placing it under her chin, he supported her up and braced himself when she coughed and appeared to gag. She pressed her shaky hands to her chest and stomach, taking labored breaths and swallowing for a few minutes. When he was certain nothing was going to come up, he steadily lowered the bowl. He noticed there was a draft, and he looked up to find the door was still wide open.
Mew lobbing her head back to gaze up at him brought his attention back to her. Mewtwo blinked when her trembling fingers skimmed along the edge of his collarbone, mussing up the wet fur and sprinkling a few stray droplets. A pinkish hue burned on her face when she giggled a little. “Fur's... cute sticking up...”
He felt a smile perk up in amusement. “Let me dry you off before I send you to bed.”
The clone glanced at the bulb of her tail when it came into his line of vision from snaking around his neck. Her hands took hold of his shoulders, slowly pulling herself up to lock lips. He sighed at the awkward mood transition, deciding whether to return the feelings or not. He could still taste the hint of cherries, which was getting him enticed, yet he hesitated. If Mew was still drunk, was this still legitimate? Then again, he remembered hearing somewhere feelings were more real in a drunken state (though he took it with a grain of salt to begin with), and they got more passionate.
Either way, he didn't want to bring it up and get her hollering again. But he had to get her in bed for a good rest. He would explain in the morning when she was more calm and normal.
Breaking the embrace, Mewtwo rubbed his thumb on her cheek to find it was still soaked. “Mmm, Mew... we need to dry off.”
“I don't care.”
“So you want to catch a cold, then?”
“You'll warm me up fast enough.” Mew kissed at his jawline with a purr, rubbing her hands along his torso to tussle his fur. “I'll become your little puffball in no time.”
He blushed, scanning hers and his appearances. “We have dirt and grass on us, though,” he tried to stall.
“We're on the floor. We'll be gettin' dirty anyway.”
She had him there. Sighing, he leaned back to ruffle the fur on her cheeks, and had to choke back a laugh. “You look like you have the mumps.”
Her eyes narrowed, unamused. “'S not sexy. I would've taken Pikachu cheeks over mumps.”
“Well, you are going to wish that is all you will look like when we have our fun.” He teasingly smirked, and leaned in for a full kiss. Moaning, Mew grasped the back of his head to ensnare her fingers in his slick pelt as she lowered to the floor.
The door gently closed on its own with a quiet snap.
Mew didn't feel like getting out of bed when she awoke the following morning. She couldn't put her finger on why she had a splitting headache, a stomachache, and full bladder at the same time. She almost couldn't make it to the bathroom, and it ended with her retching up a little bit of what remained of her contents. A pitiful frown on her face, she crawled back into bed with a groan, reaching out for Mewtwo just to grab a handful of sheets. Without having a good reason to, she cried.
A gentle rubbing of her shoulders quieted down her sobs. She laid there for a long while, relaxing under the massaging, feeling herself settle. Glancing back, she locked onto the smile on his face that for a split second had been sad. “Thanks, hon,” she mumbled, letting out a sigh.
“No need to thank me. You need the rest today.”
Slowly chewing on her lip, she tried thinking back to yesterday only to flinch from another wave of pain. “My head hurts...”
“It will for a while.” Mewtwo chuckled deeply. “Well, we now know you cannot hold your liquor.”
“I can't wha?” She sat up too quickly, making herself too dizzy to hold herself up. “Mewtwo, I don't drink. What are you talking about?”
“You came home from the picnic... with interesting results.” He rose a brow suggestively.
Mew shuddered, and ran a paw down her chest, glancing down to find tufts of her fur sticking up. Blinking quizzically, she looked back up at her mate. “What exactly happened yesterday?”
He rubbed his chin thoughtfully with a smirk. “Well... this is the reason why we do not drink and take baths.” He lightly chuckled at her puzzled look. “What I personally find more interesting is how you managed to sleep the whole night... except for a few minutes where you woke up just to stumble outside to vomit before passing out again. That was not fun cleaning you up, by the way. My guess is since you did not have dinner, what remained just did not mix with the alcohol very well like earlier. You were pretty much sleeping drunk in a nearly-empty stomach.”
She had stared the whole time trying to piece it together, though she did recall having a fight in a tub of water. “I think I know what you mean, but the details are fuzzy. Care to explain some more, like in further detail?”
“Ah, never mind, dear. I will just say you gave me quite a scare.” He winked and leaned in for a kiss.
Her hands shot up to cover his mouth. “I just threw up,” she brought up.
Shaking his head a little, he clasped her hands and gently locked lips. Mew let out a small sigh before relaxing in his hold to melt into the kiss. There was something different about it, she realized, feeling it was softer than normal. It wasn't unusual, not unless they had done certain activities previously. The moment they parted, she murmured, “We had sex yesterday, didn't we?”
Mewtwo felt a small blush when they locked eyes. “Yes.”
She lightly chewed on her lip again. “Was there anything... different about it?”
He thought back on it, holding back a larger smile than he intended. “It is hard to tell. I think you had what they call your first orgasm, though.”
Her eyes widened as she blanched. “...I did?”
“Unless you were faking it, I could not tell. You were all over me.”
She weakly whacked him with his pillow. “I don't fake things, Mewtwo!”
“But you were unusually flirty yesterday. You might have for all I know.”
“Drunk or not, I flirt because I love you!” she huffed, tightly crossing her arms. “I want a do-over.”
Laughing, Mewtwo gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and got up to exit the room. Before he closed the door, he poked his head back in. “By the way, thank you for bringing home some delicious leftovers from the picnic. Can you remember who made them?”
Her brows furrowed. “Depends... what leftovers?”
“I believe they are cherries, tasted like so judging by the few I had. I am planning on us having them for dessert tonight. What about you?”
Her mind was still blurry about the berries, but she nodded in agreement. He smiled back in return, and left her alone. Mew pulled the covers up to her chin in worry, trying to remember where they came from. Through the aches, she distinctly recalled a moment where one of the friends had brought along two small baskets of the bunch, knowing the two of them would like them enough to “take it home to their man tonight”. She wasn't given the name of the berry, but as she looked back at it a little longer, it was possible they were cherries, but they somehow fermented and became alcoholic.
Then again... her friend had seemed rather suggestive when she handed the baskets over. Perhaps she planned the berries to be alcoholic, or she got her friends drunk for the laughs? She was strange like that. Unless they never thought she, herself, could get so easily drunk when eating the berries at the picnic that it came as a surprise, which would explain why she remembered being guided to the safer areas closest to the house. Still, would that mean the other friend consumed the kind of berries frequently, and thus managed to hold her liquor, as Mewtwo worded it, better?
Mew moaned and fell back into her pillow, trying to keep from thinking more on it. She'd rather not know, she was tired. She needed to sleep off the hangover, and then she would go get rid of the berries before she forgot—
—damn it all, Mewtwo found them. And he had some himself.
Turning her back to the door, the feline hoped he was more resilient to alcohol than she was. As curious as the thought was, she didn't really want to know what he was like drunk. If he ever tries to make a move on her for what would be the second night in a row, the chances were high she was kicking him out until the morning.
Well, if her headache wasn't killing her by then, it wouldn't hurt just to let him have his fun for a little bit.