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Thread: Titans of Kanto

  1. #26
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Glad to see everyone enjoyed the chapter! It also mildly humored that you thanked me for letting Cottonee get away...apparently it's not that popular of a Pokemon I guess!

    As for Jeffdavid's speculation, without giving away too much of the story, I'll just say you'll have to stay tuned to see how some supernatural forces factor in.

    Hopefully this next chapter doesn't take nearly as long as to turn out! Expect it to be out in no more than two weeks! See you soon and as always, thanks for reading.
    Click the Banner below to read my newest fan-fic, Titans of Kanto.

    All credit for the banner goes to the glorious Brutaka!

  2. #27
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Behind you


    Can I please be added to the PM list?I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story so far. I like the fact that you went with an older protagonist than most other fics.

    I must compliment you on your Description and detail. You in just enough to flesh everything out fully without cluttering up the reading experience.

    I'm excited for the next chapter.
    Einstein: If life is XYZ then X = having fun Y = working hard and Z = knowing when to keep your mouth shut

  3. #28
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Thanks for the read! You've been added to the list, SamuraiDragon
    Click the Banner below to read my newest fan-fic, Titans of Kanto.

    All credit for the banner goes to the glorious Brutaka!

  4. #29
    Join Date
    May 2006


    I'll admit, upon the initial reading of the first chapter and the realisation this was about the beginnings of a journey I sighed. And immediately you flipped the stereotype on its head and I couldn't stop reading from there. Read all of it so far in one go. Somehow, and I'm putting this down to the excellent characterisation and dynamics between Maxwell and Jack, you've managed to refresh my adoration for Kanto despite its age. You haven't altered it too much so far so it still feels familiar and yet it simultaneously feels new. I think this is also helped by the inclusion of other generation Pokemon, which were added in a very natural way might I add. Your descriptions of the battles so far are particularly engaging, not your standard 'Charmander used Ember' writing style that drives me crazy and so I look forward to those too. But by far the mystery of the man with the book is what has me hooked. I wonder how it's gonna fit in with the rest of the story. Kudos my friend.

    Please may I be added to the PM list so I can keep track, pretty por favor?

  5. #30
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Ch. 6) Rivalry Renewed

    Jack finally found Maxwell outside the resort playing with his Zubat and Houndour. Zubat was flying in circles while Houndour giddily barked at the bat Pokémon.

    “Hey Maxwell! I’m back!”

    “Well how’d it go in there? I trust you made it out of there with a new Pokémon?”

    “I sure did! I caught an Emolga!” Jack beamed at his new electric Pokémon perched on his shoulder. Upon hearing its name, Emolga chattered happily.

    “Well I’m sure it will end up being a great companion for you! However, I think we need to get a move-on. I don’t really cotton to the idea of spending the night in Viridian Forest and if we leave now, we might make it to Pewter before nightfall.”

    “Yea…you’re probably right…there’s nothing exactly inviting about having a Weedle in my sleeping bag.”

    Maxwell laughed at the thought and the two began the journey north to Pewter City. As they walked, Emolga happily chattered to itself as they passed wild Pidgey and the occasional Rattata. Eventually, the pair came to a path that marked the entrance to Viridian Forest.

    “Now, Jack we need to be careful in here. Many a young trainer find themselves in quite the bind in the forest because of all the poison-type Pokémon. Let’s just be careful.”

    “Right! Better safe than sorry!”

    As Jack and Maxwell entered the forest, the sun quickly became a distant memory. Almost like in the resort, the canopy of the trees was so unbelievably thick that any sort of sunlight quickly vanished. Looking around, Jack could see various Metapod and Kakuna clinging to trees waiting to evolve from their static states. Just above were the noises of Pokémon flitting throughout the trees.

    “Jack, I can’t find it myself but trainers have been coming through Viridian Forest for decades. There’s going to be trails left behind.”

    Sure enough, as Jack glanced at the ground he found worn down areas where grass and trees didn’t grow.

    “You’re right! It looks like there’s a trail that cuts right through the center of the forest!”

    Jack and Maxwell got on to the trail and for the next half hour ran into neither a trainer nor a Pokémon. Jack was beginning to think that rumors of the Viridian Forest and its consequent trials had been greatly exaggerated when he heard a familiar voice coming from behind him.

    “Hey Jack! Wait up!”

    Jack turned around to see Colin, the young trainer from Pallet Town chasing him down. Judging by his dirty face and tired eyes, he had spent the vast majority of the day in this forest.

    “What’s going on, Colin?” Jack then looked over at a confused Maxwell.

    “Oh sorry…Maxwell this is another trainer from Pallet Town who began his journey the same day as me. His name is Colin. Colin, Maxwell.”

    “Pleasure!” said Maxwell which Houndour reciprocated with a grunt.

    “So why’re you out here Colin?”

    Colin gave a sheepish smile. “I just got absolutely crushed by Brock, the first gym leader…I came out to the woods to train. He’s brutally strong.”

    “Oh…well, would it help if you battled me for training?”

    “Actually, that’s not a bad idea…2 on 2?”

    “You’re on!”

    Jack and Colin took their places on opposite sides of a small clearing and readied themselves for the exhibition. Colin made the first move.

    “Go, Spearow!”

    A tiny orange bird plopped onto the grass before it lifted itself into the air by fluttering its small red wings. A crown of unkempt, ragged orange feathers surrounded leering eyes which culminated in a sharp beak. Jack turned his Pokédex on the bird Pokémon.

    “Spearow, the Tiny Bird Pokémon. Eats bugs in grassy areas. It has to flap its short wings at high speed to stay airborne.”

    “Alright, well this seems like a job for you, Charmander!” Jack tossed the red and white Pokéball out onto the field. After an explosion of white light, Jack’s oldest friend emerged onto the forest floor.

    “Spearow, use Fury Attack!”

    The tiny bird Pokémon took off on a dive bomb at Charmander. Before Jack could give his fire lizard a command, The Spearow crashed broadside with Charmander, knocking the fire Pokémon into the dirt. Spearow quickly banked and collided with Charmander again before it could get back to its feet.

    “Charmander, it’s going to keep hitting you if you don’t disrupt it!”

    Charmander didn’t need telling twice. It swung its flaming tail through the air just as Spearow was closing in for another attack. The heat from the tail caused Spearow to spin out of its dive and Charmander used the temporary reprieve to jump back to its feet.

    “Good! Now use Ember!”

    Charmander opened its mouth and spewed a shower of flames in the bird’s direction.

    “Spearow! Counter with Tackle!”

    Spearow did a barrel roll in mid-air, its tiny body doing a cork screw motion as it jettisoned toward Charmander. The speed of Spearow’s spin caused the Ember to ricochet off the bird’s body, causing minimal damage to Spearow. Spearow collided full speed with Charmander, knocking the fire Pokémon back several feet.

    “Speed kills Jack! Surely you know that by now!”

    Jack grimaced. Colin was right. Spearow’s speed was making it impossible for Charmander to keep up. Jack watched carefully as Spearow fluttered about, waiting for another possible moment to strike. Jack looked around at his surroundings hoping something would speak to him. They were in a clearing…but the trees were incredibly dense if you diverted from the path.

    That’s when Jack got an idea.

    “Charmander try Ember again!”

    Charmander again shot the tiny flames at the bird Pokémon. Predictably, Colin called for the same counter and Spearow shot through the air like a Pokémon torpedo.

    “Charmander, jump backwards!”

    Charmander deftly bounded backwards, taking it off of the path and into the dense forested area. Spearow nearly collided with a tree forcing the tiny bird to let up its assault.

    “Alright Charmander, use Ember again!”

    Charmander fired embers at the Spearow but this time from the cover of the trees.

    “Spearow, dodge those flames and then use Quick Attack!”

    Spearow flew past the embers with little to no effort but hitting Charmander was another matter entirely. Spearow used Quick Attack to dart in Charmander’s direction but had to quickly give up the assault as the trees were simply too dense to fly efficiently.

    “Alright Charmander we’ve curbed his speed! Now use Scratch!”

    Charmander jumped in the air and raked its sharp claws down the inhibited bird’s side. Spearow fell to the ground in a heap of feathers.

    “Awesome job, Charmander!” Charmander beamed with pride at its owner before shooting some sparks from its mouth.

    “Whoa! This isn’t over yet! Give Spearow some credit!” Colin was still looking at what Jack thought was an unconscious Spearow. Jack quickly turned and saw that Spearow, while a little battered, was still capable of fighting.

    “Spearow, you’re gonna have to keep this on the ground from now on! Use Peck and don’t let up!”

    Spearow came after Charmander, thrusting its beak faster than Charmander could react. The little fire type was doing its best to both block and avoid Spearow’s all-out assault but was having difficulty. For some reason, however, Jack was now smiling victoriously.

    “You fell right into that one, Colin! Charmander use Rage!”

    With every strike of Spearow’s beak, Charmander seemed become faster and stronger. Finally, Charmander seemed to reach a breaking point. It quickly uppercut the bird, sending it flying into the air. In a flash of orange, Charmander bounded into the air and did a somersault so that its tail collided cleanly with Spearow’s head. The impact of Charmander’s tail sent Spearow careening into the forest floor. As Spearow shakily tried to get back to its feet, Charmander brutally jump kicked it, sending it flying back into the clearing. When Spearow finally came to a stop in a cloud of dust and feathers, it was unconscious.

    “Good job Spearow…” Colin extended a Pokéball and sucked Spearow from the battlefield. “I guess your Charmander has a healthy amount of attack power. Well let’s see how he handles this! Go, Nidorino!”

    A large pink mammalian Pokémon erupted onto the field. Two large, jagged ears jutted from its body and it was covered in what appeared to be razor sharp spines. It looked formidable, indeed. Jack quickly turned his Pokédex on the Pokémon.

    “Nidorino, the Poison Pin Pokémon. It has a violent disposition and stabs foes with its horn, which oozes poison upon impact.”

    “This is gonna be fun…” Jack muttered to himself. Emolga chattered nervously from his shoulder.

    “Nidorino, Horn Attack!”

    Nidorino took off sprinting with its head lowered, in a full on collision course with Charmander.

    “Charmander counter with Scratch!”

    Charmander side-stepped the attack like a matador and raked his claws along Nidorino’s flank. Nidorino cried out in pain and then came to a screeching halt.

    “Like you said Colin, ‘speed kills’!” Jack said with a laugh. That is, until he noticed Charmander worriedly looking down at its paw. There was a bright red scratch crossing the paw and tiny purple veins were snaking away from it.

    “Come on, Jack! Surely you knew about Nidorino’s poison pins! Now you went and got your Charmander poisoned! Rookie mistake!”

    Jack grimaced. He should’ve known. The Pokédex even warned him. He would have to attack from a distance. “Charmander, use Ember!”

    Charmander gave forth a lackluster ember, clearly depleted of strength from a combination of the poison and its earlier battle with Spearow. A smattering of sparks came from its mouth and fell short of even hitting Nidorino.

    “Alright Nidorino, give it a Double Kick!”

    As Charmander teetered back and forth from exhaustion, Nidorino galloped over to the exhausted Pokémon, planted its two front paws into the ground, spun, and kicked Charmander with all of its might. Charmander fell to the ground, breathing heavily. Just off to the side, Jack could hear Houndour whimper for Charmander.

    “Jack I don’t know if it’s truly unconscious yet, but for Charmander’s sake you ought to return him,” called Maxwell from the sidelines, “he’ll be safe in his Pokéball and he’s not going to last in this battle anyways.”

    Jack frowned because he knew Maxwell was right. He also knew that neither Emolga nor Rattata were capable of attacking from a distance and would therefore be in range of those poison pins.

    “Get some rest, Charmander. You did amazing,” Jack turned his head to look at Emolga. “You ready to fight buddy?”

    Emolga cast its black eyes to the Nidorino on the battle field. Instantaneously, a look of doubt crossed its tiny white face and it vehemently shook its head no.

    “Oh come on, buddy! I need your speed!”

    Yet again, Emolga refused. Jack then attempted to fling Emolga onto the battlefield but instead Emolga clung to his shirt, refusing to let go. After a few minor obscenities, Jack finally conceded and threw Rattata’s Pokéball into the arena.

    “Alright, Rattata let’s show them what you can do! Just watch out for Nidorino’s poison spikes.”

    Rattata nodded at Jack’s command and then growled at Nidorino.

    “Nidorino, drop that rat with your Poison Sting!”

    Nidorino bellowed and then took off running toward Rattata. Its horn was lowered and dripping with a thick, pink venom.

    “Rattata use Quick Attack and strike it from behind!”

    Rattata jumped to Nidorino’s right so quickly that it seemed to vanish. The mouse Pokémon then quickly about faced and slammed into Nidorino from behind, knocking the Poison Pin Pokémon face-first into the ground.

    “Nidorino, you can’t be so haphazard! Hone in on Rattata with Focus Energy!”

    Nidorino dug its feet into the ground and snarled. After a few moments, a wave of energy exploded from Nidorino.

    “Excellent! Now get after that Rattata with a Horn Attack!”

    Nidorino took off after Rattata with enhanced speed and precision. As it bore down, Jack frantically tried to come up with a plan.

    “Uhhhh…try the Quick Attack, again?”

    Rattata tried to jump out of the way again but was too slow. Nidorino’s horn caught it just behind the leg and left a nasty purple cut just down Rattata’s side. Jack’s heart plummeted when he saw the familiar purple spider veins making their way from the cut.

    “Rattata, are you okay?”

    Rattata looked at Jack, wincing, but with a determined look in its eye. Jack knew how fast the poison could weaken a Pokémon but he also knew that Nidorino had taken a slight pounding from a combination of Charmander and Rattata. Perhaps he could knock it out before the poison took Rattata out.

    “Rattata, use Hyper Fang! I need everything you’ve got!”

    Rattata jumped into the air, razor sharp teeth gleaming in the sun.

    “Nidorino, counter with Poison Sting!”

    Nidorino bristled, bracing for the attack. Yet again, its points oozed the lethal poison but Rattata was too quick for Nidorino to get on the offensive. Rattata bit into the Poison Pokémon full force, causing Nidorino to screech in pain before falling to its side, unconscious. Rattata, exhausted from the effort took two steps backward and then also succumbed to its injuries.

    “Wow…can’t say I saw that one coming,” Colin said as he returned his Nidorino “I think you must’ve won that one.”

    “Good job Rattata!” Jack then looked up at Colin and smiled. “I can’t claim victory on that one. Your Nidorino knocked my Rattata out. It’s obviously a tie.”

    “Sounds good to me!” Colin then gave Jack a serious look. “Unfortunately, your team has no shot against the Pewter City gym. You have all the wrong types…”

    Jack rubbed the back of his head and thought hard. “Really? Crap…well do you have any ideas?”

    “It’s funny you say that…it’s really the main reason I’m out here. As you know, Charmander is fully capable of learning Metal Claw. I was out here training mine because, like you, Charmander's really my only hope. if you can grind it out with your Charmander, you may have a shot.”

    “No way? That’s awesome! Thanks for the tip! But why are you telling me this?”

    Colin shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t do me much good if my rival is stuck trying to get his first badge. I need to be tested somehow.”

    And with that, Colin was off. Jack looked at him just like he had after their battle in Pallet. And once again, he and Charmander had training to do.
    Last edited by Jake76; 28th August 2012 at 2:46 AM.
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  6. #31


    good writing but I think you forgot something important. Colin's charmander learned metal claw when Jack faced him in the first chapter

    “Charmander! You’re gonna have to dodge this one!” Scorch’s claws had begun glowing and his entire paw had turned silver. Unfortunately for Jack, Charmander didn’t have the energy to duck this time. The fire-type took the full brunt of Scorch’s attack and fell to the ground unconscious.

    “No way! You learned Metal Claw, Scorch? That’s awesome!” The boy ran up and hugged his victorious Pokémon while Jack watched in slight shock. “I win!”

    252 +6 Atk Choice Band Pure Power Victini (+Atk)Critical V-create vs 0 HP/0 -6 Def Dry Skin Paras (-Def) : 103470436.36% - 121729963.64% (Guaranteed OHKO)

    You Don't Say? I had no idea that a Choice Band Adamant Victini with maximum attack EVs and IVs that was baton passed +6 in attack and Skill Swapped Pure Power OHKO's Hasty Dry Skin Lvl 1 Paras with no defense EVs or IVs and -6 in defense under sun with a critical hit V-Create.

  7. #32
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Driftveil City


    Great Chapter! This felt a bit like a filler but i enjoyed reading it!

    “Like you said Colin, ‘speed kills’!” Jack said with a laugh. That is, until he noticed Charmander worriedly looking down at its paw. There was a bright red scratch crossing the paw and tiny purple veins were snaking away from it.
    the most badass way to describe the poison status problem

    Nidorino bellowed and then took off running toward Rattata. Its horn was lowered and dripping with a think, pink venom.
    You mean thick

    Rattata tried to jump out of the way again but was too slow. Nidorino’s horn caught it just behind the leg and left a nasty purple cut just down Rattata’s side. Jack’s heart plummeted when he saw the familiar purple spider veins making their way from the cut.

    “Rattata, are you okay?”
    Rattata looked at Jack, wincing, but with a determined look in its eye. Jack knew how fast the poison could weaken a Pokémon but he also knew that Nidorino had taken a slight pounding from a combination of Charmander and Rattata. Perhaps he could knock it out before the poison took Rattata out.
    You forgot to double enter this.

    “It’s funny you say that…it’s really the main reason I’m out here. Apparently, Charmander can learn a move that is capable of taking out rock types after enough training.”
    Tis Metal Claw but some n00bs took the move out in generation 4

    I really liked the battle scene here. It was incredibly well written and descriptive, I could imagine it perfectly in my head. I'm getting excited for the next chapter already! XD So your following this up with gen 3, right (cuz of the n00bs and Metal Claw lol)?

    Good luck on the next chapter!*

    (((i haven't used this site in about five years so if i mess up call me out)))

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    And this is why I love my readers! I hadn't actually forgotten that Colin's Charmander learned Metal Claw in the first chapter. I was actually going for Colin dropping a cryptic hint along the lines of "Yo...I don't know if this is helpful but there MAY OR MAY NOT BE a move which could help you." Kinda like he was saying it, without saying it if you know what I mean. I think the effect was lost on you guys so I rewrote it accordingly.

    Anyways, thanks for reading as always! I always appreciate the reviews
    Click the Banner below to read my newest fan-fic, Titans of Kanto.

    All credit for the banner goes to the glorious Brutaka!

  9. #34
    Join Date
    May 2006


    Poop, I just went off the page before sending my message. Sigh.

    I can tell already any edits are going to be of the minor insignificant kind:
    1. Before Jack could give his fire lizard a command, The Spearow
    2. Two large, jagged ears jutted from its body and it was covered in what appeared to be jagged spines. [I think it would be more interesting if there wasn't the repetition. Perhaps serrated?]
    3. The mouse Pokémon then quickly [?] about faced... [I don't know if this is me being an idiot but I don't think it reads right? Is there a word missing?]

    As for the writing itself, who knew a battle between a Rattata and a Nidorino could be so engaging. God knows how epic your later battles will be.
    Also loving the Colin's tone and attitude despite the age difference, as if it doesn't matter to him that Jack is considerably older.

  10. #35
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    DC Universe


    Nice one! Can i be on PM List?

    Thanks to American--Pi for this awesome userbar!

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Pittsburgh, PA


    I figured I'd give this story a look-over, as I've seen it floating around the forum for a while. Hope you don't mind he random review encounter.

    I've read the first four chapters (everything on the first page), and here's my thoughts:

    -There are no noteworthy grammar/spelling/punctuation errors that don't seem like anything worse than typos, so that's good. It reads pretty well without anything like that interrupting the flow.

    -The dream sequences/subplot about Aesgar and the people in the headdresses, and the green serpent is quite interesting, and I'm curious as to where that is going. It's been hinted at twice, but not very well-developed (which is good because it leaves a LOT of mystery, which I want).

    -The narration is good and consistent. It's attached to Jack and doesn't tend to wander off to show us what multiple people in any one scene are thinking. It did leave Jack to show Icy Eyes meeting a Primeval, which is fine since that was ts own scene. I enjoy consistent, attached narration, so good work here, too.

    -The thing that stuck out to me the most is that stuff happens REALLY fast without much development or care. Jack's at home being listless, then he gets challenged to a battle by a kid, then he loses, then all-of-the-sudden he wants to go on a journey. What? In ten years, nothing else as simple as that ever came a long to motivate him? It seemed way too easy. We didn't get any real development on his home life, just that he got good grades while his dad was sick, had some minor jobs, but was mostly a layabout. And then, like I said, over basically nothing at all, he finds the motivation to go on a journey? I need more here. I need to know more about what his last ten years was like. Did he always secretly want to journey? Who are his parents, really? They might not end up being important, but we just glossed over them like they were just place-holders in his life. Why was that ONE battle against a new trainer so important that he made Jack realize his last ten years have been in error? What was his dad's sickness that led to his staying at home? How long was dad sick? Why didn't Jack go after his dad got better if he was ready to go before he got sick? I feel a lot like I want answers as to why things are happening, but the story wants to grab me by the wrist and take me elsewhere.

    -That ends up being a theme of the story. Suddenly Jack is out training. Then he catches a Rattata, then he meets Maxwell, and suddenly they are friends and companions. Then Team Rocket attacks them and Jake gets beat up. Then suddenly Gary is there and we got some exposition about Team Rocket stealing and returning pokemon. But nothing FEELS important because it's just all coming in such rapid fire. I feel like I can't get attached to any one scene or moment because if I hold my breath, everything will have moved on at least once before I need a new breath. Even something as mundane as Jack catching Rattata should have been shown more. Make it a scene worth reading; make me CARE whether or not he catches the Rattata. As it was, it was a completely emotionless moment. There's a Rattata. There's a short fight. Rattata is caught. It wasn't enough to get the reader invested. If you are going to include a scene in your story, make it feel important!

    -The description feels a little generic, too. I'll see if I can find some examples:

    Jack got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. His thick black hair was unkempt as always, sticking out at every possible angle. The 5 o’clock shadow on his face further added to his general disheveled look. The only part about him that hinted that he might actually care about his appearance was his slender, runner’s build.
    Okay, main-character-looks-in-a-mirror-to-allow-narrator-describe-him is overplayed as it is. It just smacks of being an obvious attempt to do just what i said. But it happens and it IS an easy way to do it. I've seen even really good stories here fall into it. I might have even done it in my story (I can't recall). But it's just...obvious. Anyway, what is NOT obvious is Jack's body. It is noteworthy enough to narrate, but...why? Is the narrator just showing Jack off? Why is he do fit when he seems lazy. It's an intriguing contradiction, but the reader is given no reason for it.

    -Aside from that, I guess your narration wasn't as bad on the second read-through; it's just...unremarkable. The best job you did was during interlude with Icy Eyes in Seafoam. But you tend to give us a lot of easy "It was [character]. He had [descriptions]." Like this:

    All his life, Jack had heard stories of the legendary Gary Oak, seeing as they had originated from the same hometown. Gary had shown immense promise, becoming even the Champion for a brief stint before losing his crown to Kanto’s current champion. Rumor had it that he was now the most powerful gym leader in Kanto. Jack craned his neck and after some significant wincing, his eyes fell upon a man likely in his early 30s with messy, graying brown hair and a confident look in his eyes.
    Jack looked down and saw what the Pokédex was talking about. In front of him was a small purple mouse Pokémon. It had a white underbelly, complete with a curled tail.
    As Jack chased after him he caught sight of numerous brown and white Pokémon flitting in and around the trees at the edge of the clearing. They appeared to be small foxes with the majority of their bodies covered in brown fur and a white tipped bushy tail.
    His eyes landed upon a tall man with stark white hair that fell neatly around his forehead and ears. He was wearing thick black glasses and a bright blue button up shirt with a pair of thick khaki shorts. At his side was a small black dog Pokémon with a skull on its forehead.
    You should find more ways to subtly throw the descriptions into narrations of their movement or speech rather than just ticking them off like a list. It's just not very exciting to read them like that. I'm not saying to NEVER describe things that easily--sometimes you certainly can, and I know I overdo it a lot, too--but it is so much more fun for the reader if you drop the details in during action rather than just as a short info-dump.

    -The description and the pacing are my two key problems; they really don't allow Jack or any of the characters or pokemon feel "real" to me, because everything is so rushed. Don't be afraid to slow things down and let the reader savor some scenes. It will really allow us to enjoy the story more and become more invested in what is going on. You obviously have some writing chops since your grammar and your narration are both in good order, so I'm sure you can work on your weak points to polish them up.

    I think that might be all I have. I hope what I brought up helps you along a little bit.
    Last edited by Sid87; 28th August 2012 at 7:26 PM.
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  12. #37
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Wow! Disappeared for a day to come back to a plethora of replies!

    Energo- Once again, thanks for the kind words! I went through and tweaked what you suggested and I'm glad you enjoyed the battle (I'm not gonna lie, I rewrote it twice).

    Brendan-Consider yourself added. Thanks for stopping by!

    Sid87- First of all, thanks for the review! I don;t know if you've noticed but my fic is noticeably lacking anything in depth. Firstly, i'm glad to know that the mystery of Aesgar is seeming cryptic without interrupting Jack's journey too much at the moment. The two will eventually intertwine but right now I'd prefer for them to be viewed as separate entities on a crash course. Secondly, i didn't even realize how quick the pace was as I writing it. The problem I'm running into as an author, is with school and work, I'm only publishing about once every three weeks so it seems like things are moving slow. However, when I read my chapters back to back to back (like you did) I see what you mean about the pacing being extremely fast. Definitely something I will consider as I continue writing.

    Anyways, thanks to everyone! As always, expect a new chapter in about a week and a half or so (but dont panic if it's longer)
    Click the Banner below to read my newest fan-fic, Titans of Kanto.

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