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Thread: "The Origin of Aurea"

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Michigan
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    Default "The Origin of Aurea"

    Hello everyone, this is my first attempt on writing a FanFic. Here's some main info.

    Characters:
    Aurea Juniper- Main character. Starting off on her first Pokemon journey.

    Ellena: Aurea's Childhood friend and rival. (Nate/Rosa's mother from Black/White2)

    Cedric Juniper: Aurea's father and famous Pokemon professor.

    I hope you enjoy!


    Chapter 1

    "You can do this." she reminded herself.

    Cheers and applause erupted from the crowd.

    "One more point and the Game is yours."

    She took a deep breath, dribbled the ball a few times then placed it in her left hand. She then threw it into the air. She ran a few steps, went into a crouch, and used her legs to launch herself into the air. She hit the ball hard over the net. It was quickly volleyed back over the net by a bump from from the opposing team. It was received by Ellena with a bump which Aurea then set high into the air for Ellena to spike. A member of the other team dived and bumped the ball back over the net. With great speed, Aurea ran up to the ball and slammed it back over the net with a powerful spike, winning the game. Aurea and Ellena were now the Volleyball Doubles Champions!
    "Bump, Set, Spike It! That's the way we like it! Whooo!" they cheered.

    Ellena was greeted with hugs from her parents. Aurea looked into the stands searching for her father. As usual, he was nowhere to be seen. Her father was Cedric Juniper, a famous Pokemon professor. Even with his many assistants, he still seemed to not have enough time to pend with his daughter. She knew he truly loved her, but he didn't show it very often, especially since the time her mother died. This all seemed so cliche to her, but it was real life.

    "Hey, Aurea!" Ellena shouted as she ran up to her and hugged her.

    "You were amazing!" congratulated Ellena parents.

    "Thanks, it was a close game." Aurea replied.

    "Mom, Dad, do you guys mind if I stay the night at Aurea's house?" Ellena asked.

    "Not at all." her mother replied.

    "You guys have fun." said her father.

    "Thanks, love you guys. Goodnigetht!" said Ellena.

    "Bye." they both said, then left.

    The pair headed over to Aurea's house. It was kind of far from the sports arena, but the trip only took several minutes on bike. Nuvema Town wasn't as big as mot other towns and cities in Unova, but it was still a good size. Once they got home it was dark do they each took a shower and changed into pajamas. Aurea put on a Light blue tank top and a pair of black boy-shorts. Ellena came out dressed in pink feetie pajamas and a pair of slippers that looked like green dinosaur feet. Just like the ones Steve Urkel wore.

    "Those are nice." said Aurea.

    "Why, thank you." replied Ellena.

    They decided to make popcorn and watch a movie. After a while, Aurea decided to start a conversation.

    "So, Ellena, you're birthday is coming up in a couple of days, so I guess you're gonna be leaving on you Pokemon journey?" Aurea asked.

    "Yeah, it's super exciting. For my birthday, my parents are going to get me my very own Pokemon!" said Ellena.

    "That's so cool, but it will be lonely without you." Aurea said.

    "I guess so. If only you birthday were just a little closer to mine, then we could leave together." Ellena responded.

    Aurea's birthday was only a couple weeks after Ellena's. They were both turning fifteen, the age they were promised they would be able to leave on their own journey. Not being able to leave with Ellena made her feel sad, but with Ellena being so goofy and ditzy, she couldn't help but be happy.

    While Aurea was contemplating this thought and Ellena was cracking up at her favorite part of the movie, someone walked in.

    "Hellooo!" the person said.

    It was Aurea's father. He was wearing tan slacks and a beige/yellow sweater with a withe button-up shirt underneath. In one hand he had his laptop and hanging from the shoulder of his other arm was a black duffel bag. He walked over and kissed Aurea on top of the head.

    "Hello honey." he said.

    "Hi Dad" she responded.

    Then he turned to talk to Ellena,"Hello Ellena. I didn't know you were staying over."

    "Hi. Yeah, it was kind of a last-minute plan. I hope it's not a problem." she replied.

    "No, no, you're always welcome." he said back.

    "Thanks Dad, we just wanted to celebrate us winning the volleyball tournament." Aurea said.

    "Ah, so you did win, eh?" he said, "I knew you would so i brought you two a gift."

    He walked around the couch, set down his laptop on the coffee table, and opened his duffel bag. H rummaged through ti for a minute before he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a small, rectangular box, then set down his bag. The girls were sitting on the edge of the couch, looking at the strange box.

    "What is it?" they both asked.

    "You'll see." he replied.

    "Eeek!" squealed Ellena," this is so exciting!"

    Then Professor Juniper opened the box.

    "Wow!" said Aurea.

    "Holy ravioli!" exclaimed Ellena.

    Inside of the box were three small spheres.


    End of Chapter 1
    Last edited by Macroboom; 26th June 2013 at 1:27 AM.
    Pokemon Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire Team


  2. #2

    Default

    Hey, I see we got another Journey Fic in the house xD I think that's great. So, time for some review:

    Well, what I enjoyed about this fiction was the setting. It didn't take place in the usually boring and predictable setting of like a new trainer's house. It was at a sports match, which is quite original. Loving the idea of how they didn't start their journeys at the age of ten, instead having to stay home and wait until they were 15. I feel for ya too Aurea

    One thing I think you should learn to develop is how to enhance your sentences after a person speaks. By this I mean, describing their actions/emotions during their speech can turn a fic from a great one to an absolutely dazzling one. Here is an example:

    "What is it?" they both asked.

    "You'll see." he replied.
    Now see here, you just have the standard asked / replied adverb here. Now If we edit this and add in sentence enhancers we could make it like:

    "What is it? they both inquired, wanting to know exactly what Aurea's dad had in store for them.

    "You'll see" he replied, further increasing their curiosity as they stared at him with suspicious eyes.
    See what I did there? Adding in sentence add on's like that once in awhile can greatly improve your writing style, or even create an entirely new one.

    Now, I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there like:
    H rummaged through ti for a minute
    That should be "He rummaged through it for a minute"

    Just remember to use a spell check somewhere before you post them, I don't know how many times I've had to use it before I got a chance to post mine here xD

    All in all, this fic looks pretty great and I'll be following to find out what happens. Good luck
    Fan Fic: Nexus Renegade
    When a new dimension is created and gives birth to three terrors of the world. The Nexus will judge you
    Currently Under Revision
    Special Thanks to Inudono19 for the Badass Morph of the Creation Trio

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    SE asia, Phiippines.
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    Default

    In all honesty, I find it difficult for me as a reader on enjoying a pokemon fanfic where the protagonist is a human. I'm too used on hving pokemon s heroes.

    But your idea to lime light, Aurea Juniper, we would love you to give us a back story about her.

    So far, a very good start so far. But I must say, Cedric may just change their plans.
    Final Chapter: 38: Mountain's Edge(Click the Banner above)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
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    Default

    Thanks a lot you guys. I was getting worried that no one liked it.

    The reason I chose to start off at fifteen because gonna be turning fifteen soon and because I can't really write for a ten year old, even though Ellena may act like it sometimes .

    I'm not promising regular updates. The second chapter was written before I posted the first one. I'll post the second after I get to writing the third.

    Even though this should be set about 20 years prior to Black/White, there will be some modern refrences.
    Also, due to the time setting the only Gym Leader staying is Drayden and so is Alder. All Gym types will be the same as Black/White.
    Thanks again you guys. Tell your friends.
    Last edited by Macroboom; 27th June 2013 at 6:32 PM.
    Pokemon Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire Team


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