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Thread: Through the Thunder and the Lightning

  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Hmmm.... linking seems out of place, I wouldn't think of them actually referring to techniques as status or damage types, maybe it's just me.
    They know what stat boosting moves, status, and attacks. Pokemon are smart enough to know the difference. They may not know anything about IV and EV and such, but they can figure out that certain moves boost their power or lower an opponents at time. And the Link Shop is another part of town that they'd obviously visit during a tour. I just decided that they shopkeepers would actually be there in the beginning. But since Shane only knows one move, the couldn't make use of the service anyways.
    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Yamask stole duskulls line! I smell a lawsuit if duskull ever finds out XD
    I dunno. I think he'd be cool with it. They're both pretty laid back pokemon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    All in all a decent chapter, like you said, it was necesarry but the moment of tension at the end made it all worth it.
    I had to spice it up somewhat. I knew it was getting a tad dull. But I did try to spice the story somewhat here and there. The beginning was good enough(maybe Shane wanting to admit his feelings?). Then I tried to give each shop keeper its own feel. The Kecleon's are to over-anxious salesmen, Audino is a kind nurse, Pulse and Minun are happy go lucky(though they don't talk much in that ch.), Kangaskhan is like a kind old lady, maybe sharing a speech pattern of Lenora? Yamask, is like I said before, generally laid back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    I can't help but be impressed at the rate you're getting these chapters written.
    Well, this was a good chapter.
    Not many issues with it, except when Duskull finds out about Yanmask stealing his lines.
    I don't think he'll mind. Or ever find out, hehe

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    You went into nice detail with each shop, I didn't have any problem visualizing the town.
    And the cliffhanger with the Elder going missing and our least favorite creep Raichu showing up adds to the tension.
    Yup, least favorite scumbag comes to the rescue lighten up the story. What a hero. Not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    As always, I'm looking forward to chapter four.

    Knightfall signing off...
    Late evening Thursday, or maybe Friday morning at the latest.
    Last edited by Brutaka; 27th June 2012 at 5:44 PM.

  2. #27
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    lol, sorry for the wait you all! Not that it was that long. But here's Chapter Four!

    Chapter Four
    Story Time with an Elder
    “Raichu,” April and I growled. And there he was, standing at the entrance to the grove. “Don’t you ever let up? April all ready said that she doesn’t like you. And she never will!” I was yelling at this point. Power was slowly accumulating inside of me, but I didn’t need it cackling right now, so I suppressed it.

    “Go away Raichu. Don’t make me call on the elder, because I will do it.” April had her paws clenched, and she was about as angry as me.

    “The elder? He’s a wuss. A coward. He’ll never do anything to me, nobody can beat me!” As Raichu started to gather electricity in his own cheeks, a small voice interrupted him. The voice itself didn’t seem to originate from anywhere.

    “Call me a coward again….I…DARE…you.” The voice seemed young, but it also had wisdom behind it.

    “About time you spoke up. Ya, I’ll say it! Coward! You still haven’t shown yourself!”

    “You want me to show myself? Very well, approach the water’s edge, if you think your man enough,” the voice sneered. This time the sound was centered above the lake.

    “Man enough? I’ll show you man enough!” Raichu approached the pond, and stood on the shore. The pond itself was no more than a foot deep, and it was clear and calm. But then the water began to bubble. Raichu looked on and awaited the elder. April then took a step closer to me, and motioned for me to back up to the tree line.

    “You may want to cover your eyes and ears,” she whispered softly to me.

    “What? Why?”

    “Just trust me. I guess you can watch if you want, but don’t say anything!”

    I was now anxiously waiting for what was going to happen. Raichu was still staring at the water when suddenly, a huge, fifteen-foot tall, jet black monster sprang from the shallow pond! It had menacing red eyes, and huge wings with spiky tips that matched its eye color. And it made the most awful screech that seemed to pierce your very soul. I would have screamed in terror, but April had clamped her paw on my mouth. Raichu was paralyzed by fear. He stared at it, completely numb for nearly ten seconds. Then he took a step back, turned around, and ran out of the grove screaming. I would have made a similar reaction, but April’s nonchalance about the whole thing seemed to reassure me.

    The screeching stopped as Raichu left, and the monster began to shrink. It then turned golden, and slowly assumed a spherical shape. When the sphere was about a foot tall, it stopped shrinking. It grew two dolphin gray tails with small rubies in them and, as if it were some sort of Sandshrew, it uncurled itself. Its body was mostly a gray-blue tone. On its head was a golden part that looked much like hair. It wore a larger red ruby on its forehead, over the gold piece. Its eyes were completely shut.

    “And you call me the coward,” the small creature said in a bitter tone. Then he saw us and smiled. “April! Glad to see you again! I hope I didn’t scare you!”

    “Nah, I knew what you were doing. You pulled the same thing on me once! But, uh, I think you may have given my friend here a heart attack, tee hee!” April then slowly let me go. My heart was racing and my eyes were still wide.

    “What…in Arceus’s name…WAS THAT?” I yelled, perhaps a tad too loudly.

    “That, friend, was my representation of the Renegade Pokemon, Giratina. It’s pretty useful for scaring unwanted visitors,” the being replied.

    “It scared me all right. That was awful! I thought I would have died just from how scared I was! Puts a whole new spin on ‘being scared to death’…But anyways, you’re the elder aren’t you?” I had to put that whole event behind me. I just hoped it wouldn’t haunt my nightmares.

    “Oh! Yes, I completely forgot to introduce you! Sparky, this is Uxie, elder of Salvage Spring, and also the spirit of wisdom.” April interjected.

    “Much obliged, Shane,” Uxie said with a small bow and a smirk.

    “But wait, how did you know my name? April called me Sparky like all ways, and I didn’t tell you…”

    “Haha, I’m Uxie, being of wisdom! I know everything! It’s my job to.”

    “Which is why we need to talk to you about something. I don’t know if you’d know the answer or not, but I thought it’d be worth a shot.” April started to explain. “So take a look at Sparky here. He looks like a totally normal Pachirisu right? He’s got the tail, the buck teeth, the electric pouches, the whole nine yards, right? Well get this, he’s a human! How is this even possible, Uxie?”

    “Hmm. I knew that Shane had been a human. But I have no idea how he became a Pachirisu. It hurts to admit this, but the reason is outside my knowledge.”

    “But I though you said you knew everything. How could you not know?” I wondered.

    “I know what I said. But the knowledge is being kept from me. Someone of higher power isn’t letting me find the answer.”

    “But who could that be?” I was getting impatient

    “I know of one, but that isn’t important.”

    “But has this sort of thing ever happened before? A human turning into a Pokemon?” April asked.

    “Actually, there has. Twice, by my knowledge.”

    “Really? How? What happened? Tell us!” I was elated at the fact that we might be getting somewhere.

    “Well, it was quite a long time ago, before this town was even here. But I’ll tell you of the first event…” Uxie then began his tale.

    The Elder Recounts the Day of the Meteor

    “A long time ago, a disaster loomed on the horizon. This disaster had sparked smaller calamities around the globe, and caused many Pokemon to go feral, much like they have now. A shooting start was crashing to the planet. One day a Pokemon had woken up in the middle of the woods. It was disoriented, and rightly so, as he had been a human who turned into a Pokemon, like you. It soon met a partner Pokemon, and together they rescued a lost Caterpie. Until they could find out why the transformation had occurred, they formed a Rescue Team together. On their journey, they saved the lives of hundreds of Pokemon whose lives had been changed by the impending meteor.

    “They sought many different Pokemon, thinking that they could find the answer to their puzzle. They found a Xatu, who stares unblinkingly into the sun in order to see all things. But he turned them away. He didn’t have the answers they sought. They talked to their own town elder, a kind Whiscash. But he didn’t know either. However, he told them of a Ninetales that had the power to curse people who touched her tails by turning them into Pokemon. This would also bring disaster to the world. But when they thought they had good standing in their village, a cruel Gengar had revealed to the whole town that the ex-human had not always been a Pokemon, as they had kept that a secret, and that that transformation would destroy the world. The two partners had to flee the town as fugitives. In the dead of night, they escaped and went on a journey to find this Ninetales.

    “After many hours and long nights, they reached a place that knew no life, only harsh snow and ice. But in the middle of the frozen wasteland, they found a mountain. In this mountain was a hollow. They went inside in search of Ninetales. But instead, they were cornered by one of the best teams in the world that had been tracking them. And just when they thought it was over, Ninetales revealed herself. She said that the hero was not the human of the myth. That Pokemon was elsewhere. Regrettably, Ninetales did not know the reason of this one’s transformation. But at least now they could return to town. They disproved all the rumors, and revealed Gengar as being a fraud.

    “The answer to the hero’s dilemma came to him in his recurring dreams. A Gardevoir that had appeared to him in those dreams told him that he was turned into a Pokemon to save the world from a coming disaster. She neglected to tell him what that was exactly. Xatu had provided that answer. He revealed that a star was falling to the planet. The smartest Pokemon in the region, an Alakazam, had told them that they had to go to Rayquaza, and ask him to destroy it. With the combined powers of Xatu, Alakazam, and another unknown Pokemon, they created a gem that sent the team to Sky Tower, Rayquaza’s home. After climbing the structure, and defeating the mighty beast in battle, he destroyed the meteor. With his quest complete, the hero began to fade. He was to return to his home land. But he didn’t want to. By using his sheer will power, he commanded to be brought back to his partner. The cosmos agreed, and he was taken to his friend. And together, they became the best Rescue Team known to Pokemon…”

    “Wow, what a happy ending, tee hee!”

    “It was quite a story, wasn’t it?” Uxie said, tired from his long tale.

    After a few minutes to digest the information, I spoke up. “So, do you think that the world is in danger, and I’ve been sent here to save it? That’s a lot of responsibility!”

    “Maybe, maybe not. The other story was a little different. The hero in that one wasn’t sent by divine power, and the whole thing was a big accident. But I’m much too tired after that tale, and I don’t want to bore you to death with another long speech.”

    “It wasn’t boring. It was a good story. But if you don’t want to tell us the second one today, we’ll come back later,” April, stretching. “Besides, I have things I want to discuss with Sparky here.”

    “Thank you and I appreciate your time. Feel free to visit again someday!” And with that, Uxie vanished. April motioned for me to start walking back with her.

    “So, what did you think of the story, Sparky?”

    “Well, it was both troubling and exciting. First, it could be that I was sent here like this for a specific purpose. And last night, I had this weird dream. I felt like someone was watching. It was strange. But one of the biggest things was, was that if I was sent here for a reason, then after I do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get to go back! Simple as that.”

    “Woah there, Sparky! Those are some big ‘If’s, and if you’re supposed to stop some big calamity or something, how on earth do you propose do that? You can barely knock out a Beedrill!”

    “Well, you don’t have to be so negative about it. I was just saying…”

    “I know. But we have to think rationally about this. And that’s not all I wanted to talk to you about. Remember how I said that I’ve always wanted to be in a Salvaging Team? Well, going alone isn’t very safe anymore, and I think that--what I mean is--do you think that--Oh bother, would you like to start a team together?” April finally managed to spit out.

    “Oh! A Salvaging Team? Uh-” Just as I was about to answer, I heard a large commotion in some trees to my right. “What is that, April?”

    “I dunno. Wanna check it out?” And so we walked over to where we heard the noise. It was some Mankey. It seemed like they were arguing over a small golden object. They were trying to steal it from each other, and then hide it from the others. They noticed us watching. They didn’t like that.

    “Why are they mad at us?” I asked,

    “I don’t think these are in control of themselves. I think they’re like the Beedrill!”

    “Which means we’re gonna have to fight them, right?”

    “Yup. So get ready! It’s two on three!” And with that, April shocked a Mankey. However unlike the Beedrill, it didn’t fall. The blast hurt, but now the Mankey was even angrier! It jumped down from the tree, along with the others. The angriest one charged at April, its fists glowing. April tried to jump out of the way, but the pig-monkey was too fast. Mankey’s Karate Chop hit April hard in the side. She went flying back a couple feet. But she got back on her feet in no time. “You’re gonna pay that!” She yelled.

    As the other two Mankey joined the fight, I did as well. I charged electricity around me, and delivered a powerful Spark attack to the closet one. But like April’s attack, it didn’t knock it out. I noticed that with April fighting one Mankey already, I had to fend off two of them at once. As soon as I dodged one attack, I tried to unleash mine, but the other had already recovered and was in the battle again. April finally knocked her opponent out. Now the battle was evened out, two on two. But both April and I were tired, and only one of the remaining Mankey showed signs of injury. As I charged another Spark attack, and April readied hers, the two Mankey all of a sudden tackled April full-force at the same time. She moaned, and tried to get up, but then she lost consciousness.

    What happened next was a bit of a blur. I remember that I got really angry. Power had built up inside of me, and then harsh blue lightning fired from my body, shocking both Mankey at once. They dropped the object they had been keeping, and ran off. The first Mankey woke up and did the same. After stowing the object in my bag, I walked over to April, but she wouldn’t awaken. Knowing exactly what to do, I picked her up over my shoulder, and started to run into town. I was so worried that I could barely feel her weight.

    Thankfully it wasn’t too much farther into town square. Upon reaching the Audino there, I set April in front of her and laid some of April’s Poke on the counter.

    “Oh my, what happened?” Audino asked.

    “Some Mankey, just outside of town to the south. We beat them, but they knocked out April,” I explained. “Can you revive her?”

    “Yes., just stand back.” When I was far enough away, Audino’s palms glowed pink. “All right, here we go! Heal Pulse!” A soft ray of pink light came from her paws and into April. When the light faded, April stirred.

    “What, what happened? Sparky, did I let those pig monkeys beat me?” she said, as soon as she could sit up.

    “Yes. But you’re okay now. Audino helped you.”

    “Thanks, Audino!”

    “Don’t thank me. Thank your friend here. He carried you all the way from the outskirts of town with you on his back.” Audino replied, waving it off.

    “Really, Sparky? You did that for me?”

    “It was nothing, really. Now come on, it’s getting late and we both need rest.” I said, helping April to her feet. The sky was red-orange now. It would be night soon. “Thanks again, Audino!” I called back.

    “Anytime!” Audino waved goodbye as we walked back home. The trip was quiet for the most part. Every time I looked at April and our eyes met, she looked away with a tiny smile. It wasn’t normal for April to be shy. I wonder what’s gotten into her.

    You don’t suppose…you don’t suppose she likes me? Like, in that way? Nah, that’s crazy talk. It isn’t like her. And what on earth am I doing thinking these thoughts again? I shook the ponderings away. When we arrived at April’s house, I stopped her as well we were about to walk inside.

    “April? Right before we were attacked by the Mankey, you had asked me a question. You wanted to know if I would like to form a Salvaging Team with you. Well, I think that would be a wonderful idea!”

    April’s face lit up with a big grin.

    ~~~~Meawhile, at the Elder Pond~~~~

    Uxie was deep in thought as he floated above the water.
    It’s strange that I really couldn’t help them. I was truthful for the most part. But I had all ready known that Shane was human. But April knew his secret, and so I did as well. But someone on this planet HAS to know the reason for his transformation. Hmm. I know who to ask then. It’s Him that knows. But I don’t, because His knowledge is shielded from my power. And I can’t touch the knowledge of a select few others, including Shane himself. The One's will must be doing it. And if that’s true, then there’s nothing I can do for the poor kid…
    ~~~~~~~~

    So, how was that? Nice opening, a little dry with the elder (but come on, what town elder isnt a little dull at story time?), good battle scene, tiny bit more into the romance that'll be in the background for the most part, and mysterious ponderings of the elder. And mods, this IS all one chapter. the story has its own Sub heading is all. Just wanted to clear that up in case trouble brews...
    Last edited by Brutaka; 29th June 2012 at 5:16 AM.

  3. #28
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    Nice chapter, you're doing pretty well with this fic. Four chapters in under a week, I'm still impressed.

    The scene with Uxie the Elder and Raichu was amusing if anything else.
    Uxie's story was alittle dry considering I know the story, but for someone who doesn't, it explains the plot of the first game clearly.

    The battle with the Mankey group was pretty good considering that it's your first battle scene you've written.
    It was still a bit fast paced, and a bit more description could be used, but it's good.

    I wonder who the Pokemon Uxie is thinking about.
    Can't wait until the next chapter.

    Knightfall signing off...

  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Nice chapter, you're doing pretty well with this fic. Four chapters in under a week, I'm still impressed.
    Yup. I'm fast at what I do. For now anyways. Five to be started tonight, to be finished...I dunno. Tomorrow if not tonight.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    The scene with Uxie the Elder and Raichu was amusing if anything else.
    I was going for some humor for a nice change of pace. Plus, I like messing with Raichu. MUHAHAHAHAHa. Eh, the guy had it coming.
    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Uxie's story was alittle dry considering I know the story, but for someone who doesn't, it explains the plot of the first game clearly.
    I'm trying to find a balance in how much overview I give here and there. I have viewers that both are Pokemon die-hards and some that don't know anything more than Pikachu and Bulbasaur.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    The battle with the Mankey group was pretty good considering that it's your first battle scene you've written.
    It was still a bit fast paced, and a bit more description could be used, but it's good.
    Think so? Yes, I see where your coming from. It probably could do with more description. Though small battles like this tend to be over fast. The first dungeons in the game have Pokemon that fall in two hits :/ Weaklings. Anyways, Shane ended it the way he did do to something special about him. He wont go Hulk-angry like that again for a while, but it will happen again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    I wonder who the Pokemon Uxie is thinking about.
    Can't wait until the next chapter.
    You mean that you couldn't tell? Huh. I thought I was obvious. But the longer the secret's kept, the better the stories ending will be I guess.

  5. #30
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    oh yeah, i'm on a roll tonight! Here's Chapter 5! Slightly shorter, but shouldn't be so dull. Though I think I rushed the battle scene again. I really need to get better at that. :/

    Chapter Five
    The First Salvage

    It’s that dream again. It’s so weird. And who is that? I can see a shape. It’s big. But I can’t make it out. Oh, it’s no use, its fading.

    I awoke from my sleep slowly. I was still a little groggy. But then I heard a strange knocking sound. This house doesn’t have a door. And it doesn’t sound like they’re knocking on the wall…

    “Hey, April, what’s that noise?” No answer. “April?” I checked her bed. She wasn’t there. I decided to go outside to look. And there she was. April had some sort of hammer-like object and she was using it nail a wooden box to a post. “April? What are you doing?”

    “Sparky? Oh good morning! Tee hee, what does it look like? I’m installing a mailbox!”

    “A mailbox? Why didn’t you have one before? And why all the rush now?”

    “Because, silly, before, I didn’t need to receive messages from far away people. But now we’re going to be a Salvage Team! That means we can receive requests from people who don’t even live here! Isn’t that great?”

    “Oh, that makes sense. So, April, what are we doing today?”

    “First thing’s first: we need to register our team. We can do that at the Post, as well as confirm our address on their mailing logs. But, back to the team, we’re going to need a name.”

    “Our name? Well, it should fit us. Let’s both think for a moment.”

    Okay, so what should our name be? PokePals? No...Thunder? Good, but a bit cliché and obvious. Lightning isn’t much better. Tea Weavile? No, that’s stupid...This is harder than I thought.

    “I can’t think of any,” I admitted.

    “Let’s call it Sparky! In honor of you!” April seemed to like it. I was taken aback.

    “After me? Why me?”

    “You saved me yesterday! And I’d never have been able to make the team without you!”

    “Well, well, um, I dunno...” I was stuttering. For what seemed to be the umpteenth time, I was very glad for fur.

    “Come on, it’ll be great! Now let’s go!” And so we left for Pelipper Post. The journey there was short and uneventful. Once we were inside the building, a Pelipper handed April some type of form. After filling it out, he informed us that we’d have to wait for the Salvaging Master’s approval. The Pelipper left to find him.

    “So, once we talk to this Master, then we’ll be a Salvaging Team for real?” I asked.

    “Tee hee! That’s the gist of it!”

    “What’s he like? The Salvaging Master, I mean.”

    “Oh, you’ll see soon enough.” Indeed, only a few seconds later, we were called into a separate room. It was bare, save for a couple rusty metal contraptions hanging around, and a multitude of shiny objects stuck to the wall. Standing in the middle of the room was not one, but two Pokemon. One was blue, and looked like a weird blob with a tail and two arms. The other was a dark black, red, and white bird. It looked like a giant crow with a weird hat on. The crow, known as Honchkrow, spoke first.

    “So you two wish to be Salvagers, eh? What makes you qualified? You’re both electric types. You share similar weaknesses. Not smart.” The Honchkrow was male, going against what I had though originally.

    “Don’t be so hard on them. After all, the Emolga, April, it says here? April doesn’t share the Pachirisu’s only weakness, which is Ground. And the Pachirisu, Shane, doesn’t share April’s weaknesses either. The same types resist them, sure, but that’s all in the name of salvaging! And besides, they make an absolutely adorable team, don’t they?” That was the Quagsire. It was female, also going against my presumption. I decided I’m not good at guessing genders.

    “However cute you two may be, I ask again, what makes you qualified?” The question was directed at us.

    “We’ve survived a swarm of Beedrill in Foggy Woods!” Honchkrow scoffed at April’s reason. She continued. “We’ve beaten a trio of angry Mankey!”

    “I heard rumors around town that you fainted in the middle of that battle, is that true?” Honchkrow asked with a smirk.

    “Irk. I’ve been salvaging all of my life!”

    “I need proof, hard proof! Do you have it? It doesn’t appear that way.” Honchkrow continued. Quagsire was silent through all of this. I spoke up finally.

    “Well, I, uh, salvaged this. Is that good enough?” I reached into my bag and pulled out the golden object from yesterday.

    “Ooooh! Shiny!” Quagsire muttered. She appeared to be in a trance.

    “That! That is a rare artifact! Only deities of high power or respect carry these! Where did you get it! You didn’t steal it did you?” Honchkrow gave us a dubious look.

    “No, the Mankeys had it! They were playing with it. When we beat them, they dropped it. Honest!”

    “Oh, Honchy, that’s good enough right?” Quagsire stared at her partner.

    “But...Well all right, fine. It’s good enough.”

    “Yay! Then, by my title as Salvaging Master, I declare Team Sparky to be formed! May your luck prosper, and may you find all the shiny things!” Quagsire put on a little dance, and took a box from the corner. “Here’s everything you’ll need.”

    “It’s a starter kit, of course! Thanks Quagsire!” April said, accepting the gift.

    “Well, open it!” the Quagsire urged. We opened the box. Inside was a map of the area, some badges, and a piece of ribbon.

    “Wow! This ribbon! It’s so pretty!” April squealed. She pulled it out and tied it around her ear. It looked breathtaking on her. Stop that, brain!Originally it was white. But then it changed color! It turned red-copper, and displayed a lightning bolt on it. It had strange earthy patterns to it. It looked even better on her now. Really? Cut it out! I can’t like a Pokemon!My thanks go to the fur again.

    “Not only is it fashionable, but it lowers the effectiveness of your biggest weakness. Judging by the markings, I’d say it lowers your Rock weakness,” Quagsire informed.

    “Cool! It’s kinda like your Sky Scarf, Sparky!”

    “The lightning bolt even matches. Now, what else is in here? Cool, a map,” I said, pulling out the Salvager’s Map. I stowed it in my bag. “And some badges. I’m guessing to signify we’re Salvagers?”

    “And to show your rank. The gem in the middle will change color when you’ve ranked up. It’s a brilliant piece work,” Quagsire chimed in. Currently, the badge itself was circular, and appeared a little rusty. It had wing designs coming out of either side. They were made with gears and other pieces of metal. It looked rather steam punk. The gem in the middle was pasty white. “You start at Normal Rank, and go from there. The highest anyone has ever gone is Diamond. Try to shoot higher!”

    “Awesome. Thanks you two!” April said, putting the finishing arranging on her bow. Then, after stowing everything away, we waved good bye and left the Post Office.

    “Well, we have nearly all of our day left. What are we supposed to do now?” I asked April.

    “I’m so psyched about Salvaging after all of that! Let’s go on a hunt!”

    “Well, what do we do? Just walk around the forest and see if we can find something?”

    “No, silly! Don’t you remember the Bulletin Board?” I really should have remembered. I was standing right in front of it.

    “Oh, yeah, that. Well, what should we take? There’s bunches on here!”

    “Well, we don’t want to take one that would involve too much traveling, as we have spent some of our day already. So a Foggy Woods quest would be the best. There’s a couple listed. Let’s see...one is asking to find a piece of metal, it looks like a silver cube, somewhere on the outskirts of Foggy Woods. Does that sound good?”

    “Sure. Let’s go find that box!”

    “Well, take down the notice, and put it on your bag. Then we can get going. It will take a while to get up the slope. After stowing the paper away, we started out.

    After what seemed to be an hour of running, we arrived at the forest’s edge.

    “So, do we know where to start?” I asked.

    “The paper said it was on the outskirts of the forest. It also mentioned a sort of clearing. It didn’t say much else.”

    “Than we better get looking.” So first we headed east. We searched around there for a while. Every so often we encountered a rogue Pokemon or two. We simply shocked them unconscious and kept on our way. After we were convinced it wasn’t over here, we took a break.

    “Man, I’m beat. I need an Apple.” I grabbed an Apple that I had stowed in my bag before we left in case I got hungry.

    “You got one of those for me too, Sparky?”

    “Ya, here you go.” I tossed her an Apple. We rested for a few minutes while we ate, and then headed back to the path. “It’s a real let down that we haven’t found it yet.”

    “Hey, these things take patience. I’m sure it’ll be on the eastern side.” So, we headed east. We didn’t have much luck until we heard a metallic ‘ting’. We turned to the direction of the sound. We heard birds in that direction too. We decided to follow it. Sure enough, we found a clearing. In the middle was a metal cube. It was being pecked by a Spearow. There were more around it. There must have been ten or more in all.

    The center one noticed us, said something I didn’t understand, and then all of a sudden, the birds were trying to dive bomb us! Quickly, April launched a Thundershock at the closest one, and it fell. I caught one that came at me from the right, and shocked it as I made contact. April barely dodged another one, but I got hit on my back. It hurt, but I was still able to fight. We both ended up with plenty of scrapes. I grabbed another on its way to peck me, and I shocked it as well. April had also downed a couple. She looked like she’s taken a few hits like me, but she was still at it. Then, I saw one was going to dive bomb April. It looked really fast. I tried running, but I knew I was too slow. April couldn’t hear me either, she was too busy. So I willed myself to run faster. I knew I had to catch the bird before it hit April directly like that, or she could get really hurt, maybe even faint. And then all of a sudden, I felt contact with the bird, and it fell to the ground, out cold.

    “Sparky? Since when could you do Quick Attack?”

    “Uh, right now?”

    “Sweet. Come on, let’s finish them off!” And so we picked off one more each quickly enough. April decided to fly around to get the one’s that were waiting for their friends to fall before rushing in. I sometimes climbed trees, which was easy in this form, to get at the ones that were higher. I didn’t get as many as April did, but I still couldn’t launch my electric attack like her. Quick Attack helped. It let me dodge the fast ones, and knock out others before they took off again.

    After fifteen minutes of fighting the Spearow, only one was left. It was the first one that called the attack. Some of the others woke up, but they fled. When he saw that his friends were leaving, he got scared and flew off. I retrieved the cube that was left in the clearing, and stowed it in my bag.

    “Mission Accomplished!” I yelled.

    “Tee hee! Yup! Oh, and guess what? Our badges have another function. Watch this.” April got her badge ready. She pushed the gem on the badge. A bright light surrounded us, I felt light, then really dizzy, and then it was over. But we weren’t in Foggy Forest anymore. We were in the Post Office! And across from us was a bright faced Elgyem. It was our client.

    “Neat! We’re in the Post Office. But why didn’t we do that to get there?” I asked.

    “Because, silly, it only goes here. And it only works when you successfully complete a mission. And, look, it’s our requester.”

    “Do you have my cube?” the Elgyem asked. Its voice was strange and metallic.

    “Uh, ya, here you go!” I took the metal box from the bag and handed it over.

    “Oh, thank you, thank you! And for you, your reward!” Elgyem took the cube and handed us a pile of Poke. He also gave us a Luminous Orb, which I stowed in my bag. “I’m gonna tell all my friends about you guys!” And with that, he left.

    “Isn’t that nice? Doesn’t it feel good to help people? But we should get going ourselves. It’s late.” April suggested.

    “Yeah. Come on, we can do more tomorrow!” April and I walked home after that. As I walked inside, I noticed something was different. Rather than April’s single bed on the platform, there were now two beds together on a larger platform.

    “When did this happen?” I asked.

    “I had someone fix up another bed while we were away, so you wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.” April jumped up to her bed, and invited me to do the same. I hopped up to my bed. It felt very soft.

    “This is awesome April! Thanks!”

    “Well, I figured you’re gonna be around for a while, probably, so you need a proper place to sleep. Now we should get some shut eye.” She laid down on here bed of hay, and I did the same. I ended up curling up and sleeping on my tail like before. But it was much more comfortable than the floor. I stretched, and I promptly fell asleep.

    In my dreams, I was confronted by the same presence as always. It attempted to speak, but I couldn’t hear it.

    “Y...rg....w...l....fi...gr...t...s...ww...”

    ~~~~~~~~

    Yeah, I botched the battle scene. Any tips besides 'Slow down!' and 'moar descriptions' and 'you suck' ? Those tips help, but you've kinda said them already. If you could specifically help me in how to not go so fast, then please, tell me. That's why I hate 8 page research papers: I always get to each point too quickly. In other news, there's one non-pokemon reference in here. you get 1 internetz if you find it!
    Last edited by Brutaka; 30th June 2012 at 1:03 AM.

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    Honchcrow has a musketeer/gangster hat, mismagius has a witch hat.

    The elder scene was interesting but the story I've read/heard several times before, but like it was mentioned before, some people haven't played the games before.

    I can't really picture the spearow battle but the mankey one was good enough.

    You might want reread chapter 5 out loud, you accidently a lot of words there one of them being "you will pay that" and I'm sure no matter how you speak, you will never say that phrase like that (unless the person saying that lost a lot of intelligence)

    Also I was busy at work and didn't catch this update, I swear I wasn't sleeping.

    Anyway, decent chapters but like you said, was a little rushed. Maybe add a few more events in the chapters but minor ones, maybe encounter other novice teams along the way. (No way are they the only ones actively doing something around here.

    Looking forward to more and I don't think anyone ever said you suck.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

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    Like Azurus said, there were a lot of words missing. It would help to just give the chapter a good read before you post it.
    Don't think that I'm berating you, I have so spend a couple days editing my chapters, and a few mistakes still get through.

    Besides the fact that the overall chapter seemed rushed, it was a decent chapter.
    Tons of events happening, registering as a Salvage Team, their first mission, and the battle to get the cube.

    So my advice, aside from "slow down!" is do a bit of proofreading before you post the chapter.
    You'll catch a lot of your mistakes that way, and you can see what can be written better, too.
    You and your work are far from " you suck! ", we're just trying to help.

    Knightfall signing off...
    Last edited by Knightfall; 29th June 2012 at 3:36 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Honchcrow has a musketeer/gangster hat, mismagius has a witch hat.
    My bad. It looked witchey to me. Meh.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    The elder scene was interesting but the story I've read/heard several times before, but like it was mentioned before, some people haven't played the games before.
    Yup yup. Quite necessary for those who haven't played.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    I can't really picture the spearow battle but the mankey one was good enough.
    The Spearow one was tough to think of a way to work it out. There was like 10 of them, and they were all called 'Spearow'. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    might want reread chapter 5 out loud, you accidently a lot of words there one of them being "you will pay that" and I'm sure no matter how you speak, you will never say that phrase like that (unless the person saying that lost a lot of intelligence)
    Wow, really? I proofread it in the same way that I did the last four. Huh :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Also I was busy at work and didn't catch this update, I swear I wasn't sleeping.
    Twas a joke.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Anyway, decent chapters but like you said, was a little rushed. Maybe add a few more events in the chapters but minor ones, maybe encounter other novice teams along the way. (No way are they the only ones actively doing something around here.)
    Hmm. True. But it was already part of the way through the day. Other teams would have been to farther dungeons with missions that are harder. April and Shane are the newest, and the newest team before them are already at least at the second dungeon. But I see your point.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Looking forward to more and I don't think anyone ever said you suck.
    Twas another joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Like Azurus said, there were a lot of words missing. It would help to just give the chapter a good read before you post it.
    Don't think that I'm berating you, I have so spend a couple days editing my chapters, and a few mistakes still get through.
    When I write, I usually don't make many mistakes anyways, but I always proofread, including this time. I guess I was tired or something. I'll have to check it through again. And my brain auto corrects my page sometimes without me even knowing, so thats another thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Besides the fact that the overall chapter seemed rushed, it was a decent chapter.
    Tons of events happening, registering as a Salvage Team, their first mission, and the battle to get the cube.
    It was quite eventful. Registering as a Salvage team wasn't long enough, so I decided to send them to their first mission. Their first boss battle should be epic. I'm planning on saving a whole chapter for that alone, so it'll be quite good.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    So my advice, aside from "slow down!" is do a bit of proofreading before you post the chapter.
    You'll catch a lot of your mistakes that way, and you can see what can be written better, too.
    Believe me, I always proofread. I guess I didn't do as well this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    You and your work are far from " you suck! ", we're just trying to help.
    Twas a joke. You know, 'haha'


    UPDATE: Okay guys, I fixed quite a few errors, changed some word choice, and I redid the battle scene a little. I added about a paragraph to it. Its still not the most descriptive in the world, but there's only so many times you can have two squirrels shock a bird until it gets repetitive.
    Last edited by Brutaka; 29th June 2012 at 10:06 PM.

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    Well the battle seen was definately better and I didn't notice anything missing for words.

    Good job and can't wait to see what happens later.

    I wonder if Shane/Sparky will decide he likes April more than the idea of going back home...


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Well the battle seen was definately better and I didn't notice anything missing for words.
    Thanks. And there WAS two mistakes I noticed. So i just now fixed them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Good job and can't wait to see what happens later.

    I wonder if Shane/Sparky will decide he likes April more than the idea of going back home...
    Yes, you will see later...and maybe. he's really intent on going home...but he always? will this be the one time where the hero ACTUALLY choose to return? or will him and April fall in love and stay with it each other? why am i asking you all these questions?

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    Because you haven't thought ahead that far and want me write your story? I'm kidding of course but one tip, keep a few ideas flexible, nothings worse than a forced outcome especially when it's noticed. Not saying you are doing this but if you have a romance thrown in there, make sure it makes sense to the plot. So far you have a couple of realistic love flags activated so keep it up.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.
    -Azurus

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Because you haven't thought ahead that far and want me write your story? I'm kidding of course
    Lol. Yes, write my story!

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    but one tip, keep a few ideas flexible, nothings worse than a forced outcome especially when it's noticed.
    Don't i know it. I wont, I promise.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Not saying you are doing this but if you have a romance thrown in there, make sure it makes sense to the plot. So far you have a couple of realistic love flags activated so keep it up.
    it actually plays a big part later, so ya.

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    Hehe. I was busy today. But I got done with one! Shorter than the rest, at only four pages in length, but I had to cut it off there.

    Chapter Six
    The Mud Caverns

    I was still sleepy as usual when I woke up. It tried speaking to me last night. I couldn’t hear what it said. The thing sounded big and powerful though. Could it the creature that did this to me? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I looked over to April’s bed. She was still sleeping. Careful not to wake her, I hopped down to ground level. As I was about to head outside, the whole house rattled. What on earth? I decided to get a look from outside. It turns out that it was wind. A storm had all of a sudden turned up, and it was shaking the house.

    “Hey Sparky, what’s going on?” I heard from coming inside.

    “A storm. A big one. It came out of nowhere,” I replied, and I ran back inside. “It’s real windy out there, and it looks like it’s gonna rain.”

    “Well that’s a big let down. I really wanted to go Salvaging again today. But we can’t in this weather.” April was disappointed. Then, the house rattled badly again.

    “Can this building even hold up against this wind?”

    “It always has before. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

    But I was worried. April reassured me though, and it helped a little. Seeing as we couldn’t go outside, we had to think of something to do. We decided to practice learning some new moves.

    “What, in here?” I asked. “Aren’t we gonna break something?”

    “No, I’ve practiced in here before. The walls can take electricity fairly well.”

    “Well, whose gonna go first?”

    “Well, I know for a fact that Pachirisu can use ThunderPunch. So let’s see if we can’t get you to do it.”

    “Um, all right, cool. So, what do I do?”

    “From what I’ve seen, you just sorta build up your energy like with Spark, but instead of focusing on your cheeks, you concentrate on your paw.” April pulled out a sandbag from the corner. “Here, try it on this.”

    And so I did. I clenched my paw in to a fist of sorts, focused all my power on it, and punched the sandbag. And nothing happened. I tried it again, then a third time. Still nothing.

    “Why isn’t it working?” I fumed.

    “Just keep calm. You have to focus. This would be easier if I knew how to do it, but we’re trying to learn it from scratch here.”

    So I punched the bag and then again and again until my paws were sore. “I can’t keep this up, April. It’s no use.”

    “Well, we can stop for now. Would you mind if I tried learning a new move?”

    “Oh, um, ya, no problem.”

    “Um, do you think you can teach me Quick Attack?”

    “Quick Attack? Well, sure I guess.”

    “Great! So, uh, just show me how it’s done then.”

    “Okay. Well, I just learned the technique yesterday, by accident really. I guess what I do is I focus on moving really fast. Like, I put all of my attention into moving faster. And then, when your focusing your willpower on that, this happens,” I finished up saying. Then I unleashed a Quick Attack and rammed the sandbag.

    “Okay, got it. Let me try.” April thought for a moment, and then she tried it. She ended up tripping. She got up, and did it again. She still couldn’t do it. She tried a third and then a fourth time. But, on the fifth time, she burst forward with a trail of white light. She ended up crashing into the wall, but it was a Quick Attack. “Ow...But look! I did it! It was a Quick Attack!”

    “That’s a great job April! Can you do it again?”

    And so she performed another Quick Attack. She managed to ram into the sandbag this time.

    “Good job! I think you have the hang of it now!” I exclaimed.

    “It’s only because I have an awesome teacher!”

    “Oh, it was no-” I was interrupted by April quickly hugging me. It felt good. I’m not even gonna yell at myself this time. I’m just gonna enjoy it.

    When she released me, she said, “Shush. You talk too much.”

    “Er-hem. Uh, uh, thanks I guess. It was nice,” I stuttered out.

    “Tee hee! Hugs feel good don’t they?” She had that shy look to her face again.

    “Yes, they really do. Oh, hey, look! The storm has stopped.”

    “Huh?” She looked outside. “Oh, yes, I suppose it has. We should go see if Pelliper’s Post has any jobs for us. It’s still early enough.” Outside, everything was wet. Twigs and other sorts of objects were thrown around. It was mess. As we walked to town square, it was no different. However, we noticed a commotion once we managed to get to the center of town. April asked a Charmeleon that was there, “Hey, what’s all this about?”

    “Didn’t you know? The storm caused some sort of mudslide to the east of town.”

    “Oh my gosh, was anyone hurt?”

    “No. But it revealed a new dungeon!”

    “Really? That’s neat!”

    “Ya. They’re calling it the Mud Caverns. I’m gonna go explore it!” He seemed confident. April left him and came back over to me.

    “Did ya here that? A new dungeon! The Mud Caverns...”

    “Sounds like a muddy place. You want to go there?”

    “Of course! A new dungeon so close to town! We have to! In fact, let’s go right now!”

    “Well, okay. I just hope there isn’t any ground types. It is called Mud Caverns after all.”

    “It just opened, so there shouldn’t be too many other Pokemon in there really.” She ended up dragging me through town, but she stopped at the Kecleon Shop. “Oh, Kecleon, you got a Reviver Seed for sale?”

    “Oh, yes! I have one for the reasonable price of 800 Poke!” the green one responded.

    “Great, I’ll take it,” she handed him the money, and gave me the seed. It was emitting an odd light. It looked sort of mystical. I put it in my bag, and we went on our way after saying good bye to the Kecleons.

    The cave was east of town. As we walked, the grass began to thin out, and it became rocky. The valley walls came closer together here, and were now sheer cliffs. Every so often, a team passed us. The first was a team of Riolu, Vulpix, and Magnemite. The second one was a Mukrow, a Misdreavus, and a Gulpin. We also passed a Bulbasaur and a Torchic on the way up. Charmeleon had also met up with us on the path, but he kept going.

    And after about an hour and a half of walking and running, we arrived at the cave mouth. A couple of the Pokemon that we’d seen on the way here were talking to each other outside the cave. The opening was huge, and a pile of rubble led up to it. We scaled the hill of rocks, and journeyed into the cave.

    “My, its dark in here,” I muttered.

    “Yes. Hey, I bet we can light up the place a bit with our electricity,” April suggested. She then charged her electric pouches, and the cackling of sparks illuminated a portion of the cave. I followed her example, and the place was decently lit. Though I have to say, we probably look pretty silly.

    Throughout the cave, we met little resistance. All the teams we encountered were friendly, and wished us luck. There were a couple of wild Pokemon that strayed in, but we didn’t have too many problems with them. Once, I found a pile of stones. April told me to stow them in my bag.

    “Why?”

    “Well, you can throw them at other Pokemon, duh.” I obviously still had much to learn. The cavern itself was huge, and seemed to go on forever. But, we reached the very back after almost two hours of walking. We saw a small tunnel that lead further into the rock. It seemed to have been dug by something. We debated going on, but we decided to rest first. We got out a couple of Apples, and we relaxed for a while. None of the other teams seemed to have made it this far, which is odd, since there had to be better teams than us in here. Unless they’ve already gone into the tunnel.

    “Hey, you ready to check out what’s back there?” I asked.

    “Yup, let’s go.” The tunnel was low, but we weren’t exactly the tallest of Pokemon, so it didn’t bother us. The path went on for a while. It was a steady downhill decline, and we didn’t have to fight anything on the way down. Soon, the tunnel opened to another cavern. It was more of a room really, as we could easily see all the walls, even in the dim light. The cavern looked empty, but I felt like I was being watched. Then a voice sounded.

    “Who goes there?”

    “Uh, just some friendly travelers, I guess. Who are you? Er, where are you?” April asked, looking around.

    “We are here. We are many. We are one. We are SPIRITOMB!” The voice was coming from the center of the cave. Then, I noticed a small craggy rock with what looked like a face on it from where the voice was coming from. It began to glow, and then purple gas was emitted from it. It surrounded the top of the stone in a circular shape. It had a crazy looking face, and the purple gas was dotted with green circles. “You have trespassed upon our territory. We have had decades of blissful tranquility, and now teams left and right are coming and invading our space. It’s DEFILEMENT! General Z promised us that if we didn’t join General R’s side, we’d be safe. We’d be left in peace. IT’S TREASON! Now, we must be rid of you, just like all the other ‘teams’ that have disturbed us. ATTACK!” the Sprirtomb yelled. Then the room turned a shade of purple, and everything began to hurt...
    ~~~~~~~~
    Can't wait till next time can you? Tee hee!
    Last edited by Brutaka; 30th June 2012 at 5:55 PM.

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    ""You can throw them at pokemon, duh" I obviously had much to learn."

    Best line ever. I think I will put it in my randomness section if I have room, or my fic related if you don't mind.

    Spiritomb huh... at least it takes neutral damage from their lightning attacks unless they decide to use quick attack...
    Looking forward to this encounter, good thing they came semi prepared, maybe those rocks they picked up will be handy. Inb4 trips and ends up throwing 20 gravelerocks for 400 damage, lol
    when I go dungeoning I take (2)4 (big) apples, 4 oran berries and 2-4 reviver seeds (1 for each party member) and a stack of sticks/thorns/spikes (Atk bonus is awesome instead of a flat 20 damage)

    Something slightly related but not really, Why does mud bomb miss flying types? It's a projectile and all flying creatures in any game are weak to projectiles.

    I should have stopped typing ages ago.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

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    Well since this chapter had a Charmeleon in it, it's perfect.
    Seriously, great chapter. Short, but very good.

    One issue though, when they buy the Reviver Seed and put it in their bag, the paragraph connected to that describing the different teams could be separated into two, or three smaller paragraphs.
    It makes it easier to read.

    Other than that small issue, this chapter is great.

    I can't wait to see the Spiritomb battle, and perhaps learn more about the mysterious General R and General Z.

    Knightfall signing off...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    ""You can throw them at pokemon, duh" I obviously had much to learn."

    Best line ever. I think I will put it in my randomness section if I have room, or my fic related if you don't mind.
    lol, glad you liked it. I always wondered what a newbie thought of Gravelerocks. 'Dude, its just a rock.' 'Well, ya, but you can throw them at Pokemon!' 'Oh....'
    And sure, you can sig it. I have no problem with that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Spiritomb huh... at least it takes neutral damage from their lightning attacks unless they decide to use quick attack...
    Yup. I briefly thought of a Ground type, but they would have no chance with that. But that Ominous Wind is gonna be horrid.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Looking forward to this encounter, good thing they came semi prepared, maybe those rocks they picked up will be handy. Inb4 trips and ends up throwing 20 gravelerocks for 400 damage, lol
    I don't think they'd have or need that many. Putting 20 rocks in a relatively small bag seems kinda silly, don't you think? Maybe not in games, but for practical reasons.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    when I go dungeoning I take (2)4 (big) apples, 4 oran berries and 2-4 reviver seeds (1 for each party member) and a stack of sticks/thorns/spikes (Atk bonus is awesome instead of a flat 20 damage)
    I end up with a scarf/bow for each party member, 4 huge apples, two stacks of 99 sticks/spikes, 4 Oran Berries, 10-12 reviver seeds, two-four Max Elixers, an Escape Orb, a Petrify Orb, a Spurn Orb, and whatever other orbs I have that I think would be useful, such as Drought, Luminous, etc. Of course, this all late game. The Petrify and Spurn Orbs are for those pesky Monster Houses.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Something slightly related but not really, Why does mud bomb miss flying types? It's a projectile and all flying creatures in any game are weak to projectiles.
    I don't have the foggiest idea either. I should incorporate that some time. Something like 'Hiipowdon: 'Taste my Earthquake!' 'Ah!' I yelled. It hurt. I looked at April, who was just standing there. 'Hey, why isn't it doing anything to you?' 'Because Im part Flying of course!' 'But it still hit you...' 'I know, strange isn't?' Or something to that effect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    I should have stopped typing ages ago.
    Heh, its all good. Bring the randomness!

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Well since this chapter had a Charmeleon in it, it's perfect.
    Hehe, I thought you'd like it. It was, in a way, a nod to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Seriously, great chapter. Short, but very good.
    Thanks! You understand why I had to cut it off there though, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    One issue though, when they buy the Reviver Seed and put it in their bag, the paragraph connected to that describing the different teams could be separated into two, or three smaller paragraphs.
    It makes it easier to read.
    You think so? All right, I'll look at it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    Other than that small issue, this chapter is great.
    Yup yup, glad you like it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightfall View Post
    I can't wait to see the Spiritomb battle, and perhaps learn more about the mysterious General R and General Z.
    Battle next, obviously, but you wont learn much on the Generals for a little while.

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    The reason why mud bomb wouldn't hit a flying type is b/c mud bomb is a ground move and it has no effect
    † I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†


    Credit goes to FairyWitch at Flower Paradise Graphics

    Fanfic Status: Currently postponed-- Kingdom Hearts: Memories' Reflection. Last updated 8/17/13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cometstarlight View Post
    The reason why mud bomb wouldn't hit a flying type is b/c mud bomb is a ground move and it has no effect
    Thank you sir obvious. I know perfectly well the technical reason, but in all practical applications, you would assume that mud bomb and mud shot could indeed hit flying types. The rational behind Flying types immunity to ground types is that the flying types would be, well, flying, and things like earthquake, magnitude, or even earth power wouldnt do anything to it. But Mud Bomb and Mud Shot or fired moves, they are shot out. Which means if it SHOULD hit them.

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    Which is why I'm in favor of dual typed moves, like the move inflicts damage of the first type but hits based on both types.

    EX. Mud bomb ground/water, hits steel,rock,fire supereffectively, hits everything else neutrally or resistant because nothings immune to water save waterabsorb. Water won't add additional damage or lessen the effect of the move, just determine what additional types are hit.

    Tri attack, while being normal type could be sub typed as fire,ice, or electricity based on what status it could have inflicted, there is no reason it would not hit a ghost.

    I wonder if I could have worded that better.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

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  20. #45
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    Sorry, I didn't get the context of your conversation but wow, way to with being a jerk there.

    Anyway dual type moves and my lack of support for them aside; I do like the story. It has a simple beginning and an increasingly peculiar plot to why and what will happen. I'll be sure to check back on this one
    † I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†


    Credit goes to FairyWitch at Flower Paradise Graphics

    Fanfic Status: Currently postponed-- Kingdom Hearts: Memories' Reflection. Last updated 8/17/13

  21. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cometstarlight View Post
    Sorry, I didn't get the context of your conversation but wow, way to with being a jerk there.
    Was I being jerkish? My bad.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cometstarlight View Post
    Anyway dual type moves and my lack of support for them aside; I do like the story. It has a simple beginning and an increasingly peculiar plot to why and what will happen. I'll be sure to check back on this one
    Glad you like the story

  22. #47
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    Sorry for the wait! Here's Chapter Seven! Kinda short, but once you reach the end, you wont be concerned about that

    Chapter Seven
    Spiritomb Attacks

    I tried to take cover from the purple gale, but there was nothing to hide behind. The pain was slow but gnawing. Then, all of a sudden, it was gone. I saw April shocking the Spiritomb with her Thundershock. Thankfully this canceled his attack. However, when April called the electricity off, Spiritomb hadn’t seemed to have taken any damage.

    “Silly Pokemon, you cannot harm us!” the Spiritomb bellowed. He then emitted a deep black wave. April managed to jump over it, but I wasn’t fast enough. My mind exploded with pain. I felt dizzy. April rushed over and propped me up.

    “Hey, you okay? You have to be me careful! We’re not dealing with some insane pest, this is a highly intelligent Pokemon who we’ve upset,” April said. I got back to my feet. I shook of the nausea.

    “Yeah, I forgot. He’s going to be hard. Can we even beat him?”

    “We can do anything that we put our minds too. Now, quickly, before he comes after us again! We need to get a few hits on him.”

    As April was done talking, we spread out. Quick Attack wouldn’t do anything, so that was out. All I had was Spark. Which meant I had to touch it. I began to dash towards the angry Spiritomb. He noticed, and focused an Ominous Wind on me, and I flew backwards. April got a Thundershock in, halting his attack again, but Spritomb knocked her down with Dark Pulse as she flew over head.

    I had to get close to it. Hey, maybe I can use Quick Attack. So I focused on moving fast, and burst into a Quick Attack. Then, I charged my electricity. Spiritomb was still focused on April, and I managed to stop within reach of him. After I concentrated all of my electrical power, I bear hugged the small keystone. Like I had expected, the charged transferred. I had to hold my breath, as the gas surrounding the stone was smelly. I ran out of charge for the moment, so I let go and used Quick Attack to distance myself from him.

    “Impressive! But you’re going to have to better than that!” the Spiritomb called out. Then with a nasty cackle, he shot Dark Pulse at me again. I used Quick Attack to jump and bounce off the wall, resulting in me barely dodging the attack. April zapped Spiritomb from behind like before.

    April was continuously moving, making sure not to get hit by stray attacks. I decided to follow her example. Spiritomb fired off another Ominous Wind, but I dodged it with Quick Attack. April struck him again. He nailed her with a Dark Pulse before she could dodge it, and she fell to the ground like before. But she was okay.

    Using the distraction, I unleashed Quick Attack, grabbed Spiritomb, and gave it another round of shocking. Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to take that again for long. He formed a Shadow Ball, and it struck me in the back. It hurt like crazy. I crawled away from him, but I felt light-headed. I heard another shock. It must have been April giving Spiritomb a Thundershock. Then I was hit by Dark Pulse as I was crawling away. It was too much. Everything hurt. Dizziness over whelmed me, and I fell to the ground. I heard April yell my name, then nothing. But then, I felt warm all over. Light filled my eyes, and all my pain seemed to just fade away. I stood up, and I have to admit, I was very confused. I looked in my paw. It was the Reviver Seed. Or it used to be anyways. It no longer glowed or felt warm. I’m guessing it was a one time use. That meant I couldn’t screw up again like that.

    “Are you okay?” April called out. She landed next to me.

    “Um, ya, I guess. I think I used your seed though.”

    “Oh, that’s what it was for. I got it in case one of us got in a bind.”

    “We will not be ignored while you two chat!” Spiritomb shouted. Then he did something I hadn’t seen him do yet. His form turned black, melted into the ground, and flowed across the ground! He popped up between me and April, and sent us both flying. I was able to stand back up easily, but April seemed to have some trouble. She was obviously getting tired. And we only had one of those Reviver Seeds.

    Turning my focus back to the boss, I knew I had to think of a different approach. Maybe I can trap him some how? I Quick Attacked around him in a big loop. I just continued to run circles around him. It seemed to confuse him, which was the desired effect. “April! Do something!” I yelled as I passed by her.

    “Uh, got it!” She charged up some lighting, and struck it into my path. It didn’t hurt, and the electricity ended up spinning around Spiritomb with me. However, the funnel was too wide, and wasn’t doing much. April used her own Quick Attack in flight above me, and closed in the top of the tornado-esque attack. I tightened my circle, and I could see Spiritomb was in now in pain. I was relieved that it was working, but then my hopes were smashed. His form suddenly turned black, and he used his Shadow Sneak attack to escape the funnel. April and I canceled the attack, and stood across from Spiritomb.

    “Gack! You two are turning out to be quite the pests. All of the other teams just blindly attacked without thinking, but you two, urk!” Spiritomb remarked. His admiration stopped there though. He whipped up another Ominous Wind, but he was noticeably slowing down. April and I dodged the force with Quick Attack. April shocked Spiritomb from behind. It proved enough of distraction, so I ran in and did one last round of Spark on him. He used Dark Pulse to blast me off, but I used the momentum and landed on my feet. April performed another fly-by Thundershock directly on the stone. Spiritomb’s gaseous began to look unstable. He threw another Dark Pulse, but it only managed to get a few feet in front of him before falling onto the ground.

    “Gasp, er, you win! We concede defeat! You-you may leave...” Spiritomb mumbled. He faded into black, and slowly slid across the floor through a crack in one of the walls. April and I both fell to our backs onto the floor.

    “Phew! That was a tough battle right there,” I said, exhaling.

    “Yeah. But, tee hee, we won, didn’t we? You were brilliant!”

    “Oh, well, I guess. But I had to use the Reviver Seed.”

    “That doesn’t mean anything! It happens to everyone sometimes. You were really brave there, Sparky, and I know I couldn’t have done it without you.” She stood up, and so I did the same.

    “Erm, uh, you too. You were amazing. I-” I was cut off by April hugging me. I liked it, so I shut up and hugged back. When we parted, she gave me a wink, and led the way out of the room. I, of course, followed her. The walk through the tunnel was quiet. We couldn’t find anything to say after that apparently. When we exited the tunnel, the caverns seemed darker than before. We sparked up our cheeks for some light, and traveled through the cave. The place was also strangely devoid of Pokemon. No feral Pokemon, and none from the teams either.

    “Hey, Sparky, notice anything odd?”

    “Ya. Where’s all the Pokemon?”

    “They couldn’t have gone home already. And where’s all the wild Pokemon? Something is really wrong here.”

    “And the air is really stale. I don’t like this.”

    “Me neither. Come on, let’s get out of here.” April walk ahead, and I did the same. We walked around for a while. But oddly enough, we couldn’t find our way out of there. We walked through various halls of stone, and various caves and openings along the way. But no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t seem to find the exit.

    “Um, April, are we lost?”

    “Sparky! Don’t say that! We are going to find our way out of here. We just have to believe in ourselves!” However inspirational the speech was, we still couldn’t find our way out. Don’t get me wrong, I believed, I really did, but it didn’t seem to help. April was getting frustrated. “Arg! It has to be around here somewhere! So where...is...it?” She was fuming.

    “Getting angry isn’t going to help. Like you said, we just have to trust ourselves.” We looked for another good thirty minutes. Finally, I thought of something. “Hey, I have something in our bag that might help. I don’t know what it does exactly, but judging by its name...shouldn’t this Luminous Orb help us?” I pulled the small blue sphere from my bag. Our first mission had offered this as a reward. I remember receiving it fondly.

    “Oh! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Here, hand it over.” I gave the orb to her. She held it up and cried, “Illuminate!” The orb glowed, and then it vanished. The cave grew harshly bright, and we could now see the farthest reaches of the cavern. We took a quick look around. There wasn’t a single Pokemon here. And, as it turns out, we were already in the room with the exit. We just didn’t notice it. The reason for that made my heart sink. April fell to the floor in tears.

    “No...” I whispered in disbelief. The exit, which was right across from us, was no longer there. It was completely shut my rocks! “No, no, no, no!” I cried out.

    “Sparky...how, what are we...going to do now?” April said between sobs.

    “I...I don’t know...”
    ~~~~~~~~

    OMG! What's going to happen next? lol, I know of course, but you don't! I give you permission to temporarily hate me for doing this to you.

  23. #48
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    "Scotty, beam me up." That is all.

    The answer is obvious.

    Anyways, decent chapter but too many attack names being thrown around, just describing the effects should be fine.

    The escape being blocked is a rather interesting twist but why was there no sound when the rocks fell? Ground was muddy and absorbed the shock/sound?

    Looking forward to the next chapter, I can't hate you because I find out quick enough anyways.

    Also I didn't see your comment as jerkish, just sarcastic or annoyed. Atleast you got another reader.


    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.
    -Azurus

  24. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    "Scotty, beam me up." That is all.

    The answer is obvious.
    TROLOL. Thats funny.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Anyways, decent chapter but too many attack names being thrown around, just describing the effects should be fine.
    Unfortunately I can only come up with so many descriptions for attacks without inducing the same repetition :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    The escape being blocked is a rather interesting twist but why was there no sound when the rocks fell? Ground was muddy and absorbed the shock/sound?
    The mud absorbed most of the sound and vibration, yes, but they were also in a heated battle. And the cavern they were in was far from the exit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Looking forward to the next chapter, I can't hate you because I find out quick enough anyways.
    True that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azurus View Post
    Also I didn't see your comment as jerkish, just sarcastic or annoyed. Atleast you got another reader.
    I didnt think so I either. I was sarcastic, but w/e

  25. #50
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    Another great chapter. Aside from the move names being said a lot, nothing else seemed to be remotely wrong.

    The battle was great, well paced, the the scene with the Reviver Seed was dramatic, because I completely forgot they even had one.
    And then the cliffhanger at the end.

    Azurus, you couldn't have worded that reply better.
    EDIT: Rank Up!

    Knightfall signing off...
    Last edited by Knightfall; 1st July 2012 at 4:25 PM.

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