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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    Will Randy be a travelling companion,as you have already given him some personality and two good Kanto Pokemon.But if he's then all of them(i.e. Max,Forrest and Randy) will be males which wouldn't leave place for a female if you go the 'anime' way unless you are doing something like in AG when 3 males and 1 female were there.Also,there were some small spelling mistakes in the chapter like
    Thanks, I've corrected them)
    About traveling companions...Well, I know WHO and how many would be in the end of Max Adventures: The Beginning, which is the 1st part of his adventures, it will be complicated, but interesting)
    You'll see...

  2. #152
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    Great chapter. I liked Randy's Bulbasaur and Squirtle. They both had good personalities. And the ending was intesting and exciting. And it was good that Bulbasaur beat Hariyama, because Bulbasaur is awesome.
    Your describtions in your fan-fic are great. Those are always really detailed.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  3. #153
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    Thanks!) I really try to get at least someone a personality)
    So, here is the continuation of the interesting Chapter

    The 12th Chapter: Finding a way out!(Part Two)

    (All are surprised. As Mudkip cries all come closer and Max takes it)

    Randy: “A Mudkip? Do you have any idea of where it came from?”

    Max: “Yeah, I guess…There is a man nearby who hatches and cares for Mudkip until they grow…”(looks at it) “But this Mudkip is not a baby. Well, I think it might have fallen from a Waterfall…Here, take this”(gives it an Oran Berry out of its bag)

    Mudkip(refuses): “Kip.”

    Treecko(says that it is good): “Treecko.”

    Mudkip(mistrustfully): “Mud.”(chews it and likes it)”Mudkip!”

    Max: “I knew it will help”

    Treecko(happily): “Treecko!”

    Forrest: “Do you know where he lives?”

    Max: “In the house behind the Waterfall.”

    Forrest: “So, we should climb it?”

    Max: “Yeah and I am prepared for all this stuff…”(Takes a rope with iron tip) “my friend taught me how to use it.”

    Randy: “Well, that’s good…Let’s go.”

    (They return their Pokemon and go climb the Waterfall. Before this Max puts Mudkip in the bag but don’t close it as Mudkip can breathe. Max throws his rope and checks if it is hit right and then they climb over it. When this is done they go through the woods and finally see a house and many Mudkips swimming and playing. The old man with a haircut like Mudkip is searching for someone. He notices Mudkip which is walking with Max as Max took it out of the bag)

    Old Man Swamp: “Here you are! I was so worried…”(looks at kids) “Hi! My name is Swamp! Thanks for saving my Mudkip!”

    (all of them introduced themselves)

    Max(to Mudkip): “Mudkip, go to your friends!”

    Mudkip: “Mu-u-d?”(thinks about something and goes in the river)

    Max: “By the way, I noticed that Mudkip is not a baby, it is a good one.”

    Swamp: “Yeah, I know. I was going to send it to a Pokemon Center, so a beginning trainer can receive it.”

    Max: “Oh, I understand!”

    Randy: “Mudkip are very rare, so why do you have so many of them?”

    Swamp: “I receive many Mudkip Eggs from the Pokémon League and raise them to be starter Pokémon for beginning Trainers of the Hoenn region.”(points at house) “Let’s go, I’ll show these eggs for you.”(he shows them the eggs and is surprised as it glows white)
    “Oh…it is close to hatching!”

    (as all of them see this picture)
    http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/...phatching2.gif

    Mudkip: “Kip?”

    Swamp: “Welcome!”

    Forrest: “Wow, it is so wonderful!”

    Max: “Can I take it?”

    Swamp: “Well, give it a try…”(as he is not sure)

    Max(takes Mudkip): “Mudkip, you are so сute!”

    Mudkip(smiles): “Kip!”

    Max: “Let’s fly together!”(as he walks over the room with this Mudkip)

    (By the way, the other Mudkip, the older, looks at Max and becomes a little bit angry. Swamp sees it and understands something)

    (After some time in the house they all come out and Mudkip manages to remain “unseen”)

    Max: “It was quite an adventure today…Let’s head home!”

    (Forrest and Randy agree, but suddenly the angry Mudkip shouts and comes to Max)

    Mudkip: “Mudkip!!Mud!”

    Max: “What’s up with you?”

    Swamp: “You know, Max…I think it is jealous because you played with the other Mudkip…I think it really likes you and wants to go with you.”

    Max(surprised): “Is it really true?”

    Mudkip(nods): “Kip!”(and blasts water at him)

    Swamp: “It shows you it wants to battle you first.”

    Max: “Well, that’s fine. Ok, Mudkip, prepare for a battle…”

    (Mudkip looks prepared)

    Forrest: “Wow, look at his eyes!”

    Randy(looks at them): “Yes, Mudkip looks very serious for its age…”

    Swamp: “Quite determined look. I’ve never seen Mudkip as that before.”

    Max: “Okay, as for you, I choose Treecko!”

    (Treecko appears and looks determined as well)

    Treecko(looks at Mudkip): “Treecko.”

    Mudkip: “Mudkip.”

    Max: “Use Pound!”

    Treecko(obediently): “Treecko.”

    (Treecko runs towards Mudkip. Prepares to strike with its tail, but Mudkip jumps and Tackles Treecko with its body. After two attacks colliding Max orders Treecko to use Quick Attack)

    Mudkip(frightened): “Mudkip…!”

    (Treecko comes very close and stops when sees Mudkip crying)

    Mudkip(smiles craftily): “Mud-kiipp!” (and shoots water at Treecko)

    Treecko: “Tree…”(is hurt, but stays on the ground)

    Max: “Wow, nice move! It is sure a clever Pokemon!”

    Randy: “Fake Tears attack?”

    Forrest(surprised): “Imagine how strange it is…”

    Max: “Don’t let it deceive you again. Use Dig”

    Treecko: “Cko.”(as it began to dig its way)

    Max: “Now, Strike!”

    (as Treecko jumps out of the ground, Mudkip senses it, dodges, and slaps mud using its tail)

    Mudkip(laughs): “Mud-kip-kip!”

    Max: “Bullet Seed!”

    (As Treecko uses the attack, Mudkip is hit and falls)

    Max: “Okay, go Pokeball!”(as he throws it at Mudkip)

    (As Pokeball hits Mudkip, it glows red and takes it in the Pokeball. It shakes some time but Max is not worried at all. hen it makes noise that it is caught)

    Max(happily): “Whoah! I caught a Mudkip!”(takes the Pokeball)
    “Come out, my new friend!”

    Mudkip(comes out with closed eyes, then opens them, looks around, sees Max and jumps in his hands and gently caress him): “Mudkip!”

    (And the scene ends when all laugh and smile about that and later Max, Forrest and Randy are seen going off this place and seeing off Swamp)

    Randy: “So, how do you feel to battle me tomorrow?”

    Max: “That’s fine, but first, let’s go take some sleep!”

    The end of the 12th Chapter.

    And I think I introduce a new thing to you...)After each chapter I'll ad at least one question that you can answer, so you can think about that as well(you can answer it ot not it is your choice, but still comment like you used to)
    So, the question of this Chapter is:
    Which Pokemon(of Ash's adventures) does Mudkip's behaviour remind you of?
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 13th August 2012 at 5:29 PM.

  4. #154
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    Woah nice chapter! Like usual you described the battle well, and the setting was good too, I could imagina everything in my head, good job for that!
    Mudkip reminds me of Oshawott and Chikorita when they get/got jealous of Pikachu Especially Chikorita when it got super mad at Ash and Pikachu xD

  5. #155
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    Cool chapter.

    Also, I've noticed that you don't tell the genders of the Pokemon?

    I'm not sure if thats important, but thats all I could think of saying.
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  6. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    Cool chapter.
    Also, I've noticed that you don't tell the genders of the Pokemon?
    I'm not sure if thats important, but thats all I could think of saying.
    Ok, I guess I should make bios for Max's Pokemon)
    But I'll make it detailed and with pictures, so wait

    P.S. It is male)

  7. #157
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    Good chapter. It was good that Max caught Mudkip, although it didn't surprise me at all. And I liked Swamp and that that he had many Mudkip eggs and that they go to starting trainers. And Treecko vs Mudkip was good and exciting. And I liked it that Mudkip became attached to Max and it made Max getting Mudkip an emotional event.
    PS. I hope Taillow and Mudkip get to battle soon. Max hasn't used Taillow much and he just caught Mudkip. But I understand why Max has used Treecko a lot: he has often had a type-advantage and Max always uses Pokemon that has a type-advantage.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  8. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarDestroyer View Post
    Good chapter. It was good that Max caught Mudkip, although it didn't surprise me at all. And I liked Swamp and that that he had many Mudkip eggs and that they go to starting trainers. And Treecko vs Mudkip was good and exciting. And I liked it that Mudkip became attached to Max and it made Max getting Mudkip an emotional event.
    PS. I hope Taillow and Mudkip get to battle soon. Max hasn't used Taillow much and he just caught Mudkip. But I understand why Max has used Treecko a lot: he has often had a type-advantage and Max always uses Pokemon that has a type-advantage.
    Thanks!)It was sure an emotional event)
    Well, they'll battle soon. I have one thing in mind, but I am not sure if I can make it happen in Dewford...But Randy and Max would have a chance to train...And Treecko will take a rest this time

  9. #159
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    Both parts of the two parter chapters were excellent!
    I really like the reference yet again about Max meeting Ralts! I found it so sweet and it brings back memories. The recent chapter was cute, mainly beacuse of that Mudkip eggs and that image of it hatching!
    I thought of an idea, maybe you could do a flash back filler of when Max was travelling with Ash. It could be from an episode or an off-screen flash back, just an idea.
    Anyway great work as usual!

    Ash: Now I choose you!
    Electro Ball!

    -Pikachu: PikaPika-Chu-Pi!-

  10. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post

    Well, Max has his own route)He is not Ash.

    P.S.Don't worry about the Ash treatment. Neither Randy or Max would have all the starters. Decided.
    Its kinda odd that they each have the water and grass starters from each region...

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  11. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    Its kinda odd that they each have the water and grass starters from each region...
    well, I like these types, but what's wrong with giving Randy(the character who is like me)Pokemon I like?)
    btw, what do you think of the chapters/question?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ash&Pikachu-Fan View Post
    Both parts of the two parter chapters were excellent!
    I really like the reference yet again about Max meeting Ralts! I found it so sweet and it brings back memories. The recent chapter was cute, mainly beacuse of that Mudkip eggs and that image of it hatching!
    I thought of an idea, maybe you could do a flash back filler of when Max was travelling with Ash. It could be from an episode or an off-screen flash back, just an idea.
    Anyway great work as usual!
    thank you!)well, I'll try to do something like that)

  12. #162
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    Okay... I understand, it just seems a bit repetitive though. Answer to the Question: Erm... Squirtle?

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  13. #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    Answer to the Question: Erm... Squirtle?
    no)it reminds me of Ash's Cnikorita(of being jealeous) and Brock's Bonsly(fake teaes)

  14. #164

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    Wow a treeko and a mudkip! I wonder if he'll get a torchik also to complete the pack!

  15. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by momomon View Post
    I wonder if he'll get a torchik also to complete the pack!
    No, I don't think so, because I don't want to gove him "ASH treatment", but I still think who can be a good fire-type in his team

  16. #166
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    When is the next chapter?

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  17. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    When is the next chapter?
    I hope tomorrow
    I didn't really have any time at all to write more than a few sentences last two days(

  18. #168
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    Yeah... that's why I cant put any chapters out on my fic

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    Whew...finally, I wrote the Chapter, that everyone SHOULD read! Because you all will be really happy of reading it!)
    Enjoy! All for you

    The 13th Chapter: A call indeed!

    (Max, Forrest and Randy wake up at PokeCenter in the morning. They get dressed and go to the main floor of the Center)

    Max: “Guys, I want to make a call.”

    Randy: “Ok, I’ll go and have some breakfast.” (to Forrest) “Would you join me?”

    Forrest(agrees): “Yeah, fine with me. Ok, Max. See ya later.”

    (As they split up, the story divides into two parts that happen in one period of time, but the 1st one is with Max, and the 2nd with Randy and Forrest)
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    (Max goes to the device that people use to call and connects with his Mom)

    (Caroline walks to the videophone and sees Max)

    Caroline(happily): “Oh, hi dear! How have you been? It is nice to see you!”

    Max: “I’m doing great! And look what I’ve got already!”(puts the bag on the table, takes out the badge case and opens it)
    “Here is the badge I won at Rustboro City!”(shows her the badge in the badge case)

    Caroline(looks at it): “That’s great!”(turns right) “Norman, come here! Max is calling and he earned a badge already!”

    Norman(shouts): “Max? Wait, I’m coming!”

    Caroline(to Max): “And how many Pokemon do you have?”

    Max(in a proud way): “Three of them. I caught…”(got interrupted)

    Norman: “Hi, Max! I heard you got a badge!”

    Max: “Yep. I beat Roxanne.”

    Norman: “Oh, I am very proud of you! How many Pokemon do you have?”

    Max: “Three. You know what, I’ll show them to you!”(takes the Pokeball) “Come out, everyone!”

    (The Pokemon come out)

    Taillow(flying a little bit above Max): “Taillow!”

    Treecko(standing cool and happy at the same time): “Treecko.”

    Mudkip(jumps in Max hands and looks at the screen): “Kip!”

    Norman: “Oh, very good collection of Pokemon here! Hi Taillow! How are you doing?”

    Taillow(nods and smiles): “Low!”

    Caroline: “Hi Treecko! Glad to see you!”

    Treecko(happily): “Treecko!”

    Caroline()looking at Mudkip: “Aww, who is so cute Pokemon?! How are you doing?”

    Mudkip(looking with surprised eyes at her, than at Max): “Kiip?”

    Max: “Max, it is my Mom and my Dad, say hi!”

    Mudkip(understands and greets them): “Mudkip!”

    Max: “I’ve just caught it.”

    Norman: “Oh, that’s fine. Where are you now, by the way?”

    Max: “I am in Dewford Town!”

    Norman: “So, you are in Dewford…Have you challenged Brawly?”

    Max: “No, I’m just planning to…and we’ll have some training today, would we?”(looks at Treecko, Taillow and Mudkip)

    (The Pokemon nod)

    Max: “Any news about May? How she is doing?”

    Caroline: “She said that she got fifth ribbon recently and now she is training very hard for the Johto Grand Festival. She said that she is very busy, but we told her about you and she is very proud of you. She said hi to you and wished good luck on your journey…”

    Max: “Wow, that’s so touching…I wish her good luck as well. But I won’t disturb her, even if I want to call her…”

    Norman: “You know what Max? I know whom can you call to!”(smiles)

    Max(thrilled): “Wow. Whom can I call to?”

    Norman: “One friend of yours had just come from his journey….”

    (The scene of the PokeCenter changes to the scene of the building, which stands out for its wind turbine, the three windows of the inner balcony, and for the four windows of the second floor. The entrance to this building is surrounded by a lot of trees and a gate. Inside this building, or a lab, the old, white-haired man sits and does some researches and makes some notes in his notebook. He heard the call ringing and told his assistant, the black-haired young man, with green T-shirt that the videophone was ringing)

    Professor Oak(says with a busy voice): “Tracey, somebody is on the Phone!”

    Tracey(comes with hands full of books): “I am tidying up the Lab, Professor. Please answer it…”

    Professor Oak(gets up): “Okay, okay…”(turns on the Phone and sees Max on screen)

    Max(very happy): “Hi, Professor!”

    Professor Oak(surprised in a good way): “Oh…Hi Max! How are you?”

    Max: “I am doing great Professor, I already have my own Pokemon!”

    Professor Oak: “That’s great Max! I am curious, what Pokemon do you have?”

    Max: “Look at them.”

    (Max tells them to greet Professor. as Taillow flies up, Treecko climbs one one shoulder and Mudkip on the other)

    Max: “Say hi to Professor!”

    (Pokemon greet him)

    Professor Oak: “You have a very good team Max, and moreover, you have a 2 starter Pokemon…very interesting.”

    Max(agrees): “Yeah. I chose Treecko as a starter, but I caught this Mudkip recently. Right, pal?”

    Mudkip(nods): “Kip.”

    Professor Oak: “So, Max, how can I help you?”

    Max: “You know, Professor, I heard that Ash returned to Pallet Town. How can I talk to him?”

    Professor Oak: “You know Max, you are lucky, he is now here at my Lab, playing with his Pokemon.”

    Max: “Can you call for him?”

    Professor Oak(nods): “Sure. I’ll just tell Tracey to do that.”

    (As Professor told Tracey, he went to the Professor Oak’s field, where a boy in black and yellow jacket with white collar and sleeves, as well as blue jeans and red-black sneakers and red hat, plays with his Pokemon)

    Tracey(comes): “Ash, you have a call there!”

    Ash(surprised): “Yeah? Okay, I’ll come and see who is it.”(goes off as the yellow mouse with red cheeks and black stripes jumps on his shoulder. As he comes in the room…)

    Professor Oak: “The right food for Pokemon is very important and you know, all Pokemon like different sort of food…”

    Max: “I know all of this, Professor, thanks to you!”(sees another face in the screen)

    Ash(looks at him): “Oh, I can’t believe it, Max!”

    Pikachu(said the same): “Pika!”

    Max: “Hi Ash! Hi Pikachu! I am happy to see you!”

    Ash: “We are glad to see you too! Isn’t it…Wow, don’t tell me that they are your Pokemon!”

    Max: “They sure are! Say hi to Ash and Pikachu!”

    They: “Tai-kip-cko!”

    Ash: “Hi!”

    Pikachu: “Pika!”

    Ash: “Wow! So, your dream came true! How are you doing and where are you now?”

    Max: “I’ve earned one badge!”(shows him)

    Ash: “Well, isn’t it a Stone Badge?”

    Max: “It is. And I am n Dewford Now.”

    Ash: “So, you are prepared to beat Brawly?!”

    Max: “Well, I hope to, but we’ll have some training today, would we?”(looks at Treecko, Taillow and Mudkip)

    (The Pokemon nod)”

    Ash(laughs): “Haha, you have such a cool Pokemon! But whom did you choose as a starter?”

    Max: “I chose Treecko as a starter.”(looks at Treecko) “Than I caught a Taillow in Petalburg Woods and I caught a Mudkip in a lake nearby. Do you remember old man Swamp, who raises Mudkip?”

    Ash: “Sure. And did he raised yours?”

    Max: “Yeah. And how is your journey?”

    Ash: “I just came back from the Sinnoh region. I was in a Top-4 in the Tournament!”

    Max: “Wow! Top-4? You did a great job, Ash!”

    Ash: “Yeah, thanks Max. Are you planning on entering the league?”

    Max: “Yeah, the Hoenn League! And after that I challenge you to a battle!”

    Ash(smiles happily): “Sure! A promise is a promise. Well, I have to go…”

    Max: “Ash, last question, what are you planning to do next?”

    Ash: “Well, I don’t know yet…Okay, I was very happy to see you, hope we meet you soon!”

    Pikachu(nods): “Chu.”

    Max: “I was really happy as well. Bye Ash, see you soon! Bye Professor!”

    (As they end a talk, Max tells his Pokemon)

    Max: “Well, let’s go eat something!”

    (Max and Pokemon happily go to the canteen where Forrest and Randy are)

    The end of 13th Chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 16th August 2012 at 1:44 AM.

  20. #170

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    Yay Ash appears XD
    So it's awesome that the setting of the story takes place right after the Sinnoh League. Just 1 question...will Dawn be appearing in the fanfic, since she was supposed to go to Hoenn? XD
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    Quote Originally Posted by thedehydrator View Post
    Yay Ash appears XD
    So it's awesome that the setting of the story takes place right after the Sinnoh League. Just 1 question...will Dawn be appearing in the fanfic, since she was supposed to go to Hoenn? XD
    yeah)but I won't tell when because it is a secret)

  22. #172
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    Excellent chapter :3

    I do notice some minor grammar problems, such as saying "Wow, you have such a cool Pokemon!" when Ash is talking about all three of them (if I'm not mistaken), and also saying "Yeah. And did he raised yours?"

    But those are minor, and the story was awesome!
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  23. #173
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    Great fillers there mate.Like the above user said there were some grammatical mistakes.It was great to see Ash.Is he planning to go to Unova because in the conversation no mention of Unova was there?It would have been great if Ash brought his Sceptile and Swellow to meet Max's Treecko and Taillow because(as i think) he must be free having still not decided to go anywhere.Also there could've been a flashback in which Ash caught his Treecko and Taillow and may be some connection could've been made between Ash's Swellow and Max's Taillow.For eg: Max's Taillow could have been revealed to be the new leader of the group of Taillow that Ash's Swellow originally was and could have remembered him.

    EDIT:

    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    No, I don't think so, because I don't want to gove him "ASH treatment", but I still think who can be a good fire-type in his team
    For a Fire type,I think you should have either a Camerupt or a Magcargo because all the other Fire Types in Hoenn Pokedex have already appeared in anime(i.e May's Blaziken,Ash's Torkoal and Brock's Vulpix).
    Last edited by amittal12; 16th August 2012 at 11:27 AM.
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  24. #174
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    thanks!)and you know, the idea of meeting ash's and max's Pokemon is really great)I hope I can do that on next 5-10 chapters after Max finally meets Ralts...)

    As for Ash, I didn't mention Unova because I want him to go back or do something else before going there

    As for the fire-type, you know what....I just don't like camerupt and mccargo at all...(

  25. #175
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    I was away on holiday so I have to catch up
    I am just finished chapter 4.
    I enjoyed it.

    "If someone tells me it's wrong to hope, I will tell them they're wrong every time. I could tell them that countless times" -Madoka Kaname

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