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    Default Max's New Adventures

    Hi everyone! Dear readers, I want to present you my story about Max, who is finally 10-year old and who are going to get and catch his own Pokemon.
    Firstly, I want to thank bobandbill, who approved it and helped me a lot.
    Secondly, I want to say that I made it like the anime, so it is suitable for all ages. I am very desired to make the best fic about Max adventures as a trainer.
    But only you can decide about my success in it. By reading it of course!
    I hope you'll enjoy reading it!)

    Here will be a PM list
        Spoiler:- PM list:

    Chapter List:

    Max's New Adventures: The beginning!

    The 1st Chapter: The Starter Pokemon!

    The 2nd Chapter: First Battle!

    The 3rd Chapter: The home is where the Start is!

    The 4th Chapter: The first step is always the hardest!

    The 5th Chapter: A road to success!

    The 6th Chapter: The Master Quiz!

    The 7th Chapter: Unprepared Experience!

    The 8th Chapter: The Lucky Ending!

    The 9th chapter: All the way to Devon!

    The 10th Chapter: Taking a different path to Dewford!

    The 11th Chapter: Finding a way out!(Part One)

    The 12th Chapter: Finding a way out!(Part Two)

    The 13th Chapter: A call indeed!

    The 14th Chapter: Remembering is always a good thing!

    The 15th Chapter: It’s getting buggy here!

    The 16th Chapter: The second badge is on the wave!

    The 17th Chapter: When the things go another way! (Part One!)

    The 18th Chapter: When the things go another way! (Part Two!)

    Max's New Adventures: In a search for the friend!

    The 19th Chapter: Grow while you can!

    The 20th Chapter: Gotta’ see you later!

    The 21st Chapter: Electric road showdown!

    The 22nd Chapter: Fight your fear, Mudkip!

    The 23rd chapter: New Mauville trouble!

    The 24th Chapter: Elekid is my new friend!

    The 25th Chapter: Let's charge for the Gym battle!

    The 26th Chapter: Electrifying gym battle! (Part One)

    The 27th Chapter: Electrifying gym battle! (Part Two)

    The 28th Chapter: What's next, Max?

    The 29th Chapter: Fasten your sea belt!

    The 30th Chapter: A friend's in need!

    Max's New Adventures: The meeting of the old friends!

    The 31st Chapter: The reunion!

    The 32nd Chapter: Training never hurts!

    The 33rd Chapter: Round one, begin! (Part One)

    The 34th Chapter: Round one, begin! (Part Two)

    The 35th Chapter: Second round is a way to look around!

    The 36th Chapter: Aqua battle! Piplup vs Empoleon!

    The 37th chapter: The show goes on!

    The 1st chapter: The Starter Pokemon!

    Narrator: “Pokemon! The amazing creatures you can find everywhere in the Pokemon world! The land, the sky and the sea, all is inhabited by them. And let’s take ourselves to the Petalburg City in the Hoenn region, where ten year old boy, Max, is ready to start his journey!”

    (Max is sitting in his room and is packing his bag.)

    Max: “Finally! This day has come, I am ready to have my own Pokemon! I am so excited!”

    (Caroline comes in.)

    Caroline (looks at Max and asks him with a soft and nice voice): “Are you ready, dear?”

    Max (answers happily with voice full of energy): “Of course I am, Mom!”

    Caroline (smiles): “Great! Let’s go downstairs. Your father is waiting for you.”

    (They go downstairs, while they are going, the gym and their house is shown. Norman is sitting on the sofa and looking at TV. The battle between Steven and Drake is shown.)

    Battle Announcer (almost shouts): “The intensive battle between Champion Steven and Elite Four Drake is coming to the end. Drake has only one Pokemon left. Can he change the course of the battle?”

    (At this time Max is excited seeing this battle and sits with Norman.)

    Drake (takes the Pokeball out of his belt): “Flygon, show us your dragon powers!”

    Flygon (with a determined look): “Fly-yy-gon!”

    Battle Announcer: “Drake sends out Flygon while Steven is sticking with his Aggron”

    Steven (to Aggron): “Use Double-Edge!”

    (Aggron`s whole body glows white and he runs in Flygon.)

    Drake (is confident in Flygon): “Dodge it. You can do it Flygon!”

    (Flygon dodges the attack by flying higher.)

    Steven (smiles maliciously): “Not this time!”

    (Aggron jumps using it powerful tail and strikes Flygon. Flygon falls on the land and hardly gets up.)

    Drake: “Use Dig”

    (Flygon borrows its way under the ground.)

    Steven (shouts): “Earthquake!”

    (Aggron jumps and shakes the entire field. Flygon flies out of the land and is really near to give up.)

    Drake: “Dragon Pulse!”

    (Flygon releases a blue energy ball out of his mouth. The ball hits Aggron hard.)

    Steven: “Stay strong Aggron, use Ice beam!”

    (Aggron releases Ice beam, Drake command Flygon to dodge, but it is too tired and it is hit and Flygon is knocked out.)

    Drake (looking at Flygon’s Pokeball): “Thanks Flygon! You battled hard.”

    Steven: “Good job, Aggron. Return.”

    Battle Announcer: “Well, that’s it! The intense battle came to the end and we see the friendly handshake between these two skilled battlers!”

    Max: “That was an amazing battle! Steven was cool like always.”

    Norman (turns the TV off and stands): “Well, son, I see you are ready.”

    Max: “Sure I am, Daddy.”

    Norman (with a deep voice): “You are so grown-up now, I can’t believe the time passed so quickly”

    Max: “I will become the powerful Pokemon trainer and you’ll be proud of me”

    Norman: “I have no doubt about that”

    Max: “And you’ll battle me like you promised”

    Norman(nods): “You know I will, and I look forward to this day. So, Max, go in my car. I’ll take you to the Professor Birch’s lab.”

    Max: “Okay, let’s head to the Littleroot Town!”

    (Norman and Max sit in the car and are ready to go.)

    Max (to Caroline): “Bye Mom!”

    Caroline: “Bye, dear, take care!”

    Norman: “Bye, sweetie! Will be soon!”

    (Max and Norman drive to the Littleroot Town, and while they are getting there, they see many wild Pokemon they are passing by.)

    Max: “Wow! So many Pokemon, and very soon I will travel and see them all. ”

    Norman (agrees): “Yes, there are plenty of Pokemon in the Hoenn region.”

    (Max keeps watching at Pokemon and soon after they arrive at Littleroot town.)

    Norman (pointing at the building): “Here it is, the Professor Birch’s lab.”

    (Norman parks the car.)

    Max: “It really is and I can’t wait! Let’s go there!”

    (Max runs to the lab. He doesn't bother waiting Norman. All he wants now, is only one thing: to get his starter pokemon.)

    Norman (goes out of car): “You are so excited, huh? Okay okay, wait for me!”

    (At this time Professor Birch and his assistant are talking in the lab.)

    Professor Birch’s Assistant: “Are you ready, Professor? You know, the boy will come very soon to choose his starter Pokemon.”

    Professor Birch (breathes deeply and says with tired, low voice): “I know that. I checked the Pokemon and they are in good shape and are ready to go.”

    (Max rings the doorbell.)

    “Ding-Dong!”

    Professor Birch (surprised): “What is that?”

    Professor Birch’s Assistant: “It is a new doorbell I bought yesterday.”

    Professor Birch (displeased): “Oh, you could have told me, I could help you with that.”

    (The scene shows Max and Norman standing out on the other side of the door.)

    Max: “Well, where are they?”

    Norman (asks with a wondering voice): “Professor Birch, are you there?”

    (The door finally opens.)

    Professor Birch: “Yes, sorry for waiting. So, Max, how are you feeling today? Ready for your first Pokemon?”

    Max (adjusts his glasses and then exclaims): “I feel better than ever! Of course I am, Professor! So, show me Pokemon, will you?”

    (And stares at Birch with a cute face and bright wide eyes.)

    Professor Birch (laughs): “So impatient, are we? Okay, let’s go in our main room.”

    (All of them go into the main room, where all the devices and instruments are.)

    Professor Birch: “Here we are. So Max…”

    (Takes three Pokeballs. Norman smiles and watches at Max’s reaction.)

    Max (acts in a childish way, crosses his arms.): “Wow! I am thrilled. Can’t wait!”

    Professor Birch (takes the first one): “As you know, trainers in the Hoenn region may start with one of the three following Pokemon. Go Mudkip!”

    Mudkip (comes out of Pokeball, then he opens his eyes and smiles): “Mudkip!”

    Max (can’t believe that it is happening to him): “A-a-a! Mudkip, how cool! I can’t believe that that is not a dream!”

    Professor Birch (takes the second one and throws it): “Go! Treecko!”

    Treecko (comes out of its Pokeball, stands in a cool way and seriously says): “Tree-eecko!”

    Max (exclaims once again): “Treecko is a very cool Pokemon as well!”

    Professor Birch: “And the final Pokemon, Torchic, come on out!”

    Torchic (appears and stands like the cute Pokemon and says with a nice voice): “To-oorchic.”

    Professor Birch (looks at Max and tells him with a friendly voice): “So, Max, make your choice.”

    Max (looking at all three of them): “So, Torchic, Mudkip and Treecko. Man, wish May was here with me. So, whom I gonna choose?”
    ------------------------------------------------
    (Then Max remembers when he first saw May’s starter Pokemon.)

    Norman (looks at May and tells her with a curious tone): “Tell me May, what kind of Pokemon did you get from Professor Birch anyway?”

    Max (looks at her too and is excited): “Yeah, May, tell us what did you get?”

    May (smiles, stands and takes her Pokeball): “Torchic, come on out!”

    (Torchic comes out of his Pokeball)

    Max (displeased and shouts): “Wha-a-a-a-a-a-t? Why did you pick that? If it were me, I would definitely have picked a Treecko”.
    ------------------------------------------------
    Max (stands with closed eyes and tells Professor Birch): “Professor, I made up my mind.”

    Professor Birch (asks with a voice full of interest): “So, what would it be, Max?”

    Max (smiles): “I pick Treecko!”

    Treecko (smiles and jumps on Max’s shoulder): “Treecko!”

    Professor Birch: “Well, it looks like Treecko is happy with your choice.”

    (Professor Birch returns Mudkip and Torchic, goes to his table, takes Pokedex and five Pokeballs. Then he takes Treecko’s Pokeball and gives these 6 PokeBalls to Max.)

    Professor Birch: “So, this is your Pokedex, it can show all the Pokemon from Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh regions. Here are your Pokeballs as well as Treecko’s Pokeball. So, good luck on your journey, I know that you’ll be fine and become a great Pokemon trainer.”

    Max: “Thanks very much, Professor! Okay, Treecko, let’s check you out in the Pokedex!”

    Treecko (obeys):”Treecko.”

    Pokedex:” Treecko, the Wood Gecko Pokémon. Treecko are able to climb smooth vertical walls and use their thick tail to attack opponents. Since Treecko build their nests in large trees it is said that those trees will live a very long life.”

    Max: “Awesome! (To Treecko). Well, Treecko, welcome to my team!”

    Treecko (winks and smiles): “Ckooo!!”

    Max (to Birch): “Thanks again, Professor”

    Norman (to Birch): “Yes, you helped us a lot, Professor!”

    Professor Birch (shakes Norman’s hand): “My pleasure!”

    Norman (to Birch’s assistant): “Thank you for your help as well.”

    Professor Birch’s Assistant: “You are welcome.”

    Norman (to Max): “So, it is time to come, Max”

    Max (recalling his Treecko): “Return, Treecko!” (then answers Norman): “Okay, daddy, let’s go!”

    Both Max and Norman (sit in their car and drive off the lab): “Bye everyone! Bye!”

    Professor Birch and his assistant (stand near the lab and wave their hands): “Bye!”

    (Max and Norman drive out of sight.)

    Professor Birch (tells his assistant): “Well, next time we’ll buy this doorbell together.”

    Professor Birch’s Assistant (closing his face with a hand): “Oh my…”

    (Then Norman and Max are driving and Norman tells Max): “So, son, anything more I can help you with?”

    Max: “Yes, I have one friend to meet with…”

    The end of 1st chapter.

    It is all for now, but I will write more)
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 22nd March 2013 at 12:05 PM.

  2. #2
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    This is rather well constructed. This fills me with nostagia since I started the anime in the hoenn section. (well that's when I started watching every episode.) I feel you did pretty well with max. You could have shown more of his intellectual side. But that's it. I hope you have some villians in store.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    This is rather well constructed. This fills me with nostagia since I started the anime in the hoenn section. (well that's when I started watching every episode.) I feel you did pretty well with max. You could have shown more of his intellectual side. But that's it. I hope you have some villians in store.
    Thanks for the advice)

  4. #4

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    Ooh it's interesting, I knew that Mex would pic Treecko! XD
    Hm I wonder who he wants to meet.
    Anyways good job, I'm liking it so far!
    Quote Originally Posted by Canada View Post
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    I like it! Be sure to notify me when you do more!
    Maybe Max would be Dawn (because she is traveling in Hoenn)
    At the end of AG, Ash promised Max a battle. Maybe that could happen later on!
    I really like it and it's a lot like the anime -great job!

    "If someone tells me it's wrong to hope, I will tell them they're wrong every time. I could tell them that countless times" -Madoka Kaname

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dawn and Piplup View Post
    I like it! Be sure to notify me when you do more!
    Maybe Max would be Dawn (because she is traveling in Hoenn)
    At the end of AG, Ash promised Max a battle. Maybe that could happen later on!
    I really like it and it's a lot like the anime -great job!
    Thanks)Sure

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    Good beginning for an interesting story. It's good that Max chose Treecko and I liked the battle between Steven and Drake. Good job, keep it up!
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

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    I just had a feeling he would pick the grass type. The story is well written and I hope to read the rest of it!

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    I do like this story, but I can say already that you WILL be asked to change the story.

    I like what you have, but there is a huge flaw - stories in the Fan-Fiction section have to be posted as narrative, not in a screen-play style of writing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krazy95 View Post
    I like what you have, but there is a huge flaw - stories in the Fan-Fiction section have to be posted as narrative, not in a screen-play style of writing.
    Thanks for the concern)
    But as I have said, my story is approved by a mod bobandbill)
    So, no need to worry

    P.S. tomorrow I'll write the 2nd chapter

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    To clarify the script-fic thing, if you check the rules it states the following:
    Scripts: The way plays and screenplays are written to instruct actors. No scripted fics are allowed unless they are properly written scripts. This means they include details on the setting, characters’ emotions/tone of voice, and stage direction.

    Scripts are generally discouraged here, as a lot of people write them to be lazy. These are one of the hardest types of stories to pull off well, as scripts are better when performed by actors than read alone. Fics can not be written half in script form and half normal - your format must be consistent. Do not write dialogue in script format out of laziness.
    Hence scripts are actually allowed as long as they are up to standard. I was PM'd with an extract of the chapter, gave some advice on how to improve it to meet said standards and once they did (ie this fic does show how the dialogue is spoken and includes stage directions too) I gave approval for it.

    That said I would say that a bit more description on the setting (e.g. what does the lab look like?) would be something to think about with future chapters.

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    May I make one suggestion too? This isn't necessarily a flaw, but it's a minor criticism.

    When you type dialogue for a script Fic, it would be alot easier on the reader if you were to bold the speaker names.

    ie

    Jade: I'm just saying stuff.

    The scene and everything else is fine though (although a bit more description would definitely help).

    So yeah, I'll be checking back to see what direction you go with this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SBaby View Post
    May I make one suggestion too? This isn't necessarily a flaw, but it's a minor criticism.

    When you type dialogue for a script Fic, it would be alot easier on the reader if you were to bold the speaker names.

    ie

    Jade: I'm just saying stuff.

    The scene and everything else is fine though (although a bit more description would definitely help).
    Thanks, I'll take that into account)

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thanks, I'll take that into account)
    Dude, awesome idea. I'm glad I'm not the only one who liked Max. You did a great job!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Have to say, good way to end a story. Good job.
    Thank you
    Quote Originally Posted by Dwail8023 View Post
    Dude, awesome idea. I'm glad I'm not the only one who liked Max. You did a great job!
    Thanks! I really did my best to make my fic enjoyable!)

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    The 2nd Chapter: First Battle!

    Norman(asks curiously): “What friend?”

    Max: “When I was traveling with Ash, May and Brock, we have met a Ralts. Actually, I heard its voice and ran towards it. I helped it because it was sick. And team Rocket tried to stop us, but I managed to get to the Pokemon Center, because of Kirlia and Gardevoir…”

    Norman(listens to Max with interest and then asks again): “Kirlia and Gardevoir?’

    Max: “Yes, Ralts family I guess. They stopped team Rocket and let me to take my friend to the Poke Center. After Ralts became healthy again, we became close friends and Ralts wanted to go with me, but I was not old enough to become a trainer”

    Norman: “So, what did you do?”

    (Max remembers the whole situation)

    ------------------------------------------------------
    Max(to Ralts): “Goodbye Ralts, you take care. Be good, okay?”

    Ralts(surprised): “Ra-alts?”
    (Starts crying, rans and jumps on Max’s hands)

    Max(cries too): “Oh, Ralts, I love you too!”

    (Gardevoir, Kirlia, Ash, Brock and May alongside with Nurse Joy stand near a huge building that is a Pokemon Center and a wind takes leaves by a blow. Max and Ralts are still hugging)

    Max: “Time to go now…”

    Ralts(doesn’t want to go) “Ra-aalts. Raa-lts…”

    Max(answers with a serious voice now): I don’t want to go either. But we don’t have the other choice. What do you think when I become older and become older and maybe you want to travel with me?”

    Ralts(answers happily and nods): “Ralts. Ralts!”

    Max(happy too): “That’s awesome, so you can hope me to coming back some day.”

    Ralts: “Ralts!”

    (Kirlia and Gardevoir tell Ralts that it is time to go)

    Max: “So, that’s a deal.”
    (looks at Gardevoir)

    Gardevoir(agrees and nods): “Garde-voir”
    (and Gardevoir, Kirlia and Ralts disappear)

    Ralts(tells Max): “Promise me Max, promise that you’ll come back to take me.”

    Max(answers loudly): “Yes Ralts! I promise you to come back for you! I will!”
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Max: “I gave it a promise”. (Makes a pause and says with a deep voice). I promised to come back for it.”

    Norman(smiles): “Very nice story, son. But where did we separate? I mean, where did you left it.”

    Max(remembers): “Well, we were on the way to Sootopolis City.”

    Norman: “And do you have a plan how to get there? It is way far from here.”

    Max: “Of course I know”. (Then his glasses shine). “I’ll sail to it with the help of my old friend.”

    Norman(looks at Max); “Is that so? Okay, you are old enough, and I think that you gonna be allright.”

    Max(with confidence): “Of course I will daddy! And I have studied all the Hoenn region and I took the map with me.”

    (By that moment, they arrive at the Oldale town. They walk to the Pokémon Center.)

    Norman(to Max): “Let’s take a break. I’ll go make a call, while you can do something else.”

    Max(agrees): “Okay.” (Then thinks and exclaims.) “Of course, how can I forgot that?!”
    (Runs to the garden near the Center. The garden is filled with trees and has also a playground where trainers can test there skills, especially, the beginning trainers. Max takes his Pokeball and throws.)

    Max: “Go, Treecko!”

    Treecko(appears and looks at Max, smiles): “Treecko.”

    Max: “Treecko, this will be our first training together!”

    (Treecko nods)

    (Max takes his Pokedex out of his bag and looks for something)

    Max(asks dex): “So, what moves does Treecko know?”

    (Then dex shows him Treecko’s moves)

    Max: “Hmmm, that are great moves!” (To Treecko): “Okay, Treecko, show me your Pound attack!”

    Treecko: “Treecko…!”
    (Treecko jumps quickly and strikes a tree with his strong tail. Then some fruits and leaves fall because of its power.)

    Max(shouts): “Awesome! You are very strong!”

    Treecko(stands in a cool way): “Tree..”

    Max: “Treecko, let’s see your Quick Attack”
    (Max takes apples that were lying near the tree, throws them. Treecko catches them with amazing speed.)

    ???: “Your Treecko is really fast.”

    (Max surprisingly turns around and sees a boy a little older than him. He is in blue T-Shirt and black shorts. It happens to be a schoolboy)

    Max: “Thanks. But who are you?”

    ???: “My name is Calvin. I am a schoolboy. I’ve just finished my classes for today and was going back home when I heard you. Your Treecko has nice Pound and Quick Attack.”

    Max: “Thanks, I am Max and Treecko is my first Pokemon.”

    Calvin(To Treecko): “”Hi Treecko.”

    Treecko: “Treecko”

    Calvin(to Max): So, you are the beginner?

    Max(answers with voice full of confidence): “Yes, but I have studied Pokemon and Travelled across many regions, so I am very strong!”

    Calvin(laughs calmly): “So, you tell me that you are strong?”

    Max(starts to get angry): “Yes! Do you doubt?”

    Calvin: “No, but we can have a battle.”

    Max(agrees): “That’s fine with me.” (To Treecko): “Are you ready, Treecko?”

    Treecko(answers with full of energy): “Treecko!”

    Max(to Calvin): “We are ready.”

    Calvin: “Okay.”

    (They stand at the different sides of a playground battlefield)

    Calvin(throws his Pokeball): “Zigzagoon, help me out”

    (Zigzagoon comes out of its Pokeball and it appears to be very strong, its eyes shine very brightly)

    Zigzagoon(shouts loudly): “Zagoooon!”

    Max(looks at it): “I see you trained it well.”(Takes his Pokedex and checks the data on Zigzagoon)

    Pokedex: “Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon. Zigzagoon restlessly wanders everywhere at all times. This Pokémon does so because it is very curious. It is good at finding items in the grass and even in the ground.”

    Max(closes his Pokedex): “Treecko, get ready!”

    Treecko(obediently): “Treecko.”

    Max: “Treecko, use…”

    Calvin(interrupts him): “Stop!”

    Max(asks bewildermently): “Why?”

    Calvin: “I think we forgot about one thing…”

    Max(thinks and remembers): “Of course! We have forgotten about referee. Somebody should judge our battle!”

    (After that Norman comes out of Pokemon Center)

    Norman(asks happily because he witnesses his son first battle): “Oh, I see you want to battle. I can be the judge if you don’t mind…”

    Both Max and Calvin: “Of course not!”

    Calvin(looks at Norman carefully): “I can’t believe my eyes! You are Norman, the Petalburg gym leader!”

    Norman: “Yes, it is me!”(smiles). “So, are you ready to battle?”

    Both of them: “Yes!”

    Max: “I won’t lose when my father is watching.”

    Norman(stands in the middle of the field): “Well, begin!”

    Max(says with pleasure): “Finally! Treecko, use Pound!”

    Treecko: “Treecko!”
    (Treecko jumps quickly and strikes Zigzagoon with its tail)

    Max: “Great job, pal!”

    Calvin(starts to worry): “use Sand-Attack”

    (Zigzagoon turns around and throws very much sand using its paws. Treecko can’t see because sand hit his face as well)

    Treecko(shakes); “Tree…”

    Calvin(calmly): “Use Headbutt!”
    (Zigzagoon hits Treecko using its head. Treecko falls on the ground, but stands up.)

    Max: “Oh no! What should I do?” (Thinks) “Exactly! Treecko, try to clean your eyes! Use your hands!”

    Treecko(rubs his eyes): “Tree-Tree…(Finally cleans his eyes) Treecko!”

    Calvin: “We can’t let them recover! Zigzagoon, Headbutt once more!”

    (Zigzagoon runs towards Treecko)

    Max(confidently): “Not going to happen…” (Pushed up his glass with his finger). Use Pound with a spin!

    (Treecko spins and nails a Pound on Zigzagoon and nearly takes it out)
    Zigzagoon(stands with little power left): “Za...goon…”

    Calvin(shouts): “Zigzagoon! I know you can still battle! Use Quick Attack!”

    Max: “You use Quick Attack as well!”

    (both Pokemon strike each other with amazing speed. Both Pokemon are hurt and standing opposite to each other. Both Max and Calvin are worried. Max gritted his teeth. While Calvin sweats)

    Zigzagoon: “Zagoon…” (And falls. It s Knocked Out)

    Max(shouts happily): “Hooraayy!!! I won!” (runs to Treecko and hugs it.) “Treecko! You are great battler!”

    Treecko(smiles and says happily): “Treecko!”

    (Calvin and Zigzagoon come to Max and Treecko)
    Calvin: “Thank you for the battle Max. Your Treecko is really strong!”

    Zigzagoon(says the same thing): “Zagoon!”

    Treecko(rubs his head): “Tree-cko…” (And smiles)

    Max: “Thanks. Your Zigzagoon is strong as well!”

    Norman(applauses): ‘Great battle you two! It was exciting battle. So, Max, let’s go home, your Mom said I have challengers there.”

    Max: “Okay daddy. Bye Calvin!”

    Calvin “Bye Max. Thanks again!”

    Max(To Treecko): “You deserve a good rest now.” (and returns Treecko)

    (They sit in the car and drive to the Petalburg City)

    The end of the 2nd chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 31st July 2012 at 11:38 PM.

  17. #17

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    Nice chapter! It was very good. I hope Max can find Ralts. Also good battle between Calvin and Max, I enjoyed it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Canada View Post
    Biggest Fan of the Diamond and Pearl Series: Dawn+Serena Fan

  18. #18
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    I agree with thehydrator. Very good chapter.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  19. #19

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    Very nice chapter! Max sure knows what he's doing!

  20. #20
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    Dear readers!
    Added Chapter List, so you can click in the 1st post on every chapter I posted(I only have 2 now though)
    Enjoy reading and comment if you like!)

  21. #21
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    Good story, I really like it so far ^^ May I be added to the PM list please? :3 Sorry for no collective criticism to help you get better or anything, I'm really not so good at that ^^;
    MMing: Espurr, 90 eggs.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kutie Pie View Post
    Good. You can never understand the mindset of a woman.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SapphireIris View Post
    Good story, I really like it so far ^^ May I be added to the PM list please? :3 Sorry for no collective criticism to help you get better or anything, I'm really not so good at that ^^;
    Sure, I'll add you and thanks)

  23. #23
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    I don't usually read script fics because they can be very hard to pull off and they're not as easy as other people make them out to be. But I thought this was very well done, I have seen other fics around about Max's journey, and I think this one stands out because Max is in character and I liked the anime style atmosphere because it makes the story feel like another side of the canon universe. The format took time for me to get used to, but other than that I thought you did a good job.


    ☆ Maya Fey: Ace Pokemon Trainer
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  24. #24

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    sorry raymon i haven't got much time, so i'll only comment on chapter 32 and not do the spelling and stuff but hopefully will do later.
    I liked the idea of a preview it made me excited and intrigued, so doing them before other major chapters is a good idea. I really like the interctions between the 3 main characters and i'm glad we saw Kingler!! It's good to see Marshtomp learn a new move, though now it has learned two moves it shouldn't (fake cry and dynamicpunch), while this is sometimes done in the anime, be careful not to overdo it. Will read the next chapter and do some coorecting when i have more time but for now i have to go. Nice chapter!
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charizard-Fan View Post
    The chapter where Ash and Charizard return was very good. It was great to see both of them again. However, I wish Charizard would've had a bigger role.
    I liked it that Ash has a Kingler on his team now. Since it looks like it can't appear in anime, it's so nice to see it at least in your fic. I also liked it that Marshtomp learned a new strong move. And ending was good as well.

    And the chapter in which tournament begins and Barry returns was very good as well. I loved to see Barry again, and nice to see he's collecting badges in Hoenn. Interactions were good as well.
    I think tournament's first battles were pretty good, especially Dawn vs Charles. And it's nice to see Ash using Kingler in first round.
    I wish Charizard would have had a bogger role, too. But it is a Water tournament.
    Glad you liked the Kingler's return and the battles
    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hi Raymon =D, again.
    I must applaud you on your endeavors in this fic, 9 A4 pages a day after another lengthy chapter. As you said alot I'll try my best...

    I'll start with I'm glad to see Barry and Empoleon, we have loads of characters now =D. Barry is as determined as ever. The Wallace and Juan double 'display' rather than battle was beautifully described, I could imagine it perfectly, and I think two Milotics were a good choice. There seemed to be a good atmosphere trying to be portrayed too, so thats nice, it makes you feel like you're there rooting for your favourite. A large number of trainers too, at 64. I like the way you went through the battle between the two youngsters too, it acted as a 'warm-up' for both Dawn and Barry's battles. (All of which were described excellently.) Also its great that Max isn't the only one using the pokedex now =D.

    All in all, I can see the effort that you are putting into this fic, and admire you for it. And the main thing is it's paying off =D Gl to Ash!
    I feel so good after these words...
    Thank you, I am glad you liked my battles!
    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    don't do just one liners about that as it falls under spam with the review rules here.
    Yeah, guys (Especially Emrys), if you continue to spam, I'll tell bobandbill about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    A nice long chapter.Its good that the length of the chapter was more than the others and I hope it will be in other chapters as well.About the chapter itself,It was good with the display by Wallace and Juan beautifully described though I think that you could have shown their relationship as more like Teacher-Student because it is likewise in the games.They seemed more like equals.While both are great trainers,you could've shown that Wallace respects Juan like saying 'Master Juan' or 'Sir'.Dawn's and Barry's battles were good though a little short.But atleast they were better than the real anime where they only focus on battles between main characters.But one thing I don't get is that the finals are double battle,how will Barry,Dawn and Max battle if they reach there.Maybe Barry and Dawn could've caught another Pokemon during their journeys but what about Max.Will he have to borrow from someone to compete in the finals(assuming he reaches there)?
    It will be as long in the other chapters as in this one. Well, it may be a bit less, but my Chapters now are about 6-8 pages (before it was 3,5 - 5)
    That's good idea, thanks But the thing is, it is in the games. And in the series it may not be so, I believe.
    Well, Barry's battle was a bit short, but that was because Empoleon completely overpowered Seaking, both in strategy and power.
    But as for Dawn's battle, I can't say so, because both Piplup and Azumarill used 4 moves in the battle.
    That's a secret for now
    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    sorry raymon i haven't got much time, so i'll only comment on chapter 32 and not do the spelling and stuff but hopefully will do later.
    I liked the idea of a preview it made me excited and intrigued, so doing them before other major chapters is a good idea. I really like the interctions between the 3 main characters and i'm glad we saw Kingler!! It's good to see Marshtomp learn a new move, though now it has learned two moves it shouldn't (fake cry and dynamicpunch), while this is sometimes done in the anime, be careful not to overdo it. Will read the next chapter and do some coorecting when i have more time but for now i have to go. Nice chapter!
    Thanks for the comment!
    Seriously? Before you tell me so, check that please...
    Here you are:
    Marshtomp can learn these moves(via Emerald move tutuors)

    Attack Name Type Att. Acc. PP Effect %
    Dynamicpunch

    100 50 5 100
    Powerful and sure to cause confusion, but inaccurate.
    Rollout

    30 90 20 --
    An attack lasting 5 turns with rising intensity.
    Snore

    40 100 15 30
    A loud attack that can be used only while asleep.
    Icy Wind

    55 95 15 100
    A chilling attack that lowers the foe's SPEED.
    Endure

    -- -- 10 --
    Endures any attack for 1 turn, leaving at least 1HP.
    Mud-slap

    20 100 10 100
    Hurls mud in the foe's face to reduce its accuracy.
    Ice Punch

    75 100 15 10
    An icy punch that may freeze the foe.
    Swagger

    -- 90 15 100
    Confuses the foe, but also sharply raises ATTACK.
    Sleep Talk

    -- -- 10 --
    Uses an own move randomly while asleep.
    Defense Curl

    -- -- 40 --
    Curls up to conceal weak spots and raise DEFENSE.

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