Wow, you got a really good story here! Could I be added to the PM list too?
Sorry for no critisizm, I suck at that.
The Reluctant Genius
Wow, you got a really good story here! Could I be added to the PM list too?
Sorry for no critisizm, I suck at that.
Argh, can't you just let me sleep...
Originally Posted by dirkac
:3 I has it!
Clickee to go to the Rulers of the Universe.
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks)
And sure, I'll add you, thanks for reading and commenting)
For no criticism, it's okay
Piplup+Pikachu Fan
The chapter was great! It reminded me of the anime!
I really liked it and I am glad Max won his battle. I can't wait for him to get ralts!
Call me Raymon=)
Hi dear readers!)I made a new chapter, it is not big as others, so feel comfortable to read it and enjoy it)
The 3rd Chapter: The home is where the start is!
(Norman and Max are driving in the car. It is evening, so it starts to get dark. Hopefully, the road to the Petalburg city is almost complete)
Norman(thinks and then says with a deep voice): “Max, you know, after we arrive to the Petalburg, I am going to continue my duty as a gym leader. And you will be on your own. What are you going to do?”
Max(takes a pause and answers) “I thought about that and you know, I want to become a great Pokemon Trainer, earn badges and enter the Hoenn League.”
Norman: “So, you want to become like…”
Max(interrupts) “Yes. And he promised to battle me, so I look forward to this day.”
Norman: “Listen, you should make Pokemon your friends, that is a secret to be a great trainer.”
Max: “Sure.” (and then says in a clever way) “And I should have a good battle strategy as well.”
Norman(laughs): “I don’t worry about that, Max. I know that you always think about that and you’ll be fine.”
Max(looks ahead and shouts as he notices a lot of lights that come out of the buildings): “Oh, we are close to our home!”
Norman(nods): “Yes, pretty soon we’ll be home.”
(After few minutes they arrive to the huge building, that looks like a little two-floor palace, that is made in eastern style. They go upstairs and Norman opens the door. They are at the Petalburg Gym. As soon as they enter, Max and Norman notice that it smells something tasty and that Caroline makes supper)
Max(runs to Caroline): “Mommy!” (hugs her)
Caroline(smiles and hugs him as well): “Max, I glad you are back. I made you your best dishes.”
Norman (comes in): “Hi, dear”
(Caroline says the same)
Max: “Mom, I want to show you something!”
Caroline: (thrilled): “Oh, I am thrilled. So, what is it?”
Max(smiles): “Ok!” (takes his Pokeball) “Go, Treecko!”
Treecko(appears and smiles as usual): “Treecko!!”
Caroline(looks at it): “Ah! Look at that sweet face and smile. How are you today?”
Treecko(says happily): “Treecko! Tree!”
Max(confidently): “I picked the coolest Pokemon!”
Norman(looks at Max): “Yes, and I would say that your Treecko is a jolly Pokemon! He is always in a good mood. A special and great Pokemon!”
Treecko(embarrassed): “Tree…..”(and smiles as well)
Caroline(smells): “The supper is ready! Who wants to eat?”
All(shout): “Me!”
(Caroline serves the plates, folks and other stuff and after all is served, goes to Treecko)
Caroline: “Here is something special for you.”
(She gives it special Pokemon food, that is seasoned(or spiced) with different herbs, that grass Pokemon like)
Treecko(chews and then exclaims): “Treecko!”
(They eat food and the conversation begins)
Caroline(to Max): “Dear, do you know what do you want to do from tomorrow? Would you help your father at gym or the garden or would you like to start your journey?”
Max: “I would like to start training and I would battle a lot of trainers and I want to enter the Hoenn league and I hope I’ll do well there.”
Caroline(says with a serious voice): “I am sure about that.” (Then thinks) “I have talked to May today and she says that she’ll enter the Sinnoh grand festival soon.”
Norman: “That’s good news. How many ribbons does she have?”
Caroline: “Four already.”
(Then they talk about some other stuff and all ends at moment when Max lies in his bad and watches at the dark sky, covered with stars)
Max(dreaming): “I did it! I won!” (and smiles)
(Then the early morning, and Max stands near the door with Treecko and both Norman and Caroline see Max and his Treecko off)
Norman: “Good luck on your journey! I know you’ll do great! I am so happy that my son is so old to do that” (and stares at him in some kind of proud way)
Caroline(sadly): “My sweet baby leaves…Well, I know that you should do that…” (Than smiles, because she imagines that Max becomes great Trainer) “Don’t forget about us, visit sometimes!”
(Max and Norman looked after that at each other and smile) *
Caroline(surprisingly): “What is with you both?”
They: “Nothing. You’ll see in the near future”
Norman(after a short period of time): “So, I guess that it is time to go for you, Max.”
(Max nods)
Max: “So, bye Daddy, Mommy. I know that you’ll be proud of me.”
Norman and Caroline: “We are already proud of you.”
(Max smiles and leaves. Norman and Caroline wave their hands and see Max off. Then Treecko looks at Max and notices that Max is thinking about something)
Max: “So, what is next? Petalburg woods are ahead Treecko!”
Treecko: “Treecko.”
(But Max is still thinking about something…) *
The end of 3rd chapter.
--------------------------------------------------
*)They smiled because they understood that Max pretty soon should challenge Norman)
*)Because of his past experience with a lot of Tailow
Last edited by RealRaymon; 1st August 2012 at 1:18 PM.
Star Wars fan
Good chapter, although I think the second chapter was better. It had more action and all but anyway, this chapter was a nice way to start Max's journey into the Hoenn League.
Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks)Good chapter, although I think the second chapter was better. It had more action and all but anyway, this chapter was a nice way to start Max's journey into the Hoenn League.
Yeah, it is not so big as previous chapters, but I didn't see much action at Petalbrg City yet, and with a new large chapter coming, I wanted to start Max's Journey going)
Not like the Others
Nice chapter, short and sweet. A nice way to have Max set off into the Hoenn Region. Its good that you put a short chapter in that explains more and isnt all action. PM list please
Everthing in my sig was made by SwornMetalhead of Daedric Design.
Advanced Shipper
Nice way to start his journey. I actually want to see his battle with Ash!
The Reluctant Genius
Like the subtle notice to Ash without actually mentioning his name.
Thought it was a great way to start the (real) beginning of Max's Pokemon journey!
Argh, can't you just let me sleep...
:3 I has it!
Clickee to go to the Rulers of the Universe.
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks to all of you)
SurePM list please
Call me Raymon=)
Added author notes after the end of 3rd chapter
Best Wishes Hater
Good chapter, though not really much going on here it seems. It's still good and I enjoyed it.
I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.*Co-Owner of the Dawn/Hikari Fanclub v4*Come and read my newest fanfic that I'm currently writing!
Call me Raymon=)
The 4th Chapter: The first step is always the hardest!
(Max and Treecko go through many fields, where many plants and berries grow. They see that Petalburg Woods are not far away, but Max goes to these plants)
Max: “Berries! It is good that we found them as we need more food.” (Looks at Treecko and Treecko nods) “I don’t want to be hungry again.”
Treecko(surprised): “Tree?”
Max(remembers): “Yes, that was a situation in the past…I and two my friends walked through the Petalburg woods and…”
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ash: “Well, I think that we can hunt Pokemon better on a full stomach anyway.”
Max: “Yes, and I was getting hungry.”
May: “I am so hungry that I can eat anything!”
(Then all of them smile and after a short pause they realize that they have nothing to eat)
All(shout): “You mean…We don’t have lunch??!!!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Max(laughs): “Haha! That was funny/ Do you agree with me?”(looks at Treecko)
Treecko(nods): “Treecko!”
(By the way, they were standing near berry plants. Max carefully studied these berries)
Max(carefully watches at different berry plants): “Well, look at these berries!”
(He looked that there were many berries growing on the fields, but they were wild berries. He looked at bright red Berry plant. It smelled spicy and had a provocative flavor)
Max(exclaims): “Oh! It’s a Cherri berry! So spicy! They may be helpful”
(Then he saw pink berries)
Max: “Pecha berries! Treecko, try one!
Treecko(eats it): “Treecko!” (shows that they are very sweet and delicious)
Max: “And here are Oran berries”
(Walks to them and smells them)
Max: “It has a wondrous mix of flavors! Oh, something rustles here.”
(Wild Wurmple crawls on the plant)
Max: “A Wurmple!” (Then takes his Pokedex)
Pokedex: “Wurmple, the Worm Pokémon. Wurmple live primarily off of sap from trees. The suction cups on its feet keep it from slipping. It lives among the tall grass and in forests.”
Max(To Treecko): “Well, Treecko, let’s take some of these berries! ”
Treecko(agrees): “Treecko!’
(Then he jumps on these plants/trees and takes some berries. Then they take these berries. About 3 berries of each kind. Then they take theirselves to Petalburg Woods. They go there and they come to a quiet place where there are no Pokemon)
Max(surprised): “I wonder where all Pokemon have gone?”
Treecko(surprised as well): “Ckooo?”
(Then they step through the bushes and see that one Pokemon lies on the field. Max is surprised and runs towards it.)
Max(looks at it): “Oh, it is very hurt!”(Touches it and sees that its face is pink)
Treecko(worried): “Treecko…”
Max(calms it): “I know what’s the problem. It is poisoned. ” (thinks): “Of course, I have something for you!”
(gives the Pokemon a Pecha berry. It eats it very slowly. Than it becomes stronger)
Taillow: “Taillow!”
(Max checks his Pokedex)
Pokedex: “Taillow, the Tinyswallow Pokémon. Taillow has a fierce personality, never backing down, even against the most powerful opponents.”
Tailow(flies and says like “Thank you”): “Taillow!”(and flies away)
Max: “So, why was it poisoned?” (thinks about it) “Well, it might have been attacked by someone” (To Treecko) “Well, pal, let’s take a break.”
Treecko(nods): “Treecko.”
(They sit on the stump. Max takes his bag and searches for something.)
Max(finally finds what he looked for): “I found it! Treecko, take this!” (breaks off a piece of chocolate and gives it to Treecko)
Treecko(takes): “Tree!”
(Treecko wants to bite, but suddenly they hear loud rustling in bushes. The pink sharped stings head into them and explode)
Max: “What is that?”
(The Pokemon with purple bodies, yellow eyes, with black dots and green wings, covered with red circles appear)
(Max checks Dex)
Pokedex: “Dustox, the Toxic Moth Pokémon. When Dustox is flapping its wings, it will scatter a poison dust.”
Dustox(to Treecko): “Dustox!”
Treecko(refuses): “Treecko!”
Dustox: “Tox!”(its eyes glow in different colours and beam is headed into Treecko)
Max(shouts): “Dodge that and Pound!”
(Treecko dodges and nails Pound)
Dustox(takes a hit): “Du-uustox…Dustox!”(and uses Poison Sting)
(Treecko dodges again)
Max: “Treecko! Climb on the tree!”
Treecko: “Treecko!”
Max(confidently): “Use trees to take the speed up and use Pound with a spin!”
(Treecko does it and hits it very hard, so the Pokemon is knocked out)
Max: “Good job Treecko!”
Dustox(shouts): “Dustox!”
(Then two more Dustox fly to help its mate and use Poison Sting)
Max: “Treecko, use Bullet Seed!” (*)
(These attacks collide, they seem to be equal, but two attack are stronger and Treecko is damaged by a Poison Sting)
Treecko(hurt): “Cko…” (falls on the ground and shakes)
(Then Dustox, which was hurt flies up and they begin to use Psybeam)
Max: “No! (Protects Treecko)
???: “Heracross, Horn Attack!”
???: “Ariados, Spider Web!”
(Heracross smashes first Dustox with its horn, then Ariados immobilize the 2nd Dustox, but the 3rd Dustox unleashes the attack on Treecko, but suddenly…)
Taillow: “Taillow!” (uses Quick Attack, takes the hit and hits Dustox. All three Dustox escape and fly away)
Max(breathes calmly): “Whew! Thanks Taillow and you, guys…”
???(both): “No Problem!
Forrest: “Hi, I am Forrest!”
Forrester: “And I am Forrester!”
Max: “Hi! I am Max! Guys, you look the same to me!”
(Forrest has blue T-Shirt and Forrester orange)
Max(thinks, doesn’t say anything): “I have a feeling I met these guys before…”
Forrest: “Well, your Treecko was attacked by the Dustox! Treecko, don’t move.” (Sprays a Potion on it)
(Treecko doesn’t like it, but it is healthy again)
Forrest(continues): “These Dustox do a lot of harm recently. They fight for food and try to steal it.”
Max(to Taillow): “So, you were attacked by them?”
Taillow(nods): “L-loww.”
Max: “We should stop that!”
Forrester: “But how?”
Max(his glasses shine): “I have an idea!”
They both: “What is it?”
Max: “Do you know, where they live?”
Forrest: “Yes, but we are not sure… Ok, let’s go then…”
(They head to the river, than climbed over the mountain and saw a big tree and see a lot of Dustox)
Dustox: “Dustox!” (warn the intruders)
Max: “Oh, yeah! Why you steal food from other Pokemon?”
(Dustox started attacking)
Max: “Oh yeah! We’ll fight too!”
(The battle between Treecko and Dustox starts, but is interrupted when a flock of Taillow come and fight these Dustox. The battle is fierce and Max runs in the middle of that)
Max(shouts): “Stop that!”
(For some reason they stop fighting and listen to Max)
Max(goes on): “What’s the point of battling! There is a lot of food for anyone here! Dustox, why are you fighting?”
(Dustox fly to the tree and calls for someone…a lot of Wurmples swing out)
Forrester: “So! That’s the reason! So, you shouldn’t be frightened, nobody will hurt your babies, right Taillow?”
Taillow(all agree): “Low!”
(Dustox and Wurmple smile)
Forrest(to Dustox): “So, are your bad actions over?”
Dustox(nod): “Dustox!”
(Suddenly the Tree is attacked by the helicopter. Dustox and Taillow don’t like that and they want to attack this flying machine and suddenly are caught in a big net)
???: “Haha! I knew we catch them in that way!”
Max, Forrest, Forrester: “How dare you?! You can’t steal these Pokemon!”
???: “Why can’t? It is our speciality!”
???: Prepare for trouble...
???: ...and make it double!
???: To infect the world with devastation!
???: To blight all people in every nation!
???: To denounce the goodness of truth and love!
???: To extend our wrath to the stars above!
Cassidy: Cassidy!
Butch: And Butch, of course!
Cassidy: We're Team Rocket, circling Earth all day and all night!
Butch: Surrender to us now or you will surely lose the fight!
(The chapter ends while Max, Forrest and Forrester are worried and don’t know what to do and Cassidy and Butch look cunningly and smile)
The end of the 4th chapter.
---------------------------------------------------
(*) - Bullet Seed was the 3rd move(and last) Treecko known but he didn't use it before
Last edited by RealRaymon; 2nd August 2012 at 10:35 PM.
Star Wars fan
Good chapter and the best part was the ending.
Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3
Advanced Shipper
Nice chapter! I like how you brought in Forest and Forrester as well as Cassidy and Budd (JK Butch!). I was surprised cause I was expecting Meowth and his gang
Last edited by momomon; 5th August 2012 at 10:12 PM.
Best Wishes Hater
Great chapter! Cassidy and Biff return! XD
I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.*Co-Owner of the Dawn/Hikari Fanclub v4*Come and read my newest fanfic that I'm currently writing!
Call me Raymon=)
By the way, who doesn't remember Forrest and Forrester:
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Forrester
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Forrest_Franklin
Call me Raymon=)
Here is the new chapter!) Enjoy it!
The 5th Chapter: A road to success!
Max: “Oh no! It’s Cassidy”
Forrest: “And Bike!”
Butch(angry): “My name is Butch, not bike, don’t you listen to the motto?!”
Cassidy: “Whatever? Let’s head to the boss”
Forrest: “No way!” (To Heracross) “Break this net Heracross!”
Heracross: “Herra!”
(Heracross flies to the Helicopter)
Cassidy(laughs): “Not gonna happen! Go, Murkrow!”
Murkrow: “Murkrow!”
Cassidy(orders): “Use Aerial Ace!”
(Murkrow lands Aerial Ace and Heracross lands on earth, shaking to get up)
Forrest: “Oh, no!”
Cassidy: “Great job, Murkrow!”
(Murkrow sits while they try to escape)
Taillow: “Taillow!” (And flies to help its friends to get free)
Murkrow: “Murkrow!” (Uses Aerial Ace again)
Taillow(very confident): “Taillow” (its body glows white and it heads into Murkrow)
Max: “It’s an Aerial Ace! Awesome! This Taillow must be there leader as it knows this move already!”
(The two attacks collide and nobody wins, then the two birds strike again but with the same result)
Cassidy: “Why are you sitting? Help me, Beef!”
Butch: “The name’s Butch! …Ok, go!”
(Magnemite comes out of the Pokeball)
Butch: “Thunderbolt”
(Magnemite generates a ligtning bolt that strikes Taillow and Taillow heads into the ground. Max runs and saves it)
Taillow(opens eyes): “L-low?” (and flies up again)
Cassidy: “There’s no way you can stop us!”
Max: “Well, I have an idea…” (To Treecko): “Sit on Taillow!”
Treecko: “Ckoo!” (Sits on it and they fly away)
Forrest and Forrester: “We’ll help you with that!”
Forrest: “Heracross, help them!”
Forrester: “Yanma, go! Help them!”
Yanma: “Ya-aanma!”
(They head into the helicopter)
Cassidy: “Not so fast, Murkrow, Aerial Ace!”
Forrester: “Oh yeah? Yanma, use Screech!”
(A huge and loud soundwaves hit Cassidy and Butch as well and their Pokemon)
Butch(holds his ears): “My ears!”
Cassidy: “Mine too! This is awful!”
Max: “This is our time, Taillow! Break the net!”
Taillow: “Taillow!” (flies into it and its wings glow metallic grey)
Max(happily): “I know this Attack! Use Steel Wing, Taillow!”
Taillow: “Low!”(Flies at amazing speed and breaks the net. Dustox and Taillow are free again)
Cassidy and Butch(angry and frightened): “Well, we can’t lose!”
Cassidy: “Use Dark Pulse”
Butch: “Thunderbolt!”
Max: “Bullet Seed Treecko!”
Treecko: “Treecko!-cko-cko-cko…”
Forrester(to Yanma): “Sonicboom!”
Forrest(to Heracross): “Hyper Beam!”
(Dustox use Signal Beam and Taillow use gust and make the attacks even faster and more powerful as they overpower Thunderbolt and Dark Pulse and send the Thieves soaring)
Cassidy: “Oh no! We lost again Budd…”
Butch: “I’ll change my name but now, we…”
Both: “blasting off again!”(they fly as the white star appeared as they flyy away)
Max, Forrest, Forrester: “Allright!”
(Dustox and Taillow are happy. Then they take off to the scene where is the sunset and The Taillow live happily with the Dustox)
Max: “It’s getting dark now, let’s find a place for a sleep!”
Forrester: “Ok!”
(They find a place, it is dark and they are sitting around a bonfire and are drinking a hot chocolate)
Forrest: “Well, Max. Where are you from?”
Max: “From Petalburg City. And you guys?”
Forrest: “From near Rustboro City.”
Max(to both): “I have a feeling I met you before. Can’t remember when.”
They: “Hmmm…It is interesting, but we don’t remember you either..”
Max(thinks): “No…I remember you. Oh yeah!” (remembers)
(Forrest and Forrester surprised and look at Max)
Max: “Someone helped my sister to catch a Wurmple and the other of you battled against Pikachu and Treecko”
(Forrest and Forrester think and suddenly remember that day)
Forrest: “Yeah! I remember it.”
Forrester: “Me too! That battle was so intensive I can’t forget it!”
Forrest: “And you must have been the little brother of her?”
Max(nods): “I am.” (smiles)
Forrest: “So, what a reunion!”
Forrester: “Max, what do you want to do now?”
Max: “I want to become a great Pokemon Trainer, earn badges and enter the Hoenn League.”
Forrest: “Great! I wanted to travel and see the beautiful places of the Hoenn region, but actually returned because I felt alone…”
Forrester: “And I just want to protect these Woods and which are nearby as a ranger does.”
Max: “You are a ranger?”
(Forrester nods)
Max: “That’s cool!”
Forrester: “So Max, where are you heading next?”
Max: “Well, I want to sail to the Sootopolis City”
Forrest: ‘So cool! Max, can I ask you a favor?”
Max: “Ok…”
Forrest: “Can I travel with you? I hope we’ll have fun together and I’ll finally see a lot of places like I wanted!”
Max(agrees): “Sure! I think it will be fun as well! And you, Forrester?”
Forrester: “Well, I can’t. I want to protect the woods.”
Max: “Oh, ok!”
(Then they talk about different stuff and then fall asleep and wake up and head out of Petalburg woods. Forrester is standing to see off the other two, while they are suddenly surprised as a flock of Taillow comes to see them)
Max: “Taillow? What are they doing here?”
(Then one Taillow flies to Max and says something)
Forrester: “I guess it is saying it wants to go with you.”
Max(asks): “Is it so, Taillow?”
Taillow(nods): “L-low!”
Max(smiles): “That’s great! Go, Pokeball!”
(Pokeball hits Taillow, falls on the Max’s hand and shows that Taillow is caught)
Max(shouts): “All right! I caught a Taillow!”
(Three boys smile and they see off each other)
Forrest: “Goodbye, brother! Take care!”
Forrester: “You too! And good luck, Max!”
Max: “Thanks, you too!”
(And Max and his new friend head off to a Rustboro City, where Max can meet his friend and sail to the Sootopolis City)
The end of the 5th Chapter.
The Reluctant Genius
4th chapter: I literally LOL'ed when you put the hungry thingie in, loved the ending!
5th chapter: liked that Max didn't actually recognize them till now, and wow, Sootopolis? Your setting your own order of gyms!
PS srry I didn't rate the previous chapter, we're travelling, so no internet.
Argh, can't you just let me sleep...
:3 I has it!
Clickee to go to the Rulers of the Universe.
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks)
Yeah, my own order of gyms)
It's okay(about no Internet)
P.S.I am still waiting for other readers to comment on these chapters
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