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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #76

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    Great chapter, I'm enjoying the gym battle, it's very well written and detailed. Also great cliffhanger. I hope Max gets to beat Roxanne's Probopass.
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  2. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thanks)
    but there's no point for a gym leader to use all evollved Pokemon against the beginning trainer
    I know, its just a thought.

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  3. #78
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    Great Chapter loved how it ended in a cliffhanger, kepp up the good work
    Credit to Astral Shadow for the icon and SwornMetalhead for the banner.

  4. #79
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    Great chapter. Gym battle has been so far great.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  5. #80
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    You're getting much better with descriptions, which is great! I can't really think of any improvements needed, except for maybe the personality thing, though I do understand why this might be hard at this point in the story. Even so, this fanfic is very good.

    So Roxanne has a Probopass? That's gonna be tricky - it's a Steel type as well as Rock, so I don't think Bullet Seed and Steel Wing are gonna help...

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  6. #81
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    Thanks all of you!!)I do really appreciate it!
    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    PROBOPASS...
    But, where in Hoenn did she evolve it? Since the only known places that send out the right electromagnetic frequency are Mt. Coronet, and ChargeStone Cave, or are you making your own cave thingy?
    Well, you'll see the answer in next chapter)
    Quote Originally Posted by Chibi_Muffin View Post
    So Roxanne has a Probopass? That's gonna be tricky - it's a Steel type as well as Rock, so I don't think Bullet Seed and Steel Wing are gonna help...
    That's what I think as well...but I tell you that I have something for you...)

  7. #82
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    Nice! So nosepass evolved, cool!!

  8. #83
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    Good chapter man, keep them coming!

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  9. #84
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    Haha, I used the gym battle music when I was reading the gym battle part! Very effective! Especially at my reading pace.
    I hope you have some more awesome ideas for the next chapter.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ash&Pikachu-Fan View Post
    Haha, I used the gym battle music when I was reading the gym battle part! Very effective! Especially at my reading pace.
    I hope you have some more awesome ideas for the next chapter.
    Well, that's why I advice to turn on the music)

    And I sure do have some awesome ideas)

  11. #86
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    Well, here is the 8th one! Enjoy!
    and don't forget the music)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eple8AkBZPg

    The 8th Chapter: The Lucky Ending!

    (Max is very surprised and he looks at Probopass and than he looks at Roxanne)

    Max: “A Probopass? But how did you evolve your Nosepass? Nosepass can’t evolve in the Hoenn region…”

    Roxanne: “You are totally right. But I had a trip into the Sinnoh Region and I was checking my skills with the Oreburgh Gym Leader, Roark. He showed me the Mt. Coronet and I evolved my Nosepass.”

    (Max takes out his glasses, wipes them and puts them back, while breathing deeply)

    Max: “Well…I wonder if I can find data about this Pokemon…” (takes out his Pokedex)

    Pokedex: “Probopass, the Compass Pokémon, and the evolved form of Nosepass. Its body acts as a powerful magnet. It controls three smaller units called Mini-Noses.”

    Max(to the Pokedex): “Well, Nosepass is a Rock-type…What type is a Probopass?”

    Pokedex: “Probopass has characteristics of a Rock and Steel types.”

    Roxanne: “And in addition to that, neither your grass or steel attacks gonna be super-effective like before…”

    Max: “Oh well, but as my friend liked to say, who cares about the type advantage? I’m gonna win!”

    Roxanne: “Okay, Max.”

    Max(starts not waiting for either Roxanne has to say): “Taillow, use Steel Wing!”

    Taillow: “Taillow!”

    (Tailow flies at the big nose Pokemon with amazing Speed and strikes it, but attack does not much)

    Roxanne: “You see, its defenses are extremely high, you didn’t do much.”(and stands in “like a boss” way)

    Max: “Oh Yeah? Taillow, use your Steel Wing with a spin!”(as he knew that it is his only choice as normal and flying moves are not effective at all)

    (Taillow spins again and heads into Probopass)

    Roxanne(yells): “Probopass, use Iron Head!”

    (Probopass’s whole body glows metallic grey as it consists only of a head, anyway. The two attacks collide and explode as both Pokemon take damage, but Probopass is standing firm and Taillow is almost out of energy)

    Max(yells): “You can do it Taillow! Use it once more!”

    Roxanne(smiles cocky): “Probopass! Wait for Tailow to come closer!”

    Probopass: “Probo!”

    (Probopass waits for Taillow coming almost to it and Roxanne yells)

    Roxanne: “Use Zap Cannon!”

    (Probopass generates a yellow-electric ball and hits Taillow)

    Max: “Oh no!”

    Taillow(falls on the land): “Tai-i-i…low!....”(its eyes become spiral)

    (The judge looks closer)

    Judge: “Taillow is unable to battle…” (points red flag at it, then raises green flag and points at Probopass) “…Probopass is the winner!”

    Max: “Ah!.”

    (As Max is stunned and Forrest is stunned as well)

    Forrest: “Wow! Tailow has lost…”

    (Max returns his Taillow. Then takes Treecko’s Pokeball, looks at it)

    Max(says looking at it): “You are my only hope…”(throws Pokeball) “Treecko, I choose you!”

    Treecko: “Treecko!”

    (Treecko comes not at full health, but recovered from its last battle, but it looks confident and wants to win)

    Max(yells): “Treecko! Use Quick Attack to confuse Probopass!”

    Treecko: “Tree!”

    (Treecko runs at circles around Probopass, Probopass can’t catch up for Treecko)

    Max: “Now use Bullet Seed!”

    Treecko: “Tree-cko-cko-cko…”

    (it hits Probopass and does damage)

    Roxanne: “Just use your noses and not eyes and find Treecko.”

    Probopass(nods): “Pass…”(closes eyes and senses Treecko)

    Roxanne: “Use Iron Head!”

    Max: “Use Pound with a Spin!”

    (Treecko jumps and spins as Probopass and Treecko’s attack collide. After the collision, Treecko flies nearly to Max as it lands harshly, but Probopass, takes the damage, and a little bit shaky, but has more power than Treecko)

    Roxanne(immediately after): “Use Sandstorm!”

    (The sandstorm appears and Max as well as Treecko can’t see anything)

    Roxanne: “Use your nose to navigate and use Iron Head once more!”

    (Probopass finds Treecko and hits it again. Treecko is hit hard and lies on the ground)

    Max: “Oh no! Treecko!”

    Roxanne: “Time for the final move, use Zap Cannon!”

    (As the attack is building up, Max tries to cheer Treecko up)

    Max: “You can do it Treecko!”

    (The attack starts approaching Treecko)

    Max: “Treecko! I believe in you!”(as hi shouts the last four words very loud)

    (Treecko suddenly opens his eyes and looks very confidently. Treecko sees that the attack almost close and it starts to move his paws very quickly towards the ground. He starts digging using its hands and as it dives in the hole, the electric attacks misses)

    Max, Roxanne, Forrest: “No Way!!”

    Roxanne: “I can’t believe it!”

    Max(with his glasses shining): “Treecko, use Dig!”

    (Treecko is headed towards the Probopass)

    Roxanne: “Probopass, just try to sense it!”

    Max: “Not going to happen!”(as the Treecko almost immediately comes of the ground and attacks Probopass)

    Max: “Treecko! You did amazing work, Pal!”

    Treecko(turns around and nods): “Treecko!” (and still stands in a confident way, looking at the opponent’s Pokemon)

    Roxanne: “Oww…”

    Probopass: “Pro-bo…Pro-bo”(shakes, but stands up)

    Roxanne: “Good! Use Iron Head!”

    Probopass: “Probo!” (wants to use the attack)”...Pass!...” (and falls on the ground)

    Roxanne: “Ah!”

    Judge: “Probopass is unable to battle…” (points red flag at it, then raises green flag and points at Treecko) “…Treecko is the winner!” (and points at Max) “and the winner is Max from Petalburg City!”

    Max: “Hoorayy! Treecko! You battled great!” (runs and hugs it)

    Forrest: “Amazing, he won!”

    Treecko: “Treecko!” (it is tired, but happy still)

    (Roxanne comes to Max)

    Roxanne: “Max, you know, you gave me a wonderful battle! I learned a lot from your Pokemon. Thanks for the great battle! You really deserved it.”(gives him the shiny gold-yellow badge which is shaped like a rectangle) “Take this Stone Badge.”

    Max: “Thanks so much!” (takes the badge and looks at it) “Wow, it is so awesome!”

    Treecko(happy): “Treecko!”

    (Forrest comes and congratulates Max as they look and celebrate Max’s victory and then they see going off the gym as Roxanne is seeing them off and Max is thrilled and still can’t believe what happened)

    The end of the 8th Chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 9th August 2012 at 12:36 AM.

  12. #87

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    Wow great chapter. Again, I loved the battle and that sure was a lucky win XD
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  13. #88

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    Awesome battle! I liked how you made nosepass evolve to a Probopass and how you constructed the battle!

  14. #89
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    That was ŕ good chapter! But yeah, that really was lucky.
    I also found it good that you explained how Nosepass evolved.

  15. #90
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    Really good, I liked the suspense during the battle(:

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    Thanks guys!)

  17. #92
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    I think this battle was very well written and very much like the anime. However, I feel like Treecko learning Dig at the last second was a little bit 'Deus ex Machina' - a good event that helps out the heroes at the last second with no real set up. In this case, I think it doesn't matter too much as it can be seen as Treecko digging to avoid the attack or the sandstorm, but I thought I might just tell you to help in future. Keep up the good work!

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  18. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chibi_Muffin View Post
    I think this battle was very well written and very much like the anime. However, I feel like Treecko learning Dig at the last second was a little bit 'Deus ex Machina' - a good event that helps out the heroes at the last second with no real set up. In this case, I think it doesn't matter too much as it can be seen as Treecko digging to avoid the attack or the sandstorm, but I thought I might just tell you to help in future. Keep up the good work!
    thanks!) so. Is it bad or good in you opinion to use these kind of situations like helping heroes?

    And I did not understand clearly how you help me in the future?(the bold text)
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 9th August 2012 at 9:03 AM.

  19. #94
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    Great chapter and great battle. And it was indeed a lucky win.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  20. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    thanks!) so. Is it bad or good in you opinion to use these kind of situations like helping heroes?

    And I did not understand clearly how you help me in the future?(the bold text)
    Helping the heroes isn't always bad, but a Deus ex Machina is bad because nothing in the story has been shown to say it could happen first. It has just come out of nowhere, so it is seen as lazy writing (as if the writer couldn't think of another way to solve it). However, if there is some 'foreshadowing' (using little hints and clues to set up the event that helps the heroes), or the heroes are helped through something they already have, but used creatively, then I think it isn't bad because it hasn't come out of nowhere, and it shows to me that the author had planned the event in advance.

    And by the helping in the future bit, I just meant that knowing what a Deus ex Machina is might help you when you write future chapters of this, as it is a fairly common criticism of writing, and I wanted to help you avoid it. =)

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  21. #96
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    I understood, thanks)
    but it took place in the Pokemon show...don't you remember?)

    Squirtle learned Hydro Pump
    Charmeleon Evolved
    Scraggy learned Focus Blast

    and many others
    So, that is why I used it, but I will seldomly use it, but still)

  22. #97
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    Yes, it does happen in the Pokemon show, and I did say that I didn't mind it this time, as learning a new move is fairly plausible. However, I would probably try to keep things like new moves or evolutions at the last minute to a minimum. As you seem to be doing this, I don't have a big issue with it.

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  23. #98
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    I agree)I'll try to keep such things to minimum

  24. #99
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    Oh great chapter! I liked that Treecko learned Dig, and Treecko sure showed that he's powerful! Great battle overall, congrats
    One question- Are you gonna do this like the anime and not evolve all of his Pokemon, or are you gonna evolve them all?

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    Oh great chapter! I liked that Treecko learned Dig, and Treecko sure showed that he's powerful! Great battle overall, congrats
    One question- Are you gonna do this like the anime and not evolve all of his Pokemon, or are you gonna evolve them all?
    Thanks!
    Well, I can't agree with you)They evolved Treecko and Grovyle, Taillow and Snorunt(Torkoal was not capable of it)
    So, Ash's Pokemon evolved in the series

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