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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #301
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    You know, I think now of Grovyle's moveslot...It has 5 moves, but I don't know whether to leave it with 5 or not
    I was just wondering how you count 5? Pound, Bullet Seed, and Quick Attack; what else? Idk whether this counts as constructive or not, so I'll add that I also liked that Grovyle messed up the Pound. Very nice to see that your grammar keeps improving. I know that it can be hard to learn a different language, especially one as complicated as English. English is my third language, so I can really relate. Also, what JX Valentine said was very true. Actually, I was wondering, have you ever asked him to Beta-Read, because he seems very proficient in the language? I'm sure he's busy and I know what you mean about wanting it to be yours, but his correcting your grammar mistakes will help you learn enough to the point where you won't need a Beta-Reader, ever, and will improve your writing a lot. The best way to learn is to observe and question, at least imo.
    Also, for Pokemon: a Dragon Dancing Scrafty would be awesome. It would also bring a lot of flavor to this story because you'd have to show how Max got a Unova Poke. It would be interesting.

  2. #302
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    look, firstly,about 5 moves. Let's count them
    1)Pound
    2)Bullet seed
    3)Quick attack
    4)Dig
    5)Leaf Blade(it wasn't used yet, but still..)

    secondly, JX Valentine is SHE, not he

    thirdly, thanks for the advice)but I don't need a beta reader at all. I have been learning English for long 12years, soI don't need a beta. The thing I need is to be less lazy, and I should be patient and check grammar more)

    Last but not least, I like Scraggy, but I don't like giving Pokemon egg moves(

  3. #303
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    look, firstly,about 5 moves. Let's count them
    1)Pound
    2)Bullet seed
    3)Quick attack
    4)Dig
    5)Leaf Blade(it wasn't used yet, but still..)

    secondly, JX Valentine is SHE, not he

    thirdly, thanks for the advice)but I don't need a beta reader at all. I have been learning English for long 12years, soI don't need a beta. The thing I need is to be less lazy, and I should be patient and check grammar more)

    Last but not least, I like Scraggy, but I don't like giving Pokemon egg moves(
    My apologies to JX Valentine. As far as Grovyl's moveset goes, if it hasn't used it yet, it hasn't learned it yet. I would suggest replacing Bullet Seed because both it and Leaf Blade are physical Grass Type attacks. That, and the only other move not worth keeping is Pound. However, now that you've developed the plot the way you have, it wouldn't make sense to replace it. Finally, I don't see what's wrong with egg moves? It's not like it's impossible. Also, the only other boosting move worth running on Scrafty is Bulk Up, which, as I previously stated is currently being run in the anime. Dragon Dance, on the contrary, has never been used outside of the manga and what better a place to showcase it in an anime-style setting than this.

  4. #304
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    Blah blah reminder on people to make sure reviews are constructive given I've just deleted/infracted a few more still. Props to you guys who are reviewing decently though!

    Also:
    I'll answer why I don't describe interactions between the Pokemon in battle too much. I do them, but I think many interactions and descriptions in battles may spoil the flow of the battle(I mean battles must be easy and quick to read)
    It's true that too many will slow down the battles and overdescription for anything is boring to read.

    That said, battles do deserve special attention most of the time in various aspects because of what they are; the battles! They're the most interesting part about the games, and the most exciting when you think about it; the parts where creatures with fire breathing powers, ability of flight or psychic prowess, etc, duel. =p

    As such, that's usually what should be the most entertaining part of the fic, and also the part easiest for the reader to visualise as they read, to make them feel as if they are actually there. One trick to include more while not necessarily putting in too much would be to merge the descriptions with the interactions. TheSirPeras put it decently:
    You could have Grovyle smile at Pelipper before the big clash which would be showing Grovyle enjoying the battle, while another Pokemon that doesn't like battling would show kind of a sad face.
    Say, for the sake of a quick simple example, instead of 'Grovyle slashed at the Pokemon's side.', you could have it as 'Grovyle grinned as he slashed at the Pokemon's side.' It's only three more words (two being 'as he'), yet with that we already get a feel of how Grovyle is feeling about the battle.

    As said, don't overdo it (and certainly not in the same structure all the time as that gets repetitive), but certainly it's not bad to dress up battles, and nor is it bad for a battle in a fic to be long either. It takes time to master pacing with battles as well, at any rate.
    thirdly, thanks for the advice)but I don't need a beta reader at all. I have been learning English for long 12years, soI don't need a beta. The thing I need is to be less lazy, and I should be patient and check grammar more)
    Hmm, I would disagree, in that technically nobody needs a beta reader. With enough time and effort, they can edit anything themselves. But it doesn't mean they can't help! It's often better to have a second pair of eyes, so to speak, to offer feedback. I can vouch for it firsthand; I had the 2nd half of my main fic beta read and certainly they were more polished compared to the first half, and with less mistakes in them as well. Very experienced writers both here and on other sites also use them. In short it has nothing to do with being good or not, and more to do with giving your chapter a better chance of being as good as it can be when posted.
    Finally, I don't see what's wrong with egg moves? It's not like it's impossible. Also, the only other boosting move worth running on Scrafty is Bulk Up, which, as I previously stated is currently being run in the anime. Dragon Dance, on the contrary, has never been used outside of the manga and what better a place to showcase it in an anime-style setting than this.
    While egg moves aren't a bad thing to have in fics, certainly, you can't overdo it. A Pokemon turning up with the perfect egg move is always going to look a little suspect; after all, what are the chances, especially as by the games most Pokemon do not have such moves?

    That, and what Pokemon/moves RealRaymon wants to have is in the end up to him. If you like to see the move in a fic, tbh the best way is to write a fic yourself and express it in how you view it. After all, maybe RealRaymon would not portray it as well as you'd like, or how you thought it should be done?

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  5. #305
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Say, for the sake of a quick simple example, instead of 'Grovyle slashed at the Pokemon's side.', you could have it as 'Grovyle grinned as he slashed at the Pokemon's side.' It's only three more words (two being 'as he'), yet with that we already get a feel of how Grovyle is feeling about the battle.

    Hmm, I would disagree, in that technically nobody needs a beta reader. With enough time and effort, they can edit anything themselves. But it doesn't mean they can't help! It's often better to have a second pair of eyes, so to speak, to offer feedback. I can vouch for it firsthand; I had the 2nd half of my main fic beta read and certainly they were more polished compared to the first half, and with less mistakes in them as well. Very experienced writers both here and on other sites also use them. In short it has nothing to do with being good or not, and more to do with giving your chapter a better chance of being as good as it can be when posted.

    While egg moves aren't a bad thing to have in fics, certainly, you can't overdo it. A Pokemon turning up with the perfect egg move is always going to look a little suspect; after all, what are the chances, especially as by the games most Pokemon do not have such moves?
    Well, I will improve on that, thank you both guys(for the advice)

    Well, I agree with you, but you know, I don't want to use beta reader for some reason Maybe beacause I feel that I use the easy way to improve grammar in fic(just by sending it to another erson, and not doing it by myself)

    That's what I mean. Who knows that iy will get this egg-move? But I'll think about it more, morningsun.

    Quote Originally Posted by morningsun View Post
    As far as Grovyl's moveset goes, if it hasn't used it yet, it hasn't learned it yet. I would suggest replacing Bullet Seed because both it and Leaf Blade are physical Grass Type attacks. That, and the only other move not worth keeping is Pound. However, now that you've developed the plot the way you have, it wouldn't make sense to replace it. Finally, I don't see what's wrong with egg moves? It's not like it's impossible. Also, the only other boosting move worth running on Scrafty is Bulk Up, which, as I previously stated is currently being run in the anime. Dragon Dance, on the contrary, has never been used outside of the manga and what better a place to showcase it in an anime-style setting than this.
    Well, yes, but I know what moveset Grovyle will have in the next chapters. For me Bullet Seed is the only attack now that Grovyle can use to strike opponents in distance. So, I don't want to replace it. Pound is worthkeeping move, and Ash's Sceptile still haves it.
    About Scraggy...Yeah, it is not impossible. So, I'll think about it
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 28th August 2012 at 2:03 PM.

  6. #306
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Well, I agree with you, but you know, I don't want to use beta reader for some reason Maybe beacause I feel that I use the easy way to improve grammar in fic(just by sending it to another erson, and not doing it by myself)
    Think of it like this: Betas are actually more or less teachers to the writing community's classroom. If you don't go to them, then you'll have a higher chance of making mistakes or not understanding the lesson. It's not an easy way out; it's a means of support.

    That and betas are a lot like reviewers, only they review your work before it gets published so that you can fix up drafts until you come up with something that's more publishable. So if you're okay with reviewers telling you how to fix your grammar, you probably should be okay with betas doing the same thing, really.

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  7. #307
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    Great chapter!
    It was great that Treecko evolved. And it was good that it suffered it's first loss because that proves that Grovyle is not invincible and that it still has a long way to go. And loss can also be a great teacher and it can motivate a lot. Also, I thought Grovyle would win when it had evolved but instead of that, it lost. I like it: Plot twists are always good if they're done right. However, I think Grovyle should have used a Leaf Blade in the battle. I was a bit disappointed when it didn't.

    Also, it was good that Taillow beat both Lombre and Pelipper. It made up it's recent loss against Brawly for me.
    However, while it was good that Taillow knows Aerial Ace, I think it should have learned it on-screen. For example, I think it would have been better if it would have learned it during the battle.

    The ending of the chapter was also good, although it didn't caught my eye as stronly as the battle.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by StarDestroyer View Post
    Great chapter!
    It was great that Treecko evolved. And it was good that it suffered it's first loss because that proves that Grovyle is not invincible and that it still has a long way to go. And loss can also be a great teacher and it can motivate a lot. Also, I thought Grovyle would win when it had evolved but instead of that, it lost. I like it: Plot twists are always good if they're done right. However, I think Grovyle should have used a Leaf Blade in the battle. I was a bit disappointed when it didn't.

    Also, it was good that Taillow beat both Lombre and Pelipper. It made up it's recent loss against Brawly for me.
    However, while it was good that Taillow knows Aerial Ace, I think it should have learned it on-screen. For example, I think it would have been better if it would have learned it during the battle.

    The ending of the chapter was also good, although it didn't caught my eye as stronly as the battle.
    Thanks
    Well, I wanted to show Grovyle's odd Pound and its loss. That's why it didn't use Leaf Blade.

    Well, as you know, Taillow has known Aerial Ace since Max first met him, so it couldn't have learned it on-screen
    Taillow: “Taillow!” (And flies to help its friends to get free)

    Murkrow: “Murkrow!” (Uses Aerial Ace again)

    Taillow(very confident): “Taillow” (its body glows white and it heads into Murkrow)

    Max: “It’s an Aerial Ace! Awesome! This Taillow must be there leader as it knows this move already!”

    The ending was just to continue the story, of course the main event of the battle is the evolution

  9. #309
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thanks
    Well, I wanted to show Grovyle's odd Pound and its loss. That's why it didn't use Leaf Blade.

    Well, as you know, Taillow has known Aerial Ace since Max first met him, so it couldn't have learned it on-screen



    The ending was just to continue the story, of course the main event of the battle is the evolution
    Oh, I forgot that it has known Aerial Ace for a long time. Sorry!
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by StarDestroyer View Post
    Oh, I forgot that it has known Aerial Ace for a long time. Sorry!
    It's okay)
    Just to say, the 2nd chapter of the new season is coming soon!

  11. #311

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    Hmmmm... just a thought here: Maybe Max could travel with Peeko, the two have a great relationship and it could coinside with a plot twist regarding Team Rocket and Peeko's owner(I cant remember his name right now). This could be purely temperory, as Max probably wont want two water and flying types. So this is just a thought and i thought it wpuld be nice
    Can't wait for the next few chapters
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

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  12. #312
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    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    Hmmmm... just a thought here: Maybe Max could travel with Peeko, the two have a great relationship and it could coinside with a plot twist regarding Team Rocket and Peeko's owner(I cant remember his name right now). This could be purely temperory, as Max probably wont want two water and flying types. So this is just a thought and i thought it wpuld be nice
    Can't wait for the next few chapters
    Great idea, thanks!)
    But Max will travel with Peeko, but not in a Team Rocket reappearance
    But you'll see soon. Thanks again for the suggestion!

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    Yay! Just finished chapter 5! Haha I still have a way to go before I catch up, I didn't notice any mistakes, but mind you my eyes are a tad slow today. I enjoyed the quiz, I got 3 correct, the slug ma one was so hard, especially as I always think its a gen 2 poke, I have no idea why. I think though the quiz kinda interrupted the flow of the story, however a great chapter nether the less
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    Thanks)I wanted to make a different chapter than before, so I made a Quiz. You'll catch up, because now I update my fic once per 3-4 days, not 1-2 like before.

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    Hi everyone!) Finally, I have a chanse to present you a new Chapter, about Max who meets the old friend. Check it out!

    The 20th Chapter: Gotta’ see you later!

    Max: “Yeah, Mr. Briney works here! I should go visit him!”

    (Max goes through the beach and sees a little wooden house with a bottle of Soda on the sign.)

    Max (with interesting voice): “What is this place? Well, I’ll find out.”

    (He enters the house and sees that a man stands at the counter and gives different drinks to anyone, who answers his question right.)

    Max: “That’s interesting, but it will be very easy for me.” (Comes to the counter to get the drink.)

    The man who gives the drinks: “Hi, boy. Feel free and choose any kind of drink you like.”

    Max (thinking): “Hi! Minute please, sir.” (Looks at them) “A Soda Pop, a Lemonade, a bottle of Fresh Water, Orange Juice…Okay, I’ll take one Lemonade.”

    The man (takes it): “Well, it will cost you one Question.”

    Max: “I am ready!”

    The Man: “What berries do you use to cure Pokemon of Paralysis?”

    Max (answers immediately): “Cheri berry and Lum berry.”

    The Man: “That’s correct! Here you are!”

    Max (takes it): “Thank you!”

    The Man: “You are welcome!”

    Max: “By the way, Mr., do you know where the Slateport City Shipbuilding Company is?”

    The Man: “Oh, it is not far from here. First, go to the large blue building near the harbor. It is the Oceanic Museum. Right behind this Museum you’ll see the Stern's Shipyard, the shipbuilding place.”

    Max (listens carefully): “I understand. Thank you very much, sir!”

    (Max goes to the Slateport City and starts searching for the Shipyard. After some time, he finally sees a light blue building with large black windows and big columns. He comes closer to it and sees a sign.)

    Max (looking at the sign): “The endless sea sustains all life. Oceanic Museum. Very interesting, I should visit this place for sure, but first I’ll find Mr. Briney.”

    (Max goes through this building and sees a large brown building located next to the ocean. A lot of boats and ships surround it. Max enters the Shipyard and sees engineers working. He sees a large pool where new submarines try theirselves in the water. Then he notices a man, who is monitoring this process, comes to him.)

    Captain Stern: “Hi, may I help you?”

    Max: “Good afternoon, sir! I am looking for Mr. Briney.”

    Captain Stern: “Okay, I’ll show the way to him.”

    (They go upstairs and see that Mr. Briney sits at the table and draws and designs the model of ships. Peeko is sitting on its shoulder. After it sees Max, it flies to him.)

    Peeko (yells with voice full of joy): “Wingull!”

    (Mr. Briney looks up and sees Max.)

    Mr. Briney (exclaims): “Oh, it’s Max! Long time no see!”

    Max (comes to him): “Yeah, I am very glad to see you again! I was trying to find you in Rustboro City, but…”

    Mr. Briney (interrupts): “But you saw that I have moved to Slateport. When Peeko returned here, I knew that some of my friend would come, and here you are!” (Smiles as Peeko sits on his shoulder.)

    Captain Stern (to Mr. Briney): "Okay, I have a work to do, so I'll leave you."

    Mr. Briney: "I understand. Okay."

    (Captain Stern goes downstairs.)

    Max: “So, Mr. Briney, what are you doing here?”

    Mr. Briney: “Usually I test new ferries and submarines, but today I will help with modeling and designing the new ones.” (Shows the draft papers.)

    Max (looks at them carefully and points at a submarine): “This is a huge submarine!”

    Mr. Briney: “And a powerful one, too!”

    Max: “What do you mean?

    Mr. Briney: “I mean that it can go through the strongest torrents of water and it can reach very high speeds!”

    Max: “Wow! Mr. Briney, can it go even through the torrents between Slateport and Pacifidlog?”

    Mr. Briney: “They are very strong torrents you are talking about, but this submarine can take it. No doubt about that.”

    Max: “Is it ready now?”

    Mr. Briney: “Let’s go downstairs and see. My colleague and one of the head commanders here should be here now. He has just tested this submarine.”

    Max: “Okay.”

    (They go downstairs and see that the water starts to gurgle. Then they see that the massive grey submarine arises. Then hatch opens and the black-haired man with black beard in black suit, shoes and trousers appear. He has a blue bandana with a white symbol. He comes out and goes to Mr. Briney and Max. Max becomes worried.)

    Max (to Mr. Briney): “I know him. It is Archie! Archie from team Aqua! What is he doing here?”

    (Archie comes closer and stands near them with a very satisfied face.)

    Mr. Briney: “It’s okay.”

    Max (points at Archie): “You are Archie from team Aqua, right?”

    Archie: “Right, kid. And so what?”

    Max: “What are you up against this time?!”

    Archie (says with a calm voice): “Relax. Team Aqua is no longer causing any harm. All we do is help in building and testing the best ships for the Hoenn region.”

    Mr. Briney: “Yes, he is right.” (Looks at Max sees that he realizes the situation now and looks at Archie) “So, Archie, how is the submarine doing?” (To Max) “Archie tested the submarine I was talking you about.”

    Archie: “It did a very good job. It passed through the torrents and many obstacles. But one of its propellers started to skid sometimes.

    Mr. Briney (looks at the ship, then the engineers raise the ship with the help of the device, and Mr. Briney examines it.)

    Mr. Briney: “I see the problem. We should replace it.”

    Archie: “Yeah, I think so.”

    Max: “Mr. Briney, when can we sail off to Pacifidlog Town?”

    Mr. Briney: “I’ll replace it today, but to be safe, we’ll test the submarine within two days. So, about three days.”

    Max (sadly): “Okay.”

    Archie (asks Max): “Pacifidlog Town? Why is it so urgent?”

    Max: “You see. I promised my friend to come back for it. It is in Sootopolis City now.”

    Archie: “You have said “it”? You mean a Pokemon?”

    Max: “Yes! It is still waiting for me.”

    Archie: “Listen, kid, we’ll try to fix this submarine as soon as possible, I swear.”

    Max: “Thank you very much!”

    Mr. Briney: “So, what are you going to do now?”

    Max: “Well…I am on a badge quest as well, and I guess I can go to Mauville City.”

    Mr. Briney: “Well, that’s a good idea. Good luck and come back!”

    Max: “I will! Thanks!”

    (As Max goes out of the Stern’s Shipyard where he met his old friend, Mr. Briney, he sets off to Mauville City.)

    The end of the 20th Chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 31st August 2012 at 11:20 AM.

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    Wow I've never expected to see Archie and Team Aqua in this chapter. It also seems like they turned over a new leaf and are not villians anymore. It's understandable how Max first reacted when he saw Archie, as he was a villian in the anime at the time when Max was traveling with Ash at the time. Also, I'm kinda disappointed that the submarine needs to be worked on for a few days for Max to head over to Pacifidlog (sp?) town, but you're the writer so you control what's going on in the fic. So Max is gonna go to Mauville City first to battle for a badge then? I guess that makes up the slight delay for Max heading to Pacifidlog town for me. Overall this chapter was good and it was nice that we saw Mr. Briney and Peecko again.
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    Mr. Briney: “But you saw that I have moved to Slateport. When Peeko returned here, I knew that some of my friends will come, and here you are!”

    Write 'I knew that some of my friend would come, and here you are'

    Mr. Briney: “Usually I test new ferries and submarines, but today I help with modeling and designing the mew ones.”

    I think you should write 'Usually I test new ferries and submarines, but today I will help with modeling and designing the NEW ones.'

    Archie (asks Max): “A Pacifidlog Town? Why is it so urgent?”

    Remove 'A'

    Mr. Briney: “Yes, he is right.” (Looks at Max sees that he realizes the situation now and looks at Archie) “So, Archie, how is the submarine doing?” (To Max) “Archie tested the submarine I was talking you about.”

    Write "(To Max) 'Archie tested the submarine I was talking to you about."

    (As Max goes out of the Stern’s Shipyard where he met his old friend, Mr. Briney, he sets off to a Mauville City.)

    Remove 'a' before Mauville City.
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    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

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    Quote Originally Posted by thedehydrator View Post
    Wow I've never expected to see Archie and Team Aqua in this chapter. It also seems like they turned over a new leaf and are not villians anymore. It's understandable how Max first reacted when he saw Archie, as he was a villian in the anime at the time when Max was traveling with Ash at the time. Also, I'm kinda disappointed that the submarine needs to be worked on for a few days for Max to head over to Pacifidlog (sp?) town, but you're the writer so you control what's going on in the fic. So Max is gonna go to Mauville City first to battle for a badge then? I guess that makes up the slight delay for Max heading to Pacifidlog town for me. Overall this chapter was good and it was nice that we saw Mr. Briney and Peecko again.
    Thanks for the comment, and yeah he goes to Mauville City for a gym badge)
    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    Mr. Briney: “But you saw that I have moved to Slateport. When Peeko returned here, I knew that some of my friends will come, and here you are!”

    Write 'I knew that some of my friend would come, and here you are'

    Mr. Briney: “Usually I test new ferries and submarines, but today I help with modeling and designing the mew ones.”

    I think you should write 'Usually I test new ferries and submarines, but today I will help with modeling and designing the NEW ones.'

    Archie (asks Max): “A Pacifidlog Town? Why is it so urgent?”

    Remove 'A'

    Mr. Briney: “Yes, he is right.” (Looks at Max sees that he realizes the situation now and looks at Archie) “So, Archie, how is the submarine doing?” (To Max) “Archie tested the submarine I was talking you about.”

    Write "(To Max) 'Archie tested the submarine I was talking to you about."

    (As Max goes out of the Stern’s Shipyard where he met his old friend, Mr. Briney, he sets off to a Mauville City.)

    Remove 'a' before Mauville City.
    Thank you, I have corrected them)
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 31st August 2012 at 11:21 AM.

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    Wow! I did not expect Archie to appear! But according to Emerald, it would make sense. And, are you going to put Maxie in? I can definitely see him in the Weather Institute, or New Mauville.
    Speaking of New Mauville, the anime never went there, but it would be interesting to see Max going there.

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    Thank you! Yeah, I am planning to put Maxie in later. Tell me please, what is new Mauville?

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thank you! Yeah, I am planning to put Maxie in later. Tell me please, what is new Mauville?
    New Mauville is the underground area with the Generator. Wattson sends you there to stop the generator from blowing up. If you turn off the generator, Wattson will give you the TM Thunderbolt.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    New Mauville is the underground area with the Generator. Wattson sends you there to stop the generator from blowing up. If you turn off the generator, Wattson will give you the TM Thunderbolt.
    Well, that's clear now.
    And you have predicted the next chapter.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Well, that's clear now.
    And you have predicted the next chapter.
    Really? YAY!

    anyway though, so you're putting Maxie in?
    Hmm. to be honest, with you putting in Archie and Maxie, I am getting curious to the Admins...

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    about Maxie...he won't appear soon.
    But the next chapter will have some unexpected things, that's for sure

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    Since I promised a feedback I figured I'd give it now :P
    Good chapter, great to see Archie return, hopefully more older characters will appear again like you've done sometimes already! I liked the lemonade part, it was a good way of introducing the city

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