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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #351
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    Like always, it was a good chapter, and cliffhangers are nice.

    Anyway, Magneton starts standing up? I thought Magneton float? Other than this, there were only minor grammatical errors.

    And it doesn't matter how long it takes to get a chapter done, as long as you still have fun making them, and it doesn't cut into things that also need to be done.
    Thank you for your comment
    I meant not standing, but recovering. Gotta change it.
    Well, I have fun, but not time. But I agree with you)

  2. #352
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    This chapter was good A few grammar mistakes but they're only a few and don't disrupt the reading so it's not a big problem. Liked that Mudkip was chosen even though he shouldn't battle, and the cliffhanger was awesome

    The chosen ones

  3. #353
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    This chapter was good A few grammar mistakes but they're only a few and don't disrupt the reading so it's not a big problem. Liked that Mudkip was chosen even though he shouldn't battle, and the cliffhanger was awesome
    Thank you Well, I don't know whether my grammar is improving or not, but we are preparing for IELTS this year.
    So, I hope that I'll reduce the amount of mistakes I make.
    I have also rewritten and I improved (I hope so) the first chapter. Give it a look)
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 29th September 2012 at 11:00 AM.

  4. #354
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thank you Well, I don't know whether my grammar is improving or not, but we are preparing for IELTS this year.
    So, I hope that I'll reduce the amount of mistakes I make.
    I have always rewritten and I improved (I hope so) the first chapter. Give it a look)
    You are improving a lot And I will now
    Edit: Yeah it's pretty different and better than what I remember
    Last edited by TheSirPeras; 29th September 2012 at 10:45 AM.

    The chosen ones

  5. #355
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    It was a good chapter.Though it had small grammar mistakes,it is understandable since you had not written a chapter for a long time.Mudkip finally evolving and fighting its electricity fear.But I don't think by evolving it can fight because it evolves into a water/ground type which take no damage from electric attacks so they shouldn't have much fear.I think he should have defeated Magneton to prove that he is not afraid of electricity and then evolved.
        Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:

  6. #356
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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    It was a good chapter.Though it had small grammar mistakes,it is understandable since you had not written a chapter for a long time.Mudkip finally evolving and fighting its electricity fear.But I don't think by evolving it can fight because it evolves into a water/ground type which take no damage from electric attacks so they shouldn't have much fear.I think he should have defeated Magneton to prove that he is not afraid of electricity and then evolved.
    Thanks
    Well, my plot was that Mudkip will evolve and lose its fear because the electricity won't do damage for him anymore. But you have suggested a great idea as well.

  7. #357
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    Yesssss!!!!!
    Its back! I'm very happy to see your fic back! I do appreciate that you dont have alot of free time due to school and such, lets comment....
    I must compliment you on how consistent you are in your writing, every chapter is good detail and content wise. I think your description was great as usual, i could imagine it. I like the way all of the team were given a chance against the magnimite! Good cliff-hanger, i cannot wait to see what comes next, you are a good writer and there isn't anything to critisize in this chapter. I looking forward to the gym battle in the near future
    My Shiny Pokemon:

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  8. #358
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Yesssss!!!!!
    Its back! I'm very happy to see your fic back! I do appreciate that you dont have alot of free time due to school and such, lets comment....
    I must compliment you on how consistent you are in your writing, every chapter is good detail and content wise. I think your description was great as usual, i could imagine it. I like the way all of the team were given a chance against the magnimite! Good cliff-hanger, i cannot wait to see what comes next, you are a good writer and there isn't anything to critisize in this chapter. I looking forward to the gym battle in the near future
    thank you very much!
    Comments like that help me to believe in what I am doing and motivate me to update my fic
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 29th September 2012 at 4:11 PM.

  9. #359
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    Good chapter! It was nice to see a new chapter after a long time. However, I understand perfectly that you haven't had time for your fan-fic because of university.

    It was nice to see Electric Pokemon causing really hard time for Max. And it was good to see Max remembering that he really shouldn't use his Mudkip. And of course the scene where Mudkip starts to evolve is great. It happened when all the hope was gone or something.
    Your grammar was good but there were some grammar mistakes. They didn't bother me, though, and I'm sure you're gonna improve in grammar. And remember: you can always improve if you work hard.
    Your descriptions were great, like always. That's one of the best things in your fan-fic.
    I wonder if Mudkip is gonna learn a new move when it has evolved. Oh well, even if it doesn't, it's great to see Marshtomp.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  10. #360
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarDestroyer View Post
    Good chapter! It was nice to see a new chapter after a long time. However, I understand perfectly that you haven't had time for your fan-fic because of university.

    It was nice to see Electric Pokemon causing really hard time for Max. And it was good to see Max remembering that he really shouldn't use his Mudkip. And of course the scene where Mudkip starts to evolve is great. It happened when all the hope was gone or something.
    Your grammar was good but there were some grammar mistakes. They didn't bother me, though, and I'm sure you're gonna improve in grammar. And remember: you can always improve if you work hard.
    Your descriptions were great, like always. That's one of the best things in your fan-fic.
    I wonder if Mudkip is gonna learn a new move when it has evolved. Oh well, even if it doesn't, it's great to see Marshtomp.
    That's true. If you work hard you can achieve anything. Well, almost anything.
    Anyway, thank you for your comment. I always appreciate your time, my friend
    And thanks for saying good things about my descriptions.
    And I hope you'll find out soon about Marshtomp and whether it learn a new move.

  11. #361
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    I saw some grammar and spelling errors such as putting unnecessary letter "a"s. I understand that you are really busy with your university and stuff, so those mistakes are understandable. I liked the battle with the Magnemites and Magneton. You put a lot of detail into the fight. You are also starting to use a lot of cliffhangers (which is a good thing). Great chapter overall!
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

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    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  12. #362
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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    I saw some grammar and spelling errors such as putting unnecessary letter "a"s. I understand that you are really busy with your university and stuff, so those mistakes are understandable. I liked the battle with the Magnemites and Magneton. You put a lot of detail into the fight. You are also starting to use a lot of cliffhangers (which is a good thing). Great chapter overall!
    Thank you, if all things go right, I can post the new one today.

  13. #363
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    Good chapter as always. It's understandable that it took you a while to post. Just go through and read it once more, especially the beginning. You should be able to find most of the grammatical errors.

  14. #364
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    Quote Originally Posted by morningsun View Post
    Good chapter as always. It's understandable that it took you a while to post. Just go through and read it once more, especially the beginning. You should be able to find most of the grammatical errors.
    Thanks for the advice

  15. #365

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    well its good to see this fic back, but don't worry about spending so much time, everyone gets busy!
    So the new chapter:
    Its great to see that max actually thinks about things (mudkip not being able to fight), and yet i think he has become more 'rebellious' by sending out mudkip yet he knows he shouldn't.
    I can't wait to see how mashtomp deals with its electric fears/immunity in the next chapter, it will be interesting to see how he fairs against the gym leader.
    Will continue reading this untill the end! no matter how long it takes
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  16. #366
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    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    well its good to see this fic back, but don't worry about spending so much time, everyone gets busy!
    So the new chapter:
    Its great to see that max actually thinks about things (mudkip not being able to fight), and yet i think he has become more 'rebellious' by sending out mudkip yet he knows he shouldn't.
    I can't wait to see how mashtomp deals with its electric fears/immunity in the next chapter, it will be interesting to see how he fairs against the gym leader.
    Will continue reading this untill the end! no matter how long it takes
    Oh, thank you!)
    Well, rebellious or not, but Mudkip needed a reason to evolve, so why not?

    P.S.good news guys, I will start new chapter tomorrow!
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 1st October 2012 at 9:24 PM.

  17. #367
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    Hi guys!
    Sorry for making this chapter shorter than usual, but I don't have a lot of much free time and I really wanted to post something here)
    So, I hope you enjoy this one!

    The 23rd chapter: New Mauville trouble!

    Max (Surprised): "No way...Mudkip is evolving..."

    Magnemite (gathers sparks of electricity): "Magnemite!"

    (Magnemite unleashes Thunder Wave into Mudkip, which glows white, but it does nothing, then reflects it, and moreover, Magnemite is stroked by its own attack. Mudkip grows up in size, stands on two feet and arms begin to form. After that the process is done, the glow perishes and Max sees a new Pokemon.)

    Marshtomp (looks very confident): "Marshtomp!"

    Max (shouts happily): "Yeah! My Mudkip evolved!" (takes his Pokedex and points at Marshtomp.)

    Pokedex: "Marshtomp, the Mud Fish Pokémon, is the evolved form of Mudkip. Its lower body is well developed, so it's capable of walking on two legs. It is able to move and swim more quickly through mud than through water."

    Max: "I have a great Pokemon! Well..."

    Marshtomp (turns at Max): "Marshtomp." (then opens it mouth) "Mar-Shtomp-Shtomp!" (fires multiple small balls of mud at the Magnemite, and hits one, making it faint.)

    Max: "Wow! Mud Shot!"

    Marshtomp (nods): "Marsh."

    Magnemite: "Magnemite!" (Starts gathering yellow electricity and unleashes a powerful Thunderbolt at Marshtomp.)

    Marshtomp (looks at it): "Maaarsh.." (closes eyes and looks frightened. Thunderbolt hits it and nothing happens. Marshtomp opens eyes and becomes much more confident.)

    Max: "Use Mud Shot!"

    Marshtomp: "Marshtomp!" (fires many small balls of Mud into the Magnemite, but Magnemite dodges and this attack hits a door and the door falls down. This time, Taillow recovers and flies up and Max, alongside his Pokemon, look at the door.)

    (Max sees two people standing near the generator and they absorb electricity with the help of their robot-like machine with magnets instead of hands. The machine is about a size of man, and is of grey colour with large head and two arms and legs. Its eyes glow light blue, the same colour that are eyes of Magnemite and Magneton. Two people turn around, a man and a woman in black uniforms.)

    The man: "They found us!"

    The woman: "Don't worry, Bill. It is only a boy!"

    The man (angrily): "My name is Butch, not Bill! And don't you recognize him, Cassidy? He gave us trouble in Petalburg Forest!"

    Max: "What are you doing here?" (looking at robot) "Ahh, you are stealing the electricity from generator, and" (looks at robot's eyes) "This robot is the reason why all the Pokemon were so angry!"

    Butch: "Right! But you won't stop us." (Smiles cunningly.)

    Cassidy: "Prepare for trouble..."

    Butch: "And make it double!"

    Cassidy: "To infect the world with devastation!"

    Butch: "To blight all people in every nation!"

    Cassidy: To denounce the goodness of truth and love!

    Butch: "To extend our wrath to the stars above!"

    Cassidy: "Cassidy!"

    Butch: "And Butch, of course!"

    Max: "I knew it was you, Cassidy and Bart!"

    Butch: "I am Butch! Weren't you listening to our motto?"

    Max: "Whatever! Taillow, Quick attack on this robot!"

    Taillow: "Taillow!" (Heads quickly into the robot)

    Butch (laughs): "Ha!" (takes the control pabel and presses the red button.)

    (Taillow reaches the robot, but robot stops gathering electricity and unleashes a lot of electricity into Taillow. Taillow falls on the floor.)

    Max: "Oh, Taillow! Return and take a rest!" (returns it and looks at Grovyle) "Are you ready, Grovyle?"

    Grovyle (nods): "Grov!"

    Max: "Leaf Blade!"

    (Grovyle strikes the machine with its light green sharp arms and the robot falls down. Its eyes stop glowing.)

    Cassidy: "Oh no! What should we do?"

    Butch: "We have gathered enough electricity for our boss, let's escape out of this place!" (Run through the door, but see a lot of Pokemon that are angry at Cassidy and Butch because of he robot. They start gathering electricity and unleash powerful electric attacks that explode and make Cassidy and Butch flying.)

    Butch and Cassidy: "We are blasting off again!"

    Max: "All right!"

    Magnemite and Magneton (Float and come close to Max and apologize to him): "Magnemite! Ton!"

    Max: "It's okay! It wasn't your fault!"

    (Max hears voice from behind.)

    Wattson: "I heard an explosion. Are you okay, Max?"

    Max: "Yeah, I am fine now."

    Wattson: "Okay, let's see the generator. I'll say how to fix it."

    (They go in the room and look at the generator.)

    The end of the 23rd Chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 11th October 2012 at 9:12 AM.

  18. #368

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    Never really seen the anime but are these members of Team Rocket or villians on their own? I ask because I've heard of these guys before. The battle was okay and I kinda like this story.

    I do want to say about this part:

    The man: "They found us!"

    The woman: "Don't worry, Bill. It is only a boy!"

    The man (angrily): "My name is Butch, not Bill! And don't you recognize him. He gave us trouble in Petalburg Forest!"

    Max: "What are you doing here?" (looking at robot) "Ahh, you are stealing the electricity from generator, and" (looks at robot's eyes) "This robot is the reason why all Pokemon were so angry!"

    Butch: "Right! But you won't stop us." (Smiles cunningly.)

    Cassidy: "Prepare for trouble..."
    We see that the man introduces himself therefore is named but the girl never did and you named her before anyone else in this story did.

    Other than that it's a good trainer fic and I do hope that maybe mine would be as good as this.
    岩根雅明=♡

  19. #369
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Never really seen the anime but are these members of Team Rocket or villians on their own? I ask because I've heard of these guys before. The battle was okay and I kinda like this story.

    I do want to say about this part:



    We see that the man introduces himself therefore is named but the girl never did and you named her before anyone else in this story did.

    Other than that it's a good trainer fic and I do hope that maybe mine would be as good as this.
    Thank you for your comment and nice words, I feel (or I am) embarssed
    Well, I like that you think that my fic is good, thanks very much

    Yeah, I made this situation a bit unclear. Actually, they are from Team Rocket and they appeared earlier, in
    The 4th Chapter: The first step is always the hardest!
    The 5th Chapter: A road to success!
    I thought that after you hear BUTCH(at least my readers who read the fic from the beginning), they will recognize the woman.
    But I have edited that after your post, and now, I added the name Cassidy to avoid any misunderstandings)

  20. #370
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    Yup. This was pretty good. I liked that they made another appearance here (BC).
    But, Marshtomp losing it's fear didn't make too much sense, even if you're immune to something, it doesn't mean you won't fear it. And how did it get a fear of electricity anyway?

  21. #371
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    Yup. This was pretty good. I liked that they made another appearance here (BC).
    But, Marshtomp losing it's fear didn't make too much sense, even if you're immune to something, it doesn't mean you won't fear it. And how did it get a fear of electricity anyway?
    It understood that electricity won't damage it anymore and became confident(and lost its fear)

  22. #372
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    It was a good chapter but a bit small.The Team Rocket Battle could have been better.Just one Leaf Blade took down the robot.Even Jessie,James and Meowth make better robots in the anime for which Ash has to come up with a strategy many a times like for example they use Rubber to insulate Pikachu's electricity.And it's been stated in the anime many times that Butch and Cassidy are better than the TRio even by Giovanni.So you could have made the battle a little longer.Atleast they could've used their Pokemon.

    7/10
        Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:

  23. #373
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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    It was a good chapter but a bit small.The Team Rocket Battle could have been better.Just one Leaf Blade took down the robot.Even Jessie,James and Meowth make better robots in the anime for which Ash has to come up with a strategy many a times like for example they use Rubber to insulate Pikachu's electricity.And it's been stated in the anime many times that Butch and Cassidy are better than the TRio even by Giovanni.So you could have made the battle a little longer.Atleast they could've used their Pokemon.

    7/10
    I fully agree with you on everything you have said. But unfortnately, having not much time forced me to write a shorter chapter
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 10th October 2012 at 11:36 AM.

  24. #374
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    Cool chapter, glad to see Butch and Cassidy return, I wonder why their boss wanted the electricity.
    It doesn't matter if you don't have as much time though, you should take your time to make a great chapter, may take weeks but that's what good writers do, you're still a good writer

    The chosen ones

  25. #375
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    Hey real raymon, good to see a new chapter. I liked were it picked of (the cliff-hanger). The description of mudkip's evolution was very good. As usual the description was very good, how the moves hit etc. And of course the welcome return of international super villans Cassidy and Bartholomew.

    There are a you things to improve. You said "Cassidy and Bart, i knew it were you!"

    The correct english is:
    Cassidy and Bart, i knew it was you

    Overall very good though, always good keeping the rocket due as an element in the story as it gives you stuff to build on. I am very pleased and this is one of my favourite chapters you have written.
    (Post 200=))
    My Shiny Pokemon:

    5th Gen:
    ;Emolga; ;Solosis;

    6th Gen:
    Greninja ;Volcarona; (X2) Aegislash ;Lampent; Diggersby

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