Max's New Adventures

[ultimateblaziken11]

I saw some grammar and spelling errors such as putting unnecessary letter "a"s. I understand that you are really busy with your university and stuff, so those mistakes are understandable. I liked the battle with the Magnemites and Magneton. You put a lot of detail into the fight. You are also starting to use a lot of cliffhangers (which is a good thing). Great chapter overall!

[RealRaymon]

I saw some grammar and spelling errors such as putting unnecessary letter "a"s. I understand that you are really busy with your university and stuff, so those mistakes are understandable. I liked the battle with the Magnemites and Magneton. You put a lot of detail into the fight. You are also starting to use a lot of cliffhangers (which is a good thing). Great chapter overall!

Thank you, if all things go right, I can post the new one today.

[morningsun]

Good chapter as always. It's understandable that it took you a while to post. Just go through and read it once more, especially the beginning. You should be able to find most of the grammatical errors.

[RealRaymon]

Good chapter as always. It's understandable that it took you a while to post. Just go through and read it once more, especially the beginning. You should be able to find most of the grammatical errors.

Thanks for the advice

[infernape100]

well its good to see this fic back, but don't worry about spending so much time, everyone gets busy!
So the new chapter:
Its great to see that max actually thinks about things (mudkip not being able to fight), and yet i think he has become more 'rebellious' by sending out mudkip yet he knows he shouldn't.
I can't wait to see how mashtomp deals with its electric fears/immunity in the next chapter, it will be interesting to see how he fairs against the gym leader.
Will continue reading this untill the end! no matter how long it takes

[RealRaymon]

well its good to see this fic back, but don't worry about spending so much time, everyone gets busy!
So the new chapter:
Its great to see that max actually thinks about things (mudkip not being able to fight), and yet i think he has become more 'rebellious' by sending out mudkip yet he knows he shouldn't.
I can't wait to see how mashtomp deals with its electric fears/immunity in the next chapter, it will be interesting to see how he fairs against the gym leader.
Will continue reading this untill the end! no matter how long it takes

Oh, thank you!)
Well, rebellious or not, but Mudkip needed a reason to evolve, so why not?

P.S.good news guys, I will start new chapter tomorrow!

[RealRaymon]

Hi guys!
Sorry for making this chapter shorter than usual, but I don't have a lot of much free time and I really wanted to post something here)
So, I hope you enjoy this one!

The 23rd chapter: New Mauville trouble!

Max (Surprised): "No way...Mudkip is evolving..."

Magnemite (gathers sparks of electricity): "Magnemite!"

(Magnemite unleashes Thunder Wave into Mudkip, which glows white, but it does nothing, then reflects it, and moreover, Magnemite is stroked by its own attack. Mudkip grows up in size, stands on two feet and arms begin to form. After that the process is done, the glow perishes and Max sees a new Pokemon.)

Marshtomp (looks very confident): "Marshtomp!"

Max (shouts happily): "Yeah! My Mudkip evolved!" (takes his Pokedex and points at Marshtomp.)

Pokedex: "Marshtomp, the Mud Fish Pokémon, is the evolved form of Mudkip. Its lower body is well developed, so it's capable of walking on two legs. It is able to move and swim more quickly through mud than through water."

Max: "I have a great Pokemon! Well..."

Marshtomp (turns at Max): "Marshtomp." (then opens it mouth) "Mar-Shtomp-Shtomp!" (fires multiple small balls of mud at the Magnemite, and hits one, making it faint.)

Max: "Wow! Mud Shot!"

Marshtomp (nods): "Marsh."

Magnemite: "Magnemite!" (Starts gathering yellow electricity and unleashes a powerful Thunderbolt at Marshtomp.)

Marshtomp (looks at it): "Maaarsh.." (closes eyes and looks frightened. Thunderbolt hits it and nothing happens. Marshtomp opens eyes and becomes much more confident.)

Max: "Use Mud Shot!"

Marshtomp: "Marshtomp!" (fires many small balls of Mud into the Magnemite, but Magnemite dodges and this attack hits a door and the door falls down. This time, Taillow recovers and flies up and Max, alongside his Pokemon, look at the door.)

(Max sees two people standing near the generator and they absorb electricity with the help of their robot-like machine with magnets instead of hands. The machine is about a size of man, and is of grey colour with large head and two arms and legs. Its eyes glow light blue, the same colour that are eyes of Magnemite and Magneton. Two people turn around, a man and a woman in black uniforms.)

The man: "They found us!"

The woman: "Don't worry, Bill. It is only a boy!"

The man (angrily): "My name is Butch, not Bill! And don't you recognize him, Cassidy? He gave us trouble in Petalburg Forest!"

Max: "What are you doing here?" (looking at robot) "Ahh, you are stealing the electricity from generator, and" (looks at robot's eyes) "This robot is the reason why all the Pokemon were so angry!"

Butch: "Right! But you won't stop us." (Smiles cunningly.)

Cassidy: "Prepare for trouble..."

Butch: "And make it double!"

Cassidy: "To infect the world with devastation!"

Butch: "To blight all people in every nation!"

Cassidy: To denounce the goodness of truth and love!

Butch: "To extend our wrath to the stars above!"

Cassidy: "Cassidy!"

Butch: "And Butch, of course!"

Max: "I knew it was you, Cassidy and Bart!"

Butch: "I am Butch! Weren't you listening to our motto?"

Max: "Whatever! Taillow, Quick attack on this robot!"

Taillow: "Taillow!" (Heads quickly into the robot)

Butch (laughs): "Ha!" (takes the control pabel and presses the red button.)

(Taillow reaches the robot, but robot stops gathering electricity and unleashes a lot of electricity into Taillow. Taillow falls on the floor.)

Max: "Oh, Taillow! Return and take a rest!" (returns it and looks at Grovyle) "Are you ready, Grovyle?"

Grovyle (nods): "Grov!"

Max: "Leaf Blade!"

(Grovyle strikes the machine with its light green sharp arms and the robot falls down. Its eyes stop glowing.)

Cassidy: "Oh no! What should we do?"

Butch: "We have gathered enough electricity for our boss, let's escape out of this place!" (Run through the door, but see a lot of Pokemon that are angry at Cassidy and Butch because of he robot. They start gathering electricity and unleash powerful electric attacks that explode and make Cassidy and Butch flying.)

Butch and Cassidy: "We are blasting off again!"

Max: "All right!"

Magnemite and Magneton (Float and come close to Max and apologize to him): "Magnemite! Ton!"

Max: "It's okay! It wasn't your fault!"

(Max hears voice from behind.)

Wattson: "I heard an explosion. Are you okay, Max?"

Max: "Yeah, I am fine now."

Wattson: "Okay, let's see the generator. I'll say how to fix it."

(They go in the room and look at the generator.)

The end of the 23rd Chapter.

[Gothitelle K]

Never really seen the anime but are these members of Team Rocket or villians on their own? I ask because I've heard of these guys before. The battle was okay and I kinda like this story.

I do want to say about this part:

The man: "They found us!"

The woman: "Don't worry, Bill. It is only a boy!"

The man (angrily): "My name is Butch, not Bill! And don't you recognize him. He gave us trouble in Petalburg Forest!"

Max: "What are you doing here?" (looking at robot) "Ahh, you are stealing the electricity from generator, and" (looks at robot's eyes) "This robot is the reason why all Pokemon were so angry!"

Butch: "Right! But you won't stop us." (Smiles cunningly.)

Cassidy: "Prepare for trouble..."

We see that the man introduces himself therefore is named but the girl never did and you named her before anyone else in this story did.

Other than that it's a good trainer fic and I do hope that maybe mine would be as good as this.

[RealRaymon]

Never really seen the anime but are these members of Team Rocket or villians on their own? I ask because I've heard of these guys before. The battle was okay and I kinda like this story.

I do want to say about this part:



We see that the man introduces himself therefore is named but the girl never did and you named her before anyone else in this story did.

Other than that it's a good trainer fic and I do hope that maybe mine would be as good as this.

Thank you for your comment and nice words, I feel (or I am) embarssed
Well, I like that you think that my fic is good, thanks very much

Yeah, I made this situation a bit unclear. Actually, they are from Team Rocket and they appeared earlier, in
The 4th Chapter: The first step is always the hardest!
The 5th Chapter: A road to success!
I thought that after you hear BUTCH(at least my readers who read the fic from the beginning), they will recognize the woman.
But I have edited that after your post, and now, I added the name Cassidy to avoid any misunderstandings)

[dirkac]

Yup. This was pretty good. I liked that they made another appearance here (BC).
But, Marshtomp losing it's fear didn't make too much sense, even if you're immune to something, it doesn't mean you won't fear it. And how did it get a fear of electricity anyway?

[RealRaymon]

Yup. This was pretty good. I liked that they made another appearance here (BC).
But, Marshtomp losing it's fear didn't make too much sense, even if you're immune to something, it doesn't mean you won't fear it. And how did it get a fear of electricity anyway?

It understood that electricity won't damage it anymore and became confident(and lost its fear)

[amittal12]

It was a good chapter but a bit small.The Team Rocket Battle could have been better.Just one Leaf Blade took down the robot.Even Jessie,James and Meowth make better robots in the anime for which Ash has to come up with a strategy many a times like for example they use Rubber to insulate Pikachu's electricity.And it's been stated in the anime many times that Butch and Cassidy are better than the TRio even by Giovanni.So you could have made the battle a little longer.Atleast they could've used their Pokemon.

7/10

[RealRaymon]

It was a good chapter but a bit small.The Team Rocket Battle could have been better.Just one Leaf Blade took down the robot.Even Jessie,James and Meowth make better robots in the anime for which Ash has to come up with a strategy many a times like for example they use Rubber to insulate Pikachu's electricity.And it's been stated in the anime many times that Butch and Cassidy are better than the TRio even by Giovanni.So you could have made the battle a little longer.Atleast they could've used their Pokemon.

7/10

I fully agree with you on everything you have said. But unfortnately, having not much time forced me to write a shorter chapter

[TheSirPeras]

Cool chapter, glad to see Butch and Cassidy return, I wonder why their boss wanted the electricity.
It doesn't matter if you don't have as much time though, you should take your time to make a great chapter, may take weeks but that's what good writers do, you're still a good writer

[PaddysTurtwigFanClub]

Hey real raymon, good to see a new chapter. I liked were it picked of (the cliff-hanger). The description of mudkip's evolution was very good. As usual the description was very good, how the moves hit etc. And of course the welcome return of international super villans Cassidy and Bartholomew.

There are a you things to improve. You said "Cassidy and Bart, i knew it were you!"

The correct english is:
Cassidy and Bart, i knew it was you

Overall very good though, always good keeping the rocket due as an element in the story as it gives you stuff to build on. I am very pleased and this is one of my favourite chapters you have written.
(Post 200=))

[RealRaymon]

Cool chapter, glad to see Butch and Cassidy return, I wonder why their boss wanted the electricity.
It doesn't matter if you don't have as much time though, you should take your time to make a great chapter, may take weeks but that's what good writers do, you're still a good writer

Thank you, that is very nice of you I really enjoy reading your comments
Well, Giovanni needs electricity for unknown mission in the Unova region

Hey real raymon, good to see a new chapter. I liked were it picked of (the cliff-hanger). The description of mudkip's evolution was very good. As usual the description was very good, how the moves hit etc. And of course the welcome return of international super villans Cassidy and Bartholomew.

There are a you things to improve. You said "Cassidy and Bart, i knew it were you!"

The correct english is:
Cassidy and Bart, i knew it was you

Overall very good though, always good keeping the rocket due as an element in the story as it gives you stuff to build on. I am very pleased and this is one of my favourite chapters you have written.
(Post 200=))

First of all, thank you very much, I appreciated your comment as I usually doYour comments inspire me to write more and more)
Secondly, it is very kind of you to leave an anniversary 200 post in my thread)

You know, I want to ask you one question...Why is this chapter one of your favourites?)I mean it is shorter than others

[PaddysTurtwigFanClub]

Im glad i make people want to do what their good at.=D

I really don't know why i liked this chapter so much. I will say again about the way i love your descriptions, they make me visualize everything like an anime episode. This chapter was a filler, but a decent one. I guess it is just all of the small elements coming together and making a good impression, mudkip evo, rocket etc.
I will always try to focus on the positives, because i think this fic is very good and i am glad you appreciate the amount of time i put into my comments.

[ultimateblaziken11]

Your grammar has greatly improved. The only two problems I found were:

Max: "What are you doing here?" (looking at robot) "Ahh, you are stealing the electricity from generator, and" (looks at robot's eyes) "This robot is the reason why all Pokemon were so angry!"

Add a "the" inbetween all and Pokemon.

Max: "I knew it were you, Cassidy and Bart!"

Make it "I knew it was you, Cassidy and Bart!"

And again, your grammar has really improved.

[RealRaymon]

Your grammar has greatly improved. The only two problems I found were:

Max: "What are you doing here?" (looking at robot) "Ahh, you are stealing the electricity from generator, and" (looks at robot's eyes) "This robot is the reason why all Pokemon were so angry!"

Add a "the" inbetween all and Pokemon.

Max: "I knew it were you, Cassidy and Bart!"

Make it "I knew it was you, Cassidy and Bart!"

And again, your grammar has really improved.

Thank you, I am happy that I made a proress in my grammar
I've corrected the mistakes that you pointed out.

[RealRaymon]

Hi guys!) I am very happy to present you the ending of the New Mauvile chapters
Here it is, enjoy!

The 24th Chapter: Elekid is my new friend!

Wattson (looks at the panel with many buttons): ‘’Oh, all systems function normally! But why wasn’t it working?’’

Max: “Maybe a robot was the reason it was not working.”

Wattson: “Which robot?”

Max: “Team Rocket used their robot to sap electricity from the generator.”

Wattson: “Well.” (Comes to a round grey thing, that is about 5feet, and looks at something.)
“Hmm…The generator has no electricity at the moment.”

Max (wonders): “So, what you planning to do?”

Wattson (takes Pokeball out of his pocket): “I’ll recharge it. Go!”

(Wattson’s Pokemon comes out. Its body is mainly blue in color and it has a spiky, yellow mane on its head. Max recognises this Pokemon immediately.)

Manectric (looks with a very confident look): “Manectric!”

Max: “Oh, your Manectric is more powerful than before!” (takes pokedex and checks the data on Manectric.)

Pokedex: “Manectric, the Discharge Pokémon. Manectric has the ability to gather local electrical energy in its mane, and then discharge it, creating thunder clouds.”

Wattson: “Thank you! Okay, Manectric, use Thunder!”

Manectric: “Tric!” (Starts gathering electricity and unleashes a powerful bolt.)

(The generator starts charging quickly and after 5 seconds, it starts working and producing electricity.)

Wattson: “All right!”

Manectric (smiles): “Trik!”

Wattson: “Let’s return to the gym now!”

Max: “Yeah! I want to see how Elekid is doing…”

Watson: “Ok, return Manectric, thank you!”

Manetric: “Man.”

(Wattson returns his Pokemon and they return to the gym. We see Wattson’s assistant attaching some medical equipment to Elekid. Elekid is still in bad shape, but it looks at Max, and it seems that it wants to say something to him.)

Max: “Elekid, don’t worry. You will be fine very soon.”

Elekid (making weak sounds): “Bwii-ii…”

Wattson’s assistant: “All is set and ready!”

Wattson: “Good. Begin.”

(Wattson’s assistant turns the charging system on and Elekid’s body is hit by electrical jolts. Its body glows and sparkles. After a short time, Elekid opens eyes and the system shuts down automatically.)

Max: “How are you Elekid?”

Elekid (stands and starts spinning it arms): “Bwii!” (uses thunderbolt.)

Watson: “Whoah! Stop that!”

Elekid (stops and looks down with a sad face): “Bwiii.”

Max: “Elekid, I am glad you are okay now!” (hugs it.)

Elekid (smiles): “Bwii”

Wattson: “Max, I think this Elekid likes you. Do you want it to be your Pokemon?”

Max (starts thinking about that): “Well, I don’t know…This Elekid has a trainer. Maybe I should return it…”

Elekid (after hearing these words): “Bwii!” (looks at Max and nods, showing Max that he is unwilling to return to his trainer)

Max: “What is wrong, Elekid?”

Elekid (points its arm at Max and says calmly): “Bwii.”

Wattson: “I knew it, Elekid wants to join your team.”

Max: “Is that true, Elekid?”

Elekid (nods): “Bwii.”

Max: “That’s great! Okay.”

(Max takes his bag, takes a Pokeball and softly touches Elekid’s head. After that Elekid starts glowing red, goes in the Pokeball and the centre of the Pokeeball glows right showing that Elekid is caught.)

Max: “Yeah! I have a new friend! Go, Pokeball!”

(Elekid comes out again and is very happy.)

Elekid: “Bwii!”

Wattson: “Congratulations, Max!”

Max: “Thank you, sir!”

Wattson: “Are you planning to challenge my gym?”

Max: “Yes.”

Wattson: “Is tomorrow fine for you?”

Max: “Yeah, it will be fine for me.”

Wattson: “Okay, I’ll be waiting for you. And don’t forget one thing.”

Max: “What do you mean?”

Wattson: “Use the door on the left side of the gym!”

Max (quickly remembers his past experience): “Oh, I won’t forget that, thanks!”

The end of the 24th Chapter.

P.S.gym battle is next. I have a good plan about the battle