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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #401

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    Woop, its back! tbh there's not much to add to what has already been said, i also noticed the mistake
    Max: “His Manectric was so powerful that day…And now it is even stronger.” (Asks himself) “Which Pokemon should I use? Hmm…Well, Marshtomp is immune and Grovyle is a good matchup against Electric Pokemon…I can use Elekid, by it hasn’t battled yet. I can use Taillow, but..” (Then continues) “Z-z-z-z…” (Ffalls asleep.)
    corrected:
    Max: “His Manectric was so powerful that day…And now it is even stronger.” (Asks himself) “Which Pokemon should I use? Hmm…Well, Marshtomp is immune and Grovyle is a good matchup against Electric Pokemon…I can use Elekid, but it hasn’t battled yet. I can use Taillow, but..” (Then continues) “Z-z-z-z…” (Falls asleep.)
    after that there wasn't many other issues. I like how this was a training chapter before the gym and i can't wait for the battle. I was thinking one thing... Will elekid ever fully evolve? mean it needs to be traded with the electerizer so how could max evolve it? the only idea i had was it was traded back to its old trainer but i can't wait to see what you do with it
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  2. #402
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    I haven't reviewed your fic in a while, but I'm enjoying it as always.
    I liked the addition of Elekid's to the team and its introduction to the rest of the team. Elekid's interest in the Pokedex was very interesting as well.

    Black 2 team

    Soul Silver Team


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  3. #403
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    I feel like the chapter was short, not long enough to be an "episode" per say. I say this because I know, or at least feel like, that's what you're striving to achieve. Take all the time you need, but make sure to keep your chapters somewhat consistent in length.

  4. #404
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    I liked you had a training session, most Journey fics don't seem to have them :P
    IT was good that you remembered that the rest of the team doesn't know Elekid, so to use this as an introduction chapter was very good to me.

    And like we said before, don't apolagize for being late on a chapter, take as long as you posibly need.
    Thank you)Glad you liked it
    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    It was a good chapter.Welcome back after a long time.It was good welcoming of Elekid by Taillow,Grovyle and Marshtomp.I didn't understand why Elekid want to take the PokeDex from Max.Maybe it likes it because it is powered by electricity.And Elekid surely seems strong,I wonder why Sho left him.And with the training chapter dedicated to Elekid, I wonder if Elekid will be the star of the gym.
    Thanks)MaybeWell, you'll see, but frankly speaking, even I don't know who will be the star of the gym, because the ideas come to me when I am in the process of writing
    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Good to see you back.
    To critique...
    I'll start with the only negative, you said by instead of but in the paragraph after Max remembers ashes battle. To the good. Glad to see a good bit of training going on, it proves the pokemon are developing and getting stronger. You described the execution of moves well, as always, I could visualise what was happening. I'm glad you're also giving pokemon characteristics it seems more natural. Well done, psyched for the gym battle!
    Thank you! I am also glad to see you backAnd you made an anniversary 400th comment in the thread!
    Yeah, I finally made a training chapter
    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    Woop, its back! tbh there's not much to add to what has already been said, i also noticed the mistake
    corrected:
    after that there wasn't many other issues. I like how this was a training chapter before the gym and i can't wait for the battle. I was thinking one thing... Will elekid ever fully evolve? mean it needs to be traded with the electerizer so how could max evolve it? the only idea i had was it was traded back to its old trainer but i can't wait to see what you do with it
    Corrected it, thanks! Well, in the cartoon Pokemon do not evolve after trading. Remember Slowpoke evolved into Slowking in Johto episode without trading, and Clamperl evolved into Gorebyss and Huntail without trading as well
    Quote Originally Posted by MaidensGhost View Post
    I haven't reviewed your fic in a while, but I'm enjoying it as always.
    I liked the addition of Elekid's to the team and its introduction to the rest of the team. Elekid's interest in the Pokedex was very interesting as well.
    Thank you! Glad to see you backI actually did that scene on purpose(about Pokedex)
    Quote Originally Posted by morningsun View Post
    I feel like the chapter was short, not long enough to be an "episode" per say. I say this because I know, or at least feel like, that's what you're striving to achieve. Take all the time you need, but make sure to keep your chapters somewhat consistent in length.
    Thanks for the comment! Actually, it is kinda short, but minimum length in fics is two pages A4 in MS Word. This one was between 3-4 pages But I understood what you meant

    Guys, I really appreciate your time, thank you all

  5. #405
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    It's good that you're back. I noticed some grammar mistakes...

    Elekid (watches at Pokedex and really likes it): “Bwiii…”
    (there shouldn't be a "at" in the sentence)

    Wattson’s Assistant: “I am good, thanks! I have good news for you?”
    (there shouldn't be a question mark at the end)

    Max: “Oh, you are a Wattson’s assistant! How are you?”
    (there shouldn't be an "a" in the sentence)

    Elekid: (is not sure) “Bwii..?” (Comes closer, focuses, and uses Brick Break on Boulder, smashing it on two parts.)
    (there should be a "the" between "on" and "boulder". Also, the "b" in "boulder" doesn't need to be capitalized)

    I'm pretty sure these are the only noticeable errors in the chapter.

    Great chapter! I like your use of imagery in the training scenes. I was also wondering why Elekid likes the Pokedex. Maybe it just seems interesting to Elekid.
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

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  6. #406
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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    It's good that you're back. I noticed some grammar mistakes...

    Elekid (watches at Pokedex and really likes it): “Bwiii…”
    (there shouldn't be a "at" in the sentence)

    Wattson’s Assistant: “I am good, thanks! I have good news for you?”
    (there shouldn't be a question mark at the end)

    Max: “Oh, you are a Wattson’s assistant! How are you?”
    (there shouldn't be an "a" in the sentence)

    Elekid: (is not sure) “Bwii..?” (Comes closer, focuses, and uses Brick Break on Boulder, smashing it on two parts.)
    (there should be a "the" between "on" and "boulder". Also, the "b" in "boulder" doesn't need to be capitalized)

    I'm pretty sure these are the only noticeable errors in the chapter.

    Great chapter! I like your use of imagery in the training scenes. I was also wondering why Elekid likes the Pokedex. Maybe it just seems interesting to Elekid.
    Thanks for noticing my mistakes, I'll correct them. About Pokedex, like amittal12 said:
    I didn't understand why Elekid want to take the PokeDex from Max.Maybe it likes it because it is powered by electricity.
    Maybe

  7. #407

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    About the Pokedex thing, my first thought was 'Oh it likes it because it is powered by electricity'. If so, i really want to see if/how you develop this.
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  8. #408
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    Hi, my dear readers! Today I present you the brand new Chapter! I tried very hard to make it so great that all of you can enjoy it
    As it has the gym battle, I advice you to turn on the Hoenn gym battle theme:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu4lE...eature=related
    So, the Chapter:

    The 26th Chapter: Electrifying gym battle! (Part One)

    (The sun is shining. Pidgeys and Taillow are singing. Max wakes up and makes up his clothes.)

    Max: “The third gym battle is coming!” (Then he goes downstairs and sees a Nurse Joy) “Good morning, Nurse Joy!”

    Nurse Joy: “Good morning! Have you slept well?”

    Max: “Sure. Thanks a lot!”

    Nurse Joy: “No problem!”

    (Max starts going outside when Nurse Joy interrupts him.)

    Nurse Joy: “Max, where are you going now?”

    Max (answers with voice full of energy): “I’ll have a gym battle today!”

    Nurse Joy (surprised): “Oh…” (Smiles like always) “I wish you the best of luck!”

    Max: “Thank you!”

    Chansey: “Chansey!”

    (Max goes across many buildings in the city and sees the large yellow building with a lightning sign on it. He sees Wattson, who is standing near it.)

    Max: “Oh, hi, Mr. Watson! What are you doing here?”

    Wattson: “Hi Max! Oh, I just went for some fresh air! Are you ready to battle?”

    Max: “I sure am!”

    Wattson: “All right! Let’s start!”

    (They enter the gym and go to the battlefield. Wattson’s assistant comes out of room where he was doing some research work.)

    Wattson’s assistant (remembers something): “Oops! I forgot to take the flags!”

    (Then he takes them and comes to Max.)

    Wattson’s assistant: “Hi Max!”

    Max: “Hello sir!”

    (They shake hands and Wattson’s assistant stands in the middle of the field.)

    Wattson’s assistant: “Are the battlers ready?”

    Wattson: “Sure thing!”

    (Wattson’s assistant looks at Max, Max nods.)

    Wattson’s assistant(raises the flags): “Start the battle!”

    Wattson: “My trusted partner, Magneton, I choose you!”

    Magneton (Comes out. Squints its eyes and looks very strong): “Magneton!”

    Max: “Wow, cool! I’ll battle Magneton!” (Takes his Pokedex and points at Magneton)

    Pokedex: “Magneton, the Magnet Pokemon. The evolved form of Magnemite. Its heavy gravitational power allow it to float, and it can emit powerful magnetic and electric fields.”

    Max (thinks): “Hmm…which Pokemon should I use?”

    (Suddenly one of his Pokemon comes out.)

    Elekid: “Bwiii!”

    Max: “Elekid, do you want to battle?”

    Elekid (looks at Max and nods): “Bwii!”

    Max: “Okay! Let’s try you out!”

    Wattson: “Okay, Magneton, use Thunder Wave!”

    Magneton: “Magnee…” (Starts gathering electricity with its magnets.)

    Max: “Use Thunderbolt!”

    Elekid: “Bwiii!” (Starts spinning its arms and unleashes a Thunderbolt.)

    (Two attacks collide and Thunderbolt's raw power is stronger than Thunder Wave's electric sparkles. Thunderbolt hits Magneton.)

    Max: “All right!”

    (Magneton quickly shakes off.)

    Wattson: “Elekid is strong, but no wonder a damage-causing attack was stronger than status-inducing move!”

    Max: “Oh yeah? Elekid, use Brick Break!”

    Elekid: “Bwii!” (Elekid runs towards Magneton)

    Wattson (grins): “Hm.”

    Max: “Strike!”

    Wattson: “Use Lock-On!”

    (Elekid strikes Magneton, and Magneton uses a red beam on Elekid, and places a red spot on Elekid’s body.)

    Max: “Oh no! Elekid, Thunderbolt!”

    Wattson: “Zap Cannon!”

    Magneton: “Magnet…” (Created light blue electric ball and fires it at Elekid.)

    Elekid: “Bwii!” (Fires Thunderbolt.)

    (Now the attacks collide, but Zap Cannon takes the upper hand. It hits Elekid and paralyzes it.)

    Elekid (shakes): “Bwii…”

    Max: “Elekid!“

    Wattson: “Ahahaha! That was the true power of the electric attack!”

    (Elekid keeps shaking.)

    Wattson: “Magneton, use Lock-on once more!”

    (Magneton unleashes the red beam again.)

    Max (shouts): “Dodge that, Elekid!”

    Elekid: “Bwiii!” (Jumps and dodges at last moment.)

    Max: “Now we won’t be hit again! Use Brick break again!”

    Wattson: “Use Magnet Bomb!”

    Magneton: “Ton!” (Creates an energy ball of a steel-greyish colour and fires it at Elekid.)

    (Elekid is hit and falls on the ground.)

    Max: “Elekid!”

    Elekid (tries to stand up): “Bwiii…”

    Max: “Why didn’t Elekid dodge that?”

    Wattson: “It couldn’t. Magnet bomb always hits opponent. Ahahha!”(Laughs.)
    “Use Magnet Bomb again!”

    Magneton: “Ton!”

    Elekid: “Bwiii…”(stands up.) “Bwiii!”

    Max: “Great! Elekid use Thunderbolt with all of your power!”

    (Thunderbolt counters Magnet Bomb and overpowers it. Magneton is hit.)

    Max: “All right! Now use Brick Break!”

    Elekid: “Bwii!”

    Wattson: “Won’t happen! Use Zap Cannon!”

    (Elekid prepares to strike while Magneton stores energy. Elekid smashes Magneton, but in the same time Magneton uses Zap cannon, and these close range attacks cause an Explosion.)

    Max: “No, Elekid!”

    (Wattson keeps watching till the smoke disappears.)

    Wattson’s assistant: “Both Pokemon are unable to battle!”

    (Wattson is surprised and returns Magneton.)

    Max (stunned): “Ahhh…”

    The end of the 26th Chapter
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 6th January 2013 at 2:05 PM.

  9. #409

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    Was that a plot twist that both Pokemon lost in the end? Other than that, great chapter and the battle was exciting.
    岩根雅明=♡

  10. #410
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Was that a plot twist that both Pokemon lost in the end? Other than that, great chapter and the battle was exciting.
    Yes, it was. Thanks for the nice words

  11. #411
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    The chapter was nice as always but I was kinda surprised that Magneton who had taken lesser number of hits also fainted but it may be due to the fact that Brick Break dealt it SE damage.
        Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:

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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    The chapter was nice as always but I was kinda surprised that Magneton who had taken lesser number of hits also fainted but it may be due to the fact that Brick Break dealt it SE damage.
    You are right. 2 Brick Breaks and 2 Thunderbolts did considerable damage. Also count the explosion.
    Thanks as always

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Watson: “Use Lock-On!”

    (Elekid strikes Magneton, and Magneton uses red beam on Elekid, and places a red spot on Elekid’s body.)
    It's Wattson, and on the second part you should have added an "a" before red beam xD

    Overall, a good chapter! I wonder who Max's next Pokemon will be, though I think it will be Marshtomp and Grovyle, since the other one is Taillow xD I liked that they both knocked each other out, and Lock On was a good idea, good job man!

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    Hey,
    I'll tell you what i was expecting. I was expecting a full gym battle crammed into a chapter. I was surprised pleasantly though. The effort that you put into your descriptions never goes uncommended =D I liked the whole battle, it was always in motion, there was dodging, there was hits. Elekids endurance also surprised me. Good beginning to the battle ... Just keep it up!
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  15. #415
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    It's Wattson, and on the second part you should have added an "a" before red beam xD

    Overall, a good chapter! I wonder who Max's next Pokemon will be, though I think it will be Marshtomp and Grovyle, since the other one is Taillow xD I liked that they both knocked each other out, and Lock On was a good idea, good job man!
    Okay, I'll correct it.
    Yup, you are right. But I won't tell you who'll win.
    And thanks, I tried to think of the original movepool.
    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hey,
    I'll tell you what i was expecting. I was expecting a full gym battle crammed into a chapter. I was surprised pleasantly though. The effort that you put into your descriptions never goes uncommended =D I liked the whole battle, it was always in motion, there was dodging, there was hits. Elekids endurance also surprised me. Good beginning to the battle ... Just keep it up!
    I know, but I was expexting more commentsThat's why I divided it into two chapters.
    Thanks for compliments, I put much effort in descriptions.
    About Elekid's endurance...Well, he took only like 3 attacks, while Magneton was hit by 5So not so huge endurance here

  16. #416

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    well, well well... first two pokes KO each other what a twist! Loving the battle so far, i can't wait for te conclusion.
    Now then, i have a bit of time on my hands so i will go through most of the mistakes and isues i found to help you out a little:
    The evolved form of Magnemite, Its heavy gravitational power allow it to float, and it can emit powerful magnetic and electric fields.”
    shouldn't be a capital 'I' unless the comma was a full stop.
    (comes out and looks very strong): “Magneton!”
    while this is not a grammar fault it lacks detail. How does he look strong? It is questions like this you need to be answering
    (Suddenly one of his Pokemon comes out.)

    “Bwiii!”
    who said Bwiii? of coarse we all know it was Elekid (yay for Elekid!!!) but you need to put the speaker
    Elekid: “Bwiii!” (Starts spinning its arms and unleashes a Thunderbolt.)

    (Two attacks collide and Thunderbolt hits Magneton.)
    I like how you have said the attacks collide and thunderbolt 'wins' (so to speak), but the reader doesn't know what the attacks look like specifically. I mean yes, most readers will have a good knowledge of pokemon attacks but some may not.
    Wattson (grins): “Hm…
    You used a smilie?!?!?!?!?!?!?! enough said...

    Well that is all i could spot. There aren't very many so that is great! Keep up the work!
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  17. #417
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    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    well, well well... first two pokes KO each other what a twist! Loving the battle so far, i can't wait for te conclusion.
    Now then, i have a bit of time on my hands so i will go through most of the mistakes and isues i found to help you out a little:
    shouldn't be a capital 'I' unless the comma was a full stop.
    while this is not a grammar fault it lacks detail. How does he look strong? It is questions like this you need to be answering
    who said Bwiii? of coarse we all know it was Elekid (yay for Elekid!!!) but you need to put the speaker
    I like how you have said the attacks collide and thunderbolt 'wins' (so to speak), but the reader doesn't know what the attacks look like specifically. I mean yes, most readers will have a good knowledge of pokemon attacks but some may not.
    You used a smilie?!?!?!?!?!?!?! enough said...

    Well that is all i could spot. There aren't very many so that is great! Keep up the work!
    Thank you for your time! I will post the 2nd part in 2 days(hopefully)
    I corrected the mistakes you mentioned, you may notice
    And you know, I was surprised when I saw that there is a smile...I corrected it

  18. #418
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    I really zhould catch up... Seriosly, your writing has i proved. I'm not saying it was bad in the past, instead, this is just even better.

    I really liked the plot twist, makes me think that Sho'll reappear as rival actually.

  19. #419
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    I really zhould catch up... Seriously, your writing has improved. I'm not saying it was bad in the past, instead, this is just even better.

    I really liked the plot twist, makes me think that Sho'll reappear as rival actually.
    Thank you very much!
    Don't know about Sho, but nothing is impossible

    P.S. Guys who watch my thread, try to read my fic, you won't regret a minute, I swearI want new followers of my fic

  20. #420
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    Great Fic man, I've been reading it from the start, but hadn't commented, add me to your pm list! I've always wondered what max would do...

  21. #421
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    I'm sorry for commenting your new chapter so late but better late than never.

    I think it was a pretty good chapter. I was a bit surprised when Max started the battle with Elekid (I kind of expected to see Max starting with Marshtomp but I now think he saves it for the last) but it didn't bother me. And the battle between Elekid and Magneton was good and full of surprises. I thought that either Elekid or Magneton would win so I was surprised when it was a tie. But I think it's good when you can't predict everything right.

    I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  22. #422
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xragon View Post
    Great Fic man, I've been reading it from the start, but hadn't commented, add me to your pm list! I've always wondered what max would do...
    Yahoo! New follower!
    Welcome man, glad you liked it. Feel free to comment anytime!

    Quote Originally Posted by Charizard-Fan View Post
    I'm sorry for commenting your new chapter so late but better late than never.

    I think it was a pretty good chapter. I was a bit surprised when Max started the battle with Elekid (I kind of expected to see Max starting with Marshtomp but I now think he saves it for the last) but it didn't bother me. And the battle between Elekid and Magneton was good and full of surprises. I thought that either Elekid or Magneton would win so I was surprised when it was a tie. But I think it's good when you can't predict everything right.

    I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
    Yeah, better late than never
    Thanks, I tried to surprise you and I liked that I actually did it
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 16th December 2012 at 9:22 AM.

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    I won't let you wait longer! Here is the 2nd part!
    Really tried to put every bit of my writing skills into it.
    Please enjoy it And, of course, the Hoenn gym leader music.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu4lE...eature=related

    The 27th Chapter: Electrifying gym battle! (Part Two)

    Wattson: “Great job, Magneton! Return!” (Returns Magneton.)

    Max: “You were awesome, Elekid, thanks!” (Returns Elekid.)

    Wattson (looks at Max and at the same time takes other Pokeball): “It is time for the 2nd round! Go, Electrode!”

    Electrode: “Elek!” (Looks at Max with a grin.)

    (Max checks Electrode’s data in Pokedex.)

    Pokedex: “Electrode, the ball Pokemon. The evolved form of Voltorb. Highly concentrated electric energy causes this Pokémon to explode unpredictably. Also known as the Bomb-ball.”

    Max (after a thought): “Grovyle, I choose you!”

    Grovyle: “Grovyle!”

    Max: “Let’s win this thing!”

    Grovyle: “Grovyle!”

    Max: “Go Grovyle, Leaf Blade!“

    (Grovyle’s leaves start shining green and look like two blades.)

    Wattson: “Use Signal beam!”

    (Electrode fires a pink coloured beam.)

    Grovyle: “Grov!” (Jumps and dodges the attack) “Vyle!” (Strikes Electrode.)

    Max: “Now Dig!”

    Wattson: “Electrode, stay strong! Use Charge!”

    Max: “Now, attack!”

    Grovyle: “Vyle!” (Hits Electrode!)

    Electrode: “Trode…!” (Shakes)

    Wattson: “Thunder!”

    Electrode (grins): “Eleek…” (Starts charging power.)

    Max: “Use Dig again!”

    Grovyle: “Grov!” (Starts digging a hole.)

    Electrode: “Trode!”

    (Elektrode unleashes a powerful Thunder and hits Grovyle hard. Grovyle falls on the ground.)

    Max: “No, Grovyle!” (Looks at Wattson) “Why did your Electrode attack so fast?”

    Wattson: “You see, Electrode used Charge before that, and I not only increased the power of Thunder, but I decreased the time of using it as well. Ahahaha!“

    Max (looks at Grovyle): “What? Grovyle?”

    Grovyle: “Grovvv…” (starts glowing.)

    (Grovyle stands up and its body starts glowing green.)

    Max: “All right, it's Overgrow!”

    Wattson: “Electrode, quick, Rollout!”

    Electrode: “Trode!” (Rolls towards Grovyle.)

    Max: “Get close!”

    Grovyle: “Grovyle!”

    Wattson (thinking): ‘Grovyle stands no chance against Electrode’s Rollout.’

    (Two Pokemon head into each other as Electrode rolls and Grovyle gets ready to use a Bullet Seed attack. When Electrode gets very close…)

    Max: “Now dodge!“

    (Grovyle jumps and dodges the attack.)

    Wattson (surprised): “What?”

    Max: “Use Bullet Seed!”

    (Grovyle fires seeds at Electrode and the latter keeps rolling and rolls with all its power into the wall.)

    Wattson: “Electrode?”

    Electrode (with spiral eyes): “Elec…trode..”

    Wattson's assistant: "Electrode is unable to battle! Grovyle is the winner!"

    Max: “Great Grovyle!”

    Grovyle (stands in a cool pose): “Vyle!”

    Wattson (returns Electrode): “Thanks Electrode.” (Then takes another Pokeball) “You are battling great Max.”

    Max: “Thanks sir.”

    Wattson: “But now it’s my time to rumble! Go Manectric!”

    Manectric (comes out and looks confident): “Manectric!!”

    Max: “Ok, Leaf Blade!”

    Grovyle: “Vyle!”

    (Grovyle gets in close and prepares to strike.)

    Wattson (grins): “ Use Flamethrower, Manectric!”

    Manectric: “Ma…Nectric!”

    (Manectric fires a red-orange stream of fire from its mouth at Grovyle. Grovyle is hit and falls on the ground.)

    Max: "Try to stand up Grovyle!"

    Grovyle: (Shakes, but stands up): "Grovyle!"

    Max: "That's the spirit, Grovyle!"

    Grovyle (nods): "Grovyle!"

    Max: "Try Dig!"

    Grovyle: "Grovyle!"

    Wattson: "Relax and use Charge!"

    Manectric (closes eyes and builds up electricity around it): "Tric..."

    Grovyle: "Vyle!" (Strikes it into the body.)

    Wattson: "Thunder!"

    Manectric: “Tric!” (Unleashes a powerful bolt at Grovyle, zapping not only Grovyle. but also everything around it. Grovyle falls again.)

    Grovyle (tries to stand up): "Grovyle..." (falls on the ground with spiral eyes.)

    Wattson's assistant: "Grovyle is unable to battle! Manectric is the winner!"

    Manectric (lets out a battle roar): "Manectric!"

    Max: "You were great, return!" (Takes his third Pokeball.)

    Wattson: "You are quite impressed, aren't you?"

    Max: "I sure am! But the battle is far from over. Go, Marshtomp!"

    Marshtomp (comes out and smiles): "Marshtomp!"

    Max: "I am counting on you, pal!"

    Marshtomp (nods): "Marsh."

    Wattson: "A ground type, huh? Don't you think that I can cope with them?"

    Max: "We'll see about that." (To Marshtomp) "Use Mud Shot!"

    Marshtomp: "Marsh...tomp!" (Fires many small balls of mud into Manectric and successfully hits it.)

    Manectric (shakes head to clean its' face from the Mud): "Man..."

    Max: "Tackle it!"

    Marshtomp: "Marsh..."

    Wattson: "Manectric, use Giga Impact!"

    Max (surprised): "What?"

    (Manectric becomes surrounded by an orange sphere of energy and it strikes Marshtomp, sending it into the wall of the gym.)

    Marshtomp (shakes): "Marsh..."

    Max: "I know that it should take time to recharge, so use Water Gun!"

    Marshtomp: "Marsh..." (Blasts water from its mouth) "Tomp!" (Hits Manectric at its body, but then corrects the aim and keeps blasting its attack at Manectric's face.)

    Manectric (finally has power to counter): "Man!"

    Wattson: "Let's finish this! Use Giga Impact once more!"

    Manectric (starts running): "Man..."

    Max (thinks what to do): "What should I do to stop it?" (Then suddenly brings up an idea) "Of course! Marshtomp, use Mud Shot on the ground."

    Marshtomp (smiles as he understands what its trainer is trying to do.): "Marsh...tomp!"

    (Marshtomp fires a Mud Shot at a ground and the ground becomes muddy and Manectric slips and falls on the ground.)

    Wattson: "No, Manectric!"

    Max: "Now, we'll finish this! Tackle it, Marshtomp!"

    (Marshtomp starts running and hits Manectric at a very high speed, pushing Manectric on several meters.)

    Manectric (tries to stands up): "Man..." (Stands up.)

    Max: "It still has energy to battle?"

    Wattson: "My Manectric is strong! Manectric, use Flamethrower!"

    Manectric: "Manectric!" (Fires flames at Marshtomp.)

    Max: "Water Gun!"

    Marshtomp: "Marsh!"

    (Water Gun and Flamethrower collide, and, for some reason, are of equal power.)

    Wattson: "Ok, use Quick Attack!"

    (Manectric runs towards Marshtomp.)

    Max: "Tackle!"

    (The Pokemon hit and push each other. Then they look at each others' faces. Marshtomp looks at its opponent with a serious and calm look, and Manectric looks at the Mud fish Pokemon the same way. After some time, Manectric closes its eyes and falls on the ground.)

    Wattson's assistant: "Manectric is unable to battle! Therefore, the winner is Max from Petalburg City!"

    Max: "Yes! I did it!"

    Marshtomp (falls on its back and smiles calmly): "Marsh..."

    Wattson (returns Manectric): "You were great as always, return!"

    Max (comes to Marshtomp and helps it to get up): "You were simply awesome, Marshtomp!"

    Marshtomp (smiles): "Marsh!"

    (Wattson and his assistant come closer. Wattson asks his assistant to take the badge of his bag.)

    Wattson (to Max): "Max, I really liked the way you battled, thanks! And here is your well deserved prize for your truly great victory over me. Please take this Dynamo Badge!"

    Max: "Thank you so much!" (Takes the yellow coloured badge that is shaped like a coiled wire.)

    Wattson: "What will you do next?"

    Max: "I will search for my friend!"

    Wattson: "I wish you the best of luck then! And I hope your batteries won't run dry! Ahahaha!" (Laughs.)

    Max: "Oh well." (Laughs as well.)

    (After that Max is shown in the Pokemon Center, chatting with his parents.)

    Norman: "A new badge? I am really proud of you, son!"

    Caroline: "I am too, honey! Oh, yeah." (Turns back and looks for somebody.)

    (Suddenly black haired boy with a red cap comes out...Max is stunned but is happy to see him...)

    The end of the 27th Chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 6th January 2013 at 2:06 PM.

  24. #424

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    Is it weird that I thought the battle was better with the music playing in the background? Anyway, I thought it was very exciting and gave me some tips on how to handle battles in my fics.
    岩根雅明=♡

  25. #425
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    Ash!!!!!!!!!!

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