right then, back after illness and stright away i come here! So here is the review for chapter 29 (30 may have to wait for now sorry)
A nice filler that paves the way for Ralts returning and i liked the addition of details about Archie turning good. I like the way Archie taks about Team Rocket, a bit of foreshadowing maybe? The detail of the buildings and the submarine was good.
Time for the grammar and stuff:
It should be 'We have arrived'Benjamin: "We arrived at Slateport, Max! What do you want to do here?"
should probably be 'shakes his hand' it just sits nicer on the toungeMax (shakes hand): "Yes. Thank you for your help, Benjamin."
just a typing error i would think you wrote hesees, it should be two words he sees(Max enters the Shipyard. Hesees that Archie and Mr. Briney are talking about something.)
while the grammar here isn't officialy wrong, Max asks in one tense and Archie replies in a different tense. It is a lot nicer to read when a question and answer are both in the same tense.Max: "Archie, have you repaired your submarine?"
Archie: "I did. It is ready to go!"
given the fact that Mr.Briney is saying he can't go with Max, it should be 'I would be happy to' instead of I'llMr. Briney: "I'll be happy to, but Captain Stern gave me an important task to do."
Team Aqua at the end, instead of team Aqua because 'team' is part of the name(Team Aqua grunts and Shipyard workers launch the massive grey submarine with a blue team Aqua emblem
'Explains to Max' you need to add the extra wordMr. Briney: "Sure thing!" (Explains Max how to climb the submarine)
'looks at a swarm' just a slight alteration here. Also, you could probably say Wow, it's so beautiful! this is now one sentance and it is has been made into it's - this just makes it sound better.Max: (looks at swarm of Remoraid and Clamperl) "Wow! It is so beautiful!" (Takes his Pokedex.)
'looking at Max' not 'looking on Max'Archie (without looking on Max):
'After a painful thirty minutes'(After painful thirty minutes, the torrents return to normal.)
That's all could find, there may be more but i'm not fully focused tbh as i'm still slightly ill.
I hope you had a merry christmas and i wish you a happy new year. i'll write more soon
Thanks Raymon! You know, i give time to this fic because it deserves it!infernape100 - I always like to read your reviews. Thank you for your time
So without further ado, let's see what's in the next chapter:
Firstly, Good idea with the italics for the flashbacks. The flashbacks were a great little touch to make the episode really heart-warming. I'd been looking forward to Max returning to find Ralts since the very start (or at least when i first started reading the fic) and it didn't disapoint.
You gave me a huge fright when Ralts wasn't there but i'm so happy that it is okay and a new member of Max's team.
Dawn and Pipup eh? i'm excited to see how you develop this
I must say this made me panic, though:you may or may not know this, but in English this phrase is used when someone dies and they see heaven or whatever. So for a moment i thought Max was dead or something!they see a light in the end of the tunnel
right then, as per usual its grammar time:
'A lot of buildings up there' is a bit vague. Try something more like They look up at the great Sootopolis City, with many white buildings towering above them. This sits nicely on the tongue and sounds rather more impressive as well.(They watch and see a lot of buildings up there. Archie points at a harbor. He moors the submarine.)
i would replace 'wish' with hope here. It is just more natural.Archie: "Here we are. Max, I need to go now, but I wish you find your friend. The best of luck to you, Max!"
I wish you the best of luck, too. is more natural.Max (nods): "I also wish you the best of luck."
'smiling without a stop' doesn't sound right to a native speaker. he has a beaming smile gets your point across nicely an sound good, as wellMax is very eager to find his friend and he is smiling without a stop.
you need to get rid of the 'a' before permissionMax: "Can I see it?" (Runs to Ralts without a permission.)
Those were the only faults i could find. You've improved a lot in your writing since i first read this story. Your imagery and grammar is great. The biggest issues with your work is just making it sound natural and i understand how hard that is for someone for whom English is not the mother tongue. I don't doubt that, in time you will be writing like a native speaker