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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #551
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charizard-Fan View Post
    Good start for a new part of your fic.

    It was good to see Dawn again, and I liked her interactions with Max: they were both realistic and funny. And it's nice to know that tournament is gonna be a water type tournament. That means Marshtomp will get a lot of focus in it, and we'll see Piplup in action again. Also, I hope Ash uses good old Squirtle in tournament. And I hope we'll see others as well.

    And you're probably not surprised when I tell you now that the best part in chapter for me was the ending. It's great to see good old Charizard again. We'll see him in N saga and in next movie, and we'll see him also in your fic. 2013 is definitely a good year for Charizard fans.
    You'll see them

    I am not

    I like how you are thinking Yeah, Charizard returns everywhere.

  2. #552

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    Good to see a new, long, chapter. I must say the one thing that was lacking from this fic was a big flaming asteroid appearing and now we have one! Only joking it is good to see Ash's charizard as it is one of my favourite anime pokemon. Now then another thing i want to mention is that i really hope Ralts evolves into a Gallade (unless i missed the bit bit were it was deemed female) as Max will be suprised and it would be rather interesting. Now then, its grammar time:
    ??? (looks at Ralts carefully): "So, this is Ralts..." (Takes red-coloured Pokedex with a large screen out of her yellow bag.)
    missing a word here: Takesared-coloured

    Max: "Well..." (Starts remembering the situation) "When I was on my journey with friends two years ago, I felt that someone was in a trouble.
    The opposite occurs here, you have an extra word: I felt that someone was in trouble

    Dawn: "Team Rocket? I hate these guys.
    Slight correction: I hatethoseguys

    Dawn: "Great story! I am happy that you are together again!"
    Max: "Thanks!"
    Two things for this one. There is no space between the two speakers and i think Max is not bold.

    Max (surprised): "Me? No no no. I am planning to participate in the Hoenn League."
    Some punctuation needed: No,no,no

    Dawn: "Hi Marshtomp! How are you??"
    Double question mark! You only need the one.

    (They shake hands. but Elekid's arm starts sparkling. Ralts becomes a bit scared.)
    Full stop followed by a lower case letter. Either change to a capital letter or replace the full stop with a comma.

    Dawn (with embarrassed look): "Yes! It was me."
    Missing word: withanembarrassed look

    Well that is all i could find. Another great installment and i can't wait for the tournament and the gym battle!!
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  3. #553
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    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    Good to see a new, long, chapter. I must say the one thing that was lacking from this fic was a big flaming asteroid appearing and now we have one! Only joking it is good to see Ash's charizard as it is one of my favourite anime pokemon. Now then another thing i want to mention is that i really hope Ralts evolves into a Gallade (unless i missed the bit bit were it was deemed female) as Max will be suprised and it would be rather interesting.

    Well that is all i could find. Another great installment and i can't wait for the tournament and the gym battle!!
    Thanks for noticing some mistakes! I've corrected them.
    I won't tell what will happen to Ralts(in terms of evolution), so stop asking me I'll tell you that for now I don't even know it by myself.
    Anyways, I am glad you liked this chapter

  4. #554
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    Hi raymon =D!
    Haven't had time to compose a proper comment until now, so sorry.
    I praise you for the lengthened chapter, you can actually notice it. But the praise doesn't stop there... Alot of people struggle to get quality and quantity, but you my friend have got both =D.
    This chapter is great, the pokedex entries were good as usual and you portrayed Max's excitement for the sinnoh pokemon well. Nice to see Max and Dawn know each other now, and Wallace's appearance was welcome. I can't wait to find out about the tournament and the suspicious orange object.
    Q: Where's Quilava????
    My Shiny Pokemon:

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  5. #555
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hi raymon =D!
    Haven't had time to compose a proper comment until now, so sorry.
    I praise you for the lengthened chapter, you can actually notice it. But the praise doesn't stop there... Alot of people struggle to get quality and quantity, but you my friend have got both =D.
    This chapter is great, the pokedex entries were good as usual and you portrayed Max's excitement for the sinnoh pokemon well. Nice to see Max and Dawn know each other now, and Wallace's appearance was welcome. I can't wait to find out about the tournament and the suspicious orange object.
    Q: Where's Quilava????
    Thanks a lot, my friend!
    Well, Quilava was there, but I didn't write an entry for it, because there were many entries in this Chapter, and I thought that Max already knows Quilava, so better to give entries to Sinnoh Pokemon.
    P.S.Well, you'll find out very soon, maybe(or likely) tomorrow.

  6. #556
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    Hi, everyone!

    I am glad to post the preview of the next chapter, and I am glad that you liked my previous previw

    So, here it is.

    The 32nd Chapter preview:

    Dawn: “Yes. Ash was my traveling companion in Sinnoh!”

    Ash: “And Brock traveled with us, too!”

    Pikachu (nods): “Pika.”

    Max: “That’s awesome! And, Ash, I am so glad to see you again!”

    Ash: “Yeah. I am glad to see you too, Max!”

    (Dawn looks carefully at Charizard, then she looks at Ash.)

    Dawn (with a surprised voice): "I didn't know you had a Charizard..."

    Ash: "Well, I sent Charizard training to the Charific Valley in Johto, just like I did with Gliscor. But Charizard comes back to me when I need it." (Looks at Charizard) "Right?"

    Charizard (nods): "Chari-zard."

    Max: "And Charizard isn't only the one Pokemon that is training apart from Ash."

    Dawn: "Really?"

    Max (answers with an all-knowing voice): "He has a Squirtle as well."

    Ash: "Right. But Max, I'd like to know more about you. Tell me, which Pokemon have you caught?"

    Max: "One moment, Ash." (Max takes all of his Pokeballs and releases his Pokemon) "Here they are Ash!"

    (Pokemon appear.)

    Grovyle (stands in a serious and calm pose): "Grov."

    Taillow (flaps its wings and greets Ash): "Taillow!"

    Marshtomp (smiles as usual): "Marsh!"

    Elekid (smirks and spins its arms): 'Bwii!"

    Ralts (comes out and looks around): "Ralts."

    Ash: "So, your Treecko and Mudkip have evolved. Great job, Max!"

    Max: "Thanks, Ash!"

    Elekid (tries to attract Ash's attention by generating electricity): "Bwii!"

    Ash: "Elekid, you look like a very cool Pokemon!"

    Elekid (becomes embarrassed): "Bwii-bwii..."

    Ash: "Taillow, nice to see you, you are looking great!"

    Taillow (smiles): "Taillow!"

    Ash: "And..." (Looks at Max) "Isn't it the same Ralts that I have seen before?"

    Max: "It is. I have found it! I am so glad that we are finally together."

    Ash: "That's awesome, Max! I am really happy for you."

    Max: "Thanks."

    Dawn: "Hey, guys, enough of talking already. Don't you want to practice before tomorrow's battles?"

    Ash: "Of course we do!"

    Max: "Let's find some place for training!" (Looks at Pokemon) "Okay, guys, return!" (Max returns the Pokemon.)

    (Ash, Dawn and Max find a practice battlefield in the backside of the Pokemon Center. There is a sandy battlefield with many trees, which surround it, and a lot of boulders, which lie on the battlefield.)

    Dawn: "Piplup, let's practice some moves."

    Piplup (nods): "Pi-piplup!"

    Max (throws a Pokeball): "Marshtomp, I need you again, pal!"

    Marshtomp (looks serious): "Marsh."

    Max: "Let's practice for our battle tomorrow!"

    Marshtomp (agrees): "Marsh."

    Ash: "Go, Kingler!"

    (Kingler comes out of its Pokeball. It looks powerful, and it shows the power of its Pincir by smashing it into the ground.)

  7. #557

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    The preview sounds interesting. Dawn seems surprised and impressed that Ash has a Charizard. It's also great that Ash is back again and that he will be practicing with Max and Dawn for the tournament. Also interested to see the Pokemon interacting with each other, if that happens in this chapter. I'm excited to see if any of them will face each other sometime in the tournament.
    Quote Originally Posted by Canada View Post
    Biggest Fan of the Diamond and Pearl Series: Dawn+Serena Fan

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    It would help if you add a bit more detail on how Kingler's pincers smash the ground. But it seems interesting, though a few things needed to be rephrased. Then we'll see what goes on at the tournament.


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    Quote Originally Posted by DawnBoy View Post
    The preview sounds interesting. Dawn seems surprised and impressed that Ash has a Charizard. It's also great that Ash is back again and that he will be practicing with Max and Dawn for the tournament. Also interested to see the Pokemon interacting with each other, if that happens in this chapter. I'm excited to see if any of them will face each other sometime in the tournament.
    It will happen.
    Well, they'll see each other, but I won't tell you who will face whom, so you'll find out by yourself.
    Quote Originally Posted by Quilava42 View Post
    It would help if you add a bit more detail on how Kingler's pincers smash the ground. But it seems interesting, though a few things needed to be rephrased. Then we'll see what goes on at the tournament.
    Can you tell me which things I need to rephrase? Thanks in advance.

  10. #560
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    Hi Raymon!
    Nice preview, Im glad its not from the very start of the chapter as that would just spoil the intro. Alot of prayers were answered and ash, pikachu and charizard all returned! There will be some good interaction between Max , Dawn and Ash! I've gotta feeling Mr.Ketchum and kingler will show off a bit in the water type tournament! Intriguing...
    My Shiny Pokemon:

    5th Gen:
    ;Emolga; ;Solosis;

    6th Gen:
    Greninja ;Volcarona; (X2) Aegislash ;Lampent; Diggersby

    Luvin' the t'wigs <3
    3DS fc: Paddy 2621-3316-5077 (Pm if you add me)

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    It will happen.
    Well, they'll see each other, but I won't tell you who will face whom, so you'll find out by yourself.

    Can you tell me which things I need to rephrase? Thanks in advance.
    Oh yeah, like this.

    (Ash, Dawn and Max find a practice battlefield in the backside of the Pokemon Center. There is a sandy battlefield with many trees, which surround it, and a lot of boulders, which lie on the battlefield.)
    It seems disjointed, like when you say it out loud with a comma before, "which surround it" But the rest is fine since it fits your writing style.


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  12. #562
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    Wow, guys, I haven't expected to finish it 0_0

    But, the earlier - the better, I guess

    So, enjoy it!)

    The 32nd Chapter: Training never hurts!

    ???: "B-w-a-a-hh!"

    Max: "What's that?"

    Dawn: "I think it was...from above?"

    Max: "Hey!" (Looks at the sky and sees an orange figure in the sky, that comes closer to them) "It's Charizard!"

    (The figure comes very close.)

    Dawn (with a very surprised voice): "And it's Ash! And Pikachu!"

    Ash: "Hey, guys!"

    Charizard: "Bwaah!"

    Ash: "I told you that I will come here in time!"

    Max: "You did, but I am still surprised."

    (Ash lands. Max and Dawn are smiling and look at Ash. Dawn comes closer.)

    Dawn: “I am so glad to see you!” (They give each other a high five.)

    Max: “So, it means that you know each other.”

    Dawn: “Yes. Ash was my traveling companion in Sinnoh!”

    Ash: “And Brock traveled with us, too!”

    Pikachu (nods): “Pika.”

    Max: “That’s awesome! And, Ash, I am so glad to see you again!”

    Ash: “Yeah. I am glad to see you too, Max!”

    (Dawn looks carefully at Charizard, then she looks at Ash.)

    Dawn (with a surprised voice): "I didn't know you had a Charizard..."

    Ash: "Well, I sent Charizard training to the Charific Valley in Johto, just like I did with Gliscor. But Charizard comes back to me when I need it." (Looks at Charizard) "Right?"

    Charizard (nods): "Chari-zard."

    Max: "And Charizard isn't only the one Pokemon that is training apart from Ash."

    Dawn: "Really?"

    Max (answers with an all-knowing voice): "He has a Squirtle as well."

    Ash: "Right. But Max, I'd like to know more about you. Tell me, which Pokemon have you caught?"

    Max: "One moment, Ash." (Max takes all of his Pokeballs and releases his Pokemon) "Here they are Ash!"

    (Pokemon appear.)

    Grovyle (stands in a serious and calm pose): "Grov."

    Taillow (flaps its wings and greets Ash): "Taillow!"

    Marshtomp (smiles as usual): "Marsh!"

    Elekid (smirks and spins its arms): 'Bwii!"

    Ralts (comes out and looks around): "Ralts."

    Ash: "So, your Treecko and Mudkip have evolved. Great job, Max!"

    Max: "Thanks, Ash!"

    Elekid (tries to attract Ash's attention by generating electricity): "Bwii!"

    Ash: "Elekid, you look like a very cool Pokemon!"

    Elekid (becomes embarrassed): "Bwii-bwii..."

    Ash: "Taillow, nice to see you, you are looking great!"

    Taillow (smiles): "Taillow!"

    Ash: "And..." (Looks at Max) "Isn't it the same Ralts that I have seen before?"

    Max: "It is. I have found it! I am so glad that we are finally together."

    Ash: "That's awesome, Max! I am really happy for you."

    Max: "Thanks."

    Dawn: "Hey, guys, enough of talking already. Don't you want to practice before tomorrow's battles?"

    Ash: "Of course we do!"

    Max: "Let's find some place for training!" (Looks at Pokemon) "Okay, guys, return!" (Max returns the Pokemon.)

    (Ash, Dawn and Max find a practice battlefield in the backside of the Pokemon Center. There is a sandy battlefield with many trees, which surround it, and a lot of boulders, which lie on the battlefield.)

    Dawn: "Piplup, let's practice some moves."

    Piplup (nods): "Pi-piplup!"

    Max (throws a Pokeball): "Marshtomp, I need you again, pal!"

    Marshtomp (looks serious): "Marsh."

    Max: "Let's practice for our battle tomorrow!"

    Marshtomp (agrees): "Marsh."

    Ash: "Go, Kingler!"

    (Kingler comes out of its Pokeball. It looks powerful, and it shows the power of its Pincir by smashing it into the ground.)

    Dawn: "A Kingler?" (Takes her Pokedex and points it at Kingler)

    Pokedex: " Kingler, the Pincer Pokémon. The evolved form of Krabby. Kingler's larger pincer has immensely powerful crushing strength, and its claws can pinch with the power of 10,000 horsepower."

    Max: "So, you have brought Kingler with you?"

    Ash: "Yup."

    Dawn: "Ok. Piplup, use your Whirlpool!"

    Piplup: "Piplup! Piiip..." (Piplup raises its arms and a large whirlpool appears above its head.) "Luup!" (Piplup throws the whirlpool at the nearby tree.)

    Ash: "Kingler, use Crabhammer on the Whirlpool!"

    Kingler: "Kuki!" (Runs towards the tree and stands against the Whirlpool. Than it jumps and smashes the Whirlpool using its powerful left pincer)

    Ash: "Great job, Kingler!"

    Kingler (nods): "Kuki."

    Dawn (with a surprised voice): "Wow! It has much power for sure."

    Piplup (agrees and looks at Kingler): "Piplup."

    Ash: "Okay, Kingler use Crabhammer on this boulder." (Points at a boulder near the tree. Marshtomp comes closer to Kingler.)

    (Kingler breaks the boulder in many rocks, and they are sent flying because of Kingler's powerful attack. Some rocks are directed in Marshtomp's way.)

    Max (to Marshtomp): "Be careful!"

    Marshtomp (stands in a calm and serious pose): "Marsh."

    (It waits for the rocks. When they come closer, Marshtomp extends its' arms and stretches them. The rocks fall on its arms, and then they fall on the ground.)

    Max: "Huh? Marshtomp, what are you doing, pal?"

    Ash: "Hm. I think it was trying to smash those rocks."

    Marshtomp (nods): "Marsh."

    Ash: "Okay, then. Kingler, use Crabhammer again."

    Kingler: "Kuki!"

    (Kingler smashes the rock, but now it does it softly, and the boulder breaks into many rocks. he rocks are lying on the ground.)

    Ash: "Now, throw them into Marshtomp! But not many."

    Max: "Marshtomp, stay focused, and when the rocks will come very close, extend you arms and break them. I know you can do it!"

    Marshtomp (nods): "Marsh."

    Kingler: "Kuki!" (Throws rocks at Marshtomp, but does it carefully, not trying to hurt Marshtomp.)

    Marshtomp (stand calmly): "Marsh." (The rocks come close.)

    Max: "Now, break them!"

    (Marshtomp extend its' arms once again. But this time it has a great desire to smash them and puts more power in it. Marshtomp waits for every rock and smashes each one.)

    Max: "You did it, Marshtomp!"

    Marshtomp (smiles): "Marsh!"

    (Ash tells Kingler to repeat the procedure, and this time Marshtomp's arms glow white. Dawn and Piplup stand and watch at the training session between the two Pokemon.)

    Dawn: "Marshtomp learned a new move! It looks like it learned Dynamicpunch!"

    Ash: "Yes, you are right!"

    Pikachu (with an excited voice): "Pikachu!"

    Max: "That's awesome, Marshtomp!"

    Marshtomp: "Marshtomp!"

    Dawn: "Hey, Max, do you want to have a practice battle against my Piplup?"

    Max: "Sure! Are you ready?" (Looks at Marshtomp.)

    (Marshtomp nods.)

    Dawn: "Piplup, let's start with Bubblebeam!"

    Piplup: "Piplup!" (Jumps, starts quickly flapping its' wings and shoots a ray of bubbles at Marshtomp.)

    Max: "Use Water Gun!"

    Marshtomp: "Marsh!" (Blasts water from its mouth and counters Bubblebeam.)

    Dawn: "That's fine! Use Whirlpool!"

    Max: "Counter it with Mud Shot!"

    (Piplup throws the Whirlpool, while Marshtomp fires many mud balls into the Whirlpool. Marshtomp keeps shooting and blasts the Whirlpool.)

    Piplup (surprised that Mud Shot broke his Whirlpool): "Plup?"

    Ash: "Let's stop it here. We don't need to tire our Pokemon, right?"

    Dawn and Max: "Right."

    Max: "You did a great job, Marshtomp!"

    Marshtomp (with a happy voice): "Marsh!"

    Dawn: "Piplup, you were great, as always."

    Piplup (with a noble look): "Piplup."

    Ash (looking at the sunset): "Well, it starts getting dark. Let's go into the Pokemon Center."

    Pikachu: "Pikapi."

    Dawn: "Yeah, that is a good idea."

    (Ash, Pikachu, Dawn and Max go into the Pokemon Center. When they try to go to the entrance, they see a loud, rushing voice from behind.)

    ???: "Out of the way, out of the way, out of the way!"

    (The unknown person runs with his Pokemon. The person bumps into Ash, and they fall on the ground.)

    Ash (gets up): "What's the big idea?" (Then looks at the person and becomes surprised.)

    (Max takes his Pokedex and checks the data of the Pokemon.)

    Pokedex: "Empoleon, the Emperor Pokémon. Empoleon is Piplup's final evolved form. The three horns that extend from its beak attest to its power. The leader has the biggest horns. If anyone were to hurt its pride, it would slash them with wings that can cleave through an ice floe. "

    Max (looks carefully at Empoleon): "Wow, an Empoleon..."

    The end of the 32nd Chapter.

    My comment on the chapter: Well, it had great interactions between the three water Pokemon. And I liked that I did a training Chapter, and that Marshtomp learned a new move.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 1st February 2013 at 2:12 PM.

  13. #563
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    It was a nice chapter.It was particularly surprising that out of all his Water Pokemon,Ash chose Kingler.It seemed pretty powerful.The interactions were good between the three Pokemon.But I didn't like the fact that the new move Marshtomp learned was Rock Smash(its too overpowered in the anime).I expect that the person at the end is Barry.
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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    It was a nice chapter.It was particularly surprising that out of all his Water Pokemon,Ash chose Kingler.It seemed pretty powerful.The interactions were good between the three Pokemon.But I didn't like the fact that the new move Marshtomp learned was Rock Smash(its too overpowered in the anime).I expect that the person at the end is Barry.
    Thanks. It didn't only choose Kingler. I have only shown Kingler in this Chapter. There will be many rounds, and not only Kingler will battle.
    Rock Smash has 40 base power, so it is better than giving him Hammer Arm or Dynamicpunch.
    And yes, it is him

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    :3 is that Barry at the end? Or is it Kenny who'se at his contest jurney in Hoenn like he said?

    Choosing kingler was nice, instead of the complete overused Squirtle.


    Though I dislike that Marshtomp learned Rock Smash, as it, like the above poster said, was pretty OPed in the real Anime.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    :3 is that Barry at the end? Or is it Kenny who'se at his contest jurney in Hoenn like he said?
    Choosing kingler was nice, instead of the complete overused Squirtle.
    Though I dislike that Marshtomp learned Rock Smash, as it, like the above poster said, was pretty OPed in the real Anime.
    Barry.
    Complete overused Squirtle? He wasn't used since the Battle frontier, and he didn't appear in the Hoenn League + he battled only once in Johto.
    Well, like I said in the above post, Kingler is not the only Pokemon Ash will use
    I didn't want to give Marshtomp Brick Break, Elekid knows it. And it is too early for either Hammer Arm or Superpower. So, if you don't like Rock Smash, I'll change it to Dynamicpunch like I initially wanted
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 1st February 2013 at 2:13 PM.

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    I love the budding romance between Max and Ash, keep up the good work!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Emrys View Post
    I love the budding romance between Max and Ash, keep up the good work!
    Romance? They are good friends. I might have not understood you correctly, though.
    Thanks
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 1st February 2013 at 6:37 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Romance?) They are good friends. I might have not understood you correctly, though.
    Thanks
    They're falling in love in front of our eyes it's beautiful!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Emrys View Post
    They're falling in love in front of our eyes it's beautiful!
    Do you realize that you are talking on Homosexual topic?
    Children may be reading my fic, and they can see your posts.

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    Hi Raymon!
    I'd like to say this chapter really did exceed my expectations. Ashs return, is good and I'm glad you used Kingler with his awesome crabhammer. Glad to see Marshtomp back in the limelight and getting dynamic punch. Content and description 100% as usual. This tournaments roster is increasing with Max, Dawn and Ash, and the possible inclusion of Barry! Could we see any more old faces? Great chapter
    My Shiny Pokemon:

    5th Gen:
    ;Emolga; ;Solosis;

    6th Gen:
    Greninja ;Volcarona; (X2) Aegislash ;Lampent; Diggersby

    Luvin' the t'wigs <3
    3DS fc: Paddy 2621-3316-5077 (Pm if you add me)

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    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hi Raymon!
    I'd like to say this chapter really did exceed my expectations. Ashs return, is good and I'm glad you used Kingler with his awesome crabhammer. Glad to see Marshtomp back in the limelight and getting dynamic punch. Content and description 100% as usual. This tournaments roster is increasing with Max, Dawn and Ash, and the possible inclusion of Barry! Could we see any more old faces? Great chapter
    Hi, Paddy!
    As usual, thank you very much! Thanks for the nice words.
    You'll see old faces in several hours(next chapter is coming). But it will be Juan and Wallace

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Do you realize that you are talking on Homosexual topic?
    Children may be reading my fic, and they can see your posts.
    Well It's just me commenting on the vibe I've been getting.

    Max: “That’s awesome! And, Ash, I am so glad to see you again!”

    Ash: “Yeah. I am glad to see you too, Max!”

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    Quote Originally Posted by Emrys View Post
    Max: “That’s awesome! And, Ash, I am so glad to see you again!”
    Ash: “Yeah. I am glad to see you too, Max!”
    Are you serious right now? I won't argue with you. But if you judged that this is romance by these lines, then you don't have real friends...

  25. #575
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Narnia
    Posts
    11

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Are you serious right now? I won't argue with you. But if you judged that this is romance by these lines, then you don't have real friends...
    I fail to detect how the clear indication of romantic interest between two main characters within a internet Pokemon fan fiction is a direct indicator of popularity, care to explain further?

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