Max's New Adventures

[DawnBoy]

Hello sorry I haven't reviewed the last 2 chapters, I was busy. Anyways here I go XD

The 1st chapter of the water tournament was very interesting. Barry returning and entering the tournament along with Ash, Dawn, and Max will make this a very entertaining tournament. Alos the battles are very well written and very detailed. I also like how both of these chapters are mostly about the battles in the tournaments. I can't wait to see if Max, Dawn, Ash, or Barry will battle against each other soon. That would make the match ups a little more interesting.

[RealRaymon]

Hey Raymon
You're doing a good job with your writing. Sorry I haven't posted recently. I just caught up. I'm especially liking the characters who you are re-introducing and most if your battles. Please continue to PM me when making a new chapter; I'll try my best to keep up.

I will.

Hello sorry I haven't reviewed the last 2 chapters, I was busy. Anyways here I go XD
The 1st chapter of the water tournament was very interesting. Barry returning and entering the tournament along with Ash, Dawn, and Max will make this a very entertaining tournament. Alos the battles are very well written and very detailed. I also like how both of these chapters are mostly about the battles in the tournaments. I can't wait to see if Max, Dawn, Ash, or Barry will battle against each other soon. That would make the match ups a little more interesting.

That's okay, but try to make longer reviews
I am glad you liked the tourney, and thank you for the comment,
I'll think about main characters meeting each other in the next round

EDIT: Here is my preview of the next chapter

Preview:

(Ash, Max, Dawn, and Barry are in a hurry, as they try to get to the stadium in time. They enter the stadium, and hear the announcer.)

Announcer: "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! The second round of the Water Specialty tournament will be held today. 32 participants, who won their matches yesterday, will battle today!"

(Ash, Max, Dawn, and Barry take their seats.)

Dawn (with angry voice): "Ash, I told you that we haven't had a time for lunch!"

Ash: "I can't battle on an empty stomach, Dawn!"

Barry: "Calm down, guys. Look at the screen!"

(They look at the screen and see the tournament bracket with pictures of the participants.)

Announcer: "And here you have it! It is today's bracket!"

Ash: "Hey, I am against another girl!" (smiles mischievously) "I guess it is another easy win for me..."

Pikachu (agrees with Ash): "Pikachu!"

Barry: "We'll see about that, Ash! You better not lose before I defeat you!"

Max (looks at the screen): "And I battle right after Ash. I am against that weird lady..." (Looks at a middle-aged lady with brown hair, fat cheeks and a small nose.)

Dawn: "She really looks strange...But where am I?" (Becomes very surprised) "Huh? I am against Barry!"

Piplup (with a surprised voice): "Plup?"

Barry: "You are right, Dawn! But, hey, let's make this battle a memorable one!"

Dawn (nods): "Right."

Announcer: "And let us begin the second round!"

[Charizard-Fan]

Preview was good. I was surprised to find out that Dawn and Barry will face each other. I'm not sure who will win and I'm not sure who I want to win. I know one thing, though: I want to see an intense battle. I also wonder what Pokemon Ash will use in this round.

[PaddysTurtwigFanClub]

Hey Raymon =D
Good preview, I'm intrigued. The next round will be a heated one. Im glad Dawn and Barry are fighting as the last round was a little too comfortable for all of 'our heroes'. Ash should get through but Max's opponent sounds interesting. I can't currently decide between Dawn and Barry. Good preview I'm looking forward to it =D.

[TheSirPeras]

Well really long time after, time to review this chapter :P

Manny: "Thank you!" (Goesupstairs.)

No space between the words lol XD

Ash: "So, Max is only one yet to battle!"

Should be "Max is THE only one yet to battle!"

Wallrein (yells): "Rein!"

Walrein has only one L

Marina: "Use Ice Beam, Wallrein!"

Same here xp
You did it in this little part of the chapter every time, just saying :P xD

Well yeah that was pretty much it

I liked the chapter, your battle description was really good! I liked when you said Marshtomp closed his left eye because of the damage, it was pretty smart and realistic Good job

EDIT:

Thought I'd do this as well :P

Ash: "I can't battle on empty stomach, Dawn!"

Should be "I can't battle on AN empty stomach"

Barry: "We'll see about that, Ash! You better don't lose before I defeat you!"

And here it should be "You better not lose"

Well nice preview, now I can't wait to see the battle between Barry and Dawn XD I want either one to win, since Barry didn't get to fight Ash in the Sinnoh league, and I'd also like Dawn to win just to see how she'd battle XD

[Blazicken]

^what he said

(They look at the screen. They see the tournament bracket with pictures of the participants.)

Instead of using "they" 2ce, you could simply use "and".
They look at the screen and see the tournament bracket with (the) pictures of the participants.

Announcer: "And here you have it! It is the today's bracket!"

You can't use "the" in this sentence, u could simply write "It's today's bracket"
or simply "Today's bracket, ladies and gentlemen!"
never use a noun when you write "yesterday's" or "today's" before a word.

Barry: "We'll see about that, Ash! You better don't lose before I defeat you!"

"You('d) better not lose before I defeat you!" is the right way to express a "threat" like that.

Max (looks at the screen): "And I battle right after Ash. I am against that weird lady..." (Looks at a middle-aged lady with brown hair and fat cheeks and a small nose.)

only use "and" at the end, when you want to finish summing up.
Looks at a middle-aged lady with brown hair, fat cheeks and a small nose.


Looks like a promissing chapter.

[RealRaymon]

Preview was good. I was surprised to find out that Dawn and Barry will face each other. I'm not sure who will win and I'm not sure who I want to win. I know one thing, though: I want to see an intense battle. I also wonder what Pokemon Ash will use in this round.

You'll get an intense battle. I'll try hard to make the battle intense.

Hey Raymon =D
Good preview, I'm intrigued. The next round will be a heated one. Im glad Dawn and Barry are fighting as the last round was a little too comfortable for all of 'our heroes'. Ash should get through but Max's opponent sounds interesting. I can't currently decide between Dawn and Barry. Good preview I'm looking forward to it =D.

Hey Paddy =D
Yeah, I thought that as well, so I made Barry battla against Dawn, even though Max and Marshtomp had a hard time.

TheSirPeras, Blazicken, thank you very much for noticing the mistakes, I corrected them

[Dormant]

Sorry! My internet broke! But I'm here now!

Barry vs Dawn... I can't wait to see it! I would laugh if Ash lose to the girl he deemed easy. But whatever! I can't wait for the next chapter!!

[dirkac]

Hum, Max's opponent doundsinteresting, wonder what Pokémon she'll use? Maybe a Ludicolo to counter Marchtomp?

I wonder who Ash'll use, and who he's up against.

And, Dawn Vs Barry seems interesting, I can't tell who'll win, but I can't tell who I want to win either. But, because both have Piplup/Empoleon, this seems like it's going to be another Evolutionary Battle. Unless Barry uses his Floatzel, or Dawn or Barry end up having new Water Types.

[OceanicLanturn]

I get this feeling that you're building Ash vs Max for the finals and you're writing out Dawn and Barry asap :P

But yeah, your battles have been pretty good so far. Keep up the good work!

[RealRaymon]

Sorry! My internet broke! But I'm here now!

Don't worry!

Barry vs Dawn... I can't wait to see it!

Dawn Vs Barry seems interesting, I can't tell who'll win, but I can't tell who I want to win either. But, because both have Piplup/Empoleon, this seems like it's going to be another Evolutionary Battle.

You are really waiting for Dawn vs Barry battle...I'll sure try to make it a great battle!

I get this feeling that you're building Ash vs Max for the finals and you're writing out Dawn and Barry asap :P

Noppers

[RealRaymon]

The 35th Chapter: Second round is a way to look around!

(Ash, Max, Dawn, and Barry are in a hurry, as they try to get to the stadium in time. They enter the stadium, and hear the announcer.)

Announcer: "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! The second round of the Water Specialty tournament will be held today. 32 participants, who won their matches yesterday, will battle today!"

(Ash, Max, Dawn, and Barry take their seats.)

Dawn (with an angry voice): "Ash, I told you that we wouldn't have time for lunch!"

Ash: "I can't battle on an empty stomach, Dawn!"

Barry: "Calm down, guys. Look at the screen!"

(They look at the screen and see the tournament brackets with pictures of the participants.)

Announcer: "And here you have today's bracket!"

Ash: "Hey, I am against another girl!" (smiles mischievously) "I guess it is another easy win for me..."

Pikachu (agrees with Ash): "Pikachu!"

Barry: "We'll see about that, Ash! You better not lose before I defeat you!"

Max (looks at the screen): "And I battle right after Ash. I am against that weird lady..." (Looks at a middle-aged lady with brown hair, fat cheeks and a small nose.)

Dawn: "She really looks strange...But where am I?" (Becomes very surprised) "Huh? I am against Barry!"

Piplup (with a surprised voice): "Plup?"

Barry: "You are right, Dawn! But, hey, let's make this battle a memorable one!"

Dawn (nods): "Right."

Announcer: "And let us begin the second round! Kevin and Marley, please begin your battle!"

Kevin: "Go, Ludicolo!"

Ludicolo (comes out): "Ludi!"

Marley: "Go, Pelipper!"

Pelipper: "Peli!"

(Dawn takes out his Pokedex. Barry does the same.)

Dawn: "Ludicolo? I have never heard of this Pokemon!"

Dawn's Pokedex: "Ludicolo, the Carefree Pokémon. Ludicolo becomes extremely active whenever it hears a cheery rhythm. This can also lead it to exert extreme power in battle."

Barry: "That must be a really powerful Pokemon!"

Max: "Yeah, and Ludicolo is also a Grass Pokemon."

Barry: "Water Pokemon can be Grass as well? That's unbelievable!"

Dawn: "It sure has an advantage over other Water Pokemon!"

Barry: "And what is this Pokemon, I wonder?"

Barry's Pokedex: "Pelipper, the Water Bird Pokémon. Pelipper carries small items in their mouths over long distances and, when tired, rest floating on water."

Ash: "This one is a Flying Pokemon."

Barry: "A Flying type against a Grass type? Well, I don't think Ludicolo has the advantage here."

(They watch the battle, and it is an intense one. Both trainers try their best to win, and their Pokemon get exhausted from the battle.)

Marley: "This should give us a victory! Use Wing Attack, Pelipper!"

Pelipper: "Per!" (Pelipper's wings glow white, and it approaches Ludicolo slowly, because of being tired.)

Kevin (says to himself): "A little bit closer..."

(Pelipper gets close.)

Kevin: "Use Razor Leaf, Ludicolo!"

Ludicolo (starts swinging its' arms and fires razor leafs into Pelipper, and hits it hard.)

Marley: "No!"

(Pelipper falls on the platform, and gets knocked out.)

Announcer: "Kevin wins the match!"

Kevin: "All right!"

Announcer: "The second battle will be Dwyane against Chuck!"

Max: "Hmm...I should think of the tactic I will use in my battle."

Ash: "Don't worry, Max. I think you'll win!"

Max (becomes happier): "I won't let you down, Ash!"

(Meanwhile, several matches go on. A lot of Water Pokemon bravely show their will to battle.)

Announcer: "The 11th battle will be between Max and Wemma!"

Max (goes downstairs): "I know I can win!" (Stands on his side and sees a middle-aged lady with brown hair. She has fat cheeks and a small nose, and, in addition, she is rather small and is dressed like a housewife.)

Max: "Go, Marshtomp!"

Marshtomp (comes out and smiles): "Marsh!"

Max: "I believe in you, pal!"

(Marshtomp turns back and forms an "OK" sign, showing that everything will be fine.)

Wemma: "Well, well, I'm battling a young man. Max, even though I wish you only the best of luck, I am going to try my best to win!"

Max (nods): "Okay, mam, let's battle!"

Wemma: "Let me show you my Wailmer!"

Wailmer (comes out and has a very serious and determined look): "Wail!"

Max: "Use Mud Shot!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh!" (Fires a lot of mud balls at Wailmer.)

(Wailmer smiles.)

Wemma (smiles as well): "Use Bounce, Wailmer!"

Wailmer (jumps high out of the water): "Wail!"

Max: "Use Water Gun!"

Marshtomp: "Tomp!" (Starts blasting water at Wailmer)

(Wailmer starts landing, and Water Gun doesn't do much to it in the process. Wailmer overpowers Water Gun using its' large body and lands on Marshtomp.)

Max: "No, Marshtomp!"

(Wailmer sits on Marshtomp, and Marshtomp is trying to get up, but it can't.)

Max: "Marshtomp, use Dynamicpunch!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh..." (Its' arm glows white and it lifts its' arm up, and sends Wailmer flying.)

Wemma: "Oh, no!"

Max: "Use Mud Shot while Wailmer is in the air!"

Marshtomp: "Marshtomp!" (Fires a Mud Shot attack, and hits Wailmer.)

(Wailmer lands into the water, and makes a huge splash. Wailmer is hurt, but quickly recovers, and shows that he has a lot of energy left by smiling and showing its' teeth.)

Max: "Use Tackle now!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh!"

(Marshtomp jumps from one platform to another, and then jumps into the direction of Wailmer.)

Wemma: "Use Water Spout!"

Max (with a surprised voice): "Water Spout?"

Wailmer: "Wail!" (Aims at Marshtomp and blasts water from its' blowhole.)

Marshtomp (shouts with pain): "Marsh!"

(Marshtomp is sent far back on the platform. It lands harshly, and is lying on the platform motionless.)

Max: "Try to get up, Marshtomp!"

Marshtomp (with a very weak voice): "Marsh..." (stands up)

Wemma: "Finish it with your Water Gun!"

Wailmer: "Wail!" (Fires a Water Gun)

(Marshtomp stands up. It begins to glow light blue.)

Max: "I know what that is! Right about time, Marshtomp!"

Marshtomp (stares at approaching Water Gun): "Marsh..."

Max: "Use Water Gun!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh!" (Fires a swirling Water Gun attack at high pressure. It counters Wailmer's Water Gun, and overpowers it.)

Wemma: "What?"

Wailmer (is hit): "Wail!"

Max: "Tackle it!"

(Marshtomp jumps and tackles Wailmer, who is sent far back. It lands on the platform.)

Wemma: "Use Water Spout, fast!"

Max: "Water Gun!"

Wailmer (stands up): "Wailmer!" (Shoots water)

Marshtomp: "Marsh!" (Uses its' Water Gun attack)

(The attacks collide, but Water Spout's power is weaker this time, and Water Gun overpowers it and strikes Wailmer.)

Wailmer : "Wail..." (falls in the water)

Wemma: "Get up!"

Wailmer (tries to stand): "Wailmer. Wail." (stand on the platform.)

Wemma: "Try Water Gun!"

Max: "Use your Water Gun!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh!" (Breathes air) "Marsh?" (Looks at Max) "Marshtomp?"

Wailmer (lies with spiral eyes): "Wail..."

Max: "Hey! We won!"

Marshtomp (nods and smiles): "Marsh!"

Dawn: "Great, Max won!"

Barry: "Yeah, but what was that anyway?"

Ash: "You are joking, right?"

Barry (laughs): "Haha! Of course I know that was Torrent!"

(They see Max, and congratulate him.)

Max: "Thanks guys! It was a really difficult battle!"

Dawn: "I wonder who of us will battle next..."

Announcer: "The 12th battle will be between Rokie and Sally!"

Ash: "Not me! Oh, I am so pumped to battle!"

Dawn: "Me too, Ash! But let's wait!"

(After some time...)

Announcer: "the 25th battle is between Ash and Lily."

Ash: "Yeah! Come with me, Pikachu!"

Pikachu (climbs on Ash's shoulder): "Pikachu!"

(Ash goes on the battlefield. He sees a girl in a green dress and with a short haircut.)

Ash: "Hi, Lily!"

Lily: "Hi, Ash! Good luck to you!"

Ash: ''Thanks, you too!"

Announcer: "A friendly exchange of words from the trainers! The real sign of sportmanship! And begin the battle!"

Lily: "Go, Gyarados!"

Gyarados: "Ts-ha-aa!" (Takes a huge amount of water and shouts fiercely.)

Ash: "You have a Gyarados?"

Lily: "Can't a little girl like me have a Gyarados? It was silly of you to think not, Ash!"

Ash (thinks): "Hmm..." (Takes a Pokeball) "I can battle any Pokemon with this one. Go!"

(As the Pokeball opens, a Pokemon with a brown shell appears. It looks at Gyarados seriously.)

Ash: "Let's win this battle, Squirtle!"

Squirtle (looks at Ash and nods): "Squirtle, Squirtle!"

The end of the 35th Chapter.

[amittal12]

The last two chapters were nice with great battles.I suggest you could add some interactions between the group members who don't have their battle like when Ash is battling,Max,Barry and Dawn could talk a little about the battle moves and abilities like Brock does in the anime.and I have not commented about your spellings and grammars in my last 2-3 reviews because you have really improved it.Best of luck for the next chapter!

[Dormant]

A little girl, owning a Gyarados.... ITS THE END!! Nah, Jk. Great Chapter!!

[Charizard-Fan]

This was a good chapter. Battle between Max and Wemma was pretty good, and it was nice to see Marshtomp using Torrent. It was also quite amusing when Barry acted like he didn't know that Marshtomp used Torrent. And of course the ending was great. Ash vs Lily started and Lily sent out Gyarados, while Ash sent out his good old Squirtle. I hope it's going to be a good battle and I know I'm going to enjoy seeing Squirtle winning.

[RealRaymon]

The last two chapters were nice with great battles.I suggest you could add some interactions between the group members who don't have their battle like when Ash is battling,Max,Barry and Dawn could talk a little about the battle moves and abilities like Brock does in the anime.and I have not commented about your spellings and grammars in my last 2-3 reviews because you have really improved it.Best of luck for the next chapter!

Thanks! Nice that you are back with us again
I'll try.
Wow, that's great to hear!
Thanks again

A little girl, owning a Gyarados.... ITS THE END!! Nah, Jk. Great Chapter!!

Thanks! I was really surprised, too. (When the idea of a little girl, who owns a Gyarados, came into my head.) LOL

This was a good chapter. Battle between Max and Wemma was pretty good, and it was nice to see Marshtomp using Torrent. It was also quite amusing when Barry acted like he didn't know that Marshtomp used Torrent. And of course the ending was great. Ash vs Lily started and Lily sent out Gyarados, while Ash sent out his good old Squirtle. I hope it's going to be a good battle and I know I'm going to enjoy seeing Squirtle winning.

Thanks for the comment
Yeah, because Empoleon had Torrent activated in a battle vs Paul.
Hahaha, I am going to enjoy that as well Of course if Squirtle wins.

[TheSirPeras]

Announcer: "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! The second round of the Water Specialty tournament will be held today. 32 participants, who won their matches yesterday, will battle today!"

Here I am not sure if you can start a sentence with a number. From what I've learned you should start with "Thirty two participants", not "32". I am not sure though, so if anyone could clarify this :P

Dawn: "It sure has advantage over other Water Pokemon!"

It sure has AN advantage xD
The "an" and "a" can be quite tricky xD

Announcer: "The second battle will be Dwyane against Chuck!"

I am not sure if you actually meant Dwyane, or you meant Dwayne? xD

(Marshtomp turns back and forms "OK" sign, showing that everything will be fine.)

"and forms AN "OK" sign" :P

Wemma: "Well, well, I battle a young man. But, Max, despite I wish you only the luck, I'll try my best to win!"

Here I'm again not sure... I'm not sure if "I battle a young man" is correct. I think it should be "I'm battling a young man" OR "I'll battle a young man". I am not sure though, so if anyone could clarify this

Wemma: "Let me show my Wailmer!"

I'm not sure if you can say this (it doesn't sound right to me). I think it should be Let me show YOU my Wailmer.

Marshtomp: "Marsh!" (Fires a lot of mud ball at Wailmer.)

Mud Balls* xD

(Ash goes on the battlefield. He sees a girl in green dress and a short haircut.)

"He sees a girl in A green dress and WITH a short haircut"

Well, I'll admit this chapter had some more grammar errors, but it was still a good chapter. I liked the battle between Wailmer and Marshtomp, it was very well described, and the group interactions were great here And I am really happy to see Squirtle XD Good luck for the next chapters

[PaddysTurtwigFanClub]

Hi raymon =D.
Great chapter, heated battles well described and a nice cliff-hanger. I have to admit there were a few grammatical errors, but TheSirPeras covered them all.
This was a very well written chapter. I am surprised that Ludicolo overcame that type disadvantage with Pelipper. But onto 'the main event', Max's battle. I liked the way wailmer mad an appearance, as hes often overlooked. But this battle was great. It was long, well contested and described beautifully. I honestly thought Marshtomp was gonna evolve in this battle, but didn't. I'm glad this battle was a bit of a challenge for Max, as if, im honest he's had an easy run so far. But im glad marstomp and his powered-up water gun overcome wailmer.
Onto Ash... Gyarados??? A little girl with a Gyarados??? And good ol' Squirtle, this is gonna be a good battle, and we have Barry and Dawn to look forward to. You can tell we'll enjoy this...

[RealRaymon]

Here I am not sure if you can start a sentence with a number. From what I've learned you should start with "Thirty two participants", not "32". I am not sure though, so if anyone could clarify this :P

I will change that, but I am also not sure how it is supposed to be written.

It sure has AN advantage xD
The "an" and "a" can be quite tricky xD

"and forms AN "OK" sign" :P

"An" and "a" are sure tricky

Here I'm again not sure... I'm not sure if "I battle a young man" is correct. I think it should be "I'm battling a young man" OR "I'll battle a young man". I am not sure though, so if anyone could clarify this

Neither I know how to write that

I'm not sure if you can say this (it doesn't sound right to me). I think it should be Let me show YOU my Wailmer.

Yeah, it is better to change to your variant.

Mud Balls* xD

Aww..I guess I forgot to write "s" becaus I was in a hurry when I was writing this part

"He sees a girl in A green dress and WITH a short haircut"

Yeah, thanks, corrected that.

I liked the battle between Wailmer and Marshtomp, it was very well described, and the group interactions were great here And I am really happy to see Squirtle XD Good luck for the next chapters

Thanks! Glad you liked it

Hi raymon =D.
Great chapter, heated battles well described and a nice cliff-hanger. I have to admit there were a few grammatical errors, but TheSirPeras covered them all.
This was a very well written chapter. I am surprised that Ludicolo overcame that type disadvantage with Pelipper. But onto 'the main event', Max's battle. I liked the way wailmer mad an appearance, as hes often overlooked. But this battle was great. It was long, well contested and described beautifully. I honestly thought Marshtomp was gonna evolve in this battle, but didn't. I'm glad this battle was a bit of a challenge for Max, as if, im honest he's had an easy run so far. But im glad marstomp and his powered-up water gun overcome wailmer.
Onto Ash... Gyarados??? A little girl with a Gyarados??? And good ol' Squirtle, this is gonna be a good battle, and we have Barry and Dawn to look forward to. You can tell we'll enjoy this...

Hi, Paddy =D
Thanks for your comment!
Max hadn't an easy time with his last opponent. Lanturn did a great job, and Marshtomp was almost out of the match.
LOLz, this was unexpected, I know that
Well, I am glad you all are looking forward to these battles

[morningsun]

Hey Raymon^^ I'm liking the battles, but I have some time now, so I'm going to go through and correct some of your grammatical errors.

"Ash, I told you that we haven't had a time for lunch!"

Should be, "that we wouldn't have time for lunch!"

"And here you have it! It is today's bracket!"

Would seem more natural if it were, "And here you have today's bracket!"

Ash: "Hey, I am against another girl!" (smiles mischievously) "I guess it is another easy win for me..."

Nothing wrong w/ this one, but that is a pretty sexist comment. I'm surprised Dawn didn't say anything to that remark.

Barry: "You are right, Dawn! But, hey, let's make this battle a memorable one!"

Seems awkward. Maybe, "Yep, Dawn, we're battling! Let's make our battle a memorable one!" or something like that would make it sound less weird.

Ash: "This one is a Flying Pokemon."

"That" instead of "this"

Marley: "That should give us a victory! Use Wing Attack, Pelipper!"

"This" instead of "that"

A lot of Water Pokemon show their brave will to battle.

I feel as if "A lot of Water Pokemon bravely show their will to battle" would sound smoother.

Wemma: "Well, well, I battle a young man. But, Max, despite I wish you only the luck, I'll try my best to win!"

This is the only really disruptive mistake in the entire passage. I think I know what you're trying to say, but I had to stop and think about it for a little bit. Try, "Well, well, I'm battling a young man. Max, even though I wish you only the best of luck, I am going to try my best to win!" At least that's what I think you're going for.

Announcer: "The friendly exchange of words from the trainers! The real sign of sportmanship! And begin the battle!"

Should be, "A friendly exchange" and "Let the battle begin!"

Lily: "Can't a little girl like me have a Gyarados? It was silly of you to think so, Ash!"

Because you start your question with the negative, "can't" you have to end it with "It was silly of you to think not, Ash!"

Ash (thinks): "Hmm..." (Takes a Pokeball) "I can battle every Pokemon with this one. Go!"

Should be, "I can battle any Pokemon with this one."

Lastly, you do need a comma when you have a conjunction. However, it isn't a conjunction unless that which is after the connecting word could be a sentence on its own. That means that the sentence would need both a subject and a predicate. Therefore you don't need a comma in a sentence like this: "It counters Wailmer's Water Gun, and overpowers it."

Sorry for being so nitpicky, but your writing has gone to a higher level than what it was when you started, and I want you to improve even more I like that Squirtle came back.