Page 11 of 27 FirstFirst ... 78910111213141521 ... LastLast
Results 251 to 275 of 669

Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #251
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    Great battle and i like the twist at the end, as well as the information about the sand bath.

    But the quote above doesn't really make sense, though I get what he was trying to say, it may have made more sense to say 'The way you battled was awesome' or something like that, though over than this there were very few grammar issues. Keep up the good work!
    Thanks!)

    About this sentence, I meant "Your battle was awesome". I added "r" now)
    About grammar, I really try not to make any mistakes at all

  2. #252

    Default

    Thanks for the edit, pm list please?!
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  3. #253
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    Thanks for the edit, pm list please?!
    Sure
    Welcome to my thread!

  4. #254
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    186

    Default

    I just finished the 8th chapter, how many are there now?
    I hope I'm not too far behind
    I have that gym battle music in my head now

    "If someone tells me it's wrong to hope, I will tell them they're wrong every time. I could tell them that countless times" -Madoka Kaname

  5. #255
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Finland
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Good and interesting chapter. I liked the battle between Treecko and Machop. It was well detailed, exciting and intense. And it wasn't too long or too short.
    When Forrester called to Forrest, I was sure he would had have some serious problem so I was very surprised when I learned that Forrest's and Forresters's mother appeared at the end. I liked that a lot because I didn't except anything like that.
    Your grammar is also getting better.
    I hope Treecko is going to evolve soon. It has a lot of battles and wins so I think it's ready to evolve.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  6. #256
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dawn and Piplup View Post
    I just finished the 8th chapter, how many are there now?
    I hope I'm not too far behind
    I have that gym battle music in my head now
    Well...17. I'll see. (goes to the 1st page)
    Yeah! 17, and 18th is on the way
    Don't worry of being on 8th, I think that you definetly will succeed in reading 'em all!)
    Well, I found the longer version of the music, but you'll find out soon)
    Quote Originally Posted by StarDestroyer View Post
    Good and interesting chapter. I liked the battle between Treecko and Machop. It was well detailed, exciting and intense. And it wasn't too long or too short.
    When Forrester called to Forrest, I was sure he would have had some serious problem, so I was very surprised when I learned that Forrest's and Forresters's mother appeared at the end. I liked that a lot because I didn't except anything like that.
    Your grammar is also getting better.
    I hope Treecko is going to evolve soon. It has a lot of battles and wins so I think it's ready to evolve.
    Thanks for your compliments(about the battle, the grammar)
    Well, you'll see that their Mother appearance is more bad than good...But I can't explain now.
    About Treecko...Well, I don't want to give spoilers

  7. #257
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    429

    Default

    Just read 17. At the top you said "food for think" when it should be "food for thought". Just thought I'd help since there is emphasis on grammar

    My 3DS Friend Code is 4656-7001-6257
        Spoiler:- Ghost Friend Safari:

        Spoiler:- Hall of Fame:

  8. #258
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Reverse World
    Posts
    43

    Default

    I like how you made Forrest's mom appear. I wonder what she's going to have to do with the story O.o
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  9. #259
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    Just read 17. At the top you said "food for think" when it should be "food for thought". Just thought I'd help since there is emphasis on grammar
    Thanks)Corrected that.
    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    I like how you made Forrest's mom appear. I wonder what she's going to have to do with the story O.o
    Thank you. Well, read it and you'll know

  10. #260
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Pokeworld(Nimbasa City)
    Posts
    507

    Default

    Well the last 2-3 chapters were good. You have also improved your grammar. About the people saying that are saying that Treecko is getting too much attention and has not lost a single battle, it can be good in the future as Max may be overconfident that his starter is too powerful and he can easily win with it. He can challenge the Champion Wallace thinking that since he is a water-type trainer, His Treecko(or either of it's evolved forms if it evolves) can defeat him. But after getting beaten badly by him, he may become more mature and less overconfident.
        Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:

  11. #261
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    Well the last 2-3 chapters were good. You have also improved your grammar.

    About the people saying that are saying that Treecko is getting too much attention and has not lost a single battle, it can be good in the future as Max may be overconfident that his starter is too powerful and he can easily win with it. He can challenge the Champion Wallace thinking that since he is a water-type trainer, His Treecko(or either of it's evolved forms if it evolves) can defeat him. But after getting beaten badly by him, he may become more mature and less overconfident.
    Thanks!

    Well, that's a good point, but Champion(in my fic) is Steven, and Treecko won't earn more glory than others

  12. #262
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    The 18th Chapter: When the things go another way! (Part TWO!)

    (Forrest is very surprised that his Mom has returned.)

    Forrest: “No way, Mommy! What a surprise! What are you doing here, in Hoenn?”

    Forrest’s mother: “I returned from Unova region just to see my beloved children. I was very surprised when I heard that you left.”

    Max, Randy: “Hi, ms.Franklin!”

    Forrest’s mother: “Hi, kids! My name is Florinda!”

    Max: “My name is Max.”

    Randy: “And my name is Randy!”

    Florinda: “Nice to meet you!” (To Forrest) “So, Forrest, I hope you return soon as I won’t be long here. I also have gifts for you!” (Goes somewhere, and Forrester reappears.)

    Forrester: “Forrest, you must come back, and fast! My Mom talks nonstop and she forced me to call to every Pokemon Center to find you!”

    Forrest: “Okay, don’t worry!”

    (By the way, their Mom returns with two little presents.)

    Florinda: “I have presents for you. Here you are, Forrester!” (Gives him present with green wrapping with orange and brown stripes on it.)

    Forrester: “Thank you, Mom!”

    Florinda (looks at Forrest): “And here is one for you, Forrest!”(Shows him the same type of present, but with green wrapping and orange and yellow stripes on it.)
    “Hope you return soon!”

    Max: “Well, this situation is very unique…”

    Forrest: “Yeah, but I want to see my Mom. She doesn’t return often.” (To Florinda) “Sure, Mom. I’ll come back soon!”

    Florinda: “That’s great!”

    Forrester: “What is in this?” (Points at present.)

    Florinda: “why don't you find out for yourself?”

    Forrester: “Hmm…” (Opens it and sees a Pokeball) “Oh, it’s a Pokeball!”

    Florinda: “Yes, I bet you will be happy!”

    Forrester (smiles as he sees that he’ll get one more Pokemon very soon) : “Thank you Mom!”

    (At this time Max, Forrest and Randy are only watching, and don’t even say a word, because they are very excited.)

    Forrester: “Okay, go, Pokeball!”

    (As the Pokemon appears, all except Florinda look surprisingly at an orange hermit crab, with large pincers and dark, oval-shaped eyes, which has a rock on its back)

    ??? (looks at Forrester and smiles as it sees his trainer): Dwe-dwebble!”

    Forrester: “You are a great Pokemon! I’ve never seen one like you!”

    Dwebble: “Dwebble!”

    Max: “Who is that Pokemon?” (Takes his Pokedex.)

    Pokedex: “No data available.”

    Max (is angry): “No data available?!” (Remembers something) “Oh yeah…”

    (And Max remembers what Professor Birch said to him.)
    __________________________________________________ ______

    Max (smiles): “I pick Treecko!”

    (Treecko smiles and jumps on Max’s shoulder): “Treecko!”

    Professor Birch: “Well, it looks like Treecko is happy with your choice.”

    (Then he returns Mudkip and Torchic, goes to his table, takes Pokedex and five Pokeballs as well as Treecko’s Pokeball and gives them to Max and tells): “So, this is your Pokedex, it can show all the Pokemon from Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh regions. Here are your Pokeballs as well as Treecko’s Pokeball. So, good luck on your journey, I know that you’ll be fine and become a great Pokemon trainer.”
    __________________________________________________ ______

    Forrest: “Wow, and what Pokemon do you have for me?”

    Florinda: “It’s a secret. You’ll see it when you come. But I know that you both love bug Pokemon a lot, so you’ll have a bug Pokemon as well. Okay, bye!”

    (And the screen turns off.)

    Forrest: “Well, I guess that’s it.”

    Max: “So, are you going to Rustboro?”

    Forrest: “Yes, I want to see my Mommy.” (And exclaims) “And I am also excited to get my new Pokemon!”

    Randy: “Well, let’s go there together!”

    Forrest: “Yeah, that’s a good idea!”

    Max: “Sounds great! Okay, what are we going to do now?”

    Randy: “Let’s go on the beach!”

    Max, Forrest (exclaim happily): “Yay!”

    (The boys spend their time together. They swim, splash water and play with their Pokemon. Then they show Randy and Max sleeping at night, while Max is thinking about something.)
    _______________________________________

    Ralts (tells Max): “Promise me Max, promise that you’ll come back to take me.”

    Max (answers loudly): “Yes Ralts! I promise you to come back for you! I will!”
    _______________________________________

    Max (thinks): “I gave it a promise”. I promised to come back for it.”

    (Later, Max is shown on the board and is saying good bye to his friends.)

    Randy: “What are you going to do, Max?”

    Max: “I am going to Slateport City. Then, I’ll find out.” (Smiles.)

    (The ship leaves)

    Randy, Forrest: “Good bye, Max! See you later!”

    Max: “Good bye, I hope I see you soon!”

    (When Max goes on the deck, he sees that two surfers stare at him.)

    Max: “Is anything wrong?”

    Surfer 1: “No. Wait, this is the guy who beat Brawly yesterday!”

    Surfer 2: “Yeah, it is him! Do you want to battle? 2 on 2?”

    Max: “A double battle? It will be awesome! Okay.”

    (After some time they stand on the deck of the ship near the pool, and guys choose their Pokemon.)

    Surfers: “Go, Pelipper and Lombre!”

    Max: “Go, Taillow and Treecko!”

    (The Pokemon come out, and Max is ready to battle on his way to Slateport City.)

    The end of the 18th Chapter.

  13. #263
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    60

    Default

    Could you add me to the PM list please? I've read all of your chapters. Your writing is improving and that's great. The one thing that's throwing me off is your use of Mommy. Most people over the age of 6-10 don't refer to their mother as Mommy. Just a suggestion. Also, another suggestion is to evolve Ralts into Gallade as Fighting Type coverage would do Max's team good, unless of course it's already been proven female. Also, I'm going to guess that the Electric Type on Max's team is going to be a Manectric/Elektrike.

  14. #264
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by morningsun View Post
    Could you add me to the PM list please? I've read all of your chapters. Your writing is improving and that's great.

    The one thing that's throwing me off is your use of Mommy. Most people over the age of 6-10 don't refer to their mother as Mommy. Just a suggestion.

    Also, another suggestion is to evolve Ralts into Gallade as Fighting Type coverage would do Max's team good, unless of course it's already been proven female.

    Also, I'm going to guess that the Electric Type on Max's team is going to be a Manectric/Elektrike.
    thank you! I'll add yoy

    Well...I am almost 20, and I still say Mommy sometimes, because I like to call my Mom nicely

    about Ralts, well, I am still thinkihg about whether it is jale or not, but you know, I am going to say that it is female

    about electric type, no)
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 23rd August 2012 at 4:58 PM.

  15. #265
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    I'm on a boat mother... what?
    Posts
    5,223

    Default

    Nice a different chapter with not much action, it's a good change of pace! Hope we get to see who his new Pokemon is Kinda hope it's Sewaddle or Venipede XD

  16. #266
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    On a Sea-Train, to Kalos! UK
    Posts
    1,598

    Default

    Sorry for the late comment!
    I took my time and read all three missed chapters, so I'll comment a little on each of them.
    I really liked the gym battle, Hariyama was a surprise since its a strong pokemon for his 2nd gym battle but that's like the anime, I guess.
    The two parter chapter was really surprising! Mostly the 2nd part because I didn't expect to see a 5th generation pokemon in this fanfic, so I'm glad you did though and I think it was kinda funny that Max couldn't get much info on it. It reminds me, why Ash went to Sinnoh in a way.
    I'm guessing the next chapter is a filler but I hope you make it interesting, also is he getting a new rival soon? I hope so.
    Again, sorry for the late reply. I'll try to read the next chapter sooner!

    Ash: Now I choose you!
    Electro Ball!

    -Pikachu: PikaPika-Chu-Pi!-

  17. #267
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    60

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    thank you! I'll add yoy

    Well...I am almost 20, and I still say Mommy sometimes, because I like to call my Mom nicely

    about Ralts, well, I am still thinkihg about whether it is jale or not, but you know, I am going to say that it is female

    about electric type, no)
    Do you say Mommy in public? That was more the jest of what I was tryin to say. Also, you're welcome. I would always wonder what happened to Max. I think that this is about as close to an answer from the animé that I could get. One more thing, please don't give him a Plusle or Minun. Actually, maybe he should get a Magnemite, suits his personality.

  18. #268
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by morningsun View Post
    Do you say Mommy in public? That was more the jest of what I was tryin to say. Also, you're welcome. I would always wonder what happened to Max. I think that this is about as close to an answer from the animé that I could get. One more thing, please don't give him a Plusle or Minun. Actually, maybe he should get a Magnemite, suits his personality.
    well, I call Mommy at home)
    I am glad you liked my fic, and what do you mean by saying that this is about as close to an answer from the anime?)

    about electric one, look at my sig, whic represents actions which will happen soon.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 23rd August 2012 at 8:10 PM.

  19. #269
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Crazy Town, Land of Insanity
    Posts
    4,250

    Default

    really good chapter! Randy and Forrest leaving was a bit unexpected, but good nonetheless.
    I can kinda see the gift being Larvesta for some reason though.
    and , if I can guess what the electric pokemon is, if its not Elektrike, then its Plusle or Minun, right? or are going from another region?

  20. #270
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    From the land down under...
    Posts
    7,018

    Default

    As some of you may now have realised, any more posts that only amount to one line full of very short sentences (I liked this! Can't wait to see who evolves/I like the banner can I be on the PM list/etc) will be getting a warning/infraction on top of being deleted. Some of you may make one comment about the fic itself, but that's just frankly not enough. I already made a public warning in the thread and deleted multiple reviews (and VM'd some people about it too), but people are doing it more often so I'm going to have to be harsher with you guys. If you want to make short mindless comments you can do that on the likes of fanfiction.net where that is allowed, not here.

    To make it clear, here's some quotes on what is required from the Fanfiction Rules thread. I've bolded the stuff that's an issue atm.

    11) The following posts are considered SPAM and will get you into trouble with the Mods:

    Any posts that are not talking about the fic itself. Chatting, unrelated questions and the like belong in VM or the Authors' Café.

    Posts that say nothing about the fic itself such as: “I like this fic!” “That was awesome!” “You’re a great writer!” These kinds of posts can be posted anywhere and don’t show that the poster even read the story. If a writer put in the effort to write a fic, the least you can do it type up a few lines’ reply.

    Posts asking about fic updates: “When will the next chapter be up?” “Are you almost done the next chapter?” They are rude, period.

    –Posts that do nothing but bash the fic or writer: “This fic sucks!” “You’re an awful writer: never write anything ever again!” “I hate this fic!”

    –Posts that contain nothing but a number rating without any sort of explanation for it: “I loved this! 9/10!” “This fic was not my favourite, so I give it a 2/5.” “This is the worst garbage I’ve ever read: -1000000/10!”

    Posts begging to add characters or make silly changes: “I’d like this more if you put Ash in it.” “Can you make the character catch an Absol in the next chapter?” “Can you put my character in it? He has red eyes and owns a Dragonite and Houndoom!” “This would be way better if you made May like Drew instead of Ash!”

    Generally, a post in reply to a Fan Fiction thread should consist of:
    1.What you liked and thought was well-done in the story
    2.What you didn’t like and thought could have been better in the story
    3.Tips on what the writer can to do to improve his/her writing for the future

    These three points will help the writer improve his/her abilities and gain confidence to do so. However if you feel too unsure of yourself to critique, please ensure that you show at least evidence of you reading the written work; “I like this” could be posted on any thread without even reading the story, so it doesn't tell th writer anything about their own story. Such posts are considered SPAM and will get you into trouble, as people have done this in the past just to increase post-count. All you have to do is say something specific: “I liked this fic and my favourite part was the battle between Charizard and Rayquaza” or “the description could have been better, such as when you were describing Misty in Chapter Three” to show signs of actually reading it and to be helpful
    .
    If you really like the story, you can spare a couple extra minutes to offer more feedback. It's in the interest of the author after all, and short only-positive reviews of 'I like this' and the such do not help anyone improve in the end.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

    The BBS Forums! Join in!
    Gain achievements for activity on forums & the games!

    Tied to this Pokemon Magazine! Looking for contributors - check it out!
    Why should you? Well, Wynaut?
    Current article: The Coffee Guy's Rants: Remakes! He doesn't like them.
    Avatar by minty-fivestar on DA, with edited background/cropping. Fic banner by cieux.

  21. #271
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Pokeworld(Nimbasa City)
    Posts
    507

    Default

    Well It was a good chapter.It was nice to see Dwebble but sadly it wouldn't appear much(or at all) as it seems that Forrester isn't a main character.About Forrest's bug type I think he should get either a Joltik or a Durant.Also looking at your signature,it seems that the electric Pokemon will be Elekid.I wonder what kind of personality it will have but will it evolve because in your signature it is unevolved.Also its nice to see that Treecko and Mudkip will evolve.But if the signature is of towards the end then I think that one or two more evolutions should be there like of Ralts and either Marshtomp or Grovyle.Most people evolve their starter so Grovyle can evolve but we haven't seen as much of Swampert in the anime as Blaziken and Sceptile so it can also evolve.But I'll be disappointed you are going the Johto way and if this is the end of evolutions because it would mean he would be very weak in the league.
        Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:

  22. #272

    Default

    great chapter, it was great to see a pokemon from unova and the lack of information Max could get on it!
    (Later, Max is shown on the board and is saying good bye to his friends.)
    Constructively, when Max boarded the boat it was not made very clear that he had done so, as in this quote, i was left thinking ' what does on the board mean?' and it took a while for me to understand what was occuring, so i feel you could of made it more obvious he had boarded a ship and maybe give details on this ship (such as size etc) so readers can mentally picture it
    all in all another great chapter an a nice twist
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  23. #273
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    Well It was a good chapter.It was nice to see Dwebble but sadly it wouldn't appear much(or at all) as it seems that Forrester isn't a main character.About Forrest's bug type I think he should get either a Joltik or a Durant.Also looking at your signature,it seems that the electric Pokemon will be Elekid.I wonder what kind of personality it will have but will it evolve because in your signature it is unevolved.Also its nice to see that Treecko and Mudkip will evolve.But if the signature is of towards the end then I think that one or two more evolutions should be there like of Ralts and either Marshtomp or Grovyle.Most people evolve their starter so Grovyle can evolve but we haven't seen as much of Swampert in the anime as Blaziken and Sceptile so it can also evolve.But I'll be disappointed you are going the Johto way and if this is the end of evolutions because it would mean he would be very weak in the league.
    the signature represents Max team in next 5-10 chapters, not the entire fic.

    Infernape100, thanks, I will improve on that)
    anyway, thanks guys!

  24. #274
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    60

    Default

    I'm going to comment on the previous chapter. I really liked the addition of Unova Pokemon. It was unexpected. Although, I'm a bit disappointed at Forrest's leaving. Also, at the very end, it was all a bit vague. For example: How do those two guys know that Max beat Brawly? There didn't seem to be any spectators and it's not like they knew his name either. As far as Max's Pokemon go, I'm looking forward to seeing how they evolve and how he captures Elekid. When I said, "it's as close an answer to the animé as I'm going to get," I meant that I was hoping for the animé to do something like this, but I feel like I'm watching the animé when I read your work, regardless of minor grammatical errors. Finally, I'd like to ask if I'm allowed to make predictions about what's going to happen because I have one for his 6th Pokemon?

  25. #275
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by morningsun View Post
    Finally, I'd like to ask if I'm allowed to make predictions about what's going to happen because I have one for his 6th Pokemon?
    yes, you are allowed)

Page 11 of 27 FirstFirst ... 78910111213141521 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •