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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #501
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    Nice chapter! I guess Max will get Ralts soon Well I hope so xD Hope you make it really sentimental and stuff Anyways, I think this was a good chapter. It would be such a plot twist if Archie ended up being a bad guy again lol
    I'll try
    No, he is a good guy now.
    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hi Raymon=D, i hope you had a good christmas. I'll start my review, this chapter in my opinion this chapter was a little shorter than the others (correct me if wrong). It was still good though. Im glad Archie has took a turn for the good (or has he...?) You described the journey quite well, with the remoraid and clamperl pokedex entries, a nice touch =D. Cant wait for Ralts (and Magby) to make their way onto Max's team.

    Sadly i spotted grammatical error =(
    You said:I mean, where did you left it?
    Should be: I mean, where did you leave it?
    Overall, very good =D
    Hi=D
    In Russia people don't celebrate it so early.
    You are wrong. This Chapter is of solid size (4 pages in MS word). I had 2,5-3 paged chapters earlier.
    Thanks for the good staff you said

    Oh, thanks. I corrected the mistake)
    P.S. PaddysTurtwigFanClub, congratulations!! You made the anniversary 500th post in my thread!!
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 27th December 2012 at 5:13 PM.

  2. #502

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    Archie! Anyway, it's nice to see him be the good guy and he seems smart in this chapter. Oh and the boat ride was cool as well. bolshaya glava, detka.
    岩根雅明=♡

  3. #503
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Archie! Anyway, it's nice to see him be the good guy and he seems smart in this chapter. Oh and the boat ride was cool as well. bolshaya glava, detka.
    thanks)
    have you used a translator?)

  4. #504

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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    thanks)
    have you used a translator?)
    nahhh lol

    i used to want to learn russian a long time ago so i know a little something-something
    岩根雅明=♡

  5. #505
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    nahhh lol

    i used to want to learn russian a long time ago so i know a little something-something
    ok, lol
    bilo priyatno uvidet' svoy rodnoi yazik
    (it was nice to see my native language)

  6. #506
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    Here it is! Like I promised. My dear readers, this is the decisive Chapter of the 2012. It was a nice year.
    I was happy that you supported me and that I started writing this story.
    I doubted very much whether or not you will appreciate my fic at the beginning. But now I am happy that my fic is very popular.
    Thanks to everyone, and most notably I want to thank these guys:

    bobandbill - this guy approved my fic and without him this fic wouldn't have existed. I owe very much to you. Thanks a lot!

    thedehydrator - You really helped me a lot! You supported me from the beginning and motivated me. You always gave a comment when I need one. And I happy that I have a reviewer like you

    StarDestroyer - He supported me through the whole my writing process. But most notably, he is one of those people, who believed in me even before I stated writing my fic.

    dirkac - he is a very good person. He is arguably the most dedicated reviewer of mine. I thank you also for being the only person to advertise my fic (except me, of course)

    MaidensGhost - you are a very good reviewer. It is always pleasant for me to read your reviews. Thank you a lot

    OshaMijuWott - You are a very good guy, and thank you very much for your help and support. You gave me ideas on the plt, and I wish you luck with your stories.

    TheSirPeras - One of my most dedicated reviewers. You helped me a lot, and I also wish ypu the best of luck on your fic.

    ultimateblaziken11 - thank you very much for your help. Because of you I started to proofread more carefully.

    infernape100 - I always like to read your reviews. Thank you for your time

    morningsun - thank you as well I really apreciate your time and support.

    PaddysTurtwigFanClub - I really like this guy. He supported me a lot, and I really thank you for that

    amittal12 - You make a really good reviews. You always give me advices, and help me to improve. Thank you

    Gothitelle K - Reading your comments is always a pleasure for me. Thank you a lot, my dear reader

    I wish a happy New Year to all of you! And here is my present for you. The last and decisive Chapter of the year. Please comment on it, and give me all you've got, all the emotions and feelings in your comments. I really want to read these kinds of emotional comments and you'll give me some kind of present in doing so

    And one more thing. As this Chapter has a lot of flashbacks, the flashbacks will be in Italic to help you.
    I really tried to put all I have in this chappter. I hope you will like it!

    The 30th Chapter: A friend's in need!

    ---------------------------------------------

    Max: "Climb aboard, Ralts!" (Squats)

    Ralts (nods and climbs on his back): "Ralts!"

    Max: "I'll be your transportation on this journey!"

    May (with a wondering voice): "Max, are you sure you are up to that?"

    Max: "Why, you don't think I am? Listen, everyone! I now take on full responsibility for this Ralts."

    Ash: "Great! That's the spirit, Max!"

    Pikachu (agrees with Ash): "Pika-pika!"

    Max: "So, let's go!"


    ---------------------------------------------

    (Max opens his eyes and sees that Archie is looking at him.)

    Archie (wondering): "Are you okay, Max?"

    Max: "Yeah. I think I took a nap."

    Archie: "That's fine. Oh, look!"

    (Max and Archie see an undersea cave.)

    Max: "Do you know this cave, Archie?"

    Archie: "I sure do! It is a cave that leads to Sootopolis City!"

    Max: "Really? We are so close!"

    Archie (with a kind and happy voice): "Even closer than you think!"

    (They swim through the cave and it becomes dark. Archie turns the submarine lights on. After some time, they see a way out, which is in the end of the tunnel. After it becomes bright again, Archie turns the lights off. He pulls the lever up and the submarine rises to the surface.)

    Archie: "Here we are!"

    Max: "Yeah! We are finally here!"

    (They look up at the great Sootopolis City, with many white buildings towering above them. Archie points at a harbor. He moors the submarine.)

    Archie: "Here we are. Max, I need to go now, but I hope you find your friend. The best of luck to you, Max!"

    Max: "You can't imagine how much I owe it to you, Archie! But why are you leaving so quickly?"

    Archie: "I have some of my grunts waiting for me in my headquarters near Mossdeep City. And you know that Briney needs my help as well."

    Max (nods): "I wish you the best of luck, too."

    (They shake hands, and they split their ways. Max is very eager to find his friend and he has a beaming smile. He starts remembering the places. The places through which he ran with weak Ralts.)

    ---------------------------------------------

    Max (is running as fast as he can): "Don't worry, Ralts! We'll be at the Pokemon Center in no time! Just hang in there..."

    Ralts (with a suffering voice): "Ra-alts."


    ---------------------------------------------

    Max: "I can't believe it! I am going to meet Ralts. I remember the way to the Pokemon Center. I can't forget that day. I'll find it."

    (After some search he finds a huge wooden building with huge letters and a Pokeball sign on it.)

    Max (stands near the entrance): "Here it is. Nothing has changed."

    ----------------------------------------------

    Nurse Joy (comes out of the room where she cured Ralts): "Your Ralts is going to be fine."

    Max: "Can I see it?" (Runs to Ralts without permission.)

    Ralts (sees Max): "Ralts?"

    Max: "Hi there!"

    (Max runs to hug Ralts. Ralts happily jump into his arms.)

    Ralts (smiles): "Ra-a-lts!"


    ----------------------------------------------

    (Max stands near the Pokemon Center.)

    Max: "The same place where we said goodbye to each other..." (Starts remembering again.)

    ----------------------------------------------

    Max (to Ralts): “Goodbye Ralts, take care of yourself. Be good, okay?”

    Ralts (surprised): “Ra-alts?”

    (Ralts starts crying, runs and jumps into Max’s arms.)

    Max (cries): “Oh, Ralts, I love you too!”

    (Gardevoir, Kirlia, Ash, Brock, May and Nurse Joy stand near a Pokemon Center. Max and Ralts keep hugging.)

    Max (unwillingly stops huggimg): “Time to go now…”

    Ralts (doesn’t want to go) “Ra-aalts. Raa-lts…”

    Max (answers with a serious voice): I don’t want to go either. But we don’t have the other choice. What do you think when I become older? Would you like to travel with me?”

    Ralts (answers happily and nods): “Ralts. Ralts!”

    Max (happily): “That’s awesome! You can count on me. I'll come back some day.”

    Ralts: “Ralts!”

    (Kirlia and Gardevoir tell Ralts that it is time to go.)

    Max: “So, that’s a deal.”

    (Max looks at Gardevoir.)

    Gardevoir (agrees and nods): “Garde-voir!”

    (Then Gardevoir, Kirlia and Ralts disappear.)

    Ralts (tells Max): “Promise me Max, promise that you’ll come back to take me.”

    Max (answers loudly): “Yes Ralts! I promise you I will come back for you!”

    ------------------------------------------------------

    (Tears appear on Max's face and he starts crying. Then he becomes serious and shouts with all the confidence he has.)

    Max: "Kirlia! Gardevoir! Do you hear me? I came back for Ralts like I promised!" (He waits a bit.) "I am here to take Ralts with me! Do you remember?" (Then he starts getting sad.) "No, this can't be...Ralts, are you here, my dear friend? I came back for you!"

    (After that a wind starts blowing at Max and he sees a familiar blue light.)

    ------------------------------------------------------

    Max: "Hey! You must be the real Gardevoir and Kirlia, aren't you? Are you really the friends of Ralts?"

    Gardevoir (tries to take sick Ralts back): "Gardevoir."

    Max: "No, you can't take it!"

    Gardevoir (is very surprised): "Gardevoir?"

    Kirlia (is also surprised, but is angry as well): "Kirlia?"

    Max: "Ralts is in a very bad shape now, and I got to get it to the Pokemon Center before it's to late. You have to believe me! I'll bring it back as soon as it's better. Trust me, please!"


    ------------------------------------------------------
    Max (surprised as he sees a familiar light): "Oh, it is you!" (Looks at Kirlia and Gardevoir)

    Gardevoir (nods): "Garde-voir."

    Max: "Thank you again for the opportunity you gave me that day."

    Kirlia (happily): "Kirlia!" (Points at Max, thanking him instead.)

    Max (starts smiling again): "But where is Ralts? Is it with you?"

    (Suddenly Gardevoir and Kirlia become sad.)

    Max: "Isn't it with you?"

    Gardevoir (shakes its head): "Garde-voir."

    Max (looks down): "Oh no..." (Starts crying) "Ralts, where are you?"

    (Kirlia and Gardevoir go closer, and put their arms on Max's shoulder.)

    Kirlia (shakes its head and smiles): "Kirlia."

    Gardevoir: "Garde-voir." (Points its arm at the back direction.)

    (Suddenly something starts glowing behind Max.)

    Max (to Gardevoir): "What are you trying to tell me?"

    Gardevoir (keeps pointing in direction behind Max): "Garde-voir."

    (Max looks behind him and makes a pause. He is stunned.)

    Max (starts smiling): "I can't believe it! Ralts!"

    (Max runs towards Ralts and Ralts does the same. They start hugging each other.)

    Max: "Ralts, I missed you!" (Starts crying, but this time because of happiness.)

    Ralts (happily): "Ralts!"

    Gardevoir (smiles and looks at Kirlia): "Gardevoir!"

    Kirlia (nods): "Kirlia!"

    Max: "I am so glad that you are fine, Ralts!"

    Ralts: "Ralts!"

    (As they keep hugging, the unknown person looks at Max and Ralts.)

    ???: "Oh, they are so cu-u-ute!"

    ???: "Pi-piplup!"

    The end of the 30th Chapter.

    The end of Max's New Adventures: In a search for the friend
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 6th January 2013 at 2:31 PM.

  7. #507

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    That was another great chapter. It looks like Max made it to Sootopolis City. All the flasbacks were touching and I though that something happened to Ralts, but it looks like they are finally together again. And finally, is that Dawn and Piplup at the end?!
    Owner of the Dawn/Hikari Fanclub v.4
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    Biggest Fan of the Diamond and Pearl Series: Dawn+Serena Fan

  8. #508
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    Only found 1 mistake
    Oh and thank you
    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    doing so
    Archie (with a kind and happy voice): "Even closer as you think!"
    In here I'm not sure if I'm right, but I thought it should be "Even closer than you think!". Maybe you're right as well, but that's just how I say it, so I'm not sure.

    Archie: "I have some of my grunts that I waiting for me in my headquarters near Mossdeep City. And you know that Briney needs my help as well."
    It's, "I have some of my grunts waiting for me"

    Anyways, this chapter was really good. The beginning got me hooked into it because of the flashback, and all the flashbacks gave me shivers xD (Im serious lol). You made it well emotional, and I guess Dawn and Piplup are appearing? Well, good job! Have an inspired 2013 lol

  9. #509
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    Hi Raymon =)
    Thanks for thanking me, I just do what i can. Besides I do need something else to do apart from hatching thousands of eggs =)

    Now for my review:
    I can see you put alot of effort into this, as it has paid off. You started off well with Max's dream and i do praise you for noting at the start that the dreams/flashbacks would be in italic, it could have otherwise got confusing =D. The first time meeting of Max and Ralts was incredibly well described, you are able to portray Max's emotions well too. Your flashbacks were very detailed and descriptive. Then when you described the entrance of Kirlia/Gardevoir, i thought some had happen i.e ralts evolved and ran away or it was captured by team rocket. I was wrong, and im happy too! And was that Dawn and piplup?
    That was one of your finest chapters IMHO, I hope your fic and yourself to have an equally successful 2013.
    I must also add how much respect i have for you, english isn't your first language and you are able to post this story in such length and detail =D
    My Shiny Pokemon:

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  10. #510
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    Quote Originally Posted by DawnBoy View Post
    That was another great chapter.
    It looks like Max made it to Sootopolis City.
    All the flasbacks were touching and I thought that something happened to Ralts, but it looks like they are finally together again.
    And finally, is that Dawn and Piplup at the end?!
    Thank you
    Yeah, he made it.
    I glad you liked the flashbacks. And I really tried to make you to think that something happened, but actually all is fine.
    Like I told you 2 chapters before: "Dawn is very close." Yeah, it is her.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    Only found 1 mistake
    Oh and thank you
    In here I'm not sure if I'm right, but I thought it should be "Even closer than you think!". Maybe you're right as well, but that's just how I say it, so I'm not sure.
    It's, "I have some of my grunts waiting for me"
    Anyways, this chapter was really good. The beginning got me hooked into it because of the flashback, and all the flashbacks gave me shivers xD (Im serious lol).
    You made it well emotional, and I guess Dawn and Piplup are appearing?
    Well, good job! Have an inspired 2013 lol
    No problem
    Yeah, the way you mentioned sounds more natural.
    Thank you. Glad you liked them as well. Why were you shivering I wonder?
    I really tried to make them emotional, and yeah, it is Dawn.
    Thanks a lot. I wish the same to you!
    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hi Raymon =)
    Thanks for thanking me, I just do what i can. Besides I do need something else to do apart from hatching thousands of eggs =)
    Now for my review:
    I can see you put alot of effort into this, as it has paid off. You started off well with Max's dream and I do praise you for noting at the start that the dreams/flashbacks would be in italic, it could have otherwise got confusing =D.
    The first time meeting of Max and Ralts was incredibly well described, you are able to portray Max's emotions well too. Your flashbacks were very detailed and descriptive. Then when you described the entrance of Kirlia/Gardevoir, i thought something had happened i.e ralts evolved and ran away or it was captured by team rocket. I was wrong, and i am happy too! And was that Dawn and piplup?
    That was one of your finest chapters IMHO, I hope your fic and yourself to have an equally successful 2013.
    I must also add how much respect i have for you, english isn't your first language and you are able to post this story in such length and detail =D
    Hi=)
    No problem. LOL Are you a shiny hunter? How many shinies have you hatched?
    Yeah, I put a lot of effort. Thank you for praising me. I got confused by myself, and that's why I thought of how can I improve that point, and that is why I put flashbacks into another font.
    Thank you, glad you liked that. I really have a difficult time in finding right words to portray emotions and for decriptions, so it is good to hear that actually I do this well
    Like I said before, I really tried to make you to think that something happened, but actually all is fine. Kirlia and Gardevoir tried to see whether or not Max still has a great to desire to return his friend back. Yeah, it was them
    Thanks a lot. I think so as well I also wish you all the best.
    Oh..I really apreciate it. You know, Engl;ish may not be my first language, but I've been trying to learn it for 13 years. I think it helped me But I have to say that there is still a lot of things that I need to learn.

  11. #511
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    Raymon,The 29th and especially the 30th chapter chapter were very good.The latter was very emotional as well.The former was interesting for a filler.It was good to see Archie has changed his ways for good.The Pokedex entries were good just like the anime.The latter was one of your best chapters ever.At first when Kirlia and Gardevoir appeared sad,it seemed that something had happened to Ralts but it was nice for Ralts to come and meet Max again.And I assume the unknown person is Dawn with her Piplup.It seems that she has come to participate in Hoenn contests.Maybe she will be a temporary travelling companion for Max.In the end,they were good chapters and I hope that you get more and more innovative ideas for your fic in the year to come.
        Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:

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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    Raymon,The 29th and especially the 30th chapter chapter were very good.The latter was very emotional as well.The former was interesting for a filler.It was good to see Archie has changed his ways for good.The Pokedex entries were good just like the anime.
    The latter was one of your best chapters ever.At first when Kirlia and Gardevoir appeared sad, it seemed that something had happened to Ralts but it was nice for Ralts to come and meet Max again.And I assume the unknown person is Dawn with her Piplup.It seems that she has come to participate in Hoenn contests.
    Maybe she will be a temporary travelling companion for Max.
    In the end,they were good chapters and I hope that you get more and more innovative ideas for your fic in the year to come.
    Thanks
    I tried to make the former interesting, and to show that Archie is a very good guy now(who could think of that before?). I always try to make the Pokedex entries good, and thanks for the compliment.
    About Kirlia and Gardevoir, I really tried to make you to think that something happened. Kirlia and Gardevoir tried to see whether or not Max still has a great to desire to return his friend back. Yeah, it was Dawn and Piplup. I don't know whether or not I will write about the contests, but since a Water-type speciality contest takes place in Sootopolis, she will take a part in it (Who won't with a powerful Piplup?).
    Maybe
    I am glad you liked them
    I wish you the best in New Year too.

  13. #513
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thank you. Glad you liked them as well. Why were you shivering I wonder?
    Because you made it so emotional Really, you did a great job with this chapter

  14. #514
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    The thank you was really kind ^_^ I can't wait to continue reading your fic next year, and I hope to leave even better reviews.
    Starting with a dream was fantastic. The transitions between the flashbacks(which added a nice sentimental feel) and reality was really good, and it made the chapter even more interesting (: I can't wait for Dawn and Piplup's appearance in the tournament. c:

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    Because you made it so emotional Really, you did a great job with this chapter
    Thanks again
    Quote Originally Posted by MaidensGhost View Post
    The thank you was really kind ^_^ I can't wait to continue reading your fic next year, and I hope to leave even better reviews.
    Starting with a dream was fantastic. The transitions between the flashbacks(which added a nice sentimental feel) and reality was really good, and it made the chapter even more interesting (: I can't wait for Dawn and Piplup's appearance in the tournament. c:
    Thank you!
    I can't wait as well

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    Meep... Sorry for missing the chapters :P went away for a while.

    I really liked he sentimentality in he final Ep of the Season. It as so touching!


    Hum, is that Dawn? Don't tell me she caught it :P if she did, Max'll have to trade one of his Poké... Could make good development thou :P

    Oh, and Archie appearing... What's with Maxie ? Makes me ink he'll work at e weather institute.

    Also, the Rals scene made me think TRi2 had stolen Rals :P


    BTW, if the final Fire tyoe is still going on, both Numel and Slugma are almost never seen in the Animé, and both are common in Hoenn. The only other Hoenn choices are Vulpix, Houndour, Torchic, and Torkoal...

  17. #517
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    it's ok)
    thank you for the nice words. About Dawn, yes, it is her. Ralts was not caught, and it will be Max's Pokemon.
    About the fire type, I made a survey, and we desided that Magby os the best choice)I like Magby as well

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    Have to say, good way to end a story. Good job. :]

    (sorry I have nothing else to say)
    岩根雅明=♡

  19. #519
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    Thanks, I'll take that into account)
    Dude, awesome idea. I'm glad I'm not the only one who liked Max. You did a great job!
    Opinions Regarding the Pokémon:
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  20. #520
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Have to say, good way to end a story. Good job.
    Thank you
    Quote Originally Posted by Dwail8023 View Post
    Dude, awesome idea. I'm glad I'm not the only one who liked Max. You did a great job!
    Thanks! I really did my best to make my fic enjoyable!)

  21. #521
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    CHAPTER 26

    Magneton (comes out. squints its eyes and looks very strong): “Magneton!”
    - Capitalize the "comes" and the "squints"

    But moving on from grammar, the first time Elekid used Brick Break it seems as though nothing happened to Magneton. It instantly recovered and used Lock-On. Is that because Elekid isn't that strong?

    Also not to be a party-pooper but I'm not sure if Elekid can be paralyzed, since it is an electric type.

    But great battle and nice end! If I were you I would have revealed the result of the battle in the next chapter in order to build suspense, but you can do whatever you want to


    CHAPTER 27

    Marshtomp (smiles as he understands what its trainer tries to do.): "Marsh...tomp!"
    - I would change it to "(Smiles as he understands what it's trainer is trying to do.)"

    Your grammar has seriously improved since the last chapter. Good job!

    Also what has Ash been doing in the time between his last visit (around chapter 13, I think) and this chapter? Where has he been?

    And maybe he came to visit because he's leaving for Unova...


    CHAPTER 28

    Max (happy too): “That’s awesome, so you can hope me to coming back some day.”
    - "'That's awesome, so you can hope that I'll come back some day."

    (Gardevoir, Kirlia, Ash, Brock, May and Nurse Joy stand near a Pokemon Center and a wind takes leaves by a blow. Max and Ralts are still hugging,)
    - How about "(Gardevoir, Kirlia, Ash, Brock, May and Nurse Joy stand near a Pokemon Center as a gust of wind tears leaves off their branches. Max and Ralts are still hugging.)


    Max (takes the badge case out of his bag, opens it and answers with a very proud voice): "Three. And I have beaten Wattson today!"
    - I think you should make it "'Three. And I beat Wattson today!'"

    Ash: "That's awesome job, Max!"
    - I think you should change it to "'That's awesome, Max!'"

    That's it for grammar.

    This goes for the previous chapter and this one: good job making it unpredictable! I didn't expect Ash to come any time soon, since his last visit was just around chapter 13.

    But if Ash is able to get to Sootopolis City, why couldn't he take Max to Slateport? It seems as though Max just woke up and decided to go to Slateport without telling anyone.

    Good job getting the best fic writer of the year award!
    Last edited by ultimateblaziken11; 7th January 2013 at 1:02 PM. Reason: merged double-post
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  22. #522
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    520

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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    CHAPTER 26

    Magneton (comes out. squints its eyes and looks very strong): “Magneton!”
    - Capitalize the "comes" and the "squints"

    But moving on from grammar, the first time Elekid used Brick Break it seems as though nothing happened to Magneton. It instantly recovered and used Lock-On. Is that because Elekid isn't that strong?

    Also not to be a party-pooper but I'm not sure if Elekid can be paralyzed, since it is an electric type.
    But great battle and nice end! If I were you I would have revealed the result of the battle in the next chapter in order to build suspense, but you can do whatever you want to*
    All pokemon can be paralyzed except ground types, with Volt Absorb, Lightningrod or Motor drive. Elekid has static, so it can be paralyzed.

    Thanks for nice words
    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    CHAPTER 27

    Marshtomp (smiles as he understands what its trainer tries to do.): "Marsh...tomp!"
    - I would change it to "(Smiles as he understands what it's trainer is trying to do.)"

    Your grammar has seriously improved since the last chapter. Good job!

    Also what has Ash been doing in the time between his last visit (around chapter 13, I think) and this chapter? Where has he been?

    And maybe he came to visit because he's leaving for Unova...
    thank you! I really tried to improve it.
    I don't know what he did, but he was in Kanto
    I don't still know what he is planning to do.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 1st January 2013 at 10:33 PM.

  23. #523
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    I wonder what Archie and Max will do........

    It's a good chapter though.


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  24. #524
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    May 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    This goes for the previous chapter and this one: good job making it unpredictable! I didn't expect Ash to come any time soon, since his last visit was just around chapter 13.

    But if Ash is able to get to Sootopolis City, why couldn't he take Max to Slateport? It seems as though Max just woke up and decided to go to Slateport without telling anyone.

    Good job getting the best fic writer of the year award!
    Thanks, but I have still much things to improve.
    Well, Ash is on his own and you'll see how he will get to Sootopolis
    Quote Originally Posted by Quilava42 View Post
    I wonder what Archie and Max will do........
    It's a good chapter though.
    Have you read till the end?
    I explained what they did)
    Thanks
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 2nd January 2013 at 10:06 PM.

  25. #525
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Finland
    Posts
    799

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    I'm sorry for commenting your two new chapters so late.

    Your second latest chapter was okay, even though it lacked any real action. Still, it was a nice set-up for your latest chapter. However, I think Archie's explanation for Team Aqua becoming a good team was too short and cursory. It just felt so basic explanation which lacked deepness. I think you should've made a longer explanion where Archie would've in detail explained that why Team Aqua is a good team. Aside for that, however, this was a fine chapter.

    Now I tell you my opinion about your new chapter. I have to admit that it was one of your best chapters, and it was good to see Max finally finding Ralts. And the way it happened was also very good. This chapter was both sad and happy, and also a bit surprising. And of course I liked the ending because it showed that Dawn has returned. So this was a very good chapter, and a great way to end a year 2012 from your fic's point of view.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

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