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Thread: Max's New Adventures

  1. #126
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    The last chapter was great! I remember the episode Max first met him! And this chapter was great! Yay for Peeko's return!
    Still an awesome fanfic!

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  2. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by thedehydrator View Post
    Great chapter! Nice to see Bulbasaur again.
    I was happy to have a chance to use him too)
    Quote Originally Posted by StarDestroyer View Post
    Good chapter. And as thedehydrator said already, nice to see Bulbasaur again.
    Here comes some criticism about your fanfic: It would be nice if Max would do more on-screen training, since we haven't saw that much.
    You know, I wanted to do it next chapter, but thanks for the critisizm, I would sure do that)
    And you see, there was no time actually to train, they were just playing with them while sailing
    Quote Originally Posted by Ash&Pikachu-Fan View Post
    The last chapter was great! I remember the episode Max first met him! And this chapter was great! Yay for Peeko's return!
    Still an awesome fanfic!
    Whom?)Thanks!)

  3. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    You know, I wanted to do it next chapter, but thanks for the critisizm, I would sure do that)
    And you see, there was no time actually to train, they were just playing with them while sailing
    You're welcome.
    I understand.
    Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3

  4. #129
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    This chapter was great.

    It's been a while since Max caught a new Pokemon.
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

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  5. #130
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    Wow! This was great! I liked that you had Peeko return, and that you had a reference to the games too. To be honest, I was expecting Peeko to return with a letter saying that the ship was finished, making them go through Rusturf Tunnel (which oddly enough isn't even in the anime).

    Errrr... But yeah. I liked that you included a bulbasaur, is tge trainer going to be a rival?

  6. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    It's been a while since Max caught a new Pokemon.
    Actually, not long. But he'll catch one soon)
    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    is the trainer going to be a rival?
    He'll may be, but I don't know yet

  7. #132
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    EDIT:Great filler, although I think you should use more contractions. I also liked Peeko's return,he's so cute.
    Do you have any plans for Forrest to catch more pokemon?
    Last edited by Roromiya; 12th August 2012 at 4:05 PM.

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    Great Filler.But it's a little surprising that Brawly is still the Gym leader.I expected Shauna(The Battle Girl with the Meditite) to be the Gym Leader since she could have trained under him and surpassed him and became the Gym leader while maybe Brawly could have started Professional Surfing.But what's done is done.But I think you should change the plot a little from the anime and change the characters since two years time has passed and in two years time changes are bound to happen,like seen in B2/W2 when compared to the original games.
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  9. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by amittal12 View Post
    Great Filler.But it's a little surprising that Brawly is still the Gym leader.I expected Shauna(The Battle Girl with the Meditite) to be the Gym Leader since she could have trained under him and surpassed him and became the Gym leader while maybe Brawly could have started Professional Surfing.But what's done is done.But I think you should change the plot a little from the anime and change the characters since two years time has passed and in two years time changes are bound to happen,like seen in B2/W2 when compared to the original games.
    Yeah, I thought about it much, but I don't want to change anything here as Brawly is young and takes pleasure from a job of a gym leader. You know, all Hoenn gym leaders are not old and two years won't change much)

  10. #135
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    Nice chapter! Brawley still seems to be OP! Can't wait to see who his third Pokemon is since he only had 2

  11. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    Nice chapter! Brawley still seems to be OP! Can't wait to see who his third Pokemon is since he only had 2
    What is OP? Overpowered?

    Hariyama is the 3rd Pokemon, not the 2nd)So it is the decisive match

  12. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealRaymon View Post
    What is OP? Overpowered?

    Hariyama is the 3rd Pokemon, not the 2nd)So it is the decisive match
    OP = Overpowered yes
    Thats not what I meant, I meant before when Ash challenged Brawley he had 2 Pokemon and now has 3. Unless im forgetting someone

  13. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSirPeras View Post
    OP = Overpowered yes
    Thats not what I meant, I meant before when Ash challenged Brawley he had 2 Pokemon and now has 3. Unless im forgetting someone
    Oh, I understand. He had 2 Pokemon, the third one? You'll find it out soon!)

  14. #139
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    Just a public warning to all reviewers; the fanfiction rules state that your rules actually have to say something useful and specific to the story.

    In other words, reviews like 'Great filler' or 'Great Chapter, I enjoyed ___' do not abide by those rules, because you can say the same sort of thing to every other fic. Please spend a bit more time with your reviews; say what you liked and why you liked it for instance, and maybe what you didn't like as much and while. Throw in your thoughts about what happened (e.g. 'This part was quite exciting to read') or the characters ('This new character seems like a douche I think he's the villain') and make it more than a one-liner. That way the author gets some more feedback about the story as well and can improve.

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  15. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Just a public warning to all reviewers; the fanfiction rules state that your rules actually have to say something useful and specific to the story.

    In other words, reviews like 'Great filler' or 'Great Chapter, I enjoyed ___' do not abide by those rules, because you can say the same sort of thing to every other fic. Please spend a bit more time with your reviews; say what you liked and why you liked it for instance, and maybe what you didn't like as much and while. Throw in your thoughts about what happened (e.g. 'This part was quite exciting to read') or the characters ('This new character seems like a douche I think he's the villain') and make it more than a one-liner. That way the author gets some more feedback about the story as well and can improve.
    Yeah, I think that some of my reviewers are just being lazy

    So, guys, write a little bit more, I appreciate your comments, but at least some more feedback)

  16. #141

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    Yay! so happy to see Peeko again!
    You know, maybe you should let Forrest do something as well. It feels like he's just a bystander following Max. But great chapter

  17. #142
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    Quote Originally Posted by momomon View Post
    Yay! so happy to see Peeko again!
    You know, maybe you should let Forrest do something as well. It feels like he's just a bystander following Max. But great chapter
    You know, I don't expect much from Forrest, honestly...She won't be always with Max, but I won't tell much about that, you'll see later.
    Anyway, thanks)New Chapter is on the way

  18. #143
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    The time comes for the another Chapter, but before reading it, please read a post by bobandbill, which is here:
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...1#post14958901

    I hope you'll enjoy this one. And I wrote a lot of interesting stuff here, a lot of things to talk about, so don't be lazy in comments

    The 11th Chapter: Finding a way out!(Part One)

    Judge: “The battle between gym leader’s Hariyama and challenger’s Bulbasaur!” (raises both flags up) “Begin!” (spreads his hands)

    Brawly: “Well, unexpected choice again, I don’t know about Kanto Pokemon much, but it won’t stop us, dude.”

    Randy: “Let’s start. Bulbasaur, use Razor Leaf!”

    Bulbasaur: “Bulba!” (as razor-sharp leaves come out from under Bulbasaur's bulb and fly into the opponent)

    Brawly: “Use Brick Break to stop these leaves, Hariyama!”

    Hariyama: “Hari!”(chops the leaves and stops them)

    Brawly: “You see, won’t work!”

    Randy: “Use Vine Whip!”

    Bulbasaur(quickly): “Bulbasaur!”(two dark green vines come out of the sides of Bulbasaur's bulb and head into Hariyama)

    Brawly: “Catch these Vines!”

    (Hariyama catches them)

    Brawly: “Now, swing it!”

    (Hariyama swings Bulbasaur and throws into the wall. Bulbasaur hits it hard)

    Randy: “Noo…”

    Bulbasaur: “Bul…ba…”(looks tired)

    Randy: “I won’t let you hurt anymore! We give up!”

    Bulbasaur(surprised): “Bulba?!”(stays quickly and looks at randy) “Bulba-saur…Saur!” (refuses and says he wants to win for Randy)

    Randy: “You want to battle for me? Thank you, Bulbasaur! Well, let’s give them all you got!”

    Bulbasaur(nods): “Bulba!”

    Max: “Wow, what determination! And Bulbasaur is sure a tough one.”

    Forrest(nods): “Yeah! A tough cookie, isn’t it?”

    Brawly: “Your Pokemon is really strong. But it must be tired. Hariyama, go closer and Seismic Toss!”

    (Hariyama runs closer)

    Randy: “Use Vine Whip!”

    (Bulbasaur uses Vine Whip and ties its legs and Hariyama falls)

    Randy: “Now, use Leech Seed!”

    Bulbasaur: “Bulba!”(as it jumps and fires a brown seed out of its bulb that hits Hariyama and it becomes wrapped in thin vines
    and leaves, which glow red and suck energy from Hariyama)

    Randy: “Great job, Bulbasaur!”

    Bulbasaur: “Bulba.”(looks confident)

    Brawly: “Hariyama, use Cross Chop!”

    Hariyama(runs): “Hari!” (Hariyama’s arms glow white, then it forms a cross with them)

    Randy: “I know that you are strong, Bulbasaur! Use Solarbeam!”

    Bulbasaur: “Saur! Bulbaa…”(takes the sunlight in its bulb)

    Brawly: “About time! Strike it, Hariyama!”

    Hariyama: “Hari!”(strikes Bulbasaur and a little explosion as the attack hits hard)

    Randy: “I can’t see what is on there!”

    (Brawly smiles as he hears it. But suddenly surprises when…)

    Bulbasaur: “Saur!”(as the place glows bright and Hariyama is hit by a white beam and falls on the ground)

    (Bulbasaur shakes and almost falls but that doesn’t matter as Hariyama is unconscious)

    Judge: “Hariyama is unable to battle…” (points red flag at it, then raises green flag and points at Bulbasaur) “…Bulbasaur wins
    the battle!” (and points at Randy) “and the winner is Randy from Celadon City!”

    Randy: “Bulbasaur! You are the best, buddy!”

    Bulbasaur(smiles): “Bulba!”

    (Randy comes to it and caress it as Brawly comes to him)

    Brawly: “You gave me quite a fight! Thanks! And here is your Knuckle Badge!”

    Randy: “Great! Thanks, Brawly!”(as he takes a grey badge which is shaped like a boxing glove)

    Brawly: “My pleasure!”

    (As Randy and Bulbasaur goes to the exit, he sees Max and Forrest)

    Max: “Congratulations! You battled great!”

    Forrest: “Yeah!”

    Randy: “Thanks, guys!”

    Max: “And your Bulbasaur is very strong!”

    Bulbasaur(embarrassed): “Bulba...”

    Randy: “You did great, buddy! You deserved a rest…”

    (Bulbasaur nods and Randy returns it. Brawly comes to them)

    Max: “Hi, Brawly! I want to ask your gym for a challenge!”

    Brawley: “Hi! I accept it, but I can’t battle anymore today, my Pokemon are tired…”

    Max: “Well, how about tomorrow?”

    Brawley: “I guess I can’t. I’ll participate in a surfing competition. Let’s have it a day after tomorrow!”

    Max: “Oh well…Ok, fine with me! We’ll have more time to train!”

    Brawly: “Decided!”

    (As three boys decide to go to the Pokemon Center. They have a little talk)

    Randy: “By the way, my name is Randy. I’m from Celadon City.”

    Max: “Mine is Max. I am from Petalburg City.”

    Forrest: “And I am Forrest, I am from Rustboro City.”

    Max: “So, you are from Kanto?”

    Randy: “Yeah.”

    Max: “So, why did you decide to go here?”

    (At that moment they were entering the Pokemon Center)

    Randy: “Well, that all started when..”(sees a Nurse Joy) ““Hi, Nurse Joy!!”

    Nurse Joy(friendly and kind as usual): “Hello! Can I help you?”

    Randy: “Yes! Nurse Joy, I had a gym battle…Can you look after my Pokemon?”(gives her three Pokeballs)

    Nurse Joy: “I sure can!”(takes them) “they’ll be fine and healthy very soon! That’s my job!”

    Randy(happily): “Thank you a lot!”

    Nurse Joy: “You are welcome!”

    (Max, Forrest and Randy go to the tables at the PokeCenter and sit as they continue)

    Max(curiously): “So, why did you go here?”

    Randy: “Actually, I started my Journey in Kanto. I chose Bulbasaur, because I like it a lot and we are great buddies now! After
    some time my family said that they are moving to the new region and I was thrilled and we came here.”

    Forrest: “And where are your parents now?”

    Randy: “In Sootopolis City.”

    Max(shouts): “In Sootopolis City? Wow…”

    Randy: “You scared me! Yes, so why are you surprised?”

    Max: “Well, I go there now…”

    Randy: “But why?”

    Max: ““When I was traveling near Sootopolis, I met a Ralts. Actually, I heard its voice and ran towards it. I helped it because
    it was sick. After we became close friends we wanted to come together, but I was not old enough to be a trainer and I promised to
    come back for it…”

    Randy: “So, I understand. By the way, do you want to enter the Hoenn League?”

    Max: “I sure do! And I have a Rustboro City badge!” (shows him)

    Randy: “Cool! Look at mine”(takes a badge case, opens it)

    Max: “The Dewford badge and a…”(sees another one, which is shaped like three raindrops) “A Sootopolis Gym?”

    Randy: “It is. It was difficult, but I managed to get through.”

    Max: “But I remember that you need 5 Pokemon to battle. So, do you have 5 Pokemon?”

    Randy: “Well, no, but the Gym leader agreed on 3 on 3 battle/”

    (But the time the Nurse Joy says that the Pokemon are “as good as new” and Randy takes them and thanks Nurse Joy)

    Max: “Do you want to train, Randy?”

    Randy(thinks): “Well, yes, the practice would be good for me!”

    Max: “Great! But let’s find some place to train in…”

    (After a long search they quit the town and Randy is confused about where Max is going)

    Randy: “Max, what place are you looking for?”

    Max: “I want to find a place in the woods. It would be perfect for training my Pokemon.”

    Randy: “Oh, ok…”

    (After some searching they found a place in the woods near the river and waterfall)

    Max: “Oh that suits me fine!”

    Forrest(examining the place): “Yay, cool place!”

    Randy: “So, how would you like to train?”

    Max(touching his glasses): “By a Pokemon battle.”

    (Randy smiles)

    Randy(excited): “I am very thrilled. Okay, show me your Pokemon..”

    Max: “Yeah, Forrest, can you be a judge?”

    Forrest: “Sure!”

    Randy: “Ok, Max. choose your Pokemon!”

    Max(acts in a childish way): “No, you first.”

    Randy: “Ok, prepare for this one…”(takes the Pokeball) “I choose you!”(didn’t say whom to make Max waiting even more time)

    (As the Pokeball opened, a Pokemon with a brown shell appeared. But it was inside its shell)

    Randy: “Oh, it acts like that sometimes…”(to it) “Come on, wake up! We want to battle!”

    (as he says so, the light blue body comes out of the shell)

    Randy: “Squirtle, like always…”(smiles)

    Squirtle(turns around and scratches its head while smiling): “Squirtle…”

    Randy(says with a kind voice): “Are you ready now?”

    Squirtle(nods): “Squirtle!”(turns around and stays confidently)

    Max: “Sure a unique Squirtle…”

    Randy: “Well, not only that, but you’ll see later that it has a good moves as well…”

    Max: “Ok.”(takes Pokedex)

    Pokedex: “Squirtle. TheTiny Turtle Pokémon. Squirtle draws its long neck into its shell to launch incredible water attacks with
    amazing range and accuracy. The blasts can be quite powerful.”

    Max: “Okay, against it, I choose Treecko! Go!”

    Treecko(comes out and smiles): “Treecko!”

    Forrest: “Are you ready to begin?”

    Both: “Sure!”

    Forrest: “Ok, you may begin…”

    Max: “Use Bullet Seed!”

    Treecko: “Tree-cko!”(jumps and shoots them)

    Randy: “Dive underwater, Squirtle!”

    Squirtle: “Squirtle!”(jumps in the water)

    (Bullet Seed hit water and lose their power)

    Randy: “Use Water Gun!”

    Squirtle: “Squirtle!”(jumps out water and blasts water out of its mouth)

    Max: “Dodge with Quick Attack!”

    Treecko: “Treecko!”(as it dodges)

    Max: “Use Pound with a spin!”

    Randy: “again in the water!”

    (Squirtle dives again)

    Max: “Use your Power and strike the water!”

    Treecko: “Tree…”(hits water and Squirtle jumps out)

    Squirtle: “Squirtle??”

    Max: “Now use it again!”

    Randy: “in the water again!”

    Max: “Again?”

    (as Treecko comes closer…)

    Randy: “Now, use Ice Beam!”

    Squirtle: “Squirtle!”(fires light blue beams at Treecko and hit it)

    Treecko(falling): “Tree-ccko…”

    Max(yells): “Treecko, stand up!”

    Treecko(stands): “Treecko!”

    ???(comes out of water and cries): “Mudkiiiiip!!...”

    (all are surprised as they see a hurt and tired Mudkip comes out of the river and cries)

    The end of the 11th Chapter.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 13th August 2012 at 1:49 PM.

  19. #144
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    Aww poor Mudkip :c is one of the trainers going to keep it? Overall great chapter (:
    I really like Squirtle's cute personality & its Moveset, also your description of Bulbasaur vs Hariyama was very good.

    Black 2 team

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  20. #145
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    Where did the water come from? I think you should have described the area around the pokemon center if you were going to have a lake near it.
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  21. #146
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    Wow, I liked the way you described the battle against Hariyama, the battle against the Squirtle was good too!

    Errrr. But yeah. I liked that you gave Squirtle a personality, but it seems like you are going to go with the "Ash treatment" which is getting all the starters of a region. And like the above poster said, I do think you should have given a description of what the area looked like, and the Mudkip thing just seems random and just to give an excuse to give Max a pokemon... But the anime does that all the time so Iguess it is okay.

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    Yeah... the "Ash treatment" kinda bugs me, but it is your story Overall, nice battle description. What surprises me, however, is that he is heading to Sootopolis so early in his journey.

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  23. #148
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    Firs, thanks all of you
    Quote Originally Posted by MaidensGhost View Post
    Aww poor Mudkip :c is one of the trainers going to keep it? Overall great chapter (:
    I really like Squirtle's cute personality & its Moveset, also your description of Bulbasaur vs Hariyama was very good.
    You'll see the next Chapter if you didn't see the picture I made in the very beginning of my story
    And thanks, I really tried to get Pokemon a personality
    Quote Originally Posted by ultimateblaziken11 View Post
    Where did the water come from? I think you should have described the area around the pokemon center if you were going to have a lake near it.
    Quote Originally Posted by dirkac View Post
    And like the above poster said, I do think you should have given a description of what the area looked like, and the Mudkip thing just seems random and just to give an excuse to give Max a pokemon
    Wow, guys. Didn't you really see that? (After some searching they found a place in the woods near the river and waterfall)

    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    Yeah... the "Ash treatment" kinda bugs me, but it is your story Overall, nice battle description. What surprises me, however, is that he is heading to Sootopolis so early in his journey.
    Well, Max has his own route)He is not Ash.

    P.S.Don't worry about the Ash treatment. Neither Randy or Max would have all the starters. Decided.
    Last edited by RealRaymon; 13th August 2012 at 9:11 AM.

  24. #149
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    Hi

    Nice chapter, I hope someone gets to keep the poor mudkip Excellent battle description for the Bulbasaur and Hariyama battle.

    Sorry I don't comment often, I have been caught up in school stuff
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    Will Randy be a travelling companion,as you have already given him some personality and two good Kanto Pokemon.But if he's then all of them(i.e. Max,Forrest and Randy) will be males which wouldn't leave place for a female if you go the 'anime' way unless you are doing something like in AG when 3 males and 1 female were there.Also,there were some small spelling mistakes in the chapter like
    Nurse Joy(friendly an kind as usual): “Hello! Can I help you?”
    Max: “Hi, Brawly! I want to ask your gym foe a challenge!”
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