Yay! so happy to see Peeko again!
You know, maybe you should let Forrest do something as well. It feels like he's just a bystander following Max. But great chapter
Advanced Shipper
Yay! so happy to see Peeko again!
You know, maybe you should let Forrest do something as well. It feels like he's just a bystander following Max. But great chapter
Call me Raymon=)
You know, I don't expect much from Forrest, honestly...She won't be always with Max, but I won't tell much about that, you'll see later.Originally Posted by momomon
Anyway, thanks)New Chapter is on the way
Call me Raymon=)
The time comes for the another Chapter, but before reading it, please read a post by bobandbill, which is here:
http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...1#post14958901
I hope you'll enjoy this one. And I wrote a lot of interesting stuff here, a lot of things to talk about, so don't be lazy in comments
The 11th Chapter: Finding a way out!(Part One)
Judge: “The battle between gym leader’s Hariyama and challenger’s Bulbasaur!” (raises both flags up) “Begin!” (spreads his hands)
Brawly: “Well, unexpected choice again, I don’t know about Kanto Pokemon much, but it won’t stop us, dude.”
Randy: “Let’s start. Bulbasaur, use Razor Leaf!”
Bulbasaur: “Bulba!” (as razor-sharp leaves come out from under Bulbasaur's bulb and fly into the opponent)
Brawly: “Use Brick Break to stop these leaves, Hariyama!”
Hariyama: “Hari!”(chops the leaves and stops them)
Brawly: “You see, won’t work!”
Randy: “Use Vine Whip!”
Bulbasaur(quickly): “Bulbasaur!”(two dark green vines come out of the sides of Bulbasaur's bulb and head into Hariyama)
Brawly: “Catch these Vines!”
(Hariyama catches them)
Brawly: “Now, swing it!”
(Hariyama swings Bulbasaur and throws into the wall. Bulbasaur hits it hard)
Randy: “Noo…”
Bulbasaur: “Bul…ba…”(looks tired)
Randy: “I won’t let you hurt anymore! We give up!”
Bulbasaur(surprised): “Bulba?!”(stays quickly and looks at randy) “Bulba-saur…Saur!” (refuses and says he wants to win for Randy)
Randy: “You want to battle for me? Thank you, Bulbasaur! Well, let’s give them all you got!”
Bulbasaur(nods): “Bulba!”
Max: “Wow, what determination! And Bulbasaur is sure a tough one.”
Forrest(nods): “Yeah! A tough cookie, isn’t it?”
Brawly: “Your Pokemon is really strong. But it must be tired. Hariyama, go closer and Seismic Toss!”
(Hariyama runs closer)
Randy: “Use Vine Whip!”
(Bulbasaur uses Vine Whip and ties its legs and Hariyama falls)
Randy: “Now, use Leech Seed!”
Bulbasaur: “Bulba!”(as it jumps and fires a brown seed out of its bulb that hits Hariyama and it becomes wrapped in thin vines
and leaves, which glow red and suck energy from Hariyama)
Randy: “Great job, Bulbasaur!”
Bulbasaur: “Bulba.”(looks confident)
Brawly: “Hariyama, use Cross Chop!”
Hariyama(runs): “Hari!” (Hariyama’s arms glow white, then it forms a cross with them)
Randy: “I know that you are strong, Bulbasaur! Use Solarbeam!”
Bulbasaur: “Saur! Bulbaa…”(takes the sunlight in its bulb)
Brawly: “About time! Strike it, Hariyama!”
Hariyama: “Hari!”(strikes Bulbasaur and a little explosion as the attack hits hard)
Randy: “I can’t see what is on there!”
(Brawly smiles as he hears it. But suddenly surprises when…)
Bulbasaur: “Saur!”(as the place glows bright and Hariyama is hit by a white beam and falls on the ground)
(Bulbasaur shakes and almost falls but that doesn’t matter as Hariyama is unconscious)
Judge: “Hariyama is unable to battle…” (points red flag at it, then raises green flag and points at Bulbasaur) “…Bulbasaur wins
the battle!” (and points at Randy) “and the winner is Randy from Celadon City!”
Randy: “Bulbasaur! You are the best, buddy!”
Bulbasaur(smiles): “Bulba!”
(Randy comes to it and caress it as Brawly comes to him)
Brawly: “You gave me quite a fight! Thanks! And here is your Knuckle Badge!”
Randy: “Great! Thanks, Brawly!”(as he takes a grey badge which is shaped like a boxing glove)
Brawly: “My pleasure!”
(As Randy and Bulbasaur goes to the exit, he sees Max and Forrest)
Max: “Congratulations! You battled great!”
Forrest: “Yeah!”
Randy: “Thanks, guys!”
Max: “And your Bulbasaur is very strong!”
Bulbasaur(embarrassed): “Bulba...”
Randy: “You did great, buddy! You deserved a rest…”
(Bulbasaur nods and Randy returns it. Brawly comes to them)
Max: “Hi, Brawly! I want to ask your gym for a challenge!”
Brawley: “Hi! I accept it, but I can’t battle anymore today, my Pokemon are tired…”
Max: “Well, how about tomorrow?”
Brawley: “I guess I can’t. I’ll participate in a surfing competition. Let’s have it a day after tomorrow!”
Max: “Oh well…Ok, fine with me! We’ll have more time to train!”
Brawly: “Decided!”
(As three boys decide to go to the Pokemon Center. They have a little talk)
Randy: “By the way, my name is Randy. I’m from Celadon City.”
Max: “Mine is Max. I am from Petalburg City.”
Forrest: “And I am Forrest, I am from Rustboro City.”
Max: “So, you are from Kanto?”
Randy: “Yeah.”
Max: “So, why did you decide to go here?”
(At that moment they were entering the Pokemon Center)
Randy: “Well, that all started when..”(sees a Nurse Joy) ““Hi, Nurse Joy!!”
Nurse Joy(friendly and kind as usual): “Hello! Can I help you?”
Randy: “Yes! Nurse Joy, I had a gym battle…Can you look after my Pokemon?”(gives her three Pokeballs)
Nurse Joy: “I sure can!”(takes them) “they’ll be fine and healthy very soon! That’s my job!”
Randy(happily): “Thank you a lot!”
Nurse Joy: “You are welcome!”
(Max, Forrest and Randy go to the tables at the PokeCenter and sit as they continue)
Max(curiously): “So, why did you go here?”
Randy: “Actually, I started my Journey in Kanto. I chose Bulbasaur, because I like it a lot and we are great buddies now! After
some time my family said that they are moving to the new region and I was thrilled and we came here.”
Forrest: “And where are your parents now?”
Randy: “In Sootopolis City.”
Max(shouts): “In Sootopolis City? Wow…”
Randy: “You scared me! Yes, so why are you surprised?”
Max: “Well, I go there now…”
Randy: “But why?”
Max: ““When I was traveling near Sootopolis, I met a Ralts. Actually, I heard its voice and ran towards it. I helped it because
it was sick. After we became close friends we wanted to come together, but I was not old enough to be a trainer and I promised to
come back for it…”
Randy: “So, I understand. By the way, do you want to enter the Hoenn League?”
Max: “I sure do! And I have a Rustboro City badge!” (shows him)
Randy: “Cool! Look at mine”(takes a badge case, opens it)
Max: “The Dewford badge and a…”(sees another one, which is shaped like three raindrops) “A Sootopolis Gym?”
Randy: “It is. It was difficult, but I managed to get through.”
Max: “But I remember that you need 5 Pokemon to battle. So, do you have 5 Pokemon?”
Randy: “Well, no, but the Gym leader agreed on 3 on 3 battle/”
(But the time the Nurse Joy says that the Pokemon are “as good as new” and Randy takes them and thanks Nurse Joy)
Max: “Do you want to train, Randy?”
Randy(thinks): “Well, yes, the practice would be good for me!”
Max: “Great! But let’s find some place to train in…”
(After a long search they quit the town and Randy is confused about where Max is going)
Randy: “Max, what place are you looking for?”
Max: “I want to find a place in the woods. It would be perfect for training my Pokemon.”
Randy: “Oh, ok…”
(After some searching they found a place in the woods near the river and waterfall)
Max: “Oh that suits me fine!”
Forrest(examining the place): “Yay, cool place!”
Randy: “So, how would you like to train?”
Max(touching his glasses): “By a Pokemon battle.”
(Randy smiles)
Randy(excited): “I am very thrilled. Okay, show me your Pokemon..”
Max: “Yeah, Forrest, can you be a judge?”
Forrest: “Sure!”
Randy: “Ok, Max. choose your Pokemon!”
Max(acts in a childish way): “No, you first.”
Randy: “Ok, prepare for this one…”(takes the Pokeball) “I choose you!”(didn’t say whom to make Max waiting even more time)
(As the Pokeball opened, a Pokemon with a brown shell appeared. But it was inside its shell)
Randy: “Oh, it acts like that sometimes…”(to it) “Come on, wake up! We want to battle!”
(as he says so, the light blue body comes out of the shell)
Randy: “Squirtle, like always…”(smiles)
Squirtle(turns around and scratches its head while smiling): “Squirtle…”
Randy(says with a kind voice): “Are you ready now?”
Squirtle(nods): “Squirtle!”(turns around and stays confidently)
Max: “Sure a unique Squirtle…”
Randy: “Well, not only that, but you’ll see later that it has a good moves as well…”
Max: “Ok.”(takes Pokedex)
Pokedex: “Squirtle. TheTiny Turtle Pokémon. Squirtle draws its long neck into its shell to launch incredible water attacks with
amazing range and accuracy. The blasts can be quite powerful.”
Max: “Okay, against it, I choose Treecko! Go!”
Treecko(comes out and smiles): “Treecko!”
Forrest: “Are you ready to begin?”
Both: “Sure!”
Forrest: “Ok, you may begin…”
Max: “Use Bullet Seed!”
Treecko: “Tree-cko!”(jumps and shoots them)
Randy: “Dive underwater, Squirtle!”
Squirtle: “Squirtle!”(jumps in the water)
(Bullet Seed hit water and lose their power)
Randy: “Use Water Gun!”
Squirtle: “Squirtle!”(jumps out water and blasts water out of its mouth)
Max: “Dodge with Quick Attack!”
Treecko: “Treecko!”(as it dodges)
Max: “Use Pound with a spin!”
Randy: “again in the water!”
(Squirtle dives again)
Max: “Use your Power and strike the water!”
Treecko: “Tree…”(hits water and Squirtle jumps out)
Squirtle: “Squirtle??”
Max: “Now use it again!”
Randy: “in the water again!”
Max: “Again?”
(as Treecko comes closer…)
Randy: “Now, use Ice Beam!”
Squirtle: “Squirtle!”(fires light blue beams at Treecko and hit it)
Treecko(falling): “Tree-ccko…”
Max(yells): “Treecko, stand up!”
Treecko(stands): “Treecko!”
???(comes out of water and cries): “Mudkiiiiip!!...”
(all are surprised as they see a hurt and tired Mudkip comes out of the river and cries)
The end of the 11th Chapter.
Last edited by RealRaymon; 13th August 2012 at 12:49 PM.
on hiatus
Aww poor Mudkip :c is one of the trainers going to keep it? Overall great chapter (:
I really like Squirtle's cute personality & its Moveset, also your description of Bulbasaur vs Hariyama was very good.
Black 2 team
Soul Silver Team
- Under Construction-
Spoiler:- tumblr:
Looking for Shinies
Where did the water come from? I think you should have described the area around the pokemon center if you were going to have a lake near it.
Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED
Example of the above:
YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)
The Reluctant Genius
Wow, I liked the way you described the battle against Hariyama, the battle against the Squirtle was good too!
Errrr. But yeah. I liked that you gave Squirtle a personality, but it seems like you are going to go with the "Ash treatment" which is getting all the starters of a region. And like the above poster said, I do think you should have given a description of what the area looked like, and the Mudkip thing just seems random and just to give an excuse to give Max a pokemon... But the anime does that all the time so Iguess it is okay.
Argh, can't you just let me sleep...
:3 I has it!
Clickee to go to the Rulers of the Universe.
Unova Champion
Yeah... the "Ash treatment" kinda bugs me, but it is your storyOverall, nice battle description. What surprises me, however, is that he is heading to Sootopolis so early in his journey.
Call me Raymon=)
Firs, thanks all of you
You'll see the next Chapter if you didn't see the picture I made in the very beginning of my story
And thanks, I really tried to get Pokemon a personality
Wow, guys. Didn't you really see that? (After some searching they found a place in the woods near the river and waterfall)
Well, Max has his own route)He is not Ash.Yeah... the "Ash treatment" kinda bugs me, but it is your story
P.S.Don't worry about the Ash treatment. Neither Randy or Max would have all the starters. Decided.
Last edited by RealRaymon; 13th August 2012 at 8:11 AM.
Not like the Others
Hi
Nice chapter, I hope someone gets to keep the poor mudkip
Sorry I don't comment often, I have been caught up in school stuff
Everthing in my sig was made by SwornMetalhead of Daedric Design.
Sceptile Maniac
Will Randy be a travelling companion,as you have already given him some personality and two good Kanto Pokemon.But if he's then all of them(i.e. Max,Forrest and Randy) will be males which wouldn't leave place for a female if you go the 'anime' way unless you are doing something like in AG when 3 males and 1 female were there.Also,there were some small spelling mistakes in the chapter like
Nurse Joy(friendly an kind as usual): Hello! Can I help you?Max: Hi, Brawly! I want to ask your gym foe a challenge!
Spoiler:- Completed and Current Playthroughs:
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks, I've corrected them)
About traveling companions...Well, I know WHO and how many would be in the end of Max Adventures: The Beginning, which is the 1st part of his adventures, it will be complicated, but interesting)
You'll see...
Star Wars fan
Great chapter. I liked Randy's Bulbasaur and Squirtle. They both had good personalities. And the ending was intesting and exciting. And it was good that Bulbasaur beat Hariyama, because Bulbasaur is awesome.
Your describtions in your fan-fic are great. Those are always really detailed.
Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks!) I really try to get at least someone a personality)
So, here is the continuation of the interesting Chapter
The 12th Chapter: Finding a way out!(Part Two)
(All are surprised. As Mudkip cries all come closer and Max takes it)
Randy: “A Mudkip? Do you have any idea of where it came from?”
Max: “Yeah, I guess…There is a man nearby who hatches and cares for Mudkip until they grow…”(looks at it) “But this Mudkip is not a baby. Well, I think it might have fallen from a Waterfall…Here, take this”(gives it an Oran Berry out of its bag)
Mudkip(refuses): “Kip.”
Treecko(says that it is good): “Treecko.”
Mudkip(mistrustfully): “Mud.”(chews it and likes it)”Mudkip!”
Max: “I knew it will help”
Treecko(happily): “Treecko!”
Forrest: “Do you know where he lives?”
Max: “In the house behind the Waterfall.”
Forrest: “So, we should climb it?”
Max: “Yeah and I am prepared for all this stuff…”(Takes a rope with iron tip) “my friend taught me how to use it.”
Randy: “Well, that’s good…Let’s go.”
(They return their Pokemon and go climb the Waterfall. Before this Max puts Mudkip in the bag but don’t close it as Mudkip can breathe. Max throws his rope and checks if it is hit right and then they climb over it. When this is done they go through the woods and finally see a house and many Mudkips swimming and playing. The old man with a haircut like Mudkip is searching for someone. He notices Mudkip which is walking with Max as Max took it out of the bag)
Old Man Swamp: “Here you are! I was so worried…”(looks at kids) “Hi! My name is Swamp! Thanks for saving my Mudkip!”
(all of them introduced themselves)
Max(to Mudkip): “Mudkip, go to your friends!”
Mudkip: “Mu-u-d?”(thinks about something and goes in the river)
Max: “By the way, I noticed that Mudkip is not a baby, it is a good one.”
Swamp: “Yeah, I know. I was going to send it to a Pokemon Center, so a beginning trainer can receive it.”
Max: “Oh, I understand!”
Randy: “Mudkip are very rare, so why do you have so many of them?”
Swamp: “I receive many Mudkip Eggs from the Pokémon League and raise them to be starter Pokémon for beginning Trainers of the Hoenn region.”(points at house) “Let’s go, I’ll show these eggs for you.”(he shows them the eggs and is surprised as it glows white)
“Oh…it is close to hatching!”
(as all of them see this picture)
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/...phatching2.gif
Mudkip: “Kip?”
Swamp: “Welcome!”
Forrest: “Wow, it is so wonderful!”
Max: “Can I take it?”
Swamp: “Well, give it a try…”(as he is not sure)
Max(takes Mudkip): “Mudkip, you are so сute!”
Mudkip(smiles): “Kip!”
Max: “Let’s fly together!”(as he walks over the room with this Mudkip)
(By the way, the other Mudkip, the older, looks at Max and becomes a little bit angry. Swamp sees it and understands something)
(After some time in the house they all come out and Mudkip manages to remain “unseen”)
Max: “It was quite an adventure today…Let’s head home!”
(Forrest and Randy agree, but suddenly the angry Mudkip shouts and comes to Max)
Mudkip: “Mudkip!!Mud!”
Max: “What’s up with you?”
Swamp: “You know, Max…I think it is jealous because you played with the other Mudkip…I think it really likes you and wants to go with you.”
Max(surprised): “Is it really true?”
Mudkip(nods): “Kip!”(and blasts water at him)
Swamp: “It shows you it wants to battle you first.”
Max: “Well, that’s fine. Ok, Mudkip, prepare for a battle…”
(Mudkip looks prepared)
Forrest: “Wow, look at his eyes!”
Randy(looks at them): “Yes, Mudkip looks very serious for its age…”
Swamp: “Quite determined look. I’ve never seen Mudkip as that before.”
Max: “Okay, as for you, I choose Treecko!”
(Treecko appears and looks determined as well)
Treecko(looks at Mudkip): “Treecko.”
Mudkip: “Mudkip.”
Max: “Use Pound!”
Treecko(obediently): “Treecko.”
(Treecko runs towards Mudkip. Prepares to strike with its tail, but Mudkip jumps and Tackles Treecko with its body. After two attacks colliding Max orders Treecko to use Quick Attack)
Mudkip(frightened): “Mudkip…!”
(Treecko comes very close and stops when sees Mudkip crying)
Mudkip(smiles craftily): “Mud-kiipp!” (and shoots water at Treecko)
Treecko: “Tree…”(is hurt, but stays on the ground)
Max: “Wow, nice move! It is sure a clever Pokemon!”
Randy: “Fake Tears attack?”
Forrest(surprised): “Imagine how strange it is…”
Max: “Don’t let it deceive you again. Use Dig”
Treecko: “Cko.”(as it began to dig its way)
Max: “Now, Strike!”
(as Treecko jumps out of the ground, Mudkip senses it, dodges, and slaps mud using its tail)
Mudkip(laughs): “Mud-kip-kip!”
Max: “Bullet Seed!”
(As Treecko uses the attack, Mudkip is hit and falls)
Max: “Okay, go Pokeball!”(as he throws it at Mudkip)
(As Pokeball hits Mudkip, it glows red and takes it in the Pokeball. It shakes some time but Max is not worried at all. hen it makes noise that it is caught)
Max(happily): “Whoah! I caught a Mudkip!”(takes the Pokeball)
“Come out, my new friend!”
Mudkip(comes out with closed eyes, then opens them, looks around, sees Max and jumps in his hands and gently caress him): “Mudkip!”
(And the scene ends when all laugh and smile about that and later Max, Forrest and Randy are seen going off this place and seeing off Swamp)
Randy: “So, how do you feel to battle me tomorrow?”
Max: “That’s fine, but first, let’s go take some sleep!”
The end of the 12th Chapter.
And I think I introduce a new thing to you...)After each chapter I'll ad at least one question that you can answer, so you can think about that as well(you can answer it ot not it is your choice, but still comment like you used to
So, the question of this Chapter is:
Which Pokemon(of Ash's adventures) does Mudkip's behaviour remind you of?
Last edited by RealRaymon; 13th August 2012 at 5:29 PM.
#hashtag
Woah nice chapter! Like usual you described the battle well, and the setting was good too, I could imagina everything in my head, good job for that!
Mudkip reminds me of Oshawott and Chikorita when they get/got jealous of Pikachu
Thus the earth shall turn to Ash
Hey Slowking, need some pants?
Looking for Shinies
Cool chapter.
Also, I've noticed that you don't tell the genders of the Pokemon?
I'm not sure if thats important, but thats all I could think of saying.
Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED
Example of the above:
YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)
Call me Raymon=)
Ok, I guess I should make bios for Max's Pokemon)
But I'll make it detailed and with pictures, so wait
P.S. It is male)
Star Wars fan
Good chapter. It was good that Max caught Mudkip, although it didn't surprise me at all. And I liked Swamp and that that he had many Mudkip eggs and that they go to starting trainers. And Treecko vs Mudkip was good and exciting. And I liked it that Mudkip became attached to Max and it made Max getting Mudkip an emotional event.
PS. I hope Taillow and Mudkip get to battle soon. Max hasn't used Taillow much and he just caught Mudkip. But I understand why Max has used Treecko a lot: he has often had a type-advantage and Max always uses Pokemon that has a type-advantage.
Welcome back Charizard! I've missed you so much! <3
Call me Raymon=)
Thanks!)It was sure an emotional event)
Well, they'll battle soon. I have one thing in mind, but I am not sure if I can make it happen in Dewford...But Randy and Max would have a chance to train...And Treecko will take a rest this time
Pika-Power
Both parts of the two parter chapters were excellent!
I really like the reference yet again about Max meeting Ralts! I found it so sweet and it brings back memories. The recent chapter was cute, mainly beacuse of that Mudkip eggs and that image of it hatching!
I thought of an idea, maybe you could do a flash back filler of when Max was travelling with Ash. It could be from an episode or an off-screen flash back, just an idea.
Anyway great work as usual!
Ash: Now I chose you!
Electro Ball!
-Pikachu: PikaPika-Chu-Pi!-
Unova Champion
Its kinda odd that they each have the water and grass starters from each region...
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