This is my first Fan-fic, and is actually an original idea. So you won't find these characters anywhere else. I had help from Several serebii members, especially with the part about... well I don't want to give away any spoilers. The first few posts will be the Introduction, Prologue, and Chatper 1. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I need to be sure the story makes sense to other people besides me. I think the Introduction and prologue just about cover everything, but let me know if something is confusing.
After these I will take a break for about a week before posting Chapter 2. I will eventually be turning this into a book that I hope to publish, so criticism and opinions are welcomed and appreciated.
The title is up for debate, but I'll call it my first idea for now.
The main characters in this story are not human. They are an advanced race of dinosaur, known today was Troodon. I have not altered their apperance, so googling Troodon will give you a good idea of what the characters look like.
Rated PG-13, for mild cursing and some violence.
All characters and stories are copyrighted by Me.
The past of our planet seems to be an open book. We seem to show we know when life started, and how it developed, but it’s all really guesswork. We can see where the continents were, how the land was formed, and even some weather. But life, even at its most basic form, is unpredictable by definition. We know of animals today that push the boundaries of how we define life and how we see the world. There are animals that have behaviors that are so strange; they seem to bend the abilities of their bodies.
Yet we think we are so sure about how animals of the past work. Our guesses seem to be absolute, and theories are tossed like stones. The bigger it is, the harder it impacts. Are we so sure that T-rex was the dominant predator, unchallenged by any other dinosaur? What was the biggest animal to ever live? And how can we know how smart certain animals are? These are things we may never know.
Of the thousands of species of dinosaurs, few are actually known by the public. The famous ones are the biggest or strongest, like T-rex or Stegosaurus. But the title of smartest dinosaur goes to a kind of raptor called Troodon. It’s small, only four to five feet tall and eight to ten feet long. It’s a raptor, but with smaller claws, larger eyes, and a much bigger brain. Paleontologists say it was the smartest dinosaur to ever exist, as smart as dogs and wolves. They even had a third clawed finger that resembled a thumb. Now we know that they were probably pretty smart, they did have the largest brain to body ratio of any dinosaur. But we don’t know about these dinosaurs behavior. Unlike bones, things like tools or buildings don’t fossilize, so we have no idea what these little guys were capable of.
Because we know so little, but we think we know so much, the more outlandish ideas are quickly shot down by most scientists. So no one has ever suggested that Troodon, say, used tools, like a chimpanzee. Or that they had a complex social system, like elephants. Or even the creativity and curiosity of dolphins. But since we have no way to know, most people won’t risk their reputation saying something like that. Living on a planet that’s six point four billion years old, it’s a little strange to think we are the first and only intelligent race.
This is the story of how the human history was sculpted, and by the dinosaurs that did it.
Last edited by Grassmaster411; 24th July 2012 at 3:59 AM.
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I'm posting the Introduction, Prologue, and chapter 1 today to get them all out of the way.
Also, I have a list of Vocabulary you will need for the story. I have made these words up, and many represent dinosaur species. The english is on the left, Krekatorian on the right.
Krekatorian = Troodon
Megabill = Edmontosaurus
Hornbrazer = Pachyrhinosaurus
Aquaneck = Plesiosaurus
King Hunter = Tyrannosaurus Rex
Aquastalker = crocodile
Hookanah = mammals/ type of food
Hecktad = Grass
Cagmat = sacred hunting tradition
Hiesog= Coastal city
Fraej = Krekatorian city in the jungle
Talkadh= Kra's home town
Gauy = City near Kra's home town
Flyhop = Type of flying vehicle
Centitran= Type of ground vehicle.
5 million years ago, our kind first appears in the fossil record. At this time, we are intelligent pack hunters, working together to raise our young and bring down large prey. Fast-forward 5 million years, and we have come a long way. Giant cities number in the dozens on each continent. They showcase skyscrapers close to 300 feet tall. In between these huge buildings move vehicles that look like a cross between a beetle and a flying vessal. On the outskirts of these huge cities are smaller, rural farming communities, which supply food for the masses. Unlike other raptors, we are omnivores, which means we can eat both plants and meat. We have sent explorers to Mars and have and small colony on the Moon. We call ourselves Krekatorians. And I have just made a terrifying discovery.
My name is Har to’ gra, and I have discovered the asteroid that will soon impact with Earth. At first there was widespread panic. My people had no idea what to do. Nothing like this had happened in our history. Their original escape plan was to move underground, but we lacked both the space and resources to keep the 500,000 Krekatorians alive there so long. The moon and Mars were the next subjected ideas, but neither could support so many lives in such a short amount of time. It seemed hopeless, and many didn’t know what to do with the next 25 years until impact. It’s unfortunate what may kill my people has my namesake. Asteroid Gra.
There was no way to stop this planet killing asteroid either. Conventional weapons like missiles and explosives would simply result in hundreds or thousands of smaller asteroids that would fall unpredictably across the planet. Even advanced beam weapons wouldn’t be able to completely destroy the 6 mile wide mass of rock and ice. Satellites were launched to try and use their own gravitational pull to change the orbit of Asteroid Gra, but they failed to affect its trajectory enough to make it miss the Earth. It only moved the impact site from Open Ocean to a small coastal area. Large mirror-like solar panels were also launched, in a hope they would melt the asteroid by reflecting the sun’s rays. They had no effect. Solar sails, sun radiation, and attaching rockets and other machines also failed. All of the possible solutions were only theories, and never tested, so my people were unprepared for this kind of disaster. Crews even volunteered to go to the asteroid and mine it to pieces, but the idea was quickly shot down.
Nuclear power and weapons were out of the question. Not only did our government and people vote to make using and owning nuclear energy illegal some 100 years ago, the risks simply outweighed the possible benefits. If we tried to launch a nuclear missile or a rocket loaded with the nuclear energy, and there was a problem with the launch, we could exterminate all life on the planet. Even if it didn’t, some life would be weakened, and probably wiped out by the effects of the asteroid. While it’s very likely we could find a safe way to launch this nuclear weapon, there was another problem. By the time the government passed the law that nuclear energy could be legal in this situation, the Asteroid was too close for it to do any damage. It would just absorb the radiation and cause even more damage on impact. A nuclear asteroid would cause unthinkable damage.
But the Krekatorian government and the scientific community held a secret from the public that just might save them. Time Travel. Discovered some 30 years earlier, they had sent probes and a few scouts to confirm what they thought. Reports of impossible things, like living extinct beings, and unknown futures proved it. Fearing a selfish being would try and use the new technology for his or her own benefit, they kept it a secret from all but the Krekatorians who discovered it. But now these same scientists have showed the technology to the government, and agreed that it was their last solution. The Krekatorian government released the information to the public, and of their plan to find a new home in the past or future. They began recruiting healthy young individuals to explore these times. Some never made it back. Those who did reported hostile worlds where no dinosaur could survive.
24 years have passed, and no time period has been found that could save the species. Recruits have almost stopped coming in entirely, and it seems more and more likely that the worst will come. I fear our species may be at its end. If you are reading this, don’t give up hope. There is still the Era of the Hu-
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Chapter 1: The Hunt
Late Cretaceous; 65 million B.C. 7 months to impact.
North America, what is now Alaska
Silence. It is unequvilant to anything but night in the Cretaceous. It’s a silence like none other. Interrupted only by the occasional throaty call of a megabill, echoing throughout the valley. The huge, elephant sized animals migrated along the riverbank in a herd some 200 strong. The eldest female leads the herd, and males move along the outskirts. Young are usually in the center, but this is a rare case. A yearling, about the size of a rhino, straggles on the end of the herd. Its mother is nowhere in sight.
Nearby, hidden from sight by thick bushes, rests two Krekatorians. The younger one turned to face his elder. “Gan e’ te, have you chosen a target for the Cagmat?” Every year, Krekatorians from each farming community gather in the lowlands to hunt and bring down a single megabill, in honor of their ancestors. This hunt is called the Cagmat. Each year, one young Krekatorian is chosen by his or her community. Then the experienced hunters pick three out of the 15 candidates to join the hunt. The experienced leader faced his anxious second in command. Despite their advanced technology, they bring down their quarry with tooth and claw. It’s a cultural tradition, ingrained deep in their culture.
“Yes, the straggler in the back. It has wounds from a king hunter. Get the out flankers in position. I will ready the instigators.” Gan left towards the south, while his lieutenant raced to the east. Gan dashed in-between trees and rocks until he reached a large boulder. Behind it were three teenage Krekatorians, anxiously awaiting the return of the pack leader. Gan arrived and addressed to youngsters.
“Alright younglings. It’s been a long 2 weeks camped out here, waiting for the herd and then for a weak enough member to bring down. You know by now that the job of the instigator is to scare the herd into running. Then the out flankers direct the herd toward the strikers, who make the kill. You hatchlings have been chosen as this year’s instigators, and should be honored to. I’m sure you’ve been biting your tails off with worry about today, but I’m here to tell you that it’s really impossible to mess up your specific role. Our ancestors rarely succeeded in killing a megabill, buts that’s because of all the competition they had back then.”
Kra e’ tac thought of all the training he did in anticipation of this event. He made prey dummies to attack, and snuck up on his family, friends, and pets. His efforts seemed futile, given his position, but he was sure he could prove himself to become a permanent member of the Annual Hunting party. Kra was lucky enough to be picked by the elders, despite his reputation for clumsiness. He had never left his small, farming community before, and the trip had so far been worth it. They had traveled through many of the great cities, seen vast grasslands and savannahs, he had even spotted a king hunter from the air on a Skyhop. But the idea of joining the hunting party had always loomed in the distance, no matter what he was doing. It took up all his thoughts every waking minute. It was a dream few of species ever met, and he now had the opportunity to partake it in. He snapped out of his thoughts when he realized that Gan e’ Te was still talking.
“As long as you keep in mind that you shouldn’t try to attack the herd, you children will do fine. It’s not your job to try and damage the target, even if the situation presents itself. If the target isn’t alone, another, healthier megabill could try and protect it. That would spoil the entire hunt. So we wait for the herd to run far enough ahead of it so that it’s completely separated. Finally, make sure you stay at the rear of the herd.” Gan e’ te paused, to let this last lesson sink in. He looked over the boulder and saw his target was still straggling. “Before you begin, you all need to ask yourselves, are you truly ready?”
Kra stole quick glances to the other two Krekatorians here with him. He had not spoken much to them, but he had gotten to know them a little. The first was a male named Jal y’ hea, from one of the coastal cities. Kra hadn’t liked him from the start. Jal was cocky, abrasive, and acted like he had been on dozens of hunts already. Kra was positive he was exaggerating his accomplishments, especially the one about killing a herd of hornbrazers by causing a landslide. He constantly tried to impress the more experienced hunters there. Even going as far as catching hookanahs and presenting them to Gan. Like catching a hookanah was an impressive task. He now stood confident and poised, looking as if he would try and take on a king hunter.
The other was a shy female named Uwn de hal. She was from the jungle city Fraej. She was quiet, and didn’t talk much to the older hunters. Kra had talked to her on the Flyhop trip. She liked to paint, and strangely enough, hadn’t wanted to go on the trip in the first place. Her parents had put her name in for her, hoping that if picked, she would try and spend more time with other Krekatorians. She liked to talk about her paintings and plants for a while, but then became very quiet. Kra had tried again to engage her in conversation, but she seemed to get really uncomfortable, so Kra had gone back to staring out the windows for the rest of the flight. She was on the right of Jal, glancing nervously around her.
Jal, Kra, and Uwn all said “I am ready” at the same time, but the difference in how they all said it made it sound like they were speaking different languages. Jal exuded arrogance, while Uwn was so quiet it was hard to hear her. Kra was somewhere in-between. Gan smiled at the three youngsters, already proud of them. Leaning over, he quickly whispered something to Uwn, who smiled and seemed to perk up a bit at the words of support. Jal glared at them, jealous that Gan would give her some secret information. Kra was just curious as to what he said. Without hesitation, Gan leapt up to the top of the boulder and let loose a high-pitched screech, alerting the other pack members and the megabill herd that the hunt was on.
At the sound of the screech, the wounded calf had a burst of energy, quickly, trying to catch up with the rest of the herd. Jal and Uwn immediately raced out and towards the megabill herd. Kra was caught off guard by the sudden announcement and was several paces behind them. While still teenagers, they could hit speeds of 35mph. Uwn, being slightly smaller than the two males, immediately gained a lead and ran alongside the herd, about 20 yards to the left. Kra was about to take to right side when Jal cut him off, then doubled back to the center position. “What is he doing?” thought Kra, his senses on high alert. Kra continued to swerve to the right, staying well out of Jal’s way. Jal ran into the herd, a very risky move, even for an experienced hunter. The threat of being trampled was a deadly one. Uwn glanced at Kra from across the valley floor, the question plain on her face. “Why is he doing that? That wasn’t in the plan”. Kra dipped his head quickly, the Krekatorian version of a shrug.
Kra and Uwn continued running along the side of the herd this whole time, curious as to why their pack mate was doing this. Jal soon revealed his plan. He began biting the ankles of the passing megabills as they passed him in the herd. This spooked even the healthy adults, and they ran faster. Kra put it together in his head a few seconds before Uwn did. “He’s trying to separate the wounded calf from the herd by himself!” That wasn’t part of the plan. They were almost to the point where the river turned and the Valley changed direction. There the out flankers were waiting. But they didn’t know what Jal was doing, and therefore, misjudging the speed of the herd.
Kra looked over the herd at Uwn, who, while still running alongside, looked completely lost as to what to do. Kra took it upon himself to make sure this did not ruin the hunt. But how to do that? He located the calf, now falling behind the herd at a rapid rate. Its wounds were fairly gruesome, definitely the work of a king hunter. The river was coming up on Kra’s right, and that controlled the direction of the herd. Since no one was needed on this side to keep the herd in check, Kra swerved towards the center, where Jal was farther in the herd. “Jal! Come back! This wasn’t in the plan!” Kra yelled, but Jal either didn’t hear or care. The herd was now so far away from the calf, it had almost stopped running. The out flankers would not see it right away, and follow the herd. They would not be able to find it. Kra ran into the herd, swerving in-between giant legs and tails. He could just barely make out Jal, about 10 feet away. Kra tried to get closer, but a slower female megabill was running between them. The female’s tail almost knocked into Kra, a lethal hit in these circumstances. Kra began to think that this was hopeless; they would die in this stampede.
He then saw his chance. Jumping at an angle, Kra leapt onto the side of the large female, then off again, landing on top of Jal, careful not to accidentally cut him with his claws. He was vaguely aware that using the female as a platform threw off its balance, and it tumbled to the ground. Kra and Jal rolled over and over, in a jumble of tails and limbs. Luckily, the felled female had made a shield, preventing other megabills from trampling them. Kra lay still on the ground for a few moments, dizzy from the rolling on the ground. He slowly stood up, shaking his head to try and clear his thoughts. That’s when the tail slammed into his head, knocking him down again.
It was not a megabills tail, it was Jal’s. He had gotten up before Kra, and prepared his assault. Kra stood up again, not immediately aware his hunting partner attacked him. Jal shot a kick at Kra, which Kra barely avoided. “You idiot! I almost had that! What kind of fur-brained move what that!? I am going to kill YOU!” Jal screamed in rage. Before he could act on his threat, Uwn ran up to them. “Guys, look.” She said, pointing behind them. The uncharacteristic assertiveness in her voice broke the two males from fighting. They looked where she pointed and gaped in shock. The female megabill Kra had knocked over was now standing next to the wounded calf, nuzzling it protectively. It was its mother, and with her guarding the calf, there was no chance of bringing it down. She began leading protectively back in the direction of the herd. An out flanker approached the gawking teen Krekatorians. “Did you younglings see the calf? We missed it somewhere in-“. He saw what Kra and the others saw.
“Sigh, I’ll go report this to Gan e’ te”. The out flanker left to deliver the disappointing news to the pack leader. Jal glared at Kra viciously. “This was my chance to make it to the big time. I was going to be the next striker if they had seen me in there. But you little hatchling had to interfere!” Jal seemed ready to explode into an attack. Kra said nothing; he was simply in shock of the situation.
The Cagmat failed because of him. If he had just let Jal do what he wanted, the out-flankers would have eventually seen the calf, resurge on it, and bring in the strikers to kill it. Jal would have gotten in trouble, but considering how most here didn’t like him, it wouldn’t have been too bad. Kra was overwhelmed by guilt, remorse, and shame. Jal’s tail smacked Kra’s head again.
“Are you listing to me you piece of crap?!?” Jal screamed in Kra’s’ face. Kra was tempted to slash his claws across Jal’s face, but two things stopped him. The knowledge that, in a fight, Kra would be completely outmatched, and the surprising intervention from Uwn. “Don’t hit him again Jal.” She said meekly from behind him.
Jal was about to turn on her, but the rest of the pack arrived to where they were. They watched the mother and calf megabill walk out of sight, none the worse from their encounter. So far, no one but Uwn, Kra, and Jal knew what happened. Kra was sure that Jal would begin spreading news of what happened, telling others that it was Kra’s fault. The pack was asking rapid questions. “How did the mother find it?” “Why did you stop running?” “Where did they go?” The group was quickly quieted by a chirp from Gan e’ te.
“As some of you may have seen, the attack was initiated, but failed to produce results.” Kra then realized that Gan must have seen the hunt clearly from his lookout on the rock. He would clear this up. “Everyone here put his or her best claws forward, and made the effort our ancestors would be proud of. No hunt is a failure. In the past, even the best kill ratios for the best hunters were under 40%. We shall not be disheartened by this setback. As you all know, there will be no other attempts until next year.” Many of the pack sighed or rolled their eyes. They knew the meteor would hit before the next Cagmat. Unless a new home was found in the next 7 months, and the megabills were brought with them, there would be no more Cagmats. Gan e’ te either did not know or care about that fact, and he continued.
“Tonight, we return not in despair, but in celebration of our unity of a species and honor to engage in these hunts.” Gan turned and began to lead the pack back to their resting area in a clearing, deep in the jungle. Kra stood for a moment, shocked that Gan didn’t cover what had caused the hunt to fail in the first place. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jal talking to some of the other hunters. There was no doubt what he was talking about. Kra decided to walk near Gan. No matter how mad they were, Kra didn’t think they would try anything in front of their leader. He said nothing on the walk back, afraid of what the elderly Hunt master would say.
On arrival, the out flankers quickly gathered the wood they had collected and started a bonfire. Not to see, Troodon had incredible night vision, but for warmth. The jungle can get very cold at night. It also helped the keep large predators, like the king hunter, away. Mostly, it was tradition, although no megabill meat would be cooked tonight. A circle of mostly crudely built nests rounded the bonfire. The experienced hunters made the best temporary beds, while newbies, like Kra, basically slept on a pile of sticks.
Uwn slept to Kra’s right, and a recently admitted striker was on his left. Kra just felt lucky he did not have to sleep next to Jal. He was sure Jal would do something to him in his sleep if he was. The new striker was sitting upright, eyes open, and completely still. Kra stared for a moment, and then walked in front of him. As he did, the sitting Krekatorian twitched and blinked.
“Sorry kid, experienced hunters can sleep with open eyes. Helps us stay aware. Get some rest.” Kra was a little freaked out, but he walked back to his nest.
Patting down the nest with his feet as best as he could, he laid down for the night. He thought, for a moment, that he heard whispering, but he closed his ears and ignored it.
Last edited by Grassmaster411; 24th July 2012 at 3:59 AM.
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Since you reviewed my fanfic, it only seems fair that I review yours ;
The introduction and prologue were very helpful and good reads, I like the whole conspiracy idea that the dinosaurs knew about the asteroids and prepared for it, with the Krekatorian government. It's pretty cool because no one can argue against what your saying and you've clearly researched all of this by putting the time scale and facts in which is good for an author.
It's always the quiet ones that I tend to grow the most attached to: Uwn de hal is an interesting character as despite not wanting to be apart of the hunt, she is slowly growing in stength at it and even though it's difficult, she is becoming quite good at it. Hopefully she will be one of the main protagonists.
It's hard to not dislike Jal y’ hea's personality, and he is slowly warming up as an antagonist for this story. The part where he knocks his tail onto Kra was pretty harsh, he really doesn't care about anyone else and only wants to be the best. As the other two young hunters are slowly drifting away from him, I can see him becoming slightly more aggressive in the future chapters.
Kra e’ tac is one of those sympathetic characters who slowly becomes a very important character. He reminds me a bit of Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter actually. He's warming up to be one of the top supporting characters in the story which is pretty cool and a part of me wishes that he did slash Jal's face off.
Overall this is a pretty good story and it's slowly getting close to a nice climatic point in the story which is exciting. I hope you continue with this and the best possible advice I can give you if any, is when your giving dialogue to a character and describing the scene around them and how they speak, it's always cool to narrate at those from the character's perspectives. Like for example you've done;
Jal glared at Kra viciously. “This was my chance to make it to the big time. I was going to be the next striker if they had seen me in there. But you little hatchling had to interfere!” Jal seemed ready to explode into an attack. Kra said nothing; he was simply in shock of the situation.
And with the method I've said, it can look like;
Jal glared at Kra viciously. “This was my chance to make it to the big time. I was going to be the next striker if they had seen me in there. But you little hatchling had to interfere!” Jal seemed ready to explode into an attack. His big chance at the big time, about to become apart of the hunting group officially and it all had to be messed up almost conveniently by a clumsy oaf like Kra. Kra could not say nothing; he was simply in shock of the situation. Jal thought it was likely because he was too ashamed to speak, which was good because Jal did not want to hear any of Kra's excuses for his mistake.
With that, it shows the view point of Jal and because of the many blames towards Kra in that paragraph, it gives us more reason to dislike him which is what I think you are likely intending to do. With the narration perspectives, it shows us the conflicted views of all of the characters and helps us to quickly like/dislike them. Adding things like rhetorical questions is pretty good too, as when you are in the middle of a climax, the reader wants to know what has happened as quickly as possible, but you can prolong this and make the anticipation even bigger. Like with the tail incident, you've wrote;
He slowly stood up, shaking his head to try and clear his thoughts. That’s when the tail slammed into his head, knocking him down again.
With rhetorical questions and a bit of more emotive language, it could appear;
He slowly stood up, shaking his head to try and clear his thoughts. That’s when his head was swiftly knocked down to the ground, and Kra moaned in pain. He fell in confusion as to what happened, as his face was covered in bruises and he struggled to understand what had happened.
Did a Megabill attack him?
Was their more animals that joined the hunt?
Suprisingly, it was none of these things; it was Jal. Jal's hastiness and aggression had knocked Kra down to the ground and left him there whilst trying to finish the hunt.
With that, the narration reflects Kra's clumsiness and him questioning as to what was happening in the short yet quick moment. It also brings the questions to a big stop with the mention of Jal's name, which would quickly annoy the reader and bring their anger towards hating Jal. The description of Jal would also continue this, and continue the emotions.
But anyway regardless of my advice, this is a really good fanfic and definetely one that stands out, I'm looking forward to reading the rest!
If you're a DC comics fan, GTA or Saints Row fan, hit me up with a vm, I'm always looking to talk to new people for my favourite stuff!
Thanks for taking a look at it! Sorry I havent gotten in a response sooner, but as I said, I've been incredibly busy.
I'm glad the intro and prolouge helped. I need to remind myself that just because something makes sense to me, dosent mean it always makes sense to others. I'm also glad you like the characters.
I took your advice and edited some speech parts, making it clearer who is speaking or thinking, and giving some multiple perspectives. While the story focuses mainly around Kra, I'm thinking of adding some paragraphs or even chapters as told by other characters.
I'm not sure if I should post much more. Despite Serebii's relative safety, I'm afraid of copyright infrigment and someone stealing my idea. I'll probably post an update of chapter 1 soon, but I'm on the fence as to what else, if anything, I should add.
Also, in case I post future chapters, I changed one of the vocab words. The Krekatorian word for mammal, originally Hookanah, will be changed to Toricke. I'm changing it because I recently read a book where an alien race referred to mammal as, hooknahs, which is very similar.
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