*ONE of the special...
He was really glad his parents had been able to save up enough money so that he could pick on
the special starter pokémon.
That was the only error of any sort that I noticed.
The story was interesting, but I would have loved for it to be longer. I think you could have written a short (but chaptered) story about this scenario: Emory's life the night before his birthday and his deciding upon Bulbasaur; Emory's morning and maybe the fact that he was so full of butterflies that he couldn't enjoy the blueberry pancakes as much as usual; Emory's visit to Viridian City; and then, finally, Emory in Viridian Forest. You could have made a whole 3 or 4 chapter upbeat story that finally led to the tragic ending. It works as a short story, but I don't think the ending was as much of a shock as it could have been because there wasn't as much build-up.
The last paragraph was the payload; the whole bit with Emory being in agony and wanting to just go home and forget the whole life as a pokemon trainer was heartbreakingly torturous. Again, though, I'd have liked more detail. What else was going through his mind? How badly was the poison affecting him? Nausea? Fever? Burning pain? I'd have enjoyed a bigger description of his agony (well, as much as I'd "enjoy" Emory's suffering, that is ). It's even a tragically sad image of Bulbasaur being unconscious and unable to help. Is he just fainted? Is he dead? The reader is left struggling with that (but in a good way), and it's a sad potential image of Bulba waking up from its injuries to find itself bound in silk to a dead trainer. Ugh. I just gave myself chills.
This line was weird to me; we get so little info and description in this story, but you do give the reader a description of Bulba? We already know what Bulbasaurs look like. Not that that single line took much effort or energy, but I'd have rather seen more details of Emory's morning or road to the forest than I needed a description of a Bulbasaur.
Bulbasaur was green--his favorite color--and had a weird flower bud sprouting out of its back.
I do think the story is good, and--like I said--the last paragraph is especially nice, but there is a LOT more you could have done. There was a lack of overall description and not a lot of actual story. I'd love to see something longer on your next project.
OH! Another thing I particularly enjoyed: the idea of the "starter" pokemon costing more. Pokemon is often treated as an almost idealistic, socialist society, and it's interesting to see an aspect of capitalism and differences in class spring up. That's another aspect I'd love to have seen more of if the story had been more in-depth.
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