[APH - PG-16 - Parody]Hetalia:Asse Powers

[TeamRocketGrunt]

Narrator: The snotty children Holy Butthole and Chibitalia lived with eachother, but only for a brief time. Their house kept getting invaded vital regions (RAPE). So, what the f*** will happen to the cu-ugly children? See after the intro!

(INTRO)

Chibitalia: I woke up in the morning and only three of us were in this stupid house. By three of us, I mean Austria the soon-to-be dictator, Hungary the poor girl, and me! I tried to ask him where the blonde butthole guy was, but he just said-

Austria: Go get me a drink, and make it quick.

Chibitalia: So I went and got the douchebag a glass of water, depressed.

Hungary: WHAT HAPPENED!?

Austria: I.....became independent.

Chibitalia: Meanwhile, outside...

Holy Butthole: Hey, Italy...

Chibitalia: You got a problem with my cleaning?

Holy Butthole: No. (Holds out hand) Italy, there's something I have to ask you. Will you.....form an alliance with me?

Chibitalia: Let me think. No.

Holy Butthole: ARE YOU BALLS? You don't wanna live here forever, do you? Because if you do, stupidity is bad and you should feel bad.

Chibitalia: Well.....your gay pride is very cute. But I still say no, dickwad. Please, you're fine as a Holy Butthole, not a Holy A**.

Holy Butthole: I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! (Betrayal!)

(Chibitalia should return sometime!)

The Anus Forces meeting was an epic fail.

England: Uggggh! I always fight and get nothing good from it.

Rabid Pink Bunny: HELLERZ!

England: (Gasp) RABID PINK BUNNY! You came to see ME?!

Rabid Pink Bunny: If "see" is what you call it. (Bites England's shoulder)

England: Hmm...? ......YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

America: Yo Limey! I gotta tell you about this huge burger I ate!

England: GET THIS F***ING RABBIT OFF OF ME! IT'S INFECTED! INFECTED! MORE INFECTED THAN ONE DIRECTION!

America: You can....handle that on your own.

(EYECATCH!)

Italy: GERMANY! I WANT YOU AND ME TO FU-

Germany: NEIN! Well.....(leans in)

Italy: Oooooh, a kiss!

Germany: Italy...I...I always......HATED YOU! (smacks Italy)

Italy: He smacked me....damn it.

France: I'll say it once more....will you.....ra-MARRY ME?!

To be rapetinued!

[VS]

This is kinda taking a turn for the worst TBH...

Try to make it a little more like the first chapter...

[TeamRocketGrunt]

I know. I don't really like the new Asses. I try my best. :P)

France: England, I have a question. A stupidly sexy one, but still a question. Will you....ra-marry me?

England: WHAT THE FU-

(Intro!)

England: ....Will there be scones there?

France: Would you like scones there?

England: I would like scones there.

France: Then there will be scones there. Ohonhonhonhon.

England: So.....how do we start?

France: Here. (Gives marriage registration form)

England: Delightful.

France: Just sign it riiiiight...(points)there.

England: Okay, then. (Signs)

(Awkward silence.)

England: W-wait. What the FrUK did I just do?

France: We're a couple now. Hooray....

England: I guess that's not so bad. What should we do until the ceremony?

France: I got a good idea. (Begins to drag England away)

England: WHAT IN BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?

(Eyecatch.)

Germany: DEUTSCHLAAAAAND!

Italy: Eine!

Japan: Zwei.

Korea: Porn!

Germany: This is Asse training! And since I am the German here, I know how to train. That, and party. German sparkle parties. And Nazi parties. Yes, pun intended.

Japan: WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS?!

Germany: Oh, yeah. So, you have absolutely no weapons, and you meet a British gentleman. What do you do?

Italy: That's....an easy one. You go and ask him if he's Harry Styles!

Germany: Close enough. Japan, you try.

Japan: YEEEAAAH! I KNOW THIS ONE! You totally make a bunch of Gundams and use them to kill the innocent British man.

Germany: We're getting there.

Korea: Oooh, ooh! I know, I know! You do what we Koreans do! Watch porn, surf the internet, and dance Gangnam Style!

Germany: I give up, you three do what you do.

(An hour later!)

We see a British dude in the bushes.

England: So wank me maybe! (Takes out earbuds) Oh, my bad.

(Two hours later!)

Japan: This training is a load of UNSANITIZED CHIN CHIN!

Italy: I like it.

Korea: Whatever. All I want is hentai.

Italy: All I want is pasta!

Japan: All I want is desu.

Everyone: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

Germany: So a guy from One Direction comes and asks you out. What do you do?

Japan: REJECT HIM, SAY YOU'RE STRAIGHT, AND SLICE OFF HIS FACE WITH A KATANA!

Germany: Correct!

England: (Creeps in the bushes) None of you know who you're dealing with! I will spy you well, kids....hehe.

Germany: Okay, we're done. Go call up Psy, Verka Serduchka, and Yamapi, stat! I will be there to shake my German engineer booty!

Korea: On it, sir! I have Psy on speed dial!

England: D'ARVIT!

(Eyecatch!)

Italy: JAPAN! I WANT US TO FU-

Japan: YOU TRIED IT WITH GERMANY AND IT WON'T WORK WITH ME, EITHER! (Draws katana)

Italy: All I want is some love! (Whines)

Japan: I think Korea'd do it happily.

Korea: Oh, yes. Come, with me, you won't find nothin' better you should come, wi-

Italy: I GET IT! Allstar Weekend! NOW CAN WE FU-

(Eyecatch!)

Haha, and then after that, some werid Chinese song comes on. I don't know...

[VS]

Much better : p

And you used the "Wank me Maybe" joke from SwapNote XD

[TeamRocketGrunt]

And you used the "Wank me Maybe" joke from SwapNote XD

I knew Wank Me Maybe would *come* in handy xD

[TeamRocketGrunt]

Germany: Okay Asse! ....And Anus, who wouldn't be here in real life. If you hadn't noticed, Japan isn't here. He has anger management on Tuesdays.

Italy: Got it, sir!

Germany: You have to treat people PROPERLY! Simple as that.

Korea: Okay. Psy, get over here.

Psy: Mwodeungan-e.

Korea: He said "whatever". Okay, here's some barbeque.

Germany: But also be strict.

Korea: Yes! Strict! (Rips barbeque out of Psy's hand)

Psy: Mwo? ANDWAE!

Korea: He isn't too happy.

Psy: Pffft, I obviously was not.

Korea: GAAAH! You are....betraying me!

Psy: Why?

Korea: You're speaking.....ENGLISH!

(Intro......)

Italy: Germany, why'd you beat up the British guy?

England: Uggggh! I was beaten by that Deutsche douche! AGAIN! But next time, nope! Next time, I'LL win. I have the most powerful weapons ever. Most notably, some One Direction CDs. But the one I should use now...is my magic. I'M GONNA CURSE GERMANY! AND NO ONE CAN STO-

America: (Opens door) HI ENGLAND! Are you here to have some t-WHAT are you doing in that outfit?!

England: Uhhh....it's a costume party. Go. Now.

(Eyecatch!)

England: Now, this time, I will NOT be interrupted. My family's magic is the greatest! (Kneels) Toxic scones and poison tea. Beings of Hell, listen to me. I summon you from afar. COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!

A being is rising from the floor!

Russia: Oh. Hi. You called? I ran out of vodka at my place, and I was thinking-

England: Shut it. (Pushes down back into floor)

(Eyecatch!)

England: What's with THAT?

Russia: So...no vodka?

England: Nope. DIE! (Presses "play" on boombox)

"Baby you light up my world like nobody else!
The way you to flip your hair gets me overwhelmed!
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,
You don't know, oh oh!
You don't know you're beautiful!"

Russia: AAAHHHH! CUT IT OUT!

Japan is seen eating some rice, peacefully.

Russia: Jiiiiiiiiii.......jiiiiiiiiiiii.....jiiiiiiiiiiii. ....

Japan: My belly. It hurts.

Russia: So, was that good?

England: I suppose.

(Eyecatch!)

France: Hey, Russia!

Russia: Hm?

France: Were you okay with the meeting?

Russia: Just seeing everyone talk cheered me up. It makes me feel as if I fit in.

France: I see.

Russia: Also...

France: Also?

Russia: I like to see their f*g faces. They don't know I'll screw them up in the end!

(Le ending, da?)

[TeamRocketGrunt]

Germany: OKAY! Italy, it's your turn to do lookout. Japan has anger management AGAIN.

Italians: I'M TIRRRRED!

Germany: You derpfaces were just asleep! Now do your duty!

Italy: Hehehe...doody. (Goes to tent)

Random Italian Guy: The fat-butt engineers are all sleeping! You know what that means...

Italy: Post ponies!

Random Italian Guy: NO, YOU IDIOT! It means, let's cary out the plan!

Italy: Riiiight....plan.

(ITALIAN PARTAAAAAY!)

Italy: Heyyy! Pass the drinks!

(Intro!)

Smexeh Girl: You ran away? That's sad.

Italy: Hell yes, we threw an epic party with pasta and pizza and wine and pasta and wine and pizza and pasta and wine......(PUNCH!)

(Passout!)

Italy is on top of a muscular engineer.

Italy: Pat, pat, pat, p-Ooooh! I touched something soft! Oh, wait, it's German engineer's butt. Eh, who cares?! Pat, pat, pat, pat....

(Eyecatch!)

GERMAN SIMULATION! (Deutsche Power!)

Let's say you're German, and you snag sausage at the supermarket. The checkout line is super long, because the checkout guy is a Spaniard. Yup, you're screwed. And there's a Greek catman putting things on the counter. Now you're REALLY screwed. Then, an Italian cuts in line. THAT'S why you should never go shopping with Eurofags. You're very annoyed, but the Austrian in front of you is pissed. We were gonna insert a Nazi Germany joke, but forget that. Oh kamblargo, the Greek dude and the Spanish derpface are talking! Another Italian gets in line, yelling something in Turkish. A Jap starts to talk. "OBJECTION!", screams the Austrian.

Then, you pass out, and your sausages spill.

DEUTSCHE POWER!

A German simulator from Russia with fun. Kolkolkolkol! Order now, and get a shocking video of Italy getting raped by Germany! CALL NOW!

(Eyecatch! Kaching!)

Germany: I finished work early today, so I had to sneak into French territory for a meal. "Hey! You over there!" I shouted to the waiter. "Gimmie some food."

France: Sure thing. Ohonhonhon!

Germany: He brought back my food, and it had potatoes, to my luck. I mashed them up, thanking God that France didn't notice it was me. Then, suddenly-

France: Hey....isn't your name Germany?

Germany: I don't remember what happened afterward, but I'm sure it was bad...

(Ending!)