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Thread: The Bind of Sibling-hood l Rated: PG

  1. #1
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    Default The Bind of Sibling-hood l Rated: PG

    Hey everyone! I've written a story. I intend to multitask with my other story (see my signature). So expect another chapter on in my other story soon. I hope to work hard on this fanfic too. Let me know what you think, (also tell me if there are any mistakes, as I will correct them as soon as I can).

    Names pronunciation.
    Rio=Ree-O
    Riletta=Ry-let-a

    Prologue

    His padded feet pounded against the composted ground. His blue and charcoal fur blew in the harsh wind. His bloodshot red eyes gleamed, lighting his path as he ran into the cold, dark forest. His paws ached as a single tear fell down his cheek which quickly evaporated, replaced with utter determination. He stopped. He closed his eyes, and perked up his senses. He shivered, and opened his eyes, they glowed a faint blue while the red eyes were still slightly visible. He put his blue paws in front of him and walked slowly through the now misty vegetation.


    He stopped as a sharp pain hit his head. He held onto his head as it vibrated violently through the communications. A voice filled his head, slowly stopping the migraine and making all clear.

    “Brother, is that you?” a high pitched voice asked in his head.

    His eyes opened fully at that moment, as a shocked look crept onto his face. He cringed as a faint ringing filled his head.

    He slowly answered, “Yes, my sister, it is me...” Then suddenly, before the other could answer, a deep voice filled his head. His head shook more violently than the last time, as faint screeches grew louder inside his mind.

    “Rio…” the voice cooed “he heh, you think you could outsmart me, did you…?” He began to feel uncomfortable, as he knew exactly who it was.


    “You sicken me…” he muttered under his icy breath.

    “Do I…?” the voice chuckled. “I expect you wish for the same fate of your father. Is that correct?” He emphasized the word ‘father’. Rio's paw clenched and he gritted his teeth.

    “Don’t you dare talk about my father!” He bawled out. A few seconds later, the voices were gone. He sighed heavily and continued walking. He shook his clenched paw, thinking about what happened to his father. He shook his head, there was no point dwelling on the past. He had to rescue his sister, he just had to! He was going to get her back and not lose her. He was not going to suffer the same fate as his father. He shivered at the thought of it.


    He continued to run down the gravel filled path, which led to a small clearing. His foot stepped into the clearing, as he stared at it cautiously. His eye’s glow faded away to reveal bright, anxious red eyes. He heard soft whimpers. He turned to a circle of rocks. In the center was a blue fur ball. He walked slowly towards the blue fur, which also showed a hint of black fur. It whimpered as he stepped towards it. Then, as he reached the edge of the circle, the blue fluff ball looked up with light red eyes. They stared at each other for a moment when he finally realized it was the person he was looking for.

    His sister.

    She whimpered softly at his presence as he reached his arms over to her. Suddenly, her eyes flickered as a shocked look crept over her frightened face. He turned, seeing his sister’s captor. He gritted his teeth, seeing a dark shadow.

    “Rio…” she spoke his name quietly. The captor chuckled just like he had done before in Rio’s communications.

    “It’s funny how you came…you knowing this was a trap…” he sneered.

    “It’s funny how you always wear a dress…” Rio smirked. At this the shadow stepped out of the darkness into the light. The captor’s eyes glowed blue, as his dark pupil stood out.

    The captor grunted with disapproval “you keep your tongue still.”

    “Says you…” Rio muttered under his breath.

    “You are so much like your father, but unfortunately for you, I will have to give you the same fate.” Rio grimaced at this remark.


    The captor moved closer, a smirk forming under the darkness of his face, which could not be seen well in the dark. Rio stayed where he was, staring fearlessly into the eyes of the captor. The captor raised his hand, and slowly stared at the two animal-like creatures in the middle of the clearing. Rio’s sister closed her eyes, bracing herself for what may happen. Then another creature stepped out from the darkness of the forest. It looked like a rock rhino with a drill-like horn and a muscular body.

    “You’re a coward to not come alone.” Rio spat.

    “Am I…? Are you not the person who came alone?” Rio remained still and didn’t respond.

    “Rio…” his sister whimpered.

    The captor raised an eye ridge, “ah…I see. You haven’t told anyone about coming to our little meeting?” he stated, reading Rio’s mind.


    Rio crouched down towards his sister, and remained silent. The captor’s henchman stepped forward, his eyes were light blue. The captor’s long thin legs vanished, ridding him of his land form. He was now a dark spirit-like creature. He signaled to his henchman and pointed to the center of the clearing. As the minion stepped forward, the captor was cackling a menacing laugh.


    The ground struck apart, as the minion stomped it’s feet furiously. Rio quickly grabbed his sister’s hand, as a fissure formed in the frosty ground. The fissure suddenly came between the two siblings. Rio refused to let go of his sister, as she held his hand, she lingered off the edge of the fissure.

    “Riletta!” he cried, struggling to hold her miniature paws.

    “Rio!” she screamed, her paws beginning to feel sweaty.

    The captor chuckled at their unfortunate occurrence, “this seems very familiar to me…”


    Rio gritted his teeth, ignoring the insane chuckles behind him, focusing on rescuing his sister.

    “Please! Rio, please! Don’t let me go!” she yelped.

    “Don’t worry, I won’t!” he spoke through his gritted teeth. The captor became slightly irritated that his plan was moving along very slowly.

    Maybe I should push them in? He asked himself no. That would spoil the moment. He chuckled to himself, then vanished.


    Rio, noticing his sister’s captor’s presence had left, managed to strain his eyes to where he was last. Gone.

    “Coward…” he muttered under his breath. He focused on pulling up his frightened sister, who seemed unusually heavy.

    Let go.
    There was another voice in his mind, it’s voice urging him to do as he was told. He gulped. He stared into his sister’s eyes. They were hopeful and helpless at the same time. She became even heavier, and was slowly being pulled into the bottom of the fissure.

    I said, let go, son.
    There was that voice again.

    “I can’t…” he breathed out.

    You must. If you do not, you will both fall.

    “But…but…she’s my sister!”

    This is what Darkrai wants… The voice faded away.


    “Rio?” a sobbing voice asked. He turned, as she gradually became even heavier.

    “I’m…I’m so-sorry, Riletta.” Her eyes widened at his apology and then realized what he was going to do.

    “No, no, no. Please no!” she screamed. He tried to block out her screams, but they wouldn’t leave. He sadly let go of her paws. She fell into the bottomless fissure, screaming her brother’s name. A tear followed her through, as the fissure began to close.


    He banged his paw against the now closed up ground, tears streaming from his eyes like a river. He was suddenly gripped by the shoulder.

    “It seems you did not suffer the same fate as your father.” A dark voice stated. Rio felt anger and sorrow fill every part of his body. He raised his clenched paw and struck the person behind him. The person chuckled. “Your heart must be as cold as mine to let your sister fall…” Rio turned and looked up to the dark shadow, the captor’s claw-like hands still remained on his shoulder. He stood up fearlessly and weakly. He began to feel cold, as a dark aura flowed through his blue body.

    “Ugh…” he winced, as he tried to push the claw off of his shoulder “what…what are you doing to me…?”

    “I’m merely making use of you” the captor smirked as he saw the puppy fall to his knees “I have many plans for you.”

    “You….you….you murdered my s-sister, this is y-your fault!” he managed to speak out. A pain struck him so hard. The captor chuckled again, and watched the puppy writhe in pain with satisfaction.

    “You murdered your sister; you let her fall into the fissure.” Rio turned away, tears falling from his eyes. But the tears were overcome by black shadows. Rio saw the clearing grow darker, as he felt the darkness go over him like a tidal wave. But he wasn’t going to give in. He opened his eyes, and stood up, facing the spirit.


    He put his paw on the ground, to which Darkrai looked with curiosity to why his paws lay on the ground. Darkrai’s claws dug deeper; as he saw the puppy’s eyes narrow. Then suddenly, Rio’s paws met with the mud as it burst up into the captor’s face. He turned heel and ran down the path, a dark shadow following him as he went. He heard his sister’s screams and the cackling laughter of the dark presence. He remembered the way his father had fought to save his mother, but he failed. And now the spotlight for death was on him. He had to run. He had to get away, before it was too late. He ran to the village, where he was born, and ran down the village road. He ran as fast as his paws could carry him, ignoring the cheerful greetings around him.


    He ran up the hill towards his tree house, which served as a home to him, a childhood-like home. He pushed open the door hastily, and slammed it behind him. He flicked the lock and turned on the light. He sat down, his back to the door, breathing heavily. Tears began to stream from his eyes. He began to wonder if Darkrai was right, maybe he was the sole reason for his innocent sister’s death. He rubbed his eyes and walked to the bedroom, being sure to leave the light on.


    He saw two beds, a lamp and a rocking chair. He turned to the second bed, seeing his brother sleeping peacefully. His brother was only young, about a few years old. His eyes narrowed, his brother might not be as safe as he thought. He trudged to his bed, not planning to sleep at all…

    Heres the prologue cover.
    The Bind of Brotherhood Prologue cover.jpg

    Well? What did you think?
    Last edited by TheShinyWriter; 10th August 2012 at 12:47 PM.
    Imagination, Pokemon, can make something anew and alive.

    Pokemon White FC : 0175 7962 6735
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    I sometimes use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  2. #2
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    I saw this post and it looked lonely, so I decided to review. ^^

    He ran. His padded feet pounded against the composted ground.
    You don't need that first sentence here. Not only is it redundant for anyone who can figure out context (feet pounding against the ground usually implies running or some other kind of motion), but it doesn't really fit with the voice of the other sentences in the paragraph.

    Also, do you mean 'composted' - covered with a mixture of decaying organic substances (dead leaves and manure, for example) - or 'compacted' - hard and tightly packed?


    His paws ached as a single tear fell down his cheek which quickly evaporated, replaced with utter determination.
    You might want to replace 'as' with a comma and 'and' here, or a semicolon ( ; ) - this sounds like two different sentences.

    His paws ached; a single tear fell from his eyes, down his cheek, and quickly evaporated, replaced with a look of utter determination.

    That's just an example.


    He slowly answered “yes my sister, it is me...”
    Whenever someone directly addresses someone else by name (or an appropriate replacement noun or pronoun), that term of address is always separated by a comma. Also, in most cases, describing a speech-related action before the actual quotation is preceded by a comma. The first word of the quote is also always capitalized.

    He slowly answered, "Yes, my sister, it is me..."


    Then suddenly, before the other could answer, a deep voice filled his head. His head shook more violently than the last, as faint screeches grew louder inside his mind.
    "...more violently than the last time" would probably make more sense here.


    “Rio…” the voice cooed “he heh, you think you could outsmart me, could you…?” He began to feel uncomfortable, as he knew exactly who it was.
    Again, same rule about the quotations. Also, your phrasing of the actual quote is confusing.

    Rio..." the voice cooed, "he heh, you thought you could outsmart me, did you...?"


    “Do I…?” the voice chuckled. “I expect you wish for the same fate of your father. Is that correct?” He emphasized the word ‘father’. His paw clenched and he gritted his teeth.
    You've got a classic case here of what I like to call 'two pronouns fighting each other.' I'm assuming your first 'he' references the voice and then the second and third reference Rio. Just change 'his' paw to Rio's paw and you should be good. Whenever you've got a case of more than one 'he' or 'she' or 'it' in an exchange, it usually pays to use nouns instead, actually. Otherwise when you say 'he', like in this example, a reader may not know in that last sentence whether the 'he' refers to the voice or to Rio.


    The captor moved closer to the two, a smirk forming under the darkness f his face.
    Darkness 'of' his face? Simple typo...but again, your phrasing is confusing. If you mean that the captor's face was in shadow so that all that could be seen was a smirking grin, then say something like that.


    “You’re a coward to not come alone.” Rio spat.
    This was one of my achilles' heels when I first started fic-writing about 8 years ago now. Don't split an infinitive phrase - otherwise known as "to + a verb." If you don't care about your characters using perfect English in their dialogue (and believe it or not, there's a place for that), then that's perfectly fine. Personally, though, I try not to split infinitives (note that I did not write that phrase "I try to not split infinitives") because it creates a bad habit that's hard to break.


    As for the story itself, I have very few complaints...except maybe for the fact that we're never quite told what Rio and Riletta are. Based on the colors you used, my thinking is that it's Shinx or something of that line. But Shinx have yellow eyes, not red ones that occasionally glow blue, so my guess is probably wrong. Maybe it was on purpose that you chose not to reveal what 'species' Rio, Riletta, and their brother were. I'd encourage you, though, to reveal it soon. Readers enjoy what they read when they can paint a picture in their mind. If they can't do that - in this case, if they don't know what they're looking at when they 'see' your main character(s) in their mind's eye - they'll find it hard to keep caring.

    Which brings me to your description. The one thing I'm noticing is that a lot of your errors come in your attempts to be poetic. It's not that you're incapable of describing things well. For the most part, you have a pretty good handle on it. It's just that, every now and again, a phrase of yours falls flat or doesn't make any sense - then the nice little ride we readers were taking through your story hits a huge bump, and it's hard to get back on track.

    That said, I admire your willingness to take a risk in that regard. I've seen a lot of writers go very stripped-down in an effort to avoid making a mistake or using a word wrong. But as someone who's written a lot and reviewed a little, too, I'll say that it's easier for me as a reviewer to tell you when you've made a grammatical error or used a word incorrectly than it is for me as a reviewer to tell you how to add flavor to a bland story.

    In other words, keep going. Take care not to make careless mistakes (if someone gives you a grammar rule in a review, try to remember it so you don't make the same mistake over and over again), but don't walk on eggshells and write with the intention of avoiding errors. You have a very firm, solid grasp on the emotions of characters and readers in your writing - and if you build your grammar and descriptive skills on that base, you'll only get better with experience.

    - EM1

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  3. #3
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    Good prologue, quick and snappy too, just how I like them.

    The structure is alright and the grammar is fine for the most part, but there are two things that stick out.

    First off there's this:

    Quote Originally Posted by TheShinyWriter
    The captor moved closer to the two,
    You don't really need the "to the two" bit, simply writing "The captor moved closer," is far more effective. It's a small detail but it stands out.

    The other niggling thing is how often you use the word "Captor". Try varying it by using similar words like "Assailant", "Attacker" or "Tormentor". Even after Rio's father (I assume that's who it is) tell us it's Darkrai, you continue to use the word 'Captor". Why not use his name now that we know who it is?

    Besides that I enjoyed it, though I would warn you about trying to do 2 projects at once, it can be quite a challenge and might exhaust your enthusiasm. If you can pull it off however, more power to you.
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  4. #4
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    Okay, I've done 2.5 chapters on this story, And Hopefully, Sabconth, I'll stay motivated. The only problem is that I'm stuck with no internet for a while. I've also done some artwork (digitally) of the scene where Rio is trying to pull his sister up. Thanks for your feedback so far!
    Imagination, Pokemon, can make something anew and alive.

    Pokemon White FC : 0175 7962 6735
    Pokemon Black FC : 0218 7461 7848
    3DS Friend Code: 0259 1240 6982

    My shinies:

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    I sometimes use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  5. #5
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    Strangely enough, not having internet (and ergo, not being able to surf the internet) has resulted in some of my most productive times as a writer. ^^ Though I could obviously see where posting what you've written would be a bit of a problem.

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    Strangely enough, not having internet (and ergo, not being able to surf the internet) has resulted in some of my most productive times as a writer. ^^ Though I could obviously see where posting what you've written would be a bit of a problem.
    Yep! When theres nothing to do on the computer, just sit back and type away!

    Heres the Next Chapter! Sorry for it being so late!

    Present Day

    “Brother! Come on! Wake up, wake up!” the high, shrill voice of his brother called.

    “Ugh… come on, Riley. Five more minutes…” he murmured, hiding deeper under the covers. His brother ripped the covers off him.

    It was morning. The two young Riolus were just waking up, or rather Rio was.

    “Wake up! You know what day it is, don’t you?” he shrieked.

    “Pancake day?” Rio asked. To this his brother folded his arms, bottom lip hanging out.

    “I can’t believe you forgot it. That means I don’t have any presents from you!” he shouted. Rio smiled, went to the kitchen cupboards, and he pulled out a parcel. He then passed it to his impatient brother. His brother stared at the parcel.

    “Have a good one, bro.” Rio simply said. And with that his brother began to tear open the parcel also gazing at the sparkles of the wrapping. The parcel was box shaped. He flipped open the box to see a necklace made of string. He sighed, thinking this was a cheapskate present made from old string. He was about to close the box, when his brother stopped him, and pointed a solid underneath the fluff. He reluctantly pulled out the solid object to find it was strangely shaped rock.

    “What is this?” he asked curiously, as he put the necklace on.

    “I really don’t know. It belonged to our…father.” he gulped before saying who it belonged to.

    “Oh. Whatever happened to… father?” Rio remained silent at this question and changed the subject.

    “Well then. Let’s go get the grocery shopping.” He decided happily, pulling out a little bag which held gold coins inside.

    “Ok…” Riley spoke quietly.


    In the village, there were many berries in the shops (Riley’s favorite berry was a Pecha berry). Rio was well known around these parts along with his brother. Everyone helped them whenever they could, since they were both orphans. While passing the hospital, Riley spotted Chaise and Diana, who were busy attending to patients. They were both pink but differently shaped. Chaise had a rounder body shape than Diana while having an egg nestled in her pouch. Diana, however, was much thinner with hair-like curls next to her ears. The girls noticed the two brothers and waved, despite it not being their berry-break. Riley loved the market. It was one of the best places to meet travelers, do shopping and make and meet his friends. Rio wasn’t ecstatic about the market but he didn’t exactly hate it.


    They made their way to the grocery store, which was owned by the Minccino brothers. They tended to keep the shop tidy over time, but it was only last week that they found dust all over the shop due to their vacation. They never used dusters or brooms to clean up. No. They used their own tails. Rio and Riley stepped into the store. While Riley wondered off to where the Pecha berries were, Rio idly walked down the isles looking for particular items. After a while, Riley came back down the isle carrying so many berries that he almost tripped until his brother stopped him. Rio rolled his eyes at the berries, only just seeing Riley through them. Rio folded his arms.

    “No.” He spoke sternly.

    “Aw! Come on, bro!” He pleaded. Rio shook his head. Riley started to sulk, also bringing out his famous ‘puppy dog eyes’ look which Rio could barely see.

    “Ugh…fine Riley.” Riley grinned with success as his brother placed the oversized portion of berries into the cart. Riley ran to the checkout quickly, dragging his brother’s paw behind him. He only wanted the Pecha berries, and didn’t want Rio bringing the other yucky ones home.

    “Hurry up!”

    “Hey, wait a minute! Riley!”


    They arrived at the checkout. Riley excitedly helped his brother place the berries onto counter, and almost knocked over one of the items on Rio’s list.

    “Hi, Mr. Minccino!” He beamed at the Pokémon behind the counter. The Pokémon looked over the counter to see the small Pokémon.

    “Oh, hello there Riley! What mischief are you going to be up to today?” he asked.

    “It’s my birthday!” Riley grinned.

    “Oh dear! It is? I’ve totally forgotten! Did you forget too, brother?” He asked as he turned to another Pokémon.

    “I’m afraid so.” The other answered as he stepped next to his identical brother. Riley eyed them suspiciously, knowing they were hiding something.

    Riley grinned slyly, “Come on, what did you get me?” The two brothers stared at him and also began to grin.

    “Your brother knows us too well, Rio.”

    “Yeah, he’s the wiser.” Rio said, rubbing his brother’s head playfully. They took out a parcel from underneath the counter, and passed it to Riley as Rio paid for the shopping. Riley shook it wildly, as he heard banging inside. The two siblings walked out of the store. While Riley was still shaking the parcel, Rio was left with the job of carrying the berries, which took him at least 3 bags to carry them all. After they finished receiving many of Riley’s presents around the market, it was time to go home. Riley found his present from the Minccino brothers to be glass marbles with berries painted on them. He loved all the other presents too, but Rio’s present was the one he treasured most.


    After the shopping was put away (which mainly consisted of Riley’s berries!), the two brothers had a before-midnight-feast, which was mainly just having a feast before bed. Riley enjoyed the feast and was full up and tired before you could say ‘Pecha’, he just ate it so fast. Rio, seeing his brother was ready to ‘hit the sack’, followed his brother to bed. He tucked his brother in before clambering into his own bed, which was on a balcony in the room. The balcony had stairs, which Rio climbed up to get to his bed. His bed also overlooked the entire village, as there was a window right next to it. He got wrapped up, and slowly began to dream…


    Rio was running, very much like he had done several years ago. As he passed the trees and plants, he stared firmly into nothingness. Then, he found he had stumbled into a clearing, and also found his eyes to be soaking wet. It may have been because it was raining, but he knew it was something else. He had been crying. His mask outlined his anxious red eyes, as they searched the clearing. He was worried about something, but didn’t know what. The clearing he was in, was circular, and was also surrounded by dark trees. The grass he stood on was perfectly cut to the same height. The moonlight reflected on the center of the clearing, making a little light for Rio to see. Rio knew this place, it was vaguely familiar. However, he wasn’t sure of where he had seen it before. Until, he heard screaming. That was when he remembered. He frantically searched around the clearing for someone. Then, suddenly, a fissure cracked the ground. He found himself suddenly holding the edge of the fissure. A voice echoed throughout the clearing, a dark and malice voice. He began to scream, shout and yelp.


    As he tried to get up, he saw his brother above him. His eyes were innocent as he stared, shocked and also afraid. He immediately bent over and tried to help Rio up. His tiny paws latched onto Rio’s, as he pulled and pulled. Rio’s eyes suddenly widened as he saw a dark shadow loom behind his brother. It loomed even more every second, it’s claws almost touching Riley’s fur.

    “I’m back for you…” a dark voice called, as it suddenly stretched it’s shadowy claws around Riley’s neck.

    “Riley! Behind you!” Rio alerted his brother. Suddenly, his brother was succumbed to a dark aura. Riley stared at his brother, no longer scared, but smiling. This made Rio very uncomfortable.

    “Join us brother, it’s fun…” Riley cooed, as he gestured to push Rio off the edge or help him up. Rio couldn’t believe his eyes or his ears. Riley would never do this, not to him, his own brother!

    “…Or would you rather face your own death?” The shadow behind Riley asked softly. Rio found himself refusing to side with them. Rio stared into Riley’s eyes one last time before Riley let go of him. Riley started laughing frighteningly as his only brother, Rio, fell into the deep fissure…


    Rio sat up; awake from his nightmare, and breathing heavily. He looked over to Riley’s bed only to find him sleeping peacefully. That was no nightmare, it was a warning. He’d hardly had nightmares. He had forgotten what had happened several years ago. He had forgotten it, deliberately. Rio didn’t ever want to think about that night. He never even told his brother about it let alone anyone else. But now someone was back for him, and this may affect his brother too.

    “Darkrai…” he murmured. He remained in a sitting position as he knew he wasn’t going to sleep a wink that night. As he turned to face the bed his brother was in, a dark shadow casted over the window. Two blue lights flashed through the wide window while Rio had his back turned. Rio tried to figure out what was going to happen, like he normally did in some situations. He had that dream for a reason, because normally, his dreams were blank. They had nothing in them. He crossed his legs and leaned his elbows on them, while he let his face lie on his palms. The shadow by the window began to turn darker. It did not alert Rio of it’s presence. When it knew Rio hadn’t even noticed, it smirked, but the expression couldn’t be seen in the dark. With Rio oblivious, it made it a lot easier.


    The shadow suddenly came through the window, but didn’t make any sound. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Rio, knowing something wasn’t right, turned just in time to see the shadow similar to the one he’d seen years ago. He barely dodged the shadow and it went through the opposite wall. Rio immediately shook his brother awake.

    “Ugh…what…Rio? What’s wrong?” Riley asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

    “We have to get out of here. Now!” Rio grabbed his paw and ran into the living room. He dragged his brother away from the shadow. He knew something was wrong. Darkrai…he was really back. Right now all he cared about was keeping his brother safe. Nothing else.

    “Rio, why? Why do we have to go?” He asked his brother. Rio couldn’t bring himself to answer his brother, besides; he was trying to get away from the dark spirit that was in their room. Rio wondered why Darkrai had come back now. Why now? Why only a few years later? Why didn’t he get Rio when he had escaped last time? Rio couldn’t believe what was happening; his past was truly back to haunt him. Rio dragged Riley to the back kitchen door. That was the last obstacle they needed to get past before they could exit the house. And it was locked.

    “Where’s the key?” Rio asked Riley, but his reply was a mere shrug. Rio looked around frantically for the key. But then, horror broke loose. Darkrai was in the room right now. Darkrai was watching them, watching him, and watching Riley. He chuckled at the siblings, knowing he had cornered them. Rio pushed Riley behind him. Rio stood in front of his brother protectively.

    “What do you want, Darkrai?” Rio growled fearlessly.

    “Been having bad dreams lately, Rio?” He asked in a sinister tone. Rio stared at the ground. Darkrai had got to him, again; he was merely a few steps away from him. Rio found that his paw was clenching, and that his teeth were gritted, just like last time. Riley was still oblivious of what was going on. He couldn’t figure out who the character in their kitchen was right now.


    “Rio? Who is this? What’s he doing in our kitchen in the middle of the night?”

    “And who’s this?” Darkrai gestured towards Riley, “I had no idea you had a brother, Rio, you could have introduced me.”

    “I wouldn’t let you near him on my life.” Rio spoke in an irritated manner. Rio had fear written on his face, but wouldn’t let Darkrai see it. Rio’s fear was for his brother, not the dark menace that stood before him.

    “Very well…” He answered, “Prepare yourself, Rio.”

    “When I say go, jump to the side!” Rio whispered to Riley. Riley slowly nodded. There was a dark ball growing in Darkrai’s claw-like hands; the patterns inside it seemed almost hypnotic. The ball was purple and destined to hit it’s target. Rio stood his ground until Darkrai would fire, but suddenly, Darkrai stopped. A bright light suddenly appeared behind Rio and his brother, so bright and blinding that they both had to shut their eyes. There was a ringing sound, but it sounded almost heavenly. The bright light slowly faded, then revealed that Darkrai had gone.

    “Rio? What is that?” Riley asked. Rio whipped around then stared at the source of the light.

    “I don’t think it’s a ‘what’, Riley, I think it’s a ‘who’.” Rio corrected quietly, “Who are you?” He stared at the being; it almost resembled a swan with arcs.

    “I am Cresselia.” Answered the being.

    Reveiw and I might post the next Chpater A.S.A.P
    Last edited by TheShinyWriter; 10th August 2012 at 12:06 PM.
    Imagination, Pokemon, can make something anew and alive.

    Pokemon White FC : 0175 7962 6735
    Pokemon Black FC : 0218 7461 7848
    3DS Friend Code: 0259 1240 6982

    My shinies:

    One (+) -Shots

    I sometimes use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  7. #7
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    Default Another review!!

    Hello again. Glad to see I didn't scare you off. (Trust me, I'm not a jerk, but for whatever reason the authors of the stories I review regularly always seem to stop writing them.) I see you've posted another chapter. Obviously. Another chapter warrants another review, so here we go!


    “Brother! Come on! Wake up, wake up!” the high shrill voice of his brother called.
    'High' and 'shrill' are both adjectives, describing the word 'voice.' Whenever you have more than one adjective in that situation, a comma should go between them.

    "...the high, shrill voice of his brother called."

    Not a huge deal - just something of which you should stay aware.


    His brother ripped the covers off of him.
    Don't kill me for this. I swear it sounds like it make sense to write and say 'off of'. Most people don't even know this rule. (Un)fortunately, in my early days as a writer, I had a reviewer who did know this rule, so I feel responsible for passing it on to you. "Off of" sounds right, and 98% of the time people will know what you mean when you write it...but it's not grammatically correct. The word "off" will suffice in this situation - each and every time.


    “Have a good one bro.” Rio simply said.
    Two things, actually - "bro" is a term of address, like you would use a name. So, like I mentioned in the last review, it should be separated from the actual statement by a comma.

    Additionally, when you have "Rio simply said" or something of the like after a quotation, a period usually turns into a comma. Question marks (?), exclamation points (!), and ellipses (...) can stay as is.

    An exception to this is as follows:

    “I really don’t know. It belonged to our…father.” he gulped before saying who it belonged to.
    In this case, because the first verb after the quote isn't 'said' or a similar speech-related verb, the sentence - period and all - can stay as is. But, in that case, the 'he' (or whatever the first word happens to be) should also be capitalized. Additionally, try to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition. It's hard to do, and sometimes involves rewriting your sentences, but it's generally considered good grammar not to end your sentences with a preposition. (And remember, it's "not to end", and not "to not end" - don't split infinitives!)


    Regarding the story itself (as opposed to dealing with all those technical things, which admittedly aren't my favorite part of reviewing), are these anthropomorphic Pokemon? (Otherwise known as anthros or gijinka - basically non-human creatures given human physical traits) Either way, I'm going to have to get used to the 'human-ness' of your Pokemon characters. Stories like that haven't been my cup of tea - not so much because I'm a stickler for canon or anything like that, but because most of the ones I've seen haven't been written too well. Aside from a few technical and grammatical foibles, though, you seem to be doing a good job. I really feel the tension and, yes, even a pang of fear, when Darkrai is mentioned and described. You seem to have a great grasp on how Darkrai would torment and/or intimidate its targets. You put forth more effort than simply, "Darkrai appeared. Cue everyone freaking out appropriately." Your writing paints a very fearsome picture of Darkrai. So kudos to you for that.

    I also noticed that you didn't fumble quite as much in your description. You're really starting to hit your stride - keep at it and keep improving.

    - EM1

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    Hello again. Glad to see I didn't scare you off. (Trust me, I'm not a jerk, but for whatever reason the authors of the stories I review regularly always seem to stop writing them.)
    Well I think your very nice. Why would I be scared off? You're really helping me by reveiwing!

    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    Regarding the story itself (as opposed to dealing with all those technical things, which admittedly aren't my favorite part of reviewing), are these anthropomorphic Pokemon? (Otherwise known as anthros or gijinka - basically non-human creatures given human physical traits) Either way, I'm going to have to get used to the 'human-ness' of your Pokemon characters.
    Well the Pokemon in the story do have human traits as you said, but if a human walked randomly into one of their conversations, they would just be hearing their pokemon language. So really this is like it's a translation.

    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    I really feel the tension and, yes, even a pang of fear, when Darkrai is mentioned and described. You seem to have a great grasp on how Darkrai would torment and/or intimidate its targets. You put forth more effort than simply, "Darkrai appeared. Cue everyone freaking out appropriately." Your writing paints a very fearsome picture of Darkrai. So kudos to you for that.
    Well, I thank playing PMD EOS for that. Since I kind of Picked up what sort of personailty the Darkrai in the game has as the main villain. And also watching and studying up on bulbapeadia.

    Also, at the bottom of the prologue (if you havn't seen it already) is the picture I made. I had to post it as an attachment due to D.A not working.

    Anyways, thanks for the feedback Heres the next Chapter.




    “Cresselia?” Riley asked, “Are you a good Pokémon?” Cresselia chuckled at this.

    “There is no good and bad, my prince.” Cresselia answered the small Riolu softly. Rio looked confused.

    “If there is no good or bad, then what…wait a minute, you just said ‘prince’ right?” Rio narrowed his eyes at Cresselia.

    “Yes, I did say that, my prince.” She repeated that word again. Rio stared at her, wondering what in Arceus’s name she was on about.

    “What on earth are you talking about?” Rio questioned “Are you pulling my chain?”

    Cresselia looked puzzled, “I see no chain on you, my prince.” Rio slapped his forehead.

    “You said we were princes! Is that true?” Riley asked excitedly, “Do I have a big, blue castle? With thousands of Pecha berries?” Riley put his hands together, wishing he did. Cresselia chuckled again at the puppy. Rio rolled his eyes.

    “Riley, she’s obviously kidding.” I told him.

    “Oh.” Riley sighed quietly.

    “I am not ‘kidding’, my prince.” She answered seriously.

    “Yes you are.” Rio snapped back.

    “I am certainly not.”

    “Are too.”

    “I am not.”

    “Ugh…this is going to go on for a while…” Riley murmured quietly.

    50 are nots and are toos later…


    “Are too.”

    “Prince, do you wish to stand here all day claiming that I am giving you nothing but corrupted lies, while Darkrai is at large?”

    “Ugh…fine. So what’s the story? You were joking weren’t you? We’re not really princes are we?” he snickered. Cresselia remained with a serious face.

    “Your ancestors are of royal blood, my prince.” Rio felt his own blood run cold, and almost fainted upon hearing those words. Is that why Darkrai was after us? Did the whole town know? Or was it just Darkrai and Cresselia that knew? He gulped.

    “Then what is D-D-Darkrai trying to d-d-do?” Rio asked, shaking in his words. He almost knew the answer.

    “He’s trying to use you two to get to the power he needs. He wishes to mould this area into his own, through you.” Rio shivered, remembering how it had felt when Darkrai had deepened his claw-like hand into his shoulder, the mark still remained there. He remembered the dark aura that had spread over his body in the past. He remembered the aura that had surrounded his brother. All the pieces fit. It was all true…

    “Rio?” Riley asked innocently “Are you okay?”It was strange. Rio realized he had started shaking in his legs. His fearless bravery had been replaced with unavoidable fear. That story had chilled him to the bone. He knew this wasn’t him. Rio didn’t seem to be his same old self.

    “No. Obviously I’m NOT OKAY!” He snapped back at his brother. Riley flinched at this, his brother had never snapped at him like this before. Riley knew for a fact that something was up with Rio. Rio turned, walking away from his brother and the Pokémon which he had just met. He walked into his room and slammed the door shut, and deliberately locked it. He climbed up into his bed in a frustrated manner.

    Riley ran up to the door and knocked on it quietly, “Rio? What’s wrong?” Rio didn’t answer. Riley stopped knocking on the door and turned to Cresselia. Then, he sensed something. Something dark and unforgiving, this sense was coming from behind that door. “Cresselia?”



    “Ugh…I can’t believe this has happened…why do I feel so darn angry?” Rio asked himself in the dark, “I’ve never snapped at Riley like that in my life…” He stared at his paws, wondering what was wrong with him. “What is happening to me? Why am I so angry at everyone?”

    “That, would be my doing.” Spoke a voice, softly. A dark, menacing presence stood behind Rio, but Rio didn’t turn around. He simply talked with his back turned.

    “Darkrai...why are you doing this?” Rio asked, his anger peaking it’s top.

    “You would never understand even if I told you.” His velvet voice uttered, as his claw-like hand was placed on Rio’s shoulder.

    “Try me…” Rio answered back, weakly. Darkrai’s claw-like hand dug deeper into the mark that was his own years ago.

    “Very well, Rio.” He spoke, “Many years ago, this village imprisoned me in the forest. They had done it simply because when I was around, nightmares occurred. And I was to blame. I had not deliberately intended to bring nightmares to the village people.” He gestured towards the village, “However, they found me guilty. I refused the option of banishment as this was my home. So instead, they imprisoned me in a shrine, deep in the forest.” His hand dug even deeper in Rio’s flesh, Rio thought that at any second it was going to break through his skin. “I escaped from that prison they call a shrine. And then I came across your father.” Rio felt a tiny yelp escape from his lips. “I needed to get back at the village for what they had done, so I decided to hunt down the royal family members…one by one.” Rio pushed himself away from Darkrai’s grip and stared at him. That stare was meaningful to Rio; he was shocked that half of his family was dead just because of his lust for revenge.


    “YOU MURDERED MY FAMILY! DUE TO THAT, ME AND RILEY ARE ORPHANS! YOU MURDERED MY FAMILY JUST TO GET REVENGE?! YOU ARE SICKENING!” Rio forced his palm on the tormentor’s face, but the attack remained fruitless. Rio felt an exhilaration flow through his body, and suddenly began to calm down. He stared fearlessly into the eyes of the cold-hearted killer. Darkrai’s eyes flashed a couple of times, and Rio began to feel drowsy, but tried to fight it. It was no use. He collapsed on the bed.

    “I knew you would never understand my way.” Darkrai muttered, as a smirk crept onto his face, again it was too dark to see the expression, “I do still have plans for you, this changes nothing…”



    “Darkrai?” Riley called, as he opened the door slowly. He was hoping he could negotiate with Darkrai so that he left the two siblings alone. He had to admit it; his house was pretty spooky at night. He cautiously looked around, “Rio? Where are you?” He looked around the room frantically for his brother. Finding nothing. He leapt to his bed and started to cry, the tears making his fur soaking wet. He tried to dry his tears but they wouldn’t stop. Did his brother really hate him? Did he abandon his only brother?

    No.

    “Huh?” Riley rubbed his eyes with his paw, drying the tears. He looked around, but couldn’t see anything or anyone the voice could have come from. He turned back to the bed and began to cry, again, into the covers. He began to scream and yelp for his brother, but no one came. The strange necklace around his neck began to rattle and shake. He sat up and stared at it. He ripped the necklace off and threw it in the corner. It shook violently as Riley jumped behind the bed, watching with red, soggy eyes. Seeing the door within his sights, he ran through it, getting away from the scary rock.


    He looked around. He couldn’t see anyone. Cresselia was gone; she’d left him alone, just after his brother had vanished. He looked through a crack in door, to see the rock had stopped shaking. He slowly walked towards it and put it back on. He stared at the misshaped rock. It had some dot eyes and a strange smile on it. He ignored it and left it on all the same. He sat on his bed, leaning his head in his palms. What was he going to do now? He had no one to look after him. He was alone. He slowly exited the house, not knowing where he was going to go or where he was. He kicked his toes about as he walked out, kicking several pieces of small gravel out of the way, and almost scraping his foot. No one could help him now. Wait a minute…What about his father’s friend? Surely he could help him!


    He ran down the village road as fast as he could, being sure to get past all the adults without suspicion. He came to the end of the gravel road, seeing a small house on the right side, opposite the grocery store. Riley knocked on the door repeatedly, while peering through the window in the door. The lights were out, he must be asleep. Riley went to the back door, which was where the kitchen was. The light was on. It started to rain heavily, Riley covered his head so he wouldn’t get as dripping wet as he already was. He knocked again, this time even louder. Someone came to the door, the Pokémon’s footsteps were so loud they could be heard from outside. Riley slunk backwards, hoping it was going to be who he hoped it was. The door opened to reveal a tall greenish dinosaur-like Pokémon. It had several spikes on it’s shoulders and head, and had several spikes also on it’s tail. It’s skin was like armor, rock hard.


    The Pokémon stared at the Riolu on his doorstep, wondering what a child was doing out so late.

    “Riley?” he whispered “What are you doing here? Where’s Rio?”

    Riley wiped his eyes with the back of his paw and sniffled several times before replying, “Rio’s gone.” With this sentence Riley found himself hugging the huge dinosaur, various sniffles coming from him. The dinosaur took the child inside, and then warily whipped it’s head around the door before finally closing it. When inside, he sat Riley down in a children’s wooden chair, and patted him on the head reassuringly.

    “Now, now, now. Calm down, Riley. What’s wrong, hmm?” He tilted his head and stared at Riley to show he was paying attention.

    “Well…Th-this dark s-scary m-m-monster…h-he…I t-think he t-took R-Rio away…” Riley stuttered, tears raining from his eyes. Riley wiped his eyes again.

    “What? Someone took Rio away? Why would anyone do that? Who was the monster?” He asked. Riley was still taking it all in, let alone answer any questions.

    “I-I d-d-don’t k-know.” The Pokémon known as Tyranitar sighed heavily, “B-but he s-said h-his n-n-name was D-D-Darkrai…” Tyranitar suddenly looked to Riley in a shocked manner.

    “What did you say?!” He asked, almost jumping out of his seat. Riley turned away to the window. It was pouring it down. He turned back to Tyranitar.

    “You…You k-know him?”

    “Of course I do!” He yelled, he seemed furious, “He’s that backstabber who murdered your father, your mother and your sister…I ought to give that guy some of MY OWN medicine!” He slammed his clenched claws on the coffee table, almost smashing it. Riley slowly stared at the ground. He finally knew what had happened to his father. Why did Rio never tell him before? Riley began tearing up again, and put his face into his hands. Terrax the Tyranitar turned to Riley, realising he hadn’t known all this time.

    “Why? Why didn’t Rio tell me?” Riley sobbed. Terrax looked serious again.

    “He probably was looking out for you. He wouldn’t want you to know that stuff. It could have been too heartbreaking for you...” He trailed off.

    “You said he was a ‘backstabber’, does that mean you knew him before all this?” Riley asked, trying to change the subject.

    “Aye, he was friends with your father before he was imprisoned or something.” Terrax started, “He seemed mighty jealous of your family too, behind your fathers back that is. Your father, me and Darkrai were once a team, but then something changed in him. Shortly after he was imprisoned, for some bizarre reason, your father was devastated. Although, Darkrai didn’t necessarily feel the same way...” Terrax cleared his throat before continuing, “... We fought alongside each other, defending the valley and the village. But, behind your father’s back, Darkrai was just as conniving and cunning as the next guy. He finally proved that personality when we were tracking down some hostile Pokémon. He joined them, leaving your father to fight against the Pokémon that he had trusted over the years. And frankly, your father still believed that there was...” He took a drink of water from a glass on the end table, while Riley listened intently to the story, “...Still some good in him. I told him that ‘the old Darkrai isn’t coming back’, but he refused that statement and went along on his own. I never saw him again after Darkrai escaped from imprisonment...” Terrax sighed heavily, and patted Riley on the head.


    “Terrax? D-Do you t-think R-Rio l-l-left m-m-me?” Riley whimpered. Terrax looked serious again.

    “Look, Riley. Rio wouldn’t do that and you know-” Terrax was interrupted by loud knocking, coming from the back door. He turned to the back door, and got up to go to it. Riley tilted his head at the door, wondering who it might be. Terrax opened the door and was quickly greeted by the pouring rain. He ushered the Pokémon at the back door inside and carefully shut the door. The Pokémon was cream and pony-like, however, it’s mane was fiery, still moving like a spreading fire. It had hooves and wore a brown saddle.


    “Pyranna? What are you doing here?” Terrax asked. Riley left his seat and entered the quaint kitchen. Pyranna suddenly flashed her eyes towards Riley.

    “It’s him! He has to get away quickly, sir! He’s in terrible danger!” The pony kicked it’s hooves around frantically.

    “Huh? Me?” Riley asked, pointing towards himself.

    “Wait a second...Why does he have to get away?” Terrax asked, wanting to confirm his theory.

    “This!” The baby stallion replied, pushing out a sheet of paper with her hooves. Terrax picked up the sheet and turned it around. Shock and surprise filled his face. His theory was wrong.

    “It’s a...It’s a wanted poster?!” Terrax bawled, “Is this a joke, Pyranna?”

    “No!” she neighed “It’s the real thing!”

    “What? Who’s on the wanted poster?” Riley asked while jumping up, trying to look at the photo. He stopped dead. It was him. He was the Pokémon on the wanted poster. Riley felt his blood run cold, freezing cold, more colder than the iciest snow even. He shivered several times before Terrax rubbed his head reassuringly.


    Terrax decided to take action.

    “Pyranna, I need you to do something for me.” He whispered.

    “Anything, sir.” Pyranna replied, her mane flaring up.

    “I need you to take Riley to the hideout, away from all this nonsense.” Terrax closed his eyes and nodded to himself, hoping the hiding tactic would work. He walked towards Riley, picking him up and taking him to Pyranna. He set Riley on Pyranna’s back, making sure he was attached the saddle securely.

    “Huh? Where am I going?” Riley asked, again tilting his head. Terrax didn’t answer Riley, he was too busy shooing Pyranna away. Pyranna galloped away into the distance, with Riley on horseback.


    Terrax stared at the wanted poster again. The reward seemed bold enough to be seen from faraway. He flashed his eyes to the window.

    “That reward is almost enough to attract the whole town...” He muttered “That Darkrai, he’s gettin’ crafty...”
    Last edited by TheShinyWriter; 10th August 2012 at 12:50 PM.
    Imagination, Pokemon, can make something anew and alive.

    Pokemon White FC : 0175 7962 6735
    Pokemon Black FC : 0218 7461 7848
    3DS Friend Code: 0259 1240 6982

    My shinies:

    One (+) -Shots

    I sometimes use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  9. #9
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    Hey everyone! Just wanted to post this chapter for those wondering where Rio is and what he's up to. Might have a little bit more violence in it. PG-13



    On the edge of a dark forest lies a dark area of mountainous sand. This place is called ‘The Crater’ for a reason. Many years ago, a meteorite crash landed on the Pokémon world. However, when it was explored, the Pokémon who came back from the trip were never the same. They turned from brave, loyal and good-hearted Pokémon to malice, scheming and manipulative monsters. Other Pokémon had a theory about this strange transformation. The aura that surrounded the crater was indeed as dark and cruel as a cold black heart. Anyone who stayed in that place too long would be taken over by the dark aura itself. Moreover, that wasn’t the only reason that the Pokémon were cautious. Pokémon who had changed still had that aura around them, changing anyone they touched, and due to this they were all caught and locked away in imprisonment. Some say something cruel and wicked emerged from the crater, but no one ever found out what it was...


    Rio sat in the sinister shadows. His head hurt terribly. He had just had that nightmare again, and yet he still hoped he was still in the dream. It was dark, too dark, not to mention quiet. But at least Rio could see a little, which was better than nothing. Rio tried to move his hands, but found he couldn’t. Rio continued to struggle, hoping he could get out of this mess. When he found he was stuck for good, he stopped and breathed heavily, only to find the breath met with material. He had been gagged. He began to yelp loudly but it proved fruitless as the yelp was muffled.

    “Wait...Till...I...mff...get...mymff...hands...on. ..that....mmmffff!” he threatened, kicking his legs against something wooden. Then, suddenly, two bright blue lights appeared in front of him, “mmmffff!” he cried, muffled through his speech. He tried blinking his eyes, wishing this was a dream. Rio was here, he was in the tormentors grasp, exactly where Darkrai wanted him. All he remembered was staring into those deep blue eyes, and feeling drowsy. Rio looked away, not wanting to make the same mistake twice. But why would Darkrai want to do that? Now that Rio was where he was wanted, there was no need to do that again, other than to silence him.

    “I see you’re awake.” Said a velvet voice, “This time, you won’t be able to run free.” Rio felt cold again, a feeling that was long forgotten many years ago in the forest. Darkrai moved behind Rio swiftly, and carefully pulled the gag off of Rio’s mouth. That was a big mistake. Rio started cursing him, with words that shouldn’t even be in fan fiction. After listening to several insults towards his well being, Darkrai silenced Rio by batting his claw-like hand against Rio’s face, leaving 3 identical gashes across the poor puppy’s expression. The Riolu screeched as loud as he could, as pain burned through his fur, showing his flesh. Blood began to spill from the wound, and began to mix with salty tears.


    “I care not what happens to you, Rio, as long as you are alive.” Rio gave the shadow he supposed was Darkrai deaths stare as his fur went red with blood. The blood flowed into Rio’s mouth. Rio spat out the blood, bravery in his eyes. He wasn’t afraid of Darkrai, he never was. And he never will be.

    “I don’t care what happens to me...As long as Riley’s okay that’s all that matters.” Rio told Darkrai boldly. Darkrai thought this was funny and began to laugh and cackle.

    “Hah! You don’t get it, do you? Your brother will be here soon enough. And when he is, nobody will stop me! Not even that clumsy girl Cresselia!”

    “You won’t win...” Rio muttered.

    “Oh really? What makes you think that, Rio?” Darkrai asked, smirking. Rio stared fearlessly at Darkrai, spitting out blood as he went.

    “I just know...Good always triumphs over evil. That’s how it was and that’s how it always will be.” Still, Darkrai began to cackle at this statement, not caring whether it was true or not. But then Darkrai turned serious again.



    “You will have a different attitude towards me and towards many others in a few hours time.” Darkrai stated, an evil smile forming on his face. That doesn’t look good. What did he mean?

    Get out!

    “Huh?” Rio questioned quietly.

    You have to get out, Rio!


    Darkrai saw Rio looking puzzled and became concerned, “What puzzles you so, Rio?” Rio didn’t answer, this made Darkrai suspicious.

    “But how, and why? He’ll only catch me again...” Rio whispered.

    I’ve seen what would happen if you stayed, son, and it’s not pretty... The voice faded away again.

    “Rio? Are you not listening to me?” Darkrai almost yelled. Darkrai was about to whack Rio in the face, his hand lingered near Rio’s mouth. Then, suddenly, Rio bit his out stretched hand with his white canine teeth. Darkrai turned to Rio, shaking his hand “Do you wish to be awake when the process starts?” Rio copped a sly grin on Darkrai’s face. To show his answer, Rio closed his eyes and looked away, rather snobbishly.

    “I don’t want to miss one moment of getting you mad.” Rio grinned humorously, even though this was a serious matter. Darkrai almost looked defeated in his own game, but continued to stare at Rio as he knew this would dampen his spirits. Rio smiled, and opened his mouth. A screech emerged from his mouth, so deafening and ear-splitting that it caught Darkrai off guard. Rio smiled with success, and began to start his next trick. Rio’s body began to glow, gems circling around his stomach. The gems slashed at the ropes, freeing him from it’s grip. He then stared at Darkrai, who was still covering his ears. Rio ran swiftly in front of Darkrai and rammed into the shadow, knocking it out. The power was above average due to Rio’s gashes from earlier.



    Rio looked smug and walked away, but then he panicked. This place was a maze! Rio ran around the multiple corridors frantically, trying to find a way out. The walls of the maze were lined with borders of pure darkness. A malice voice called Rio’s name as Rio stumbled about in the dark. He suddenly ran to a dead end, he was trapped. He turned around, and warily flashed his eyes to the end of the corridor, then began to run back hurriedly. Rio was unaware where he was going, but he wanted to get out, badly. But then Rio bumped into someone or something. He collapsed to the ground and was knocked out. Shortly before he was knocked out, however, he thought he heard bloodcurdling laughter.



    He woke up in the dark again, tied up even tighter than before. A shadow only known as Darkrai placed his claws on Rio’s shoulder, the same place he had touched before. Rio winced at this while Darkrai smiled a smile that was so creepy that it would scare anyone.

    “Maybe I should speed up the process. What do you think, Rio?” Darkrai tapped his claws on Rio’s shoulder. Rio felt a tiny whimper escape his lips. Darkrai noticed the whimper and dug his claws fully into Rio’s shoulder, making it impossible for him to not scream.

    “Arghhh!” Rio felt his lungs burst as he screamed. A dark aura began to envelop his entire black and blue body. He noticed his feet were now darker, black dust surrounding them. Darkrai laughed at the puppy’s pain.

    “Soon, your heart will be as black as mine...” Darkrai said softly, near to Rio’s ear, “...And as obedient and loyal as a dog.” Rio didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t. He tried denying that this was happening, but he still found himself surrounded by the dark aura.

    “No! No!” Rio screamed helplessly, “This is not happening! This is not happening!”

    “Oh but it is...” Darkrai answered calmly. Rio throttled about, trying to get out of Darkrai’s grip.

    “Let go of me! You monster! Leave me and my family alone!” Rio yelped again, his throat getting drier and drier. He began to insult Darkrai again, the words lingering on his tongue.

    “You’re running out of insults, dear Rio” called Darkrai, “Soon, this will all be over...”


    The aura gradually went up Rio’s body and was now up to his neck. He felt that he couldn’t control his own body anymore, and realised what would happen when the aura would hit his brain. Darkrai cackled evilly, knowing that the captive could not escape from his grip any longer.

    “Shouldn’t be long now...” Darkrai called in a silk and velvet voice that made Rio relax for some reason. Rio felt his eyelids slowly close, as he throttled his head about while calling someone’s name.

    “Riley...”
    Imagination, Pokemon, can make something anew and alive.

    Pokemon White FC : 0175 7962 6735
    Pokemon Black FC : 0218 7461 7848
    3DS Friend Code: 0259 1240 6982

    My shinies:

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    I sometimes use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  10. #10
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    Sep 2011
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    I know I need to do my other story... but I get sidetracked by this one. Oh well. This chapter has a bit more action. An extra long chapter!


    Riley was almost ready to fall asleep when they passed his own house. He turned to it, his eyes drooping. They suddenly widened at the sight of the house. Fire. Fire covered every wall, every window and every string of straw. It surrounded the house, making no attempt to die down. Riley grabbed hold of the reins and jerked them towards the house. But the horse refused his command and carried on walking elsewhere. Tears began to stream from the puppy’s eyes as his house burned down to ashes. He cried and cried on the back of the pony, tiny droplets falling onto Pyranna’s back.

    “Hey, hey! Watch the mane!” she scolded, “Don’t worry, Riley. Things will work out!” Pyranna changed her tone. Riley didn’t believe that, and continued to cry into her fiery mane. Poor kid. Pyranna thought. Pyranna carried Riley through the dark forest. Riley would tremble in fear at every little thing, such as a twig snapping, Pokémon noises and even leaves that fell from the trees. Riley tried to brave throughout all of it, but it was proving fruitless. After Rio went missing, anyone would be able to tell that Riley had indeed changed. He had changed from that loving, humorous and kind boy to a frightened, nervous and timid cry-baby. Pyranna had travelled quite a while through the forest. Everything was going so well...until they heard the most disturbing thing in their lives. Voices...there was voices in the forest. They were calling out names, Pyranna’s and Riley’s names. At first, they thought they were imagining it, just like any plain excuse to ignore something.



    “Pyranna...”

    “Riley...”

    “Come...”

    “Come closer...” Pyranna backed away upon hearing the voices. Riley’s teeth were chattering, he looked around, seeing light blue eyes...everywhere. Riley hugged Pyranna’s neck tightly, fear in his eyes.

    “Ugh...Riley. Will you please get off my neck? You’re hurting me!” Pyranna whispered. Riley did as he was told, but remained stiffer than a rock. Riley shivered as he felt thousands of eyes stare at him. It was even worse that they kept repeating his name. They tried to ignore the eyes as they walked on, but it was disturbing. How could they ignore thousands of eyes staring at them all night? Could you ignore many flickering blue lights watching you? Pyranna was trying to be brave for Riley, but it kind of wasn’t her style. Her style was running away from everything that scared her, and simply yelling ‘Ahhhh!’ or ‘What the Arceus!?” or just frantically running down the road screaming like an idiot. Pyranna stopped, shivers going down her spine. Riley could feel them.



    “What’s wrong, Pyranna?” Riley asked. His question was answered by a low growl, but they didn’t come from either of them. Pyranna, riled up, causing Riley to fall to the ground and almost breaking his limbs. The pony jumped into a bush, ignoring her client. She intently stared at the figure. Riley stood up and dusted himself off, and also saw a red liquid spilling from his knee. As he picked up a nearby leaf and tried to wrap it around his knee, the figure moved closer, growling aggressively. Riley dropped the leaf and turned to the figure, quivering in complete fear. He staggered backwards, trying to get away. Unfortunately, he hit a tree meaning he couldn’t walk back any further without entering the blinking eye’s territory. Riley stared at the silhouette in the dark, it seemed vaguely familiar. The figure got closer and closer, as two blue lights flashed from it’s eyes. Riley was trapped. He couldn’t escape from whoever it was coming towards him. He looked around and picked a measly twig which was lying on the floor. He threw the twig at the figure, only to see it catch it and snap it in half. Riley saw a path on his left side empty, seeing the right side already occupied by the silhouette. Riley turned and ran to the left side, only to come face to face with the person he didn’t want to meet. Darkrai.



    Riley tried to run the other way, only to be blocked by the other creature. He whimpered and staggered about, trying to find a gap where he could escape. Pyranna watched with anxious eyes as the two dark Pokémon cornered Riley. She felt slightly guilty. Riley was still staggering back and almost fell back into a bush that was growing behind him.

    “There is no need to be frightened, Riley.” Said one of the voices.

    “There is no need to cry.”

    “There is no need to run.”

    “There is no need to escape from us.” Riley couldn’t take all the voices anymore. He felt all of them trying to get into his head; all his thoughts were of the event that was occurring right now.

    “STOP! JUST SHUT-UP! ALL OF YOU! SHUT UP!” Riley found himself yelling, and with that, the voices stopped. Riley panted heavily. Darkrai held out his claw-like hand to the young Riolu, only to be answered with a decline. “GET AWAY FROM ME!” Riley pushed Darkrai away with his paw. Riley was about to cry again as he put his head into his paws. Then he noticed something. Something dark was penetrating his hand. He tried to shake it off but it wouldn’t go away. “Huh?!” He was confused as he kept shaking his hand about, trying to get it off. Darkrai and the other Pokémon walked towards Riley again, preparing to grab him. Pyranna watched with horror as they closed in, she closed her eyes, dreading the moment.



    “GET OFF HIM, YOU MIGHTY BEASTS!” Huh? Who was that? Everyone turned to see a dashing young Riolu step forward, neither intimidated by the eyes nor the villains themselves. She somersaulted forward, kicking the baddies out of the way. She then back flipped and landed directly in front of gawping Riley, and bowed politely, “Glad to be at ya’ service, young ‘un!” Riley was speechless. But the baddies were behind her again, Riley was about to point that out but didn’t when she kicked and punched backwards, knocking them both out.

    “OH. MY. ARCEUS.” Whispered Pyranna from the bush.

    “K.O!” The female Riolu cried, doing a victory dance, “I bet y’all they never saw that a comin’!” Suddenly, another Riolu stepped out from the darkness of the woods. She wore a brown slung bag, a brown fedora hat along with brown fingerless gloves. Riley stared at the supposed corpses, but reconsidered when he saw one of them move. The villains began to crawl away, escaping the cowgirl-like Riolu’s eye sight.

    “Kyna?! What’re YOU doing HERE?!” screeched the Riolu wearing the brown fedora hat.

    “Uh...I guess I got a lil’ lost?” Kyna stuttered.

    “Kyna, you were sent to get Pecha berries from the Pecha tree that’s just next to the den!” The other Riolu pointed out, folding her arms.

    Kyna ignored that comment, “Anyways, I was helpin’ these lil’ young uns’! Old Darky was ‘ere just a few seconds ago.” She scratched her head, “Sorry, Capn’, can’t leave fellow Riolus in distress.” The ‘Capn’’ slapped her forehead.

    “Whatever, Kyna. Just bring him back to the den.” She ordered.

    “Right, Capn’” Kyna helped Riley up.

    “And the horse, too.” The Capn’ added, pointing towards a bush. Pyranna was shocked at this. She didn’t even move let alone make a noise.

    “How did you know I was here?” Pyranna asked.

    “Your flames were showing.” The female Riolu answered flatly.

    “This is all your fault...” Pyranna murmured to her flames.

    Kyna scratched her head again, “She’s mighty strange fer’ talkin’ with fire.” Kyna looked at Riley for an answer.

    “Don’t look at me, I only met her 2 hours ago.” He stated, rolling his eyes.



    Shortly after a long walk through the dark forest, the four Pokémon stood at the base of what looked to be giant overgrown tree. Around the tree, there were logs that had been halved and hammered into the tree to make stairs, convenient for the workers and the people who lived here. Pyranna was rather giddy on them, as she disliked heights. As they climbed up the steps, Riley and Pyranna gazed at the scenery. There were many berry trees surrounding the giant tree itself. Many Pokémon were working together, even the children were helping their parents happily. Some of the children played about in a nearby wooden log playground, which was surrounded by beautiful flowers. As they passed other Pokémon, they heard happy greetings such as, “Welcome home, captain!” and “Welcome to the den!” and many other greetings. Riley and Pyranna were quite tired once they reached the top. They came to giant circular door frame, as they entered they heard nothing but pure...NOISE! It was very busy with bird type Pokémon delivering items and making rescues. Riley narrowed his eyes at everyone. What was this place? They followed the ‘capn’’ to a large door with a logo on it. The logo looked like a sphere, but there were many different colours which suited the types of Pokémon in the world. There were two guards outside the door, they gave us permission to go through, but one of them described Pyranna as ‘strange’ and Pyranna was real ticked off, but Riley merely pulled on her reigns to stop her. Once they entered the room, it was quite large and classy. There were 12 doors in this room excluding the door they just exited.

    “Captain! Welcome back! How did the patrol go?” Asked a yellow mouse with black tipped pointy ears. The mouse was quite short and stood on it’s hind legs. It had a tail that resembled a lightening bolt and red, rosy cheeks that crackled with electricity.

    “It’s very complicated, Sparks.” She answered, engaging the conversation. She walked over to Sparks and began to tell of the events that had happened.

    “To be honest, I reckon the capn’ fancies ‘im...” Kyna whispered to Riley and Pyranna.

    “WHAT?!” Riley blurted out. He covered his mouth as everyone looked at him, he started blushing.

    “Oh...I’m gettin’ it. You fancy the capn’?” Kyna asked, raising her eye ridges.

    “No! No! It’s nothing like that! I’ve only just met her-How could I?!” Riley began to blush even more.

    “Aright then, I see. It’s nothin’ like that is it? How come ya’ blurted out ‘WHAT?!’ when I told y’all that the capn’ might fancy ‘im?” Kyna asked Riley, imitating the exact tone of voice he used.

    “I was...um...shocked.” Riley couldn’t find a reason so he didn’t answer any more of the discussion.



    The captain came walking back to the group along with Sparks.

    “Hey...What were you guys talking about?” Sparks asked, narrowing his eyes at the group.

    “Nothing! Nope! Nothing at all!” Riley shouted, laughing nervously.

    “Okay...” Sparks said quietly.

    “Anyways, I found that various Foongus have been crossing the territory of the Zangooses. The Zangooses do not like anyone on their territory, so we need to get the Foongus away from their territory quickly.” The captain explained. Nobody said anything. After a few minutes, Kyna broke the silence.

    “Come on then! What y’all waitin’ for?” Kyna jumped in the air, “Lets go an help those darn Foonguss!” Then suddenly, Kricketunes chirped.

    “Oh right! I know where they are...you guys don’t.” The captain stated. They all followed the captain down the stairs again. Pyranna however, wasn’t feeling so good, as they went down the stairs, she threw up in the nearest garbage can, but was scolded by a resident, Trubbish.

    “Um...Captain?” Riley asked.

    “Yes?” The captain asked in an irritated tone.

    “Why are me and Pyranna coming?”

    “Because you are.”

    “But why?”

    “Because.”

    “Because what?”

    “BECAUSE YOU ARE. LEAVE IT AT THAT, PLEASE!” Riley cringed at her reply.


    When they reached the ground, they exited the paradise into the dark forest. Riley tried not to get scared so he wouldn’t get shown up. He didn’t mind about crying in front of Pyranna because he was alone at that point, but didn’t want to be shown up with the others. While Riley was travelling, he thought about his brother. He hadn’t thought about him in a long while. He wondered where he was and what he was doing. As long as he was away from Darkrai, he’d be safe. Sparks was travelling right next to Riley, and tapped his shoulder.

    “What is it, Sparks?” Riley asked, tilting his head.

    “Its about you. You seem quite timid. And I can see your having some thinking time.” He explained.

    “How did you do that?”

    “Do what?”

    “Know what’s up with me.”

    “Body language.”

    “Oh.”

    “Now then. What’s up?”

    “It’s nothing...”

    “It’s not ‘nothing’.”

    “...It’s really nothing.”

    “Is it about a sibling?”

    “What?!”

    “Thought so.”

    “How did you know that?”

    “The captain had the same body language as you.”

    “Huh?”

    “She was almost killed by her brother.”

    “Does she talk about it much?”

    “No.”

    “Then again, I wouldn’t talk about that either...”

    “So, its about a sibling?”

    Riley sighed, and hesitated whether he should tell Sparks. “...It’s my brother.” Riley then recounted the tale to Sparks, but quietly so no one else could hear. He didn’t, however, mention Rio’s name.



    “Gosh, that must’ve been terrifying for you.” Riley nodded quickly. Then he looked around.

    “Hey, where did the others go?” Riley asked.

    “I thought we were following them.”

    “So did I.” They looked around.

    “I’ve never seen these parts before...” Sparks said quietly while looking around.

    “Do you know the way back?” Riley asked. Sparks shook his head.

    “Like I said, I’ve never seen these parts in my life.”

    “That’s because these ‘parts’ aren’t known in your mind.” Said a velvet voice. Sparks jumped up and looked around with a sharp eye.

    “Who’s there?!”

    “That voice...I’ve heard it from somewhere...” Riley whispered to Sparks.

    “From who?”

    Riley stopped and pointed, “H-Him...” he stuttered. Sparks followed Riley’s point to a dark shadow, which stood with its back turned. The shadow turned around and stared at the Pokémon, coming closer. Riley and Sparks stepped back slowly, cowering in the Pokémon’s shadow.

    “Well, well, well! We meet again, Riley.” A silk voice said.

    “Darkrai...!”



    “So your that maniac I keep hearing about! I feel sorry for those Pokémon who had changed!” Sparks yelled, pointing at Darkrai.

    Darkrai gave Sparks a devilish smile, “You mean these Pokémon?” As he said that, blinking blue eyes appeared everywhere. Riley gritted his teeth. “Is that gritting teeth a family thing? You all seem to do it.”

    “Why are you toying with us? Of all people?!” Sparks asked, getting more irritated as we speak. Sparks and Riley began to back away, turning to run. Sparks suddenly stopped, a blue glow surrounded his body as he floated in mid-air.

    “It’s fun. You should try it sometime.” Darkrai suggested.

    “Yeah, well I wouldn’t ‘cause I’m not sick and twisted like you!” Sparks pointed out. Darkrai shrugged. Riley began to step forward, retracing his steps.

    “Why are you tormenting him, when I’m the one you want?” Riley asked, innocently.

    “What are you talking about, Riley?!” Sparks asked bewildered, “Oh.” Sparks remembered the story.

    “Are you the one I want? I already have one of you, but do I really need another?” Riley narrowed his eyes.

    “What do you mean, Darkrai?” Riley asked sternly. Darkrai smiled creepily as a figure stepped forward. It looked like the silhouette in the forest.

    “Who’s that?” Sparks asked. The figure walked towards Riley, as the light shone who he really was.

    “That’s my brother.” Riley said, tearing up. Then, Sparks saw a sly smile on Darkrai’s face. Riley ran up to his brother and hugged him.



    “No! Riley don’t touch him! He’s infected! He’s one of them!”

    “What are you talking abo-WOAH!” Rio hugged Riley tightly, so tight that Riley couldn’t escape. Riley looked into his brothers eyes. They were blue. His face was emotionless as he hugged his brother. A dark aura spread over Riley’s body like a fire.

    “Darkrai! You knew he would do that, didn’t you?!” Sparks asked furiously.

    “Yes I did. I predicted what he would do. Thank you very much for noticing.” Darkrai said flatly.

    “You’re not welcome!” Sparks couldn’t move. He couldn’t help Riley get out of this mess. If he didn’t think of something soon, then Riley would be one of them, and then soon, so will he.

    “What are you doing, brother?! Let go of me!” Riley struggled in the Riolu’s grip, trying to escape.

    “I have one purpose. To serve and protect Darkrai.” Rio mindlessly said, as though he was in the trance. Darkrai cackled at Riley and Sparks.

    “Don’t you ever stop laughing?” Sparks asked.

    Darkrai tilted his head, “How would you know that I would do this all the time?”

    Sparks narrowed his eyes and flatly said “Body language. You have a pose when you laugh, and that seems quite common.”

    Darkrai folded his arms, “You’re quite the wise one. Tell me, Sparks. Can you guess what I’m going to do?”

    “I’m no mind-reader, Darkrai.”

    “Unfortunately.” Darkrai looked somewhat disappointed, “But how do you know of the prophecy?”

    Sparks looked puzzled, “You mean the aura thing? That’s very personal.”

    “Sparks! Help me!” Riley yelled while trying to squeeze out of the grasp of the monster he thought was his brother. Sparks couldn’t take it anymore. He wasn’t going to sit around like a bunch of duckletts. Electricity crackled from his red cheeks, but was stopped by the blue glow. He tried again, straining his energy to try and break the glow. Darkrai found this very amusing.

    “It’s no use, Sparks. Don’t strain yourself too much, otherwise you won’t be able to resist when it’s your turn.” Darkrai reminded him. Darkrai smirked at the mouse that was trying to break the barrier between him and Riley. Sparks began to feel exhausted as the electricity was bouncing right back at him. Sparks tried to move but couldn’t.

    “I’m not going to let Riley down. It’s a guys job to save Pokémon from everywhere...even if it means sacrificing himself.” Sparks muttered, reciting the rescuers code. Darkrai tilted his head at the statement. The Pikachu tried again and again, but wasn’t giving in, even though it was physically hurting him.



    The electricity around the blue glow was becoming weaker and weaker, almost making it futile to try and escape.

    “No, not now. Come on. Need...a...bit...more...” Sparks breathed out. The electricity bounced off the walls of the glow, hitting Sparks all over his body. The electricity began to surround Sparks’s body, as a bright light surrounded the area. Sparks smiled fiercely, knowing that he would have this over and done with in seconds. Darkrai felt pain stinging from his Psychic and reluctantly let go, but made a grievous mistake when Sparks was released. Sparks got on all fours and ran towards Darkrai and lunged at him, only to miss as Darkrai dodged out of the way. Then Sparks perked up his ears. He knew he wanted to pick a fight with Darkrai badly, but he needed to rescue Riley first. He looked towards Riley’s direction, while Darkrai followed his gaze. Sparks ran towards the Riolu, targeting the hostile Pokémon next to Riley. But then he heard something as he was running. He sensed something. A dark purple ball of energy was coming in his direction. He jumped up and dodged it, but wasn’t able to balance himself in the air. He fell to the ground, electricity crackling faintly around his body. He bent over and began to pant heavily, as the shadow creature loomed over him. He tried to get up, but was struggling to do so.

    “You show so much resistance, knowing it’s futile.”

    Sparks smiled weakly, “What? You didn’t...think...I had...it in me?” He panted out. Darkrai began to bend over, stretching his claw-like hands over to the mouse’s shoulder. Sparks saw this and widened his eyes.

    “I’m surprised you’ve lived this long.” Darkrai muttered. Darkrai was about to grab the Pikachu’s shoulder, but couldn’t grab anything. The rodent had dodged out of the way!

    “You aren’t getting me that easily.” Sparks smiled, while struggling to stand up. Darkrai stared at the mouse.



    Meanwhile, Riley’s body was glowing black. It was up to his stomach. Riley stared into Rio’s eyes. For the first time ever, he was frightened of his own brother.

    “Rio, please.” Riley pleaded, trying again to pull himself away. Rio didn’t say anything, he just stared mindlessly. Riley was about to lose hope, until something light charged into them, separating them once again.

    “You’ll have to do better than that, Darkrai!” A voice called.

    “You show so much resistance. How are you still living?” a velvet voice called back.

    “I guess I’m lucky.”

    “I don’t think it’s just luck...”

    “What did you say? Are you admitting I might be stronger than you?”

    “Of course not.”

    “Riley! Get over there...NOW!” called another voice. Riley stared gormlessly in the dark, as more figures emerged from the forest.

    “I think we all ‘ave a problem wi’ old Darky!” Riley knew who that voice belonged to: Kyna.

    “WHAT?! HOW DID THEY GET HERE?!” Darkrai asked angrily.

    “We used the front entrance?” A young Riolu asked who Riley recognised as the captain.

    “WHAT FRONT ENTRANCE?!” The two Riolus pointed to the hole in a bush. Darkrai slapped his forehead.



    “Give up, Darkrai. You’re done for now that all of us are here.” The captain said cockily.

    “Don’t get cocky, girl.”

    “Can’t old Darky give it a rest?” Kyna asked, while somersaulting forward in front of him.

    “You don’t have any fear?”

    “I do jus’ not of you. Darky don’t scare me one lil’ bit.” She said bravely. Kyna folded her arms and smiled fearlessly. She turned and walked back to the group, “Now if ya’ don’t mind, we’d like to go ‘ome.” However, Darkrai wasn’t going to let them slip through his claw-like hands.

    “You aren’t getting away that easily...” Darkrai muttered quietly. Suddenly, a purple ball formed in his hand, the same ball that tried to hit Rio. The ball began building up energy quickly and Darkrai was aiming at Riley. All the Pokémon exiting the clearing had their backs turned. Riley turned around, just to see the ball suddenly fly towards him. Riley closed his eyes, and braced himself.

    “RILEY! NO!” Someone called, jumping in front of him. Riley opened his eyes to see the yellow body on the ground, shaking rapidly. Electricity crackled faintly throughout his body as Riley stared.



    “SPARKS?! OH MY GOSH! ARE YOU OK?” The captain asked, almost screaming. The captain ran to Sparks’s side, pushing Riley out of the way. Tears began to rain from the captain’s eyes, as she tried to help Sparks up.

    “It’s a...Guys job to save...Pokémon from everywhere...Even if it means sacrificing...Himself.” Sparks murmured.

    “Well, well, well. Look where being a hero’s got him.” Darkrai’s voice called, as he vanished into thin air.

    “DARKRAI! WHEN I FIND YOU, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” The captain threatened, standing up and shaking her clenched paw.

    “I shall look forward to that day...” Darkrai muttered, “...Because on that day, you will fall instead.” Sparks was lifted onto Pyranna, who was frightened of what had just happened. They walked out, bringing the fallen warrior with them...


    R&R Please. I'll start typing up the next chapter =)
    Last edited by TheShinyWriter; 16th August 2012 at 1:04 PM.
    Imagination, Pokemon, can make something anew and alive.

    Pokemon White FC : 0175 7962 6735
    Pokemon Black FC : 0218 7461 7848
    3DS Friend Code: 0259 1240 6982

    My shinies:

    One (+) -Shots

    I sometimes use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

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