Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

[ansem the wise]

How? And in what proportion compared to women, at that? Do you have a source that proves this? Don't pull statistics out of your ***.

yeah in my experiance its been about 50/50

Because people are ultimately responsible for their own actions, and no amount of influences will justify someone doing a stupid thing if they were of perfectly sound mind while doing it. Why do you think being pressured to rape or murder someone isn't a viable defense in court if you're determined to have been perfectly sane at the time?

i agree, i mean if u are mentaly insane or if someone literally holds a gun to your head, but other than that, no one controls what u do.

[EmphaticPikachu]

I'm not really approving on cheating...Though what does everybody think of having a sort of fanboy or fangirl obcession of such while in a relationship? I don't really wanna do this, but I'll use myself as an example...

I am quite the Dawn fanboy, however I know my constant fanboying isn't really the best thing to do around a girl a like...It at the very least can sting them. I know that much. But what does it REALLY do? What does the other side think of it? Does it cause problems in a relationship? You gotta stop the fangasuming right, it makes them feel less or something...I dunno, I just kinda want to know how much of a psychological effect that type of thing has on your partner.

Its been 2 and a half years since my last relationship, and I don't remember most of her responses. But she tended to usually shrug it off, just like I did to her fangirling over people like ikuto from shugo chara and such. But sometimes it made us a bit...angsty, and annoyed. I'm just wondering the effects is all. :/

[Mandi.]

^ the ****?

[EmphaticPikachu]

^ the ****?

*sigh* nevermind >3>...ignore me. I'll creep back into my hole now and hide...

[Kaiserin]

...I think perhaps you should consider your own psychology over someone else's if you think something you're doing is driving them away, to be perfectly honest.

Cheating isn't cheating when you're only doing it in your head, since imagination is free, but tunnel-visioned obsession certainly sounds like a gigantic turnoff. (To me, anyway. YMMV, I guess.)

[EmphaticPikachu]

...I think perhaps you should consider your own psychology over someone else's if you think something you're doing is driving them away, to be perfectly honest.

Cheating isn't cheating when you're only doing it in your head, since imagination is free, but tunnel-visioned obsession certainly sounds like a gigantic turnoff. (To me, anyway. YMMV, I guess.)

IF I'm talking about my own psychology, I understand it about as well as any person without reading a book or taking a class on it can. I guess the difference is that I was quite emotional back then, and tended to act on my emotions really easily. Even if I was very restrictive about it. I've learned to control myself much better, and Basically don't care about fangirling as long I know the girl cares about me. To be honest, if I was too look back at some of the decisions I made during that relationship, I'd slap my younger self in the face and groan like hell. I just wasn't very smart. I BELIEVE I've gotten over that, maybe because of that relationship and idoicy (I hope I'm not still in the "put the significant other above you" stage in abandonment recovery. ._....XD). But that's besides the point. I would get a little twing of jealously, but I've never considered myself to be the emputitude of beauty, so in the end its just something I can turn into fun. :P At least to me. It is my other that I am worried about...

tunnel-vision...that's a bit big for what I am. I see beauty in many things. I don't only see her as beauty. But I've always been a big fan (like always). I want to know if stating that you are a fanboy or fangirl of a certain person, is that much of a turnoff. Like I said, if they have the ability to care, then its not much of a problem to me...Its the other I am worried about. :/...Though I guess you did answer your personal opinion as well...

...I digress, I really don't want to continue the conversation here. I was a bit uneasied about the first response to it, so much so that I didn't feel like responding to this at all. (I only forced myself because I want to respond to basicly anything evenually...otherwise it will bother me even more. I only posted the fanboy thing because I beleived the feeling it tends to give...gives the illusion of cheating (for a lack of a better word), and I wondered how big it was to other people. But this has become a bit to personal, and I blame myself for that...

[Mandi.]

IF I'm talking about my own psychology, I understand it about as well as any person without reading a book or taking a class on it can. I guess the difference is that I was quite emotional back then, and tended to act on my emotions really easily. Even if I was very restrictive about it. I've learned to control myself much better, and Basically don't care about fangirling as long I know the girl cares about me. To be honest, if I was too look back at some of the decisions I made during that relationship, I'd slap my younger self in the face and groan like hell. I just wasn't very smart. I BELIEVE I've gotten over that, maybe because of that relationship and idoicy (I hope I'm not still in the "put the significant other above you" stage in abandonment recovery. ._....XD). But that's besides the point. I would get a little twing of jealously, but I've never considered myself to be the emputitude of beauty, so in the end its just something I can turn into fun. :P At least to me. It is my other that I am worried about...

tunnel-vision...that's a bit big for what I am. I see beauty in many things. I don't only see her as beauty. But I've always been a big fan (like always). I want to know if stating that you are a fanboy or fangirl of a certain person, is that much of a turnoff. Like I said, if they have the ability to care, then its not much of a problem to me...Its the other I am worried about. :/...Though I guess you did answer your personal opinion as well...

...I digress, I really don't want to continue the conversation here. I was a bit uneasied about the first response to it, so much so that I didn't feel like responding to this at all. (I only forced myself because I want to respond to basicly anything evenually...otherwise it will bother me even more. I only posted the fanboy thing because I beleived the feeling it tends to give...gives the illusion of cheating (for a lack of a better word), and I wondered how big it was to other people. But this has become a bit to personal, and I blame myself for that...

Sorry for sounding like a bitch in my post. But honestly in the real world, that's how a lot of people are going to think, unfortunately. Not everyone is going to understand you, and that goes for everyone as well.

Slight fanboying/fangirling is normal ..but I will emphasize 'slight'. If you're afraid your fanboying over an anime character is going to interfere with your real life relationships, then that's where there's a problem, and you have to look at yourself and think 'do I want to continue fantasizing over a drawing who will never really be with me' or 'do I want a real girlfriend who I can be with physically and emotionally.' Sure you can have both.. but just being honest here, a lot of people in the real world will think it's absolutely strange.. and it will possibly be a turn off for a lot of women you meet.

[EmphaticPikachu]

Sorry for sounding like a bitch in my post. But honestly in the real world, that's how a lot of people are going to think, unfortunately. Not everyone is going to understand you, and that goes for everyone as well.

Slight fanboying/fangirling is normal ..but I will emphasize 'slight'. If you're afraid your fanboying over an anime character is going to interfere with your real life relationships, then that's where there's a problem, and you have to look at yourself and think 'do I want to continue fantasizing over a drawing who will never really be with me' or 'do I want a real girlfriend who I can be with physically and emotionally.' Sure you can have both.. but just being honest here, a lot of people in the real world will think it's absolutely strange.. and it will possibly be a turn off for a lot of women you meet.

I understand that the real world will think of it as weird...Its not something that's really foreign of me. Despite the fact it annoys me that they consider it so weird, I never really cared all that much. The fact that I'm an anime/manga fan in the first place is proof enough of my "weirdness". I like pokemon to what some people think is an unhealthy extend. But again, it doesn't really matter... I just don't care. Think of it like what happens when you criticize something. You will almost always get flak for it from those who like it...Why? because it disrupts their view of the world and makes them respond differently then if they agreed with it. Correct me if I'm wrong, or I'm mixing up facts, but isn't there a part of physcology that states something about building a view on life as you grow older, and a challenge to that view tends to make them react different? I read something about it, but my memories fading...Ugh, what a worst time to be having memory failures, and a quick google search about it doesn't seem to be helping...lol

Well, in any case, all I know is that generally when you challenge how some perceives the world or what is normal, they will jump at you (How much or at all depends upon the person.). Does that change my reaction? no not really, that's why I receded originally (Not taking a liking to the reaction...lol). However I still came back eventually. :P And I thank you for the apology.

Yeah...I understand it turns people off, but I sometimes wish people weren't so critical about it...I can't do much about it directly, but I hope to slowly change that view...On quite a lot of things like that for the matter. Buts a more personal mission, nothing to do with here. I just kinda wanted to know some thoughts about it...

[Thomas Elliot]

I'm reading this thread and I realize how young many of you are in here and how clueless many of you are.
I'll be honest I've cheated and I've been cheated on, hell I've been single and been the guy she is cheating with. My reasons are my own and if you really want an explanation, PM me.

When you get to be my age, you see a lot of people who have been with a certain person on and off for a set amount of time. Marriages happen, divorces happen. I've seen people get cheated on and stay together, and you can poo poo that idea all you want.
I've made mistakes in my relationship but I have also matured as an individual. I guarantee you that you kids out there that are 14 to 20, you think if this person breaks your heart there is no one else, but that's not true at all. And I also don't think that if you are that age you don't know what real love is, how far you would go for a person, what you would be willing to sacrifice.

Now before I get attacked, I'm not saying go out and cheat, or going out and cheating makes you mature or anything of the sort. Cheating is isolationist behavior, you push away the people you care about (specifically your significant other), you are paranoid, you are deleting your facebook messages, you are locking your phone. You spend so much time and energy on ensuring that you don't get caught, energy that you could be using to improve your relationship.

[Psychic]

I'm going to address this once to clear things up, because it's getting pretty off-topic and ridiculous.

Liking a fictional character while in a relationship sounds akin to liking a celebrity while in a relationship. Having a crush on someone you will likely never meet, never mind having a chance with, in itself can't hurt that much. But of course, everything is in moderation. If it's less of a crush and more of an obsession you can't get off your mind and won't shut up about, then it starts to become an issue and can hurt your relationship. Not because it's somehow cheating. It's an issue because it's irritating, it's pointless, it removes the focus from your partner, it can make your partner feel they have to compete for your attention, and it's just generally a surefire way to get on your partner's nerves if it's consistent.

I understand that the real world will think of it as weird...Its not something that's really foreign of me. Despite the fact it annoys me that they consider it so weird, I never really cared all that much. The fact that I'm an anime/manga fan in the first place is proof enough of my "weirdness". I like pokemon to what some people think is an unhealthy extend.

Take some perspective; you're on an internet forum full of people who love Pokemon, and consequently a huge percentage of members who love anime/manga. It's not "weird," it's just not a common hobby in the western world. You don't need to turn yourself into an outcast over it - the only way you'd be socially outcasted would be if you were obsessive over your hobby to the point that it annoyed people or made them think you're weird. Unfortunately, that's kind of what it sounds like is happening. That is simply what happens to any person who is too intense about a subject - it alienates others. That's not what you want to do.

But again, it doesn't really matter... I just don't care. Think of it like what happens when you criticize something. You will almost always get flak for it from those who like it...Why? because it disrupts their view of the world and makes them respond differently then if they agreed with it.

No, you get flack because people get annoyed by ranting. You're not doing something that's new or edgy; you're not fighting any unnecessary social constructs. You're not changing anyone's views, you're just obsessing over something and irritating people in the process.

Yeah...I understand it turns people off, but I sometimes wish people weren't so critical about it...I can't do much about it directly, but I hope to slowly change that view...On quite a lot of things like that for the matter. Buts a more personal mission, nothing to do with here. I just kinda wanted to know some thoughts about it...

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it sounds like you just don't want to accept responsibility for your own actions. If people don't like the way you behave, you can either change that behaviour, ignore them, or communicate with them and explain yourself. That's the way it goes. If a lot of people are criticizing you, it's time to ask yourself if you're the one doing something wrong, and if it's worth changing. If you don't want to change, that's your own decision, but you'll have to live with the consequences.

And to reiterate, liking/crushing a character isn't a crime. But obsessing and fangirling over anything gets irritating. You can't just assume people are going to be fine with it, or even should be fine with, because it's simply rude on your part. Whether you're doing it intentionally or not, it's annoying and shows a lack of social etiquette. While that kind of behaviour might be acceptable on the internet, in real life it's going to irritate most people.

Lastly, no, you can't automatically understand your own psychology with the same knowledge and skill of someone who is actually educated on the subject. Not to mention that you missed Kaiserin's point.

Either way, if you want to continue this conversation, this thread isn't the place to do it.

I'm reading this thread and I realize how young many of you are in here and how clueless many of you are.
I'll be honest I've cheated and I've been cheated on, hell I've been single and been the guy she is cheating with. My reasons are my own and if you really want an explanation, PM me.

When you get to be my age, you see a lot of people who have been with a certain person on and off for a set amount of time. Marriages happen, divorces happen. I've seen people get cheated on and stay together, and you can poo poo that idea all you want.
I've made mistakes in my relationship but I have also matured as an individual. I guarantee you that you kids out there that are 14 to 20, you think if this person breaks your heart there is no one else, but that's not true at all. And I also don't think that if you are that age you don't know what real love is, how far you would go for a person, what you would be willing to sacrifice.

Now before I get attacked, I'm not saying go out and cheat, or going out and cheating makes you mature or anything of the sort. Cheating is isolationist behavior, you push away the people you care about (specifically your significant other), you are paranoid, you are deleting your facebook messages, you are locking your phone. You spend so much time and energy on ensuring that you don't get caught, energy that you could be using to improve your relationship.

While it's interesting hearing your take, it did come off as a little condescending at some points, and I couldn't quite tell what point you were trying to make here. In addition, the fact that you assume the majority of the members in this thread have the same view as the say, one member everyone has been disagreeing with the entire time, leaves a bad taste in one's mouth.

Also, I'm not sure every cheater becomes as paranoid as you describe. In fact, it sounds more like the behaviour of someone who feels incredibly guilty, something not all cheaters feel. This seems like quite a blanket statement.



Seems this topic is running pretty low on steam. Have we decided whether or not cheating is "as wrong as people make it out to be"? There hasn't been much talk of that specifically as of recent.

~Psychic

[miles0624]

Seems this topic is running pretty low on steam. Have we decided whether or not cheating is "as wrong as people make it out to be"? There hasn't been much talk of that specifically as of recent.

~Psychic

I haven't posted in like x amount of pages, but nothing new is really being discussed. We all view cheating as bad with little variation. On this note:

I move to adjourn (close) this topic.

[Nephilim]

Yes, it's a pretty immoral thing to do and really the overall perception of it says the same. Moral of the story: We already know the sky is blue, why bother asking what color it is?

[totallyawesome]

What's the point of being in a relationship if you're just going to cheat? If you get cheated on, leave. If you cheat, leave.

[Ludwig]

What's the point of being in a relationship if you're just going to cheat? If you get cheated on, leave. If you cheat, leave.

Because of:

What's generally referred to as love is actually three different things; infatuation, love and lust. Infatuation is makes you like someone very much, you want to spend almost all the time with the other and you become generally unaware and don't see faults. Infatuation can only last up to 18 months (it's like addictions, the brain becomes used to the hormone level). Love is what makes you able to live together, I don't know a lot of information about this, but it's supposedly the same for a family member as for a partner. Lust is sexual arousal and describing that detailed probably isn't necessary.
Those three parts of love are all distinct and doesn't have to be for the same person. So even if you feel love for your spouse, that does not mean that you also feel lust.

[Lion Demon]

Honestly, Just tell them that you want to move on. Then if you get yourself into another relationship: it wouldn't be clarified as cheating!

[Kaasuti]

Cheating is pretty bad. The thing is that there are so many people in the world it's impossible to not have feelings for anybody else ever, even if you're in a relationship with someone you love. The main thing here is control, you don't have to act on your feelings and cheat. But too many people are weak minded or selfish and just end up doing the thing they shouldn't.

[ansem the wise]

Cheating is pretty bad. The thing is that there are so many people in the world it's impossible to not have feelings for anybody else ever, even if you're in a relationship with someone you love. The main thing here is control, you don't have to act on your feelings and cheat. But too many people are weak minded or selfish and just end up doing the thing they shouldn't.

^ this.
dont give me the BS that you couldnt help it, or that your partner couldnt satisfy your needs.
if you are going to seperate then seperate, thats all there is to it.

[The Sandslasher]

In my opinion it depends, for example, my girlfriend told me that if I cheated to get her attention she wouldn't care but if I just plian cheated then she would dump me D: But I have no need to worry because I love her and I'm not gonna hurt her

[AhTreyYou]

Cheating is stupid. I've cheated before when I was younger but now that I'm in a completely amazing relationship where both parties feel the exact same I couldn't imagine hurting my girlfriend. If she were to cheat on me I would leave the relationship, pick up the pieces and move on but I don't need to worry about that because I trust her 100%. Cheaters are insecure and if you're insecure in your relationship end it and work on your own issues. Relationships aren't about being selfish.

[lollygag]

I think cheating is always wrong, and it shouldn't be forgiven.

It's never happened in my family as far as I know, though I do suspect that my great-aunt's ex-husband might have been unfaithful. He never wanted to visit any of his wife's relatives, and their marriage was a total disaster. They didn't even have kids, even though my aunt wanted kids. Plus, around the time I was born, she divorced him. He supposedly took another wife almost immediately after he was rid of my aunt. Something tells me that this woman might have known him even longer, but this is just speculation. Personally, I don't care what he's doing now, since the whole thing was his fault. (Unfortunately, my aunt's dead now. She died at the age of 60 several years ago.)

Sometimes the circumstances can be even worse depending on who the lover is. Lynn Redgrave's husband cheated on her with their son's wife. To make matters worse, the stupid daughter-in-law got pregnant by the old man, thus ruining both Lynn's marriage and her son's. I mean, that is the worst - cheating on your spouse with your kid's spouse. Talk about disgusting.

[epicjirachifan]

I have a large suspicion that my mom is cheating on my dad and it is making me feel so uncomfortable. Cheating is the worst and it is not a mistake it is something you chooses to do. My parents are seperated. If my mom wants to cheat then she should just have a divorce. Cheating is the lowest of the low and causes more upset and depression than the death of a family member.

[Pesky Persian]

I have a large suspicion that my mom is cheating on my dad and it is making me feel so uncomfortable. Cheating is the worst and it is not a mistake it is something you chooses to do. My parents are seperated. If my mom wants to cheat then she should just have a divorce. Cheating is the lowest of the low and causes more upset and depression than the death of a family member.

I don't really think it counts as cheating if your parents are separated, and therefore no longer "together" relationship-wise. They've essentially broken up and gone their separate ways. Divorce is costly and requires a lot of time and money. Just because they're still legally married doesn't mean they're still in an exclusive relationship.

[BJPalmer85]

does cheating involve guilt? what if you have no feeling of guilt, did you still cheat? what if you have no feelings of hurt or betrayal, did you still get cheated on?

B

[Mandi.]

does cheating involve guilt? what if you have no feeling of guilt, did you still cheat? what if you have no feelings of hurt or betrayal, did you still get cheated on?

B

Well yeah technically. That's still the term for it. It doesn't matter if you cheated and YOU didn't feel guilty. What matters is that your partner you cheated on could be the one suffering.
And for the other part, if your partner cheated on you and you weren't the least bit upset over it.. then ..I guess it doesn't really matter now does it?

[Ytterbium70]

It's stupid! hurting someone like that is just cruel. If your going to have an outside relationship, tell your partner and divorce them. There's no point in keeping it a secret. Cheating is just something I find despicable and completly unnacceptable.