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Thread: Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

  1. #601
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    cheating is fine really, often being with only one sexual partner can get boring after a while, most people here do it, and really wheres the harm if they don't know? idk

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    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    cheating is fine really, often being with only one sexual partner can get boring after a while, most people here do it, and really wheres the harm if they don't know? idk
    If you truly love someone, why would it get boring after a while? And if it gets boring and you really want to have sex with others than your partner, at least be honest about it and break up before having sex with others.

    And most people here do it? Where is "here"?

    Where's the harm if they don't know? Well, they might find out and be extremely hurt, and cheating is just wrong. Peope who cheat should feel extremely guilty, their consciousness should hurt... A relationship is based on trust and honesty, and cheating breaks all of that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    cheating is fine really, often being with only one sexual partner can get boring after a while, most people here do it, and really wheres the harm if they don't know? idk
    WOW! this is one of the most.....just wow!

    Im curious as to whether or not this is spam? or trolling? with 16 post I find it hard to believe a spammer lasted that long

    B
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    Quote Originally Posted by AquaMilotic View Post
    If you truly love someone, why would it get boring after a while? And if it gets boring and you really want to have sex with others than your partner, at least be honest about it and break up before having sex with others.
    I'm tired of explaining this several times. So here is the 2nd time I'm quoting myself on this in this thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
    What's generally referred to as love is actually three different things; infatuation, love and lust. Infatuation is makes you like someone very much, you want to spend almost all the time with the other and you become generally unaware and don't see faults. Infatuation can only last up to 18 months (it's like addictions, the brain becomes used to the hormone level). Love is what makes you able to live together, I don't know a lot of information about this, but it's supposedly the same for a family member as for a partner. Lust is sexual arousal and describing that detailed probably isn't necessary.
    Those three parts of love are all distinct and doesn't have to be for the same person. So even if you feel love for your spouse, that does not mean that you also feel lust.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
    I'm tired of explaining this several times. So here is the 2nd time I'm quoting myself on this in this thread:
    Your "explanation" is in no way a decent response to what Aqua said. It doesn't matter if love can be split into separate terms or whatever. The point that Aqua was trying to make (and correct me if I'm wrong Aqua) is that if you actually love someone, meaning you care for them, you care for their feelings, their well being, you care for them as a person then you do the loving thing, the right thing and you be open and honest with them about your feelings. If you want to sleep with other people, then tell them that. Don't be a coward and do it behind their back.

    It goes without saying that love and sexual desire do not always go together.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AquaMilotic View Post
    If you truly love someone, why would it get boring after a while? And if it gets boring and you really want to have sex with others than your partner, at least be honest about it and break up before having sex with others.

    And most people here do it? Where is "here"?

    Where's the harm if they don't know? Well, they might find out and be extremely hurt, and cheating is just wrong. Peope who cheat should feel extremely guilty, their consciousness should hurt... A relationship is based on trust and honesty, and cheating breaks all of that.
    Wow i didnt realise you could get away with preaching your morals that blatantly... 'cheating is just wrong' why? wheres the harm in having a casual fling with an attractive person once in a while? if you and your partner really love each other then your love should transcend such a silly thing as sex. and on the other hand if your relationship is fairly casual in itself cheating should matter even less.

    Quote Originally Posted by BJPalmer85 View Post
    WOW! this is one of the most.....just wow!

    Im curious as to whether or not this is spam? or trolling? with 16 post I find it hard to believe a spammer lasted that long

    B
    what makes you think im trolling?

    Your "explanation" is in no way a decent response to what Aqua said. It doesn't matter if love can be split into separate terms or whatever. The point that Aqua was trying to make (and correct me if I'm wrong Aqua) is that if you actually love someone, meaning you care for them, you care for their feelings, their well being, you care for them as a person then you do the loving thing, the right thing and you be open and honest with them about your feelings. If you want to sleep with other people, then tell them that. Don't be a coward and do it behind their back.

    It goes without saying that love and sexual desire do not always go together.

    B
    wow some people are so naive... sometimes i forget this is a kids forum

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    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    Wow i didnt realise you could get away with preaching your morals that blatantly... 'cheating is just wrong' why? wheres the harm in having a casual fling with an attractive person once in a while? if you and your partner really love each other then your love should transcend such a silly thing as sex. and on the other hand if your relationship is fairly casual in itself cheating should matter even less.



    what makes you think im trolling?



    wow some people are so naive... sometimes i forget this is a kids forum
    Sounds like trolling because it sounds intentionally ignorant. However, it is clear that you are serious.

    The majority of the people in the US believe in monogamous relationships, so cheating would be morally wrong. And to be honest I can agree with you that there is nothing wrong with a casual fling as long as both people in the relationship are on the same terms. If both people are not ok with it then it will be seen as cheating.

    Nativity has nothing to do with it, they are my views.

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    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    Wow i didnt realise you could get away with preaching your morals that blatantly... 'cheating is just wrong' why? wheres the harm in having a casual fling with an attractive person once in a while? if you and your partner really love each other then your love should transcend such a silly thing as sex. and on the other hand if your relationship is fairly casual in itself cheating should matter even less.



    what makes you think im trolling?



    wow some people are so naive... sometimes i forget this is a kids forum
    Well, cheating is wrong because it interferes with trust and honesty, two extremely important things. And it's also terribly unfaithful towards your partner.

    The harm in a casual fling is that your partner would be hurt, most people aren't okay with their partners having sex with others than them. And besides, if you truly love your partner, you care about his/her feelings, and don't want him/her to go through the pain of you cheating on him/her.

    That's also why it's good if your partner can offer you both love and satisfaction for your sexual urges: that way, your partner can satisfy your sexual urges, so you won't feel the urge to cheat.

    Quote Originally Posted by BJPalmer85 View Post
    Sounds like trolling because it sounds intentionally ignorant. However, it is clear that you are serious.

    The majority of the people in the US believe in monogamous relationships, so cheating would be morally wrong. And to be honest I can agree with you that there is nothing wrong with a casual fling as long as both people in the relationship are on the same terms. If both people are not ok with it then it will be seen as cheating.

    Nativity has nothing to do with it, they are my views.

    B
    Indeed. And most people aren't fine with that casual fling, so it's cheating.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BJPalmer85 View Post
    Your "explanation" is in no way a decent response to what Aqua said. It doesn't matter if love can be split into separate terms or whatever. The point that Aqua was trying to make (and correct me if I'm wrong Aqua) is that if you actually love someone, meaning you care for them, you care for their feelings, their well being, you care for them as a person then you do the loving thing, the right thing and you be open and honest with them about your feelings. If you want to sleep with other people, then tell them that. Don't be a coward and do it behind their back.

    It goes without saying that love and sexual desire do not always go together.

    B
    I've read your text a few times and tried to formulate a reply, but I'm unable to. I'm having problems finding any relevant information to comment about. Comparing it with Aqua's text doesn't help either. His text seems to state that if you don't feel lust for someone you love, you should leave the person you love and pursue someone you feel lust for instead.

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    Why does it matter what love is when we're speaking in terms of whether it's moral or not to do something? I don't care if love is nothing but a few chemical reactions in the brain, nor do I care if humans are nothing but walking chemistry on feet. That has zero bearing on whether you should cheat on someone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
    I've read your text a few times and tried to formulate a reply, but I'm unable to. I'm having problems finding any relevant information to comment about. Comparing it with Aqua's text doesn't help either. His text seems to state that if you don't feel lust for someone you love, you should leave the person you love and pursue someone you feel lust for instead.
    My point: If you are in a committed relationship. You have feelings for the person but no sexual desire than fine, stay in the relationship if you want. However, if you want to venture outside of the relationship to satisfy those desires and urges, than end the relationship. There is no fault in being honest. Sure the other person might be hurt, but at least they can never call you a liar or cheater.

    That is my opinion, based of my morals and how i was raised.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crudelis ventus View Post
    Why does it matter what love is when we're speaking in terms of whether it's moral or not to do something? I don't care if love is nothing but a few chemical reactions in the brain, nor do I care if humans are nothing but walking chemistry on feet. That has zero bearing on whether you should cheat on someone.
    I disagree, but to each their own

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    Last edited by BJPalmer85; 27th March 2013 at 4:32 PM.
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    Cheating is very irresponsible to your couple :T It may be because they get bored or tired of their couple or love them both and can't make a decision but just making an irresponsible action as to cheat on your partner will not result in these actions being solved but in fact will make then worse! D; You can't keep more than one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
    I've read your text a few times and tried to formulate a reply, but I'm unable to. I'm having problems finding any relevant information to comment about. Comparing it with Aqua's text doesn't help either. His text seems to state that if you don't feel lust for someone you love, you should leave the person you love and pursue someone you feel lust for instead.
    No. I think that when loving someone but not feeling lust, that you should resist the sexual urge and stick with the one you love, without cheating.

    However, if you really, really can't resist the urge to have sex with someone you feel lust for, honestly telling your partner and breaking up is at least better than cheating.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AquaMilotic View Post
    No. I think that when loving someone but not feeling lust, that you should resist the sexual urge and stick with the one you love, without cheating.

    However, if you really, really can't resist the urge to have sex with someone you feel lust for, honestly telling your partner and breaking up is at least better than cheating.
    I don't see why you need to break up after telling that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
    I don't see why you need to break up after telling that.
    Why you'd break up:
    - because you're not being faithful towards your partner and because you clearly think that your partner can't satisfy you.
    - because your partner wouldn't want to be with you anymore anyways if you're going to have sex with others.

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    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    cheating is fine really, often being with only one sexual partner can get boring after a while, most people here do it, and really wheres the harm if they don't know? idk
    "Most people shoplift, so that clearly makes it acceptable. Where's the harm in it?" This is not a valid argument. Try again.

    Also, if you find that sex with one person gets boring, talk to your partner about turning your relationship into an open one so your needs can get met, or break up with them. Grow a pair and be honest with your partner about your desires and needs instead of whining about your relationship.


    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    Wow i didnt realise you could get away with preaching your morals that blatantly... 'cheating is just wrong' why? wheres the harm in having a casual fling with an attractive person once in a while? if you and your partner really love each other then your love should transcend such a silly thing as sex. and on the other hand if your relationship is fairly casual in itself cheating should matter even less.
    Do you understand how monogamous relationships work? When you agree to enter into a monogamous relationship, you consent to be monogamous, and your partner consents to behave the same. By seeing another person, you not only break your partner's trust, but also the verbal contract saying "I will be in a monogamous relationship with you." Be honest - it's not about "transcending such a silly thing as sex" - it's about breaking an agreeing to be monogamous and taking advantage of your partner's trust in you. If you don't agree to be monogamous with this person and decide that seeing other people is acceptable, then seeing other people is perfectly acceptable and not considered to be cheating. That is what we call "transcending such a silly thing as sex" - going behind your partner's back is called being a coward.

    Our morality is based on a simple guiding principle: do as others as you would have done to you. I know, it sounds so complicated and new age-y! Yet it's so simple that it's is a founding principal of our societal laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by happyhappy View Post
    wow some people are so naive... sometimes i forget this is a kids forum
    "Oh look, someone made a good point I can't refute and believes in being a decent human being. I'd better belittle them and imply that they're a child." If that's how you're going to respond, you will not be welcome in the Debate forum.


    Quote Originally Posted by AquaMilotic View Post
    However, if you really, really can't resist the urge to have sex with someone you feel lust for, honestly telling your partner and breaking up is at least better than cheating.
    I agree with Ludwig - if you care about your relationship, instead of going "you don't satisfy me - I'm breaking up with you" it's far more constructive to go "hey, I care about our relationship but I don't currently feel 100% satisfied. Can we talk about it and see if we can reach a solution?" Obviously if you don't give a crap about the relationship it's another story, but communication is essential to make a relationship work, and it can certainly help save a relationship.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    I agree with Ludwig - if you care about your relationship, instead of going "you don't satisfy me - I'm breaking up with you" it's far more constructive to go "hey, I care about our relationship but I don't currently feel 100% satisfied. Can we talk about it and see if we can reach a solution?" Obviously if you don't give a crap about the relationship it's another story, but communication is essential to make a relationship work, and it can certainly help save a relationship.
    Of course I don't think people should immediately break up when one person doesn't satisfy the other person. I just meant that about relationships that can't be saved anymore. Of course trying to fix the problems is the best solution, all I said is that breaking up honestly is better than cheating... That's why I said "if you really, really can't resist the urge to have sex with someone you feel lust for": this is about instances in which one person really can't resist the urge, no matter what.

    This is what Ludwig said about a post of mine:
    His text seems to state that if you don't feel lust for someone you love, you should leave the person you love and pursue someone you feel lust for instead.
    This was my reply, clearly implying that someone should NOT dump his/her partner and have sex with someone else when feeling attracted to someone else.
    No. I think that when loving someone but not feeling lust, that you should resist the sexual urge and stick with the one you love, without cheating.

    However, if you really, really can't resist the urge to have sex with someone you feel lust for, honestly telling your partner and breaking up is at least better than cheating.
    Sorry for not being clear here.

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    I've really just stopped by the forums to check on new things and noticed this.

    In my opinion, it really depends on what type of relationship you are in. I will list all of the normal relationships and why or why not it is okay to "Cheat"

    Marriage:
    NEVER, It is NOT okay to cheat on your spouse. You have made a commitment to marriage and MUST stick with it. Which is why I'm personally against divorce, even though it is a norm now.

    Engaged:
    NO, unless you want to completely waste a 500 dollar ring.

    Dating:

    Actually this depends on your definition of "Dating" Usually the definition of dating is "activity of going on dates: the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner"
    Really unless you are engaged, it doesn't matter who you are dating. Would you want to marry someone who is not at least 85% (made up number) comparable with you? Which is why you date other people, to make sure you are going to marry the right Girl/Guy/It.

    So overall, if you are "Cheating" on your date. And if your girlfriend/boyfriend thinks it is the worst thing since disembowelment, you need a better partner.

    You really don't have to take my opinion, just that is my two cents.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darth Wheatly View Post
    I've really just stopped by the forums to check on new things and noticed this.

    In my opinion, it really depends on what type of relationship you are in. I will list all of the normal relationships and why or why not it is okay to "Cheat"

    Marriage:
    NEVER, It is NOT okay to cheat on your spouse. You have made a commitment to marriage and MUST stick with it. Which is why I'm personally against divorce, even though it is a norm now.

    Engaged:
    NO, unless you want to completely waste a 500 dollar ring.

    Dating:

    Actually this depends on your definition of "Dating" Usually the definition of dating is "activity of going on dates: the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner"
    Really unless you are engaged, it doesn't matter who you are dating. Would you want to marry someone who is not at least 85% (made up number) comparable with you? Which is why you date other people, to make sure you are going to marry the right Girl/Guy/It.

    So overall, if you are "Cheating" on your date. And if your girlfriend/boyfriend thinks it is the worst thing since disembowelment, you need a better partner.

    You really don't have to take my opinion, just that is my two cents.
    $500! LOL!

    I feel that if you want an open relationship than you need to discuss that with your partner and go from there. You may think it is not cheating, your partner may not, that is where the problem begins.

    B
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    Well, simply because someone is still "dating" someone and isn't engaged doesn't mean cheating is still okay.

    You are correct that it does depend on the agreement between two partners (this goes for any stage.. whether marriage or engagement) but.. if they're in a committed relationship with someone (ie still less than engagement), it's usually assumed to be monogamous anyway.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    Well, simply because someone is still "dating" someone and isn't engaged doesn't mean cheating is still okay.

    You are correct that it does depend on the agreement between two partners (this goes for any stage.. whether marriage or engagement) but.. if they're in a committed relationship with someone (ie still less than engagement), it's usually assumed to be monogamous anyway.
    I completely agree, it is usually assumed to be that way, but, assumptions can be wrong. That is why communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Talk about what you want and your partner may have the same interests.

    B
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    Personally i think it would be very intelligent and logical to make clear the perimeters of a social or romantic relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    Well, simply because someone is still "dating" someone and isn't engaged doesn't mean cheating is still okay.

    You are correct that it does depend on the agreement between two partners (this goes for any stage.. whether marriage or engagement) but.. if they're in a committed relationship with someone (ie still less than engagement), it's usually assumed to be monogamous anyway.
    In my honest opinion, this is a situation ethnic, and depends completely on the people and the relationship.

    If you are with someone (Regardless of marriage, sex or how committed the two of you are), if you have been together for so long and if your other halve has spent a lot of time with you, keeps telling you how he/she feels about you and is just the type of person you enjoy being around, that is love. And love, can be broken. It depends on what type of person you are; if you just enjoy shacking up from one person to the other, go for it if that's how you get your kicks. But if your other halve is a person who truly depends on you and would be lost without you, you'll be tearing up your own morals.

    But....If your other halve is the type of person to flirt with others (When I say flirt, I mean obvious flirting as in "Sexting other people, making advances onto others etc. Nothing like hugging other people over and over again") or just prefers being around others instead of you, I guess it is fair to cheat, but it's probably easier to just end it asap. If this is the type of person who likes to take from you, stays around you only when she wants something, then I guess for the most part, s/he is not for you. It depends on what you want in a relationship;

    -The full romance-Spending your time, and perhaps your life, committed to someone, staying with them in sickness and health, until death.
    -Pleasure and fun-Getting to know someone just for pleasure or just to get at somebody.

    From that, you can argue your point for either of the two above, and again; it all depends on situation ethnics.
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  24. #624
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    Fair to cheat... in what sense? That they are okay with it, or because they're not treating you right?
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darth Wheatly View Post
    I've really just stopped by the forums to check on new things and noticed this.

    In my opinion, it really depends on what type of relationship you are in. I will list all of the normal relationships and why or why not it is okay to "Cheat"

    [arbitrary list of three types of relationships]

    So overall, if you are "Cheating" on your date. And if your girlfriend/boyfriend thinks it is the worst thing since disembowelment, you need a better partner.

    You really don't have to take my opinion, just that is my two cents.
    No, cheating is never okay in any type of relationship, even if you're just dating casually. The only time you should have relations with someone other than your partner is if you talk to your partner and you both agree that having sex with other people is acceptable. This isn't a complicated concept.

    Also, please do not call people "it" - just because someone doesn't define themself as male or female does not make them an "it." That is quite disrespectful and dehumanizing.


    Quote Originally Posted by I-am-the-peel View Post
    But....If your other halve is the type of person to flirt with others (When I say flirt, I mean obvious flirting as in "Sexting other people, making advances onto others etc. Nothing like hugging other people over and over again") or just prefers being around others instead of you, I guess it is fair to cheat, but it's probably easier to just end it asap. If this is the type of person who likes to take from you, stays around you only when she wants something, then I guess for the most part, s/he is not for you. It depends on what you want in a relationship;

    -The full romance-Spending your time, and perhaps your life, committed to someone, staying with them in sickness and health, until death.
    -Pleasure and fun-Getting to know someone just for pleasure or just to get at somebody.

    From that, you can argue your point for either of the two above, and again; it all depends on situation ethnics.
    "My partner cheats on me so I can cheat on them" is one of the most childish things to come out of this thread. No - if you find out your partner is engaging in inappropriate behaviour, talk to them about it. If, after this talk, they don't respect you or your relationship, then that is a clear indicator that you should break up with them instead of wasting your time or trying to "get back at them." And come on - if they're that brazen about cheating on you, they would probably only care so much if they found out you did the same thing.

    And again, just because you don't want a serious relationship and just want "pleasure and fun" as you say, does not make cheating okay. Most relationships are considered monogamous by default. You define the parameters of the relationship with your partner and decide whether or not seeing other people is acceptable. This conversation is vital for reasons of both trust and health; if your partner has sex with someone else without telling you, then having sex with your partner can put your health status at serious risk. This is yet another reason why cheating is harmful.

    ~Psychic

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